My passion is God

Nov 12 afternoon

4. Direction of growth in ur inner awareness or new begining available to you.
Searching for the house of God
Gather all courage and take a jump.
You will still exist, but in such a new way that you cannot connect it with the old. It will be a discontinuity. The old was so tiny, so small, so mean and the new so vast.
From a small dewdrop you have become the ocean. But even the dewdrop slipping from a lotus leaf trembes for a moment, tries to hang a little more, because he can see the ocean ...and he knows once he has fallen from the lotus leaf, he is gone.
Yes, he wil be gone, in a way, he will not be; as a dewdrop he will be gone. But it is not a loss. He will be oceanic. And all other oceans are limited. But the ocean of existence is Unlimited.

Soul - yea, I can see the Ocean and I am now more apprehensive rather than frighten. I hav stop resisting. I cannot lie to myself. My first Passion is You.
If it was not my passion, how can I preserve in my Inner Journey without any break for the past 10 years.
If it is not my passion, how can I cry soulfully cos I feel so right, so thankful someone agrees with me, understand me, grateful I can find people who relate to me, even if they are dead whenever I encounter any spiritual truth that echoes within me.
If it is not my calling, how come all the Masters comes to me.
If it is not my calling, how come whenever I wan to stop, You wil send a Master to knock me and I just fell in deeper and deeper to You.
If it is not my calling, how can I connect so fast and easily to the Source, even without trying, without doing the correct yoga steps, without even trying. People who has done this for years n years cannot attain what I hav within such a short time. Again its a fast track learning for me, jus like in my job.
If it is not my calling, why I got RA to prod me along when I wan to deny and stop. RA tells me I am not happy. I will not stop here. Somehow I need to find the courage to pursue my Passion.

Osho
Rabindranath Tagore
He was searching and searching for years to find God's House and It has eludes him for years and years, still he preserveres.
Finally he found God's House, he was all excited, in ecstasy and about to knock the door, but suddenly his hand freezes. And a tot came, If by chance this is really the home of God, then I am finished, my seeking is finished. I have become identifed with my seeking, with my search. I don't know anything else. If this door is opens and I face God, I am finished -- the search is over. Then what?'
He was trembling wit fear, takes his shoes off his feet, descends back down the beautiful marble steps. His fear is that God may open the door, although he has not knocked. And then he run as fast as he could, but today he runs as he has never run, not looking back.

The poem ends, "I am still searching for God, I know his home, so I avoid it and search everywhere else.
The excitement is great, the challenge is great, and in my search I continue to exist.
God is a danger - I will be annihilated. But now I am not afraid even of God, because I know where he lives. So, leaving his home aside, I go on searching for him all around the universe. And deep down, I know my search is not for God, my search is to nourish my ego.

Soul - yea, Its me. I was near my ending point a year back. I prayed to God, when will the clearing of shit ends. Now it has ended and joy arise, I am worried to open the door to go into God"s house. I am worried cos going in means letting go all that I am now. Also don't know what wil become of me. Worried how people see me, when even I see myself as loco.
　
Osho
Blissfulness does not allow you to exist; you have to disappear. That's why you don't see many blissful people in the world.
Misery nourishes your ego - that's why you see so many miserable people in the world. The basic central point is the ego.
For the realisation of ultimate truth, you have to pay the price - and the price is nothing but dropping the ego. So, when such a moment comes, don't hesitate.
Dancingly, disappear ... with a great laughter, disappear; with songs on your lips, disappear.

Soul - the msg is clear. If I don't jump and follow You, I will live wit regrets thereafter.


5. Key of integration. Inner understanding that is most important for you to work on right now.
Greed - a parable of ambition and hurry.
Drop greed and don't be bothered about result. Sometimes it happens that becos of your impatience, u miss many things.

Soul - now I interpret this as if I start the journey to my Great Purpose, when wil I see the result. Will there be any results. Aren't I a fool for starting something wit no results.
Aiyah, I now understand. I asked and asked What is my Passion for quite some time now and the answer jus come yday - My Passion is God.