Jul 27
Father, didn't feel like doing any work cos now on holiday. The last trip to ashram was supposed to be a holiday but alas was a hata yoga program. So, this is my break.
Instead of writing mails, I just dropped teacher a whatsapp message instead. Got a positive reply
Did my usual evening walk. Just focus on loving myself. Little tots along the way. The grass really caught my attention with their aliveness. It is easy for grass to grow but they are easily killed. Grass got loads of living spirit.
Today was sabbatical, no practices at all. Tomorrow will also be. All in all will be four days. Next Monday session will not be easy.
Osho - autobiography
Buddha with Ananda
This is the same with my mind - sitting on the bank of that small stream, I become aware that the same is the case with my mind. If I jump into the stream, I will make it dirty again. If I jump into the mind, more noise is created, more problems start coming up, surfacing. Sitting by the side of the stream I learned the technique.
"Now I will be sitting by the side of my mind too, watching it with all its dirtiness and problems and old leaves and hurts and wounds, memories, desires. Unconcerned I will sit on the bank and wait for the moment when everything is clear"
Osho - and it happens on its own accord, because the moment you sit on the bank of ur mind, u r no longer giving energy to it. This is real meditation. Meditation is the art of transcendence.
Meditation, awareness, watchfulness, witnessing - that is the unique third psychology. No psychoanalyst is needed. U can do it on ur own - infact u have to do it on ur own. No guidelines is needed. If u don't do it, it looks very complicated. Even the word meditation scares many people. They think it is very difficult, arduous. Yes, if u don't do it, it is difficult and ardous. But if u know, it is so simple a process. It is like swimming, it is very difficult if u don't know how to swim. But if u know, u know it is so simple. Nothing can be more simple than swimming. It is not an art at all; it is spontaneous and so natural.
Soul
Amen.
Osho - autobiography
Be aware of ur mind. And in being aware of ur mind, u will become aware that u r not the mind, and that is the beginning of the revolution. U have started flowing higher and higher. U r no longer tethered to the mind. The moment u r no longer attached to the mind, u enter into buddha field.
Psychotherapy may help u to accept ur wounds, but they can't heal. Healing comes when u r no longer attached to the mind. When u r disconnected, unidentified, absolutely untethered, when the bondage is finished, then healing happens.
Mind is only ur circumference, not ur center.
Soul
Amen.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Without meditation, fear arise
Jul 26
Went for a swim in the morning. I had some panic attacks in the pool when I swam in breast stroke. I didn't do my meditation for the past 2 days. Fear came back. When I was having my fear attack, I quickly reverted to free style.
But I had a few moments of laughter, just feeling happy. A tot came I started my inner journey because I want to have self mastery. I didn't tot of meditation as I m not on spiritual path. Also I tot I cannot do meditation and as per norm, what I can't do I ignored. So I didn't knew meditation is the tool to master the mind.
Throughout the day there were some negative tots of Z. I ignored them. I may not be the master of the mind but I m no longer their slave. I now have to option to ignore them as I know the tots are not me.
Just did my Shoonya, a good shutdown of the mind. Feel rested.
Went for a swim in the morning. I had some panic attacks in the pool when I swam in breast stroke. I didn't do my meditation for the past 2 days. Fear came back. When I was having my fear attack, I quickly reverted to free style.
But I had a few moments of laughter, just feeling happy. A tot came I started my inner journey because I want to have self mastery. I didn't tot of meditation as I m not on spiritual path. Also I tot I cannot do meditation and as per norm, what I can't do I ignored. So I didn't knew meditation is the tool to master the mind.
Throughout the day there were some negative tots of Z. I ignored them. I may not be the master of the mind but I m no longer their slave. I now have to option to ignore them as I know the tots are not me.
Just did my Shoonya, a good shutdown of the mind. Feel rested.
I was a noisy meditator
Jul 25
Father, I had a good day with family. Didn't do my practices. I m surprised but can now see P as she is. I know my reactions is because of my validation issue. Otherwise I won't be affected.
Even M comment no longer affect me.
Guess she is also reacting because I no longer spend time here. I can now see my validation issue got me hurt, resulting in uncertainty.
Osho - autobiography
Mind is only a mechanism - it can talk, it can be silent. The only problem is, it should not be master; it should be the servant. As a servant it is great; as a master it is dangerous. U should be the master of it.
Soul
Amen
Osho - autobiography
First active meditations, then passive meditations. U can move into passivity only when all that is there like junk has been thrown out. Anger has been thrown out, greed has been thrown out ... layer upon layer, these things are there. But once u thrown them out, u can easily slip in. There is nothing to hinder u. Fearlessly u will have to let whatsoever wants to happen, happen.
Soul
I was a noisy meditator. I got sadness of tears and cries, joy of laughter and giggles and love of songs.
Only after four years, my Shoonya now goes into deep silence.
Just had a walk and followed up with Shoonya. It was a great shut down. So peaceful. No tots, a total rest. Feels thankful to Sadhguru for the tool.
Father, I had a good day with family. Didn't do my practices. I m surprised but can now see P as she is. I know my reactions is because of my validation issue. Otherwise I won't be affected.
Even M comment no longer affect me.
Guess she is also reacting because I no longer spend time here. I can now see my validation issue got me hurt, resulting in uncertainty.
Osho - autobiography
Mind is only a mechanism - it can talk, it can be silent. The only problem is, it should not be master; it should be the servant. As a servant it is great; as a master it is dangerous. U should be the master of it.
Soul
Amen
Osho - autobiography
First active meditations, then passive meditations. U can move into passivity only when all that is there like junk has been thrown out. Anger has been thrown out, greed has been thrown out ... layer upon layer, these things are there. But once u thrown them out, u can easily slip in. There is nothing to hinder u. Fearlessly u will have to let whatsoever wants to happen, happen.
Soul
I was a noisy meditator. I got sadness of tears and cries, joy of laughter and giggles and love of songs.
Only after four years, my Shoonya now goes into deep silence.
Just had a walk and followed up with Shoonya. It was a great shut down. So peaceful. No tots, a total rest. Feels thankful to Sadhguru for the tool.
We keep our mind cos we find it pleasurable
Jun 24 eve
Mmm, everyone so pro for us to do the lovely place and now balked at the costs.
But in a way, I m glad we use the place, cos don't think we can meet teacher's strict requirement on food.
P was so adamant on the lovely place and now back out. She also said I m to ask S. I tot S sounds off to her but actually is just P. Anyway, S will revert.
Father, now I know why I received my Burden card this week. I was asking myself if I could have done things differently on the program proposal. It was initiated by M and then T got excited and ask for pix. She love it and ask for price. Luckily I gave her the other low and mid options for her to choose. She been here long enough to know the costing here and can guess the quality from the other two options. Also, didnt expect the other center offer to swap dates for us. That's mean they truly want the lovely place too.
Since M was in the whole email loop, she knows what happen.
But Father, wish I m not so affected by my validation issue. If I have clarity and power like the Eight and King cards, I can then overcome my validation issue. I m affected by P because of my validation issue.
Early this evening I can feel my mind going off tangent. Luckily I had Shoonya to straighten them out. After the Shoonya, I was at ease and able to see our potential as the regional center for Isha. Now we got a lovely place, we can bring in BSP and Shoonya. The other countries can come to our country instead of flying to India or Ashram. With the lovely place, it enhances the experience of programs.
Thanks for the tools by Sadhguru
Osho - Krishna
As long as u exist, as "I", as ego, the other will be there. Even when u close ur eyes and the world disappears, the other will not disappear. Now the other will exist behind ur closed eyes, in ur desires and longings, in ur dreams and imaginations, but he will be there. As long as u r, the other inescapably with u.
All our tots and images are concerned with the other. And unless they are dropped, unless this inner world of tots and dreams goes, we cannot be free of the other, we cannot be alone.
This inner world can be dropped. It is there because we want it to be there; it exists with our cooperation. It is because we relish and enjoy our world of tots and images - we find it pleasurable - that is is alive and flourishing. Not only our enjoyment of it, even our aversion to it helps to keep it going.
I repeat, not only our addiction to this world, even our aversion to it helps to keep it going. We think of our loved ones and enemies too.
But when we are neither identify with something nor condemn it, when we are neither interested in remembering nor forgetting it, then the things drop and disappears on its own; we don't have to do anything. It becomes irrelevant and meaningless and so removes ourselves from the screen of the mind.
Father, I have included Osho in my prayer of thanks.
Mmm, everyone so pro for us to do the lovely place and now balked at the costs.
But in a way, I m glad we use the place, cos don't think we can meet teacher's strict requirement on food.
P was so adamant on the lovely place and now back out. She also said I m to ask S. I tot S sounds off to her but actually is just P. Anyway, S will revert.
Father, now I know why I received my Burden card this week. I was asking myself if I could have done things differently on the program proposal. It was initiated by M and then T got excited and ask for pix. She love it and ask for price. Luckily I gave her the other low and mid options for her to choose. She been here long enough to know the costing here and can guess the quality from the other two options. Also, didnt expect the other center offer to swap dates for us. That's mean they truly want the lovely place too.
Since M was in the whole email loop, she knows what happen.
But Father, wish I m not so affected by my validation issue. If I have clarity and power like the Eight and King cards, I can then overcome my validation issue. I m affected by P because of my validation issue.
Early this evening I can feel my mind going off tangent. Luckily I had Shoonya to straighten them out. After the Shoonya, I was at ease and able to see our potential as the regional center for Isha. Now we got a lovely place, we can bring in BSP and Shoonya. The other countries can come to our country instead of flying to India or Ashram. With the lovely place, it enhances the experience of programs.
Thanks for the tools by Sadhguru
Osho - Krishna
As long as u exist, as "I", as ego, the other will be there. Even when u close ur eyes and the world disappears, the other will not disappear. Now the other will exist behind ur closed eyes, in ur desires and longings, in ur dreams and imaginations, but he will be there. As long as u r, the other inescapably with u.
All our tots and images are concerned with the other. And unless they are dropped, unless this inner world of tots and dreams goes, we cannot be free of the other, we cannot be alone.
This inner world can be dropped. It is there because we want it to be there; it exists with our cooperation. It is because we relish and enjoy our world of tots and images - we find it pleasurable - that is is alive and flourishing. Not only our enjoyment of it, even our aversion to it helps to keep it going.
I repeat, not only our addiction to this world, even our aversion to it helps to keep it going. We think of our loved ones and enemies too.
But when we are neither identify with something nor condemn it, when we are neither interested in remembering nor forgetting it, then the things drop and disappears on its own; we don't have to do anything. It becomes irrelevant and meaningless and so removes ourselves from the screen of the mind.
Father, I have included Osho in my prayer of thanks.
Osho - Meditation connects you to Existence
Jul 24 aft
Father, thanks for me. I love my aloneness time. Instead of judging myself that I need a mate I want to change the focus point.
I am already Joy. Now I want to be Love too.
I know it is said that we are Love. But I don't feel it yet so not true for me.
Osho - autobiography
Meditation is Buddha's contribution. The point is to become more silent, to become more relaxed, to become more peaceful. It is an inward journey to reach one's own center of consciousness, and the center of one's own consciousness is the center of the whole existence.
Soul
This is similar to finding myself, finding thee.
Osho - Autobiography
My feeling is that the more man is responsible for his own growth, the more difficult it is for him to postpone it for so long. Because it means if u r miserable, u r responsible. If u r tense, u r responsible. If u r not relaxed, u r responsible. If u r suffering, u r the cause of it.
U r left alone with ur misery - and nobody wants to be miserable.
And the feeling of that "I am responsible for my misery" opens the door. Then u start looking for methods and means to get out of this miserable state.
Soul
That's what got me started. And I was reminded of my responsibility by Sadhguru. He said we are even responsible for our sadness.
Osho - autobiography
And that's what meditation is. It is simply the opposite of misery, suffering, anguish, anxiety. It is a state of a peaceful, blissful flowering of being, so silent and so timeless that u cannot conceive that anything better is possible. And there is nothing that is better than the state of a meditative mind. Any suffering is simply indicative that u r not in communion with existence, that the fish is not in the ocean.
Soul
Amen.
Osho - autobiography
Meditation is nothing but withdrawing all the barriers - tots, emotions, sentiments - that create a wall between u and existence.
The moment they drop, u suddenly find urself in tune with the whole; not only in tune, u really find u are the whole.
Father, thanks for me. I love my aloneness time. Instead of judging myself that I need a mate I want to change the focus point.
I am already Joy. Now I want to be Love too.
I know it is said that we are Love. But I don't feel it yet so not true for me.
Osho - autobiography
Meditation is Buddha's contribution. The point is to become more silent, to become more relaxed, to become more peaceful. It is an inward journey to reach one's own center of consciousness, and the center of one's own consciousness is the center of the whole existence.
Soul
This is similar to finding myself, finding thee.
Osho - Autobiography
My feeling is that the more man is responsible for his own growth, the more difficult it is for him to postpone it for so long. Because it means if u r miserable, u r responsible. If u r tense, u r responsible. If u r not relaxed, u r responsible. If u r suffering, u r the cause of it.
U r left alone with ur misery - and nobody wants to be miserable.
And the feeling of that "I am responsible for my misery" opens the door. Then u start looking for methods and means to get out of this miserable state.
Soul
That's what got me started. And I was reminded of my responsibility by Sadhguru. He said we are even responsible for our sadness.
Osho - autobiography
And that's what meditation is. It is simply the opposite of misery, suffering, anguish, anxiety. It is a state of a peaceful, blissful flowering of being, so silent and so timeless that u cannot conceive that anything better is possible. And there is nothing that is better than the state of a meditative mind. Any suffering is simply indicative that u r not in communion with existence, that the fish is not in the ocean.
Soul
Amen.
Osho - autobiography
Meditation is nothing but withdrawing all the barriers - tots, emotions, sentiments - that create a wall between u and existence.
The moment they drop, u suddenly find urself in tune with the whole; not only in tune, u really find u are the whole.
I m slowing coming back
Jul 24
Woke up at 5.07 am, slept bit more and wake up with alarm at 5.30 am. Did my asanas, it was fine. My sitting postures has improved. Even the first cycle of Surya kriya was better than normal. Shakti was fine, getting the hang of Kapala Bhakti again. Shambavi was good. The deep silence in the end. No singing, just empty mind.
There were tots of Z, more than usual but I m neither sad nor angry with having the tots. Guess its because of the pix yesterday.
Mind says to ask Z for his new wife's pix so I can get thru all the pain in one shot. I ignored it. My mind really acts up. I will know when I m meant to know.
Five of Spades
Something will change that affects the way u live or the things that u do.
Soul
I just chaired a meeting. Suddenly had the idea to revamp the whole fee system. The team said it is good.
Woke up at 5.07 am, slept bit more and wake up with alarm at 5.30 am. Did my asanas, it was fine. My sitting postures has improved. Even the first cycle of Surya kriya was better than normal. Shakti was fine, getting the hang of Kapala Bhakti again. Shambavi was good. The deep silence in the end. No singing, just empty mind.
There were tots of Z, more than usual but I m neither sad nor angry with having the tots. Guess its because of the pix yesterday.
Mind says to ask Z for his new wife's pix so I can get thru all the pain in one shot. I ignored it. My mind really acts up. I will know when I m meant to know.
Five of Spades
Something will change that affects the way u live or the things that u do.
Soul
I just chaired a meeting. Suddenly had the idea to revamp the whole fee system. The team said it is good.
I am JOY
Jul 23 eve
Just did my Shoonya and Samyama. I was singing love songs, just loving myself.
Saw a pix of Z taken at his wedding. He looks happy and I m happy for him. Maybe I can be happy for him cos still energised after practices.
The mind starts to act and I can feel a twinge of acute pain. But feeling better now.
Osho - Krishna
Attachment has two faces, positive and negative. U can fancy a thing so much that u madly run after it, u cling to it - this is positive attachment. And u can be so much repelled by a thing that u want to escape it, to run away from it, then its negative attachment. Negative attachment is as much as positive attachment.
Non attachment is altogether different; it is freedom from both the positive and the negative. It is transcendence of both attachment and aversion.
A non attached mind is one who accepts everything unconditionally. The interesting thing is that if u accept something totally it does not leave a mark on ur mind. And when u strongly detest and deny it, then also it leaves a mark on ur mind.
When u neither cling nor run away from it, when u become like a mirror reflecting everything that comes before it, then ur mind remains unscathed and unmarked. Such a mind is non attached.
Everyone is ordinary until he attains to non attachment. Extraordinariness comes with non attachment and not before.
Soul
I aim for Krishna's way.
Osho - Krishna
Non attachment is our self-nature; we are born in it. It is our original face. Just like water can accept hot or cold temperature and become cold or hot.
It is only our self nature that we can attain to; we can never attain to that which is alien to our self nature. Really we can achieve only that which already are at some deeper level of our beings.
A seed grows into a flower only because it is already a flower in its depth. A rock cannot grow into a flower. It is the fundamental law of life that we can become only that which we already are at the center of our being; what is hidden at the center becomes manifest at the circumference.
Soul
My laughter and joy erupted from within when I am doing my practices. And now I AM JOY. When they hug me yesterday, laughter just erupted and I feel my joy just spill over.
Love songs erupted from me. Now I can see Sadhguru looking at me in loving gaze and I can look at Sadhguru and Dhynalinga with loving grace. That's means love is in me. Maybe in time I AM LOVE.
Sufism
In search of thee, I found myself.
Soul
In search of myself, I found thee.
Just did my Shoonya and Samyama. I was singing love songs, just loving myself.
Saw a pix of Z taken at his wedding. He looks happy and I m happy for him. Maybe I can be happy for him cos still energised after practices.
The mind starts to act and I can feel a twinge of acute pain. But feeling better now.
Osho - Krishna
Attachment has two faces, positive and negative. U can fancy a thing so much that u madly run after it, u cling to it - this is positive attachment. And u can be so much repelled by a thing that u want to escape it, to run away from it, then its negative attachment. Negative attachment is as much as positive attachment.
Non attachment is altogether different; it is freedom from both the positive and the negative. It is transcendence of both attachment and aversion.
A non attached mind is one who accepts everything unconditionally. The interesting thing is that if u accept something totally it does not leave a mark on ur mind. And when u strongly detest and deny it, then also it leaves a mark on ur mind.
When u neither cling nor run away from it, when u become like a mirror reflecting everything that comes before it, then ur mind remains unscathed and unmarked. Such a mind is non attached.
Everyone is ordinary until he attains to non attachment. Extraordinariness comes with non attachment and not before.
Soul
I aim for Krishna's way.
Osho - Krishna
Non attachment is our self-nature; we are born in it. It is our original face. Just like water can accept hot or cold temperature and become cold or hot.
It is only our self nature that we can attain to; we can never attain to that which is alien to our self nature. Really we can achieve only that which already are at some deeper level of our beings.
A seed grows into a flower only because it is already a flower in its depth. A rock cannot grow into a flower. It is the fundamental law of life that we can become only that which we already are at the center of our being; what is hidden at the center becomes manifest at the circumference.
Soul
My laughter and joy erupted from within when I am doing my practices. And now I AM JOY. When they hug me yesterday, laughter just erupted and I feel my joy just spill over.
Love songs erupted from me. Now I can see Sadhguru looking at me in loving gaze and I can look at Sadhguru and Dhynalinga with loving grace. That's means love is in me. Maybe in time I AM LOVE.
Sufism
In search of thee, I found myself.
Soul
In search of myself, I found thee.
Seeking for love and found it in Sadhguru and Dhynalinga
Jul 23
Father, slept after 1 am yesterday. Woke up 5.30 am and body was fine. Did my cold shower with head first. Have got use to it and know that it helps to reduce the heat in my head.
Did my breathing, quite good despite no Surya Kriya. Shakti was good as I m back to the base for Kapala Bhakti, I did a quick stop after Suka kriya. Shambavi was good. Towards the end, stillness came. I wish I could stay longer but got to work.
There were one or two tots of Z that flew in and flew out; so don't know what it was. There were tots on work and yesterday incident with L. Still can't figure out how she can shut out the part on her getting us stranded in the heavy jam. Especially since she said my way is jam. She keep on repeating I am confused. Father, let me see.
Osho
Just be responsible to urself. Do whatsoever u feel like doing. If it is wrong, punishment will immediately follow. If it is right, the reward will follow immediately, instantly; there is no other way.
Cause and effect go together.
In this way u will start finding what is wrong, what is right, on ur own.
Soul
That's it.
Like the shower before and after. Like the hot and cold shower. Shower using the head instead of body.
I just do my way and when I find outcome is not good, answer came and I will do it.
I find out on my own. I didn't follow just because it is prescribed.
Osho - autobiography
The only way to grow is to accept all the good, the bad, the joyful, the sorrowful. Everything that happens to u that gives u freedom.
Soul
Yesterday fiasco I accept cos I didn't assert my rights. I accept cos I didn't hear her correctly. I accept cos I led her lead the way. Net I wasn't assertive against people who I tot are more capable than me. Must be aware that what they said are not gospel truth. Must learn to trust myself if I m not comfortable. Don't worry about looking 'bad'.
In the end, I took charge and I used my GPS and found my way.
On Z too. I accept.
Osho - autobiography
Truth, the living truth has to be discovered by each individual by himself. Nobody can give it to u.
Soul
Yesterday, when I called out to Sadhguru, I realised I was calling out to be loved.
I told K that I like Sadhguru's pix with eyes looking down so I can feel his loving gaze on me. We look at each other lovingly.
For Dhynalinga, I looked at him lovingly and in return I feel loved, at home, found my place.
No wonder all my songs are love song.
1. Love me tender, love me deep
2. Love is higher than a mountain, love is deeper than water.
3. Send u all my love in a letter.
I was seeking for love and I found it in Sadhguru. Alas love is in me.
Now I knew why I hold on to Z cos I was afraid of losing love. Z never loved me. It was me loving him. I experienced love when we bonded physically. But that's my love, not his.
Father, I just had up go thru the process of overcoming my fear to love, loving Z unrequitedly, losing Z and finally found Sadhguru's love.
Our first breakup was in July and I met Sadhguru in August. Then Z and I reconciled and break up in Sept and then I open up to Dhynalinga. Then I totally lost Z and I found love in Sadhguru in July.
Father, I can see the trail of lessons now.
Father, slept after 1 am yesterday. Woke up 5.30 am and body was fine. Did my cold shower with head first. Have got use to it and know that it helps to reduce the heat in my head.
Did my breathing, quite good despite no Surya Kriya. Shakti was good as I m back to the base for Kapala Bhakti, I did a quick stop after Suka kriya. Shambavi was good. Towards the end, stillness came. I wish I could stay longer but got to work.
There were one or two tots of Z that flew in and flew out; so don't know what it was. There were tots on work and yesterday incident with L. Still can't figure out how she can shut out the part on her getting us stranded in the heavy jam. Especially since she said my way is jam. She keep on repeating I am confused. Father, let me see.
Osho
Just be responsible to urself. Do whatsoever u feel like doing. If it is wrong, punishment will immediately follow. If it is right, the reward will follow immediately, instantly; there is no other way.
Cause and effect go together.
In this way u will start finding what is wrong, what is right, on ur own.
Soul
That's it.
Like the shower before and after. Like the hot and cold shower. Shower using the head instead of body.
I just do my way and when I find outcome is not good, answer came and I will do it.
I find out on my own. I didn't follow just because it is prescribed.
Osho - autobiography
The only way to grow is to accept all the good, the bad, the joyful, the sorrowful. Everything that happens to u that gives u freedom.
Soul
Yesterday fiasco I accept cos I didn't assert my rights. I accept cos I didn't hear her correctly. I accept cos I led her lead the way. Net I wasn't assertive against people who I tot are more capable than me. Must be aware that what they said are not gospel truth. Must learn to trust myself if I m not comfortable. Don't worry about looking 'bad'.
In the end, I took charge and I used my GPS and found my way.
On Z too. I accept.
Osho - autobiography
Truth, the living truth has to be discovered by each individual by himself. Nobody can give it to u.
Soul
Yesterday, when I called out to Sadhguru, I realised I was calling out to be loved.
I told K that I like Sadhguru's pix with eyes looking down so I can feel his loving gaze on me. We look at each other lovingly.
For Dhynalinga, I looked at him lovingly and in return I feel loved, at home, found my place.
No wonder all my songs are love song.
1. Love me tender, love me deep
2. Love is higher than a mountain, love is deeper than water.
3. Send u all my love in a letter.
I was seeking for love and I found it in Sadhguru. Alas love is in me.
Now I knew why I hold on to Z cos I was afraid of losing love. Z never loved me. It was me loving him. I experienced love when we bonded physically. But that's my love, not his.
Father, I just had up go thru the process of overcoming my fear to love, loving Z unrequitedly, losing Z and finally found Sadhguru's love.
Our first breakup was in July and I met Sadhguru in August. Then Z and I reconciled and break up in Sept and then I open up to Dhynalinga. Then I totally lost Z and I found love in Sadhguru in July.
Father, I can see the trail of lessons now.
Great Poornima
Jul 22 eve
What a great night.
It was the most torturous one for me. I left office just after 4.40 pm and arrive at 7.20 pm. There was a massive jam. I think L was a tool for 2 things.
1. I need to assert myself as King against those demanding people. I think L is another Nine of Spades. I told L that we take expressway but she not willing to do so.
I cried and wailing in the car cos I knew I be late. After the tears, I quickly messaged the Team on what to do.
Then I took charge and informed L that I be taking highway and asked her to meet. She said she wants to go home etc and asked me to leave her. This time I said I m sorry but I need to go cos I have to lead the session. To my amazement I reached the house despite taking a wrong turn. And she was just right in front of me. I m happy for her too. While I blame myself for the confusion she didnt even feel sorry for leading us into a massive jam. But then a few cars were stalled. I think is a lesson for me.
The guru poornima was awesome. I cried so much. I laughed too. Head and body shaking non stop. Was dancing towards the end. It was better than Mahashivarathri for me. Others also feel so.
So much release. I am still alert at 1 am. Got to sleep.
What a great night.
It was the most torturous one for me. I left office just after 4.40 pm and arrive at 7.20 pm. There was a massive jam. I think L was a tool for 2 things.
1. I need to assert myself as King against those demanding people. I think L is another Nine of Spades. I told L that we take expressway but she not willing to do so.
I cried and wailing in the car cos I knew I be late. After the tears, I quickly messaged the Team on what to do.
Then I took charge and informed L that I be taking highway and asked her to meet. She said she wants to go home etc and asked me to leave her. This time I said I m sorry but I need to go cos I have to lead the session. To my amazement I reached the house despite taking a wrong turn. And she was just right in front of me. I m happy for her too. While I blame myself for the confusion she didnt even feel sorry for leading us into a massive jam. But then a few cars were stalled. I think is a lesson for me.
The guru poornima was awesome. I cried so much. I laughed too. Head and body shaking non stop. Was dancing towards the end. It was better than Mahashivarathri for me. Others also feel so.
So much release. I am still alert at 1 am. Got to sleep.
Surya Kriya happens by itself
Jul 22
Father, slept around 11 pm after I adjusted the volume. I slept quickly. Woke up 4.30 am to do my practices.
Surya kriya was lovely. From the third cycle, I felt someone else was doing it. Breathe just happen by itself. It was not me. So effortless. I can now do the breathe fluttering easily. I m not slow but that's my speed for now. Besides I make up by doing 5 cycles.
Did a quick Shavasana and proceed to Breathing with mudra. It went in deeper than normal with open palm.
Shakti wasn't great but my feet no longer as cramped. Shambavi was good but no more arashidharna except towards the end. Today sang a new love song. A new beginning.
Father, slept around 11 pm after I adjusted the volume. I slept quickly. Woke up 4.30 am to do my practices.
Surya kriya was lovely. From the third cycle, I felt someone else was doing it. Breathe just happen by itself. It was not me. So effortless. I can now do the breathe fluttering easily. I m not slow but that's my speed for now. Besides I make up by doing 5 cycles.
Did a quick Shavasana and proceed to Breathing with mudra. It went in deeper than normal with open palm.
Shakti wasn't great but my feet no longer as cramped. Shambavi was good but no more arashidharna except towards the end. Today sang a new love song. A new beginning.
My journey has always been to search for my True Self
Jul 21 eve
Father, a good day.
Had a nice outing searching for venue.
I brought the Destiny book along so we can have something to chat during breaks. L looked at me. For a moment I feel judged. An hour later I remembered her cards. Wish I can be like her, so focused, not easily influenced. Father, while I m not easily influenced but I can be swayed cos staying open. And I m affected by how others view me. Guess that's my control issue. I control myself in order not to trigger validation. And I should know by now that is a losing battle as everyone values are different. And if there is one lesson I can learn from the break up between Z and I; is our difference in values. He stick to his values whereas I fluctuate. So what I can't do he has done. So thanks to him, my values are retained. Very little tots of Z today. He is the past.
Osho
Each person is different, unique and incomparable. There is no way to compare u with any other person in the whole world. U are like u; u are u. Never a person like u has happened in the long past of mankind and never one like u going to happen in future.
Therefore if u deny ur individuality and try to follow somebody else, u r violating the fundamental law of life.
Soul
Yea. Need to learn that. Instead of using my control to prevent loss of validation. Just be me, whatever that may be.
Today they said A has always been searching since young. And I said so is P. For me I search for myself only; I just want to be the Total me. I didn't search for gurus, enlightenment or etc.
Osho - Krishna
There is only one worthwhile quest in life and that is to know who I am or who u are. Then u will not turn into Krishna-ite, but a traveler on the path to become urself.
Father, a good day.
Had a nice outing searching for venue.
I brought the Destiny book along so we can have something to chat during breaks. L looked at me. For a moment I feel judged. An hour later I remembered her cards. Wish I can be like her, so focused, not easily influenced. Father, while I m not easily influenced but I can be swayed cos staying open. And I m affected by how others view me. Guess that's my control issue. I control myself in order not to trigger validation. And I should know by now that is a losing battle as everyone values are different. And if there is one lesson I can learn from the break up between Z and I; is our difference in values. He stick to his values whereas I fluctuate. So what I can't do he has done. So thanks to him, my values are retained. Very little tots of Z today. He is the past.
Osho
Each person is different, unique and incomparable. There is no way to compare u with any other person in the whole world. U are like u; u are u. Never a person like u has happened in the long past of mankind and never one like u going to happen in future.
Therefore if u deny ur individuality and try to follow somebody else, u r violating the fundamental law of life.
Soul
Yea. Need to learn that. Instead of using my control to prevent loss of validation. Just be me, whatever that may be.
Today they said A has always been searching since young. And I said so is P. For me I search for myself only; I just want to be the Total me. I didn't search for gurus, enlightenment or etc.
Osho - Krishna
There is only one worthwhile quest in life and that is to know who I am or who u are. Then u will not turn into Krishna-ite, but a traveler on the path to become urself.
My world is shinning again
Jul 21
I had a good sleep. Woke up 6.45 am for walk in the park. My first tot I m finally freed. The sunlight is shinning once again.
The first round of walk was not easy I found myself stretching. Then second round I suddenly recalled to savour my aloneness, i become happy and the walk become easy again.
Finally looking at my this week Osho card.
1. Postponement.
The woman in this picture is living in gray landscape, full of unreal, cut out clouds. Through the window frame, she can see colours and light and aliveness and although she would like to move through the frame - as we can see by the rainbow colours appearing in her garment - she can't quite manage to do it. There is still too much "what if" activity in her mind. The one and only result of postponing things is a dull and depressing feelings of incompletion and stuck-ness. The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that are preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u waited so long.
Soul
Yea, a small part of me still holding on to Z.
Anyway, its done. Yesterday Osho on Gautama and Yashodhara helps to give me the final closure. I can now move on and thankful that Z got married so fast and hence accelerated closure. I m also thankful that I received many 'helps'.
2. Internal influence
Consciousness
Consciousness shows a vast Buddha figures. His head is pure emptiness. He represents the consciousness that is available to all who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be. When u choose this card, it means that there is crystal clarity. The understanding u have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself.
Soul
Guess thats my dream, Self Mastery is actually Mastery over the mind.
Amen.
3. External influence
We are the world.
When u celebrate, the whole existence participates with u. Only in celebration do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
When we combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.
Soul
Me doing volunteering for myself.
Me savouring and celebrating my aloneness. Me changing my attention to what I gained instead of what I lost.
Me focusing on my website and had an idea of guiding others to use the website.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Control
The image of King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breathe, loosen our neckties and take it easy. There is much more to life than to be on top of things.
5. Resolution
Innocence
The innocence that comes from a deep experience of life is childlike, but not childish. The innocence of children is beautiful but ignorant. It will be replaced by mistrust and doubt as the child grows and learns that the world can be dangerous and threatening place. But the innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.
Soul
Amen. I truly experienced Z till the very last moment.
Now its over.
I had a good sleep. Woke up 6.45 am for walk in the park. My first tot I m finally freed. The sunlight is shinning once again.
The first round of walk was not easy I found myself stretching. Then second round I suddenly recalled to savour my aloneness, i become happy and the walk become easy again.
Finally looking at my this week Osho card.
1. Postponement.
The woman in this picture is living in gray landscape, full of unreal, cut out clouds. Through the window frame, she can see colours and light and aliveness and although she would like to move through the frame - as we can see by the rainbow colours appearing in her garment - she can't quite manage to do it. There is still too much "what if" activity in her mind. The one and only result of postponing things is a dull and depressing feelings of incompletion and stuck-ness. The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that are preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u waited so long.
Soul
Yea, a small part of me still holding on to Z.
Anyway, its done. Yesterday Osho on Gautama and Yashodhara helps to give me the final closure. I can now move on and thankful that Z got married so fast and hence accelerated closure. I m also thankful that I received many 'helps'.
2. Internal influence
Consciousness
Consciousness shows a vast Buddha figures. His head is pure emptiness. He represents the consciousness that is available to all who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be. When u choose this card, it means that there is crystal clarity. The understanding u have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself.
Soul
Guess thats my dream, Self Mastery is actually Mastery over the mind.
Amen.
3. External influence
We are the world.
When u celebrate, the whole existence participates with u. Only in celebration do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
When we combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.
Soul
Me doing volunteering for myself.
Me savouring and celebrating my aloneness. Me changing my attention to what I gained instead of what I lost.
Me focusing on my website and had an idea of guiding others to use the website.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Control
The image of King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breathe, loosen our neckties and take it easy. There is much more to life than to be on top of things.
5. Resolution
Innocence
The innocence that comes from a deep experience of life is childlike, but not childish. The innocence of children is beautiful but ignorant. It will be replaced by mistrust and doubt as the child grows and learns that the world can be dangerous and threatening place. But the innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.
Soul
Amen. I truly experienced Z till the very last moment.
Now its over.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
My final self closure on Z
Jul 20 eve 1
Osho - Krishna
It is easy to speak in a state of ignorance. When one does not know the truth he has no sense of responsibility for what he says; he can say anything he likes. There is no difficulty in speaking about something we don't know, because we are not afraid of being wrong. But when one comes to truth, he becomes speechless, because truth cannot be said.
Soul
Exactly. I can see M saying things which has not been self experienced. That's why I was worried and I shy away cos don't want to be the source.
It also like Y saying so much on Sadhguru in only a few months. Whereas I was quiet on him cos I truly know how powerful he is. Talking about him only serves to increase his power in my life and hence I abstain from talking nor watching his video.
But after seeing the mirror of myself in M; I start to do my own sharing.
Osho
It is really difficult to teach a friend, to be his teacher. It is difficult even to be an advisor to an intimate friend. If u try he will say, "Shut up, don't show ur wisdom".
Soul
Guess this is what happen to S and M too.
Osho - Krishna
One comes to God only when one attains to one's own fullest flowering, not otherwise.
Soul
Amen.
Now reading the part on
Gautama told Ananda that as far as he is concerned, he has transcended all associations and attachments - no one is a wife or a son to him. But for Yashodara, Gautama is still her husband and it is not in his hands to undo it.
Gautama meeting his wife, Yashodhara after twelve years of absence. Yashodhara burst out crying; all the pent up anger, pain and agony she has silently suffered for twelve years comes out in torrent. Her outburst is quite justifiable.
Buddha listens to her very silently. When she quiets and wipe away her tears, Buddha says to her very gently, "Yashodhara, look at me attentively. I am not the same person who left u twelve years back. I don't come back to u as ur husband, the husband is no more. I am altogether different. U talked so long to the departed one; now u can talk to me.
Soul
When I read this; it reminded me of my story with Z. I am the Yashodara that holds on for nothing whereas Z is the Gautama that has already detached. Everything is over already for Z. Thats why he can send me his wedding invitation card in a blink of an eye, without considering my feeling. It was only me who hold on.
I recalled i exploded into anger when Z sends me his wedding card. I told him off and said friendship is over.
After one week, my anger died down and I then send him a congratulatory message as nothing else I can do except to have a good ending.
Yea, this story reaffirm that Z too is no more the lover I know. He is now someone husband.
It's true I still love him but the pain has been released. Now just remnant of memories as mind is used to the Past. I m also not the gal he left six months back.
Father, thank you so much. Firstly you sent G to tell me that men can't do closure and so Z is no exeption. Secondly you led me to ashram during Z's wedding. And now you led me to this story. Finally a sense of appreciation descended on me. Also, I don't judge myself too much. Yashodhara waited for 12 years and mine only for half year.
Amen. Looks like the Comparison card is really true. I should be thankful that Z got married so fast. Like G said Z's marriage is the final closure.
Osho - Krishna
If we fully unfold and understand Krishna's life, which is vast and multidimensional, it will enable us to unfold our own life and know it. U will never understand Krishna if u imitate him. Infact the reason we imitate someone is that we don't want to take the trouble of understanding ourselves. It is convenient to live in somebody else's shadow and imitate him; it is a way to escape the arduous task of understanding ourselves. Understanding begins when someone ceases to imitate others, to be like others, when he wants to know directly who he is and what he can be.
Soul
Amen. This truly amplify my Osho tarot - Comparison card today.
Instead of harping I lost a mate, perhaps I will flower only if without mate. And Instead of feeling like a victim in suffering, perhaps it is to help me up stay focus on my path to flower. Amen.
Osho - Krishna
It is easy to speak in a state of ignorance. When one does not know the truth he has no sense of responsibility for what he says; he can say anything he likes. There is no difficulty in speaking about something we don't know, because we are not afraid of being wrong. But when one comes to truth, he becomes speechless, because truth cannot be said.
Soul
Exactly. I can see M saying things which has not been self experienced. That's why I was worried and I shy away cos don't want to be the source.
It also like Y saying so much on Sadhguru in only a few months. Whereas I was quiet on him cos I truly know how powerful he is. Talking about him only serves to increase his power in my life and hence I abstain from talking nor watching his video.
But after seeing the mirror of myself in M; I start to do my own sharing.
Osho
It is really difficult to teach a friend, to be his teacher. It is difficult even to be an advisor to an intimate friend. If u try he will say, "Shut up, don't show ur wisdom".
Soul
Guess this is what happen to S and M too.
Osho - Krishna
One comes to God only when one attains to one's own fullest flowering, not otherwise.
Soul
Amen.
Now reading the part on
Gautama told Ananda that as far as he is concerned, he has transcended all associations and attachments - no one is a wife or a son to him. But for Yashodara, Gautama is still her husband and it is not in his hands to undo it.
Gautama meeting his wife, Yashodhara after twelve years of absence. Yashodhara burst out crying; all the pent up anger, pain and agony she has silently suffered for twelve years comes out in torrent. Her outburst is quite justifiable.
Buddha listens to her very silently. When she quiets and wipe away her tears, Buddha says to her very gently, "Yashodhara, look at me attentively. I am not the same person who left u twelve years back. I don't come back to u as ur husband, the husband is no more. I am altogether different. U talked so long to the departed one; now u can talk to me.
Soul
When I read this; it reminded me of my story with Z. I am the Yashodara that holds on for nothing whereas Z is the Gautama that has already detached. Everything is over already for Z. Thats why he can send me his wedding invitation card in a blink of an eye, without considering my feeling. It was only me who hold on.
I recalled i exploded into anger when Z sends me his wedding card. I told him off and said friendship is over.
After one week, my anger died down and I then send him a congratulatory message as nothing else I can do except to have a good ending.
Yea, this story reaffirm that Z too is no more the lover I know. He is now someone husband.
It's true I still love him but the pain has been released. Now just remnant of memories as mind is used to the Past. I m also not the gal he left six months back.
Father, thank you so much. Firstly you sent G to tell me that men can't do closure and so Z is no exeption. Secondly you led me to ashram during Z's wedding. And now you led me to this story. Finally a sense of appreciation descended on me. Also, I don't judge myself too much. Yashodhara waited for 12 years and mine only for half year.
Amen. Looks like the Comparison card is really true. I should be thankful that Z got married so fast. Like G said Z's marriage is the final closure.
Osho - Krishna
If we fully unfold and understand Krishna's life, which is vast and multidimensional, it will enable us to unfold our own life and know it. U will never understand Krishna if u imitate him. Infact the reason we imitate someone is that we don't want to take the trouble of understanding ourselves. It is convenient to live in somebody else's shadow and imitate him; it is a way to escape the arduous task of understanding ourselves. Understanding begins when someone ceases to imitate others, to be like others, when he wants to know directly who he is and what he can be.
Soul
Amen. This truly amplify my Osho tarot - Comparison card today.
Instead of harping I lost a mate, perhaps I will flower only if without mate. And Instead of feeling like a victim in suffering, perhaps it is to help me up stay focus on my path to flower. Amen.
Sadhguru with Ektara (Sounds)
Jul 20 eve
Sadhguru with Ektara
We are here because we want life to happens to us, in its highest level.
Chanting is the hard way. Music is the beautiful way
Spiritual process means u r moving from a physical dimension to a subtler dimension, which is sound. Then to move to soundless. Sound still has a form, and hence not limitless. Soundless is formless.
Only that which has no form can be limitless. That is Shiva. He has no form, no qualities and at the same time he is everything. Because silence has no quality.
Music is a good vehicle up transport urself to the last point.
Sound is the first step to creation.
Soul
In my practices, I started with laughter and then move into singing.
Now in Teethakoon I m singing instead of laughing. I wonder why.
Sadhguru
Making the unmanifest into manifest is a limited process. Making the manifest to unmanifest is the limitless process. That's why Destroyer, Shiva is held with the highest regards.
Cracking of the stone in Dhynalinga is not because of the sound. The cracking of the stone is a different process.
If any energy happens at a certain scale, sounds get produced.
Example when the jet flew beyond sound limit, sounds happen. Nothing exploded but sounds pf boom happen cos an energy is created.
Energy is the basis of the sounds. Sound is not the basis of the energy. Because of energy in the body, I can make a sound. At the same time sounds is the basis of energy. It is because of sound that energy happens. When there is no sound there is energy. That means there is energy but unmanifest. It is simply there.
The first form of creation is always the sounds. The first words. And it is both way.
Soul
I wonder whether the flow of energy created the laughter sound and then move on to singing.
Osho - Krishna
God never descends to us; we have to ascend to God. It is different; when one reaches him he has a feeling that God descended on him.
Soul
Tot of my rship with Sadhguru. He was always there but I ignored him, avoided him out of fear. When I finally accepted him, I become receptive to Dhynalinga. And now I can watch Sadhguru's video and even bought a small picture of him.
When I see his picture I can see and feel his loving gaze on me. Five years ago I run away from his gaze.
And I can now see Dhynalinga with loving gaze too.
So its is going to our Guru. He just wait for us unconditionally.
Jul 22 aft
Yesterday in Guru Poornima celebration, when the energy gets too high; I found myself clapping. Clapping somehow release the energy in me.
Sadhguru with Ektara
We are here because we want life to happens to us, in its highest level.
Chanting is the hard way. Music is the beautiful way
Spiritual process means u r moving from a physical dimension to a subtler dimension, which is sound. Then to move to soundless. Sound still has a form, and hence not limitless. Soundless is formless.
Only that which has no form can be limitless. That is Shiva. He has no form, no qualities and at the same time he is everything. Because silence has no quality.
Music is a good vehicle up transport urself to the last point.
Sound is the first step to creation.
Soul
In my practices, I started with laughter and then move into singing.
Now in Teethakoon I m singing instead of laughing. I wonder why.
Sadhguru
Making the unmanifest into manifest is a limited process. Making the manifest to unmanifest is the limitless process. That's why Destroyer, Shiva is held with the highest regards.
Cracking of the stone in Dhynalinga is not because of the sound. The cracking of the stone is a different process.
If any energy happens at a certain scale, sounds get produced.
Example when the jet flew beyond sound limit, sounds happen. Nothing exploded but sounds pf boom happen cos an energy is created.
Energy is the basis of the sounds. Sound is not the basis of the energy. Because of energy in the body, I can make a sound. At the same time sounds is the basis of energy. It is because of sound that energy happens. When there is no sound there is energy. That means there is energy but unmanifest. It is simply there.
The first form of creation is always the sounds. The first words. And it is both way.
Soul
I wonder whether the flow of energy created the laughter sound and then move on to singing.
Osho - Krishna
God never descends to us; we have to ascend to God. It is different; when one reaches him he has a feeling that God descended on him.
Soul
Tot of my rship with Sadhguru. He was always there but I ignored him, avoided him out of fear. When I finally accepted him, I become receptive to Dhynalinga. And now I can watch Sadhguru's video and even bought a small picture of him.
When I see his picture I can see and feel his loving gaze on me. Five years ago I run away from his gaze.
And I can now see Dhynalinga with loving gaze too.
So its is going to our Guru. He just wait for us unconditionally.
Jul 22 aft
Yesterday in Guru Poornima celebration, when the energy gets too high; I found myself clapping. Clapping somehow release the energy in me.
Once I can savour my aloneness, I am complete
Jul 20 aft
Spend a whole afternoon updating my website.
Feels good.
Also wrote a new Story since I stopped early April 2013.
And the fact that I can upload immediately frees me.
As I was reading my old Story, this came up.
Jan Spiller on North Node in Taurus
I will only fulfill my dream of soul mate after I have experienced being complete within myself.
When I no longer need another person to make me feel whole, only then will I attract the right partner.
Soul
I am on the right track. Just yesterday I was savouring my aloneness and also appreciating that I have financial freedom to walk in the quiet park. Amen
As a reminder my Healing Song from Jan Spiller
They are supposed to turn within themselves to connect with the wealth of reassurance and peace in their own nature. Thus the bonding they need for security and a sense of self worth can happen within themselves.
Soul
My friend G asked me, what is my passion. At first I replied my writing. But then my writing is about myself, so I told her my passion is Myself.
I have come to the stage of knowing, peace and happiness is within me.
Its true I know I m still yearning for my partner but it won't stop me from being happy by myself.
Thats Self Mastery
Everyone always says I am independent, I don't need a partner.
I used to tot that it was true in the beginning. Alas it is not.
This experience with Z somehow sent me deep into attachment mode but I felt I m released now after one year of holding on, waiting for him despite no reason to do so.
For now I will savour my aloneness, my relationship and financial independence.
I am already planning to go for next Samyama Refresher in November. I can do this because I have financial and relationship freedom. I got the money and time and I need not ask anyone.
As I was driving back, suddenly it occur to me that having a partner is also a lifetime responsibility; just like having children. Now I know what they meant by bondage in relationship.
Spend a whole afternoon updating my website.
Feels good.
Also wrote a new Story since I stopped early April 2013.
And the fact that I can upload immediately frees me.
As I was reading my old Story, this came up.
Jan Spiller on North Node in Taurus
I will only fulfill my dream of soul mate after I have experienced being complete within myself.
When I no longer need another person to make me feel whole, only then will I attract the right partner.
Soul
I am on the right track. Just yesterday I was savouring my aloneness and also appreciating that I have financial freedom to walk in the quiet park. Amen
As a reminder my Healing Song from Jan Spiller
They are supposed to turn within themselves to connect with the wealth of reassurance and peace in their own nature. Thus the bonding they need for security and a sense of self worth can happen within themselves.
Soul
My friend G asked me, what is my passion. At first I replied my writing. But then my writing is about myself, so I told her my passion is Myself.
I have come to the stage of knowing, peace and happiness is within me.
Its true I know I m still yearning for my partner but it won't stop me from being happy by myself.
Thats Self Mastery
Everyone always says I am independent, I don't need a partner.
I used to tot that it was true in the beginning. Alas it is not.
This experience with Z somehow sent me deep into attachment mode but I felt I m released now after one year of holding on, waiting for him despite no reason to do so.
For now I will savour my aloneness, my relationship and financial independence.
I am already planning to go for next Samyama Refresher in November. I can do this because I have financial and relationship freedom. I got the money and time and I need not ask anyone.
As I was driving back, suddenly it occur to me that having a partner is also a lifetime responsibility; just like having children. Now I know what they meant by bondage in relationship.
Mind only knows how to compare
Jul 20
Father, thank u.
I had a dream this morning that I was still with Z. Alas that is just a dream. Woke up bit late. Been feeling sleepy since I got back from Ashram.
Skip my one cycle of Surya Kriya and proceed to breathe meditation. Somehow I was also looking at my tots too.
Shakti was ok and I only did a slight rest. Have to build up my Shakti again. Shambavi was fine and again arashidharna posture from onset of Suka kriya. Somehow it can happen. Had a good rests.
During the practices some tot of Z but I just let it.
Went for my swim. Been about 2 weeks since my swim. Mind tell me I be out of breathe. When I did my breast stroke, half way thru, mind asked me to stop but I ignored it and just follow my body. We swam till the end. As I continue, swim got better. It's funny that my breathe becomes more steady. I was laughing bit and singing loads in the pool; just like in Teetakhoon.
I am able to swim consistently.
I know today I m feeling down. My mind is working out negative tots and i dont want to go there. Just now called P but she is not available. I told myself just appreciate my freedom. Savour my aloneness.
Just checked my card today - Jack of Diamonds, Z's Ruling card. No wonder my tots on him today.
Checked out my Osho tarot
Comparison
The idea of two plants comparing themselves to each other seems ridiculous but we humans seem to find this habit very hard to break. Lets face it, there is always going to be somebody who is more beautiful, more talented, stronger, more intelligent or apparently happier than u are. And conversely there will always be those who are less than u in all these ways.
The way to find out who u are is not by comparing yourself with others but by looking to see whether u are fulfilling ur potential in the best way u know.
Soul
Amen.
Just wrote a story on this.
Updated my Stories in joyong.org
I am just going to upload it raw, without being edit.
This saves time and money instead of waiting for my freelancer editor to do it for me.
I can now do all my Stories with ease.
Once I have written enough Stories, I will then compile them into books.
Only then I will get it for full edit.
Meanwhile, I can continue with my writing while the freelance editors edit my books.
Father, thank u.
I had a dream this morning that I was still with Z. Alas that is just a dream. Woke up bit late. Been feeling sleepy since I got back from Ashram.
Skip my one cycle of Surya Kriya and proceed to breathe meditation. Somehow I was also looking at my tots too.
Shakti was ok and I only did a slight rest. Have to build up my Shakti again. Shambavi was fine and again arashidharna posture from onset of Suka kriya. Somehow it can happen. Had a good rests.
During the practices some tot of Z but I just let it.
Went for my swim. Been about 2 weeks since my swim. Mind tell me I be out of breathe. When I did my breast stroke, half way thru, mind asked me to stop but I ignored it and just follow my body. We swam till the end. As I continue, swim got better. It's funny that my breathe becomes more steady. I was laughing bit and singing loads in the pool; just like in Teetakhoon.
I am able to swim consistently.
I know today I m feeling down. My mind is working out negative tots and i dont want to go there. Just now called P but she is not available. I told myself just appreciate my freedom. Savour my aloneness.
Just checked my card today - Jack of Diamonds, Z's Ruling card. No wonder my tots on him today.
Checked out my Osho tarot
Comparison
The idea of two plants comparing themselves to each other seems ridiculous but we humans seem to find this habit very hard to break. Lets face it, there is always going to be somebody who is more beautiful, more talented, stronger, more intelligent or apparently happier than u are. And conversely there will always be those who are less than u in all these ways.
The way to find out who u are is not by comparing yourself with others but by looking to see whether u are fulfilling ur potential in the best way u know.
Soul
Amen.
Just wrote a story on this.
Updated my Stories in joyong.org
I am just going to upload it raw, without being edit.
This saves time and money instead of waiting for my freelancer editor to do it for me.
I can now do all my Stories with ease.
Once I have written enough Stories, I will then compile them into books.
Only then I will get it for full edit.
Meanwhile, I can continue with my writing while the freelance editors edit my books.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
When u focus on what u lose, u can't see what you gain
Jul 19 eve
Just tweeted;
@Joyongorg: When u focus on what u lose, u can't see what u gain. That's always two sides to a coin!
As I was walking, I was savouring my aloneness. Suddenly I felt happy; I m freed of relationship. I m already freed financially and not having Z further affirms that as Z got financial issues.
So I m finally freed of love and money. I m finally released off my Ruling Ace of Diamonds - desire for love and money.
I m not saying I don't want more but I m savouring that I m ok with not having them. Amen.
Evening
Did my evening Shoonya, went in deep. Lost myself.
Samyama without back rest was fine. Towards the end I was able to sit ardasidhana.
I am thankful for the practices.
Just tweeted;
@Joyongorg: When u focus on what u lose, u can't see what u gain. That's always two sides to a coin!
As I was walking, I was savouring my aloneness. Suddenly I felt happy; I m freed of relationship. I m already freed financially and not having Z further affirms that as Z got financial issues.
So I m finally freed of love and money. I m finally released off my Ruling Ace of Diamonds - desire for love and money.
I m not saying I don't want more but I m savouring that I m ok with not having them. Amen.
Evening
Did my evening Shoonya, went in deep. Lost myself.
Samyama without back rest was fine. Towards the end I was able to sit ardasidhana.
I am thankful for the practices.
Jan Spiller - Cancer
Jul 19 aft
Jan Spiller - July 2013 on Cancer
Cancer (6/21 - 7/23)
This a big month for you, with the Sun in your sign and 1st house accentuating your sense of self, unique style and the intuitive way you that you care for others. But, there are other planets at work to help make this your time to shine. Jupiter moved into your sign on June 25th, and with that you’ve been given an incredible opportunity for personal growth. Get ready to identify and express your highest self.
The weeks during Mercury Retrograde are the perfect time for self reflection, refining how you present yourself and reconsidering your beliefs. Mercury will be Retrograde through July 19th, so use the coming weeks to do some internal exploration as you may be busier with public interactions as the month goes on.
The New Moon in your sign on July 8th presents the opportunity to set some personal goals. But, because this New Moon occurs during Mercury Retrograde, it’s best to look towards clearing up the past. You can use this New Moon to release yourself from old thought patterns, habits or emotions that may be bogging you down. By freeing your mind and spirit from outmoded beliefs, you can clear the way for new ways of thinking that truly empower you.
Soul
Mmm, seems to be on track. I was clearing since I received message on Z's marriage back in mid June; went to Ashram and now finally back home this week.
Jan Spiller - July 2013 on Cancer
Cancer (6/21 - 7/23)
After Mercury goes direct on July 19th, the timing will be ideal for a “fresh start.” Consider initiating routines that support your emotional wellness and making a new statement with your personal appearance. This month the Sun, Mercury, Jupiter and Mars are gathering in your 1st house, which will cause you to positively radiate your inner beauty and passion. Don’t worry if you are spending more time and energy on yourself than usual right now. That is exactly what the planets are calling you to do!
This cosmic opportunity could affect your personal evolution, creative goals, romantic life, relationship with children and philosophies. That leaves you plenty to work with, but the general themes involve your self-expression and how you share your personal beliefs through creativity and the risks you take.
This Grand Trine will be exact on July 16th-17th, but the effects will be present over the next year. Realize that what you do publicly will be woven into your personal growth. A lot of what you’ll be working on involves integrating your inner dreams into your outer world. It can feel like a dramatic time when you are not only taking steps outside your comfort zone, but you’ll probably be doing it in a highly visible way.
Because this Grand Trine is comprised of planets that are currently in water signs, emotions can feel heightened. This is especially true if you are born under the natal water signs of Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces. Your powers of intuition, emotional intelligence and sensitivity may suddenly seem larger than life. This can be both amazing and overwhelming. Take the time you need for yourself to process the extra energy so you can avoid emotional overload.
Soul
True, my revamped website, joyong.org is launched.
With that, my blog is opened up to others.
Not sure how my friends will receive it.
But all in all, it is good release for me. I know others can learn from my sharing.
Jan Spiller - July 2013 on Cancer
Cancer (6/21 - 7/23)
When the Full Moon in Aquarius lights up your 8th house on July 22nd, you may be able to identify and solve a problem that has previously gone unnoticed. You can access the power of Aquarius to help you think about things in a new way and come up with an unconventional solution. You’ll be able to tap into your ability to stick to your convictions and have strength to go against the grain. This can be especially useful when you are interested in the things people would rather sweep under the rug. Go ahead and talk about it anyway—if only to hear it for yourself.
Soul
Wonder what this could be.
Jan Spiller - July 2013 on Cancer
Cancer (6/21 - 7/23)
This a big month for you, with the Sun in your sign and 1st house accentuating your sense of self, unique style and the intuitive way you that you care for others. But, there are other planets at work to help make this your time to shine. Jupiter moved into your sign on June 25th, and with that you’ve been given an incredible opportunity for personal growth. Get ready to identify and express your highest self.
The weeks during Mercury Retrograde are the perfect time for self reflection, refining how you present yourself and reconsidering your beliefs. Mercury will be Retrograde through July 19th, so use the coming weeks to do some internal exploration as you may be busier with public interactions as the month goes on.
The New Moon in your sign on July 8th presents the opportunity to set some personal goals. But, because this New Moon occurs during Mercury Retrograde, it’s best to look towards clearing up the past. You can use this New Moon to release yourself from old thought patterns, habits or emotions that may be bogging you down. By freeing your mind and spirit from outmoded beliefs, you can clear the way for new ways of thinking that truly empower you.
Soul
Mmm, seems to be on track. I was clearing since I received message on Z's marriage back in mid June; went to Ashram and now finally back home this week.
Jan Spiller - July 2013 on Cancer
Cancer (6/21 - 7/23)
After Mercury goes direct on July 19th, the timing will be ideal for a “fresh start.” Consider initiating routines that support your emotional wellness and making a new statement with your personal appearance. This month the Sun, Mercury, Jupiter and Mars are gathering in your 1st house, which will cause you to positively radiate your inner beauty and passion. Don’t worry if you are spending more time and energy on yourself than usual right now. That is exactly what the planets are calling you to do!
This cosmic opportunity could affect your personal evolution, creative goals, romantic life, relationship with children and philosophies. That leaves you plenty to work with, but the general themes involve your self-expression and how you share your personal beliefs through creativity and the risks you take.
This Grand Trine will be exact on July 16th-17th, but the effects will be present over the next year. Realize that what you do publicly will be woven into your personal growth. A lot of what you’ll be working on involves integrating your inner dreams into your outer world. It can feel like a dramatic time when you are not only taking steps outside your comfort zone, but you’ll probably be doing it in a highly visible way.
Because this Grand Trine is comprised of planets that are currently in water signs, emotions can feel heightened. This is especially true if you are born under the natal water signs of Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces. Your powers of intuition, emotional intelligence and sensitivity may suddenly seem larger than life. This can be both amazing and overwhelming. Take the time you need for yourself to process the extra energy so you can avoid emotional overload.
Soul
True, my revamped website, joyong.org is launched.
With that, my blog is opened up to others.
Not sure how my friends will receive it.
But all in all, it is good release for me. I know others can learn from my sharing.
Jan Spiller - July 2013 on Cancer
Cancer (6/21 - 7/23)
When the Full Moon in Aquarius lights up your 8th house on July 22nd, you may be able to identify and solve a problem that has previously gone unnoticed. You can access the power of Aquarius to help you think about things in a new way and come up with an unconventional solution. You’ll be able to tap into your ability to stick to your convictions and have strength to go against the grain. This can be especially useful when you are interested in the things people would rather sweep under the rug. Go ahead and talk about it anyway—if only to hear it for yourself.
Soul
Wonder what this could be.
Appreciating my financial freedom
Jul 19
Had a good sleep and woke up 7.30 am. I m so thankful that I can afford to get up late.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. My forehead can't touch my two feet. I did that a few times in ashram and once back home. Looks like I have to rely on my own now. But I m now able to lift my legs off the floor with more ease than before. The breathing method really helps.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was not so good not able to get into proper Kapala Bhakti but I didn't stop. Shambavi was great. I sat in arashidharna posture from Suka kriya. I got the posture. Body didnt want to move, just sit still till the end. At the end, a sense of stillness settled down in me. Amen.
Afternoon
Mmm, just now with S. I said if the focus is spine; why not do Pilates then. Correct my spine and automatically my hata yoga asanas and meditation be well as well.
Had a good sleep and woke up 7.30 am. I m so thankful that I can afford to get up late.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. My forehead can't touch my two feet. I did that a few times in ashram and once back home. Looks like I have to rely on my own now. But I m now able to lift my legs off the floor with more ease than before. The breathing method really helps.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was not so good not able to get into proper Kapala Bhakti but I didn't stop. Shambavi was great. I sat in arashidharna posture from Suka kriya. I got the posture. Body didnt want to move, just sit still till the end. At the end, a sense of stillness settled down in me. Amen.
Afternoon
Mmm, just now with S. I said if the focus is spine; why not do Pilates then. Correct my spine and automatically my hata yoga asanas and meditation be well as well.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Thank you for my financial freedom
Jul 18 eve
Feeling tired. Just lazing around. I m so thankful I don't have to work tomorrow. Thank You for my financial freedom.
Been a long day at office. But good progress.
Just now had a deep Shoonya; followed by Samyama. Did it without chair support. Not easy to focus. Father, I seem to lose my easiness of ardhasidharna posture.
Today told the core team that I m still busy with planning for the program in Oct and also need time for my revamped website; joyong.org and so opt out from volunteer meet. I told them I want to focus on myself. Learning to assert my right.
Feeling tired. Just lazing around. I m so thankful I don't have to work tomorrow. Thank You for my financial freedom.
Been a long day at office. But good progress.
Just now had a deep Shoonya; followed by Samyama. Did it without chair support. Not easy to focus. Father, I seem to lose my easiness of ardhasidharna posture.
Today told the core team that I m still busy with planning for the program in Oct and also need time for my revamped website; joyong.org and so opt out from volunteer meet. I told them I want to focus on myself. Learning to assert my right.
When laughter comes - thinking stops
Jul 18
Father, practices ends only at 7.20 am. Before ashram visit, it normally ends by 7.10 am.
Did my five cycles of Surya Kriya, the fourth and fifth cycles were great, as I feel it was not me; somehow the breathe just happen by itself. Shavasana was fine. I know I didn't sleep. Did my breathing with ardasidhana but it took awhile getting into posture. Did I lose it?
Shakti was Ok, was quite strenuous on Kapala Bhakti but I just did a quick stop. My legs were totally cramped at the end.
On Shambavi, for butterfly steps, I m learning the right hand holding, keeping my back erect and can feel the pressure in my spine. My mind starts singing love songs.
On baby rock, can feel that the key is to move slowly so that the bottom leg is maintained at position.
Got into ardasidhana posture for Suka Kriya and Aum chanting. It was a silent one, just feel peaceful. I wish I can stay longer but alas got to wake up for work.
Looks like I may have to put alarm at 4.20 am instead so I can still have my reading time.
Osho - autobiography
Laughter brings some energy from ur inner source to ur surface. Energy starts flowing, it follows laughter like a shadow. Thinking stops. If u r possessed by laughter, thinking stops. And if u know a few moments of no-mind, those glimpses, will promises u more rewards that are going to come. U just have to become more and more of the quality of no mind. More and more, thinking has to be dropped.
Soul
Amen. In my case, its when energy came, pressure build up in my lower stomach and erupted into laughter.
Osho - autobiography
To live religiously means to live joyously, to live religiously means to live meditative key. To live religiously means to live this world as a gift of God.
Soul
Amen
Osho - autobiography
The master cannot give u truth but he can call forth the truth. He can stir something in u. He can trigger a process in u that will ignite a fire, a flame. Truth u are - just so much dust has gathered around u. The function of the master is negative; he has to give u a bath, a shower so that the dust disappear.
The master is a transmission it is energy provoking energy in u. It is kind of synchronicity. The master helps u to reach ur own experience. He throws u to urself. He makes u aware of ur inner sources, ur godliness.
Soul
Hence the practices.
Osho - autobiography
When u r clear, and a great joy and rejoicing arises in u and ur whole being, every fiber of ur body, mind and soul dances, and u say, "Ah, This"
The whole heart saying '"Aha!" and the silence that follows it, and the peace, and the joy and the meeting, and the merger and the orgasmic experience, the ecstasy.
Soul
I have experienced all the above. It is just that it is fleeting or perhaps I didn't value it. I tot it happen to everyone. I tot it was common. Looks like its not.
Father, practices ends only at 7.20 am. Before ashram visit, it normally ends by 7.10 am.
Did my five cycles of Surya Kriya, the fourth and fifth cycles were great, as I feel it was not me; somehow the breathe just happen by itself. Shavasana was fine. I know I didn't sleep. Did my breathing with ardasidhana but it took awhile getting into posture. Did I lose it?
Shakti was Ok, was quite strenuous on Kapala Bhakti but I just did a quick stop. My legs were totally cramped at the end.
On Shambavi, for butterfly steps, I m learning the right hand holding, keeping my back erect and can feel the pressure in my spine. My mind starts singing love songs.
On baby rock, can feel that the key is to move slowly so that the bottom leg is maintained at position.
Got into ardasidhana posture for Suka Kriya and Aum chanting. It was a silent one, just feel peaceful. I wish I can stay longer but alas got to wake up for work.
Looks like I may have to put alarm at 4.20 am instead so I can still have my reading time.
Osho - autobiography
Laughter brings some energy from ur inner source to ur surface. Energy starts flowing, it follows laughter like a shadow. Thinking stops. If u r possessed by laughter, thinking stops. And if u know a few moments of no-mind, those glimpses, will promises u more rewards that are going to come. U just have to become more and more of the quality of no mind. More and more, thinking has to be dropped.
Soul
Amen. In my case, its when energy came, pressure build up in my lower stomach and erupted into laughter.
Osho - autobiography
To live religiously means to live joyously, to live religiously means to live meditative key. To live religiously means to live this world as a gift of God.
Soul
Amen
Osho - autobiography
The master cannot give u truth but he can call forth the truth. He can stir something in u. He can trigger a process in u that will ignite a fire, a flame. Truth u are - just so much dust has gathered around u. The function of the master is negative; he has to give u a bath, a shower so that the dust disappear.
The master is a transmission it is energy provoking energy in u. It is kind of synchronicity. The master helps u to reach ur own experience. He throws u to urself. He makes u aware of ur inner sources, ur godliness.
Soul
Hence the practices.
Osho - autobiography
When u r clear, and a great joy and rejoicing arises in u and ur whole being, every fiber of ur body, mind and soul dances, and u say, "Ah, This"
The whole heart saying '"Aha!" and the silence that follows it, and the peace, and the joy and the meeting, and the merger and the orgasmic experience, the ecstasy.
Soul
I have experienced all the above. It is just that it is fleeting or perhaps I didn't value it. I tot it happen to everyone. I tot it was common. Looks like its not.
Letting go of my mind is letting go of myself
Jul 17 eve
It's been a good day. Had a nice lunch followed by coffee and dessert.
Very little tots of Z. He seems far away now. That's a great improvement.
V said my new revamped website; joyong.org looks great but just new logo. He will do one for me.
A checked out my new website and said my blog is attached; I finally open up all. I told him yes; no more hiding. Honestly the outcome I was worried is mainly about people knowing about my blog rather than it being not popular.
I now recalled my 7 years Ruling card's Pluto card, King of Spades. Just doing my thing and not let the fear of outcome deter me.
I had a deep Shoonya just now. Try to do Samyama with ardasidhana but not easy. It took me awhile to get into it. Guess the ashram's energy helps me to flow into it. Anyway, I will persevere. Now sitting on the meditation mat I bought from ashram. Truly not easy.
Osho - Krishna
If the whole existence can go without me, why cannot I go without me?
U are only an instrument in the hands of existence, nothing more. Let it do what it wants to be done through u and let go of urself.
Soul
When I read this, message I received is Why can't I let go of my mind? My mind was myself. So letting go of my mind is letting go of myself.
It's been a good day. Had a nice lunch followed by coffee and dessert.
Very little tots of Z. He seems far away now. That's a great improvement.
V said my new revamped website; joyong.org looks great but just new logo. He will do one for me.
A checked out my new website and said my blog is attached; I finally open up all. I told him yes; no more hiding. Honestly the outcome I was worried is mainly about people knowing about my blog rather than it being not popular.
I now recalled my 7 years Ruling card's Pluto card, King of Spades. Just doing my thing and not let the fear of outcome deter me.
I had a deep Shoonya just now. Try to do Samyama with ardasidhana but not easy. It took me awhile to get into it. Guess the ashram's energy helps me to flow into it. Anyway, I will persevere. Now sitting on the meditation mat I bought from ashram. Truly not easy.
Osho - Krishna
If the whole existence can go without me, why cannot I go without me?
U are only an instrument in the hands of existence, nothing more. Let it do what it wants to be done through u and let go of urself.
Soul
When I read this, message I received is Why can't I let go of my mind? My mind was myself. So letting go of my mind is letting go of myself.
Osho - being religious is ultimate luxury
Jul 17
Back to work. Wake up 4.30 am to do my practices.
Took cold shower and start showering from the head as per Sadhguru's video. Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. Surya kriya is now rusty cos didnt do for more than one week. The asanas were fine except for the sitting down postures. I could not easily touch my forehead to knees. Some effort is required.
Did breathing meditation but can't seem to get into posture. Shakti was fine and I stopped once. Shambavi was good. I was on ardhasidharna from Suka kriya. It gives a different field. The lower part of my body was still. It just want to stay there. There were no lower part movement even during Aum chanting and breathe fluttering. Towards the end, still on ardhasidharna with contentment. I just want to sit there. Finished my practices by 7.30 am which is fifteen minutes longer than normal. Possibly because I now add back the lying down with lifting legs asanas.
Father, there were some flying tots of Z but it no longer affects me. Amen
Osho - autobiography
A rich man, if he is not religious, is stupid.
A poor man, if he is religious, is tremendously intelligent.
If a poor man is not religious, he has to be forgiven. If a rich man is not religious, his sin is unpardonable.
When a man is happy with his body, has enough to eat, has a good house to live in; his bodily needs are fulfilled, now psychological needs arise. When ur psychological needs are also fulfilled, then ur spiritual needs arise.
Religion is ultimate luxury. Either u have to be very rich to come to this luxury or u have to be tremendously intelligent.
Soul
I admit my bodily needs are fulfilled but psychological needs not there yet. A part of me still yearns for a partner eventhough I knew there is also frustration and the honeymoon will ends.
I am so thankful that I have the luxury to take 2 days off so that I can do my practices with ease. So that I need not wake up early in the morning..
I am so thankful for my life.
Back to work. Wake up 4.30 am to do my practices.
Took cold shower and start showering from the head as per Sadhguru's video. Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. Surya kriya is now rusty cos didnt do for more than one week. The asanas were fine except for the sitting down postures. I could not easily touch my forehead to knees. Some effort is required.
Did breathing meditation but can't seem to get into posture. Shakti was fine and I stopped once. Shambavi was good. I was on ardhasidharna from Suka kriya. It gives a different field. The lower part of my body was still. It just want to stay there. There were no lower part movement even during Aum chanting and breathe fluttering. Towards the end, still on ardhasidharna with contentment. I just want to sit there. Finished my practices by 7.30 am which is fifteen minutes longer than normal. Possibly because I now add back the lying down with lifting legs asanas.
Father, there were some flying tots of Z but it no longer affects me. Amen
Osho - autobiography
A rich man, if he is not religious, is stupid.
A poor man, if he is religious, is tremendously intelligent.
If a poor man is not religious, he has to be forgiven. If a rich man is not religious, his sin is unpardonable.
When a man is happy with his body, has enough to eat, has a good house to live in; his bodily needs are fulfilled, now psychological needs arise. When ur psychological needs are also fulfilled, then ur spiritual needs arise.
Religion is ultimate luxury. Either u have to be very rich to come to this luxury or u have to be tremendously intelligent.
Soul
I admit my bodily needs are fulfilled but psychological needs not there yet. A part of me still yearns for a partner eventhough I knew there is also frustration and the honeymoon will ends.
I am so thankful that I have the luxury to take 2 days off so that I can do my practices with ease. So that I need not wake up early in the morning..
I am so thankful for my life.
King of Spades - mastery over work
Jul 16 aft
Woke up late since I slept around 3 am yesterday.
Took a nearly cold shower. Will now aim for cold shower as advised by Sadhguru. And it is true, wetting the head actually makes it less cold.
I couldn't do hata yoga cos didn't have the mat.
So just did Shambavi. Did the preparatory steps as per Swami's instruction. Truly rock baby is to be done slowly so that the other leg doesn't shift and we can stretch our spine.
Sitting in the proper ardasidhana posture while doing Suka kriya and finale brought an ease. I can feel my spine. While I was doing aum chanting, suddenly I cried due to sadness over Z. Then I just keep repeating I love myself and body settled. In the finale, such ease. Wish I could sit much longer. Amen.
I m fine to allow the remnant of sadness over Z to be expressed. Just like Linga Bhairavi is there to enable us to express our mental drama, I too must allow it. Feelings expressed will be dissolved.
Father, now updating Blog and read that I have 3 King of Spades. They all can work. Me don't want to work.
I recalled I had King of Spades last year and also for Pluto in Destiny for 7 years till age 48.
7 years period for Destiny (age 42 to 48)
Long Range
Queen of Spade
Self Mastery
Pluto
King of Spades (master of his work and of himself)
To accomplish a sense of mastery in ur life, perhaps even a leadership position in ur chosen line of work
U have to be a master in things u do.
U have to care more for how well the job gets done than how u will be getting paid or what the final result of ur work going to be.
Affirmation
I develop true power and authority in my life by being willing to master all that I do and take full responsibility for my own successes and failures.
Soul
I did judged them...I wonder how could they be so hard working. Why want to work hard? Alas, I am on the lazy end. They truly don't mind the work. Even my staff, who not so King at work, but definitely at home. Even followed children for their classes.
Guess they are here to remind me that my path of Self Mastery can only be achieved via overcoming my King of Spades.
Jul 16 eve
Father, feeling bit quiet.
Did my evening walk earlier and it was quite effortless. Good release of energy.
Just now Shoonya was good. I went in deep. Did my Samyama sitting in ardasidhana. Couldn't get the right posture on meditation mat. In the end just sit on the cloth carpet floor and it felt perfectly at ease.
Woke up late since I slept around 3 am yesterday.
Took a nearly cold shower. Will now aim for cold shower as advised by Sadhguru. And it is true, wetting the head actually makes it less cold.
I couldn't do hata yoga cos didn't have the mat.
So just did Shambavi. Did the preparatory steps as per Swami's instruction. Truly rock baby is to be done slowly so that the other leg doesn't shift and we can stretch our spine.
Sitting in the proper ardasidhana posture while doing Suka kriya and finale brought an ease. I can feel my spine. While I was doing aum chanting, suddenly I cried due to sadness over Z. Then I just keep repeating I love myself and body settled. In the finale, such ease. Wish I could sit much longer. Amen.
I m fine to allow the remnant of sadness over Z to be expressed. Just like Linga Bhairavi is there to enable us to express our mental drama, I too must allow it. Feelings expressed will be dissolved.
Father, now updating Blog and read that I have 3 King of Spades. They all can work. Me don't want to work.
I recalled I had King of Spades last year and also for Pluto in Destiny for 7 years till age 48.
7 years period for Destiny (age 42 to 48)
Long Range
Queen of Spade
Self Mastery
Pluto
King of Spades (master of his work and of himself)
To accomplish a sense of mastery in ur life, perhaps even a leadership position in ur chosen line of work
U have to be a master in things u do.
U have to care more for how well the job gets done than how u will be getting paid or what the final result of ur work going to be.
Affirmation
I develop true power and authority in my life by being willing to master all that I do and take full responsibility for my own successes and failures.
Soul
I did judged them...I wonder how could they be so hard working. Why want to work hard? Alas, I am on the lazy end. They truly don't mind the work. Even my staff, who not so King at work, but definitely at home. Even followed children for their classes.
Guess they are here to remind me that my path of Self Mastery can only be achieved via overcoming my King of Spades.
Jul 16 eve
Father, feeling bit quiet.
Did my evening walk earlier and it was quite effortless. Good release of energy.
Just now Shoonya was good. I went in deep. Did my Samyama sitting in ardasidhana. Couldn't get the right posture on meditation mat. In the end just sit on the cloth carpet floor and it felt perfectly at ease.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Remembering our silence
Jul 16
It's now 2.30 am at home. Been a long day since the air journey from Ashram.
Noticing that the mind is getting quieter. There is a silence and I can even hear my breathe. Perhaps alas Samyama is finally brought to life.
Osho - autobiography
My purpose is to bring confidence to u and ur heart that u can be silent. The more u become confident, the more u will be able to aware of the silence in u.
Once u are certain that u can be silent, then ur whole focus will change. It is question of feeling ur own possibility and once u have known the possibility and become confident about it, ur whole vision will have a different colour.
Soul
Not sure if my silence is awareness or is it numbing cos I don't want to feel.
But there is a feeling that I be fine.
Just now browsing through office emails after a full week plus. At first start to reply. Then a tot came, just rest. Somehow able not to react to my ego to defend.
Osho - autobiography
My own experience is that if u can be silent, and if u can transcend mind and ur consciousness can grow, it does not matter what u are doing, ur actions are not counted at all, only ur consciousness.
U become more conscious and ur actions will change - that's absolutely simple and scientific.
U were doing something stupid; as u become more alert and more conscious u cannot do it. As ur consciousness becomes more settled, all ur life patterns change.
Soul
A tot of Z just flew in. These days I need not react. It's not me.
Osho - autobiography
Meditation is an effort to bring light and to bring joy and to bring silence and to bring blissfulness, and out of this beautiful world of meditation, it is impossible for u to do anything wrong.
Once u become confident that great things are available to u, u will not feel inferior, u will not feel guilty - u will feel blessed. U will feel that existence has prepared u to be one of the peaks of consciousness.
Soul
Just now in the flight I saw one couple with a child. Flash of Z came through. A tot came; that's not the life I want. I m happy the way I am now.
I don't know what's next but I know it be good.
It's now 2.30 am at home. Been a long day since the air journey from Ashram.
Noticing that the mind is getting quieter. There is a silence and I can even hear my breathe. Perhaps alas Samyama is finally brought to life.
Osho - autobiography
My purpose is to bring confidence to u and ur heart that u can be silent. The more u become confident, the more u will be able to aware of the silence in u.
Once u are certain that u can be silent, then ur whole focus will change. It is question of feeling ur own possibility and once u have known the possibility and become confident about it, ur whole vision will have a different colour.
Soul
Not sure if my silence is awareness or is it numbing cos I don't want to feel.
But there is a feeling that I be fine.
Just now browsing through office emails after a full week plus. At first start to reply. Then a tot came, just rest. Somehow able not to react to my ego to defend.
Osho - autobiography
My own experience is that if u can be silent, and if u can transcend mind and ur consciousness can grow, it does not matter what u are doing, ur actions are not counted at all, only ur consciousness.
U become more conscious and ur actions will change - that's absolutely simple and scientific.
U were doing something stupid; as u become more alert and more conscious u cannot do it. As ur consciousness becomes more settled, all ur life patterns change.
Soul
A tot of Z just flew in. These days I need not react. It's not me.
Osho - autobiography
Meditation is an effort to bring light and to bring joy and to bring silence and to bring blissfulness, and out of this beautiful world of meditation, it is impossible for u to do anything wrong.
Once u become confident that great things are available to u, u will not feel inferior, u will not feel guilty - u will feel blessed. U will feel that existence has prepared u to be one of the peaks of consciousness.
Soul
Just now in the flight I saw one couple with a child. Flash of Z came through. A tot came; that's not the life I want. I m happy the way I am now.
I don't know what's next but I know it be good.
Linga Bhairavi and Dhynalinga - unconditional love
Jul 15
Didn't do my practices today. Took a sabbatical after the strenuous program.
Woke up and had a cold shower and hair was before I adjourned to Linga Bhairavi since I m not keen on dip in Teetakhoon.
Reach Linga Bhairavi's temple and did Suka Kriya. When the temple open I went in and went into to her bowing pose. Immediately I start to cry. I wailed a bit and tears dry.
I tot of sitting for awhile but somehow I just want to go to Dhynalinga. So I went to Dhynalinga. I went in and look at him. I felt a loving feeling coming in from him and its mutual. I meditate there for awhile before rushing out to pack my bag. Really loving.
Suddenly I cried with gratefulness and then tot of the years which I avoided Linga Bhairavi, Dhynalinga and Sadhguru. But he was always there. He never forsakes me. This is the unconditional love. Now I finally understood the love that the teachers and Swami felt for him. I felt it now. I also bought his picture home with me. It's been nearly 5 years.
Alas, I am ready to be Joy. I am Joy. Amen.
We reached the airport just in time before closing but I was at ease throughout. I just knew we be fine.
Another few hours has past. A sense of newness settled in me. Father, this trip truly affirm the new me, Joy.
It's beautiful to have a loving feeling.
Didn't do my practices today. Took a sabbatical after the strenuous program.
Woke up and had a cold shower and hair was before I adjourned to Linga Bhairavi since I m not keen on dip in Teetakhoon.
Reach Linga Bhairavi's temple and did Suka Kriya. When the temple open I went in and went into to her bowing pose. Immediately I start to cry. I wailed a bit and tears dry.
I tot of sitting for awhile but somehow I just want to go to Dhynalinga. So I went to Dhynalinga. I went in and look at him. I felt a loving feeling coming in from him and its mutual. I meditate there for awhile before rushing out to pack my bag. Really loving.
Suddenly I cried with gratefulness and then tot of the years which I avoided Linga Bhairavi, Dhynalinga and Sadhguru. But he was always there. He never forsakes me. This is the unconditional love. Now I finally understood the love that the teachers and Swami felt for him. I felt it now. I also bought his picture home with me. It's been nearly 5 years.
Alas, I am ready to be Joy. I am Joy. Amen.
We reached the airport just in time before closing but I was at ease throughout. I just knew we be fine.
Another few hours has past. A sense of newness settled in me. Father, this trip truly affirm the new me, Joy.
It's beautiful to have a loving feeling.
Osho on ego
Jun 14 evening
Osho - autobiography
The phenomenon of the ego, of the self, is not a thing - it is a process.
It is like pedaling a bicycle: if u pedal it goes on and on; if u don't pedal it stops. It may go on a little because of the momentum, but the moment u stop pedaling, in fact, the bicycle starts stopping. It has no more energy, no more power to go anywhere. It is going to collapse.
The ego exists because we go on pedaling desire, because we go on striving to get something, because we go on jumping ahead of ourselves.
That is the very phenomenon the ego - the jump ahead of urself, the jump into future, the jump into unknown. The jump into non existential creates the ego. It is like a mirage, it consist only of desires, only of thirst and nothing else.
Osho - autobiography
The phenomenon of the ego, of the self, is not a thing - it is a process.
It is like pedaling a bicycle: if u pedal it goes on and on; if u don't pedal it stops. It may go on a little because of the momentum, but the moment u stop pedaling, in fact, the bicycle starts stopping. It has no more energy, no more power to go anywhere. It is going to collapse.
The ego exists because we go on pedaling desire, because we go on striving to get something, because we go on jumping ahead of ourselves.
That is the very phenomenon the ego - the jump ahead of urself, the jump into future, the jump into unknown. The jump into non existential creates the ego. It is like a mirage, it consist only of desires, only of thirst and nothing else.
Ardhasidharna - silence my mind
Jul 14
Just came back from a long walk at the lake.
Flashes of Z being married flash my mind but hurt no longer there.
I have decided that my mind is mine to use. If not needed, need switch it on. It is operating on compulsive past.
I just want to go being the new me, Joy. My new name is truly engrained and everyone says that it suits me so well.
And I found a new tool to silence my compulsive mind; to sit in ardhasidharna. I have bought the mat also. Somehow with the spine comfortably erect; it keep my mind silence.
A silence in my mind. This trip affirms my new name; new me. Everyone said my name Joy is so me.
The old uncle said I m blessed as I found my bliss body. He said I m now nearer to enlightenment. I laughed when I heard that. Today teacher/swami said I laughed because I experience my bliss body. These moments of bliss will come more often once I keep my sadhana.
I m glad I have taken meat out of my diet.
Evening
Just got back from dinner. I met another swami and I got to ask my question on ardhasidharna. I told swami that i suddenly experienced an ease sitting in ardhasidharna. I have been doing my practices for years and yet this is the first time I find such an ease. I also shared I have recently done Surya kriya and change of diet. He said the ease can only be experienced when I m doing my practices well.
He asked me to sit ardhasidharna with yoga mudra and do breathe meditation after Surya Kriya.
Father, thank you. I asked for answers and U send ur messenger.
Linga Bhairavi also called out to me. Suddenly the lady who guided me on aura cleansing saw me. She sat with me. We spoke a bit on our experience on Linga. She then shared that its great to be at the temple at 6.25 am. Linga is calling out to me.
Just came back from a long walk at the lake.
Flashes of Z being married flash my mind but hurt no longer there.
I have decided that my mind is mine to use. If not needed, need switch it on. It is operating on compulsive past.
I just want to go being the new me, Joy. My new name is truly engrained and everyone says that it suits me so well.
And I found a new tool to silence my compulsive mind; to sit in ardhasidharna. I have bought the mat also. Somehow with the spine comfortably erect; it keep my mind silence.
A silence in my mind. This trip affirms my new name; new me. Everyone said my name Joy is so me.
The old uncle said I m blessed as I found my bliss body. He said I m now nearer to enlightenment. I laughed when I heard that. Today teacher/swami said I laughed because I experience my bliss body. These moments of bliss will come more often once I keep my sadhana.
I m glad I have taken meat out of my diet.
Evening
Just got back from dinner. I met another swami and I got to ask my question on ardhasidharna. I told swami that i suddenly experienced an ease sitting in ardhasidharna. I have been doing my practices for years and yet this is the first time I find such an ease. I also shared I have recently done Surya kriya and change of diet. He said the ease can only be experienced when I m doing my practices well.
He asked me to sit ardhasidharna with yoga mudra and do breathe meditation after Surya Kriya.
Father, thank you. I asked for answers and U send ur messenger.
Linga Bhairavi also called out to me. Suddenly the lady who guided me on aura cleansing saw me. She sat with me. We spoke a bit on our experience on Linga. She then shared that its great to be at the temple at 6.25 am. Linga is calling out to me.
Aura cleansing in Linga Bhairavi - new beginning
Jul 13
Did my aura cleansing at Linga Bhairavi. Before that I went to Teethakoon, I was singing love songs in the pool.
Just before I start Suka kriya, there were suddenly many tots of Z. I told Linga that I want a new beginning with my new name Joy. Once the neem leaves process starts I start to feel the acceptance of my new name Joy; I am truly joyous.
Then laughter erupted. I feel joyful of my new beginning. Then I queue in line to say my thanks to Linga and suddenly tears dropped and I took the offering and walk away. Then the guide in temple asked me to do the Linga pose of giving thanks to Linga and I lie down and suddenly erupted into massive crying. Later I was laughing and then followed by crying and alas laughing again. Thanks for the experience. Amen.
Results - Nine of Spades
Somehow associated with ur Pluto card, this year will be the element of 'ending'. This could be death of someone u know, a job or health habits that have created the problems u may now be experiencing.
This letting go will certainly take u to a better place, a state of mind where u will be more free to live as u please.
U r ending a major chapter in ur life that will lead u to a new beginning that is just around the corner. In this process, there may be things that u have been doing for a long time that u will now let go of and stop doing. Let go and live.
Soul
Truly new beginning.
When I first came to ashram, Sadhguru picture in Rejunevation centre scared me so much. I try to avoid it by changing my seating position many times but I couldn't. I didn't dare to look at his picture.
And now I can look at his picture and I can see its loving grace and I m feeling loved.
And finally I can even buy a small picture of him. Amen. I truly accepted my Guru.
My 7thunder cards says this year I got results Ace of Hearts.
Did my aura cleansing at Linga Bhairavi. Before that I went to Teethakoon, I was singing love songs in the pool.
Just before I start Suka kriya, there were suddenly many tots of Z. I told Linga that I want a new beginning with my new name Joy. Once the neem leaves process starts I start to feel the acceptance of my new name Joy; I am truly joyous.
Then laughter erupted. I feel joyful of my new beginning. Then I queue in line to say my thanks to Linga and suddenly tears dropped and I took the offering and walk away. Then the guide in temple asked me to do the Linga pose of giving thanks to Linga and I lie down and suddenly erupted into massive crying. Later I was laughing and then followed by crying and alas laughing again. Thanks for the experience. Amen.
Results - Nine of Spades
Somehow associated with ur Pluto card, this year will be the element of 'ending'. This could be death of someone u know, a job or health habits that have created the problems u may now be experiencing.
This letting go will certainly take u to a better place, a state of mind where u will be more free to live as u please.
U r ending a major chapter in ur life that will lead u to a new beginning that is just around the corner. In this process, there may be things that u have been doing for a long time that u will now let go of and stop doing. Let go and live.
Soul
Truly new beginning.
When I first came to ashram, Sadhguru picture in Rejunevation centre scared me so much. I try to avoid it by changing my seating position many times but I couldn't. I didn't dare to look at his picture.
And now I can look at his picture and I can see its loving grace and I m feeling loved.
And finally I can even buy a small picture of him. Amen. I truly accepted my Guru.
My 7thunder cards says this year I got results Ace of Hearts.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Since I can't stop my mind, might as well trained it instead
Jul 12
It is now fifth day of Ayur Sampoorna. Yesterday while I was in Dhynalinga, suddenly a tot came. Z is in the past, just like when ur mom left u in care with neighbours. It is gone.
What a revelation.
Just now as I was having my oil massage, no tots and then mind starts to come in. I said if u need tots, then why don't we tell the oil and herbs to go into our body and heal it. Why don't we welcome them instead. So, start to talk to oil and herbs. Not sure why but it was the best massage I had since I came. I was just in the massage.
So it is true, since I can't stop my tots, at least I can decide to choose my tots. Amen.
Received a message from a newcomer who just did Isha Kriya and now even want to come and stay in ashram. At first I was judging him for being over enthusiastic and may not even know the consequences of his actions. Later I tot it was because I m not as devotional as him. With that, tots of him is gone.
So, when we judge there is something that we are judging ourselves unknowingly. Once we bring up our self judgement, the projection evaporates
It is now fifth day of Ayur Sampoorna. Yesterday while I was in Dhynalinga, suddenly a tot came. Z is in the past, just like when ur mom left u in care with neighbours. It is gone.
What a revelation.
Just now as I was having my oil massage, no tots and then mind starts to come in. I said if u need tots, then why don't we tell the oil and herbs to go into our body and heal it. Why don't we welcome them instead. So, start to talk to oil and herbs. Not sure why but it was the best massage I had since I came. I was just in the massage.
So it is true, since I can't stop my tots, at least I can decide to choose my tots. Amen.
Received a message from a newcomer who just did Isha Kriya and now even want to come and stay in ashram. At first I was judging him for being over enthusiastic and may not even know the consequences of his actions. Later I tot it was because I m not as devotional as him. With that, tots of him is gone.
So, when we judge there is something that we are judging ourselves unknowingly. Once we bring up our self judgement, the projection evaporates
A new beginning
Jul 10
Today Shambavi after the yoga session was great. I can now do Suria Namaskara with awareness. I was laughing loads.
After Shambavi, laughter came loads and then tears come. I cried for thankfulness.
Today is my third day and still on salad. Somehow the rest of Indian food is not good. But I had a nice western dessert yesterday. Had three servings.
Was on my therapy and tots of Z came. He was my first lover and he is not the last. As I was thinking what I was envious of, is actually the physical bonding. I m not envious of the traditional family style and his financials focusing on capital commitment.
Yea, true we met. But I have grown and he has not. So, the break up is imminent. Instead of judging him for his lack of communication. I should be thankful instead. Father, alas happy tots are coming.
This is a new beginning for me.
Dhynalinga is an eye opening. Even outside the hall, I can go into meditative mode, without any focus. It just came. When I m in, I know I went in deep. Amen. Today for the first time I bought a light of lamp for Dhynalinga.
Afternoon
It was cold and I tot of skipping Teetakhoon. But I went and it was freezing. There was an old lady who swam there and I tot I should at least last as long as her. We stayed nearly ten minutes.
Then I went into Dhynalinga and just sitting outside, I fell into meditation mode. I went in and just open up and look at Dhynalinga lovingly. I felt loving energy from IT. So peaceful and then I close eyes and went into meditation. I plan to stay for one ring but alas stayed two rings. Feeling so good don't want to wake up.
Today Shambavi after the yoga session was great. I can now do Suria Namaskara with awareness. I was laughing loads.
After Shambavi, laughter came loads and then tears come. I cried for thankfulness.
Today is my third day and still on salad. Somehow the rest of Indian food is not good. But I had a nice western dessert yesterday. Had three servings.
Was on my therapy and tots of Z came. He was my first lover and he is not the last. As I was thinking what I was envious of, is actually the physical bonding. I m not envious of the traditional family style and his financials focusing on capital commitment.
Yea, true we met. But I have grown and he has not. So, the break up is imminent. Instead of judging him for his lack of communication. I should be thankful instead. Father, alas happy tots are coming.
This is a new beginning for me.
Dhynalinga is an eye opening. Even outside the hall, I can go into meditative mode, without any focus. It just came. When I m in, I know I went in deep. Amen. Today for the first time I bought a light of lamp for Dhynalinga.
Afternoon
It was cold and I tot of skipping Teetakhoon. But I went and it was freezing. There was an old lady who swam there and I tot I should at least last as long as her. We stayed nearly ten minutes.
Then I went into Dhynalinga and just sitting outside, I fell into meditation mode. I went in and just open up and look at Dhynalinga lovingly. I felt loving energy from IT. So peaceful and then I close eyes and went into meditation. I plan to stay for one ring but alas stayed two rings. Feeling so good don't want to wake up.
Connecting with Dhynalinga
Jul 9
Just went to Dhynalinga. I got into meditative mode while sitting outside. I didn't expect nor prepare for it. It just happen. It caught me by surprise.
Then I went in and saw Dhynalinga and emotion comes up and suddenly I was crying. I cried cos alas I m able to connect to Dhynalinga after nearly 5 years.
I was so contented. I was so grateful that I told Sadhguru that what else for me to ask for. I already received the grace of contentment.
Just went to Dhynalinga. I got into meditative mode while sitting outside. I didn't expect nor prepare for it. It just happen. It caught me by surprise.
Then I went in and saw Dhynalinga and emotion comes up and suddenly I was crying. I cried cos alas I m able to connect to Dhynalinga after nearly 5 years.
I was so contented. I was so grateful that I told Sadhguru that what else for me to ask for. I already received the grace of contentment.
Finally can see Sadhguru with loving expression
July 9
Just did my first practice in Ashram. Did it in Nanlanda hall. Energy is great.
I was laughing loads and then crying out of gratitude to Sadhguru. To be able to experience inner joy is fantastic and a real blessing.
Yesterday session at Rejunevation hall was great. I finally use my name, Joy.
I recalled five years ago I was so frightened of Sadhguru picture in the hall.
I tried so many places to avoid seeing his eyes on me. Now I sat in front. I felt his loving eyes on me. So lovely. To have someone love me and take care of me.
Father I come a long way.
Just did my first practice in Ashram. Did it in Nanlanda hall. Energy is great.
I was laughing loads and then crying out of gratitude to Sadhguru. To be able to experience inner joy is fantastic and a real blessing.
Yesterday session at Rejunevation hall was great. I finally use my name, Joy.
I recalled five years ago I was so frightened of Sadhguru picture in the hall.
I tried so many places to avoid seeing his eyes on me. Now I sat in front. I felt his loving eyes on me. So lovely. To have someone love me and take care of me.
Father I come a long way.
Love with freedom
Jul 8 eve
Autobiography of Osho
Love with freedom - if u have it, u are a king or queen. That is the real kingdom of God - love with freedom. I had known my grandfather as my father. He had raised me with absolute freedom, no inhibitions, no suppressions and no commandments.
Love give u the roots into the earth and freedom gave u the wings.
Soul
Reading this I found myself appreciative of my mom. She raised me with freedom albeit suppression of emotions.
Just got back from Rejunevation center. The menu was not western fusion. It was mostly Indian food and some salad. I was disappointed. Then I decided to take the salad. To my surprise, it was good. The pineapple sauce and tomato walnuts sauce was great. I had 3 helpings of salad as I didn't take the rest of Indian food. This is first time for me.
I felt good eating the salad
Yesterday, when I told my friend M that our friend Ma is getting married. He said he was pleased for her as she need a companion. I jokingly asked if he can pray a partner for me too. He said I don't need it, I already got my freedom. Having a partner is bondage and I should not get involved when I m already freed.
Just now my friend G showed me Osho book whereby he said rship is stupid, an avoidance game. We think that our man or woman is the world and gives us what we need. We focus on them and avoid ourselves instead.
Autobiography of Osho
Love with freedom - if u have it, u are a king or queen. That is the real kingdom of God - love with freedom. I had known my grandfather as my father. He had raised me with absolute freedom, no inhibitions, no suppressions and no commandments.
Love give u the roots into the earth and freedom gave u the wings.
Soul
Reading this I found myself appreciative of my mom. She raised me with freedom albeit suppression of emotions.
Just got back from Rejunevation center. The menu was not western fusion. It was mostly Indian food and some salad. I was disappointed. Then I decided to take the salad. To my surprise, it was good. The pineapple sauce and tomato walnuts sauce was great. I had 3 helpings of salad as I didn't take the rest of Indian food. This is first time for me.
I felt good eating the salad
Yesterday, when I told my friend M that our friend Ma is getting married. He said he was pleased for her as she need a companion. I jokingly asked if he can pray a partner for me too. He said I don't need it, I already got my freedom. Having a partner is bondage and I should not get involved when I m already freed.
Just now my friend G showed me Osho book whereby he said rship is stupid, an avoidance game. We think that our man or woman is the world and gives us what we need. We focus on them and avoid ourselves instead.
Feeling high after Shakti and Shambavi
Jul 8
Woke up 5 am, and tot of sleeping again as I don't really want to do my practices.
But couldn't sleep and mind was singing guru pooja. So, took a cold shower. Did my guru pooja and followed by Shakti. Shakti was great. I was able to do without any rest. Kapala Bhakti was good. At the end, my feet was totally cramped. This is the second time I did without stopping.
Then I sat for Shambavi. When I was doing my butterfly position, laughter exploded. I laughed for a long while. This has never happen before. I know I finally encountered the potency of Shakti. Finally after 3 years plus and 2 sessions of Shoonya programs, I m finally able to experience the true depth of Shakti. Shambavi was nice. Feeling happy and peaceful. Wish I could sit longer but taxi to airport has already arrived.
I was surprised that I said no to offer of lovely coffee. I was feeling so high, I don't want to dilute it with coffee. Just want to savour my experience.
On M, I explored a bit with G. I come to realisation that I was worried I created someone that is spreading msg indiscriminately. She doesn't know her stuff and most of it second hand coming from me. A tot came, just like Sadhguru sharing with us and now disciple sharing without in depth knowledge. No wonder his preference was to share less; which is exactly how I felt.
Also, I know the thing said on meditation is something that should not be taken lightly. That why I m affected. G said maybe M's friends may not be on the path yet and hence finds M's sharing good for them.
G said I should be flattered over M wanting to emulate me.
Woke up 5 am, and tot of sleeping again as I don't really want to do my practices.
But couldn't sleep and mind was singing guru pooja. So, took a cold shower. Did my guru pooja and followed by Shakti. Shakti was great. I was able to do without any rest. Kapala Bhakti was good. At the end, my feet was totally cramped. This is the second time I did without stopping.
Then I sat for Shambavi. When I was doing my butterfly position, laughter exploded. I laughed for a long while. This has never happen before. I know I finally encountered the potency of Shakti. Finally after 3 years plus and 2 sessions of Shoonya programs, I m finally able to experience the true depth of Shakti. Shambavi was nice. Feeling happy and peaceful. Wish I could sit longer but taxi to airport has already arrived.
I was surprised that I said no to offer of lovely coffee. I was feeling so high, I don't want to dilute it with coffee. Just want to savour my experience.
On M, I explored a bit with G. I come to realisation that I was worried I created someone that is spreading msg indiscriminately. She doesn't know her stuff and most of it second hand coming from me. A tot came, just like Sadhguru sharing with us and now disciple sharing without in depth knowledge. No wonder his preference was to share less; which is exactly how I felt.
Also, I know the thing said on meditation is something that should not be taken lightly. That why I m affected. G said maybe M's friends may not be on the path yet and hence finds M's sharing good for them.
G said I should be flattered over M wanting to emulate me.
No longer reacting to my mind - no longer want to hurt myself
Jul 7
Woke up with no tots of Z. Today is Sunday, so no practices for me.
But was on Facebook and saw his pix. Mind did a trigger but it didnt spiral.
Evening
Very little tots of Z.
I showed G my friend Facebook. She said people who put happenings in their Facebook are seeking attention. So does people who does blog, like me. I defended and said that my profile is hidden. I do blog for my release but now I m opening up.
Mind start to say, what make u think u have anything to share, u r a show off like ur friend too.
I can see that just my fear, my Pluto in Virgo. Father, suddenly it occur to me, G is Sun in Virgo, a perfectionist. Father, no longer want to hurt myself.
Woke up with no tots of Z. Today is Sunday, so no practices for me.
But was on Facebook and saw his pix. Mind did a trigger but it didnt spiral.
Evening
Very little tots of Z.
I showed G my friend Facebook. She said people who put happenings in their Facebook are seeking attention. So does people who does blog, like me. I defended and said that my profile is hidden. I do blog for my release but now I m opening up.
Mind start to say, what make u think u have anything to share, u r a show off like ur friend too.
I can see that just my fear, my Pluto in Virgo. Father, suddenly it occur to me, G is Sun in Virgo, a perfectionist. Father, no longer want to hurt myself.
We don't need the Mind every single moment..
Jul 6 eve
Father, today very little tots of Z.
I think the closure I needed was delivered by G.
Last year I wanted to heal myself and my ESR is reduced. This year, continue to go with the Flow
Just checked today card, Ace of Spades - death and new beginning. This is in line with my Osho card - Rebirth.
Also the sharing among us helps me to realise that I m truly a seeker and I found my answers. G said Z was meant to go away from my life. Amen.
Today reaffirms my plan for Kailash next year. (Jul 16 - mmm, not so sure now as Sadhguru says no point seeing "God" if there is no transformation)
Did my Shoonya just now. Went in deep. Also did Samyama. Getting easier now.
The Power of Now
Learn to use time in the practical aspects of ur life - we may call this clock time - but immediately return to present moment awareness when those practical matters have been dealt with.
In this way, there will be no build up of psychological time, which is identification with the past and continuous compulsive projection into the future.
Soul
I m now getting serious on Samyama. I need to so I can stay clean of Z. So, I won't let my past go into future.
Now I understand why Ekhart Tolle said Now is the only time to end the Past.
Father, today very little tots of Z.
I think the closure I needed was delivered by G.
Last year I wanted to heal myself and my ESR is reduced. This year, continue to go with the Flow
Just checked today card, Ace of Spades - death and new beginning. This is in line with my Osho card - Rebirth.
Also the sharing among us helps me to realise that I m truly a seeker and I found my answers. G said Z was meant to go away from my life. Amen.
Today reaffirms my plan for Kailash next year. (Jul 16 - mmm, not so sure now as Sadhguru says no point seeing "God" if there is no transformation)
Did my Shoonya just now. Went in deep. Also did Samyama. Getting easier now.
The Power of Now
Learn to use time in the practical aspects of ur life - we may call this clock time - but immediately return to present moment awareness when those practical matters have been dealt with.
In this way, there will be no build up of psychological time, which is identification with the past and continuous compulsive projection into the future.
Soul
I m now getting serious on Samyama. I need to so I can stay clean of Z. So, I won't let my past go into future.
Now I understand why Ekhart Tolle said Now is the only time to end the Past.
Closure on Z came from another source
Jul 6
Yesterday sharing by my meditator friend on her previous rship experience was great.
She shared about the inability of the guy to have direct confrontation, and they will never give a proper closure. Her stories were quite dramatic and she even had a nervous breakdown. The case also involves the guy getting married without telling her.
So she said don't take it personally that my ex boyfriend didnt give me a closure. She also said that the men are able to compartmentalise and would have not think anything wrong of being with me and yet planning a marriage with another woman. She said for man, they hold the woman they married in higher regards over their other women. For man, they only release their sperm so, no attachment. For women, we received the sperm into our womb and hence we normally bonded and see the man as our husband. That's why we are attached and difficult in letting go. For the man, since they are not attached, they don't have any problem.
Finally, there be no closure from them. And the man's marriage to another woman is a closure.
I couldn't sleep for about half an hour. I then switched on Sadhguru Brahmananda cd and I was sleeping by 4th song. Normally I am asleep by first song. I slept around two hour plus before wake up for early morning flight.
In her case her stories were even more drastic, actually mine pale in comparison. And yet, she said the stories made her grown. Father, thanks for sending her and sharing the stories. I told her then my version is not personal. I had judged myself. Can now truly let go of the judgement.
The Power of Now
U will observe that the future is usually imagined as either better or worst than the present. If the imagined future is better, it gives u hope or pleasurable anticipation. If it worse, it creates anxiety. Both are illusory.
Soul
I have now reach that stage of doubting my mind. It's all extrapolation. In my case, since my past is hurt, the mind tend to project into worse situation resulting in sadness.
The Power of Now
With the timeless dimension, comes a different kind of knowing, one that does not "kill" the spirit that lives within every creature and everything. A knowing that does not destroy the sacredness and mystery of life but contains a deep love and reverence for all that is. A knowing of which mind knows nothing.
Soul
That's my experience of being connected with nature.
I have decided to increase my walks to 3 days.
I plan to go Kailash next year.
I am ready. I m no longer afraid of my joints pain, I know the mountain will carry me.
The Power of Now
The moment u realise u r not in present, u r present. Whenever u are able to observe ur mind, u r no longer trapped in it. Another factor has come in, something that is not of the mind: the witnessing presence.
Don't judge or analyse what u observe. Watch the tot, feel the reaction, observe the reaction. Don't make personal problem out of it. U will then feel something more powerful than any of those things u observe : the still, observing presence itself behind the content of ur mind, the silent observer.
Soul
Of late I noticed I can now do Samyama while driving.
Definitely go for Samyama.
The Power of Now
The reaction or emotion took u over. U "become" it. U act it out. U justify, make wrong, attack, defend ... except that it isn't you, the mind in its habitual survival mode.
Yesterday sharing by my meditator friend on her previous rship experience was great.
She shared about the inability of the guy to have direct confrontation, and they will never give a proper closure. Her stories were quite dramatic and she even had a nervous breakdown. The case also involves the guy getting married without telling her.
So she said don't take it personally that my ex boyfriend didnt give me a closure. She also said that the men are able to compartmentalise and would have not think anything wrong of being with me and yet planning a marriage with another woman. She said for man, they hold the woman they married in higher regards over their other women. For man, they only release their sperm so, no attachment. For women, we received the sperm into our womb and hence we normally bonded and see the man as our husband. That's why we are attached and difficult in letting go. For the man, since they are not attached, they don't have any problem.
Finally, there be no closure from them. And the man's marriage to another woman is a closure.
I couldn't sleep for about half an hour. I then switched on Sadhguru Brahmananda cd and I was sleeping by 4th song. Normally I am asleep by first song. I slept around two hour plus before wake up for early morning flight.
In her case her stories were even more drastic, actually mine pale in comparison. And yet, she said the stories made her grown. Father, thanks for sending her and sharing the stories. I told her then my version is not personal. I had judged myself. Can now truly let go of the judgement.
The Power of Now
U will observe that the future is usually imagined as either better or worst than the present. If the imagined future is better, it gives u hope or pleasurable anticipation. If it worse, it creates anxiety. Both are illusory.
Soul
I have now reach that stage of doubting my mind. It's all extrapolation. In my case, since my past is hurt, the mind tend to project into worse situation resulting in sadness.
The Power of Now
With the timeless dimension, comes a different kind of knowing, one that does not "kill" the spirit that lives within every creature and everything. A knowing that does not destroy the sacredness and mystery of life but contains a deep love and reverence for all that is. A knowing of which mind knows nothing.
Soul
That's my experience of being connected with nature.
I have decided to increase my walks to 3 days.
I plan to go Kailash next year.
I am ready. I m no longer afraid of my joints pain, I know the mountain will carry me.
The Power of Now
The moment u realise u r not in present, u r present. Whenever u are able to observe ur mind, u r no longer trapped in it. Another factor has come in, something that is not of the mind: the witnessing presence.
Don't judge or analyse what u observe. Watch the tot, feel the reaction, observe the reaction. Don't make personal problem out of it. U will then feel something more powerful than any of those things u observe : the still, observing presence itself behind the content of ur mind, the silent observer.
Soul
Of late I noticed I can now do Samyama while driving.
Definitely go for Samyama.
The Power of Now
The reaction or emotion took u over. U "become" it. U act it out. U justify, make wrong, attack, defend ... except that it isn't you, the mind in its habitual survival mode.
Monday, July 15, 2013
When we are alert..we become present...no more past and future
Jul 5 aft
Osho - Krishna
One who is behind time cannot destroy it; he will leave as time's camp follower, its slave. But for one who is ahead of time, time becomes his shadow, his slave.
Time always exists in exact proportion to our unconsciousness, to our psychological sleep. And when we are fully awake, time ceases to be. The fire of awareness burns time altogether.
Soul
Exactly same msg as The Power of Now. Both the books I m reading give me the same msg.
Father, a tot came. Krishna can play, cos he is in the Now with no burdens from the Past and no fears or worries of the Future.
So, awareness is the key, consciousness is the way and meditation is the tool.
I noticed that when I watch my breathe, I connect with inner body and awareness arise.
Osho - Krishna
Unlike Mahavira and Buddha, Krishna does not deny life, he is not life-negative.
There is an unavoidable element of negation in the lives of Mahavira and Buddha which is completely absent in Krishna's life.
Mahavira attains through renunciation of life; Krishna attains through being with life.
Soul
Yes, that's always my reservation with Buddha.
Osho - Krishna
The Sanskrit word for Samyama means balance, equilibrium, to be just in the middle. When the scales are equalised so that neither side outweigh itself, it is Samyama.
Soul
Interesting.
Osho - Krishna
In Krishna, there is no spiritual discipline. The basic element of spiritual discipline is effort; without effort sadhana is not possible. And the second inescapable element of sadhana is ego; without the ego, the "?", spiritual discipline falls apart. Who will discipline himself? Effort implies a doer; there has to be somebody to make the effort. Effort ceases if there is no doer.
The ego loves the words: strive, achieve, arrive; it is always after achievement.
Upasana means to sit near God, to get close to one's object of worship. And the worshipper disappears, his ego evaporates.
Soul
I believed so. That's why I have one day sabatical for all practices. I don't do any on Sunday. I just go for my walk. I only do hata yoga on weekday cos weekend I walk and swim. On Shoonya, I do twice on workdays, which is three days a week. Other times I only do when needed.
And when I go on holidays with family for a few days, I don't do any sadhana but I swim instead. Swimming connects me to the joy within.
Osho - Krishna
Upasana is arduous, devotion is hard. Nothing is more difficult than evaporating and disappearing into nothingness.
Upasana means to sit near to someone.
There are two kinds of distances: one is physical and the other is psychological, spiritual. Upasana is a way of ending the inner distance, the psychological separateness between the seeker and the sought.
Soul
When I sit for my practices I just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens. That's why I can sense the energy from nature such as trees, grass and water. Even doing hata yoga opens me up. Guru pooja breaks me down.
And I can greatly sense Sadhguru.
That's why I m ready for Kailash.
I m no longer afraid of feeling all the energy of the Universe.
Osho - Krishna
Inner space is created by becoming; the more solid my ego the greater is the distance between my becoming and being. And as the ego melts and evaporates the inner distance is destroyed in the same measure. And when my ego evaporates completely and I am no more. I am all emptiness, then inner distance between me and God disappears altogether.
Osho - Krishna
One who is behind time cannot destroy it; he will leave as time's camp follower, its slave. But for one who is ahead of time, time becomes his shadow, his slave.
Time always exists in exact proportion to our unconsciousness, to our psychological sleep. And when we are fully awake, time ceases to be. The fire of awareness burns time altogether.
Soul
Exactly same msg as The Power of Now. Both the books I m reading give me the same msg.
Father, a tot came. Krishna can play, cos he is in the Now with no burdens from the Past and no fears or worries of the Future.
So, awareness is the key, consciousness is the way and meditation is the tool.
I noticed that when I watch my breathe, I connect with inner body and awareness arise.
Osho - Krishna
Unlike Mahavira and Buddha, Krishna does not deny life, he is not life-negative.
There is an unavoidable element of negation in the lives of Mahavira and Buddha which is completely absent in Krishna's life.
Mahavira attains through renunciation of life; Krishna attains through being with life.
Soul
Yes, that's always my reservation with Buddha.
Osho - Krishna
The Sanskrit word for Samyama means balance, equilibrium, to be just in the middle. When the scales are equalised so that neither side outweigh itself, it is Samyama.
Soul
Interesting.
Osho - Krishna
In Krishna, there is no spiritual discipline. The basic element of spiritual discipline is effort; without effort sadhana is not possible. And the second inescapable element of sadhana is ego; without the ego, the "?", spiritual discipline falls apart. Who will discipline himself? Effort implies a doer; there has to be somebody to make the effort. Effort ceases if there is no doer.
The ego loves the words: strive, achieve, arrive; it is always after achievement.
Upasana means to sit near God, to get close to one's object of worship. And the worshipper disappears, his ego evaporates.
Soul
I believed so. That's why I have one day sabatical for all practices. I don't do any on Sunday. I just go for my walk. I only do hata yoga on weekday cos weekend I walk and swim. On Shoonya, I do twice on workdays, which is three days a week. Other times I only do when needed.
And when I go on holidays with family for a few days, I don't do any sadhana but I swim instead. Swimming connects me to the joy within.
Osho - Krishna
Upasana is arduous, devotion is hard. Nothing is more difficult than evaporating and disappearing into nothingness.
Upasana means to sit near to someone.
There are two kinds of distances: one is physical and the other is psychological, spiritual. Upasana is a way of ending the inner distance, the psychological separateness between the seeker and the sought.
Soul
When I sit for my practices I just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens. That's why I can sense the energy from nature such as trees, grass and water. Even doing hata yoga opens me up. Guru pooja breaks me down.
And I can greatly sense Sadhguru.
That's why I m ready for Kailash.
I m no longer afraid of feeling all the energy of the Universe.
Osho - Krishna
Inner space is created by becoming; the more solid my ego the greater is the distance between my becoming and being. And as the ego melts and evaporates the inner distance is destroyed in the same measure. And when my ego evaporates completely and I am no more. I am all emptiness, then inner distance between me and God disappears altogether.
Choiceless means going with the flow
Jul 5
Yesterday slept at 12.30 am and when alarm rang at 5.30 am. My body says a strong no and don't want to wake up. So I stay in bed and changed alarm to 6.45 am instead. Thinking I will skip my practises as I be going to ashram. Then I remember I be skipping tomorrow. I couldn't sleep and wake up around 6 am. Shower and did one cycle of Surya kriya followed Shambavi. Such deep silence and I wanted to sit longer but alarm rang at 7 am, for me go to hospital for check up.
Now at hospital. Waiting for doctor. Will be awhile. Will know by today if cholesterol level stabilised. My weight had gone down as my shirt and jeans is now loose. Even my pearl bracelet slips down on my wrist. Looking at the sick people always reaffirm my path for well being.
Saw Z on FB and quickly shut off cos don't want to trigger memories. Looking at my cards for 2013/2014 on new relationships made me realised the breakup with Z is imminent. Bit scary tots of going thru relationship again. But at least I now know the pleasure too instead of just the pain. Just go with the flow.
I had slight tots on the meet. Like L said I was disappointed that we couldn't proceed. But got to be realistic we have 2 program on back to back basis. Also not sure on the numbers. True, I didn't say yes when they asked if I want to lead. I didn't say yes cos others not keen on having it this year. All just wanted a break and focus on themselves for guru pooja session.
Osho - Krishna
There are two kinds of people in the world. One is demanding, aggressive and resistant like the first stalk which places itself against the river and fights with it and suffer every step. And there are people - the other kind of people - who say "Yes" to life, who cooperate with it like the other stalk, which places itself in the currents lengthwise and moves effortlessly and happily with them. These people has a deep kinship with existence; they move it with a song in their heart.
There is a flute in Krishna's hands because he has left himself completely in the hands of existence; he flows effortlessly with its currents. He does not come in the way of life, he does not fight with it. This is the way of choiceless person. And choicelessness is the door to bliss, ecstasy.
Soul
Yes, will do that. Go with the flow. I m no longer as afraid as before.
Now having breakfast at hospital. The old me would also order small dessert. For the first time a tot came, not necessary to eat. So, I didn't order. I m actually surprised. This is second time an alternative tot on food.
Yesterday didn't feel like late dinner cos had a piece of pancake earlier. But I took cos to accompany friends.
Father, something is truly changing.
Mmm, just found out that L's Ruling card is King of Spades. No wonder difficult to be influenced. No wonder can do loads of work. Also carrying responsibility for house and family. Similar to boss and my staff.
Mmm, I have three King of Spades Ruling that is close to me. Wonder what's the msg for each other.
Yesterday slept at 12.30 am and when alarm rang at 5.30 am. My body says a strong no and don't want to wake up. So I stay in bed and changed alarm to 6.45 am instead. Thinking I will skip my practises as I be going to ashram. Then I remember I be skipping tomorrow. I couldn't sleep and wake up around 6 am. Shower and did one cycle of Surya kriya followed Shambavi. Such deep silence and I wanted to sit longer but alarm rang at 7 am, for me go to hospital for check up.
Now at hospital. Waiting for doctor. Will be awhile. Will know by today if cholesterol level stabilised. My weight had gone down as my shirt and jeans is now loose. Even my pearl bracelet slips down on my wrist. Looking at the sick people always reaffirm my path for well being.
Saw Z on FB and quickly shut off cos don't want to trigger memories. Looking at my cards for 2013/2014 on new relationships made me realised the breakup with Z is imminent. Bit scary tots of going thru relationship again. But at least I now know the pleasure too instead of just the pain. Just go with the flow.
I had slight tots on the meet. Like L said I was disappointed that we couldn't proceed. But got to be realistic we have 2 program on back to back basis. Also not sure on the numbers. True, I didn't say yes when they asked if I want to lead. I didn't say yes cos others not keen on having it this year. All just wanted a break and focus on themselves for guru pooja session.
Osho - Krishna
There are two kinds of people in the world. One is demanding, aggressive and resistant like the first stalk which places itself against the river and fights with it and suffer every step. And there are people - the other kind of people - who say "Yes" to life, who cooperate with it like the other stalk, which places itself in the currents lengthwise and moves effortlessly and happily with them. These people has a deep kinship with existence; they move it with a song in their heart.
There is a flute in Krishna's hands because he has left himself completely in the hands of existence; he flows effortlessly with its currents. He does not come in the way of life, he does not fight with it. This is the way of choiceless person. And choicelessness is the door to bliss, ecstasy.
Soul
Yes, will do that. Go with the flow. I m no longer as afraid as before.
Now having breakfast at hospital. The old me would also order small dessert. For the first time a tot came, not necessary to eat. So, I didn't order. I m actually surprised. This is second time an alternative tot on food.
Yesterday didn't feel like late dinner cos had a piece of pancake earlier. But I took cos to accompany friends.
Father, something is truly changing.
Mmm, just found out that L's Ruling card is King of Spades. No wonder difficult to be influenced. No wonder can do loads of work. Also carrying responsibility for house and family. Similar to boss and my staff.
Mmm, I have three King of Spades Ruling that is close to me. Wonder what's the msg for each other.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
2013/2014 Ruling and Destiny cards
2013/2014
Wow, just read my next year destiny card which will start in July. Coincidentally it seems to be reflecting my own plans in terms of my website and also my dream of my husband.
Destiny
Long range - Ten of Hearts
Success, recognition and popularity will come to u this year. Especially favoured are activities dealing with public or large groups. This recognition will play an important role in ur life depending upon other circumstances of ur life. Perhaps u are in a business where u want more exposure and recognition. This is an excellent indication that u will meet with great success in those areas.
Affirmation: I am surrounded by the love and admiration of people. I have success with groups and the public and enjoy much popularity
Pluto - Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
There may be a certain person indicated by the Result card, who is the main challenge for u this year and shows u, whether intentionally or not, the changes u need to make to have the love u want. If not a person, the result card will point to other aspects of this goals or challenge that u have to put before urself this year. It is clear that u want successful relationships and are willing to work for them.
Affirmation - I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life, my friendships, and lovers are mine to embrace.
Results - Nine of Spades
Somehow associated with ur Pluto card, this year will be the element of 'ending'. This could be death of someone u know, a job or health habits that have created the problems u may now be experiencing.
This letting go will certainly take u to a better place, a state of mind where u will be more free to live as u please.
U r ending a major chapter in ur life that will lead u to a new beginning that is just around the corner. In this process, there may be things that u have been doing for a long time that u will now let go of and stop doing. Let go and live.
Affirmation - I learn to let go of people, lifestyle habits, and jobs that have completed their purpose in my life. They are fulfilled and I am free to move on the new and better things.
Environment
Nine of Diamonds.
Giving up things, people or jobs that u once valued highly will bring many blessings and rewards this year.
On some level, this is a year of let go of the past and prepare to move on to many new and better things.
Usually we are afraid to let go of things in our life, afraid that the loss will deprive us of something important and essential to our happiness. However this year u r protected, and all completions will bring u greater fortune and happiness.
Displacement
Three of Diamonds
U will experience the liabilities associated with creativity and an active mind. Artistic endeavour, creative business deals and other creative enterprises will seem burdened this year and require more energy than usual.
Ur own worrisome nature will be something u have to deal with this year. Worry about money may come eventhough u r fine.
Settling on one plan, one idea or one job and finishing it may help to relieve some of the doubts and fears that come up.
Ruling
Long range - Jack of Spades
(A year of success in creative fields such as acting or performing, a year of "rip off" or of spiritual initiation.
Pluto - Three of Hearts
A time of variety and experimentation in ur love life and social life. It may be that u r getting back in the dating again and want to rediscover what kind of relationship is best for u. This might means dating many different people and this could be something challenging and new for u.
Use this positively by learning to express ur feelings more clearly to everyone that is special to u.
Affirmation - learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships)
Soul - that's my goal. To express myself without fear.
Results - Ace of Hearts.
Somehow connected with ur Pluto card will be the element of desire for affection, a new love interest or a birth of a child.
This highly motivating influence tells us that ur creative impulses are directed towards love, home and romance this year.
Affirmation - I complete this year with a new love, which could be a lover, friend, child or something else that brings me great joy)
Environment
Ace of Heart
This is a year when new beginnings in the area of personal relationships will bring many rewards and blessings to u. Whether u start a new love affair or help bring a new child into this world, this is the time for u to discover just what helps u love urself the most.
This is likely to be a year of joy and pleasure, and the focus will be on u, ur needs and attracting to u other people that will fulfill u on the deepest level.
Displacement
Two of Diamonds
This can be a year of significant financial success, especially through ur connections with other people. However these same relationships may require a lot of ur attention this year to maintain and keep a healthy condition.
Partners in business and work will have more demands and needs of u than usual. At the same time u may find urself torn between ur personal rships and ur work.
Just which one u will place the most importance on will determine to a large extent just how successful u will be. This will likely be a productive year, but u will have to work hard for the success u get.
Wow, just read my next year destiny card which will start in July. Coincidentally it seems to be reflecting my own plans in terms of my website and also my dream of my husband.
Destiny
Long range - Ten of Hearts
Success, recognition and popularity will come to u this year. Especially favoured are activities dealing with public or large groups. This recognition will play an important role in ur life depending upon other circumstances of ur life. Perhaps u are in a business where u want more exposure and recognition. This is an excellent indication that u will meet with great success in those areas.
Affirmation: I am surrounded by the love and admiration of people. I have success with groups and the public and enjoy much popularity
Pluto - Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
There may be a certain person indicated by the Result card, who is the main challenge for u this year and shows u, whether intentionally or not, the changes u need to make to have the love u want. If not a person, the result card will point to other aspects of this goals or challenge that u have to put before urself this year. It is clear that u want successful relationships and are willing to work for them.
Affirmation - I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life, my friendships, and lovers are mine to embrace.
Results - Nine of Spades
Somehow associated with ur Pluto card, this year will be the element of 'ending'. This could be death of someone u know, a job or health habits that have created the problems u may now be experiencing.
This letting go will certainly take u to a better place, a state of mind where u will be more free to live as u please.
U r ending a major chapter in ur life that will lead u to a new beginning that is just around the corner. In this process, there may be things that u have been doing for a long time that u will now let go of and stop doing. Let go and live.
Affirmation - I learn to let go of people, lifestyle habits, and jobs that have completed their purpose in my life. They are fulfilled and I am free to move on the new and better things.
Environment
Nine of Diamonds.
Giving up things, people or jobs that u once valued highly will bring many blessings and rewards this year.
On some level, this is a year of let go of the past and prepare to move on to many new and better things.
Usually we are afraid to let go of things in our life, afraid that the loss will deprive us of something important and essential to our happiness. However this year u r protected, and all completions will bring u greater fortune and happiness.
Displacement
Three of Diamonds
U will experience the liabilities associated with creativity and an active mind. Artistic endeavour, creative business deals and other creative enterprises will seem burdened this year and require more energy than usual.
Ur own worrisome nature will be something u have to deal with this year. Worry about money may come eventhough u r fine.
Settling on one plan, one idea or one job and finishing it may help to relieve some of the doubts and fears that come up.
Ruling
Long range - Jack of Spades
(A year of success in creative fields such as acting or performing, a year of "rip off" or of spiritual initiation.
Pluto - Three of Hearts
A time of variety and experimentation in ur love life and social life. It may be that u r getting back in the dating again and want to rediscover what kind of relationship is best for u. This might means dating many different people and this could be something challenging and new for u.
Use this positively by learning to express ur feelings more clearly to everyone that is special to u.
Affirmation - learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships)
Soul - that's my goal. To express myself without fear.
Results - Ace of Hearts.
Somehow connected with ur Pluto card will be the element of desire for affection, a new love interest or a birth of a child.
This highly motivating influence tells us that ur creative impulses are directed towards love, home and romance this year.
Affirmation - I complete this year with a new love, which could be a lover, friend, child or something else that brings me great joy)
Environment
Ace of Heart
This is a year when new beginnings in the area of personal relationships will bring many rewards and blessings to u. Whether u start a new love affair or help bring a new child into this world, this is the time for u to discover just what helps u love urself the most.
This is likely to be a year of joy and pleasure, and the focus will be on u, ur needs and attracting to u other people that will fulfill u on the deepest level.
Displacement
Two of Diamonds
This can be a year of significant financial success, especially through ur connections with other people. However these same relationships may require a lot of ur attention this year to maintain and keep a healthy condition.
Partners in business and work will have more demands and needs of u than usual. At the same time u may find urself torn between ur personal rships and ur work.
Just which one u will place the most importance on will determine to a large extent just how successful u will be. This will likely be a productive year, but u will have to work hard for the success u get.
Osho - without seeking, you cannot find..
Jul 4 eve
Just got back from volunteer meet. We discussed on next inner engineering program and a special program. I was prepared to take the lead if everyone wants to make it happen. Alas, they did not, so I escaped and need only to lead one program. Amen.
These days I felt energised after volunteer meet. Glad of the sharing.
Osho - Krishna
We can find what we seek only after we have done everything to search for it. Without seeking and searching u cannot find even something that is lying at arm's length. Seeking is the door to finding.
Soul
Amen.
Osho - Krishna
In this world we only find what we seek. Our desires and longings and prayers come back to us, just like our own sounds are echoed back by the hills and valleys.
Soul
I believed I get good food and I got.
I believed I get good career and I got
I believed I was unlovable and be abandoned.
Well, no one abandon me. I changed my belief.
Osho - Krishna
The truth is that u come to have what u deserve. If you go to the ocean for water, it will give u only as much as ur container can hold. And the ocean does not refuse, everyone can take according to his capacity.
Success and failure, happiness and pain, light and shade, will walk hand in hand together. Infact one who is not ready to face defeats in life should give up all tots of victory.
There is a flute in Krishna's life because he has left himself completely in the hands of existence; he flows effortlessly with its currents. He does not come in the way of life, he does not fight with it. That is how he sings and dances and plays the flute and goes blissfully through life.
Krishna is as happy in Dwarka as he was in Mathura. And wherever he is, he is dancing and celebrating. That is the way of a choiceless person. And choicelessness is the door to bliss, ecstasy.
Just got back from volunteer meet. We discussed on next inner engineering program and a special program. I was prepared to take the lead if everyone wants to make it happen. Alas, they did not, so I escaped and need only to lead one program. Amen.
These days I felt energised after volunteer meet. Glad of the sharing.
Osho - Krishna
We can find what we seek only after we have done everything to search for it. Without seeking and searching u cannot find even something that is lying at arm's length. Seeking is the door to finding.
Soul
Amen.
Osho - Krishna
In this world we only find what we seek. Our desires and longings and prayers come back to us, just like our own sounds are echoed back by the hills and valleys.
Soul
I believed I get good food and I got.
I believed I get good career and I got
I believed I was unlovable and be abandoned.
Well, no one abandon me. I changed my belief.
Osho - Krishna
The truth is that u come to have what u deserve. If you go to the ocean for water, it will give u only as much as ur container can hold. And the ocean does not refuse, everyone can take according to his capacity.
Success and failure, happiness and pain, light and shade, will walk hand in hand together. Infact one who is not ready to face defeats in life should give up all tots of victory.
There is a flute in Krishna's life because he has left himself completely in the hands of existence; he flows effortlessly with its currents. He does not come in the way of life, he does not fight with it. That is how he sings and dances and plays the flute and goes blissfully through life.
Krishna is as happy in Dwarka as he was in Mathura. And wherever he is, he is dancing and celebrating. That is the way of a choiceless person. And choicelessness is the door to bliss, ecstasy.
The Power of Now - love is not the portal
Jul 4 aft
Soul
Mind was saying why S didn't call. True I snapped but she faced worst treatment from her ex-boss. She doesn't like me.
Father, I look at it and said just Past. I no longer need validation. Besides no comparison since she love her ex boss.
Father, mind truly is in the past. Just want to keep me down. Now I can question it.
The Power of Now
Question : Surely love must be one of the portals?
Answer: No, it isn't.
As soon as one of the portals is open, love is present as the "feeling-realisation" of oneness.
Love isn't a portal.
Love is what come through the portal into the world.
As long as u are trapped in ur form identity, there can be no love.
Your task is not to search for love, but to find a portal through which love can enter.
Soul
Thats what I believed. I feel love is an outcome..it is not the avenue.
Pe always commented that I hold back love.
But to me, it not hold back. But if I don't feel loving,..I don't. Have to be real to myself.
But when I am in presence, loving came...
The Power of Now
The ultimate purpose of the world lies not within the world but in transcendence of the world.
Jus as you would not be conscious of space if there were no objects in space, the world is needed for the Unmanifested to be realised.
It is thru the world and ultimately through you, that the Unmanifested knows itself.
You are here to enable the divine purpose of the universe to unfold
Soul
When I read this back in 2010...I can relate intellectually.
But now I understand and agree.
The Power of Now
If you can feel your emotions, you are not far from the radiant inner body just underneath.
If you are mainly in your head, the distance is much greater and you need to bring consciousness into the emotional body before you can reach the inner body
Mind
Emotion
Energy
Soul
I told Si yesterday the same thing. I said that the world judges high EQ person as 'more value' than low EQ. Perhaps it may not be so.
The Power of Now
Thru allowing the "isness" of all things, a deeper dimension underneath the play of opposites reveals itself to you as an abiding presence, an unchanging deep stillness, an uncaused joy beyond good and bad. This is the joy of Being, the peace of God.
Soul
True
My joy can even comes in on those days that I am 'shattered'.
Even that time when I was feeling suffering because loss of Z, still my joy comes thru after the tears.
Soul
Mind was saying why S didn't call. True I snapped but she faced worst treatment from her ex-boss. She doesn't like me.
Father, I look at it and said just Past. I no longer need validation. Besides no comparison since she love her ex boss.
Father, mind truly is in the past. Just want to keep me down. Now I can question it.
The Power of Now
Question : Surely love must be one of the portals?
Answer: No, it isn't.
As soon as one of the portals is open, love is present as the "feeling-realisation" of oneness.
Love isn't a portal.
Love is what come through the portal into the world.
As long as u are trapped in ur form identity, there can be no love.
Your task is not to search for love, but to find a portal through which love can enter.
Soul
Thats what I believed. I feel love is an outcome..it is not the avenue.
Pe always commented that I hold back love.
But to me, it not hold back. But if I don't feel loving,..I don't. Have to be real to myself.
But when I am in presence, loving came...
The Power of Now
The ultimate purpose of the world lies not within the world but in transcendence of the world.
Jus as you would not be conscious of space if there were no objects in space, the world is needed for the Unmanifested to be realised.
It is thru the world and ultimately through you, that the Unmanifested knows itself.
You are here to enable the divine purpose of the universe to unfold
Soul
When I read this back in 2010...I can relate intellectually.
But now I understand and agree.
The Power of Now
If you can feel your emotions, you are not far from the radiant inner body just underneath.
If you are mainly in your head, the distance is much greater and you need to bring consciousness into the emotional body before you can reach the inner body
Mind
Emotion
Energy
Soul
I told Si yesterday the same thing. I said that the world judges high EQ person as 'more value' than low EQ. Perhaps it may not be so.
The Power of Now
Thru allowing the "isness" of all things, a deeper dimension underneath the play of opposites reveals itself to you as an abiding presence, an unchanging deep stillness, an uncaused joy beyond good and bad. This is the joy of Being, the peace of God.
Soul
True
My joy can even comes in on those days that I am 'shattered'.
Even that time when I was feeling suffering because loss of Z, still my joy comes thru after the tears.
I can now doubt my mind
Jul 4
Woke up bit tired. Had a tot of Z but brushed it off.
Did my one cycle of Surya kriya followed by hata. Getting more nimble.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was good and main thing is I sat through without rest. This is the first time I did that. After 2 cycles of Kapala Bhakti I can feel feet not as cramped an a tot came to sit through. I did. I realised its my mind that wanted to rest as body can take it.
Was singing in my mind when I start Shambavi. My heads was shaking furiously during aum chanting. The physicals movement during aum is similar to breathe fluttering. Towards the end a deep silence. I sat for quite a long while. Plough back was good. I was laughing during prayer of thanks. I added Osho into my list. He truly has guided me loads with his darshan and tarot cards.
1. The Issue
Transformation
This is a time for deep let go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its facticity. Knowing there is nothing else more that u could do.
Soul
I accept my mind will still project tots of Z cos I m attached to him and I love him.
I let the tots run until it gets weird and I will ask mind to stop hurting us and it evaporates.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds.
Soul
Have already known that minds cannot give anything new. Can only extrapolate the past.
Now I can see that mind keep on limiting me. With the slight disturbance, it will ask us to STOP. Whereas I now can see just need to slow down, go with the flow. Mind says I die if I change food. But now I can with ease.
Mind says I can't swim breast stroke. I can and body prefer it. Mind says I cannot breathe flutter on lying down posture but I can. Mind says I can't sit full Shakti but I can
I m beginning to doubt the mind especially when it generate hurting and attacking tots of Z. Truly not helping me, not for my well being. Truly not ME.
Mind says I can't go Kailash. I m doubting that. For now I plan 3 days walking.
3. External influence
Control
If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectation of future.
Soul
Two old friends - I no longer wish to spend time with them. I can see our values are different. And I can't be myself with them. So, its tiring.
The mind says I should not let go. But I let it be.
If Z can be off my life, why not them.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Understanding
Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
There are thousands of flowers, uncountable, but they all become possible in the climate of freedom.
Soul
Yes. The past is gone. Not only Z is gone. The old me is gone.
I will fly like an eagle. If I m afraid, need not stop, just slow down.
I just decided that I will be one of lead coordinator for IE. No more resistance.
My new name Joy Ong is already established officially. My revamped website joyong.org be launched by end of this week. It is time I come out of closet. Show me up.
Time for new people aligned with my new values to show up. Amen.
5. Resolution
Rebirth
Everything passes by you; ur consciousness reflects it but it does not get identified.
Ur consciousness is only a mirror. Things come and go.
Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.
Soul
Very true. I am finally HOME.
Woke up bit tired. Had a tot of Z but brushed it off.
Did my one cycle of Surya kriya followed by hata. Getting more nimble.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was good and main thing is I sat through without rest. This is the first time I did that. After 2 cycles of Kapala Bhakti I can feel feet not as cramped an a tot came to sit through. I did. I realised its my mind that wanted to rest as body can take it.
Was singing in my mind when I start Shambavi. My heads was shaking furiously during aum chanting. The physicals movement during aum is similar to breathe fluttering. Towards the end a deep silence. I sat for quite a long while. Plough back was good. I was laughing during prayer of thanks. I added Osho into my list. He truly has guided me loads with his darshan and tarot cards.
1. The Issue
Transformation
This is a time for deep let go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its facticity. Knowing there is nothing else more that u could do.
Soul
I accept my mind will still project tots of Z cos I m attached to him and I love him.
I let the tots run until it gets weird and I will ask mind to stop hurting us and it evaporates.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds.
Soul
Have already known that minds cannot give anything new. Can only extrapolate the past.
Now I can see that mind keep on limiting me. With the slight disturbance, it will ask us to STOP. Whereas I now can see just need to slow down, go with the flow. Mind says I die if I change food. But now I can with ease.
Mind says I can't swim breast stroke. I can and body prefer it. Mind says I cannot breathe flutter on lying down posture but I can. Mind says I can't sit full Shakti but I can
I m beginning to doubt the mind especially when it generate hurting and attacking tots of Z. Truly not helping me, not for my well being. Truly not ME.
Mind says I can't go Kailash. I m doubting that. For now I plan 3 days walking.
3. External influence
Control
If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectation of future.
Soul
Two old friends - I no longer wish to spend time with them. I can see our values are different. And I can't be myself with them. So, its tiring.
The mind says I should not let go. But I let it be.
If Z can be off my life, why not them.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Understanding
Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
There are thousands of flowers, uncountable, but they all become possible in the climate of freedom.
Soul
Yes. The past is gone. Not only Z is gone. The old me is gone.
I will fly like an eagle. If I m afraid, need not stop, just slow down.
I just decided that I will be one of lead coordinator for IE. No more resistance.
My new name Joy Ong is already established officially. My revamped website joyong.org be launched by end of this week. It is time I come out of closet. Show me up.
Time for new people aligned with my new values to show up. Amen.
5. Resolution
Rebirth
Everything passes by you; ur consciousness reflects it but it does not get identified.
Ur consciousness is only a mirror. Things come and go.
Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.
Soul
Very true. I am finally HOME.
Feeling great with trees and grass
Jul 3 eve
I didn't take afternoon nap and decided to go for a walk before 5 pm.
The sky was shining but not hot. The trees and grass shines brightly with aliveness. They are so green. The trees are giving me energy. I sense their aliveness. It was overwhelming and tears drop. I cried with gratefulness for the grace to see them in their beauty and feel them. Walking in this park is now like walking in ashram.
Sadhguru says once ur energy is raised, u be alive. That's how I feel.
What a great way to spend by birthday.
Z acknowledged my birthday in Facebook.
Tots running but I didn't follow. When it still continue I said to my mind, stop hurting us.
Anyway, all in all a great day.
I didn't take afternoon nap and decided to go for a walk before 5 pm.
The sky was shining but not hot. The trees and grass shines brightly with aliveness. They are so green. The trees are giving me energy. I sense their aliveness. It was overwhelming and tears drop. I cried with gratefulness for the grace to see them in their beauty and feel them. Walking in this park is now like walking in ashram.
Sadhguru says once ur energy is raised, u be alive. That's how I feel.
What a great way to spend by birthday.
Z acknowledged my birthday in Facebook.
Tots running but I didn't follow. When it still continue I said to my mind, stop hurting us.
Anyway, all in all a great day.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Reaffirm my path in Self Mastery ...a path of spirituality
Jul 3 aft
Sadhguru
Unless there is a strong feeling of insufficiency, you will not seek anything big; you will not seek anything with great intensity.
When you walk on spiritual path, your biggest enemy is the huge sense of doubt that will periodically arise. "Am I wasting my time?" "Am I missing out on life?"
If some kind of confirmation has happened to you in some way, you just have to intensify and keep steadily on the focus.
Soul
When L said she doesn't seek, she goes with the flow. I felt bit self-judged in comparison.
I told her I have loads of uncertainty and I am seeking because I want to know.
I wonder for a moment if I am on the right track.
Then I remember that my destiny is sharing of the tools I have used...so should be on the right track.
One day later, I remembered I am seeking because I cannot allow my subsconsicous to rule my life.
I cannot allow my karma to rule me.
I want to rule my life consciously.
And I have truly found confirmation in the tools that I have received.
I have found forgiveness in A Course In Miracles.
I have found my peace and joy with Isha practices
I have release my sadness and anger with Isha practices
I have found my subsconscious with Astrology
I have found my inner perception with Osho tarots
I have found my timing with 7thunder
Sadhguru
Whether it is spirituality or anything else for that matter, life will not yields to you because you desire it; life yields to you because you make yourself capable.
Whether it is money, love or spiritual process, anything in this world yields to you because you do the right things, otherwise it won't.
In your life, if you do not do what you cannot do, there is no problem. But if you do not do what you can do, you are a disaster.
First settle this one (what's going on inside) then, taking charge of the destiny, we will see.. Destiny is: are you moving towards liberation or are you getting entangled? That's the fundamental question with life.
Soul
I am ready for 2013/2014...a new year..
The Power of Now
Enlightenment consciously chosen means to relinquish your attachment to past and future and to make the Now the main focus of your life.
It means choosing to dwell in the state of presence rather than in time.
It means staying to what is.
You then don't need pain anymore.
You will not create any more pain nor suffering.
The mind always adheres to the known. The unknown is dangerous because it has no control over it. That's why the mind dislikes and ignores the present moment. Present moment awareness creates a gap not only in the stream of mind but also in the past-future continuum.
Soul
I chose to live consciously
I choose to create my life the way it was destined to be.
I am looking forward to new Me.
Sadhguru
Unless there is a strong feeling of insufficiency, you will not seek anything big; you will not seek anything with great intensity.
When you walk on spiritual path, your biggest enemy is the huge sense of doubt that will periodically arise. "Am I wasting my time?" "Am I missing out on life?"
If some kind of confirmation has happened to you in some way, you just have to intensify and keep steadily on the focus.
Soul
When L said she doesn't seek, she goes with the flow. I felt bit self-judged in comparison.
I told her I have loads of uncertainty and I am seeking because I want to know.
I wonder for a moment if I am on the right track.
Then I remember that my destiny is sharing of the tools I have used...so should be on the right track.
One day later, I remembered I am seeking because I cannot allow my subsconsicous to rule my life.
I cannot allow my karma to rule me.
I want to rule my life consciously.
And I have truly found confirmation in the tools that I have received.
I have found forgiveness in A Course In Miracles.
I have found my peace and joy with Isha practices
I have release my sadness and anger with Isha practices
I have found my subsconscious with Astrology
I have found my inner perception with Osho tarots
I have found my timing with 7thunder
Sadhguru
Whether it is spirituality or anything else for that matter, life will not yields to you because you desire it; life yields to you because you make yourself capable.
Whether it is money, love or spiritual process, anything in this world yields to you because you do the right things, otherwise it won't.
In your life, if you do not do what you cannot do, there is no problem. But if you do not do what you can do, you are a disaster.
First settle this one (what's going on inside) then, taking charge of the destiny, we will see.. Destiny is: are you moving towards liberation or are you getting entangled? That's the fundamental question with life.
Soul
I am ready for 2013/2014...a new year..
The Power of Now
Enlightenment consciously chosen means to relinquish your attachment to past and future and to make the Now the main focus of your life.
It means choosing to dwell in the state of presence rather than in time.
It means staying to what is.
You then don't need pain anymore.
You will not create any more pain nor suffering.
The mind always adheres to the known. The unknown is dangerous because it has no control over it. That's why the mind dislikes and ignores the present moment. Present moment awareness creates a gap not only in the stream of mind but also in the past-future continuum.
Soul
I chose to live consciously
I choose to create my life the way it was destined to be.
I am looking forward to new Me.
Self Mastery - goes with the Flow
Jul 3
Father, woke up from a dream. So took a snooze. Did my 5 cycle of Surya kriya. Touch my feet twice. Breathe fluttering had improved further. Even the breathe on half lying down posture and mountain pose also improved.
Breathing was lovely. Just so nice sitting watching my breathe.
Shakti was not so great. My legs were cramped. But still good. There were some tots of Z flying in but I just accept them.
Shambavi was great. Towards the end a peaceful silence. So grateful to be able to experience quietness from the mind. Mind not there just a feeling of my presence.
Now at my usual Cafe. My mind said I deserve a root beer float as it is my birthday. Surprisingly a counter tot came u been on food fiesta for the past 1 week. So, by the time the waiter reach my table, I just get my usual order of honey lemon. Father, something changed in me. No longer want to use food to escape.
Just sign off and make final payment for website. Will be launched by end of this week.
Had a good sharing with my web designer. When I was sharing, he confessed that he too may be a internal control freak like me. His emotion is also suppressed.
Amen.
My Osho card for the day
Flowering
Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to the friends but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond.
Soul
Amen
The Power of Now
To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease and lightness.
This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad.
It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.
Things, people or conditions that you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you with no struggle or effort on your part, and you are free to enjoy and appreciate them - while they last.
All those things, of course, will still pass away, cycles will come and go, but with dependency gone, there is no fear of loss anymore.
Life flows with ease.
Soul
I did truly experienced this when I dropped my resistance of preparation of reports few years ago after I joined Isha.
Such irony. I am beginning to see that Self Mastery also means going with the flow.
going with the flow..is mastery by itself.
going with the flow..freed from circumstances
once we are freed...we are in peace.
and that is true Self Mastery
or rather mastery of the environment/people by accepting or not affected by the environment/people.
Father, I finally learned the key to Life.
Ironically thats my team song for North Node in 11th house - Go with the Flow
The Power of Now
The acceptance of suffering is a journey into death.
Feeling deep pain, allowing it to be, taking your attention into it, is to enter death consciously.
When you have died this death, you realise there is no death - there is nothing to fear.
Soul
Yea, accept the facticity of Z's absence, of my love for him, my sadness over him
Sadhguru
Unless there is a strong feeling of insufficiency, you will not seek anything big; you will not seek anything with great intensity.
When you walk on spiritual path, your biggest enemy is the huge sense of doubt that will periodically arise. "Am I wasting my time?" "Am I missing out on life?"
If some kind of confirmation has happened to you in some way, you just have to intensify and keep steadily on the focus.
Soul
When L said she doesn't seek, she goes with the flow.
I felt bit judged in comparison.
I told her I have loads of uncertainty and I am seeking because I want to know.
Infact later, I remembered I am seeking because I cannot allow my subsconsicous to rule my life.
I cannot allow my karma to rule me.
I want to rule my life consciously.
And I have truly found confirmation in the tools that I have received.
I have found forgiveness in A Course In Miracles.
I have found my peace and joy with Isha practices
I have release my sadness and anger with Isha practices
I have found my subsconscious with Astrology
I have found my inner perception with Osho tarots
I have found my timing with 7thunder
I am ready for 2013/2014...a new year..
Father, woke up from a dream. So took a snooze. Did my 5 cycle of Surya kriya. Touch my feet twice. Breathe fluttering had improved further. Even the breathe on half lying down posture and mountain pose also improved.
Breathing was lovely. Just so nice sitting watching my breathe.
Shakti was not so great. My legs were cramped. But still good. There were some tots of Z flying in but I just accept them.
Shambavi was great. Towards the end a peaceful silence. So grateful to be able to experience quietness from the mind. Mind not there just a feeling of my presence.
Now at my usual Cafe. My mind said I deserve a root beer float as it is my birthday. Surprisingly a counter tot came u been on food fiesta for the past 1 week. So, by the time the waiter reach my table, I just get my usual order of honey lemon. Father, something changed in me. No longer want to use food to escape.
Just sign off and make final payment for website. Will be launched by end of this week.
Had a good sharing with my web designer. When I was sharing, he confessed that he too may be a internal control freak like me. His emotion is also suppressed.
Amen.
My Osho card for the day
Flowering
Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to the friends but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond.
Soul
Amen
The Power of Now
To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease and lightness.
This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad.
It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.
Things, people or conditions that you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you with no struggle or effort on your part, and you are free to enjoy and appreciate them - while they last.
All those things, of course, will still pass away, cycles will come and go, but with dependency gone, there is no fear of loss anymore.
Life flows with ease.
Soul
I did truly experienced this when I dropped my resistance of preparation of reports few years ago after I joined Isha.
Such irony. I am beginning to see that Self Mastery also means going with the flow.
going with the flow..is mastery by itself.
going with the flow..freed from circumstances
once we are freed...we are in peace.
and that is true Self Mastery
or rather mastery of the environment/people by accepting or not affected by the environment/people.
Father, I finally learned the key to Life.
Ironically thats my team song for North Node in 11th house - Go with the Flow
The Power of Now
The acceptance of suffering is a journey into death.
Feeling deep pain, allowing it to be, taking your attention into it, is to enter death consciously.
When you have died this death, you realise there is no death - there is nothing to fear.
Soul
Yea, accept the facticity of Z's absence, of my love for him, my sadness over him
Sadhguru
Unless there is a strong feeling of insufficiency, you will not seek anything big; you will not seek anything with great intensity.
When you walk on spiritual path, your biggest enemy is the huge sense of doubt that will periodically arise. "Am I wasting my time?" "Am I missing out on life?"
If some kind of confirmation has happened to you in some way, you just have to intensify and keep steadily on the focus.
Soul
When L said she doesn't seek, she goes with the flow.
I felt bit judged in comparison.
I told her I have loads of uncertainty and I am seeking because I want to know.
Infact later, I remembered I am seeking because I cannot allow my subsconsicous to rule my life.
I cannot allow my karma to rule me.
I want to rule my life consciously.
And I have truly found confirmation in the tools that I have received.
I have found forgiveness in A Course In Miracles.
I have found my peace and joy with Isha practices
I have release my sadness and anger with Isha practices
I have found my subsconscious with Astrology
I have found my inner perception with Osho tarots
I have found my timing with 7thunder
I am ready for 2013/2014...a new year..
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