Friday, October 31, 2014

Why INFJ feel so much?

Oct 13 aft 1

Feeling so much..need some answer and got this.

http://introvertdear.com/2014/05/03/infjs-feel-strong-emotions/
But sometimes, my emotions feel epic. They’re so intense that they interfere with my life. I lay in bed once for the better part of two days when a boyfriend broke up with me, broiling from the rejection and loss. Other times, I’ve felt so intensely in love or so incredibly happy from some good news that I can’t focus.
Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not irresponsible. I’m not bipolar. People describe me as calm, level-headed, and reserved. Some would even say quiet and in the background. My friends usually come to me for advice.
The thing is, even if inside I’m an emotional wreck, outside I don’t look like I’m falling apart. A storm of emotions can be churning inside me, but most people don’t know the full extent of how I feel. I still get up and go to work and put on a face like nothing’s wrong. When people ask how I am, I say “fine.”
I’m an introvert. I don’t share myself with everyone. There are only certain people I feel comfortable sharing my emotions with, people who will understand. That number of people is, about, two.


Soul
So true..others tot I am emotionally stable.
In fact, I am not.
I am just keeping all inside, all suppressed; others don't know my feelings.
Even during those time I was so heartbroken over Z, no one knows.
With Y, at least some feelings were expressed.
Always envious of those that can project out their feelings.
perhaps thats why I got RA.


Why do INFJs feel strong emotions?
http://introvertdear.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/infj.gif

INFJs feel strong emotions because of the way the functions in our personality are arranged.
The INFJ’s functions are, in this order, Introverted Intuition (Ni), Extroverted Feeling (Fe), Introverted Thinking (Ti), and Extroverted Sensing (Se). This is called our “functional stack,” or in other words, our mind’s preferred ways of working.

Ni is our dominant function and is like our “captain.” It’s our biggest strength and the most defining feature of our personality. Fe is second, so it’s like a sidekick to Ni. Ti and Se operate mostly below our level of consciousness, so they are usually not very well developed (at least not until later in life, when we’ve matured).
What makes our feelings overwhelming sometimes is that we don’t have a system that effectively processes them, so we don’t experience them in a controlled way. We need an introverted judging function to organize our emotions and scale them down to a manageable size, allowing us to put them in perspective. The function we have to do this is Ti, which is not a good tool to deal with emotions. Plus, it’s third in our functional stack, which means it works less efficiently than Ni and Fe, and it operates subconsciously.

Why isn’t our dominant function, Ni, which is also an introverted function, useful in handling our emotions? It’s a perceiving function that sees patterns and connections among information in our inner world. Why can’t Ni detect patterns and connections in our own emotions? The problem is the information Ni processes has to originate in the external world, because it enters our minds through Se. We notice other people’s emotions because it is information in the external world (and because Fe tunes us in to people). This means Ni is mostly blind to our own emotions. Plus, Ni isn’t a judging function, so it can’t actively organize or control anything – it only passively perceives connections.

For these reasons, we often feel out of touch with our own emotions. Our feelings seem to flow spontaneously and without direction, sometimes rising to the surface of our consciousness, other times lurking below in the depths of our subconscious. These emotions may reveal themselves to us in a flash of images or in dreams. We may be surprised by our own behavior. We may even do reckless things. Bad emotions like stress or tension from conflict may make us physically sick or keep us awake at night.

It’s not easy being an INFJ. Sometimes I have a hard time knowing how I feel about something. I become a detective, putting together the clues to solve the mystery. What does my body do when I’m around that person? What does my body language say? What feelings arise? Are they my own, or are they feelings I’ve absorbed from other people? What images do I see in my mind? How does my body feel physically?

I’m coming to terms with the passionate, powerfully emotional person that I am. Having strong emotions means I will feel and experience life in ways that other people can only wish to know.

Soul
Mmm...thats another alternative view.

Comments from a reader
I have found a ‘trick’ that other INFJs might find useful – when my emotions become too big or overwhelming, I find that writing EVERYTHING down, no matter how insignificant it may seem, helps me to ‘separate out’ all the smaller individual emotions and feelings and thoughts etc that are all ‘piled on top of each other’ making one big seemingly insurmountable mountain… and if I can break the ‘mountain’ down into lots of smaller ‘hills’, I then have a heap of small manageable things I can deal with or sort out one at a time…. rather than this huge ‘mountain’ that just seems to big…. a small ‘pile’ of sad here, a small ‘pile’ of anger there, a medium ‘pile’ of worry here, a tiny ‘pile’ of fear over there… then you can analyse each feeling on its own, and try to work out why it is there and/or what has caused or contributed to it… much easier than trying to knock down the whole mountain… :-)

Soul
Exactly why I do journaling.
In the end I realised that my journal may help others and hence i put it in a blog.
I also wanted to do my stories so I can see where and how I have grown.
So emotion brewing..but don't know what is it.
Will have to wait a bit.

Lunar in Scorpio - valuing the goodnes in me

Oct 13 aft
Not sure why but somehow feeling restless since this late morning.
The day started well and I was fresh and sadhana was good. What's going on here
Today card is Three of Diamonds in Mercury

Took my weekly Osho tarot card which talks about:
1. Issue - Burden
2. Internal influence
3. External - thunderbolt
4. What's needed - breakthrough
5. Resolution - projection

My shoulder is definitely heavy since yesterday evening. Not sure why.
Yesterday was good. Y was behind me in the hall and I was fine. I accepted we are now just friends.
So what's bothering me.
I admit that a part of me still wish for a partner on this path. But knowing the price to pay, I been thinking best to walk alone. Also not keen to go through another drama.

Lunar in Scorpio
Unconscious expression
Its important for you to recognise  the good within urself because this eclipse rules the energy of destruction, and until u see the spark of good within u, u will continue on a self-destructive path. U don't see ur own value until someone else reflects it. U are here to learn ur value as a human being, to society and to others.

Soul
Can't relate to this.

Lunar in Scorpio
U are learning the power of joint manifestation. By intertwining ur energies with another, u are learning how to trust and be trusted.
If u do not trust others, unconsciously u are telling urself that they have the power to affect ur life and u give them power over u. Then u recognise that u can relate with those around u without letting their actions affect u to the point where u are incapable of handling any situations. 
Through this u learn to trust ur own integrity and internal strength enough to know that u can rise above any depth, to any height u choose. U are the energy of the scorpion transforming itself to the eagle and then to the Phoenix.

Soul
Can relate on the trust. Can relate bit on the energy of transformation. My life is transformed from material to spiritual base.

Transpersonal
U are using ur power to transform the consciousness of humankind by removing old subsconcious patterns that hold down the evolution of the individual soul as well as to the evolution of planetary consciousness.
Ur ability to see through the core of any situation can expose the diseases that prohibits a healthy body, mind or spirit and the result is purifying and healing.
On the highest level, u are the psychic healers and spiritual regenerators, reconnecting the minds of ur fellow beings to a magnetic rship with the whole.

Soul
Yes. I m removing my old subsconcious. On others, I assist when asked.


Lunar in Scorpio - give only when I want felt is so freeing

Oct 13
Woke up feeling cold and fresh at around 3 plus am. Savour the moment and then woke up upon alarm at 3.52 am.

Did a couple of neck and shoulder tensing and releases last night. It does help to relax.

My right toes are hurting. It hurt when I walk yesterday but I ignored it.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and followed by Cat stretch. Angarmadhana was good. These days the squatting postures has improved. Doing the there cycle of pushing out legs is no longer strenuous.
Breathing was good.
Shakti was good too. Still sitting for whole session without break and 150 Kapala Bhakti cycle. There were little tots.
Shambavi was good too. Sat for a longer period.

A tot came to do those guided meditation that was downloaded after the Sannidi pooja. This will then complete the session.
For the first time able to do guided meditation so well yesterday. Shared with S and she said Dhynalinga yantra was there too. So now not sure, will wait till next Sathsang.
This week got yogaasanas practice.

Lunar in Scorpio
As long as u tot u needed others to support u, u unknowingly held urself down by having opportunists around u, feeding off ur energy. This is why so often u have been disappointed in human nature. When u feel u are buying favours from others rather than simply giving freely without strings attached, u deprive those around you of giving of their own volition and love when u need their help
By not giving freely, u robbed urself of the opportunity to experience the law of cause and effect in a positive way. By learning to give freely and without ulterior motives, u are letting go of the energy of manipulation. U can spend so much time manipulating the lives of those around u that u become caught up in this mode of expression thereby stunting ur own growth.
 As u release this negative energy, u realise that just because people travel on their own separate paths doesn't mean they can't care about and support one another. U start to understand that if others truly care about u, they will be there when u need them, and if they are not, then maybe they don't care as much as they say or as u think they do. This helps to sort out the people who really care about u from those who don't, and also broadens ur awareness of the many different ways people shoe they care.

When u reach this awareness, u will operate from a sense of ur full power and there will be no holding back.

Soul
Amen. Truly understand Life time challenge of Seven of Hearts.

Father, when I was a Sathsang guide I used to think some core team doesn't care about me cos most time they didn't come for Sathsang and  not willing to share load being a guide.
 Now, its clear to me its not that they don't care about me, they just don't care for Sathsang. Sathsang is not important to them, not I am not important to them. In general they only come when they have to conduct meet, or etc, not because they want to.

Can see this more clearly now that I m no longer the guide and they still no show.

Seven of Hearts - slowly evolving

Oct 12

Woke up around 5 am and then sleep back. Then had a scary dream of being chased by a guy with black magic. He was trying to take over my mind. I hold strong and ran off. Later found some people to take me back to a safe place but as we were going, suddenly I sense the black magic and I asked the guy in motorbike to reverse and go another way.
The alarm woke me up, still have the feeling of fear. Lie down and calm myself down for five minutes. Took a quick shower before Bhuta Shuddi.
Had my morning walk, two cycle of walk with five round of staircase.


Oct 12 aft
Today card in Neptune
My Daily Card
The Seven of Hearts

The Seven of Hearts indicates that whatever time this card appears could be marked by many challenges in love and feelings in your close relationships. The Seven of Hearts can manifest as betrayal by those we love. In any case, we will be tested to see just how attached we are to others being a certain way.

Seven, being a highly spiritual number, promises success in love if you try a new approach and adopt a more selfless or unattached attitude. If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a seven was present

Soul
the old me would not have welcome this card.
The new me just see this as indication that I need to reaffirm my view of others and myself.
Letting others be them so I too can be myself.
Amen

 Oct 12 eve
My best Sathsang ever

It was a surprise indeed. I tot with Sannidi at my home, Sathsang will no longer be that important. To my surprise I has the best Sathsang today. The special meditation I have never really got into was amazing. I truly created myself new today.

My head is bit painful with so much swinging.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Linga Bhairavi - birth of a Goddess video

Oct 11 eve

Devotion
Devotion is not a love affair. U cannot come out of it.
Being trustful consciously and lovingly - that's devotion
Once you trust the Existence lovingly.
Devotion is not a belief system. Devotion is the sweetest way to be in the existence.
A devotee has the sweetest experience. Everybody may think he is an idiot but he is having the best time of his life.

If u want to approach Linga, u have to be full of juice. Everything is oozing out of u, nothing is hold back.
A devotee is seeing as how to expand his life as rapidly as soon as possible. Someone who is living life absolutely. He then lose interest in company. He is losing interest in everything. It is not that he is useless but because he is choiceless. This is the silent revolution from choice to choicelessness. When u are estastic, there is no choice in life. A devotee is not seeking truth. A devotee is not seeking to unravel the mystery of life. For him life and existence is not a problem, he is just part of it. He melted partially.

Soul
Watching this so appropriate for now especially after Sannidhi. Bought this DVD from ashram back in June this year.
I am definitely now on devotee path. Truly a convert

Harmony

Oct 11 aft 1

Yesterday watching the drama show; there was a gal who is heartbroken as her love was not returned. She was so depressed. The old me would have felt it. The new me can see how she feel but now know there is a way out. The rejection was all in her mind, her contribution of love was also hers.

Guess this indicate the final acceptance on Z. No more unmet feelings.

Osho tarot
Harmony
The experience of resting in the heart in meditation is not something that can be grasped or forced. It comes naturally, as we grow more and more in tune with the rhythms of our own inner silences. The figure on this card reflects the sweetness and delicacy of this experience. The dolphins that emerge from the heart and make an arc towards the third eye reflect the playfulness and intelligence that comes when we are able to connect with the heart and move into the world from there. Let yourself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for you just around the corner. Nobody else can point it out to you, and when you find it you won't be able to find the words to express it to others. But it's there, deep within your heart, ripe and ready to be discovered.

Soul
This was my last week Osho tarot's card.
Have never really truly experience this in the water.
This is it, this was the harmony that I felt with the water today while swimming.
Instead of my usual fear, I felt connected with the water, I felt in harmony with it.
There were no gasp to reach the destination, just slowly breathing in the water and then slow arching my back and take a breathe before going into water.

Yesterday I tot of getting a massage today but after the swim, all the muscle loosen on the shoulder, no longer need a massage.

Sz messaged me and I told her that pool is like Teethakoon to me, she said these days everything is like ashram to me.
True..just as I said Kailash and Lake Manasoravar is like ashram to me.
And now my room feels like ashram too.




Sannidhi has changed my space of silence

Oct 11 aft

Today card
My Daily Card
The Four of Clubs

The Four of Clubs is the card of mental satisfaction and stability. Whenever this card appears, you can bet that you will experience some mental peace for a while. Any sort of mental occupation you may be involved in will benefit from this stabilizing and practical influence.

This is a good time to make plans for the future since you are thinking clearer than ever. This card brings organizational ability and the ability to achieve a solid foundation of knowledge about a particular subject. Just watch out for a tendency towards fixed mental attitudes that might alienate you from others.

Soul
True..
I am enjoying a depth of silence that I have never before.
I am also living my values that I wanted but never dare to.
Sannidhi has given me a calm silence.
Somehow I am calm inside. There is a part of me that goes into the silence.
Amen.
Truly glad that I got the sannidhi.
I recalled that Sadhguru said that after Kailash, one need to ensure regular sadhana to maintain Kailash experience.
Since I go the sannidhi, the sadhana has been super awesome.
Amen

This week Internal Influence card
Adventure.
When we are truly in a spirit of adventure, we are moving just like this child. Full of trust, out of the darkness of the forest into the rainbow of the light, we go step by step, drawn by our sense of wonder into the unknown. 

Adventure really has nothing to do with plans and maps and programs and organization. The Page of Rainbows represents a quality that can come to us anywhere - at home or in the office, in the wilderness or in the city, in a creative project or in our relationships with others. Whenever we move into the new and unknown with the trusting spirit of a child, innocent and open and vulnerable, even the smallest things of life can become the greatest adventures.


Soul
It has definitely been an adventure with Sannidhi, it has been a week since the initation.
I have done sannidhi pooja twice; deepening my connection to Sadhguru


Going with the flow

Oct 11

Woke up early before 6 am and saw Sannidhi lamp is off. I slept back. Too much hassle to light it.
Later woke up from a dream at 7 am. Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch, quite flexible. Surya Kriya first foot alignment was out but able to have both feet touch the ground on the four mountain pose.
Breathing was nice and deep.
Shakti was good. Still able to sit for whole session despite not doing Angamardhana.
Shambavi is good too.

Mmm, also the video I shared yesterday there were no response.  The old me would have felt bit off. But the new me is okay. I m sharing not because of validation but just to share.

This week Osho tarot
Whats needed?
Flowering
The Queen of Rainbows is like a fantastic plant that has reached the apex of its flowering and its colors. She is very sexual, very alive, and full of possibilities. She snaps her fingers to the music of love, and her zodiac necklace is placed in a way that Venus lies over her heart. The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds, and as the wind blows the seeds will be scattered to take root where they may. She is not concerned whether they land on the soil or on the rocks - she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love. Flowers fall on her from above, in harmony with her own flowering, and the waters of emotion swirl playfully beneath the flower on which she sits. 

You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere. Welcome the bees, invite the birds to drink your nectar. Spread your joy around for all to share.

Soul
yes, I am definitely doing that.

Went for a swim. In the first lap I was surprised my calmness. I was able to feel the silence of the water. There were tons of people in the pool but I was still able to swim and feel the silence.

 Resolution
The Master
The Master in Zen is not a master over others, but a master of himself --and this self-mastery is reflected in his every gesture and his every word. He is not a teacher with a doctrine to impart, nor a supernatural messenger with a direct line to God, but simply one who has become a living example of the highest potential that lies within each and every human being. In the eyes of the Master, a disciple finds his own truth reflected. In the silence of the Master's presence, the disciple can fall more easily into the silence of his own being. The community of seekers that arises around a Master becomes an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own inner light. Once that light is found, the disciple comes to understand that the outer Master was just a catalyst, a device to provoke the awakening of the inner.

Sadhguru Sannidhi pooja

Oct 10 eve

Did my second Sanndhi pooja. In my excitement, I started earlier. But it was a good one. Immediately after lighting of incense tear start to fall and I called out to Sadhguru.
The Karpura Gauram I did in two cycle instead of three. Forgot to do my oath,
I will be here, mother to, all the beings, and offer love peace and joy to them.

The three cycle of Sadhguru Sannidi song seems so fast. Love the slow Brahmananda. At the end I keep chanting Karpura Gauram for a long while.
In the end it doesn't matter the ritual. What's important is my openness to Sadhguru. Truly glad I brought him into my life. Amen.


Now resting at night. Didn't light up Devi and Dhynalinga yantra. Just cleaned up the wick in preparation for tomorrow. Feel less stressful. I already light twice for today. Can let it be.

Today didn't go for volunteering. Didn't feel the urge. Now can clearly separate my need for volunteering vs validation. Just now received msg on tomorrow volunteering. The old me would have jump in to help but the new me no longer does that. Let others do.

Just sat to be in Sannidhi presence. Close my eyes and somehow not able to feel much energy from Sanndhi. I open eyes and saw that the wick is nearly dim. When I go over the flame died out. I cut the wick and light the Guru lamp and now sat back at my place. Immediately can feel Sannidhi's energy. I am attuned to its energy.

Yesterday my stomach was having painful contraction as I was sitting for presleep session with Sanndhi. I just put hand to my stomach and breathe. The pain ease. Amen. Day by day my connection to sannidhi is getting stronger.

With logic, there is no moments of ecstasy

Oct 9 aft

Was updating my blog and saw this:
Of Mystics and Mistakes
It is extremely important if we want to walk the spiritual path that we learn to keep the mind and emotion in a certain level of stability and let the rest of it go utterly crazy.  If madness does not happen, then there is nothing new happening; we have not broken anything.
What we called "mad" is someone who has become different. He has crossed the barriers. Usually madness happens when he somehow breaks what u cannot break. When the logical part of u goes away, u are mad. And if that doesn't goes away, u will never know moments of ecstasy, u will never know moments of love, u will never know moments of utter peace.
If that part doesn't go away, u will not know meditation, u will not know dance, u will not know music.
U will only know body and mind.
If something beyond has to happen, somehow the logical thinking has to go.

When there is no logic, when there is nothing, everything flows through you. Whatever had to happen in this existence, it has to flow through u. U become the gateway. If u r willing, if u have the inclination, everything is within ur grasp.

Soul
Thats how I was, in getting the sannidhi.


 Oct 9 eve
Just finished evening practices.
Sang guru pooja followed by breathing meditation. Went in deep, a silence that can't happen without Sannidi.
Then did Shoonya, went in real deep. Amen.

Benefits of Sadhguru Sannidhi

Oct 9

Yesterday first poja went well.
As i light the candle suddenly i exploded into tears.  there was no prior emotion, it just exploded. a long cry followed by laughter and then calm, all happen within 5min. Start the pooja.
Seem like Sathsang
Energy not as great at the initiation.

At the end of the night, I sat down at my chair and looked at my shrine. There is a moment of regret, what have I got myself into. So much maintenance. Not sure how long I can keep up. Then moments later was a wave of silence enveloped me and I knew I couldn't get this energy space on my own. I just sat for half an hour absorbed in the silence.

G warned me that Sannidhi requires much maintenance and I ignored her. I told her that I am already keeping a shrine and whats important is how I feel about Sannidh, which is home to me. Alas, may be good i didn't know, otherwise may not have taken. amen

This morning woke up at alarm at 3.52 am and then slept back as I am on half day today. As I slept back, mind become active, I asked them to shut off so I can sleep, they did and I promptly went to sleep and woke up 7.00 am. My left leg is much better today. Both knees are still bit stretched. Looks like this is on-going for long term.

Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by singing guru pooja. When I was singing guru pooja, I do mock for doopam (incense), naiyediam (fruit) and Aaratrikam (camphor)
Cat stretch much flexible after guru pooja.
Angamardhana was good. During the hero posture, both feet now at the right angle. Stay for a long while as I was dancing and singing for quite some time.
During the Dhyna after Angamardhana, I went in deep, just didn't want to wake myself up for Surya Kriya. So I sat much longer. There is such a depth to my breathing meditation that has never happen before.
Did Surya Kriya, alignment not good since joints still in pain. Can only do 3 mountain pose with both feet on the ground. When I was stretching myself to lie down, suddenly tears exploded. It happens in both 3 and 5 breathe sessions.
Shakti was not as great as yesterday but I did go in deep with 150 Kapala Bhakti and sat throught the whole process, which is an amazing feat. In the end, singing and dancing, followed by silence.
Shambavi was awesome. Cry in the end. It has been a long time since I cry after Shambavi
In the end, singing and dancing followed by a deep silent contentment.

A tot came in that on my own I could have never reach this depth of silence without the sannidhi.
Since I am already doing nearly 4 hours a day of sadhana, the sannidhi truly helps in making my sadhana works. So no more momentary regret over the maintenance.
And next year renovation will help to take care of it.
Amen

Making peace with the past

Oct 8 aft 1

Oct for Cancer by Sarah Miller
Big changes may be on the way because eclipses are back, October 8 and 23. This time they are linked to the discussions you had last April, and those will advance discussions to a new place, and bring sweeping changes that no one saw coming, including you. As a cardinal sign, you are considered a pioneering sign, always ready to move forward when necessary. Your ruler, the moon, however, makes you nostalgic and emotional about the past. Keep focused on the future, dear Cancer. The past is done, but the future is where you can write your name across the midnight sky. 

Soul
Not sure..but a colleague is leaving.

On Y, we finally goes back to being friend. There is no longer any romantic feeling but just a fellow meditator in our journey via Isha. I am glad we can be friends again.
On Z, we are now back as acquaintance..not sure if thats the reason why he is on my mind...
On S, finally able to contact her again. We spoke, we still friends and I shared Angamardhana with her.

Every rships that was off is now being settled. Amen.
Perhaps thats how my Seven of Hearts truly learned.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

To be in the present, instead of living in the past

Oct 8 aft

Today got an unexpected news from boss. Looks like her SOS message was more from her side. One of our management team wish to resign, most likely be gone in 4 to 6 months.
Boss is telling me her frustration, she lost the motivation to build up again the team. I can understand her frustrations. Even more so difficult to motivate others.
I told her that this job no longer motivates me but I valued it for its time freedom and give me the financial security to do what I want.

Today card is Three of Hearts in Mars.
Been having tots of Z and wife intermittently. Could be the mind trying to pull me back. I no longer wants to go there.
What I experienced this morning during sadhana is so precious.

The Issue
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time. It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death, death is followed by birth; love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love; success is followed by failure, failure is followed by success.

Just see! If you can watch just for a few days, you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern.
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.


Soul
True..the minds keep on going thru old tapes.
I can't stop the tapes running but I can decide whether to listen or not.
Like Byron Katie said, we can have tots, but it is up to us decide whether to believe it or not.

2. Internal influence that you are unaware
Adventure

Zen says truth has nothing to do with authority, truth has nothing to do with tradition, truth has nothing to do with the past - truth is a radical, personal realization. You have to come to it. But one thing is certain: the very search will help you to grow. 

I can guarantee only growth. Danger will be there, sacrifice will be there; you will be moving every day into the unknown, into the uncharted, and there will be no map to follow, no guide to follow. Yes, there are millions of dangers and you can go astray and you can get lost, but that is the only way one grows. 

Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.

Soul
Father, now that Sannidhi is here with me; it is about maintenance.
The good thing is that I have been maintaining Devi's gudi and Dhynalinga yantra for a year now. So I can take care of them.
But didn't expect so much space to be taken up.
For now, we are both together.
Not sure where this will lead me..but I am Home.

Spoke to M, she said now I have become so spiritual. I said I am finally 'baptised', finally accepted Sadhguru as my path.

3. 3. External influences of which you are aware
Moment to Moment
The past is no more and the future is not yet: both are unnecessarily moving in directions which don't exist. One used to exist, but no longer exists, and one has not even started to exist. T

This card challenges us to move away from our preoccupations with other spaces and other times, and stay alert to what is happening in the here and now. Life is a great ocean in which you can play if you drop all your judgments, your preferences and the attachment to the details of your long-term plans. Be available to what comes your way, as it comes. And don't worry if you stumble or fall; just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, have a good laugh, and carry on.

Soul
True.

4. 4. What is needed for resolution?
Flowering

The Queen of Rainbows is like a fantastic plant that has reached the apex of its flowering and its colors. She is very sexual, very alive, and full of possibilities. She snaps her fingers to the music of love, and her zodiac necklace is placed in a way that Venus lies over her heart. The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds, and as the wind blows the seeds will be scattered to take root where they may. She is not concerned whether they land on the soil or on the rocks - she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love. Flowers fall on her from above, in harmony with her own flowering, and the waters of emotion swirl playfully beneath the flower on which she sits. 

You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere. Welcome the bees, invite the birds to drink your nectar. Spread your joy around for all to share.

5. Resolution
The Master

In the eyes of the Master, a disciple finds his own truth reflected. In the silence of the Master's presence, the disciple can fall more easily into the silence of his own being. The community of seekers that arises around a Master becomes an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own inner light. Once that light is found, the disciple comes to understand that the outer Master was just a catalyst, a device to provoke the awakening of the inner.

Soul
This is me sitting with my Sadhguru sannidhi.

Sannidhi truly deepens sadhana

Oct 8

Woke up 3.52 am, from a dream. Bit groggy but fine.
My left feet can't lift up high and left back ankle still feels tight.
I am surprised that I can do Angamardhana. The left leg was truly tight. Better after Sadhana.
After the silence Dhyna, I went into deep silence. Didn't want to wake up to do Surya Kriya and also want to give my left leg a rest. Did a long breathing meditation.
Shakti was awesome with quite easy Kapala Bhakti, somehow it happens on its own. I did 150 times per cycle. And the most amazing thing is that I sat through the whole Shakti, need not have to rest. That itself is a miracle. I have started Shakti since 2009 and it has never happen before.
So Y's msg that sannidhi deepens sadhana is true. Never expect this. I feel the energy in the room similar to energy in Kathmandu.

Not sure where I am heading but I m contented. I found my true home.

Lunar in Scorpio
When u connect with the power within u and learn to let go with ur natural inborn flow, u will find that the universe does support u and there is good in the world - and in u. That is what u are here to learn: discovery and belief in ur own goodness.

U are also learning to stop projecting  ur goodness outward by looking for someone to believe in. As u learn to support and trust urself by being true to ur own sense of goodness, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur own energy.
This gives u the freedom to be more trusting of those around u, since it eliminates the need to give away ur power. Now when u support others it will be because you want to not because you have to.

Soul
Mmm. Like now I only volunteer when I truly want to. I m conscious of my choice. Even when there is an urge to volunteer I will ask myself "why" I want to.
Amen

Sadhguru - life is first being, then doing and later having

Oct 7 eve

Sadhguru
Is there such a thing as life’s calling? I want you to get this right: There is no life’s calling, but life is calling – both from within and without. Only when you truly respond to the call of life will you know life in its entirety. If life is calling you, you must go towards it with utmost passion and involvement, not with hesitation and calculation.

The way life happens is first being, then doing, and then having. But right now, people always think first of having. For example, when you were at a certain stage of life, you may have decided that you want to have a certain kind of life that includes a certain kind of partner, a house, a car and whatever else. Then you think, “How can I have all this?” The moment you start thinking how to get it, people around you start advising you. Then you start thinking about becoming a doctor, lawyer, software engineer, or whatever. Once you are in one of these professions for a period of time, you think you have become something, and that is when you start moving against life. You are going the “having-doing-being” way, which leads to an endless pursuit of having. This is the basis of an unfulfilled life.

You must first establish your way of being. Then, whether you get to have what you desire or not, you will still be wonderful. The quality of your life is decided by your way of being. What you get to have is only a question of capability and situations that are conducive. If you make this simple shift to “being-doing-having,” then a large part of your destiny will be by your will.

Soul
True.
Now me just on being.
No longer focus on having.

Just finished my evening practices. Awesome energy.

Sadhguru - with sincerity, clarity comes and less drama

Oct 7 aft 1
Sadhguru

The more sincere you are with yourself, the clearer you will see things and the less melodrama you will create in order to make your life more intense and interesting. Without all the melodrama, you will become freer and freer, and you will quickly become less entangled. You will cut away one encumbering rope at a time. Then you will rise to higher and higher elevated realities.

If you do not become absolutely straight with yourself, it may take a lifetime to deal with every little thing that disturbs you before you finally come to the point where you realize that all your worry is not getting you anywhere. That is a waste of your time -- and of life.

Soul
Exactly where I am now.
All my life so much melodrama, not on the outside, but inside.
All the judgement and etc on me achieving or not achieving financial or social status.
All the fear of finding acceptance by friends and even mate.
What i know is that the said acceptance comes with a continous price.
I am no longer willing to pay the price of acceptance by living on other's values.
Whats important is now living my values and being contented in Now.
Alas all my inner melodrama dissolves.

Just saw this in my blog. Perfect affirmation that I am on right track.
Alas all my deep seated fear of being judged by my family was not true.
They are only concerned about me and worry if I am joining a cult.
But they let me be and that for me is enough.

North node in Taurus
Establishing self worth - most important goal
Their own sense of self worth is the one thing they can hang on to amid the constant shifting of public opinions. When they let others determine their worth, they are on roller coaster.
The most important goal for them is to pledge themselves to their own values and build sense of self worth. They are learning they can't establish self-worth by going along with others' values to gain validation nor can they attain self-worth through resisting others' values. Either way, they lose.
They win when they discover what is truly important and precious to them: their own values. Self-worth will come as a by-product of living according to those values.

Lunar in Scorpio - value system

Oct 7 aft
Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Many people begin the process of personal growth on the unconscious level. As u grow u become less resistant to life and u naturally learn to operate more from the conscious level. With further experience on the planet, u recognise another option: living ur life transpersonally, viewing life in a larger context than that of personal survival.
In this stage u are aware of the support and good intent of the universal forces, including Mother Nature. U become open to receiving the natural bounty of life. U realise that by cooperating for the good of the whole, individual happiness is a natural by-product. Ur needs are easily and naturally provided. This is the stage u decide to give up the ego functions that separate u from ur fellow beings and open urself as a channel for receiving and sharing light and love. This stage is reached after diligent spiritual growth and self purification.

Soul
So true.

Lunar In Scorpio
In this incarnation, u are learning lessons relating to ur value system:
- not being swayed in ur values;
- how to share ur values;
- overcoming negative manipulative traits
- taking responsibility for ur sexual behaviour.

U need to learn appropriate spiritual values and gain the understanding that as part of an intricate whole, those values affect all those around you.

Ur energy is raw power - a rushing flood of water. Until u find something or someone to contain it, it just creates havoc in its path. When u do find containment, u become totally content. Once u know ur limits u can direct ur power from within them. Only then do u feel safe enough to claim ur power fully.

Soul
Yes, found my root with Isha.
ISHA and Sadhguru contains me.


Discovering boundaries for urself and others.
Yes. Learned of my lack of boundaries result in resentment and cause unhappiness in others. Truly glad P put a stop to this.
Even now looking at the local program, no urge to volunteer.  Again is to give services only when needed.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Seven of Hearts (Challenge) and Seven of Clubs (Saturn)

Oct 7 mor

http://thecardsoflife.com/destiny-cards
Lifetime challenges
Destiny
Seven of Heart - challenges in attachment and unconditional love
Affirmation
I am learning how to experience unconditional love and in the process, set myself free.

To review for challenges
Seven of Hearts
Bridging the gap between conditional and unconditional love is the task of the Seven of Hearts person. These wise, old souls, have come to this life to learn to love and let love without expectations. Having faith in themselves, and in a benign universe, will be the test throughout their lives as they learn to flow with the inevitable ups and downs of life.

The Seven of Hearts can, when aligned with the higher vibration, be quite philanthropic, expressing their Nine of Spades in Saturn as a letting go and giving to life for the benefit of all. They may experience health issues of family members or of their own that will test their faith from time to time.

Combined with a Jack of Hearts in Mars, there is a proclivity for care-taking others, sacrificing for others, that if over indulged can lead to depletion. Finding the greater, more universal, perspective may require objectivity with an open heart when the temptation could be to drop into a lower vibrational expression of deep fear, emotional reaction and emotional withdrawal.

Natural teachers, these people often understand the concept of mutuality and spiritual love even though they may struggle themselves to walk their talk. Their Nine of Clubs in Jupiter suggests a desire to bring their ideas and concepts to a larger audience more so than in a one-on-one conversation.

Their Supporting Karma Card (+KC) is the Six of Hearts, which indicates that a lot of emotional and physical support will be available to them in times of need. Friends and colleagues will appear in right timing to assist in projects, large and small, as payback for love and service given in another lifetime.

Overall, the theme for the Seven of Hearts is to have faith in themselves and in a benign universe. Life will shift right before their eyes and their mission is to keep an open heart and shift right along with it.


Ruling
Seven of Clubs - negativity, exposure to spiritual knowledge
Affirmation
I am enlightening mind and transforming my negative tots to positive and higher level of thinking

The Sevens are the most spiritual cards of the deck and the task of this Seven is to bring the spiritual aspect of knowledge into the mundane physical world. With such a creative, intellectual prowess, the Seven of Clubs have much to offer when aligned with a positive attitude. Highly analytical and observant, they are a natural when it comes to acquiring new information and knowledge.
With the active mind of a Clubs, the opportunity is to challenge negative, fearful thoughts and attune to positivity and faith. When the Seven of Clubs is not seeking the broader perspective of spiritual truth, they may be prone to depression.

With the Seven of Spades in Saturn, their faith can be tested when experiencing health issues, accidents or difficult situations. Longing for stability, they must apply themselves through the power of positive, healthy thoughts.

The Seven of Clubs person has responsibility toward honesty and integrity. Indicated by a Jack of Spades Supporting Karma Card (+KC), they can be slippery and deceiving when under stress or align with their spiritual Seven nature to express the higher vibration offered by the Jack of Spades. They are quite resourceful as well as creative and, when aligned with spiritual knowledge, the result can bring many happy returns to them.

In Jupiter lies the Nine of Diamonds suggesting that their opportunity for wealth needs to be balanced with the capacity to manage it well. Coupled with an Eight of Diamonds Challenging Karma Card (-KC), there are lessons in money management and the power that it brings. It would be wise to avoid gambling or compulsive spending as this will likely bring losses.
Uniting this innate spiritual knowledge with honesty and integrity can bring tremendous satisfaction to Seven of Clubs people. The balancing act is to access the highest vibrations of spiritual knowledge with the propensity for limited thinking, negativity and struggle.

Ace of Diamonds - validation

Oct 7

http://thecardsoflife.com/destiny-cards/ace-of-diamonds-person/
Ace of Diamonds in Ruling

Ambitious and hardworking, the Ace of Diamonds focuses on fulfilling their material needs nearly to the exclusion of all else. Independent and determined, they often gravitate toward leadership and entrepreneurial roles in life. Unfortunately, their personal relationships may suffer as a result of this one-pointedness of attention.

Furthering this relationship tension is the Five of Hearts in Venus. With an inborn restlessness regarding relationship norms and constructs, the Ace of Diamonds person is likely to again focus on what they want from life without limiting their options. They may begin a relationship with great enthusiasm and be just as enthusiastically pulled in another direction. Finding a way to keep their emotions steady can be a lifelong journey for the Ace of Diamonds.

Their Queen of Diamonds in Mercury energizes their skill at negotiating a great business deal.  The Three of Clubs in Mars could encourage a ruthlessness in such negotiations, but most often expresses in a dynamic, expressive communication style. The combination of these two influences supports the enterprising nature of the Ace of Diamonds and, when harnessed in a positive way, nearly assures them of the success and admiration they so desire.

Ace of Diamonds people are curious, independent and outgoing. They often think highly of themselves as do-gooders in the world and can live up to that expectation if they don’t become too engrossed in themselves. Their life  task is to learn their self-worth as separate from their financial status or achievements.

Ace of Diamonds
http://thecardsoflife.com/wp-content/images/AD.jpg

Soul

Their life  task is to learn their self-worth as separate from their financial status or achievements.

This seems so apt...I am now coming to an ease. No more need to achieve financial status or relationship status or spiritual status. All I want is to feel at HOME.







Father,
Slowly but surely removing the validation issue.
I have removed the validation from career, from money and then from local Isha and now to work on romantic relationship.
Even if I stay single, I am still worthy

Awesome Sadhana with Sadhguru Sannidi

Oct 7

Woke up fresh twice in the night. Slept back and finally woke up from a dream at 3.55 am. Despite the dream, I wasn't groggy.
Yesterday forgot to close the Sannidi when I sleep. Has just put a reminder.
Bhuta Shuddi was good. Now that breathing is corrected, flow is better and my nose is less blocked in the morning. Today the mucus comes out from nose instead of stucked in the throat.

Angarmadhana was good. Dhyana moments was deep.

Surya kriya alignment not good and also both feet on the ground on for first three mountain pose. My left back ankle is swelling and painful when stretched during mountain pose.
Breathing was fine.

Shakti was awesome. Went in deep. First time did 150 times Kapala Bhakti and with good sound too. Somehow it was quite effortless. When I reach 100 I feel I got help to go to 150. It's not me, must be Sadhguru helping me. Was singing at the end of three cycle of Kapala Bhakti. Was in meditative zone during the final breathe counting. For the first time went in deep.

Father, something is broken free in me.

Spiritual Astrology by Jan Spiller
Ultimately happiness does not come from a sense of feeling separate from one another.
Happiness is a by-product of being in touch with the source of happiness within ourselves. This happiness unites us with others.
To understand the personality variations between ourselves and others objectively allows us to relate to others with love, rather than feeling that they have to be just like us.
The purpose of Spiritual astrology is to define the uniqueness of each of our personality. It illustrate that there are choices we can make about the quality of our life. Our choices determined the effects that we experience in life. 
Nothing happens by accident. Because we have power to attract experiences, we also have the power to change our responses. The key in in accepting personal responsibility, which leads directly to personal empowerment.
U are in control of the way u use the energies depicted in ur birth chart. When u used these energies positively, considering the good of all concerned, life magically shifts to ur personal advantage.
If u give the responsibility of ur happiness to others, u subjugate urself to the ups and downs of the material world.
When u accept sole responsibility for actualising the energies in ur birth chart, u gain power to navigate ur life in a way that is fulfilling and happy.

Soul
Amen. On the right track.

Sadhguru, if you both are open to grace and sadhana, then you are very fortunate

Oct 2 eve 2

Was updating my blog and saw this back in early Sept.
Sadhguru's video in facebook
“If you are the kind who just allow things to happen to you, do not expect people around you to understand anything about you.” —Sadhguru

- See more at: http://www.sadhguruonline.com/videos/what-matters-in-spirituality?autoplay=1#sthash.PEiCdjL6.uXuMWkcX.dpuf

“To become open is the most important thing.” —Sadhguru

If you are the type that is doing sadhana and also open, allowing grace to take you; then you are the most fortunate persons of all

Soul
All these years I am hesitant about my receptivity; going with the flow and then resentful that others always shut me off, saying that I disturbed or scare the other meditators away.
Isha becoming like mainstream spiritual arm, more like tourism.

Anyway, the last one year with the Shrine, I have slowly accepted and the time spent with Kailash and Lake Manasoravar cemented this. I am not longer afraid to be receptive nor to show my receptivity.

Sadhguru also states that if I am receptive, others cant' understand me and they will avoid me out of lack of understanding as they can't experience it.

So, no more being afraid of my receptivity...no longer afraid that others can't accept me.
I no longer need to be affected by others non-acceptance of me.

Osho - Create the effect and the cause follows

Oct 2 eve 1

Was updating my blog and saw this back in early August.
The law of magic by Osho
There is a situation in which you feel happy. A friend has come, a beloved has called. A situation is the cause – you feel happy. Happiness is the effect. The coming of the beloved is the cause. Religion says: Be happy and the beloved comes. Create the effect and the cause follows.

This is my own experience, that the second law is more basic than the first. I have been doing it and it has been happening.
Just be happy: the beloved comes.
Just be happy: friends are there.
Just be happy: everything follows.

I tell you, it is easier to create the effect because the effect depends totally upon you; the cause may not be so dependent on you.
If I say I can only be happy when a certain friend is there, then it depends on a certain friend, whether he is there or not.
If I say I cannot be happy until I attain this much wealth, then it depends on the whole world and the economic situations and everything. It may not happen, and then I cannot be happy.

The cause is beyond me. The effect is within me.
The cause is in the surroundings, in the situations – the cause is without.
The effect is me! If I can create the effect, the cause will follow.

Choose happiness – that means you are choosing the effect – and then see what happens.
Choose ecstasy and see what happens.
Choose to be blissful and see what happens.
Your whole life will change immediately and you will see miracles happening around you...because now you have created the effect and causes will have to follow.

Soul
I choose contentment and sannidhi and my shrine gives me the contentment. Give me the acceptance.
Once I feel I truly am accepted internally, its already the effect.
Outside non acceptance can no longer impact me.
Amen.


Osho Tarot card - Breakthrough

Oct 2 eve


The Issue
Integration
The conflict is in man. Unless it is resolved there, it cannot be resolved anywhere else. The politics is within you; it is between the two parts of the mind. The eagle and the swan are both beings of flight and majesty. The eagle is the embodiment of power and aloneness. The swan is the embodiment of space and purity, gently floating and diving, upon and within the element of the emotions, entirely content and complete within her perfection and beauty. 

We are the union of eagle and swan: male and female, fire and water, life and death. The card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life, and mystical union; otherwise known as alchemy.

Soul
Was on dilemma over sister and nephew issue. Alas, once I know my intention is clear, I proceed to give my input eventhough I am afraid of 'rejection'.
Also knowing about my personality of INFJ and the readings from the Spiritual Astrology by Jan Spiller on Sun in Cancer and Mercury in Cancer, coupled with Ascendant in Gemini; I took the plunge.

.2. Internal Influences that you are unable to see
Past lives
The real point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives, and their roots in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behavior. 

This is a wake-up call; the events in your life are trying to show you a pattern as ancient as the journey of your own soul.

Soul
My real issue is fear of rejection.
I especially feared rejection from my family and hence I am private to my family.
My friends knows more about me than my family.
Of course, my acquaintance knows me even less.

3. External influences of which you are aware

Trust
Don't waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing.

Soul
Exactly my journey this week.
Sister opens up.

4. Whats needed for resolution?

Breakthrough


It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. 

If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.

Soul
Yes..it happened.
Perhaps thats why open up more to Sannidhi

5. Resolution
The Master
Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea -- and there is no experiment up to now that has found any center in the brain which corresponds to awareness. The whole work of meditation is to make you aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it.


Soul
Earlier this afternoon, I felt 'rejected' but I didn't react. Infact didn't' want to go there.
Later she drop by and give me the information instead.
Truly a case of I need take things personally.



Thursday, October 23, 2014

Ascendant in Gemini

Oct 2 aft

Father, feels good. A sense of contentment. Just now Shoonya, so deep rest.

My main vocabulary is Rejection. Truly need to look at that.
Thats my Seven of Clubs working overtime.

Ascendant in Gemini
Achilles heel
If u don't stay in touch with the natural intellectual excitement of your own identity and instead give in to ur fears of how other people might see u, u may end up constantly blocking the expression of ur own point of view. This would suppress meaningful communication and ur innate way of being in the world. Then u lose ur confidence in ur ability to share ur multidimensional personality with others.

For example u may stop discussing ur ideas and the new pieces of information that comes ur way out of fear that others will think you're too philosophical or trying to be a know-it-all.  However if u allow this to happen, then instead of using the power of ur inborn gift of sharing ideas with others, u turn it inward against urself where it becomes an impediment. When all that mental energy is not expressed, it implodes and blocks the flow of ur own vital energy.

Soul
Just shared humanmetrics with sisters. Finally opening up to my family after nearing 50. Nearly half a lifetime has past. I feel now I m just beginning.

Just know the colleague brush me off. I felt 'rejection'. I begin to have defensive tots. It is not important. It may be true she is like that but what's important is how I feel, how I got affected.

Sun in Cancer and Mercury in Cancer at work. Won't let it get to me. Don't take anything personally. To her, it could be a no response is good response.

Ascendant in Gemini
Self actualisation
When u actively express ur natural gifts by extending urself in ways that stimulate the excitement of exchanging information and increasing social interaction, u will truly begin to experience urself as a powerful cause in ur own life instead of living in fear of others' perception.

Soul
Truly issue is on how others see me. No wonder I m private; out of fear.

I changed much in work rship with ACIM. Been wondering whether I should go back on it. Do the lesson again.

Ascendant in Gemini
U have an incredible ability to teach and to supply information that can help another see a more positive view of life.
U are uniquely able to inspire others to see how higher laws operates in their life. U are also aware when they are lacking faith and can uplift their spirits so they believe in a brighter tomorrow.
U are gifted in ur ability to get information circulating in society.




Oct 23
Soul
Of late, I have open up. Focus on more being myself instead of worrying how others view me.
Guess thats why I was so hurt when L gave me such an abusive feedback; telling me I showoff and etc. In reality, I only did that as part of my role as Sathsang guide; following the sathsang process and also to inspire others.

Well, I am glad, I finally overcomed her. She no longer dictate me.
I knew that what she said about me is not true.
It was me ignoring her that is activating her to attack me.
Her feedback on me is not true.
I saw L that day, she ignore me. I am just normal. She no longer part of my life.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Sadhguru : why the need for consecrated space, Dhynalinga

Oct 2 morn 2

Someone read my journal back in Apr 2013.
This is truly on the spot for today, especially now with Sadhguru Sannidhi, which to me feels like I am in Dhynalinga

In the lap of master, video
Sadhguru on "why he created the Ashram and Dhynalinga.
The soil must be right for anything to happen. Life happens because of ambience.
Eg, without ur mother care, ur growth may be impaired.
For one to flower spiritually, the lap of grace is important. It will be much easier in the right ambience.
Without grace of ambience, u have to be very 'hard' on urself in growth. People who choose hard way because they are often seeker without the lap of grace. They make themselves like stone. So body break first. But the Ego becomes very strong with pride and hardness. Even if God is here, he can't bow down. He can't allow anyone to overwhelm him. I know, cos I walked it for 2 lifetimes..I was so hard.

To be in the lap of grace in Ashram
To be in the lap of grace, it is a fortune. A distinct difference will happen in u.
With the right Ambience - you just relax, melt and merge with Grace.

Every emotion that u go thru in ur lives, it is ur own making. If u can go thru this consciously, u definitely choose the sweetest way to be.
People who think they r intelligent tries to stay away from devotion. Devotion simply means in ur life, when u r aware there is something larger than ur life functioning around u.

When u r overwhelmed, if u r sensitive enough, u r naturally a devotee. U may not be in temple or etc, u may not be dressed as one. Maybe u never uttered God's name. If u r aware something far bigger than u is functioning right now, u r naturally devoted.
When u think u r everything, u can't be a devotee
If this is a living reality of knowing something larger than you then you are always a devotee.

I have been thru hard sadhana for 2 lifetimes. I don't want anyone to go thru what I went thru. That's why I now devoted to give u the easier way, the sweetest way...to give you the right ambience to grow. And Devotion is the sweetest way.

Soul
Amen..Sadhguru created all these tools for us.
Amen

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Sadhguru sannidhi is my Home

Oct 2 morn 1

Excerpt from: Tao: The State and the Art, Part 1, Chapter 5
"Tao means the way with no goal. Simply,the Way. It was couragious of Lao Tzu, twenty-five centuries ago, to tell people that there is no goal and we are not going anywhere. We are just going to be here, so make the time as beautiful, as loving, as joyous as possible. He called his philosophy Tao, and Tao means simply the Way.
"Many asked him,"Why have you chosen the name Tao? Because you don’t have any goals in your philosophy."
"He said,"Specifically for that reason I have chosen to call it "the Way",so that nobody forgets that there is no goal, there is only the Way."
"The Way is beautiful; the way is full of flowers. And the Way becomes more and more beautiful as your conciousness becomes higher. The moment you have reached the peak, everything becomes so sweet, so ecstatic, that you suddenly realize that this is the place; this is home. You were unnecessarily running here and there.


Soul
Mmm, Sannidhi is my Home.
Mmm, thats my favourite vocabulary now.

Seven of Hearts and One of Hearts

Oct 2 morn

Today card, Seven of Hearts in Jupiter.
My Daily Card
The Seven of Hearts

The Seven of Hearts indicates that whatever time this card appears could be marked by many challenges in love and feelings in your close relationships. The Seven of Hearts can manifest as betrayal by those we love. In any case, we will be tested to see just how attached we are to others being a certain way.

Seven, being a highly spiritual number, promises success in love if you try a new approach and adopt a more selfless or unattached attitude. If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a seven was present.

Soul
Hearts is on relationship and mine in centered on home.
My hidden issues all stems from childhood at home and now I am grown up and can now face confrontation at home.Yes, I am now adopting an unattached attitude. I go beyond my fear of hiding myself for fear of being rejected.
Firstly I must not reject myself..and accept myself and express myself.
Others rejection of me, if it happens is beyond my control.
BUT my acceptance of my feelings and my expression are within my control.


52 days card in Venus
My 52-Day Period Card
The Ace of Hearts

The Ace of Hearts represents a desire for affection or love that is the stimulus that causes new relationships to be created. For this reason, it can indicate a new love affair or the birth of a child. Though influenced by each planetary period in a specific and unique way, this creative love energy always represents an awakening of love or passion in one's heart.

On a deeper level, the Ace of Hearts, being the very first card in the deck, represents a search for something inside of our self. Perhaps it is the search for self-identity or for those things that help us to love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we are seeking within. This is why the Ace of Hearts can represent a new relationship beginning.

Soul
Definitely a new way of loving myself and sharing myself with others.
Sadhguru's sannidhi is a way of loving myself.
It a way I proved that I can give myself what I need. I no longer need to wait for a partner to give me what I need.
Also this is me expressing my true values without fear.
Breaking up with the local Isha was the first key, alas that unlock the other doors as well.
Breaking up with local Isha was me holding on to my values instead of holding on to others due to my fear of loss of validation. No more




Sadhguru's Sannidhi in my room

Oct 2

The sannidhi still in the box and energy is great. Feels like I have my own personal Dhynalinga. Had a great time with Shrine yesterday, thanks to Sannidhi.

I was bit worried on whether I can sleep. Alas, when I go to bed, laughter burst out as soon as my body lie down. I laugh loads for quite some time and then sleep. Woke up fresh at 3.55 am.

Did Bhuta Shuddi, went in deep. I was reluctant to end it.
Angamardhana was good. Shakti was okay too. Shambavi was good. Such contented silence as if I m in Dhynalinga. Wish I can stay longer.

To me Dhynalinga is Sadhguru in his most intense form.

Father, everything coming into place.

Pluto in 4th house by Jan Spiller
Path to self mastery
Ceasing to control others' feelings to protect ur vulnerability  frees u to operate from a stable position. This vantage points empowers u to express and share from the integrity of ur deepest sensitivities.
Selfless commitment to recognising and exposing ur awareness of the realm of feelings leads u past ur greatest fears and into self mastery.
The environment in which u meet the challenge for personal transformation - ur home and family.

Soul
First breakthrough at home was the set up of shrine by Dhynalinga yantra accidentally purchased on my behalf by A a year ago.  Then followed by me buying Gudi early this year as my connection with her has deepen and its with her I can be vulnerable and released all my pent up emotion.
Alas now purchased Sannidhi and my shrine is complete. Two years ago when I saw the sannidhi I keep asking others to buy cos I tot can't keep such shrine since I m not Indian. Was also worried how my family will see me.
Alas breakthrough in home. Creating the beautiful bedroom I wanted three years ago and then create the sanctuary space with shrine now. Next year I will expand my room.

Now with breakthrough on second sister. Everything coming into place.

My greatest breakthrough will be home and family. Coincidentally now that I open up to home and family I m able to be more open with friends. Sharing without fear.

My fav vocabulary is rejection. Si's fav vocabulary is guilt.

My fear of being rejected kept me from showing up. What's the alternative of rejection? Acceptance.
Sannidhi is home to me.

Pluto in Virgo in home and family

Oct 1 eve
Can feel the contentment energy at downstairs living room. Must be due to Sannidhi. It is truly powerful even before initiation, energy is expressed, truly consecrated space.

Pluto in Virgo
Personal fear
Risking the criticism of others

Challenge
To serve others on practical levels even though u may not have attained the perceptions of self-perfection u seek.

Unconscious expression
Fear based withholding
Using ur sensitivities to people's feelings in ways that provoke them into confronting deeper awareness of themselves.

Results
This repression robs them of the opportunity to experience new feelings and also robs u. Giving in to fears of being rejected leads to withholding ur deepest responses to ur family.
This repression of openness leads to a resentment of others insensitivities. The result is overcontrol and emotional stagnation.

Soul
True.
This week a breakthrough. Me can share my knowledge with friends, providing them insights but never to my family. I m seen as the little sister, only can earn money but not as the wise one. But I m known as the courageous one that can stand up to my parents, so I m always called to confront my parents. On my sisters, my youngest sister always ask for my input. Big sister and I have always been close. Second sister always keep to herself and the few times I advised her, she told me off and so I avoid giving her input. The issue on her child has been going on for years and family all keep quiet as sister can be volatile.

Conscious expression
Fearlessness and charisma result when u go beyond ur greatest fears, surrendering to ur sensitivity. In revealing what u are feeling - in spite of fearing the consequences - u undergo a transformation of feelings. This allows for a truer alignment with ur deepest sensitivities.
In sharing ur responses and deep perceptions of others' feelings, u may experience a temporary invalidation from those who are closest. A purge of both ur insecurities and theirs can follow.

Soul
This week Finally open up to my sister, sharing with her my concern over her teenage child. Got her the therapist contact. The old me  would shy away thinking who am I to give advice as I don't have children, fear of being rejected and etc. The new me see that my priority on my nephew and sister instead on myself. At first she declines my input but this time I persevere. I ignored my fear and keep on. So she open up and got input from her friend and she said the advice is the same as what I She thanked me for being supportive.

Path to self mastery
Ceasing to control others' feelings to protect ur vulnerability  frees u to operate from a stable position. This vantage points empowers u to express and share from the integrity of ur deepest sensitivities.
Selfless commitment to recognising and exposing ur awareness of the realm of feelings leads u past ur greatest fears and into self mastery.
The environment in which u meet the challenge for personal transformation - ur home and family.

Soul
Suddenly a tot occur to me. My frequent use of vocabulary on "rejection". I used it quite often inwardly.
Others don't know how much fear I have

Shakti Chalana Kriya (Kapala Bhati) gives internal air conditioning

Oct 1 aft

Sadhguru on Kapalabathi
If it is practiced correctly, you can definitely work yourself out of allergic situations. Cold weather just won’t bother you anymore. Not just the cold, even heat will not disturb you. When you have an internal air-conditioning, both the heat and cold do not disturb you too much.

Soul
This is now true since mid of this year.
Scorching sun and heat in Chennai, I am fine. I sweat but I am not hot and flustered.
Coldness in Lake Manasoravar, I am okay too.
Yesterday, it was quite hot while eating lunch outside. Others are sweating profusely; whereas I just feel comfortable. Somehow body's temperature not affected.
Cold related sickness has reduced considerably since Bhuta Shuddi

Sadhguru
Those who suffer from cold related diseases and find their nostrils blocked every morning, will benefit a lot from the consumption of neem, pepper, honey and turmeric.

Soul
At least I be starting on neem and tumeric soon.



Oct 19
Still procrastinating on neem and tumeric
Food always been my most difficult transformation.
It took me 5 years in Isha before I drop meat and that's because of rising cholestrol level. It has dropped but not much with my seafood diets.
Then a year ago, took out caffeine. Only drinks decaf now. And that's because my body can't handle caffeine, I become drunk.
Now my body can't even take ice cream or gelato. I feel sick after taking them. The mind just stop functioning, whole body going limp. Can't think nor walk properly. A total shut-down of the operating system.

Sadhguru sannidhi arrived today

Oct 1

Woke up at 7 am, body is okay.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by guru pooja.
Cat stretch more nimble after guru pooja.
Angamardhana not as flexible. Left knee was painful when sitting on Hero posture. Took awhile before it settles.
Shakti is good, no laughing but went in deep.
Shambavi okay, silence at the end. Surprisingly after a while I went into singing mode. Just stayed there for awhile.

Sannidhi be arriving today. Now waiting for the Transporter.

Sannidhi arrived in a classic wood case. I can feel its energy.
Later when I did my evening practices, the energy was awesome.
I sang guru pooja, tears flow throughout the singing. Can't remember the last time I cried so much. At the most, usually cry during Karpura Gauram even during the initial days.
Shoonya went in deep.
It's been one hour since practice.
After the practices and dinner, I m sitting downstairs but I can feel a sense of contentment, a grace.

Went up and feel the increased energy in my room.

Father, bit worried if I m able to stay in the room with such energy. Luckily I have been to Kailash and Lake Manasoravar so body able to take.

Today nine of Clubs in Mars. Ending to my past.

Neptune in Scorpio and 6th house

Sept 30
Woke up at 3.55 am from a dream. Body is good but bed so inviting. Just give myself the pleasure of snoozing. Did a 15 min snooze and wake up.

Did Bhuta Shuddi, with the correct breathing. Angamardhana was good and fast. I did little rest. I think definitely finished in 35 min. Surya kriya was good but second mountain pose had some difficulty in having both feet to ground.
Did a short breathing.
Shakti was good and Shambavi too. Spend longer at the end of Shambavi, so contented.
Sadhguru sannidhi be here soon.

Neptune in Scorpio
Innate vision - spiritual responsibility for Earth's resources as a whole. U r aware of current human material values and the potential for transformation of those values that will lead humankind to a higher level of relating to the physical world.

Neptune in Scorpio dilemma
Dealing with establishing ur value with other people. It is the choice between idealistically expecting the automatic support of other people's resources or responsibly defining material values with them.
It also deals with the choice between expecting automatic emotional fulfilment through sex or committing urself to the self-purification that will actually bring about the realisation of those ideals.

Soul
True.
Used to think that only my partner can give me the emotional fulfilment. Now my shrine gave me the emotional fulfilment. Especially more so with Sadhguru sannidhi.
I told them the shrine like having a husband that gives u all the comfort and contentment but u need not give anything except doing sadhana.
I spend half an hour every night before sleep with the shrine, just imbibing in their energy.
They helps me to balance, prepare for my sleep and refreshing wake up.
With the Gudi, I can pour my heart out and cry my tears dry.
With Dhynalinga, it gaves me a meditative presence.

I still want a partner but I no longer believe that I must have a partner to be happy. What's meant to be will be.


Neptune in the 6th house
Unconscious
Ur tendency is to sacrifice on the altar of duty. If u seek to measure up to some perfected ideal in ur work, u will fail to be recognised as the willing servant that u aim to be.
Striving to be acknowledged as a self-sacrificing, spiritual person can lead to severe health conditions, tensions with co-workers and a tremendous sense of frustration and paranoia in the job.

Soul
Mmmm the issue of volunteering or even at work.
Explained my RA.
Now I m clear. I do like ISHA family and I like volunteering as part of Isha family. But I don't like rules, protocol and responsibility.
I m still vulnerable and tend to hold on to ideal image of what I m meant to be or what others are to be. I pushed myself hard, not able to lead others as their values are stronger than mine.
I judged myself short and others too.

Me too adaptable and open; giving in and taking too much roles and responsibilities even despite not wanting to do so.

Mmm Queen of Spades in Pluto for Ruling and Neptune for Destiny.

Conscious expression
The key is in letting go of ideals of how u should look as the worker. Then u focus on serving others rather than on ur image.
U are empowered to serve others in a positive way by releasing a need for reflected perfection.
In the process u freed urself to experience joy and union with coworkers in getting the job done together.
Happiness results when u trust that the universe is supporting u in ur work. This process leads to experiencing the ecstasy of consciously participating in being of service in ur work place.

Soul
Something here.

Neptune key to emotional ecstasy.
- Removes the illusion and reveals the truth, thereby showing how to actualise ur ideals in a way that works and produces rewards in the material world.
- depicts the self-defeating and confusing patterns where ur expectations are the highest and disappointments are the most intense.
- defines how ur preconceived notions of how the ideal would manifest must be sacrificed in order for the reality of the ideal to appear.
- indicate the arena in which u began the process of trusting the universe in order to fulfill an idealistic desire or where u allow the universe to manifest, according to its standards of perfection, by releasing ur preconceived notions, standards and ideals.
- signifies that area of life offering the strength, serenity and ecstasy of a divine contact, and a vision and trust in the workings of universe.

Soul
Let go of my own sets beliefs of how I can be happy.

My projections colours my perception on others

Sept 29 aft

Mystics musings by Sadhguru
Q: much of my anxiety I experience comes through my relationships. Isn't it reasonable to expect understanding from other people?

Sadhguru: You need only to understand the limitations and capabilities of these people and do what u can; only then will u have the power to move the situations the way u want it to go. If you are waiting for people to understand u and act, it is only a pipe dream; it's never going to happen.

The closer the relationship is, the more effort u should make to understand them. If you leave it to their understanding, it will become accidental. If they are very magnanimous, things will happen well for u; if not, the relationship will break up.

Soul
Mmm..just like this morning..instead of me hoping they understand their predicament. I just have to remember their limitation and take charge.
It is their limitation..it is not done to me personally.
They can't do it..doesn't mean they 'force' me to do it.

Oct 19
As I read this blog during the update, I suddenly realised that I get agitated because I tot others expect me to help them, not willing to think for themselves. Its like they are doing it to me. I am taking it personally.
In reality, when I viewed it objectively, is that they can't resolve it and hope others resolve for them. they are feeling helpless.
And if I can resolve it, just do it. But if I can't I need not feel bad as they are not enforcing it on me. 


It was a blessing that I was not married

Sept 29 morn 1

Just now was facing a recurring issue that hasn't been resolved by the boss. I can feel my frustration. Instead of judging them or taking it personally like they force me to act. I just recommend the action required and they are okay with it.
Instead of thinking they should solve the problem instead of me. That's empathy at work. That's how I m going with my personal.

Uranus in The 4th house
Habitual tendency - demanding independence by rebelling against close relationships.
Results - u may rebel for the sake of asserting a false sense of emotional freedom and self centered independence. This results in feeling instability about ur roots and constant disruption from loved ones.

Conscious expression
U know how to uniquely express ur individuality through ur talent to be sensitive to people's needs. U can be impersonally loving enough to allow those who are emotionally close to be free from any debilitating dependence. If u choose this road, the results is a sense of personal emotional freedom that allows u to be truly urself, even in close rships.


Soul
Yes, Seven of Hearts.
Now that I m aware of my INFJ personality and me taking my personal rships personally to the extent that I was suppressing myself to avoid conflict. Also causing me RA.
I now chose to be professional and objective in my personal rships.

Father, a tot came. I m so blessed not to be married. If I have been I would have been suppressing myself even more. I truly wasn't ready for any permanent intimate rship. It would have harm me. Make more joint pain.
Now I finally got it. No wonder Four of Diamonds today.

So glad I got this clear up.

Osho tarot - Thunderbolt really true

Sept 29 morn

Last week Osho Tarot, materialised.

Whats needed for resolution?
Guilt
This moment!...this herenow...is forgotten when you start thinking in terms of achieving something. When the achieving mind arises, you lose contact with the paradise you are in. This is one of the most liberating approaches: it liberates you right now! Forget all about sin and forget all about saintliness; both are stupid. Both together have destroyed all the joys of humanity. The sinner is feeling guilty, hence his joy is lost. How can you enjoy life if you are continuously feeling guilty?

Soul
Wish I am truly a giver, not to ask S about the balance money. Wish I am truly a giver, just keep on letting my mone to be lost. Wish I need not faced conflict.
But most of all wish I need not feel guilty for wanting to express myself..Wish I will stop suppressing myself

5. Resolution
Thunderbolt

The card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness. 

You might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever you can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if you allow it, you will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. 

After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.


Soul
I don't have to hurt S and my nephew but alas I must be authentic. By suppressing myself just because i don't want to face conflict, just because I don't want them to be hurt, just because I don't want to lose the validation...
I don't want to feel guilty for being myself.
Now I know the suppression of myself in personal relationship is the one causing me RA pain.
Now take a professional stand on all personal conflicts.
Amen.
What a thunderbolt. Took the jump and both turns out well.

Confronting conflict with with family members

Sept 29

From Facebook Xin Ming
To be truly happy and contented, u must let go of the idea of what it meant to be happy or content.

Soul
That's exactly my tot yesterday when doing the walk. I was feeling good just walking alone in the park. What if I drop the idea that to be complete I need a partner in love. What if I don't need it?
My learning from Kailash: Whatever meant to be will be; whatever not meant to, no matter how I try will not be.

Yesterday another breakthrough. Woke up with money gone from my wallet in my room. My nephew was with sleeping by my side. When I woke up middle of sleep I saw him and my first tot was my money be stolen. True enough when I woke, my money was gone. At first didn't want to share but then told my sister and spiral into drama. Did inform my sister that I hope she won't make me feel bad for informing her son is stealing again.
Had Bhuta Shuddi review and didn't want to get distracted so I can't talk much to them. But did manage to tell my nephew that I think he is a thief.
My phone was dead and there was load of messages but I m afraid to read. Truly can see my fear in dealing with conflict in personal rship. Only dare to see the messages this morning. My sis messages were much better than I tot it would be. Amen.

Just tell my sister that I will help with her with nephew who has been habitually stealing for the past few years. When I send the message, tears fell.
As he gets older, he gets more daring and stealing bigger amount. We need to put a stop. Me addressing the conflict was the first step yesterday. Saying no to being stolen for so many times, facing my fear of my sister and brother in law's beating of my nephew, facing my nephew, calling him a thief. He needs to know it is not okay to steal.

Father, these few days is on handling conflict in personal rships.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

INFJ can be control freak due to taking personal responsibility for everything

Sept 27 eve


By Elaine Schallock, INFJ
Where INFJs can get particularly tripped up is in their attempt to control the Se world to meet their Ni visions. This method stands in direct opposition to the natural flow of their functional stack (i.e., letting the Se world inform their Ni visions). INFJs operating in this mode can be particularly stubborn and perfectionistic about how a plan materializes. When things don’t exactly unfold according to the Ni “vision” (and they never do!) the INFJ can become unglued.
This is particularly true in situations where others may be depending on them or loved-ones are involved.

For example, an INFJ responsible for planning a big 30th wedding anniversary party for her parents does everything in her power in the planning mode to make sure the soiree is beautifully prepared (Se) and others are comfortable and happy (Fe). The INFJ’s power of visualization is incredible thanks to Ni; in the INFJ’s mind’s eye she can see how the tables are laid out, the music, the mood, the invitations, etc. But when the big day comes and the food arrives late, the weather is unbearably hot, and the people are cranky, the INFJ (who of course didn’t consider a “back-up” plan – this would have been far too practical) becomes frustrated, emotional, and stressed out.

There is a tendency to take personal responsibility for Se failure (bad weather, the caterer being late). The INFJ figures if she had only planned it better somehow this might have been avoided. The entire “disaster” is perceived as a personal attack on the INFJ’s inferior function, her ST “blindspots” and ultimately her ego.
For those unfortunate souls attempting to console an INFJ dealing with such a letdown, there can be an equal sense of frustration. Once the INFJ’s vision fails to come to fruition and she falls into the grip of her inferior function, acting logically goes out the window. Instead of being open to a modification of the plan, the INFJ holds on ever more tightly to the original vision, feeling as though this is the only way to correct the problem. The INFJ is then caught in a paradox. To sacrifice the Ni vision would mean giving up the dominant function, the very center of her “sense of self.” She is, understandably, loathe to do that. But ultimately what the INFJ must realize is that this has been an illusion. What is touted as “a commitment to the Ni vision” is really a veiled commitment to the Se outcome. Of course, the line between Ni and Se is incredibly thin (where does an object end and the concept behind it begin?), which accounts for the ease at which they (and other types) accidentally fall prey to such illusions.

Soul
This is so true.
Many times, I was coordinating the local Isha events, and things doesnt turn due to lack of commitment from volunteers, I take it personally. i blame myself.

Mmmm..thats where the lesson: Let go and let God comes.

By Elaine Schallock, INFJ
Potentially worsening matters, some INFJs, after alienating others with their unrealistic expectations, assume martyrdom, pitying themselves for being isolated by society for having “noble intentions.”
 INFJs may fail to realize is that their “high expectations” may be more linked to their desire to control for Se than anything else (much like in the example of the anniversary party gone awry.) Again, learning to loosen the ego’s grip on controlling the Se outcome and instead focusing on Ni more as a way to interpret what is rather than as a way to foresee what should be, will help them live more authentically and healthily.

Soul
So, it was me and my control.
It was me and my ego
Alas, after Kailash, I now know that whatever meant to be will be.
I also now learned I need not take outcome as personal, need not take other lack of commitment as personal attack on me.

INFJ by jennifersoldner

INFJs tend to cling to our label as soon as we discover it. As we are the rarest personality type, making up an approximate 2% of the population, we spend most of our lives feeling lost and misunderstood. Once we learn that we are not alone and that there is an explanation as to why we have always felt different, we feel overjoyed and almost "normal."
Soul
this is so true.
To know there are others like me..to know that I am not alone is such a comfort.
To know that I am okay. I am not weird, not unacceptable.

While INFJs may be seen as withdrawn or even secretive, the truth is that they care quite a bit about what others think of them--sometimes too much.  They take criticism very personally, and may be unintentionally hurt by others.  When this happens, an INFJ may hold their hurt inside and let it stew, never really expressing how they feel.  Instead of confronting the person who hurt them, they may take the less painful route and simply avoid the other person or even cut them off entirely.  Other people may see the INFJ as "too sensitive," while the INFJ for their part sees others as "unsensitive."  Conflict is anathema to this type, unless said conflict is undertaken in the service of a cause the INFJ is upholding. 

Soul
True..

We do have choice in our experiences, even if our mind is fearful

Sept 27
We truly have a choice in our experiences, regardless of the internal or external events.

Woke up 6.50 am. Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by Navaratri Sadhana.
So nice, just sitting there in meditative zone.
Forced myself to get up.
Did cat stretch followed by Surya Kriya. While both feet can touch the ground on four mountain pose, alignment not perfect due to imbalance from shoulder and elow pain.
Nice and short breathing meditation.
Shakti is good and Shambavi is okay.

Went for my swim.
Now that my feeling is finally out, I can feel my fear in the pool.
I can swim and can feel my fear in the first three laps. I just tell myself to calm down and focus on the journey, focus on the breathing in water. Later I got my calm and joy came. I was singing and laughing in the pool today. Amen

Was updating blog and saw this
Sadhguru
Though most human believe that their experience is created by events around them, I realised that it is hundred percent self-created.  U can make ur experience whichever way u want.
Once you are blissful by ur own nature, ur life become an expression of ur blissfulness, not a pursuit of happiness. And that is the shift that needs to happen in everyone life.

Soul
Suddenly it hit. Yes, events can happen, can be positive or negative..my emotion can happen, be positive or negative. BUT ultimately I have a choice of chossing my experience.
Today in the pool. I feel the fear in me. But I knew that I have a choice of letting the fear over take me and make lose confidence of my capbility in the pool and panic OR I can calm myself down, make the fear subside and enjoy myself in the pool. I choose the latter and I start to enjoy my swim and joy came. Amen




INFJ - into sadhanas and material comforts (Zorba and Buddha meet together)

Sept 26 aft 2

INFJ By Dr. A.J. Drenth
Disembodiment
Of all types, INFJs (and INTJs) are the most disconnected from their own bodies. Not only is their S function inferior, but INFJs use Se rather than Si, and Si is the function that confers an internal sense of one’s own body. INFJs commonly report a sense of disembodiment, as though living in a perpetual, dream-like state.

In trying to compensate for this mind-body disconnect, INFJs may subject themselves to strict regimens of diet, exercise, and medical check-ups. Without this consistency, they fear their bodily obliviousness could result in potentially serious health consequences.

Soul
Thats why I need hata yoga.
Even with my joints problem..most time I over stretched some of the 'tender' joints that are prone to inflammation.
It be good to take in neem and tumeric; which I am still procrastinating.

INFJ By Dr. A.J. Drenth
Sensory & Material Novelty/Security

Despite being the most otherworldly and abstract of the types (along with INTJs), INFJs have a curious thirst for sensory novelty and material comforts (Se). They often develop refined and sophisticated tastes for food, art, design, architecture, and the like. Not only do they love the fine things that money can buy, but also the experiences. INFJs enjoy travel, attending the opera or symphony, or savoring a fine meal.


Soul
thats me.
While I am into sadhana. I am also into material comforts and sensory pleasures.

This week Internal Influence under Osho tarot card.
Abundance

In the East people have condemned the body, condemned matter, called matter "illusory," maya - it does not really exist, it only appears to exist; it is made of the same stuff as dreams are made of. They denied the world, and that is the reason for the East remaining poor, sick, in starvation. 

Half of humanity has been accepting the inner world but denying the outer world. The other half of humanity has been accepting the material world and denying the inner world. Both are half, and no man who is half can be contented. You have to be whole: rich in the body, rich in science; rich in meditation, rich in consciousness. Only a whole person is a holy person, according to me. 

I want Zorba and Buddha to meet together. Zorba alone is hollow. His dance has not an eternal significance, it is momentary pleasure. Soon he will be tired of it. Unless you have inexhaustible sources, available to you from the cosmos itself...unless you become existential, you cannot become whole. This is my contribution to humanity: the whole person.

INFJ By Dr. A.J. Drenth
Because of their inferior’s concern for material comforts, INFJs also tend to struggle with subsistence-related fears. They may worry excessively about losing their jobs, being forced to relocate, or not having enough money.

Soul
True..I need tons of money to feel secure.
Even when I have money to buy expensive things, I can't buy.
But the time with Z, I have open up and less concerned with money.
I can renovate my bedroom with 'hotel' facility.
I can buy a big car.
I can even go to Kailash with Isha.
And now buying mercury sannidhi to complete my Shrine.


INFJ By Dr. A.J. Drenth
Despite their love of worldly things, INFJs display an equal propensity to discount or downplay the importance of “things” in their lives. They tell themselves they aren’t supposed to be concerned physical matters (Se), but metaphysical ones (Ni).

They can be quick to criticize Sensing types for their materialism or superficiality while secretly envying them. INFJs may also balk at conventional practices, such as marriage, seeing the marriage contract as superfluous to their metaphysical union with their partner. At the same time, however, they may themselves envying their friends who are getting married, having children, living in nice homes, etc.

This tug-of-war between their dominant N and inferior S also surfaces when making decisions about careers or relationships. INFJs may struggle to choose between a partner (or job) who promises material security (S) versus one who connects with them on a metaphysical plane.

Soul
Mercury in Three of Clubs
Especially this year Three of Diamonds

All dominant Intuitives can be perfectionistic, driven to see their N ideals perfectly translated into S reality. The issue of quality is extremely important to INFJs, which is why they can be so particular about the things they buy or the way their work is done. Some INFJs may sacrifice everything, even their own health or sanity, to ensure their vision finds a perfect incarnation. They can be obsessive and “in the grip,” locked into a narrow mode of existence they cannot readily escape. In such a state, any deviation from their ideal may feel like the end of the world.