Seeking for love and found it in Sadhguru and Dhynalinga

Jul 23
Father, slept after 1 am yesterday. Woke up 5.30 am and body was fine. Did my cold shower with head first. Have got use to it and know that it helps to reduce the heat in my head.
Did my breathing, quite good despite no Surya Kriya. Shakti was good as I m back to the base for Kapala Bhakti, I did a quick stop after Suka kriya. Shambavi was good. Towards the end, stillness came. I wish I could stay longer but got to work.
There were one or two tots of Z that flew in and flew out; so don't know what it was. There were tots on work and yesterday incident with L. Still can't figure out how she can shut out the part on her getting us stranded in the heavy jam. Especially since she said my way is jam. She keep on repeating I am confused. Father, let me see.

Osho
Just be responsible to urself. Do whatsoever u feel like doing. If it is wrong, punishment will immediately follow. If it is right, the reward will follow immediately, instantly; there is no other way. 
Cause and effect go together.
In this way u will start finding what is wrong, what is right, on ur own.

Soul
That's it.
Like the shower before and after. Like the hot and cold shower.  Shower using the head instead of body.
I just do my way and when I find outcome is not good, answer came and I will do it.
I find out on my own. I didn't follow just because it is prescribed.

Osho - autobiography
The only way to grow is to accept all the good, the bad, the joyful, the sorrowful. Everything that happens to u that gives u freedom.

Soul
Yesterday fiasco I accept cos I didn't assert my rights. I accept cos I didn't hear her correctly. I accept cos I led her lead the way. Net I wasn't assertive against people who I tot are more capable than me. Must be aware that what they said are not gospel truth. Must learn to trust myself if I m not comfortable. Don't worry about looking 'bad'.
In the end, I took charge and I used my GPS and found my way.

On Z too. I accept.

Osho - autobiography
Truth, the living truth has to be discovered by each individual by himself. Nobody can give it to u.

Soul
Yesterday, when I called out to Sadhguru, I realised I was calling out to be loved.
I told K that I like Sadhguru's pix with eyes looking down so I can feel his loving gaze on me. We look at each other lovingly.
For Dhynalinga, I looked at him lovingly and in return I feel loved, at home, found my place.

No wonder all my songs are love song.
1. Love me tender, love me deep
2. Love is higher than a mountain, love is deeper than water.
3. Send u all my love in a letter.

I was seeking for love and I found it in Sadhguru. Alas love is in me.
Now I knew why I hold on to Z cos I was afraid of losing love. Z never loved me. It was me loving him. I experienced love when we bonded physically. But that's my love, not his.
Father, I just had up go thru the process of overcoming my fear to love, loving Z unrequitedly, losing Z and finally found Sadhguru's love.

Our first breakup was in July and I met Sadhguru in August. Then Z and I reconciled and break up in Sept and then I open up to Dhynalinga. Then I totally lost Z and I found love in Sadhguru in July.

Father, I can see the trail of lessons now.