The new role is not right for me

Jul 23 Aft
Father, I am bit off cos this month has payroll under me.

Father, I don't think I can wait till year end. I am glad of the session today with E. It goes to prove that I definitely cannot have part time. He expect everyone to work like him. With J, she understand cos she too balance life with work.

I am worried old company cannot take me back. Actually the fear is on money. I am worried if I let go of new company, old company cannot have me back as I am already out of their payroll. And now with 3k car loan instalment.

Father, this job not only takes lots of my time but also it requires detailed attention to everything. It is not so case of managing resources. It is also doing everything urself. And we have a Ten of Diamond who drives everything.

From Feb till now I am stressed out. This month will be on payroll. Every month got some issues. And the accrued revenue recon still headache. I think main issue is with E. Over here I know what to do, but I guess it is a loss of control. I am used to a managerial role with authority.
I am not keen on what I am doing. It is like going backward. They pay me high salary but do lots of manual tasks. E is fine but not me.
I also know that once I settled things, he will again bring up new things. He needed to work.

I will chat with V first.
Also, the finale will be after Sathsang with Sadhguru. By end August convey - they start searching for replacement.

1. Issue
Breakthrough
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough.

Meditation will help u go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert. The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn come closer, the night will become darker.

If u r now feeling that "enough is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.

Soul
I am having enough of new company.
I have not break yet but I don't want to wait till then. I want to do the break consciously.

2. Internal influence
New Vision
Now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.

Soul
Father, I have no regrets joining E. It has made me realise money and corporate fame is not that important to me. It has made me aware of my Top 5.

E persistence in all areas just served to further confirm my decision. He is more control freak than me. His livelihood depends on this. Father, I don't judge nor blame him for helping me to make this decision.
I used to hate A for making me leave. Then I had some anger on J. But now with E, there is not judgment. I just admit defeat, I cannot handle him and the work load he created.

(Aug 20 - Sadhguru said we pursue what we know of. If you know money, you pursue money; if you know work, you pursue more work)

3. External influence of which u r aware
Trust
Now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord! And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets, that the Knight of Water demands from us.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Understanding
In the inner sky, in the inner world, freedom is the highest value - everything else is secondary, even blissfulness, ecstasy.

U r out of jail, out of the cage; u can open ur wings and the whole sky is urs.


5. Resolution
Receptivity
When u listen, u become just a passage, a passivity, a receptivity, a womb; u become feminine. God can only reach u when u r receptive, a feminine receptivity. When u become yin, a receptivity, the door is open - and u wait.
Listening is the art for becoming passive.

The Queen of Water brings a time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without any expectations or demands. Neither duty or thought of merit or reward are important.