Aug 23
Father, this morning woke up. Was havin a dream but I was fresh. Did suria, the right elbow pained due to drawing last Sat. I know I was aware and move my hand down but alas even half an hour stationery also hav impact. Yday, checked my Vision Book and noted that I wrote retirement from Corporate at 45. Means I am aiming together with CEO. She is 10 years older than me.
Yday, while reading Destiny Card, it talked about Ace of Spade - lifting veil of illusion, that is exactly what CEO is now experiencing. That she is not a nice person, people close to her doesn't like but stayed for their own agenda, she is easily influenced and manipulated due to her reactiveness, her GM is against her all these while.
Father, just last week I was thinking od drainage pgm as I felt I need a clean up. Was thinking of CEO's pgm but too expensive and u got me Aspen's pgm instead and at 70 percent disc due to my bday last mth. If I had ordered last mth, I wouldn't have chosen the drainage pgm. What I need and want, comes to me.
(Soul - at first didn't feel anything. But not long thereafter, had my first discovery into my brother as my authority issue and the one who has taught me to have Inner self-criticism.)
As for the Why on d website. It is for Me. I need to express myself and along the way if people are led to it, I will be willing to guide them. I prefer writing to face-to-face counseling. But since it maybe unavoidable I would equipped myself with the counseling course.
Of course, I now know that the benefits is mutual. I helped them. I will be helping myself. There are just 'vehicle' for me to open up and allow my Inner Sun to shine through.
(Soul - decided against counseling as my forte is not grieve counseling. my forte is in coaching with my experience and like V says anyone who is top in their career.)
How
Not sure. But I think website is start. Counseling is 2nd.
Third writing. Fourth is public speaking.
What
Since my RA doesn't support too much stress, Yeap, job is fine, my RA is the push factor.
I want to do full time something that I enjoy and am good at - finding the Truth and bring it to laymen.
I like to explore, experience and find how ideas tick together.
I want to have a career in writing, some counseling and public speaking in future.
Yea, I a Light/Truth/Understanding Bringer. I want people to know everyone can help themselves. That the Light is within. Everyone's path is unique. They can set and create their own. Our Soul know best. But before that we must face our fear and clean them.
I don't think my forte is people or even transforming them cos firstly I am not keen, secondly I do have communication problem, I am impatient, I find them draining.
Soul Sister pgm - actually I can facilitate them. I noticed I even say that on Ishs teacher. Why I always think m better??? Cld this be ego. I always think m better than the Facilitators or Teachers but then I think m not good enough.
Father, am not a Counselor. I am a Catalyst. I am a Writer.
Why did it took me so long to know this? Becos its easier to be 'small' and be a Counselor, a Writer is an even bigger dream. Now I know why there was resistance on me being a Counselor.
I don't mind being part time Counselor, help people when asked to do so. But my preference is just to be left alone, search for Truth, filter it and write about my Insight.
Yeap, dream bigger
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Positivity arise out of Purpose
Aug 22 Even
I was in facial, sleeping and dream start to come in. I recall I knew I was dreaming and I said I don't want it and the dream is gone.
V just came back from Nepal and his msg as follows;
Before you embark on your venture, define the 'why', 'how' and 'what'. In that order. The why is the most important and what will drive everything you do. It is a belief, cause or purpose.
This is the same msg on Positivity
Decide on ur personal goal and ur vision for ur community and the world.
Then focus wholeheartedly on it. Your life must inevitably accelerate, so expect to move forward now.
Success awaits u.
Why am I starting the site?
Personal
Because I need to do it. I have so much knowledge that I need to share, otherwise I will explode. I can't keep them all in. I have inherent strength and it is effortless.
At the moment, I don't care if others get it, I just know I need to release it. Just like my blog. I did it for 1 year and I did it diligently despite no takers.
I am doing the domain cos I now want to add in the Tools that I have learned, the Articles that is expressing out of me. Again, the site is for me. I need to keep all my expression of knowledge in one place. Its like an Art. The site represent my inner space that led me to what I am in the outer space.
So, I am drawing my Life.
Just like meditation, is an outlet of emotion for me. The domain is an outlet of knowledge for me. I cannot keep it inside me any longer.
Eventhough I can't contain it, I am still developing myself becos my aim is to be Queen of Spade - Self Mastery. Hence, all the more I need to 'release' and share. I need to help people as much as they need me to help them.
For Others
If its meant to, they will find me and together we will help each other. They need me to help them see their Light and I need them to let my Light shines through.
For Community
We are all fundamentally good people and we are meant to be happy. Being happy is just to be yourself, don't have to follow anyone. There is no villain or victim and all of us are actors in the drama that we have to play.
When we can see beyond our fear, we can be happy. Happiness is not something elusive, it is our birthright.
We are our own Creator and not God. God will reach out to us only when we called out to Him as he believes in freedom.
I was in facial, sleeping and dream start to come in. I recall I knew I was dreaming and I said I don't want it and the dream is gone.
V just came back from Nepal and his msg as follows;
Before you embark on your venture, define the 'why', 'how' and 'what'. In that order. The why is the most important and what will drive everything you do. It is a belief, cause or purpose.
This is the same msg on Positivity
Decide on ur personal goal and ur vision for ur community and the world.
Then focus wholeheartedly on it. Your life must inevitably accelerate, so expect to move forward now.
Success awaits u.
Why am I starting the site?
Personal
Because I need to do it. I have so much knowledge that I need to share, otherwise I will explode. I can't keep them all in. I have inherent strength and it is effortless.
At the moment, I don't care if others get it, I just know I need to release it. Just like my blog. I did it for 1 year and I did it diligently despite no takers.
I am doing the domain cos I now want to add in the Tools that I have learned, the Articles that is expressing out of me. Again, the site is for me. I need to keep all my expression of knowledge in one place. Its like an Art. The site represent my inner space that led me to what I am in the outer space.
So, I am drawing my Life.
Just like meditation, is an outlet of emotion for me. The domain is an outlet of knowledge for me. I cannot keep it inside me any longer.
Eventhough I can't contain it, I am still developing myself becos my aim is to be Queen of Spade - Self Mastery. Hence, all the more I need to 'release' and share. I need to help people as much as they need me to help them.
For Others
If its meant to, they will find me and together we will help each other. They need me to help them see their Light and I need them to let my Light shines through.
For Community
We are all fundamentally good people and we are meant to be happy. Being happy is just to be yourself, don't have to follow anyone. There is no villain or victim and all of us are actors in the drama that we have to play.
When we can see beyond our fear, we can be happy. Happiness is not something elusive, it is our birthright.
We are our own Creator and not God. God will reach out to us only when we called out to Him as he believes in freedom.
Uncertainty due to drop in valuation
Aug 22
When I talked abt power comes with responsibility. My resentment at having so many people to help. LY says why I think I need to help them, perhaps they don't need to. Its me playing God.
The Psychic said that my family (need not be my paternal family) really need my help and support. Its not me who are having illusion or trying to play God, they really need me.
Father, as I was walking, I was thinking of LY's statement about my anger/resentment. I know its about all the people I need to help, all the Plutos connection out there. I was thinking again why God gives me such challenge. Why have to make me prove myself?
Then the mandala pix of great Inner Soul is shinning thru and its at the brim, but I am closing it with a black veil so that the shines cannot come out cos I don't want to help people.
I started to journey to help myself, not to help others. I just want to be contented alone.
Then a tot came in Osho; Knowledge within, Compassion without.
Its about having the knowledge but must spread it in order to be enlightened and not to be egoic. If only knowledge within but no sharing then its self-centred.
Father, my destiny is Self-Mastery. Self mastery is not just about myself but also about others.
All the while I say they need me. And now I know I need them too to complete my Destiny. Thanks to all my Pluto card.
I got this ephiphany about half way thru and I continue my walk humming and dancing. Amen. I finally see it.
Father, thanks. Drawing the mandala really helps me to see the injustice to myself. God were only trying to help me to realise my dream, he is not asking me to prove my worthiness for receiving the knowledge.
(Soul - Father, still a tinge of resentment here and there. But I realised I open up more in IE pgm and do my sharing of my meditation trial and error experiences.)
Afternoon
Now I know why I am afraid to embark on my Passion. I am afraid of failure or rather not able to gain any valuation points from this. It is not so much the money. That's the results. It becos I am not sure whether I will be great or not in my Passion being a Transformation Leader; ie. my valuation
Since I am not sure about that, why release my current valuation as FD.
My 7thunder card for today
Queen of Spade
We r given special opportunity to achieve much success in our external lif by mastering ourselves within.
This means creating more success in our external life by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter the circumstances.
Great! Amen
When I talked abt power comes with responsibility. My resentment at having so many people to help. LY says why I think I need to help them, perhaps they don't need to. Its me playing God.
The Psychic said that my family (need not be my paternal family) really need my help and support. Its not me who are having illusion or trying to play God, they really need me.
Father, as I was walking, I was thinking of LY's statement about my anger/resentment. I know its about all the people I need to help, all the Plutos connection out there. I was thinking again why God gives me such challenge. Why have to make me prove myself?
Then the mandala pix of great Inner Soul is shinning thru and its at the brim, but I am closing it with a black veil so that the shines cannot come out cos I don't want to help people.
I started to journey to help myself, not to help others. I just want to be contented alone.
Then a tot came in Osho; Knowledge within, Compassion without.
Its about having the knowledge but must spread it in order to be enlightened and not to be egoic. If only knowledge within but no sharing then its self-centred.
Father, my destiny is Self-Mastery. Self mastery is not just about myself but also about others.
All the while I say they need me. And now I know I need them too to complete my Destiny. Thanks to all my Pluto card.
I got this ephiphany about half way thru and I continue my walk humming and dancing. Amen. I finally see it.
Father, thanks. Drawing the mandala really helps me to see the injustice to myself. God were only trying to help me to realise my dream, he is not asking me to prove my worthiness for receiving the knowledge.
(Soul - Father, still a tinge of resentment here and there. But I realised I open up more in IE pgm and do my sharing of my meditation trial and error experiences.)
Afternoon
Now I know why I am afraid to embark on my Passion. I am afraid of failure or rather not able to gain any valuation points from this. It is not so much the money. That's the results. It becos I am not sure whether I will be great or not in my Passion being a Transformation Leader; ie. my valuation
Since I am not sure about that, why release my current valuation as FD.
My 7thunder card for today
Queen of Spade
We r given special opportunity to achieve much success in our external lif by mastering ourselves within.
This means creating more success in our external life by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter the circumstances.
Great! Amen
Uncertainty
Aug 21 Even
Father, just got back from P's house. We have a lovely time. She is going for Joshua's channeling. Shared with her on C's peculiar behaviour, she too was puzzled. I told her only thing I tot of is that I am to start my website on my own.
I can now open up to her on my experiences.
She says the reason why m unsure of pursuing my Passion wholeheartedly is becos m not sure if it would generate money. Possible. 2nd issue is less time for myself. 3rd issue is loss of energy. 4th is not sure if I can gain respect and become good like I am in my career.
Father, so loss of money, loss of valuation, energy, time.
Again, that's why we don't change even if we knows its good. We r avoiding loss of security instead of pursuing our Passion. Avoiding unhappiness instead of pursuing happiness.
Father, to make my career stagnant, I have done. But to make my career nil and to exchange it with another career that I have no idea of success and if success, not sure got time for myself and etc.
Guess the Positivity card is the answer.
Osho - Nanak
Nothing causes as much pain and suffering as the ego. Increase ego, u increase ur suffering. You can contain the whole of hell within ur fist.
The more u desire joy, happiness, the less ur ego will have to be. The day ur ego is no more, the whole of heaven will be in ur grasp. It will follow u like ur own shadow.
Happiness and unhappiness are not connected with situations but with the twenty-one within u - whether it is true or false.
Father, just got back from P's house. We have a lovely time. She is going for Joshua's channeling. Shared with her on C's peculiar behaviour, she too was puzzled. I told her only thing I tot of is that I am to start my website on my own.
I can now open up to her on my experiences.
She says the reason why m unsure of pursuing my Passion wholeheartedly is becos m not sure if it would generate money. Possible. 2nd issue is less time for myself. 3rd issue is loss of energy. 4th is not sure if I can gain respect and become good like I am in my career.
Father, so loss of money, loss of valuation, energy, time.
Again, that's why we don't change even if we knows its good. We r avoiding loss of security instead of pursuing our Passion. Avoiding unhappiness instead of pursuing happiness.
Father, to make my career stagnant, I have done. But to make my career nil and to exchange it with another career that I have no idea of success and if success, not sure got time for myself and etc.
Guess the Positivity card is the answer.
Osho - Nanak
Nothing causes as much pain and suffering as the ego. Increase ego, u increase ur suffering. You can contain the whole of hell within ur fist.
The more u desire joy, happiness, the less ur ego will have to be. The day ur ego is no more, the whole of heaven will be in ur grasp. It will follow u like ur own shadow.
Happiness and unhappiness are not connected with situations but with the twenty-one within u - whether it is true or false.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Be the Fool (innocent and free from Past) - 2
Aug 20 Even
Father, now I understand the Osho card.
1. Internal Influence - Burning Tower
2. External - Rebel
3. Resolution. The Fool
The Fool
This card indicate that if u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of the 'rightness' of things, u cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear foolish to others, or even to urself, if u try to analyse them wit the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experiences.
Soul
Father, I finally broke down and told CEO that GM is manipulating her and is the master mind behind all the peoples that leaves.
I broke down cos GM keeps on tracking me as if I am her informer. At the end of the day, I am not that. I want to tell the truth. Guess, that's where my pressure with CEO. I told her its stressful to be close to her cos people always monitor me. Internally, stressful cos worried I cannot hide and speak the truth. Alas, it is all out.
Just now I cried, why am Pluto card to so many people. People don't like Pluto people. Then the answer came, u r a counselor and the Pluto cards are those that u have to help to transform.
Father, now m really experiencing Nine of Heart. Rationally, like PD said don't get involved. But it is difficult cos CEO is seeking my counsel and she is being real and here GM is back to her manipulative self. I guess that's becos GM is even more insecure than CEO since she now know Regional supports CEO and not her.
I broke down and share with CEO. After that I felt much better cos I m being truthful, I can't continue to lie. I have to speak the truth. I even told CEO she is not a nice person and that's why GM doesn't like her, but she is suppressing it. CEO is puzzled on why GM still stay on.
Fundamentally everyone is good, its just the extent of fear. I really seems to be a Fool. But I do feel better after sharing.
Now after seeing GM's performance, I know sharing is correct. We need to address the negativity that has boiled. It is not good for the Company, the Mgm and staff, for her and GM.
I told my staff. I don't measure myself according to other people's standard. I measure it on myself.
Father, now I understand the Osho card.
1. Internal Influence - Burning Tower
2. External - Rebel
3. Resolution. The Fool
The Fool
This card indicate that if u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of the 'rightness' of things, u cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear foolish to others, or even to urself, if u try to analyse them wit the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experiences.
Soul
Father, I finally broke down and told CEO that GM is manipulating her and is the master mind behind all the peoples that leaves.
I broke down cos GM keeps on tracking me as if I am her informer. At the end of the day, I am not that. I want to tell the truth. Guess, that's where my pressure with CEO. I told her its stressful to be close to her cos people always monitor me. Internally, stressful cos worried I cannot hide and speak the truth. Alas, it is all out.
Just now I cried, why am Pluto card to so many people. People don't like Pluto people. Then the answer came, u r a counselor and the Pluto cards are those that u have to help to transform.
Father, now m really experiencing Nine of Heart. Rationally, like PD said don't get involved. But it is difficult cos CEO is seeking my counsel and she is being real and here GM is back to her manipulative self. I guess that's becos GM is even more insecure than CEO since she now know Regional supports CEO and not her.
I broke down and share with CEO. After that I felt much better cos I m being truthful, I can't continue to lie. I have to speak the truth. I even told CEO she is not a nice person and that's why GM doesn't like her, but she is suppressing it. CEO is puzzled on why GM still stay on.
Fundamentally everyone is good, its just the extent of fear. I really seems to be a Fool. But I do feel better after sharing.
Now after seeing GM's performance, I know sharing is correct. We need to address the negativity that has boiled. It is not good for the Company, the Mgm and staff, for her and GM.
I told my staff. I don't measure myself according to other people's standard. I measure it on myself.
Inner Self-Criticism (1)
Aug 20
Father, I will straighten the rship. Now I know why GM is feeling so insecure cos Regional doesn't act on her SOS. This confirms that Regional chose CEO over GM, as mentioned by V previously.
We'll, at least GM knows for sure. She now got 2 choice to go or stay, knowing her position is status quo, no growth prospect. I will tell her she is like Anne now and its not good for her and the company.
If she say to stay for increment, I will say then it make her harder to go. Shld not wait for increment. At first she says wait for reinstatement and then later partial restoration and now increment. Looks like she doesn't want to leave.
If she has to stay, work as usual, don't ask me what is CEO thinkin or etc cos it won't help her and also it makes me feel very uncomfortable, as if I am like her mole or something, then we can be consider as conspiring like what CEO accused us of. I don't want to go there and neither does she. Besides all her old team has left except for her. Don't think she need to owe responsibility to the new team, she doesn't have to carry them. Besides their interaction with CEO may be different from hers.
Life is not easy, let's not make it difficult. I have to remember m her Pluto Card and to help her to make the change that she wanted. Just like I helped ex-PA.
Father, my mind continuosly working on d guy. Amazing. I admit I have slight attraction but I m not keen to act on it cos I m not sure he is my type. Also knowing abt his 8 of Club, same like D, a semi-fixed card and I am their Pluto, only serves to shy me away.
Aiyah, don't judge first. Just see how it flow. Also remember, my ideal partner is a thinker and is also as powerful like me.
Soul
Limiting belief - m not good enough
Where it comes from
- frm my brother who says m slow minded, can't think on my feet, cannot do sport, not clever, cannot sing, cannot dance, stupid to choose beautiful gals to be my friend.
- frm my 'foster' friends who hold me back due to my love for food. I compromised due to food.
_ frm my mother cos I was taken care by others.
- frm my mother cos I wasn't allow to grieve over the childhood incident.
- frm the ever-changing neighbour/friends (caretakers). I tot they left me bcos m not good enough.
Father, I will straighten the rship. Now I know why GM is feeling so insecure cos Regional doesn't act on her SOS. This confirms that Regional chose CEO over GM, as mentioned by V previously.
We'll, at least GM knows for sure. She now got 2 choice to go or stay, knowing her position is status quo, no growth prospect. I will tell her she is like Anne now and its not good for her and the company.
If she say to stay for increment, I will say then it make her harder to go. Shld not wait for increment. At first she says wait for reinstatement and then later partial restoration and now increment. Looks like she doesn't want to leave.
If she has to stay, work as usual, don't ask me what is CEO thinkin or etc cos it won't help her and also it makes me feel very uncomfortable, as if I am like her mole or something, then we can be consider as conspiring like what CEO accused us of. I don't want to go there and neither does she. Besides all her old team has left except for her. Don't think she need to owe responsibility to the new team, she doesn't have to carry them. Besides their interaction with CEO may be different from hers.
Life is not easy, let's not make it difficult. I have to remember m her Pluto Card and to help her to make the change that she wanted. Just like I helped ex-PA.
Father, my mind continuosly working on d guy. Amazing. I admit I have slight attraction but I m not keen to act on it cos I m not sure he is my type. Also knowing abt his 8 of Club, same like D, a semi-fixed card and I am their Pluto, only serves to shy me away.
Aiyah, don't judge first. Just see how it flow. Also remember, my ideal partner is a thinker and is also as powerful like me.
Soul
Limiting belief - m not good enough
Where it comes from
- frm my brother who says m slow minded, can't think on my feet, cannot do sport, not clever, cannot sing, cannot dance, stupid to choose beautiful gals to be my friend.
- frm my 'foster' friends who hold me back due to my love for food. I compromised due to food.
_ frm my mother cos I was taken care by others.
- frm my mother cos I wasn't allow to grieve over the childhood incident.
- frm the ever-changing neighbour/friends (caretakers). I tot they left me bcos m not good enough.
When you give up, Help comes (3)
Aug 19 Even
Father, the GM is getting more on my nerve, rather than CEO. I don't like people to ask me for behind the scene info. I am not her confidante. Actually, doesn't she realised I am closer to CEO rather than her. Its true CEO can be tiring and explosive, but I know she has a good heart, whereas m not sure on the GM. I have already told CEO that GM is the last person I trust.
Also, just now PD sharing abt the 'infamous email' to GM, a complete opposite version from her story to me. Which one is real.
She has continuously 2 days 'checked' on her status with CEO. Yday, I told her 20 percent and today I told her 0 percent. I am not a 'Teller'. While CEO may be suspicious, she asked there and then, but GM is asking for 'forward" info.
Like PD says, the middleman is in very difficult situation.
My white gold chain broke suddenly yday and I asked why yday. Just now, when I was meditating, suddenly tot of d brown stone brooch that I wanted to turned into a pendant. Was still thinking who can do and here I got my answer.
Osho - Nanak
Those who wish to seek must first explore thoroughly and entirely; then they have to let go of all searching. Only when they have tried totally, should the search be given up, not before that, or else all goes in vain.
When the search is complete, when u have staked ur all without holding back a single thing, only then does the search slip from the conscious to the unconscious; for there u r not, ur ego is no more.
When u r exhausted, the ego dissolved. As ego dissolved, the door to the unconscious opens. As the door of the unconscious is the entrance to God.
It is His grace alone that few attained. But it is thru ur own efforts alone u become worthy of his compassion.
His grace showers on all, but some are not fit for it because their lack of self efforts.
No one is worthy, no one is unworthy. He gives, he showers on all alike. But if u r not ready to take, u will keep on missing cos. You are not ready to take his grace.
(Sept 8 - I am a seeker that has given up on myself (mind) and now just experiencing (flowering)
Father, the GM is getting more on my nerve, rather than CEO. I don't like people to ask me for behind the scene info. I am not her confidante. Actually, doesn't she realised I am closer to CEO rather than her. Its true CEO can be tiring and explosive, but I know she has a good heart, whereas m not sure on the GM. I have already told CEO that GM is the last person I trust.
Also, just now PD sharing abt the 'infamous email' to GM, a complete opposite version from her story to me. Which one is real.
She has continuously 2 days 'checked' on her status with CEO. Yday, I told her 20 percent and today I told her 0 percent. I am not a 'Teller'. While CEO may be suspicious, she asked there and then, but GM is asking for 'forward" info.
Like PD says, the middleman is in very difficult situation.
My white gold chain broke suddenly yday and I asked why yday. Just now, when I was meditating, suddenly tot of d brown stone brooch that I wanted to turned into a pendant. Was still thinking who can do and here I got my answer.
Osho - Nanak
Those who wish to seek must first explore thoroughly and entirely; then they have to let go of all searching. Only when they have tried totally, should the search be given up, not before that, or else all goes in vain.
When the search is complete, when u have staked ur all without holding back a single thing, only then does the search slip from the conscious to the unconscious; for there u r not, ur ego is no more.
When u r exhausted, the ego dissolved. As ego dissolved, the door to the unconscious opens. As the door of the unconscious is the entrance to God.
It is His grace alone that few attained. But it is thru ur own efforts alone u become worthy of his compassion.
His grace showers on all, but some are not fit for it because their lack of self efforts.
No one is worthy, no one is unworthy. He gives, he showers on all alike. But if u r not ready to take, u will keep on missing cos. You are not ready to take his grace.
(Sept 8 - I am a seeker that has given up on myself (mind) and now just experiencing (flowering)
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