The Power of Now - addiction to romantic rship

Jun 29 aft 1
The Power of Now
Question
Why should we become addicted to another person - romantic love?
Answer
The reason why the romantic relationship is such an intense and universally sought-after experience is that it seems to offer liberation from a deep-seated stated of fear, need, lack and incompleteness that is part of the human condition in its unredeemed and unenlightened state.
There is a physical as well as a psychological dimension to this state.
On a physical level, you are obviously not whole, nor will you ever be. Sexual union is the closest you can get to the state of wholeness. That is why it is the most deeply satisfying experience the physical realm can offer. But sexual union is no more than just a glimpse of wholeness, an instant of bliss.
On the psychological level, the sense of lack and incompleteness is, if anything, even greater than on the physical level.
As long as you are identified with the mind, you have an externally derived sense of self.
That is to say, you get your sense of who you are from the things that ultimately has nothing to do with who you are; your social role, possessions, external appearance, successes and failures, belief systens, and so on.
This false, mind-made self, the ego, feels vulnerable, insecure, and is always seeking new things to identify to give it a feeling that it exists.
But nothing is ever enough to give it lasting fulfillment.
Its fear remains; its sense of lack and neediness remain.

Soul -
Infact, just yesterday, I did my own physical release and I found that without 'using' him, I still can get the pleasure with joy and the aftermath of peace. I admit it took longer without the emotional tots of him. But it can happen without him.
So, it is not him..not external. I know my joy and peace, my wholeness happens without him.

So, what is my issue in clinging on, holding on to Z, as if he is my fortress. Losing him is losing nothing. He only gave me physical pleasure and a 'partner' that at least I can tell others. He caused me emotional distress with his 'scripts'
I lost my career..so I tot need to hold on to having a partner..
I think my issue is in comparison, yea, social comparison.
I may have all my joy and bliss and others says I am oozing with joy.
But I judged myself...or perhaps I had the script hidden in my mind.
Father, now I understand why I keep on getting Comparison card. I got the card twice in the spate of 2 weeks.
And when I read North Node in 11th house (Aquarius) it is also there.
Father, just like I judged Z for not being able to change his mind about his 'plan'.
Then perhap I am also like him.
Can I change my plan then?
I can't believe my salvation is having a partner...it may be difficult for me at the moment...but I feel it should be more than this

The Power of Now
Love/hate
But then the special relationship comes along. It seems to be the answer to all the ego's problems and to meet all its needs. At least this is how it appears at first.
All the other things that you derived your sense of self from before, now become relatively insignificant. You now have a focal point that replaces them all, gives meaning to your life and through which you define your identity; the person you are "in love" with.
The fact that the center is outside you and that, therefore, you still have an externally derived sense of self does not seem to matter at first.
What matters is that the underlying feeling of incompleteness, of fear, of lack and fulfillment, so characteristic of egoic state are no longer there - or are they?
Have they dissolved, or do they continue to exist underneath the happy surface reality.
You cannot love your partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite.
If your "love" has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meets.
It is the ego's substitute for salvation and for a short time it almost does feel like salvation.
Just as with every addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for you.
When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that you project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of your pain.

Soul
So true...my case worst. I don't even dare to project...partly because of my auto control mode, partly fear of losing him.
Alas, all the 'keeping in', doesn't help. I lost him too in the end. In future, no more keeping in. If not meant to be, at least end earlier rather than prolong.
Father, I am getting nearer.
Thanks for this message.








The Power of Now
Love/hate
This attack may awaken the partner's own pain and he or she may counter your attack.
At this point, the ego is still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts at manipulation will be sufficient punishment to induce your partner to change their behaviour so that it can use them again as a cover-up for your pain.
Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain.
Intimate relationship do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.
Every addiction does that. Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely.
Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway.
Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force you into awakening than 3 years on a desert island or shut away in your room.
But if you could bring intee presence into your aloneness, that would work for you too.