Oct 1
Father, I am disturbed about my feelings for Z. Not sure where this is heading. Or rather perhaps I am sure ...which is ending. So, not sure why I don't end it. Then tot of my Seven of Spades in Pluto. Seven of Spades is about having faith.
When I read the South Node in Scorpio, I got bit frightened cos its like telling me that I have to 'declare' again to Z. I really don't want to go there again. I wonder whether Z knew why I broke off him last time.
Also, reading the part of nurturing and bonding by sex, was so me. And I cannot fool myself. I tot by reducing the contacts, I be fine. Looks like the sex itself is the killer. Eventhough we don't meet but the sex deepens my feelings for him. I got frighten again. Not sure if I am out of my depth. Not sure if I am fooling myself. And reading the connection of soul mate with him also hold me back. What if he is the one and I self sabotage by letting go too early.
North Node in Scorpio
Another way these natives need to take action beyond their comfort zone is to verbalise their desire for a deeper commitment if it arises within them.
If these people don't reveal their feelings and the other person is a Soul Mate, then they miss the chance for union. And if the person isn't a true potential partner, they miss the chance to move on and find someone more appropriate.
These people really enjoy being in a successful committed relationship. They like doing things with their partner and creating a sense of community. They truly feel that having a partner completes them. Even so, their fears create resistance to commitment, sometimes in subtle ways. For instance, the native may choose partners who can't commit due to their own fears. Until they become aware of these dynamics, they may continue unconscious behaviours that sabotage their relationships.
Father, I am tired. Why do I still have to go through. Why Z doesn't have this dilemma. So nice able not to be affected. Then a tot came, that's why all his rships fails.
I called him and we chatted for one hour and 40 min . The last 40 min we gone in deep. I told him that I have changed. For the first time I rejected an exciting job offer and when my company lost our biggest client, I was not affected and infact strategise for 3 days work. I realised I am finally settling down. With that I am ready to embark on a committed relationship which is not what Z wants with me.
I told him that I love him. I am not sure what is love but for me to be so comfortable with him, has to be love. He said he know that I am very comfortable with him. He also shared that at times when I go into joyful mode during meditation, he can sense that he was in my tots and that he makes me happy. I told him that's true.
I also shared that he is in my prayer cos everytime I faced and overcome my difficulty with him, my inner grow to next level.
He said he knew that we will end when I come back to him. I told him that my feelings for him is still there but I am not longer as affected like before when he doesn't return my call. He said he didn't knew that. I told him it was quite bad but I overcome my neediness and I think I have grown stronger.
He said he is focused on external and I am on internal. He is focused on future and I am on present. He is on meeting plans and I am making sure I am happy.
We are going to make our exit plan together next week. He tends to use "We together".
My disturbance gone.
(Dec 2 - When we met, he didn't want to talk about it. He said he has no plan to end us. So, 2 months later, we are still on.)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
SN in Scorpio - karmic influence in relationship
Sept 30 Eve
Father, I was reading North Node in Scorpio, I find this so reflective of M, who has same birth date as me. I can't seem to identify with it now. Perhaps, it was me before I embark on opening up all my hidden doors. The only part that I could relate is thus
(Dec 2 - I have now read it once more and I can relate to all of them. They are my karmic influences from past lives. All my hidden consciousness)
North Node in Scorpio
Figuring out how relationship work is essential for this Nodal, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passport to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime. Even though they tend to lack emotional and psychological sophistication due to past life emphasis on physical survival, they do have the potential for psychic attunement and emotional depth that could allow them to find and bond with a Soul Mate.
That is another reason why accurate discernment regarding others is so important. When these people allow themselves to empathetically "tune in" to the other person - their feelings, desires, what motivates them, their very spirit - then they could find a true Soul Mate. It's rare, but they will know it: "There is something in this person that I really want to bond with. I can feel it". Its like calling.
Subconsciously these people know it's possible for them to bond with others on a deep level, but often their beliefs about relationships get in the way.
For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work - which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they are with the right person, it doesn't feel difficult. But if they are caught in their projection, the rship will feel like too much work and they will begin to feel restless and resentful.
Soul
Yes, that's what I believe about rship. The price to pay is not worth it.
With Z, everything seem easy. Little adjustment and I think we good for each other. Only issue is he doesn't love me and doesn't allow us to grow.
South Node in Scorpio
On one level, these natives tend to prevent deep bonding because they never really pledge themselves, even if they think they do. They may commit to their projection of who the other person is, but not the actual person and the process of mutual growth and development.
Sometimes, this is because the native finds that - on a deeper level - the other person doesn't really excite them and prompt them to grow.
Soul
Mmm, not sure. Of course, up till Z, none of them excited me.
North Node in Scorpio
The natives are learning how to give to the other person and make them feel special. When the other person responds by making the native feel special, then the reciprocity of love and support can begin to flow, bringing revitalising energy to both people. These natives will discover that they actually have a gift for initiating successful Soul Mate relationship - as soon as they start making people more important than their "stuff".
Soul
I know I lacked that. Perhaps I have so little needs that I assumed others are like that. Just like I don't need flowers, doesn't mean others doesn't. I must remember Z is more sensitive than me.
I am self-centred and I was protective of my space. When Z asked for other days, which intrude on my swim. My first tot was nope. Then I stopped and realised that I do want to be with him. Us meeting up is more important than our swim.
North Node in Scorpio
Another part of their lesson is to start making wholehearted commitments in other person or shared projects. If the partnership energises them and broadens their world, they can start making other commitments.
When they invest in partnerships and support others, the positive energy and attention they receive through the natural flow of reciprocity truly does meet their needs, and they feel satisfied. And in this way, by supporting another wholeheartedly
Soul
Well, first was Z and now Isha.
Maybe something there. Finally ending my Ace of Diamond and proceeding with Queen of Diamonds
North node in Scorpio
These natives tend to shy away from becoming involved in the psychology of others and are fairly naïve when it comes to social interaction. Because of so many lifetimes keeping their own counsel, they often project that others also want the privacy of strict self containment. So, they don't "intrude" on others by asking personal questions. They think that if they do ask about personal things, the other person will get upset. But what really happens is that if someone has negativity about a situation that they have not yet resolved, they may feel uncomfortable when they talked about it. The native interprets this as a signal not to approach that topic, when in fact, the other person may feel relieved that someone cares enough to ask them about it.
Soul
True. I don't intrude on personal talks. I don't ask people about their personal matters. I use to shy away whenever I see sadness. But I am fine now.
North Node in Scorpio
The native is learning to overcome their fear of the emotional process. They tend to feel uncomfortable about getting into those realms because it brings up so much sadness and intense emotion - they would rather avoid it.
But if they do, their rships remain superficial, with the other person skirting any deep emotional spaces because the native tries not to go there. Sometimes these natives may even be inappropriately angry or be "short" with a loved one to prevent dealing with deeper levels of emotion. The result is that their partner begins to shut down and both people miss the opportunity for mutual vulnerability and nurturing.
Soul
I was there and I was angry at him for making me go there. I shut him out. He tried to get me to talk but I couldn't. I hang up on him and I later walk out on him. While we did have 'conversation" but we avoided the emotion. Father, I avoid emotion and he also.
Father, I love him but I can't tell him. Firstly, because I am not sure if he want to know. I wonder if he would break up if he knew. Secondly, I am not sure I have the right to love him when we r supposed to be on a fling, albeit it is nearly 7 months, with a 2 months break in between. So, I guess we got a superficial relationship.
North Node in Scorpio
Until the native become aware, the native tends to choose comfort over what is vital and alive. But without the deep exchange of emotions to help transform each other and the relationship, there's no growth and excitement.
It is only by being willing to explore together deep, unresolved feelings from the past that the intense emotional exchange necessary for true healing can occur. Through such interactions, natives can gain the emotional richness that has been missing in their lives.
It can also adds a whole new level of depth and intimacy to the rship and the resulting bond of love creates energy and joy for both people.
Soul
I wanted open communication with my partner. I want to be able to share my deepest feeling. That's what Z and I did in the beginning before we start. And Z helped me to heal my childhood issue. To Z, that part we need to get it out of the way. But to me, it is on-going but I knew he is not keen. We both seldom talk about how we feel. I miss it.
However, recently it was him that faced a dilemma and I helped him through it.
North Node in Scorpio
When the native experiences mutual attraction with someone whose world is broader and whose energy inspires the native to step into their world and support them - then the rship works.
Even when the Scorpio founds a partner who attracts them in this way, they may still hesitate to make a commitment. They have had so many past incarnations where their survival depended on being free to take care of themselves, in this lifetime, they carry the belief; "commitment = being trapped."
This unconscious fear is a catch-22; it blocks intimacy and prevents the native from getting close enough to another to make the agreements that would allow them to feel safe in making a commitment. Also, due, to all their past lives relying on their own efforts, these people tend to assume that if they link with another, it will still be all up to them.
They want their life to be fun and exciting, but they hold the belief that a committed rship will be "a lot of hard work".
They are learning that this is only true when they try to pressure their partner into meeting THEIR needs, THEIR way.
But when they link with another, with the intention of expanding beyond their current limit, it generates so much vitality that the union doesn't feel like hard work.
Soul
True. At least with Z.
North Node in Scorpio
Because they are so afraid of losing their self-reliance, these natives are conflicted.
Their heart longs for a committed bond, while unconsciously they may be holding on to their sense of independent self-sufficiency.
Part of them think they can create what they want on their own, but in this lifetime, true satisfaction depends on finding a special partner with whom to build the supportive, emotionally renewing experience they long for.
Soul
True.
North Node in Scorpio
Timing can be another issue for these natives, because they tend to make decisions and take actions at a slower pace than others. And if they feel someone is trying to force them to move quickly, they can become very stubborn.
But by the time a Scorpio NN person decides they do want to commit to someone, they may find they have missed their chance.
Soul
Yeap. And Z even informed me that if I had called him a day later, he would have moved on. He said I am giving him headache, going nowhere.
North Node in Scorpio
They were so focused on their own timing that they ignored the readiness of the other person.
Soul
I missed it again that day. For the first time, Z asked me to extend our meet up and I hesitated. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes but I keep silent. But he didn't pursue and I tot he was not so serious. Alas, I missed my boat. To me, if he wanted us to stay, he should have be more insistent. Alas, now that I read his card, he only ask once and when there is no response, he stopped completely.
North Node in Scorpio
To prevent this, they are learning to drop their resistance and be aware of the opportunity inherent in their partner's timing.
Its only by going beyond their own comfort level that they are scheduled to grow in this lifetime.
Soul
Yes. The other day, I said nope cos Thursday I am not free. Later, I release Friday too.
Father, I was reading North Node in Scorpio, I find this so reflective of M, who has same birth date as me. I can't seem to identify with it now. Perhaps, it was me before I embark on opening up all my hidden doors. The only part that I could relate is thus
(Dec 2 - I have now read it once more and I can relate to all of them. They are my karmic influences from past lives. All my hidden consciousness)
North Node in Scorpio
Figuring out how relationship work is essential for this Nodal, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passport to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime. Even though they tend to lack emotional and psychological sophistication due to past life emphasis on physical survival, they do have the potential for psychic attunement and emotional depth that could allow them to find and bond with a Soul Mate.
That is another reason why accurate discernment regarding others is so important. When these people allow themselves to empathetically "tune in" to the other person - their feelings, desires, what motivates them, their very spirit - then they could find a true Soul Mate. It's rare, but they will know it: "There is something in this person that I really want to bond with. I can feel it". Its like calling.
Subconsciously these people know it's possible for them to bond with others on a deep level, but often their beliefs about relationships get in the way.
For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work - which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they are with the right person, it doesn't feel difficult. But if they are caught in their projection, the rship will feel like too much work and they will begin to feel restless and resentful.
Soul
Yes, that's what I believe about rship. The price to pay is not worth it.
With Z, everything seem easy. Little adjustment and I think we good for each other. Only issue is he doesn't love me and doesn't allow us to grow.
South Node in Scorpio
On one level, these natives tend to prevent deep bonding because they never really pledge themselves, even if they think they do. They may commit to their projection of who the other person is, but not the actual person and the process of mutual growth and development.
Sometimes, this is because the native finds that - on a deeper level - the other person doesn't really excite them and prompt them to grow.
Soul
Mmm, not sure. Of course, up till Z, none of them excited me.
North Node in Scorpio
The natives are learning how to give to the other person and make them feel special. When the other person responds by making the native feel special, then the reciprocity of love and support can begin to flow, bringing revitalising energy to both people. These natives will discover that they actually have a gift for initiating successful Soul Mate relationship - as soon as they start making people more important than their "stuff".
Soul
I know I lacked that. Perhaps I have so little needs that I assumed others are like that. Just like I don't need flowers, doesn't mean others doesn't. I must remember Z is more sensitive than me.
I am self-centred and I was protective of my space. When Z asked for other days, which intrude on my swim. My first tot was nope. Then I stopped and realised that I do want to be with him. Us meeting up is more important than our swim.
North Node in Scorpio
Another part of their lesson is to start making wholehearted commitments in other person or shared projects. If the partnership energises them and broadens their world, they can start making other commitments.
When they invest in partnerships and support others, the positive energy and attention they receive through the natural flow of reciprocity truly does meet their needs, and they feel satisfied. And in this way, by supporting another wholeheartedly
Soul
Well, first was Z and now Isha.
Maybe something there. Finally ending my Ace of Diamond and proceeding with Queen of Diamonds
North node in Scorpio
These natives tend to shy away from becoming involved in the psychology of others and are fairly naïve when it comes to social interaction. Because of so many lifetimes keeping their own counsel, they often project that others also want the privacy of strict self containment. So, they don't "intrude" on others by asking personal questions. They think that if they do ask about personal things, the other person will get upset. But what really happens is that if someone has negativity about a situation that they have not yet resolved, they may feel uncomfortable when they talked about it. The native interprets this as a signal not to approach that topic, when in fact, the other person may feel relieved that someone cares enough to ask them about it.
Soul
True. I don't intrude on personal talks. I don't ask people about their personal matters. I use to shy away whenever I see sadness. But I am fine now.
North Node in Scorpio
The native is learning to overcome their fear of the emotional process. They tend to feel uncomfortable about getting into those realms because it brings up so much sadness and intense emotion - they would rather avoid it.
But if they do, their rships remain superficial, with the other person skirting any deep emotional spaces because the native tries not to go there. Sometimes these natives may even be inappropriately angry or be "short" with a loved one to prevent dealing with deeper levels of emotion. The result is that their partner begins to shut down and both people miss the opportunity for mutual vulnerability and nurturing.
Soul
I was there and I was angry at him for making me go there. I shut him out. He tried to get me to talk but I couldn't. I hang up on him and I later walk out on him. While we did have 'conversation" but we avoided the emotion. Father, I avoid emotion and he also.
Father, I love him but I can't tell him. Firstly, because I am not sure if he want to know. I wonder if he would break up if he knew. Secondly, I am not sure I have the right to love him when we r supposed to be on a fling, albeit it is nearly 7 months, with a 2 months break in between. So, I guess we got a superficial relationship.
North Node in Scorpio
Until the native become aware, the native tends to choose comfort over what is vital and alive. But without the deep exchange of emotions to help transform each other and the relationship, there's no growth and excitement.
It is only by being willing to explore together deep, unresolved feelings from the past that the intense emotional exchange necessary for true healing can occur. Through such interactions, natives can gain the emotional richness that has been missing in their lives.
It can also adds a whole new level of depth and intimacy to the rship and the resulting bond of love creates energy and joy for both people.
Soul
I wanted open communication with my partner. I want to be able to share my deepest feeling. That's what Z and I did in the beginning before we start. And Z helped me to heal my childhood issue. To Z, that part we need to get it out of the way. But to me, it is on-going but I knew he is not keen. We both seldom talk about how we feel. I miss it.
However, recently it was him that faced a dilemma and I helped him through it.
North Node in Scorpio
When the native experiences mutual attraction with someone whose world is broader and whose energy inspires the native to step into their world and support them - then the rship works.
Even when the Scorpio founds a partner who attracts them in this way, they may still hesitate to make a commitment. They have had so many past incarnations where their survival depended on being free to take care of themselves, in this lifetime, they carry the belief; "commitment = being trapped."
This unconscious fear is a catch-22; it blocks intimacy and prevents the native from getting close enough to another to make the agreements that would allow them to feel safe in making a commitment. Also, due, to all their past lives relying on their own efforts, these people tend to assume that if they link with another, it will still be all up to them.
They want their life to be fun and exciting, but they hold the belief that a committed rship will be "a lot of hard work".
They are learning that this is only true when they try to pressure their partner into meeting THEIR needs, THEIR way.
But when they link with another, with the intention of expanding beyond their current limit, it generates so much vitality that the union doesn't feel like hard work.
Soul
True. At least with Z.
North Node in Scorpio
Because they are so afraid of losing their self-reliance, these natives are conflicted.
Their heart longs for a committed bond, while unconsciously they may be holding on to their sense of independent self-sufficiency.
Part of them think they can create what they want on their own, but in this lifetime, true satisfaction depends on finding a special partner with whom to build the supportive, emotionally renewing experience they long for.
Soul
True.
North Node in Scorpio
Timing can be another issue for these natives, because they tend to make decisions and take actions at a slower pace than others. And if they feel someone is trying to force them to move quickly, they can become very stubborn.
But by the time a Scorpio NN person decides they do want to commit to someone, they may find they have missed their chance.
Soul
Yeap. And Z even informed me that if I had called him a day later, he would have moved on. He said I am giving him headache, going nowhere.
North Node in Scorpio
They were so focused on their own timing that they ignored the readiness of the other person.
Soul
I missed it again that day. For the first time, Z asked me to extend our meet up and I hesitated. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes but I keep silent. But he didn't pursue and I tot he was not so serious. Alas, I missed my boat. To me, if he wanted us to stay, he should have be more insistent. Alas, now that I read his card, he only ask once and when there is no response, he stopped completely.
North Node in Scorpio
To prevent this, they are learning to drop their resistance and be aware of the opportunity inherent in their partner's timing.
Its only by going beyond their own comfort level that they are scheduled to grow in this lifetime.
Soul
Yes. The other day, I said nope cos Thursday I am not free. Later, I release Friday too.
Cosmic Reward from Z - soul mate relationship
Sept 30
Father, I had a scary tot. I knew that in order for Isha M'sia to be strong and independent, we need our own teacher. I know we have V to be hata yoga teacher and we need IE teacher. Perhaps we can have a part time IE teacher. The best candidate was me. I was shocked and too scared to think further. First thing was handling the guru pooja set. Aiyoh, that is fine lah and further more I have already can sing guru pooja.
Father, I am so excited. I told K about my sudden tot of becoming a part time teacher. I told her it was so scary that I had to delete the tot. She said its a great. She then catch on to the idea and tot C and P can do also. I told her, yes and infact I already identified them.
Father, Z is not coming tomorrow. First tot was I was disappointed and then I felt hurt he didn't tell me. Then I realised I interpret it as he doesn't love me. Then I said nope, my lovability is determined by me. How he respond is his own issue. Then I felt better.
The good thing is now I know why he couldn't make it this week. And amazingly my menses came today and I can join him next Friday.
I msg him and he inform me. I also told him I miss him, which he didn't reply.
Father, I love me.
Oh ya, I also realised Z is indirect person. His first response is good, second is no response, third is bad response. Earlier I have mistaken him like me.
He is actually more 'sensitive' than me. No wonder he reacted at being called "arrogant bastard".
Today Card
Nine of Spades
This could be the end of a certain occupation, way of life or way of being with ur health and body. Rest assured that some important aspect of ur life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up, something like mini-death.
We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. It has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
True. Even had the scary tot of becoming a partime Isha teacher.
Father, I am updating my blog. Actually Z and I don't have similar interest other than Isha. Even that he is not keen.
I am staying put cos I want him. He excite me. He gave me grief too, but that part is over. He is a good man. Never mind lah, he has given me so much through his own issue. He doesn't want to learn from us, is his problem. Hei, he did recently, by saying no to his offerings. He said it was very difficult. His mantra now is no pain, no gain.
Soul Mate rship with Z.
Once u have received their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, u can continue building with them - if ur values and goals are compatible or go out on ur own.
Either way u will have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a whole new level of energy, self-confidence, and determination.
Soul
So true. I have grown so much. I am no longer validated by my job, or the status of the company I am working in. When we lost the main client, I engineer for 3 days work instead. I was also confident enough to ask boss to let go of the company and let the young ones work on it.
I know I want to invest my time in Z. I know I want to grow my book and with Hh's help, we will go far.
As for Z. At the moment, I still want him. But I do know that if he doesn't buck up and put energy into us. It will die a slow death as per the rest of his relationships.
And by then, I am strong and will attract my right partner.
Z is my 8th house - gift of soul mate bonding
Me is in Z's 1st house - gift of independence.
This is a unique situation where as a couple they were learning how to be in a committed relationship without losing their individuality - and their personal astrological charts showed that each of them was challenged with learning this lesson. They had subs consciously attracted each other when they were ready, so they both could master it.
Soul
A great reminder. Actually both Z and I have amour. We both are independent and want to retain it at all costs. Me, didn't go into any rship. He went into it physically and emotionally but was not committed and hence his rships all die off.
Father, I had a scary tot. I knew that in order for Isha M'sia to be strong and independent, we need our own teacher. I know we have V to be hata yoga teacher and we need IE teacher. Perhaps we can have a part time IE teacher. The best candidate was me. I was shocked and too scared to think further. First thing was handling the guru pooja set. Aiyoh, that is fine lah and further more I have already can sing guru pooja.
Father, I am so excited. I told K about my sudden tot of becoming a part time teacher. I told her it was so scary that I had to delete the tot. She said its a great. She then catch on to the idea and tot C and P can do also. I told her, yes and infact I already identified them.
Father, Z is not coming tomorrow. First tot was I was disappointed and then I felt hurt he didn't tell me. Then I realised I interpret it as he doesn't love me. Then I said nope, my lovability is determined by me. How he respond is his own issue. Then I felt better.
The good thing is now I know why he couldn't make it this week. And amazingly my menses came today and I can join him next Friday.
I msg him and he inform me. I also told him I miss him, which he didn't reply.
Father, I love me.
Oh ya, I also realised Z is indirect person. His first response is good, second is no response, third is bad response. Earlier I have mistaken him like me.
He is actually more 'sensitive' than me. No wonder he reacted at being called "arrogant bastard".
Today Card
Nine of Spades
This could be the end of a certain occupation, way of life or way of being with ur health and body. Rest assured that some important aspect of ur life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up, something like mini-death.
We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. It has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
True. Even had the scary tot of becoming a partime Isha teacher.
Father, I am updating my blog. Actually Z and I don't have similar interest other than Isha. Even that he is not keen.
I am staying put cos I want him. He excite me. He gave me grief too, but that part is over. He is a good man. Never mind lah, he has given me so much through his own issue. He doesn't want to learn from us, is his problem. Hei, he did recently, by saying no to his offerings. He said it was very difficult. His mantra now is no pain, no gain.
Soul Mate rship with Z.
Once u have received their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, u can continue building with them - if ur values and goals are compatible or go out on ur own.
Either way u will have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a whole new level of energy, self-confidence, and determination.
Soul
So true. I have grown so much. I am no longer validated by my job, or the status of the company I am working in. When we lost the main client, I engineer for 3 days work instead. I was also confident enough to ask boss to let go of the company and let the young ones work on it.
I know I want to invest my time in Z. I know I want to grow my book and with Hh's help, we will go far.
As for Z. At the moment, I still want him. But I do know that if he doesn't buck up and put energy into us. It will die a slow death as per the rest of his relationships.
And by then, I am strong and will attract my right partner.
Z is my 8th house - gift of soul mate bonding
Me is in Z's 1st house - gift of independence.
This is a unique situation where as a couple they were learning how to be in a committed relationship without losing their individuality - and their personal astrological charts showed that each of them was challenged with learning this lesson. They had subs consciously attracted each other when they were ready, so they both could master it.
Soul
A great reminder. Actually both Z and I have amour. We both are independent and want to retain it at all costs. Me, didn't go into any rship. He went into it physically and emotionally but was not committed and hence his rships all die off.
Create positive tots - Wouldn't it be nice....
Sept 29
Mmm, I don't recall sleeping. But I finished my practice around 7.15 am. Only thing is perhaps I spend more time on breathing meditation.
Bit disappointed I couldn't reach him yday. But I am fine. At first was thinking of him being like that. Then I changed the tots, my partner has the money he needs and has time for me. I tot of us going for TJ trip. Just relaxing. Father, looks like we can only meet once a month. Aiyah, don't focus on negative. He cancel because he has something on. Remember he was the one who asked for it.
Father, let me stay focus. The mind is really wily. Will stop at nothing to get me off track.
On my anger, look like VF is right. I suppressed my anger on M and there were continuous incidents that I didn't speak out.
Ask and It is given
When u say, "I want this thing to happen that hasn't happened yet," you are not only activating the vibration of ur desire, but u r also activating a vibration of the absence of ur desire - so nothing changes for u. And often, even when u do not speak the second part of the sentence, there is an unspoken vibration within u that continues to hold u in a state of not allowing ur desire.
But when u say,"Wouldn't it be nice if this desire would come to me?" you achieve a different sort of expectation that is much less resistant in nature.
"Wouldn't it be nice if I find the most spectacular partner who adores me in the same way that I adore him?"
"Wouldn't I be nice if there's somebody out there who's looking for somebody just like me?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Z loves me the way I love, or much more?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I spend more time together?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I go away on a short trip together?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I can snuggle whenever I want to?"
Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I can go to good restaurant whenever I want to?
Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I can cuddle comfortably in his home.
Wouldn't it be nice if Z can spend time with my family. Wouldn't it be nice if Z has money to buy sumptuous dinners for my family.
Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I can be open about our relationship.
Wouldn't it be nice if Z can be open to see how good we are together so he change his mind on his plans.
Wouldn't ie be nice if Z and I settle down together.
Mmm, I don't recall sleeping. But I finished my practice around 7.15 am. Only thing is perhaps I spend more time on breathing meditation.
Bit disappointed I couldn't reach him yday. But I am fine. At first was thinking of him being like that. Then I changed the tots, my partner has the money he needs and has time for me. I tot of us going for TJ trip. Just relaxing. Father, looks like we can only meet once a month. Aiyah, don't focus on negative. He cancel because he has something on. Remember he was the one who asked for it.
Father, let me stay focus. The mind is really wily. Will stop at nothing to get me off track.
On my anger, look like VF is right. I suppressed my anger on M and there were continuous incidents that I didn't speak out.
Ask and It is given
When u say, "I want this thing to happen that hasn't happened yet," you are not only activating the vibration of ur desire, but u r also activating a vibration of the absence of ur desire - so nothing changes for u. And often, even when u do not speak the second part of the sentence, there is an unspoken vibration within u that continues to hold u in a state of not allowing ur desire.
But when u say,"Wouldn't it be nice if this desire would come to me?" you achieve a different sort of expectation that is much less resistant in nature.
"Wouldn't it be nice if I find the most spectacular partner who adores me in the same way that I adore him?"
"Wouldn't I be nice if there's somebody out there who's looking for somebody just like me?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Z loves me the way I love, or much more?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I spend more time together?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I go away on a short trip together?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I can snuggle whenever I want to?"
Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I can go to good restaurant whenever I want to?
Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I can cuddle comfortably in his home.
Wouldn't it be nice if Z can spend time with my family. Wouldn't it be nice if Z has money to buy sumptuous dinners for my family.
Wouldn't it be nice if Z and I can be open about our relationship.
Wouldn't it be nice if Z can be open to see how good we are together so he change his mind on his plans.
Wouldn't ie be nice if Z and I settle down together.
Opening up the suppresed anger - confronting
Sept 28
Father, a new beginning. Mmm, my dream are answered, I want a change in the company. We need to revamp and have a new team.
Father, look like its a new beginning. Both P and C is also not happy with the way M handle it. They agreed that once a Lead has been appointed, she should be empowered and not undermined. But they want me to inform M personally so he won't lose face infront of them. Actually to me, there is no seniority in Isha.
Alas, I am opening up.
Sept 28 Eve
Father, what an explosive meeting. Everything happens for a reason.
From teacher's reply mail to our request for extension of IE date and to M's reply and the trigger of my suppressed anger at M.
With that energy, I found out that Isha is more important to me than my job. I was more affected over Isha. And I was mulling over the role I want to play in Isha, I realised that I want to spend my time in bringing back the current members and not running crazy after new members. And our new members retention rate is only 10%. So, we forever have to do recruitment drive and with only marginal increase.
Then an idea occur to me. To hell with IE. Let's focus on existing members and get them to do BSP instead and I felt energised. Later I return call to P and she too felt the same.
I went to the meeting and shared my idea. They all accepted it. Then my suppressed anger at M was released, and we also raise S"s issue and the group got much closer.
We decided not to have IE this year and to ask for IE in 5 months time. Meanwhile, we work on getting the core members back into the fore. Target for BSP in 8 months.
Father, suddenly tot of this week Osho cards. It is true.
1. Creativity
To be open to what wants to be expressed through u. Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
Little did I realise that I finally got myself to direct Isha. I am Isha Director and set its vision.
2. Internal influence.
Beyond Illusion
Not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. These judgements on externals keeps us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind.
Soul
Suddenly everything falls into place despite all the "don't like".
3. External influence
The Source
The source will decide where ur potential is. U can relax at the source, and it will take u to ur very potential.
Within each of us, there is pure energy, pulsating and available. It is ready to give us anything we need to accomplish something, and ready to welcome us back home when we want to rest. So, whether u r beginning something new and need inspiration right now, you have just finished something and want to rest, go to the Source.
Soul
Yeap.
4. What is needed for resolution
Laziness
The msg is that this poolside resort is not ur final destination. The journey isn't over yet, as that white bird flying into the vastness of the sky is trying to show.
Soul
Yea, firstly major change at work and now major revamp at Isha and I am leading both.
5. The understanding
Suppression
The house whereby u throw into basement things that u want to do but u cannot because of social conditions, culture, civilization. But they go on collecting there, and they affect ur actions, ur life, very indirectly. Directly, they canot face u - u have forced them into darkness, but from the dark side they go on influencing ur behaviour. They are dangerous. It is dangerous to keep all those inhibitions inside u.
Find a way to release whatever tensions and stresses might be building up inside u right now.
Soul
Yeap, all come out. The anger came out and so did the creation. Both are passion but operates at different ends. Energy with suppressed dark side is anger.
Amen. Thank u for everything.
Father, a new beginning. Mmm, my dream are answered, I want a change in the company. We need to revamp and have a new team.
Father, look like its a new beginning. Both P and C is also not happy with the way M handle it. They agreed that once a Lead has been appointed, she should be empowered and not undermined. But they want me to inform M personally so he won't lose face infront of them. Actually to me, there is no seniority in Isha.
Alas, I am opening up.
Sept 28 Eve
Father, what an explosive meeting. Everything happens for a reason.
From teacher's reply mail to our request for extension of IE date and to M's reply and the trigger of my suppressed anger at M.
With that energy, I found out that Isha is more important to me than my job. I was more affected over Isha. And I was mulling over the role I want to play in Isha, I realised that I want to spend my time in bringing back the current members and not running crazy after new members. And our new members retention rate is only 10%. So, we forever have to do recruitment drive and with only marginal increase.
Then an idea occur to me. To hell with IE. Let's focus on existing members and get them to do BSP instead and I felt energised. Later I return call to P and she too felt the same.
I went to the meeting and shared my idea. They all accepted it. Then my suppressed anger at M was released, and we also raise S"s issue and the group got much closer.
We decided not to have IE this year and to ask for IE in 5 months time. Meanwhile, we work on getting the core members back into the fore. Target for BSP in 8 months.
Father, suddenly tot of this week Osho cards. It is true.
1. Creativity
To be open to what wants to be expressed through u. Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
Little did I realise that I finally got myself to direct Isha. I am Isha Director and set its vision.
2. Internal influence.
Beyond Illusion
Not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. These judgements on externals keeps us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind.
Soul
Suddenly everything falls into place despite all the "don't like".
3. External influence
The Source
The source will decide where ur potential is. U can relax at the source, and it will take u to ur very potential.
Within each of us, there is pure energy, pulsating and available. It is ready to give us anything we need to accomplish something, and ready to welcome us back home when we want to rest. So, whether u r beginning something new and need inspiration right now, you have just finished something and want to rest, go to the Source.
Soul
Yeap.
4. What is needed for resolution
Laziness
The msg is that this poolside resort is not ur final destination. The journey isn't over yet, as that white bird flying into the vastness of the sky is trying to show.
Soul
Yea, firstly major change at work and now major revamp at Isha and I am leading both.
5. The understanding
Suppression
The house whereby u throw into basement things that u want to do but u cannot because of social conditions, culture, civilization. But they go on collecting there, and they affect ur actions, ur life, very indirectly. Directly, they canot face u - u have forced them into darkness, but from the dark side they go on influencing ur behaviour. They are dangerous. It is dangerous to keep all those inhibitions inside u.
Find a way to release whatever tensions and stresses might be building up inside u right now.
Soul
Yeap, all come out. The anger came out and so did the creation. Both are passion but operates at different ends. Energy with suppressed dark side is anger.
Amen. Thank u for everything.
Mind always spin
Sept 27
Father, why the mind always want to have some worrying tots. It knows I am finally fine with Z and now it picks up some office issue that is insignificant and try to make it big. I won't let it cos it is not real.
The practice is more than fine. Most of the asanas are effortless. I had loads of laughter during hata.
Mmm, I must not switch off air cond, cos it was so cosy that I slept. Luckily this time only a short period. I skip my breathing meditation.
Just now I had tots of Z introduce us a couple. Us, meeting our family. There is a love connection between us. I am the Sun and I will create it for us.
Ask and It is Given
The way u feel is actually ur point of attraction.
When u feel clear and in control, u will attract circumstances of clarity.
When u feel happy, u will attract circumstances of happiness.
When u feel healthy, u will attract circumstances of health.
When u feel prosperous, u will attract circumstances of prosperity.
When u feel loved, u will attract circumstances of love.
Soul
But most of us wants something cos we don't have it. And we lament for not having and at the same time ask for it. No wonder we cannot get.
So, the key is to feel whatever u want to have. For me, I feel loved. I feel excitement and at the same time contentment.
Sept 27 Eve
Father, again M jumped in and take charge when he is not the lead. This time I told him off. Besides the email was addressed to me and C. He jumped in and reply to T without consulting us. He does have some tendency to jump in like J.
I am glad I told him cos C also thinks so.
Father, Osho card said this is not the resting place. I knew there were to be shake up but didn't know where. Alas, it was the biggest customer being lost. It was unexpected. Another thing is when boss asked me to run the numbers, she asked how I would do it. I said firstly I would remove her and her team, which makes more than 1/3 of the portion to be cut, then I do the rest. I am amazed that I can tell. I am not sure if she wakes up tomorrow and realise that I proposed to cut her.
Father, why the mind always want to have some worrying tots. It knows I am finally fine with Z and now it picks up some office issue that is insignificant and try to make it big. I won't let it cos it is not real.
The practice is more than fine. Most of the asanas are effortless. I had loads of laughter during hata.
Mmm, I must not switch off air cond, cos it was so cosy that I slept. Luckily this time only a short period. I skip my breathing meditation.
Just now I had tots of Z introduce us a couple. Us, meeting our family. There is a love connection between us. I am the Sun and I will create it for us.
Ask and It is Given
The way u feel is actually ur point of attraction.
When u feel clear and in control, u will attract circumstances of clarity.
When u feel happy, u will attract circumstances of happiness.
When u feel healthy, u will attract circumstances of health.
When u feel prosperous, u will attract circumstances of prosperity.
When u feel loved, u will attract circumstances of love.
Soul
But most of us wants something cos we don't have it. And we lament for not having and at the same time ask for it. No wonder we cannot get.
So, the key is to feel whatever u want to have. For me, I feel loved. I feel excitement and at the same time contentment.
Sept 27 Eve
Father, again M jumped in and take charge when he is not the lead. This time I told him off. Besides the email was addressed to me and C. He jumped in and reply to T without consulting us. He does have some tendency to jump in like J.
I am glad I told him cos C also thinks so.
Father, Osho card said this is not the resting place. I knew there were to be shake up but didn't know where. Alas, it was the biggest customer being lost. It was unexpected. Another thing is when boss asked me to run the numbers, she asked how I would do it. I said firstly I would remove her and her team, which makes more than 1/3 of the portion to be cut, then I do the rest. I am amazed that I can tell. I am not sure if she wakes up tomorrow and realise that I proposed to cut her.
Feeling good (3)
Sept 26 Eve
Father, I was laughing when I drove back. I just felt such joy. Just now when I was doing my shoonya and samyama practices, I was laughing non-stop too.
Father, I am on the way to be healed. I am very little affected by Z's non response. I am not sure if its because I am more certain of him staying with me or because I am more secure that it doesn't matter anymore. Either way, I am fine.
I love him the way he is. He is a good man. He just have a thick amour like me but we operates differently. I have many doors and he has only a few doors. So, his doors are way deeper than mine. Thanks to him, I had to 'cut' through my fear and found my love within.
Just now mind knowing it couldn't use Z anymore, start to use work. I don't want to believe in it. I am not so powerful that I can effect a change in the pitch result.
ACIM
Healing is always certain. It is impossible to let illusions be brought to truth and keep the illusions. Truth demonstrates illusions have no value.
Trust is an essential part of giving; in fact, it is the part that makes sharing possible, the part that guarantees the giver will not lose, but only gain.
One of the most difficult temptations to recognise is that to doubt a healing because of the appearance of continuing symptoms is a mistake in the form of lack of trust.
If u r offering only healing, u cannot doubt. If u really want the problem solved, u cannot doubt. If u r certain what the problem is, u cannot doubt.
Doubt is the result of conflicting wishes. Be sure of what u want, and doubt becomes impossible.
Soul
Mmm, mind is saying C is after Z. But I counter by saying probably not.
Suddenly I tot he and I sitting close, his arm around me and we easily do our own thing.
Father, I was laughing when I drove back. I just felt such joy. Just now when I was doing my shoonya and samyama practices, I was laughing non-stop too.
Father, I am on the way to be healed. I am very little affected by Z's non response. I am not sure if its because I am more certain of him staying with me or because I am more secure that it doesn't matter anymore. Either way, I am fine.
I love him the way he is. He is a good man. He just have a thick amour like me but we operates differently. I have many doors and he has only a few doors. So, his doors are way deeper than mine. Thanks to him, I had to 'cut' through my fear and found my love within.
Just now mind knowing it couldn't use Z anymore, start to use work. I don't want to believe in it. I am not so powerful that I can effect a change in the pitch result.
ACIM
Healing is always certain. It is impossible to let illusions be brought to truth and keep the illusions. Truth demonstrates illusions have no value.
Trust is an essential part of giving; in fact, it is the part that makes sharing possible, the part that guarantees the giver will not lose, but only gain.
One of the most difficult temptations to recognise is that to doubt a healing because of the appearance of continuing symptoms is a mistake in the form of lack of trust.
If u r offering only healing, u cannot doubt. If u really want the problem solved, u cannot doubt. If u r certain what the problem is, u cannot doubt.
Doubt is the result of conflicting wishes. Be sure of what u want, and doubt becomes impossible.
Soul
Mmm, mind is saying C is after Z. But I counter by saying probably not.
Suddenly I tot he and I sitting close, his arm around me and we easily do our own thing.
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