Rheumatoid Arthristis - physical sympthom of me not validating myself

Apr 18 eve
Father, L and I have met ten years ago in ACIM session. We can't remember each other. She said she couldn't read ACIM and felt insecure then. I told her now is the right time for her. I think I am to meet her again to ask her to use ACIM.

Today my card was Nine of Hearts, giving counsel. First I met As, then I was surprised by my FC asking about her issue and shared with her tendency of Eight of Diamonds, guarding their values tightly and disregarding others, not open. Also realised M has the same cards as her King and Eight. Double mirror, no wonder both doesn't like each other.
Then now L. Three counsel sessions today and yet I don't feel drained. I now know I m to learn from who I teach. So, I see people u sent to me to teach is an opportunity for me to learn.

L told me her name represents the goddess of plentiful of everything.

And here I named myself Joy cos I am Joy. But yet I still have not use verbalise my new name yet. Waiting for name card.

Father, just received Deb Shapiro book today. I read it a couple months ago and tot its a good book to buy for keep.
Now just flicking thru the book and turn to auto immune disorder and saw this line;
"Do u feel as if u r not really valid?" 
Are u overly critical of yourself?
Do u constantly put urself down?
Have u lost ur ability to discriminate?
Do u let someone else determine what u think or feel?

When I read the book then, I was not able to relate to all of this, I could only relate to the information on inflammation; whose cause is due to suppressed anger.

But now after knowing my issue on validation, recognition of my true self to others and setting too high expectation on myself, I can now see it. I tot I was kind to myself but actually I was not.

Deb Shapiro
Under inflammation;
Is there a battle going on between what is acceptable and what is not?

There is a war going on between an invading substance and ur inner being, ur immune system is fighting with ur non self in order to maintain balance.
Perhaps u r failing to acknowledge this war within urself.

Soul
Yes. I truly didn't know. I tot I was self centred and others tot so too. How can I not be validating myself when I don't do things that I don't want...yea...but do I truly do things that I really want???

But I knew now I only show things that I tot is socially acceptable. That's why it took me four and half year to recognise Sadhguru as my Guru. The same length that I was hiding myself as his devotee.

Now I knew my resistance to change diet was due to lack of acceptance. Now that I acknowledge my own rights to my own diets, the door is opened.

Suddenly I cried. Father, I wish everyone can see this. All illness is just due to our ignorance. It is so well hidden that it escaped everyone, even our own self.
I know now that I m given the gift to see this so that I can share with others.
I may not be an expert but I am a good applicator and a dialectic that can connect all the invisible dots together to create a picture that others can see.
For the first time I finally accepted my destiny of bringing hidden self knowledge. No more resistance. All is gone.
I have found and validate myself.
Anymore fear is now open and will be consciously addressed
There is No More reason for any RA symptoms as everything is now open, no more hiding. Amen.