I am leaving corporate world

Dec 8

Father, I knew what I want. Its only I m afraid to lose what I have.
CEO is jus a tool to force me to pursue what I want. Thanks to her being so bad, that I can consider what I want.
As for me wanting her to leave, its jus my own projection of wanting me to leave.
So many signs - restaurant owner - Corporate lady quitting her job to open restaurant, Regional FC quitting his job to become a Hairstylist.....
All started from my course mate who intro me this job and after 4 years, left the job to pursue her career in teaching.
The ego in me is angry at CEO for pushing me to make decision. But the Soul in me thank her.
Also thanks to my RA, a reminder.

My feet is swelling today. This 2 week I was already stressed by d ad-hoc request from a client audit, which I tot is max n now hav to handle Resource plan again.
At first was thinkin only 2 years to go before the CEO leave, so to bear n stay on. But then recall our time in ex-company. When d CEO was 'removed', replaced by others, back to square 1. So even if I wait for 2 years, m back to square 1.

Father, I got creative ideas to do the resource plan again but felt no satisfaction at crackin my head for something stupid that can be avoided.

Aiyoh, so correct. I know what I want, I had 10 of diamond the previous 52 days n I hav a biz plan. At first was hoping I hav a husband to support me n I can quit like that. Then when its not forthcomin in immediate terms, I had an alternative plan - 4 days week. And then stil facing pressure at work. I know as long as m here, it be never ending story. I will be hampered. Infact, now blog also cannot do.
And of cos I m also mindful of my RA, which is a blessing in disguise. Even if suppress n procede, my body will tell me.

Father, how lah. My passion is to be Transformational Leader n yet I can't transform myself. How lah.

Osho card
1. The Issue - Dream
U can fall in love wit a man, wit money, wit power. U do so becos to avoid ur aloneness.
Nobody, whether current or some dreamed of partner in future, has any obligation to deliver ur happiness in a platter - nor could they do so even if they wanted to.
Real love comes not from trying to solve ur neediness by depending on another, but by developin ur own richness n maturity. Then we hav so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers towards us.

Soul - 2 things in my mind. One, is my disappointment over d partner thingy. Primarily becos Perhap I shdnt be cos I myself don't believe it can happen.
I wanted someone to support me financially. Perhaps its true, my past life, I married for money.

Second is d fear of letting go of my job n to start another venture n I cld be quite alone in this. Not sure how I can proceed. This mornin again tot of counsellin or perhaps Recruiter.
Now to ensure I get 6k job that give me free time or work that relates to my Passion, in this case, counselling n coaching.

I myself need to make a jump, otherwise how can I expect to counsel others to do it. If Regional FC and even d restaurant's owner whom I earlier tot is less courageous than me can make it. Then I m humbled.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see - Projections
Learn to be immediate in ur vision. Drop ur mind cos mind can only create dreams. A projection can be devilish or divine, preventing us from seeing reality as it is. It happens when we r not fully aware of our own expectations, desires n judgement.

Soul - Yea, dreams of knight in shinning armour. Its not comin jus like what natal chart n even destiny cards says. Only when I m sure of my values, I can then overcome money and relationship issue.
And if previous life I married for money, I now hav to find my own money. Ego said we hav found n now u wan to drop. Yea, we found but d means is not makin us happy nor fulfilled. Its jus fuelling us wit resentment.
Perhaps that's it. I don't wan to be a leader becos I felt pressured.
Aiyoh, I wan CEO to leave or perhaps I wan mysel to leave. I recall I had this conversation - to leave by end April or was it June.

3. External influence which u r aware. - Moment to moment
The past is no more n the future is not yet.
U can be in the present only if r not ambitious - no accomplishment, no desire to achieve money, power, prestige and even enlightenmenmt, becos all ambition leads u into the future.
Only a non-ambitious man can remain in the present.
Experience will come, but experience has not be premeditated.
Be available to what comes your way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust yourself, have a good laugh, and carry on.

Soul - d biz plan is there n I know what I want. I jus need to overcome what m losing n tot of what m gaining - peace of mind.
Ego said how can u be peaceful when u don't have money - I hav money to fund me for at about 20 months.
But website may need 10k, that means 17 mths only
And since m resignin in June - another 4 mths of extra money - 21 mths -
As for counselling - I can pay course via employment contribution. Now need to chk on d loan instalment.
Its now or never.
D CEO is bad enough to push me to make d jump
My RA is serious enough for me not to prolong

The 7thunder said this is a year of change, so timing is right too.
And if things doesn't become successful, I wil stil provide service n meanwhile I can get a job. Either way m fine.
Aiyah, use all my creative tot for my own biz lah.
So, thanks to bad CEO, I was forced to b CEO n now I can used that thinkin process for my own company.

4. What is needed for resolution
Inner voice
U have found ur truth within urself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through u.
U live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself.
Your whole life become a prayer without words or better to say a prayerfulness, a grace, a beauty which does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from beyond into the darlkness of our world.

The inner voice speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart. It is like an oracle who only speaks the truth. I
There r times in our lives, when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.

Soul - My heart so filled up. I felt so thankful. M so blessed that I connected to Universe, to my Truth.

Whatever d pro n cons concering money, pride, partners n etc. One thing remain sure, my heart swell whenever I m following my Passion to be a Transformational Leader.

5. The resolution - Miser
The moment u become miserly, u r closed to the basic phenomenon of life; expansion, sharing. The moment u cling to things, u hav missed the target.
Becos things r not the target, you, your innermost being, is the target - not a beautiful house, but a beautiful you; not much money, but a rich you; not many things, but an open being, available to millions of things.

The card challenge us to look at what wr r clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable that it need to be protected.
Whatever u r holding to, remember u can't take it wit u.
Loosen ur grip and feel the freedom n expansiveness sharing can bring.

Father, thank u.
Suddenly a tot, leave by end June, go to India n stayed in Ashram n start d web.
In the end, whatever the thing I lost, only one thing makes my heart swell n flow, is d tot of following my passion instead of focusing on what I am losing.


Dec 8 (2)

My day card - King of club
Highest card in suit of knowledge. Bestows mastery n success in any of the communication fields, but especially in situations where we r able n willing to take a leadership position or assume responsibility
King of club is highly intuitive and will never compromise on her inner truth.

Spoke to my colleague. He said he understand how I felt. There is jus no reason for me to continue.
I hav already tot of what to tell CEO - jus says for I did my blood test n d result is not so good. So, I have decided to take a break from work.
I hav been thinking since Sept
This job is too stressful for me n I cannot handle it.

As for d sathsang. Its so ironic. I was wrestling for weeks whether to do or not. And finally I decided to n ask if I need to, teacher said they sending a new teacher in training. Guess..its not meant for me. Infact teacher wants me to go to India for ashram training and I told her not now. My ego was dented a bit but I am relieved..and I am not disappointed..cos I know its not meant for me.