Sept 9
Soul
Just did my shoonya. It was deep. Father, thanks for guiding me to the next level.
Neptune in Life Spread
Queen of Spade - Self-Mastery
They are true mothers of the world who compassionately share and teach their wisdom. They are all born to rule, but they must actualise that destiny themselves.
They rise to their highest potential by following their intuition and inner guidance.
Soul
No wonder I reacted when I heard Sadhguru, can u be a mother to thousand of people.
I want to teach to lots of people and hence got money. But I also want to be alone. That's why its my dream and my fear.
Jupiter
Nine of Hearts - Universal Love Card
They are givers, endowed with great minds and hearts to share with the world
Many are found in counseling fields out of natural desire to give to others.
Soul
Looks like I am on the right track. This avenue is the one that can also give me blessing/money.
Saturn
Seven of Club
Challenge lies in the negative aspects of the mind which are worry, doubt and pessimism.
They have much inherent inspiration and insight, but when they don't follow it, they will be despair and depressed.
They have the power to overcome their problems and to attain the fame and recognition they secretly desire, but they must apply themselves diligently.
(Oct 8 - Father, previously I couldn't relate to this. Now I can. I have loads of self-criticism. Even before things materialised, my fear will bring me back to earth. I am too pragmatic. I want to dream a bit more, be adventerous. I want my vision partner..perhaps thats why my RA was acting up cos I decided a few months ago to stop wanting. But fear of RA is more than fear of rejection, so will try and now that i know my challenge is being a pessimist, I will be focused on my vision partner.)
Soul
This reminds me of my Inner Child card I received last weekend during Soul Sisters program
Inner Child
You've got the Power!
Use your abilities to resolve this situation.
You can do it!
The fairy child is walking on a string of cow web
Just playing, knowing she has the power.
Soul
Yeap, I want to attain fame and recognition by way of Self Mastery.
A very tall order.
Neptune for the year
Six of Diamond
They are here to help others come to a greater understanding of values. If they accept what they receive through their natural intuition, they will always be happy, regardless of the circumstances of their life.
If they have discovered their special mission in life, they will not worry about how much money the have.
These people make great teachers. They are givers and can be entrusted with great responsibilities. What they have to give is a clear knowledge of higher values and the discrimination to make better personal choices. They are keeper of the law.
Soul
Exactly my dream for this year.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Sept 8 Evening
Father, just finished my evening practices.
On the way back, I was conscious of my breathing and felt such grounding of silence. I need to check with Tamil, is there a difference between awareness of breathe and watching ur breathe.
Straight off start with shoonya without any invocation. Went in deep. This time tot came, I just left it fly by.
Then did guru pooja and followed by Shakti.
The Shakti was effortless.
Surka kriya did without any movement from the left hand. The stomach breathing was effortless and throughout I just focus on my third eye and my stomach just contract in and out naturally.
The Shakti was deep throughout.
Finally, the ending and this time I sit up straight and cross my leg sadhana style. At first, some slight numbness to the feet, but few minutes later I was fine. I continue to focus on my third eye.
Laughter trying to come out, but I contained and later the contained laughter become my slow stomach contractions in and out. Throughout I focus on third eye and I felt the orgasmic experience, better than this morning. So sweet a feeling. Amen.
Sadhguru, thank U for sending Tamil teacher. U have helped to propel me further. Now all my meditations, shoonya, breathing, shambavi and shakti has changed. You have revived my commitment. Amen.
Sadhguru
You are not bound, but u believe that u r bound. All u have to do is awaken urself.
Realisation is moving into a higher level of energy and a higher level of awareness.
Suddenly, u r awake in a different reality together, which we are referring to as the Ultimate Reality.
Soul
If anyone were to tell me that my meditation practice can go up another notch. I would disbelieve them. I tot I couldn't, that's it. And now I know that's not it. I have tasted the bliss one time and now I am tasting the sweetness of my being.
Father, thank U. Amen
I am attracted to the teacher's lovely presence and laughter. I wanted to have that too. We just met and somehow we connect. I like him. Just now watching d other guy n I didn't like the energy I saw there.
Father, I want to have the lovely presence. My outward presence is joyful and now inward is sweet. The sweetness will flow to bliss.
Father, I recalled that I said I want to focus in Feb samyama. Alas, I didn't know how to focus and my body also couldn't contain the energy. So, I only have laughter, dancing and singing in the 8 days. Now that I can focus and body is also ok, I will re-affirm my commitment. I want to have the lovely presence.
Ace of Diamond
Venus - Ace of heart
A card of soul-searching and often introspection. Its the search for self identity or for those things that help us to love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we are seeking within.
Bring a friendship from someone dear to u. Can represent a new relationship beginning.
Father, just finished my evening practices.
On the way back, I was conscious of my breathing and felt such grounding of silence. I need to check with Tamil, is there a difference between awareness of breathe and watching ur breathe.
Straight off start with shoonya without any invocation. Went in deep. This time tot came, I just left it fly by.
Then did guru pooja and followed by Shakti.
The Shakti was effortless.
Surka kriya did without any movement from the left hand. The stomach breathing was effortless and throughout I just focus on my third eye and my stomach just contract in and out naturally.
The Shakti was deep throughout.
Finally, the ending and this time I sit up straight and cross my leg sadhana style. At first, some slight numbness to the feet, but few minutes later I was fine. I continue to focus on my third eye.
Laughter trying to come out, but I contained and later the contained laughter become my slow stomach contractions in and out. Throughout I focus on third eye and I felt the orgasmic experience, better than this morning. So sweet a feeling. Amen.
Sadhguru, thank U for sending Tamil teacher. U have helped to propel me further. Now all my meditations, shoonya, breathing, shambavi and shakti has changed. You have revived my commitment. Amen.
Sadhguru
You are not bound, but u believe that u r bound. All u have to do is awaken urself.
Realisation is moving into a higher level of energy and a higher level of awareness.
Suddenly, u r awake in a different reality together, which we are referring to as the Ultimate Reality.
Soul
If anyone were to tell me that my meditation practice can go up another notch. I would disbelieve them. I tot I couldn't, that's it. And now I know that's not it. I have tasted the bliss one time and now I am tasting the sweetness of my being.
Father, thank U. Amen
I am attracted to the teacher's lovely presence and laughter. I wanted to have that too. We just met and somehow we connect. I like him. Just now watching d other guy n I didn't like the energy I saw there.
Father, I want to have the lovely presence. My outward presence is joyful and now inward is sweet. The sweetness will flow to bliss.
Father, I recalled that I said I want to focus in Feb samyama. Alas, I didn't know how to focus and my body also couldn't contain the energy. So, I only have laughter, dancing and singing in the 8 days. Now that I can focus and body is also ok, I will re-affirm my commitment. I want to have the lovely presence.
Ace of Diamond
Venus - Ace of heart
A card of soul-searching and often introspection. Its the search for self identity or for those things that help us to love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we are seeking within.
Bring a friendship from someone dear to u. Can represent a new relationship beginning.
Samyama Refresher
Sept 8
Father, did suria that was effortless and nowadays even the slopping down is via the chest and not the chin. My elbow is getting stronger. Tots came in and not as easy to focus on the Energy as we also need to keep track of the no. of cycles. Towards the eight cycle, I can feel the energy expanded. I follow it through and during the relax period, I felt in deep meditation. Full relaxation.
Then start on my breathing meditation. Tot of Tamil teacher and this time instead of watching. I become aware of the breathe instead and focusing on it. The experience was sweet. And these 2 days surprisingly, my back no 'cracking' sound. I can sit straight so comfortably. M surprised at my body.
Then did shambavi, did focus but tots do come in but only 50 percent of norm. I also did the 2 min of the first three session instead of my norm 1.5 min. Suria namaskara, back was errect and left hand was still, focus on the breathe.
In th end, don't have the bliss or orgasmic experience (aiyah, not due to me. It was Tamil teacher and Sadhguru ), just a feeling of sweetness. But I like it.
Yeah, my experience is sweet now. Thanks to Tamil teacher
Father, my mind is made up. I am going for the Samyama Refresher. This decision is confirmed by the Osho cards too. And the issue mentioned under No Samyama is the same in my this week
Osho.
Conscience vs Consciousness.
The Patient Card, I wonder, actually is Tamil teacher leading me to higher level.
Eight of Club
The card of mental power, the ability to focus one's mind on a goal or objective and see it through to a successful conclusion.
Soul
Really true. I choose natural detachment over food.
Whatever the outcome, at least I overcomed my attachment to food.
Father, did suria that was effortless and nowadays even the slopping down is via the chest and not the chin. My elbow is getting stronger. Tots came in and not as easy to focus on the Energy as we also need to keep track of the no. of cycles. Towards the eight cycle, I can feel the energy expanded. I follow it through and during the relax period, I felt in deep meditation. Full relaxation.
Then start on my breathing meditation. Tot of Tamil teacher and this time instead of watching. I become aware of the breathe instead and focusing on it. The experience was sweet. And these 2 days surprisingly, my back no 'cracking' sound. I can sit straight so comfortably. M surprised at my body.
Then did shambavi, did focus but tots do come in but only 50 percent of norm. I also did the 2 min of the first three session instead of my norm 1.5 min. Suria namaskara, back was errect and left hand was still, focus on the breathe.
In th end, don't have the bliss or orgasmic experience (aiyah, not due to me. It was Tamil teacher and Sadhguru ), just a feeling of sweetness. But I like it.
Yeah, my experience is sweet now. Thanks to Tamil teacher
Father, my mind is made up. I am going for the Samyama Refresher. This decision is confirmed by the Osho cards too. And the issue mentioned under No Samyama is the same in my this week
Osho.
Conscience vs Consciousness.
The Patient Card, I wonder, actually is Tamil teacher leading me to higher level.
Eight of Club
The card of mental power, the ability to focus one's mind on a goal or objective and see it through to a successful conclusion.
Soul
Really true. I choose natural detachment over food.
Whatever the outcome, at least I overcomed my attachment to food.
Tamil IE (5) - samyama
Sept 7 Aft
Father, why I find it so difficult to volunteer?
I don't mind doing the marketing side. But that's all.
Just now they call me to for Volunteer meeting - core team. Immediately I tensed up and I can find my resistance.
Actually, I don't like to volunteer and I don't get anything out of it per se. I am volunteering because I want to keep it going, that's all.
Aiyah. Don't resist.
Take this as a Lesson to learn so I can promote my own website.
Some more, I core team aiyoh.
Father, with budget delayed. I can now go for the Satir counseling course. But now looking at their website and also tot of mine. Doesn't seem to jive. 3500 - perhaps shld go for coaching course instead.
Today, I actually wan to ask Tamil teacher on samyama and breathing meditation. Just now did my shoonya with focus, it has more depth. I tot I can now learn to do samyama cos now I can focus and contain the energy. I wanted to tell the Tamil teacher abt my 8 days of laughing, singing and dancing. I was disappointed with my expectation of samyama. I tot it will help me to transform, alas it just a happy meditation trip. Also I now lost the samyama meditation. Tot of re-starting with new guidance since I can now focus.
Now just received email from isha about samyama on 26 to 30 oct - perfect timing for me. I would not hesitate at all if there is no 40 days veg. And now I have to start on 15 Sept and m going to my sister's place outstation.
Father, how?? Its like u asking me to go. I tot samyama was over in aug. And now staring at my face.
Father, guide me.
Evening
My tot was have an intense Shambavi and then do my own samyama.
Anyway, I didn't focus well. So, the session was like my normal one albeit 10 percent hike. I tot perfect, that teach me a lesson. Sadhguru saying not so easy. Have to do samyama refresh.
When I was going back, I didn't wan to ask teacher already. I want to decide on my own. Anyway, how can he help me? It has to be me lah.
I jus wan to say short goodbye but he seems inviting and I told him that I lost samyama meditation. I realised that he laughed a lot with me or rather he is also joyful like me and tend to laugh easily. Guess, just like local teacher, they can relax and be their joyful self with me
Surprisingly, he told me to come on 15 Sept and he will see if he can help me on the samyama meditation. He asked me how many years has lapsed and said its good to do a refresher. I told him only this year lah and he says perhaps he can see what we can do on 15 Sept. Meanwhile he asked me to do the breathing awareness. I said I m fine with that and now he tot me to focus, its even deeper than ever.
He says that samyama is not the last. There are other advance program that I can join, like 3 mths and 6 mths. After that is life. I told him that I am Seeker.
Mmmm, Father. Sadhguru has send him to help me. Who knows, perhaps this is my Past life karma, I got help now.
Father, both the 2 meditators says I go in very fast. I told them I didn't take any effort. He replied that its must have been my Past Life efforts. I agree.
Tot I should not let my Past Life goes to waste. I only need to do food thingy.
Osho
The cycle of death and birth is God's request for u to sing properly. It is part of ur training and u have to pass through it. He who understands this breaks his identity with death.
Father, why I find it so difficult to volunteer?
I don't mind doing the marketing side. But that's all.
Just now they call me to for Volunteer meeting - core team. Immediately I tensed up and I can find my resistance.
Actually, I don't like to volunteer and I don't get anything out of it per se. I am volunteering because I want to keep it going, that's all.
Aiyah. Don't resist.
Take this as a Lesson to learn so I can promote my own website.
Some more, I core team aiyoh.
Father, with budget delayed. I can now go for the Satir counseling course. But now looking at their website and also tot of mine. Doesn't seem to jive. 3500 - perhaps shld go for coaching course instead.
Today, I actually wan to ask Tamil teacher on samyama and breathing meditation. Just now did my shoonya with focus, it has more depth. I tot I can now learn to do samyama cos now I can focus and contain the energy. I wanted to tell the Tamil teacher abt my 8 days of laughing, singing and dancing. I was disappointed with my expectation of samyama. I tot it will help me to transform, alas it just a happy meditation trip. Also I now lost the samyama meditation. Tot of re-starting with new guidance since I can now focus.
Now just received email from isha about samyama on 26 to 30 oct - perfect timing for me. I would not hesitate at all if there is no 40 days veg. And now I have to start on 15 Sept and m going to my sister's place outstation.
Father, how?? Its like u asking me to go. I tot samyama was over in aug. And now staring at my face.
Father, guide me.
Evening
My tot was have an intense Shambavi and then do my own samyama.
Anyway, I didn't focus well. So, the session was like my normal one albeit 10 percent hike. I tot perfect, that teach me a lesson. Sadhguru saying not so easy. Have to do samyama refresh.
When I was going back, I didn't wan to ask teacher already. I want to decide on my own. Anyway, how can he help me? It has to be me lah.
I jus wan to say short goodbye but he seems inviting and I told him that I lost samyama meditation. I realised that he laughed a lot with me or rather he is also joyful like me and tend to laugh easily. Guess, just like local teacher, they can relax and be their joyful self with me
Surprisingly, he told me to come on 15 Sept and he will see if he can help me on the samyama meditation. He asked me how many years has lapsed and said its good to do a refresher. I told him only this year lah and he says perhaps he can see what we can do on 15 Sept. Meanwhile he asked me to do the breathing awareness. I said I m fine with that and now he tot me to focus, its even deeper than ever.
He says that samyama is not the last. There are other advance program that I can join, like 3 mths and 6 mths. After that is life. I told him that I am Seeker.
Mmmm, Father. Sadhguru has send him to help me. Who knows, perhaps this is my Past life karma, I got help now.
Father, both the 2 meditators says I go in very fast. I told them I didn't take any effort. He replied that its must have been my Past Life efforts. I agree.
Tot I should not let my Past Life goes to waste. I only need to do food thingy.
Osho
The cycle of death and birth is God's request for u to sing properly. It is part of ur training and u have to pass through it. He who understands this breaks his identity with death.
Tamil IE (4) - intense practices
Sept 7
Father, I finally know what being intense in practice means. I finally know what To Be With IT means.
All these while, I just fell into the zone without much effort. I just do the process, without any focus (no intensity) and since I got to be joyful. I didn't tot of doing anything until I become disatisfied and tot there shld be more.
So far, all the people I have met doesn't have the type of grace that I wanted too. Even, Sadhguru, when I met him in person, honestly I was bit disappointed. I am more affected by His Energy rather than his person. Perhaps, its becos I couldn't contain his presence and I just laugh and laugh. If I kept it in and contain it, I would have experience the bliss of his presence.
For the first time, I met such a lovely presence in the Tamil teacher. And I wanted to have what he has. He guided me to my first blissful meditation. He also led me to my first intense practice and the meaning of Be with IT. Amen.
The timing is amazing. I never plan nor expected this. I tot this was the 'peak' with Isha and I am doing it for maintenance purpose due to my health. And now I have propel forward. Like he said I can be a Seeker, which I am. I have never consciously did my practice. I just did it by the way, confident that the Universe wil connect and I be joyful.
Never have I consciously make an effort. I just let it happen. I never make it happen. Or rather for the first time, with the focus, I am able to contain the energy and experience the bliss.
Text P to attend the IE Tamil class. He just go back from Kailash, so timing is good too. For me, he represent my inroad to samyama.
Tot of what I have received from U. Father, I am so humbled by Your Grace. Thanks so much for everything from the bottom of my heart. My tears of gratitude for U.
Everytime, I am confused or stranded, U always send to me someone or something to propel me further.
Sadhguru, from today onward. I will do my practice with Intensity. Let's be pragmatic. I am already doing the hours, so I should do it with focus so I reap the benefits. Thank U for sending the Tamil teacher.
This morning, did my asanas with focus. I just focus on the point at my forehead and do all the closing of feet. Have break in between and when spurt of laughter came, I contained it and it makes the asanas more intense.
On the 90/45, I spend longer time. On the plough back, I stop at every posture, savouring it, just like I did for suria namaskara.
On the head touching ankle. I did bend down and stay there for more than 1 min.
On the relaxing, take 3 sets of deep breathe followed with open mouth release.
Did my 61 points consciously and the relaxation, I was totally relaxed. Later did 10 motion of open mouth/chest breathing.
After the asanas, I was just so nimble.
Did my breathing meditation and this time noted I didn't move with my breathe, just being aware of my body and I went in deeper than before. Head was shaking on its own accord.
My shambavi. I was focused on my forehead all the time. I only let go abt 10 percent of time. Did my surka kriya with focus, left hand was still and just focus on breathing and my back was straightened unconsciously.
Everything flow thru.
When I reach the end, I contained the spurt of laughter and just take in the energy, keep on focusing on my third eyes, taking all inward.
There was an orgasmic experience rising from my pelvic and it was a real pleasure. I would gauge it at 30 percent of yday blissful experience.
But it is more than I have ever experienced with Shambavi or even Shakti.
I finised my practice at 7 am. I have never felt this refreshed before after morning practice. This is the first time in the 1 year since I started my 4.30 am practices.
4 of Hearts
Is a sign of protection in love, marriage and family
It represent at its most basic level, the foundation of love upon which all of our other relationships are built. It is the home of heart.
Soul
That's exactly how I feel. Alas, my heart is open up and filled with love.
Father, I finally know what being intense in practice means. I finally know what To Be With IT means.
All these while, I just fell into the zone without much effort. I just do the process, without any focus (no intensity) and since I got to be joyful. I didn't tot of doing anything until I become disatisfied and tot there shld be more.
So far, all the people I have met doesn't have the type of grace that I wanted too. Even, Sadhguru, when I met him in person, honestly I was bit disappointed. I am more affected by His Energy rather than his person. Perhaps, its becos I couldn't contain his presence and I just laugh and laugh. If I kept it in and contain it, I would have experience the bliss of his presence.
For the first time, I met such a lovely presence in the Tamil teacher. And I wanted to have what he has. He guided me to my first blissful meditation. He also led me to my first intense practice and the meaning of Be with IT. Amen.
The timing is amazing. I never plan nor expected this. I tot this was the 'peak' with Isha and I am doing it for maintenance purpose due to my health. And now I have propel forward. Like he said I can be a Seeker, which I am. I have never consciously did my practice. I just did it by the way, confident that the Universe wil connect and I be joyful.
Never have I consciously make an effort. I just let it happen. I never make it happen. Or rather for the first time, with the focus, I am able to contain the energy and experience the bliss.
Text P to attend the IE Tamil class. He just go back from Kailash, so timing is good too. For me, he represent my inroad to samyama.
Tot of what I have received from U. Father, I am so humbled by Your Grace. Thanks so much for everything from the bottom of my heart. My tears of gratitude for U.
Everytime, I am confused or stranded, U always send to me someone or something to propel me further.
Sadhguru, from today onward. I will do my practice with Intensity. Let's be pragmatic. I am already doing the hours, so I should do it with focus so I reap the benefits. Thank U for sending the Tamil teacher.
This morning, did my asanas with focus. I just focus on the point at my forehead and do all the closing of feet. Have break in between and when spurt of laughter came, I contained it and it makes the asanas more intense.
On the 90/45, I spend longer time. On the plough back, I stop at every posture, savouring it, just like I did for suria namaskara.
On the head touching ankle. I did bend down and stay there for more than 1 min.
On the relaxing, take 3 sets of deep breathe followed with open mouth release.
Did my 61 points consciously and the relaxation, I was totally relaxed. Later did 10 motion of open mouth/chest breathing.
After the asanas, I was just so nimble.
Did my breathing meditation and this time noted I didn't move with my breathe, just being aware of my body and I went in deeper than before. Head was shaking on its own accord.
My shambavi. I was focused on my forehead all the time. I only let go abt 10 percent of time. Did my surka kriya with focus, left hand was still and just focus on breathing and my back was straightened unconsciously.
Everything flow thru.
When I reach the end, I contained the spurt of laughter and just take in the energy, keep on focusing on my third eyes, taking all inward.
There was an orgasmic experience rising from my pelvic and it was a real pleasure. I would gauge it at 30 percent of yday blissful experience.
But it is more than I have ever experienced with Shambavi or even Shakti.
I finised my practice at 7 am. I have never felt this refreshed before after morning practice. This is the first time in the 1 year since I started my 4.30 am practices.
4 of Hearts
Is a sign of protection in love, marriage and family
It represent at its most basic level, the foundation of love upon which all of our other relationships are built. It is the home of heart.
Soul
That's exactly how I feel. Alas, my heart is open up and filled with love.
Tamil IE (3) - my first blissful experience
Sept 6 Eve
Evening
Amazing. I didn't plan to attend the tamil IE and only to do the Sunday initiation as my friend LK is not around, just want to volunteer.
This morning Shambavi was fantastic and I really liked the teacher and also I know the center's energy is good and of cos I wanted to ask teacher about his experience. I told him I am not keen in volunteer nor being a teacher. He said I can be a Seeker (which is exactly what I am). I shared about my experience, he said I am on the right track. I told him that there must be more than jus laughing, dancing and singing. I wanted to ask about his experience as he has a lovely presence. He told me that there is more than joy and what I experience is just a phase but I must let the laughter phase go.
I told him I am willing but not sure how.
He says that to cross over, it doesn't require time nor years of practices. It just require intensity. When I laugh, sing and dance, means my body cannot contain the energy. So this requires more sadhanas.
He asked me to do the shambavi together with the rests of the IE participants and volunteers, just be here, also asked myself to contain the laughter a bit and see what's else there
Firstly, I sit quietly to the music. I didn't follow my body to sway, I contain the movement and suddenly I found myself sitting erect and at ease for a very long time. Very surprising
I did shambavi, I just focused being there. I did intensely and the most amazing was surka kriya. My left hand didn't even lift up, and towards the middle, I found my back becomes erect without effort and the surka kriya was the deepest breathing I have ever done.
Then aum chanting, he was there to support. Then I did the fluttering and this time I try to contain the head swinging and focus on the breathe instead. I found it slightly difficult but he helped me by doing the fluttering and the energy got to me.
Then I did the bandana. I know the secret is locking the bottom and not the top, so I can still breathe. With that I managed to lock much longer on full and empty breathe.
Then the quiet moment, at first nothing, then a laughter try to escape and I close my mouth and a few more times, I just contain in and focus inward. And suddenly I found myself in a state of such pleasure, so orgasmic. And it went on and on, and it become so sweet, so full that I was gasping, exclaiming and also tears of gratitude came. I was there for a long long time until Teacher asked us to come out. I was still caught in the blissful experience.
Father, I finally encountered bliss.
When I came out, I felt my heart has open up and my hand goes to keep it warm. I felt love flooded within me.
I shared this with another fellow meditator, M and she says she also experience something more, she found herself laughing. She wanted to talk more to me.
Father, yea. Our local teacher normally ignore such sharing. So, its not just me.
Evening
Amazing. I didn't plan to attend the tamil IE and only to do the Sunday initiation as my friend LK is not around, just want to volunteer.
This morning Shambavi was fantastic and I really liked the teacher and also I know the center's energy is good and of cos I wanted to ask teacher about his experience. I told him I am not keen in volunteer nor being a teacher. He said I can be a Seeker (which is exactly what I am). I shared about my experience, he said I am on the right track. I told him that there must be more than jus laughing, dancing and singing. I wanted to ask about his experience as he has a lovely presence. He told me that there is more than joy and what I experience is just a phase but I must let the laughter phase go.
I told him I am willing but not sure how.
He says that to cross over, it doesn't require time nor years of practices. It just require intensity. When I laugh, sing and dance, means my body cannot contain the energy. So this requires more sadhanas.
He asked me to do the shambavi together with the rests of the IE participants and volunteers, just be here, also asked myself to contain the laughter a bit and see what's else there
Firstly, I sit quietly to the music. I didn't follow my body to sway, I contain the movement and suddenly I found myself sitting erect and at ease for a very long time. Very surprising
I did shambavi, I just focused being there. I did intensely and the most amazing was surka kriya. My left hand didn't even lift up, and towards the middle, I found my back becomes erect without effort and the surka kriya was the deepest breathing I have ever done.
Then aum chanting, he was there to support. Then I did the fluttering and this time I try to contain the head swinging and focus on the breathe instead. I found it slightly difficult but he helped me by doing the fluttering and the energy got to me.
Then I did the bandana. I know the secret is locking the bottom and not the top, so I can still breathe. With that I managed to lock much longer on full and empty breathe.
Then the quiet moment, at first nothing, then a laughter try to escape and I close my mouth and a few more times, I just contain in and focus inward. And suddenly I found myself in a state of such pleasure, so orgasmic. And it went on and on, and it become so sweet, so full that I was gasping, exclaiming and also tears of gratitude came. I was there for a long long time until Teacher asked us to come out. I was still caught in the blissful experience.
Father, I finally encountered bliss.
When I came out, I felt my heart has open up and my hand goes to keep it warm. I felt love flooded within me.
I shared this with another fellow meditator, M and she says she also experience something more, she found herself laughing. She wanted to talk more to me.
Father, yea. Our local teacher normally ignore such sharing. So, its not just me.
My Journey
My Journey
I started my journey in 1997 during recession as I was feeling insecure. Work used to be my security and I am good at it. But I wasn't as sure as before as I now know that outside circumstance is beyond our control. We can be the best worker, but when the economy is down, everything goes.
So, I started to read book to find answers on how I can be more secure. I start to read books on personal development, to better equip myself in my career and to find back my security level. But the more I read, the more insecure I felt.
In 1999, I took a gamble and quit my job as I won an offer for a 3 months scholarship to Finland. That was the turning point for me. I was introduced to spirituality by Wayne Dyer's Sacred Self.
In 2000, I was initiated into A Course in Miracles (“ACIM”) and it was the book that finally broke down my control self. I plummeted down into a mild depression. I just wasn’t my normal happy self, but I can’t seem to come out of it.
But I just couldn’t accept that God create me and leaves me here to suffer. I know there must be a way out and I keep on searching. Then I read the book, suppression of feeling led to depression, and from then on, I learn to let go of my control and let my feeling surfaced and my depression ended.
Around the same time, I found Carl Jung and I was totally connected to him. He taught me that it was my unconsciousness that rules me and I am not in control as I thought I am. I got scared cos I am the type of person that needs to be in control in order to feel safe. I made a commitment to open up all my doors of unconsciousness as I cannot allow others to control me.
And I was then able to practice ACIM with an approach to open up all my doors of unconsciousness, it was a humbling period. Every time I thought that it was someone/some people that hurt me, I would be brought back to see how I contributed to the unhappy situation that I was in. So, I learnt through the hard way about projections and mirrors. At the same time, I also read Krishnamurti who taught me about how relationship is always mirror for me to see myself (inwardly)
In Year 2001, I attended Asia Work workshop and became aware firstly that I have past wounds that need to be addressed and secondly I am an internal control freak. My self control operates on automatic mode closing all doors to my feelings.
With ACIM, I found my auto self control switch and turn it off and start to feel again.
While ACIM has turn my mind around by changing my behaviour but it does not address the inner wound. And I found Meister Eckhart and Cloud of Unknowing. When I read their words, my door crumble and past wound is expressed.
My life and relationship with others have improved so much but yet it is not yet transformed because I realised that I am continuously clearing shit from my mind. But it is like a never ending story, once I uncover and release a story, a new story will come up. I asked God, why can’t I overcome my fear, why so much fears? When will this ends?
I also know that I have not been able to get a grip on my need to be valued at work. Unconsciously, I drive myself in work and because I was disconnected from my feeling and body, my system break down and I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.
I can already see that my mind, which is my pride, is also my weakness. It is creating so much shit that I am unable to clear all of them. I prayed to God for help, because I know I can no longer help myself anymore. I cannot rely on my mind, I am disconnected with my feeling as I don’t trust them and definitely I cannot rely on my body, as I thought I am a physically challenged person, someone unable to play even simple game like badminton.
So, body, mind and feeling are out. I prayed to God, help me, I am at tail end and no longer can help myself.
Alas, in late 2008, I was introduced to Isha yoga, in d first session, Sadhguru said apart from mind, body and emotion, there is a 4th dimension that governs us, ensuring our heart beat n blood flow n it is Energy. This Energy is not within our grasp and hence we can't manipulate it.
I was ecstatic; alas there is another dimension in me that can help me. I who always tot I can't do meditation, fell into it and doing it diligently as d results of joy and peace is amazing. I wake up daily at 6 am to do my meditation. For someone who love food, I now delay my dinner by 2 hours so that I can do my evening meditation, clearing all my daily stress and be happy again.
In early 2009, I started a blog on my daily journal detailing my feelings, my thoughts and excerpts from books that I have read that connects me. It was a form of expression and I also hope that others can have a first-hand view of the inner turmoil and joy, the up and downs in our journey to be our Self.
My Rheumatoid Arthritis acted up sometimes mid 2009 and I decided to take up hatha yoga from Isha. And for someone who dislikes exercise of any forms, now wake up 4.30 am daily to do yoga. Amazingly, I love doing yoga with awareness, which gives me the same experience as meditation.
In late 2009, I finally acknowledged that I am no fulfilled in my current career as a head of finance in a corporate environment. I decided to resign, but was offered a 4 day week instead. But still I don’t know what I am looking for and I was guided to the Passion Book, that help me to zoom down towards my Top 5 Passion List and on top of the list is to be a Transformational Leader as I love to share about my experiences and how it resulted in Insights that have helped me and can help others too.
I am so happy, the happiest I have been in all my 43 years. I found myself laughing to sleep nearly every day and when I am in the pool, I just laughed with joy. And during meditation, I am in such contentment and peace that tears of gratitude just fell. I can now accept the good and bad part of me, because all is ME.
Just before I did this profile of mine, I was led to a book by AH Almaas, Diamond Heart Book 4, a book I bought back in 2006. I recalled that it couldn’t connect with it. But now I can. And coincidentally, the book is about combining spirituality with psychology in order to transform our personality. This basically outlines my approach in my journey, so looks like I am on the right track.
But the journey ahead is long, there will be ups and downs, but after a while, a sense of contentment and fulfillment will arise. What I know that we need to get clarity on our Self using psychological and spiritual tools, but in the end, we still need to act on it to enable our transformation to take effect. Otherwise, all the knowledge that we gathers will come to nothing.
I am now at this stage of transforming my personality to match my inner values, but it will not be easy, so much attachment to go through. In the end, even if I knew what is good for me, I tend not to change, cos I am afraid of losing what I have, not sure of the gain. But this is a choice that I will make everyday until my outer matched my inner!
For now, my first step is to act on my Passion as a writer and I am starting my website; joyong
I started my journey in 1997 during recession as I was feeling insecure. Work used to be my security and I am good at it. But I wasn't as sure as before as I now know that outside circumstance is beyond our control. We can be the best worker, but when the economy is down, everything goes.
So, I started to read book to find answers on how I can be more secure. I start to read books on personal development, to better equip myself in my career and to find back my security level. But the more I read, the more insecure I felt.
In 1999, I took a gamble and quit my job as I won an offer for a 3 months scholarship to Finland. That was the turning point for me. I was introduced to spirituality by Wayne Dyer's Sacred Self.
In 2000, I was initiated into A Course in Miracles (“ACIM”) and it was the book that finally broke down my control self. I plummeted down into a mild depression. I just wasn’t my normal happy self, but I can’t seem to come out of it.
But I just couldn’t accept that God create me and leaves me here to suffer. I know there must be a way out and I keep on searching. Then I read the book, suppression of feeling led to depression, and from then on, I learn to let go of my control and let my feeling surfaced and my depression ended.
Around the same time, I found Carl Jung and I was totally connected to him. He taught me that it was my unconsciousness that rules me and I am not in control as I thought I am. I got scared cos I am the type of person that needs to be in control in order to feel safe. I made a commitment to open up all my doors of unconsciousness as I cannot allow others to control me.
And I was then able to practice ACIM with an approach to open up all my doors of unconsciousness, it was a humbling period. Every time I thought that it was someone/some people that hurt me, I would be brought back to see how I contributed to the unhappy situation that I was in. So, I learnt through the hard way about projections and mirrors. At the same time, I also read Krishnamurti who taught me about how relationship is always mirror for me to see myself (inwardly)
In Year 2001, I attended Asia Work workshop and became aware firstly that I have past wounds that need to be addressed and secondly I am an internal control freak. My self control operates on automatic mode closing all doors to my feelings.
With ACIM, I found my auto self control switch and turn it off and start to feel again.
While ACIM has turn my mind around by changing my behaviour but it does not address the inner wound. And I found Meister Eckhart and Cloud of Unknowing. When I read their words, my door crumble and past wound is expressed.
My life and relationship with others have improved so much but yet it is not yet transformed because I realised that I am continuously clearing shit from my mind. But it is like a never ending story, once I uncover and release a story, a new story will come up. I asked God, why can’t I overcome my fear, why so much fears? When will this ends?
I also know that I have not been able to get a grip on my need to be valued at work. Unconsciously, I drive myself in work and because I was disconnected from my feeling and body, my system break down and I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.
I can already see that my mind, which is my pride, is also my weakness. It is creating so much shit that I am unable to clear all of them. I prayed to God for help, because I know I can no longer help myself anymore. I cannot rely on my mind, I am disconnected with my feeling as I don’t trust them and definitely I cannot rely on my body, as I thought I am a physically challenged person, someone unable to play even simple game like badminton.
So, body, mind and feeling are out. I prayed to God, help me, I am at tail end and no longer can help myself.
Alas, in late 2008, I was introduced to Isha yoga, in d first session, Sadhguru said apart from mind, body and emotion, there is a 4th dimension that governs us, ensuring our heart beat n blood flow n it is Energy. This Energy is not within our grasp and hence we can't manipulate it.
I was ecstatic; alas there is another dimension in me that can help me. I who always tot I can't do meditation, fell into it and doing it diligently as d results of joy and peace is amazing. I wake up daily at 6 am to do my meditation. For someone who love food, I now delay my dinner by 2 hours so that I can do my evening meditation, clearing all my daily stress and be happy again.
In early 2009, I started a blog on my daily journal detailing my feelings, my thoughts and excerpts from books that I have read that connects me. It was a form of expression and I also hope that others can have a first-hand view of the inner turmoil and joy, the up and downs in our journey to be our Self.
My Rheumatoid Arthritis acted up sometimes mid 2009 and I decided to take up hatha yoga from Isha. And for someone who dislikes exercise of any forms, now wake up 4.30 am daily to do yoga. Amazingly, I love doing yoga with awareness, which gives me the same experience as meditation.
In late 2009, I finally acknowledged that I am no fulfilled in my current career as a head of finance in a corporate environment. I decided to resign, but was offered a 4 day week instead. But still I don’t know what I am looking for and I was guided to the Passion Book, that help me to zoom down towards my Top 5 Passion List and on top of the list is to be a Transformational Leader as I love to share about my experiences and how it resulted in Insights that have helped me and can help others too.
I am so happy, the happiest I have been in all my 43 years. I found myself laughing to sleep nearly every day and when I am in the pool, I just laughed with joy. And during meditation, I am in such contentment and peace that tears of gratitude just fell. I can now accept the good and bad part of me, because all is ME.
Just before I did this profile of mine, I was led to a book by AH Almaas, Diamond Heart Book 4, a book I bought back in 2006. I recalled that it couldn’t connect with it. But now I can. And coincidentally, the book is about combining spirituality with psychology in order to transform our personality. This basically outlines my approach in my journey, so looks like I am on the right track.
But the journey ahead is long, there will be ups and downs, but after a while, a sense of contentment and fulfillment will arise. What I know that we need to get clarity on our Self using psychological and spiritual tools, but in the end, we still need to act on it to enable our transformation to take effect. Otherwise, all the knowledge that we gathers will come to nothing.
I am now at this stage of transforming my personality to match my inner values, but it will not be easy, so much attachment to go through. In the end, even if I knew what is good for me, I tend not to change, cos I am afraid of losing what I have, not sure of the gain. But this is a choice that I will make everyday until my outer matched my inner!
For now, my first step is to act on my Passion as a writer and I am starting my website; joyong
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