Monday, June 29, 2009

Motivation for meditation

Meditation
It is easier to have no tot then to hav positive tot.
A short cut to changing ur beliefs, for in d absence of thought, there is no resistance within you

As u quiet ur mind, u may feel a sense of physical detachement. Sometimes u will feel the sensation of twitches and itches beneath your skin. And often, once you have released resistance and are soaring in your natural pure, high vibration - you will feel an involuntary movement in your body.

It may sway slightly from side to side or forward and backward or your haed may roll gently from side to side. Or u may simply feel the sensation of movement or of a yawn. But any or all of these sensations or movements are indicators of your achievement of a state of Meditation.

Your point of attraction will now have changed and your state ofallowing will be in place.
Things that u have been asking for - all of which have been given - are now flowing gently into your experience.
And as u come out of ur state of meditation, this state of allowing will continue until u focus on something that changed ur frequency.
But with enough practice, those higher frequencies will become so familiar to you that you will be able to reclaim them whenever you choose.

Over time, if you meditate regularly, you will become sensitive to the way the higher frequencies feel within your body.
In another words, whenever u focus on anything that causes a dip in ur vibration, u will now be able to recognise it at the early, subtle stages before the dip is too significant - and you will be easily change ur resistant thought in order to maintain ur balance

It is not a problem if u cannot completely quiet ur mind - unless ur mind is chattering about negative things. If you are softly thinking abt pleasant things during meditation, it can be of value.

It is normal for all hell to break loose when they begin the meditation process. Yes, because u r bringing urself to a place of heightened sensitivity so that your formerly achieved patterns of lower vibration are now less comfortable to u.

Other ways to raise vibration
1. Listing to music that makes ur heart sing
2. Jogging in a beautiful place
3. Petting ur cat, walking ur dog.
4. Driving ur car - the rhythm of the road, the dsitractio from what has been bothering u and the idea of going someplace new often cause u to leave behing tots of things that have been bothering u.

Jus find ur good tot n focus on it.
Me, my meditation. Amazing and I am so thankful.

Meditation - state of allowing
You stop running the show
You stop trying to make anything happen
You are saying to ur Source Energy, to your Inner being, to your God : Here I am, in a state of allowing. I am allowing Source Energy to flow purely through me.
You are on a rampage of Appreciation, for this time of allowing you have established a vibration that no longer caused resistance to the things you have been asking for.

Even if u have been negative all these years.
When u do ur meditation, u do not have to undo anything.
Meditation stimulate ur guidance system so that u will be aware - probably for the first time in ur life - of what u r doing with your Non-Physical Energy.

Everything is about that relationship with Energy.
Everyone you know, who is having every experience that you know, is having it becaused of the focused desire that their life has brought to them and the state of allowing or resistance that they are in any moment.

Everyday - u said to urself, "Nothing is more important than I feel good". And I am going to find ways to do so today. I am going to begin my day with meditating and bringing myself into alignment with my Source Energy.
As I move through the day, I am going to look for opportunity to appreciate, so that all day long I will bring myself back into Source Energy.
If there is an opportunity to praise, I am going to praise.
If there is an opportunity to criticse, I am going to keep my mouth shut and try to meditate.
If I feel like criticising, I will distract myself with good tot till that feeling go away.
All these will move u from most resistant to least resistant.

Soul - My Aha moment. I hav been havin doubt on mornin meditation these last 2 weeks, wondering if I should continue since everyone else do 1 time only and I am doing twice. Pondering to keep the evenin meditation only and perhaps weekend don't do.

Getting the osho card - asking me go inward. Saying when I go inward - meditation occur (state of allowance occurs)

Today topic is on meditation and I had no expectation, thinking this chapter, I will brush thru since I now have meditated n d chapter is on d meditation process. The last time, I completely ignore this chapter since I cannot meditate a year back.
Little did I know, it only briefly talked abt process n focus on what is d purpose of meditation.

I started meditation - jus solely to quiet my shitty mind and I wanted some peace of mind Later I know abt the Source Energy and hence alas I found an alternative to my way of living, I found another Guidance. Then when I started meditation, start to encounter non-physical (not within my control) experiences. I tot yea, they r amazing. I am happy but only during meditation. What happen to the esctasy when I am awake? No change externally except in d beginning was emotional and later less stress.
So was doing for 6 mth and start to wonder its benefits. Here thinking to cut down d meditation n You guided me back to continue. Amen

Freedom expressed in meditation

Yesterday meditation, during guru pooja, I cried with thankfulness as suddenly I knew I was d baby.
Thinking back of d dream, is as if the baby, ie. Me, is delivered from deliverance. Also during legs flexing, suddenly top body n head also bend n I feel d sensation at the tip of my spine. Feel so good. Another new step.
I also noticed whenever I sit, my body tend to straighten on its own.
Also towards d end, suddenly I was humming from within me. It just came. This is different frm those early days whereby I wanted to sing because m happy.
This humming of tune is from within. It jus came. Amazing. Thank U



My osho card for the week.
1. Issue - ripeness. The fruit is ripe and recognise its ripeness and drop.
When this card appears, it indicates u r ready to share ur inner riches.
Soul - tot abt d dream, I was delivered from harm. Tot abt colleague, me offering my juices. Checked to d rship card, I am his pluto life and pluto spiritual card, he chosen me to help him transform himself.
2. Internal - Healing. U carry ur wound. With the ego, ur whole body is wounded. No one is interested in wounding u. But becos u r so ready to be wounded, so ready, jus waiting on the brink of anythin n hence u r hurt.
Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed; and it will be healed only when u move to the roots.
The less the head, the more the wound will heal. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things.
(Soul - tot of d wounded old woman who died to save herself for being rapes/demeanded and also save the baby.)

It is time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed. (Soul - true my hidden fear that I am unloved has surfaced.

When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.

Soul - me, opening up and sharing with my colleague, something unplanned. I hope my sharing will helped him to make d right choice, whatever it may be.


3 External - Possibilities.
Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small. This smallness is ur own imposition upon ur freedom, upon ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlimited potentials.
U hav grown more loving towards urself, more self-contained, u can work easily with others. But because u r in tune wit ur own nature, u understand that existence is providing u with exactly what u need!
Enjoy and Celebrate!

Soul - At first, I said that can't meant me cos I am always exploring n seeking. But then a moment later, I hope not askin me to be teacher, that's scary.
But on d other hand, I just feel the Universe is ready for me to explore and shaped. Especially I m now reading n practising “Ask and it is given”.

4. What is needed for reso _ Beyond Illusion
As far as day-to-day activities are concerned, it can be taken as reality. Only in the ultimate sense, from the peak of ur illumination, does it becomes unreal, illusory.
Thru the rising of the inner sun, meditation is born.
The card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on externals, we too often caught up in judgements - that is good, this is bad.
These judgements keep us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There u can relax into ur own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.

5. Resolution - Celebration
Life is a moment to celebrate, to enjoy. Make it fun, a celebration and then u will enter the temple.
Your cleverness is ur disease.
Don't be too wise. A little foolishness and a little wisdom is good and the right combination makes u a buddha.

True celebration arises from a joy that is first experienced deep within and spills over into an overflow of song, and dance and laughter and yes, even tears of gratitidue
Soul _ yeap that is exactly what I experienced yesterday during meditation.

I am the baby and the old woman in my dream

Sadhguru
Something will come up.
If everything is right, one thing will crop up and go on bothering you, needling you.
It is always like that. Otherwise you forget ur limitations, so something will come up.
That's ur karma. The karma, thru a process of bondage, is finding expression for u as a reminder of ur emancipation.
If u r unaware, u get entangled wit it
If u r aware, it becomes the way to ur liberation.

Soul - yeap, do appreciate my karma. If without karma, it would take even longer for me to cultivate my awareness

Woke up at 5 am, with a nightmare.
I dream that an old woman dying with blood and pass me a baby asking me to take care of it. Then she told me that there is a group of people who give birth n sell their child.
Then I saw the group, nasty group who asked the old woman to show her breast. The other guy asked if he is keen on her n he said no, but he want to keep her in fear and will rape her if needs be.
With that I woke up.
Not sure why. But when I woke up, I asked myself if I can hav compassion for d evil guy.
Then 2nd tot came, everyone is either an extension of love or asking for love.

With that I woke up completely and wrote this in my blackberry ;
Deep inside I think I cannot be loved and hence I also think some people cannot be loved too.
Its because part of me think m not lovable and hence i can believe I be rejected.
All - extension of love or cry for love.

Father, again You have astounded me. I was supposed to listen to Way of Heart last week but skipped due to sathsang and then this incident with my colleague and friend happen and I on cd No. 5 which state about if we can't forgive others, we can't forgive ourselves cos it is our own perception that we need to unveil.

Father, thanks. This would have been a small issue which I would have ignored previously. But now that I have acknowledged my hidden fear that I am unloved, am willing to look at the incidents as catalyst.

Ask and it is given
Magical Creation Box - I like that cos I seldom ask for things I want, I just asked things I don't want don't come into my life.
Earlier I was thinking of window shopping. This might be d way.

Father, thank u. Just now I started on my Magical Creation Box and my first thing was I want to know what I truly want.

After the Magical Creation Box, the next topic give me the insight of how to find out what I truly want. Amen. I will do this tonite. Love you.
Pg 156
Write what u desire for every topic.
Then write what is the rationale for ur desire.


Ask and it is given
Why u want something defines the essence of what u want .... the Universe always delivers to you the vibrational essence of ur desire.

Abraham
Go forth and attract life experience to help u decide what u want. And once u have decided, give tot only to that. Most of ur time will be spent collecting data that will help u to decide what it is u want, but ur real work is to decide what u want and then focus upon it, for it is through focusing upon what u want that u will attract it. That is the process of creating.

Soul - suddenly it came to me. The old woman who was part of d gang, decided that the group was too evil n also hav bad intention on her, despite her being in d group, they r not her friend. She escaped with d child and gave it to someone for safekeeping.
I tot perhaps that I am finally freed from my demon and now in safe hands.
It is now my choice to choose love or fear. To extend love or fear.

Another tot, d old wounded woman is me. Cos if not me, how cld I hav transport myself to feel d evil man.

Is a long journey, I am finally freed

Meditation lifted my vibration and connects me with the Source

Soul - Its amazing, everything is flowing. With meditation, I am able to allow my feeling to flow and also to know my connection with the Source.
On the control and handling of tot, I am already very good. So, I have it all. This is a new beginning for me.
So, I am able to finally practice the Art of Allowing. Amen
Also, thanks to my colleague for guiding Osho into my life.

The current circumstance are not loving but I have a lovely Team with me. So, that is a good start.

Ask and it is given
When u r in the mode of appreciation, there is no resistance within ur vibration. And ur own achievement of resistance is the only thing that ever holds u again from everything.

Once u become oriented toward looking for things to appreciate, you will find that your day will be filled with such things. Your tot and feelings of appreciation will flow from u naturally. U will feel ripples of goose bumps, confirming ur alignment with your Source.

Once u have decided that nothing is more important than that u feel good, u hav decided to consciously look for some things to appreciate today, the object of ur attention has now become the feeling of appreciation. The Law of Attraction wil do the rest.

You have to come to remember it makes no difference whatsoever how anybody is fllowing back to u, otherwise u are going to be defensive - u cannot be defensive n appreciative.
When u concentrate on appreciating, then appreciation comes right back.
But u r really not looking for appreciation to come to u; u want to the feeling of it flowin thru u.

Life is not about tomorrow, it is about right now. Life is about how u r currently molding the Energy!

Soul - Father, thank u so much. I am so blessed to have found You and Me. The fear would no longer hold me back as I can always meditate to connect with You. And I can always set my vibration to connect with You.

Feeling is the Guidance point

Ask and it is given
1. Notice what is happening in your circumstances (For what u r focused upon and what is manifesting is always a vibrational match)

2. Notice how u feel (For ur emotion are giving you constant feedback about ur vibrational offering and ur point of attraction)

3. Process Flow
a) Thinking
b) Feeling
c) Manifesting

4. Key is being sensitive to the way the tots u r thinking feel, then it is possible to modify a bad-feeling tot to one that feels better.

5. Deliberate Creation is NOT about the condition changing and then ur finding a better feeling response to the changed condition.
Deliberate Creation is about choosing a thought that feels good when u choose it, which then causes the condition to change.

6. Deliberate creation is to raise your vibration to the level of the vibration of the Source's (Soul - same like kriya)

7. The more playful you are, the less resistance u hold. (Soul - don't be too serious. Nothing is really life n death)

8. Ur utilisation of these processes is going to give you precise control of every aspect of ur own life experiences. (Soul - back to control)

9. Focus on something that pleases u. See ur improved feeling of positiveness. Then choose another pleasing object for ur positive attention.
.
Because the vibration of appreciation is the most powerful connection between the physical you and the Non-Physical You, this process puts you in a position to receive even clearer guidance from your Inner Being.


Vibrational alignement to music.
At the time of closer alignment with who you really are, the music blends with your good feeling.
But when you are not in alignment with who you really are, the music only points out to you, the difference between the vibration of Well-Being, which is who you really are, and your resistant vibration of this moment
Soul - tot of me n guru pooja. Used to cry loads and now jus sing along and at times, singing cutely.

Going back to square 1 but in a better way

Ask and it is given.
Within 17 seconds of focusing on something, a matching vibration becomes activated.
However you need not fear uncontrolled thoughts. For although the Law of Attraction is powerful, the basis of your experience is that of Well-Being.

Once u deliberately choose a thought and consciously feel the improvement in the way you feel, you have successfully utilised your own guidance system, and you can now be on your way to the freedom that you desire and deserve - for there is nothing that u cannot be, do or have.

Attention to how you are feeling is necessary in order to understand everything that is happening to you.

How you feel - and the feeling of relief that u discover as you reach for better feeling thoughts - is your only true measurement of what u are attracting into your experience.

We understand why some wld suggest that if u would release ur desire, u would feel better, because the negative emotion that u r feeling is due to the vibrational difference between ur current vibration and the vibration of ur desire.
But releasing desire is the hard way to go about it because the entire Universe is poised to help u give birth to yet another new desire.
So, a much easier way to come into alignement with your Source and therefore feel better, is to work on releasing your resistance.

We r talking about using ur imagination until your big dream feels so familiar that the manifestation is the next logical step. When ur desire feels so big, that it feels unreachable, then it is not on the verge of manifestation.
When ur desire feels to you like it is the next logical step, then it is on the verge of manifestation.

Soul - Yea, first step for me to ensure manifestation of my desire. Maintaining loving persons and loving circumstances with me.

Ask and it is given
With practice, you will know whether you are on the brink of manifestation or whether it is still in the becoming stages, but most important, once u r in control of the way you feel, you will enjoy it all.

Soul – I am going back to square 1 but in a better way
Happy - Sad - Happy
Confident - Low Value - Confident
Whole - Incomplete - Wholeness
Conscious (belief) - Unconscious - Conscious (real_
Acceptance - Worthless - Acceptance
Control (Auto suppresion) - Letting it be - Control (Manual handling)

Mmm, the whole thing is going back to sq 1 but this time is done with real awareness.

Ask and it is given
Once u r in control, you will enjoy it all'
1. U will enjoy ur exposure to the variety and contrast that helps you identify your desires and u will enjoy the sensation of ur own desire, which is being launched from ur own valuable perspective and is flowing from you

2. You will enjoy the sensation of conscious awareness when u r not a vibrational match to ur own desire and u will enjoy the sensation of deliberately bringing yourself back into vibrational alignment with ur desire.

3. You will feel relief as doubts slip away and as the secure feelings of Well-Being replace them.

4. You will enjoy sensing things that are about to happen, u will enjoy seeing things beginning to fall into place, and u will adore witnessing the manifestations of ur desires.

5. You will revel in the conscious awareness that you have deliberately molded your desires into being in as real a way as if u have created a statue with the clay in your hand.

6. You will adore the sensations you feel as you align, again and again, with the fruits from your own experience.

The entire Universe exists to produce new life-giving desire within you, and when you go with the flow of ur desires, u will feel truly alive __ and you will truly live.

Soul - Amen. For d first time, I feel all of the above.

Today thundercard - Ace of Spades
This represent the 'truth that lies behind the veil of illusion'. The symbol for mystical wisdoms
The card for death, change and transformation. You will go thru some sort of death and rebirth - new beginnings

Father, yea, the control cycle was d originator and now the loop is alas close back.
My control is required. Suddenly recall what Asia Work tells me. Control is only powerful if it can be switched on and off when required.
Alas, what a journey. 12 years.
And next year wil be a whole new year. My power of control to manifest my desires instead of to avoid my desire.
The contrasting situation to my desire of loving people and circumstances will be appreciated now.
I didn't know how to evaluate or judge n hence need contrast (Ironically for someone on VFM mode, able to judge external things but not situation. Able to see a diamond but not able to see stone in my current situation - Warped)
Again, all the journey is to lift the veil. Exciting time ahead, m sure.
Amen

Afternoon.

Ask and it is given
Well-Being is the basis of your world, and that unless you do something that disallowing it, then Well-Being is your experience.
Well-Being is only a Stream of wellness, abundance, clarity and all good things that you desire ..... flows.
Hence u need just to learn the Art of Allowing.

There is no dark switch; there is no Source of "evil" or Source of sickness or lack. You may allow or you may resist Well-Being _ but everything that happens to you is ALL Your Doing.

Soul - well, not absorbed yet but at least during meditation, I have seen it and now to proceed to other periods.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Believe you are meant to have all your desires

This mornin woke up at 5 am, feel quite alert. Then I look at watch and sleep back. Before I start meditation, I remember to feel appreciation, of cos, couldn't really manage to get the feeling. But d meditation has more experience than norm. So, will test this theory out again.

Ask and it is given
It seem obvious that the perfect creative situation is to really, really want something that you truly believe is possible. And when that combination of desire and belief is present within you, things will quickly and easily unfold in your experience.

If u want something that u do not believe is possible, when u hold a desire for something u do not expect - although a strong desire can override a weaker belief - it does not unfold easily, for u r not allowing it into your current experience.

Soul - I finally started to believe that I can and will attract loving people and circumstances. I guess it was to open d unconscious door of me thinking no one loves me. Me, always having to face mounting challenges, with no support from anyone. Me, always have to lead n take charge, taking d brunt of everything, facing bosses from hell.

The only saving grace is despite inviting unloving circumstances and people, I believe I am able to conquer and expect to overcome and hence I always did. I also know m likeable, is d loved and loving, I have an issue.

Now, need to address the source or the creation itself. Don't have to continue this karmic pattern and from NOW onwards, attract only loving people and loving circumstances.

Ask and it is given
Unfortunately many people think that the uncomfortable feeling of wanting something they do not expect to experience is what the feeling of desire is;
Pure desire - fresh, eager, feeling of expectancy that they knew when they were younger. It always feel delicious.
Pure desire represent the vibration that are stretched out before u into ur unseen future, preparing the way for the Law of Attraction to match things on your behalf.
The value of recognising your emotion and then consciously working to offer thoughts in order to deliberately produce better feeling emotions is truly what Deliberate Creation is. It is also what the Art of Allowing is all about.

Soul - well, I am now taking first step, to be aware of my feeling, now that my feeling is being expressed. I can and will work on my tots, handling it. My difficulty was in allowing the feeling to be released and expressed and recognised and not in handling emotion, unlike others.
The meditation has open up my door of emotion and only now the Will can take charge in handling it. Previously the Will handles it by closure and suppression and now is to shape it and move it gradually to a better-feeling vibration.
I have always counsel n make people feel good and hence is time for me to counsel myself.
Amen.

Generally I do attract loving people, except when it thread on their fear. Then they become unloving.
I think m quite lovable
However on circumstances, is always d max unloving.

I guess deep inside my belief that I am not loved, brought about the unloving circumstances.
Another tot came, is becos I keep on attracting unloving circumstances that led me to search and seek enlightenment. I tot since I cannot help in attracting such circumstances, at least I can be not affected/impacted by being strong n in conscious control of myself. So, I think not just the belief of being unloved but it cld be my karmic experience.
Cos now everything unfold. I think there is a bigger pix in all these.

Perhaps thie karmic belief of not being loved led me to search that we r loved, hence my journey.

Yea, I want everyone to know that we r loved and the Source is within.
So, without these unloving circumstances, I wouldn't have the need to take this inner journey.
Perhaps I don't have to judge why I have the feeling of being unloved, don't have to blame other, blame myself or self-pity
Jus see that the feeling of not being loved as the seed to enable my transformation. Amen.

Father, m on real fast track. These 1.5 mths with guru pooja has been amazing.

Yday during meditation, I said I wasn't ready. And then later I changed my mind, I told the Masters that I will go where they take me.
In another 2 weeks, is my birthdate. I am so excited for next year journey. This year has been amazing and I am glad to be alive and well and to have meditative experience.
Everything is the way You have guided me. Loads of times I was lost, but I kept my faith and continue to follow. Alas, I m nearly there.
A feeling of love came over me n my eyes start to tear. I wish everyone can experience this. We r meant to be loved by ourself.

Osho - Abundance - If u r a woman, the King of Rainbow brings the support of ur own male energies into ur life, a union with the soul mate within.

Soul - 2 days back, I cannot identify with this and now I can.

Coincidentally today is Nine Spade card. A death card. A snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.

Suffering is to make u aware. Suffering is a blessing in disguise

This morning, first time in weeks, I finally woke up before alarm clock. I woke up ok abt 5.15 am and felt good that I broke thru d lethargic. I already expected that after yesterday massive clearing during meditation, I would be fine this morning. Father, thank u.

Ask and it is given
When u are not aware of the connection between ur thoughts, subsequent feelings that those tot evoke, and the manifestations that are occurring, u cannot know where u are in relationship to that something which you desire.

Its when u r focused on d result rather than feeling ur way within ur thoughts, it is easy to lose ur way.

Soul - yday meditation made me aware that my deepest pain and tot is that I believe no one loves me.
And here my desire is to be loved. So contradictory. Whenever I faced challenges, I tot I m made to acknowledge I am sad, made to feel suffering, I tot I was unlovable.
In the end, all d challenges arise for me to acknowledge my pain, my belief and so that I can change my belief.

If I were to ask anyone, loads of people think I am lovable. I am loved.

Sorrow. The pain is not to make you sad. That's where people go on missing .... This pain is just to make u more alert. To make u aware! And when u aware, misery disappears! Time of great sorrow have the potential to be times of transformation. But in order for the transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.

Abundance - allowing the fullness of the whole human being to shine forth.

Soul - I finally got it. I used to interpret this as to make us know we feeling wretched. To make us humble so we remove arrogance. To make us face pain n feel unloved.
It is to make us aware, go deep into d pain and see what is the deep seated belief. The one that causes us to feel unlovable whenever there is challenges, unloving environment

So, I am lovable. I am loved and I attract loving environment.

Father, I can meditate anywhere now. Last Sunday, d meditation in d park in early mornin is so good. So peaceful.

Suddenly a tot came. When d sexual molest happen, I wanted to cry, to be sad but my mom won't let me acknowledge my sadness, my guilt, my fear. When I was suppressed, I tot I was unloved and not worth it to be listened to.
Me, as an adult, I have done d same. I have controlled, oppressed, suppressed, ignore my feelings. No wonder d feeling of unlovability, feeling of worthlessness continue to perpetuate. Because of this, attracted unloving circumstances and people into my life.

Father, I love U. Alas, I know U love me too!

Going with the flow - when this card appears in a reading, it is an indication that you are able to float now, trusting that life will support u in your relaxation and take u exactly where it wants u to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; everything is happening exactly as it should.

Soul - Yeap, that's how I feel today.

Ask and it is given
You make whatever you give ur attention to .... your Truth! And so it is extremely beneficial to focus primarily on the way you feel while giving only scant attention to the manifestations as they are unfolding, for whenever u r giving ur primary attention to things as they are, you are hindering the expansion of what-is.

Soul. Part of me wonder is this is escaping. So many issue at office. Another tot, they r not my issue. It is d CEO's issue. I only need to do the action plan and etc.
So, I focus on me being loving, and attracting loving people and circumstances to me.
Even if worst case scenario, downsized. I can go on part timer.

Ask and it is given
Once y learn abt Law of Attraction and aware of the way ur thoughts feel, u will never again feel fear abt unwanted things jumping into your experience.
You will know nothing jump into ur experiences without ur invitation.

Soul - my belief that no one loves me, keep on attracting challenges, unloving circumstances and people to me. D karma of feeling unloved keep on coming.
I am stopping it NOW.

Ask and it is Given
The entire Universe exists to inspire the next new desire.
If u tried to avoid ur own desires, u r attempting to move contrary to Universal forces.
And if u r able to suppress a desire here n there, more desires are continually evolving within you.
And so, nothing in all of the Universe is more natural than ur continuing desire.


Ask and it is given
The basis of life is freedom; and the result of life is expansion _ but the purpose of life is joy.
And that is why the main event has never been the manifestation.
It is always been the way you feel in the moment.
You come into physical realm of contrast to define what is wanted (to know ur desire), to connect with the Energy that creates worlds, and to flow it toward ur object of attention - not because the objects of attention are important but because the act of flowing Energy is essential to life.

Soul - wow.. I hav been focused on manifestation.

Meditational experience following acknowledgement of pain

Ask and it is given
U are an extension of Source Energy and when u are allowing connection to ur Source, u feel good and to the degree u disallow ur connection, u feel less good.

You are pure, positive Energy
You are love
You expect good things
You respect and love yourself
You respect and love others.
You are a natural born appreciator.

Appreciation and self-love are the most important aspects you could ever nurture.
Appreciation of others and the appreciation of yourself are the closest vibrational matches to the Source Energy of anything we have ever witnessed anywhere in this Universe.

Whenever u r focused upon something you appreciate, since that current choice of thought is so similar to who you really are as Source Energy, there is no contradiction in your Energy. You are, in your moment of appreciation, offering no resistance to who you are, so your resulting emotional indication is one of Love, joy or the feeling of appreciation. You feel very good.

Soul - m cultivating appreciation. Being thankful for the blessed experience.
M always thankful whenever I tot of doing meditation. Perhaps that is why I m easily in meditative mode. My appreciation leads me to the closest vibration to Source.

Tot of guiding the other meditator to the joy of meditational experience. Focus on being joyful, forget about the steps first. Start with feeling joyful n then jus proceed to meditate. Don't focus on d steps being right, focus on d feeling of joy.

I recall I m appreciate during evening meditation but mornin, I am not. That's why d experience differs. I can go into meditative mode very easily, at times at the 1st step during evening. In the morning, only towards the ending session. It is becos I am not vibrating with the Source.

I feel so overwhelmed with thankfulness to God. For guiding me n allowing me to share with Others.
Perhaps if they can't be appreciate or feel joyful for d meditation, be joyful for other things/people. Keep the feeling n then start meditating.

Ask and it is given
If u criticise someone or even find fault with yourself, ur resulting feeling would not feel good, because the vibration of this thought of criticism is so very different with that of your Source.

Your emotion let u know, in every moment, whether u are allowing ur connection to who you are or not. When u allow ur connection, u thrive.
When u do not allow your connection, u do not thrive.

You must be selfish enough to align with Well-Being.
The ultimate act of selfishness is to connect with Self. And when u do that, u are pure, positive Energy focused in this physical body.
If everyone were connected to the Source and understood the power of their own Being, they would not seek to control others.
Any feelings of insecurity and hatred are born from disconnection with who you really are.

It is not important for everyone to understand what u r learning here in order for u to live a wonderful experience.
Once u remember who you are, and once you deliberately reach for thoughts to hold you in vibrational alignment with who u are, ur world will also fall into alignment _ and Well-Being will show itself to you in all areas of your life experience.

Soul - I am loving and loved. I attract only loving circumstances and people to me! Amen.

Evening
Jus did my meditation. I am feeling bit scared, feeling overwhelmed. My meditation took a different mode. Doing posture which cannot be done by me consciously.

At the start of 1st guru pooja, I was in meditative mode. Then in 2nd guru pooja, my stomach was contracting and I continue to sing. It was very difficult and I started to cry and tear roll down. The stomach contraction with body stillness continued for the whole song, really amazing, not me.

I went into yoga kriya. At the quick breathing session, my body posture is not normal and my hands start to clap on the floor. My back was holding my head very near to the ground, and yet not touching.
At one point, I start to want to fly. Both hands were placed horizontally. My hand move n my body also moved. I felt my head was not moving, as if I have left my body and was observing the hand n body, as if floating. (Yea, my eyes were closed. But is like I step out and see my body n hand moving)
Tat was scary. I got bit frightened and start to regain my body.

To feel pain is a blessing

Evening
My meditation today, so much tears and for so long, started jus from the 1st leg session. Just crying out that "No one loves me".

Even when during the last session, I alternate between laughter, tears, laughter, tears and alas silence. I recalled during the end, a tot came to my mind "You are Loved".
Yeap, that is the depth of my pain. Finally alas allowing the pain to come thru.
This is different from d cries during guru pooja, that one was like something breaking down. This is like anguish and sorrow, just seeping out and finally flowing. While my eyes is not red, but I can feel its soreness, probably too much tears.

This afternoon, I realised d beauty of feeling my pain. It is a blessing and not a curse, it is becos I am aware that I wasn't happy that I am able to sleep everyday soundly.

Then later evening another meditator called me on d cottage. We talked and she also shared. She said that she happy that I am able to have so much experience during meditation. I told her I only surrender during meditation.
Outside I have resistance. She said that her meditative experience is jus half of mine but she find loads of benefits outside. I told her that for me, little change outside cos I am already acting right. But inside suffering from RA.

I also told her recently I was feeling lethargic and don't want to get up in d mornin. She said she also have felt it before, the mornin was d worst.
We talked abt sathsang and why almost no one joined. She said she is so enmoured by Sadhguru, just listening to his cd and she flew all the way to India. She was on d spiritual path for last 15 years. I told her that my colleague ask me to try different guru since I hav so much experience and I said I hav found my choice and I need not look further.

The meditator said it is Sadhguru who has chosen me. She said I am gifted, to be able to experience meditative mode in different surrounding. For her, is only in energised place, she can feel. This is the first, an acknowledgement that I found something. My friend has always said I am exceptional but this is the first time someone acknowledge it. My friend said others ignore or pretend what I have is normal cos they r envious of me. Perhaps is true. Coming from the senior meditator, is like an official. I was beginning to doubt since I am feeling sad, whether I will be able to next level. But d real thing m happy is that I think I can talk on same wavelength with another meditator.

Father, today d card was 5 club - change of mental mind.
Alas, is a change of my belief abt suffering. It is good I can feel suffering so I don't carry it unconsciously and disturb my sleep.

Alas, I now realised why I wasn't having deep sleep this 2 weeks, cos I was ignoring n suppressing my pain. Tonite wil sleep well.

I faced and accept my suffering. I am blessed to be able to feel suffering.
Alas ; my motto; suffering is blessing; I finally experience it thru and thru!!!!

Earlier my motto was founded on the precept that suffering is blessing cos we learn ourself from d suffering, letting out all unconsciousness that control us. So, suffering is a blessing or rather all lessons that lead us to ourself.
But, it makes me think I am unlovable, having to go thru so much fire before I can be freed and be in conscious control of my life.

Before meditation, I suppress d pain of d lesson. After meditation. I ignored d pain until I can't n invade my deep sleep.

But for the first time, I am acknowledging that to be able to feel the pain of suffering is also a blessing.

Suferring is truly a blessing. To be able to feel d slightest suffering is a blessing.
To be able to feel is a blessing. It is a gift.

I am in pain

Teacher said do the meditation properly n d benefits would even be greater. Father, while I am surrendering during meditation, I am not while I am out of it.
Looking at the other meditator who has slimmed down so much with 2 meals a day, I wonder abt me. Here, I eat double jus because my metabolic has increased. Sometimes after nite meditation, jus don't wan to eat but my ego would rebel and we ate. Will see

These 2 weeks, I felt lethargic when I woke up.
Father, let me focus on what I am, the good ones, rather than negative. Let me stop desiring.

Father, what do I want? I guess m feeling bit lost again. Is it becaus I have no target or I set too high an expectation?

My path is to discover, to learn myself and to accept myself.

My friend said it is uncomfortable to face your insecurity. I guess that is what I am feeling, insecure not sure if I will achieve enlightenment. Sometime I think ego plays a role. Again, that question, so what if u had loads of experience during meditation. What about, when you are out of it?
We'll, at least I am aware I m not feeling good. I know that is not what I desire.

Ask and it is given
Remember the Stream of Well-Being is always flowing through you and the more u allow it, the better you feel. The more u resist it, the worse u feel.

Soul - yea, will remember.

Ask and it is given
Change ur belief and you experience will change.
There is no condition so severe that you cannot choose to reverse it by choosing different thoughts.
However, choosing different thoughts require focus and practice.
If you continue to focus as you have been, to think as u have been, and to believe as u have been, then nothing in ur experience will change.

Different thoughts require finding unfamiliar ways of approaching familiar subjects.

Soul - like what I think of those self-proclaimed teachers. Instead of thinking they find me lacking, I tot they find me impressive and hence wants to impress me by teaching me. What could be more uplifting to the ego than able to teach someone who less likely to require it, i.e. teaching top students and immediately that elevate their status.

Ask and it is given
The only thing that ever prevents you from receiving something that you desire is that your habit of thought is different from your desire.

Only when u aware of the power of ur tots, of ur ability to allow/resist Well-Beingness - then u can have creative control of ur experience.

But if u r predominantly focused upon the results of focused tots rather than feeling your way within ur tots, it is easy to lose ur way.

Soul - I was focusing on result.
Cos focusing on my feeling is unfamiliar to me. My self control was operated on d basis that I avoid focusing on my feeling, suppress it.
Now it has been released, the way I manage is also to control it.
Hence I was avoiding feeling since it is no longer being suppressed. Avoiding is passive suppression.

Father, this is scary. Focusing on my feeling. I am afraid cos my feeling is loads of sadness. Some many things at office, jus when I tot things stabilised. Again d tot of why I need to suffer. Again d question does God love me. Or rather now, why I still bring it to myself.
Yea, is my boss's karma but d fact I am here, I too attract it.

Afternoon
Focusing on my feeling. Me, feelin at ease cos decided today focus on d budget.

The osho card for d week is real telling.
1. Issue - Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. Just to make u more alert, more aware. And when u aware, misery disappear.

Soul _ Yea, to know m not aligned. So will start to feel n then realigned. That's what I did this mornin!
I have been getting d sorrow card for a few times now. Looks like I stil have not faced my feeling. Part of me is still afraid to face my pain.

2. Internal – Abundance. A whole person is rich in body, rich in science, rich in meditation and rich in consciousness.
If u r a woman, the King of Rainbows brings the support of your own male energies into your life, a union with the soul mate within. For a man, this card represents a time of breaking thru conventional male stereotypes and allowing the fullness of the whole human being to shine forth.

Soul - not sure what is d msg. One part said that a Whole person enjoy n treasure both material and spiritual aspect. Like me with food and meditation. So, am on d right track and need worry abt me needing to be a vegetarian and renunciator.
Another part said, I can identify with being a man, overcoming my fear of acknowledging my feeling. The feeling has come thru n now need to acknowledge and feel and accept it. Again, is acceptance of my weakness, my feminine side?

3. External - Transformation. This is a time for deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there. Accepting its "facticity". It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha, when after years of seeking, he finally.
Transformation comes, like death, in its own time.

Souil - Father, yea lah. I stil face oncoming difficulty at work. Haven't I explore n open up all my consciousness. Isn't it enough tat I am a good gal. Why still give me challenges, suffering. How long do I have to go on. What else should I have to do?
Part of me also know I can't do much. Perhaps the lesson is to accept my fear, my challenges and learn not take it as my self worth. The fact that I have to face challenges, doesn't mean I am of no value, not lovable.

Soul - A tot came in, u have opened door but u have not learn to acknowledge ur feeling so to get alignment n to acknowledge ur desires. (Maybe this how I felt with the 2 ‘teachers’).
Again, d msg, is ok to have challenges, ok to have bad feeling and I have been blessed with awareness to bring everything together now.

So, alternative loving tot - I m blessed to have awarenss that I m not ok, things r not ok. Instead of people, who go thru their lives, not sure and got insomnia instead. Perhaps is becos I acknowledge things r not ok when I m awake that it didn't cause me sleepless night.
Let's face it, I hav met loads of people, who I tot no challenges but faces sleep trouble.

Mmm, very possible.

4. What is needed. - Success. The higher the waves, the deeper is the wake that follows it. Both shall pass.

Soul - not sure of this. Cos definitely no success but can see impending downturn.

5. Resolution - Going with the flow.
Be completely relaxed and at ease with the water, letting it take him where it will. U r now able to float, trusting life will support u.
Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more, everything is happening exactly as it should.

Soul - true.

Challenges are contrast to allow us to choose again

Yesterday was feeling uptight cos received so many ad-hoc reporting deadline. These days, more aware, hence I calm myself down.

I don't accept that we create our external circumstance but I agreed that we create our emotional response.
Eh, our emotional response is our experience of the situation. If no emotional response, no experience and everything neutrel.
I can at least concede we create our response and hence perception and hence experience.
As to how to create our world - don't know yet.

Ask and it is given
Your conscious realisation of the Creative Process is not necessary in order for it to work.
As ur experience expands, ur desires expands.
With each receiving of what u ask for, u achieve a new vantage point from which you spontaneously ask again.
However, if u r conscious, u can then deliberately participate in your own expansion.

Soul - a tall order to meet. For now, I just focus on allowing well-beingness.

Ask and it is given
Sometimes our physical friends express their desires for a less diverse Universe. They long for a place where there are not so many unwanted things, a place where more things are exactly as they prefer them to be.

Soul - yeap, definitely my desires. I attract so much extreme experience. So much challenges. Why? Why make me suffer? Even if u thinks I can rise to the challenge, I think not a loving thing to do to me. If You love me, I won't have such extreme challenges. U name it, I got it.
When will this end?

Ask and it is given
You did not come forth into this physical experience that exist and whittle them down to a handful of good ideas upon which all of you agree, for that would lead to endedness, which cannot be.

This is an expanding Universe and all things must be Allowed.

In other words, for u to understand and experience what u desire, u must understand that which you do not desire, for, in order to be able to choose and focus, both must be present understood.

Soul - are You saying that since I never tot of my desire, You create or perhaps I attract all those extreme undesirable circumstances so that I can start to think of what I desire and choose again?

Still don't get it. I know about us attracting people to us, what is hidden in us. I know that once I am able to see what is hidden in me, express it and acknowledge it. I will be fine.

I also know that if we have self esteem issue, we will attract extreme situation to us to force us to say NO and choose again.

Ask and it is given.
You did not come forth to fix things. You did not come forth to try to get others to stop doing what they are doing and do something else.
You come forth understanding the value in the contrast and the balance in the variety.

Every physical being on ur planet is ur partner in co-creation, and if you would accept that and appreciate the diversity of beliefs and desires - all of u would have more expansive, satisfying, and fulfilling experience.

Soul - still not sure. But suddenly saw my bookmark ; At the heart of every action you perform is the intent to understand, accept and forgive.

Yea, my inner journey is for me to seek and find and understand what makes up Soul. What is next? To accept and love ME despite everything.
To forgive ME for not able to get things that I desire or perhaps didn't have faith to desire.

Osho - sorrow
the pain is just to make u more alert - because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wounds them. When life is easy, who cares.
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make you aware. And when u r aware, misery disappear.
To be aware, go deep within and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.

Soul - mmm, so my challenges is not to make me suffer or miserable or proclaim that I am not lovable. But is to make me aware. I need not pity me??
Does that mean I am unaware - yeap.

Osho - breakthrough
The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Meditation will help u to pass thru the night.

Osho - awareness.
Mind can never be intelligent - only no-mind is intelligent
The awareness that is growing within u now is not any conscious "doing", nor do u need to struggle to make something happen.
Any sense that u might have that u have been groping in th dark is dissolving.

Father, finally today I grasped my week's message.
After guru pooja, I tot what is next. Nothing came. Jus when I let go on last Wed nite, yday and today my meditation becomes deeper. Amen.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I was lost and now I am found

Father, these 3 days, my meditation has been silence. There was no laughter, there was no tots, I just felt nothing but it must be good cos I didn't want to wake up. Today, another extra 4 min I stayed in d silent session.


Soul - watching d korean drama, Goodbye. When u have, u afraid of losing, when u don't have, u afraid of not having - both also feeling of lack. If u r complete and whole, u r not afraid of both not having and having, cos u not dependent on external. Again, the msg, focus n accepting yourself, feeling whole and complete, then the external is irrelevant.
Mmm, you are then not affected by the external; i.e. you are not 'touched' by the external.

Ask and it is given
Your work is to direct your tots, and that in doing so, your life would unfold.
You are an extension of Source Energy and that the basis of that which you are good.
You also knew that there would be not be an immediate manifestation of any tot, so that you would have ample opportunity to mold, evaluate, decide and enjoy the Creative Process.
You always hold the power and control of your own life experience. The only reason that you could ever experience something other than what you desire is because you are giving the majority of your attention to something other than what u desire.

Soul - the power over my life. When I first start with Carl Jung, he gave me the knowledge that its our unconscious that molds our life and if we don't like our life, we must unravel of our unconsciousness to know what is the source.
I was an internal control freak and couldn't accept that something unknown is controlling me and I want to take back the power over my life, especially since I am not too happy with it.
With ACIM I learned how to allow the door of unconsciousness to open and to heal the source. I learn this; anger, hurt, guilt, fear, love. But the feeling is not open, what I did was to control my emotion n tot and hence action. Hence ACIM is a mind control or re-direction/healing of mind to clear out the ego.

Now with meditation, I am able to allow my feelings, I surrendered during meditation and recently this 2 weeks, I am able to allow my feelings to come up even when I am awake. It is because of fear, I can't allow the feeling to come up. Finally, I can.

I finally learn abt ACCEPTANCE of myself, is acceptance of others and of the world - once I accept myself internally, there is no projection of non-acceptance to the world/external. I also need not seek acceptance from the world.

Also, I finally not afraid to ask for what I want.

A few days back, mom was considerate to let me have my room to myself. Yday, even my nephew let me have the room to myself. Its ironic, at first I was pondering shifting out so I can hav privacy to do meditation. And then I accepted that for now, jus bear with it and even if I can't do meditation everyday, is ok. Just when I accepted that as long as I stay in d house, I can't have privacy every moment, here family giving me privacy, something that is unheard of in my family. Amen. (Is this my tot of havin privacy unfolding into reality?).

Ask and it is Given
You clearly understand all of the factors involved in transporting urself to the current moment/life, but you have not understood the factors involved in transporting yourself fron current life to the life that u desire.

Once u understand the clarity that your emotion provide, you will never again not know what you are doing with your current tot.
You will always be aware of whether you are, in this moment, moving toward or away from your intended goal or desire.
Your awareness of the way you feel will give you the clarity you have been seeking - you will never be lost in the desert again.
Once you have the knowledge that you are moving in the direction of your desires, you may begin to relax a bit and enjoy the fantastic journey.

Soul - firstly I never tot of my desire, so I have never ask. Secondly, I don't have the thermometer cos my feelings is closed as I am too much in mind.

So, meditation gave me back my feeling.
Ask and is given give me back my desire.
Carl Jung gave me back my spiritual path.
Way of Heart give me back the rememberance of my power of creation.
Father, thank you so much. I am found. Amen.

Just checked to my thundercard for the day - amazing, to the point
The Basic Meaning of the Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster.
In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time.
But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so.
Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.

Father, thank you. I am so blessed. Thanks for guiding me back to You. Amen

Why can't I stop wanting?

Soul - Father, I am feeling lethargic. I am afraid to want anything. I am not sure where I am and where I want to go.

Father, I have achieved a lot, I have come far. But why I cannot sustain the feeling of happiness. Why I always wants more.
I should be happy that this time, the Budget, I was calm in handling it.
Why I cannot remember I have attracted and grown a good team.
I have found Sadhguru and even started on cd Way of Heart.
Ego said u know that u already good in handling and growing teams, nothing new. True, but this time, the team was so entrenched and I tot there was no way for me to transform them. But I did within 1 year. So, I shouldn’t be downplaying my success. I still have room to go, but what I have is great.
Ego said u not good enough regionally. Not to sure abt that, but in d end I just need an opening. Of cos, part of me not so keen due to the difference hours. But saying that I still wan to try Regional.
I want to prove to myself. Tot of Roger Federer, he said he can now play in peace, knowing he has win all 4 grand slam.
Previously I judged myself for not having MNC exposure and I have and now I want Regional exposure. But part of me afraid to want cos afraid cannot get. Don't want to get my hope. Don't want to be disappointed. Also part of me is afraid that I am desiring from ego side, always wanting more and more.
Father, I am confused. The only thing sure is my path to You, which I have now finally acknowledged.

Father, now I realised why I am feeling lethargic. There is a fight within. My ego is asking me to go and go and I don't want to grow and grow. So the best is to stay put. I guess I am using my energy to control my ego.

Ask and it is given
Follow ur bliss. And in the steady reaching for bliss, you must surely align with your Energy of ur Source. And in that constant alignment, your Well-Being is certain.

You have the power to observe as they are or to imagine them as you want them to be - whichever option u choose, observing or imagining - both, is equally powerful.

Thoughts
Vibration
Circumstances
Event.

You CANNOT cease your constant list of preferences, so your life experience helps you to determine, at both conscious and unconscious levels, what you prefer and how life, from your personal and important perspective, could now be better.

When u have lived an experiemce that helps u to understand, in an exaggerated way, the very thing you do not want, you also understood, in an exaggerated way , what you do want

Soul - constantly cease to want. So tiring. Why not stop?
A tot came - why not die?

When u desire something u do not believe is possible, u r not in alignement.

Regional - while I like the glamour, travel, exposure, overview, people, I don't like the hours. Also don't think can get cos not sure if anyone will give me a chance. So just stop my desire.

Good and understanding boss - at first harbouring for change of boss with new job. But no news for regional position and later heard news that current boss is here to stay for 3 years. So I just dropped my desire.

Father, I am afraid to desire. I am afraid to want. I don't want to be disappointed.
Why can't I stop want. By having no wants, I will be peaceful.

Ask and it is given
All your desires, wants or preferences emanate from you naturally and constantly, for you stand at the Leading Edge of a Universe that makes that so.
So, you cannot hold your desires back; the eternal nature of this Universe insist that your desires come forth.

Variety causes contemplation
Contemplation produces preference
Preference is asking
Asking is always answered.

Soul - I cannot stop it, then how to achieve my peace. I also don't how to create what I desire. Since I don't know to get, the strategy is not to have desires.
Can't I just be a Queen in a tiny kingdom.
But I cannot stop it. I judge myself and looks like is natural to desires.

Ask and it is given.
Regarding your creation of your own life experience, there really is only one important question for u to ask.

How can I bring myself into vibrational alignment witht the desires that my experiences has produced.
The answer;
1. Pay attention to the way you feel
2. Remember u have the power to change how u feel
3. Choose tot that can lead u to good feeling
4. Focus on the tot
5. Law of Attraction will bring u more tots.
6. Vibrations is set
7. Circumstances and events will come.

Soul - Yea, my role is not to ask how to create. My role is just to bring my vibration into alignment. That I can do.

Just had a tot, perhaps that is why I am resistant towards Buddhism - renunciation cos unconsciously I am trying my best to renunciate my desires.
Hence I resist.
Father, all these I read but it never hit me like this. Yea, Way of Heart - this year to clarify all the clues that u already know
Christianity - doing good. I have been doing that unconsciously in my tot.

Father, so much issues n burden. I not only stop creating but miscreated also.
The positive thing is my tot. Since I have so strong will power to stop desire and to control emotion and mind, I can use it to stabilize my Source too!

Finally an alternative perception to why I attracted so many self-proclaimed teachers

Why do so many people want to be my teacher?
What I done to attract so many self-proclaimed teachers.
Was it because I have been like a self-proclaimed teacher too?
I didn't like it cos it made me feel I m lacking and need teaching.
Perhaps they don't think that. They jus want to show off. They want to impress me with their know-how.
Perhap something in me made them want to impress me. Perhaps its becos I impress them n hence they want to equalise the stake by trying to impress me.

Mmm, an alternative tot, that is good. For the first time, instead of thinking why I attract from a negative side. Finally I tot from d positive side.
Perhaps in future I won't take it negatively when I met self-proclaimed teachers.

Ask and it is given
The more you defend your own beliefs, the more the Law of Attraction helps you to live them out!
Your set-points are achieved simply by attention to a subject, and through your practiced thought. Once u focus upon any thought, it becomes increasingly easy to focus upon it because the Law of Attraction is making more tots like it available to you.
However, most people do not deliberately offer thought, but instead, they let their thoughts gravitate to whatever is happening around them:

1. Something happens. They observe.
2. They perceive. They have an emotional feeling response to what they are observing
3. And since they usually feel powerless in controlling what they are observing, they conclude that they have no control over their emotional response to what they are observing.

U have absolute control over the set-points that u achieve.
Once u expects something, it will come.

U must remember that u r an extension of Source Energy.
Feeling of passion/enthusiasm and Rage/Revenge - strong focused desire.
Feeling of lethargy/boredom - very little focused desires.

Emotion - People either believe we can and should control emotion or emotion is uncontrollable.
We encourage u to pay allow the emotion to arise and to see it as a thermometer. If your thermometer is telling u that u r not connected to the Source. Act on it, connect it back to the Source by choosing better-feeling thoughts.

Inward manifestation/creation is made by me

Father, this mornin I woke up feeling tired, tot of sleeping back. But then tot that d meditation is for my long term good. So, I got up and did the meditation. It was peaceful.

Ask and it is given
1. You ask (ur work)
2. The answer is given (not ur work)
3. The answer must be received or allowed (you have to let it in)

Your asking is sometimes spoken with ur words, but more often it emanates from you vibrationally as a constant stream of personality honed preferences, each building on the next and each one respected and answered.

Soul - suddenly a tot of studying at Help Institute for the Psychology class again. The place is so near. I recall many years ago, I was keen in psychology but tot the study place was too far n wanted some place near to work. Mmm, I wonder now I work in here, with Help just opposite. But I also recall that I didn't proceed cos d fees is about RM40k n not sure what is the Return on Investment.
Mmm, a tot occured, u can teach. Funny, while I like to share, don't think teaching is my cup of tea.

Ask and it is given
Unless u r in the receiving mode, ur questions, eventhough they have been answered, will seem unanswered to you, your prayers will not seem answered and ur desires will not be fulfilled - not becos ur wishes have not been heard, but because your vibrations are not a match, so u r not letting them in.

Even though a clear desire has emanated from you as a result of the contrast you have considered, you often, rather than giving your attention purely to the desire itself, focus back on the contrasting situation that gave birth to the desire. And in doing so, your vibration is more about the reason you have launched the desire than it is about the desire itself.

As long as you are more aware of what you do not want regarding this situation, what u do want cannot come to u.


Soul - very true. When faced situation I don't like, I declare what I want, but I stil be focused on d situation of what I don't want.

Ask and it is given
Well-Being is constantly making its way to you, and if you have not learned thoughts that slow it or restrict it, you are experiencing it in all areas of your life.
Soul - I believe and expect whenever God closes a door, He opens a window. I havr received many blessing in my life, which I have taken for granted. These days, with meditation, I am more aware of the blessing I have received and I am thankful. I am defintely more appreciative of my team too.

Ask and it is given
Remember, as extensions of pure, positive Non-Physical Energy, the more in vibrational harmony you are with You, the better u feel

Whenever u are appreciating something, you are a vibrational match to who you really are.

Soul - I was feeling so good from Thur to Sunday, after d acceptance of my journey into Indian spirituality.
There is no need to do anything, I just sit and savor the blessedness that I felt.
Just loving me.


Ask and it is given
When u love someone or urself, u are a vibrational match to who you really are.

But if you are finding fault with yourself or another, you are, in that moment, offering a vibration that does not match who you really are and the negative emotion you feel is your indicator that u have introduced a vibration of resistance and that you are no longer in the state of allowing your pure Connection between the physical you and the Non-physical part of you.

Soul - mmm, I too at times find fault with others, but mostly myself. The other day I was telling my 2nd sis that she is always complaining abt someone, even if the issue doesn't impact her, but still she is affected by her observation. I told her under Law of Attraction, u speak good things and attract good things.

Mmm, in d cd of Way of Heart, he said that both ego and Mind of God lies side by side and at every moment, it is our choice to choose which to activate.

So, if I choose to find fault; that is, choosing ego, then I am not choosing the Mind of God that dwells within me and then since I am an extension of God, I am not allowing it to flow thru me.

I think I understand a bit more on how to maintain d connection with our Source. It is by our choice of tot (exactly like what d Way of Heart said). I always tot it is the circumstances that affect me. It was them, and now for a moment, is me.
Suddenly a tot, all situation is neutrel, until we give meaning to them by the perception we have, by the tot we choose, by our choice to connect to ego or Mind of God that dwells within.
It is all us.

Father, I am feeling overwhelmed and tear is brimming at the corner of my eyes. There is something here. There is something that can help us to stabilise and maintain connection and that something is ALWAYS US.

No wonder d Way of Heart said, I am always with you, as long as He is called by our tot, but it is our choice to have which tot. And so, it is our choice.

Now I think I know what He meant by us being Creator.
At the moment, I can identify us being Creator of our well- being (connection with Him) but not the external/outward manifestation.

I know the inward manifestation is US. Amen.


Ask and It is given
As you consciously consider the way you feel, you will get better and better at directing the Source Energy and u will become a disciplined and joyous deliberate creator.

Ask and it is given
It is not abt controlling thoughts but it is about guiding thoughts.

Once u guided ur tots, the Law of Attraction will enhance and expand ur tots and the more powerful it will become.

In the same way that your earlier tot was joined by other thoughts that matched it - now things that match your dominant thought will begin to show up in your experience.

And so, as you have life experience that matches those thoughts you were pondering, you conclude, "Yes, this is the truth". Or more accurately, "Yes, we can create'

Soul - Of late, I have met loads of people with the basic issue of being at ease, trying to sleep and either tot of meditation or are meditating. Father, we do really need someone to guide us.

Remember, before u can effectively benefit from paying attention to your emotions, you must first accept that Well-Being is the ONLY stream that flows. You can either allow or disallow it.

You are supposed to thrive.
You are supposed to feel good.
You are good
You are loved, and Well-Being is constantly flowing to you, and if you allow it, it will manifest in all manner of ways in your experience.

Once u allow this new orientation and begin to accept yourself as a Vibrational Being who attracts all the things that come into your experience, then u will begin the delicious journey into Deliberate Creation

Thinking
Feeling
Receiving
Having.

Whatever i needed in my inner journey will come to me

This morning I woke up to alarm clock at 8 am, but don't feel like waking up and adjust the clock to 9 am.

But when I start to sleep back, I tot of me wanting to do epileptical exercise and yet have to wash hair. Suddenly a tot occurred to me; do meditation, followed by epileptical exercise and Way of Heart cd. Of course ego said, that's too long, we would be too hungry by then. Then a tot came, aiyah the whole session will end by 10.30 am, just like my swimming time. I still wasn't convinced and then suddenly a 2nd tot came and I tot of sis going to her church and I too want to go to my church, but of my own making, so my church on Sunday will be epileptical machine with Way of d Heart cd.

So, after all d thru n fro tots in my mind, woke up 8.20 am n do meditation and ends abt 9.23 am and I start epileptical machine and with Way of d Heart cd at the background. I exercised and listened abt half an hour and then stop exercising and listen to the cd.

It is the message about acknowledging and accepting my own creation, especially when it is 'sad' and not be judgmental. Towards the end, d channeler asked us to close our eyes and be aware of our creation now and suddenly I cried and cried cause I was so thankful that my Source attracted all the spiritual guidance and 'accidents' to me, despite me having all sort of resistance.

Again, something I needed and it is directed back to me. I had the cd a few years back but not able to relate to it. And now finally, I am ready.

Jus now received sms from my meditation teacher to volunteer for d children program. I am not keen. I am stil not keen on volunteering, except for sathsang.
Perhaps it can be said I don't have outward transformation but I felt real good within. Now that I read Carl Jung's autobiography, I am more accepting of my lack of outward activity level and my acceptance of my exciting and exhilarating inward activity level.

I take this path for me and me alone. It is my destiny to search and know me as I am created by God. I will be guided by many channels and Isha is a tool and not the end.


Ask and it is given.
Your emotion - simply, purely and only - are about your relationship with your Source.
When u r in alignment with who you really are, you thrive and to the extent u do not allow this alignment, u do not thrive.
All emotion fall within the range of joy to disempowerment.
You create my moulding Energy. You mold it through your power of focus - by thinking of things, remembering things and imagining things.

Soul
I was thriving for 4 days and now m down. I am very glad of my progress. I guess I expected too much. Just becos I had d calling, doesn't mean 100% thriving cos I still have resistance. So, even if I am misaligned, is ok that is still vacilitate.

Carl Jung - my first initiator into the inner journey

Father, I have accepted my journey and it was triggered back by Carl Jung. Jung was the one that inspire me to start the inner journey. I forgot for him for the last 8 years or so. And out of the blue, You brought him back to me via my friend.

I expect what I needed in my inner journey will be given to me. I no longer need to seek.

Carl Jung
Fate will have it - and this has always been the case with me - that all the 'outer' aspects of my life should be accidental. Only what is interior has proved to have substance and a determining value.

Soul - so like what I think - all outward are accidents meant to guide my interior life. For a long time, I used to wonder n tot I may be lacking cos I would be so excited about my inner experiences. My inner is so exciting and outwardly nothing spectacular is happening. Reading what Carl said somehow I feel comforted.

Mmm, Carl Jung too was without his mother for a few months when he is 3 years old, like I was separated from my mom when I was 2 years old.

Carl Jung
I remember a time when I could not yet read, but pestered my mother to read aloud to me out of the Orbis Pictus, an old, richly illustrated children's book, which contained an account of exotic religions, especially that of the Hindus. There were illustrations of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva which I found an inexhaustible source of interest. My mother later told me that I always returned to the pictures.

Soul - this book is really meant for me. I felt so overwhelmed and grateful. When I took this book back, I had totally forgotten abt his Hinduism inclination. I have already decided on my Destiny, but part of me still not sure is Hinduism is the one. I am now only using it as a channel. I guess this book tells me that it is OK.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Alas, my dream

My Dream
Father, was waking up tired today too. But I did the meditation. Yesterday did the sharing with my friend and it is a good lunch date. I just sms to her;
Hi. Jus wan to tell u that for d first time, I felt your feelings. I already know sometime back that it was because I was unemotional that I project to u and now that I become emotional, I can feel ur emotion too :)

So, the benefits from yoga is loads. She was asking me if I still search and read as profusely as before. I told her nope, but somehow books that I required will be channeled back to me. It is like I don't search and I will attract what I want to come to me. Yesterday, she gave me back Carl Jung and I recall that I connected with the book in the section of emotion n etc, but the last section, I was not. And surprisingly yesterday I turn to page on indian spirituality. Yeap, it came back to me when I need it.

Talking to her made me realised that I used to think she give too much and didn't think of herself. Alas, both of us are like that. We don't ask for what we want. We don't even think of what we want. Its time we both start to window shop to stir and stimulate our desires.

I told my friend that I was bit envious that she knew her dream, whereas I still don't know. She responded that I will find MY Dream because I have been on a journey of knowing myself. Yeap, I am finding myself and I will surely come to the core of what I am.

Suddenly, I now knew, for the past years and even now, my dream is to know what I truly am. My dream is to find the realisation/proof of my belief that we are not meant to live and suffer. There must be something more in life and I will go to the bottom of this. I will find out for myself what I need to be in order not to suffer, in order to be happy. I believed that we are meant to be here to be adored and not to be punished. My dream is to live as I meant to be instead of just going thru the drudgery of life.

However, part of me also believe that we are here to be punished and hence I avoided Christianity and even Buddhism as they seem to preach that we are meant to suffer. We need to justify our existence before we can be loved. If I didn't believe it, then I won't resist it. Cos I am afraid it will just bring up the fear in me.

Alas, I now know my dream…and it is a BIG BIG DREAM…to search and find and know that we are truly here to be HAPPY.

Feeling more positive now

Father, I was dreaming and for a moment, didn't want to do meditation. Then tot of the osho card - laziness and it prompt me to meditate. I had a deep meditative experience.

Father, I am still not so hopeful of d situation with my boss. Aiyah, let me send love to melt her. Also, must remember I am good in my job and also a good leader (confirmed by my Regional CFO and Maister), I need not be apologetic that I don't meet her expectation.
I accept me and others have too. If my boss can't accept me, it is because she can't accept herself. I need not take this personally. Amen

My current finance manager said that new Finance manager pick up very fast and I m glad. I am happy with my Team. Yeap, will stay here unless there is a very good pull factor. I just have 13 years to retirement. I think can stay. Of the 13 yrs, only 3 years to go with my current boss, 20 % of my 13 years here and of the 20%, only 5% is challenging. So, there is little push factor and my Team will be enough carrot for me to stay.


Ask and it is given
Your world, present and future, is directly and specifically affected by the signal that you are now transmitting.

Your feelings are the representatives of your guidance system.

Every thought that has ever been thought still exists and whenever you focus upon a thought, you activate the vibration of that thought within you.

So whatever you are currently giving your attention to is an activated thought
The only way to consciously deactivate a thought is to deliberately withdraw ur attention from one thought is to give your attention to another tot.

Seeking acceptance in job; Liking others is liking yourself

Ask and it is Given
You must find ways of holding yourself consistently in vibrational harmony with those desires in order to receive their manifestation.
Attention to ur desire or to absence of ur desire - will bring u what is in ur attention.
Whatever u predominantly think about, ur life experience reflect those things.
Nothing can occur in your life experiences without your invitation of it through your thought.
You get what u think about and equally important, when u aware of what u r thinking.
Your desires and your beliefs must be a vibrational match in order for you to receive that which you desire.

Soul
I seldom think of what I desire. I am afraid to see cos I afraid I cannot get and then I be envious and felt bad. It is like I don't window shop cos what the point of checking out the goodies when u can't buy.

Believe
Expect
Get


Desire (which I am getting)
Good food
Bargain purchase (value for money
Good staff
Good family n friends

Desire (which I am not getting)
Good partner
Don't have to suffer, less challenges (Easy life)
Acceptance without having to prove myself

Beliefs:
Positive -
Food
Staff
Spirituality
Friends
Family
Bargain purchase (value for money)

Neutral -
Colleague
Job roles

Bad -
Boss
Job package
Physical exercise, include dancing

I have very little desire, I don't dare to desire cos I think I can't have. I am now creating new desires:
Good job with balanced life
Good pay
FOC travel
Good food
Good boss
Privacy of a nice place of my own, surrounded by beautiful things
House with living room facing a nice garden with trees

Soul - what I am vibrating now is worry about job, thinking job is so challenging, thinking I have no energy.
Aiya, my boss is a bitch and I attracted her into my life. But at least she has business sense, although no leadership. So, that's an improvement.
Job - my new FM is here and my Snr Accounts Exec has picked up, IT Exec is also here. HR Admin also here. I have a good team. I have good leadership and I can do my job. Maister Survey also confirmed my leadership.

I admitted to my Regional CFO that this is my lowest performance job. I have always been the Star wherever I worked. My Regional CFO said I am good in my job and I did overcome the job hurdle in 6 month after I joined. I do have Regional CFO's support and he wants me to stay. While I am not a Star, but I fulfilled d role. So, my current boss’s attempt at lowering my self esteem in job is just that. It is not real.
Yea, I hav reached a good place.

Soul - suddenly a tot came. We are looking for partner to accept us. I was also looking for a company/job to accept me.

Since partner is not there. Job is d one which can say I am accepted. Acceptance in job equates to being a Star performer.
We r seeking acceptance in everywhere.

Jus like when my boss scold and ignore me. I was sad because I don't have her acceptance. When I can fulfill d job task, I was sad cos I cannot fulfill expectation and hence cannot be accepted by my job and company.

Seeking acceptance is seeking acknowledgement of our identification; seeking love in everywhere except seeking acceptance from our own self.

When we can accept ourselves, we no longer need to seek ourselves elsewhere. Amen.

Suddenly tot of window shopping, creating vibration for good things to come to me.

Yea, laziness I tot jus to meditate and end here. Jus do the releasing. Looks like the incident with my boss is actually spur me to another level - to get me ready to realise I have desire, I can get what I desire. Thanks for the incident. It is real helpful. I am meant to go deeper.

Acceptance is Love.

Osho card - resolution
Change - Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.

Soul - yeap, as long as I don't accept myself, I will continue to seek acceptance everywhere. Father, let me accept myself all the time. Now, there are certain time that I accept myself and I felt good. Its when I don't accept myself that I felt bad.

Afternoon
Yeap, accepting myself. That's all.

All d healimg;
Anger
Hurt
Guilt
Fear
Acceptance
Love.

Only wit acceptance, come love.


Ask and it is given
To the degree you feel blessed and expect good things to come to you, this indicates your degree of resistance.
Now you need to learn to release any habit of thought that have resulted in your disallowing of the Stream of Well-beingness.

Evening
I was feeling puzzled on why I can still like my current boss despite her treatment of me.
Am I glutton for punishment? Or am I being fake and I don’t know it?

When I was meditating, a tot came to me. People who like people like themselves
The extent u like others is the extent u like urself
My boss seldom like people, so she doesn't like herself.

Now me, still liking current boss despite all.
I like her despite her weakness; could it be possible that I like myself too despite my weakness.
Hurray!

My meditation. It was so blissful that I cried of thankfulness. God, You have blessed me.
I had tot of Sadhguru's wife. I told her I will be back with her. Me, spending some time with her.

Thanks to Sadhguru, who initiated me. Amen.
I am now able to look at Sadhguru pix. Its been a long way.
I love me lah.
Become love and reach out!

Trust Life

Father, thank You so much for coming into my life.
This morning I was thinking I am facing a Female Hitler (my current boss), so just tell her what she wants as long as it doesn't implicate my professional integrite. Is that losing me? Yea, but my journey is self-anhiliation, so she is a perfect tool.

Osho
1. Issue - Totality - Developing the knack of being total in responding to whatever comes, as it comes is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Taking one step through life at a time, giving each step your complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality

Soul - a timely reminder, I tend to see too many things at one time. Just be with the moment.

2. Internal - Laziness.
Be alert. No matter how fuzzy the slippers, how tasty the pina colada, there are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.

Soul - yea, I was feeling comfortable with my current Team. Looks like things r not so rosy. I need to be alert.
Another tot came in on d new vacancy. For the first time in my life, I am not bothered if they come back on the FD position. Looking at my Regional team, always on call, recalling my resistance. Was thinking just give in n kow tow to my current boss, my life would be ok and I need not be on-call.

3. External Influence
When you trust life, something immense opens up. Life become full of God, overflowing.

Soul - that is what I believe and expect. I always have a good feeling that I be guided by God all the way. The latest stint in current company finally overcome any obstacle I have on sufferingisblessing. It is the truth. I found meditation. I recall a few times I thought of writing to Oprah Winfrey and wanting to share with her that our contemplation and will power to do the right thing, can only carry us so far. We needed the feeling too. We needed our Source and Isha yoga is one of the easiest tool. (Had this 3 or 4 times already.)

4. What is needed for resolution.
I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own.

Soul - trusting life and take things easy. This month already felt bit overwhelmed. Things will happen.

5. The resolution - Change.
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.

Soul - not sure but I know I am changing the pattern with my current boss. I didn't stand hard on my belief or personality and for the first time I kow tow and I will also try to say things to put her in good mood. For the first time, I admit defeat and even surrender.
With Your Guidance, the wheel is stopped. I attracted bitches into my life and now I will attract Goody into my life. Meanwhile, play along. Learn from my general manager, she is a real pro in hiding her feelings.
Not sure if this is the last stop, like my colleague said another 3 years to go before the current boss retire.

This too will pass

Afternoon
This is the company I am most weak at. My performance is the lowest. Now I know why I was affected my current boss use the strategy of lowering my self-esteem. I had believe I am not a star performer and hence she activated my thought and I was down these few days. Well, it will stop now.

Ask and it is given

A few years ago, I was given the 3 cds on “Way of the Heart”, is a form of channeling. I wasn’t able to connect with it and I pass it to my good friend, who is able to appreciate and connects with it.

Anyway, suddenly last Sunday thought of trying the cd while I was doing my epileptical exercise and besides now I have a cd player in my room and so can listen to it comfortably instead of using my notebook. Amazingly, now I suddenly can connect and it is similar to what Ask and it is given’s concept.

Way of the Heart
I have created all my experiences. I am not a victim. I can then create again the experiences I truly want.

Soul
So amazing, I am so blessed and loved. Father has given me Isha for meditation and giving me Esther n Jerry Hicks for changing my intellect perception and finally followed up with the cd Way of Hear + all three combined will enable me to transmute all my darkness into love. Amen

What I wan in my job
I love myself; therefore I work at a job that I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people that I love and that love me, and earning a good income and have a balanced life style.

What I want in my home. For the first time, I want a home of my own. To do what I want. This weekend, since there was no space and there were too many activities, I couldn't do my yoga for 3 days. I tot of having a home with a meditation space. A space I can just read and meditate. I am thinking of buying a small place, abt 800 sq ft. I would prefer the place to be near mom. So, I can have dinner and adjourn back. Tot of 3 location - the one in Bdr Tun Razak, the one near our House, the one near Sis's place. Something below 150k and I wil spend some money to decorate. The current house sell to Jin. I don't mind walk up - but preferable got lifts lah.

Father, I am excited. Things are coming into place and I trust You will bring me what I desire. For the first time, I am clear of my life.

Ask and it is given
Feeling good equals allowing the connection to the Source Energy; Feeling bad equals resisting.
By paying attention to the way you feel, you can fulfill your reason for being here and you can continue your intended expansions in the joyful way that you intended.
By understanding your emotional connection to who you really are, you will come to understand not what is happening in your own world and why, but you will also understand every other living Being with whom you interact.

Soul - Father, d meditation that makes me more emotional is the first step. I needed d meditation to enable me to feel the connection with my Source. I have knowledge of Law of Attraction but unable to apply without feeling. I only had the logic to argue against insane perception at times.

Evening
Was thinking of my boss's threat this morning and I suddenly had a dejavu. Yea, that's how my ex-boss threaten me, albeit in a more cordial/diplomatic manner.

Yeah, I attracted the bitches bosses to me. When it happened with my former boss, I react with arrogance, with 2nd former boss, I react with victim, with current boss, I see it calmly.

I am surprised at myself and I also felt bit embarrassed, the old me won't stand for this.
Yea, I attracted the bitches and now I choose to create again. I want to see and experience a kind and understanding boss cos I deserved kindness. I love myself.

A big circle and now m back. I used to be arrogant and now I am confident.
It is like my journey of sadness, a big circle and I am back.
Thanks.

Sadhguru
Guru - means death of the limited.
Why are you uncomfortable but at the same time you want to be there is because you know He is death and on another level He is liberation.

Whatever it is, illness or calamity that happens around you - you can either use it to liberate yourself or you can use it to entangle yourself.
It is important to face everything with a stable and balanced mind. Avoiding is not the solution.
If you avoid it, you get entangled.

Father, yea, m slowly dissolving my personality and suddenly Shoonya - death meditation ; I am ready.