Jan 22
Before Practice
Father, I am scared. First tot was he still wanted children. And I tot of the newspaper about younger man and older woman. Then 2nd tot was he has declared his intention that his playing field days is over and he is lonely and he wants to be a family man and that was something I dreamed about.
We even shared about our finances, typical diamond people. He talked about his biz and his financial commitment. He is being very open with me.
He even try to explain his rationale of one track mind. He said emotionally he liked the gal, mentally he tot of ways to get the gal, physically he wants to have her. Mmm, just like his dream car.
Father, actually both of us are sharing things we don't normally share with others. We r so comfortable and at ease with each other. For me, next step is to share the lack of physical experience.
For the first time I was unable since I found meditation. Yea, no wonder he is my Cosmic lesson card. He is pushing me to more than I am. One thing I learned is that he has the determination to go after what he wants. I don't do that, I don't even window shopp.
Father, guide me. Feeling bit scared and overwhelmed. I am having what I always dreamed about, an experienced guy, financially growing and is also a family man. Open communication.
After Practice
Laugh so much during practice. Was singing even during breathing awareness.
Now having breakfast with mom and her friends. Lovely time. I am feeling good.
Tot of F. I know it was my ego with her not giving me some admiration that I am used to :). But why she is triggered by me? We both have Ace of Diamond. I am fine with her but I can see her heavily triggered by me. She has 10 of Spade as Ruling and Ace of Diamond as Destiny and both are triggering each other. No wonder so mucheconflict. And her 10 of Spade makes it worse by working on it too hard.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Facing my karma in relationship (11)
Jan 21 Eve
Ace of Diamond's Pluto
Cosmic Lesson
Seven of Spade - card of Faith. To learn to TRUST and keep on going in spite of circumstances.
Z had so much failure in relationship and yet he still keep on going. He is my 'teacher'. Aiyoh, definitely a challenge there..guess a perfect tool for me.
I tot I never dare to approach love, and it will never happen. Alas, I have grown for myself. And it is bubbling.
I text him about his Salesman personality but there is no reply. The old me would try to ratify. The new me, said nope. On my terms, on MySelf. My love life is effortless and I no longer want the drama and romance.
(2 hours later. He replied and I called him. He told he saw the sms but was in meeting. He also said he called me immediately after shower. We chat for about an hour after that.)
Just read my Week Osho
If u r uncontrolled, then u r not nervous. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing.
What is needed
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority.
Don't compare with others. U just see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how
Eat, Pray and Love
Its ok to lose ur balance in love
Soul
Perhaps that's why I was bit irked by F, cos I judge her. Or perhaps I deflate since I couldn't have her approval. And its bit maddening from someone so junior. Mmm, now I am starting to sound like another big sister. I acknowledge she has seek a lot. So, give her that. When u r uncertain, u deflate. So, won't go there.
She is now facing her low point and need to hold on to what she is certain. I need not judge her as I am not her tool for transformation.
S also gave me some pointers about opening up.
Honestly I am not ready yet. I don't want to compare with others. For now, I will get my blog updated first. I am not sure when or how. But I will give my writing the attention.
Ace of Diamond's Pluto
Cosmic Lesson
Seven of Spade - card of Faith. To learn to TRUST and keep on going in spite of circumstances.
Z had so much failure in relationship and yet he still keep on going. He is my 'teacher'. Aiyoh, definitely a challenge there..guess a perfect tool for me.
I tot I never dare to approach love, and it will never happen. Alas, I have grown for myself. And it is bubbling.
I text him about his Salesman personality but there is no reply. The old me would try to ratify. The new me, said nope. On my terms, on MySelf. My love life is effortless and I no longer want the drama and romance.
(2 hours later. He replied and I called him. He told he saw the sms but was in meeting. He also said he called me immediately after shower. We chat for about an hour after that.)
Just read my Week Osho
If u r uncontrolled, then u r not nervous. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing.
What is needed
Comparison
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority.
Don't compare with others. U just see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how
Eat, Pray and Love
Its ok to lose ur balance in love
Soul
Perhaps that's why I was bit irked by F, cos I judge her. Or perhaps I deflate since I couldn't have her approval. And its bit maddening from someone so junior. Mmm, now I am starting to sound like another big sister. I acknowledge she has seek a lot. So, give her that. When u r uncertain, u deflate. So, won't go there.
She is now facing her low point and need to hold on to what she is certain. I need not judge her as I am not her tool for transformation.
S also gave me some pointers about opening up.
Honestly I am not ready yet. I don't want to compare with others. For now, I will get my blog updated first. I am not sure when or how. But I will give my writing the attention.
Facing my karma in relationship (10)
Jan 21 Eve
Father, alas I also gave the website to F. I didn't want to share with her because I perceive that she will judge it.
The site is from my own insight and experience. But I did in the end cos I tot it was not nice to exclude her and also because I wanted to overcome my own feeling of not worthy. Guess the SS group doesn't think that highly of me. But I am fine. Like I said they are not my target audience.
And the thing that irks me is that instead of giving kudos for my writing, her great excitement was that I read WD before and tot I was his follower. Come on, even Sadhguru also cannot hold me, how can WD. That's arrogant of me, but never mind. Sadhguru was also arrogant too. For now, I can say I follow Sadhguru and Osho.
Anyway, I can't judge them cos I too didn't see my transformation. But it is happening inside me and now bubbling up. I need not justify my worthiness to be a Transformational Leader. Only those who are meant to be transformed by me will click with me.
When I read my connection with Z, it was so great but then I picked up the part that he was my Cosmic Lesson card and I was got bit pissed cos he have a better deal than me.
Then I did shoonya and samyama and I was laughing so much and a tot came. Your wish on "effortless love" is answered as ours is a connection of mutual connection venus, moon, mars for both life and spiritual and he is my Jupiter. It was such an effortless connection.
For the first time, I wanted to watch Eat, Pray and Love. When I read the book, I couldn't connect with the Love part and didn't want to watch it. Alas now I am ready for Love.
Of cos, now that I am awake, not that sure. Tot is slightly skewed, don't want to get myself affected. No no, my love life is effortless. This is a spring time of my life.
Father, alas I also gave the website to F. I didn't want to share with her because I perceive that she will judge it.
The site is from my own insight and experience. But I did in the end cos I tot it was not nice to exclude her and also because I wanted to overcome my own feeling of not worthy. Guess the SS group doesn't think that highly of me. But I am fine. Like I said they are not my target audience.
And the thing that irks me is that instead of giving kudos for my writing, her great excitement was that I read WD before and tot I was his follower. Come on, even Sadhguru also cannot hold me, how can WD. That's arrogant of me, but never mind. Sadhguru was also arrogant too. For now, I can say I follow Sadhguru and Osho.
Anyway, I can't judge them cos I too didn't see my transformation. But it is happening inside me and now bubbling up. I need not justify my worthiness to be a Transformational Leader. Only those who are meant to be transformed by me will click with me.
When I read my connection with Z, it was so great but then I picked up the part that he was my Cosmic Lesson card and I was got bit pissed cos he have a better deal than me.
Then I did shoonya and samyama and I was laughing so much and a tot came. Your wish on "effortless love" is answered as ours is a connection of mutual connection venus, moon, mars for both life and spiritual and he is my Jupiter. It was such an effortless connection.
For the first time, I wanted to watch Eat, Pray and Love. When I read the book, I couldn't connect with the Love part and didn't want to watch it. Alas now I am ready for Love.
Of cos, now that I am awake, not that sure. Tot is slightly skewed, don't want to get myself affected. No no, my love life is effortless. This is a spring time of my life.
Facing my karma in relationship (9)
Jan 21
Father, just finished my pratices. Suria was effortless and I am thankful for my health. Tots of Z came in and I found the breakthru. I will get his birthdate for thundercard reading and at the same time tell him my age. I no longer want to prolong it. Either way, he comes or not doesn't matter.
Surprisingly, once I have done shakti and shambavi, I start to sing the song "Two less lonely people in the World", "Now that we found each other". I am feeling great.
Father, I think I am finally breaking thru. Even if he doesn't come becos of my age or etc, I no longer take it personally. This is the spring time of my life. I am looking forward the share the joy and love in me.
I have shared my website. C is ok with the article. I also shared with her that it helped my other friend from divorcing her husband. C also thinks the site is great. Thanks to V.
I shared with my 2nd sis and younger sis on my website. My 2nd sis was fine and I told her that I will be having stories about her too.
In the Cafe and now swaying to the music. This is the second time that I am swaying to music in public. That means my cast is out or perhaps I am in the moment, otherwise my body may not pick up the music.
Now I want some input on how to promote my website.
A tot came to link it to Youth. I am not sure on that.
Father, just finished my pratices. Suria was effortless and I am thankful for my health. Tots of Z came in and I found the breakthru. I will get his birthdate for thundercard reading and at the same time tell him my age. I no longer want to prolong it. Either way, he comes or not doesn't matter.
Surprisingly, once I have done shakti and shambavi, I start to sing the song "Two less lonely people in the World", "Now that we found each other". I am feeling great.
Father, I think I am finally breaking thru. Even if he doesn't come becos of my age or etc, I no longer take it personally. This is the spring time of my life. I am looking forward the share the joy and love in me.
I have shared my website. C is ok with the article. I also shared with her that it helped my other friend from divorcing her husband. C also thinks the site is great. Thanks to V.
I shared with my 2nd sis and younger sis on my website. My 2nd sis was fine and I told her that I will be having stories about her too.
In the Cafe and now swaying to the music. This is the second time that I am swaying to music in public. That means my cast is out or perhaps I am in the moment, otherwise my body may not pick up the music.
Now I want some input on how to promote my website.
A tot came to link it to Youth. I am not sure on that.
Facing my karma in relationship (8)
Jan 20 Eve
Father, yea. I am still waiting for Z. Some compulsive tot is running. Just now told mom that I invite my friends of different race, can see she was not thrill about it.
Anyway, I am fine.
Seven of Hearts (52 days card began on 01/28/2011 and will end on 03/20/2011)
If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a seven was present.
Jealousy, fearful attachment, and betrayal could be the cause of considerable emotional trauma. U r being challenged now to practice non-attachment in ur closest relationships and to overcome ur fears of abandonment. U may feel as though u r being forced to make a sacrifice now, but if u apply ur wisdom to the current situation, u could learn the value of real love.
This will be offsets by 4, 8 or 10s
Soul
First tot is I should not dwell on negatives since my mantra is Effortless love. Second tot is that I am now strong and happy to be able to face the challenge.
Four of Hearts in Saturn (Second card)
This is a sign of protection in love, marriage and family. It represents one's marriage and the foundation of love upon which a family and life can be built.
Result
Four of Hearts in Saturn
This period could see u recovering from illness.
This is a good card that can bring good results, though it will take some effort.
If u r prepared to work hard during this period and keep ur relationship and family goals forefront in ur mind, this card could indicate a favourable outcome to whatever situations arise.
Planetary Ruling Card - 52 days in Saturn
Four of Club
This is the card of mental satisfaction and stability.
This is a card for overcoming illness and unfavourable influences.
You have great power in positive thinking now, power of the mind that can be used constructively in many ways. Use this power to heal urself or to remove obstacles from ur path. Any skepticism u display now is not in harmony with ur inner beliefs. This card guarantee that u will have successful outcome and will overcome difficulties.
Result
Ace of Spade
The card of death, change and transformation.
It can come up when we are preparing to launch a new occupation.
This is a good influence for healer. This car can bring a recovery from illness.
Soul
Looks like I am on track. I can finally overturn my belief that love is difficult to love is effortless.
And the card says that I can meet it.
It could also be a card that of my new occupation as a Healing Writer.
I think what will happen is that on the surface of doing, I will be focus on my new occupation as a Healing Writer. Behind the scene, like right now, I would have tots of relationship, like now.
Anyway, I am set.
Father, yea. I am still waiting for Z. Some compulsive tot is running. Just now told mom that I invite my friends of different race, can see she was not thrill about it.
Anyway, I am fine.
Seven of Hearts (52 days card began on 01/28/2011 and will end on 03/20/2011)
If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a seven was present.
Jealousy, fearful attachment, and betrayal could be the cause of considerable emotional trauma. U r being challenged now to practice non-attachment in ur closest relationships and to overcome ur fears of abandonment. U may feel as though u r being forced to make a sacrifice now, but if u apply ur wisdom to the current situation, u could learn the value of real love.
This will be offsets by 4, 8 or 10s
Soul
First tot is I should not dwell on negatives since my mantra is Effortless love. Second tot is that I am now strong and happy to be able to face the challenge.
Four of Hearts in Saturn (Second card)
This is a sign of protection in love, marriage and family. It represents one's marriage and the foundation of love upon which a family and life can be built.
Result
Four of Hearts in Saturn
This period could see u recovering from illness.
This is a good card that can bring good results, though it will take some effort.
If u r prepared to work hard during this period and keep ur relationship and family goals forefront in ur mind, this card could indicate a favourable outcome to whatever situations arise.
Planetary Ruling Card - 52 days in Saturn
Four of Club
This is the card of mental satisfaction and stability.
This is a card for overcoming illness and unfavourable influences.
You have great power in positive thinking now, power of the mind that can be used constructively in many ways. Use this power to heal urself or to remove obstacles from ur path. Any skepticism u display now is not in harmony with ur inner beliefs. This card guarantee that u will have successful outcome and will overcome difficulties.
Result
Ace of Spade
The card of death, change and transformation.
It can come up when we are preparing to launch a new occupation.
This is a good influence for healer. This car can bring a recovery from illness.
Soul
Looks like I am on track. I can finally overturn my belief that love is difficult to love is effortless.
And the card says that I can meet it.
It could also be a card that of my new occupation as a Healing Writer.
I think what will happen is that on the surface of doing, I will be focus on my new occupation as a Healing Writer. Behind the scene, like right now, I would have tots of relationship, like now.
Anyway, I am set.
Joy Ong website is alive!
Jan 20
Father, its done. Joyongorg has come alive. Thank U. I guess it hasn't sunk it yet. Not sure how I feel, but I am glad it is up.
Coincidentally this week I started to do daily update on blog.
The Passion Test
The more closely aligned u r with what u truly love, the happier and more fulfilled u will be.
The happier u r, the more attractive u will be to those u love and cherish.
Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower and draws all good things toward u.
Soul
Message - meditate, be blissful and love happens on its own.
The Passion Test
It is very important because it will help keep u focused on those things that matter most to u. The clearer u become about what u truly love and desire, the stronger ur conscious intention becomes and this help the rest of ur brain respond in an organised way.
Dr Andrew Newberg and Mark Waldman
The more u give attention to a particular belief, the stronger those neural connections in ur brain become. When u focus on the positive aspects of ur life, those neural pathways become stronger and that becomes increasingly true for u.
Similarly putting attention on negative beliefs about urself or ur environment will similarly result in stronger neural connections, and those beliefs, in turn, will become more and more true for u. It literally become ur inner reality, and that is of course, is going to influence the outer reality as well.
Soul
My mantra now is my love life is effortless.
The Passion Test
What u put ur attention on grows stronger in ur life. We mean that what u give attention to, every moment of every day, day in and day out, determines what is created in ur life.
The critical thing is to choose in favour of ur passions whenever u r faced with a choice, decision or an opportunity.
Father, its done. Joyongorg has come alive. Thank U. I guess it hasn't sunk it yet. Not sure how I feel, but I am glad it is up.
Coincidentally this week I started to do daily update on blog.
The Passion Test
The more closely aligned u r with what u truly love, the happier and more fulfilled u will be.
The happier u r, the more attractive u will be to those u love and cherish.
Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower and draws all good things toward u.
Soul
Message - meditate, be blissful and love happens on its own.
The Passion Test
It is very important because it will help keep u focused on those things that matter most to u. The clearer u become about what u truly love and desire, the stronger ur conscious intention becomes and this help the rest of ur brain respond in an organised way.
Dr Andrew Newberg and Mark Waldman
The more u give attention to a particular belief, the stronger those neural connections in ur brain become. When u focus on the positive aspects of ur life, those neural pathways become stronger and that becomes increasingly true for u.
Similarly putting attention on negative beliefs about urself or ur environment will similarly result in stronger neural connections, and those beliefs, in turn, will become more and more true for u. It literally become ur inner reality, and that is of course, is going to influence the outer reality as well.
Soul
My mantra now is my love life is effortless.
The Passion Test
What u put ur attention on grows stronger in ur life. We mean that what u give attention to, every moment of every day, day in and day out, determines what is created in ur life.
The critical thing is to choose in favour of ur passions whenever u r faced with a choice, decision or an opportunity.
The Passion Tests
Jan 19
Father, thank U. I have awaken by putting attention to my Passion and RA has reduced to minimal.
Passion Test
A list of the things that are most deeply important to her, what she will be, do or have when her life is ideal.
Soul
Will do the Passion Test again.
The Passion Test
Dr Andrew Newberg and Mark Waldman, the neuroscientist for Spirituality and the Mind had this to say about thinking big;
When we focus on the big questions, the really big questions, we r challenging our brains to think outside the box, and this causes the structure of our neurons to change, particularly in our frontal lobes, that part of the brain that controls logic, reason, language, consciousness, and compassion. New axoms grow, reaching out to new dendrites to communicate in ways that our brains have never done before. When contemplating the big questions, we use our frontal lobes to alter the function of other parts of our brain.
Soul
Like Sadhguru says by nature we r meant to expand. But out of fear of suffering, we opt out for mediocrity.
The Passion Test
Once ur intention is clear, attention is the next step. If u think ur passion is becoming a multimillionaire and u don't have any inclination to put ur attention on making money and creating wealth, then ur mind is playing games with u. It is telling u this is ur passion when in fact it just wants to be safe from bills, responsibilities and discomfort. Such mind games never lead to fulfillment.
Soul
I know my passion as Transformation Leader is real but I haven't put attention cos uncertainty about outcome, not sure if can pay the price.
The Passion Test
Passions arise from the heart. When u r truly passionate about something, u don't have to try hard to put attention on it. When challenges arise, they can't deter u. They may slow u down for a little while, but they can't stop u.
It doesn't pay to play it safe.
So, it is important to think of ur ideal life, not ur possible life.
When u r clear, what u want will show up in ur life, and only to the extent that u r clear.
So, fuzzy desires gives fuzzy results.
Guidelines
List of ur passions; ie. those things that u love most, are most important to u and are most critical to ur happiness and well-being.
Think of what u will do, be and have when ur life is ideal
Passions are how u live ur life. Goals are things u choose to create in life.
Passions are about process and Goals are about outcomes.
When ur passions are clear, u can create goals that are aligned with ur passions and begin to create the life u choose to live.
Father, thank U. I have awaken by putting attention to my Passion and RA has reduced to minimal.
Passion Test
A list of the things that are most deeply important to her, what she will be, do or have when her life is ideal.
Soul
Will do the Passion Test again.
The Passion Test
Dr Andrew Newberg and Mark Waldman, the neuroscientist for Spirituality and the Mind had this to say about thinking big;
When we focus on the big questions, the really big questions, we r challenging our brains to think outside the box, and this causes the structure of our neurons to change, particularly in our frontal lobes, that part of the brain that controls logic, reason, language, consciousness, and compassion. New axoms grow, reaching out to new dendrites to communicate in ways that our brains have never done before. When contemplating the big questions, we use our frontal lobes to alter the function of other parts of our brain.
Soul
Like Sadhguru says by nature we r meant to expand. But out of fear of suffering, we opt out for mediocrity.
The Passion Test
Once ur intention is clear, attention is the next step. If u think ur passion is becoming a multimillionaire and u don't have any inclination to put ur attention on making money and creating wealth, then ur mind is playing games with u. It is telling u this is ur passion when in fact it just wants to be safe from bills, responsibilities and discomfort. Such mind games never lead to fulfillment.
Soul
I know my passion as Transformation Leader is real but I haven't put attention cos uncertainty about outcome, not sure if can pay the price.
The Passion Test
Passions arise from the heart. When u r truly passionate about something, u don't have to try hard to put attention on it. When challenges arise, they can't deter u. They may slow u down for a little while, but they can't stop u.
It doesn't pay to play it safe.
So, it is important to think of ur ideal life, not ur possible life.
When u r clear, what u want will show up in ur life, and only to the extent that u r clear.
So, fuzzy desires gives fuzzy results.
Guidelines
List of ur passions; ie. those things that u love most, are most important to u and are most critical to ur happiness and well-being.
Think of what u will do, be and have when ur life is ideal
Passions are how u live ur life. Goals are things u choose to create in life.
Passions are about process and Goals are about outcomes.
When ur passions are clear, u can create goals that are aligned with ur passions and begin to create the life u choose to live.
Life is meant to be enjoyed
Jan 18 Eve
Father, my motto now is Intention, Attention and No Tension.
I will give attention to my writing.
For the first time, updated my blog during working days evening.
Had some compulsive tot on Z. Wondering if he would call. I ignored it cos I too am busy with my blog. Part of me wants it slow and steady.
Suddenly tot of my this week Osho reading;
The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
Soul
I have not been fulfilling my potential.
The Passion Test
When u begin to do what u love, what u r truly passionate about, ur life will be irresistibly pulled in directions u can't even begin to imagine.
The whole purpose of life is to enjoy. When u r not enjoying u r out of the flow of life. U r missing ur purpose.
Father, my motto now is Intention, Attention and No Tension.
I will give attention to my writing.
For the first time, updated my blog during working days evening.
Had some compulsive tot on Z. Wondering if he would call. I ignored it cos I too am busy with my blog. Part of me wants it slow and steady.
Suddenly tot of my this week Osho reading;
The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
Soul
I have not been fulfilling my potential.
The Passion Test
When u begin to do what u love, what u r truly passionate about, ur life will be irresistibly pulled in directions u can't even begin to imagine.
The whole purpose of life is to enjoy. When u r not enjoying u r out of the flow of life. U r missing ur purpose.
Insecurity creates defense mechanism and resulting in self-sabotage (3)
Jan 18
Father, this morning woke up alert, joints pain has reduced loads. I was so nimble during hatha yoga. Its like I break free from an invisible cast. I think its becos I finished my dinner by 8.30 pm. Also I guessed because I broached my fear on relationship. And I think maybe due to change of routine, did shoonya first before samyama.
Also have tot to Seven of Heart starting on 29 Jan, worry about its challenges, don't want get my hopes up. Then I quickly says my mantra, my love life is effortless. A new positive tot came, Seven of Heart also represent spiritual love, overcoming my limiting belief in love by remembering the abundance in love.
(Feb 1 - yea, no tension. Just move and do my part and remember the abundance of love from Universe. What I need will come. Amen)
1. The Issue
Ice-olation.
When u draw a boundary around u, it makes u frozen like ice.
U may have tot that the only way to survive is to close off ur feelings and emotions so u can't be hurt again. But this can make us frozen, rigid.
U don't have warmth, u don't have love - love is warmth and u r afraid of love.
In love, the boundaries disappear, in joy boundaries also disappear, because joy is not cold.
Soul
I guess that's why I felt freed today. I was feeling energetic and as if freed from a hidden cast. My joy has removed the boundaries and I am letting love come.
Now I understand last week Osho, do ur meditation, be blissful and love will come on its own.
This msg furthers tells me that my self-boundary is dissolving. Yday, I took the first step and I asked to go scuba diving. Like he said, since we have common interest, we can accompany each other. I like that.
2. Internal Influence
Laziness
When u r in a state of non-doing, then u r full of energy - it is a very positive taste. U have full energy, overflowing. U r radiant, vibrating, not sleepy, perfectly aware.
Ur journey isn't over yet. Ur complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on as there are skies upon skies to be explored.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Control
Controlled person are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then ur not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing. Then why should u be nervous.
There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives, we end up totally rigid. We then cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it.
There is more to life than to be on top of things. If things get a little out of hand, its probably just what the doctor ordered.
Soul
Yeap, I can now dance on my seat, even outside my car. I just feel happy and sway to the music.
Now I know why, I was freed from my control pyramid structure. I felt light. And I know my joints will ease from now onwards.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Comparison
When u don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority, disappears. Then u r, u r simply there. A small bush or a big high tree -- it doesn't matter; u r urself. U r needed.
The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
Soul
Will now put attention to my intention to be a Transformational Leader. Will also put attention to my intention to have an effortless love life.
5. Resolution
The Lovers.
When ur love is not just a desire for the other, when ur love is not only a need, when ur love is sharing, when ur love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when ur love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion.
When we r mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wing takes us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Father, this morning woke up alert, joints pain has reduced loads. I was so nimble during hatha yoga. Its like I break free from an invisible cast. I think its becos I finished my dinner by 8.30 pm. Also I guessed because I broached my fear on relationship. And I think maybe due to change of routine, did shoonya first before samyama.
Also have tot to Seven of Heart starting on 29 Jan, worry about its challenges, don't want get my hopes up. Then I quickly says my mantra, my love life is effortless. A new positive tot came, Seven of Heart also represent spiritual love, overcoming my limiting belief in love by remembering the abundance in love.
(Feb 1 - yea, no tension. Just move and do my part and remember the abundance of love from Universe. What I need will come. Amen)
1. The Issue
Ice-olation.
When u draw a boundary around u, it makes u frozen like ice.
U may have tot that the only way to survive is to close off ur feelings and emotions so u can't be hurt again. But this can make us frozen, rigid.
U don't have warmth, u don't have love - love is warmth and u r afraid of love.
In love, the boundaries disappear, in joy boundaries also disappear, because joy is not cold.
Soul
I guess that's why I felt freed today. I was feeling energetic and as if freed from a hidden cast. My joy has removed the boundaries and I am letting love come.
Now I understand last week Osho, do ur meditation, be blissful and love will come on its own.
This msg furthers tells me that my self-boundary is dissolving. Yday, I took the first step and I asked to go scuba diving. Like he said, since we have common interest, we can accompany each other. I like that.
2. Internal Influence
Laziness
When u r in a state of non-doing, then u r full of energy - it is a very positive taste. U have full energy, overflowing. U r radiant, vibrating, not sleepy, perfectly aware.
Ur journey isn't over yet. Ur complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on as there are skies upon skies to be explored.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Control
Controlled person are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then ur not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing. Then why should u be nervous.
There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives, we end up totally rigid. We then cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it.
There is more to life than to be on top of things. If things get a little out of hand, its probably just what the doctor ordered.
Soul
Yeap, I can now dance on my seat, even outside my car. I just feel happy and sway to the music.
Now I know why, I was freed from my control pyramid structure. I felt light. And I know my joints will ease from now onwards.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Comparison
When u don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority, disappears. Then u r, u r simply there. A small bush or a big high tree -- it doesn't matter; u r urself. U r needed.
The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
Soul
Will now put attention to my intention to be a Transformational Leader. Will also put attention to my intention to have an effortless love life.
5. Resolution
The Lovers.
When ur love is not just a desire for the other, when ur love is not only a need, when ur love is sharing, when ur love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when ur love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion.
When we r mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wing takes us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Insecurity creates defense mechanism and resulting in self-sabotage (2)
Jan 17 Eve
Father, I can sense me running away from love life. Z just called and I am running away.
Anyway, I plucked my courage and call him back. He will learn to swim and he wants to scuba dive. I told him that I am keen. So, just talked to him as a friend, as a more experienced meditator.
He asked for a meetup. I didn't answer him. Part of me just want to waive it off and says that he can me meet after his meeting at my office. Guess that's make it like a friendly appointment instead of like a date. Part of me don't want to hope and be disappointed.
I even told him that I am not healthy and I have auto immune disorder that attacks my joints.
I was even open with him saying he should go to his little black book to get his physical release. And I told him that its so soon after his divorce and he need time to recover. He replied that it has been nearly one year. Guess that's telling me he felt he has recover. But I was unwilling to give myself hope. Don't want to have anymore mental compulsion.
(Feb 1 - After 2 weeks, I finally plucked my courage and asked him out. 2 days later even did my confession. I am on a fast track program. Mmm..did I do wrong.. Nope..its fine.)
But the part that is great is that I can now do scuba diving. I wished for it. Father, my wish is coming true fast.
Just now watching the korean drama, suddenly I am not that keen at it. I realised that I could have spent the 2 hours doing my writings instead.
Yeap, that's it. I haven't been giving constant attention to it. It has just been a sidelined.
(Feb 1 - I have been doing my writings daily)
The Passion Test
When we saw a person who had something we wanted, we needed to move beyond envy or resentment. Instead, we should just tell ourselves, "That's for me!".
Father, I can sense me running away from love life. Z just called and I am running away.
Anyway, I plucked my courage and call him back. He will learn to swim and he wants to scuba dive. I told him that I am keen. So, just talked to him as a friend, as a more experienced meditator.
He asked for a meetup. I didn't answer him. Part of me just want to waive it off and says that he can me meet after his meeting at my office. Guess that's make it like a friendly appointment instead of like a date. Part of me don't want to hope and be disappointed.
I even told him that I am not healthy and I have auto immune disorder that attacks my joints.
I was even open with him saying he should go to his little black book to get his physical release. And I told him that its so soon after his divorce and he need time to recover. He replied that it has been nearly one year. Guess that's telling me he felt he has recover. But I was unwilling to give myself hope. Don't want to have anymore mental compulsion.
(Feb 1 - After 2 weeks, I finally plucked my courage and asked him out. 2 days later even did my confession. I am on a fast track program. Mmm..did I do wrong.. Nope..its fine.)
But the part that is great is that I can now do scuba diving. I wished for it. Father, my wish is coming true fast.
Just now watching the korean drama, suddenly I am not that keen at it. I realised that I could have spent the 2 hours doing my writings instead.
Yeap, that's it. I haven't been giving constant attention to it. It has just been a sidelined.
(Feb 1 - I have been doing my writings daily)
The Passion Test
When we saw a person who had something we wanted, we needed to move beyond envy or resentment. Instead, we should just tell ourselves, "That's for me!".
Insecurity creates defense mechanism and resulting in self-sabotage
Jan 17
Father, this morning finished practices very early partly due to little surka kriya as right elbow is stiff. But the good thing is I can do suria. My worst time of RA is over. This is my spring time.
Father, I think this new hair do brought out the woman in me. For the first time, guy looked at me like a sexy woman instead of a sweet cute gal.
Father, U said RA is about me setting back myself. Please guide me.
The Passion Test - Jane Bray Attwood
Intention - consciously stating what u choose to create in ur life is the first step to manifesting
Attention - give attention to what u choose to create in ur life and it will begin to show up.
No tension - when u r open to what is appearing in this moment, u allow God's will to move through u.
(Feb 1 - this will be what I do for my passion to find my partner. For me, now I just want to be happy even in uncertainty.)
Soul
Suddenly tot of my set back, being a Transformational Leader. Now no longer as gung ho as before, partly because of the delay in website and also didn't receive any accolades, not sure of twitter, not sure of success, and etc.
And as per norm, I shift it elsewhere.
Anyway, will focus back on being a Transformational leader. Being a famous published author is effortless. Let's get this on track first.
On love life, it is effortless, I need to do window shopping. Don't have to focus on any particular person. And Z is still raw and need time to heal. Besides, once I am a famous published author, my criteria may changed again.
(Feb 1 - you see, Z is not ready. And I need not dictate it to be him.)
The Passion Test
Your results are not created on the gross surface "thinking" or "doing" level of life but from going deep within and tapping into the unbounded reservoir of creativity and intelligence within each of us.
You have a unique gifts because u have a special role to play in the world that requires giving those gifts. When u r playing that role, u r living ur personal destiny. When u r aligned with ur destiny, ur life is joyful, delightful, exciting and fulfilling.
Soul
Get back on track. Before public speaking. Has to do the internet biz first.
The Passion Test
When u follow ur passions, u will love ur life.
Your passion are not ur destiny; they are the clues or keys to ur purpose in life. The more passionate ur life, the more closely ur life is aligned with ur destiny.
Destiny is a life's journey. Passions change and morph over time as one comes to know and understand oneself more deeply.
Soul
My fear is rejection. That's why I have got side tracked.
Father, this morning finished practices very early partly due to little surka kriya as right elbow is stiff. But the good thing is I can do suria. My worst time of RA is over. This is my spring time.
Father, I think this new hair do brought out the woman in me. For the first time, guy looked at me like a sexy woman instead of a sweet cute gal.
Father, U said RA is about me setting back myself. Please guide me.
The Passion Test - Jane Bray Attwood
Intention - consciously stating what u choose to create in ur life is the first step to manifesting
Attention - give attention to what u choose to create in ur life and it will begin to show up.
No tension - when u r open to what is appearing in this moment, u allow God's will to move through u.
(Feb 1 - this will be what I do for my passion to find my partner. For me, now I just want to be happy even in uncertainty.)
Soul
Suddenly tot of my set back, being a Transformational Leader. Now no longer as gung ho as before, partly because of the delay in website and also didn't receive any accolades, not sure of twitter, not sure of success, and etc.
And as per norm, I shift it elsewhere.
Anyway, will focus back on being a Transformational leader. Being a famous published author is effortless. Let's get this on track first.
On love life, it is effortless, I need to do window shopping. Don't have to focus on any particular person. And Z is still raw and need time to heal. Besides, once I am a famous published author, my criteria may changed again.
(Feb 1 - you see, Z is not ready. And I need not dictate it to be him.)
The Passion Test
Your results are not created on the gross surface "thinking" or "doing" level of life but from going deep within and tapping into the unbounded reservoir of creativity and intelligence within each of us.
You have a unique gifts because u have a special role to play in the world that requires giving those gifts. When u r playing that role, u r living ur personal destiny. When u r aligned with ur destiny, ur life is joyful, delightful, exciting and fulfilling.
Soul
Get back on track. Before public speaking. Has to do the internet biz first.
The Passion Test
When u follow ur passions, u will love ur life.
Your passion are not ur destiny; they are the clues or keys to ur purpose in life. The more passionate ur life, the more closely ur life is aligned with ur destiny.
Destiny is a life's journey. Passions change and morph over time as one comes to know and understand oneself more deeply.
Soul
My fear is rejection. That's why I have got side tracked.
Uncertainty results in defense mechanism
Jan 16
Father, I just realised that P never compliments me. Everyone I met, from young to old says that I look great with new hair style. She just says that it look just cut and need some time to settle down. Then when I says that I want to do eye surgery to correct my vision because I look nicer without spec, she says she prefer me with spec, got more character.
Its funny, I never realised this before. I guess becos I don't seek compliment, I didn't realised it. On the contrary, she has told me of her displeasure of me not complimenting others for being smart.
Father, this morning tot that I want my health to be effortless. But now my focus is for my love life to be effortless. Coincidentally next 52 days starting from Feb, I have Seven of Heart - unconditional love for others, learning to accept others so can accept myself or betrayal. A few years ago, I got Seven of Heart as year card and I was betrayed and conned. Hope I got the msg right this time but no worry, I have Osho to guide me.
This morning I asked Father to guide me on RA. What's the cause and what I need to do. Surprisingly instead of answers, I got tots of how to promote Isha. Not sure.
Louise Hays.
Chronic disease
A refusal to change. Fear of the future. Not feeling safe
I am willing to change and to grow. I now create a safe, new future.
Affirmation
I love myself and therefore I live totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the Universe and the Universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.
When we can truly live from the loving space of the heart, approving of ourselves and trusting the Divine Power to provide for us, then peace and joy will fill our lives and illness and uncomfortable experiences will cease to be in our experience.
Soul
I already have joy and peace but illness is still in. I am not sure what the future holds. Perhaps m still fearful. I am now dealing with uncertainty.
Transformation Games
Setbacks
Emotional
1. You are set back your protection on ur present.
Physical
1. You are set back by your humiliation on ur present level
2. I forgive everyone
I forgive myself
I forgive all past experience
I am free!
3. You are set back by your control on your present level
4. You are set back by your victimisation on ur present level.
5. If I don't understand it. I am not going to accept it.
6. You use ur critical perception to draw forth perfection, not to tear it down.
Soul
All is talking about me being set back, not willing to change and grow.
I tot I have grown so much. What is it???
On public speaking. Sathsang is in. And I will take a course.
A tot came in, I resist on tweeting. But what's there to tweet. Who do I have to offer?? Who want to read!!
(Feb 1 - I am tweeting! I finally freed myself from the Past. I am enjoy friends of my past which I used to have some apprehension. Partly due to inferiority complex..insecurity. Now, it is all gone. Perhaps, its due to my confession to Z. It broke down the wall for me.)
Father, I just realised that P never compliments me. Everyone I met, from young to old says that I look great with new hair style. She just says that it look just cut and need some time to settle down. Then when I says that I want to do eye surgery to correct my vision because I look nicer without spec, she says she prefer me with spec, got more character.
Its funny, I never realised this before. I guess becos I don't seek compliment, I didn't realised it. On the contrary, she has told me of her displeasure of me not complimenting others for being smart.
Father, this morning tot that I want my health to be effortless. But now my focus is for my love life to be effortless. Coincidentally next 52 days starting from Feb, I have Seven of Heart - unconditional love for others, learning to accept others so can accept myself or betrayal. A few years ago, I got Seven of Heart as year card and I was betrayed and conned. Hope I got the msg right this time but no worry, I have Osho to guide me.
This morning I asked Father to guide me on RA. What's the cause and what I need to do. Surprisingly instead of answers, I got tots of how to promote Isha. Not sure.
Louise Hays.
Chronic disease
A refusal to change. Fear of the future. Not feeling safe
I am willing to change and to grow. I now create a safe, new future.
Affirmation
I love myself and therefore I live totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the Universe and the Universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.
When we can truly live from the loving space of the heart, approving of ourselves and trusting the Divine Power to provide for us, then peace and joy will fill our lives and illness and uncomfortable experiences will cease to be in our experience.
Soul
I already have joy and peace but illness is still in. I am not sure what the future holds. Perhaps m still fearful. I am now dealing with uncertainty.
Transformation Games
Setbacks
Emotional
1. You are set back your protection on ur present.
Physical
1. You are set back by your humiliation on ur present level
2. I forgive everyone
I forgive myself
I forgive all past experience
I am free!
3. You are set back by your control on your present level
4. You are set back by your victimisation on ur present level.
5. If I don't understand it. I am not going to accept it.
6. You use ur critical perception to draw forth perfection, not to tear it down.
Soul
All is talking about me being set back, not willing to change and grow.
I tot I have grown so much. What is it???
On public speaking. Sathsang is in. And I will take a course.
A tot came in, I resist on tweeting. But what's there to tweet. Who do I have to offer?? Who want to read!!
(Feb 1 - I am tweeting! I finally freed myself from the Past. I am enjoy friends of my past which I used to have some apprehension. Partly due to inferiority complex..insecurity. Now, it is all gone. Perhaps, its due to my confession to Z. It broke down the wall for me.)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
We create our own life!
Jan 15 Eve
Sadhguru
If u know life, if u know truth, u know how everything works. If u want love or ecstasy or bliss, its yours. The deepest human desire is freedom and that's available too.
All human experience self-created. Though most human beings believe their experience is created by events around them, I realised that it is hundred percent self-created. U can make ur experience whichever way u want.
Soul
I realised that too. And I have created effortless work life and now I want to create effortless love life.
Romance and drama is the same. The former is pleasure drama and the latter is suffering drama, but boths are drama too.
Sadhguru
Just to feel a moment of pleasantness within oneself, how much indignity each human being is going through. Just to experience one moment of completeness, what a circus people are making of their lives. And it will never be enough. There will always be a longing in human beings for something more. This compulsion to go beyond compulsion is a fundamental human needs.
If u r free from fear of suffering, would u hesitate to involve yourself in life? Right now u r hesitating simply because of fear of suffering. If the fear of suffering is taken away, wouldn't u give urself absolutely to everything around u? Wouldn't u love more rather than less?
Emerging of a plant from a seed.
For all their seeming discontinuities and ruptures, these are natural processes. If a seed is not broken, a new sprout will never happen. If u try to save the shield that protects the seed, no new possibility will ever come.
The seed goes through tremendous struggle of losing itself - losing its safety and integrity and becoming vulnerable to every outside force that's around. But without that vulnerability, without breaking of the shell, life won't sprout.
What does it take for that life to sprout? Evidently, aligning oneself with the way things are, rather than fighting the inevitability of this process. "Growth happen anyway. Your only choice is to grow willingly or unwillingly. If u r willing, its love. If u r not, its rape.
If u r willing to make ur life process conscious, there is no destiny for u. Destiny is hundred percent ur creation. It is being created unconsciously now. But u can also create it consciously.
Yoga is about becoming a master of ur destiny to the point that the very process of life, death and birth is in ur hand.
Soul
My own creation - To live consciously.
Sadhguru
Any deep identification - with scripture, ideology, opinion, philosophy, prejudice or belief - becomes a hurdle on this journey.
Soul
Tell me about it. But these days, at least m more open.
Sadhguru
I am one hundred percent for intoxication.
If u r not involved with life, u r dead.
The challenge is to remain involved without getting entangled. Our lives become beautiful not because we r perfect. Our lives become beautiful because we put our hearts into what we do. U will never know the beauty of life unless u r deeply involved.
At the same time, u cannot enjoy the beauty of involvement if u get attached.
If u don't get this subtle distinction, u will suffer.
And in the process of involvement, one's life becomes an expression of joy, rather than a pursuit of it.
Soul
This is similar to my Insight today. The 'trick' is to self-generate it yourself instead to pursue it. Use the energy to create it internally instead of to find and source it externally.
Sadhguru
Happiness has always been an internal phenomenon. The source of ur happiness is inside of u. But right now, though it is inside, the switch is in somebody else's hands. The starter button is somewhere else. U have given to everybody except urself.
The reason why somebody is happy or unhappy is not because of what is happening in their life. Either u know how to manage ur inner climate or u don't. That's all.
Soul
Tot of my ease of breathe and my Insight this morning.
Sadhguru
The universe is an empty shell where ur mind frolics infinitely. And u know this only if u can play. If u r dead serious, u miss what is here and u miss what is beyond. If u r playful and intense, u will be receptive to life. If u r too serious, u will miss it
The very Creator is within u; what are u thinking about? The very source of creation is throbbing within u. What r u thinking about that is more important than this???
Sadhguru
If u know life, if u know truth, u know how everything works. If u want love or ecstasy or bliss, its yours. The deepest human desire is freedom and that's available too.
All human experience self-created. Though most human beings believe their experience is created by events around them, I realised that it is hundred percent self-created. U can make ur experience whichever way u want.
Soul
I realised that too. And I have created effortless work life and now I want to create effortless love life.
Romance and drama is the same. The former is pleasure drama and the latter is suffering drama, but boths are drama too.
Sadhguru
Just to feel a moment of pleasantness within oneself, how much indignity each human being is going through. Just to experience one moment of completeness, what a circus people are making of their lives. And it will never be enough. There will always be a longing in human beings for something more. This compulsion to go beyond compulsion is a fundamental human needs.
If u r free from fear of suffering, would u hesitate to involve yourself in life? Right now u r hesitating simply because of fear of suffering. If the fear of suffering is taken away, wouldn't u give urself absolutely to everything around u? Wouldn't u love more rather than less?
Emerging of a plant from a seed.
For all their seeming discontinuities and ruptures, these are natural processes. If a seed is not broken, a new sprout will never happen. If u try to save the shield that protects the seed, no new possibility will ever come.
The seed goes through tremendous struggle of losing itself - losing its safety and integrity and becoming vulnerable to every outside force that's around. But without that vulnerability, without breaking of the shell, life won't sprout.
What does it take for that life to sprout? Evidently, aligning oneself with the way things are, rather than fighting the inevitability of this process. "Growth happen anyway. Your only choice is to grow willingly or unwillingly. If u r willing, its love. If u r not, its rape.
If u r willing to make ur life process conscious, there is no destiny for u. Destiny is hundred percent ur creation. It is being created unconsciously now. But u can also create it consciously.
Yoga is about becoming a master of ur destiny to the point that the very process of life, death and birth is in ur hand.
Soul
My own creation - To live consciously.
Sadhguru
Any deep identification - with scripture, ideology, opinion, philosophy, prejudice or belief - becomes a hurdle on this journey.
Soul
Tell me about it. But these days, at least m more open.
Sadhguru
I am one hundred percent for intoxication.
If u r not involved with life, u r dead.
The challenge is to remain involved without getting entangled. Our lives become beautiful not because we r perfect. Our lives become beautiful because we put our hearts into what we do. U will never know the beauty of life unless u r deeply involved.
At the same time, u cannot enjoy the beauty of involvement if u get attached.
If u don't get this subtle distinction, u will suffer.
And in the process of involvement, one's life becomes an expression of joy, rather than a pursuit of it.
Soul
This is similar to my Insight today. The 'trick' is to self-generate it yourself instead to pursue it. Use the energy to create it internally instead of to find and source it externally.
Sadhguru
Happiness has always been an internal phenomenon. The source of ur happiness is inside of u. But right now, though it is inside, the switch is in somebody else's hands. The starter button is somewhere else. U have given to everybody except urself.
The reason why somebody is happy or unhappy is not because of what is happening in their life. Either u know how to manage ur inner climate or u don't. That's all.
Soul
Tot of my ease of breathe and my Insight this morning.
Sadhguru
The universe is an empty shell where ur mind frolics infinitely. And u know this only if u can play. If u r dead serious, u miss what is here and u miss what is beyond. If u r playful and intense, u will be receptive to life. If u r too serious, u will miss it
The very Creator is within u; what are u thinking about? The very source of creation is throbbing within u. What r u thinking about that is more important than this???
I am transforming (9)
Jan 15
Father, woke up at 6 am. Feel alert. Slept a bit and woke up 6.30 am to do breathing awareness, shakti and shambavi. Average connection.
Then went for swim. Slight hiccup as mom wanted to go to visit aunt at hospital. Surprisingly, I offered to fetch her and even walked her in to hospital. The old me would freak out as I want to swim earlier to avoid the hot sun. Anyway, by the time I reach the pool was 20 minutes later than usual.
I swam at my own pace. Had a great time singing and giggling in the pool after every lap. I realised that when I am at my own pace, breathe in water is steady and able to respond properly instead of panic when I faced torpedo swimmers. An amazing feat. Just swimming at my own pace, savouring the water and the breathe was at normal speed even towards the end of lap. Incredible after years of being scared of water.
Toward the second lap, I saw a guy teaching his gal to swim and I tot I used to wish for my boyfriend teaching me, supporting me in my swim. But now I don't need to as I can swim lovingly in the pool. It took me many years but alas I can. Also tot of Z, looks like I have to be the one teaching him to swim instead.
Then an Insight came. We always hope and wish for others to give us to give us what we want, love, money and etc. Of course we face disappointment as most time we don't get and even when we get, it doesn't last and we attach ourselves, create possession cos fear to lose what we received. Perhaps the 'trick' is to cultivate it in ourselves instead and then to share it. Like me in my swim. Took me years and now I can swim lovingly and happily.
Evening
Came back from the session with friends from Soul Sisters. I shared that now I don't want anymore drama in my love life. My love life is effortless, with or without. I will show myself up, on my term. F says that drama will continue due to close proximity. I can't say anything cos I haven't been there. Three of us are of strong characteristic, F is stubborn, S is headstrong and me arrogant. What a combination.
Soul
Now I know why I came away feeling not as great. Its because I felt that if I cannot influence these 2 persons who knows me well, what's more to influence others. Who will listen to my Insights?? Who will appreciate it. There goes my Destiny. Maybe just an illusion. Thats my ego talking, cos losing the normal admiration.
Father, woke up at 6 am. Feel alert. Slept a bit and woke up 6.30 am to do breathing awareness, shakti and shambavi. Average connection.
Then went for swim. Slight hiccup as mom wanted to go to visit aunt at hospital. Surprisingly, I offered to fetch her and even walked her in to hospital. The old me would freak out as I want to swim earlier to avoid the hot sun. Anyway, by the time I reach the pool was 20 minutes later than usual.
I swam at my own pace. Had a great time singing and giggling in the pool after every lap. I realised that when I am at my own pace, breathe in water is steady and able to respond properly instead of panic when I faced torpedo swimmers. An amazing feat. Just swimming at my own pace, savouring the water and the breathe was at normal speed even towards the end of lap. Incredible after years of being scared of water.
Toward the second lap, I saw a guy teaching his gal to swim and I tot I used to wish for my boyfriend teaching me, supporting me in my swim. But now I don't need to as I can swim lovingly in the pool. It took me many years but alas I can. Also tot of Z, looks like I have to be the one teaching him to swim instead.
Then an Insight came. We always hope and wish for others to give us to give us what we want, love, money and etc. Of course we face disappointment as most time we don't get and even when we get, it doesn't last and we attach ourselves, create possession cos fear to lose what we received. Perhaps the 'trick' is to cultivate it in ourselves instead and then to share it. Like me in my swim. Took me years and now I can swim lovingly and happily.
Evening
Came back from the session with friends from Soul Sisters. I shared that now I don't want anymore drama in my love life. My love life is effortless, with or without. I will show myself up, on my term. F says that drama will continue due to close proximity. I can't say anything cos I haven't been there. Three of us are of strong characteristic, F is stubborn, S is headstrong and me arrogant. What a combination.
Soul
Now I know why I came away feeling not as great. Its because I felt that if I cannot influence these 2 persons who knows me well, what's more to influence others. Who will listen to my Insights?? Who will appreciate it. There goes my Destiny. Maybe just an illusion. Thats my ego talking, cos losing the normal admiration.
Uncertainty is the law; Certainty is our illusion (3)
Jan 14
Father, now I realised Z resembles me a lot. We have the same passion for food and work. We also have the same fear of facing water. And like me, when a rship doesn't work, we can just drop it. Perhaps that's why he handled his divorce well.
Anyway, at first tot of sharing with him my insight. But then tot perhaps he doesn't want to know. I am attracted to him and I don't mind initiating. He will come back. I recalled I tot he was afraid of me and my writings, but he wasn't. By now he knows my intensity of the mind and also my receptiveness to meditation as he has seen me in action. Glad I can be open.
Evening
Finished my meditation, about 1 hour of guru pooja, samyama and shoonya.
I do find going from samyama to shoonya bit difficult. Shoonya is losing myself. Samyama is awareness. I noticed I become more alert after samyama. Perhaps should change routine.
(Jan 30 - routine changed and it is now on track)
A New Earth (Ekhart Tolle)
What the future holds for you depends on your state of consciousness now.
In the state of forgetfulness of who you are, every success is no more than a passing delusion. Whatever you achieve, soon you will be unhappy again, or some new problem or dilemma will draw your attention in completely.
The outer purpose varies from person to person and never last forever. In order to find out what outer purpose is in alignment with your inner purpose, you may have to find out what is not right, what no longer works, what is incompatible with your inner purpose.
As the ego is no longer running your life, the psychological need for external security, which is illusory anyway, lessens. You are able to live with uncertainty, even enjoy it. When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change.
If uncertainty is unacceptable - it turns to fear
If uncertainty is acceptable - it turns into increased aliveness, alertness and creativity.
(Jan 30 - I initiate the date with Z. Bit of drama for me and he is oblivious. But it went well and he open up even more to me.)
Soul
Father, not sure but somehow I am not affected by the turmoil in the office between CEO and GM. To me either ending or beginning doesn't matter to me. It would have triggered me but now that corporate career no longer matters to me. I don't get worked up over it.
And also my attraction for Z. Previously the mental compulsion would work overtime and now it is mostly in the present. Amen.
Sadhguru on Vijii's samadhi place
This corner of ashram nurtures a very different type of energy altogether. It is very mild, very subtle, very pleasant and beautiful. If u sit there for awhile it can give u a bodiless kind of feeling. That space is fundamentally anahata. Its like a solvent. It can slowly melt u down.
Soul
I went there unknowingly for the first time. I had no idea what I would face. When I reached there, tears just fell and I cried uncontrollably and then laughed. I was scared at the loss of control.
The second time, even before reaching the cemetry, my tears start to fall.
I recalled looking into her, feeling her love flowing into me. I told her that I want to be as loving as her. Amen. She was the Initiator. Without her, I won't be taking all the steps.
Sadhguru
I utter every word consciously, not habitually. That gives the words power. Spirituality is about not allowing anything to happen to u unconsciously.
Soul
Father, when I started this path back in 1999 cos I won't allow my unconscious to rule. I don't want to lose control and it led me to the path of Self-Mastery; which is my Destiny
Sadhguru
Chronic disease's root cause is always in the energy body. Once it is disturbed, the mental body and the physical body are bound to be disturbed. If people are willing to activate their energy body, they can definitely be free of all chronic ailments.
(Jan 30 - Father, I can now dance. And the next step is scuba diving. In time, I will look at releasing my relationship and sexuality issue. Father, I now slowly realise relationship is the key to unlocking my RA.)
Soul
Will do shakti in the morning to ensure no break.
Sadhguru on who is ur guru
When u know the true pain of ignorance, a guru will happen. U don't have to look. If u sit with him, everything in u should feel threatened. U want to run away, but there is something in u which keeps on pulling u towards him - u can assume then he is ur guru.
Soul
Thats exactly what happens to me. Amen.
Father, now I realised Z resembles me a lot. We have the same passion for food and work. We also have the same fear of facing water. And like me, when a rship doesn't work, we can just drop it. Perhaps that's why he handled his divorce well.
Anyway, at first tot of sharing with him my insight. But then tot perhaps he doesn't want to know. I am attracted to him and I don't mind initiating. He will come back. I recalled I tot he was afraid of me and my writings, but he wasn't. By now he knows my intensity of the mind and also my receptiveness to meditation as he has seen me in action. Glad I can be open.
Evening
Finished my meditation, about 1 hour of guru pooja, samyama and shoonya.
I do find going from samyama to shoonya bit difficult. Shoonya is losing myself. Samyama is awareness. I noticed I become more alert after samyama. Perhaps should change routine.
(Jan 30 - routine changed and it is now on track)
A New Earth (Ekhart Tolle)
What the future holds for you depends on your state of consciousness now.
In the state of forgetfulness of who you are, every success is no more than a passing delusion. Whatever you achieve, soon you will be unhappy again, or some new problem or dilemma will draw your attention in completely.
The outer purpose varies from person to person and never last forever. In order to find out what outer purpose is in alignment with your inner purpose, you may have to find out what is not right, what no longer works, what is incompatible with your inner purpose.
As the ego is no longer running your life, the psychological need for external security, which is illusory anyway, lessens. You are able to live with uncertainty, even enjoy it. When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change.
If uncertainty is unacceptable - it turns to fear
If uncertainty is acceptable - it turns into increased aliveness, alertness and creativity.
(Jan 30 - I initiate the date with Z. Bit of drama for me and he is oblivious. But it went well and he open up even more to me.)
Soul
Father, not sure but somehow I am not affected by the turmoil in the office between CEO and GM. To me either ending or beginning doesn't matter to me. It would have triggered me but now that corporate career no longer matters to me. I don't get worked up over it.
And also my attraction for Z. Previously the mental compulsion would work overtime and now it is mostly in the present. Amen.
Sadhguru on Vijii's samadhi place
This corner of ashram nurtures a very different type of energy altogether. It is very mild, very subtle, very pleasant and beautiful. If u sit there for awhile it can give u a bodiless kind of feeling. That space is fundamentally anahata. Its like a solvent. It can slowly melt u down.
Soul
I went there unknowingly for the first time. I had no idea what I would face. When I reached there, tears just fell and I cried uncontrollably and then laughed. I was scared at the loss of control.
The second time, even before reaching the cemetry, my tears start to fall.
I recalled looking into her, feeling her love flowing into me. I told her that I want to be as loving as her. Amen. She was the Initiator. Without her, I won't be taking all the steps.
Sadhguru
I utter every word consciously, not habitually. That gives the words power. Spirituality is about not allowing anything to happen to u unconsciously.
Soul
Father, when I started this path back in 1999 cos I won't allow my unconscious to rule. I don't want to lose control and it led me to the path of Self-Mastery; which is my Destiny
Sadhguru
Chronic disease's root cause is always in the energy body. Once it is disturbed, the mental body and the physical body are bound to be disturbed. If people are willing to activate their energy body, they can definitely be free of all chronic ailments.
(Jan 30 - Father, I can now dance. And the next step is scuba diving. In time, I will look at releasing my relationship and sexuality issue. Father, I now slowly realise relationship is the key to unlocking my RA.)
Soul
Will do shakti in the morning to ensure no break.
Sadhguru on who is ur guru
When u know the true pain of ignorance, a guru will happen. U don't have to look. If u sit with him, everything in u should feel threatened. U want to run away, but there is something in u which keeps on pulling u towards him - u can assume then he is ur guru.
Soul
Thats exactly what happens to me. Amen.
I am transforming (8)
Jan 13
Father, I slept after meditation. Also, today there were tots of Z. Anyway, all is compulsion. My love life is effortless, with or without.
Sadhguru
Brahmacharya
Brahmans means the divine
Charya means the path
Every human being is in search of joy, knowingly or unknowingly. Because u could not find joy, u settled for pleasure. Pleasure is just a shadow of joy - beautiful but very limited.
If u r a pleasure seeker, and something that gives u pleasure is taken away from u, u r broken. That means ur existence is one of huge bondage. U can gold-plate ur pleasant limitations, but u cannot break them.
Brahmacharya - the path of divine - means that u r joyful by ur own nature. It means that ur joy is on self-start, no longer on push-start. And anyway, if the source of happiness is within u, searching for it outside is quite stupid.
Brahmacharis are people who have decided that they don't want to extract joy from anything or anyone; they want to source their own inner joy. It means they want to be ecstatic by their own nature.
Soul
Amen. I have found my inner joy...its on self-start. But now I have to face my karmic relationship issue to ensure its strong.
Sadhguru
If a spiritual practice is part of ur life, it doesn't work. If it has become u, it is still not enough. It has to become more than u, more than ur life. That's what brahmacharya is about.
Soul
Me, first part.
What makes me trust Sadhguru is the fact that he is a man who values his freedom. That makes me confident that he never do anything to compromise mine.
Soul
Agree.
Father, teacher rejected the idea of white sathsang and says that we look like a cult. Anyway, surprisingly, I was fine. My tot were, its a suggestion. Not accepted is also fine.
Father, I prefer D vs T. Of course Th is the best.
Father, something has changed in me.
(Jan 30 - I no longer take 'rejection' of my ideas personally. It is their call. I have the right to suggest and they have the authority to reject.)
Father, I slept after meditation. Also, today there were tots of Z. Anyway, all is compulsion. My love life is effortless, with or without.
Sadhguru
Brahmacharya
Brahmans means the divine
Charya means the path
Every human being is in search of joy, knowingly or unknowingly. Because u could not find joy, u settled for pleasure. Pleasure is just a shadow of joy - beautiful but very limited.
If u r a pleasure seeker, and something that gives u pleasure is taken away from u, u r broken. That means ur existence is one of huge bondage. U can gold-plate ur pleasant limitations, but u cannot break them.
Brahmacharya - the path of divine - means that u r joyful by ur own nature. It means that ur joy is on self-start, no longer on push-start. And anyway, if the source of happiness is within u, searching for it outside is quite stupid.
Brahmacharis are people who have decided that they don't want to extract joy from anything or anyone; they want to source their own inner joy. It means they want to be ecstatic by their own nature.
Soul
Amen. I have found my inner joy...its on self-start. But now I have to face my karmic relationship issue to ensure its strong.
Sadhguru
If a spiritual practice is part of ur life, it doesn't work. If it has become u, it is still not enough. It has to become more than u, more than ur life. That's what brahmacharya is about.
Soul
Me, first part.
What makes me trust Sadhguru is the fact that he is a man who values his freedom. That makes me confident that he never do anything to compromise mine.
Soul
Agree.
Father, teacher rejected the idea of white sathsang and says that we look like a cult. Anyway, surprisingly, I was fine. My tot were, its a suggestion. Not accepted is also fine.
Father, I prefer D vs T. Of course Th is the best.
Father, something has changed in me.
(Jan 30 - I no longer take 'rejection' of my ideas personally. It is their call. I have the right to suggest and they have the authority to reject.)
Facing my karma in relationship (7)
Jan 12
Slept 3 hours, but woke up fine. Couldn't do suria cos stomach still full. Tot of doing breathe awareness for 1 hour, then followed with Shakti and Shambavi.
Have changed routine, Shakti and Shambavi covered in the morning. Do samyama (half an hour) and shoonya (15 min) in the evening.
Still have tots of Z, but can handle it as its just mental compulsion.
One thing about teacher. She is her joyful self with me, she is serious mature self when teaching, she also has a girly look when she is not teaching. Quite good. Tot of me, perhaps need not stick to one personality all the times.
Slept 3 hours, but woke up fine. Couldn't do suria cos stomach still full. Tot of doing breathe awareness for 1 hour, then followed with Shakti and Shambavi.
Have changed routine, Shakti and Shambavi covered in the morning. Do samyama (half an hour) and shoonya (15 min) in the evening.
Still have tots of Z, but can handle it as its just mental compulsion.
One thing about teacher. She is her joyful self with me, she is serious mature self when teaching, she also has a girly look when she is not teaching. Quite good. Tot of me, perhaps need not stick to one personality all the times.
Anger is coming out / Happy problem (2)
Jan 11 Evenin
Today, boss shared about GM's resignation. GM said that I leaked out confidential sharing and spoilt her rship with boss. Not true in termsof confidential information, but I have lifted the veil of illusion from my boss's eyes and she can now see her . But surprisingly
Father, IE has ended. I like the teacher, D.
I shared with her about shambavi's ending. I never did the last step of watching breathe. She laughed and I said yeap, I make all the mistakes that can be made, so am qualified to correct.
I told them that I don't like to volunteer and I came for the energy. But this time, I will take a few participants under me and will get them to be committed as me. D said that is my volunteering.
On Z, I saw that the gang are pitching him to the other gals. Do feel a twinge, but m fine. With or without, m fine.
Then later, during dinner, again another pitch, this time I just walked away, say goodbye to all except him. Don't want anymore drama. First tot, they exclude me cos am older. Second tot, becos m of different race. Nevermind. But he does look out for me.
I know m attracted to him. The other thing is he also liked food like me, and able to determine above average level. But no more drama, no more mental compulsion. Love comes to me, need not chase for it.
On M. After yday episode, anger is gone. Infact today, I cooperated with him. I had a tot that perhaps he was disturbed during his own IE and hence wanted to ensure the right atmosphere. And I was right. In the end, he apologised for hurting people's feeling during his course to ensure perfect setting. He also admitted that he was disturbed during his IE and hence has gone overboard to ensure silence. Actually, presumably, L and me, both crying and laughing respectively.
Today, boss shared about GM's resignation. GM said that I leaked out confidential sharing and spoilt her rship with boss. Not true in termsof confidential information, but I have lifted the veil of illusion from my boss's eyes and she can now see her . But surprisingly
Father, IE has ended. I like the teacher, D.
I shared with her about shambavi's ending. I never did the last step of watching breathe. She laughed and I said yeap, I make all the mistakes that can be made, so am qualified to correct.
I told them that I don't like to volunteer and I came for the energy. But this time, I will take a few participants under me and will get them to be committed as me. D said that is my volunteering.
On Z, I saw that the gang are pitching him to the other gals. Do feel a twinge, but m fine. With or without, m fine.
Then later, during dinner, again another pitch, this time I just walked away, say goodbye to all except him. Don't want anymore drama. First tot, they exclude me cos am older. Second tot, becos m of different race. Nevermind. But he does look out for me.
I know m attracted to him. The other thing is he also liked food like me, and able to determine above average level. But no more drama, no more mental compulsion. Love comes to me, need not chase for it.
On M. After yday episode, anger is gone. Infact today, I cooperated with him. I had a tot that perhaps he was disturbed during his own IE and hence wanted to ensure the right atmosphere. And I was right. In the end, he apologised for hurting people's feeling during his course to ensure perfect setting. He also admitted that he was disturbed during his IE and hence has gone overboard to ensure silence. Actually, presumably, L and me, both crying and laughing respectively.
Spring time of my life; I can dance!
Jan 11
Father, yday just had grapes for dinner. It was late and I don't feel like eating. Was having a dream, but woke up before alarm, at 3.50 am. Need to get up earlier to avoid jam. For shambavi, I realised I don't watch my breathe. I just sit and let wave of energy flow. It has a different feel. Anyway, will experience again tonight.
Osho
1. Issue
The Rebel
The Rebel is clearly the master of his own destiny. On his shoulder, is an emblem of the sun and the torch he holds in his right hand symbolizes the light of his own hard-won truth. He has broken the chains of society's repressive conditioning and opinion. He has formed himself by embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. He has found his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it. The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.
Soul
Amen.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Past Lives
We need to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives and their root in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour.
This is a wake-up call; the events in ur life are trying to show u a pattern as ancient as the journey of ur own soul
Soul
Not so sure. But yday, broke thru the karma of disliking criticism or being curtailed. Instead of seeing negatively, I tot it was a happy problem. If I didn't have such receptivity, I won't need to be curtailed. So, its good news.
3. External influence
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by society.
Its time to make a move to break out of whatever u have been conditioned by others to believe about urself.
Soul
Wearing kurta is one of them. Learning public speaking is another.
Learning to accept my feeling. Not to worry abt rejection. Learning to be ok alone and being with others.
4. What is needed for resolution
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen on its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful.
U don't depend on others and u don't make others depended on u. Then it is always a friendship, a friendliness.
As long as things are moving beautifully, u share. And if u see the moment has come to depart because ur paths separate at this crossroad, u say goodbye with great gratitude for all that others have been to u. With no misery, with no pain, u simply separate.
True friends, mature, easy with each other, natural. There is no urgency about their connection, no neediness, no desire to change the other into something else. This card indicate a readiness to enter this quality of friendliness.
Soul
I can only think of Z and tot his reminiscence of Seven of Heart Saturn card - learning to let go of loved one and let them be.
Also tot of public speaking, letting go fear of rejection.
5. Resolution
Guilt
Guilt sits on ur chest like a rock, it crushes u. It does not allow u to dance. It does not allow u to love, it does not allow u to live.
So, the one who thinks he is doing something wrong is guilty, burdened, dead before death.
When we feel guilty, we end up surrounded by nagging clouds of self-doubt and feeling of worthlessness to the point we cannot see any of the beauty and joy that life is trying to offer us.
Soul
I can dance now. I dance to Sadhguru discourse. I dance in the car. I dance to music. I am alive again. This is spring time of my life.
I tot this as me no longer seeing things negatively whenever people doesn't seem to like me, doesn't acknowledge me, criticise me and etc.
(Jan 30 - went to Philharmonic's cello performance. It was great, I was able to dance throughout. This was even greater than the previous performance whereby I was emotionally connected and now physically connected to.)
Osho
If I cannot be loving alone, if I can be loving only with someone I love, then, really, I am not mature yet. Then I am depending on someone even to be loving; someone must be there, then I can be loving. Then the loving quality has not gone deep; it has not become a part of my being.
Osho
Intelligence can be discovered. The only method to rediscover it is meditation. Meditation destroys all the barriers of society. It function is negative, it removes the rocks that are preventing ur waters from flowing, ur springs from coming alive.
Soul
Yeap, now is the spring time of my life
Soul
I now love me on my own.
Father, yday just had grapes for dinner. It was late and I don't feel like eating. Was having a dream, but woke up before alarm, at 3.50 am. Need to get up earlier to avoid jam. For shambavi, I realised I don't watch my breathe. I just sit and let wave of energy flow. It has a different feel. Anyway, will experience again tonight.
Osho
1. Issue
The Rebel
The Rebel is clearly the master of his own destiny. On his shoulder, is an emblem of the sun and the torch he holds in his right hand symbolizes the light of his own hard-won truth. He has broken the chains of society's repressive conditioning and opinion. He has formed himself by embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. He has found his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it. The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.
Soul
Amen.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Past Lives
We need to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives and their root in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour.
This is a wake-up call; the events in ur life are trying to show u a pattern as ancient as the journey of ur own soul
Soul
Not so sure. But yday, broke thru the karma of disliking criticism or being curtailed. Instead of seeing negatively, I tot it was a happy problem. If I didn't have such receptivity, I won't need to be curtailed. So, its good news.
3. External influence
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by society.
Its time to make a move to break out of whatever u have been conditioned by others to believe about urself.
Soul
Wearing kurta is one of them. Learning public speaking is another.
Learning to accept my feeling. Not to worry abt rejection. Learning to be ok alone and being with others.
4. What is needed for resolution
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen on its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful.
U don't depend on others and u don't make others depended on u. Then it is always a friendship, a friendliness.
As long as things are moving beautifully, u share. And if u see the moment has come to depart because ur paths separate at this crossroad, u say goodbye with great gratitude for all that others have been to u. With no misery, with no pain, u simply separate.
True friends, mature, easy with each other, natural. There is no urgency about their connection, no neediness, no desire to change the other into something else. This card indicate a readiness to enter this quality of friendliness.
Soul
I can only think of Z and tot his reminiscence of Seven of Heart Saturn card - learning to let go of loved one and let them be.
Also tot of public speaking, letting go fear of rejection.
5. Resolution
Guilt
Guilt sits on ur chest like a rock, it crushes u. It does not allow u to dance. It does not allow u to love, it does not allow u to live.
So, the one who thinks he is doing something wrong is guilty, burdened, dead before death.
When we feel guilty, we end up surrounded by nagging clouds of self-doubt and feeling of worthlessness to the point we cannot see any of the beauty and joy that life is trying to offer us.
Soul
I can dance now. I dance to Sadhguru discourse. I dance in the car. I dance to music. I am alive again. This is spring time of my life.
I tot this as me no longer seeing things negatively whenever people doesn't seem to like me, doesn't acknowledge me, criticise me and etc.
(Jan 30 - went to Philharmonic's cello performance. It was great, I was able to dance throughout. This was even greater than the previous performance whereby I was emotionally connected and now physically connected to.)
Osho
If I cannot be loving alone, if I can be loving only with someone I love, then, really, I am not mature yet. Then I am depending on someone even to be loving; someone must be there, then I can be loving. Then the loving quality has not gone deep; it has not become a part of my being.
Osho
Intelligence can be discovered. The only method to rediscover it is meditation. Meditation destroys all the barriers of society. It function is negative, it removes the rocks that are preventing ur waters from flowing, ur springs from coming alive.
Soul
Yeap, now is the spring time of my life
Soul
I now love me on my own.
Anger is coming out / Happy problem
Jan 10 Aft
Father, am glad D is the one who see me thru on sathsang. If it has been T, she would force me to be still. I am who I am.
It was great that D didn't stop me from being myself. She just want me to do proper greeting and wear kurta as I am a representative of Isha.
Jan 10 Eve
Father, just came back from IE. When I was in IE, again I was interrupted by M in the midst of discussion. I asked if I was loud. He said no, I gave him a glare and walk away.
I went to the hall and energy got to me, I settled down and start on Shambavi, I was giggling close mouth and again he stop me. I was so angry that I stop the kriya. So angry that I didn't want to continue with the practice. But I remember that I don't want to waste the IE energy, and I continued, this time I controlled my laughter furiously.
I settled down and I ask God for another tot of M. Is it projection? Am I like him, should be since he has the same birth date as me. But it doesn't stick.
Then another guy asked me to hold my laughter and I was fine. But why then react to M. I asked God, does he remind me of anyone, why does he trigger me? A tot of my brother came to mind. My brother always on the look out for me to criticise me, curtailed me. I now knew the trigger. My anger on M has reduced somewhat.
Then I asked is there another way of looking at this; an answer came - happy problem. If I didn't have such receptiveness and give out such joyous response, no one need to ask me to keep still. So, happy problem. With that, I was joyful again. I told myself I gave him a hug.
Then tot of white sathsang. At first didn't want to tell teacher. Alas, after the breakthru with M, I decided to do so. I told teacher that I would recommend for white sathsang as it is a special period and I would wear the kurta. She has a point that I represent Isha and I will follow the rule. I gave her a hug and she is happy too. I also shared that I am also racist, she laughed at me.
Alas, I felt freed. Coincidentally Sadhguru's topic was on karma. He says forget about old karma, just stop creating new ones and the old ones will die off. Amen.
Father, am glad D is the one who see me thru on sathsang. If it has been T, she would force me to be still. I am who I am.
It was great that D didn't stop me from being myself. She just want me to do proper greeting and wear kurta as I am a representative of Isha.
Jan 10 Eve
Father, just came back from IE. When I was in IE, again I was interrupted by M in the midst of discussion. I asked if I was loud. He said no, I gave him a glare and walk away.
I went to the hall and energy got to me, I settled down and start on Shambavi, I was giggling close mouth and again he stop me. I was so angry that I stop the kriya. So angry that I didn't want to continue with the practice. But I remember that I don't want to waste the IE energy, and I continued, this time I controlled my laughter furiously.
I settled down and I ask God for another tot of M. Is it projection? Am I like him, should be since he has the same birth date as me. But it doesn't stick.
Then another guy asked me to hold my laughter and I was fine. But why then react to M. I asked God, does he remind me of anyone, why does he trigger me? A tot of my brother came to mind. My brother always on the look out for me to criticise me, curtailed me. I now knew the trigger. My anger on M has reduced somewhat.
Then I asked is there another way of looking at this; an answer came - happy problem. If I didn't have such receptiveness and give out such joyous response, no one need to ask me to keep still. So, happy problem. With that, I was joyful again. I told myself I gave him a hug.
Then tot of white sathsang. At first didn't want to tell teacher. Alas, after the breakthru with M, I decided to do so. I told teacher that I would recommend for white sathsang as it is a special period and I would wear the kurta. She has a point that I represent Isha and I will follow the rule. I gave her a hug and she is happy too. I also shared that I am also racist, she laughed at me.
Alas, I felt freed. Coincidentally Sadhguru's topic was on karma. He says forget about old karma, just stop creating new ones and the old ones will die off. Amen.
Samyama is a good tool (7)
Jan 10
Father, everything is flowing effortlessly. I am ready to be a Mother to all. Yday, I was surprised that I enjoyed myself. It was so energetic. Guess its due to Initiation. Let's see next round. We make it special by having a White Sathsang. (Jan 30 - AP teacher said no as we could be seem to be like a cult)
Samyama has led me to this. Refresher Samyama is great, thanks to T. Today I also give prayer of thanks to new teacher, D. Father, for her, can see the compassion but the joy is not expressed out, unlike T. But I thank her for helping me to see that I was a racist. Suddenly tot of natal chart that say if I am not accepting other people's culture, I would get Arthritis. When I read it, I denied it cos m not a racist. Now I admit I am, just like the rest. I guess, just becos I take some of them, as a price to pay, doesn't meant that I accepted them.
Just tot of Z, I realised he keep on emphasising on his age. Looks like age matters to him, or maybe it doesn't matter, like me. I tell everyone that I am 43. Anyway, the next day he flirt with me. I would tell him that he sounded like flirting and he must know my age before he continues.
Part of me knows that since he is so easy-going in out-office life and couldn't overcome his other barriers, it meant that he must be very good in some other area, most likely his business. A part of me says that if age is an issue to him, then he may not be able to overcome it as 'face" seems important. That's not true, I know he doesn't mind be treated as joker.
Mmm, so much drama in my mind. Stall it. Mind really cunning. Give them an inch and it rode a mile.
But these days, I am able to separate from them. That's why the suria and meditation is great this morning. Suria so effortless.
(Jan 30 - I was right. He is very good in his drive for achievement. A real intense self-made man. So, once spent, less energy on outside office.)
Osho
There is a switch in the mind. The name of the switch is watchful awareness, witnessing. If u start witnessing the mind, it begins to stop. The more that witnessing grows, the more and more do u become aware of a secret key, that the mind can be stopped easily. And that moment is of great liberation, when u can turn the mind off for hours. And when it come back, when u recall it, it comes back rejunevated, fresh.
Hence, meditators are bound to be more intelligent than other people.
Soul
Suddenly tot last weekend, no tots of office at all, despite so much drama happening this week.
Osho
A meditative person is bound to be more sensitive, more intelligent, more creative, more loving, more compassionate. These qualities grows of their own accord. The secret is learn to stop the mind. And that's when u become its master. U use the mind when it is needed, and u put it off when it is not needed.
Meditation is a state of clarity, not a state of mind. Mind is confusion. Mind is never clear. It cannot be. Thoughts create clouds around you - they are subtle cloud, and a mist is created by them and the clarity is lost.
When tots disappear, when there are no more clouds around u, when u r in simple beingness, clarity happens. Then u can see, ur gaze is penetrating, the very core of being.
When ur meditating, tots settle on their accord, u need not jump among them, u need not put them right. It is as if a stream has become muddy ..what u don? If u jump in it, u make it more muddy. U simply sit at the river bank and wait. Nothing can be done.
Remember, meditation will bring u more and more intelligence, an infinite intelligence, a radiant intelligence. Meditation will make u more alive and sensitive; ur life will become richer.
Father, everything is flowing effortlessly. I am ready to be a Mother to all. Yday, I was surprised that I enjoyed myself. It was so energetic. Guess its due to Initiation. Let's see next round. We make it special by having a White Sathsang. (Jan 30 - AP teacher said no as we could be seem to be like a cult)
Samyama has led me to this. Refresher Samyama is great, thanks to T. Today I also give prayer of thanks to new teacher, D. Father, for her, can see the compassion but the joy is not expressed out, unlike T. But I thank her for helping me to see that I was a racist. Suddenly tot of natal chart that say if I am not accepting other people's culture, I would get Arthritis. When I read it, I denied it cos m not a racist. Now I admit I am, just like the rest. I guess, just becos I take some of them, as a price to pay, doesn't meant that I accepted them.
Just tot of Z, I realised he keep on emphasising on his age. Looks like age matters to him, or maybe it doesn't matter, like me. I tell everyone that I am 43. Anyway, the next day he flirt with me. I would tell him that he sounded like flirting and he must know my age before he continues.
Part of me knows that since he is so easy-going in out-office life and couldn't overcome his other barriers, it meant that he must be very good in some other area, most likely his business. A part of me says that if age is an issue to him, then he may not be able to overcome it as 'face" seems important. That's not true, I know he doesn't mind be treated as joker.
Mmm, so much drama in my mind. Stall it. Mind really cunning. Give them an inch and it rode a mile.
But these days, I am able to separate from them. That's why the suria and meditation is great this morning. Suria so effortless.
(Jan 30 - I was right. He is very good in his drive for achievement. A real intense self-made man. So, once spent, less energy on outside office.)
Osho
There is a switch in the mind. The name of the switch is watchful awareness, witnessing. If u start witnessing the mind, it begins to stop. The more that witnessing grows, the more and more do u become aware of a secret key, that the mind can be stopped easily. And that moment is of great liberation, when u can turn the mind off for hours. And when it come back, when u recall it, it comes back rejunevated, fresh.
Hence, meditators are bound to be more intelligent than other people.
Soul
Suddenly tot last weekend, no tots of office at all, despite so much drama happening this week.
Osho
A meditative person is bound to be more sensitive, more intelligent, more creative, more loving, more compassionate. These qualities grows of their own accord. The secret is learn to stop the mind. And that's when u become its master. U use the mind when it is needed, and u put it off when it is not needed.
Meditation is a state of clarity, not a state of mind. Mind is confusion. Mind is never clear. It cannot be. Thoughts create clouds around you - they are subtle cloud, and a mist is created by them and the clarity is lost.
When tots disappear, when there are no more clouds around u, when u r in simple beingness, clarity happens. Then u can see, ur gaze is penetrating, the very core of being.
When ur meditating, tots settle on their accord, u need not jump among them, u need not put them right. It is as if a stream has become muddy ..what u don? If u jump in it, u make it more muddy. U simply sit at the river bank and wait. Nothing can be done.
Remember, meditation will bring u more and more intelligence, an infinite intelligence, a radiant intelligence. Meditation will make u more alive and sensitive; ur life will become richer.
Facing my karma in relationship (6)
Jan 9
Father, did the sathsang guide. Once I overcome my resistance this afternoon and accept my path as Isha Promoter, keeping Isha alive, I became my confident self.
Sathsang went very well for the first time. Surprisingly, I was not even bothered about the hiccup of video.
Received lots of compliment, but I gave the kudos to Ra and Initiation energy.
I was surprised to see that lots of old timers doing mistakes.
I didn't correct the mistakes done by M and M, the previous sathsang leaders as I didn't want to make them feel bad. But the surprising thing was they didn't tell me how I fare in the sathsang, which is a good thing. I wonder if its me ego working overtime, but I have felt both of them trying to take me down a peg or two due to feeling of envy.
Actually, I wonder if lady M feels sad that just when she quit, there is a new satshang platform.
For me, as usual, my journey in Isha is effortless, even now as sathsang guide. The new platform suits me well as I don't like to teach but I like to share and promote Isha. And that's the only section that I have to do. Sadhguru, u r great. Father, too.
On the wearing of kurta, I found myself having loads of resistance. Started off with I didn't want Isha to be identified with Indian, racism issue and alas my family. I can felt my resistance coming up and tot of rebel arise, I don't want to do sathang if they force me to wear kurta.
But when teacher says I represent Isha, I quiet down and note that she does have a point. But still resistance continue, it became like a sore point, writing off the earlier relief that the job was done and I felt fine. Actually, I cannot even say I did a good job, cos I felt I didn't do anything. But I did enjoy myself.
Then after dinner on the way back, my mind was still churning on the kurta, thinking of what my family will say, then a tot came, it is me, I too have racism issue. So, since its my own resistance, I will wear the kurta.
Then a tot came in, so much drama over a little thing on white kurta. Yeap, that's me. Big things going well and I sweat over small stuff.
With that, whole thing on kurta went off. But I want to buy a good quality kurta, that is not so Indian looking and tot of British India style.
(Jan 30 - The AP teacher said no need. So, I drop it. All the dramas and when I finally said yes, it is not necessary.)
Today, when I came back for Sathsang training, I saw Z. I try to ignore him but he came running. He asked me why I go missing in action as he was looking for me. Then I did my sathsang training, he was observing me and he told me that I look good in white. I told him that everyone looks good in white. He says that's not true, he says people like me who reflect purity looks good in white. He then continued to ask about my swimming. He told me he can't swim and I guess he wanted to join me. I recommended him to join swimming lesson. Then I told him that in my early thirties I start to swim (part of me was hesitant, guess I didn't want to reveal my age). Surprisingly, he emphasised his age. Then I did my quiet time pre-sathsang, he was observing me throughout the process.
After sathsang, he asked if we going for dinner and he told me that the other day, he can't join me becos he already left. I think he wants me to know that he would like to join me.
During dinner, they joke about him being a boyfriend to another gal, surprisingly I found there is slight twitch to me as if I was disappointed that he is not my boyfriend instead.
At the same time, they teased me to tackle another guy, a DJ to ensure he stay in Isha. I saw him looking bit different too. Perhaps he felt the slight twitch too.
I tot of me hugging him. I guess it would not be the same friendly hug I gave to the rest. I can already sense the physical heat when we r close to each other. I wonder what the hug would be like.
Actually, both of us gravitate towards each other. Tot of my new-found belief, my love life is effortless. Its funny, he has joined IE since Feb this year and we never had any connection. Then just 1 month ago, I broke through my barrier of joining them for after sathsang dinner and we started from there. And later the volunteer to market IE, he drove me from office, we got to know each other. He shared about his divorce and I shared with him my article, which he thinks is good. He says I write very well, can be a journalist. Actually, he thinks m great in everything. Guess this is classic case that all male become Jacks when they are pursuing the gal.
Father, after sathsang so much energy. I enjoyed it. Thank U. U have made the sathsang guide effortless. All my drama a year ago is nothing. And now even new platform. Everything in my life is effortless. Work, Isha, friends and love life.
Father, I felt such love for me. My heart is filled up. Just yesterday, now my prayer of thanks include my Self.
Thinking back on A and P back in 1999. Actually, I had more physical heat with P, but I was hooked on A because of the mental stimulation. At that time, P was attracted to me. He too was funny like Z, always says kookoo things to me and I enjoyed his company cos we are easy-going with each other, just be ourselves, except when he said he wanted more.
Alas, I finally realise I don't need mental stimulation, m smart on my own. I just want someone to love me and share my coffee and dessert, to enjoy our common interest together. Z fits the bill. Even more ironic, not sure if I am pushing it. But before he showed up, I told Universe that I am not aiming for very rich guy, I m fine with a guy driving an Honda Accord and he drives one. Who knows.
Father, did the sathsang guide. Once I overcome my resistance this afternoon and accept my path as Isha Promoter, keeping Isha alive, I became my confident self.
Sathsang went very well for the first time. Surprisingly, I was not even bothered about the hiccup of video.
Received lots of compliment, but I gave the kudos to Ra and Initiation energy.
I was surprised to see that lots of old timers doing mistakes.
I didn't correct the mistakes done by M and M, the previous sathsang leaders as I didn't want to make them feel bad. But the surprising thing was they didn't tell me how I fare in the sathsang, which is a good thing. I wonder if its me ego working overtime, but I have felt both of them trying to take me down a peg or two due to feeling of envy.
Actually, I wonder if lady M feels sad that just when she quit, there is a new satshang platform.
For me, as usual, my journey in Isha is effortless, even now as sathsang guide. The new platform suits me well as I don't like to teach but I like to share and promote Isha. And that's the only section that I have to do. Sadhguru, u r great. Father, too.
On the wearing of kurta, I found myself having loads of resistance. Started off with I didn't want Isha to be identified with Indian, racism issue and alas my family. I can felt my resistance coming up and tot of rebel arise, I don't want to do sathang if they force me to wear kurta.
But when teacher says I represent Isha, I quiet down and note that she does have a point. But still resistance continue, it became like a sore point, writing off the earlier relief that the job was done and I felt fine. Actually, I cannot even say I did a good job, cos I felt I didn't do anything. But I did enjoy myself.
Then after dinner on the way back, my mind was still churning on the kurta, thinking of what my family will say, then a tot came, it is me, I too have racism issue. So, since its my own resistance, I will wear the kurta.
Then a tot came in, so much drama over a little thing on white kurta. Yeap, that's me. Big things going well and I sweat over small stuff.
With that, whole thing on kurta went off. But I want to buy a good quality kurta, that is not so Indian looking and tot of British India style.
(Jan 30 - The AP teacher said no need. So, I drop it. All the dramas and when I finally said yes, it is not necessary.)
Today, when I came back for Sathsang training, I saw Z. I try to ignore him but he came running. He asked me why I go missing in action as he was looking for me. Then I did my sathsang training, he was observing me and he told me that I look good in white. I told him that everyone looks good in white. He says that's not true, he says people like me who reflect purity looks good in white. He then continued to ask about my swimming. He told me he can't swim and I guess he wanted to join me. I recommended him to join swimming lesson. Then I told him that in my early thirties I start to swim (part of me was hesitant, guess I didn't want to reveal my age). Surprisingly, he emphasised his age. Then I did my quiet time pre-sathsang, he was observing me throughout the process.
After sathsang, he asked if we going for dinner and he told me that the other day, he can't join me becos he already left. I think he wants me to know that he would like to join me.
During dinner, they joke about him being a boyfriend to another gal, surprisingly I found there is slight twitch to me as if I was disappointed that he is not my boyfriend instead.
At the same time, they teased me to tackle another guy, a DJ to ensure he stay in Isha. I saw him looking bit different too. Perhaps he felt the slight twitch too.
I tot of me hugging him. I guess it would not be the same friendly hug I gave to the rest. I can already sense the physical heat when we r close to each other. I wonder what the hug would be like.
Actually, both of us gravitate towards each other. Tot of my new-found belief, my love life is effortless. Its funny, he has joined IE since Feb this year and we never had any connection. Then just 1 month ago, I broke through my barrier of joining them for after sathsang dinner and we started from there. And later the volunteer to market IE, he drove me from office, we got to know each other. He shared about his divorce and I shared with him my article, which he thinks is good. He says I write very well, can be a journalist. Actually, he thinks m great in everything. Guess this is classic case that all male become Jacks when they are pursuing the gal.
Father, after sathsang so much energy. I enjoyed it. Thank U. U have made the sathsang guide effortless. All my drama a year ago is nothing. And now even new platform. Everything in my life is effortless. Work, Isha, friends and love life.
Father, I felt such love for me. My heart is filled up. Just yesterday, now my prayer of thanks include my Self.
Thinking back on A and P back in 1999. Actually, I had more physical heat with P, but I was hooked on A because of the mental stimulation. At that time, P was attracted to me. He too was funny like Z, always says kookoo things to me and I enjoyed his company cos we are easy-going with each other, just be ourselves, except when he said he wanted more.
Alas, I finally realise I don't need mental stimulation, m smart on my own. I just want someone to love me and share my coffee and dessert, to enjoy our common interest together. Z fits the bill. Even more ironic, not sure if I am pushing it. But before he showed up, I told Universe that I am not aiming for very rich guy, I m fine with a guy driving an Honda Accord and he drives one. Who knows.
Facing my karma in relationship (5)
Jan 8
Father, two persons whom I introduced drop out of the program. Surprisingly, this time I didn't take it personally, as if they rejecting my influence. This time I know is their own issue;
1. Don't want to play in life and Life responded by ousting her out.
2. Not thinking straight and lose track of ur main focus. Sometimes in life, there is no 2nd chance.
Father, amazing.
Learnings from IE
1. My rules
2. Responsibility - ability to respond. Act with intelligence. It is not taking the blame.
3. This moment is inevitable, we who live in the past and future(projection of past) is not living in reality. We r living in illusion.
4. If we accept the moment, we always be happy.
And me, I admit there is a physical attraction to Z. I am physically comfortable with him. And I also like the fact that he has no smell. I find that I gravitate to him unconsciously, I just like us to be close and cuddly.
Today, he acknowledged my writing. He said I wrote very well and could a journalist. That's pushing it as I think he was just flirting with me and I also find myself flirting back. But I am glad he like my writing.
Our team of volunteers went for supper and this time I called him out too. I know he has left but I hope he turn back. He declined to join us for supper, he explained that he is going for jogging. Surprisingly, I didn't even take his refusal personally at all. Father, I am freed.
Father, let's face it. I am mentally independent and I want someone to depend on physically and emotionally, someone to share my love, someone to share fine food and coffee with, someone to take care of me. I want someone to be near to me. E is mentally stimulating but is far away physically. So, finally after all these years I come back to my sense.
I used to place mental stimulation as number one priority for my partner, while I worked on mental satisfaction for myself. My partners used to be far away and we seldom meet.
Now mental is no longer important, I already let go of my career and besides I know I am smart and need not seek smart guy. I just want to savour my life. So, I want to have physical and emotional connection now. Suddenly recalled Ace of Diamond.
Ace of Diamond
They are here to learn about the value of having their mates and lovers with them. In their lifetime, there will be one or many relationships that are 'at a distance' and that this distance will create a longing in them to have their partners with them. This longing serves to balance out a past-life pattern of always being away from their partners.
Eventually, they learn that it is important not only to have a partner in love, but also that this partner be with them, physically, sexually and emotionally.
To learn this lesson, the Ace of Diamond starts out creating these long distance relationships but sooner or later changes their value system in this are and creates a healthier, more balanced pattern.
Soul
Father, I want my partner to share my life. I wanted someone that I can snuggle up to, someone to enjoy the comfort and joy of life.
I used to be satisfied with a mental relationship, guess perhaps physical relationship is frontal and subject to upfront rejection. Perhaps that's why I always choose mental over physical relationship, just like I choose writing over public speaking/counseling. It was my fear of suffering a rejection. I guess I aimed for a lower one to avoid pain.
But like Sadhguru said unfulfilled desire of lower height and higher height is the same effect. So, no point choosing lower height.
Father, again it was my fear that drives me in my choice of not having a physical relationship.
I used the Deflation mode to say that 'physical connection' is of a lower level and I wanted 'mental connection', that is at high level. Alas, this is also another case of fear making the choice.
Father, I broke the code of my relationship issue.
I just checked back on my Top 5 Passion; I wanted a physical and emotional connection with my husband. No mention at all of mental stimulation. We each do our own thing and then come back and connect with each other.
Mental rship never amounts to anything. Its true there is less 'shame" when it ended, but the pain of rejection/separation is still the same.
Father, all these discovery happens after I made the call to Z, something I would never do previously cos fear of rejection due to pride, fear that my valuation be lowered. Now I know my valuation is not affected by any happenings in the world.
Father, my love life is effortless. What a coincidence. Everything falls in place. When I was ready, his divorce is final. And we r freed to see each other.
Father, two persons whom I introduced drop out of the program. Surprisingly, this time I didn't take it personally, as if they rejecting my influence. This time I know is their own issue;
1. Don't want to play in life and Life responded by ousting her out.
2. Not thinking straight and lose track of ur main focus. Sometimes in life, there is no 2nd chance.
Father, amazing.
Learnings from IE
1. My rules
2. Responsibility - ability to respond. Act with intelligence. It is not taking the blame.
3. This moment is inevitable, we who live in the past and future(projection of past) is not living in reality. We r living in illusion.
4. If we accept the moment, we always be happy.
And me, I admit there is a physical attraction to Z. I am physically comfortable with him. And I also like the fact that he has no smell. I find that I gravitate to him unconsciously, I just like us to be close and cuddly.
Today, he acknowledged my writing. He said I wrote very well and could a journalist. That's pushing it as I think he was just flirting with me and I also find myself flirting back. But I am glad he like my writing.
Our team of volunteers went for supper and this time I called him out too. I know he has left but I hope he turn back. He declined to join us for supper, he explained that he is going for jogging. Surprisingly, I didn't even take his refusal personally at all. Father, I am freed.
Father, let's face it. I am mentally independent and I want someone to depend on physically and emotionally, someone to share my love, someone to share fine food and coffee with, someone to take care of me. I want someone to be near to me. E is mentally stimulating but is far away physically. So, finally after all these years I come back to my sense.
I used to place mental stimulation as number one priority for my partner, while I worked on mental satisfaction for myself. My partners used to be far away and we seldom meet.
Now mental is no longer important, I already let go of my career and besides I know I am smart and need not seek smart guy. I just want to savour my life. So, I want to have physical and emotional connection now. Suddenly recalled Ace of Diamond.
Ace of Diamond
They are here to learn about the value of having their mates and lovers with them. In their lifetime, there will be one or many relationships that are 'at a distance' and that this distance will create a longing in them to have their partners with them. This longing serves to balance out a past-life pattern of always being away from their partners.
Eventually, they learn that it is important not only to have a partner in love, but also that this partner be with them, physically, sexually and emotionally.
To learn this lesson, the Ace of Diamond starts out creating these long distance relationships but sooner or later changes their value system in this are and creates a healthier, more balanced pattern.
Soul
Father, I want my partner to share my life. I wanted someone that I can snuggle up to, someone to enjoy the comfort and joy of life.
I used to be satisfied with a mental relationship, guess perhaps physical relationship is frontal and subject to upfront rejection. Perhaps that's why I always choose mental over physical relationship, just like I choose writing over public speaking/counseling. It was my fear of suffering a rejection. I guess I aimed for a lower one to avoid pain.
But like Sadhguru said unfulfilled desire of lower height and higher height is the same effect. So, no point choosing lower height.
Father, again it was my fear that drives me in my choice of not having a physical relationship.
I used the Deflation mode to say that 'physical connection' is of a lower level and I wanted 'mental connection', that is at high level. Alas, this is also another case of fear making the choice.
Father, I broke the code of my relationship issue.
I just checked back on my Top 5 Passion; I wanted a physical and emotional connection with my husband. No mention at all of mental stimulation. We each do our own thing and then come back and connect with each other.
Mental rship never amounts to anything. Its true there is less 'shame" when it ended, but the pain of rejection/separation is still the same.
Father, all these discovery happens after I made the call to Z, something I would never do previously cos fear of rejection due to pride, fear that my valuation be lowered. Now I know my valuation is not affected by any happenings in the world.
Father, my love life is effortless. What a coincidence. Everything falls in place. When I was ready, his divorce is final. And we r freed to see each other.
Responsibility is responding
Jan 7
Father, did my practice. Suria was effortless despite little pain on right elbow. Tots coming during practices. This time I find myself able to ignore them as if they were just voices in the background.
Father, I can see some mental compulsion tots on E, but am not reacting to it.
Father, listening to Sadhguru's talk on responsibility - ability to respond and it is not taking the blame. Responsibility is love. When u respond intelligently, u r expressing love.
I wonder if this is the same as the case for SB. I was responding willingly, just doing my part. And surprisingly they said I am lovely ; being love.
Just had a tot. Freedom is responsibility. And responsibility is responding. I have hold back in responding due to fear of frontal rejection.
Father, did my practice. Suria was effortless despite little pain on right elbow. Tots coming during practices. This time I find myself able to ignore them as if they were just voices in the background.
Father, I can see some mental compulsion tots on E, but am not reacting to it.
Father, listening to Sadhguru's talk on responsibility - ability to respond and it is not taking the blame. Responsibility is love. When u respond intelligently, u r expressing love.
I wonder if this is the same as the case for SB. I was responding willingly, just doing my part. And surprisingly they said I am lovely ; being love.
Just had a tot. Freedom is responsibility. And responsibility is responding. I have hold back in responding due to fear of frontal rejection.
Facing my karma in relationship (4)
Jan 6
Father, love U.
I am so glad to have found U. I am now motivated to pursue my Destiny. Firstly, deal with issue of taking rejection personally. Secondly, realised that unfulfilment of low height is the same as high height.
Also tot of my unfulfilled desire for a partner.
Osho
In love u moved into other's being, u lost contact with urself and u will need to find urself again.
But when u r alone, u r again creating a need for love. Soon u will be so full that u would like to share, u will be so over-flowing that u would like somebody to pour urself into, to whom to give of urself. Love arises out of aloneness
Aloneness makes u overfull. Love receives ur gifts. Love empties u so that u become full again. Whenever u r emptied by love, aloneness is there to nourish u, to integrate u. And this is a rhythm.
Make ur partner also alert to the rhythm. Nobody can love 24 hours a day; rest period are needed. So, if u want to be alone, doesn't mean u don't love ur partner, vice versa; it is not rejection, don't have to feel hurt. And if u love ur partner, u will leave him alone.
If two persons are really respectful - and love is always respectful, it reveres the other; it is very worshipful, prayerful state, then slowly u will understand each other more and more. And u will become aware of the other's rhythm and ur rhythm. And soon u will find that out of love, out of respect, ur rhythms are coming closer and closer. When u feel loving, she feels loving. This settles. This settles on its own. It is a synchronicity.
Love gives freedom and love helps the other to be himself or herself. Love is a very paradoxical phenomenon. In one way, it makes u one soul in two bodies; in another way it gives u individuality, uniqueness.
It helps u drop ur small selves, but it also helps u to attain to the supreme self. Then there is no problem. Love and meditation are two wings and they balance each other. And between the two u grow.
Soul
I like that. Part of me used to be afraid of love cos afraid of losing my aloneness and rejection. U makes me understand both.
And to go there, I will work on Isha and my Destiny. Once I overcome that, the rship will automatically be fine.
Osho
Live each moment so totally, so fully aware, that u never repent later on that u didn't live, that u could have lived more, that u could have enjoyed more. That's what intelligence is; to live life so totally that there is no repentance. One is always contented. One knows that one has to lived to one's utmost.
Soul
Same msg with Sadhguru - involvement to reach highest desitny.
Father, love U.
I am so glad to have found U. I am now motivated to pursue my Destiny. Firstly, deal with issue of taking rejection personally. Secondly, realised that unfulfilment of low height is the same as high height.
Also tot of my unfulfilled desire for a partner.
Osho
In love u moved into other's being, u lost contact with urself and u will need to find urself again.
But when u r alone, u r again creating a need for love. Soon u will be so full that u would like to share, u will be so over-flowing that u would like somebody to pour urself into, to whom to give of urself. Love arises out of aloneness
Aloneness makes u overfull. Love receives ur gifts. Love empties u so that u become full again. Whenever u r emptied by love, aloneness is there to nourish u, to integrate u. And this is a rhythm.
Make ur partner also alert to the rhythm. Nobody can love 24 hours a day; rest period are needed. So, if u want to be alone, doesn't mean u don't love ur partner, vice versa; it is not rejection, don't have to feel hurt. And if u love ur partner, u will leave him alone.
If two persons are really respectful - and love is always respectful, it reveres the other; it is very worshipful, prayerful state, then slowly u will understand each other more and more. And u will become aware of the other's rhythm and ur rhythm. And soon u will find that out of love, out of respect, ur rhythms are coming closer and closer. When u feel loving, she feels loving. This settles. This settles on its own. It is a synchronicity.
Love gives freedom and love helps the other to be himself or herself. Love is a very paradoxical phenomenon. In one way, it makes u one soul in two bodies; in another way it gives u individuality, uniqueness.
It helps u drop ur small selves, but it also helps u to attain to the supreme self. Then there is no problem. Love and meditation are two wings and they balance each other. And between the two u grow.
Soul
I like that. Part of me used to be afraid of love cos afraid of losing my aloneness and rejection. U makes me understand both.
And to go there, I will work on Isha and my Destiny. Once I overcome that, the rship will automatically be fine.
Osho
Live each moment so totally, so fully aware, that u never repent later on that u didn't live, that u could have lived more, that u could have enjoyed more. That's what intelligence is; to live life so totally that there is no repentance. One is always contented. One knows that one has to lived to one's utmost.
Soul
Same msg with Sadhguru - involvement to reach highest desitny.
Fear of frontal rejection (2)
Jan 5 Aft
What is needed for resolution
Guilt
This moment!...this herenow... Is forgotten when u start thinking in terms of achieving something. When the achieving mind arises, u lose contact with the paradise u r in.
When we punish ourselves for our failures by feeling guilty, we can get locked in a cycle of despair and hopelessness that robs us of all clarity about ourselves and the situations we encounter.
Resolution
Moment to moment
U can be present only if u r not ambitious - no accomplishment, no desire to achieve power, money, prestige, even enlightenment, because all ambitions leads u into the future.
A man who wants to be present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate. Experience will come, but experience has not to be premeditated
Be available to life.
Don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself off, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Amen.
Soul
Will no longer feel guilty about rejection. This is not about me.
Jan 5 Eve
Evening
Three person didn't show up but surprisingly am fine.
Last minute Sh agreed to come, after I given up on her. Also, St came and joined. The amazing thing is BH also agrees to join. So, we have 4 chinese in the class.
And I know I did a good sharing.
Father, taking rejection personally is an issue I will face. Tot of GM didn't want to join despite migraine, guess same as me didn't want to eat fruits despite RA pain, same as me didn't want to eat the lingzhi. It has nothing to do with the fruits or d gal. It is just me.
Today IE Sadhguru spoke of infinite desires. He spoke of the suffering due to failure of small desires is the same as failure of big desires. So, don't go choosing small desires, thinking there less risk of suffering.
He said that we r unhappy over any single unfulfilled desires, we forgot about the millions fulfilled ones.
He says if u aim high for the sky, perhaps u get the star. If u aim lower, ur own feet will get shot. So, our suffering is becos we aim small not because we aim big.
Soul
I would aim big. Go back to my original passion to be a Transformational leader. Coincidentally m reading Passion Test book.
Intention - state what u choose to create
Attention - pay attention to what u choose.
No tension - be open to moment by moment. Do not control. When u hold tightly to ur concepts of how things should, u shut off the flow life, which in turn prevents u from enjoying the fulfillment of living ur destiny.
E didn't reply my mail and sms, I took it personally for a few seconds and I move on. Somehow he got back to me....
What is needed for resolution
Guilt
This moment!...this herenow... Is forgotten when u start thinking in terms of achieving something. When the achieving mind arises, u lose contact with the paradise u r in.
When we punish ourselves for our failures by feeling guilty, we can get locked in a cycle of despair and hopelessness that robs us of all clarity about ourselves and the situations we encounter.
Resolution
Moment to moment
U can be present only if u r not ambitious - no accomplishment, no desire to achieve power, money, prestige, even enlightenment, because all ambitions leads u into the future.
A man who wants to be present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate. Experience will come, but experience has not to be premeditated
Be available to life.
Don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself off, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Amen.
Soul
Will no longer feel guilty about rejection. This is not about me.
Jan 5 Eve
Evening
Three person didn't show up but surprisingly am fine.
Last minute Sh agreed to come, after I given up on her. Also, St came and joined. The amazing thing is BH also agrees to join. So, we have 4 chinese in the class.
And I know I did a good sharing.
Father, taking rejection personally is an issue I will face. Tot of GM didn't want to join despite migraine, guess same as me didn't want to eat fruits despite RA pain, same as me didn't want to eat the lingzhi. It has nothing to do with the fruits or d gal. It is just me.
Today IE Sadhguru spoke of infinite desires. He spoke of the suffering due to failure of small desires is the same as failure of big desires. So, don't go choosing small desires, thinking there less risk of suffering.
He said that we r unhappy over any single unfulfilled desires, we forgot about the millions fulfilled ones.
He says if u aim high for the sky, perhaps u get the star. If u aim lower, ur own feet will get shot. So, our suffering is becos we aim small not because we aim big.
Soul
I would aim big. Go back to my original passion to be a Transformational leader. Coincidentally m reading Passion Test book.
Intention - state what u choose to create
Attention - pay attention to what u choose.
No tension - be open to moment by moment. Do not control. When u hold tightly to ur concepts of how things should, u shut off the flow life, which in turn prevents u from enjoying the fulfillment of living ur destiny.
E didn't reply my mail and sms, I took it personally for a few seconds and I move on. Somehow he got back to me....
Fear of frontal rejection
Jan 5
Father, I realised why I don't want to promote it to friends. Its because of rejection again. When I promote it to strangers, I don't take their rejection personally. Anyway, I have issued 3 invites to friends and all rejected. But this time I am fine. As for office colleagues, I don't want to becos I don't want to jeopardise my corporate image.
Its the same for public speaking and personal counseling. That's why I would choose public speaking vs personal counseling as the rejection is less personal.
Father, why do I take their refusal personally? Logically, its their own fear that prevents them for opening up and accepting tools for growth. I guess I took it that they don't accept me when they don't accept my recommendation.
That's also the reason I can't give the flyer during the reunion party.
Father, this rejection is being taken personally is much bigger issue then I tot of. And it is critical that I dealt with it. I know I had the insight of the 80% fixed loss and 20% extrapolating wins, and it help me to act and ease of fear of failure. But it is less easy to apply on personal rejection.
Father, some answers please. Now I know I have to deal with this issue with friends before I deal with partner.
Father, this morning I woke up fine. Did my practice and I tot this is hard work. But I have my dreams, so got to do. Who knows, payback time. I also emphatise why others couldn't do because they are already doing other things outside them. Whereas I am doing work inside me. I recalled my Creator card - he works on himself, his own being.
Suria was effortless, I find shakti and shambavi not great, but I reach contentment at the end.
Internal influence
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
Moment to moment, and with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. He carries nothing more than his purity, innocence and trust.
Your actions may appear foolish to others and even to urself. The zero number occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
I send invites to another 2 known friends. One has rejected many times and the other one totally knew. Just spread it. I need to work on not taking rejection personally. I sent out to others who has rejected the invites, and whom I think won't attend. Anyway as long as I think it will help them, I will share and if they r not open, I will not take it personally.
Father, promoting Isha let me overcome my issue of taking rejection personally.
Nine of Spade
There will be death in ur life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like snake shedding its skin, to arrive at a new and better place each time we do so.
It cleared away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we r much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
I am now willing to share my insights or Isha. I no longer take rejection personally. And it is not a failure.
The fool
In the beginning, it is going to be very difficult. The world will start taking advantage of u ... let them. They r poor fellows. Even if u r cheated, deceived and robbed, let it happen, because that which is really yours cannot be robbed from u, that which is really yours nobody can steal from u.
And each time u don't allow situations to corrupt u, that opportunity will become an integration inside. Ur soul will become more crystalised.
Soul
Amen
Father, I realised why I don't want to promote it to friends. Its because of rejection again. When I promote it to strangers, I don't take their rejection personally. Anyway, I have issued 3 invites to friends and all rejected. But this time I am fine. As for office colleagues, I don't want to becos I don't want to jeopardise my corporate image.
Its the same for public speaking and personal counseling. That's why I would choose public speaking vs personal counseling as the rejection is less personal.
Father, why do I take their refusal personally? Logically, its their own fear that prevents them for opening up and accepting tools for growth. I guess I took it that they don't accept me when they don't accept my recommendation.
That's also the reason I can't give the flyer during the reunion party.
Father, this rejection is being taken personally is much bigger issue then I tot of. And it is critical that I dealt with it. I know I had the insight of the 80% fixed loss and 20% extrapolating wins, and it help me to act and ease of fear of failure. But it is less easy to apply on personal rejection.
Father, some answers please. Now I know I have to deal with this issue with friends before I deal with partner.
Father, this morning I woke up fine. Did my practice and I tot this is hard work. But I have my dreams, so got to do. Who knows, payback time. I also emphatise why others couldn't do because they are already doing other things outside them. Whereas I am doing work inside me. I recalled my Creator card - he works on himself, his own being.
Suria was effortless, I find shakti and shambavi not great, but I reach contentment at the end.
Internal influence
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
Moment to moment, and with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. He carries nothing more than his purity, innocence and trust.
Your actions may appear foolish to others and even to urself. The zero number occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
I send invites to another 2 known friends. One has rejected many times and the other one totally knew. Just spread it. I need to work on not taking rejection personally. I sent out to others who has rejected the invites, and whom I think won't attend. Anyway as long as I think it will help them, I will share and if they r not open, I will not take it personally.
Father, promoting Isha let me overcome my issue of taking rejection personally.
Nine of Spade
There will be death in ur life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like snake shedding its skin, to arrive at a new and better place each time we do so.
It cleared away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we r much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
I am now willing to share my insights or Isha. I no longer take rejection personally. And it is not a failure.
The fool
In the beginning, it is going to be very difficult. The world will start taking advantage of u ... let them. They r poor fellows. Even if u r cheated, deceived and robbed, let it happen, because that which is really yours cannot be robbed from u, that which is really yours nobody can steal from u.
And each time u don't allow situations to corrupt u, that opportunity will become an integration inside. Ur soul will become more crystalised.
Soul
Amen
Facing my karma in relationship (3)
Jan 4 Aft
Osho
Seeing ur mind as childish, u can also see that u r not the mind - otherwise, who is seeing the mind as childish? There is something beyond the mind.
The very awareness brings the transformation; it is not that after being aware u have to do something to make the change.
Soul
Just like me seeing my compulsive mind on relationship, my childish mind on my destiny.
Osho
U r only looking at the mind. U have forgotten completely who is looking at it. Watch the mind, but don't forget the Watcher - because ur reality is centred in the Watcher, not in the mind. And the Watcher is always a fully grown-up, mature, centered consciousness. It needs no growth.
And once u become aware that the mind is only an instrument in the hands of ur witnessing soul, then there is no problem, the mind can be used in the right way. Now the master is awake and the servant can be ordered to do whatever is needed.
Intelligence belongs to the watching consciousness. Memory belongs to the mind.
If ur watcher is clear, then the body takes care of its own functions, the mind takes care of its own functions, the heart takes care of its own function. Nobody interferes in each other work. And life becomes a harmony, an orchestra.
Soul
Now the compulsive tots on rship still come, but I am able to waive them away. How about the childish tot on my destiny? I also waived it away. This morning, I responded to teacher mail.
Osho
Seeing ur mind as childish, u can also see that u r not the mind - otherwise, who is seeing the mind as childish? There is something beyond the mind.
The very awareness brings the transformation; it is not that after being aware u have to do something to make the change.
Soul
Just like me seeing my compulsive mind on relationship, my childish mind on my destiny.
Osho
U r only looking at the mind. U have forgotten completely who is looking at it. Watch the mind, but don't forget the Watcher - because ur reality is centred in the Watcher, not in the mind. And the Watcher is always a fully grown-up, mature, centered consciousness. It needs no growth.
And once u become aware that the mind is only an instrument in the hands of ur witnessing soul, then there is no problem, the mind can be used in the right way. Now the master is awake and the servant can be ordered to do whatever is needed.
Intelligence belongs to the watching consciousness. Memory belongs to the mind.
If ur watcher is clear, then the body takes care of its own functions, the mind takes care of its own functions, the heart takes care of its own function. Nobody interferes in each other work. And life becomes a harmony, an orchestra.
Soul
Now the compulsive tots on rship still come, but I am able to waive them away. How about the childish tot on my destiny? I also waived it away. This morning, I responded to teacher mail.
Don't get stuck, just move
Jan 4
Osho
3. External Influence u r aware.
Laziness.
When u r lazy, it is a negative taste; u simply feel u have no energy, u simply feel dull, u simply feel dead.
When u r non-doing, u r full of energy, radiant, perfectly aware.
The mind can trick u and rationalise laziness as non-doing.
The msg says that this poolside resort is not ur final destination. The journey isn't over. Ur complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on. No matter how fuzzy the slippers, how tasty the pina colada, there are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Guilt
Guilt is one of the most destructive emotions in which we can get caught. To let ourselves be overwhelmed with guilt is to invite a migraine. We end up surrounded by nagging clouds of self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness to the point where we cannot see any of the beauty and joy that life is trying to offer us.
U r absolutely ok as u are, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on and use the lesson not to make same mistake again.
5. The Understanding
Moment to Moment
The past is no more and the future is not yet.
The present is the golden gate. And u can be in the present only if u r not ambitious - no accomplishment, because ambition leads u into the future.
A man who wants to be present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate. Experience will come but experience has not be premeditated.
Step lightly and non-seriously, and at the same time absolutely balanced and alert.
Life is a great ocean u can play if u drop all ur judgements, ur preferences, and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans. Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself of, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Father, I felt great today. I have not felt this energetic for a longwhile now. Infact, for the past few weeks, I felt sleepy during breathing awareness.
I finally found the key. To accept my natural resistance in my path. Don't have to feel guilty for having the resistance despite wanting. It is at times ok to have the cake and eat it too. I never seem to be able to do that. Forever, conscientious.
Sadhguru
Don't waste ur life trying to look better than someone else. Instead of looking at what u want in ur life, first establish ur way of being. Once u have set ur priority as to how u want to be, then whatever has to come will come. It depends on how capable u r to make things happen. But first settle how u want to be.
Soul
Father, was disappointed in F. I was curious and she view it as patronising. She really has an issue. How come they don't mind how they show up when they proclaimed that they on the path?
So, looks like I m hard on myself. I would have felt guilty for even thinking, don't talk about telling it out.
Anyway, I apologised and she shared that I sounded like the boss. She still has issue on superiority complex to work on.
Osho
People who don't feel fed up with themselves are in a wrong situation; they are in danger, they will never change. There is no need for them to change. They will go on revolving in the wheel - they are mechanical people.
The first ray of consciousness in u - that u feel fed up.
Soul
Exactly. People tell me why bother and etc. I didn't listen and I proceed.
Father, I seem to have guilts cos too high a conscience. Loosen up and I may loosen my joints too.
Osho
When u r fed up, just sit silently with closed eyes, not doing anything. Start sitting passively and do more passive meditations.
And through that inwardness, ur centering will arise. Through that awareness, new interests, new enthusiasm, new style, a new way to live will come.
Soul
I am on the right track.
Osho
Stand on the crossroads, think, meditate, but once u decide then forgot all other alternatives - move.
Once u decide to move, your whole energy is needed there. Don't be split and don't let half of ur mind think of alternatives. There is no certainty that u r bound to be right. U may be wrong but there is no way to know it unless u follow the road to the very end, all the way.
U move on the road - right or wrong is irrelevant. The very moment gives u growth. To me it is not the question of where u go. To me, the most important thing is that u r not stuck, but going. Even if this road comes to a dead end and it leads nowhere and u have to come back, nothing to worry about. It is good that u went.
And one has to move many wrong roads before one comes to the right one.
The only important thing is not to be stuck somewhere. Don't just stand on the crossroads, hesitating, not going anywhere. Don't make hesitation ur habit.
Osho
3. External Influence u r aware.
Laziness.
When u r lazy, it is a negative taste; u simply feel u have no energy, u simply feel dull, u simply feel dead.
When u r non-doing, u r full of energy, radiant, perfectly aware.
The mind can trick u and rationalise laziness as non-doing.
The msg says that this poolside resort is not ur final destination. The journey isn't over. Ur complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on. No matter how fuzzy the slippers, how tasty the pina colada, there are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Guilt
Guilt is one of the most destructive emotions in which we can get caught. To let ourselves be overwhelmed with guilt is to invite a migraine. We end up surrounded by nagging clouds of self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness to the point where we cannot see any of the beauty and joy that life is trying to offer us.
U r absolutely ok as u are, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on and use the lesson not to make same mistake again.
5. The Understanding
Moment to Moment
The past is no more and the future is not yet.
The present is the golden gate. And u can be in the present only if u r not ambitious - no accomplishment, because ambition leads u into the future.
A man who wants to be present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate. Experience will come but experience has not be premeditated.
Step lightly and non-seriously, and at the same time absolutely balanced and alert.
Life is a great ocean u can play if u drop all ur judgements, ur preferences, and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans. Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself of, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Father, I felt great today. I have not felt this energetic for a longwhile now. Infact, for the past few weeks, I felt sleepy during breathing awareness.
I finally found the key. To accept my natural resistance in my path. Don't have to feel guilty for having the resistance despite wanting. It is at times ok to have the cake and eat it too. I never seem to be able to do that. Forever, conscientious.
Sadhguru
Don't waste ur life trying to look better than someone else. Instead of looking at what u want in ur life, first establish ur way of being. Once u have set ur priority as to how u want to be, then whatever has to come will come. It depends on how capable u r to make things happen. But first settle how u want to be.
Soul
Father, was disappointed in F. I was curious and she view it as patronising. She really has an issue. How come they don't mind how they show up when they proclaimed that they on the path?
So, looks like I m hard on myself. I would have felt guilty for even thinking, don't talk about telling it out.
Anyway, I apologised and she shared that I sounded like the boss. She still has issue on superiority complex to work on.
Osho
People who don't feel fed up with themselves are in a wrong situation; they are in danger, they will never change. There is no need for them to change. They will go on revolving in the wheel - they are mechanical people.
The first ray of consciousness in u - that u feel fed up.
Soul
Exactly. People tell me why bother and etc. I didn't listen and I proceed.
Father, I seem to have guilts cos too high a conscience. Loosen up and I may loosen my joints too.
Osho
When u r fed up, just sit silently with closed eyes, not doing anything. Start sitting passively and do more passive meditations.
And through that inwardness, ur centering will arise. Through that awareness, new interests, new enthusiasm, new style, a new way to live will come.
Soul
I am on the right track.
Osho
Stand on the crossroads, think, meditate, but once u decide then forgot all other alternatives - move.
Once u decide to move, your whole energy is needed there. Don't be split and don't let half of ur mind think of alternatives. There is no certainty that u r bound to be right. U may be wrong but there is no way to know it unless u follow the road to the very end, all the way.
U move on the road - right or wrong is irrelevant. The very moment gives u growth. To me it is not the question of where u go. To me, the most important thing is that u r not stuck, but going. Even if this road comes to a dead end and it leads nowhere and u have to come back, nothing to worry about. It is good that u went.
And one has to move many wrong roads before one comes to the right one.
The only important thing is not to be stuck somewhere. Don't just stand on the crossroads, hesitating, not going anywhere. Don't make hesitation ur habit.
Resistant towards Destiny
Jan 3 Eve
Spoke to a friend about me wanting an answer on why I have resistance. Why am I still angry? Why do I still feel the enforced authority? I told her I got an Insight to read Walt Whitman poetry, but could not find in bookshop. I know I needed to push through the resistance cos RA is acting up, whenever I resist growth.
She brush it off and said its my mind working overtime. That's why I cannot find the answer is becos I am being analytical, not trusting the Universe. She says I have linked the pain with no growth. She says that our mind is limited and we cannot use it to help us spiritually. Spirituality is limitless.
Soul
I didn't like the preaching and cut it short. But I noted the part on not trusting Universe. I continued with my work. In the evening, a tot occurred to me to check out google. So, I did and amazingly got it at first try and even found the particular poem recommended by Natal Chart. I am pleased cos on the right track.
Father, U have always been with me. These days, while I skip the compulsive tots, I don't deny the strength of the mind. Infact, Sadhguru said that the mind is a powerful tool and we need to harness it before we can unleash it to full potential.
Osho
1. The Issue
The Creator
The King of Fire tells us that anything that we undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enrichment to our own lives and to the lives of others. Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from ur own life experience, it is time to express urself.
Soul
Another msg of involvement. Telling me to ignore my resistance and to proceed.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
The Fool
Moment to moment, with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around u. Whatsoever experience comes to u, let it happen and then go on dropping it. Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past.
Your actions may appear foolish to others, or even to yourself, if u try to analyse it with a rational mind.
Soul
Father, why do I have to go thru all the drama in this path. I seem to go thru the hard way, putting loads of resistance, screaming unfairness, eventhough I knew its the right track. Its like a child, an immature one. Such contradiction to my mature self. Such irony, I who always take pride in my mental maturity is actually emotionally immature. From the BSP, Theetakhoon, guru Pooja to shakti to samyama to kanji, I have been crying and wailing like a child
Answer came; Jack of Club in Pluto for Destiny Card and Queen of Spade in Pluto for Ruling Card
Queen of Spades in Pluto for Ruling (Jack of Club in Result)
U r attempting to develop a sense of mastery from within and u r indeed asking for a lot. Self-mastery comes from inner knowledge and self control. It comes from controlling one's tots, attitudes, beliefs, words and actions guided by higher principles. It is knowing that u can have everything u want, not by changing the world, but by changing yourself.
It can be drudgery and hard labour and u probably be doing work that u find somewhat distasteful or tedious. Spades are work, and the Queen uses her work as Karma Yoga, a tool to purify her tots and emotions.
U will have to make some changes both within and outside of urself to achieve this goal and it will not always be easy.
Affirmation - I develop my capacity to transform my life by changing my beliefs, tots, ideas and concepts of the world. I become the master of my self.
Jack of Club as Result
U will achieve much more creativity and success in a mental field. This could mean success as a writer of some kind.
Affirmation - I achieve success as a writer or idea person in one of the mental fields. I revolutionise my thinking.
(Jan 30 - Father, I have finally embarked on my writing career. I have faced my Seven of Club in Saturn and now facing Seven of Spade in Cosmic Lesson and for the first time in 5 years, I am facing 52 days card of Seven of Heart. I am fine, cos I am ready. I know that I need to face the Seven of Spade before I can reach my dream of Queen of Spade)
Soul
Suddenly tot that if what I want is self-mastery, no wonder I keep on attracting situation that force me to master myself. And it is a real challenging and tiring to do it every time for my personality. I always take pride in not having to work. I deflate working and now I have to work double hard on myself. Working within is doubly hard than physical working outside.
Even worse is now I know I want to do writing that light up people's mind and that means the more I need to master myself, it become a Must have instead of Nice to have. Previously its for RA, but now for Writing.
So, it is real drudgery. Let me not feel guilty for feeling resentful at times. Let me emphatise with myself. Let me acknowledge that it is drudgery and at times, I really don't want to do it and I need not feel guilty, eg. the kanji incident in ashram, the bakshi hall. Let me accept that I would have resistance and its ok cos in the end, I will persevere. Let me be willing to let my resistance shows up. They needed a voice, otherwise, it will push authority again.
Father, amen.
Jack of Club in Pluto for Destiny (Nine of Diamond in Result)
Challenge is to make a conscious effort to achieve my goal to develop the creativity to be successful in a mental field of interest, perhaps as a writer or an initiation into higher knowledge. Challenge to deal with these creative, youthful and often immature energies of Jack of Clubs.
Affirmation. I transform myself to become more mentally creative and successful. To begin a new and better life on an intellectual level.
Nine of Diamond in Result
Completion of some values that we have been holding on, could also be work or a certain pursuit. This could be pursuit of some financial goal, some relationship or some other "thing" that is valued.
When u let go, we experience a feeling of freedom and exhilaration as we move on to the next level in our personal devt. Endings are only disappointments to those who are not conscious of what is really going on in their life and who have no faith in life or love.
Affirmation - I learn to release financial worries and to flow with the cycle of abundance in my life. I learn to give things away.
Soul
I asked why others doesn't have my issue of conflict. Answer came, they don't even know what's their destiny, so cannot experience the conflict within and without.
For me, I know what's my destiny and the path to go, but I faced such conflict.
A tot just came. We generally faced the Ruling Card's Pluto challenge before we can meet Destiny Card's Pluto. Like for me, only when I have overcome some of the Ruling Pluto card challenge of Queen of Spade - self mastery, that I start to have result in Jack of Club - interest in writing.
Once that started, I faced the Destiny Card's challenge of becoming a successful Writer.
Once I overcome that, my whole value would changed and I would also be changing my career plan.
Spoke to a friend about me wanting an answer on why I have resistance. Why am I still angry? Why do I still feel the enforced authority? I told her I got an Insight to read Walt Whitman poetry, but could not find in bookshop. I know I needed to push through the resistance cos RA is acting up, whenever I resist growth.
She brush it off and said its my mind working overtime. That's why I cannot find the answer is becos I am being analytical, not trusting the Universe. She says I have linked the pain with no growth. She says that our mind is limited and we cannot use it to help us spiritually. Spirituality is limitless.
Soul
I didn't like the preaching and cut it short. But I noted the part on not trusting Universe. I continued with my work. In the evening, a tot occurred to me to check out google. So, I did and amazingly got it at first try and even found the particular poem recommended by Natal Chart. I am pleased cos on the right track.
Father, U have always been with me. These days, while I skip the compulsive tots, I don't deny the strength of the mind. Infact, Sadhguru said that the mind is a powerful tool and we need to harness it before we can unleash it to full potential.
Osho
1. The Issue
The Creator
The King of Fire tells us that anything that we undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enrichment to our own lives and to the lives of others. Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from ur own life experience, it is time to express urself.
Soul
Another msg of involvement. Telling me to ignore my resistance and to proceed.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
The Fool
Moment to moment, with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around u. Whatsoever experience comes to u, let it happen and then go on dropping it. Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past.
Your actions may appear foolish to others, or even to yourself, if u try to analyse it with a rational mind.
Soul
Father, why do I have to go thru all the drama in this path. I seem to go thru the hard way, putting loads of resistance, screaming unfairness, eventhough I knew its the right track. Its like a child, an immature one. Such contradiction to my mature self. Such irony, I who always take pride in my mental maturity is actually emotionally immature. From the BSP, Theetakhoon, guru Pooja to shakti to samyama to kanji, I have been crying and wailing like a child
Answer came; Jack of Club in Pluto for Destiny Card and Queen of Spade in Pluto for Ruling Card
Queen of Spades in Pluto for Ruling (Jack of Club in Result)
U r attempting to develop a sense of mastery from within and u r indeed asking for a lot. Self-mastery comes from inner knowledge and self control. It comes from controlling one's tots, attitudes, beliefs, words and actions guided by higher principles. It is knowing that u can have everything u want, not by changing the world, but by changing yourself.
It can be drudgery and hard labour and u probably be doing work that u find somewhat distasteful or tedious. Spades are work, and the Queen uses her work as Karma Yoga, a tool to purify her tots and emotions.
U will have to make some changes both within and outside of urself to achieve this goal and it will not always be easy.
Affirmation - I develop my capacity to transform my life by changing my beliefs, tots, ideas and concepts of the world. I become the master of my self.
Jack of Club as Result
U will achieve much more creativity and success in a mental field. This could mean success as a writer of some kind.
Affirmation - I achieve success as a writer or idea person in one of the mental fields. I revolutionise my thinking.
(Jan 30 - Father, I have finally embarked on my writing career. I have faced my Seven of Club in Saturn and now facing Seven of Spade in Cosmic Lesson and for the first time in 5 years, I am facing 52 days card of Seven of Heart. I am fine, cos I am ready. I know that I need to face the Seven of Spade before I can reach my dream of Queen of Spade)
Soul
Suddenly tot that if what I want is self-mastery, no wonder I keep on attracting situation that force me to master myself. And it is a real challenging and tiring to do it every time for my personality. I always take pride in not having to work. I deflate working and now I have to work double hard on myself. Working within is doubly hard than physical working outside.
Even worse is now I know I want to do writing that light up people's mind and that means the more I need to master myself, it become a Must have instead of Nice to have. Previously its for RA, but now for Writing.
So, it is real drudgery. Let me not feel guilty for feeling resentful at times. Let me emphatise with myself. Let me acknowledge that it is drudgery and at times, I really don't want to do it and I need not feel guilty, eg. the kanji incident in ashram, the bakshi hall. Let me accept that I would have resistance and its ok cos in the end, I will persevere. Let me be willing to let my resistance shows up. They needed a voice, otherwise, it will push authority again.
Father, amen.
Jack of Club in Pluto for Destiny (Nine of Diamond in Result)
Challenge is to make a conscious effort to achieve my goal to develop the creativity to be successful in a mental field of interest, perhaps as a writer or an initiation into higher knowledge. Challenge to deal with these creative, youthful and often immature energies of Jack of Clubs.
Affirmation. I transform myself to become more mentally creative and successful. To begin a new and better life on an intellectual level.
Nine of Diamond in Result
Completion of some values that we have been holding on, could also be work or a certain pursuit. This could be pursuit of some financial goal, some relationship or some other "thing" that is valued.
When u let go, we experience a feeling of freedom and exhilaration as we move on to the next level in our personal devt. Endings are only disappointments to those who are not conscious of what is really going on in their life and who have no faith in life or love.
Affirmation - I learn to release financial worries and to flow with the cycle of abundance in my life. I learn to give things away.
Soul
I asked why others doesn't have my issue of conflict. Answer came, they don't even know what's their destiny, so cannot experience the conflict within and without.
For me, I know what's my destiny and the path to go, but I faced such conflict.
A tot just came. We generally faced the Ruling Card's Pluto challenge before we can meet Destiny Card's Pluto. Like for me, only when I have overcome some of the Ruling Pluto card challenge of Queen of Spade - self mastery, that I start to have result in Jack of Club - interest in writing.
Once that started, I faced the Destiny Card's challenge of becoming a successful Writer.
Once I overcome that, my whole value would changed and I would also be changing my career plan.
Lifting veil on authority, which is cause of RA
Jan 3 Aft
Father, feeling bit edgy cos PA selection not going well. But then I remember PA effortless. Called the headhunter and we got another candidate. And the good news is that the selection is correct.
Father, what am I angry about?? Why I still have resistant to follow?
(Jan 24 - Got the PA and she is a good one. So, PA is effortless. Now, the next step is love life is effortless)
Osho
1. The Issue.
The Creator
The mystic creates himself. He works on his own being. He makes himself into a masterpiece. He is so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is in the world outside. He offers this gift of understanding and integration to all those who come to him, the gift of creative light that comes from within
Father, when I read this I felt guilty. Part of me always think that I have more to do to prove myself. But of course, I project it to U and says that since U have given me so many blessings, then U wanted me to payback.
Its ok, need not feel guilty. Just be myself.
Father, my anger at U for 'authority', forcing me to grow. Again, its back to that. Let me see.
Father, feeling bit edgy cos PA selection not going well. But then I remember PA effortless. Called the headhunter and we got another candidate. And the good news is that the selection is correct.
Father, what am I angry about?? Why I still have resistant to follow?
(Jan 24 - Got the PA and she is a good one. So, PA is effortless. Now, the next step is love life is effortless)
Osho
1. The Issue.
The Creator
The mystic creates himself. He works on his own being. He makes himself into a masterpiece. He is so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is in the world outside. He offers this gift of understanding and integration to all those who come to him, the gift of creative light that comes from within
Father, when I read this I felt guilty. Part of me always think that I have more to do to prove myself. But of course, I project it to U and says that since U have given me so many blessings, then U wanted me to payback.
Its ok, need not feel guilty. Just be myself.
Father, my anger at U for 'authority', forcing me to grow. Again, its back to that. Let me see.
Involvement is the Key to Life
Jan 3
Father, I will take up public speaking. Counseling nope.
Father, these few days breathing awareness, I can't seem to go into the connection. I watch my breathe but just aware and tot that I lost it. Tot I may need to proceed to samyama instead. When I was driving and watching my breathe, I too was conscious. Then I tot maybe, I can already do the breathe awareness without getting high. May be an improvement instead.
Father, thanks for Suria. This morning woke up with pain on left wrist, right elbow and right knee and ankle. I tot I cannot do suria and was planning to do asanas instead. But when I took the stand after guru pooja, I said, just let my body decide and it did suria. First cycle was bit difficult, but little pain and it was effortless thereafter. Thank U.
Yday message on Unleashing ur mind, go all the way.
Osho
An average American spend five to six hours a day looking at the television, being a spectator.
You have left the whole of life for others to live on ur behalf, and u ask where the meaning has gone; why u don't feel alive, why there is not some significance in ur life. Spectators cannot have significance - only participants, totally involved, intensely involved in every action.
It is doing that keeps ur juices running. If u r simply watching, ur own juices dry up. U just become a skeleton.
But the trouble is unless u start feeling some meaning in ur life, some joy arising in u, some fragrance surrounding u, u cannot fight for life. And life needs, for the first time in the history of man, to be fought for.
Meditation will create the necessary atmosphere. It will bring u back to action, back to love, back to meaning. And then, naturally u will see that it is time for something to be done. This beautiful earth should not die.
Don't be only a spectator. Rather, than just remaining in ur misery, start finding sources of life and mystery within urself. That is the only possibility for saving the whole world.
Soul
Same msg as Sadhguru - involvement. And frankly, I have been the most involved in my life. But I guess its still on selective mode.
Just got mail on new sathsang format. Saw that invocation is sahana vavatu and I can see resistance coming up. I guess I tot I was doing this as a favour and now its like more things to do. Father, thank U for the msg on involvement and willingness and for the pain. Cos, at least now I am acknowledging my resistance.
(Jan 24 - it turns out that I only need to do the sharing. So, being a sathsang guide is effortless)
Father, I will take up public speaking. Counseling nope.
Father, these few days breathing awareness, I can't seem to go into the connection. I watch my breathe but just aware and tot that I lost it. Tot I may need to proceed to samyama instead. When I was driving and watching my breathe, I too was conscious. Then I tot maybe, I can already do the breathe awareness without getting high. May be an improvement instead.
Father, thanks for Suria. This morning woke up with pain on left wrist, right elbow and right knee and ankle. I tot I cannot do suria and was planning to do asanas instead. But when I took the stand after guru pooja, I said, just let my body decide and it did suria. First cycle was bit difficult, but little pain and it was effortless thereafter. Thank U.
Yday message on Unleashing ur mind, go all the way.
Osho
An average American spend five to six hours a day looking at the television, being a spectator.
You have left the whole of life for others to live on ur behalf, and u ask where the meaning has gone; why u don't feel alive, why there is not some significance in ur life. Spectators cannot have significance - only participants, totally involved, intensely involved in every action.
It is doing that keeps ur juices running. If u r simply watching, ur own juices dry up. U just become a skeleton.
But the trouble is unless u start feeling some meaning in ur life, some joy arising in u, some fragrance surrounding u, u cannot fight for life. And life needs, for the first time in the history of man, to be fought for.
Meditation will create the necessary atmosphere. It will bring u back to action, back to love, back to meaning. And then, naturally u will see that it is time for something to be done. This beautiful earth should not die.
Don't be only a spectator. Rather, than just remaining in ur misery, start finding sources of life and mystery within urself. That is the only possibility for saving the whole world.
Soul
Same msg as Sadhguru - involvement. And frankly, I have been the most involved in my life. But I guess its still on selective mode.
Just got mail on new sathsang format. Saw that invocation is sahana vavatu and I can see resistance coming up. I guess I tot I was doing this as a favour and now its like more things to do. Father, thank U for the msg on involvement and willingness and for the pain. Cos, at least now I am acknowledging my resistance.
(Jan 24 - it turns out that I only need to do the sharing. So, being a sathsang guide is effortless)
Ligthing up others' mind
Jan 2 2011
Father, my hands are feeling bit numb, as if blood circulation is not enough. Don't know why except that I haven't blog or write for past 2 weeks, didn't swim for past 2 weeks too. I missed my swim.
Father, no reply from E. This would have spammed me to a mental compulsion activity. Surprisingly this time, nope. Tots do come in, but I don't want to be hooked.
(Jan 24 - Father, finally facing my fear in relationships. And this time,you even remove the self-control mechanism. So, this is not easy. But I have my practices to counter the negativity, so it is not that bad.)
Evening
Father, a close friend opened up about her marriage issue. I wasn't prepared for it but m glad I managed to light up her mind so that she can explore her alternatives. I was able to give her my insight on Givers being major Takers.
The other friend with Jack of Heart, finally face her lessons in one go. When she told me about her new job, I could see the challenges.
Both friends can be stubborn and refused to change their belief and they now have arthritis. I told them its because of their resistance to change and grow. I also told them that I have it too.
Funny, the book Unleashing Ur mind is with me now. Same as the dvd. Some msg here.
Sadhguru
Involvement is not an act; involvement is a certain willingness towards life. You have become willing to the process of life. If u get identified, u r becoming unwilling to the process of life. You are only willing in selection; with the rest of life, u r not willing. It is this unwillingness which is scaling down the aliveness in a human being.
(Jan 24 - yea, want the high but not the low of relationship. )
Soul
Father, my right elbow is bit painful. What is it, tell me? What am I still resisting? Well, food is one of them. I also resist being a counselor. Today I gave her my input because I want to help her. I don't want to be speaker and counselor because I am not sure of its success despite taking so much energy. Also, to be speaker and counselor, its outright rejection or failure. When u write, u can be anonymous. When we don't see each other, there is nothing to reject. I said its smart to reach masses than individual. It pays more using same energy. I guess this is a classic case of devaluation again. Here I said nope and its turn up in Y and B. Y from out of blue. B, someone who I tot doesn't want input and now says wants to.
Also glad J finally says she wants alternative career, in teaching. Alas, my insights works.
(Jan 24 - I am on track in helping others to find their inner light in self transformation)
Sadhguru
If u take away the willingness, the process of life naturally becomes a suffering. Whatever u do willingly, that's ur heaven. Whatever u do unwillingly, that's ur hell. So, the difference is just willingness and unwillingness.
So, if the circus of the mind has to become a symphony, if it has to rise to its crescendo, u cannot be selectively involved. U have to go full swing, otherwise it cannot happen in a beautiful way. If u r going all out with life, that itself will settle the mind.
Soul
I am selecting the part I want to play in my destiny as Transformational leader.
Father, u gave me the book because U know I didn't get the whole msg in dvd and u know book is a better access to me. Amen.
Sadhguru
If u really want to unleash the mind - not control the mind - if u truly want to unleash the power of the mind, the fundamental thing is, ur intellect should not be identified with anything. Then ur perception comes to such clarity and the mind naturally organises itself; nobody has to organise the mind. It is naturally well-organised. Only because the perception is so distorted, its function and its outcome are also distorted.
Once u r blissful by ur own nature, ur life becomes an expression of ur blissfulness, not in pursuit of happiness and that's the shift that needs to happen in every life.
Soul
Father, I still have resistant on my destiny. I am still afraid to fail. Writing is the safest among all and even if I don't succeed, I don't have to face people who doesn't accept me. But counseling and public speaking is momentous.
GM says she enjoys it. I don't enjoy it. I know I can do it, but I can't enjoy it because it is putting myself up for upfront rejection. Alas, my issue about losing energy is just an excuse. Perhaps energy gone becos I was worried about outcome, rather than others depleting me.
When I was doing my Passion List, I realised I cut out things. I also realised I wasn't as enthusiastic as I did a year ago. Father, is this the resistance ????
(Jan 24 - yeap, the fear of not achieving)
Father, my hands are feeling bit numb, as if blood circulation is not enough. Don't know why except that I haven't blog or write for past 2 weeks, didn't swim for past 2 weeks too. I missed my swim.
Father, no reply from E. This would have spammed me to a mental compulsion activity. Surprisingly this time, nope. Tots do come in, but I don't want to be hooked.
(Jan 24 - Father, finally facing my fear in relationships. And this time,you even remove the self-control mechanism. So, this is not easy. But I have my practices to counter the negativity, so it is not that bad.)
Evening
Father, a close friend opened up about her marriage issue. I wasn't prepared for it but m glad I managed to light up her mind so that she can explore her alternatives. I was able to give her my insight on Givers being major Takers.
The other friend with Jack of Heart, finally face her lessons in one go. When she told me about her new job, I could see the challenges.
Both friends can be stubborn and refused to change their belief and they now have arthritis. I told them its because of their resistance to change and grow. I also told them that I have it too.
Funny, the book Unleashing Ur mind is with me now. Same as the dvd. Some msg here.
Sadhguru
Involvement is not an act; involvement is a certain willingness towards life. You have become willing to the process of life. If u get identified, u r becoming unwilling to the process of life. You are only willing in selection; with the rest of life, u r not willing. It is this unwillingness which is scaling down the aliveness in a human being.
(Jan 24 - yea, want the high but not the low of relationship. )
Soul
Father, my right elbow is bit painful. What is it, tell me? What am I still resisting? Well, food is one of them. I also resist being a counselor. Today I gave her my input because I want to help her. I don't want to be speaker and counselor because I am not sure of its success despite taking so much energy. Also, to be speaker and counselor, its outright rejection or failure. When u write, u can be anonymous. When we don't see each other, there is nothing to reject. I said its smart to reach masses than individual. It pays more using same energy. I guess this is a classic case of devaluation again. Here I said nope and its turn up in Y and B. Y from out of blue. B, someone who I tot doesn't want input and now says wants to.
Also glad J finally says she wants alternative career, in teaching. Alas, my insights works.
(Jan 24 - I am on track in helping others to find their inner light in self transformation)
Sadhguru
If u take away the willingness, the process of life naturally becomes a suffering. Whatever u do willingly, that's ur heaven. Whatever u do unwillingly, that's ur hell. So, the difference is just willingness and unwillingness.
So, if the circus of the mind has to become a symphony, if it has to rise to its crescendo, u cannot be selectively involved. U have to go full swing, otherwise it cannot happen in a beautiful way. If u r going all out with life, that itself will settle the mind.
Soul
I am selecting the part I want to play in my destiny as Transformational leader.
Father, u gave me the book because U know I didn't get the whole msg in dvd and u know book is a better access to me. Amen.
Sadhguru
If u really want to unleash the mind - not control the mind - if u truly want to unleash the power of the mind, the fundamental thing is, ur intellect should not be identified with anything. Then ur perception comes to such clarity and the mind naturally organises itself; nobody has to organise the mind. It is naturally well-organised. Only because the perception is so distorted, its function and its outcome are also distorted.
Once u r blissful by ur own nature, ur life becomes an expression of ur blissfulness, not in pursuit of happiness and that's the shift that needs to happen in every life.
Soul
Father, I still have resistant on my destiny. I am still afraid to fail. Writing is the safest among all and even if I don't succeed, I don't have to face people who doesn't accept me. But counseling and public speaking is momentous.
GM says she enjoys it. I don't enjoy it. I know I can do it, but I can't enjoy it because it is putting myself up for upfront rejection. Alas, my issue about losing energy is just an excuse. Perhaps energy gone becos I was worried about outcome, rather than others depleting me.
When I was doing my Passion List, I realised I cut out things. I also realised I wasn't as enthusiastic as I did a year ago. Father, is this the resistance ????
(Jan 24 - yeap, the fear of not achieving)
Facing my karma in relationship
Jan 1 2011
Father, yday rec new year greeting from Z; someone whom I tot wouldn't contact me and I forgot about it. Then this morning rec msg from E. I replied and there is no answer. Can see my ego on compulsive mode, but it didn't affect my emotion. Whenever compulsion came, I just say Love is effortless to me.
My next Saturn period from Feb is Seven of Heart - challenges in relationship. Being challenged now to practice non-attachment in ur closest relationships and to overcome ur fears of abandonment. Learning unconditional love and non-attachment in rships.
Father, surprisingly, I am not afraid. I now know my mental compulsion and it is not ME. Besides Love is effortless to me, so I will be able to learn.
Great thing is that results if Four of Hearts, so I know I be fine with my tools.
(Jan 24 - Now that time is coming near, and with the breakdown of my self-control wall, I am no longer that confident. I can now feel all the emotions within...bit scary. When its good, its great, when its not good..its bad...I justfeel such unease, miss him and don't want to feel it. But I recall that this is a defensive mode. So, if I miss him and want him, just let the feelings be. It will pass on.)
Yeap, Ruling's card is Four of Club - u have great power in positive thinking now, power of the mind can be used to heal urself or remove obstacles from ur path. Any skepticism u display now is not in harmony with ur inner beliefs.
Ace of Spade in Saturn - it is the card of transformation. There are parts of urself that are due for a change, this is probably the time when it will happen.
Father, thanks for the motivation. Coincidentally, just yday I told U that I am willing to go thru the learnings.
The Passion test - Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood
Clarity is critical to success. Clarity leads to power - the power to act - which is the basis of achievement, fulfillment, and happiness in life. Without a clear direction, u r either paralysed or running around in circle. Worse, u can never reach ur full potential because u dare not fully commit.
To be truly happy, we must use our uniqueness to add values to the lives of others.
Intention - Love life is effortless
Attention - Removing negative beliefs; opening up.
No tension - effortless.
Father, yday rec new year greeting from Z; someone whom I tot wouldn't contact me and I forgot about it. Then this morning rec msg from E. I replied and there is no answer. Can see my ego on compulsive mode, but it didn't affect my emotion. Whenever compulsion came, I just say Love is effortless to me.
My next Saturn period from Feb is Seven of Heart - challenges in relationship. Being challenged now to practice non-attachment in ur closest relationships and to overcome ur fears of abandonment. Learning unconditional love and non-attachment in rships.
Father, surprisingly, I am not afraid. I now know my mental compulsion and it is not ME. Besides Love is effortless to me, so I will be able to learn.
Great thing is that results if Four of Hearts, so I know I be fine with my tools.
(Jan 24 - Now that time is coming near, and with the breakdown of my self-control wall, I am no longer that confident. I can now feel all the emotions within...bit scary. When its good, its great, when its not good..its bad...I justfeel such unease, miss him and don't want to feel it. But I recall that this is a defensive mode. So, if I miss him and want him, just let the feelings be. It will pass on.)
Yeap, Ruling's card is Four of Club - u have great power in positive thinking now, power of the mind can be used to heal urself or remove obstacles from ur path. Any skepticism u display now is not in harmony with ur inner beliefs.
Ace of Spade in Saturn - it is the card of transformation. There are parts of urself that are due for a change, this is probably the time when it will happen.
Father, thanks for the motivation. Coincidentally, just yday I told U that I am willing to go thru the learnings.
The Passion test - Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood
Clarity is critical to success. Clarity leads to power - the power to act - which is the basis of achievement, fulfillment, and happiness in life. Without a clear direction, u r either paralysed or running around in circle. Worse, u can never reach ur full potential because u dare not fully commit.
To be truly happy, we must use our uniqueness to add values to the lives of others.
Intention - Love life is effortless
Attention - Removing negative beliefs; opening up.
No tension - effortless.
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