May 18 evenin
Osho
One has to follow ego into one's being from body to mind, from mind to self, one has to seek and see all the hideouts.
Once you have known all the possibilities of ego-assertion, in that understanding, in that awareness, ego disappears.
When ego disappears, your body is different, your mind is different, your self is different.
You are in the body, but u r not the body.
You are no more the mind. You use the mind, it becomes an instrument but u r not identified wit it.
You use the self, but u r not identified with it.
Once u start coming out of ur limit, u r unlimited. You are as unlimited as the whole; you r the whole. There will be great transformations.
Your body will become more affectionate, more warm. Your body will have the quality of weightlessness.
You will become more loving and more sensitive. You will find more greenery compared with others. Your senses become so sensitive. Your body will just be a passage, a tremendous receptivity. It will simply soak up and take it to ur heart. And the whole of life will take a different luminosity - it will become colorful, psychedelic.
Soul
When I touch the tree, I can sense them talking to me. I can dance with a flower bud.
When I listen to Guru pooja, I broke down.
When I listen to Brahma Nanda, I melt...
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Control results in stress
May 18
Father, alas the flower essence is workin. Didn't realise I was in undergoing internal stress. I knew I was not as connected to the Source for the last 2 weeks but didn't realise it was becos I was too much in the mind. Stressful that I can't make it for my Destiny.
I will now admit to I am a worrier
Osho
1. The Issue - Stress
The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening of their own accord.
The accidental man is a doer, in anxiety, tension and stress.
We create the stress ourselves, with the idea that without us, nothing will happen, especially in the way we want it to!
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see - Success.
One moment, you are the wave, another moment, you are the hollow wake that follows. Enjoy both - don't get addicted to one. It is not possible to be always in the peak. Nobody can exist continuously in an excitement.
Don't be tempted to try to hold on to this abundant moment.
The greatest wisdom to keep in mind with all the phenomena in the parade of your life, whether they be valleys or peaks, is that "this too will pass. "
Soul
Father, this down is not really down, but becos I have such a high peak, a month ago, I tot m going down. I have some expectation that I be transformed but nothing happen.
3. External Influence - The Miser.
The moment u start clingly to things, u have missed the target. Becos things are not the target, you, ur innermost being, is the target, an open being, available to million of things.
Whatever u r holding on to, remember that u can't take it with u. Loosen ur grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.
4. What is needed for resolution?
The Source
Zen asks u to come out of the head and go to the basic source. If all the energy is used in the head, u will never become aware of ur eternity....You will never know as an experience what it is to be one with the whole.
Zazen means sitting at the very source, not moving anywhere, a tremendous force arises, a transformation of energy into light and love, into greater life, into compassion, into creativity.
Learn how to be at the Source. Then the Source will decide where ur potential is. You can relax and let it take u to ur vrry potential.
Soul
How? Only thing is to continue with my meditation.
5. Resolution - Celebration
Life is a moment to celebrate, to enjoy. Make it fun, a celebration and then u will enter the temple.
Your cleverness is ur disease. Don't be too wise. Always remember to stop; don't go to the extreme. A little foolishness and a little wisdom is good and the right combination makes u a buddha.
Celebration never need to depend on outside circumstances. True celebration arises from a joy that is first experienced deep within, and spills over into an overflow of song and dance and laughter, and yes, even tears of gratitude.
Soul
I have experienced and continue to experience during meditation. Aiyah, jus savour lah my 4 days week. It jus started 1 month and already I wan to see something else and here I didn't do anything to get something else and I didn't wan to do anyway.
So, give myself time off for 2010. Jus savour this time off. Very few people can afford to have.
(June 4 - yday, while driving to meet my friends for dinner..suddenly felt happy and laughed uncontrollably..its meditation by itself)
Father, alas the flower essence is workin. Didn't realise I was in undergoing internal stress. I knew I was not as connected to the Source for the last 2 weeks but didn't realise it was becos I was too much in the mind. Stressful that I can't make it for my Destiny.
I will now admit to I am a worrier
Osho
1. The Issue - Stress
The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening of their own accord.
The accidental man is a doer, in anxiety, tension and stress.
We create the stress ourselves, with the idea that without us, nothing will happen, especially in the way we want it to!
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see - Success.
One moment, you are the wave, another moment, you are the hollow wake that follows. Enjoy both - don't get addicted to one. It is not possible to be always in the peak. Nobody can exist continuously in an excitement.
Don't be tempted to try to hold on to this abundant moment.
The greatest wisdom to keep in mind with all the phenomena in the parade of your life, whether they be valleys or peaks, is that "this too will pass. "
Soul
Father, this down is not really down, but becos I have such a high peak, a month ago, I tot m going down. I have some expectation that I be transformed but nothing happen.
3. External Influence - The Miser.
The moment u start clingly to things, u have missed the target. Becos things are not the target, you, ur innermost being, is the target, an open being, available to million of things.
Whatever u r holding on to, remember that u can't take it with u. Loosen ur grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.
4. What is needed for resolution?
The Source
Zen asks u to come out of the head and go to the basic source. If all the energy is used in the head, u will never become aware of ur eternity....You will never know as an experience what it is to be one with the whole.
Zazen means sitting at the very source, not moving anywhere, a tremendous force arises, a transformation of energy into light and love, into greater life, into compassion, into creativity.
Learn how to be at the Source. Then the Source will decide where ur potential is. You can relax and let it take u to ur vrry potential.
Soul
How? Only thing is to continue with my meditation.
5. Resolution - Celebration
Life is a moment to celebrate, to enjoy. Make it fun, a celebration and then u will enter the temple.
Your cleverness is ur disease. Don't be too wise. Always remember to stop; don't go to the extreme. A little foolishness and a little wisdom is good and the right combination makes u a buddha.
Celebration never need to depend on outside circumstances. True celebration arises from a joy that is first experienced deep within, and spills over into an overflow of song and dance and laughter, and yes, even tears of gratitude.
Soul
I have experienced and continue to experience during meditation. Aiyah, jus savour lah my 4 days week. It jus started 1 month and already I wan to see something else and here I didn't do anything to get something else and I didn't wan to do anyway.
So, give myself time off for 2010. Jus savour this time off. Very few people can afford to have.
(June 4 - yday, while driving to meet my friends for dinner..suddenly felt happy and laughed uncontrollably..its meditation by itself)
Shoulder stand after Shakti
May 17 Evenin
It has been abt 2 weeks since I have laughed so much during shakti. Today can do the shoulder posture, with legs behind. Did it twice. Body just become so nimble...no preparatory hatha yoga steps. This just proves the effect of meditation..
When tots came, I jus let them be. Both positive and negativ tot. I now admit I like romance.
Osho
Either u grow so big that only you exist and nothing else, or become so small, so small that everything exists except you; from both standpoints you will take the jump to oneness.
Affirmation - I am God; I am truth (Krishna)
Negation - I am not (Buddha)
Both silence has the same taste, same blissfulness.
But one who is still trying to seek cannot be both. One who has arrived ...both have dissolved for him.
Never choose opposite things together, otherwise u will create a split in ur being.
Soul
I have chosen affirmation.
I only need to remember my high low energy points.
It has been abt 2 weeks since I have laughed so much during shakti. Today can do the shoulder posture, with legs behind. Did it twice. Body just become so nimble...no preparatory hatha yoga steps. This just proves the effect of meditation..
When tots came, I jus let them be. Both positive and negativ tot. I now admit I like romance.
Osho
Either u grow so big that only you exist and nothing else, or become so small, so small that everything exists except you; from both standpoints you will take the jump to oneness.
Affirmation - I am God; I am truth (Krishna)
Negation - I am not (Buddha)
Both silence has the same taste, same blissfulness.
But one who is still trying to seek cannot be both. One who has arrived ...both have dissolved for him.
Never choose opposite things together, otherwise u will create a split in ur being.
Soul
I have chosen affirmation.
I only need to remember my high low energy points.
Self Understanding - the key
May 17
Father, today I felt awake. Meditatiion was also fine, 10 min longer than norm. My finger swell has reduced. I know it will go down.
Alas, my path is affirmation. I will continue.
As for my chronic disease, it is further confirmed that it is my cosmic lesson. I who was disconnected with emotion and body is afflicted with physical ailment. And my life lesson is 7 of Spade, Card of Faith; to have faith that I am fine despite the physical ailment.
Last friday discussed wit D and she asked me where should she start first. I told her yoga and reiki. Since body is her doorway, she can start wit that. Suddenly I have the insight that my doorway is my mind.
So, for me, mind is the strongest and followed by emotion and alas body. I used mind to the exclusion of others. So, my emotion is repressed and body is vulnerable and would receive the overall impact from whatever stirred in my mind.
Since my mind is strongest and by nature it is political and can be used for positive and negative tots. By doing meditation, I slowed down the mind activity and have more energy to be aware of emotion and body.
This is further confirmed wit my Mars of 3 Spade and Pluto of Jack of Club that states my mind is very creative and have so many ideas, can be good and bad.
This mornin I also tot of doing my reading and also for V and see if it is saleable.
Osho
While Krishna is dancing as a wave, he is aware that he belongs to the ocean, he is the ocean itself. But as far as we are concerned, we know ourselves only as waves.
Chaitanya
Such a rational intellect, who had indulged in hair splittung interpretation of words and concepts throughout his life, was one day found singing and dancing through the street of Navadeep.
He was not a man of love, and he turned to love and devotion - which was a miracle.
This 180 degree turn in his life demonstrates the victory of love over logic.
He had defeated all his contemporaries with his logic, but when he came to himself, he found it to be a self-defeating discipline.
He came to a point where the mind lost and life and love won. Beyond this point, one can only go with life and love.
He renounces mind, renounces thinking and declare that "Reality is beyond thought, it is unthinkable."
He demonstrates that they alone can transcend thinking who first enter into the very depth of thinking and explore it through and through. Then they are bound to come to a point where thinking ends and the unthinkable begins.
This last frontier of mind is where a statement like this is born. He crosses the last frontier of mentation.
Life begins where logic ends.
Soul
This is me.
2 years ago, I decided my mind was shitty and my mind can't help me anymore and meditation found me and I have a glimpse of beyond mind. Alas, after 1.5 years, I am singing and dancing during meditation.
I guess, when I managed to deactivate the mind, it becomes useful once more and I become to rely it again and hence create the politics of positive and negative path. Well, am straightened, I am on positive path.
Father, today I felt awake. Meditatiion was also fine, 10 min longer than norm. My finger swell has reduced. I know it will go down.
Alas, my path is affirmation. I will continue.
As for my chronic disease, it is further confirmed that it is my cosmic lesson. I who was disconnected with emotion and body is afflicted with physical ailment. And my life lesson is 7 of Spade, Card of Faith; to have faith that I am fine despite the physical ailment.
Last friday discussed wit D and she asked me where should she start first. I told her yoga and reiki. Since body is her doorway, she can start wit that. Suddenly I have the insight that my doorway is my mind.
So, for me, mind is the strongest and followed by emotion and alas body. I used mind to the exclusion of others. So, my emotion is repressed and body is vulnerable and would receive the overall impact from whatever stirred in my mind.
Since my mind is strongest and by nature it is political and can be used for positive and negative tots. By doing meditation, I slowed down the mind activity and have more energy to be aware of emotion and body.
This is further confirmed wit my Mars of 3 Spade and Pluto of Jack of Club that states my mind is very creative and have so many ideas, can be good and bad.
This mornin I also tot of doing my reading and also for V and see if it is saleable.
Osho
While Krishna is dancing as a wave, he is aware that he belongs to the ocean, he is the ocean itself. But as far as we are concerned, we know ourselves only as waves.
Chaitanya
Such a rational intellect, who had indulged in hair splittung interpretation of words and concepts throughout his life, was one day found singing and dancing through the street of Navadeep.
He was not a man of love, and he turned to love and devotion - which was a miracle.
This 180 degree turn in his life demonstrates the victory of love over logic.
He had defeated all his contemporaries with his logic, but when he came to himself, he found it to be a self-defeating discipline.
He came to a point where the mind lost and life and love won. Beyond this point, one can only go with life and love.
He renounces mind, renounces thinking and declare that "Reality is beyond thought, it is unthinkable."
He demonstrates that they alone can transcend thinking who first enter into the very depth of thinking and explore it through and through. Then they are bound to come to a point where thinking ends and the unthinkable begins.
This last frontier of mind is where a statement like this is born. He crosses the last frontier of mentation.
Life begins where logic ends.
Soul
This is me.
2 years ago, I decided my mind was shitty and my mind can't help me anymore and meditation found me and I have a glimpse of beyond mind. Alas, after 1.5 years, I am singing and dancing during meditation.
I guess, when I managed to deactivate the mind, it becomes useful once more and I become to rely it again and hence create the politics of positive and negative path. Well, am straightened, I am on positive path.
I am recovering
May 15 evenin
Heal your life dvd - Louis Hays
External challenge is ur own internal resistance to change
Learning to open and accept the miracle.
Universe love grateful people
Soul
My area of growth "Not enough". Its true, I have evolved so much these last 1 year. I hav experienced my knowledge. I have disidentify from my job. I now exercised daily. I am now working on 4 days week and now have time for my personal hobby and thru it all, still not enough. Aren't I ungrateful!
I tot Samyama will brought me over and much more. It did brought me over but I tot not enough. And since there is no course after Samyama, I tot I am stuck in the path, wit no sight of ending.
Today while I was swimming. This one of the rare time that I allow myself to stop and float momentarily while swimming. When I wasn't focus on reaching the ending, was ok in stopping half way, the journey seem less ardous.
Osho
Tao is a pathless path. It means the way and the goal are one. If you are on the way, you have arrived; because the journey and the destiny are not separate; the journey itself is the goal. The means is the end, there is no other end.
Once there is a goal, then u will become tense, because then there will arise the desire and the ambition to achieve it. Then u will have to prepare for it; time will be needed, methods, techniques will be needed; virtue, character will be needed. And u will always be anxious and afraid whether u are going in the right direction or not. Will u be able to make it or not?
The fear, the anxiety, the trembling will continue, because there is a future with the goal. When the way is the goal, there is no future, future is simply destroyed, time disappears.
Soul
I have the same Tao experience during my swim. Perhaps I can apply this to my path. I am already in the journey. I have arrived. There is no More.
Osho
It is the mind that wants to postpone, to divides the way and the goal. Then there is very much space for your mind to be projected into. Tao leaves no space for the mind.
Soul
I hear u. To be in the Now.
On a daily basis, when I woke up, my first tot is my RA and I hav to do hatha. I even now lost the joy of doing hatha cos I now do hatha becos of RA. Perhaps its becos I have been thinking abt it constantly and hence it reactivate. I called it up.
(June 4 - I am back. No longer tot of RA as swell has stopped and now start to enjoy hatha once more.)
Osho
Logic/knowledge never transforms anybody because u r dominated by the unconscious, not by the conscious.
Simply watch and see what is what inside u, things will start changing; and that change will be a surprise to u because you have not done anything for that change directly. It comes as a by-product, as a consequence of understanding.
(June 4 - That is exactly what I have been doing. Unravelling and understanding myself. Suddenly without my knowledge, I have changed..and I am not even controlling/directing the change. I know we are dominated by our unconscious..but I tot I cleared all the debris..Perhaps what is remaining is Light...and hence the difference in my reaction. Appreciation/Neutrel instead of resentment. Laughter instead of anger...)
Heal your life dvd - Louis Hays
External challenge is ur own internal resistance to change
Learning to open and accept the miracle.
Universe love grateful people
Soul
My area of growth "Not enough". Its true, I have evolved so much these last 1 year. I hav experienced my knowledge. I have disidentify from my job. I now exercised daily. I am now working on 4 days week and now have time for my personal hobby and thru it all, still not enough. Aren't I ungrateful!
I tot Samyama will brought me over and much more. It did brought me over but I tot not enough. And since there is no course after Samyama, I tot I am stuck in the path, wit no sight of ending.
Today while I was swimming. This one of the rare time that I allow myself to stop and float momentarily while swimming. When I wasn't focus on reaching the ending, was ok in stopping half way, the journey seem less ardous.
Osho
Tao is a pathless path. It means the way and the goal are one. If you are on the way, you have arrived; because the journey and the destiny are not separate; the journey itself is the goal. The means is the end, there is no other end.
Once there is a goal, then u will become tense, because then there will arise the desire and the ambition to achieve it. Then u will have to prepare for it; time will be needed, methods, techniques will be needed; virtue, character will be needed. And u will always be anxious and afraid whether u are going in the right direction or not. Will u be able to make it or not?
The fear, the anxiety, the trembling will continue, because there is a future with the goal. When the way is the goal, there is no future, future is simply destroyed, time disappears.
Soul
I have the same Tao experience during my swim. Perhaps I can apply this to my path. I am already in the journey. I have arrived. There is no More.
Osho
It is the mind that wants to postpone, to divides the way and the goal. Then there is very much space for your mind to be projected into. Tao leaves no space for the mind.
Soul
I hear u. To be in the Now.
On a daily basis, when I woke up, my first tot is my RA and I hav to do hatha. I even now lost the joy of doing hatha cos I now do hatha becos of RA. Perhaps its becos I have been thinking abt it constantly and hence it reactivate. I called it up.
(June 4 - I am back. No longer tot of RA as swell has stopped and now start to enjoy hatha once more.)
Osho
Logic/knowledge never transforms anybody because u r dominated by the unconscious, not by the conscious.
Simply watch and see what is what inside u, things will start changing; and that change will be a surprise to u because you have not done anything for that change directly. It comes as a by-product, as a consequence of understanding.
(June 4 - That is exactly what I have been doing. Unravelling and understanding myself. Suddenly without my knowledge, I have changed..and I am not even controlling/directing the change. I know we are dominated by our unconscious..but I tot I cleared all the debris..Perhaps what is remaining is Light...and hence the difference in my reaction. Appreciation/Neutrel instead of resentment. Laughter instead of anger...)
Feeling down...
May 15
Father, my ex boss called me. She finally quit her job and got a new one. I am happy for her.
Suddenly tot of me, others have proceed ahead. What abt me? My ego says m useless.
Tot of the exPA, perhaps that's why I judged her. She claim she knows and at high level and yet not able to overcome herself. What about me then? Then tot of me gaining weight. Tot of my joints pain.
Aiyoh, why so negative! Why just be happy for C and instead of feeling envious. I felt m not going anywhere. I am not even really doing promotion for isha. Then an alternative tot came in, you helped D yday and like she says, she had an ephiphany whenever she talked to u. You have given her a direction and both of u have found affirmation for ur path, she thru her body and u thru ur mind.
Alas, my mind is real politician, bad one at that. I am fine.
Afternoon
As I am reading the card, I realise that I don't enjoy it as much as I tot it would be. Just like astrology, I am only keen for it as a guide and I don't keen to learn it. Just like isha, I also use it as a tool.
Whenever I have to do something that require memorising, I felt restriction and require energy and I then didn't like it. I like things that I can explore on my own, think on my own, have my own ah ha moments. I like to create rather than follow.
That's why I won't be a Card reader or an Isha teacher. Anything that I have to study and memorise, I don't like.
(June 4 - I am back. I am keen in the Card. It is so real, I have completed reading my Life Path. I know what I will coach in - Self Understanding. When you understand yourself, you can accept and love yourself, then can return the favour to others...Yeap, thats my forte.)
I recalled in love, I need to have personal integrity. I know I have integrity at food, work and friendship but in love, I do not. Just like d drama with all the shortlisted recruits, they change their minds towards the end, to justify their means.
I can be like that too. I may not find them attractive but if they fulfill my expectation, I too changed my mind to be with the potential partner. Why??? Just like they want to find d candidate, I too wan to find my partner.
Bit scary.... I really need to look at this.
Father, my ex boss called me. She finally quit her job and got a new one. I am happy for her.
Suddenly tot of me, others have proceed ahead. What abt me? My ego says m useless.
Tot of the exPA, perhaps that's why I judged her. She claim she knows and at high level and yet not able to overcome herself. What about me then? Then tot of me gaining weight. Tot of my joints pain.
Aiyoh, why so negative! Why just be happy for C and instead of feeling envious. I felt m not going anywhere. I am not even really doing promotion for isha. Then an alternative tot came in, you helped D yday and like she says, she had an ephiphany whenever she talked to u. You have given her a direction and both of u have found affirmation for ur path, she thru her body and u thru ur mind.
Alas, my mind is real politician, bad one at that. I am fine.
Afternoon
As I am reading the card, I realise that I don't enjoy it as much as I tot it would be. Just like astrology, I am only keen for it as a guide and I don't keen to learn it. Just like isha, I also use it as a tool.
Whenever I have to do something that require memorising, I felt restriction and require energy and I then didn't like it. I like things that I can explore on my own, think on my own, have my own ah ha moments. I like to create rather than follow.
That's why I won't be a Card reader or an Isha teacher. Anything that I have to study and memorise, I don't like.
(June 4 - I am back. I am keen in the Card. It is so real, I have completed reading my Life Path. I know what I will coach in - Self Understanding. When you understand yourself, you can accept and love yourself, then can return the favour to others...Yeap, thats my forte.)
I recalled in love, I need to have personal integrity. I know I have integrity at food, work and friendship but in love, I do not. Just like d drama with all the shortlisted recruits, they change their minds towards the end, to justify their means.
I can be like that too. I may not find them attractive but if they fulfill my expectation, I too changed my mind to be with the potential partner. Why??? Just like they want to find d candidate, I too wan to find my partner.
Bit scary.... I really need to look at this.
Contradicting karma cards
May 14
Father, not sure why. But I felt a sense of appreciation for Regional team. This is a far cry from my feelings 2 years ago. From resentment to appreciation. I used to have resistance towards authorities.
This all started 2 month after samyama, I was surprised that I feel neutrel instead of resentment.
And now 3 months after samyama, I am further surprised, my neutrel feeling turns to appreciation.
My karma cards
Hidden areas of growth from past life - 3 of diamond - worry about not having enough value, love, money (insecurity)
Hidden qualities that are natural gifts and abilities from past life - 9 of diamond -able to release things and people.
Once they accessed the power of letting go, they are happy and somewhat carefree.
They are giving and less attached to people and things in their life. They have a look of wisdom on their face. They understand life as no others can because they can see well beyond their personal identity to the broad picture of the universe. The compassion they exude is real and comes from having consciously passed through many endings. Their happiness is real because it is not based on acquisition of any thing or person. It is based on the knowledge that they are in tune with the will of God and the cosmic flow.
Father, the 3 and 9 is so contradictory. If I am not able to overcome my 3, I cannot reach 9.
Alas, the meditation, Sadhguru and Osho helps me to keep 3 at bay so that I can proceed to 9 diamond (Universal values - the giver) is somewhat similar Queen diamond (the philanthropist). Both are givers.
(4 June - another way of looking at it, with my talent in Letting Go, I can then overcome my fear of not enough. mmm..a more positive note. So, instead of worrying about 3..just unravel my hidden talent of Letting go)
Afternoon
An ephiphanic meetup wit D. We went to this restaurant and it has not open yet. While waiting, I saw a signboard that talks about Bach flower essence. I recall that I read about this and is part of healing required for my RA.
My friend and I went up and I saw the Flower essence. Ask the lady to recommend as there were too many bottles, 28 in total. I told her about RA and possible solar plexus issue. She recommend Eros and I asked for the brochures. Brochures open up and just at the top of Eros is Transformation and it strikes me to read that Transformation first instead of Eros. Then I read Eros and found it not applicable to me and infact the right one was Transformation.
Transformation
Supporting personal growth and transformation
Choosing transformation means 'shining the light' on what needs to be reformed or changed. We can transform and harmonise seemingly opposite parts of ourselves, cultivate inner strength to preservere and stay on course, and willingly make sacrifices, which will serve our highest good.
When I was talking to D, suddenly tot of my 3 and 9 karma cards, such opposite. Then I realised my joints swell due to the stress resulting from inner conflict between my 3 and 9.
As I was leaving the place, suddenly checked a tarot card - New Beginning. To overcome my inner conflict and fear to follow my new path.
Now I know why my joints swell. I know its not work and is puzzled and sad why my joints swell so much. Anyway, I have just swallowed the flower essence. Will see.
(4 June - met up ex PA. She says she also have loads of clearing in April/May and according to her the planetary period is difficult for all.)
During lunch, when talking to D, realised her depression is due to the ceaserean rather than the general post natal depression. Her essence point start with the body. Her happiness is dependent on the body's happiness. That's why physical work such as housework, hatha yoga and reiki suits her.
Then it dawned on me that my vulnerable point is my mind. When I cannot use my mind in work, eg doing no mind task as reporting, I felt lousy and down and valueless.
I like reading books that stimulate me and I am attracted to intellectual guys, smart guys.
And since my strength/vulnerable point is my mind, I can be lost in my mind, feeling worry, anxiety and etc And meditation basically slow down the mind activity and hence that's why I take it like duck to water.
(June 4 - no wonder I seems to be not here..and disconnected from my body and emotion. No wonder, I overworked, couldn't listen to my emotion and body and got RA)
Both D and I are motivated as we received affirmation on our tool set. She is on yoga and reiki and me on my meditation.
Father, not sure why. But I felt a sense of appreciation for Regional team. This is a far cry from my feelings 2 years ago. From resentment to appreciation. I used to have resistance towards authorities.
This all started 2 month after samyama, I was surprised that I feel neutrel instead of resentment.
And now 3 months after samyama, I am further surprised, my neutrel feeling turns to appreciation.
My karma cards
Hidden areas of growth from past life - 3 of diamond - worry about not having enough value, love, money (insecurity)
Hidden qualities that are natural gifts and abilities from past life - 9 of diamond -able to release things and people.
Once they accessed the power of letting go, they are happy and somewhat carefree.
They are giving and less attached to people and things in their life. They have a look of wisdom on their face. They understand life as no others can because they can see well beyond their personal identity to the broad picture of the universe. The compassion they exude is real and comes from having consciously passed through many endings. Their happiness is real because it is not based on acquisition of any thing or person. It is based on the knowledge that they are in tune with the will of God and the cosmic flow.
Father, the 3 and 9 is so contradictory. If I am not able to overcome my 3, I cannot reach 9.
Alas, the meditation, Sadhguru and Osho helps me to keep 3 at bay so that I can proceed to 9 diamond (Universal values - the giver) is somewhat similar Queen diamond (the philanthropist). Both are givers.
(4 June - another way of looking at it, with my talent in Letting Go, I can then overcome my fear of not enough. mmm..a more positive note. So, instead of worrying about 3..just unravel my hidden talent of Letting go)
Afternoon
An ephiphanic meetup wit D. We went to this restaurant and it has not open yet. While waiting, I saw a signboard that talks about Bach flower essence. I recall that I read about this and is part of healing required for my RA.
My friend and I went up and I saw the Flower essence. Ask the lady to recommend as there were too many bottles, 28 in total. I told her about RA and possible solar plexus issue. She recommend Eros and I asked for the brochures. Brochures open up and just at the top of Eros is Transformation and it strikes me to read that Transformation first instead of Eros. Then I read Eros and found it not applicable to me and infact the right one was Transformation.
Transformation
Supporting personal growth and transformation
Choosing transformation means 'shining the light' on what needs to be reformed or changed. We can transform and harmonise seemingly opposite parts of ourselves, cultivate inner strength to preservere and stay on course, and willingly make sacrifices, which will serve our highest good.
When I was talking to D, suddenly tot of my 3 and 9 karma cards, such opposite. Then I realised my joints swell due to the stress resulting from inner conflict between my 3 and 9.
As I was leaving the place, suddenly checked a tarot card - New Beginning. To overcome my inner conflict and fear to follow my new path.
Now I know why my joints swell. I know its not work and is puzzled and sad why my joints swell so much. Anyway, I have just swallowed the flower essence. Will see.
(4 June - met up ex PA. She says she also have loads of clearing in April/May and according to her the planetary period is difficult for all.)
During lunch, when talking to D, realised her depression is due to the ceaserean rather than the general post natal depression. Her essence point start with the body. Her happiness is dependent on the body's happiness. That's why physical work such as housework, hatha yoga and reiki suits her.
Then it dawned on me that my vulnerable point is my mind. When I cannot use my mind in work, eg doing no mind task as reporting, I felt lousy and down and valueless.
I like reading books that stimulate me and I am attracted to intellectual guys, smart guys.
And since my strength/vulnerable point is my mind, I can be lost in my mind, feeling worry, anxiety and etc And meditation basically slow down the mind activity and hence that's why I take it like duck to water.
(June 4 - no wonder I seems to be not here..and disconnected from my body and emotion. No wonder, I overworked, couldn't listen to my emotion and body and got RA)
Both D and I are motivated as we received affirmation on our tool set. She is on yoga and reiki and me on my meditation.
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