Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Being the watcher of Now

Jan 25
Father, thank u. Instead of focusing d loss of food sense pleasure. Perhaps its my over attachment n all sensation use for food.
Also since there were no news on ptnr, I start to doubt my Passion. Well, things r in progress. Let's face it, regardless of what's d outcome, I will be exploring things that I enjoy - people. So, appreciate that also.

I know I slept less than 4 hours yday, but yet m feeling fine. So, be happy for that too.
Mostly be happy that I found my Guru and Father is always there for me. I m back to Bhagavad Gita, not as a daily read but as and when I need to.
Yday topic of feeling indifferent, feeling stagnant is so apt. Like I told d fellow meditators yday, everytime I m down, Father will always send someone/something to life me up again.
Everytime I lost faith, I will be motivated.

The power of now. Once u have understood the basic principle of being present as the watcher of what happens inside you - and you "understand" it by experiencing it - you have at ur disposal the most potent transformational tool.

Soul - m beginning to use it. Last Friday, during d mgm meeting, again topic of increment, I was getting riled up. But I watched n said don't have to express it now. Just let it be.

The power of Now
Nobody can do it for u. But if u are fortunate enough to find someone who is intensely conscious, if u can be wit them and join them in the state of presence, that can be helpful and will accelerate things. In this way, ur own light will quickly grow stronger.
After all, d light is the same fire. To be such a fire is one of the function of a spiritual teacher.
Some therapists may also be able to fulfill that function, provided that they have gone beyond the level of mind and can create and sustain a state of intense conscious presence while they r working wit u.

Soul - that's reaffirming Sadhguru is my guru. I m very fortunate. I didn't searh but I had a longing and it came at d right time, d right situation.

The power of Now
Pyschological fear is always something that might happen, and not something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while ur mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap.
And if u r identified wit ur mind and have lost touch wit the power and simplicity of the Now, that anxiety gap will be ur constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but u cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - u cannot cope wit the future.
Moreover, as long as u r identified wit ur mind, the ego runs ur life.

Soul - I m havin less tot of future, especially for work. And when d future tot does come, I m present enough to shoo it away.

The power of Now
Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanism, the ego is very vulnerable, and insecure and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This is by the way, is the case even if the ego is outwardly very confident.
Remember, emotion is the body's reaction to ur mind. Message from ego," Danger, I am under threat". And the emotion generates, " fear".
Power over others is weakness disguised as strength. True power is within and it is available to u now.

Soul - good clarification on ego.
Afternoon
Load my Osho transformation cards, looks similar to last week. Will journal tomorro. M feeling down cos fed up wit d food. Another 3 weeks to go. Amazing, honestly if didn't read Bhagavad Gita yday nite, I don't think I cld have preservere. Jus remember this is d vacuum period. Remember, food doesn't bring me happiness. Remember all d side health benefits m having, most importantly breaking down my limitations.

The power of Now.
Death is a stripping away of all that is not u. The secret of life is to "die before u die" - and find that there is no death.

Soul
Yday Bhagavad Gita said when I feel I can go on renunciating, I shld remember my death n know that nothing remains. So whatever I am renunciating doesn't kill me.
That is not motivating to me.
What is motivating is that this is a one a life time and I hav to do this right, otherwise my effort and also becos I wan to be ready for Samyama,
Actually d main thing is to break free my limitation, my biggest one todate.

The power of Now
The ego's needs are endless. It feels vulnerable and threatened and so lives in a state of fear and want. Once u know how the basic dysfunction operates, there is no need to explore all its countless manifestations, no need to make it into a complex personal problem.
The ego loves that. That's why for so many people, a large part of their sense of self, is intimately connected with their problems. Once this happened, the last thing they wan is to become free of them; that would mean loss of self.

So, once u recognise the root cause of uncosnsciousness as identification wit the mind, which of cos, includes the emotions, u step out of it. You become present.
When u r present, u can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangles in it.
The mind in itself is not dysfunctional. It is a wonderful tool. Dysfunction sets in when u seek urself in it and mistake for who u are. It then becomes the egoic mind and takes over ur whole life.

How to disidentify wit mind?
Remove time from the mind and it stops - unless u choose to use it.
The compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. Endless preoccupation with past and future and unwillingness to honour and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be.
The compulsion arise because the past gives u an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.


Soul - strange ego is saying this is difficult. What's d point. But another voice is saying my Being is happy n joyful and in no way affected by my veg mode. So, perhaps don't hav to identify wit d mind.
Food has always been d way to happiness but now food is not the only avenue, so need not be afraid that I lost food.

The power of Now
The more u r focused on time - past and future - the more u miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.
Now is the only point that can take u beyond the limited confines of the mind.

Evening
Jus did d korean drama. "Stop touching my woman".
First tot was so romantic. Second tot, why is d woman his? Third tot, isn't this like attachment?

Today, a call frm ex-boss on potential jobs. Fourth one in a row. M fine, don't wan to go back d same path. I admit on d 3rd one, I wavered. But once the pay is d same, I immediately waved. Then tot of whether m right to do partial retirement. Perhaps shld continue wit my current career path n climb further. Then tot of reading economic materials vs people materials, immediately I know I won't go back to the past.

Bhagavad Gita
Superconsciously awakened men - those who have meditated long, deeply and persistently, no matter what their responsibilities or environment - become nonattached to material objects but are not indifferent!
'O Soul, I should not destroy my favourite present sense pleasures, even if they destroy my unknown future spiritual happiness. I cannot live in the hopes of a perhaps nonexistent blessedness and thus lose tangible pleasures that are entertaining me now"

Soul - my tots except I was thinkin of my Wishing Tree which seem non-existent. A tot came, u have part time wish come true. So, I hav to revert only rship is not true. A tot came, but that's becos u not ready.
The main reason for me to preservere is RA.

God is always with me. Picking me up when I am down

Jan 24
Father, this moment is all I have. Ego is saying why didn't do anything? Why stagnant? Anyway, not sure lah.

Secret of the ages
Whenever u r faced wit these questions:
Shall I do this or not?
Which of these courses shall I take?
and similar questions, remember that perhaps the biggest danger is in the procastination resulting from your indecision.
Decide, act and you have a fighting chance for success - while indecision and procastination can have no possible result but failure.

Soul - is this abt me? Remember ace of diamond, ambitious n want to start. Remember ur RA, always rushing thru life.
Never mind for now jus lay low, focus on Samyama.
Focus on freeing myself up for part time.
This few days, bit difficult on being a veg, felt left out.

This mornin I tot that I m always hurrying to 'clean up' the company i worked in so I can move on or leave. That's d real reason. Jus like m doing now.

When I was swimmin, I tot of d Nazis and what's happening to the Muslim in our country. Actually the hardcore are very few n d rest follower. While d middle ground jus stay silent, jus like d middle ground German. Is it really that bad. I know its not good. Am I also d middle ground.


Jan 24 evenin
Lookin at my Top 5 Passion. Somehow seems so far away, especially d Transformational leader n also d rest. I m not sure I can meet my Passion.
For now I only got 1 passion, to prepare for Samyama, once in a lifetime. To strategise so I can work 3 days week.
I must remember m working 3 days week not jus for my career but also for my health. I don't wan to drive myself.
A tot came, remember not to drive urself away from ur destiny.
Today, going to d hill n sitting at the open temple, such a great feel, I felt d connection immediately.

Today listening to Sadhguru's cd on who is ur right guru
1. If d guru makes u comfortable - he is not d guru for u as he is reinforcing ur limitation.
2. If d guru makes u uncomfortable - he cld be d guru for u cos he is making u break ur limitation.
3. If u guru makes u experience things beyond u, despite u not knowing why, he is definitely d guru for u.

Bhagavad Gita
O' Soul, I do not perceive any beneficial result to be gained from slaying my intimate sense habits. My mind loathes the idea of destruction of sense pleasure. I crave nothing - neither mental victory, nor the kingdom of soul happiness, nor sense pleasure!
Down wit both spiritual and sense happiness! I wan nothing. I can forgo the possession of cosmic consciousness, if, to obtain it, I have to destroy the dear sense habits wit whom I have long dwelt in the cozy home of life.

Soul - exactly how I feel these few days. I don't see my Wishing tree materialising my Passion. Life still d same. Why, after so long in meditation that i still waver? Why doing vegetarian affects me? Why I am doubting my path just becos of food now?

Bhagavad Gita
The state of negative renunciation may occur not only in meditation, but also after deep meditation - who has practising self-denial and regular meditation.
He feel distressed and bewildered, realising he has neither passing pleasures nor inner joys. Since he has neither, he pacifies his discouragement by proclaiming he wants neither. If he doesn't pull himself out of this indifference, he becomes a slothful devotee whose spiritual life will stagnate and die. But if he continue to preservere, he finds that this state is onlu a momentary vacuum in his sadhana.

Soul - thank u, so timely, before I fell into d trap of indifference. This is reaffirming Sadhguru's msg today. He is my Guru.

Bhagavad Gita
The wise devotee knows that renunciation of paltry materialistic passions is necessary to attain the neverending happiness of the Spirit.
He knows that he is not denying himself anything, but is only shifting his tastes from inferior, impermanent sense pleasures to superior, lasting soul happiness.
As one shld be glad to renounce a hundred dollars to gain five thousand dollars, so the devotee is happy to renounce a sensory pittance for the everlasting joy found in God-realisation.
The divine state of final emancipation is not a state of blank nothingness or a condition of inner extinction; it is, rather, demesne of a positive conscious sense of eternal blessed expansion.
As long as the devotee continues to make the effort, the haunting memory of that pure joy will call again and again to urge him forward on the divine path.

Father, thank U. Bhagavad is my nightly read. Amen.

Ego comes knocking

Jan 23
Today a call frm V on a new job. For a tiny moment, waver but I told her m aiming for partial retirement. She then asked abt my pay, which is d same, so no point shifting for me.

This wld be the 3rd call for potential job opportunities. Why come, when I decided to pursue non-financial passion. Why come now?

V said all the incoming calls is to tell me that I am not meant to retire yet.

Well, tot about, perhaps its just my ego calling. I will stick to my plan. In the end, whatever it is, i still have RA to contend with.


When I was swimming, can feel d sensation of water n float n breathe.
Enjoy it. Now I jus focus on swim wit awareness n not focus on completing the laps.

When I swim wit awareness, follow my breathing, find myself less strenous.

When I was doing silent, little laughter, jus silence.

This past few days, little laughter n jus silence in meditation. Am i losing my connection.

Greatest cause of failure is procastination

Jan 22
Secret of the ages
Among those who have the ability to succeed, the one greatest cause of failure is procastination.
Whatever is being done - all that is being done - in this vast teeming world of ours is being done now. Today. Nothing has ever happened tomorrow.

What u r going to be - what success u will reach - is being decided by the action u r taking now.

Put fear aside - risk failure.
Put fear aside by telling yourself while u may fail if u make the move u desire, ur failure is certain and automatic if u don't make the move.

The biggest danger is in the procastination resulting from ur indecision.

Decide, act and u have a fighting chance for success - while indecision and procastination can have no possible result but failure.


Soul
Another message, I haven't been 'looking' at my Top 5 Passion.

Ambition must be backed up with willingness and determination

Jan 21

Soul
Father, jus watched d korean drama. Such love. But also such drama. My love will be easy. All d drama created by humans.

Today when drafting email to Regional on my part time. Me, mention abt my project. Now I wonder if I can ever get my website. Recently hav access to so many site n there are many books. How can I compete with them? Is it worthwhile to start something that won't materialise.

The secret of the ages
It is one thing to have the ability to do something different, something individual, but doing it is a very different thing. There is tremendous amount of unproductive ability in the great failure of army today. Why did not the men who have it, make something of themselves? Many of those men could be prosperous, successful men of standing in their community, instead of the dregs of society. They had the opportunity to make good. Why didn't they?

You say u long to make ur life count, that u r ambitious to get on. Why don't u? What r u waiting for? What holds u down? Who is keeping u back?
Answer this questions - there is only one - yourself. Nothing else can keeps u back.

Without the energy and the will to succeed, no amount of education, no power on earth outside of one's self can push or lead or boost a person into success.
It is the difficult things in life that develop our mental and moral muscle, that build up courage and stamina.

If our ambition is merely a weak desire to obtain a certain thing provided it does not cost much effort, if we would merely "like to have" a certain thing, there is no magnetism in such milk-and-water purpose.
The ambition must be backed by the willingness and the determination to do anything that is within human power to accomplish the aim. This is the mental attitude that wins.
The habit of being a quitter before the battle begins is fatal to all distinctiveness its death-blow to the development and strength of character and without these no man can be a leader. He must remain a trailer always; he must follow someone else's lead.

If u r trying to get a start in the world but don't feel able to remove the many barriers that block ur way, do not get discouraged. The obstacles that look so formidable at a distance will grow smaller and smaller as u approach. Have courage and confidence in urself and the road will clear before u as u advance.
Magnify ur faith in urself and u will minimise the obstacles in ur way.

The whole science of efficiency and success in life consists in the vigorous, persistent affirmation of our determination and our abilty to do the things we have set our heart on.
If ur determination is easily deflected, if any persuasion can separate u from ur life resource, u may be pretty sure u r on the wrong track.
No tyranny of circumstances can permanently imprison a determined will.

Soul
Yeap, message to continue.

Only as u r equipped for service, can u serve;

Jan 20

7thunder
Self mastery is a mastery of our world through self-awareness. We can struggle and struggle to make money without success for a lifetime. Or, if we realise just how our inner fear of poverty is affecting us each day, we could completely remove the effects of this fear from our lives and become wealthy beyond imagination without any struggle or effort on our part.
This is only one example of how self-mastery works. Instead of trying to change the circumstances of our life on an exterior level, such as who we are in rship with, what kind of a job we would do, or where we live, we go right to the source and magically change our lives without doing anything.
The Queen of spades teaches us that we only need to stay aware of ourselves in order to master the Universe.

7thunder card for today
Queen of Spades
Whenever this card appears, we r given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within.

Today shared with PA on d Intuitive Wellness book. I m glad we r back. No more negative feeling.

Today reading abt Queen of diamond meeting their queens. It is said that this is a meeting of their own mirrors. How well d rship wld depend on how much hav I accepted myself, warts and all. Since I m fine wit CFO and now getting better wit Credit staff, I guess its show much I have accepted myself.
Today, I spent abt 2 hours n 15 min on meditation, longest ever.
Spoke to MF. He got himself a bungalow n tied down. Alas, still fell into the trap.
Mmm, his was a balance of mental knowledge.

Secret of the ages
As long as ur mind is an undisturbed thoroughfare, many thoughts are passing through, but u r not halting any of them. Take one idea, make a good distinct picture of it, and immediately your tot begin to group themselves and u have the nueclues of ur desire.
This one thing u do, ideas from the Self within begin to collect around the one thing and u open the way for ur good to flow to u.
Watch ur tot! Examine each tot that comes to u. It may be ur call. Open up ur mind, be alert to things that are happening about u; having eyes, see ye and having ears, hear ye.
Be interested in every person u meet, u may entertain an angel unawares. He may hav a vital msg for u or u may have one for him.
Have u the desire and the wisdom to use the msg in an unselfish way these things which shall be added to u.
Devote ur effort to attaining the realisation that the Mind within is the source of ur truth growth and that the outer expansion of ur prosperity will keep exact pace with the spiritual devt that takes place within.
Only as u r equipped for service, can u serve;
Only as u serve are u of value to others;
only as u r of value to others, are u paid.

Soul - was just reading this when updating my blog. Today on 27 Jan, I finally focus on the 1st path - equipped myself for service. My plan is now just to focus on in-depth learning on whatever i resonate with cos it will be my 'equipment'.

Enlightenment is easy, keeping it is difficult

Jan 19
Father, this mornin, I did kapala bhakti at a slower pace. I used to rush along so that I can finish and infact can be breathless. Jus like my swim. Now I am doing it at a slower pace. Keyword for me; calm down. It is ironic, I may look calm outside but inside is agitated, afraid to stay at one place for long, always looking out for more, for next.
I wil change my top 5.

Intuitive wellness
Practice detachment
I urge u to let go the things to which u cling.
If u r meant to have something or someone in ur life, they will not leave u. People, objects and situations are woven like the threads of a fabric; the nature of the weaving will determine whether it holds or not. You can mend and patch, but if a tear is meant to be, it will happen. So be at peace with the way people and objects weave through ur life.
When people practice detachment, they report feeling more joy, freedom and balance. That's because with greater detachment, u create the space for life's synchronicities to enter ur journey and more fully tune in to ur innate wisdom.

Daily intuitive wellness
Enlightenment is achieved by working in a disciplined manner on ur spirit-led path. This is not an easy task, but it is an important one, because ur daily spiritual practice is ur connection to what is true about ur life.
The truth that comes from innate wisdom deep within u is the centering device that will assist u in maintaining balance in ur Being.
I have heard it said "Enlightenment is easy, keeping it is difficult"
In order to successfully develop ur intuition for daily wellness and abundance, give ur practice and intention priority in ur daily schedule.

Spiritual teacher
A teacher cannot teach anyone who vibrates higher than the teacher himself.
Develop ur own sense of intuition so that u r clear inside about which teacher u shld work with and for how long.
People who hav no third chakra energy of their own attach themselves to a teacher or teaching. They lose their sense of self while claiming devotion, but devotion is a process of the heart chakra and not solar plexus. Your path is best served by loving kindness and balance.
A teacher will empower and assist u in realising ur God-given wisdom and strength, and encourage u to share what u have learned with others, in ur own way and using ur own nature.
When the right teacher arrives, be grateful. Participate as fully as u can, using ur innate wisdom and ur faculties of reason to discern both the teacher and the teachings.
Be willing to share knowledge with other, and understand that when someone offers u advice, whether u take it or not, they are demonstrating that they are ur teacher. Make note of their act of kindness and sharing.
Be a disciple, whatever u do and with whomever u come in contact. You never know who is a Buddha or angel in disguise.
Know that ur greatest teachers will be the discoveries that lead to what innately lies beside u.
Be thankful for the blessing of being alive and having the power of mind and truth of heart to change ur world and help others do the same.

Your eternal soul flows like a river throughout eternity. When left unrestrained, it will follow its own natural impulses, drifting and rushing toward the ocean of wisdom, the one true source.
Do not restrict ur consciousness wit negative tots or emotions, or u will stagnate. Allow the pure, living waters of ur soul and consciousness to refresh urself and others.
Allow ur soul, mind and body to flow into wellness, enlightenment and peace.

The rewards; hearing ur body messages, sensing the energy moving through ur personal energy system, resolving emotional and physical pain and developing trust and confidence in ur own innate wisdom.
Inner healing is indeed within ur grasp and the time is to embrace it now.


Jan 19 evenin
Jus now CEO again reiterated I cannot tell Regional everything. I was calm and ok abt it. But now ego wan me to look at it n said CEO is talking abt d leave issue n continue to say I won't hav part time without her.
Well, I won't listen. CEO saying no abt Regional has been there since eons ago. As for d leave matter, I leave it to CFO to handle.

Alas, budget is over. I was worried I can't do it wit the vegetarian period. Alas I did it and m glad my staff is supportive. Today had a good chat wit one of my staff. We both pledged to learn from each other, me to loosen my parameter and he to create a parameter. Me to loosen ego and he to create ego.

The secret of the ages
The men to whom riches and abundance flow so easily are those who have widened their channels by looking for plenty, expecting it, and by preparing for it through continual and ever-increasing service. They never hoard. They never look for safety only. Their credits never have a chance to freeze because they keep them moving, working, digging their channels even deeper and wider so that more and more keeps flowing in.

The great River of Life is a river of plenty. Cast urself and ur fortunes into it confidently, believingly and it will carry you on to the Isle of Plenty. Mistrust it, struggle against current, and it will wreck u on the Rocks of Want.

Soul - what a coincidence, same msg - broaden my parameters. I admit I haven't been looking at my Passion. Thinking its a wishful tot, perhaps jus focus on partial retirement instead.

A healthy nobody vs a crippled somebody

Jan 18 Evenin

Father, today I didn't meet the deadline that I committed. Previously I wld ensure that its met. I will push my staff and myself to meet our commitment especially since we already asked for 1 day extension. It wld be a no no. Today, I looked at the time n know I will hav to stay back till 8.30pm to complete n I was reluctant n beside Regional also left office. I ask extension again n this time didn't even give justification.

As I was driving back, an insight came to me; a healthy nobody or a crippled somebody and I choose a healthy nobody and I cried n cried cos I lost myself. Me who is always somebody and now have to be a nobody.
Cripplin someone who is always rushing to be somebody is a perfect lesson.
I jus wan to be healthy and happy.
Will re-look at my Top 5 Passion again.

Today my card Nine of spade. When I read it, I tot what cld it be. Little did I realise that its me ending my ambition to be somebody. Little did I realise I jus wan to be happy and healthy.

Sadhguru's msg
All has become stillness. As everything that is moving and unmoving is me.

Today, didn't watch tv cos brother wan to watch. M surprised. While I am disappointed but m fine.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Third chakra - solar plexus (auto immune)

Jan 17
Father, m not sure. But a few mths back, I tot of buying Louis Hay's book on illness cos wan to use it to help people.
I wan to help myself.
When I was doing meditation, tot of specialising in autoimmune disease. Autoimmune is a form of self-defense. For it to be over-acted means, I used it a lot. For me, my self control used on myself n environment. I used it a lot.
Last week was stressful n these 2 days, my RA swelled but m ok.
Let me work on my RA. There mus be a key. Many many people has it, let me unlock d key.


Jan 18
Today meditation, I can't seem to connect. Tot of korean drama came in. Guess shldnt sleep immediately. Jus realised, when ur self esteem is low, u think u not lovable, even if u r, u will reject it. Wonder if it applies to me.
Today RA subsides a bit.
Its been 2 weeks since vege, another 4 weeks to go.
But suria namaskara is good, I like the hatha yoga. Yea, what was previously not possible is possible now. Last sunday, brisk walk, I watched my breathe n it is smoother. I applied what I learned in suria namaskara.

Intuitive welness.
Acid reflux.
The emotional intelligence demonstrates an emotionally reactive nature, even if the emotions are not expressed outwardly. More often than not, this condition results from a lack of connection between the emotional self and physical body.

3rd chakra - solar plexus
Often, a strong emotional energy in 3rd chakra due that says, "I am invicible" can result in behaviour that says "I can eat anything; I can put up with anything or anyone". A tot form such as "I wil not be denied" has the same effect.
Cell typically shows the emotions of worry, overwhelmed, frustation or repressed anger.
U will often find anger that specifically stems from feelings of injustice and disappointment within the cell membrane of the stomach.
"I can't take this anymore" is a common cry that began long before the condition surfaced.

The spiritual intelligence is abt learning to keep things in balance and perspective, continuing to self-inspire and self- motivate.
The shadow teachers of this condition are feelings of overwhelmed and acting out with overeating, overwork or any other "overage".
Learn to honour and respect urself is the spiritual gift.
As u honour and respect urself, u will gain spiritual clarity and understand ur destiny.
No longer will u push yourself, ur body or anyone else.

This respect is born from an understanding that life does change and that all u can do is listen deeply to ur rhythm and follow the beat of ur own drum.
You will no longer try to conform to others' schedules or make them conform to yours. Simply listen and do ur best.
Patience is essential as u learn to let go of things or people whom u cannot control.

Not stuffing down ur emotion is also an important spiritual and energetic metaphor.
As u begin to listen to the physical, reactive anger of ur stomach and become more careful abt what u put into ur body, u will also begin to care more about the physical and emotional environment in which u place urself.

Self satisfaction will begin to arise from taking these small, inwardly directed steps. What is eliminated is the previously pressure-filled mind ruled by the tendencies of perfectionism, anger and fear.

This condition teached u tat u may not be in control, but u always have a choice about how u respond and care for urself. U learn to honor ur dreams and goals.
And by listening deep within to ur wisdom, u know ur true destiny.
Consequently, u begin to walk along with life, not chase it down like a wild steer.
Nor do u run away from all that is yours.

Soul - this is me. Also read that 70 percent of immune system is in this 3rd chakra. The imbalance causes my RA.
True, in career, I chase n excel, can handle anything and anyone thrown to me. Until I finally admit I can't take all.
As for my destiny, I ran away from it.
But now m willing and able to let go of my control and I have meditation to stabilise me.
Balancing slogan
I love and respect my body
I move easily with the changes in my life
I honor my personal vision
I am kind to myself
I am calm
I feel supported.
Breathing deeply into my body, I calmly remember my destiny and know that all is well.

Arthritis
The emotion that is usually found within arthritis is a deep internal tension constructed from fear, inflexibility and uncertainty.
Fear of moving forward, the inability to release old hurts that have turned inward, and confusion about the direction of a person's life can be found in the heat and chemical imbalances of the joints and surrounding tissues.

The spiritual intelligence is to have freedom of movement, freedom to be oneself spiritually, and freedom to creatively express one's self are the core teaching.

You look at the attachment to beliefs and issues that currently hold or have held u back from ur dreams and goals. You need to ask what ideas, values, things and situations are worth holding onto. Only u can decide as u reach deep inside ur bones and find out what moves u and how u r to express ur dynamic spirit

Balancing slogan
I live in a state of joy
I am open to life
I freely express my creative spirit
I feel joy in my bones
No matter what, I love my life
As I breathe in, energy spinals around my joings and bones, allowing me to be healed, open and free.

Afternoon
Father, yeap, today felt little joy during meditation. Found myself less connected to Universe. Guess d period of celebration is over. Last weekend, RA and my cough put me in perspectives.
I wonder where my joy gone. What's next.
Osho card
1. Question
Gratefulness
Winter and summer are both needed for growth. Once this idea settles in the heart, then each moment of life is of gratitude.
Accept life as it is. Accepting it, desires disappear.
One becomes a buddha, the moment one accepts all that life brings, with gratitude.

Soul - yea, now is d period of calm. I realised that whenever d period is calm, ego is restless, asking what's next? Always rushing.
Well, learning abt my solar plexus, I will ignore its rushing mode into future. Jus be.

2. External influence
Renewal
When there is no past, when there is no future, only then is there peace. Future means aspiration, achievement, goal, ambition, desire. You cannot be here now, u r always rushing for something, somewhere else.
The past is not, the future is not, only the present is. To be in the present is to be alive, optimum - and that is renewal.

3. Seed of transformation that may not be aware
Gates of Heaven - heaven and hell are not geographical, they are psychological.
Heaven and hell are within u. The doors are close to each other. With jus a change of mind, ur being is transformed.
Whenever u act unconsciously, without awareness, u r in hell; whenever u r conscious, whenever u act wit full awareness, u r in heaven.

Soul - my ego is saying what's next. Is this all that u hav got to show? You r not something? Where is ur calling??? Why u not doing anything??
Soul - it is never enough for ego. Everytime I conquered my fear, he will ask for more and more. Well, this time I ignore. I m slowly comin to realisation that my autoimmune is from my rushes. And I can rush becos I was disconnect from my feeling. Cos my feeling is saying no no, acid is boiling n endangering my joints. So, this is me not rushing myself. Like now, no external push but I can sense d ego internal push. Well, not this week. I be nobody as long as it help me to reduce my solar plexus activity.

4. Direction of growth
Recognition
The longing of the mind is to be extraordinary. The ego thirsts and hungers for the recognition that u r somebody. The ego cannot tolerate being nobody.
And this is the miracle, when u accept your nobodiness, when u r just an ordinary as anybody else, when u don't ask for any recognition, when u can exist as if u r not existing. To be absent in the miracle.
The experience of nobodiness is exactly the meaning of nirvana, of nothingness, of absolute undisturbed silence, with no ego, wit no personailty. There is nothing to lose. And if u think anything is lost - ur name, ur respectability, ur fame - they are worthless they r playthings for children, not for mature people. It is time for u to be mature, it is time for u to be ripe, time for u just to be.

5. Key to integration
Meditation
Whenever meditation is separate from life, something is wrong. It becomes life-negative. Then one starts thinking of going to a monastry or to himalayan caves. Then one wants to escape from life, because life seems to be a distraction from meditation.
Life is not meditation, life is an occasion for meditation.
Be careful, careful of everything. And don't make any distinction between things, that this is trivia and that is spiritual. It depends on u. Pay attention.
Spiritual is imparted by you, it is ur gift to the world. Meditative energy is alchemical. It transforms the base metal into gold. I goes on transforming the baser into the higher. At the ultimate peak, everything is divine. This very world is the paradise, and this very body the buddha.
Soul - I admit I separate. I admit I don't bring in meditative mode when I open my eyes. This is the start. I will be aware. Everything is spiritual and since my ego is on rush mode. I need to be quiet to listen to my bodyily emotion.
 
 

Intuitive wellness

Jan 16
Father, jus started d book on Intuitive Wellness. When I bought d book, I tot of my RA. I know reading d natal chart, asking me to beef up my intuitive skill has led me to buy up all d books on intuition.
I felt there is something big here.
Now in d market, normally I wld be roaming around looking for fresh produce, don't mind d people n smell. Today, don't want to. The place seems overwhelming n I don't wan to go in. At first I tot is becos I can't eat meat so don't wan to look. Now I realised its becos of d energy.

Intuitive wellness
You undertake this journey, which leads u through the process of self-discovery (realisation of your connection to God) and onward into self-mastery (actualisation of the God within u).

James - deep early childhood scars, and he continued to assert control over the things and people around him in order to feel safe. His heart was shut down and his feeling for his spoused waxed and waned. I place my hand on his chest, and the impact of energy from the buildup of congestion there was so strong.

Two sacred laws
1. I will commit to my intuitive wisdom, honouring and trusting whatever comes to you.
2. Live in the moment. Do not place worry or burden within these precious moments; they are a distraction and they deplete ur energy.

Trusting your intuitive wisdom and being present in the moment, will not, of course, mean life will be free of struggles and challenges but it will mean u r living ur truth as closely as u can. You will continue to learn and evolve. However, the learning will be filled with more truth, wisdom and joy. And life will become smoother - one of the truly pleasant aspects of developing yourself intuitively. Any challenges you encounter, will seem to roll off your back. Your wisdom will direct your power. As a result, fear will diminish and at times disappear.

Soul
Jus now S called me n we shared our experience. She said she continue cos she wan d benefit. For me, I jus enjoy doing it. Am not sure of d benefits. Hatha yoga at first I attended for RA. Little did I know it was meant for Samyama.

Intuitive wellness
Intuitive development rest on the fourfold Intuitive Healing model
1. Practice meditation and stillness (Doing)
2. Consciously move energy (Doing yoga)
3. Apply skills everyday
4. Experience effortlessness.

Your daily practice depends on the development of discipline. Discipline will assist u in creating the space in ur life for ur practice. The discipline u cultivate expresses honour and loyalty to urself and ur chosen path. It also relates to ur devotion to ur spirit, body, mind and ur spiritual source.
The important point is this. If u know but you do not do, u don't really know.

Soul
Effortlessness is my key vocab. Hatha yoga is effortless.
Shoonya is effortless
Connecting to my Source is effortless
My staff says my life must be mostly moving up, no major up and down unlike others.
My course mate says my life is lucky. I graduated from my course effortlessly.

Intuitive wellness
Thought forms create ur reality. Like prayers or mantras, they are charged wit energetic levels of consciousness and certain emotional essences. These emotional charges are catalysts for manifestation.
These thought forms are the chatter that subsconsciously direct emotions, behaviour, biochemistry, and a host of other aspects of human existence.
Mastering ur mind to bring about wellness takes time, discipline, self-awareness, persistence, kindness to urself and others, and a deep awareness of the universal love always belonging to u.
You can be free of ur mind's limiting beliefs and ur body's disorders, diseases, and misalignment if u commit to ur wisdom and allow it to propel u forward, however gradually.
Simply hold the awareness of unlimited consciousness that is naturally within u.
If u don't like what u see, feel, hear or know, change ur thought forms.

Your calling generates feelings in ur heart, not in ur gut.
If the body sensations that ur passion, ur inner calling, generate in ur heart, u r on target.
If ur heart yearns, but the sensation r stronger in ur gut, u r off target.

Along ur spiritual path, u may encounter dark nights of the soul when u feel lost, powerless and alone in the world.
If u experience this, write the following in this order
1. Trust
2. Faith
3. Power.

If u feel power, u hav faith in urself, in God, faith in what u r doing. Further, if u have faith, u will have trust - trust that the outcome of all things will be for ur highest good. U will trust in the universal support system that weaves its way throughout nature and life itself.

Seventh chakra - crown of head. When u r deep in prayer or meditation, u will feel a tingling sensation like buzzing. It is a signal that all is well and that u r connected to God's omnipresence.
Connecting with the power and consciousness of the seventh chakra can lead u to pure rapture, unity and bliss. You will feel the purity of ur being. You are truly one with the Source.

Soul
That what I heard, buzzing sound. At first, I used to tot its d aircon noise at home. Then I experienced it during sathsang and in Ashram. I know that its not.

The 3rd chakra - solar plexus
Personal power and will
It is the willpower that drives a person's self-concept.
- 70 percent og body immune system
The 1st chakra - tailbone
Survival - immune system.

My challenges is actually the Return Movement

Jan 15

Soul
Yday, received an msn for interview to be FD of another advertising. I declined and said m into partial retirement and besides same industry, no difference.
Then a few hours later, a call for CFO of a property n construction industry. I said no too.

A new earth
The whole is made up of existence and Being, the manifested and unmanifested, the world and God. So, when u become aligned with the whole, u become a conscious part of interconnectedness of the whole and its purpose; the emergence of consciousness into this world.
As a result, spontaneous helpful occurrences, chance encounters, coincidences and synchronistic events happen much more frequenty.
Carl Jung called synchronicity an "acausal connecting principle".
Doing 'this' because of 'that' is the mind's way of cutting up reality; whereas nature lives in unconscious oneness wit the whole.
It is our purpose and destiny to bring a new dimension into this world by living in conscious oneness with the totality and conscious alignment wit universal intelligence.
Transformation is the reconciliation of outer and inner purpose, the reconciliation of the world and God.
Expansion and contraction - are 2 universal movements that we would call out-going and the return hom.
Expansion in ur life is finding and pursuing of outer purpose. Usually corresponding growth of the ego, which is identification with all the things and so ur form identity becomes more and more defined. This is also the time when outer purpose - growth - tends to become upsurped by the ego, which unlike nature, does not know when to stop in pursuit of exapnsion and has a voracious appetite for more.
And then, just when u tot you have made it or that u belong there, the return movement begins.
Perhaps people close to u began to die, people who were a part of ur world.
Then ur physical form weakens, ur sphere of influence shrinks. Instead of becoming more, u now become less, and the ego reacts to this wit increasing anxiety or depression. Your world is beginning to contract, and u may find u r not in control anymore. Instead of acting upon life, life now acts upon u by slowly reducing your world.
The consciousness that identified with form is now experiencing the sunset, the dissolution of form. And then one day, u too disappear.

Soul
In ex-company, I tot I made it, but alas hav to join this company n faced reporting, something that I never wanted to do, faced my weakness. Had a CEO who threatens and criticise my communication, something that has never happen before. Had CEO and peers who expect me to take charge of everything.
For the first time in my working life, I felt inadequate, I felt my performance/authority is being questioned, and I have little influencing power. And I am not in control cos regional reporting is ad hoc and also CEO is unreasonable and the biz fluctuates greatly resulting in numerous action plan for restructuring, all of which is my responsibility.
Then wit meditation, I tot I had it made and then cousin died and I know I have to share my knowledge and experience. I now have to partial retirement.
And now doing vegetarian, something incomprehensible previously. Waking up at 4.30 am to do yoga n meditation. Delaying dinner by 2 hours to do meditation. This can't be me. Who is me? I even tot I wld faced lots of challenges eating vege, but m fine.
I don't know what will happen. This journey wit Sadhguru is beyond me, not within my control. I jus fall into it. For now, I jus take day by day.

A new earth
Each person's life - each life-form, infact represents a world, a unique way in which the universe experiences itself. And when ur form dissolves, a world comes to an end - one of countless world.

Soul
Was thinking abt it, my first return start wit Alice. For d first time, I was judged lacking by my boss. Then 2nd boss was Mike from hell and 3rd boss is d CEO now. True, I have individually won them over, but it comes wit a price.

A new earth
The return movement in a person's life carries great potential for spiritual awakening - the disidentification of consciousness from form. Since there is very little spiritual truth in our contemporary culture, not many people recognise this as an opportunity and hence they think something is dreadfully wrong.
Their inner purpose would emerge only as their outer purpose collapsed and the shell of the ego would begin to crack open.
This can led to a subsequent rising of a deeper outer purpose that is aligned with the inner.

Soul
I knew and hence my blog - suffering is blessing.

A new earth
Action, although necessary is only a secondary factor in manifesting our external reality
The primary factor in creation is consciousness. No matter how active we are, how much effort we make, our state of consciousness creates our world, and if there is no change on that inner level, no amount of action will make any difference. We would only re-create modified versions of the same world again and again, a world that is an external reflection of the ego.

Soul - tot of me n my partner. Well, I admit that m not ready. But I do know there is some process of change.

A new earth
Awakened doing is the alignment of ur outer purpose - what u do - with ur inner purpose - awakening and staying awake.
Through awakened doing, u become one with the ongoing purpose of the universe.
Consciousness flows through u into this world. It flows into ur thoughts and inspires them. It flows into what u do and guides and empowers it.
Now what u do, but how u do what u do determines whether u r fulfilling ur destiny. And how u do what u do is determined by ur state of consciousness.
All truly successful action comes out of that field of alert attention, rather than from ego and conditioned, unconscious thinking.
The modalities of awakened doing are acceptance, enjoyment and enthusiasm.
If u r not in any of the above state, u will find that u r creating suffering for yourself and others.
When u cannot enjoy, at least accept what u have to do - be willing.
If u can neither enjoy or bring acceptance to what u do - stop. Otherwise u r not taking responsibilities for ur state of consciousness.
And if u r not taking responsibilities for ur state of consciousness, you are not taking responsibility for life.
The peace that comes wit surrendered action turns into a sense of aliveness when u actually enjoy what u r doing.
On the new earth, enjoyment will replace wanting as the motivating power behind people's action.
Joy is the dynamic aspect of Being. When the creative power of the universe becomes conscious of itself, it manifest as joy.
Joy does not comes from what u do, it flows into what u do and thus into this world from deep within u.
Enthusiasm means there is deep enjoyment in what u do plus the added element of a goal or vision that u work toward.
Even though u have a goal that u work toward, what u r doing in the present moment needs to remain the focal point of ur attention, otherwise, u will fall out of alignment wit universal purpose.
Instead of wanting to be a famous transformation leader.
See yourself inspiring others and enriching their lives.
Feel how that activity enriches or deepens not only ur life but that of countless others.
Feel urself being an opening through which energy flows from the unmanifested Source of all life through u for the benefit of all.
You cannot manifest what u want; u can only manifest what u already habve.

Inner purpose is to awaken

Jan 14
Mmm, its been a long while since I don't feel sleepy in d mornin. Not sure if its becos of d coconut oil. This mornin eyes feel better n nose jus a little blocked.
I was thinkin that after 40 days, routine make it healthy n coffee n etc on a want to basis.

A new earth
De-emphasising who u r on the level of form is another way of generating consciousness. Discover the enormous power that flows through u into the world when u stop emphasising ur form-identity.
Inner purpose concerns Being and is primary. Outer purpose concern doing and is secondary.

Your inner purpose is to awaken. It is as simple as that. You share that purpose with every other person on the planet - because it is the purpose of humanity.
Your outer purpose can change over time. It varies from person to person.
Finding and living in alignment with the inner purpose is the foundation for fulfilling your outer purpose. It is the basis for true success.
Without that alignment, u can still achieve certain things through effort, struggle, determination and sheer hard work or cunning. But there is no joy in such endeavor and it invariable ends in some form of suffering.

Awakening is a shift in consciousness in which thinking and awareness separate.
Instead of being lost in ur thinking, when u r awake, u recognise yourself as the awareness behind it. Thinking then ceases to be self-serving autonomous activity that takes possession of u and runs ur life.
Awareness takes over from thinking. Instead of being in charge of ur life, thinking becomes the servant of awareness. Awareness is conscious connection wit universal intelligence.

The initiation of the awakening process is an act of grace. You cannot make it happen nor can u prepare yourself for it or accumulate credits towards it.
You don't have to become worthy. It may come to the sinner before it comes to the saint, but not necessarily. There isn't a tidy sequence of logical steps.
Living up to an image that u have of yourself or that other people have of u, is inauthentic living - another unconscious role the ego plays.
Once awakening has begun, it cannot be reversed, although it can be delayed by the ego.
With the grace of awakening, comes responsibility. You can either try to go on as if nothing has happened, or u can see its significance and recognise arising of awareness as the most important thing that can happen to u.
Opening yourself to the emerging consciousness and bringing its light into this world then become ur primary purpose of ur life.

Soul - my passion as transformational leader. First start of wit self-discovery website n concurrently do coaching and writing.

A new earth
Many people who are going through the early stages of the awakening process are no longer certain what their outer purpose is. What drives the world no longer drives them. Seeing the madness of our civilisation so clearly, they may feel somewhat alienated from the culture around them.
Some feel that they inhabit a no-man's land between two worlds. They are no longer runs by the ego, yet the arising awareness has not yet become fully integrated into their lives. Inner and outer purpose have not merged.

Soul
Same as Sadhguru's message during sathsang. Sadhguru says only 2 ways. Do it wit Bhakti (total trust) or do it wit Intelligence that is able to give clarity.

A new earth
Without living in alignment wit ur primary purpose, whatever purpose you come up with, even if it is to create heaven on earth, will be of the ego or become destroyed by time. Sooner or later, it will lead to suffering.
If u ignore your inner purpose, no matter what u do, even if it looks spiritual, the ego will creep into how u do it and so the means will corrupt the end.
Fulfilling your primary purpose is laying the foundation for a new reality, a new earth.
Once that foundation is there, ur external purpose become charged with spiritual power because ur aims and intentions will be one with the evolutionary impulse of the universe.

Soul - that's what I tot. Jus focus on keepin me intact, prepare for samyama, break free from all limitation and then start work. Cos now, my ego still strong as if lookin for new career. And I don't wan to go back to the past. I wan to start my website on a clean page.
I don't even wan to plan cos that's the future. For now, jus be on my work.

A new earth
When u look upon what u do or where u are as the main purpose of ur life, u negate time. This is enormously empowering. The negation of time in what u do also provides the link between ur inner and outer purpose, between Being and doing.
When u negate time, u negate ego. Whatever u do, u will be doing extraordinarily well, becos the doing itself become the focal point of ur attention.
Whatever u do takes time, and yet it is always now. So, while ur inner purpose is to negate time, ur outer purpose necessarily involves future and so could not exist without time. But it is always secondary.
Whenever u become anxious or stressed, outer purpose has taken over and u lost sight of ur inner purpose. You have forgotten that ur state of consciousness is primary, all else secondary.

Soul
Am on the right track. When I jus wan to focus on my present as my purpose, ego was 'pulling me', sayin I wan to escape, I was lazy n etc.

A new earth
Question;
Would living like this stop me from looking to achieve something great? My fear is that I will remain stuck wit doing little things for the rest of my life, things that are of no consequence. I am afraid of never rising about mediocrity, never daring to achieve anything great, not fulfilling my potential.

Answer
The paradox is that the foundation for greatness is honouring the small things of the present moment instead of pursuing the idea of greatness. The present moment is always small in the sense that it is always simple, but concealed within it, lies the greatest power.
Only when u align urself with the present moment do u hav access to that power. Or it may be more true to say that it then has access to you and through you to this world.
Anxiety, stress and negativity cuts u off from that power.
Why did anxiety, stress and negativity arise? Because u have turned away from the present moment.
And why did u do that? You thought something else was more important. You forgot your main purpose.
One small error, one misperception creates a world of suffering.
Through the present moment, you have access to the power of life itself, that has traditionally been called "God".

Question
Would complete harmony with the present moment not imply the cessation of all movement? Doesn't the existence of any goal imply that there is a temporary disruption in that harmony with the present moment and perhaps a reestablishment of harmony at a higher or more complex level once the goal has been achieved? I imagine that the sapling that pushes its way through the soil can't be in total harmony with the present moment either because it has a goal. It wants to become a big tree. Maybe once it has reached maturity it will live in harmony with the present moment.

Answer
The sapling doesn't wan anything because it is at one with the totality, and the totality acts through it.
We could say that - Life - wants the sapling to become a tree, but the sapling doesn't see itself as separate from Life and so wants nothing for itself. It is one with what Life wants. That's why it isn't worried or stressed. And if it has to die prematurely, it does wit ease. It is as surrendered in death as it is in life. It senses, no matter how obscurely, its rootedness in Being, the formless and eternal one Life.
So be true to life by being true to ur inner purpose. As u become present and thereby total in what u do, ur actions become charged with spiritual power.
Whereas the notion of purpose before was always associated with future, there is now a deeper purpose that can only be found in the present, through the denial of time.
Your primary purpose is now to enable consciousness to flow into what u do.
The secondary purpose is whatever u wan to achieve through the doing.
The space of awareness becomes more important than what u may be talking about, more important than physical or thought objects.
The human Being becomes more important than the things of this world. It does not mean that u neglect whatever needs to be done on practical world. Infact, the doing unfolds not only more easily, but more powerfully when the dimension of Being is acknowledged and so become primary.
Ends are the means are one. And if the means do not contribute to human happiness, neither will the end. The outcome, which is inseparable from the actions that led to it, is already contaminated by those actions and so will create further unhappiness. This is karmic action, which is the unconscious perpetuation of unhappiness.
Your main purpose is inseparable from the Now and therefore requires the negation of time. How are they reconciled?
By realising that your entire life journey ultimately consists of the step you are taking at this moment. There is always only this one step, and so give it your full attention.
This doesn't mean you don't know where you are going; it just means this step is primary, the destination is secondary.
And what u encounter at the destination once u get there, depends on the quality of this one step.
What the future holds for you depends on your state of consciousness now.
Unless Being flows into doing, unless u r present, u lose yourself in whatever u do. You also lose yourself in thinking, as well as in ur reactions to what happen externally.
Lose yourself to ego - wanting and fearing emotion
Lose yourself when it identifies with acting and reacting to what happens.
Every tot, every desire/fear, every action/reaction, is then infused wit a false sense of self that is incapable of sensing the simple joy of Being and so seeks pleasure and sometimes even pain, as substitute for it. This is living in forgetfulness of Being. In that state of forgetfulness of who you are, every success is no more than a passing delusion.
Whatever u achieve, soon u will be unhappy again, or some new problem, or dilemma wiill draw attention in completely.

Question
How do I go from realising what my inner purpose is to finding out what I am supposed to do on the outer level?

Answer
For some people, there is a sudden or gradual break with their past: work, living situation, relationship - everything undergoes profound change.
Some of the change may be initiated by themselves, not thru agonising decision making, but by a sudden realisation - This is what I have to do. The decision arrives ready-made, so to speak.
Some people find themselves walking out of an insane work environment or living situation.

So before you discover what is right for you on the external level, before you discover what works, what is compatible with the awakening consciousness, you may have to find out what is not right, what no longer works, what is incompatible wit ur inner purpose.
Other kind of change may suddenly come to you from without. A chance meeting brings new opportunity and expansion into your life. A long-standing obstacle/conflict dissolves. Some relationship dissolve, others deepen.
You may get laid off, ur spouse may leave u.
Some changes may look negative on the surface but you will soon realise that space is being created in ur life for something new to emerge.

Soul
This is for me. Thanks for affirming my path.

A new earth
There may be a period of insecurity and uncertainty. What should I do?
As the ego is no longer running ur life, the psychological need for external security, which is illusory, anyway, lessens. You are able to live with uncertainty, even enjoy it.
When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities opens up in ur life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change.
If uncertainty is unacceptable to u, it turns to fear.
If uncertainty is perfectly acceptable, it turns to increased aliveness, alertness and creativity.

Soul
Amen
Osho card says trust. That's what m doing.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

This, too, shall pass

Jan 13
Father, m sleepy. 5 am is fine but 4.30 am really stretched me especially when I eat late.
Mmm, I gained some weight becos i went on full force the month before veg. Well, wil come down.

A new earth
Nonresistance (I don't mind what happen in d Now), nonjudgement (Maybe good or bad) and nonattachment (This too, will pass) are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.

This too will pass - make u aware of the fleetingness of every situation, which is due to the transience of all forms - good or bad.
When u become aware of the transcience of all forms, your attachment to them lessens, and you disidentify from them to a certain extent.
Being detached does not mean that u cannot enjoy the good that the world has to offer. Infact, u enjoy it more. Once u see and accept the transience of all things and the inevitably of change, u can enjoy the pleasures of the world while they last without fear of loss or anxiety about the future.

When u r detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which to view the events in ur life instead of being trapped inside them.

Soul - P said m detached n hence able to see objectively n provide solution, that's why can be good in counselling.
Coincidentally same msg as Osho card, abt celebration but don't hold on.

A new earth
This, too, will pass brings detachment and wit detachment another dimension comes into ur life - inner space. Through detachment, as well as nonjudgement and inner nonresistance, u gain access to that dimension.

The inner space comes as a stillness, a subtle peace deep within you, even in the face of something seemingly bad.
Suddenly there is space around the event. There is also space around the emotional highs and lows, even around pain.
And above all, there is space between ur tots. And from that space, emanates a peace that is not "of this world", because this world is form, and the peace is space. This the peace of God.

Soul - I hav experienced this during meditation. Off meditation, not so. But m non-reactive no matter what I faced. The latest incident wit CEO, cld hav been disastrous. But I was able to talk calmly n shared my concern and her upsets.

A new earth
Now u can enjoy and honor the things of this world without giving them an importance and significance they don't have. You can participate in the dance of creation and be active without attachment to outcome and without placing unreasonable demands upon the world; Fulfill me, make me happy, make me feel safe, tell me who I am.
The world cannot give u those things, and when u no longer have such expectations, all self-created suffering comes to an end.
All such suffering is due to overvaluation of form and an unawareness of the dimension of inner space.
When that dimension is present in ur life, u can enjoy things, experiences and the pleasures of the senses without losing yourself in them, without inner attachment to them, that is to say, without becoming addicted to the world.

Soul - yday I sms a fellow meditator, sharin my tot on yoga. He didn't reply. Of cos ego ask why. Then I replied is ok, my objective is just to share and I don't need a response or appreciation.
On Food, that is so much part of me. Doing this strict vegetarian really break the mould. I am surprised m doing fine. All the drama before that is jus shows.

This sounds like ' To be in the world BUT NOT of the world.

A new earth
The minds is filled up with the clutter of thoughts, one tot after another. This is the dimension of object consciousness that is many people's predominant reality and that is why lives are so out of balance.
Object consciousness needs to be balanced by space consciousness for sanity to return to our planet and for humanity to fulfill its destiny.
The arising of space consciousness is the next stage in the evolution of humanity.

Space consciousness means that in addition to being conscious of things - which always comes down to sense, perception, tots and emotions - there is an undercurrent of awareness.
If you can sense an alert inner stillness in the background while things happen in the foreground - that's it!
The dimension is there in everyone, but most people are completely unaware of it.

Space consciousness represent not only freedom from ego, but also dependency on the things of this world, from materialism and materiality. It is the spiritual dimension which alone can give transcendent and true meaning to this world.

Soul - my target for samyama is to free myself from ego limitation so that I can pursue my Passion. Looks like m on d right track. Amen.

How does the ego treat the Present?

Jan 12
Father, yday episode wit CEO. Real scary. I was torn between doin what's right and making her angry. In d end, I told her I think abt it so to give her face n luckily she came back and said forget it. I was sharing this wit PA. She said its good I say no cos it won't be the last time. Father, her karma of balancing money. GM said that CEO won't change n she is considering change but then I heard these many times. Ego said I mus hav CEO cos only she can give me part time but nope cos CFO also says he wants me.

Mmm, no reply fr d guy. Of cos ego gave me a nudge which I ignore. And osho cards also the same

A new earth
Ego will treat the present moment;
1. Means to an end (at best)
2. As an obstacle
3. As an enemy (at worst)

When this pattern becomes more pronounced, and this is very common, the present moment is regarded and treated as if it were an obstacle to overcome. This is where impatience, frustation and stress arise, and in our culture, it is many people's everyday reality, their normal state.
Life, which is now, is seen as a "problem" and u come to inhabit a world of problems that all need to be solved before u can be happy, fulfilled or really living - or so u think.
The problem is; For every problem that is solved, another one pops up. As long as the present moment is seen as an obstacle, there can be no ends to problem.
External reality, which always reflects back to u as ur inner state, is then experienced.
A vital question to ask urself frequenty is "What is my relationship with the present moment?
Ask urself often until u don't need it anymore.

Soul - it used to be obstacle, now its a mix of means to an end and at times obstacle.

A new earth
Life is Now. Your entire life unfolds in this constant Now. Even past or future moments only exist when you remember or anticipate them and you do so by thinking about them in the only moment there is; this one.

Instead of adding time to urself, remove time by not having tots of future or past. Be willing to live in alignment with this moment.
When u react against the form that Life takes at this moment, when you treat Now as a means, an obstacle, or an enemy, you strengthen your own form identity, the ego.

What is reactivity? Become addicted to reaction, the more reactive you are, the more entangled you become with form. The more identified with form, the stronger the ego. Your Being then does not shine through form anymore - or only barely.

Soul _yday meeting wit client. CEO looks real ugly, uncomfortable, edgy. How to attract biz wit such chi? Of cos tot, she really expired. Ego says don't say that cos if she goes, u won't have part time. My reply, I already have part time.

A new earth
Resistance makes the world and the things appear more real, more solid and more lasting than they are, including ur form identity, the ego. It endows the world and the ego with a heaviness and an absolute importance that makes u take urself and the world very seriously.
The play of form is then misperceived as a struggle for survival, and when that is your perception, it becomes ur reality.
Everything is fleeting. Things, bodies and egos, events, situations, thoughts, emotions, desires, ambitions, fears, drama ... they come, pretend to be all-important, and before u know it, they are gone, dissolved into the no-thingness out of which they came. Were they ever real? Were they ever more than a dream, the dream of form
Soul - exactly like what Krishna said to Arjuna in Bhagavad Git.

A new earth
There is the dream and there is the dreamer of the dream. The dream is a short-lived play of forms. It is the world - relatively real but not absolutely real. Then there is the dreamer, the absolute reality in which the forms come and go.
The dreamer is not the person. The person is part of the dream.
The dreamer is the substratum in which the dream appears, that which makes the dream possible.
It is the absolute behind the relative, the timeless behind time, the consciousness in and behind form.
The dreamer is conscious of itself - who you are.

To awaken within the dream is our purpose now. When u r awake within the dream, the ego-created earthdrama comes to an end and a more benign and wondrous dream arises. This is the new earth.

Soul - this take is different. Krishna said know that is a dream, play it to the max and know u won't be impacted.

Afternoon
M glad d CEO turns around n go for the right thing to do. She also didn't penalise me for saying No. Our rship is back to normal.

Ego says do part time, but no achievement. I replied it doesn't matter, if its meant to be, I will. If not, it jus become a real partial retirement, I can join P's golden gals or I can jus laze around.

A new earth
In each person's life there comes a time when he or she pursues growth and expansion on the level of form. This is when u strive to overcome limitation and thru creative action bring something new into this world that is life-enhancing for urself as well as others.
When u r present, when ur attention is fully in the Now, that Presence will flow into and transform what u do. There will be quality and power in it.
You are present when what u r doing is not primarily a means to an end (money, prestige, winning) but fulfilling in itself, when there is joy and aliveness in what u do.
And of course, u cannot be present unless u become friendly with the present moment. This is the basis for effective action, uncontaminated by negativity.

Soul - my website, can see C and V not really into. But surprisingly m fine. It is my dream, not theirs. I will do it. If cannot do website, I can also expand my blog.

A new earth
The joy of Being, which is the only true happiness, cannot come to u through any form, possession, achievement, person or event - through anything that happens.
They joy cannot come to you - ever.
The joy emanates from the formless dimension within you, from consciousness itself and this is one with who you are.

The ego is always on guard against any kind of perceived diminishment. Automatic ego-repair mechanisms come into effect the restore the mental form of "me".
The mechanisms are self-justification, defense or planning.
Whether the other person is right or wrong is irrelevant to the ego. It is much more interested in self-preservation than in the truth.

A powerful spiritual practice is consciously to allow the diminishment of ego when it happens without attempting to restore it.
When u r seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute nonreaction, not just externally but also internally. You realised that nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming "less", you become more.
When u no longer defend or attempt to strengthen the form of yourself, you step out of identification wit form, with mental self-image.
Thru becoming "less", you are infact undergo an expansion and make room for Being to come forward.
True power, who you are beyond form, can then shine through the apparently weakened form.

The spiritual truth is diametrically opposed to the values of our contemporary culture and the way it conditions people to behave.

There is something within you that has an affinity with space; that is why you can be aware of it. Something within u resonates with it as if in recognition.
You then sense the vast depth of space as ur own depth and u know that precious stillness that has no form to be more deeply who you are than any of the things that make up the content of ur life.

Soul - m always aware of silent energy. Does time means I already :)

A new earth
The twofold reality of the universe, which consist of things and space - thingness and no-thingness - form and denial of form - is also ur own.

A sane, balanced and fruitful human life is a dance between the two dimension that make up reality; form and space.

Become "friendly" with the present moment

Jan 11
Father, yday Sadhguru's message was very timely. D period of confusion, I did face it and now m more normalise. Jus focus on getting part time n prepare myself for samyama.

A new earth
No matter how great a revelation or how accurate information u rec on ur destiny, it would ultimately prove to be of no avail, and would not save u from further unhappiness and self-created suffering, if u failed to find the truth - know thyself.
Before u ask any other question, first ask the most fundamental question of ur life; Who am I?

Soul
This is in line wit my tot for d website. Before we talk abt soul purpose, we talk abt self discovery cos I know that even if u know ur destiny but u don't know and master urself, u can't follow ur destiny.

A new earth
Know yourself is to be rooted in Being, instead of lost in ur mind.

Soul
Yeap, for a while after d revelation of new career, my ego was acting overtime, pushin me to achieve and then question me if I can achieve, resulting in suffering. I just ignore both n jus focus on what is immediate.

A new earth
Ur sense of who u are determines what u perceives as ur needs and what matters to u in life - and whatever matters to u will have the power to upset and disturb u.
You can use this as a criterion to find out how deeply u know urself.
What matters to u is not necessarily what u say or believe, but what ur actions and reactions reveal as important and serious to u.
What are d things that upset and disturb me? If small things have the power to disturb u, then who u think u r is exactly that; small.
What are d small things? Ultimately all things are small things because all things are transient.
Whenever u r disturb, something is obviously more important than the inner peace that u said was all u wanted.
The small me that seek security or fulfillment in things are transient and get anxious or angry because it fails to find it. Well, at least now u know who u really think u are.
If peace is really what u want, then u will choose peace.

Soul
When d ego was on d new career plan. After a period of disturbance, I tot I was so happy at d revelation n my objective was initially to work part time and partial retirement. So what's this abt new career. I then stop n said I choose to be happy n even if there is no new career, so be it. Wit that I now negotiate for 2 days unpaid leave - max 8 days leave a month, wit set-off 1.5 days annual leave.

A new earth
If peace mattered to u more than anything else and if u truly knew urself to be spirit rather than a little me, u would remain non-reactive and absolutely alert when confronted with challenging people or situation.
You wld immediately accept the situation, and thus become one wit it rather separate urself from it.
Then out of ur alertness, would come a response. Who u are (consciousness), not who u think u are (a small me), would be responding. It would be powerful and effective and would make no person or situation into an enemy.

Soul - On thursday, stressful n faced wit d new biz report. Feel like cryin n ask FM to do. Then I calmed myself, got a drink and said I can do it n I will. Then tell FM that she has to do next qtr. Then call Regional, turns out report is simpler than I tot. So, not only I complete report, I also don't hav to do anymore.

A new earth
How u react to people and situations, especially when challenges arise, is the best indicator of how deeply u know urself.
The more limited, the more narrowly egoic the view of urself, the more u will see, focus on, and react to the egoic limitations, the unconsciousness in others.
Their "fault" or what u perceive as their faults become to u their identity. This means u will see only the ego in them and thus strengthen the ego in urself.
Instead of looking "through" the ego in others, u are looking "at" the ego. Who is looking at the ego? The ego in u.
Very unconscious people experience their own ego through its reflection in others. When u realise that what u react in others is also in u (and sometimes only in u), u begin to become aware of ur own ego. At that stage, u may also realise that u were doing to others what u tot others were doing to u. You cease seeing urself as a victim. You are not the ego, so when u become aware of the ego in u, it does not mean u know who u are - it means u know who u r not.
But it is through knowing who u r not, that the greates obstacle to truly knowing urself is removed.

Afternoon
Today was in a client meeting wit CEO. She looks downright ugly. Her presence is quite bad. I wonder why I never see her ugliness before. Why I can see now?

I saw all these people n wonder if they experience d blissfulness of their Being, if they know what liberation means. LK is right, my laughter during meditation is happier than before. I m wondering perhaps cld be me taking veg or it cld be not following my ego on chasing new career.

A new earth
If the tot of lack - whether it be money, recognition, or love - has become part of who u are, u will always experience lack.
Rather than acknowledging the good that is already in ur life, all u see is lack.
Acknowledging the good that is already in ur life, is the foundation for all abundance.

The fact is ; Whatever u think the world is withholding from you, you are witholding from the world.
You are withholding it because deep down u think u r small and that u have nothing to give.
You cannot receive what u don't give.
Whatever u think the world is withholding from u, u already have, but unless u allow it to flow out, u won't even know u have it.

Soul - well, I admit I previously lacked love but now I can see I hav received loads from my family, friends, staff and d world. I no longer need to arrange for appt during weekend. I can jus be.
Well, now I m helpin people at Isha, which is a beginning.

A new earth
There is nothing wrong with psychoanalysis or finding out about ur past as long as u don't confuse knowing about yourself with knowing yourself. it is content and not essence. Going beyond ego is stepping out of content. Knowing yourself, is being yourself and being yourself is ceasing to identify with content.

Only if we are still enough inside and the noise of thinking subsides, can we become aware that there is a hidden harmony here, a sacredness, a higher order in which everything has its perfect place and could not be other than what it is and the way it is.
When u can sense d sacredness, u become a conscious participant. In this way, nature can help u to become realignes with the wholeness of life.

The wise man's "maybe" signifies a refusal to judge anything that happens. Instead of judging what is, he accepts is and so enter into conscious alignment with the higher order.
He knows that often it is impossible for the mind to understand what place or purpose, a seemingly random event has in the tapestry of the whole. But there are no random events, nor are there events or things exist by and for themselves, in isolation.

"I don't mind what happens"
Does this means u can no longer take action to bring about change in ur life? On the contrary, when the basis of ur action is inner alignment wit the present moment, ur actions become empowered by the intelligence of Life itself.

Events are not personalised. He is nobody's victim. He is so completely at one wit what happens, that what happens has no power over him anymore.
Only if u resist what happens, are u at the mercy of what happens, and the world determine ur happiness and unhappiness.

Become "friendly" with the present moment, welcome it no matter in what disguise it comes and soon you will see the results.
Life become friendly toward u, people become helpful, circumstances cooperative.
One decision changes ur entire reality
But that one decision u have to make again and again and again - until it becomes natural to live in such a way.
The decision to make the present moment into ur friend, is d end of the ego.
Ego's nature is to ignore, resist or devalue the Now.
Ego lives in time, past and fute. Fear, anxiety, expectation, regret, guilt, anger are the dysfunction of the time-bound of consciousness.

Pain-body and ego are close relatives

Jan 8
I seek to understand feeler. Its true m INTP n works well with thinkers but d market is wit d Feelers. They need my help to give them objective thinking as their thinking function is swarmed wit pain bodies resulting in reactiveness.

Also, by understanding Feelers, I wld also be minimising my weakness and I wld be more symphatetic as a result of bringing in more feeling.

Yday becos of reporting stress, I was irritated at d no toilet key despite repeated reminders. I told her that m irritated n wanted to scold her. I was bit curious of my anger cos it has been awhile since i experienced anger.


A new earth
Someone wit a heavy pain-body easily finds reasons for being upset, angry, hurt, sad or fearful. Relatively insignificant things that someone else would shrug off with a smile or not even notice become apparent cause of intense unhappiness. The things are, of course, not the true cause but only act as trigger. They bring back to life the old accumulated emotion. The emotion then moves into the head and amplifies and energizes the egoic mind structures.

Pain-body and ego are close relatives. They need each other. The triggering event or situation is then interpreted and reacted to through the screen of a heavily emotional ego. Looking at present through the eyes of emotional past within u.
In other words, what u see and experience is not the event or situation but IN you. (CEO)
Or in some cases, it may be there is an event or situation, but you amplify it through your reaction. This reaction, this amplication, is what the pain-body wants and needs, what it feeds on. (PA)

When u r completely trapped in d movement of tot and the accompanying emotion, stepping outside is not possible because u don't even know that there is an outside. You are trapped in ur own movie/dream, in ur own hell.
To u it is reality and no other reality is possible. And as far as u r concerned, ur reaction is the only possible reaction.

Soul - Father, yeap I will seek understanding and knowledge on feeler. I guess New Earth is to put me to the path.
Also, I perhaps can understand as I hav been dreamin when I woke up n hence feeling tired n slight reluctance to do yoga. Luckily discipline is stronger.

A new earth
Breaking identification wit d pain-body
Person wit heavy pain-body has a energy emanation that other people perceive as extremely unpleasant. When others met them, some people wil immediately wan to remove themselves or reduce interaction wit him or her to a minimum
Others will feel a wave of aggression toward this person and they will be rude or attack him verbally or in some cases, even physically. This means there is something within them that resonates wit d other person pain-body. What they react to so strongly is also in them. It is their own pain-body.

Soul - people in my life who has high pain body -
Ex
Alice, Bee Ean

Current
CEO, SL, Max, J, Sa, PA,

Mmm, surprisingly I m ok wit all the pain-body. Whenever they react or scold me, m curious n wonder why and sometime I get angry when they r unreasonable. But I don't take their reaction personally n m fine wit them.
The only one I reacted was Alice. But that also happen when she was attacking my Identity as a good boss, my independence, trying to make me kow tow. And to my ego, work is a reflection of me, u attack my work, u attack me.
Otherwise, I m fine wit her n we do get along as long as I give in to her.

A new earth
Not surprisingly, people wit heavy and frequently active pain-bodies often find themselves in conflict situation. Sometime of cos, they actively provokes. Other times, they may not actually do anything.

It requires a high degree of Presence to avoid reacting when confronted by someone wit active pain-body.
If u r able to stay present, it sometimes happens that ur Presence enables the other person to disidentify from his or her own pain-body and thus experience the miracle of sudden awakening.

Present - no tot, not judgement and listening in stillness without any mental commentary.
Do not react, do not confirmed the reality of his/her story, not fill her mind wit more tot and her pain body wit more emotion.

Soul - I must learn this. I don't react. I don't confirm d reality but I do give them more tots. And sometimes, it is taken out of context and proportion.
Learn NOT to offer input.
Let it dissolve by itself.
Darkness disperse when Light came
Pain-body dissolve when Presence is there.

A new earth
I have allowed her to experience whatever she was experiencing at that moment and the power of allowing lies in non-interference, non-doing.
Being present is always more powerful than anything one could say or do, although sometimes being present can give rise to words or actions.
Thinking midn wil say that u r uncaring, distant, no compassion and not relating. The truth is u r relating, but at a level deeper than tot and emotion.
In the stillness of Presence, u can sense the formlessness in urself and in the other as one.
Knowing the oneness of yourself and the other is true love, true care and true companion.


Soul - oh, can give input.

Father, I used to judge feeler n think they lower level than thinkers. Alas today I will wan to learn n understand feeler. Perhaps feeler is jus thinkers wit pain-body. I cld easily have been a feeler.
For d first time, we hav a feeler in immediate family - nephew.

7thunder card
Nine of spade
Clear away unwanted and useless debris in our life. And put us back on a new course where we r much enlivened and satisfied.

Afternoon
Jus now did my confrontation wit my staff. I reprimanded her n told her to be cautious in future. She cried n I hug her. Good feeling.

The CEO, at first again claim she is not aware of d leave. I told her that I did run thru wit her. Then she relented n go thru my summary comm. She stil wan to cf to retirement. Jus realised that if she continue, her leave payout will be higher. But then she is sayin 1 mth notice, so not much difference loh.
CEO - ESFJ,

A new earth
Some pain-bodies react to only one particular kind of trigger or situation, which is usually one that resonates wit a certain kind of emotional pain suffered in the past. It can even cause a conscious person to be unconscious.

Soul - my trigger is in relationship. Jus got a note n my ego start. I stop it but can sense it buzzing. Well, now everything is possible n I m centred.

A new earth
When those triggers occur, u will immediately see them for what they are and enter a heightened state of alertness. Within a second or two, u will also notice the emotional reaction that is arising in the pain-body, but in that state of alert presence, u won't identify wit it, which means the pain-body cannot take u over and become voice in ur head.

Question frequently asked, "How long does it take to become free of the pain-body?
The anwser is, of course, that it depends both on the density of an individual pain-body as well as the degree or the intensity of that individual arising Presence.
But it is not the pain-body but identification wit d pain-body that forces u to relive the past again and again and lkeeps u in a state of unconsciousness.
Then the question become, "How long does it takes to become free of identification wit d pain-body?

Answer - "It takes no time all.

Every time u r present when the pain-body arises, some of the pain-body negative emotional energy will burn up, as it were, and become transmuted into Presence. The rest of the pain-body will quickly withdraw and wait for a better opportunity to arise again, that is to say, when u r less conscious.
The pain-body needs ur unconsciousness. It cannot tolerate the light of Presence.
The emotion is not who u are.

Jus know that the pain-body is in u.
When identification it ceases, the transmutation begins.
The knowing prevents the old emotion from rising yr into ur head and taking over not only the internal dialogue, but also interactions with other people.

Don't make it into ur problem. Accept it.
Accepting means u allow urself to feel whatever it is u r feeling at that moment.
Be ye perfect. U don't need to become whole, but be what u already are - with or without the pain-body.

Soul
Ego - here goes, another one that wil reject me. Not sure if I wan to go thru this.
Another tot, nope. We r fine. We only making friends, don't be melodramatic.

Pain-bodies / karma

Jan 7
Father, yday meditation. I was laughing so much. For a moment, I worried abt my brother saying I cld be overdosed when I go to Samyama. But I dismissed it cos I trust Sadhguru.

I jus realised yday, that my slight apprehension on CEO is from d PA. I m glad she be gone soon.

Also, I noted d CEO immediately jump on the partial restoration, claiming credit. She said to tell mgm that it was us who asked it back and not Regional. Infact at first she want to said it was her but changed to us. To me, it was Regional who granted. Now I can see d resemblance between CEO and PA.

Yday PA shared abt coconut oil for npse block. I recalled Sadhguru mention something similar n I wanted that. PA then said she plan to pour into small bottle to sell. The big bottle is only 48 n like that also want to sell. Can't she give. Like I buy her dessert d other day also 12 n she didn't even pay me back, especially since she was d one who asked for it. So money minded.
Then I tot, well, perhaps I m d one that is too little and she is ok.
So, at least be glad that she will take any opp to sell. Hey, that sounds like CEO too.
They r real mirror to each other n both not acknowledging it.

On ego havin opposite. Yday was excited n told CEO abt partial restoration n later at nite ego said I shldnt tell. I be in trouble. Yes n no also him. My mind, really no principle. No wonder lasted 9.5 years until I take steps to break it. Win for PA cos have money. Win for CEO cos have peace. Win for me cos have peace too.

Whereas d state of Being has no opposite. No matter if I m down or up, I always emit laughter. That I know.

A new earth
Let go of your, "me and my story" and return to the only place of power; the present moment.

The past lives in u as memories, but memories in themselves are not a problem. In fact thru memory, we learn from d past and from past mistakes. It is only when memories or tots of the past, take u over completely that they turn into a burden, turn problematic and become part of ur sense of self.
We can learn not to keep situations or events alive in our minds (whether happen yesterday or 30 years ago), but to return our attention continuously to the pristien, timeless present moment, rather than be caught up in mental movie-making.
Our very Presence then becomes our identity, rather than our tots and emotions.

Any negative emotion that is not fully faced and seen for what it is in the moment it arises does not completely dissolve. It leaves behind a remnant of pain.

Children in particular find strong negative emotions too overwhelming to cope with and tend to try to not to feel them. Unfortunately, that early defense mechanism usually remains in place when the child becomes an adult.
People wit heavy pain-bodies usually have a better chance to awaken spirtually than those withj a relativelu light one.
These r the one who cannot live with their unhappiness any longer and so their motivation to awaken becomes strong.

Like all life form, the pain-bodies periodically needs to be feed - to take in new energy - the food it requires to replenish itself consist of energy that is compatible wit its own, which is to say, energy that vibrates at a similar frequency.
That's why it thrives on negative thinking as well as drama in relationships. The pain-body is in addition to unhappiness.

Soul - CEO feeds on PA and vice versa. No wonder after so many years, d issue escalates rather than go down.
So, my tot was correct. I see as PA not good for CEO as she aggravates CEO wit her mood. Whereas my staff would be calmer n better effect on CEO, at least no aggravation.


A new earth
It may be shocking when u realise for d first time that there is something within u that periodically seeks emotional negativity, seeks unhappiness.

You need even more awareness to see it in yourself than to recognise it in another person.
Once the unhappiness has taken u over, not only u do not want an end to it, but u want others just as miserable as u are in order to feed on their negative emotional reaction.

Soul
Ironically last monday I was askin this question and now answer came. I can now understand CEO's explosive reaction on no electricity. Something so impersonal can be taken personally.
What abt mine?

A new earth
Pain-bodies
Thru their reactivity, relatively insignificant matters are blown up out of all proportion as they try to pull other people into their drama by getting them to react.
Unaware of the pain, they carry inside, by their reaction, they project the pain into events and situations.
Usually they end up creating enemies within their own organisation, because wherever they go, they find reasons for feeling bad, so their pain-body continues to find exactly what it is looking for.

Soul - My CEO and PA has real dense pain-body.
When I read this a year back. Knew CEO pain body but somehow I forgot.

A new earth
T'ai chi - movement meditation that stills the mind.

Pain-body in children
Can manifest as weeping fits or temper tantrums. The child screams, may throw himself on the floor or become destructive. Thwarted wanting can easily trigger pain-body, and in a developing ego, the force of wanting can be intense.
While the child is having a pain-body attack, there isn't much u can do except to stay present so that u r not drawn into an emotional reaction. The child's pain-body would only feed on it. Pain-bodies can be extremely dramatic. Don't buy into the drama. Don't take it too seriously. If the pain-body was triggered by thwarted wanting, don't give in now to its demands. Otherwise, the child will learn;"The more unhappy I become, the more likely I am to get what I want.".
This is a recipe for dysfunction in later life.
The pain body will be frustated by non-reaction and may briefly act up even more before it subsides. Fortunately, pain-body episodes in children are usually more short-lived.
A little while after it has subsided, or perhaps the next day, u can talk to the child.
What came over u yday when u woudlnt stop screaming?
Do you remember?
What did if feel like?
Was it a good feelinng!
Can u paint a picture of what it would look like?
What happened to it when it went away
Do u think it may come back.
The above is to awaken the witnessing faculty in the child, which is d Presence.
Let ur attitude be one of interest or curiosity rather than one of critricism or condemnation.

Soul - my nephew. I am on d right track.

Evenin
I reach home and looked at my nephew wit a new light. I will help him wit this pain body. Among my family, my nephew has the heavies.