I am truly not such a big ass in romantic relationship - I am just not a player

Sept 20 mor

The Twelfth Insight
It is a lot harder to follow ur intuition when it means having to change plan.

Soul
Tell me about it. Ha ha.

The Twelfth Insight
Male and female in romantic relationship
We all play game of sex and security. U think u have to be in control so u limit ur connection with me, or manipulate it in some way. But the fact is, this habit of closing off to some women is probably something u always done.

Soul
Z definitely did that and openly told me. Whereas I open up completely. I told him let me be. He said I be hurt. I said let that be mine lesson. I m committed to learn all I can from our relationship. If he doesn't want to learn, its up to him.
He chose to control and not to learn. He was even proud of the fact that he never let me know what he truly thinks.
Well, the loss is for him. He lost a great catch, me! 

Father, thank you. Reading this reminds me that I m not as big ass I tot I was. The only way out was in. In my case I knew Z was my Cosmic lesson. So I do expect pain. Actually it is not that bad. The main issue was my own Saturn lesson of Nine of Hearts and First karma cards of Two of Diamonds in letting go of bad relationship. It was long over but I couldn't release then. 

Father, I had zero parameter and he has maximum parameter in relationship.
Me - partner win I lost.

Him - partner lose as he won in the beginning. He will give what the partner wants to get her. But not sustainable cos its not him.
In the long run; he will lose cos not on win win.

The Twelfth Insight
I bet u never really opened up to any woman. U were busy manipulating, hoping to entice them into a relationship with u, or, on the other hand dismissing them altogether if they didnt seem like a sexual possibility.
We are all stuck in not fully connecting with those of the opposite sex - women using sexuality to manipulate men, men manipulate women to get sex.

Soul
Just what I said earlier. But I truly didnt play game. I had no parameter and couldn't play.
I think his wife knew how to play the game of sexuality. She needed to have heavy eye liner even for prayer session. Z met his match as both can play.

I m not their league. Perhaps that's it. God will give me someone that can't play like me too. I just need to be discriminating on my choice. It is done now that I know to set parameters.

Father, thank so much for this. Love U.

Finally got my finale story. Messaged to G about my discovery that both Z and wife are players. I m not.

Got an answer from G on both Z and wife are players:
Exactly what I thought they were like. I could not see Z as the same one as l had seen and the one you spoke of. My friend you have got there! Happy for u