North Node in Taurus - repressed anger due to fear of not being validated

May 12
Body woke up fresh before alarm around 4 plus. But I waited till alarm rang at 4.35 am.

Did Bhuta Shuddi and sang guru pooja followed by 3 cycle cat stretch.
Did one cycle of yoga Namaskar and Surya kriya.
Breathing was lovely. Shakti was good with slow Kapala Bhakti. Only in third cycle I was distracted with tots.
Shambavi was good too. Towards the end just head tilted up watching breathe.


North node in Taurus
Validation.
These folks carry a lot of anger. However their anger is really based on fear: fear of not being respected, not being liked, not being treated as human being.
They often become frustrated and feel robbed of self-worth when they do not get the validation they think they deserve from others. All their fears are around the issue of: "How am I going to be acknowledged or recognised?"  They feel afraid and angry because they are giving and they are not getting back what they need. But this need can never be satisfied externally. They can never get enough validation from others - no matter how much wealth, prestige or power they have - to feel good about themselves on a deep level.

The resolution for their anger involves beginning to live in ways that are self validating, in accord with their own values. When they stop looking to others to provide their self-worth and start looking inside themselves, suddenly their anger becomes productive energy.
Sometimes they pursue career that are not really what they feel called to do but are what they think will draw validation from other people.

Soul
Validation was the main reason I hold on to local Isha. But the price to pay to receive the validation is not worth the price I have to pay in volunteering and leading the team.
Now that I finally okay in not having the external validation. I feel validated by myself. So no anger.

North node in Taurus
The validation they can count on consistently - appreciating themselves rather than for meeting someone else's needs. They need to establish ways of feeding themselves energy so that they become self-contained. Then they can interact with others because they want to, rather than out of neediness.

Soul
True. Yesterday feels great to be able to attend Sathsang. I feel I m back to myself. I can be an expression of what Sathsang can be. Yesterday special meditation I went in.

North node in Taurus
One positive, self validating action would be to set up a financial plan for themselves. In addition spending each day putting energy into things that are personally meaningful to them is self-validating - such as preparation of good meals. The idea is to engage in regular activities that nurture and help them feel good about themselves, regardless of the input from others. When they do this they are on track.

Soul
I love my sadhanas. I love my food. I love my writing.
Doing all these three makes me happy.
Financially I m fine but somehow reluctant to invest.