Trust...doesn't come easy for me

Jun 8
Woke up from a dream. Today not doing Hata cos has to be early at office.

My feet swelling and the magnetic house sandals helps.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory. One cycle of Surya Kriya but not able to hold 7 breathe cos right elbow is swelling. Feet alignment not good cos left shoulder also swelling.
61 points awareness meditation not great.

Breathing was nice.
Shakti was okay but my left feet was cramped and pain came. I had to rest my feet at every Kapala Bhakti. Did maintain slow Kapala for first and second cycle. Third cycle was a bit lost.
Surprising singing at the end of Shakti.
Shambavi was good. Singing at the end. Wish I could sat longer but alarm rang.

While driving has sexual tot of Z. I waived it off as karmic past. When body pain came, I be on the lookout for sympathy.

Just has breakfast. Ordered milk tea. But couldn't drink. Just took a few sip. Body rejects. These days either I am becoming more aware of my body or my body is getting sensitive.
I think it is the knowledge and experience that milk is bad for me; to drink is foolish..it is not sensible

Osho
Surrender simply means trust, relaxing. It us an attitude rather than an act.
U swim in water. U trust water. A good swimmer trusts so much that he almost become one with the river. He is not fighting, he does not grab the water. he is not stiff and tense. 
If u are stiff and tense, u will be drowned; if u are relaxed, the river takes care.


Soul
With yesterday fear of water. I m still far off. But no longer judge myself. I can just continue with my sadhana for swim.

Osho
Trust me and u r not fighting; surrender means that u don't think of life as the enemy but as the friend. Once u trust the river, suddenly u start enjoying. Tremendous delight arises: splashing, swimming or just floating.

Soul
I experienced some of this before.