May 8 eve 1
Gargothill
South Node Scorpio
Transendence
“Your affinity for what is deep and real brings you, at the transcendent level, to your inner depths where the Real awaits you. Within you lies an intense longing to merge with your Source and Origin, a longing that has been implanted in you long ago and which is your birthright.
You have utilized your innate emotional intensity to manifest this longing as devotion and your penchant for privacy has served you well in giving you the time and space in which to undergo the inner purification and concentration that has taken you on your inner journey.”
Soul
Yes..I am a feeler..and emotional intensity towards my shrine, little ashram
Finally realised that all my love song of longing is for my little ashram today.
Midheaven in Pisces
“However, if you are pointed in the right direction and find sufficient structure and discipline—whether internal or external— to pursue your goals, you are capable of going far. You generally will have the capacity to be guided by your intuition on your pathway to success. Your tendency to progress toward wholeness often makes you a unifier, with the ability to understand other people’s hopes and motivations. This may enable you to motivate others and simultaneously achieve your own goals.
Soul
Exactly, how I am playing my role now.
I do my sadhana..and inspire people to deepen their practices with the help of Sannidhi and Devi. So I am correctly put as Interaction Lead.
Transcendent Potential
With your Midheaven in Pisces, you have one of the highest potentials to transcend the materialistic dictates of the super-ego. You have a natural tendency to look for success within yourself and to believe in the power of intuition and the unknown to guide you toward right ambition and success. However, if you use these gifts and affinity for the transcendent to direct your energies more finely and subtlety toward the accumulation of material wealth and status, you are still being controlled by your super-ego.
“To truly transcend the super-ego it is necessary to replace its goals and objectives with your own spiritually-defined concept of success. If you do this completely, then your whole life’s ambition will be directed toward the attainment of self-knowledge and God-consciousness. Your real goals in life will become compassion and universal Love. With perseverance, devotion and the necessary discipline, you will achieve this priceless goal.”
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks. https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewBook?id=37EB176BF42211385A0DBA530F664632
Soul
Yes..firstly self knowledge and the sadhana path via Isha is my lifestyle now.
I now work on inspiring others to follow the sadhana path.
Thats my passion..thats where I spend my time, energy and money on.
“Your extreme emotional sensitivity—a Piscean characteristic—is directed toward your super-ego so that you are hypersensitive about failing to achieve its dictates and goals. Your extreme fear of failure has caused you to become neurotic with regard to success. This may drive you to please your super-ego by succeeding at all costs, or it may paralyze you in fear that whatever you attempt will result in failure. If succeeding at all costs is the result of your fear, you will probably not think twice about fabricating in order to achieve success, or at least the appearance of success. This may involve deceiving others or deceiving yourself. At the farthest extreme, your fear and your neurotic drive for success may push you into the only thing you feel you can succeed at—your own self-destruction.”
“The outer planets: Success in achieving your life goals may be assisted or hindered, sometimes transcendentally, by transformative processes that lead to wholeness, compassion and universal Love. Your ability to achieve the goals of the super-ego may also be affected by the powerful energies symbolized by the aspecting planet.”
Soul
Wow..thats scary...thank God for Isha sadhana
But true on emotional sensitivity...especially those Awareness path who keep on saying I am on the wrong track..that I only got meditation experiences..no change to my psychological make up.
Alas..now I accepted my Samadhi path has different path and different results at different time.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
My shrine of Isha little Ashram
May 8 eve
Just finished Sannidhi Pooja and sadhana.
Sannidhi Pooja started with silence. Then mid way, other human sounds came. Then followed by stillness that lasted till mid of Brahmananda. Then again some human sound followed by stillness. Alas I was singing.
Devi chanting for 3 cycles. Then some human sounds chants. After done I lie down in Devi posture. Suddenly my left leg was lifted and left hand was lifted in dancing chanting Devi Devi Devi. This is a first time.
Then a still Shoonya. Later sat in Ardhasiddhasana for breathe watching. Alas automatically went into singing. Feel so thankful for my little Ashram. Crying with overwhelming gratitude. Then sing love song. It was then I realised my love song was for them. Me sending all my love and kisses to them. All the while it was for all of them.
After a while silence and then I watch breathe. Or aware of breathe. So nice, finally awareness arise. It has been nearly 2 months.
http://www.astroresources.com/nodes.htm
North node in Taurus
Yours is the path of the builder and your goal is that of abiding inner peace and security that are derived from valuing the self. Seeking self-worth "out there" brings sorrow - the completeness you seek can only come from a meaningful relationship with your self and the natural world. The only person you need to prove yourself to is yourself.
North node in 11th house
Yours is the path of cultivating friendships and group associations that support your dreams and aspirations.
Do not seek the approval of others - risk disapproval and be willing to speak out and share your own unconventional visions. Commit to working for the good of the whole. Assist others in realizing and celebrating their authentic self.
Cultivate a plan, have a specific goal and direction for your life. Nurture your humanitarian impulses.
Just finished Sannidhi Pooja and sadhana.
Sannidhi Pooja started with silence. Then mid way, other human sounds came. Then followed by stillness that lasted till mid of Brahmananda. Then again some human sound followed by stillness. Alas I was singing.
Devi chanting for 3 cycles. Then some human sounds chants. After done I lie down in Devi posture. Suddenly my left leg was lifted and left hand was lifted in dancing chanting Devi Devi Devi. This is a first time.
Then a still Shoonya. Later sat in Ardhasiddhasana for breathe watching. Alas automatically went into singing. Feel so thankful for my little Ashram. Crying with overwhelming gratitude. Then sing love song. It was then I realised my love song was for them. Me sending all my love and kisses to them. All the while it was for all of them.
After a while silence and then I watch breathe. Or aware of breathe. So nice, finally awareness arise. It has been nearly 2 months.
http://www.astroresources.com/nodes.htm
North node in Taurus
Yours is the path of the builder and your goal is that of abiding inner peace and security that are derived from valuing the self. Seeking self-worth "out there" brings sorrow - the completeness you seek can only come from a meaningful relationship with your self and the natural world. The only person you need to prove yourself to is yourself.
North node in 11th house
Yours is the path of cultivating friendships and group associations that support your dreams and aspirations.
Do not seek the approval of others - risk disapproval and be willing to speak out and share your own unconventional visions. Commit to working for the good of the whole. Assist others in realizing and celebrating their authentic self.
Cultivate a plan, have a specific goal and direction for your life. Nurture your humanitarian impulses.
Jupiter in Leo (I have)
May 8 aft 2
A good reminder that I truly have the financial power.
Jupiter in Leo
He attracts the most good fortune when he expresses magnanimity, is generous with others, inspires confidence in those around him, conducts himself with dignity and sincerity, and avoids the pitfall of excessive egotism. Prosperous areas are creative ones, entertainment, children, and recreation. Takes pride in everything he does. Generosity brings success.
Jupiter in II
Easygoing over money matters, no credit problems, increases his inheritance. He earns good money, without too much effort. He enjoys what he has.
20 Trine Jupiter - Saturn
He is serious, patient, honest, hard-working, orderly. His judgment is good and he thinks things over. He pursues his objectives to the bitter end, usually knowing when to choose the right moment. He is upright and respects the law.
A good reminder that I truly have the financial power.
Jupiter in Leo
He attracts the most good fortune when he expresses magnanimity, is generous with others, inspires confidence in those around him, conducts himself with dignity and sincerity, and avoids the pitfall of excessive egotism. Prosperous areas are creative ones, entertainment, children, and recreation. Takes pride in everything he does. Generosity brings success.
Jupiter in II
Easygoing over money matters, no credit problems, increases his inheritance. He earns good money, without too much effort. He enjoys what he has.
20 Trine Jupiter - Saturn
He is serious, patient, honest, hard-working, orderly. His judgment is good and he thinks things over. He pursues his objectives to the bitter end, usually knowing when to choose the right moment. He is upright and respects the law.
Venus - Neptune (self deception in love)
Gargothill
-41 Square Venus - Neptune
He might lack self-confidence and his ideals are not easy to achieve. In love, he is unstable and deceitful or meets people who are like this. He is easy-going and follows others' wishes in love, and he lets the partner take the initiative.
This aspect indicates a suggestible romantic nature. Being "in love with love" is a strong possibility. You are naturally compassionate and are generally willing to go over the top for a loved one.
It's hard to say whether your expectations in personal relationships are too high or too low.
On the one hand, you tend to easily accept behaviors in your partners that others wouldn't accept, as you are compassionate and even drawn to people who others might consider trouble.
On the other hand, your romantic dreams may be so powerful that you are easily disappointed with the reality of relationships. Deception in love is possible, but self-deception is even more likely.
In love, you see what you want to see, rather than what is. Feelings of being used or deceived may come up. However, if a distinct pattern exists in your love life that involves you being let down, deceived or used, it will be especially worthwhile to examine whether self-deception was at work.
The possibility of clinging to romantic delusions is very high with this position. For example, some with these aspects cling to a romantic notion that someone loves them when in reality that person doesn't return the affection. Or, they may cling to a romance that has lost all hope. Another possibility is devoting their love to someone who is unattainable or who is unable to commit. Yet another Venus-Neptune scenario is loving someone who treats them badly, all the while clinging to an idealized image of the partner. No matter what the scenario, romantic yearning and longing, as well as delusion, tends to be the theme.
The expectation here is that loving someone requires self-sacrifice. The result is an attraction to relationships that are co-dependent and even abusive. Venus-Neptune people are drawn to victim/savior relationships, and they can play either the role of victim or savior! Dependency or neediness in a partner can be confused for love. In an attempt to love unconditionally, you may too readily sacrifice your own needs and eventually feel used.
Soul
So true...well, Have put a stop to this.
Thats my South Node in Scorpio..and now I moved on to North node in Taurus
The first one was the con man when I was in my mid thirties.
The longest one was with Z...and then a short stint with Y a year ago.
Used to think I was born to suffer..but now I know it is meant to be cos they are not meant for the true me. I am meant to find and live my own values...
I know now all these happens so that I give up on rship and goes on my aloneness path.
My growth is in being alone..being true to my values.
-41 Square Venus - Neptune
He might lack self-confidence and his ideals are not easy to achieve. In love, he is unstable and deceitful or meets people who are like this. He is easy-going and follows others' wishes in love, and he lets the partner take the initiative.
This aspect indicates a suggestible romantic nature. Being "in love with love" is a strong possibility. You are naturally compassionate and are generally willing to go over the top for a loved one.
It's hard to say whether your expectations in personal relationships are too high or too low.
On the one hand, you tend to easily accept behaviors in your partners that others wouldn't accept, as you are compassionate and even drawn to people who others might consider trouble.
On the other hand, your romantic dreams may be so powerful that you are easily disappointed with the reality of relationships. Deception in love is possible, but self-deception is even more likely.
In love, you see what you want to see, rather than what is. Feelings of being used or deceived may come up. However, if a distinct pattern exists in your love life that involves you being let down, deceived or used, it will be especially worthwhile to examine whether self-deception was at work.
The possibility of clinging to romantic delusions is very high with this position. For example, some with these aspects cling to a romantic notion that someone loves them when in reality that person doesn't return the affection. Or, they may cling to a romance that has lost all hope. Another possibility is devoting their love to someone who is unattainable or who is unable to commit. Yet another Venus-Neptune scenario is loving someone who treats them badly, all the while clinging to an idealized image of the partner. No matter what the scenario, romantic yearning and longing, as well as delusion, tends to be the theme.
The expectation here is that loving someone requires self-sacrifice. The result is an attraction to relationships that are co-dependent and even abusive. Venus-Neptune people are drawn to victim/savior relationships, and they can play either the role of victim or savior! Dependency or neediness in a partner can be confused for love. In an attempt to love unconditionally, you may too readily sacrifice your own needs and eventually feel used.
Soul
So true...well, Have put a stop to this.
Thats my South Node in Scorpio..and now I moved on to North node in Taurus
The first one was the con man when I was in my mid thirties.
The longest one was with Z...and then a short stint with Y a year ago.
Used to think I was born to suffer..but now I know it is meant to be cos they are not meant for the true me. I am meant to find and live my own values...
I know now all these happens so that I give up on rship and goes on my aloneness path.
My growth is in being alone..being true to my values.
Saturn-Sun in Cancer - too high self standards
May 8 aft
Gargothill
Saturn-Sun in Cancer
You want to be considered an accomplished and important person, and when you face obstacles, you don't always see that you are your own worst enemy. You may long to be considered important in the eyes of the world, yet you harbor fear of success at the same time. You take failures and minor setbacks to heart, and may even practically beat yourself up over them. Self-awareness to the point of real self-consciousness is a possibility.
The truth is, nobody holds a microscope over you, except for yourself. A little setback or a faux pas needn't be analyzed to death. Fingers needn't be pointed. No, you didn't make a spectacle of yourself when you made a mistake. You need to stop worrying about always being right, or appearing suave and accomplished. When you ease the pressure you put on yourself, you find that you don't face as many brick walls.
It is very much about what you feel you deserve. Deep down inside, if you let yourself truly believe that you deserve happiness and peace of mind, you will find it.You may engage in a lot of self-censoring: "I shouldn't.." is a common censoring mechanism with you.
When you express egotism of any form, some part of you feels guilty. As the Sun rules our conscious mind, it does enough censoring on its own. It is the "adult" within us. Saturn, on the other hand, is more like the "parent" within us. We need parents to guide us when we are children, and to some degree as adults, but for the most part, we don't need to be censored indefinitely--something that seems to be the case with Saturn-Sun hard aspects, except that the censoring and parenting is coming from within.
Ideally, you eventually learn that the standards you set for yourself are too high, and that may be the reason you seem to hit brick walls. You have a sarcastic sense of humor, a keen intelligence, and the ability to apply caution and strategy. The vitality may suffer, and troubles with the bones, teeth, and circulation may surface, especially at times of stress in your life.
Soul
I recalled many years ago, I came to the insight that I got much 'parent' in me.
And now further confirmed in this Saturn-Sun..now wonder...
finally see how I attack myself internally...
perhaps this is the core root of RA.
As T said, I am learning to relax.
I finally released my 20 plus year habits of morning leisure breakfast..who knows..what might happen next.
One thing I know is that when I m into meditation, I am able to ask my joints to ease themselves and relieve the pain.
Gargothill
Saturn-Sun in Cancer
You want to be considered an accomplished and important person, and when you face obstacles, you don't always see that you are your own worst enemy. You may long to be considered important in the eyes of the world, yet you harbor fear of success at the same time. You take failures and minor setbacks to heart, and may even practically beat yourself up over them. Self-awareness to the point of real self-consciousness is a possibility.
The truth is, nobody holds a microscope over you, except for yourself. A little setback or a faux pas needn't be analyzed to death. Fingers needn't be pointed. No, you didn't make a spectacle of yourself when you made a mistake. You need to stop worrying about always being right, or appearing suave and accomplished. When you ease the pressure you put on yourself, you find that you don't face as many brick walls.
It is very much about what you feel you deserve. Deep down inside, if you let yourself truly believe that you deserve happiness and peace of mind, you will find it.You may engage in a lot of self-censoring: "I shouldn't.." is a common censoring mechanism with you.
When you express egotism of any form, some part of you feels guilty. As the Sun rules our conscious mind, it does enough censoring on its own. It is the "adult" within us. Saturn, on the other hand, is more like the "parent" within us. We need parents to guide us when we are children, and to some degree as adults, but for the most part, we don't need to be censored indefinitely--something that seems to be the case with Saturn-Sun hard aspects, except that the censoring and parenting is coming from within.
Ideally, you eventually learn that the standards you set for yourself are too high, and that may be the reason you seem to hit brick walls. You have a sarcastic sense of humor, a keen intelligence, and the ability to apply caution and strategy. The vitality may suffer, and troubles with the bones, teeth, and circulation may surface, especially at times of stress in your life.
Soul
I recalled many years ago, I came to the insight that I got much 'parent' in me.
And now further confirmed in this Saturn-Sun..now wonder...
finally see how I attack myself internally...
perhaps this is the core root of RA.
As T said, I am learning to relax.
I finally released my 20 plus year habits of morning leisure breakfast..who knows..what might happen next.
One thing I know is that when I m into meditation, I am able to ask my joints to ease themselves and relieve the pain.
Amazing Yogaasanas - transported into Samyama program.
May 8
Woke up around 6 plus with a painful right hand..shoulder and elbow hurts. Maybe I over stretched during yesterday yogaasanas. Yesterday I was transported into a little gal, a very happy one. It was so overwhelming that I cried out of gratitude.
Finally work up around 7 plus. Did Bhuta Shuddhi, to my suprise, I am now singing..thats another level I haven't been to.
Right hands still bit painful and heavy but I decided to do Surya Kriya
Did preparatory steps for Surya Kriya..went in deep into cat stretch despite pain on wrist..somehow breathing took precedence. Alignment for Surya Kriya was good. Just did Shavasana, didn't do 61 points awareness meditation.
Yogaasanas was awesome...incredible, another new heights.
Just doing the standing postures, I was singing in all 4 postures.
Despite being 'drunk' after the Trikoasanas, I was able to focus on the tree standing posture.
After that, singing again...no need for Shavasana
On the lying down with feet up postures, I hold it for 50 breathe counts and tears flow..massive tear.
Tears flowed for both right and leg legs..
And then for two legs...firstly laughter and then followed by tears...much tears.
Then during the sitting postures, with two legs, I exploded into singing. With one leg, suddenly animal voices came out..it was from deep within.
The rest of the Lying down posture was followed with laughter and singing.
After Yogaasanas, immediately song erupted again and I did the chanting of Yoga.
Wanted to go into breathing meditation, but somehow singing and dancing erupted. It continues for a long time.
Did Shakti..it was good...able to do slow Kapala Bhakti. And I cried much after Kapala Bhakti. This time by learning to focus on my breathe to get into the slow mode, I am able to focus and not let tots runs..Only out during third cycle.
After Shakti completed, singing and dancing happen agains.
Shambavi was a quicker one..but was singing in all the preparatory steps...Truly being in Samyama. In the end, just stillness..but I didn't sit long..all in all ended by 11 plus, nearly 4 hours in total inclusive of shower.
After standing asanas, got this in my tots.
Awareness path is to keep and retain energy until it explode or burst. Then maybe craziness. With them, nothing happen per se in their meditation experience, but they experience external changes such as emotion calmness and etc.
Samadhi path is to release until all come out and then emptiness. With us, everything happen internally...nothing much outside..
But perhaps one day, finally the outside will follow inside.
I used to lament why no outside change...but perhaps my path is meant to be inside change first...all inside.
Father, alas, I am learning to accept myself...whatever meant to be will be..we are all different..
Our group of 4, K has grown up and 'left' and now A too will leave soon for hata yoga teacher training..just left L and me...L too found her own path and her own team...just as I got my own...
This week osho tarot.
1. The Issue
Completion
Here, the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle is being put into its place, the position of the third eye, the place of inner perception. Even in the ever-changing flow of life there are moments in which we come to a point of completion. In these moments we are able to perceive the whole picture, the composite of all the small pieces that have occupied our attention for so long. In the finishing, we can either be in despair because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings. Whatever has been absorbing your time and energy is now coming to an end. In completing it, you will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both - the end of the old and the coming of the new.
Soul
One thing is that I am restructuring my office team and my local boss leaving soon. Thats end of another era.
Another is me finally accepting my Samadhi path, finally can see my future be different from the Awareness path, finally learning to speak up when others said i m on the wrong track.
And in terms of volunteering, I know clearly I am not keen on hands on. I also know that with my drunkard state, I can't do work during program with high energy. Hence, my only role is promotion and interaction.
2. Internal influences that you are unaware
Awareness
Any sense you might have had that you've been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon. Let yourself settle, and remember that deep inside you are just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged. A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help you to become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil from your eyes.
3. External influences that you are aware.
Understanding
The bird pictured on this card is looking out from what seems to be a cage. There is no door, and actually the bars are disappearing. The bars were an illusion, and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time. The dawn of a new understanding - that the cage has always been open, and the sky has always been there for us to explore - can make us feel a little shaky at first. It's fine, and natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness. Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread your wings and be free.
4. What’s needed for resolution?
Moment to Moment
This card challenges us to move away from our preoccupations with other spaces and other times, and stay alert to what is happening in the here and now. Life is a great ocean in which you can play if you drop all your judgments, your preferences and the attachment to the details of your long-term plans. Be available to what comes your way, as it comes. And don't worry if you stumble or fall; just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, have a good laugh, and carry on.
Soul
If my changes is only internal, so be it.
even if only singing and laughing happens to me so be it..
For now..this is all.
5.5. Resolution
New Vision
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded. The geometric shapes around the body of the figure show the many dimensions of life simultaneously available to him. The square represents the physical, the manifest, the known. The circle represents the unmanifest, the spirit, pure space. And the triangle symbolizes the threefold nature of the universe: manifest, unmanifest, and the human being who contains both. Now you are presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
Yes..today I am me.
Father, I am me...no apology..I may not be perfect..and it is okay.
Alas, learning to disregard my image or the image others have of me...perhaps slowly losing the need for keeping validation. How others validate me and later invalidates me has nothing to do with me. I was just being me.
Woke up around 6 plus with a painful right hand..shoulder and elbow hurts. Maybe I over stretched during yesterday yogaasanas. Yesterday I was transported into a little gal, a very happy one. It was so overwhelming that I cried out of gratitude.
Finally work up around 7 plus. Did Bhuta Shuddhi, to my suprise, I am now singing..thats another level I haven't been to.
Right hands still bit painful and heavy but I decided to do Surya Kriya
Did preparatory steps for Surya Kriya..went in deep into cat stretch despite pain on wrist..somehow breathing took precedence. Alignment for Surya Kriya was good. Just did Shavasana, didn't do 61 points awareness meditation.
Yogaasanas was awesome...incredible, another new heights.
Just doing the standing postures, I was singing in all 4 postures.
Despite being 'drunk' after the Trikoasanas, I was able to focus on the tree standing posture.
After that, singing again...no need for Shavasana
On the lying down with feet up postures, I hold it for 50 breathe counts and tears flow..massive tear.
Tears flowed for both right and leg legs..
And then for two legs...firstly laughter and then followed by tears...much tears.
Then during the sitting postures, with two legs, I exploded into singing. With one leg, suddenly animal voices came out..it was from deep within.
The rest of the Lying down posture was followed with laughter and singing.
After Yogaasanas, immediately song erupted again and I did the chanting of Yoga.
Wanted to go into breathing meditation, but somehow singing and dancing erupted. It continues for a long time.
Did Shakti..it was good...able to do slow Kapala Bhakti. And I cried much after Kapala Bhakti. This time by learning to focus on my breathe to get into the slow mode, I am able to focus and not let tots runs..Only out during third cycle.
After Shakti completed, singing and dancing happen agains.
Shambavi was a quicker one..but was singing in all the preparatory steps...Truly being in Samyama. In the end, just stillness..but I didn't sit long..all in all ended by 11 plus, nearly 4 hours in total inclusive of shower.
After standing asanas, got this in my tots.
Awareness path is to keep and retain energy until it explode or burst. Then maybe craziness. With them, nothing happen per se in their meditation experience, but they experience external changes such as emotion calmness and etc.
Samadhi path is to release until all come out and then emptiness. With us, everything happen internally...nothing much outside..
But perhaps one day, finally the outside will follow inside.
I used to lament why no outside change...but perhaps my path is meant to be inside change first...all inside.
Father, alas, I am learning to accept myself...whatever meant to be will be..we are all different..
Our group of 4, K has grown up and 'left' and now A too will leave soon for hata yoga teacher training..just left L and me...L too found her own path and her own team...just as I got my own...
This week osho tarot.
1. The Issue
Completion
Here, the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle is being put into its place, the position of the third eye, the place of inner perception. Even in the ever-changing flow of life there are moments in which we come to a point of completion. In these moments we are able to perceive the whole picture, the composite of all the small pieces that have occupied our attention for so long. In the finishing, we can either be in despair because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings. Whatever has been absorbing your time and energy is now coming to an end. In completing it, you will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both - the end of the old and the coming of the new.
Soul
One thing is that I am restructuring my office team and my local boss leaving soon. Thats end of another era.
Another is me finally accepting my Samadhi path, finally can see my future be different from the Awareness path, finally learning to speak up when others said i m on the wrong track.
And in terms of volunteering, I know clearly I am not keen on hands on. I also know that with my drunkard state, I can't do work during program with high energy. Hence, my only role is promotion and interaction.
2. Internal influences that you are unaware
Awareness
Any sense you might have had that you've been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon. Let yourself settle, and remember that deep inside you are just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged. A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help you to become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil from your eyes.
3. External influences that you are aware.
Understanding
The bird pictured on this card is looking out from what seems to be a cage. There is no door, and actually the bars are disappearing. The bars were an illusion, and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time. The dawn of a new understanding - that the cage has always been open, and the sky has always been there for us to explore - can make us feel a little shaky at first. It's fine, and natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness. Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread your wings and be free.
4. What’s needed for resolution?
Moment to Moment
This card challenges us to move away from our preoccupations with other spaces and other times, and stay alert to what is happening in the here and now. Life is a great ocean in which you can play if you drop all your judgments, your preferences and the attachment to the details of your long-term plans. Be available to what comes your way, as it comes. And don't worry if you stumble or fall; just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, have a good laugh, and carry on.
Soul
If my changes is only internal, so be it.
even if only singing and laughing happens to me so be it..
For now..this is all.
5.5. Resolution
New Vision
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded. The geometric shapes around the body of the figure show the many dimensions of life simultaneously available to him. The square represents the physical, the manifest, the known. The circle represents the unmanifest, the spirit, pure space. And the triangle symbolizes the threefold nature of the universe: manifest, unmanifest, and the human being who contains both. Now you are presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
Yes..today I am me.
Father, I am me...no apology..I may not be perfect..and it is okay.
Alas, learning to disregard my image or the image others have of me...perhaps slowly losing the need for keeping validation. How others validate me and later invalidates me has nothing to do with me. I was just being me.
Learning to speak to my body
May 7
Woke up at 4.30 am alarm. Slept back. Tot of waking up at 6 am instead. Body woke up at 5.40 plus am.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. Surya Kriya alignment was good despite pain at the wrist. Elbow pain has reduced.
Shakti was good. Now able to do slow Kapala Bhakti. Was singing at the end.
Shambavi was good. While on cat stretch, suddenly talking to my body to ease pain on wrist and elbow. I asked them to love us. I found the wrist and elbow joints slowly relaxing and pain reduced much.
Alas learning to speak to my body.
When I was on breathe fluttering, alarm at 8.10 am start to ring. So had to end earlier. It was nice; I am able to ignore the alarm. Immediately after Bhanda lock, asatoma chant came out.
So thankful for this experience.
Spoke to my staff L again this morning told her that it was not an easy decision for me. But I got to be realistic as I myself on semi retirement and hence my second in command need good support. We tried to train L but can't due to her lack of technical background.
Read Local boss North node in Aquarius and South node in Leo. She had spending problem; overused credit card. Same as Z.
Suddenly tot of me being with the following
North node in Aquarius/South node in Leo - local boss, Z and A.
North node in Leo /South node in Aquarius - Y, PY
Woke up at 4.30 am alarm. Slept back. Tot of waking up at 6 am instead. Body woke up at 5.40 plus am.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. Surya Kriya alignment was good despite pain at the wrist. Elbow pain has reduced.
Shakti was good. Now able to do slow Kapala Bhakti. Was singing at the end.
Shambavi was good. While on cat stretch, suddenly talking to my body to ease pain on wrist and elbow. I asked them to love us. I found the wrist and elbow joints slowly relaxing and pain reduced much.
Alas learning to speak to my body.
When I was on breathe fluttering, alarm at 8.10 am start to ring. So had to end earlier. It was nice; I am able to ignore the alarm. Immediately after Bhanda lock, asatoma chant came out.
So thankful for this experience.
Spoke to my staff L again this morning told her that it was not an easy decision for me. But I got to be realistic as I myself on semi retirement and hence my second in command need good support. We tried to train L but can't due to her lack of technical background.
Read Local boss North node in Aquarius and South node in Leo. She had spending problem; overused credit card. Same as Z.
Suddenly tot of me being with the following
North node in Aquarius/South node in Leo - local boss, Z and A.
North node in Leo /South node in Aquarius - Y, PY
Getting deeper into Angamardhana
May 6
Woke up before 4 am due to heat. Switch Aircond and glad can sleep later till 5 am. Woke up upon alarm but I decided to sleep later till 6 am. Finally woke up at 6 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by a long cat stretch despite the pain in the wrist. Angamardhana was good. Surprisingly singing during the Dhyna period. Normally just breathing.
Finally did Surya Kriya. Alignment not great cos pain on right wrist and elbow.But able to do lying down posture.
61 points awareness meditation was much better than usual.
Did Breathing meditation. Quite nice.
Shakti was not great cos disturbed with tots on office matters. In the end I ended the session earlier.
Shambavi was good despite abridged version.
Woke up before 4 am due to heat. Switch Aircond and glad can sleep later till 5 am. Woke up upon alarm but I decided to sleep later till 6 am. Finally woke up at 6 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by a long cat stretch despite the pain in the wrist. Angamardhana was good. Surprisingly singing during the Dhyna period. Normally just breathing.
Finally did Surya Kriya. Alignment not great cos pain on right wrist and elbow.But able to do lying down posture.
61 points awareness meditation was much better than usual.
Did Breathing meditation. Quite nice.
Shakti was not great cos disturbed with tots on office matters. In the end I ended the session earlier.
Shambavi was good despite abridged version.
Easing my fear by remembering that I do have
May 5 eve
Just now went through the numbers. Looks like we need to cut much deeper. Alas local boss said we even need to add more. Anyway, can see where she coming.
Good that they wanting to save the retrenchment now looking for overseas posting. Hope she gets what she wants.
Me looking at the scenario I will need to give up resource costs. Decided to cut my pay with reduced time spent. Fear came but I remind myself I do have money. And I didn't increase my commitment with car loan fully settled by next month. Saving will be less but I should be fine. My life style is maintained. Also I will get rental income.
But mind acting up saying next year Ace of Diamonds. Let's see.
Just now went through the numbers. Looks like we need to cut much deeper. Alas local boss said we even need to add more. Anyway, can see where she coming.
Good that they wanting to save the retrenchment now looking for overseas posting. Hope she gets what she wants.
Me looking at the scenario I will need to give up resource costs. Decided to cut my pay with reduced time spent. Fear came but I remind myself I do have money. And I didn't increase my commitment with car loan fully settled by next month. Saving will be less but I should be fine. My life style is maintained. Also I will get rental income.
But mind acting up saying next year Ace of Diamonds. Let's see.
South Node in Scorpio - difficulty in self expression
May 5 aft 2
Gargothill
“South Node in Scorpio
Predisposition toward Emotional Intensity and Intimacy
With a Scorpio South Node, you are predisposed to seek intimacy. You also may be predisposed toward emotional intensity. It is likely that your background, conditioning and past experience have ingrained in you certain Scorpio-associated traits. You are likely to develop your innate talents and resources with passion and fervor, although this may be done privately or even secretly. You are likely to have talents that are intuitive and/or that involve the exercise of power and control. The nature of these talents and resources is often indicated by the South Node’s house placement. You may be quite insightful regarding your talents and resources and may wish to use them in order to gain better control of your life. This may involve controlling or managing others. You may also have an innate attraction for the occult or a deep attraction toward the transformative.
Soul
yes..my dream is self mastery..not controlling others now..but managing myself..
yes..there is inherent on spiritual matters and astrology...
South node in Scorpio
Any negative associations with past issues or behavior patterns (generally symbolized by the conjunction of a planet with the South Node) are likely to involve issues of power, sexuality, emotional passion, secrecy or ruthlessness. You may have difficulty expressing intimacy or revealing your true self. It may be valuable for you to develop more trust in others and also to not be so intense.
Soul
Started with power at work.
Then sexuality
And then later emotional passion.
Difficulty in expressing my true self..
To express when I feel instead to bottle up and become so intense.
South Node in Scorpio
Patiently awaiting your destiny may conflict with your sense of urgency or your natural desire to control your environment. To practically seek out your destiny or to receive it calmly, you may have to tone down the level of your emotional intensity. Your innate Scorpio qualities may prove, however, in motivating you to overcome some of your Taurus complacency and willingness to accept the ordinary and mediocre as you pursue your destiny
Soul
Not the patient one..but guess good to complement Taurus.
Yes..emotional intensity..now giving it to the Shrine..
Transendence
“Your affinity for what is deep and real brings you, at the transcendent level, to your inner depths where the Real awaits you. Within you lies an intense longing to merge with your Source and Origin, a longing that has been implanted in you long ago and which is your birthright.
You have utilized your innate emotional intensity to manifest this longing as devotion and your penchant for privacy has served you well in giving you the time and space in which to undergo the inner purification and concentration that has taken you on your inner journey.”
Soul
Yes, my shrine..emotional intensity now become devotion.
Yes..my aloneness path....
No wonder..its like coming home..when I first saw the Sannidhi.
No wonder..able to relate to Vijii..even without knowing her or what she is...even before seeing her..
Gargothill
“South Node in Scorpio
Predisposition toward Emotional Intensity and Intimacy
With a Scorpio South Node, you are predisposed to seek intimacy. You also may be predisposed toward emotional intensity. It is likely that your background, conditioning and past experience have ingrained in you certain Scorpio-associated traits. You are likely to develop your innate talents and resources with passion and fervor, although this may be done privately or even secretly. You are likely to have talents that are intuitive and/or that involve the exercise of power and control. The nature of these talents and resources is often indicated by the South Node’s house placement. You may be quite insightful regarding your talents and resources and may wish to use them in order to gain better control of your life. This may involve controlling or managing others. You may also have an innate attraction for the occult or a deep attraction toward the transformative.
Soul
yes..my dream is self mastery..not controlling others now..but managing myself..
yes..there is inherent on spiritual matters and astrology...
South node in Scorpio
Any negative associations with past issues or behavior patterns (generally symbolized by the conjunction of a planet with the South Node) are likely to involve issues of power, sexuality, emotional passion, secrecy or ruthlessness. You may have difficulty expressing intimacy or revealing your true self. It may be valuable for you to develop more trust in others and also to not be so intense.
Soul
Started with power at work.
Then sexuality
And then later emotional passion.
Difficulty in expressing my true self..
To express when I feel instead to bottle up and become so intense.
South Node in Scorpio
Patiently awaiting your destiny may conflict with your sense of urgency or your natural desire to control your environment. To practically seek out your destiny or to receive it calmly, you may have to tone down the level of your emotional intensity. Your innate Scorpio qualities may prove, however, in motivating you to overcome some of your Taurus complacency and willingness to accept the ordinary and mediocre as you pursue your destiny
Soul
Not the patient one..but guess good to complement Taurus.
Yes..emotional intensity..now giving it to the Shrine..
Transendence
“Your affinity for what is deep and real brings you, at the transcendent level, to your inner depths where the Real awaits you. Within you lies an intense longing to merge with your Source and Origin, a longing that has been implanted in you long ago and which is your birthright.
You have utilized your innate emotional intensity to manifest this longing as devotion and your penchant for privacy has served you well in giving you the time and space in which to undergo the inner purification and concentration that has taken you on your inner journey.”
Soul
Yes, my shrine..emotional intensity now become devotion.
Yes..my aloneness path....
No wonder..its like coming home..when I first saw the Sannidhi.
No wonder..able to relate to Vijii..even without knowing her or what she is...even before seeing her..
Friday, May 29, 2015
North Node in Taurus and 11th house
May 5 aft 1
North Node in 11th house
Gargothill
“Transcendent Potential
Your good fortune lies in your ability to transcend your personal self and identify with some higher entity. Any development of the ability to see beyond yourself and sacrifice your own personal goals and wishes for the sake of the group is good. However, when you perceives the reality that you are a microcosm of the Divine Macrocosm and is able to identify with That of which you are a part and a reflection, then that is a great good fortune.
Insecurity
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks.
Soul
At the moment..I can't see the group as mine..cos I need to see mine first.
But I can see that I am part of the Cosmic..I can see that all my 'suferrings' was only punishment in my perception. In reality..it was not..I was just part of the wheel..
When I tot Z was rejecting me..he was not..he fall in love with his mate..so whatever happens will happen..
Amen.
Gargothill
“Transcendent Potential in North Node in Taurus
You see all your good fortune as proceeding from your membership in some group. Often, this is you ethnic, religious or social class, of which you becomes very proud, resulting in bias and bigotry. You feels that if you lacked the support of or membership in this group, you would be a failure. Conversely, you may have the ill fortune to have been born in a disadvantaged group or class and, if so, you feels this very keenly and blames all of your troubles on this deal of the dice.”
Soul
Used to think that I need the group much.
Now i find my space with my shrine.
My involvement with the group is an outflow of my sharing..
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks. North node in Taurus
“Transcendent Potential
You have steadily and devotedly progressed toward your ultimate destiny. Along the way, you have rid yourself of all unnecessary attachments and possessiveness. Now, you see the interrelatedness of everything as one organic whole. You are overwhelmed with the “Love that’s shining all around you.”(from It's All Too Much by The Beatles). As you possess your destiny, you are absorbed in contemplation of the Whole and are steeped in true enjoyment and pleasure.
Soul
Sadhana and shrine is my high point.
Insecurity
Being insecure about meeting your destiny, you have tried to amass possessions in order to distract yourself. You may become stubborn and recalcitrant when confronted by your destiny, trying to steel yourself against it. Wanting to distance yourself from your destiny, you may have some reluctance or inhibitions about material possessions and/or comforts and enjoyments and these capacities may, as a result, remain underdeveloped in your life and psyche.”
Soul
Yes..at first was focused on career..but that one is gone..
Now work is just for me to make money for comfortable life.
On volunteering..I too try to get away....and while I did miss it..I don't want hands on volunteering. Truly not able to feel love with the people per se.
.but now offered a space..leading the sub group of supporting and inspiring others to deepen their sadhanas..basically just growing up 'babies' in spiritual path.
North Node in 11th house
Gargothill
“Transcendent Potential
Your good fortune lies in your ability to transcend your personal self and identify with some higher entity. Any development of the ability to see beyond yourself and sacrifice your own personal goals and wishes for the sake of the group is good. However, when you perceives the reality that you are a microcosm of the Divine Macrocosm and is able to identify with That of which you are a part and a reflection, then that is a great good fortune.
Insecurity
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks.
Soul
At the moment..I can't see the group as mine..cos I need to see mine first.
But I can see that I am part of the Cosmic..I can see that all my 'suferrings' was only punishment in my perception. In reality..it was not..I was just part of the wheel..
When I tot Z was rejecting me..he was not..he fall in love with his mate..so whatever happens will happen..
Amen.
Gargothill
“Transcendent Potential in North Node in Taurus
You see all your good fortune as proceeding from your membership in some group. Often, this is you ethnic, religious or social class, of which you becomes very proud, resulting in bias and bigotry. You feels that if you lacked the support of or membership in this group, you would be a failure. Conversely, you may have the ill fortune to have been born in a disadvantaged group or class and, if so, you feels this very keenly and blames all of your troubles on this deal of the dice.”
Soul
Used to think that I need the group much.
Now i find my space with my shrine.
My involvement with the group is an outflow of my sharing..
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks. North node in Taurus
“Transcendent Potential
You have steadily and devotedly progressed toward your ultimate destiny. Along the way, you have rid yourself of all unnecessary attachments and possessiveness. Now, you see the interrelatedness of everything as one organic whole. You are overwhelmed with the “Love that’s shining all around you.”(from It's All Too Much by The Beatles). As you possess your destiny, you are absorbed in contemplation of the Whole and are steeped in true enjoyment and pleasure.
Soul
Sadhana and shrine is my high point.
Insecurity
Being insecure about meeting your destiny, you have tried to amass possessions in order to distract yourself. You may become stubborn and recalcitrant when confronted by your destiny, trying to steel yourself against it. Wanting to distance yourself from your destiny, you may have some reluctance or inhibitions about material possessions and/or comforts and enjoyments and these capacities may, as a result, remain underdeveloped in your life and psyche.”
Soul
Yes..at first was focused on career..but that one is gone..
Now work is just for me to make money for comfortable life.
On volunteering..I too try to get away....and while I did miss it..I don't want hands on volunteering. Truly not able to feel love with the people per se.
.but now offered a space..leading the sub group of supporting and inspiring others to deepen their sadhanas..basically just growing up 'babies' in spiritual path.
Deb Shapiro on Rheumatoid Arthritis
May 5 aft
Got this from my blog..some reader is reading..
Deb Shapiro
Rheumatoid arthritis
Bodymind symptoms indicates that there may be repressed anger.
Since it is in the blood, emotion are very involved here, especially the expression of love.
How have u become ur own enemy?
Are u denying feeling of love, caring and tenderness and instead become overly self-critical, dismissing those feelings in ur heart as unimportant.
Do you lack assertiveness, feeling inhibited, find yourself unable to express yourself in the way you really want to ?
Are you feeling resentful or bitter about something or someone - C or perhaps anyone that takes away my approval
Movement is essential, especially going with the flow and allowing change to happen. Life is movement, so the more stuck u r, the more lifeless u may become. However, most important is finding your heart, and expressing it, sharing your love, and in this way become ur own best friend.
If u have an auto immune disease of any kind, u need to ask yourself about how u have become an enemy to yourself, and/or to what extent u allow others to influence you, in denial of ur own tots or feelings.
Soul
All is out.
My fear of expression on volunteering in local Isha; my fear of getting my own place.
My fear of not doing hands-on volunteering.
Finally everything is out.
Hope this will be it.
Today took my first steroid..2 weeks after the doc advice. She wanted alternate day steriod and I negotiated to 2 pills per week.
And now 1 pill per week to ensure no flaring up.
Main thing is not to flare up.
Besides the steriod can manage those bruises due to the fall on staircase last Saturday.
Also will reduce the inflammation on my wrist and elbow.
Got this from my blog..some reader is reading..
Deb Shapiro
Rheumatoid arthritis
Bodymind symptoms indicates that there may be repressed anger.
Since it is in the blood, emotion are very involved here, especially the expression of love.
How have u become ur own enemy?
Are u denying feeling of love, caring and tenderness and instead become overly self-critical, dismissing those feelings in ur heart as unimportant.
Do you lack assertiveness, feeling inhibited, find yourself unable to express yourself in the way you really want to ?
Are you feeling resentful or bitter about something or someone - C or perhaps anyone that takes away my approval
Movement is essential, especially going with the flow and allowing change to happen. Life is movement, so the more stuck u r, the more lifeless u may become. However, most important is finding your heart, and expressing it, sharing your love, and in this way become ur own best friend.
If u have an auto immune disease of any kind, u need to ask yourself about how u have become an enemy to yourself, and/or to what extent u allow others to influence you, in denial of ur own tots or feelings.
Soul
All is out.
My fear of expression on volunteering in local Isha; my fear of getting my own place.
My fear of not doing hands-on volunteering.
Finally everything is out.
Hope this will be it.
Today took my first steroid..2 weeks after the doc advice. She wanted alternate day steriod and I negotiated to 2 pills per week.
And now 1 pill per week to ensure no flaring up.
Main thing is not to flare up.
Besides the steriod can manage those bruises due to the fall on staircase last Saturday.
Also will reduce the inflammation on my wrist and elbow.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Keeping to my inner peace
May 5
Today woke up at 4.30 am. Body was okay. But mind said to rest as joints still painful. I ignored and woke up.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by a long cat stretch. Both wrist was in slight pain and right elbow in pain but once started I was able to do.
Surprisingly Angamardhana was quite good.
Didn't do Surya Kriya cos right elbow still painful.
Did a long breathing. Quite nice.
Shakti was good. Finally getting the rhythm of slow Kapala Bhakti. After 3 cycles I was singing. Had to take a rest cos feet was truly cramped. After the rest was able to do much better breathing counts posture.
Shambavi was good too. Just two animal sounds followed by contentment.
Finally my habit of leisure breakfast is no longer a must.
Went to office. Local boss said severance can't work. She said will tell regional boss. At first I was getting bit piss then I calmed down cos no worth it. I also realised that whatever happens outside I can still decide what happens within. Within me I am free. So I chose peace.
Today woke up at 4.30 am. Body was okay. But mind said to rest as joints still painful. I ignored and woke up.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by a long cat stretch. Both wrist was in slight pain and right elbow in pain but once started I was able to do.
Surprisingly Angamardhana was quite good.
Didn't do Surya Kriya cos right elbow still painful.
Did a long breathing. Quite nice.
Shakti was good. Finally getting the rhythm of slow Kapala Bhakti. After 3 cycles I was singing. Had to take a rest cos feet was truly cramped. After the rest was able to do much better breathing counts posture.
Shambavi was good too. Just two animal sounds followed by contentment.
Finally my habit of leisure breakfast is no longer a must.
Went to office. Local boss said severance can't work. She said will tell regional boss. At first I was getting bit piss then I calmed down cos no worth it. I also realised that whatever happens outside I can still decide what happens within. Within me I am free. So I chose peace.
Sannidhi pooja - awesome as Samyama
May 4 eve
Sannidhi Pooja. I was singing along to guru song. Then later animal voice erupted. This time I just let it out. I didn't ask Sadhguru to stop it.
Later Brahmananda chanting, people voice came out. Similar characters but also a new one, a lady with high singing voice. She was singing rather than chanting Brahmanda. All these were overwhelming and I cried but didn't ask Sadhguru to stop.
Sannidhi Pooja. I was singing along to guru song. Then later animal voice erupted. This time I just let it out. I didn't ask Sadhguru to stop it.
Later Brahmananda chanting, people voice came out. Similar characters but also a new one, a lady with high singing voice. She was singing rather than chanting Brahmanda. All these were overwhelming and I cried but didn't ask Sadhguru to stop.
North Node in Taurus - true self-reliance
May 4
Woke up before 7 am but slept back and woke up again at 7.30 am alarm.
I snuggled bit and woke up at 7.50 am.
My right feet is swelling..partly due to RA and also too much walking last week.
Both my hands are swelling bit..wondering if I should have taken the steroid..but I ignored it..
Not sure if can do hata yoga..
I did Bhuta Shuddi in correct Arashidharsana posture. But was not focused, so miss out the fire part..had to go back. I did cat stretch..my wrist was hurting..but once I got into the motion..i am able to hold..
I did yogaasanas.. and on the standing posture..I was singing.
Overall quite good and I was even able to hold for 45 seconds despite my apprehension.
this time feeling bit more awareness on the 61 points awareness meditation.
Breathing was quite okay..
Shakti was good..i did a slow Kapala and counted to 100. Now just focused on slow.
towards the end..even at the last breathing. I know I went in deep cos the mind was silent...
Shambavi was quite okay..despite doing a short Surya Kriya.. towards the end bit of singing and silence..and then unexpectedly animal sounds arise...
Spoke to P. It was an overwhelming breakthrough volunteering for her.
I am truly happy for them.
Everyone of us having our breakthrough.
Just now as I was saying that I am not sure of the power of BSP cos I had mine one month after my IE. She said that is not a personal BSP whereas now they are having a volunteer BSP experiences. Eventhough they didn't talk to each other nor know each other, they felt like a family.
For a moment, I feel bit regretful for not having the experience. But I knew it is not for me.
I am happy just being able to promote and share Isha and yet keeping to my own sadhana.
For me, my shrine and sadhana is important to me.
Yes, mine is not the world experience....but its okay we are all different.
Just now when I shared with L my sadhana experiences, she said she is worried for me.
I told her I am not worried now after my conversation with S.
I told her that my Samyama now happening during Sannidhi pooja.
Something opens up the day I decided not to go to BSP volunteering.
Also supported with the sitting in muladhara and also Vijji.
http://www.the-soulmate-site.com/north-node-in-taurus.html
Establish your values. Create security. Wear green (your soul colour)
A fully expressed North Node in Taurus is sensual, and loves the comforts of life, scents and touch. It's practically creative, often the singer, photographer, gardener, farmer, architect, and builds upon a deep inner foundation. It's also great at making (and managing) money, growing its net worth through its own efforts.
North node in Taurus is about achieving true self-reliance. In this lifetime, it is imperative that you not get enmeshed in the ways of others. In fact, I'd even say: put your values before another's.
With a Taurus soul mission, having a strong sense of what's important to YOU is the key to finding your soulmate. The more serenity you discover within yourself, the more nurturing and peaceful your relationship will be.
Strive for internal peace, rather than focusing on achieving peace and balance in your relationships. This will actually improve your relationships and bring you enormous fulfillment and satisfaction.
The house where your North Node in Taurus soul mission expresses itself, is the area of life where new inner trust and security replaces past struggles.
Soul
Amen.
Have truly formed the Interaction Team.
Got enthusiatic members.
Truly now settling down my eleventh house's conflict. I found my place within the volunteering in local Isha.
Gargothill
North Node in the Eleventh house
The Unfolding of Your Destiny Is Focused on Group Identity
The North Node in the Eleventh Housee indicates that it may be your destiny to develop your sense of group identity, particularly in terms of developing social responsibility. You must become better integrated into the larger social unit and establish your individual identity within the group in a healthy and balanced manner. To this end, your destiny has been framed to present appropriate learning opportunities.
You are also likely to be confronted with contradictory drives for commitment to a group or society, on the one hand, and developing your own individual identity, on the other hand. Part of your destiny lesson, then, may be to resolve the apparent paradoxes between group-identity and self-identity.
Woke up before 7 am but slept back and woke up again at 7.30 am alarm.
I snuggled bit and woke up at 7.50 am.
My right feet is swelling..partly due to RA and also too much walking last week.
Both my hands are swelling bit..wondering if I should have taken the steroid..but I ignored it..
Not sure if can do hata yoga..
I did Bhuta Shuddi in correct Arashidharsana posture. But was not focused, so miss out the fire part..had to go back. I did cat stretch..my wrist was hurting..but once I got into the motion..i am able to hold..
I did yogaasanas.. and on the standing posture..I was singing.
Overall quite good and I was even able to hold for 45 seconds despite my apprehension.
this time feeling bit more awareness on the 61 points awareness meditation.
Breathing was quite okay..
Shakti was good..i did a slow Kapala and counted to 100. Now just focused on slow.
towards the end..even at the last breathing. I know I went in deep cos the mind was silent...
Shambavi was quite okay..despite doing a short Surya Kriya.. towards the end bit of singing and silence..and then unexpectedly animal sounds arise...
Spoke to P. It was an overwhelming breakthrough volunteering for her.
I am truly happy for them.
Everyone of us having our breakthrough.
Just now as I was saying that I am not sure of the power of BSP cos I had mine one month after my IE. She said that is not a personal BSP whereas now they are having a volunteer BSP experiences. Eventhough they didn't talk to each other nor know each other, they felt like a family.
For a moment, I feel bit regretful for not having the experience. But I knew it is not for me.
I am happy just being able to promote and share Isha and yet keeping to my own sadhana.
For me, my shrine and sadhana is important to me.
Yes, mine is not the world experience....but its okay we are all different.
Just now when I shared with L my sadhana experiences, she said she is worried for me.
I told her I am not worried now after my conversation with S.
I told her that my Samyama now happening during Sannidhi pooja.
Something opens up the day I decided not to go to BSP volunteering.
Also supported with the sitting in muladhara and also Vijji.
http://www.the-soulmate-site.com/north-node-in-taurus.html
Establish your values. Create security. Wear green (your soul colour)
A fully expressed North Node in Taurus is sensual, and loves the comforts of life, scents and touch. It's practically creative, often the singer, photographer, gardener, farmer, architect, and builds upon a deep inner foundation. It's also great at making (and managing) money, growing its net worth through its own efforts.
North node in Taurus is about achieving true self-reliance. In this lifetime, it is imperative that you not get enmeshed in the ways of others. In fact, I'd even say: put your values before another's.
With a Taurus soul mission, having a strong sense of what's important to YOU is the key to finding your soulmate. The more serenity you discover within yourself, the more nurturing and peaceful your relationship will be.
Strive for internal peace, rather than focusing on achieving peace and balance in your relationships. This will actually improve your relationships and bring you enormous fulfillment and satisfaction.
The house where your North Node in Taurus soul mission expresses itself, is the area of life where new inner trust and security replaces past struggles.
Soul
Amen.
Have truly formed the Interaction Team.
Got enthusiatic members.
Truly now settling down my eleventh house's conflict. I found my place within the volunteering in local Isha.
Gargothill
North Node in the Eleventh house
The Unfolding of Your Destiny Is Focused on Group Identity
The North Node in the Eleventh Housee indicates that it may be your destiny to develop your sense of group identity, particularly in terms of developing social responsibility. You must become better integrated into the larger social unit and establish your individual identity within the group in a healthy and balanced manner. To this end, your destiny has been framed to present appropriate learning opportunities.
You are also likely to be confronted with contradictory drives for commitment to a group or society, on the one hand, and developing your own individual identity, on the other hand. Part of your destiny lesson, then, may be to resolve the apparent paradoxes between group-identity and self-identity.
Sadhguru on Guru-Disciple (Guru-shishya) relationship
May 2 eve
http://sadhguru.org/atoz/a/affluence/
If you have any sense, you must drive yourself to the extent that you are comfortable. There maybe someone who can do a thousand things in a day without suffering or being stressed. Maybe you can do only three things in a day. It is okay. You needn’t try to do what someone else does. This is the biggest problem. We are trying to do things like someone else.
Soul
yes..I cannot do volunteering like others. To me it is a part time thingy.
I am more inclined towards my Kriya and Hata Yoga practices and my Sannidhi pooja.
http://sadhguru.org/atoz/a/affluence/
If you really want to make use of a Guru’s Presence, you must be willing to allow that Presence to overwhelm you, to overpower you, to destroy you in one way. At least for those few moments that you are with him, you should no longer be yourself. What you consider yourself to be, should be absent in his Presence.
Taking the jump
That which is not in your experience cannot be taught to you intellectually. To take a person from one dimension of experience to another dimension of experience, you need a device which is of a higher level of intensity and energy. That device is what we call as Guru.
The Guru-shishya relationship is on an energy basis. A Guru is touching you in a dimension where no one else can touch you. There are many ways to move your energies to Ajna. But from Ajna to Sahasrar, there is no particular way to do anything. It is just a jump. It is because of this that the Guru-shishya relationship has been held as the most sacred relationship in this culture. If you have to take this jump, you need deep trust – otherwise, it is not possible.
http://sadhguru.org/atoz/a/affluence/
If you have any sense, you must drive yourself to the extent that you are comfortable. There maybe someone who can do a thousand things in a day without suffering or being stressed. Maybe you can do only three things in a day. It is okay. You needn’t try to do what someone else does. This is the biggest problem. We are trying to do things like someone else.
Soul
yes..I cannot do volunteering like others. To me it is a part time thingy.
I am more inclined towards my Kriya and Hata Yoga practices and my Sannidhi pooja.
http://sadhguru.org/atoz/a/affluence/
If you really want to make use of a Guru’s Presence, you must be willing to allow that Presence to overwhelm you, to overpower you, to destroy you in one way. At least for those few moments that you are with him, you should no longer be yourself. What you consider yourself to be, should be absent in his Presence.
Taking the jump
That which is not in your experience cannot be taught to you intellectually. To take a person from one dimension of experience to another dimension of experience, you need a device which is of a higher level of intensity and energy. That device is what we call as Guru.
The Guru-shishya relationship is on an energy basis. A Guru is touching you in a dimension where no one else can touch you. There are many ways to move your energies to Ajna. But from Ajna to Sahasrar, there is no particular way to do anything. It is just a jump. It is because of this that the Guru-shishya relationship has been held as the most sacred relationship in this culture. If you have to take this jump, you need deep trust – otherwise, it is not possible.
Mercury in 2nd house
May 2 aft
Mercury in Cancer in 2nd house
Mercury in the Second House
Your Mental and Communication Functions are Focused on Your Values and Resources
Transcendent Potential
You can realize the transcendent potential of Mercury in the Second House when you critically examine and analyze the value system which forms the basis for your mental involvement in matters of gain and loss. You then begin to question the basic premises of the values which have been handed to you. Thinking deeply and rationally about your values, you conclude that life is more than a race to acquire the most possessions and happiness is more than mere physical comfort. You then work out your own system of values, using your intellect to free yourself from your prior conditioning and preconceptions and finding for yourself those values that are real and true. You do not abandon the need to apply yourself mentally to satisfy your material wants and needs, but you realize that this is not the end all and be all of life.
Soul
Leaving a country famous for shopping. I looked around all the people. So glad I know there is much more to life. Buying an upgraded version of clothing and etc no longer matters.
“Insecurity
You may become inwardly insecure when you see your mental abilities as what must bring you success at acquiring material possessions and living in material affluence. That part of your self-worth that you attach to your mental and communicating proficiencies is, then, vulnerable to you achieving material “success” in life. You may conceive that the sole value of your intellect is in playing the game of material acquisition. You dismiss thinking for its own sake as something frivolous. If you are not successful materially, then you may disparage your intellect and turn away from it. This not only lowers your self-esteem, it also practically guarantees your failure in the material world. You may compensate by redefining your concept of material success by valuing those things that are not rewards for a keen intellect. You may also fear the burden of pursuing material success, due to your inner insecurities. This, also, may prompt you to reject your intellect and to appear dull and uncommunicative to others.”
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks.
Soul
The part of burden of pursuing material success..is quite true.
Thats my fear of Z.
But I now know I can pursued it without being a burden.
I can give myself what I want.. I need not sell myself short.
Mercury in Cancer in 2nd house
Mercury in the Second House
Your Mental and Communication Functions are Focused on Your Values and Resources
Transcendent Potential
You can realize the transcendent potential of Mercury in the Second House when you critically examine and analyze the value system which forms the basis for your mental involvement in matters of gain and loss. You then begin to question the basic premises of the values which have been handed to you. Thinking deeply and rationally about your values, you conclude that life is more than a race to acquire the most possessions and happiness is more than mere physical comfort. You then work out your own system of values, using your intellect to free yourself from your prior conditioning and preconceptions and finding for yourself those values that are real and true. You do not abandon the need to apply yourself mentally to satisfy your material wants and needs, but you realize that this is not the end all and be all of life.
Soul
Leaving a country famous for shopping. I looked around all the people. So glad I know there is much more to life. Buying an upgraded version of clothing and etc no longer matters.
“Insecurity
You may become inwardly insecure when you see your mental abilities as what must bring you success at acquiring material possessions and living in material affluence. That part of your self-worth that you attach to your mental and communicating proficiencies is, then, vulnerable to you achieving material “success” in life. You may conceive that the sole value of your intellect is in playing the game of material acquisition. You dismiss thinking for its own sake as something frivolous. If you are not successful materially, then you may disparage your intellect and turn away from it. This not only lowers your self-esteem, it also practically guarantees your failure in the material world. You may compensate by redefining your concept of material success by valuing those things that are not rewards for a keen intellect. You may also fear the burden of pursuing material success, due to your inner insecurities. This, also, may prompt you to reject your intellect and to appear dull and uncommunicative to others.”
Excerpt From: Gargatholil. “Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volumes 1-4 (Introduction, Planets in Signs, Planets in Houses, Planets in Aspect).” iBooks.
Soul
The part of burden of pursuing material success..is quite true.
Thats my fear of Z.
But I now know I can pursued it without being a burden.
I can give myself what I want.. I need not sell myself short.
South Node in 5th house
May 2
South node in 5th house
Gargothill
Transcendent Potential
You can actualize the transcendent potential of the South Node in the Fifth House when you realize that you are blessed with an innate creative ability. You find no difficulty in expressing yourself. Yet, you begin to feel that it is not you that is the ultimate source of this creative energy. The Creative Force may be so strong within you that it is impossible for you to deny It's autonomy. It is this Life Force that you now seek to know and to become one with. You see that this Force is right within you, that you and everything else that exists is an expression of It. This Power of Life, which you have always possessed, is your True Heritage.
Soul
I slowly but surely realised on my creativity.
South node in 5th house
Gargothill
Insecurity
If you are inwardly insecure, you will have deep-seated fears, born of past experience, concerning rejection. Therefore, you will be reluctant to express yourself or show your natural creativity. If you cannot avoid the pull to follow your innate drives, you are likely to be defensive about what you have created and/or about your persona. You are also likely to cling stubbornly to your own notions and to adopt a conceited attitude toward your abilities to express yourself and create. This you do as a matter of ego-protection.
Soul
Slowly opening up.
South node in 5th house
Gargothill
Transcendent Potential
You can actualize the transcendent potential of the South Node in the Fifth House when you realize that you are blessed with an innate creative ability. You find no difficulty in expressing yourself. Yet, you begin to feel that it is not you that is the ultimate source of this creative energy. The Creative Force may be so strong within you that it is impossible for you to deny It's autonomy. It is this Life Force that you now seek to know and to become one with. You see that this Force is right within you, that you and everything else that exists is an expression of It. This Power of Life, which you have always possessed, is your True Heritage.
Soul
I slowly but surely realised on my creativity.
South node in 5th house
Gargothill
Insecurity
If you are inwardly insecure, you will have deep-seated fears, born of past experience, concerning rejection. Therefore, you will be reluctant to express yourself or show your natural creativity. If you cannot avoid the pull to follow your innate drives, you are likely to be defensive about what you have created and/or about your persona. You are also likely to cling stubbornly to your own notions and to adopt a conceited attitude toward your abilities to express yourself and create. This you do as a matter of ego-protection.
Soul
Slowly opening up.
Sadhguru on Devotion
May 1
Sadhguru
Why Devotion?
Devotion and reverence are not about something or someone else – they are about you. They are to change the quality of who you are, to bring that sweetness of emotion into you every moment of your life. If you maintain this one thing, the rest becomes very simple.
Being devout is about you, not about something else. The Creator does not need your devotion. But if you have no devotion in you, you are a lost case. It is not about doing something for someone. It is about transforming yourself. The eleven shrines are there to enhance this sense of devotion.
If you have to know a very deep sense of involvement with something that does not mean anything to you, it can happen only when there is no fear of entanglement. For this to happen, either you must be crazy, or you must be drunk with blissfulness, or you must have fallen so in love with somebody that nothing matters. Without one of these three qualities, it is difficult to do something with great intensity and still not be bothered about what it is.
Sadhguru
Why Devotion?
Devotion and reverence are not about something or someone else – they are about you. They are to change the quality of who you are, to bring that sweetness of emotion into you every moment of your life. If you maintain this one thing, the rest becomes very simple.
Being devout is about you, not about something else. The Creator does not need your devotion. But if you have no devotion in you, you are a lost case. It is not about doing something for someone. It is about transforming yourself. The eleven shrines are there to enhance this sense of devotion.
If you have to know a very deep sense of involvement with something that does not mean anything to you, it can happen only when there is no fear of entanglement. For this to happen, either you must be crazy, or you must be drunk with blissfulness, or you must have fallen so in love with somebody that nothing matters. Without one of these three qualities, it is difficult to do something with great intensity and still not be bothered about what it is.
Sannidhi pooja as awesome as Samyama program
Apr 30 eve
Guru Sannidhi Pooja was as energised as Samyama program.
During the guru song I was just dancing and singing along.
During Brahmanda chanting; it's like a few persons comes out to chant. There are of different ethnics. And one of them have a crooked mouth. It was quite scary. I wonder if this is the break of all the karma in me.
My mom said I shouldn't have Vijii pix in my room. She said Vijii will wake up and follow me. For a moment scary tot. But I shrugged it off. Vijii the most loving sister I met.
She came at a time when I m ready for her.
Amen
Today my team who went for Angamardhana spokes of their receptivity. So glad we have common sharing. Alas I m truly opening up.
Guru Sannidhi Pooja was as energised as Samyama program.
During the guru song I was just dancing and singing along.
During Brahmanda chanting; it's like a few persons comes out to chant. There are of different ethnics. And one of them have a crooked mouth. It was quite scary. I wonder if this is the break of all the karma in me.
My mom said I shouldn't have Vijii pix in my room. She said Vijii will wake up and follow me. For a moment scary tot. But I shrugged it off. Vijii the most loving sister I met.
She came at a time when I m ready for her.
Amen
Today my team who went for Angamardhana spokes of their receptivity. So glad we have common sharing. Alas I m truly opening up.
Patanjali - witnessing
Apr 30 aft
Secrets of yoga
Patanjali
Experience is the result of the inability to differentiate. All experience is just an error, a misunderstanding.
U should not say "I am hungry". The body is hungry and u are the knower of the fact.
U should not say "I am miserable". The experience is of bodymind. Body is nothing but mind in a gross way.
Once u realised u are the witness, many things simply disappear.... Start disappearing. Suddenly u are beyond experience; U are not in both mind and body. Suddenly u are floating like a cloud, above all, beyond all.
Soul
Amen.
Awareness mode is the key.
But since can't go there; next is alertness. Yesterday when local boss said I need to be retrenched too I can feel my body constricted. Can feel the fear. I remember calming myself.
May 29
Was just diagnosed with liver inflammation.
I know I should be 'sad'..but then I am not.
To me..my body is sick..but my being is not.
But not sure if this is delayed reaction..
Secrets of yoga
Patanjali
Experience is the result of the inability to differentiate. All experience is just an error, a misunderstanding.
U should not say "I am hungry". The body is hungry and u are the knower of the fact.
U should not say "I am miserable". The experience is of bodymind. Body is nothing but mind in a gross way.
Once u realised u are the witness, many things simply disappear.... Start disappearing. Suddenly u are beyond experience; U are not in both mind and body. Suddenly u are floating like a cloud, above all, beyond all.
Soul
Amen.
Awareness mode is the key.
But since can't go there; next is alertness. Yesterday when local boss said I need to be retrenched too I can feel my body constricted. Can feel the fear. I remember calming myself.
May 29
Was just diagnosed with liver inflammation.
I know I should be 'sad'..but then I am not.
To me..my body is sick..but my being is not.
But not sure if this is delayed reaction..
Osho - inner emptiness is outside fulfillment
Apr 30
Today alarm at 4.30 am but feel sleepy. Decided to sleep in cos tonight got yogaasanas practice.
Woke up at 5.30 am. Tot of office matters. Remember that I need to trust things will be okay. Regional boss already assured myself the job security for next year eventhough we lost the major client. So stay cool. As for the severance, let local boss revert.
Did Bhuta Shuddi, sat in Ardhasiddhasana. Went in deep. Gave its 5 minutes time for energy to balance. Did preparatory steps for Surya Kriya followed by one cycle. Elbow improving, less painful.
61 points awareness not okay. Haven't been able to be in awareness mode for the past one month.
Did a short breathing in my Ardhasiddhasana but can't go deep. Not able to get into the awareness mode.
Shakti was good. Focus on slow Kapala Bhakti. Now I timed it till the upper belly is filled with air. Then I exhale. While the exhalation not strong, ie not intense. But towards the end of Kapala Bhakti I was singing. After the end of Shakti, I was singing and dancing.
Shambavi was good in Ardhasiddhasana. At first no animal sound. Later was dancing and singing.
After practices quickly wear Rudraskh. Yesterday not wearing I got flustered. Today I m balance. Able to feel my inner comfort.
Going with the flow. Have faith that all things will turn up fine.
Secrets of yoga
Gurdjieff
The first thing is to become non-identified and to remember continuously that u are a witness, just a consciousness, neither an act nor a tot.
If this rememberance becomes a crystallised phenomenon in u, u attained to Vivek, discrimination; then spontaneously follows vairagya
If u don't become discriminating, spontaneously follows samsara, the world.
If u become identified with body and mind, u move out - u go into the world, u are expelled from the garden of Eden.
If you discriminate and u remember that u are in the body and the body is an abode and u are the owner and the mind is just a biocomputer, u are the master and the mind is just a slave - then a turning in. Then u are not moving into the world, because the first step has been removed. Now u are no longer bridged with the world, suddenly u start to falling in.
Soul
Can't wait for Samyama Sadhana.
When I fall in during Sadhana; so much contentment.
Secrets of yoga
And when u go on falling in and in and in, and there comes the last point beyond which there is no go, the summum bonum, it is called kaivalya; u become alone. U don't need anybody.
U don't need the constant effort of filling urself with something or the other. Now u are in tune with ur emptiness, and because of ur tuning in with the emptiness, the very emptiness has become a fullness, an infinity, a fulfilment, a fruition of being.
Soul
Amen.
With my path of aloneness and my karmic need for soul mate and validation from close friends; I truly need it.
Now my shrine is my comfort; my source of unconditional love.
Today alarm at 4.30 am but feel sleepy. Decided to sleep in cos tonight got yogaasanas practice.
Woke up at 5.30 am. Tot of office matters. Remember that I need to trust things will be okay. Regional boss already assured myself the job security for next year eventhough we lost the major client. So stay cool. As for the severance, let local boss revert.
Did Bhuta Shuddi, sat in Ardhasiddhasana. Went in deep. Gave its 5 minutes time for energy to balance. Did preparatory steps for Surya Kriya followed by one cycle. Elbow improving, less painful.
61 points awareness not okay. Haven't been able to be in awareness mode for the past one month.
Did a short breathing in my Ardhasiddhasana but can't go deep. Not able to get into the awareness mode.
Shakti was good. Focus on slow Kapala Bhakti. Now I timed it till the upper belly is filled with air. Then I exhale. While the exhalation not strong, ie not intense. But towards the end of Kapala Bhakti I was singing. After the end of Shakti, I was singing and dancing.
Shambavi was good in Ardhasiddhasana. At first no animal sound. Later was dancing and singing.
After practices quickly wear Rudraskh. Yesterday not wearing I got flustered. Today I m balance. Able to feel my inner comfort.
Going with the flow. Have faith that all things will turn up fine.
Secrets of yoga
Gurdjieff
The first thing is to become non-identified and to remember continuously that u are a witness, just a consciousness, neither an act nor a tot.
If this rememberance becomes a crystallised phenomenon in u, u attained to Vivek, discrimination; then spontaneously follows vairagya
If u don't become discriminating, spontaneously follows samsara, the world.
If u become identified with body and mind, u move out - u go into the world, u are expelled from the garden of Eden.
If you discriminate and u remember that u are in the body and the body is an abode and u are the owner and the mind is just a biocomputer, u are the master and the mind is just a slave - then a turning in. Then u are not moving into the world, because the first step has been removed. Now u are no longer bridged with the world, suddenly u start to falling in.
Soul
Can't wait for Samyama Sadhana.
When I fall in during Sadhana; so much contentment.
Secrets of yoga
And when u go on falling in and in and in, and there comes the last point beyond which there is no go, the summum bonum, it is called kaivalya; u become alone. U don't need anybody.
U don't need the constant effort of filling urself with something or the other. Now u are in tune with ur emptiness, and because of ur tuning in with the emptiness, the very emptiness has become a fullness, an infinity, a fulfilment, a fruition of being.
Soul
Amen.
With my path of aloneness and my karmic need for soul mate and validation from close friends; I truly need it.
Now my shrine is my comfort; my source of unconditional love.
Osho - why you feel lack?
Apr 29 aft 1
The secrets of yoga
Why are u hankering so much for the other?
Why this desire, this constant madness for the other?
Where have u taken a wrong step? Why are u not satisfied with yourself?
Why don't u feel fulfilled?
Why do u think that somehow u lack something?
From where this misconception that u are incomplete arise? It arises out of the identity with the body; the body is the other. Once u have taken the wrong step, then u will go on and on, and there is no end to it.
By "Vivek", Patanjali means: to discriminate urself as separate from the body; to realise that u are in the mind but u are not the mind; to realise that u are always the pure witness - the seer. U r never the seen, u are never the object; u are pure subjectivity.
When all objects are known as separate from u, they start disappearing. They exist through ur cooperation. If u think u are body, then the body continues; it needs your help, your energy. If u think u are the mind , then the mind continues; it needs your help, your energy.
That is the inner mechanism; that just by ur presence, nature becomes alive. that just by ur presence, body and mind becomes alive.
Patanjali said ur innermost being is not active; it is inactive. Ur pure consciousness is a catalytic agent. It is just there doing nothing, seeing everything but getting involved in nothing.
Soul
With RA...whats the best suggestion?
Bringing out my consciousness...
The secrets of yoga
Why are u hankering so much for the other?
Why this desire, this constant madness for the other?
Where have u taken a wrong step? Why are u not satisfied with yourself?
Why don't u feel fulfilled?
Why do u think that somehow u lack something?
From where this misconception that u are incomplete arise? It arises out of the identity with the body; the body is the other. Once u have taken the wrong step, then u will go on and on, and there is no end to it.
By "Vivek", Patanjali means: to discriminate urself as separate from the body; to realise that u are in the mind but u are not the mind; to realise that u are always the pure witness - the seer. U r never the seen, u are never the object; u are pure subjectivity.
When all objects are known as separate from u, they start disappearing. They exist through ur cooperation. If u think u are body, then the body continues; it needs your help, your energy. If u think u are the mind , then the mind continues; it needs your help, your energy.
That is the inner mechanism; that just by ur presence, nature becomes alive. that just by ur presence, body and mind becomes alive.
Patanjali said ur innermost being is not active; it is inactive. Ur pure consciousness is a catalytic agent. It is just there doing nothing, seeing everything but getting involved in nothing.
Soul
With RA...whats the best suggestion?
Bringing out my consciousness...
Despite my fear, learning to curb my need to strategise
Apr 29 aft
Today got a bombshell from local boss. She said me to go off in Dec whereas ate goes off in Sept.
I was bit flustered
Did a quick message to my regional boss. He said I m already on partial remuneration. So don't have to reduce further. Also local boss need his approval on my position. Net is that unless I want to go, my position is secure.
Now looking back, perhaps my local boss misunderstood me. When I said I m prepared for the worst. Go with the flow. I meant I won't run. It doesn't meant that I m willing to go as I know I got a role to play.
Have given local boss action plan for severance but she can't decide. If that's the case then it's either her and second in command. Just now want to drop her a msg. But I stopped myself. She has to come to that decision herself. Don't cross the border.
Father, alas no longer as strategising as before. No longer crossing other parameters reactively.
For the first time in this company, I no longer provide options of action plan. I let them decide. I need not be the key player. I need not be stressed as the main payroll from them.
This week Osho tarot really true.
Resolution
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving--call it God...he is doing things. They are happening of their own accord. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be."
The essential man is not a doer. The accidental man is a doer. The accidental man is, of course, then in anxiety, tension, stress, anguish, continuously sitting on a volcano. It can erupt any moment, because he lives in a world of uncertainty and believes as if it is certain. This creates tension in his be-ing: he knows deep down that nothing is certain.
Secrets of yoga
A happy man will be celebrating, he will be enjoying and sharing and he will be laughing.
The moon person can laugh easily, naturally and spontaneously. To a moon person, laughter arise at every situation; he remains laughing.
The sun person cannot laugh, it is difficult.
Laughter is so spiritual, nothing like it. When u laughed all tensions disappear. When u laugh deeply, suddenly, as if u have come to an open sky, the walls disappear around u. If u can laugh, u can always relax.
Let laugher be ur temple and you will feel in deep contact with the divine.
Soul
Before Isha I was happy go lucky on surface. Now I m joyful inside. Laugher erupted without any reason when I m meditation zone.
Amen.
Today got a bombshell from local boss. She said me to go off in Dec whereas ate goes off in Sept.
I was bit flustered
Did a quick message to my regional boss. He said I m already on partial remuneration. So don't have to reduce further. Also local boss need his approval on my position. Net is that unless I want to go, my position is secure.
Now looking back, perhaps my local boss misunderstood me. When I said I m prepared for the worst. Go with the flow. I meant I won't run. It doesn't meant that I m willing to go as I know I got a role to play.
Have given local boss action plan for severance but she can't decide. If that's the case then it's either her and second in command. Just now want to drop her a msg. But I stopped myself. She has to come to that decision herself. Don't cross the border.
Father, alas no longer as strategising as before. No longer crossing other parameters reactively.
For the first time in this company, I no longer provide options of action plan. I let them decide. I need not be the key player. I need not be stressed as the main payroll from them.
This week Osho tarot really true.
Resolution
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving--call it God...he is doing things. They are happening of their own accord. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be."
The essential man is not a doer. The accidental man is a doer. The accidental man is, of course, then in anxiety, tension, stress, anguish, continuously sitting on a volcano. It can erupt any moment, because he lives in a world of uncertainty and believes as if it is certain. This creates tension in his be-ing: he knows deep down that nothing is certain.
Secrets of yoga
A happy man will be celebrating, he will be enjoying and sharing and he will be laughing.
The moon person can laugh easily, naturally and spontaneously. To a moon person, laughter arise at every situation; he remains laughing.
The sun person cannot laugh, it is difficult.
Laughter is so spiritual, nothing like it. When u laughed all tensions disappear. When u laugh deeply, suddenly, as if u have come to an open sky, the walls disappear around u. If u can laugh, u can always relax.
Let laugher be ur temple and you will feel in deep contact with the divine.
Soul
Before Isha I was happy go lucky on surface. Now I m joyful inside. Laugher erupted without any reason when I m meditation zone.
Amen.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Jeff Foster - Warrior of Love
A LOVE AS FIERCE AS THE SUMMER SUN
Don't search for love, or try to make others love you.
Simply be what you seek, give yourself what you long to be given.
Be more loving, open your heart wider, without expectation, without needing anything in return. You'll get hurt? You'll waste your love? You'll look like a fool? Keep opening anyway. And opening. Your heart needs to break sometimes, so it can give more love, and in giving, receive. In the cracks, compassion will take root.
You can still say no. You can still draw, redraw and erase boundaries as you go.
You can still leave, or stay, or never come back, or return. But you are loving yourself first. And through that love, loving a world.
No longer waiting for others to save you, or complete you, or remove your pain, yet no longer denying yourself the love that in the end you can only give yourself.
No longer protecting a broken heart by trying to close it. And no longer being a masochist either, dishonouring your own boundaries to find a love you could never find outside of your very own heart.
Others will disappoint you until you realise this. Love sees others as they are.
The sun has given her light freely for billions of years, delighting in the life she brings to all beings; a joyful warrior of love, she is in relationship, first and foremost, with her own shining.
- Jeff Foster
Soul
Seven of Heart life time challenge unravelled.
Yes..finally the bucks stopped.
I am giving myself what I want..cos I truly have the means to do so.
Singing Yogaasanas
Apr 29
Woke up at 4.30 am. Glad to have the additional hour of sleep.
For over 20 plus years I always need my morning leisure breakfast. Finally a long time habit broken.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi in Ardhasiddhasana and gave it the 5 minutes after. Feel the energy running throughout my body. Guess finally correct Bhuta Shuddhi.
Do preparatory steps for Surya kriya. Surya Kriya was good. Still some pain on elbow so can't hold lying down posture.
Yogaasanas was amazing. I was singing in standing posture. Was also singing in some other posture. This has never happen before.
Just as all the animals being released; my control is finally loosen.
Shakti was good. Focused on slow Kapala Bhakti. Was singing after Kapala Bhakti and singing and dancing at the end.
Shambavi was good. Animal sounds and followed by baby sounds.
My Daily Card in Mars
The Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
ended my morning leisure breakfast habit.
Not sure ...may be ending of Job.
My local boss just asked me to go off..
I was totally caught off guard...as I tot my role was secured.
Anyway, got till year end to look for job.
Lets see...
Woke up at 4.30 am. Glad to have the additional hour of sleep.
For over 20 plus years I always need my morning leisure breakfast. Finally a long time habit broken.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi in Ardhasiddhasana and gave it the 5 minutes after. Feel the energy running throughout my body. Guess finally correct Bhuta Shuddhi.
Do preparatory steps for Surya kriya. Surya Kriya was good. Still some pain on elbow so can't hold lying down posture.
Yogaasanas was amazing. I was singing in standing posture. Was also singing in some other posture. This has never happen before.
Just as all the animals being released; my control is finally loosen.
Shakti was good. Focused on slow Kapala Bhakti. Was singing after Kapala Bhakti and singing and dancing at the end.
Shambavi was good. Animal sounds and followed by baby sounds.
My Daily Card in Mars
The Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
ended my morning leisure breakfast habit.
Not sure ...may be ending of Job.
My local boss just asked me to go off..
I was totally caught off guard...as I tot my role was secured.
Anyway, got till year end to look for job.
Lets see...
Chronic pain by Jeff Foster
Apr 28 eve
https://www.facebook.com/LifeWithoutACentre/posts/749484871815790
"Why is the pain still here? After all I've done, with all I know...". I've heard this kind of thing from so many people all over the world. We've tried everything, been to every healer, had every kind of spiritual insight and experience, and yet we are not 'over' our pain yet. It's 'still here'. We can end up feeling so disappointed. Like we are failures, far from healing. Like we are 'doing something wrong'.
But healing is never far away. I invited the woman to allow herself to feel the pain in her neck and shoulders more deeply. To be present with the raw sensations there. To breathe into them. To be curious. To allow them to intensify if they wanted to. To allow them to move, to break up, to flutter, to pulsate, to burn. But to stay present, and curious; to allow, to trust, to breathe.
Suddenly a great terror welled up in her body. An old fear of becoming overwhelmed, of dying, of going mad, of breaking apart. "Breathe into this," I reminded her. Her entire body started to shake, convulse. "Breathe. Trust. I'm here with you...". This went on for a couple of minutes. I stayed close. Then it stopped as quickly as it had begun. She opened her eyes. She started to laugh, to cry with relief. "Wow," she said. "Just... wow". There were no words. The pain in her neck and shoulders was gone. Her whole body felt rested, relaxed, grounded. She was welling up with love and gratitude.
Instead of trying to 'heal' or 'get rid of' her pain (she had tried so hard over the years!), she finally was able to meet it instead, make a home for it, allow it. Her pain had become bound up with emotion - fear, rage, and underneath, great sorrow, even despair. These emotions had been held tightly in her body since she was a little one, when it wasn't safe to allow herself to feel what she felt. So energy had got stuck in her shoulders. Feeling into the 'pain' was the invitation for these old energies to finally begin to move in her. Her body was literally shaking out old bound-up energy, in the safety of the present moment, in the safety of our relational field.
She was learning to trust herself again. Trust her body. Trust the power of presence. Trust someone else to stay close with her in the fire of her experience. Even trust the pain itself, see the intelligence in it. In a space of safety, and presence, and care, and love, she was able to begin to bear the unbearable, so the unbearable was not unbearable any longer. This is how healing happens - through love, through presence, through the courage to come closer.
- Jeff Foster
Soul
thats my question too..why the RA pain still there..
What else can I do..
Mmm..meeting the pain..
But recently when in pain..i began to talk to the area of pain during yogaasanas and cat stretch.
Even during 61 points awareness..I just said blood don't attack us. Just release..go with the flow..Be at ease..I do find the pain subside..
Today just sang guru pooja. Suddenly animal sound came out. Something pushing its way out. The writing above about energy being released seems to be happening now.
Suddenly all coming together.
I think me not going for the BSP volunteering has broken through my main compulsion. And hence with that lesiure breakfast habits also break...
And now becoming even more receptive.
Guru pooja and Sannidhi pooja is like being in Samyama program, all the animals in me coming out...
Hata Yoga is now being in deeper meditation..singing mode is out instead of just laughter mode.
Amen.
https://www.facebook.com/LifeWithoutACentre/posts/749484871815790
"Why is the pain still here? After all I've done, with all I know...". I've heard this kind of thing from so many people all over the world. We've tried everything, been to every healer, had every kind of spiritual insight and experience, and yet we are not 'over' our pain yet. It's 'still here'. We can end up feeling so disappointed. Like we are failures, far from healing. Like we are 'doing something wrong'.
But healing is never far away. I invited the woman to allow herself to feel the pain in her neck and shoulders more deeply. To be present with the raw sensations there. To breathe into them. To be curious. To allow them to intensify if they wanted to. To allow them to move, to break up, to flutter, to pulsate, to burn. But to stay present, and curious; to allow, to trust, to breathe.
Suddenly a great terror welled up in her body. An old fear of becoming overwhelmed, of dying, of going mad, of breaking apart. "Breathe into this," I reminded her. Her entire body started to shake, convulse. "Breathe. Trust. I'm here with you...". This went on for a couple of minutes. I stayed close. Then it stopped as quickly as it had begun. She opened her eyes. She started to laugh, to cry with relief. "Wow," she said. "Just... wow". There were no words. The pain in her neck and shoulders was gone. Her whole body felt rested, relaxed, grounded. She was welling up with love and gratitude.
Instead of trying to 'heal' or 'get rid of' her pain (she had tried so hard over the years!), she finally was able to meet it instead, make a home for it, allow it. Her pain had become bound up with emotion - fear, rage, and underneath, great sorrow, even despair. These emotions had been held tightly in her body since she was a little one, when it wasn't safe to allow herself to feel what she felt. So energy had got stuck in her shoulders. Feeling into the 'pain' was the invitation for these old energies to finally begin to move in her. Her body was literally shaking out old bound-up energy, in the safety of the present moment, in the safety of our relational field.
She was learning to trust herself again. Trust her body. Trust the power of presence. Trust someone else to stay close with her in the fire of her experience. Even trust the pain itself, see the intelligence in it. In a space of safety, and presence, and care, and love, she was able to begin to bear the unbearable, so the unbearable was not unbearable any longer. This is how healing happens - through love, through presence, through the courage to come closer.
- Jeff Foster
Soul
thats my question too..why the RA pain still there..
What else can I do..
Mmm..meeting the pain..
But recently when in pain..i began to talk to the area of pain during yogaasanas and cat stretch.
Even during 61 points awareness..I just said blood don't attack us. Just release..go with the flow..Be at ease..I do find the pain subside..
Today just sang guru pooja. Suddenly animal sound came out. Something pushing its way out. The writing above about energy being released seems to be happening now.
Suddenly all coming together.
I think me not going for the BSP volunteering has broken through my main compulsion. And hence with that lesiure breakfast habits also break...
And now becoming even more receptive.
Guru pooja and Sannidhi pooja is like being in Samyama program, all the animals in me coming out...
Hata Yoga is now being in deeper meditation..singing mode is out instead of just laughter mode.
Amen.
Osho - when sun and moon in balance, energy is freed up
Apr 28
Woke up fresh at 3.35 am cos had tumeric with honey before sleep. Also sat with the shrine. But feeling lazy. So doze for one hour. These days glad that I now have the option to wake up later one hour without affecting my Sadhana. Just take out the leisure breakfast.
So glad to have this finding. Sadhana more important than food.
This morning Bhuta Shuddhi was good. Now gives the 5 minutes time. Use to come out fast. The 5 minutes needed for the balance.
Angamardhana was good today. Not as tired as yesterday.
Surya Kriya good too. Finally able to do lying down posture but can't hold long. 61 points awareness was okay.
Breathing was okay. These few weeks seems to have lost the awareness mode.
Shakti was quite good. Still aiming for slow Kapala Bhakti. It's true when I focus on slow, pumping seems to be less intense. No wonder teacher said the focus on getting the slow rhythm. The intensity to build up later. I was singing and dancing at the end. Sang for quite a long while.
Shambavi was okay. No animal sound.
Today start to compile next year Budget. Big drop. Have to cut half of payroll.
Can feel apprehension. Got Postponement card this week. Yes, was postponing but time to do. At least know what we are facing.
Wish I got someone to share. For a moment wish for Z. But I waive it off. That's past. Looking for sympathy. Mind even said ask help from sister company.
No. I m safe. My path is aloneness and going with the flow.
Truly blessed to have my Sannidhi.
Secrets of yoga by Osho
Intuition functions without process; it simply jump into conclusions. In fact intuition is an opening towards the reality- a vision comes to it. Logic has to grope in darkness; intuition never gropes, just a vision. It simply sees it.
People who are intuitive become religious naturally. People who are intellectual cannot become religious naturally; at the most, they can be intellectually involved in some sort of a religious philosophy.
The intellect always looking for something; the intuitive is simply open.
Soul
Well I m intuitive.
Secrets of yoga
If u live in a loving atmosphere...and u have to create the atmosphere around u, nobody is going to create it for you. Love people so that love is reflected back. Love people so that u are showered by love.
When ur sun and moon is balanced, they negate each other. Suddenly ur energy is free; u are not in any form, u become formless. That formlessness is pratibha. Then u start rising higher and higher and higher - there is no end to this growth.
Soul
Tot of my energy going through the roof recently.
Me doing Cat Stretch correctly. Me accepted my aloneness path. Me learning to go with the flow.
Then followed by Rudraskh protection and now Muladhara stabilising to retain energy. Vijii presence open me up. No wonder energy shot through the roof.
Woke up fresh at 3.35 am cos had tumeric with honey before sleep. Also sat with the shrine. But feeling lazy. So doze for one hour. These days glad that I now have the option to wake up later one hour without affecting my Sadhana. Just take out the leisure breakfast.
So glad to have this finding. Sadhana more important than food.
This morning Bhuta Shuddhi was good. Now gives the 5 minutes time. Use to come out fast. The 5 minutes needed for the balance.
Angamardhana was good today. Not as tired as yesterday.
Surya Kriya good too. Finally able to do lying down posture but can't hold long. 61 points awareness was okay.
Breathing was okay. These few weeks seems to have lost the awareness mode.
Shakti was quite good. Still aiming for slow Kapala Bhakti. It's true when I focus on slow, pumping seems to be less intense. No wonder teacher said the focus on getting the slow rhythm. The intensity to build up later. I was singing and dancing at the end. Sang for quite a long while.
Shambavi was okay. No animal sound.
Today start to compile next year Budget. Big drop. Have to cut half of payroll.
Can feel apprehension. Got Postponement card this week. Yes, was postponing but time to do. At least know what we are facing.
Wish I got someone to share. For a moment wish for Z. But I waive it off. That's past. Looking for sympathy. Mind even said ask help from sister company.
No. I m safe. My path is aloneness and going with the flow.
Truly blessed to have my Sannidhi.
Secrets of yoga by Osho
Intuition functions without process; it simply jump into conclusions. In fact intuition is an opening towards the reality- a vision comes to it. Logic has to grope in darkness; intuition never gropes, just a vision. It simply sees it.
People who are intuitive become religious naturally. People who are intellectual cannot become religious naturally; at the most, they can be intellectually involved in some sort of a religious philosophy.
The intellect always looking for something; the intuitive is simply open.
Soul
Well I m intuitive.
Secrets of yoga
If u live in a loving atmosphere...and u have to create the atmosphere around u, nobody is going to create it for you. Love people so that love is reflected back. Love people so that u are showered by love.
When ur sun and moon is balanced, they negate each other. Suddenly ur energy is free; u are not in any form, u become formless. That formlessness is pratibha. Then u start rising higher and higher and higher - there is no end to this growth.
Soul
Tot of my energy going through the roof recently.
Me doing Cat Stretch correctly. Me accepted my aloneness path. Me learning to go with the flow.
Then followed by Rudraskh protection and now Muladhara stabilising to retain energy. Vijii presence open me up. No wonder energy shot through the roof.
Explosive Sannidhi pooja
Apr 27 eve
Just finished my Sannidhi pooja. The first cycle starts off fine. I was sitting quietly. Then towards the end of first cycle suddenly animals sounds starts to come. Different animals came out and continues till end of third cycle of pooja song. It was so much that I become scared. Is something wrong with me? I recalled some participants of Samyama especially the men had these types of animals coming out. For me only that one time I tot something started to come out but I got scared and it didn't.
Brahmananda chanting. No more animals but the mouth starts to snarl, to twist and turn like a sinister evil person. Later like small babies. Then it was fine.
From animals to old sinister human and then to babies.
I cry out to Sadhguru when it gets overwhelming.
After the pooja ended. I start to light a candle for Vijii. I wants her to be here.
Devi chanting for 3 cycles. Then lying down in Devi posture. I start to cry cos afraid of office situations. Then moments later tears stopped.
I am safe. I have abundance of love and money. Feel okay.
Just finished my Sannidhi pooja. The first cycle starts off fine. I was sitting quietly. Then towards the end of first cycle suddenly animals sounds starts to come. Different animals came out and continues till end of third cycle of pooja song. It was so much that I become scared. Is something wrong with me? I recalled some participants of Samyama especially the men had these types of animals coming out. For me only that one time I tot something started to come out but I got scared and it didn't.
Brahmananda chanting. No more animals but the mouth starts to snarl, to twist and turn like a sinister evil person. Later like small babies. Then it was fine.
From animals to old sinister human and then to babies.
I cry out to Sadhguru when it gets overwhelming.
After the pooja ended. I start to light a candle for Vijii. I wants her to be here.
Devi chanting for 3 cycles. Then lying down in Devi posture. I start to cry cos afraid of office situations. Then moments later tears stopped.
I am safe. I have abundance of love and money. Feel okay.
Work vs Volunteering
Apr 27 aft
Looking forward to the team coming back from BSP volunteering. Feel bit envious. I know they feel great from volunteering. Wish I can be too. But I m not.
A tot came. Just as I asked others not to be envious of my receptivity and samadhi path. Then I need not be envious of others volunteering path.
Today boss asked to be released. Asked if I can propose to Regional to terminate her. I checked and she said yes she wants out. Guess I can work a win win solution for both parties. This time it was not strategised by me.
Truly glad I didn't join BSP volunteering. Much work due to loss of major client. Need to do action plan for major severance.
Looking forward to the team coming back from BSP volunteering. Feel bit envious. I know they feel great from volunteering. Wish I can be too. But I m not.
A tot came. Just as I asked others not to be envious of my receptivity and samadhi path. Then I need not be envious of others volunteering path.
Today boss asked to be released. Asked if I can propose to Regional to terminate her. I checked and she said yes she wants out. Guess I can work a win win solution for both parties. This time it was not strategised by me.
Truly glad I didn't join BSP volunteering. Much work due to loss of major client. Need to do action plan for major severance.
Outside drama..inside I am okay, thanks to sadhana
Apr 27
Woken up at 2 am buy timer. Slept back. Wake up upon alarm at 3.35. Snooze bit and woke up 3.37 am. Sat a bit in the toilet thinking about my dream. I dreamed of Z; I do recall he is married. Can't recall much.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch. Did Angamardhana, not so flexible. Glad I m doing refresher next month.
Able to do Surya kriya but can't do proper lying down and can't hold mountain pose for long cos elbow still swelling.
61 points awareness meditation was not good. Keep losing in tots.
Shakti was good. Did slower Kapala Bhakti. Towards the end hissing sounds followed by dancing and singing.
Did a short breathing mediation cos not much time. Wonder where I took longer. These last few weeks not able to go into the awareness mode.
Shambavi was okay...as some tots of office comes in.
This morning woke up and remember that many years ago before Isha I would have sleepless night on every Sunday. With the loss of major client, I would be even more worried..but now I can sleep well..on Sunday.
Today card in Mercury
My Daily Card
The Ten of Diamonds
The Ten of Diamonds is a card of financial success and is considered to be the best money card to have in your yearly spread. Success in dealing with groups of people in some financial way is also indicated.
Essentially the Ten of Diamonds means a large sum of money and infatuation or obsession with money. It doesn't always mean that you will receive large sums of money. Sometimes it can merely mean a preoccupation with finances. However, when the Ten of Diamonds falls in Jupiter or as the year's Result Card, the chances are much greater that a huge financial gain is forthcoming.
Soul
My second in command told me that if he is in my position , he be feeling insecure and worried about the purchase of condo.
I told him the old me would be.
But not the new me is okay.
Besides...my key word is I have...
I do have the money..
I do have the capability to find money..
Woken up at 2 am buy timer. Slept back. Wake up upon alarm at 3.35. Snooze bit and woke up 3.37 am. Sat a bit in the toilet thinking about my dream. I dreamed of Z; I do recall he is married. Can't recall much.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch. Did Angamardhana, not so flexible. Glad I m doing refresher next month.
Able to do Surya kriya but can't do proper lying down and can't hold mountain pose for long cos elbow still swelling.
61 points awareness meditation was not good. Keep losing in tots.
Shakti was good. Did slower Kapala Bhakti. Towards the end hissing sounds followed by dancing and singing.
Did a short breathing mediation cos not much time. Wonder where I took longer. These last few weeks not able to go into the awareness mode.
Shambavi was okay...as some tots of office comes in.
This morning woke up and remember that many years ago before Isha I would have sleepless night on every Sunday. With the loss of major client, I would be even more worried..but now I can sleep well..on Sunday.
Today card in Mercury
My Daily Card
The Ten of Diamonds
The Ten of Diamonds is a card of financial success and is considered to be the best money card to have in your yearly spread. Success in dealing with groups of people in some financial way is also indicated.
Essentially the Ten of Diamonds means a large sum of money and infatuation or obsession with money. It doesn't always mean that you will receive large sums of money. Sometimes it can merely mean a preoccupation with finances. However, when the Ten of Diamonds falls in Jupiter or as the year's Result Card, the chances are much greater that a huge financial gain is forthcoming.
Soul
My second in command told me that if he is in my position , he be feeling insecure and worried about the purchase of condo.
I told him the old me would be.
But not the new me is okay.
Besides...my key word is I have...
I do have the money..
I do have the capability to find money..
Tumeric for RA
Apr 24
From faceobook
Tumeric
2. Rheumatoid Arthritis
Due to its high anti-inflammatory properties, turmeric is highly effective at helping people manage rheumatoid arthritis (RA).
A recent study out of Japan evaluated its relationship with Interleukin (IL)-6, the inflammatory cytokine known to be involved in the RA process, and discovered that curcumin “significantly reduced” these inflammatory markers. This suggests that regular turmeric use could be a potent strategy to prevent the onset of RA from developing to begin with! (10)
Soul
At least now taking alternate night since I can't take the RA pills
Osho - Trust the water
Apr 24 eve
Osho
Belief, doubt and fanaticism
U swim in the water- u go to the river and swim. What do u do? U trust the water. A good swimmer trusts so much that he almost become one with the river. He is not fighting, he does not grab the water, he is not stiff and tense. If u are stiff and tense u will be drowned.
If u are relaxed the river takes care. That's why whenever somebody dies, the dead body floats on the surface. The alive person was fighting. The river was the enemy. He was afraid, he could not trust.
Trust means u r not fighting; surrender means u don't think of life as the enemy but as the friend. Once u trust the river, u suddenly start enjoying. Tremendous delight arises; splashing or just floating or diving deep. But u are not separate from the river, u merge, u become one.
Surrender means to live the same way in life as a good swimmer swims in the river. Life is a river. Either u can fight or u can float; either u can push the river and try to go against current or u can float with the river and go wherever the river leads u.
Soul
While I have improve loads...I wonder when will I trust the water...
Osho
Belief, doubt and fanaticism
U swim in the water- u go to the river and swim. What do u do? U trust the water. A good swimmer trusts so much that he almost become one with the river. He is not fighting, he does not grab the water, he is not stiff and tense. If u are stiff and tense u will be drowned.
If u are relaxed the river takes care. That's why whenever somebody dies, the dead body floats on the surface. The alive person was fighting. The river was the enemy. He was afraid, he could not trust.
Trust means u r not fighting; surrender means u don't think of life as the enemy but as the friend. Once u trust the river, u suddenly start enjoying. Tremendous delight arises; splashing or just floating or diving deep. But u are not separate from the river, u merge, u become one.
Surrender means to live the same way in life as a good swimmer swims in the river. Life is a river. Either u can fight or u can float; either u can push the river and try to go against current or u can float with the river and go wherever the river leads u.
Soul
While I have improve loads...I wonder when will I trust the water...
Awesome sannidhi pooja, energy as great as Samyama
Apr 24
Just finished Sannidhi pooja.
I sat in Ardhasiddhasana.
When the guru song was in the mid of first cycle, suddenly my body was wrenching. Something wanting to come out. Something crying to be released. This happen a few times. So powerful that I cried much cos feeling overwhelmed. Reminds me of Samyama program.
During Samyama..it can't come out..but now it can..thanks to Vijii.
Brahmananda chanting was fine. Back to normal. Sat in Ardhasiddhasana. Spine straight and arms dancing
After pooja, sat in silence.
Did Devi chanting for 3 cycles. During the lying down posture. I cried feeling scared if I survive through this upheaval at office. Then a tot came; I have abundance of love, money and energy.
Shoonya went in deep.
Didn't do breathing cos going for family dinner.
Just finished Sannidhi pooja.
I sat in Ardhasiddhasana.
When the guru song was in the mid of first cycle, suddenly my body was wrenching. Something wanting to come out. Something crying to be released. This happen a few times. So powerful that I cried much cos feeling overwhelmed. Reminds me of Samyama program.
During Samyama..it can't come out..but now it can..thanks to Vijii.
Brahmananda chanting was fine. Back to normal. Sat in Ardhasiddhasana. Spine straight and arms dancing
After pooja, sat in silence.
Did Devi chanting for 3 cycles. During the lying down posture. I cried feeling scared if I survive through this upheaval at office. Then a tot came; I have abundance of love, money and energy.
Shoonya went in deep.
Didn't do breathing cos going for family dinner.
Being in the gap - no longer as scary
Apr 24 aft
This week osho tarot
4. Whats needed for resolution?
Ordinariness
You are facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extra-ordinary. Forget all about making headlines by inventing the latest widget, or dazzling your friends and colleagues with your unique star quality. The special gift you have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.
Resolution
No-thingness
Buddha has chosen one of the really very potential words - shunyata. The English word, the English equivalent, "nothingness", is not such a beautiful word. That's why I would like to make it "no-thingness" - because the nothing is not just nothing, it is all. It is vibrant with all possibilities. It is potential, absolute potential. It is unmanifest yet, but it contains all. In the beginning is nature, in the end is nature, so why in the middle do you make so much fuss? Why, in the middle, becoming so worried, so anxious, so ambitious - why create such despair? Nothingness to nothingness is the whole journey.
Being "in the gap" can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead. But it was just this state of pure potential that existed before the universe was created. All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.
Soul
Seems like going through another big break up in the company.
Main thing I am sure is that I can't go back to the past.
Good that my second in command asked if I want him to stay. I told him yes.
He also strategised that we need to let go two of the older staff. I told him yes, I agreed.
Infact I see this as a chance to revamp Finance department.
He said he will stay and help me to see through this period.
Not sure where we are going..just know that i need to ride through this.
2. Internal influences that you are unaware
The Master
Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea -- and there is no experiment up to now that has found any center in the brain which corresponds to awareness. The whole work of meditation is to make you aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now you can do and act on only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills you, gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty. But this is possible only if the master in you is awake.
Soul
Part of me is scared..but having the Shrine and Sadhana helps me grounded.
This week osho tarot
4. Whats needed for resolution?
Ordinariness
You are facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extra-ordinary. Forget all about making headlines by inventing the latest widget, or dazzling your friends and colleagues with your unique star quality. The special gift you have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.
Resolution
No-thingness
Buddha has chosen one of the really very potential words - shunyata. The English word, the English equivalent, "nothingness", is not such a beautiful word. That's why I would like to make it "no-thingness" - because the nothing is not just nothing, it is all. It is vibrant with all possibilities. It is potential, absolute potential. It is unmanifest yet, but it contains all. In the beginning is nature, in the end is nature, so why in the middle do you make so much fuss? Why, in the middle, becoming so worried, so anxious, so ambitious - why create such despair? Nothingness to nothingness is the whole journey.
Being "in the gap" can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead. But it was just this state of pure potential that existed before the universe was created. All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.
Soul
Seems like going through another big break up in the company.
Main thing I am sure is that I can't go back to the past.
Good that my second in command asked if I want him to stay. I told him yes.
He also strategised that we need to let go two of the older staff. I told him yes, I agreed.
Infact I see this as a chance to revamp Finance department.
He said he will stay and help me to see through this period.
Not sure where we are going..just know that i need to ride through this.
2. Internal influences that you are unaware
The Master
Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea -- and there is no experiment up to now that has found any center in the brain which corresponds to awareness. The whole work of meditation is to make you aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now you can do and act on only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills you, gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty. But this is possible only if the master in you is awake.
Soul
Part of me is scared..but having the Shrine and Sadhana helps me grounded.
Paradise during Sadhana
Apr 24
Woke up around 6.25 am wide awake. I tot I overslept cos normally woke up not fresh upon alarm.
Tumeric before sleep and darshan with Shrine truly works.
Yesterday so nice feeling sitting with the Shrine. The energy now so light..so easy..so welcoming..
Sat in the corrected Ardhasiddhasana with a small prop to ensure spine is straight
Did Bhuta Shuddi with Ardhasiddhasana, nice....
Did long cat stretch followed by sitting Ardhasiddhasana. So high.
Did Angamardhana..quite good.
Can finally sit on Warrior posture without any prop. At first it was bit stretched but moments later I was singing and dancing..lost..after some time silence..
The Dhynna period also nice in Ardhasiddhasana sitting. Sat longer since got no time to do Breathing meditation.
Skip Surya Kriya as left elbow and shoulder bit painful.
Shakti is good..just doing 100 Kapala focusing on the gap of 1.5 second between Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi good too..
Feel as if I am already in paradise...
Woke up around 6.25 am wide awake. I tot I overslept cos normally woke up not fresh upon alarm.
Tumeric before sleep and darshan with Shrine truly works.
Yesterday so nice feeling sitting with the Shrine. The energy now so light..so easy..so welcoming..
Sat in the corrected Ardhasiddhasana with a small prop to ensure spine is straight
Did Bhuta Shuddi with Ardhasiddhasana, nice....
Did long cat stretch followed by sitting Ardhasiddhasana. So high.
Did Angamardhana..quite good.
Can finally sit on Warrior posture without any prop. At first it was bit stretched but moments later I was singing and dancing..lost..after some time silence..
The Dhynna period also nice in Ardhasiddhasana sitting. Sat longer since got no time to do Breathing meditation.
Skip Surya Kriya as left elbow and shoulder bit painful.
Shakti is good..just doing 100 Kapala focusing on the gap of 1.5 second between Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi good too..
Feel as if I am already in paradise...
Nine of Spades
Apr 23 aft
Jupiter
My Daily Card
The Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
today suddenly towards the end of sadhana tot of brother.
tot I need to settle this on my own...need to ask him to pay for money for food. need to tell him I don't want him in my condo.
Need to tell him that I can only give him free accommodation for the next one and half year.
Need to tell him I also don't want his daughter to stay at my place if she were to study local.
My mind bit spinning..and I said let it be.
No need to disturb me
I will check my cards to see what to do.
Coincidentally sister came into my car and so we chatted.
I told her my feelings and she said she will discuss with brother.
I told her that I have done taking care of small brother and family and now I no longer want to take care of big brother and family.
Mom's value and mine is different.
I truly want a place of my own, staying on my own. I am already 48 and have earned my freedom to be on my own.
Good timing.
Jupiter
My Daily Card
The Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
today suddenly towards the end of sadhana tot of brother.
tot I need to settle this on my own...need to ask him to pay for money for food. need to tell him I don't want him in my condo.
Need to tell him that I can only give him free accommodation for the next one and half year.
Need to tell him I also don't want his daughter to stay at my place if she were to study local.
My mind bit spinning..and I said let it be.
No need to disturb me
I will check my cards to see what to do.
Coincidentally sister came into my car and so we chatted.
I told her my feelings and she said she will discuss with brother.
I told her that I have done taking care of small brother and family and now I no longer want to take care of big brother and family.
Mom's value and mine is different.
I truly want a place of my own, staying on my own. I am already 48 and have earned my freedom to be on my own.
Good timing.
Going for North Node also leads to Soulmate
Apr 21 eve 3
http://www.the-soulmate-site.com/karmic-astrology.html
Why knowing your soul's purpose is key
“When will I meet him?”
“We meet our soulmates when we’re on our soul path.”
— soulmate quote by Karen M. Black, in Moondance
What makes karmic astrology different is its focus on the ‘North Node’, or soul mission (not your Sun sign). It's important in attracting your soulmate because, like the quote says, we find our soulmates on our soul's path.
In other words, the more you learn about and take actions toward your purpose, the more ‘visible’ you'll be to soulmates, in energetic terms, and the more likely you'll find each other. If you pursue your soul's purpose consciously, you'll be like this great big beacon of light for those who are compatible with you, and on their own paths.
If you use the information in your horoscope chart, not only will you be more likely to meet people and create the situations that will lead you to your true love, you'll be in tune with your soul, which fosters incredible growth for you and makes life easier, more fun and more meaningful. Plus, your search for love becomes clearer, more focused and enjoyable.
Soul
Not sure about this.
I am going towards North Node cos I know its my path.
As whether it leads to soulmate or not..its beyond me and I am not looking for that.
http://www.the-soulmate-site.com/karmic-astrology.html
Why knowing your soul's purpose is key
“When will I meet him?”
“We meet our soulmates when we’re on our soul path.”
— soulmate quote by Karen M. Black, in Moondance
What makes karmic astrology different is its focus on the ‘North Node’, or soul mission (not your Sun sign). It's important in attracting your soulmate because, like the quote says, we find our soulmates on our soul's path.
In other words, the more you learn about and take actions toward your purpose, the more ‘visible’ you'll be to soulmates, in energetic terms, and the more likely you'll find each other. If you pursue your soul's purpose consciously, you'll be like this great big beacon of light for those who are compatible with you, and on their own paths.
If you use the information in your horoscope chart, not only will you be more likely to meet people and create the situations that will lead you to your true love, you'll be in tune with your soul, which fosters incredible growth for you and makes life easier, more fun and more meaningful. Plus, your search for love becomes clearer, more focused and enjoyable.
Soul
Not sure about this.
I am going towards North Node cos I know its my path.
As whether it leads to soulmate or not..its beyond me and I am not looking for that.
Sadhguru on hugging, picking others karma
Apr 21 eve 4
Sadhguru
Handling your “stuff”
When your experience of life is limited to physicality, you think the boundary of a human being is the skin. If you expand the way you experience life a little more, you will see the boundary of a human being goes beyond the skin – to what extent depends upon who he or she is. The more you close your eyes and sit, the “fatter” you get – not in terms of fat as a substance – you get bigger. The less thinking you do, the larger your presence becomes.
It is wise not to pick up other people’s stuff because handling your own stuff is challenging enough. This is why once you are on spiritual sadhana, as a brahmachari, you do not hug anyone – doing “Namaskaram” is enough. We do not want to trip over your karma. Whether it is good or bad, we do not want to take it away from you.
When your Guru has evolved a strategy for your specific karma, you should not mix it up with all kinds of people. Otherwise, it becomes unnecessarily complicated.
Do not step over anyone. You can go around them. It is also a mark of respect.
If you take in too much input from everywhere, the karmic process becomes very complicated. And the strategy evolved for your karma will not work if you keep mixing it up with someone else’s all the time.
Why some who are in serious sadhana withdraw into a solitary cave or the like is because they do not want to complicate things. They understood the complexity of their own karma and do not want to complicate it anymore.
That is why you do not step over anyone. You can go around them. It is also a mark of respect. And apart from that, it would disturb that person if you step over them. If you disturb their energy body, they may not immediately wake up, but internally, it disturbs them.
Many strategies were evolved so that you do not trip over someone else’s karma. You do not want to acquire anything new because you know the complexity of what you already have. If you undo your own puzzle, it is good enough. You do not want to complicate it.
Soul
I m a toucher. I like to hug.
How?
Sadhguru
Handling your “stuff”
When your experience of life is limited to physicality, you think the boundary of a human being is the skin. If you expand the way you experience life a little more, you will see the boundary of a human being goes beyond the skin – to what extent depends upon who he or she is. The more you close your eyes and sit, the “fatter” you get – not in terms of fat as a substance – you get bigger. The less thinking you do, the larger your presence becomes.
It is wise not to pick up other people’s stuff because handling your own stuff is challenging enough. This is why once you are on spiritual sadhana, as a brahmachari, you do not hug anyone – doing “Namaskaram” is enough. We do not want to trip over your karma. Whether it is good or bad, we do not want to take it away from you.
When your Guru has evolved a strategy for your specific karma, you should not mix it up with all kinds of people. Otherwise, it becomes unnecessarily complicated.
Do not step over anyone. You can go around them. It is also a mark of respect.
If you take in too much input from everywhere, the karmic process becomes very complicated. And the strategy evolved for your karma will not work if you keep mixing it up with someone else’s all the time.
Why some who are in serious sadhana withdraw into a solitary cave or the like is because they do not want to complicate things. They understood the complexity of their own karma and do not want to complicate it anymore.
That is why you do not step over anyone. You can go around them. It is also a mark of respect. And apart from that, it would disturb that person if you step over them. If you disturb their energy body, they may not immediately wake up, but internally, it disturbs them.
Many strategies were evolved so that you do not trip over someone else’s karma. You do not want to acquire anything new because you know the complexity of what you already have. If you undo your own puzzle, it is good enough. You do not want to complicate it.
Soul
I m a toucher. I like to hug.
How?
North Node in Taurus - don't get enmeshed in others.
Apr 21 eve 2
http://www.the-soulmate-site.com/north-node-in-taurus.html
Your North Node in Taurus
♉
Life theme: “I have”
Soul colour: Green
North Node in Taurus represents your soul mission, according to karmic astrology. Taurus symbolically represents the EMOTIONAL RESPONSES, ATTITUDES and ENERGY to adopt and explore throughout your life.
There are THREE STEPS you can use to consciously attract a soulmate.
Step one: Appreciate your Scorpio talents
Sexual and emotional intimacy is natural to you.
The first step in claiming your North Node in Taurus is to embody the highest expressions of Scorpio (opposite to Taurus) representing your karmic past. So definitely appreciate – but! Don't make your intense Scorpio qualities the centre of your life.
Celebrate your intense, sensual side, and joyfully use your innate investigative skill, and plumbing the depths of life. Enjoy sexuality, and the magnetic, smoldering way you attract others. Enjoy unraveling mysteries, and remain passionately loyal to those you care about.
Study Scorpio to understand its highest potential, and choose to live that, holding Scorpio ever so lightly.
This is your first step to consciously attracting your soulmate.
Soul
Thanks for Z, I now know sexual intimacy is natural to me..
Step two: Own your Scorpio karma
Careful not to get off on suffering and emotional chaos
With a North Node in Taurus, your karma is around how you've used and mis-used power. You may have learned early to deal with death, or other dark or transformational experiences in yourself or others. You may have also experienced dramatic changes (drama!) and today, you are always on the verge of violently cutting ties.
Soul
Yes..i did cut off during those jobs...and even the break up with Z back then.
In past lifetimes, you might have been a psychiatrist, detective, a magician, a financial advisor, a CEO, a mortician, a surgeon, a prostitute, a sex addict, or someone who has abused power or betrayed others. Do you perpetrate or experience betrayal? Attract power struggles? Bingo!
This shadow side of Scorpio has to do with entangling our own self worth and values with significant others. It also means attracting emotional chaos (as a sense of aliveness) instead of cultivating peace and serenity.
Soul
Yes..always changing job...tot is giving me aliveness..providing me validation.
Yes..going with Z's view of rship eventhough I don't want to.
Yes,..going with Isha type of volunteering eventhough I don't want to
What I need is not aliveness. I need peace and serenity..no more upheaval.
I have enough of upheaval from my Ruling in Ace of Diamonds.
Step three: Step into your Taurus soul mission
Establish your values. Create security. Wear green (your soul colour)
A fully expressed North Node in Taurus is sensual, and loves the comforts of life, scents and touch. It's practically creative, often the singer, photographer, gardener, farmer, architect, and builds upon a deep inner foundation. It's also great at making (and managing) money, growing its net worth through its own efforts.
>Does this not sound like you at all? That's perfect! I'm here to tell you that if you consciously adopt these qualities, you'll experience incredible growth and serendipity. You'll be on the path to your soul mission, and be walking where your soulmate lives too.
Soul
Luckily my Moon in Taurus..so I am there.
I allow comforts in food..but not in living.
Finally I allow myself comfort in living.
North node in Taurus is about achieving true self-reliance. In this lifetime, it is imperative that you not get enmeshed in the ways of others. In fact, I'd even say: put your values before another's.
Soul
Yes, finally realised that.
Even now I go back to local Isha on my own terms.
With a Taurus soul mission, having a strong sense of what's important to YOU is the key to finding your soulmate. The more serenity you discover within yourself, the more nurturing and peaceful your relationship will be.
Soul
Getting there...
I am doing this not because of getting a partner..
I am doing because I love myself..no more waiting for others.
Strive for internal peace, rather than focusing on achieving peace and balance in your relationships. This will actually improve your relationships and bring you enormous fulfillment and satisfaction.
The house where your North Node in Taurus soul mission expresses itself, is the area of life where new inner trust and security replaces past struggles.
Soul
Thats where I focus on my sadhana and not on volunteering.
Not on rship with others..
Just focus on my sadhana..rship with myself.
The house where your North Node in Taurus soul mission expresses itself, is the area of life where new inner trust and security replaces past struggles.
Soul
Yes..with Isha..
http://www.the-soulmate-site.com/north-node-in-taurus.html
Your North Node in Taurus
♉
Life theme: “I have”
Soul colour: Green
North Node in Taurus represents your soul mission, according to karmic astrology. Taurus symbolically represents the EMOTIONAL RESPONSES, ATTITUDES and ENERGY to adopt and explore throughout your life.
There are THREE STEPS you can use to consciously attract a soulmate.
Step one: Appreciate your Scorpio talents
Sexual and emotional intimacy is natural to you.
The first step in claiming your North Node in Taurus is to embody the highest expressions of Scorpio (opposite to Taurus) representing your karmic past. So definitely appreciate – but! Don't make your intense Scorpio qualities the centre of your life.
Celebrate your intense, sensual side, and joyfully use your innate investigative skill, and plumbing the depths of life. Enjoy sexuality, and the magnetic, smoldering way you attract others. Enjoy unraveling mysteries, and remain passionately loyal to those you care about.
Study Scorpio to understand its highest potential, and choose to live that, holding Scorpio ever so lightly.
This is your first step to consciously attracting your soulmate.
Soul
Thanks for Z, I now know sexual intimacy is natural to me..
Step two: Own your Scorpio karma
Careful not to get off on suffering and emotional chaos
With a North Node in Taurus, your karma is around how you've used and mis-used power. You may have learned early to deal with death, or other dark or transformational experiences in yourself or others. You may have also experienced dramatic changes (drama!) and today, you are always on the verge of violently cutting ties.
Soul
Yes..i did cut off during those jobs...and even the break up with Z back then.
In past lifetimes, you might have been a psychiatrist, detective, a magician, a financial advisor, a CEO, a mortician, a surgeon, a prostitute, a sex addict, or someone who has abused power or betrayed others. Do you perpetrate or experience betrayal? Attract power struggles? Bingo!
This shadow side of Scorpio has to do with entangling our own self worth and values with significant others. It also means attracting emotional chaos (as a sense of aliveness) instead of cultivating peace and serenity.
Soul
Yes..always changing job...tot is giving me aliveness..providing me validation.
Yes..going with Z's view of rship eventhough I don't want to.
Yes,..going with Isha type of volunteering eventhough I don't want to
What I need is not aliveness. I need peace and serenity..no more upheaval.
I have enough of upheaval from my Ruling in Ace of Diamonds.
Step three: Step into your Taurus soul mission
Establish your values. Create security. Wear green (your soul colour)
A fully expressed North Node in Taurus is sensual, and loves the comforts of life, scents and touch. It's practically creative, often the singer, photographer, gardener, farmer, architect, and builds upon a deep inner foundation. It's also great at making (and managing) money, growing its net worth through its own efforts.
>Does this not sound like you at all? That's perfect! I'm here to tell you that if you consciously adopt these qualities, you'll experience incredible growth and serendipity. You'll be on the path to your soul mission, and be walking where your soulmate lives too.
Soul
Luckily my Moon in Taurus..so I am there.
I allow comforts in food..but not in living.
Finally I allow myself comfort in living.
North node in Taurus is about achieving true self-reliance. In this lifetime, it is imperative that you not get enmeshed in the ways of others. In fact, I'd even say: put your values before another's.
Soul
Yes, finally realised that.
Even now I go back to local Isha on my own terms.
With a Taurus soul mission, having a strong sense of what's important to YOU is the key to finding your soulmate. The more serenity you discover within yourself, the more nurturing and peaceful your relationship will be.
Soul
Getting there...
I am doing this not because of getting a partner..
I am doing because I love myself..no more waiting for others.
Strive for internal peace, rather than focusing on achieving peace and balance in your relationships. This will actually improve your relationships and bring you enormous fulfillment and satisfaction.
The house where your North Node in Taurus soul mission expresses itself, is the area of life where new inner trust and security replaces past struggles.
Soul
Thats where I focus on my sadhana and not on volunteering.
Not on rship with others..
Just focus on my sadhana..rship with myself.
The house where your North Node in Taurus soul mission expresses itself, is the area of life where new inner trust and security replaces past struggles.
Soul
Yes..with Isha..
My sadhana definitely a bomb
Apr 21 eve 1
Sadhguru
Sadhana is a device that will grow unless you killed it. Shambhavi Mahamudra for example, if you have practiced it for eight to ten years, by now it must be a bomb – not exploding you alone but also whoever is around you. The very atmosphere around you should crackle if you have allowed it to grow. If you are working towards killing it, it does not actually die, but it pretends to die. - See more at: http://www.sadhguruonline.com/blog/vibrant-sadhana-vibrant-life-making-your-sadhana-grow#sthash.iGsfCLKX.dpuf
Soul
Well, my sadhana is definitely a bomb.
Hata Yoga especially yogaasanas get me into such a deep meditative state that I be singing.
Shambavi itself is explosive.
Sadhguru
Sadhana is a device that will grow unless you killed it. Shambhavi Mahamudra for example, if you have practiced it for eight to ten years, by now it must be a bomb – not exploding you alone but also whoever is around you. The very atmosphere around you should crackle if you have allowed it to grow. If you are working towards killing it, it does not actually die, but it pretends to die. - See more at: http://www.sadhguruonline.com/blog/vibrant-sadhana-vibrant-life-making-your-sadhana-grow#sthash.iGsfCLKX.dpuf
Soul
Well, my sadhana is definitely a bomb.
Hata Yoga especially yogaasanas get me into such a deep meditative state that I be singing.
Shambavi itself is explosive.
Initiation by Sadhguru
Apr
Sadhguru
I didn’t have to teach them anything, I just had to ignite them because they were well prepared. Their bodies were good and healthy, and the mind was open and ready for anything. That’s all it takes.
Soul
Reminds me of myself.
During IE, it just happen..in spite of myself.
I knew by then that my mind was shit and I can't rely on it.
I was ready...for anything else...and Sadhguru gives me the Energy.
Sadhguru
I didn’t have to teach them anything, I just had to ignite them because they were well prepared. Their bodies were good and healthy, and the mind was open and ready for anything. That’s all it takes.
Soul
Reminds me of myself.
During IE, it just happen..in spite of myself.
I knew by then that my mind was shit and I can't rely on it.
I was ready...for anything else...and Sadhguru gives me the Energy.
North Node in 11th house - Going with the flow
Apr 21 aft 3
http://www.truenode.org/north-node-by-house/north-node-in-11th-house/
You have spent many lifetimes as a creator, enjoying all that you bring into existence. However, such experiences will only leave you feeling empty in this incarnation.
Enjoy life as it happens to you — or actually through you — and resist the temptation to bring things about through your own energy.
While your lifetimes of giving love and your childlike naiveté mean you have a natural affinity and talent for dealing with children, you have come into this lifetime to experience something different than a particularly close relationship with your children. You may find that they are unappreciative of your attention, sickly, or otherwise troublesome, or that you are unable to conceive your own children.
You probably have a vision of universal brotherhood or of the future to share. Or maybe you have an insight about the connectivity of life based on scientific reasons. Charles Darwin, Dag Hammarskjold, Stephen Jay Gould, and Buckminster Fuller, all with their North Nodes in 11th house, exemplify this type of energy.
Set your mind to work on becoming more scientific in your approach and placing the group’s needs ahead of your own. You must be available to others but not emotionally involved with them. See the people in your life not as minor actors in the drama of your story but as major figures in their own right.
The north node in 11th house means you will find true happiness by improving the lives of others. You achieve this through friendships and associations, a clear life purpose, a strong sense of ethics, and a commitment to freedom and equality.
Soul
Alas..go back to where my path is..
This is after discovering my path of aloneness...my path is not in romantic relationship.
my path is in group relationships..and improving the lives of others..
http://www.truenode.org/north-node-by-house/north-node-in-11th-house/
You have spent many lifetimes as a creator, enjoying all that you bring into existence. However, such experiences will only leave you feeling empty in this incarnation.
Enjoy life as it happens to you — or actually through you — and resist the temptation to bring things about through your own energy.
While your lifetimes of giving love and your childlike naiveté mean you have a natural affinity and talent for dealing with children, you have come into this lifetime to experience something different than a particularly close relationship with your children. You may find that they are unappreciative of your attention, sickly, or otherwise troublesome, or that you are unable to conceive your own children.
You probably have a vision of universal brotherhood or of the future to share. Or maybe you have an insight about the connectivity of life based on scientific reasons. Charles Darwin, Dag Hammarskjold, Stephen Jay Gould, and Buckminster Fuller, all with their North Nodes in 11th house, exemplify this type of energy.
Set your mind to work on becoming more scientific in your approach and placing the group’s needs ahead of your own. You must be available to others but not emotionally involved with them. See the people in your life not as minor actors in the drama of your story but as major figures in their own right.
The north node in 11th house means you will find true happiness by improving the lives of others. You achieve this through friendships and associations, a clear life purpose, a strong sense of ethics, and a commitment to freedom and equality.
Soul
Alas..go back to where my path is..
This is after discovering my path of aloneness...my path is not in romantic relationship.
my path is in group relationships..and improving the lives of others..
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Aries and Cancer relationship (Z and I)
Apr 21 aft 2
http://www.depthastrology2.com/Aries-Cancer.html
With Aries-Cancer, we have the pairing of Cardinal Fire and Cardinal Water. Thus, the essence of the conflict inherent in these two signs lies between Fire and Water, each moving in a different “direction”—Aries toward action and Cancer toward feeling.
Water and fire are inherently antagonistic. Water extinguishes fire while fire causes water to evaporate and become trapped by air. Prior to these finalities, the interaction of fire and water is likely to produce negative effects. Water, particularly if applied slowly, will cause fire to sputter and smoke, creating confusion and noxiousness. Fire, when applied to water, first brings it to a boil—too hot to sustain life and turbulent in character. Nevertheless, in proper relationship and combination, fire and water can yield benefit, just as the energy of the square can be channeled to build strength and character. Water provides relief when fire becomes too hot. Fire makes water perform work and become useful.
From Aries’ point of view, emotions get in the way of action. Aries energy is simple and direct; Cancer, with its emotions, complicates things. For the Cancer container, any action undertaken must feel right. If it doesn’t feel right, action is blocked. Aries doesn’t care about feelings. You just want to act. So, for Aries, the emotional prerequisite for action constitutes nothing but a useless and frustrating obstacle. Cancer’s emotional caution only enflames Aries’ impatience.
When Aries displays his/her impatience, the Cancer container is likely to perceive this as insensitivity, or emotional ignorance. Furthermore, Aries’ impatient (and emotionally rash) behavior can easily feel threatening to the Cancer container. This reflects the inherent first house-fourth house conflict between the will to assert the self and the need to protect the self (and everyone to whom you have become attached). Mars, as god of war, can only cause destruction and calamity from Cancer’s viewpoint. So when the Aries container becomes too assertive, too war-like, you react, withdraw and put up your defenses. When pushed, like a cornered mother bear, you can attack with the full force of your emotional wrath. Or, you can withdraw into passive aggression, silently meeting the Aries threat with deadly emotional energy. Your Aries opponent is not likely to back down, however, with his/her own emotions suddenly ablaze. Thus, an Aries-Cancer conflict can result in some spectacular fireworks. Or, it can lead to the spectacle of the Aries container futilely spending his/her anger against a withdrawn and seemingly unresponsive crab.
Another potential dynamic of Aries-Cancer involves mutual negative perceptions and attitudes. Cancer is likely to consider the Aries freshness and impulsiveness as dangerously naïve. A typical Cancerian reaction to Aries headlong approach is to protect. This may be either self-protection (or protection of those under your care) or you may instinctively respond by wanting to protect Aries from the danger in which you see him/her putting him/herself. If the former is the case, a likely Aries response is to push forward, which will further raise your alarm bells and provoke a stronger protective reaction. If the latter is the case, the Aries container may feel s-mothered (over-protected, inhibited and controlled). Again, your Aries reaction is likely to be to try to break free and escape the limitations that Cancer is trying to impose on you “for your own good.”
If you feel bound or enslaved and controlled by the Cancer personality, you may become resentful or even mutinous. If, on the other hand, you thrive on the adrenaline rush of taking heroic action, you may continually seek out situations that place you in a combat role, ready to defend that which is precious to you. Your Cancer partner may also become attached to and dependent on the dynamics of the hero-protected relationship. Not only may this make her/him feel worthy (of being protected), loved and cared for, but she/he may also welcome the opportunity to play the Cancerian role of nurturer and care-giver as the hero returns from the wars, wounded and tired.
Cancer can learn that it is not enough to feel; that action must sometimes be taken. Instead of always reacting to the Aries will to act, you may find ways to harness your emotions in support of the Aries container. You, yourself, may be stimulated by the Aries container to take action, even if it is only the action of expressing your emotions instead of holding them inside. Again, this will take conscious effort and may not always be easy. You may always have to control your impulse to stop the Aries container from acting or to automatically protect yourself from Aries’ assertiveness.
At a deeper level, the challenge of the Aries-Cancer combination is to reconcile the primal existential impulse to Be with the longing for the comfort and security to be found in a return to the Cosmic Womb. For the Aries container, Cancer’s withdrawal into itself, into the subconscious world, and back to a state of primal rootedness represents an existential threat—a return to a state of Not-Being. Psychologically, this can be compared to the animus’s fear of envelopment and entrapment by the anima. The Aries masculine energy fears and is wary of the Cancer feminine’s desire to domesticate the wild masculine energy, resulting in a loss of freedom and a containment of nakedBeingness. For Aries, the Cosmic Womb may not be a warm place of existential security but a dark web of entanglement and danger.
For the Cancer container, on the other hand, the Aries energy represents a threat of intrusion into the safety of the subconscious womb. For the drive to Be represented by Aries can only be actualized in a state of consciousness. The bringing of fire and light into the subconscious makes it conscious, exposing it to the world and its dangers and destroying the safety that Cancer would inhabit. Aries is seen by Cancer in his role of warrior, a conqueror who would subject the world of the subconscious by making the potential manifest. Thus, on both sides, there is an inherent distrust of the energy of the other and of the consequences of interacting with that energy.
The challenge, therefore, is to heal that distrust, which can only occur through courage, acceptance and Love. The Aries container must have the courage to enter into the domain of the Cosmic Womb, to submerge into the water of emotion, accepting it on its own terms and trusting that your Being will not be destroyed or emasculated. You must go into that darkness not as a conqueror but as a warrior without arms, bravely but gently asserting and maintaining your Beingness as you, in actuality, conquer your emotional demons by surrendering to the Divine Mother. You must make the potential manifest without ripping it from its fabric. You must walk into the mines and caverns of the subconscious in a spirit of reverence and awe, all the time fighting to preserve your Beingness.
Soul - yes..he avoided any attempt from me to bring him into Isha. Alas now hope he can learn in BSP
The Cancer container must learn to accept without question, to receive the Aries container without reaction, without fear. A quality of the feminine Divine is Her infinite acceptance of all creatures and of all circumstances. This is the unconditional love of a mother for her child. You must learn that it is through the warrior Aries, the one who acts, that you will experience your own Being. You must allow your potential to become manifest and you must trust that it is the Aries energy which will unleash that potential within you, that will dip deep into the well of the unmanifest within and actualize this content into the world. You must have the courage and love to give birth to your potential and to bring to the Light that which was enclosed in the darkness.
Soul
yes..it was him that I finally release myself physically. I think if another person, would have given up on me.
I recalled it took him one year before we finaly consumate physically...
me learning to use money to buy myself what I want
To give myself what I want instead of worrying about the price to pay.
http://www.depthastrology2.com/Aries-Cancer.html
With Aries-Cancer, we have the pairing of Cardinal Fire and Cardinal Water. Thus, the essence of the conflict inherent in these two signs lies between Fire and Water, each moving in a different “direction”—Aries toward action and Cancer toward feeling.
Water and fire are inherently antagonistic. Water extinguishes fire while fire causes water to evaporate and become trapped by air. Prior to these finalities, the interaction of fire and water is likely to produce negative effects. Water, particularly if applied slowly, will cause fire to sputter and smoke, creating confusion and noxiousness. Fire, when applied to water, first brings it to a boil—too hot to sustain life and turbulent in character. Nevertheless, in proper relationship and combination, fire and water can yield benefit, just as the energy of the square can be channeled to build strength and character. Water provides relief when fire becomes too hot. Fire makes water perform work and become useful.
From Aries’ point of view, emotions get in the way of action. Aries energy is simple and direct; Cancer, with its emotions, complicates things. For the Cancer container, any action undertaken must feel right. If it doesn’t feel right, action is blocked. Aries doesn’t care about feelings. You just want to act. So, for Aries, the emotional prerequisite for action constitutes nothing but a useless and frustrating obstacle. Cancer’s emotional caution only enflames Aries’ impatience.
When Aries displays his/her impatience, the Cancer container is likely to perceive this as insensitivity, or emotional ignorance. Furthermore, Aries’ impatient (and emotionally rash) behavior can easily feel threatening to the Cancer container. This reflects the inherent first house-fourth house conflict between the will to assert the self and the need to protect the self (and everyone to whom you have become attached). Mars, as god of war, can only cause destruction and calamity from Cancer’s viewpoint. So when the Aries container becomes too assertive, too war-like, you react, withdraw and put up your defenses. When pushed, like a cornered mother bear, you can attack with the full force of your emotional wrath. Or, you can withdraw into passive aggression, silently meeting the Aries threat with deadly emotional energy. Your Aries opponent is not likely to back down, however, with his/her own emotions suddenly ablaze. Thus, an Aries-Cancer conflict can result in some spectacular fireworks. Or, it can lead to the spectacle of the Aries container futilely spending his/her anger against a withdrawn and seemingly unresponsive crab.
Another potential dynamic of Aries-Cancer involves mutual negative perceptions and attitudes. Cancer is likely to consider the Aries freshness and impulsiveness as dangerously naïve. A typical Cancerian reaction to Aries headlong approach is to protect. This may be either self-protection (or protection of those under your care) or you may instinctively respond by wanting to protect Aries from the danger in which you see him/her putting him/herself. If the former is the case, a likely Aries response is to push forward, which will further raise your alarm bells and provoke a stronger protective reaction. If the latter is the case, the Aries container may feel s-mothered (over-protected, inhibited and controlled). Again, your Aries reaction is likely to be to try to break free and escape the limitations that Cancer is trying to impose on you “for your own good.”
If you feel bound or enslaved and controlled by the Cancer personality, you may become resentful or even mutinous. If, on the other hand, you thrive on the adrenaline rush of taking heroic action, you may continually seek out situations that place you in a combat role, ready to defend that which is precious to you. Your Cancer partner may also become attached to and dependent on the dynamics of the hero-protected relationship. Not only may this make her/him feel worthy (of being protected), loved and cared for, but she/he may also welcome the opportunity to play the Cancerian role of nurturer and care-giver as the hero returns from the wars, wounded and tired.
Cancer can learn that it is not enough to feel; that action must sometimes be taken. Instead of always reacting to the Aries will to act, you may find ways to harness your emotions in support of the Aries container. You, yourself, may be stimulated by the Aries container to take action, even if it is only the action of expressing your emotions instead of holding them inside. Again, this will take conscious effort and may not always be easy. You may always have to control your impulse to stop the Aries container from acting or to automatically protect yourself from Aries’ assertiveness.
At a deeper level, the challenge of the Aries-Cancer combination is to reconcile the primal existential impulse to Be with the longing for the comfort and security to be found in a return to the Cosmic Womb. For the Aries container, Cancer’s withdrawal into itself, into the subconscious world, and back to a state of primal rootedness represents an existential threat—a return to a state of Not-Being. Psychologically, this can be compared to the animus’s fear of envelopment and entrapment by the anima. The Aries masculine energy fears and is wary of the Cancer feminine’s desire to domesticate the wild masculine energy, resulting in a loss of freedom and a containment of nakedBeingness. For Aries, the Cosmic Womb may not be a warm place of existential security but a dark web of entanglement and danger.
For the Cancer container, on the other hand, the Aries energy represents a threat of intrusion into the safety of the subconscious womb. For the drive to Be represented by Aries can only be actualized in a state of consciousness. The bringing of fire and light into the subconscious makes it conscious, exposing it to the world and its dangers and destroying the safety that Cancer would inhabit. Aries is seen by Cancer in his role of warrior, a conqueror who would subject the world of the subconscious by making the potential manifest. Thus, on both sides, there is an inherent distrust of the energy of the other and of the consequences of interacting with that energy.
The challenge, therefore, is to heal that distrust, which can only occur through courage, acceptance and Love. The Aries container must have the courage to enter into the domain of the Cosmic Womb, to submerge into the water of emotion, accepting it on its own terms and trusting that your Being will not be destroyed or emasculated. You must go into that darkness not as a conqueror but as a warrior without arms, bravely but gently asserting and maintaining your Beingness as you, in actuality, conquer your emotional demons by surrendering to the Divine Mother. You must make the potential manifest without ripping it from its fabric. You must walk into the mines and caverns of the subconscious in a spirit of reverence and awe, all the time fighting to preserve your Beingness.
Soul - yes..he avoided any attempt from me to bring him into Isha. Alas now hope he can learn in BSP
The Cancer container must learn to accept without question, to receive the Aries container without reaction, without fear. A quality of the feminine Divine is Her infinite acceptance of all creatures and of all circumstances. This is the unconditional love of a mother for her child. You must learn that it is through the warrior Aries, the one who acts, that you will experience your own Being. You must allow your potential to become manifest and you must trust that it is the Aries energy which will unleash that potential within you, that will dip deep into the well of the unmanifest within and actualize this content into the world. You must have the courage and love to give birth to your potential and to bring to the Light that which was enclosed in the darkness.
Soul
yes..it was him that I finally release myself physically. I think if another person, would have given up on me.
I recalled it took him one year before we finaly consumate physically...
me learning to use money to buy myself what I want
To give myself what I want instead of worrying about the price to pay.
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