Choiceless means going with the flow

Jul 5
Yesterday slept at 12.30 am and when alarm rang at 5.30 am. My body says a strong no and don't want to wake up. So I stay in bed and changed alarm to 6.45 am instead. Thinking I will skip my practises as I be going to ashram. Then I remember I be skipping tomorrow. I couldn't sleep and wake up around 6 am. Shower and did one cycle of Surya kriya followed Shambavi. Such deep silence and I wanted to sit longer but alarm rang at 7 am, for me go to hospital for check up.

Now at hospital. Waiting for doctor. Will be awhile. Will know by today if cholesterol level stabilised. My weight had gone down as my shirt and jeans is now loose.  Even my pearl bracelet slips down on my wrist.  Looking at the sick people always reaffirm my path for well being.

Saw Z on FB and quickly shut off cos don't want to trigger memories. Looking at my cards for 2013/2014 on new relationships made me realised the breakup with Z is imminent. Bit scary tots of going thru relationship again. But at least I now know the pleasure too instead of just the pain. Just go with the flow.

I had slight tots on the meet. Like L said I was disappointed that we couldn't proceed. But got to be realistic we have 2 program on back to back basis. Also not sure on the numbers. True, I didn't say yes when they asked if I want to lead. I didn't say yes cos others not keen on having it this year. All just wanted a break and focus on themselves for guru pooja session.

Osho - Krishna
There are two kinds of people in the world. One is demanding, aggressive and resistant like the first stalk which places itself against the river and fights with it and suffer every step. And there are people - the other kind of people - who say "Yes" to life, who cooperate with it like the other stalk, which places itself in the currents lengthwise and moves effortlessly and happily with them. These people has a deep kinship with existence; they move it with a song in their heart.
There is a flute in Krishna's hands because he has left himself completely in the hands of existence; he flows effortlessly with its currents. He does not come in the way of life, he does not fight with it. This is the way of choiceless person. And choicelessness is the door to bliss, ecstasy.

Soul
Yes, will  do that. Go with the flow. I m no longer as afraid as before.

Now having breakfast at hospital. The old me would also order small dessert. For the first time a tot came, not necessary to eat. So, I didn't order. I m actually surprised. This is second time an alternative tot on food.
Yesterday didn't feel like late dinner cos had a piece of pancake earlier. But I took cos to accompany friends.
Father, something is truly changing.

Mmm, just found out that L's Ruling card is King of Spades. No wonder difficult to be influenced. No wonder can do loads of work. Also carrying responsibility for house and family. Similar to boss and my staff.

Mmm, I have three King of Spades Ruling that is close to me. Wonder what's the msg for each other.