With my pessimism and control mechanism....abundance is missing

May 8 eve
Be the Change
Robert Thurman
When we discover inner happiness, it wells up out of our being. We realise that our basic nature is happiness. We realised this through meditation.

Soul
Joy is within me.

Just did Shoonya and Samyama. Shoonya went in real deep, as if I got into deep sleep with system shut down. Samyama was fine. Couldn't end it. Just want to stay in silence.

S called on E. She was worried she be sacked. I was not willing to advice her cos she still uncertain of what she truly want. And also cos I knew her values are different from mine. Hope she will sail through.
When she shared about how extreme her boss was and how  pressed she become. I wanted to say that how others feel about her too. Hope she learned her lessons.

Now reading Most and More by mahatria Ra - good.
Abundance
Abundance is just manifested energy. If I can take care of my energy levels, my abundance will be taken care of.
Nothing will be mine unless I am convinced that it belongs to me. I deserve abundance. I am not going in search of abundance but I will make abundance flow into my life.

On the road to abundance I may face challenges and setbacks. Yet I never feel defeated. As the 'road closed' just means that I cannot go on this particular road. My path may change ... my destination never will.

Gratitude and giving are ways of creating abundance.

Soul
Abundance is alien to me. I can't recall if it is even in my vocabulary.
I should not be surprised since I operate from control. To control I need to set parameter. My control resulted in over active defence mechanism. So, generally can't give. That's why destiny card of Queen of Diamonds - philanthropist; used to be so far off. But I m closing up. First thing is less hang up on money.
Just now I suddenly tot I got to pay a big sum for car overhaul, so should not spend on travel to India in July. I remind myself I got money. It's ok to go. Besides my additional tax instalment will be over in June.

Suddenly tot of my year card - Ace of Diamonds in Displacement in Ruling and Nine of Diamonds in result for Destiny

Nine of Diamonds
By ur next birthday u will be less attached to money and will have a new and broadened perspective about money that gives u more freedom and less concern than before.
U will know the true cycle of prosperity - that it follows cycles that goes in and out and that only by following with it, can we have a peace of mind.

Soul
So true. Give up 2 days of weekly salary. And now did not blink on the car.
I can't say I mastered the cycle of prosperity or giving. But I don't mind the cycle of flowing out.
Not sure when flowing in.

A tot came. Perhaps that's also why I find it difficult to let go of Z as I tot there is no more chance left. But I know it may not be true.