Being in group relationship (North Node in 11th house)

Jun 3 eve 1

Had coffee earlier,  about one and half hour before Sannidhi Pooja. I tot it be a poor session but surprisingly I was still receptive. It was quite good. During guru song I was mostly sitting still just imbibing the energy. During Brahmanda immediately the other voices come in.  In the end just savour the energy.

Today got my Linga Mercury pendant. I can feel her. When I wore it I feel a sense of grounding. I feel she calms me down.

Many messages in the volunteer group chat. The old me would have reacted as below
Firstly wondering why they are so enthusiastic, then trying to go into it to be part of the group. Then do it and promote well. Received validation. Then later  can't come out then I feel resentment. So when I left the core team I request not to be in mailing List cos I can't stop myself.
Now I can. So many messages. I just can let them be. It doesn't stir me into action.

Soddenly it occurred to me that being in a group is like in a rship. In order to maintain the rship I tot I had to comply to fit in. So I changed myself but then I feel resentment.

Now learning I can be in a group rship without disregarding my personal needs. Then I can be in the group rship happily. Cos ultimately I myself need to be happy alone.

Such a long process but finally got North node in 11th house. Amen.

North Node in 11th house
 “The North Node in the Eleventh House indicates that it may be your destiny to develop your sense of group identity, particularly in terms of developing social responsibility. You must become better integrated into the larger social unit and establish your individual identity within the group in a healthy and balanced manner. To this end, your destiny has been framed to present appropriate learning opportunities.
It may be difficult for you to gain affinity with a group or come to terms with the need for social responsibility, but it is unlikely that you can avoid these issues. The challenges facing you may involve finding your place within a group, coming to terms with your role in society, being concerned for the future or developing a concern for the well-being of humanity. It is likely that, in the past (including your past life development), you have not paid sufficient attention to being involved in group settings and/or to your responsibilities to society and humanity. You are now called upon to undertake these obligations in your present life.
“You may have an overwhelming desire to be a part of some group or to participate in some cause devoted to social uplift. However, because you may be deficient in karmic or sanskaric (past life) experiences in such Eleventh House matters, you may find group interaction or social participation to be difficult, unfamiliar and fraught with pitfalls. If you are insecure, you may choose to avoid this area of life. However, it is more likely that you will respond to this challenge, which you feel destined to meet.
At least initially in life, you may have a tendency to avoid groups and/or matters of social responsibility, as you hesitate to confront your destiny lesson. Ultimately, if you are to be successful in actualizing your life's potential, you must come to terms with your need for group and social involvement. The unfolding of your destiny is most likely to occur within the context of group life or social involvement. Joining a particular group, organization or cause may seem to have a certain fated quality.
You are also likely to be confronted with contradictory drives for commitment to a group or society, on the one hand, and developing your own self identity on the other hand.
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks.