Growing up and accepting my path

Sadhguru
The whole spiritual process is jus that: you are willing to melt away your individuality, to experience the universality.
If you don't want to melt away your individuality, then you should not talk about spirituality.
Being spiritual means breaking all my limitations of being individual, become unbounded.
But some people wants to be spiritual and yet also maintain their limitations. You wear your limitations like decorations around your neck. Then u simply cause suffering to yourself, unfortunately and invariably, you will try to infect others around you.

Soul - yea, m one of them. This hit me, I keep on saying m not ready to let go and also at times didn't want to let go of my individuality out of pride.
So, unless I dropped d individuality, I cannot be spiritual.
Aiyah, as usual my limitation is mostly physical and self-imposed, like food, comfort, relaxation, pleasure, no hard work cos I already worked hard in office, no stressing myself with memorisation.

Sadhguru
Sadhguru means a dissolving agent, a catalyst to dissolve you faster. So if you say, I love Sadhguru but I don't want to dissolve; I don't like spirituality, then either you are mentally deranged, or u r somebody who jumps this way or that according to your convenience.
Both these things are not good.
You are on a rail track that goes this way, but you are struggling to go the other n hence d result is only going to be struggle instead of joy.


Soul - I have read this before but it didn't hit me. And now it did. I have found my path and yet m not working towards it, putting all my physical limitation. Or I tot those are not limitations but my pride n pleasure. In reality, they are my limitations.
Yeah, it is true that I am receptive but I can be even more so if I drop my limitations when required, not as a discipline.
I also felt bit guilty, I have been given so much, being so receptive by guided contemplation n here I am not willing to risk some pleasure.

Sadhguru
Renunciation means you have renounced your likes and dislikes. You have renounced the discriminatory process in your mind.

Sadhguru
The moment you recognise something as precious and something as not, the moment you recognise something as sacred and something as not, there's no renunciation in you.
Renunciation does not mean giving up. It just means that you are capable of getting involved with every aspect with the same intensity, with the same sacredness.

Soul - this is very contradicting to my VFM strategy. So, not only physical pleasures but also my judgement evaluation, something which I take pride of. This is like a big turnaround.
A classic example/lesson was my tasks at work and that took me years.

Sadhguru
If you want to escape, you escape. What you will escape is just everything that is possible within you. You will escape from that.
You will develop strategies of self-defeat.
The whole world is busy doing that.
If you try to avoid that which is a means to your ultimate well-being, definitely you are a self-destructive person.

You have enough consciousness to bring you to Isha, there should be no stepping back. Stepping back would be utter foolishness. There should be no letting up, no breaks.
It needs undivided attention, otherwise enlightenment won't happen.

It is ok to be confused. When you are confused, you will search; you will be more alert.
When you are settled, you may feel more comfortable. You may have a false sense of establishment.

Soul - yesterday I tot of me and my resistance n I cried cos part of me felt guilty. I have been given the power to be spiritual n yet I am holding back, fearful of being spiritual. Fear of losing what I have now (pleasure/relaxation/time) n what I may have (ptnr). Remind me of being fearful to climb as high as I can be in my career.

Now I understand this week Osho card
1. The issue - conditioning. Unless u drop your personality, u will not be able to find your individuality. A personality imposed from outside replaces the individuality that could have grown from within.
Soul - drop my resistance.

2. The Outsider. You don't need consolation. Humanity has come of age. Be a woman, and stand on your own feet. The only way to be connected wit existence is to go inwards, because at the center u r still connected.
Soul - stop seeking for a partner. Take care of my own heart myself. Go back to the Source.

3. External influence - Control.
Soul - Me afraid to let go of control. Afraid all the suppressed negative will come all out n it be never ending.
That is why I resist guru pooja cos it breaks down the inner wall in me. Anyway, d wall has crumbled since d day I did the whole 6 songs of guru pooja on my own.

4. What is needed for resolution - laziness. The journey isn't over yet. Your complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on.
Soul - yea, I tot meditation is enough n I can rest n journey ended. Guru pooja bring me to another level. I will be disciplined.

5. Resolution. Guilty. You are okay as you are, and its absolutely natural to go astray from time to time.

Soul - yeap. I m better now. Amen

Father, I love You and I love me too. I am grown up and I will take care of my own heart.