Nov 22 eve
Did my Shoonya and samyama. The Shoonya was real deep. This time, with little movement. Samyama was ok too.
When I finished my samyama, I asked myself whether I m happier without z. Yes, I m happier cos I need not face my fears. My fear of being unloved, being rejected, being not in priority list. I was afraid of suffering. That's when I go on the low side.
Today I msg him about our mutual friends, we ended with a smile, that's us.
Father, I asked for separation when I felt insecure. The same as z when he asked for separation cos he tot I cannot accept him for his lack of financial security. He said no point continue since I feel insecure with him back in late July. I stayed n give him assurances. We got back together in late August n then I broke it off in mid September.
Father, being with him or even a relationship with another partner will bring out my fears. Now that I can see my fear, not sure if I can handle it better.
I can now see my fear. For the first time, no rush to overcome it. Let me savour my fear so it won't go to my body. I m a big gal, able to face my fear. Need not suppressed or try to fight it. Just let the fear be.
I used to suppress or fight my sadness, afraid I cannot handle it. I now can face n expressed my sadness. And I becomes much happier. Or rather my happiness is now real both inside and outside. Perhaps once I accepts my fear, not try to avoid it, I truly can be fearless. Amen.
Suddenly a tot came on Osho card, no one trying to hurt u, everyone just want to protect themselves from being hurt.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Be a Light to yourself and others!
Nov 22
Father, woke up 4.30 am. Had some resistance, but tot of sadhguru saying that sadhana is to cultivate discipline and to learn to ignore our mind. Did my asanas they were not great but ok. Today shakti and shambavi not so good as I had some difficulty in surka kriya. But I persevere till I got violet flames. At the end of shambavi, suddenly my mouth open widely letting out air.
On z, let's face it, he is not that into me. I had no reason to hold on except for my love. Reading desires yesterday, guide me that I need not conquer. He is in my prayer daily. No more drama.
Ninth letter
U r not victim of faith - u r victims of ur own creative consciousness until u realise that ur consciousness is entirely of ur own shaping. When this glorious truth dawns within ur own consciousness, u will begin to turn ur life around n will eventually discover that u can work to become a master and achieve complete freedom in divine consciousness.
Attunement with divine consciousness and total self mastery should be ur reason for living, and ur goal. When u have achieved it, all u have ever wanted for urself will be yours - in a new transcendent and eternal way.
The greatest gift u can give yourself or anyone else is to gratefully accept into ur own mind and try to imbue in other receptive minds - the fully inspired understanding of who 'u and they`really are and what can be truly be accomplished when u n they abandon self-will n look to the source of their being for help, guidance and fulfilment of every need.
Become a light unto urself - and whomever can receive it.
Soul
Amen
Ninth letter
Do to others as u would be done by.
Give the acceptance and forgiveness u would like to receive.
what is forgiveness? It is a state of understanding the other person and their reasons for behaviour so clearly that u can say in all honesty there is nothing to forgive.
When u have recognised that others can be hurt by ur actions in just the same way as u have been hurt by others. U would have won a great victory over self. U will have reached that points of inner strength and endurance when u truly perceived the Reality of others as being of equal validity with ur own.
After reaching this great moment of truth in ur life, u will find yourself able to move between yourself and others quite comfortably, able to see events from their perspective as easily as u can see ur own. A great balancing between the needs of other people n yourself takes place, and u enter into a state of peace since u r now confident that u treated others fairly n with generosity of spirit. U have now begun to remove the barriers between yourself n others n are receiving them into ur heart.
Soul
Same msg as this week osho card. Learning to see beyond judgement. Then friendliness appeared.
Nine of spades
Card of mini death
Father, woke up 4.30 am. Had some resistance, but tot of sadhguru saying that sadhana is to cultivate discipline and to learn to ignore our mind. Did my asanas they were not great but ok. Today shakti and shambavi not so good as I had some difficulty in surka kriya. But I persevere till I got violet flames. At the end of shambavi, suddenly my mouth open widely letting out air.
On z, let's face it, he is not that into me. I had no reason to hold on except for my love. Reading desires yesterday, guide me that I need not conquer. He is in my prayer daily. No more drama.
Ninth letter
U r not victim of faith - u r victims of ur own creative consciousness until u realise that ur consciousness is entirely of ur own shaping. When this glorious truth dawns within ur own consciousness, u will begin to turn ur life around n will eventually discover that u can work to become a master and achieve complete freedom in divine consciousness.
Attunement with divine consciousness and total self mastery should be ur reason for living, and ur goal. When u have achieved it, all u have ever wanted for urself will be yours - in a new transcendent and eternal way.
The greatest gift u can give yourself or anyone else is to gratefully accept into ur own mind and try to imbue in other receptive minds - the fully inspired understanding of who 'u and they`really are and what can be truly be accomplished when u n they abandon self-will n look to the source of their being for help, guidance and fulfilment of every need.
Become a light unto urself - and whomever can receive it.
Soul
Amen
Ninth letter
Do to others as u would be done by.
Give the acceptance and forgiveness u would like to receive.
what is forgiveness? It is a state of understanding the other person and their reasons for behaviour so clearly that u can say in all honesty there is nothing to forgive.
When u have recognised that others can be hurt by ur actions in just the same way as u have been hurt by others. U would have won a great victory over self. U will have reached that points of inner strength and endurance when u truly perceived the Reality of others as being of equal validity with ur own.
After reaching this great moment of truth in ur life, u will find yourself able to move between yourself and others quite comfortably, able to see events from their perspective as easily as u can see ur own. A great balancing between the needs of other people n yourself takes place, and u enter into a state of peace since u r now confident that u treated others fairly n with generosity of spirit. U have now begun to remove the barriers between yourself n others n are receiving them into ur heart.
Soul
Same msg as this week osho card. Learning to see beyond judgement. Then friendliness appeared.
Nine of spades
Card of mini death
Rhythms in our live...
Nov 21 eve
Ninth letter
Everyone is subject to rhythms in their lives. Everyone goes through the high periods when an inflow of blessedness brings u all the things u have wanted and u r on a peak of human happiness and success. U rejoice! Then comes the time u suddenly the rhythm of life changes, resources dry up, relationship becomes difficult and precarious, ur career takes a downward turn, obstacles occur which keep u static for a long time. U may ask yourself what u have done wrong. previously, u worked very successfully within the law of existence but now there are daily challenges and nothing u think or do is truly alleviating the stress of ur daily life.
When if these times comes upon u - be still and quiet within ur heart and mind - and know that u r still drawing life and direction from divine consciousness, despite appearances to the contrary, despite the superficial agonies. At these times, it is essential to withdraw and take stocks of the way in which u may have slipped in consciousness during ur up times and strengthen ur dependence on divine consciousness.
Without these dark periods of depression,u would not grow in spiritual stature. They have a special message for u so do not give way to despair and bitterness. Although u may feel fragile, this is ur winter season of self discovery and inner renewal which will ultimately prove to be of greater blessing than ever were ur 'peak periods'. Take heart and do not lose faith. Hold on patiently until winter gradually yields to ur spiritual spring again.
Soul
Amen. My winter period is nearly over.
I took a tumble when I took over the 2nd company in Feb 2012. Things starts to come down in mid June...and alas I finally resigned in end July and last day in September. Meanwhile, Z also asked for break up in early July, we got back for awhile and broke off in late September...and then I slacked in my Isha practices and couldn't seem to go back on track for hata..
Father just now I tot of z. miss him still. But I recalled my osho card of clinging to the past. Not sure why but both P and M also said I should continue with z. Father, he is not that into me. A tot came. If he is not, why u r still together after two years.
Father, hold me back. It is over.
My osho card is receptivity. Not sure. Two persons with the same msg, that I self-sabotage and asked me to go back to Z.
Sadhguru
Desire is just an anxiety to enhance oneself. Why do u need to enhance yourselves? It is because somewhere there is a strong and constant feeling of inadequacy. So man has to enhance himself with activity. He has to do something. So desire is just that.
The energy which u call life, is trying to find its original state of unboundedness. therefore it desires. But because u r unconscious, u keep desiring things and activities, this and that. With much experiences in life, u know that if u satisfy one desire, the next one is ready to spring up. Ur desire will never be satisfied with anything. It does not matter how much u do or gather, it can't take u to the unbounded.
Fundamentally it is a spiritual process. Unfortunately it is finding an unconscious expression.
Soul
Suddenly it occurred to me why I want to break off with z. It is fear. I m loving him day by day, but he holds back his feeling. The more I prolonged, the greater the hurt. It is nearly two years. If he still holds back, there is no possibility of him changing his mind.
I don't want to be in a losing end. Better ends before I lose all.
Sadhguru said if we remember we r mortal, then we r transformed. We becomes simple. We don't complicate matters.
I guess if I know I m going to die, I just lived the moment but I know I m going to live, so I hope I got other chances of starting a committed relationship. My mantra now is to know I can love again. I can only do so by releasing him. The first step is let go.
A tot came, he is my cosmic lesson, the card of faith. So, to learn faith. Well, I stood by for two years.
Father, I can type using the screen. It is faster cos there is auto spelling. I can lose my BB now. Amen. This is a miracle by itself. I never tot I can let go of BB.
Ninth letter
Everyone is subject to rhythms in their lives. Everyone goes through the high periods when an inflow of blessedness brings u all the things u have wanted and u r on a peak of human happiness and success. U rejoice! Then comes the time u suddenly the rhythm of life changes, resources dry up, relationship becomes difficult and precarious, ur career takes a downward turn, obstacles occur which keep u static for a long time. U may ask yourself what u have done wrong. previously, u worked very successfully within the law of existence but now there are daily challenges and nothing u think or do is truly alleviating the stress of ur daily life.
When if these times comes upon u - be still and quiet within ur heart and mind - and know that u r still drawing life and direction from divine consciousness, despite appearances to the contrary, despite the superficial agonies. At these times, it is essential to withdraw and take stocks of the way in which u may have slipped in consciousness during ur up times and strengthen ur dependence on divine consciousness.
Without these dark periods of depression,u would not grow in spiritual stature. They have a special message for u so do not give way to despair and bitterness. Although u may feel fragile, this is ur winter season of self discovery and inner renewal which will ultimately prove to be of greater blessing than ever were ur 'peak periods'. Take heart and do not lose faith. Hold on patiently until winter gradually yields to ur spiritual spring again.
Soul
Amen. My winter period is nearly over.
I took a tumble when I took over the 2nd company in Feb 2012. Things starts to come down in mid June...and alas I finally resigned in end July and last day in September. Meanwhile, Z also asked for break up in early July, we got back for awhile and broke off in late September...and then I slacked in my Isha practices and couldn't seem to go back on track for hata..
Father just now I tot of z. miss him still. But I recalled my osho card of clinging to the past. Not sure why but both P and M also said I should continue with z. Father, he is not that into me. A tot came. If he is not, why u r still together after two years.
Father, hold me back. It is over.
My osho card is receptivity. Not sure. Two persons with the same msg, that I self-sabotage and asked me to go back to Z.
Sadhguru
Desire is just an anxiety to enhance oneself. Why do u need to enhance yourselves? It is because somewhere there is a strong and constant feeling of inadequacy. So man has to enhance himself with activity. He has to do something. So desire is just that.
The energy which u call life, is trying to find its original state of unboundedness. therefore it desires. But because u r unconscious, u keep desiring things and activities, this and that. With much experiences in life, u know that if u satisfy one desire, the next one is ready to spring up. Ur desire will never be satisfied with anything. It does not matter how much u do or gather, it can't take u to the unbounded.
Fundamentally it is a spiritual process. Unfortunately it is finding an unconscious expression.
Soul
Suddenly it occurred to me why I want to break off with z. It is fear. I m loving him day by day, but he holds back his feeling. The more I prolonged, the greater the hurt. It is nearly two years. If he still holds back, there is no possibility of him changing his mind.
I don't want to be in a losing end. Better ends before I lose all.
Sadhguru said if we remember we r mortal, then we r transformed. We becomes simple. We don't complicate matters.
I guess if I know I m going to die, I just lived the moment but I know I m going to live, so I hope I got other chances of starting a committed relationship. My mantra now is to know I can love again. I can only do so by releasing him. The first step is let go.
A tot came, he is my cosmic lesson, the card of faith. So, to learn faith. Well, I stood by for two years.
Father, I can type using the screen. It is faster cos there is auto spelling. I can lose my BB now. Amen. This is a miracle by itself. I never tot I can let go of BB.
The Laws of Existence
Nov 21 aft
Father, I called S already. My ego may react. Guess this is my MARS period. Will be gone by 4 Dec. My ego is acting higher than normal.
Father, woke up at 7 am. Body woke up much earlier but I slept back. And then I felt bit lethargic. I can't say I was looking forward to suria. But I did my suria, both my feet now able to touch each other properly and from 2nd cycle, both feet can go down. My suria was quite effortless. Guess 4 days session helped.
Shakti is fine, now I am able to let my body find its pace for respective mudras. Surka kriya was lovely and I did till I saw the violet flame. I now know what Sadhguru means by letting our breathe infuse us while doing surka kriya. I was just 'totless', only the breathe moves..
Father, thank U. I truly have deepen my practices.
I can't say that I will go back to 5 days of hata but I will commit to 4 days of hata plus 1 swim and 1 walk, so one day rest.
Father, thanks for all the joys and support. For giving me my 3 days work week.
Ninth Letter
Whereas in the past, the laws given u for national behaviour have been directed mainly at 'U shall not... If u do - this will be the penalty', true spiritual laws are entirely different.
They are expressed like this;
Because u and ur place in earthly existence have been created in this way ... If u work harmoniously with the Laws of ur Existence ... U will open ur entire system of soul, mind, emotions, body and personal circumstances to the consistent inflow of Divine Consciousness, ur Life Force. The fruits of ur disciplined behaviour will return to bless and load.
If, on the other hand, u ignore these Laws of Existence and continue living as u did before u received this message, then ur lives will continue to be punctuated by turmoil, difficult climatic conditions, and stressful lives.
My sole purpose behind my last mission to people on earth - to show them how they themselves were creating their own misery.
To those who have not yet experienced the quality of life I have described as being yours by divine will, do not ask what is the matter with life or people or circumstances or with you. Look inside your tot processes, your own attitudes toward life, generally, your feeling towards other people and yourself and find out what kinds of tots and expectations u regularly Indulge in. These create a powerfully creative consciousness energy force which u r emitting throughout the day. It will attract to u exactly what u fear and expect and expect.
Sometimes the negative creative consciousness form is deeply buried in ur subconscious implanted many years ago.
Are u able to see the light of the soul in all living things or can u only see their ego-drive - their darkness?
Father, I m typing this using screen mode. It is not as bad as I tot. I may be moving away from blackberry key pad. That's a miracle...
Father, I called S already. My ego may react. Guess this is my MARS period. Will be gone by 4 Dec. My ego is acting higher than normal.
Father, woke up at 7 am. Body woke up much earlier but I slept back. And then I felt bit lethargic. I can't say I was looking forward to suria. But I did my suria, both my feet now able to touch each other properly and from 2nd cycle, both feet can go down. My suria was quite effortless. Guess 4 days session helped.
Shakti is fine, now I am able to let my body find its pace for respective mudras. Surka kriya was lovely and I did till I saw the violet flame. I now know what Sadhguru means by letting our breathe infuse us while doing surka kriya. I was just 'totless', only the breathe moves..
Father, thank U. I truly have deepen my practices.
I can't say that I will go back to 5 days of hata but I will commit to 4 days of hata plus 1 swim and 1 walk, so one day rest.
Father, thanks for all the joys and support. For giving me my 3 days work week.
Ninth Letter
Whereas in the past, the laws given u for national behaviour have been directed mainly at 'U shall not... If u do - this will be the penalty', true spiritual laws are entirely different.
They are expressed like this;
Because u and ur place in earthly existence have been created in this way ... If u work harmoniously with the Laws of ur Existence ... U will open ur entire system of soul, mind, emotions, body and personal circumstances to the consistent inflow of Divine Consciousness, ur Life Force. The fruits of ur disciplined behaviour will return to bless and load.
If, on the other hand, u ignore these Laws of Existence and continue living as u did before u received this message, then ur lives will continue to be punctuated by turmoil, difficult climatic conditions, and stressful lives.
My sole purpose behind my last mission to people on earth - to show them how they themselves were creating their own misery.
To those who have not yet experienced the quality of life I have described as being yours by divine will, do not ask what is the matter with life or people or circumstances or with you. Look inside your tot processes, your own attitudes toward life, generally, your feeling towards other people and yourself and find out what kinds of tots and expectations u regularly Indulge in. These create a powerfully creative consciousness energy force which u r emitting throughout the day. It will attract to u exactly what u fear and expect and expect.
Sometimes the negative creative consciousness form is deeply buried in ur subconscious implanted many years ago.
Are u able to see the light of the soul in all living things or can u only see their ego-drive - their darkness?
Father, I m typing this using screen mode. It is not as bad as I tot. I may be moving away from blackberry key pad. That's a miracle...
I still feel hurt..about Z
Nov 20 aft
Father, P asked me about my on-off with Z. I said it is off. She asked why? I said I wanted him to commit but he doesn't want to. She said since I don't want to have a family why the need for commitment. I replied I wanted a commitment cos I am committed. She said why can't I be with Z while waiting for another guy. I said I can't. I can't scout while with Z.
She said that the reason why Z cannot 'open' our rship is because he doesn't want to marry me. He doesn't want to marry me because he wants a family and I don't. Father, it did hurt bit when she said that. But I deserve and want a committed rship eventhough I don't want children. So, I must make the first move.
I missed him last week, but now I am better. I am also surprised I can share with P without feeling judged. Amen.
Father, P asked me about my on-off with Z. I said it is off. She asked why? I said I wanted him to commit but he doesn't want to. She said since I don't want to have a family why the need for commitment. I replied I wanted a commitment cos I am committed. She said why can't I be with Z while waiting for another guy. I said I can't. I can't scout while with Z.
She said that the reason why Z cannot 'open' our rship is because he doesn't want to marry me. He doesn't want to marry me because he wants a family and I don't. Father, it did hurt bit when she said that. But I deserve and want a committed rship eventhough I don't want children. So, I must make the first move.
I missed him last week, but now I am better. I am also surprised I can share with P without feeling judged. Amen.
Suppressing my fear...is a learned behaviour from childhood
Nov 20
Father, thank U. I was tired yday night after so much tears. This morning body woke up around 4 am and I wake up at 4.30 am. This time less resistance. I did all my asanas, quite nimble. Was laughing a bit. Still not able to sense my subtle body.
Breathing meditation was deep and so I did longer.
Shakti and Shambavi good. I now love surka kriya. I am able to do it silently and once I am in, I can see violet flame.
Father, thank U.
Alas, I am getting nearer to the roots of RA, my over reactive defense mechanism. Now I can relate to this week Osho card
1. The Issue
Suppression
The danger of suppressing one's natural energy.
Do anything to shake up ur energy and allow it to circulate freely. Don't wait for catastrophe to happen.
Soul
I am glad I was able to open up and release my hidden fears.
I think the door was opened when I decided to have my blog opened.
This morning I asked how was I able to suppress all my fears? Answer came; when I was 2 years old, I must have been fearful meeting new people everyday. But instead I projected a cheerful baby and everyone likes me.
I guess I must have learned to suppress my fear. "The show must go on".
(Nov 23 - I have learned that fear is not accepted...so I suppressed it.....it is the same as I have learned sadness/tears are not accepted and I suppressed it)
2. Internal Influence that u r unable to see
Clinging to the Past
Don't cling to the past ...because clinging to the past is absolute stupidity. It is no longer there, so u r crying for spilled milk. What gone is gone!
Soul
Well, leadership in Isha is gone; Z is gone too, career is gone. The old personality of fearless person is gone too. I am fearful person.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Morality
The Queen of Clouds lurks in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable.
Our judgements applied to ourselves or to others keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.
Soul
I got this card last week under Internal Influence and also Day card last Sunday.
Yea, I guess I have judged people for their fear. Mom always said we cannot afford to be afraid. We must be strong. There is nothing to be afraid of.
I can now see the fear in me.
Today, my right elbow joints pain has reduced considerably. No longer so stiff.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Receptivity
Listening is one of basic secrets of entering into the temple of God. Listening means passivity. Listening means forgetting urself completely - only then can u listen.
The Queen of Water brings a time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without any expectation or demands. Neither duty, tot of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
I am not sure. Suddenly I msg so many people. I even arranged a brunch with P. I missed her. I m ready to form friendship without Isha hanging.
I even able to msg C. My anger gone. She is just a four of Diamond, acting out of fear.
5. Resolution
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord.
Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful
Then it is simple. U don't depend on others and don't make others dependent on u. Then it is always a friendship, a friendliness.
Soul
Amen.
Father, thank U. I was tired yday night after so much tears. This morning body woke up around 4 am and I wake up at 4.30 am. This time less resistance. I did all my asanas, quite nimble. Was laughing a bit. Still not able to sense my subtle body.
Breathing meditation was deep and so I did longer.
Shakti and Shambavi good. I now love surka kriya. I am able to do it silently and once I am in, I can see violet flame.
Father, thank U.
Alas, I am getting nearer to the roots of RA, my over reactive defense mechanism. Now I can relate to this week Osho card
1. The Issue
Suppression
The danger of suppressing one's natural energy.
Do anything to shake up ur energy and allow it to circulate freely. Don't wait for catastrophe to happen.
Soul
I am glad I was able to open up and release my hidden fears.
I think the door was opened when I decided to have my blog opened.
This morning I asked how was I able to suppress all my fears? Answer came; when I was 2 years old, I must have been fearful meeting new people everyday. But instead I projected a cheerful baby and everyone likes me.
I guess I must have learned to suppress my fear. "The show must go on".
(Nov 23 - I have learned that fear is not accepted...so I suppressed it.....it is the same as I have learned sadness/tears are not accepted and I suppressed it)
2. Internal Influence that u r unable to see
Clinging to the Past
Don't cling to the past ...because clinging to the past is absolute stupidity. It is no longer there, so u r crying for spilled milk. What gone is gone!
Soul
Well, leadership in Isha is gone; Z is gone too, career is gone. The old personality of fearless person is gone too. I am fearful person.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Morality
The Queen of Clouds lurks in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable.
Our judgements applied to ourselves or to others keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.
Soul
I got this card last week under Internal Influence and also Day card last Sunday.
Yea, I guess I have judged people for their fear. Mom always said we cannot afford to be afraid. We must be strong. There is nothing to be afraid of.
I can now see the fear in me.
Today, my right elbow joints pain has reduced considerably. No longer so stiff.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Receptivity
Listening is one of basic secrets of entering into the temple of God. Listening means passivity. Listening means forgetting urself completely - only then can u listen.
The Queen of Water brings a time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without any expectation or demands. Neither duty, tot of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
I am not sure. Suddenly I msg so many people. I even arranged a brunch with P. I missed her. I m ready to form friendship without Isha hanging.
I even able to msg C. My anger gone. She is just a four of Diamond, acting out of fear.
5. Resolution
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord.
Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful
Then it is simple. U don't depend on others and don't make others dependent on u. Then it is always a friendship, a friendliness.
Soul
Amen.
I am feeling pissed
Nov 19 Mornin
The day didn't go well. I was angry at FC who didn't bring her mobile and cause us to scramble. When she is on leave, she seems to delegate responsibilities to me instead of her staff. Then an incident with C.
Father, I am angry at C. I send her a msg to take charge of sathsang. In return, she send a msg to everyone claiming that she doesn't know what to follow up and I hadn't give her any guides.
I was angry as I felt it was below the belt. She could at least reply to my sms first before issuing group mail.
At first I wanted to be nasty but then I calmed myself down cos there are many people inside the mail. So I replied that it is not Sathsang Guide's responsibilities but somehow SG has to be in charge, which is not the norm. I also told her that I don't have the contacts.
Then after she received my mail, she then reply my msg. I think she knew I m not happy. Father, I always feel her below the belt. Anyway, I don't feel like replying. Don't feel like being nice when I don't want to.
(Nov 23 - yea...I don't really trust people)
Then, I received a forwarded email from teacher that exclude my name from the list. I m sure it was intentional as I wasn't in the lead during last IE. Of course, ego was dented. Then I remembered that being excluded from leadership in Isha is what I wanted. So, just appreciate that. Aiyah, my Mars period. Just ignore. I think I m sexually deprived so got irritated.
Two of Clubs
Means conversation, communication, sharing ideas and cooperation. This is also known as the card of fear and arguing.
Soul
Yea. Today I m pissed.
The day didn't go well. I was angry at FC who didn't bring her mobile and cause us to scramble. When she is on leave, she seems to delegate responsibilities to me instead of her staff. Then an incident with C.
Father, I am angry at C. I send her a msg to take charge of sathsang. In return, she send a msg to everyone claiming that she doesn't know what to follow up and I hadn't give her any guides.
I was angry as I felt it was below the belt. She could at least reply to my sms first before issuing group mail.
At first I wanted to be nasty but then I calmed myself down cos there are many people inside the mail. So I replied that it is not Sathsang Guide's responsibilities but somehow SG has to be in charge, which is not the norm. I also told her that I don't have the contacts.
Then after she received my mail, she then reply my msg. I think she knew I m not happy. Father, I always feel her below the belt. Anyway, I don't feel like replying. Don't feel like being nice when I don't want to.
(Nov 23 - yea...I don't really trust people)
Then, I received a forwarded email from teacher that exclude my name from the list. I m sure it was intentional as I wasn't in the lead during last IE. Of course, ego was dented. Then I remembered that being excluded from leadership in Isha is what I wanted. So, just appreciate that. Aiyah, my Mars period. Just ignore. I think I m sexually deprived so got irritated.
Two of Clubs
Means conversation, communication, sharing ideas and cooperation. This is also known as the card of fear and arguing.
Soul
Yea. Today I m pissed.
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