Rheumatoid Arthritis pain acting up strongly

Jun 29 eve

My right knee is still swollen. Last week I injured it and before it got well I injured further in the pool.
Because my hand was in slight pain I over exerted my legs when trying to do Breast stroke style. 4 feet pool and the panic attack still there. Truly back to beginning. But this time no sadness. Just accept that this is what I can do now.

Mom see me in pain and immediately said its due to yoga. I told her ifs because I stopped my medication. Then she start to give me remedy learned from friends. When I walk in pain she kept asking me if I can take medication or injection to cure the pain. I told her can't I be in pain without having to explain myself.
Now sitting I realised that she is acting up cos she can't handle to see pain just like she can't see tears. Her auto reaction is asking me to stop crying or stop feeling painful.

Father, slowly seeing anger from others on me does not relate to me. It related to their own perception of how they see me or themselves. Just like that day G was angry that I commented the shrine of L is messy and energy average. At first I tot she was scolding me for making feedback then I realised she is angry cos she didn't bring me to the nice place that I wanted to go. Instead of feeling guilty, she try to make me feel bad for seeing the place as not as good as the other.
Perhaps slowly Seven of Clubs is over.

Sadhguru
The fundamental goal of the spiritual path is, when a person experientially realises that everything is so transient, he becomes loose within himself. He is not stuck to anything. When he is not stuck to anything, if he wishes he can withdraw from everything; and if he wishes he can enjoy everything, but there is no suffering. If he wishes he can suffer also. Sometimes, even that is good; that suffering is not a suffering anymore. U can allow urself to melt and fuse with somebody. U can cry with somebody if u want to, but it is no longer suffering. After the crying is over, u are a new being.