Knowing my love language...forgiveness of my past

Dec 1
Father, thank u. Thanks for sending my ex-staff to give me the 5 love language.
This mornin I woke up, knowing I want to be a Transformational Leader and I also want to spend quality time wit my husband and he takes care of me.

Also tot of my 2nd love language of physical touch. That's why I welcomed the initial touch when i was a child cos I tot he was hugging n carrying me cos he love me. When the touch changed, I didn't react out of confusion n later guilt. At long last, I understand why there was no fight for me n why I welcome d touch in the beginning. Becos of d incident, I closed up my openness.

No wonder, I never felt I was loved by my family as my primary love language is quality time n physical touch. In our traditional family, family touch is non existent and quality time is only during meal time. Now I know my holding on to Food. Now I know why food is love or rather meal time is love cos meal time is quality time. Even when m eating alone during meal time. I savour and enjoy alone cos m loving myself.

My parents' love language is on act of service. Father, I was born to family who has different love language for me. So, perhaps love language is not a learned/conditioned behaviour.

I enjoy goin to market wit mom to eat breakfast n select fresh ingredients for meals cos I see it as spending quality time. For mom, she sees it as a service for fetching her. For me, is not a service, I enjoy it.
I think mom's 2nd love language is affirmation cos she like praises.
That's also explain why I cling to old friend and 1st love and I enjoy my ex-colleague companionship. That's why I didn't enjoy one of my ex-staff companion. Cos quality time spend makes me feel appreciated and loved.

Amen.

The 5 love language
1. Affirmation
2. Physical touch
3. Act of service
4. Gift
5. Quality time

My father - service, affirmation
My mother - service, affirmation
My brother - service,
1st sister - service, quality time.
2nd sister - affirmation, quality time
3 rd sister - gift, quality time.

Mmm, not sure actually if all my sisters wan quality time.

The 5 love language
Why do we date?
1. Developing wholesome interactions wit the opposite second.
Our differences are numerous but our basic needs are the same. If we are to serve people, which is life's highest calling, then we must know them - male and female.
Relationship cannot be built without some kind of social interaction.

Erich Fromm
What most people in western culture mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between popular and having sex appeal.
This is an impersonal, disconnected perception of the opposite sex.
Especially practised by those addicted to skin magazines.


Soul - what do I mean by being lovable?
Popular - people wan to spend quality time; able to command attention without providing any service, such as problem solving.

2. Learning about the Person, Personality and Philosophy
Dating provides an opportinity to break down this perception and to help one learn to see others as persons rather than objects.
To know the qualities of personhood.
The personality reveals the nature of our uniqueness
The philosophy reveals the values by which we live our lives.
Dating gives us a means of connecting wit others as persons.
Getting to know someone and letting him/her to know us

Soul - that's what I m afraid in d past. Once they know me, they don't wan me or perhaps that's how I felt abt myself. Since I locked n controlled myself, not letting me out - that's means not accepting the whole me. So, if I can't accept the whole me, how can I expect others to accept me.
Well, that's in the past. The whole me is out now and I love Her. I m ready to share Me.

3. Seeing our strength and weakness
To aid in the development of one's own personality.
Provide healthy self-analysis and brings greater self-understanding.
If we overly withdrawn - we cannot minister freely to others
If we overly talkative - we may overwhelm those whom we would help.
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry
What we dislike in others is often a weakness in our own lives.

4. Practice in serving others
An opportunity to serve others.
Service is life's highest calling.
True greatness is expressed in serving.
Ministry is different from martyrdom. Ministry is something we do for others, wheareas martyrdom is something others bring upon us.
Dating is always a 2-way street
Certainly we receive something from the relationship but we are also to be contributing to the life of the one whom we are dating.
A. Genuine service demands that we speak the truth in love.
We do not serve each other by avoiding one another's weaknesses.

Soul - mmm, can feel my resistant in serving. God said don't have to serve ur husband, but u need to serve all :)

B. Serving by listening
We help them wit empathetic listening.

5. Discover the person we will marry
To help us gain a realistic idea of the kind of person we need as a marriage partner.
Dating people wit differing personalities gives us criteria for making wise judgements.

2 years is the norm when the emotional obsession (where we view each other as perfect) wears of and we begin to view each other in more realistic terms. When we see each other as not perfect, then we feel love is slipping away.

Tot of my loving experience
When d Irish guy clasp n hold my hand walking in d wood.
When a fellow meditator holds my hand when I was losing my balance.
When d Irish guy says he likes my laughter.
Tot of KJ's nature home - place to be savoured and I think his love language is quality time, like mine.

Falling in love requires little effort. After that, it requires more effort. Love at this point becomes a choice. This is when 5 love language becomes exceedingly important. We can become intentional in expressing love to our partner in their love language.
When we do this, they continue to feel our love eventhough the euphoria and distorted thinking of the "in love" stage has vanished.
This is also the stage we. Can look at values suvh as values, morals, spirituality, vocational goals n marriage.

Good marriages are built upon a combination of emotional love and a common commitment to a core of beliefs about what is important in life and what we wish to do with our lives.
Speaking each other's primary love language creates the emotional climate where these beliefs can be fleshed out in daily life.


Soul - tot of my yoga n meditation.