Jan 25 Aft
Father, H said my work on website and book is wonderful. It feels great coming cos I thought highly of her.
Was happy and want to share with Z. At first bit of dilemma and asked if I am putting myself on the spot by involving in my life. Then second tot came, we r going for scuba diving together and we r friend, so forget about keeping my boundary.
I want to share that I am confident now of embarking on my writing career as 2 friends, H and SL, whom I think has very high standard thinks I write well and encourage me to continue.
Then V said his wife wanted to meet me alone to do a personal reading on Destiny Card. Quite a lot of support!
Then tot of reading quotes book from north consulting
This quote suddenly jumped out;
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell.
Checked his website. He has a foundation that promote his writings. He is an author that writes about his mythology insights and also a great public speaker.
Krishna's dictum; The best way to help mankind is through the perfection of yourself. Same msg as Sadhguru, if u r happy, the people around will be happy too!
Soul
I connect with Joseph Campbell. These days I connect with soul writers. Father, thanks for ur guide.
"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true" Cardinal Sueneus
Soul
Yeap, will pay the price.
To avoid criticism;
"Say nothing. Do nothing. Be nothing"
Lady Bird Johnson, First Lady to President Lyndon B Johnson
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My self control was an illusion
Jan 25
Father, tot of Z this morning. He has a chance to re-look at his life. Why is he taking the same path? I wonder if he has done his passion list.
Father, yday when I saw the Change card I tot it doesn't relate to me per se. But now I know, its the opposites in life. Perhaps becos of my strong mental control that my pendulum swing is minimal, I don't experience the high and low. Since there is no high and low, I have the illusion of being in balance, in control.
Sadhguru says we don't have to control the mind, we have to unleash it and let it swing all the way, so we can experience totality. (Mmm, is that what F does?? Nope as hers is trying as many things as possible and not stretching each one to the max.)
Anyway, no worries. I used to disallowed bad feeling to come up cos I cannot handle. But now that I knew the bad and good feeling goes together, I will allow it to be, but under witnessing mode. I will move towards the center and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Just got a call from SL and she support me by buying Firefly. She said that she likes my blog and wanted to publish my website in her facebook. Father, thanks for all the friends you send me.
Father, U will me only happiness. So, in tot of Z, I now can separate between mental compulsion vs joy. I now realised a great feel can be changed and manipulated by the mind. And that's when I need to disidentify from it. To do that more and more awareness is needed and hence samyama is important.
Father, today I complete practice by 6.58 am and I start earlier by 3.50 am, nearly 3hours. I think I did longer of my breathing awareness. Mmm, now that I sleep earlier at 11.30 pm instead of 12 pm. Wonder if I can wake up at 3.45 am instead. I do want to do the breathe awareness.
Father, read the Card on Receptivity.
You cannot reach God as aggressive invaders, conquerors. You can reach God only ... Or it will be better to say God can reach u only when u r receptive, a feminine receptivity. When u become yin, a receptivity, the door is open .. And u wait. Listening is the art for becoming passive.
Soul
At first tot it was for F. Then I realised its for me too. Infinite Patience brings immediate results.
When we r receptive (without the head), only then we can receive. Neither duty or tot of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Tot of my intended msg for Z about his passion list. Will call him later as this is sharing of love, not needing him. Amen.
Four of Clubs
The card of mental satisfaction and stability. U will experience mental peace and able to do good things for any sort of mental occupation.
This a good time to make plans for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.
Father, tot of Z this morning. He has a chance to re-look at his life. Why is he taking the same path? I wonder if he has done his passion list.
Father, yday when I saw the Change card I tot it doesn't relate to me per se. But now I know, its the opposites in life. Perhaps becos of my strong mental control that my pendulum swing is minimal, I don't experience the high and low. Since there is no high and low, I have the illusion of being in balance, in control.
Sadhguru says we don't have to control the mind, we have to unleash it and let it swing all the way, so we can experience totality. (Mmm, is that what F does?? Nope as hers is trying as many things as possible and not stretching each one to the max.)
Anyway, no worries. I used to disallowed bad feeling to come up cos I cannot handle. But now that I knew the bad and good feeling goes together, I will allow it to be, but under witnessing mode. I will move towards the center and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Just got a call from SL and she support me by buying Firefly. She said that she likes my blog and wanted to publish my website in her facebook. Father, thanks for all the friends you send me.
Father, U will me only happiness. So, in tot of Z, I now can separate between mental compulsion vs joy. I now realised a great feel can be changed and manipulated by the mind. And that's when I need to disidentify from it. To do that more and more awareness is needed and hence samyama is important.
Father, today I complete practice by 6.58 am and I start earlier by 3.50 am, nearly 3hours. I think I did longer of my breathing awareness. Mmm, now that I sleep earlier at 11.30 pm instead of 12 pm. Wonder if I can wake up at 3.45 am instead. I do want to do the breathe awareness.
Father, read the Card on Receptivity.
You cannot reach God as aggressive invaders, conquerors. You can reach God only ... Or it will be better to say God can reach u only when u r receptive, a feminine receptivity. When u become yin, a receptivity, the door is open .. And u wait. Listening is the art for becoming passive.
Soul
At first tot it was for F. Then I realised its for me too. Infinite Patience brings immediate results.
When we r receptive (without the head), only then we can receive. Neither duty or tot of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Tot of my intended msg for Z about his passion list. Will call him later as this is sharing of love, not needing him. Amen.
Four of Clubs
The card of mental satisfaction and stability. U will experience mental peace and able to do good things for any sort of mental occupation.
This a good time to make plans for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.
I am transforming (16)
Jan 24 Eve
Father, a text came and I freezed and bit piss at myself of cos I wanted it to be him. Then I stop myself and says its ok that I wanted to be him and if he is not him, also ok. Turn out it was not. Never mind. Just let compulsion mode passed.
(Feb 6 - now I realised that I do have high defense mechanism when it comes to relationship. It is as high as boss's defense mechanism towards her job/position)
I did my blog and then watch TV. The feeling of need for Z arise.
I told myself it is a need, then it is not sharing, then it is a beggar love and not an emperor. That's means its my mind on compulsion, add on with my emotional abandoment issue.
So, I didn't respond to the need.
I just watch it cos it is just a tot that comes in, he was not in my life. Then I start to watch my breathe, while the tot of need for Z continues. After a while, the need slow down and reduces and I finally feel me and I am at ease now. Amen.
Father, a text came and I freezed and bit piss at myself of cos I wanted it to be him. Then I stop myself and says its ok that I wanted to be him and if he is not him, also ok. Turn out it was not. Never mind. Just let compulsion mode passed.
(Feb 6 - now I realised that I do have high defense mechanism when it comes to relationship. It is as high as boss's defense mechanism towards her job/position)
I did my blog and then watch TV. The feeling of need for Z arise.
I told myself it is a need, then it is not sharing, then it is a beggar love and not an emperor. That's means its my mind on compulsion, add on with my emotional abandoment issue.
So, I didn't respond to the need.
I just watch it cos it is just a tot that comes in, he was not in my life. Then I start to watch my breathe, while the tot of need for Z continues. After a while, the need slow down and reduces and I finally feel me and I am at ease now. Amen.
I am transforming (15)
Jan 24 Aft
Father, boss got an extension for another one year plus 2 years. So hurray for me too. That's mean my 4 days work is secured for next 2 years.
I told her to leave her house and stay in new one as she now can afford to do so.
At first she was distraught and I gave her an alternative plan and she now look forward to it. Guess this is another marker of me giving positive energy to people.
Father, I have tots of Z. I miss him and start to have some imagination. Aiyoh. Never mind, may be just compulsive tots.
Then a tot came. My love life is effortless, no more drama.
Osho
1. The Issue
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn.
Move towards the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
Tell me about it. I am glad that I was able to turn the boss's extension into a happy thing for both of us.
2. Internal influence.
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and dis-identify yourself from it.
Now u can do and act only that which makes u joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty. But it is only possible if the master in u is awake and u become a master of ur own destiny.
The community of seekers that arises around a Master becomes an energy field that support each unique individual in finding his or her own inner light.
Soul
Not sure if I am arrogant. Suddenly tot of me being a master, I got the rest to find his or her own light.
I know Ja is on to become a teacher, boss is focusing on making herself happy, Y is focusing on finding her light. Yea. This was my Top 1 Passion
3. External influence
Ordinariness
Whenever, in whatsoever situation, u become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds u, arises in u. You feel fulfilled. These moments can become ur natural self.
U r facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to situations u encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or otherwise extraordinary. Take things easily, simply, one step at a time.
4. What is needed for resolution
Thunderbolt
This card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness.
U might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath ur feet. Ur sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences.
Try to watch the destruction with detachment. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Soul
My control tower has been blown apart. Me still scary especially now vulnerable to Z. Just now when I tot of him approaching me, first thing was to run or confront him, asking for certainty before I commit. Then a tot came, I am attracted to him, just go with the flow. Both of us are meditating. Whatever turn out will be fine.
5. Resolution
Receptivity
When u become a yin, a receptivity, the door to God is open - and u wait.
Receptivity represents the feminine, receptive quality of water and of the emotion. She has no head, no busy and aggressive mind to hinder her pure receptivity. She is in harmony with universe.
Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Wayne Dyer - infinite patience brings immediate result.
Father, boss got an extension for another one year plus 2 years. So hurray for me too. That's mean my 4 days work is secured for next 2 years.
I told her to leave her house and stay in new one as she now can afford to do so.
At first she was distraught and I gave her an alternative plan and she now look forward to it. Guess this is another marker of me giving positive energy to people.
Father, I have tots of Z. I miss him and start to have some imagination. Aiyoh. Never mind, may be just compulsive tots.
Then a tot came. My love life is effortless, no more drama.
Osho
1. The Issue
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn.
Move towards the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
Tell me about it. I am glad that I was able to turn the boss's extension into a happy thing for both of us.
2. Internal influence.
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and dis-identify yourself from it.
Now u can do and act only that which makes u joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty. But it is only possible if the master in u is awake and u become a master of ur own destiny.
The community of seekers that arises around a Master becomes an energy field that support each unique individual in finding his or her own inner light.
Soul
Not sure if I am arrogant. Suddenly tot of me being a master, I got the rest to find his or her own light.
I know Ja is on to become a teacher, boss is focusing on making herself happy, Y is focusing on finding her light. Yea. This was my Top 1 Passion
3. External influence
Ordinariness
Whenever, in whatsoever situation, u become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds u, arises in u. You feel fulfilled. These moments can become ur natural self.
U r facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to situations u encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or otherwise extraordinary. Take things easily, simply, one step at a time.
4. What is needed for resolution
Thunderbolt
This card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness.
U might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath ur feet. Ur sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences.
Try to watch the destruction with detachment. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Soul
My control tower has been blown apart. Me still scary especially now vulnerable to Z. Just now when I tot of him approaching me, first thing was to run or confront him, asking for certainty before I commit. Then a tot came, I am attracted to him, just go with the flow. Both of us are meditating. Whatever turn out will be fine.
5. Resolution
Receptivity
When u become a yin, a receptivity, the door to God is open - and u wait.
Receptivity represents the feminine, receptive quality of water and of the emotion. She has no head, no busy and aggressive mind to hinder her pure receptivity. She is in harmony with universe.
Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Wayne Dyer - infinite patience brings immediate result.
Successful habits
Jan 24
Father, suria was effortless today. No more pain. I know this year is about connecting with my body. I want to dance. And I am going for scuba diving in April 2011.
Thanks for Z, he made me realise that I was still not whole as body is partially connected. Now I know what the Lazy card meant. I have work to do with my body. Amen.
The Passion Test
Intention (Choice) - is the conscious or unconscious choice to create. All of us are constantly creating the circumstances and situations in our world by virtue of the beliefs and concepts we hold to be true.
For most people, creations are unconscious and so they view themselves as the victims of their situations and circumstances.
Successful people know the secret - they create their reality from what they put their attention on.
Your results will always match your true intention. Your life will always express what is going on deep inside u.
Soul
I knew that. The main reason I was without a partner was because I was afraid to have one. Well, I am ready and its now Top 5. I will give attention to connect to my body, to let my passion out.
The Passion Test
Attention - is the subjective awareness directed to an object. All of us give attention to something in every waking moment of the day. Life changes when the object of ur attention becomes ur conscious choice.
However, most people don't pay much attention to where they are placing their attention. Their lives are an unconscious stream of tots and are directed by habit. So, it is important to cultivate successful habits
Success habits
1. Taking time daily to review your top five passions
2. Choosing in favour of ur passions whenever you are faced with a decision
3. Taking responsibility for the life you have created
4. Taking time daily for prayer and/or meditation
5. Getting regular exercise
6. Getting adequate rest
7. Charitable giving on a regular basis.
8. Eating healthy foods that support clarity
9. Speaking positively and uplifting others through ur speech.
Soul
I am good for all except food. And at times, I may be triggered and my speech is not that nice nor uplifting.
The Passion Test
The second step is to put attention on its creation. This means developing the habit of giving attention to everything that supports ur intention and being indifferent to those things that do not.
Do a list of all the things u appreciate about urself.
By putting attention on ur strengths, how capable u r, and the reasons u can accomplish ur goals, fear will drop away. With remarkable ease, the results u desire will begin showing up in ur life.
Soul
Mmm, yeap will do that
The Passion Test
No tension - means exactly that. Creating intentions and putting ur attention on them is simple, easy, effortless process.
If u ever find urself not wanting to read ur passions or review ur goals or go over ur vision, it means either that u've been straining on these things or there is an underlying fear that u can't have or achieve what u have written.
Soul
Yeap, for a few months back, I didn't even want to look at Vision book. Then joints worsen. Now that my website is alive, joints has loosen.
The Passion Test
When u r truly passionate about something, there is nothing that can keep u from it. You won't have to try to put ur attention on it, because it draws u irresistibly to it.
When u feel down, u will be drawn to reviewing them because they will pick u up again.
When ur tots are aligned with the deepest stirrings in ur heart, intention, attention and no tension are completely natural and effortless.
Soul
Just shift Food to 5 and lower Transformational Leader to 6.
For now I just want to be a writer and to be with my husband and my family, enjoying lovely food.
Soul - suddenly tot my focus of blog is to explore wet market.
Father, suria was effortless today. No more pain. I know this year is about connecting with my body. I want to dance. And I am going for scuba diving in April 2011.
Thanks for Z, he made me realise that I was still not whole as body is partially connected. Now I know what the Lazy card meant. I have work to do with my body. Amen.
The Passion Test
Intention (Choice) - is the conscious or unconscious choice to create. All of us are constantly creating the circumstances and situations in our world by virtue of the beliefs and concepts we hold to be true.
For most people, creations are unconscious and so they view themselves as the victims of their situations and circumstances.
Successful people know the secret - they create their reality from what they put their attention on.
Your results will always match your true intention. Your life will always express what is going on deep inside u.
Soul
I knew that. The main reason I was without a partner was because I was afraid to have one. Well, I am ready and its now Top 5. I will give attention to connect to my body, to let my passion out.
The Passion Test
Attention - is the subjective awareness directed to an object. All of us give attention to something in every waking moment of the day. Life changes when the object of ur attention becomes ur conscious choice.
However, most people don't pay much attention to where they are placing their attention. Their lives are an unconscious stream of tots and are directed by habit. So, it is important to cultivate successful habits
Success habits
1. Taking time daily to review your top five passions
2. Choosing in favour of ur passions whenever you are faced with a decision
3. Taking responsibility for the life you have created
4. Taking time daily for prayer and/or meditation
5. Getting regular exercise
6. Getting adequate rest
7. Charitable giving on a regular basis.
8. Eating healthy foods that support clarity
9. Speaking positively and uplifting others through ur speech.
Soul
I am good for all except food. And at times, I may be triggered and my speech is not that nice nor uplifting.
The Passion Test
The second step is to put attention on its creation. This means developing the habit of giving attention to everything that supports ur intention and being indifferent to those things that do not.
Do a list of all the things u appreciate about urself.
By putting attention on ur strengths, how capable u r, and the reasons u can accomplish ur goals, fear will drop away. With remarkable ease, the results u desire will begin showing up in ur life.
Soul
Mmm, yeap will do that
The Passion Test
No tension - means exactly that. Creating intentions and putting ur attention on them is simple, easy, effortless process.
If u ever find urself not wanting to read ur passions or review ur goals or go over ur vision, it means either that u've been straining on these things or there is an underlying fear that u can't have or achieve what u have written.
Soul
Yeap, for a few months back, I didn't even want to look at Vision book. Then joints worsen. Now that my website is alive, joints has loosen.
The Passion Test
When u r truly passionate about something, there is nothing that can keep u from it. You won't have to try to put ur attention on it, because it draws u irresistibly to it.
When u feel down, u will be drawn to reviewing them because they will pick u up again.
When ur tots are aligned with the deepest stirrings in ur heart, intention, attention and no tension are completely natural and effortless.
Soul
Just shift Food to 5 and lower Transformational Leader to 6.
For now I just want to be a writer and to be with my husband and my family, enjoying lovely food.
Soul - suddenly tot my focus of blog is to explore wet market.
Facing my karma in relationship (13a)
Jan 23 Mor
Father, I woke up before alarm. First thing I tot of is I love myself. Second thing is I am freed, thanks to Z. Third thing I tot of is A. I recall I was so thankful for A for helping me to open my emotion channel. The gratefulness was turned to love and I love him for a long long time.
Now Z helped to open my physical channel. I am still not sure of him cos tot of E came to my mind.
Then I recalled Eat, pray and love. Her last journey on love releases the physical/passion energy in her and alas she was whole. I recalled she is a writer like me and she also has a controlled look.
For me, the control cast was melted by the joy I am experiencing. That's why these days I am expressing my Mars. Can get angry and have auto reaction on defense mechanism. I was bit worried on why I become like that. Now I know the control cast is finally off.
I have lived and survived on control cast for the past 30 years and now I am living without the auto control cast. I will respond to the situation with mind, emotion and body as when it arise. Amen.
What a great timing. My website came alive on 21 Jan and mySelf come alive on 22 Jan.
Father, still no text from Z. Tots is coming in and by now I have learnt about my defense mechanism. Remember H and F took nearly a day to reply.
Besides I don't need Z to acknowledge me as I just want to express my gratitude. Of cos one part says he may be worried I wrote about him and tot of texting. Second tot forget about it, on my own terms.
Father, I woke up before alarm. First thing I tot of is I love myself. Second thing is I am freed, thanks to Z. Third thing I tot of is A. I recall I was so thankful for A for helping me to open my emotion channel. The gratefulness was turned to love and I love him for a long long time.
Now Z helped to open my physical channel. I am still not sure of him cos tot of E came to my mind.
Then I recalled Eat, pray and love. Her last journey on love releases the physical/passion energy in her and alas she was whole. I recalled she is a writer like me and she also has a controlled look.
For me, the control cast was melted by the joy I am experiencing. That's why these days I am expressing my Mars. Can get angry and have auto reaction on defense mechanism. I was bit worried on why I become like that. Now I know the control cast is finally off.
I have lived and survived on control cast for the past 30 years and now I am living without the auto control cast. I will respond to the situation with mind, emotion and body as when it arise. Amen.
What a great timing. My website came alive on 21 Jan and mySelf come alive on 22 Jan.
Father, still no text from Z. Tots is coming in and by now I have learnt about my defense mechanism. Remember H and F took nearly a day to reply.
Besides I don't need Z to acknowledge me as I just want to express my gratitude. Of cos one part says he may be worried I wrote about him and tot of texting. Second tot forget about it, on my own terms.
I am transforming (14) - my body is awake
Jan 23 Eve
F confronted me and said that I am such a nagger. I asked her how frequent do we meet. She didn't want to reply but in the end she relented its at the most once a month. Actually our SS pgm completed sometime before Aug 2010 and we met only 2 times since then and today becos of S's graduation. So, all in all, its one time in 2 months. She does have major authority issue.
For me, I told her that my ego was dented because she doesn't want to listen to me at all, she didn't open up to me at all. Of course for me, after I knew about the conflict between Ace of Diamond and Ten of Spade issue, I accepted her reluctance to open to me. And I had an alternative tot, its good to have a group of friends that I don't have to share my Light.
I found that she has only one door and she seldom opens it. For me, I have few layers of doors, so I can open them confidently. For her, since it is only one door, she really has to be more choosy to open it. The last time she open her door was few years ago.
Great insight and somehow it dispel my ego denture on her not opening to me at all. Now I know it is not 'personal' and need not take it as a rejection per se.
And besides she doesn't even open to Wayne Dyer who told her "Infinite patience brings immediate results".
Father, I like the message to me, Infinite patience brings immediate results.
Today I met another Controller who is beautiful. This time no envious feeling and I tot of introducing her to Z. Then a tot came, Z can do his own hunting and besides I want Z to hunt me, so why sabotage my own chance.
Father, great bonding with S and F. Thank U.
Today also received kudos from P on my website. To receive from her is a big honour as P has great insights and writes so well.
Father, I am so happy. Just now while waiting for S, I start to dance to the music. This time I am standing dancing. My feet moves on its own, real dancing, the sense of two left feet is gone. Father, I want to dance. So, Friday is a good time for me to do dancing. I recalled natal chart says I can dance. Let's try that. Amen.
I don't know if my body can respond passionately to a man's touch. But I want my body to respond to music, a safer choice. I want to dance. I want to feel connected with my body. I already connect with my emotion and now I want to know my body.
(Feb 6 - I just realised that my body is responding passionately to music...and that is a great turnaround!)
The Passion Test
You can never know what will show up in ur life. You can only stay open to what is required of u in the present moment.
When u let go of the way u think things should be and open yourself to the way they are appearing, u open yourself to the will of God, to the perfect organising power of Nature.
Soul
Yea, I tot now the focus in on writing and here Z suddenly made inroad into my life. Its ironic, we met about 1 year ago and nothing happen but 2 months back, we suddenly click on the bananas.
At first I tot not good timing as I need my balance to focus on my writing as I am not confident yet. But little did I knew that by opening up, I let him helped me with my control issue and I finally knew why I couldn't response with passion. And now I want to do dancing. And 2 months later, can do scuba diving.
Father, I now want to connect and experience my bodily function. It started with effortless yoga and morning walk, then effortless swimming, then now dancing and later scuba diving. When I met the right partner, I want to slow dance, to have passionate love making.
The Passion Test
Every single thing u can see that was created by man was an idea in someone's mind at one time. If u want to create the life of ur dreams, it begins by writing your dreams down and becoming as clear as possible.
The power of intention and attention is what brings ideas into concrete form. When u have intention and attention with no tension, then the whole process becomes fun.
Soul
Father, now that I can dance and express my emotion, I no longer feared of not having good food. I still like it and I was pleasantly surprised at the food today. Father, I love U. I love mySelf. Amen.
F confronted me and said that I am such a nagger. I asked her how frequent do we meet. She didn't want to reply but in the end she relented its at the most once a month. Actually our SS pgm completed sometime before Aug 2010 and we met only 2 times since then and today becos of S's graduation. So, all in all, its one time in 2 months. She does have major authority issue.
For me, I told her that my ego was dented because she doesn't want to listen to me at all, she didn't open up to me at all. Of course for me, after I knew about the conflict between Ace of Diamond and Ten of Spade issue, I accepted her reluctance to open to me. And I had an alternative tot, its good to have a group of friends that I don't have to share my Light.
I found that she has only one door and she seldom opens it. For me, I have few layers of doors, so I can open them confidently. For her, since it is only one door, she really has to be more choosy to open it. The last time she open her door was few years ago.
Great insight and somehow it dispel my ego denture on her not opening to me at all. Now I know it is not 'personal' and need not take it as a rejection per se.
And besides she doesn't even open to Wayne Dyer who told her "Infinite patience brings immediate results".
Father, I like the message to me, Infinite patience brings immediate results.
Today I met another Controller who is beautiful. This time no envious feeling and I tot of introducing her to Z. Then a tot came, Z can do his own hunting and besides I want Z to hunt me, so why sabotage my own chance.
Father, great bonding with S and F. Thank U.
Today also received kudos from P on my website. To receive from her is a big honour as P has great insights and writes so well.
Father, I am so happy. Just now while waiting for S, I start to dance to the music. This time I am standing dancing. My feet moves on its own, real dancing, the sense of two left feet is gone. Father, I want to dance. So, Friday is a good time for me to do dancing. I recalled natal chart says I can dance. Let's try that. Amen.
I don't know if my body can respond passionately to a man's touch. But I want my body to respond to music, a safer choice. I want to dance. I want to feel connected with my body. I already connect with my emotion and now I want to know my body.
(Feb 6 - I just realised that my body is responding passionately to music...and that is a great turnaround!)
The Passion Test
You can never know what will show up in ur life. You can only stay open to what is required of u in the present moment.
When u let go of the way u think things should be and open yourself to the way they are appearing, u open yourself to the will of God, to the perfect organising power of Nature.
Soul
Yea, I tot now the focus in on writing and here Z suddenly made inroad into my life. Its ironic, we met about 1 year ago and nothing happen but 2 months back, we suddenly click on the bananas.
At first I tot not good timing as I need my balance to focus on my writing as I am not confident yet. But little did I knew that by opening up, I let him helped me with my control issue and I finally knew why I couldn't response with passion. And now I want to do dancing. And 2 months later, can do scuba diving.
Father, I now want to connect and experience my bodily function. It started with effortless yoga and morning walk, then effortless swimming, then now dancing and later scuba diving. When I met the right partner, I want to slow dance, to have passionate love making.
The Passion Test
Every single thing u can see that was created by man was an idea in someone's mind at one time. If u want to create the life of ur dreams, it begins by writing your dreams down and becoming as clear as possible.
The power of intention and attention is what brings ideas into concrete form. When u have intention and attention with no tension, then the whole process becomes fun.
Soul
Father, now that I can dance and express my emotion, I no longer feared of not having good food. I still like it and I was pleasantly surprised at the food today. Father, I love U. I love mySelf. Amen.
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