Feeling the pain is a means of release..keeping the pain only prolongs it

Jul 2 eve
Last day before my new year.
Just got back for dinner. On the way back, tots of Z flow in. I love him but he is truly gone and suddenly I cried for awhile. Then I settled down. I tot I have done everything humanly possible to firstly wait for Z to love me and then wait for my sadness to go off when Z broke off. Alas, the sadness is still there.
When I seek my true self, I found and then I have to accept. Otherwise all seeking will only be false. It's like the Osho card about a seeker who finally found the door to God's house. But he is scared to open and go in.
The same I now found sadness that I lost Z. Rationally I may know why he and I not meant to be. But emotionally I am sad cos I love him and now he is truly gone.

About ten minutes later, I begin to sense by body presence. I can see that I was watching my breathe. Then I watched my mind too and go into Samyama mode. Amen.


Osho - Krishna
Life is fluid like a river, it is always moving.
On the road of life someone walks with u a few steps and then he parts company. All relationships are transient; u cannot say how long anyone is going to be for or against u. Friends turn into enemies and enemies turn into friends in a split second.
So a person who lives his life like a river makes neither friends nor foes; he accepts whatever life brings. He chooses nothing; he reject nothing.
To Krishna, no one is friend and no one is enemy. Time decides; circumstances create both friends and foes. And Krishna has no grievance against anybody.

Soul
Z was my lover and now become casual friend. I need to go with the flow

Osho - Krishna
It is possible that sometimes I may appear to u to be harsh; I cannot help it. When I m harsh I m harsh, when I m soft, I m soft. I have altogether ceased to be anything on my own. I don't insist anymore that I should be this, that I should not be that. This is what I called a steady wisdom.

Soul
Me on this mode.
Father, my face breaking out into acne. Help.

Osho - Krishna
We are a strange people; we can go without love, but we cannot love someone without possessing him or her. We can very well starved ourselves of love, but we cannot tolerate that the person I love should share his or her love with anybody else. To deprive others of love, we can easily give up out own share of it.

Soul
Too deep. I can't do this.
For now; just accept the tide of sadness and let Z goes of like a wave.