Negative self judgement - Sun in Saturn

May 11 aft

Was updating my blog

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/you-have-value-can-be-happy-regardless-of-relationship-status/
3. Your emotional well-being does not depend on any external circumstance.

At any given moment, I have the ability to choose a positive emotional state. I can’t control the way other people act toward me, but I can reframe my belief system to better align with my own self-image. For example, just because someone lashes out or says something hurtful, that doesn’t mean it’s a reflection of me.

Each of us is responsible for our own feelings, and it is our job to rescue ourselves from the pit of despair when we fall in

Soul
The key issue is that I found now that it is I affecting myself by auto-negative judgement.
It is so automatic that I didn't realise and spiral..and most times I blame the other for judgment. But slowly I can now see it was me who was judging myself...

Since it was me who judge myself..then it is up to me to unjudge...


4. Making peace with your past paves the way for a rewarding future.

Forgiveness and acceptance go hand-in-hand with self-love. One of the ways I’ve learned to forgive past hurts is by not taking it personally.

The second principle in Don Miguel Ruiz’s acclaimed book The Four Agreements says it best: “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of other, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

Soul
I am subject to my own projection.
And because I didnt't acknowledge I project it to outside..and it become double.
True there are outside judgement but it was added by my own subconscious self judgement.
I think I may finally see the root of my RA,

Perhaps this is what is means by Sun square Saturn.
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks.

“The Sun aspecting Saturn brings the self-identity function (symbolized by the Sun) in contact with the function that incorporates limitation, structure and discipline (symbolized by Saturn).  The Sun and Saturn, though both “masculine” archetypes, represent opposite ends of that spectrum. 
The Sun, associated with the Greco-Roman god, Apollo, symbolizes vitality, vibrant energy, warmth and Being.  Saturn, associated with the archetype of the Old Man (“Father Time”), possesses a cold and dry energy that tends to be inflexible and “frozen.”  S
aturn is sometimes associated with death and with the quality of lifelessness.  Its association with limitation and restriction contrasts with the positive, active and radiant energy associated with the Sun.  The inherent conflicts suggested by the Sun-Saturn contact are exacerbated by the fact that Saturn is traditionally recognized as a “malefic” planet.
The Sun and Saturn represent the two versions of the psychological archetype of the father.  The Sun symbolizes a father figure who is generating, vital, emotionally giving and a benevolent authority figure.  Saturn, on the other hand, represents a father figure who is stern, emotionally aloof, disciplinary and exacting.”

Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks.

Soul
No wonder..such extreme force and both 'parent' mode.
I think both beat me up.
If I do wrong....Saturn beat me up
If I don't do right....Sun beat me up.


http://tinybuddha.com/blog/you-have-value-can-be-happy-regardless-of-relationship-status/
5. Speak and treat yourself with kindness.

Listening to your internal dialogue can be a good way to gauge your level of self-love. Are your thoughts predominantly negative or self-condemning? If they are, your first priority should be to change the way you speak to yourself.
Adopting a set of positive affirmations can transform negative internal dialogue into a more supportive channel of communication with yourself. Some of my favorite affirmations are:

All is well in my world and I encounter love, abundance, and appreciation in every moment.
I accept others just as they are because I accept myself just as I am.
I radiate compassion and love and as a result I receive an endless flow of it back.

Soul
Yesterday special meditation on love relationship.
I now just want to focus on loving myself.
Not to be hard on myself for my failure or lack of success.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/you-have-value-can-be-happy-regardless-of-relationship-status/
Self-love is a regular practice that starts with acceptance. Take the time to align with your inner self and appreciate your strength. Only then can you open up to receiving and giving love to others unconditionally.

If you can be love and accept yourself, you’ll be happy regardless of who chooses to enter or exit your life.