With awareness, can exercise our Free Will and then we can ACT instead of ReAct

Dec 26

Father, ego is non-stop today. When I woke up. Ego said its holiday, sleep n do evening. Then I recall yday evening got no time. So, I jus ignore ego n did my meditation, both shakti and shambavi.
Then today swim not as good. Before d last round, ego said stop lah, but I said no n I continue n I felt my head was heavy but I continue. Then it was fine.
Today, instead of not helpin. I did tell sis abt her son's lack of freedom. I voiced out.

Mmm, yday lookin at d neighbour's child now fully grown n getting married to an angmoh. I know there is a slight feeling of envy. She who was such a fat child wit round face grown to be a slim beautiful heart face wit chin somemore. For a moment, I thought she did bit of plastic surgery. Mmm, didn't like myself too much. Perhaps that's why I wasn't my calm seld during my swim this mornin.

But the good thing is now I don't judge myself too much.

Bhagavad Gita
The ego not only gives human beings the consciousness of certain positive things that they can do, but it negatively influences with the consciousness of limitations of what mortals think they are unable to do.
This is the most dangerous aspect of being under the subjection of the ego regime, for it obstructs the potentially omniscient and omnipotent power of the true Self, the soul.
To break this attachment to delusion is to allow the soul to express its supremacy, establish its influence, and enlarge the manifestation of its infinite possibilities.

Soul - its true.
Once I breakthru my limitation, I can follow my Passion wholeheartedly. Also jus now watching d korean drama, Hwangjini. A gal who loves dancing, music n follow it wholeheartedly despite all d obstacles n even d never-ending objections from her mother.

Mmm, when my friend n PA asked me abt what I wanted to do. I didn't share abt me wanting to be author n speaker of Self-Help matter. I wasn't comfortable to share cos worry they don't believe I can do it. Worry if I tell, then I wld be subject to judgement. Worry people will laugh at me.

Aiyah, the ego. Ego also says this whole long weekend, I haven't write. True, but m learning d foundation for samyama.
Suddenly tot of CEO who always try to take credit, somethin I didn't realise until GM mention to me n when it was so obvious for d 5 days paid annual leave, that has nothing to do wit her. The PA also want to take credit for my spiritual devt. She said m fast track n she still believe her reiki process started my journey. She n CEO really similar n she hasn't seen her mirror.

Bhagavad Gita
Pride - my good name, my rights, my status, my race, my religion, my feelings. I am justified, I am as good or better than anyone else, I want, I have, I am.
Constantly on the defensive/offensive to support and promote the interests of that self.
There arise arrogance, conceit, haughtiness, presumptious behaviour, passionate/wanton lust after the desires, interests or demands of the "I, me and mine"
Consciously/unconsciously try to cut off the heads of others to make himself taller.
Woe unto any person, even well-meaning, who intrudes into ego's pride's own sanctorum. He is met with instant wrath, vengenfulness, or at the very best, a "you should feel ashamed for hurting my feelings".
Ego pride in a man repulses others, producing in them vexation and dislike toward him. The proud only deceive themselves that their overbearing attitude makes them leaders among men.
The greater the good in man, the more there is to be proud about, increasing the chance of succcumbing to egostistic pride..cunning.

Soul - wow, now I understand d CEO's wrath when I questioned her abt her leave overtaken, when she tot I won't give her d mobile phone n recurring incidents of issuing threats to me n GM. She is really full of pride. Mmm, better order d notebook for her.

Bhagavad Gita
Envy
Incites the lust of desire, and makes its practically impossible for one to reach straightway to one's goal and ideal of life.
It is a dreamer. It makes man dream of a world of fulfilled desires, causing him to run after them through endless corridors of births and rebirths
It makes one forget his true duty, those actions that are correct for his own soul evolution, and creates in him longings to imitate the position of others - that he might be or have what has aroused envy in him.
To destroy this consciousness, one should disassociate himself from his own personality and in his imagination identify himself wit others. He will find out that the resultant state of mind is the same in everyone - momentary pleasure followed by dissatisfaction and more desires.
Ceasing to desire, he will discover what he really wants is not ego-satisfaction, or whim-satisfaction, but satisfaction of the Self or soul.
The soul, being unlimited, does not allow itself to be circumscribed by the ego's narrowness.
The destruction of ego consciousness does not mean that we should live aimless lives, but that we should not limit ourselves by being identified wit ego's attachment.
Those who free themselves from ego's narrowness and the consciousness of ego's possession hold dominion over earth and heaven.
A child of Spirit who is free from ego

Soul - m envious of people who has a husband or parents who takes care of them or people who are charismatic/beautiful. They don't hav to fight or face challenges for their wealth, their position, their rights, their leisure.
I used to think I don't wan to climb d corporate ladder cos m waiting for d guy n the higher I climb, it reduce my chance.
Then I found my dream house n tot my future wil get it for me. Yday I saw a house wit glass wall overlookin a little garden n there is water on d side n I think is abt 800k, I think I can get that.
Now I m goin to follow my Passion which is a tall order. Somethin in me stil says that m not lovable cos I still hav to face tall challenge n this will be my greatest.
Another tot from the Soul, is d greatest challenge but this is your Passion, so chance of success is great n u will be happy jus doing it.

Father, I jus realised that what I hav is ENVY. Always thinking people hav something that I don't. Forgot that my college mate said I m the luckiest person he knows, forgot that my staff n friends always says I get what I want.
And now at 42, I hav cleared all my financial commitment n can work part time n follow my public affair Passion n I guess others wld be envious of me.
I told J that he is not thankful for what he has, he is always thinkin of what he doesn't has.
I realised m d same, in the other side, especially when faced wit challenges of being Alone.
Its so disbelievable, I hav come a long way n here my image myself still back in the Past.
Yea, perhaps I do lacked pride n that's why I didn't understand CEO and GM. Now that I tot abt it, in my ex-company years ago, there was an ex-staff wit slit lip n yet hav a nice looking husband which I was envious of. And here I hav everything else. SL tot I was envious become of d staff is good in her job n hence have CFO's recognition. That's not true, its jus me envious of her husband. Of cos, I wasn't aware then or perhaps I don't dare to admit to myself cos it does sound silly n also humiliating to me for being envious. I shld be happy for her instead.
I recall I read somethin in d natal chart that said I lack self-boundary n I shrugged it off. Perhaps I shld relook at it now.
Mmm, here m envious of couples n here my natal chart says that unless I fulfill my Destiny, I won't be wit my husband n I won't hav d wealth/dream house. So, let it go my attachment for a husband, let me jus focus on fulfilling my Soul's purpose. And who knows, d husband will come after that as what is stated in my Queen of Diamond n Natal chart and also Osho cards messages. And now reaffirms in Bhagavad Gita.
I am meant to be a Great Person on my own. Then I will be wit another Great Person too. Like what Osho and Bhagavad Gita says.

Bhagavad Gita
The aspiring yogi should forcefully disassociate himself from his egoic tots, "That's not me".
(Soul - this is what I did today, firstly in d mornin before meditation and secondly in d pool, before last lap)
He learns to shut the doors of his consciousness against all undesirable visitors seeking lodging within.
And whenever that devotee has been abused or neglected by others and yet he feels within a stirinng of the holy spirit of forgiveness and love, he can then affirm with conviction, "That is me! That is my real nature"

Yoga meditation is the process of cultivating and stabilising the awareness of one's real nature, through definite spiritual and psychological methods and laws by which the narrow ego, the flawed hereditary human consciousness, is displaced by the consciousness of the soul.

Soul - reading d Bhagavad is timely. It helps me to reinforce my Soul nature within me. Thank you. And d lesson on envy, my main issue is really great. Never realised a small envy (that's why it was placed in last sixth) can cause me to displace my Passion.
Bhagavad Gita
1. Kama (Lust)
2. Krodha (Anger)
3. Lobha (Greed)
4. Moha (Delusion)
5. Mada (Pride)
6. Matsarya (Envy)

Our delusion-born ego desires n sensory temptations though unlimited in number and protected by the vehement power of the ego nature, is only as strong as we r in d body-identified state.

By the proper breathing exercises of pranayama, the venous blodd is purified and man's body is directly supplied wit cosmic energy. When life force is shut off from the sensory organs, material sensation cannot reach the brain to snatch away the meditator's attention from God.
(Soul - mmm, firstly tot of d breathing in Shakti n also surka kriya - will be diligent. Secondly tot of my auto head shakin. There r 2 points that my head will auto shake, whenever I felt d Union or when m lost in tots)

The soul, having regained supreme command of the consciousness, says; "I was never anything but joyous Spirit; I only imagined for a time that I was mortal man being imprisoned by delusive limitations and sensory temptations"
(Soul, whenever m connected wit d Universe, I jus felt so happy, so joyful, laughing wit such abandonment. At times, I used to wonder why m I happy, why laugh. Now I know. Father, I now appreciate my connection. Amen)

The "awakening" of the soul or Self-realisation, occurs first as a temporary awareness during the experience of samadhi in deep meditation, after successful practice of pranayama has produced life-force control and reversed the life and consciousness from the senses to the divine inner states of soul - and God-awareness.

As the yogi's samadhi experiences deepen and expand, this realisation becomes a permanent state of consciousness. Attaining samadhi or oneness wit God is the only method by which the ego consciousness can be completely defeated.
(Soul - different from Sadhguru. Perhaps samyama is culmination of samadhi. Or rather samadhi is a long track and samyama is a fast track method. Trust Sadhguru to led wit fast track. I hereby admit Sadhguru to be my Life Guru. While I won't be using his programme to coach others as m coaching more ego-conscious persons, but I will use his program for myself. And for those who is ready, I send them to Isha. Like I said I m Isha promoter)

Bhagavad Gita
3 states of samadhi

1. Jada samadhi (unconscious trance)
- spiritually useless because it only temporarily suspends the consciousness and actions of the ego.
- produced by methods of physical control, or by mental anesthetic of keeping the mind blank or by pressing on certain glands.
(Soul - this is my samadhi state n I know its useless)

2. Savikalpa (perception of Spirit without the waves of creation)
- the attention and the life force are switched off from the senses and are consciously kept identified wit the ever joyous Spirit
- the soul does not lose its identity but only expands into Spirit.
- the mind is conscious only of the Spirit within; it is not conscious of creation without (the exterior world).
- the body is in trancelike state, but the consciousness is fully perceptive of its blissful experience within.

3. Nirvikalpa samadhi
- the soul realises itself and Spirit as one. The ego consciousness, the soul consciousness and the ocean of Spirit are seen all existing together.
- simultaneously conscious of Spirit within and of creation without.
- he no longer sees himself as "John Smith" related to a particular environment; he realises that the ocean of Spirit has become not only the wave of John Smith but also the waves of all other lives.
- the divine man in the nirvikalpa state may even engage in performance of his material duties wit no loss of inner God-union
(Soul - this is samyama. So, same as Sadghuru, jus different mode of presentation)
Ancient Hindu song

In savikalpa samadhi yoga,
You will drown yourself (ego) in Yourself (Spirit)
In nirvikalpa samdhi yoga,
You will find yourself (ego) in Yourself (Spirit)

Soul - this is what I said earlier. I do valued ego cos d good tendencies - self control is what brought me to this spiritual stage. If I didn't hav d self control, I wouldn't be here. And ego is also me.
My present mode - to accept all parts of me, the good and bad; the weak and strong cos all is in the same vein. I don't claim to be the good at all time. I jus want to claim and admit/acknowledge all of me. And I think once I accepted all of me, ego and soul, I can accept everyone and everything in this world. Becos this will then hold true the statement; your world (outer) is a reflection of the inner u. Once I accept d everything of me, there is no longer any hidden agenda, or rather there won't be any unconscious matters that direct my life. Everything is conscious n then wit my free will, I will decide.

Bhagavad Gita.
Even if past evil tendencies are destroyed, other evil tendencies or even egotistical good tendencies, can easily be created to keep the soul in bondage.
(Soul - is my passion to be Self-Help Guru an egotistical good tendencies by me ego. A reply came immediately, its not cos ur Heart sing when u tot of being near ur Passion. Also, its stated in ur Destiny's Nine of Diamond and Natal chart cards.)

When the awakening yogi, by the application of right action and meditation, tries to regain his natural state of divine consciousness, he find at each point of advancement of negative opposition of the Kuru forces.

Having won the moral battle by his power to resist wrong actions and adhere to spiritual duties and the inner psychological battle of restlessness by control of the body, mind and life foorce, he now confronts the metaphysical battle in the cerebrospinal centers.
As he tries to lift his consciousness upward through the centers to Spirit, he is fiercely resisted by the strong habitual body-bound powers and attachments.
(Soul - no wonder. I was wondering why at this late stage, I still hesistate to do meditation. Like this morning. How to overcome?)

The yogi draws courage and perseverance from knowledge that the inevitable final victory will be on the side of virtue. He holds the truth that it is unnatural to be evil or to allow unhappy disturbing conditions born of delusion and wrong action to rule one's mind, whereas it is quite natural to be virtuous and blessed.

Man is created by God in His own image. It is because of this spiritual inheritance that he can rightfully claim to possess the all-conquering qualities of the Omnipotent Spirit.
Soul - thank u, Father. D answer is to remember my natural state is to be happy at all times. Any other state is not mine.

Bhagad Gita
Ego is the psuedo-soul. It is but the reflected light, it is also called the shadow of the soul.
Intuition is like a light, a flame of knowledge, that comes from the soul. It possesses all-sided power to know all there is to be known. Every man inherently possesses something of this power, but in most it is undeveloped.
The more undeveloped, the intuition is, the more distorted the ego image will be.
The ego in the ordinary man is not the pure ego, but ego entangled in all the ramifications that have grown out of it - that is, from its identification with the intellect, mind and senses.
When man become conscious of pure ego, untrammeled by any of its evolutionary products, he is very near to soul-realisation.
The pure ego is nothing but the soul, the jivatman or incarnate individual Self.

Soul - this is what I said earlier. My ego is me n it has good n bad n all d opposite attributes is in d same vein. If I destroy d bad, I destroy the good too. Hence, m reluctant to do that. I m more willing to let it come up or come out (if it is not harmful) cos it is like a naughty child. All d years, I hav suppress n hidden them n hence it direct me without my knowledge.
Now, firstly I tot my mind was shitty. Then I tot it has no principle. And now I tot is jus like a child crying for attention. Whenever negativ tot come out, is for me to take a step back and be aware, jus like my RA.
To me, if I keep the ego well, it wouldn't hav to resort to bad habit. It wouldn't need to be a unlovable child crying for attention, even if d consequence is bad, jus like what my nephews r now doing.
Father, am I in the right track?
I may be, cos I felt sure.

Bhagavad Gita
The intent of yoga is to provide measures by which the purity of the ego can be established outwardly as well as inwardly.
The fault-infested ego of the ordinary man is the mind-ego that has the potential of being perverted by intellect waves, mental vibrations and sense impressions.
When the possibility of the ego's being influenced by these has been removed, then and only then is man safe from the disturbances and sufferrngs inevitable in forgetfulness of the soul.

Soul - suddenly has a tot. Yoga slows down the mind-activity so that everything is not on auto mode/immediate reaction n hence it allows me to pause n to make choice on what to do or where to go. It allows me to exercise my free will. Cos without yoga, my bodily reaction is immediate n I can't even use my free will. I am previously trapped n now m freed.
Like this mornin, d tot came, feeling tired, not sure if wan to do meditation, its a holiday, perhaps can do evening.
D tots seem to come in bit slow motion n I listened to it but I tot if I don't do in d mornin, I won't do in d evening, so I made a decision to do meditation n I got up n go to toilet.
Then in d toilet, tot come in, perhaps don't wan to swim. Then I tot if don't swim now, after meditation by 9 am too late to walk in d park n I decided to swim. All these tots seem to come in slowly n I didn't decide on anything n d opposite tot came in n then I make a choice.
At this point, I can't say m non attached, but I wld say that except for food n husband, d rest of the negative ego tot does not result in automatic/immediate reaction n with the pause, d opposite positiv tot can come in so I hav 2 opposite tots inplace before I make a choice and act. That's it. Now it is no longer REACTION but ACTION. Reaction denotes loss of control/no decision making. Action is a an active decision making wit direction. Action reflect Self- mastery.

Bhagavad Gita
Daily in sleep, every man becomes a renunciant, sloughing off all his sham titles; and once in a while he even becomes a saint. But becos of sense habits during the conscious state, he cannot preserve that non-attachment while actively engaged in duties.
If a man can for a sufficient length of time remain unidentified with his tots and sensations, without being in a blank or unconscious state, he will know his true Self through undistorted pure Intuition. Thus the absolute calmness of deep meditation is the only way the ego consciousness can be eliminated.

Soul - what yoga does is create awareness. Like when I do hatha yoga now wit eyes closed, aware of all d movement n sensation. Previously, it was jus physical movement.
In meditation, I had no comparison, I can't differentiate, but I can in hatha yoga. And in my tots, while all d while m in auto-control mode, I can't recall filterin thru d tots like I can do now, what I did was "control or hold back" the reaction.
So, is it my mind generating tots slower or it is me becoming more aware n hence can see d running tots?
Father, if only others can see what I am seeing now, the world would be much better than now. A tot came, that's is my Soul purpose, to bring this insight to the world. To bring d Light of knowledge.
M now crying loads cos wonder why can't We all have this knowledge. Why it took me so long? Why is it hidden for mus. All the wasted years!
A tot came, be thankful m aware when m only 42 years old and still have 40 glorious years to go.

Can I? Can I bring this knowledge to the world? Will they listen especially I still have not embodied an enlighten being? What I have is only knowledge n not in full application yet. A tot came, in time u will be. And u can use samyama to fast track this into ur ego.

Jus now when mom said she want to make noodle. A tot came to me, I m full. Then when mom offer, I told her a small bowl cos m full. Then when I took d bowl, I saw a piece of fishball - meat, I make a choice not to eat it. This sequence of tots wld never has arisen in me. I wld ask for half bowl instead of small bowl. I wld eat the fishball instead of giving it back to mom. Its like m AWARE n then its me making choice n decide to act accordingly, no more reaction. If I can do this wit food, I can do it with anything else, even d envy on husband thingy.

Just chk on Sadhguru's poem. Him creating karma to hold on to his bodily form so as to help us to cross over. This is the same msg on d osho card, Buddha waiting at heaven's door for everyone to enter. But He can't wait too long.
Perhaps its true, Sadhguru's samyama may b d last one wit me.
When I read d Osho card, I tot why Buddha waitin for me. This week no enlightenment/insight/courageous act. Little did I know I would be given this Insight and I also didn't know Sadhguru is the Buddha that awaits me. Amen.

Bhagavad Gita
Ego serves its purpose of keeping the consciousness sense-bound to the body whether a man's desires and actions are basically good or evil.
When the Kauracas or offspring of the sense-mind are stronger, Bhishma (Ego) sides with them.
However, as the divine discriminatice qualities become more victorious, it begins to feel more tenderness toward the discriminative qualities.
But their victory of Self-realisation or Soul rule cannot be complete so long as Ego lives.
Bhishma is invicible, for the "I" can never be destroyed without its consent and cooperation.
So Bhishma himself finally receals to the Pandavas the sole way he can be killed in battle by the skill of Arjuna, the devotee in deep meditation.
Eventhough ego is rendered powerless and benign by samadhi meditation of the devotee, it will not fully die (the pure sense of "I-ness" or individuality remains) until there is union wit Spirit in nirvikalpa samadhi.

Soul - I recalled a few months back, I said d ego has no principle, shifting to and from between good and bad.
I now know why I m led to Bhagavad Gita. My I is strong n since I believe Ego is both good n bad n to kill It, will be to kill myself. I would not have fully cooperated during Samyama process nor this 40 days of full veg without coffee. I wanted to hold on to the Ego.
Sadhguru's poem also says that eventhough he has achieved nirvakalpa, he is holding on to ego to bring us all to the gate of heaven.
I wouldn't have surrendered. Father, thank U. U have always guided me well. In future, whenever I forget to feel thankful and complain on my challenges or in envious mode, I wil jus need to remember one thing I know that U r always here wit me every step of the way. This is the greatest blessing of all.

Osho card
1. The issue - Imitation.
Be true to yourself, because ur own truth can lead you to the ultimate truth. Nobody else's truth can be ur truth.
You have a seed within u; if u r imitating others, that seed will remain dead.

Soul - earlier I tot it was d career change but now I can see its also about my being true to myself in this spiritual path. I have my own way of leading myself to the Ultimate truth.
I always know I have my own programme. My truth comes from my experience n not translation/interpretation of books of Wisdom.

2. External influence u r aware
Dropping the past.
Gather courage - the journey has begun. A man who lives according to the past is bound to feel boredom, meaningless and a kind of anguish.
You go wit life, you flow with life, with your totality and intensity and u will never face any dilemma again

Soul - earlier I tot is abt career change, then I tot is about d 40 days vegetarian n now I know is about my cooperation to surrender my ego.

3. Inner influences that u might not be aware - seed of transformation
Hope
The joy of love is possible only if you have known the joy of being alone, becos then only do u hav something to share.
Otherwise, two beggars meeting each other, clinging to each other, cannot be blissful. They will create misery for each other, hoping in vain, that the other is going to fulfill them.
Only people who are self-actualising, who are in such tremendous love with themselves that they can close their eyes and be alone and be utterly blissful. Meditation means being ecstatic in ur aloness. Soon, the ecstasy is so much that u cannot contain it. It starts overflowing u. And when it starts overflowing u, it becomes love.
Love is sharing. But before u can share, u have to have it. Meditation shld be the first thing.

Soul - this truly give me hope as m feeling more n more blissful. Yday n today at the pool, I was so at bliss that I laugh uncontrollably and it even continue when I open my eyes.
And here I tot m unlovable. The truth is You love me so much that u wan me to do the right way. To hav meditation first to love myself n then to share love. Amen.
God works in surprising ways. I would never hav tot abt this alternative view of me not having a partner for so long. Earlier I tot I was unlovable, then I tot is becos m not ready and recently I know its becos I can't visualise it, so it can't happen. And now the opposite view.

4. Direction of growth in ur inner awareness - new levels of understanding that are just now becoming available to u.
Enlightenment
Why the Buddha waits at the gate of heaven.
Buddha's was standing with his gaze back to the gate of heaven. His face was still looking forward the far shore that he had left behind. His heart is big and he is waiting for all those he have left behind who are struggling on the way. When there is nobody left outside, then it be his time to enter the gate of heaven.
He cannot wait here any longer, he has already waited over his time. He shld have gone by now but, seeing your misery and suffering, he somehow kept himself together. But is has become more and more impossible. He will have to leave you reluctantly.
If u r aware, alert, not only the floor, but you yourself would have felt a deep cleansing.
Make more and more moments of your life luminous with awareness. The cumulative effect is what enlightenment is. The cumulative effect, all the moments together, all small candles together, become a source of light.
It is not within ur hands, once u have become enlightened, u will have to enter into the universal source of life. It is not a question of ur choice or decision.

Soul - message that Sadhguru is waiting for me. Also says I hav reached d heaven gate n I hav to surrender my ego.
Mmm, this is different from d other heaven gate card; that one I hav found d gate but I ran away.
This one says I m there n I jus need to surrender my ego.
How is it possible, Osho card, Bhagavad Gita and Sadhgur poem, all d same. It can only be an act of God. If ever, I doubt, this will be the last stand.

5. Key of integration - inner understanding for u to work on.
Alertness.
Be alert. Each moment has to be taken as if this were the last moment.
Whatsoever u do, be there in it as a light, and everything is revealed.
The Masters are always waiting behind disciples, whether physically or non-physically. The Master hit him hard, his body fell down but inside he became alert. The desire/ego disappeared. Everything dropped wit the body, shattered; he become alert.
In that alertness, he died.
And if u can join alertness and death, u have become enlighten.

Soul - first message is to use my newfound Awareness n see my tots, both negativ n positiv n make choice to ACT n not react.
Second message, Sadhguru is waiting for me.
Third message, I hav to cooperate to let my ego be killed. I hav to surrender my individuality.
Amen. Finally understand the transformation cards.