Mar 5
Father, woke up about 1.40 am as it was too hot. Weather is getting hot. Wake up 4.30 am. Had some tots of Z. Didn't want to go thru another round of heartbreak. Why do I always have to give in? A tot came, u r Venus in Leo and he is Lunar in Leo.
Did my practices. Asanas were fine as I now do it more consciously. I must be tired as I doze off for 15 minutes during Shavasana. So, did only 5 minutes of breathing meditation. Shakti and Shambavi was good. Was able to see violet flame. Surprisingly little tots of Z.
Spiritual Astrology
Lunar in Scorpio
In this incarnation, u r learning lessons relating to ur value system:
- not being swayed in ur values
- how to share ur values
- overcoming negative manipulative traits
- taking responsibility for ur sexual behaviour.
U need to learn appropriate spiritual values and gain the understanding that as part of an intricate whole, these values affect all those around u. As the energies u emit comes back to u, u r learning that what goes around comes around. Learning to plant positive seeds are important, since negative seeds grow like weeds and need no nurturing.
Realigning ur principles is sometimes difficult, for u r coming from a previous existences of being concerned with setting proper foundations for the self and family.
In this incarnation, however, u need to learn that society is interdependent and u r responsible for more than just yourself.
Soul
Yea. Actually I just want to be left alone.
Was checking my blog. Surprisingly got 65 views despite no updates yday. I also saw the story on Z's lunar in Leo and my Venus in Leo
Solar in Leo
U persevere. Not taking no for an answer and continuing to love, whether those around u are remaining aloof or not.
Soul
I have been doing that. Pe even said I m egoless when it comes to Z. How many times I gave in? But of course, now knowing Z issue is lunar in Leo, difficulty in accepting love, I can understand.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Gratefulness reflects the soul growing
Mar 4 eve
Father, just finished watching a clips of family having dinner. The chef was sharing he feels good to have his family, his mother, grandmother, his wife and children. Suddenly I tot of Z. I love him deeply. My love is inside me, he won't be able to feel it.
Osho
Indian seers feel grateful to that which gives us anything because the individual soul does not evolve in the absence of gratitude. All that is sublime in man grows with this feeling of gratitude. The more u feel grateful, the more ur soul grows.
Soul
This morning I was grateful for all the learnings I received from those I taught. Today, for the first time since the past twenty years, I wrote in neat handwriting, alphabet by alphabet.
Two persons I m teaching :
1. Anxious
2. Lack of focus.
I admit I can be excited when I m into something. And my mind talk so fast that my writing cannot cope, hence the scribble. Today managed to write a cheque and fill in a nomination form with neat handwriting.
Father, I m suppressing myself these few days. Part of me is hopeful of Z but logical part of me totally rebut it as there is absolutely no evidence that he is coming back to me. Even the part that is hopeful can't even hope that he wants a committed rship. So, really drama. I love him but I don't want to be just his lover, I want to be his wife. I don't want to settle for less.
A tot of S, I told her she deserved more. She need not go back to her ex boss for an insignificant slice. But today, I know why she go back. She cannot handle the stress, especially since she is a feeler. Me, a thinker also feel it. But I m to learn from her.
Osho
The feeling of gratitude is a basic quality of quality of a religious mind. It is through this feeling of gratitude that one receives the divine grace.
Soul
I was comfortably having an altar of Z. But now that I might see him, drama comes in. Father, let me just pass thru this. I don't want to lose face anymore. Loving him quietly I can take. But seeing him is another matter. That's why I told Ad that I m not tested yet. That was 3 weeks ago. And now need to experience it. Worst still I need to be responsible and take charge of meet. Double whammy. Perhaps I can ask him not to come. I will lose face but easier on me. A tot came, u r trying to control situation again.
A tot came. Last time Z always tell me that he can't hear my calls cos he kept his phone away. Ever since he got his new phone, I can see he is always on it. I wonder whether he lied to me then or this is a changed behaviour. But I knew when he is with me, he kept his phone away.
Mmmm, no wonder Seven of Clubs in Saturn and Four of Hearts. Never mind, another 14 days to go. Just let it be. I have experienced worse moments. This is nothing. At the most, there is hope. At the worst, status quo. Stay positive.
Seven of Diamonds and jack of Diamonds in Saturn in Ruling cards
7thunders
Success with the Seven of Diamonds requires that we carry on with our work and our life in spite of conditions that may be less than ideal. It also requires that we exhibit trust and faith that everything will be fine. The best tool at ur disposal to get the highest and best manifestation from this powerful spiritual influence.
Affirmation
I am learning to achieve fearlessness about my love life and to trust in the abundance of the universe.
Soul
Yea, next year I be in love. As I told J, it could be either Z or another new man. That remain to be seen.
This day till end 20th shall be over soon. Let me take the learnings from Z. He can't accept love. Let me able to give love, able to know I m cherished. Amen
Father, just finished watching a clips of family having dinner. The chef was sharing he feels good to have his family, his mother, grandmother, his wife and children. Suddenly I tot of Z. I love him deeply. My love is inside me, he won't be able to feel it.
Osho
Indian seers feel grateful to that which gives us anything because the individual soul does not evolve in the absence of gratitude. All that is sublime in man grows with this feeling of gratitude. The more u feel grateful, the more ur soul grows.
Soul
This morning I was grateful for all the learnings I received from those I taught. Today, for the first time since the past twenty years, I wrote in neat handwriting, alphabet by alphabet.
Two persons I m teaching :
1. Anxious
2. Lack of focus.
I admit I can be excited when I m into something. And my mind talk so fast that my writing cannot cope, hence the scribble. Today managed to write a cheque and fill in a nomination form with neat handwriting.
Father, I m suppressing myself these few days. Part of me is hopeful of Z but logical part of me totally rebut it as there is absolutely no evidence that he is coming back to me. Even the part that is hopeful can't even hope that he wants a committed rship. So, really drama. I love him but I don't want to be just his lover, I want to be his wife. I don't want to settle for less.
A tot of S, I told her she deserved more. She need not go back to her ex boss for an insignificant slice. But today, I know why she go back. She cannot handle the stress, especially since she is a feeler. Me, a thinker also feel it. But I m to learn from her.
Osho
The feeling of gratitude is a basic quality of quality of a religious mind. It is through this feeling of gratitude that one receives the divine grace.
Soul
I was comfortably having an altar of Z. But now that I might see him, drama comes in. Father, let me just pass thru this. I don't want to lose face anymore. Loving him quietly I can take. But seeing him is another matter. That's why I told Ad that I m not tested yet. That was 3 weeks ago. And now need to experience it. Worst still I need to be responsible and take charge of meet. Double whammy. Perhaps I can ask him not to come. I will lose face but easier on me. A tot came, u r trying to control situation again.
A tot came. Last time Z always tell me that he can't hear my calls cos he kept his phone away. Ever since he got his new phone, I can see he is always on it. I wonder whether he lied to me then or this is a changed behaviour. But I knew when he is with me, he kept his phone away.
Mmmm, no wonder Seven of Clubs in Saturn and Four of Hearts. Never mind, another 14 days to go. Just let it be. I have experienced worse moments. This is nothing. At the most, there is hope. At the worst, status quo. Stay positive.
Seven of Diamonds and jack of Diamonds in Saturn in Ruling cards
7thunders
Success with the Seven of Diamonds requires that we carry on with our work and our life in spite of conditions that may be less than ideal. It also requires that we exhibit trust and faith that everything will be fine. The best tool at ur disposal to get the highest and best manifestation from this powerful spiritual influence.
Affirmation
I am learning to achieve fearlessness about my love life and to trust in the abundance of the universe.
Soul
Yea, next year I be in love. As I told J, it could be either Z or another new man. That remain to be seen.
This day till end 20th shall be over soon. Let me take the learnings from Z. He can't accept love. Let me able to give love, able to know I m cherished. Amen
Fifth house in Mars, South Node and Lunar
Mar 4
Wake up just before alarm rang at 4.30 am. Did my Suria Namaskara. I was doing it more consciously. On my clasping hand, now do it per J's advice. When I pressed, a pressure being released to the body. So did the 12 cycles with more awareness than before. Didn't use subtle body.
Today did shavasana in south direction. For the past four and half year, my head was facing north. I sense bit of difference. Father, love u.
Had tots of Z. Lets be realistic, he is coming only for the music, not for u. He has not call you nor reply to ur msg. So, give up up and just continue to love him. Just checked his whatsapp. He was online since 1 am. Aiyah, let him be. Just love him.
My website be 6k. Just focus on my creation. Don't always focus on expense reduction. That is not creation of prosperity. That is a fear of lack.
Spiritual Astrology
Fifth house: your children, creativity and personal love.
My fifth house is in:
Mars in Libra
South Node is Scorpio
Lunar in Scorpio.
Mars in Libra
Conscious expression
Actively, responsibly, and directly initiating social interaction on the basis of personal integrity.
When u asked others what it is they want from the relationship and honestly share what u want, u r then able to create harmony based on truth. Thus u gain energy by experiencing yourself as the source of harmony or disharmony in ur interactions.
Soul
It's unbelievable. At work, I am able to do so. But personal interactions, not so. No wonder I m meeting and teaching people about assertiveness.
Now I have assert with C, P and now M. I have risked my fear of disapproval and give my piece of mind. I lead when I have to.
With Z, I didn't assert in the beginning. Later, it comes out on outburst and walk out.
Spiritual Astrology
U will regain strength and energise yourself by becoming involved in a creative project that opens ur heart. Having fun energises u.
Ur ability for assertion is connected with ur ability for artistic, dramatic and creative expression.
Soul
Not sure.
Writing do opens my heart.
As I was driving, I suddenly realised that it is possible everyone I teach is for me to learn. I used to say God gives me so much responsibility. Why must I teach others? I myself, learned on my own. No one guides me except for the Masters. Sadhguru was the cake. Then suddenly I cried, the learnings are from people I teach. God did love me. I have learned the hard way. From now onwards, see my teachings as learnings I required.
Amen
Wake up just before alarm rang at 4.30 am. Did my Suria Namaskara. I was doing it more consciously. On my clasping hand, now do it per J's advice. When I pressed, a pressure being released to the body. So did the 12 cycles with more awareness than before. Didn't use subtle body.
Today did shavasana in south direction. For the past four and half year, my head was facing north. I sense bit of difference. Father, love u.
Had tots of Z. Lets be realistic, he is coming only for the music, not for u. He has not call you nor reply to ur msg. So, give up up and just continue to love him. Just checked his whatsapp. He was online since 1 am. Aiyah, let him be. Just love him.
My website be 6k. Just focus on my creation. Don't always focus on expense reduction. That is not creation of prosperity. That is a fear of lack.
Spiritual Astrology
Fifth house: your children, creativity and personal love.
My fifth house is in:
Mars in Libra
South Node is Scorpio
Lunar in Scorpio.
Mars in Libra
Conscious expression
Actively, responsibly, and directly initiating social interaction on the basis of personal integrity.
When u asked others what it is they want from the relationship and honestly share what u want, u r then able to create harmony based on truth. Thus u gain energy by experiencing yourself as the source of harmony or disharmony in ur interactions.
Soul
It's unbelievable. At work, I am able to do so. But personal interactions, not so. No wonder I m meeting and teaching people about assertiveness.
Now I have assert with C, P and now M. I have risked my fear of disapproval and give my piece of mind. I lead when I have to.
With Z, I didn't assert in the beginning. Later, it comes out on outburst and walk out.
Spiritual Astrology
U will regain strength and energise yourself by becoming involved in a creative project that opens ur heart. Having fun energises u.
Ur ability for assertion is connected with ur ability for artistic, dramatic and creative expression.
Soul
Not sure.
Writing do opens my heart.
As I was driving, I suddenly realised that it is possible everyone I teach is for me to learn. I used to say God gives me so much responsibility. Why must I teach others? I myself, learned on my own. No one guides me except for the Masters. Sadhguru was the cake. Then suddenly I cried, the learnings are from people I teach. God did love me. I have learned the hard way. From now onwards, see my teachings as learnings I required.
Amen
Feeling lovely...seeing loveliness in everything
Mar 3 eve
Sadhguru
When u r happy and joyful, being aware comes naturally.
The last moment of your life will effect your future lives. U have to strive to be aware, to live righteously. Every moment, one can fall to the other side.
Soul
I have a small hope of reconciliation with Z as he is coming to the meet. But I checked my blog and noted that there were no readers from my own country. So, unlikely for small hope to materialised.
Sadhguru
Knowing the beginning and end, still u need to play the game in the middle. If u cannot play today, then u should not know about tomorrow. And since u r playing, u better do it well, not half-heatedly.
Osho
When a person informed u about someone, "He is a very good man," then this information is not only about the man, he is giving an interpretation of himself also.
And when a person says of someone, "He is a bad man", it is not only about the man, it is about the person himself too. And it is possible that his information about the other may be wrong, but it cannot be wrong about himself.
Soul
I generally see everything as "lovely" these days. Guess I m must be feeling lovely.
I also always see the good in others. I must be good too.
Just like I see the good in E, despite knowing that he can be a rascal.
Sadhguru
When u r happy and joyful, being aware comes naturally.
The last moment of your life will effect your future lives. U have to strive to be aware, to live righteously. Every moment, one can fall to the other side.
Soul
I have a small hope of reconciliation with Z as he is coming to the meet. But I checked my blog and noted that there were no readers from my own country. So, unlikely for small hope to materialised.
Sadhguru
Knowing the beginning and end, still u need to play the game in the middle. If u cannot play today, then u should not know about tomorrow. And since u r playing, u better do it well, not half-heatedly.
Osho
When a person informed u about someone, "He is a very good man," then this information is not only about the man, he is giving an interpretation of himself also.
And when a person says of someone, "He is a bad man", it is not only about the man, it is about the person himself too. And it is possible that his information about the other may be wrong, but it cannot be wrong about himself.
Soul
I generally see everything as "lovely" these days. Guess I m must be feeling lovely.
I also always see the good in others. I must be good too.
Just like I see the good in E, despite knowing that he can be a rascal.
Liking Surya Kriya...despite initial resistance
Mar 3
Father, today I had a breakthrough in Surya Kriya. After a cycle, laughter erupted and suddenly turned into cries. I know a certain karma is broken.
Today M called me back and I was surprised. He sort of apologised by saying that he was really busy and stressed out last week. He also said he is sick and his voice is barely there.
I asked him whether he is still with me. I replied that's great as I need him. I myself is leaving for Overseas for a week and also have to coordinate a company wide training in May. He said once I sort out the venue, he will take over from me. I told him that's great.
Mmm, just when I thought I need to handle this event alone, turnaround in M.
Father, just as P's stress behaviour is parental mode and outburst. M version is sulking tantrum.
What is mine?
Normally I m stressed, I feel overwhelmed and I do some outburst, but on adult mode. Mostly, I just do a good cry to release myself. I just blamed myself for not able to take the pressure or fall into victim mode and said I m not loveable or God giving me a great challenge.
Father, today I had a breakthrough in Surya Kriya. After a cycle, laughter erupted and suddenly turned into cries. I know a certain karma is broken.
Today M called me back and I was surprised. He sort of apologised by saying that he was really busy and stressed out last week. He also said he is sick and his voice is barely there.
I asked him whether he is still with me. I replied that's great as I need him. I myself is leaving for Overseas for a week and also have to coordinate a company wide training in May. He said once I sort out the venue, he will take over from me. I told him that's great.
Mmm, just when I thought I need to handle this event alone, turnaround in M.
Father, just as P's stress behaviour is parental mode and outburst. M version is sulking tantrum.
What is mine?
Normally I m stressed, I feel overwhelmed and I do some outburst, but on adult mode. Mostly, I just do a good cry to release myself. I just blamed myself for not able to take the pressure or fall into victim mode and said I m not loveable or God giving me a great challenge.
Stop defending myself
Mar 2
Father, just shared with J his destiny card for 2013. It was stated new job and he told me he is transferring out to a new type of job that requires major travelling. He overcomes his resistance of leaving his family. I m happy for him. He said I look jovial.
Did my first session of surya kriya. I know I will love it. It has more depth compared to Suria Namaskara.
Evening
Finally found our hall, great relief.
C and P is back together and L is on board. Four of us had great fun together.
I gave my feedback to M. He said he will call me tomorrow. Lets see. Father, I take up whatever I can. I even offer our office for volunteer meeting next Tuesday. Now seeking boss approval. Like I said, no resistance. Just need to overcome likes and dislikes. M has lots of potential and as a feeler can reach out to others. Just like me, he too need to use his sensitivity on others, instead of on ourselves. Then it becomes a strength and not weakness.
Osho on Sarvasar Upanishads
Soul is both: the universal and the individual.
Upanishads calls the Soul; the capacity of awareness, the consciousness, this knower within man, the watcher, the witness.
The soul, the self is God. There is no other God than this self. The individual self is within u, and the universal self is the name for whole of existence.
Vidya, the right learning creates an inner state where only you remain but not the ego, where consciousness remains, but there is no center, inside proclaiming "I".
Soul
Sadhguru says Love happens when we lose our own importance.
Same here.
For now, I want to stop defending myself. I am safe. No need to activate my defence mechanism.
Father, just shared with J his destiny card for 2013. It was stated new job and he told me he is transferring out to a new type of job that requires major travelling. He overcomes his resistance of leaving his family. I m happy for him. He said I look jovial.
Did my first session of surya kriya. I know I will love it. It has more depth compared to Suria Namaskara.
Evening
Finally found our hall, great relief.
C and P is back together and L is on board. Four of us had great fun together.
I gave my feedback to M. He said he will call me tomorrow. Lets see. Father, I take up whatever I can. I even offer our office for volunteer meeting next Tuesday. Now seeking boss approval. Like I said, no resistance. Just need to overcome likes and dislikes. M has lots of potential and as a feeler can reach out to others. Just like me, he too need to use his sensitivity on others, instead of on ourselves. Then it becomes a strength and not weakness.
Osho on Sarvasar Upanishads
Soul is both: the universal and the individual.
Upanishads calls the Soul; the capacity of awareness, the consciousness, this knower within man, the watcher, the witness.
The soul, the self is God. There is no other God than this self. The individual self is within u, and the universal self is the name for whole of existence.
Vidya, the right learning creates an inner state where only you remain but not the ego, where consciousness remains, but there is no center, inside proclaiming "I".
Soul
Sadhguru says Love happens when we lose our own importance.
Same here.
For now, I want to stop defending myself. I am safe. No need to activate my defence mechanism.
We act what we need...outcome is not the result...outcome is our worthiness
Mar 1 eve
Father, there is feeling of sweetness in me. Just feel good.
M had dropped out and I asked for a chat. But he ignored me. The old me would have reacted. But the new me is not bothered. He is a real feeler guy and by dropping out, his standing is lost.
Me, not worried about holding the fort alone. I know I will have support. And my resistance on volunteering had reduced considerably. Just need to ensure I don't over provide.
Father, love u.
Sadhguru
If u really care for someone, u wouldn't allow the person to live in limitations.
If u believe in a cause, u must go thru discomfort to achieve it. Otherwise, your life will be worthless.
Within ourselves, there is a demon and divine. He can exercise his humanity or to fall into the circumstances that surrounds him. One can use intelligence to see if he can evolve the situation. Whether it will happens or not, it not his business. Even Siva and Krishna strives and struggle in the world. This is the nature of reality. So, don't attach to the fruit of your actions. Only a fool thinks everything is in his hands. There are million of forces not in your hands. Even Krishna has to strives. That's what beautiful about life. Your life is beautiful because you strive to achieve what you values.
Soul
M going off doesn't affect me that much.
Sadhguru
Love and devotion that u surrender to. It is not something that u apply. It is something that u allow it to burn you, so u r no longer important.
People are focused on takeaway. This is a stupid way, they may get some help, but they will not know at all. So, don't worry about take away. Don't try to be loving. U can't do love. U can become a part of love.
If u r so full of yourself, u will not know love. U will know how to burn.
Soul
All inclusive policy. Father, just like I can get hurt because of my wound. Others too the same. Very timely msg since my opposites is learning from others.
Must remember others are important too.
Got to wake up early to do my practices since hata yoga class is at 7.45 am.
Father, there is feeling of sweetness in me. Just feel good.
M had dropped out and I asked for a chat. But he ignored me. The old me would have reacted. But the new me is not bothered. He is a real feeler guy and by dropping out, his standing is lost.
Me, not worried about holding the fort alone. I know I will have support. And my resistance on volunteering had reduced considerably. Just need to ensure I don't over provide.
Father, love u.
Sadhguru
If u really care for someone, u wouldn't allow the person to live in limitations.
If u believe in a cause, u must go thru discomfort to achieve it. Otherwise, your life will be worthless.
Within ourselves, there is a demon and divine. He can exercise his humanity or to fall into the circumstances that surrounds him. One can use intelligence to see if he can evolve the situation. Whether it will happens or not, it not his business. Even Siva and Krishna strives and struggle in the world. This is the nature of reality. So, don't attach to the fruit of your actions. Only a fool thinks everything is in his hands. There are million of forces not in your hands. Even Krishna has to strives. That's what beautiful about life. Your life is beautiful because you strive to achieve what you values.
Soul
M going off doesn't affect me that much.
Sadhguru
Love and devotion that u surrender to. It is not something that u apply. It is something that u allow it to burn you, so u r no longer important.
People are focused on takeaway. This is a stupid way, they may get some help, but they will not know at all. So, don't worry about take away. Don't try to be loving. U can't do love. U can become a part of love.
If u r so full of yourself, u will not know love. U will know how to burn.
Soul
All inclusive policy. Father, just like I can get hurt because of my wound. Others too the same. Very timely msg since my opposites is learning from others.
Must remember others are important too.
Got to wake up early to do my practices since hata yoga class is at 7.45 am.
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