Sept 6 Afternoon
Father, as I was talking to my gals on d Soul Sisters program, suddenly I realised that I felt not good enough with all the New Age professionals there.
There are Tarot readers, Psychics, people who have been into new age a few years ago. They know more than me. Who am I to share.
1. Issue - Exhaustion
A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness remains soft.
A hard person is mechanical and reacts in a predictable way.
A real man acts spontaneously.
It is energy draining to live as a hard man.
Life isn't a business to be managed, its a mystery to be loved.
Soul
I have let go of my past. Also with that my predictable response on staff's claim. It is true, it does takes energy to maintain my principles.
2. Internal Influence.
Ripeness
You are now ready to share ur inner riches, ur 'juice'. All u need to do is relax right where u are and be waiting for it to happen.
3. External issue
The Outsider
My key issue; Inner self-criticism
"Somehow "not good enough" to be accepted and included.
Recognise the roots of these feelings in the past and let go of the old pain.
It will bring u the clarity to see how u can open the gate and enter that which u most long to become.
(Oct 8 - yeap, I no longer allow criticism of me not being good enough to hijack my dream. It is ok to dream of my vision partner.)
4. What is needed for resolution
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.
Soul
This is reminding me to remove my ego inward self-criticism. Forever comparing me to others and its mostly some people with strength that is my weakness.
My ego has put me on a pedestal. I now know everyone is different and has their strength and weakness. Even if my strength is not as great as other people strength, but that's also show perhaps my weakness is not as great either.
5. Resolution
Patience
Now is a time when all that is required is to be simply alert, patient, waiting.
In silence and waiting, something inside u goes on growing - ur authentic being. And one day it jumps and becomes a flame and ur whole personality is shattered and u become a new man, a man who knows life's eternal juices.
Heal Ur life
We are meant to be different. Nature never repeats itself. When we can accept this, then there is no competition and no comparison. To try to be like another is to shrivel our soul. We have come to this planet to express who we are.
Often what we think of as the things "wrong" with us are only our expressions of our own individuality.
Soul
You gave me whatever I need. Now I just want to wait.
(Oct 8 - exactly. whenever my ego says that i m not good enough. I will reply that he has been through the world and he knows i m unique. I need not compete with others)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Tamil IE (2)
Sept 6
Father, the initiation plus d clearing has propel me to another level.
Today was laughing so much during suria. Suria was effortless and the right elbow pain is gone. Did my shambavi, there was bit pain on right leg probably due to fall last Friday coupled with heavy flapping of my legs to the music during IE. The amazing thing is I was humming and then followed by vigorous dancing and ended with plough back asana.
So, with that I will go to IE to do my shambavi, to cement it. I cannot understand the language but I am receptive towards Sadhguru presence. I just want it to envelop me.
(Oct 8 - i know do flapping of my 2 legs during the fast breathing mode. Laughter is nearly gone. All my meditation has deepen considerably and extended about half an hour for both morning and evening practices respectively)
Has tot of d teacher, such a lovely being. People likes and welcome lovely being. I wonder when can I be that. Then a sobering tot came, I can't. But wait, I am joyful being. So what if people doesn't welcome me. Main thing is I am my Natural self and I like me.
Also, during the relax mode after hatha yoga, suddenly did the open mouth and chest breathing, felt lighter. So, can do the open mouth breathing on daily basis.
Then the breathing meditation. Not sure if I was conscious abt my being, but I felt light and I consciously keep my palm open at both laps instead of letting it close like norm.
Father, thank U. Everything I need will be given to me. Yday I have new updates to my Vision Book. Amen.
The past is gone and I have me Now. I am ready to embark on my Natural Self. I want to re-read the Law of Attraction, 3rd time. The first time I couldn't relate, the second time I have realisation and the third time is manifestation. I want to attract and manifest my Vision Book.
Heal Ur Life
Fighting the negative is a waste of time if u really want to make changes in ur life. The more u dwell on what u don't want, the more of if u create. The things about urself or ur life that u have always dislike are probably still with u.
What u put ur attention on grows and become permanent in ur life. Move away from the negative and put ur attention on what it is that u really do want to be or have.
(Oct 8 - yea, instead of focusing on my past wound. Lets just focus on my desire for my vision partner)
Soul
Such a coincidence. That's exactly what I just read. For years, I was focusing on gaining control of my unconsciousness and have been opening doors after doors. Well, its enough. The Past is open up and gone. Now I just need to blow out of the remnants of emotions from my chest.
I want to use my Power to attract and manifest what I want instead.
I would no longer judge and criticise myself unlovingly. I have come a long way and I like who I am now. Yday just before sleeping, I was laughing so much. So carefree. I love me
I have a wonderful new relationship
I am my own person
I am filled with love and affection for myself
I am joyous, happy and free
I am totally healthy.
Heal Ur life
It is impossible to really love yourself unless u have self-approval and self-acceptance.
This means no criticism whatsoever.
Soul
Yeap. I never realised it. But I have criticised myself inwardly all these years. S was just a projection of my inner criticism. Thanks for sending S to my life. I will measure my inward criticism by my outward criticism of him.
(Oct 8 - finally decided to recruit his weakness instead and can now focus on his strength. My criticism of him has reduced considerably. Actually, little irritation left)
Heal ur life
Self-criticism is just the mind going on with old chatter. See how u have trained ur mind to berate u and be resistant to change?
Ignore those tots and get on with the important work on hand!
(Oct 8 - yea, now i am visualising my time with my vision partner and a tot would come and say that i m over-myself. I just ignore it)
Soul
Father, U always gave me whatever I need, right on time. When I read this book a few months ago. I didn't relate well and especially this section of not loving urself. I tot I did and as for self-criticism, I totally ignores it cos there is no way I could have criticised myself.
Now reading 2nd time and after my Realisation that my brother was my parent and he criticise me and I hated it, but inwardly I learnt to criticise myself too.
Father, the initiation plus d clearing has propel me to another level.
Today was laughing so much during suria. Suria was effortless and the right elbow pain is gone. Did my shambavi, there was bit pain on right leg probably due to fall last Friday coupled with heavy flapping of my legs to the music during IE. The amazing thing is I was humming and then followed by vigorous dancing and ended with plough back asana.
So, with that I will go to IE to do my shambavi, to cement it. I cannot understand the language but I am receptive towards Sadhguru presence. I just want it to envelop me.
(Oct 8 - i know do flapping of my 2 legs during the fast breathing mode. Laughter is nearly gone. All my meditation has deepen considerably and extended about half an hour for both morning and evening practices respectively)
Has tot of d teacher, such a lovely being. People likes and welcome lovely being. I wonder when can I be that. Then a sobering tot came, I can't. But wait, I am joyful being. So what if people doesn't welcome me. Main thing is I am my Natural self and I like me.
Also, during the relax mode after hatha yoga, suddenly did the open mouth and chest breathing, felt lighter. So, can do the open mouth breathing on daily basis.
Then the breathing meditation. Not sure if I was conscious abt my being, but I felt light and I consciously keep my palm open at both laps instead of letting it close like norm.
Father, thank U. Everything I need will be given to me. Yday I have new updates to my Vision Book. Amen.
The past is gone and I have me Now. I am ready to embark on my Natural Self. I want to re-read the Law of Attraction, 3rd time. The first time I couldn't relate, the second time I have realisation and the third time is manifestation. I want to attract and manifest my Vision Book.
Heal Ur Life
Fighting the negative is a waste of time if u really want to make changes in ur life. The more u dwell on what u don't want, the more of if u create. The things about urself or ur life that u have always dislike are probably still with u.
What u put ur attention on grows and become permanent in ur life. Move away from the negative and put ur attention on what it is that u really do want to be or have.
(Oct 8 - yea, instead of focusing on my past wound. Lets just focus on my desire for my vision partner)
Soul
Such a coincidence. That's exactly what I just read. For years, I was focusing on gaining control of my unconsciousness and have been opening doors after doors. Well, its enough. The Past is open up and gone. Now I just need to blow out of the remnants of emotions from my chest.
I want to use my Power to attract and manifest what I want instead.
I would no longer judge and criticise myself unlovingly. I have come a long way and I like who I am now. Yday just before sleeping, I was laughing so much. So carefree. I love me
I have a wonderful new relationship
I am my own person
I am filled with love and affection for myself
I am joyous, happy and free
I am totally healthy.
Heal Ur life
It is impossible to really love yourself unless u have self-approval and self-acceptance.
This means no criticism whatsoever.
Soul
Yeap. I never realised it. But I have criticised myself inwardly all these years. S was just a projection of my inner criticism. Thanks for sending S to my life. I will measure my inward criticism by my outward criticism of him.
(Oct 8 - finally decided to recruit his weakness instead and can now focus on his strength. My criticism of him has reduced considerably. Actually, little irritation left)
Heal ur life
Self-criticism is just the mind going on with old chatter. See how u have trained ur mind to berate u and be resistant to change?
Ignore those tots and get on with the important work on hand!
(Oct 8 - yea, now i am visualising my time with my vision partner and a tot would come and say that i m over-myself. I just ignore it)
Soul
Father, U always gave me whatever I need, right on time. When I read this book a few months ago. I didn't relate well and especially this section of not loving urself. I tot I did and as for self-criticism, I totally ignores it cos there is no way I could have criticised myself.
Now reading 2nd time and after my Realisation that my brother was my parent and he criticise me and I hated it, but inwardly I learnt to criticise myself too.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Tamil IE
Sept 5
Attended the Tamil initiation today. It wasn't as powerful as the previous initiation. It was more of an acceptance, I was dancing, singing and laughing. Towards the end was just silence and peace.
But the amazing part was the mother session in tamil. Despite the difference in language, I was receptive, I cried loads, followed by laughter.
Father, I have accepted myself. I am back to my natural self. Today dinner with brother and I can see him for what he is. He no longer affects me, his criticism no longer sting, it just dropped. Amen.
I finally did it. I regained my Power, just like the inner child card say I would.
Frankly both d guys also not up to what I want. The IE teacher is so lovely. So strong and yet soft. So focused and yet humorous. So much power and yet unassuming. He is intelligent and spiritual. You can just sense the loving compassion that is emitted. We haved the most relaxed IE ever.
Yeap, could say that I fell in love :). But he is such a lovely guy. He has such a lovely smile, so loving.
That's what I want to be. That's the type of guy I want. Not someone rich in wealth but someone rich in their beingness. Comfortable in their own skin, don't have to assert their valuation. They just be.
Mmm, that's what I want to be too.
He joined Isha since 15 years ago. Mmm, me just 2 years, something to look forward to, the next 13 years.
(Sept 27 - of cos, am back to the mundane world. I can't say I will let go of the richness, but at least I know I can be loving myself. Like my friend P says, once you can see, you have it inside you. I have the loving compassion inside me...it just need me to release it)
Osho - Nanak
Power is the expression in the Realm of Grace
He who attains his grace attains this intense magnetism. You are drawn towards him. You try to stop urself but cannot, for some magnificent attraction bind u to him in spite of all ur efforts.
We have only to step aside and give way to the energy.
Soul
Perhaps that explaing why we all are drawn to the Tamil IE teacher.
Attended the Tamil initiation today. It wasn't as powerful as the previous initiation. It was more of an acceptance, I was dancing, singing and laughing. Towards the end was just silence and peace.
But the amazing part was the mother session in tamil. Despite the difference in language, I was receptive, I cried loads, followed by laughter.
Father, I have accepted myself. I am back to my natural self. Today dinner with brother and I can see him for what he is. He no longer affects me, his criticism no longer sting, it just dropped. Amen.
I finally did it. I regained my Power, just like the inner child card say I would.
Frankly both d guys also not up to what I want. The IE teacher is so lovely. So strong and yet soft. So focused and yet humorous. So much power and yet unassuming. He is intelligent and spiritual. You can just sense the loving compassion that is emitted. We haved the most relaxed IE ever.
Yeap, could say that I fell in love :). But he is such a lovely guy. He has such a lovely smile, so loving.
That's what I want to be. That's the type of guy I want. Not someone rich in wealth but someone rich in their beingness. Comfortable in their own skin, don't have to assert their valuation. They just be.
Mmm, that's what I want to be too.
He joined Isha since 15 years ago. Mmm, me just 2 years, something to look forward to, the next 13 years.
(Sept 27 - of cos, am back to the mundane world. I can't say I will let go of the richness, but at least I know I can be loving myself. Like my friend P says, once you can see, you have it inside you. I have the loving compassion inside me...it just need me to release it)
Osho - Nanak
Power is the expression in the Realm of Grace
He who attains his grace attains this intense magnetism. You are drawn towards him. You try to stop urself but cannot, for some magnificent attraction bind u to him in spite of all ur efforts.
We have only to step aside and give way to the energy.
Soul
Perhaps that explaing why we all are drawn to the Tamil IE teacher.
My mirror on authority with S, same as my brother with me
Sept 4
Father, just like my brother loves me by criticising me. Asking me to be more than I am now.
I just realised I am doing the same to S. I care about him and expect more cos I see the potential in him. I was wondering and feeling guilty why I gave him a hard time when he did good in so many other areas. I didn't like myself for my negative and harsh statements to him. I tot it was him and I did wonder if it was me. But when I asked P and W (of cos they are coloured), they say its him. But I have been asking why??
When he made mistake or miss my expectation, I reacted cos I tot I didn't guide him enough. Couldn't help him to be the great person that he could be. Among all my current staff, I care for him the most. I think he has the greatest potential.
Father, I too showed my love the wrong way.
I take back my power and will show my love in a positive instead of negative way. I recalled S said to stop thinking he can be great cos he doesn't feel so and also I would be disappointed.
Father, is the same I told my brother. I told him this is what I am and I don't care to be more.
Heal Ur Life
Pay attention to what u say. The word u say is reflective of what u feel. And ur feeling is ur vibration. And the Universe picks up ur vibration as ur Point of Attraction. Universe respond to ur vibration.
Soul
Thanks for sending S. I will love him right. My brother's way of loving is not mine. I am a sweet and innocent person and I would never hurt people consciously.
I will guide myself lovingly.
Affirmation
I accept and guide myself lovingly.
I love and approve of myself.
I am my Natural Self.
I do work that I like.
I worked with people that I like
I am earning good money for doing what I like.
Soul
When I was napping for 3.5 hours today. I dream of d person and I was with him. For the first time, I dream of being together. A great turn-around that I am ready to be in a rship.
Louis hay
- a 12 page pamphlet.
- 5000 copies
- sold within 2 years later.
(Sept 27 - Father, I am starting out an ebook comprising 10 articles, target 5,000 readers on a monthly basis.)
Father, now I know why I don't like criticism of others and myself. Its because I have been criticising myself unconsciously. I have not been loving myself.
I now lift out the criticism.
Father, such irony.
Alas I discover the root of my RA, which inner-self criticism. The beauty is u brought S into my life so that I can see what my brother did to me, I am doing to S and myself. Amen.
Father, S must be feeling that I am hard on him. The more I am hard on him, the more he thinks is the others influencing me. But that's not true. Its me.
Father, I never realised he is a real blessing to me.
Father, no wonder Teacher says anything also good for me. She said I am very receptive. I am receptive cos I am open. I am open because I am willing. I am willing because I am determined to be back in Power of myself. My aim is Self-mastery.
Father, my Insight - Lifting the veil of illusion, either self-created or people-created.
(Sept 27 - I finally take charge. S is not me and not good at strategising. Infact his strategy is to hire his strength and he worked on improving his weakness. I told him that is not right, I aim to have easy life, not difficult life. I finally pull the plug and we will hire his weakness instead. He would then worked on his managing skills)
Eczema
Antagonism - an active hostility or opposition
The inhibition of the growth of one type of organism by a different type of organsim that is competing for the same ecological niche.
Not being able to release anger and not being able to forgive.
Soul - yeap, I was guiding S harshly, the way my brother was guiding him. Instead of accepting and acknowleding his strength. I was critical of his weakness and forever asking him to approve. I forgot to let him know his strength is more important than his weakness. We r each different.
Father, I got back my Power. And mine is an Innocent Loving Power and not a harsh criticising power.
Father, Amen.
Sept 4 Eve
Father, U r really great. Whatever I need will be brought to me. Anything at all.
I never knew S is my mirror. And it is timely becos its after I learned about me learning from my brother loving criticisingly instead of loving acceptingly. I have been doing it to myself unconsciously all these years. And for the first time, I did it to my staff, S. He was the first one that I tot was my equal and hence I measured and expect him to deliver as per me.
All in its right place.
Father, its worth it, all the joints pain that I faced these last 3 months. Never once I blamed u, I knew its me. And here followed with Soul Sisters today and my brother came back yday, Sadhguru's birthday yesterday and tomorrow IE initiation. Everything happening right on. One after another.
I found my Natural Innocent Self. Tomorrow IE is to cement it.
Osho - Nanak
As soon as the rays of his compassion descend on you, u attain infinite power.
You become capable of untold power; u touch mud and it becomes gold.
Now wherever u look, u see heaven.
Now u r no more and everything is possible.
Wherever ur eyes look, the gates of heaven will open. Wherever u go, whatever u do, the very air in that place will change. The people who gather around u will be affected by ur glory, it will permeate them.
Energy or power is active and infectious. Well-being and health are equally infectious. Not only does evil enter u through others, but also goodness enters u and flows to others.
From within we are all connected and flow onto each other.
Father, just like my brother loves me by criticising me. Asking me to be more than I am now.
I just realised I am doing the same to S. I care about him and expect more cos I see the potential in him. I was wondering and feeling guilty why I gave him a hard time when he did good in so many other areas. I didn't like myself for my negative and harsh statements to him. I tot it was him and I did wonder if it was me. But when I asked P and W (of cos they are coloured), they say its him. But I have been asking why??
When he made mistake or miss my expectation, I reacted cos I tot I didn't guide him enough. Couldn't help him to be the great person that he could be. Among all my current staff, I care for him the most. I think he has the greatest potential.
Father, I too showed my love the wrong way.
I take back my power and will show my love in a positive instead of negative way. I recalled S said to stop thinking he can be great cos he doesn't feel so and also I would be disappointed.
Father, is the same I told my brother. I told him this is what I am and I don't care to be more.
Heal Ur Life
Pay attention to what u say. The word u say is reflective of what u feel. And ur feeling is ur vibration. And the Universe picks up ur vibration as ur Point of Attraction. Universe respond to ur vibration.
Soul
Thanks for sending S. I will love him right. My brother's way of loving is not mine. I am a sweet and innocent person and I would never hurt people consciously.
I will guide myself lovingly.
Affirmation
I accept and guide myself lovingly.
I love and approve of myself.
I am my Natural Self.
I do work that I like.
I worked with people that I like
I am earning good money for doing what I like.
Soul
When I was napping for 3.5 hours today. I dream of d person and I was with him. For the first time, I dream of being together. A great turn-around that I am ready to be in a rship.
Louis hay
- a 12 page pamphlet.
- 5000 copies
- sold within 2 years later.
(Sept 27 - Father, I am starting out an ebook comprising 10 articles, target 5,000 readers on a monthly basis.)
Father, now I know why I don't like criticism of others and myself. Its because I have been criticising myself unconsciously. I have not been loving myself.
I now lift out the criticism.
Father, such irony.
Alas I discover the root of my RA, which inner-self criticism. The beauty is u brought S into my life so that I can see what my brother did to me, I am doing to S and myself. Amen.
Father, S must be feeling that I am hard on him. The more I am hard on him, the more he thinks is the others influencing me. But that's not true. Its me.
Father, I never realised he is a real blessing to me.
Father, no wonder Teacher says anything also good for me. She said I am very receptive. I am receptive cos I am open. I am open because I am willing. I am willing because I am determined to be back in Power of myself. My aim is Self-mastery.
Father, my Insight - Lifting the veil of illusion, either self-created or people-created.
(Sept 27 - I finally take charge. S is not me and not good at strategising. Infact his strategy is to hire his strength and he worked on improving his weakness. I told him that is not right, I aim to have easy life, not difficult life. I finally pull the plug and we will hire his weakness instead. He would then worked on his managing skills)
Eczema
Antagonism - an active hostility or opposition
The inhibition of the growth of one type of organism by a different type of organsim that is competing for the same ecological niche.
Not being able to release anger and not being able to forgive.
Soul - yeap, I was guiding S harshly, the way my brother was guiding him. Instead of accepting and acknowleding his strength. I was critical of his weakness and forever asking him to approve. I forgot to let him know his strength is more important than his weakness. We r each different.
Father, I got back my Power. And mine is an Innocent Loving Power and not a harsh criticising power.
Father, Amen.
Sept 4 Eve
Father, U r really great. Whatever I need will be brought to me. Anything at all.
I never knew S is my mirror. And it is timely becos its after I learned about me learning from my brother loving criticisingly instead of loving acceptingly. I have been doing it to myself unconsciously all these years. And for the first time, I did it to my staff, S. He was the first one that I tot was my equal and hence I measured and expect him to deliver as per me.
All in its right place.
Father, its worth it, all the joints pain that I faced these last 3 months. Never once I blamed u, I knew its me. And here followed with Soul Sisters today and my brother came back yday, Sadhguru's birthday yesterday and tomorrow IE initiation. Everything happening right on. One after another.
I found my Natural Innocent Self. Tomorrow IE is to cement it.
Osho - Nanak
As soon as the rays of his compassion descend on you, u attain infinite power.
You become capable of untold power; u touch mud and it becomes gold.
Now wherever u look, u see heaven.
Now u r no more and everything is possible.
Wherever ur eyes look, the gates of heaven will open. Wherever u go, whatever u do, the very air in that place will change. The people who gather around u will be affected by ur glory, it will permeate them.
Energy or power is active and infectious. Well-being and health are equally infectious. Not only does evil enter u through others, but also goodness enters u and flows to others.
From within we are all connected and flow onto each other.
Memory is not intelligence
Sept 3 Aft
Father, thank u for sending Sadhguru.
I really needed a special meditation to ground my latest Revelation about my Self-criticising and here I am given a chance to do so.
Father, I know whatever I need will be given to me. Amen.
Spoke to GM and I am glad we shared. She knows I meant well. Early I was criticising myself up till yesterday and I told myself GM also plays a meditator role between PD and CEO. So, nothing to feel guilty about. Because of that, I was able to talk to her. Amen.
Also I asked GM about my issue about staff claiming advance. She says that it is common that staff does so. They think why should they use their own money to spend for company matters. So, it is my issue. Father, tell me.
Evening
Attended the special sathsang for Sadhguru. I cried during guru pooja and then laugh loads during the special meditation.
Father, thank U for everything. I also made my peace with C. On the website, V has given me good input, so that's great too.
Tomorrow going for workshop and on Sunday will go for the initiation.
Osho - Nanak
Wise men are intelligent, like pundits; holy men have recollection and remembrance and have some powerful memories. Even if they have no intelligence, their remembrance is very strong.
It often happens that very intelligent people have hopeless memories; and many whose memories are strong are not intelligent.
This because the function of memory is different: to store whatever it comes across and recall it.
The function of intelligence is different: to make way through the unknown, with which it is unacquainted.
Both are oriented differently; remembrance focuses on the past, and intelligence looks toward the future.
Scientist believe that if memory is very strong, intelligence gets locked up in it, thereby preventing intelligence from working freely.
Most educational institutions lay stress on memory, so it is no wonder that the world is full of dull people.
Genius mean the natural ability to know life and recognise it. It is a capacity to know and understand in a flash the answer to any question of life.
Mmm, I could be a genius even. Amen
Father, thank u for sending Sadhguru.
I really needed a special meditation to ground my latest Revelation about my Self-criticising and here I am given a chance to do so.
Father, I know whatever I need will be given to me. Amen.
Spoke to GM and I am glad we shared. She knows I meant well. Early I was criticising myself up till yesterday and I told myself GM also plays a meditator role between PD and CEO. So, nothing to feel guilty about. Because of that, I was able to talk to her. Amen.
Also I asked GM about my issue about staff claiming advance. She says that it is common that staff does so. They think why should they use their own money to spend for company matters. So, it is my issue. Father, tell me.
Evening
Attended the special sathsang for Sadhguru. I cried during guru pooja and then laugh loads during the special meditation.
Father, thank U for everything. I also made my peace with C. On the website, V has given me good input, so that's great too.
Tomorrow going for workshop and on Sunday will go for the initiation.
Osho - Nanak
Wise men are intelligent, like pundits; holy men have recollection and remembrance and have some powerful memories. Even if they have no intelligence, their remembrance is very strong.
It often happens that very intelligent people have hopeless memories; and many whose memories are strong are not intelligent.
This because the function of memory is different: to store whatever it comes across and recall it.
The function of intelligence is different: to make way through the unknown, with which it is unacquainted.
Both are oriented differently; remembrance focuses on the past, and intelligence looks toward the future.
Scientist believe that if memory is very strong, intelligence gets locked up in it, thereby preventing intelligence from working freely.
Most educational institutions lay stress on memory, so it is no wonder that the world is full of dull people.
Genius mean the natural ability to know life and recognise it. It is a capacity to know and understand in a flash the answer to any question of life.
Mmm, I could be a genius even. Amen
Breakthru on control/valuation
Sept 3
Father, asanas were effortless even though I was distracted. My right elbow has almost recovered.
Was thinking of my issue with authority. Alas, it was my brother. The timing is great. He is coming back tonight. Also tomorrow is Soul Sisters workshop and Sunday is IE initiation.
Really didn't expect this breakthrough and perhaps that's what it meant, my chain and bracelet broke. And I have mended it and now wearing.
Heal Ur life
The more u dwell on what u don't want, the more of it u create.
Soul
Father, I want to do Humanmetrics, 7thunder cards, Osho and also Radical Forgiveness.
For years, I tot the incident was the one that make me a control freak. Alas, it was not. It was my wrong interpretation and wrong solution.
And I never knew where my authority issue arise as both parents gave us absolute freedom except for emotional outburst among siblings.
Perhaps that's where my anger lies. My anger at brother for always restraining me was suppressed and also my sadness at brother also suppressed.
Alas, d incident. Now I think back, I played with others and tot I can played with him too. But I didn't enjoy it and then don't know how to stop it as I was embarassed that I let it go so far. I was in control of my emotion. Alas, its not becos I lost control that I let it continue. Its becos I was in control that I let it continue.
Father, I always have the power of control since I was a child. Despite so much criticism by my brother. Actually, now looking back, he just want to protect me from being hurt. Telling me all my weakness so I could defend myself. Who knows, maybe that's why I am a strategist. The thing I hated most was him asking me to do housework. Until now I don't know why I dislike housework, it can move me to tears.
Aiyah, I know now. Its becos of my valuation. I perceived housework as low value and doing it would reduce my valuation. We r already poor and I don't want to lower my valuation any further.
I am not lazy, I just don't like to do anything that can lower my valuation. I recalled that I told my mom that I will earn enough money and hired a maid to do all the houseworks as it is not meant for me to do. I use my brain and not my hands.
All these years, I tot I was lazy and would never tot I am disciplined or hardworking. I dislike when people says m hardworking, disciplined and etc. I couldn't take it cos I tot it was not me.
Only now after doing meditation, that I know m disciplined and hardworking.
Mmm, this is similar to CEO. Its not that she like shopping, its just that she cannot have any possession that can lower her valuation.
Father, such a big big circle. All these years, I tot control issue was my weakness and something that need to be handled. I try ways and means to lose it. The last 2 years of eating double and sleeping double release it.
I tot I have wrongly exerted controls over myself.
The real truth is not the control but its the self-criticism I have for myself.
Now I know its my Control, my Self-Mastery that's is inherent in me.
Father, I love U. Thanks for being with me throughout my journey. You led me safely and patiently. Alas, I am at home. Alas, I know I create my world. Alas, I love my Control. I love myself.
And on my husband, I now know why I wanted money, intelligence. Becos this are things that will increase his valuation and mine too. So, I don't have to criticise myself.
Alas, ... It all boils down to my valuation.
Suddenly tot of C. Now I know why I was disappointed and want to end the rship. Its becos I wrongly perceived her value. And I now viewed her as someone that can lower my valuation.
Why do I give power to others that they are able to lower my valuation, my worth.
Becos, I gave the power to my brother to lower my valuation.
Father, I am going in deeper. The self-criticism is not the root. The root is me valuing myself in relation to my output (job, work, task, housework, emotion) and my input (friends, boyfriends, husband, food, books, family, boss and colleagues)
A tot came, I think I am god (as mentioned by LY). Nope, I think I valued myself as if I am the Ultimate Judge, ie god. What if my valuation mode is flawed, extreme, then I die standing cos anything I do will not be valuable enough.
Father, this valuation mode exist since I was young.
My constant questions to God 1. Why U so hard on me and so easy on others?
2. Why do I always need to prove my worth?
3. Why u give me knowledge and want me to share. Why so hard on me?
My answer was God doesn't love m and hence give me a challenging life.
This is actually me thinking that my brother doesn't love me, always criticising me on my deficiencies and always give me challenging time, ie to do housework. Forcing me to do something I hated.
My brother is not hard on me. Now I recalled his advice and his love for me.
Father, U r not hard on me. My brother is not hard on me. I am hard on myself.
I don't have to judge myself. I am not God. I don't know the values of things.
I don't have to value myself and hence I don't have to value others too.
Perhaps that's why I don't validate people cos I have extreme high standard. I also don't validate myself. I validate myself only when I prove myself worthy of it, same like others.
Since I validate and approve myself only when I achieve, I keep on seeking challenges.
And perhaps this Self-Mastery path is just another challenge that I sought so ask to validate myself.
Who am I to judge others?
Who am I to judge myself?
Now I realise what LY meant by me playing God. Yeap, I played the role of God with myself.
I released my role as the Judge. I I released my valuation mode as I no longer need to value myself, just like I don't need to weigh myself, just like I don't need to time my sleeping hours. I need not put any measurement, any parameters.
I am priceless. Everyone is priceless.
Father, my anger on C is gone. I want to thank her. Now this is it.
Osho
The Issue - Slowing down
The essence is at ease. Each moment one can be at ease with oneself - not trying to improve, not cultivating anything, not practising anything.
It is time when u r ready to let go of any expectations u have had about yourself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying.
There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who r r right now. If desires, dreams and hopes are fading away. Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and u r able to welcome this development in a way you have never been able to before.
Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest, and recognising that u r already home.
Soul
Alas, I experience the meaning of the card.
2. Internal - Abundance
When u become existential, u become whole.
Soul - I feel fulfilled now. Need not create anymore value for myself. Need not judge myself anymore. I am existence. I am complete. I am whole.
3. External influence -Schizophrenia (split mind)
You cannot do pro and con to find the answer. Just jump - your heart will start beating so fast that there will be no mistake about where it is
Soul
Yeap, I jumped in deep.
For years, the answer delude me and now I got it.
4. What is needed for resolution - Sorrow
Times of sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But u need to go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity
Soul
I now experience the card. No wonder elbow pain is nearly gone.
5. Resolution - Miser.
Things are not the target. Ur innermost being, is the target, not a beautiful u, a valuable u, not many things, but an open being, available to millions of things.
Soul
I was always afraid to lose, to be rejected as I couldn't afford my valuation to go down.
Now I know no one and no thing can affect me. Infact, I need not be valued. I cannot be valued as GoD doesn't do valuation, only human does.
Yeap, I am open already and ready to experience whatever comes my way.
Father, asanas were effortless even though I was distracted. My right elbow has almost recovered.
Was thinking of my issue with authority. Alas, it was my brother. The timing is great. He is coming back tonight. Also tomorrow is Soul Sisters workshop and Sunday is IE initiation.
Really didn't expect this breakthrough and perhaps that's what it meant, my chain and bracelet broke. And I have mended it and now wearing.
Heal Ur life
The more u dwell on what u don't want, the more of it u create.
Soul
Father, I want to do Humanmetrics, 7thunder cards, Osho and also Radical Forgiveness.
For years, I tot the incident was the one that make me a control freak. Alas, it was not. It was my wrong interpretation and wrong solution.
And I never knew where my authority issue arise as both parents gave us absolute freedom except for emotional outburst among siblings.
Perhaps that's where my anger lies. My anger at brother for always restraining me was suppressed and also my sadness at brother also suppressed.
Alas, d incident. Now I think back, I played with others and tot I can played with him too. But I didn't enjoy it and then don't know how to stop it as I was embarassed that I let it go so far. I was in control of my emotion. Alas, its not becos I lost control that I let it continue. Its becos I was in control that I let it continue.
Father, I always have the power of control since I was a child. Despite so much criticism by my brother. Actually, now looking back, he just want to protect me from being hurt. Telling me all my weakness so I could defend myself. Who knows, maybe that's why I am a strategist. The thing I hated most was him asking me to do housework. Until now I don't know why I dislike housework, it can move me to tears.
Aiyah, I know now. Its becos of my valuation. I perceived housework as low value and doing it would reduce my valuation. We r already poor and I don't want to lower my valuation any further.
I am not lazy, I just don't like to do anything that can lower my valuation. I recalled that I told my mom that I will earn enough money and hired a maid to do all the houseworks as it is not meant for me to do. I use my brain and not my hands.
All these years, I tot I was lazy and would never tot I am disciplined or hardworking. I dislike when people says m hardworking, disciplined and etc. I couldn't take it cos I tot it was not me.
Only now after doing meditation, that I know m disciplined and hardworking.
Mmm, this is similar to CEO. Its not that she like shopping, its just that she cannot have any possession that can lower her valuation.
Father, such a big big circle. All these years, I tot control issue was my weakness and something that need to be handled. I try ways and means to lose it. The last 2 years of eating double and sleeping double release it.
I tot I have wrongly exerted controls over myself.
The real truth is not the control but its the self-criticism I have for myself.
Now I know its my Control, my Self-Mastery that's is inherent in me.
Father, I love U. Thanks for being with me throughout my journey. You led me safely and patiently. Alas, I am at home. Alas, I know I create my world. Alas, I love my Control. I love myself.
And on my husband, I now know why I wanted money, intelligence. Becos this are things that will increase his valuation and mine too. So, I don't have to criticise myself.
Alas, ... It all boils down to my valuation.
Suddenly tot of C. Now I know why I was disappointed and want to end the rship. Its becos I wrongly perceived her value. And I now viewed her as someone that can lower my valuation.
Why do I give power to others that they are able to lower my valuation, my worth.
Becos, I gave the power to my brother to lower my valuation.
Father, I am going in deeper. The self-criticism is not the root. The root is me valuing myself in relation to my output (job, work, task, housework, emotion) and my input (friends, boyfriends, husband, food, books, family, boss and colleagues)
A tot came, I think I am god (as mentioned by LY). Nope, I think I valued myself as if I am the Ultimate Judge, ie god. What if my valuation mode is flawed, extreme, then I die standing cos anything I do will not be valuable enough.
Father, this valuation mode exist since I was young.
My constant questions to God 1. Why U so hard on me and so easy on others?
2. Why do I always need to prove my worth?
3. Why u give me knowledge and want me to share. Why so hard on me?
My answer was God doesn't love m and hence give me a challenging life.
This is actually me thinking that my brother doesn't love me, always criticising me on my deficiencies and always give me challenging time, ie to do housework. Forcing me to do something I hated.
My brother is not hard on me. Now I recalled his advice and his love for me.
Father, U r not hard on me. My brother is not hard on me. I am hard on myself.
I don't have to judge myself. I am not God. I don't know the values of things.
I don't have to value myself and hence I don't have to value others too.
Perhaps that's why I don't validate people cos I have extreme high standard. I also don't validate myself. I validate myself only when I prove myself worthy of it, same like others.
Since I validate and approve myself only when I achieve, I keep on seeking challenges.
And perhaps this Self-Mastery path is just another challenge that I sought so ask to validate myself.
Who am I to judge others?
Who am I to judge myself?
Now I realise what LY meant by me playing God. Yeap, I played the role of God with myself.
I released my role as the Judge. I I released my valuation mode as I no longer need to value myself, just like I don't need to weigh myself, just like I don't need to time my sleeping hours. I need not put any measurement, any parameters.
I am priceless. Everyone is priceless.
Father, my anger on C is gone. I want to thank her. Now this is it.
Osho
The Issue - Slowing down
The essence is at ease. Each moment one can be at ease with oneself - not trying to improve, not cultivating anything, not practising anything.
It is time when u r ready to let go of any expectations u have had about yourself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying.
There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who r r right now. If desires, dreams and hopes are fading away. Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and u r able to welcome this development in a way you have never been able to before.
Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest, and recognising that u r already home.
Soul
Alas, I experience the meaning of the card.
2. Internal - Abundance
When u become existential, u become whole.
Soul - I feel fulfilled now. Need not create anymore value for myself. Need not judge myself anymore. I am existence. I am complete. I am whole.
3. External influence -Schizophrenia (split mind)
You cannot do pro and con to find the answer. Just jump - your heart will start beating so fast that there will be no mistake about where it is
Soul
Yeap, I jumped in deep.
For years, the answer delude me and now I got it.
4. What is needed for resolution - Sorrow
Times of sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But u need to go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity
Soul
I now experience the card. No wonder elbow pain is nearly gone.
5. Resolution - Miser.
Things are not the target. Ur innermost being, is the target, not a beautiful u, a valuable u, not many things, but an open being, available to millions of things.
Soul
I was always afraid to lose, to be rejected as I couldn't afford my valuation to go down.
Now I know no one and no thing can affect me. Infact, I need not be valued. I cannot be valued as GoD doesn't do valuation, only human does.
Yeap, I am open already and ready to experience whatever comes my way.
7thunder interpretation for my rship with authority
Sept 2 Eve
Father, just now when a colleague criticised me for talking with mouth full. I didn't like it.
Now I know why, its because my brother used to criticise me a lots, telling me that I didn't do things correctly.
I hate it when people criticised me for not following society's norm such as manners, etiquette and etc.
My issue with authority stems from my brother. Our parents basically let us be independent.
That's why I hated most going to school, has to follow rulings and etc. I only enjoyed studying when I was in college when I attend class on free will.
Thank God, my brother left us to work elsewhere (9 of Hearts).
Nine of Hearts and Queen of Diamonds
Attraction - neg 2
Intensity - pos 3
Compatibility - neg 1
JUR to Queen - like to give me advice, money and etc.
Soul - agreed. He gave me car to use, gave me credit card and gave me load of advice/criticism which I don't like nor appreciate.
SAF and SAFS to Queen (Compatibility - neg 9, Intensity - 9, attraction - neg 5 )- I am his Saturn in Life and Spiritual - his teacher. It is a karmic rship. I present a challenge to him. And becos I was much younger, he used his authority to manage me instead so to avoid his lesson.
JUMS to Queen - We r Jupiter to each other in spiritual spread. We have a past life connection. It is a blessing.
Soul - Slowly I come to realise that.
MAR to Queen - He excites me and make me angry. He reminds me of things I don't like about myself.
Soul - true. I recalled its a hate/love rship. I recalled he teach me a lot but I hate it when he criticise me and used his authority to ask me to do things I don't like to. Always telling me that I need to improve in order to be competitive.
Queen of Diamond to 9 of Hearts
(Attraction - pos 1; Intensity - 1; compatibility - pos 1)
Yeap, I always keep my peace and at time avoid him cos he aggravates me. Push me. I affects him more than he affect me. But becos he is the elder, he used his authority to assert on me.
Father, now I understand.
Father, just now when a colleague criticised me for talking with mouth full. I didn't like it.
Now I know why, its because my brother used to criticise me a lots, telling me that I didn't do things correctly.
I hate it when people criticised me for not following society's norm such as manners, etiquette and etc.
My issue with authority stems from my brother. Our parents basically let us be independent.
That's why I hated most going to school, has to follow rulings and etc. I only enjoyed studying when I was in college when I attend class on free will.
Thank God, my brother left us to work elsewhere (9 of Hearts).
Nine of Hearts and Queen of Diamonds
Attraction - neg 2
Intensity - pos 3
Compatibility - neg 1
JUR to Queen - like to give me advice, money and etc.
Soul - agreed. He gave me car to use, gave me credit card and gave me load of advice/criticism which I don't like nor appreciate.
SAF and SAFS to Queen (Compatibility - neg 9, Intensity - 9, attraction - neg 5 )- I am his Saturn in Life and Spiritual - his teacher. It is a karmic rship. I present a challenge to him. And becos I was much younger, he used his authority to manage me instead so to avoid his lesson.
JUMS to Queen - We r Jupiter to each other in spiritual spread. We have a past life connection. It is a blessing.
Soul - Slowly I come to realise that.
MAR to Queen - He excites me and make me angry. He reminds me of things I don't like about myself.
Soul - true. I recalled its a hate/love rship. I recalled he teach me a lot but I hate it when he criticise me and used his authority to ask me to do things I don't like to. Always telling me that I need to improve in order to be competitive.
Queen of Diamond to 9 of Hearts
(Attraction - pos 1; Intensity - 1; compatibility - pos 1)
Yeap, I always keep my peace and at time avoid him cos he aggravates me. Push me. I affects him more than he affect me. But becos he is the elder, he used his authority to assert on me.
Father, now I understand.
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