Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Being the watcher of Now

Jan 25
Father, thank u. Instead of focusing d loss of food sense pleasure. Perhaps its my over attachment n all sensation use for food.
Also since there were no news on ptnr, I start to doubt my Passion. Well, things r in progress. Let's face it, regardless of what's d outcome, I will be exploring things that I enjoy - people. So, appreciate that also.

I know I slept less than 4 hours yday, but yet m feeling fine. So, be happy for that too.
Mostly be happy that I found my Guru and Father is always there for me. I m back to Bhagavad Gita, not as a daily read but as and when I need to.
Yday topic of feeling indifferent, feeling stagnant is so apt. Like I told d fellow meditators yday, everytime I m down, Father will always send someone/something to life me up again.
Everytime I lost faith, I will be motivated.

The power of now. Once u have understood the basic principle of being present as the watcher of what happens inside you - and you "understand" it by experiencing it - you have at ur disposal the most potent transformational tool.

Soul - m beginning to use it. Last Friday, during d mgm meeting, again topic of increment, I was getting riled up. But I watched n said don't have to express it now. Just let it be.

The power of Now
Nobody can do it for u. But if u are fortunate enough to find someone who is intensely conscious, if u can be wit them and join them in the state of presence, that can be helpful and will accelerate things. In this way, ur own light will quickly grow stronger.
After all, d light is the same fire. To be such a fire is one of the function of a spiritual teacher.
Some therapists may also be able to fulfill that function, provided that they have gone beyond the level of mind and can create and sustain a state of intense conscious presence while they r working wit u.

Soul - that's reaffirming Sadhguru is my guru. I m very fortunate. I didn't searh but I had a longing and it came at d right time, d right situation.

The power of Now
Pyschological fear is always something that might happen, and not something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while ur mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap.
And if u r identified wit ur mind and have lost touch wit the power and simplicity of the Now, that anxiety gap will be ur constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but u cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - u cannot cope wit the future.
Moreover, as long as u r identified wit ur mind, the ego runs ur life.

Soul - I m havin less tot of future, especially for work. And when d future tot does come, I m present enough to shoo it away.

The power of Now
Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanism, the ego is very vulnerable, and insecure and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This is by the way, is the case even if the ego is outwardly very confident.
Remember, emotion is the body's reaction to ur mind. Message from ego," Danger, I am under threat". And the emotion generates, " fear".
Power over others is weakness disguised as strength. True power is within and it is available to u now.

Soul - good clarification on ego.
Afternoon
Load my Osho transformation cards, looks similar to last week. Will journal tomorro. M feeling down cos fed up wit d food. Another 3 weeks to go. Amazing, honestly if didn't read Bhagavad Gita yday nite, I don't think I cld have preservere. Jus remember this is d vacuum period. Remember, food doesn't bring me happiness. Remember all d side health benefits m having, most importantly breaking down my limitations.

The power of Now.
Death is a stripping away of all that is not u. The secret of life is to "die before u die" - and find that there is no death.

Soul
Yday Bhagavad Gita said when I feel I can go on renunciating, I shld remember my death n know that nothing remains. So whatever I am renunciating doesn't kill me.
That is not motivating to me.
What is motivating is that this is a one a life time and I hav to do this right, otherwise my effort and also becos I wan to be ready for Samyama,
Actually d main thing is to break free my limitation, my biggest one todate.

The power of Now
The ego's needs are endless. It feels vulnerable and threatened and so lives in a state of fear and want. Once u know how the basic dysfunction operates, there is no need to explore all its countless manifestations, no need to make it into a complex personal problem.
The ego loves that. That's why for so many people, a large part of their sense of self, is intimately connected with their problems. Once this happened, the last thing they wan is to become free of them; that would mean loss of self.

So, once u recognise the root cause of uncosnsciousness as identification wit the mind, which of cos, includes the emotions, u step out of it. You become present.
When u r present, u can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangles in it.
The mind in itself is not dysfunctional. It is a wonderful tool. Dysfunction sets in when u seek urself in it and mistake for who u are. It then becomes the egoic mind and takes over ur whole life.

How to disidentify wit mind?
Remove time from the mind and it stops - unless u choose to use it.
The compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. Endless preoccupation with past and future and unwillingness to honour and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be.
The compulsion arise because the past gives u an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.


Soul - strange ego is saying this is difficult. What's d point. But another voice is saying my Being is happy n joyful and in no way affected by my veg mode. So, perhaps don't hav to identify wit d mind.
Food has always been d way to happiness but now food is not the only avenue, so need not be afraid that I lost food.

The power of Now
The more u r focused on time - past and future - the more u miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.
Now is the only point that can take u beyond the limited confines of the mind.

Evening
Jus did d korean drama. "Stop touching my woman".
First tot was so romantic. Second tot, why is d woman his? Third tot, isn't this like attachment?

Today, a call frm ex-boss on potential jobs. Fourth one in a row. M fine, don't wan to go back d same path. I admit on d 3rd one, I wavered. But once the pay is d same, I immediately waved. Then tot of whether m right to do partial retirement. Perhaps shld continue wit my current career path n climb further. Then tot of reading economic materials vs people materials, immediately I know I won't go back to the past.

Bhagavad Gita
Superconsciously awakened men - those who have meditated long, deeply and persistently, no matter what their responsibilities or environment - become nonattached to material objects but are not indifferent!
'O Soul, I should not destroy my favourite present sense pleasures, even if they destroy my unknown future spiritual happiness. I cannot live in the hopes of a perhaps nonexistent blessedness and thus lose tangible pleasures that are entertaining me now"

Soul - my tots except I was thinkin of my Wishing Tree which seem non-existent. A tot came, u have part time wish come true. So, I hav to revert only rship is not true. A tot came, but that's becos u not ready.
The main reason for me to preservere is RA.

God is always with me. Picking me up when I am down

Jan 24
Father, this moment is all I have. Ego is saying why didn't do anything? Why stagnant? Anyway, not sure lah.

Secret of the ages
Whenever u r faced wit these questions:
Shall I do this or not?
Which of these courses shall I take?
and similar questions, remember that perhaps the biggest danger is in the procastination resulting from your indecision.
Decide, act and you have a fighting chance for success - while indecision and procastination can have no possible result but failure.

Soul - is this abt me? Remember ace of diamond, ambitious n want to start. Remember ur RA, always rushing thru life.
Never mind for now jus lay low, focus on Samyama.
Focus on freeing myself up for part time.
This few days, bit difficult on being a veg, felt left out.

This mornin I tot that I m always hurrying to 'clean up' the company i worked in so I can move on or leave. That's d real reason. Jus like m doing now.

When I was swimmin, I tot of d Nazis and what's happening to the Muslim in our country. Actually the hardcore are very few n d rest follower. While d middle ground jus stay silent, jus like d middle ground German. Is it really that bad. I know its not good. Am I also d middle ground.


Jan 24 evenin
Lookin at my Top 5 Passion. Somehow seems so far away, especially d Transformational leader n also d rest. I m not sure I can meet my Passion.
For now I only got 1 passion, to prepare for Samyama, once in a lifetime. To strategise so I can work 3 days week.
I must remember m working 3 days week not jus for my career but also for my health. I don't wan to drive myself.
A tot came, remember not to drive urself away from ur destiny.
Today, going to d hill n sitting at the open temple, such a great feel, I felt d connection immediately.

Today listening to Sadhguru's cd on who is ur right guru
1. If d guru makes u comfortable - he is not d guru for u as he is reinforcing ur limitation.
2. If d guru makes u uncomfortable - he cld be d guru for u cos he is making u break ur limitation.
3. If u guru makes u experience things beyond u, despite u not knowing why, he is definitely d guru for u.

Bhagavad Gita
O' Soul, I do not perceive any beneficial result to be gained from slaying my intimate sense habits. My mind loathes the idea of destruction of sense pleasure. I crave nothing - neither mental victory, nor the kingdom of soul happiness, nor sense pleasure!
Down wit both spiritual and sense happiness! I wan nothing. I can forgo the possession of cosmic consciousness, if, to obtain it, I have to destroy the dear sense habits wit whom I have long dwelt in the cozy home of life.

Soul - exactly how I feel these few days. I don't see my Wishing tree materialising my Passion. Life still d same. Why, after so long in meditation that i still waver? Why doing vegetarian affects me? Why I am doubting my path just becos of food now?

Bhagavad Gita
The state of negative renunciation may occur not only in meditation, but also after deep meditation - who has practising self-denial and regular meditation.
He feel distressed and bewildered, realising he has neither passing pleasures nor inner joys. Since he has neither, he pacifies his discouragement by proclaiming he wants neither. If he doesn't pull himself out of this indifference, he becomes a slothful devotee whose spiritual life will stagnate and die. But if he continue to preservere, he finds that this state is onlu a momentary vacuum in his sadhana.

Soul - thank u, so timely, before I fell into d trap of indifference. This is reaffirming Sadhguru's msg today. He is my Guru.

Bhagavad Gita
The wise devotee knows that renunciation of paltry materialistic passions is necessary to attain the neverending happiness of the Spirit.
He knows that he is not denying himself anything, but is only shifting his tastes from inferior, impermanent sense pleasures to superior, lasting soul happiness.
As one shld be glad to renounce a hundred dollars to gain five thousand dollars, so the devotee is happy to renounce a sensory pittance for the everlasting joy found in God-realisation.
The divine state of final emancipation is not a state of blank nothingness or a condition of inner extinction; it is, rather, demesne of a positive conscious sense of eternal blessed expansion.
As long as the devotee continues to make the effort, the haunting memory of that pure joy will call again and again to urge him forward on the divine path.

Father, thank U. Bhagavad is my nightly read. Amen.

Ego comes knocking

Jan 23
Today a call frm V on a new job. For a tiny moment, waver but I told her m aiming for partial retirement. She then asked abt my pay, which is d same, so no point shifting for me.

This wld be the 3rd call for potential job opportunities. Why come, when I decided to pursue non-financial passion. Why come now?

V said all the incoming calls is to tell me that I am not meant to retire yet.

Well, tot about, perhaps its just my ego calling. I will stick to my plan. In the end, whatever it is, i still have RA to contend with.


When I was swimming, can feel d sensation of water n float n breathe.
Enjoy it. Now I jus focus on swim wit awareness n not focus on completing the laps.

When I swim wit awareness, follow my breathing, find myself less strenous.

When I was doing silent, little laughter, jus silence.

This past few days, little laughter n jus silence in meditation. Am i losing my connection.

Greatest cause of failure is procastination

Jan 22
Secret of the ages
Among those who have the ability to succeed, the one greatest cause of failure is procastination.
Whatever is being done - all that is being done - in this vast teeming world of ours is being done now. Today. Nothing has ever happened tomorrow.

What u r going to be - what success u will reach - is being decided by the action u r taking now.

Put fear aside - risk failure.
Put fear aside by telling yourself while u may fail if u make the move u desire, ur failure is certain and automatic if u don't make the move.

The biggest danger is in the procastination resulting from ur indecision.

Decide, act and u have a fighting chance for success - while indecision and procastination can have no possible result but failure.


Soul
Another message, I haven't been 'looking' at my Top 5 Passion.

Ambition must be backed up with willingness and determination

Jan 21

Soul
Father, jus watched d korean drama. Such love. But also such drama. My love will be easy. All d drama created by humans.

Today when drafting email to Regional on my part time. Me, mention abt my project. Now I wonder if I can ever get my website. Recently hav access to so many site n there are many books. How can I compete with them? Is it worthwhile to start something that won't materialise.

The secret of the ages
It is one thing to have the ability to do something different, something individual, but doing it is a very different thing. There is tremendous amount of unproductive ability in the great failure of army today. Why did not the men who have it, make something of themselves? Many of those men could be prosperous, successful men of standing in their community, instead of the dregs of society. They had the opportunity to make good. Why didn't they?

You say u long to make ur life count, that u r ambitious to get on. Why don't u? What r u waiting for? What holds u down? Who is keeping u back?
Answer this questions - there is only one - yourself. Nothing else can keeps u back.

Without the energy and the will to succeed, no amount of education, no power on earth outside of one's self can push or lead or boost a person into success.
It is the difficult things in life that develop our mental and moral muscle, that build up courage and stamina.

If our ambition is merely a weak desire to obtain a certain thing provided it does not cost much effort, if we would merely "like to have" a certain thing, there is no magnetism in such milk-and-water purpose.
The ambition must be backed by the willingness and the determination to do anything that is within human power to accomplish the aim. This is the mental attitude that wins.
The habit of being a quitter before the battle begins is fatal to all distinctiveness its death-blow to the development and strength of character and without these no man can be a leader. He must remain a trailer always; he must follow someone else's lead.

If u r trying to get a start in the world but don't feel able to remove the many barriers that block ur way, do not get discouraged. The obstacles that look so formidable at a distance will grow smaller and smaller as u approach. Have courage and confidence in urself and the road will clear before u as u advance.
Magnify ur faith in urself and u will minimise the obstacles in ur way.

The whole science of efficiency and success in life consists in the vigorous, persistent affirmation of our determination and our abilty to do the things we have set our heart on.
If ur determination is easily deflected, if any persuasion can separate u from ur life resource, u may be pretty sure u r on the wrong track.
No tyranny of circumstances can permanently imprison a determined will.

Soul
Yeap, message to continue.

Only as u r equipped for service, can u serve;

Jan 20

7thunder
Self mastery is a mastery of our world through self-awareness. We can struggle and struggle to make money without success for a lifetime. Or, if we realise just how our inner fear of poverty is affecting us each day, we could completely remove the effects of this fear from our lives and become wealthy beyond imagination without any struggle or effort on our part.
This is only one example of how self-mastery works. Instead of trying to change the circumstances of our life on an exterior level, such as who we are in rship with, what kind of a job we would do, or where we live, we go right to the source and magically change our lives without doing anything.
The Queen of spades teaches us that we only need to stay aware of ourselves in order to master the Universe.

7thunder card for today
Queen of Spades
Whenever this card appears, we r given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within.

Today shared with PA on d Intuitive Wellness book. I m glad we r back. No more negative feeling.

Today reading abt Queen of diamond meeting their queens. It is said that this is a meeting of their own mirrors. How well d rship wld depend on how much hav I accepted myself, warts and all. Since I m fine wit CFO and now getting better wit Credit staff, I guess its show much I have accepted myself.
Today, I spent abt 2 hours n 15 min on meditation, longest ever.
Spoke to MF. He got himself a bungalow n tied down. Alas, still fell into the trap.
Mmm, his was a balance of mental knowledge.

Secret of the ages
As long as ur mind is an undisturbed thoroughfare, many thoughts are passing through, but u r not halting any of them. Take one idea, make a good distinct picture of it, and immediately your tot begin to group themselves and u have the nueclues of ur desire.
This one thing u do, ideas from the Self within begin to collect around the one thing and u open the way for ur good to flow to u.
Watch ur tot! Examine each tot that comes to u. It may be ur call. Open up ur mind, be alert to things that are happening about u; having eyes, see ye and having ears, hear ye.
Be interested in every person u meet, u may entertain an angel unawares. He may hav a vital msg for u or u may have one for him.
Have u the desire and the wisdom to use the msg in an unselfish way these things which shall be added to u.
Devote ur effort to attaining the realisation that the Mind within is the source of ur truth growth and that the outer expansion of ur prosperity will keep exact pace with the spiritual devt that takes place within.
Only as u r equipped for service, can u serve;
Only as u serve are u of value to others;
only as u r of value to others, are u paid.

Soul - was just reading this when updating my blog. Today on 27 Jan, I finally focus on the 1st path - equipped myself for service. My plan is now just to focus on in-depth learning on whatever i resonate with cos it will be my 'equipment'.

Enlightenment is easy, keeping it is difficult

Jan 19
Father, this mornin, I did kapala bhakti at a slower pace. I used to rush along so that I can finish and infact can be breathless. Jus like my swim. Now I am doing it at a slower pace. Keyword for me; calm down. It is ironic, I may look calm outside but inside is agitated, afraid to stay at one place for long, always looking out for more, for next.
I wil change my top 5.

Intuitive wellness
Practice detachment
I urge u to let go the things to which u cling.
If u r meant to have something or someone in ur life, they will not leave u. People, objects and situations are woven like the threads of a fabric; the nature of the weaving will determine whether it holds or not. You can mend and patch, but if a tear is meant to be, it will happen. So be at peace with the way people and objects weave through ur life.
When people practice detachment, they report feeling more joy, freedom and balance. That's because with greater detachment, u create the space for life's synchronicities to enter ur journey and more fully tune in to ur innate wisdom.

Daily intuitive wellness
Enlightenment is achieved by working in a disciplined manner on ur spirit-led path. This is not an easy task, but it is an important one, because ur daily spiritual practice is ur connection to what is true about ur life.
The truth that comes from innate wisdom deep within u is the centering device that will assist u in maintaining balance in ur Being.
I have heard it said "Enlightenment is easy, keeping it is difficult"
In order to successfully develop ur intuition for daily wellness and abundance, give ur practice and intention priority in ur daily schedule.

Spiritual teacher
A teacher cannot teach anyone who vibrates higher than the teacher himself.
Develop ur own sense of intuition so that u r clear inside about which teacher u shld work with and for how long.
People who hav no third chakra energy of their own attach themselves to a teacher or teaching. They lose their sense of self while claiming devotion, but devotion is a process of the heart chakra and not solar plexus. Your path is best served by loving kindness and balance.
A teacher will empower and assist u in realising ur God-given wisdom and strength, and encourage u to share what u have learned with others, in ur own way and using ur own nature.
When the right teacher arrives, be grateful. Participate as fully as u can, using ur innate wisdom and ur faculties of reason to discern both the teacher and the teachings.
Be willing to share knowledge with other, and understand that when someone offers u advice, whether u take it or not, they are demonstrating that they are ur teacher. Make note of their act of kindness and sharing.
Be a disciple, whatever u do and with whomever u come in contact. You never know who is a Buddha or angel in disguise.
Know that ur greatest teachers will be the discoveries that lead to what innately lies beside u.
Be thankful for the blessing of being alive and having the power of mind and truth of heart to change ur world and help others do the same.

Your eternal soul flows like a river throughout eternity. When left unrestrained, it will follow its own natural impulses, drifting and rushing toward the ocean of wisdom, the one true source.
Do not restrict ur consciousness wit negative tots or emotions, or u will stagnate. Allow the pure, living waters of ur soul and consciousness to refresh urself and others.
Allow ur soul, mind and body to flow into wellness, enlightenment and peace.

The rewards; hearing ur body messages, sensing the energy moving through ur personal energy system, resolving emotional and physical pain and developing trust and confidence in ur own innate wisdom.
Inner healing is indeed within ur grasp and the time is to embrace it now.


Jan 19 evenin
Jus now CEO again reiterated I cannot tell Regional everything. I was calm and ok abt it. But now ego wan me to look at it n said CEO is talking abt d leave issue n continue to say I won't hav part time without her.
Well, I won't listen. CEO saying no abt Regional has been there since eons ago. As for d leave matter, I leave it to CFO to handle.

Alas, budget is over. I was worried I can't do it wit the vegetarian period. Alas I did it and m glad my staff is supportive. Today had a good chat wit one of my staff. We both pledged to learn from each other, me to loosen my parameter and he to create a parameter. Me to loosen ego and he to create ego.

The secret of the ages
The men to whom riches and abundance flow so easily are those who have widened their channels by looking for plenty, expecting it, and by preparing for it through continual and ever-increasing service. They never hoard. They never look for safety only. Their credits never have a chance to freeze because they keep them moving, working, digging their channels even deeper and wider so that more and more keeps flowing in.

The great River of Life is a river of plenty. Cast urself and ur fortunes into it confidently, believingly and it will carry you on to the Isle of Plenty. Mistrust it, struggle against current, and it will wreck u on the Rocks of Want.

Soul - what a coincidence, same msg - broaden my parameters. I admit I haven't been looking at my Passion. Thinking its a wishful tot, perhaps jus focus on partial retirement instead.