Mar 22 Eve
Tot of me and Z, we r definitely at body (sexuality) and mind (companionship) relationship only. Both of us has not reached the emotion part, as both of us are thinkers.
I wonder whether he want to do humanmetrics personality test. Would be great. Part of me worried that I make him feel 'small' cos I can be intellectual. Hey, hold on. He like that I am smart, that's was part of the attraction.
Osho
When u don't explore u don't become rich, when u don't explore u stop growing.
Soul
Same as what Z said about with commitment there is growth.
Osho
A catalyst has to be a catalyst totally. First the negative things start surfacing, and only when u r finished with the negative, then the positive.
The modern mind is very much repressed; the more cultured u become, the more repressed u become automatically.
Buddha and Patanjali methods are of immense value, but they cannot work directly on the modern mind. They were not invented for the modern mind - more primitive, more simple, more innocent, more childlike.
1st - catharsis
2nd - meditation
3rd - prayer
Soul
Very true. I myself has cleared almost all my baggage before I step into Isha. Of course, BSP definitely helps to scoured the remaining ones. I am now clean.
I definitely had the same approach.
Osho
U will not become a buddha unless u become conscious, unless u prepare the ground for it to happen.
Unless one takes possession of one's own being very consciously, the revolution is not going to happen.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Transformation did happen (9) - I am healed
Mar 22
Father, me and my abandonment issue. Thank U for guiding me.
The Power of Now
The more consciousness u bring into the body, the stronger the immune system becomes. It is as if every cell awakens and rejoice. The body loves ur attention. It is also a potent form of self-healing.
Soul
Great to hear that, especially since I have RA.
Just now while driving, everytime I pass below some trees or is quite near. I automatically hums in joy, connecting with the trees, seeing their beauty, thanking them.
The Power of Now
It is not only ur physical immune system that becomes strengthened; ur psychic immune system is greatly enhanced as well. It will protects u from the negative mental-emotional force fields of others, which are highly contagious.
Soul
Same message as Maturity card; the white glow around the figure is his protection and his light.
The Power of Now
When the mind is running your life, conflict, strife and problems are inevitable. Being in touch with ur inner body creates a clear space of no-mind within which the relationship can flower.
Soul
Yeah, tell me about it. These days, I listen less to my mind and more towards anything.
The Power of Now
When ur consciousness is directed outward, mind and world arise. When it is directed inward, it realises its own Source and returns home into the Unmanifested.
Father, me and my abandonment issue. Thank U for guiding me.
The Power of Now
The more consciousness u bring into the body, the stronger the immune system becomes. It is as if every cell awakens and rejoice. The body loves ur attention. It is also a potent form of self-healing.
Soul
Great to hear that, especially since I have RA.
Just now while driving, everytime I pass below some trees or is quite near. I automatically hums in joy, connecting with the trees, seeing their beauty, thanking them.
The Power of Now
It is not only ur physical immune system that becomes strengthened; ur psychic immune system is greatly enhanced as well. It will protects u from the negative mental-emotional force fields of others, which are highly contagious.
Soul
Same message as Maturity card; the white glow around the figure is his protection and his light.
The Power of Now
When the mind is running your life, conflict, strife and problems are inevitable. Being in touch with ur inner body creates a clear space of no-mind within which the relationship can flower.
Soul
Yeah, tell me about it. These days, I listen less to my mind and more towards anything.
The Power of Now
When ur consciousness is directed outward, mind and world arise. When it is directed inward, it realises its own Source and returns home into the Unmanifested.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Cosmic Lesson (35) - the hard lesson is over
Mar 21 Eve
Father, he didn't return my call last night. So, I called again and there is no answer. I can see my mind spiral back to the past. And now I am reading my past blog which further enhance it.
Father, when I draw my Osho card of the Past, I tot why? And now I know. Anyway, I have known so much about him and he already said we continue and he also said he will make up to me and he wants to for weekend instead.
He is not abandoning me. I need not believe my mind. The old me would have listen and drop a nasty or desperate message. But the new me don't want to believe it and need not react.
We have come a long way and he is a fine man, a real diamond. So, I will wait. He will be back.
Now a tot came. He is probably asleep. He told me that he need a nap before he can do his study.
He called me back soon after. He told me that he wanted to call me back this morning but no time. Then he wanted to text me but forgot to do so. I asked about his finances. He said will only recover either this month end or latest mid next month. He said he felt bad about me paying up. I told him this is also new for me. I also told him that I was disappointed the first time but now I am fine, must be the meditation. I said I would like to meet up this Thur and he said he will find the money to pay up. He asked me to go ahead to book. I told him not to stress himself as I can pay. One of the advantage of dating a financially ok gal.
Father, am not sure if its psychological. But I know my body seems to falter a bit whenever I swallow the pill. Its like certain switch goes down.
Osho
Prayer is a reward to meditator; it is a consequence. Prayers means a dialogue with the universal mind. Wait, be patient, first be capable of that dialogue and then u need not go anywhere. When u r silent, u hear that still small voice within ur heart. Meditation makes u receptive. In that receptivity, u start hearing God talking to u. Real prayer is when God talks to u, unreal prayer is when u talk to God.
Soul
I now sing suddenly whenever I quiet down, especially if I am near a tree. I am now receptive to nature. I am not sure if they make me present or I am present and hence can see them.
Osho
The healthy is too busy enjoying, he does not bother to dominate others. The unhealthy cannot enjoy, he put his whole energy into dominating. One who can sing a song and can dance a dance, sing and dances; he celebrates under the stars. But one who cannot dance is crippled, is paralyzed. He lies down there in the corner and plans how to dominate people; he becomes cunning.
Soul
My tots exactly. When u are not happy and don't have legitimate power, u want power over others.
Osho
Love life, be more happy. God can come only to a happy soul. Only when u r utterly happy, is there a possibility, otherwise not - because misery closes u, bliss opens u up. Love life, love his creation; that is the only way to love God. God is life in its totaliy.
A happy person is a flower; he is so happy, he is so blessed, that he can bless the whole world. He is so blessed that he can afford to be open. He has nothing to fear. All is so good, all is so friendly, the whole existence is befriending him.
Soul
Yeap, I am nearly there.
Father, he didn't return my call last night. So, I called again and there is no answer. I can see my mind spiral back to the past. And now I am reading my past blog which further enhance it.
Father, when I draw my Osho card of the Past, I tot why? And now I know. Anyway, I have known so much about him and he already said we continue and he also said he will make up to me and he wants to for weekend instead.
He is not abandoning me. I need not believe my mind. The old me would have listen and drop a nasty or desperate message. But the new me don't want to believe it and need not react.
We have come a long way and he is a fine man, a real diamond. So, I will wait. He will be back.
Now a tot came. He is probably asleep. He told me that he need a nap before he can do his study.
He called me back soon after. He told me that he wanted to call me back this morning but no time. Then he wanted to text me but forgot to do so. I asked about his finances. He said will only recover either this month end or latest mid next month. He said he felt bad about me paying up. I told him this is also new for me. I also told him that I was disappointed the first time but now I am fine, must be the meditation. I said I would like to meet up this Thur and he said he will find the money to pay up. He asked me to go ahead to book. I told him not to stress himself as I can pay. One of the advantage of dating a financially ok gal.
Father, am not sure if its psychological. But I know my body seems to falter a bit whenever I swallow the pill. Its like certain switch goes down.
Osho
Prayer is a reward to meditator; it is a consequence. Prayers means a dialogue with the universal mind. Wait, be patient, first be capable of that dialogue and then u need not go anywhere. When u r silent, u hear that still small voice within ur heart. Meditation makes u receptive. In that receptivity, u start hearing God talking to u. Real prayer is when God talks to u, unreal prayer is when u talk to God.
Soul
I now sing suddenly whenever I quiet down, especially if I am near a tree. I am now receptive to nature. I am not sure if they make me present or I am present and hence can see them.
Osho
The healthy is too busy enjoying, he does not bother to dominate others. The unhealthy cannot enjoy, he put his whole energy into dominating. One who can sing a song and can dance a dance, sing and dances; he celebrates under the stars. But one who cannot dance is crippled, is paralyzed. He lies down there in the corner and plans how to dominate people; he becomes cunning.
Soul
My tots exactly. When u are not happy and don't have legitimate power, u want power over others.
Osho
Love life, be more happy. God can come only to a happy soul. Only when u r utterly happy, is there a possibility, otherwise not - because misery closes u, bliss opens u up. Love life, love his creation; that is the only way to love God. God is life in its totaliy.
A happy person is a flower; he is so happy, he is so blessed, that he can bless the whole world. He is so blessed that he can afford to be open. He has nothing to fear. All is so good, all is so friendly, the whole existence is befriending him.
Soul
Yeap, I am nearly there.
The mind acting on the past (2)
Mar 21 Aft
1. The Issue
Suppression
It is dangerous to keep all those inhibitions inside u. U have forced them into darkness, but from the dark side, they go on influencing ur behaviour.
Find a healing outlet to release whatever tensions and stresses might be building up inside u right now.
Soul
Now have 2 issues, it is all of my past.
With teacher, she is instructive and me don't want to listen to instruction. Since I am below, I have to adhere. I want the role of sathsang guide for my public speaking in future. So, I will pay the price of adherence. Also, I am adhering cos I want to break free of my limitation of arrogance.
As for Z, I will be constantly on my abandonment issue. Part of me saying timing is not right. He is now so busy with business and money tied up. But like he said, connection provided by God. What we do with connection is ourselves? He was willing to break thru his limitation not to let someone else pay so we have our night.
Father, let me remember that. He could have abandon me many times but he didn't. I could have run off many times but I didn't. He said that if I want to run off, must inform him first. That show he is 'staying' mah. He also asked if the reason why I have the urge to run due to him not responding. I said nope. He did respond and he is more upfront vs me. He know what he wants.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Maturity
The inner being is filled with flowers - that carry the quality of springtime and regenerate whenever he goes. This inner flowering and the wholeness that he feels affords the possibility of unlimited movement. He can move in any direction - within and without, it makes no difference as his joy and maturity cannot be diminished by externals.
He has come to a time of centredness and expansiveness - the white glow around the figure is his protection and his ligh.
You are now receiving ur gift, for hard work well done. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are the outcome of what has already been experienced within.
3. External influence - Participation
Make particpation ur lifestyle and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.
You have an opportunity to participate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beautiful than each of u could manage alone. Your participation will not only nourish u, but will also contribute something precious to the whole.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the past.
Past is that which is no longer before u. Future is that which is not yet before u. Present is that which is before u and is slipping out of ur sight.
Its time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that u would have already outgrown if u hadn't been so busy clinging to what u have already been through.
Soul
Yeap, abandonment and relentless criticism both which denotes my own perception of unlovability is gone.
I think also, I know I can disidentify with my mind. I must continue to do so.
5. Resolution
The Understanding
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty.
Soul
Actually if I don't listen to my mind there is no problem. Its only when I project past into future that I start to feel like a victim and start to worry.
But if I don't listen to my mind. Who do I listen to???
The Power of Now
As there is more consciousness in the body, its molecular structure actually becomes less dense. More consciousness means a lessening of the illusion of materiality.
When u become identified more with the timeless inner body than with the outer body, when presence becomes ur normal mode of consciousness and past and future no longer dominates ur attention, u do not accumulate time anymore in ur psyche.
Ur outer body grows at a much slower rate and ur timeless essence will shine through the outer form and u will not give the appearance of an old person.
Soul
Another motivation to stay in the Now. Yday the gal said that she tot I am in mid thirties like her.
1. The Issue
Suppression
It is dangerous to keep all those inhibitions inside u. U have forced them into darkness, but from the dark side, they go on influencing ur behaviour.
Find a healing outlet to release whatever tensions and stresses might be building up inside u right now.
Soul
Now have 2 issues, it is all of my past.
With teacher, she is instructive and me don't want to listen to instruction. Since I am below, I have to adhere. I want the role of sathsang guide for my public speaking in future. So, I will pay the price of adherence. Also, I am adhering cos I want to break free of my limitation of arrogance.
As for Z, I will be constantly on my abandonment issue. Part of me saying timing is not right. He is now so busy with business and money tied up. But like he said, connection provided by God. What we do with connection is ourselves? He was willing to break thru his limitation not to let someone else pay so we have our night.
Father, let me remember that. He could have abandon me many times but he didn't. I could have run off many times but I didn't. He said that if I want to run off, must inform him first. That show he is 'staying' mah. He also asked if the reason why I have the urge to run due to him not responding. I said nope. He did respond and he is more upfront vs me. He know what he wants.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Maturity
The inner being is filled with flowers - that carry the quality of springtime and regenerate whenever he goes. This inner flowering and the wholeness that he feels affords the possibility of unlimited movement. He can move in any direction - within and without, it makes no difference as his joy and maturity cannot be diminished by externals.
He has come to a time of centredness and expansiveness - the white glow around the figure is his protection and his ligh.
You are now receiving ur gift, for hard work well done. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are the outcome of what has already been experienced within.
3. External influence - Participation
Make particpation ur lifestyle and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.
You have an opportunity to participate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beautiful than each of u could manage alone. Your participation will not only nourish u, but will also contribute something precious to the whole.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the past.
Past is that which is no longer before u. Future is that which is not yet before u. Present is that which is before u and is slipping out of ur sight.
Its time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that u would have already outgrown if u hadn't been so busy clinging to what u have already been through.
Soul
Yeap, abandonment and relentless criticism both which denotes my own perception of unlovability is gone.
I think also, I know I can disidentify with my mind. I must continue to do so.
5. Resolution
The Understanding
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty.
Soul
Actually if I don't listen to my mind there is no problem. Its only when I project past into future that I start to feel like a victim and start to worry.
But if I don't listen to my mind. Who do I listen to???
The Power of Now
As there is more consciousness in the body, its molecular structure actually becomes less dense. More consciousness means a lessening of the illusion of materiality.
When u become identified more with the timeless inner body than with the outer body, when presence becomes ur normal mode of consciousness and past and future no longer dominates ur attention, u do not accumulate time anymore in ur psyche.
Ur outer body grows at a much slower rate and ur timeless essence will shine through the outer form and u will not give the appearance of an old person.
Soul
Another motivation to stay in the Now. Yday the gal said that she tot I am in mid thirties like her.
The mind acting on the past
Mar 21
Father, tots of Z and teacher came in. But more tots of teacher. I am ready to lose the role of sathsang guide as it is not in my Top 5.
The Power of Now
Whenever u watch the mind, u withdraw consciousness from mind forms, which then becomes what we call the watcher or the witness. Consequently, the watcher - pure consciousness beyond form - become stronger and the mental formations become weaker.
Soul
Samyama.
Father, I am not sure if I am letting go of being a Sathsang guide becos of ego. Afraid to face relentless criticism or afraid to volunteer. Or really because I don't like it. Father, guide me.
The Power of Now
The more consciousness you direct into the inner body; the higher its vibrational frequency becomes, much like a light that grows brighter as u turn up the dimmer switch and so increase the flow of electricity. At this higher energy level, negativity cannot affect u anymore and u tend to attract new circumstances that reflect this higher frequency.
If u keep ur attention in the body as much as posible, u will be anchored in the Now. You won't lose urself in the external world and u won't lose urself in ur mind. Tots, emotions, fears and desires, may still b there to some extent, but they won't take u over.
Soul
Yea, that's why I am not sure of sathsang guide.
Mmm, tots of Z came in. How. Aiyah. It will go on.
Soul
Tot of me and Z is just my abandonment issue rising again. We did see and chat last Thursday. So, its fine.
As for teacher, I just want to let go lah. I know its d past relentless criticism but I now can decide whether I want it or not. When I was a child I cannot escape but now I can.
Aiyoh. Looks likes it my mind game. She didn't criticise and was being objective. So, I don't have the avenue to say I don't want to lead sathsang. Father, guide me. This week the past is back. I need to be in the NOW.
Father, tots of Z and teacher came in. But more tots of teacher. I am ready to lose the role of sathsang guide as it is not in my Top 5.
The Power of Now
Whenever u watch the mind, u withdraw consciousness from mind forms, which then becomes what we call the watcher or the witness. Consequently, the watcher - pure consciousness beyond form - become stronger and the mental formations become weaker.
Soul
Samyama.
Father, I am not sure if I am letting go of being a Sathsang guide becos of ego. Afraid to face relentless criticism or afraid to volunteer. Or really because I don't like it. Father, guide me.
The Power of Now
The more consciousness you direct into the inner body; the higher its vibrational frequency becomes, much like a light that grows brighter as u turn up the dimmer switch and so increase the flow of electricity. At this higher energy level, negativity cannot affect u anymore and u tend to attract new circumstances that reflect this higher frequency.
If u keep ur attention in the body as much as posible, u will be anchored in the Now. You won't lose urself in the external world and u won't lose urself in ur mind. Tots, emotions, fears and desires, may still b there to some extent, but they won't take u over.
Soul
Yea, that's why I am not sure of sathsang guide.
Mmm, tots of Z came in. How. Aiyah. It will go on.
Soul
Tot of me and Z is just my abandonment issue rising again. We did see and chat last Thursday. So, its fine.
As for teacher, I just want to let go lah. I know its d past relentless criticism but I now can decide whether I want it or not. When I was a child I cannot escape but now I can.
Aiyoh. Looks likes it my mind game. She didn't criticise and was being objective. So, I don't have the avenue to say I don't want to lead sathsang. Father, guide me. This week the past is back. I need to be in the NOW.
Cosmic Reward (9) - perhaps he do care for me
Mar 20 Eve
Father, just now sharing with S on Z. She said he must have cared for me if he didn't force me to do it. I said yeap, he said sex is just a small part and infact he spend time hugging me, sharing his tots with me, sharing his music with me.
I am still not sure if he cared for me but I know he is a kind person and I think he would have done so for any gal. That's how good he is. He is real diamond
I tried to call him but cannot get him. Surprisingly, these days I am fine. I also realised I am not afraid to call him. I don't use the msg. I am not afraid of confrontation, of 'outright' rejection, if any.
To be with him, but not of him. Frankly, if he is smart, he may have realised he is also a bit into me. And as a strategist, he would be distancing from me. I would know, I am one.
Tot of Sathsang guide. Actually I hold on because don't want to lose, its because of pride. I also have some clout..but in the end is for the public speaking training.
By just being a meditator, I can show them what meditation can bring. As a sathsang guide, I am constrained.
Osho - Kabir
You will have to create luminous eyes. Empty eyes are luminous eyes. Cleanse ur eyes; that's what meditation is all about. Let ur past disappear from ur being. Be here now and u will be able to see. God is not somewhere else, God is here now!
Soul
I can now see and feel the aliveness of trees and plants. I think my eyes are luminous.
Osho
Joy is when u accept urself as u r. Joy is a function of immense acceptance.
Soul
Mmm, I didn't know that. I just know when I close my eyes and go within, I feel contented and at ease. Thereafter laughter will come bubbling out from lower stomach.
Osho
A perfectionist cannot relax and he cannot allow anybody else to relax. Let-go is impossible for him and he will condemn anybody who is living a relaxed life. These neurotics have created hell as a punishment for all of those who are not perfectionists. They have crucified themselves; now they cannot allow u to go on enjoying life.
Soul
Mmm, tot of teacher. She is like a dog who cannot let go. And here I am totally lackaisidal and she cannot stand it.
Osho
Only the stretched souls can create music - stretched between polarities. A man who can be angry and totally angry will be able to be in love and totally in love. Togetherness and aloneness, that is the polarity.
Soul
Tot of what I discussed with BE. No dilemma, no growth.
Tot of me and Z. Last Tue, we had our fill of each other. And we can afford to take a break from one another.
Osho
First prepare urself in meditation. Meditation means a totless silence, a totless awareness, peace. When that peace is there, one day prayer bursts forth. U simply see a bud opening in ur being, ur heart becomes a flower and there is much fragrance. That fragrance is prayer and u bow down. Now God is no more far away, he is very close by.
Prayer is of grace and happens effortlessly. Meditation can be of effort. Prayer is a reward to meditator, it is a consequence. Meditation makes u receptive. In that receptivity u start hearing God talking to u. Real prayer is when God talks to u, unreal prayer is when u talk to God.
Soul
Me seeing the aliveness of trees. Me opening my arms to hug them and be hugged. Me singing and dancing with the trees.
Father, just now sharing with S on Z. She said he must have cared for me if he didn't force me to do it. I said yeap, he said sex is just a small part and infact he spend time hugging me, sharing his tots with me, sharing his music with me.
I am still not sure if he cared for me but I know he is a kind person and I think he would have done so for any gal. That's how good he is. He is real diamond
I tried to call him but cannot get him. Surprisingly, these days I am fine. I also realised I am not afraid to call him. I don't use the msg. I am not afraid of confrontation, of 'outright' rejection, if any.
To be with him, but not of him. Frankly, if he is smart, he may have realised he is also a bit into me. And as a strategist, he would be distancing from me. I would know, I am one.
Tot of Sathsang guide. Actually I hold on because don't want to lose, its because of pride. I also have some clout..but in the end is for the public speaking training.
By just being a meditator, I can show them what meditation can bring. As a sathsang guide, I am constrained.
Osho - Kabir
You will have to create luminous eyes. Empty eyes are luminous eyes. Cleanse ur eyes; that's what meditation is all about. Let ur past disappear from ur being. Be here now and u will be able to see. God is not somewhere else, God is here now!
Soul
I can now see and feel the aliveness of trees and plants. I think my eyes are luminous.
Osho
Joy is when u accept urself as u r. Joy is a function of immense acceptance.
Soul
Mmm, I didn't know that. I just know when I close my eyes and go within, I feel contented and at ease. Thereafter laughter will come bubbling out from lower stomach.
Osho
A perfectionist cannot relax and he cannot allow anybody else to relax. Let-go is impossible for him and he will condemn anybody who is living a relaxed life. These neurotics have created hell as a punishment for all of those who are not perfectionists. They have crucified themselves; now they cannot allow u to go on enjoying life.
Soul
Mmm, tot of teacher. She is like a dog who cannot let go. And here I am totally lackaisidal and she cannot stand it.
Osho
Only the stretched souls can create music - stretched between polarities. A man who can be angry and totally angry will be able to be in love and totally in love. Togetherness and aloneness, that is the polarity.
Soul
Tot of what I discussed with BE. No dilemma, no growth.
Tot of me and Z. Last Tue, we had our fill of each other. And we can afford to take a break from one another.
Osho
First prepare urself in meditation. Meditation means a totless silence, a totless awareness, peace. When that peace is there, one day prayer bursts forth. U simply see a bud opening in ur being, ur heart becomes a flower and there is much fragrance. That fragrance is prayer and u bow down. Now God is no more far away, he is very close by.
Prayer is of grace and happens effortlessly. Meditation can be of effort. Prayer is a reward to meditator, it is a consequence. Meditation makes u receptive. In that receptivity u start hearing God talking to u. Real prayer is when God talks to u, unreal prayer is when u talk to God.
Soul
Me seeing the aliveness of trees. Me opening my arms to hug them and be hugged. Me singing and dancing with the trees.
To grow, one has to live in insecurity
Mar 20
Father, teacher is going at it again. This time I didn't react to her email. I just respond cordially and even tell her where I didn't follow the rule for sathsang.
But I am disappointed in her. She doesn't trust us to do the right thing or perhaps she doesn't trust us to follow the rules. Anyway, if she comes back and cause a fuss, this will be the time I will release sathsang. I am not one to follow strict rules per se. Perhaps not my role.
Mmmm, is this me being negative? Do I really don't want sathsang or I am reacting because of criticism. Actually, nope, the price to pay as a sathsang guide is too much.
Evening
Tot of Z. He has not called me back. We haven't spoken for nearly 3 days. I wonder if his finance is down and he cannot offer me anything. He was feeling bad about it. And worse still when I told him my concept. Alas, nowadays no concept.
Osho - Kabir
What makes a man enlightened is the realisation that he is like a fool.
Nature is God to Kabir - the trees, the rocks and the rivers and mountain. God is there, breathing, flowering and flowing. Just go there silently, innocently, ignorantly. Just go there and let life takes possession of u.
Life has to be lived without questions and without answers; only then u live in its authenticity.
Don't try to possess life - that's what the ego goes on doing.
Don't try to grab it, allow urself to be possessed by it.
To be an individual one has to live in insecurity, without any armour. One has to live vulnerably, without any protection; one has to live dangerously.
Soul
I must have bought and read this nearly 2 years ago. Somehow I cannot recall it. But now I am living, not deciding with my usual control mode, I am now letting things come in and then act. Mmm, looks like I am on the right track. It takes courage to live vulnerably. It takes the ability to lose.
Me with Z. To be with him and not with him.
Osho - Kabir
A child wants love, a grown-up gives love; that is the difference between a child and a grown-up man.
When u r a grown-up, when u start giving, when u start sharing love....and this is one of the greatest problems each and every human being has to face. The real problem is most people are immature, they have aged but not grown-up. In couples, are two beggars begging from each other and nobody is ready to give, nobody has anything to give - naturally they both become very, very angry.
Just watch; when u love a person, what is the motive? You want to be loved? - then it is childish. Or u want to share ur love, u have so much that u would like to share it, u have so much that u would like to shower it, then it is mature. Immature love is a beggar, mature love is a king.
Soul
Just now I already tot of offering to pay again. I just want to spend time with him and enjoy each other company. I can afford to pay and it is ok to pay.
I also recalled my 'tots' when he first shared with me his divorce. I silently said to him; "No worries, ur time has come. I will love u, u need not beg for it anymore".
(Apr 25 - Wow! I have forgotten about this and year I am still in swing mode and unable to give my commitment.)
Osho - Kabir
Love gives u eyes to see that this whole existence is full of divinity. Then u don't call God, "the Father" or "the Mother", in fact, then u don't give it any name.
Father, teacher is going at it again. This time I didn't react to her email. I just respond cordially and even tell her where I didn't follow the rule for sathsang.
But I am disappointed in her. She doesn't trust us to do the right thing or perhaps she doesn't trust us to follow the rules. Anyway, if she comes back and cause a fuss, this will be the time I will release sathsang. I am not one to follow strict rules per se. Perhaps not my role.
Mmmm, is this me being negative? Do I really don't want sathsang or I am reacting because of criticism. Actually, nope, the price to pay as a sathsang guide is too much.
Evening
Tot of Z. He has not called me back. We haven't spoken for nearly 3 days. I wonder if his finance is down and he cannot offer me anything. He was feeling bad about it. And worse still when I told him my concept. Alas, nowadays no concept.
Osho - Kabir
What makes a man enlightened is the realisation that he is like a fool.
Nature is God to Kabir - the trees, the rocks and the rivers and mountain. God is there, breathing, flowering and flowing. Just go there silently, innocently, ignorantly. Just go there and let life takes possession of u.
Life has to be lived without questions and without answers; only then u live in its authenticity.
Don't try to possess life - that's what the ego goes on doing.
Don't try to grab it, allow urself to be possessed by it.
To be an individual one has to live in insecurity, without any armour. One has to live vulnerably, without any protection; one has to live dangerously.
Soul
I must have bought and read this nearly 2 years ago. Somehow I cannot recall it. But now I am living, not deciding with my usual control mode, I am now letting things come in and then act. Mmm, looks like I am on the right track. It takes courage to live vulnerably. It takes the ability to lose.
Me with Z. To be with him and not with him.
Osho - Kabir
A child wants love, a grown-up gives love; that is the difference between a child and a grown-up man.
When u r a grown-up, when u start giving, when u start sharing love....and this is one of the greatest problems each and every human being has to face. The real problem is most people are immature, they have aged but not grown-up. In couples, are two beggars begging from each other and nobody is ready to give, nobody has anything to give - naturally they both become very, very angry.
Just watch; when u love a person, what is the motive? You want to be loved? - then it is childish. Or u want to share ur love, u have so much that u would like to share it, u have so much that u would like to shower it, then it is mature. Immature love is a beggar, mature love is a king.
Soul
Just now I already tot of offering to pay again. I just want to spend time with him and enjoy each other company. I can afford to pay and it is ok to pay.
I also recalled my 'tots' when he first shared with me his divorce. I silently said to him; "No worries, ur time has come. I will love u, u need not beg for it anymore".
(Apr 25 - Wow! I have forgotten about this and year I am still in swing mode and unable to give my commitment.)
Osho - Kabir
Love gives u eyes to see that this whole existence is full of divinity. Then u don't call God, "the Father" or "the Mother", in fact, then u don't give it any name.
Support from close friends
Mar 19 Eve
Yea, I shared my relationship with Z with my close friends. They said I am really courageous to go through it. I know and this is my path. When I shared with them my dilemma on the pills, my close showed an expression of disbelief. I immediately knew its just my drama. Anyway, I have taken the pill. I am doing this not because of Z but its symbolic of me opening up to the cosmic, whatever it may be.
I told them I have lost my sense of superiority complex. Previously I would never share such 'losing' story due to my pride. But now, it doesn't matter anymore. I am willing to lose with Z, so don't have to be afraid to lose with my friends. I was bit suprised, I tot they would judged me but instead they admire my courage and even supported me. Amen.
Father, an insight came on me and Z; to be with him and not be attached to him. A tall order.
Father, u must think greatly of me, to give me this challenge.
To be in this world and yet not of the world.
I have decided to delink the blog from website. Since I can't seem to walk with both, I might as well drop one first. The blog is for my self-expression and for me to reflect on myself whenever I update it. I have obtained good insight on the workings of my brain.
Another insight; no dilemma, no growth. A good story here.
The Passion Test
Action engages attention
It is not the action that achieves the result. Things will almost certainly not turn the way u plan. But by taking action, u keep ur attention engaged with fulfilling ur intention. It is ur attention that creates the outcome.
Soul
I remember. That's why I am taking the pills, to show my ernesty in going through the cosmic lesson.
Osho - Kabir
Jump into life!
Become part of it, throb with it.
And then u will know - although u will never be able to transfer ur knowledge through words to anybody else.
Truth is not transferable. But u will become truth and u will become a light in this dark night of life and u will become a path into this jungle of life.
Many will have insights in ur presence: u will be a catalytic agent, but u will not be able to give ready-made answer.
Soul
Tot of me and my passion to be a Writer.
Yea, I shared my relationship with Z with my close friends. They said I am really courageous to go through it. I know and this is my path. When I shared with them my dilemma on the pills, my close showed an expression of disbelief. I immediately knew its just my drama. Anyway, I have taken the pill. I am doing this not because of Z but its symbolic of me opening up to the cosmic, whatever it may be.
I told them I have lost my sense of superiority complex. Previously I would never share such 'losing' story due to my pride. But now, it doesn't matter anymore. I am willing to lose with Z, so don't have to be afraid to lose with my friends. I was bit suprised, I tot they would judged me but instead they admire my courage and even supported me. Amen.
Father, an insight came on me and Z; to be with him and not be attached to him. A tall order.
Father, u must think greatly of me, to give me this challenge.
To be in this world and yet not of the world.
I have decided to delink the blog from website. Since I can't seem to walk with both, I might as well drop one first. The blog is for my self-expression and for me to reflect on myself whenever I update it. I have obtained good insight on the workings of my brain.
Another insight; no dilemma, no growth. A good story here.
The Passion Test
Action engages attention
It is not the action that achieves the result. Things will almost certainly not turn the way u plan. But by taking action, u keep ur attention engaged with fulfilling ur intention. It is ur attention that creates the outcome.
Soul
I remember. That's why I am taking the pills, to show my ernesty in going through the cosmic lesson.
Osho - Kabir
Jump into life!
Become part of it, throb with it.
And then u will know - although u will never be able to transfer ur knowledge through words to anybody else.
Truth is not transferable. But u will become truth and u will become a light in this dark night of life and u will become a path into this jungle of life.
Many will have insights in ur presence: u will be a catalytic agent, but u will not be able to give ready-made answer.
Soul
Tot of me and my passion to be a Writer.
Facing my karma in relationship (45) - drama in having to eat the pills
Mar 19
Father, feeling bit edgy. Guess its becos of the pills. I don't want to take pills because it is a hassle and may have side effects. Alas, the real reason is I have to eat it and we won't meet often. So, why go through the hassle. He doesn't care enough about me. We r not on long term, why bother and etc.
Aiyah, I tot 52 days is over by tomorrow and since we won't meet, there will be no challenge. I also realised he is not keen on rubber. But then when we were at it, I too am not keen. That's why I didn't sound off the other day. So, its just me creating drama, just me feeling bit down cos he didn't call me back like he said he would. I predict future is not good. Aiyoh, I was over taken by my mind. Just remember we enjoy each other company. We r compatible mentally, emotionally and physically.
Decision made earlier that I take the pill. Let me take it with acceptance, even if he and I won't be making out frequently. Even if I am not certain of anything. Guess this is a fear to lose again.
Osho
Healing
You carry your wound. With the ego, your whole being is a wound. And u carry it around. Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt u; everybody is engaged in safeguarding their own wound. Who has got the energy? But still it happens, because u r so ready to be wounded, so ready, just waiting on the brink for anything.
Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed and it will be healed only when u move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things.
Just accept and don't react.
It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed.
The figure in this card is naked, vulnerable, open to the loving touch of existence. The aura of his body is full of light, of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we r no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Ace of Heart
A desire for affection or love that is the stimulus that causes new relationship to be created. It represents an awakening of love or passion in one heart.
It is also a search for something inside of our self to help us love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we r seeking within.
Soul
I am still having doubts since we are hardly meeting up. A tot came, since we won't meet up, might as well don't eat the pill. Aiyoh, such drama.
When I was doing sharing, a tot came. The worst job in my life turns out to be the best job. Z who declares he was a player and want short term , but turns out to be a loyal guy, and non-exploratory. So, what's my dilemma all about?
Father, feeling bit edgy. Guess its becos of the pills. I don't want to take pills because it is a hassle and may have side effects. Alas, the real reason is I have to eat it and we won't meet often. So, why go through the hassle. He doesn't care enough about me. We r not on long term, why bother and etc.
Aiyah, I tot 52 days is over by tomorrow and since we won't meet, there will be no challenge. I also realised he is not keen on rubber. But then when we were at it, I too am not keen. That's why I didn't sound off the other day. So, its just me creating drama, just me feeling bit down cos he didn't call me back like he said he would. I predict future is not good. Aiyoh, I was over taken by my mind. Just remember we enjoy each other company. We r compatible mentally, emotionally and physically.
Decision made earlier that I take the pill. Let me take it with acceptance, even if he and I won't be making out frequently. Even if I am not certain of anything. Guess this is a fear to lose again.
Osho
Healing
You carry your wound. With the ego, your whole being is a wound. And u carry it around. Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt u; everybody is engaged in safeguarding their own wound. Who has got the energy? But still it happens, because u r so ready to be wounded, so ready, just waiting on the brink for anything.
Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed and it will be healed only when u move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things.
Just accept and don't react.
It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed.
The figure in this card is naked, vulnerable, open to the loving touch of existence. The aura of his body is full of light, of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we r no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Ace of Heart
A desire for affection or love that is the stimulus that causes new relationship to be created. It represents an awakening of love or passion in one heart.
It is also a search for something inside of our self to help us love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we r seeking within.
Soul
I am still having doubts since we are hardly meeting up. A tot came, since we won't meet up, might as well don't eat the pill. Aiyoh, such drama.
When I was doing sharing, a tot came. The worst job in my life turns out to be the best job. Z who declares he was a player and want short term , but turns out to be a loyal guy, and non-exploratory. So, what's my dilemma all about?
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Cosmic Lesson (34) - the hard lesson is nearly over
Mar 18 eve
Went to volunteer meet. Just found out that there is a Pre-Intro. I offered to do it. Not much hassle. Plan to use the ppt I did. I guess I will update it. Just now just watching Sadhguru's dvd brought me into meditation mode. The energy is good. I felt well rested.
Had a tot of Z. He keep on saying I looked happier when I am around him. He wanted to find evidence that I liked him. Yea, he needs certainty. Perhaps he needs it more than me. Hope he realise that he is projecting his liking for me into me liking him. Hence he sees it double.
My 52 days Saturn of Seven of Heart is over by this Sunday. What a period! Thanks for guiding me through.
Ace of Diamond Ruling card
52 Day Uranus
Eight of Heart (emotional power and charm, success with people, especially the opposite sex)
Success in spiritual study and working with groups is highlighted now. The power and charm that u r now experiencing can be applied in ur work or humanitarian endeavours with great success.
Seven of Spade
(Learning to practice faith; Z's Destiny card)
You may suddenly be confronted with ur own fears or negativity that now need correcting. Success is highly possible now if u heed the call. Exposure to spiritual wisdom and people will be a great help and could add to ur success. This is a good influence for spiritual matters.
Queen of Diamond's Destiny Card
Six of Spade (fate and karma in action, paybacks from the past in many forms)
Lack of change in business, health or etc. This card is very good for psychics or natural healers, as it bestows more of those gifts during this period. Ur own intuition will be active and available to u if u choose to become aware of it.
Things that are 'fated' often occur under the influence. By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose, especially as it relates to ur work and career.
Z is my Past life card.
Six of Diamond (peace at work, financial responsibility and karma, discovering one's special purpose)
Lack of change in location or type of work but ur financial sixth sense may give u some invaluable insights into ways of making more money.
Remember that u always receive exactly what u give to others and during this period, u may have to unexpectedly pay off some outstanding obligations. Give more to receive more.
By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose is, especially as it relates to ur work and money making enterprises.
Soul
Outer life is time spent with Z. Like he said the deal is made and we be spending more time together. I am now more secure about him. I know he is truly not a player as he doesn't do exploration, he is loyal and seek someone he can share his tots with, someone who understand him.
Inner life I would be focusing on my path as an author
Went to volunteer meet. Just found out that there is a Pre-Intro. I offered to do it. Not much hassle. Plan to use the ppt I did. I guess I will update it. Just now just watching Sadhguru's dvd brought me into meditation mode. The energy is good. I felt well rested.
Had a tot of Z. He keep on saying I looked happier when I am around him. He wanted to find evidence that I liked him. Yea, he needs certainty. Perhaps he needs it more than me. Hope he realise that he is projecting his liking for me into me liking him. Hence he sees it double.
My 52 days Saturn of Seven of Heart is over by this Sunday. What a period! Thanks for guiding me through.
Ace of Diamond Ruling card
52 Day Uranus
Eight of Heart (emotional power and charm, success with people, especially the opposite sex)
Success in spiritual study and working with groups is highlighted now. The power and charm that u r now experiencing can be applied in ur work or humanitarian endeavours with great success.
Seven of Spade
(Learning to practice faith; Z's Destiny card)
You may suddenly be confronted with ur own fears or negativity that now need correcting. Success is highly possible now if u heed the call. Exposure to spiritual wisdom and people will be a great help and could add to ur success. This is a good influence for spiritual matters.
Queen of Diamond's Destiny Card
Six of Spade (fate and karma in action, paybacks from the past in many forms)
Lack of change in business, health or etc. This card is very good for psychics or natural healers, as it bestows more of those gifts during this period. Ur own intuition will be active and available to u if u choose to become aware of it.
Things that are 'fated' often occur under the influence. By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose, especially as it relates to ur work and career.
Z is my Past life card.
Six of Diamond (peace at work, financial responsibility and karma, discovering one's special purpose)
Lack of change in location or type of work but ur financial sixth sense may give u some invaluable insights into ways of making more money.
Remember that u always receive exactly what u give to others and during this period, u may have to unexpectedly pay off some outstanding obligations. Give more to receive more.
By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose is, especially as it relates to ur work and money making enterprises.
Soul
Outer life is time spent with Z. Like he said the deal is made and we be spending more time together. I am now more secure about him. I know he is truly not a player as he doesn't do exploration, he is loyal and seek someone he can share his tots with, someone who understand him.
Inner life I would be focusing on my path as an author
Cosmic Reward (8) - he is a real diamond
Mar 17 Eve
Father, he said it very right. We both are forward in our communication and we can do post mortum thereafter.
He also said I am the only one that see the real him and can understand him. He told his ex everything, but they never understand him.
I was surprised that he felt bad about me paying. He said I broke a record for him, the first time someone offers to pay. I told him that its because I like him that I pay. He said that he felt comfortable and glad that I didn't make him feel bad. He said he will make up for it.
He said when I am with him, I don't talk much. I talked more on the phone. Mmm, something there. I also realised I am more aroused when he is not with me. Why??? Is it because I am shy. I didn't open up, I was afraid to be vulnerable.
Mmm, I recalled one guy I dated also said that. He said he liked me cos I like to talk on the phone. But once we meet, I seem to talk lesser.
Why?? Now I know...I am still shy, not open up. If I can close up my communication when I am with him, then my body also sure close up too.
Father, help me.
Father, I need help. I found someone that I really liked and I think he is beginning to like me too. Let's make this work.
Answer came: I don't like people to see the weak me. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to be made a fool of. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to be available.
Father, he said it very right. We both are forward in our communication and we can do post mortum thereafter.
He also said I am the only one that see the real him and can understand him. He told his ex everything, but they never understand him.
I was surprised that he felt bad about me paying. He said I broke a record for him, the first time someone offers to pay. I told him that its because I like him that I pay. He said that he felt comfortable and glad that I didn't make him feel bad. He said he will make up for it.
He said when I am with him, I don't talk much. I talked more on the phone. Mmm, something there. I also realised I am more aroused when he is not with me. Why??? Is it because I am shy. I didn't open up, I was afraid to be vulnerable.
Mmm, I recalled one guy I dated also said that. He said he liked me cos I like to talk on the phone. But once we meet, I seem to talk lesser.
Why?? Now I know...I am still shy, not open up. If I can close up my communication when I am with him, then my body also sure close up too.
Father, help me.
Father, I need help. I found someone that I really liked and I think he is beginning to like me too. Let's make this work.
Answer came: I don't like people to see the weak me. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to be made a fool of. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to be available.
Cosmic Reward (7) Abandonment issue with Z force me to be present.
Mar 17
Father, yea. I was thinking of the future. Seeing it as a problem to be resolved. No wonder Z doesn't want to reply me. Father, let it be lah. Its like the more u want to get it done, its difficult. I know we be fine.
Just now also worried I made him irritated cos I teased him. He is already disturbed. He cannot understand why his No is not taken as truth by them. I guess he is worried that they could be right.
Mmm, guess today my mind is working overtime. Need to balance it. Just go with the flow. He already said its fine.
Mmm, what answer can I help him.
My mind is saying that I cannot open up becos of the childhood issue. I don't think so. I think both Z and I need to work it out.
The Power of Now
What is essential is ur conscious presence. That dissolves the past, but be as present as u can. The past cannot survive in ur presence. It can only survive in ur absence.
It helps to be deeply rooted within urself; otherwise, the mind, which has incredible momentum, will drag u along like a wild river.
Inhabit ur body fully. To always have some of ur attention in the inner energy field of ur body. Body awareness keeps u present.
Presence is needed to become aware of the beauty, the majesty, the sacredness of nature. The mind needs to be still. When u present, u feel its essence, its holiness - just as u know urself, u feel ur own essence, ur own holiness.
(Apr 23 - Father, for the past 2 months, I am aware of the beauty and majesty of trees...this means I am now present.)
Late Afternoon
Such a coincidence. He was at my office for meeting and didn't plan to meet. Somehow, we have a mutual friend who wanted to see me. At first, I asked her to come up. Later, when she called me, I offer to go down to lobby to see her. Instead of just my friend, Z and his partner was there waiting for me. Of course, I was bit off at the surprise. He looks happy to see me and even intro me to his partner. Whereas, I just want to ignore him. He is going to laugh at me.
Father, how lah. I should be so happy but somehow I am feeling bit down. Don't know why, but I just want to go back.
Soul
I now can see the beauty, aliveness of trees and plants. Amen.
Father, yea. I was thinking of the future. Seeing it as a problem to be resolved. No wonder Z doesn't want to reply me. Father, let it be lah. Its like the more u want to get it done, its difficult. I know we be fine.
Just now also worried I made him irritated cos I teased him. He is already disturbed. He cannot understand why his No is not taken as truth by them. I guess he is worried that they could be right.
Mmm, guess today my mind is working overtime. Need to balance it. Just go with the flow. He already said its fine.
Mmm, what answer can I help him.
My mind is saying that I cannot open up becos of the childhood issue. I don't think so. I think both Z and I need to work it out.
The Power of Now
What is essential is ur conscious presence. That dissolves the past, but be as present as u can. The past cannot survive in ur presence. It can only survive in ur absence.
It helps to be deeply rooted within urself; otherwise, the mind, which has incredible momentum, will drag u along like a wild river.
Inhabit ur body fully. To always have some of ur attention in the inner energy field of ur body. Body awareness keeps u present.
Presence is needed to become aware of the beauty, the majesty, the sacredness of nature. The mind needs to be still. When u present, u feel its essence, its holiness - just as u know urself, u feel ur own essence, ur own holiness.
(Apr 23 - Father, for the past 2 months, I am aware of the beauty and majesty of trees...this means I am now present.)
Late Afternoon
Such a coincidence. He was at my office for meeting and didn't plan to meet. Somehow, we have a mutual friend who wanted to see me. At first, I asked her to come up. Later, when she called me, I offer to go down to lobby to see her. Instead of just my friend, Z and his partner was there waiting for me. Of course, I was bit off at the surprise. He looks happy to see me and even intro me to his partner. Whereas, I just want to ignore him. He is going to laugh at me.
Father, how lah. I should be so happy but somehow I am feeling bit down. Don't know why, but I just want to go back.
Soul
I now can see the beauty, aliveness of trees and plants. Amen.
Cosmic Reward (6) - Z is the catalyst for my growth
Mar 16 Eve
Today had a great time with boss's friends. I clicked with a former CFO who is also dating a younger guy and a gal who is from my home town. Small world indeed. We agreed to meet up for dinner.
Today when I saw teacher's mail. I was able to feel empathy and was appreciate of her contribution. Now instead of seeing her as intrusive, I see her care instead. It is amazing, every time I overcome a challenge with Z, my outer life smooth out.
Mmm, I send him a msg and no reply. My mind is trying to hook me with negative tots. I won't be pulled. Besides Z already said he likes me, he is attached to me and these days I am in his priority list.
The Passion Test
The force is with u. Both the challenges and achievements of ur life are to support u in knowing urself. They are guiding u to fulfill ur purpose and live the fulfilling life u r meant to live.
Soul
Yeap. I now learnt to treasure Z.
The Passion Test
If u r not passionate about an activity, it means that activity isn't providing u with growth, satisfaction, joy and expansion.
(Apr 23 - well, I am definitely passionate about Z.)
Today had a great time with boss's friends. I clicked with a former CFO who is also dating a younger guy and a gal who is from my home town. Small world indeed. We agreed to meet up for dinner.
Today when I saw teacher's mail. I was able to feel empathy and was appreciate of her contribution. Now instead of seeing her as intrusive, I see her care instead. It is amazing, every time I overcome a challenge with Z, my outer life smooth out.
Mmm, I send him a msg and no reply. My mind is trying to hook me with negative tots. I won't be pulled. Besides Z already said he likes me, he is attached to me and these days I am in his priority list.
The Passion Test
The force is with u. Both the challenges and achievements of ur life are to support u in knowing urself. They are guiding u to fulfill ur purpose and live the fulfilling life u r meant to live.
Soul
Yeap. I now learnt to treasure Z.
The Passion Test
If u r not passionate about an activity, it means that activity isn't providing u with growth, satisfaction, joy and expansion.
(Apr 23 - well, I am definitely passionate about Z.)
Cosmic Reward (5) - he likes me too!
Mar 16
We spent our first night together. We really clicked. Time past so fast. I am glad I decide we stayed for the night.
He is a real diamond. There are 2 sides to him. The outer part is the no nonsense businessman but the inner part is a sensitive man who loves music. He is also a loyal person. No wonder he can be faithful in marriage.
Now I know why gays are attracted to him. He is macho and handsome but has feminine inner energy.
Ego is telling me issue but I don't care. I am fine. Its ok. Like he says we will take it slow.
He finally confessed his liking for me too. He was so talkative yday. He told me that when he like someone, he talked a lot. He also told me that he has been driving the rship to make it work. I told him I finally realised yday and I am glad. He was bit affronted by my blurness. I know if its up to me, we head no where, he said he knew it, and thats why he has to take charge.
After all the hoo hah and drama from the mind. Its actually ok. He does like me. He wanted to reel me in before he confess.
Actually we really fit. Just like me, he too resisted. He has some psychic ability that foresee us together. Alas, he also confessed that 'other guys' come in only when he is dead :)
I also told him that I realised he is spending his energy on sensing me, knowing me, but not on himself. He should be looking inward instead.
We spent our first night together. We really clicked. Time past so fast. I am glad I decide we stayed for the night.
He is a real diamond. There are 2 sides to him. The outer part is the no nonsense businessman but the inner part is a sensitive man who loves music. He is also a loyal person. No wonder he can be faithful in marriage.
Now I know why gays are attracted to him. He is macho and handsome but has feminine inner energy.
Ego is telling me issue but I don't care. I am fine. Its ok. Like he says we will take it slow.
He finally confessed his liking for me too. He was so talkative yday. He told me that when he like someone, he talked a lot. He also told me that he has been driving the rship to make it work. I told him I finally realised yday and I am glad. He was bit affronted by my blurness. I know if its up to me, we head no where, he said he knew it, and thats why he has to take charge.
After all the hoo hah and drama from the mind. Its actually ok. He does like me. He wanted to reel me in before he confess.
Actually we really fit. Just like me, he too resisted. He has some psychic ability that foresee us together. Alas, he also confessed that 'other guys' come in only when he is dead :)
I also told him that I realised he is spending his energy on sensing me, knowing me, but not on himself. He should be looking inward instead.
Facing pain body on 'incessant criticism/authority
Mar 15
Father, thank U. The first step was difficult, so much internal drama. I guess this part of letting someone come into my life. Intimacy is about compromise and corporation. Towards the end of practice, I open up and tot it be nice to be with him. So, packed up. Why do I restrict myself? Why do I make myself available only at certain hour.
Mmm, suddenly tot of me and teacher. Perhaps its me. Looking back, I may have triggered her. But I did it out of defense for others.
Anyway, just now was having tots of her. I didn't like it and asked for alternative tots. The trees caught my eyes and I was absorbed in them that I become not aware of music.
A tot came, M said he disregard teacher as she is not representative of Isha nor Sadhguru. He basically ignored her. Like V said, ignored her.
We have build up KL and need not bother with her. She wants to attack, just ignore her.
The Power of Now
Negativity is never the optimum way of dealing with any situation. Infact, in most cases, it keep u stuck in it, blocking real change.
U r responsible for ur inner space.
Soul
Such a coincidence. When I read this yday, I tot I had none. Then I know its the one with teacher. I know I am reacting becos of the body pain with brother's criticism.
The Power of Now
U drop it by recognising that u don't want to suffer pain or carry the burden anymore and then letting go of it.
Deep unconsciousness usually needs to be transmuted through acceptance combined with the light of ur presence - ur sustained attention.
Soul
A tot came by, let her win. Its no big deal to me to win in Isha. But for her is a big deal, cos its her home ground. Face it, I am not in authority to shed light to her as she thinks I am her prodigy. So, I need not continue to 'teach' her. Just like I want her to back off, I too should back off.
The Power of Now
When u have been practising acceptance for a while as u have, there comes a point when u need to go on to the next stage, where those negative emotions are not created anymore. If u don't, ur "acceptance" just become a mental label that allows ur ego to continue to indulge in unhappiness and so strengthen its sense of separation.
When u complain, u make urself. Into a victim. When u speak out, u r in power. So change the situation by
1. taking action, or
2. by speaking out if necessary or possible;
3. leave the situation or accept it.
All else is madness.
If u want to take responsibility for ur life, u must choose on of those three options, and u must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep ur inner space clear.
If u take any action - leaving or changing ur situation - drop the negativity first, if at all possible. Action arising out of insight into what is required is more effective than action arising out of negativity.
Soul
I have tried speaking out but it seems to trigger and intensifies her.
Let's face it, I can let this go but it will continue for other sections too
A tot came in, how to make this a win win situation.
This situation occur because I was taking a lead to defend the team. Is there any relation to sathsang?
Just like mine was pain body. Hers is also too.
Actually if I remove sathsang, I lost my clout of nego and definitely won't be able to lead. Do I want to lead?? Actually no. For me, is a form of volunteering.
A tot came - just be vulnerable. Just tell her how I feel when I received her continuous criticism. Tell her how I am impacted. Perhaps, I am not so receptive to relentless criticism. But different people different strokes, just like u don't treat a flower the same way u do a stone.
Mmm, just when I decided to be vulnerable, there is no mails from her. Just send her the sathsang report.
(Apr 23 - after i disengage from my pain body of incessant criticism, higher authority, my relationship with her has improved a lot. We now respect each other boundary.)
Mmm, today is my Venus day.
Mar 15 Aft
Father, yea. Although Z keep on saying no commitment, but he does his part in keeping us up. Me, wanted commitment from him, but didn't do my part.
Him sharing about J yday goes to prove that he is selective.
Ah, now I realised what he meant. He wanted to drive the rship so that I don't get too attached to him and asked for marriage. He is not saying he doesn't want me. He wants us to be companion to each other. Previously it was me helping him and now its we helping each other.
Father, thank U. The first step was difficult, so much internal drama. I guess this part of letting someone come into my life. Intimacy is about compromise and corporation. Towards the end of practice, I open up and tot it be nice to be with him. So, packed up. Why do I restrict myself? Why do I make myself available only at certain hour.
Mmm, suddenly tot of me and teacher. Perhaps its me. Looking back, I may have triggered her. But I did it out of defense for others.
Anyway, just now was having tots of her. I didn't like it and asked for alternative tots. The trees caught my eyes and I was absorbed in them that I become not aware of music.
A tot came, M said he disregard teacher as she is not representative of Isha nor Sadhguru. He basically ignored her. Like V said, ignored her.
We have build up KL and need not bother with her. She wants to attack, just ignore her.
The Power of Now
Negativity is never the optimum way of dealing with any situation. Infact, in most cases, it keep u stuck in it, blocking real change.
U r responsible for ur inner space.
Soul
Such a coincidence. When I read this yday, I tot I had none. Then I know its the one with teacher. I know I am reacting becos of the body pain with brother's criticism.
The Power of Now
U drop it by recognising that u don't want to suffer pain or carry the burden anymore and then letting go of it.
Deep unconsciousness usually needs to be transmuted through acceptance combined with the light of ur presence - ur sustained attention.
Soul
A tot came by, let her win. Its no big deal to me to win in Isha. But for her is a big deal, cos its her home ground. Face it, I am not in authority to shed light to her as she thinks I am her prodigy. So, I need not continue to 'teach' her. Just like I want her to back off, I too should back off.
The Power of Now
When u have been practising acceptance for a while as u have, there comes a point when u need to go on to the next stage, where those negative emotions are not created anymore. If u don't, ur "acceptance" just become a mental label that allows ur ego to continue to indulge in unhappiness and so strengthen its sense of separation.
When u complain, u make urself. Into a victim. When u speak out, u r in power. So change the situation by
1. taking action, or
2. by speaking out if necessary or possible;
3. leave the situation or accept it.
All else is madness.
If u want to take responsibility for ur life, u must choose on of those three options, and u must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep ur inner space clear.
If u take any action - leaving or changing ur situation - drop the negativity first, if at all possible. Action arising out of insight into what is required is more effective than action arising out of negativity.
Soul
I have tried speaking out but it seems to trigger and intensifies her.
Let's face it, I can let this go but it will continue for other sections too
A tot came in, how to make this a win win situation.
This situation occur because I was taking a lead to defend the team. Is there any relation to sathsang?
Just like mine was pain body. Hers is also too.
Actually if I remove sathsang, I lost my clout of nego and definitely won't be able to lead. Do I want to lead?? Actually no. For me, is a form of volunteering.
A tot came - just be vulnerable. Just tell her how I feel when I received her continuous criticism. Tell her how I am impacted. Perhaps, I am not so receptive to relentless criticism. But different people different strokes, just like u don't treat a flower the same way u do a stone.
Mmm, just when I decided to be vulnerable, there is no mails from her. Just send her the sathsang report.
(Apr 23 - after i disengage from my pain body of incessant criticism, higher authority, my relationship with her has improved a lot. We now respect each other boundary.)
Mmm, today is my Venus day.
Mar 15 Aft
Father, yea. Although Z keep on saying no commitment, but he does his part in keeping us up. Me, wanted commitment from him, but didn't do my part.
Him sharing about J yday goes to prove that he is selective.
Ah, now I realised what he meant. He wanted to drive the rship so that I don't get too attached to him and asked for marriage. He is not saying he doesn't want me. He wants us to be companion to each other. Previously it was me helping him and now its we helping each other.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Cosmic Reward (4)
Mar 14 Eve
The Power of Now
Observe the many ways in which unease, discontent and tension arise within u through unnecessary judgement, resistance to what is, and denial of the Now.
Anything unconscious dissolves when u shine the light of consciousness on it. Once u learn how to dissolve the ordinary consciousness, the light of ur presence will shine brightly and it will be much easier to deal with deep unconsciousness.
Soul
Yeap, now on deep unconsciousness. The good thing is that God send Z as the Cosmic lesson to help me accelerate the dissolvement.
Evening
On the way back, I saw boss judging the other guy, saying he is autocratic and dominating. Actually I realised that she acted bit mousy or feminine with the Datuk. Guess instead of saying she didn't assert her power, she said the other guy is dominating. For me, I don't have an issue in asserting myself.
With that I asked God for help to make me see my judgement of teacher. Make me conscious. I know I am not like her but why am I affected. Then a tot hit me, relentless criticism from authority, ie my brother. I am grown up woman and I found my voice.
I recalled I also asked my brother to stop but he continued to criticised me relentlessly, which is the same way he is criticising his daughter. Now I know that he does love me and his daughter and he just wants to make us stronger. But I don't bloom under criticism, it will only make me attack him and if I can't win, I will crawl back to my shell.
So, I found my voice with teacher. Like brother, she too is in authority and her criticism is relentless to the point of witch hunting, which I think my brother does. Every little thing he would criticise me.
My note to teacher:
If u cannot motivate, don't trample.
You don't treat a flower, the same way u treat a stone.
If u continue to trample, the flower will die.
So, I offer to withdraw from sathsang instead of being trampled by u.
I valued Isha and I don't want my feelings and commitment to the path to be affected by you. So, I withdraw as Sathsang Guide. I know what I can offer as Sathsang guide, but you seems to think otherwise. If not, you would not continue to trample me despite me telling you.
The good feeling of being a Sathsang guide is not worth the price of having to be trampled by you. Please find a replacement who can withstand your treatment. If u still want me to, I will do April sathsang. The IE teacher can guide the new person to do May sathsang.
I will continue with my love and commitment to the path.
Soul
Father, I say yes to Z. And now I am saying no to teacher. Yesterday, I have a fun time because I was not a teacher. I just want to enjoy the sathsang, I am not suitable to be. I don't derive any satisfaction per se. Of course, I want to do a good job, but that's me, just wanting to ensure good deliverable, rather than wanting to be a sathsang guide.
I spoke to Z and he knows I already handle pressure at work and don't need the additional stress. Besides, he knows I just want to be normal meditator.
Father, the pain body of heavy criticism. Actually I am not surprised that teacher and I crossed words. I have never like her style. I let her be because she doesn't cross over me. Then I put myself up in order to defend others. When she attack me, its just time for me to retaliate. And being a sathsang guide is not for me then. I have no 'yes' on keeping it.
The Power of Now
Observe the many ways in which unease, discontent and tension arise within u through unnecessary judgement, resistance to what is, and denial of the Now.
Anything unconscious dissolves when u shine the light of consciousness on it. Once u learn how to dissolve the ordinary consciousness, the light of ur presence will shine brightly and it will be much easier to deal with deep unconsciousness.
Soul
Yeap, now on deep unconsciousness. The good thing is that God send Z as the Cosmic lesson to help me accelerate the dissolvement.
Evening
On the way back, I saw boss judging the other guy, saying he is autocratic and dominating. Actually I realised that she acted bit mousy or feminine with the Datuk. Guess instead of saying she didn't assert her power, she said the other guy is dominating. For me, I don't have an issue in asserting myself.
With that I asked God for help to make me see my judgement of teacher. Make me conscious. I know I am not like her but why am I affected. Then a tot hit me, relentless criticism from authority, ie my brother. I am grown up woman and I found my voice.
I recalled I also asked my brother to stop but he continued to criticised me relentlessly, which is the same way he is criticising his daughter. Now I know that he does love me and his daughter and he just wants to make us stronger. But I don't bloom under criticism, it will only make me attack him and if I can't win, I will crawl back to my shell.
So, I found my voice with teacher. Like brother, she too is in authority and her criticism is relentless to the point of witch hunting, which I think my brother does. Every little thing he would criticise me.
My note to teacher:
If u cannot motivate, don't trample.
You don't treat a flower, the same way u treat a stone.
If u continue to trample, the flower will die.
So, I offer to withdraw from sathsang instead of being trampled by u.
I valued Isha and I don't want my feelings and commitment to the path to be affected by you. So, I withdraw as Sathsang Guide. I know what I can offer as Sathsang guide, but you seems to think otherwise. If not, you would not continue to trample me despite me telling you.
The good feeling of being a Sathsang guide is not worth the price of having to be trampled by you. Please find a replacement who can withstand your treatment. If u still want me to, I will do April sathsang. The IE teacher can guide the new person to do May sathsang.
I will continue with my love and commitment to the path.
Soul
Father, I say yes to Z. And now I am saying no to teacher. Yesterday, I have a fun time because I was not a teacher. I just want to enjoy the sathsang, I am not suitable to be. I don't derive any satisfaction per se. Of course, I want to do a good job, but that's me, just wanting to ensure good deliverable, rather than wanting to be a sathsang guide.
I spoke to Z and he knows I already handle pressure at work and don't need the additional stress. Besides, he knows I just want to be normal meditator.
Father, the pain body of heavy criticism. Actually I am not surprised that teacher and I crossed words. I have never like her style. I let her be because she doesn't cross over me. Then I put myself up in order to defend others. When she attack me, its just time for me to retaliate. And being a sathsang guide is not for me then. I have no 'yes' on keeping it.
Cosmic Reward (3)
Mar 14 Late Aft
Aiyoh, I tot I decided and now at the execution, I am deliberating. Also the timing seems to be against both of us. Anyway, I am still resourceful and have tot of alternatives, but still not executing.
Father, I need help. I want him.
1. The Issue
Existence
The stars, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds - all our brothers and sisters in this dance of life.
Home is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance.
Now is the time to look at whether u r allowing urself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at home" wherever u r.
If u r, savour it so it deepen and remain with u.
If on the other hand, u have been feeling like the world is out to get u, its time to take a break.
Soul
Honestly, I feel at home. Even during sleep, no more teeth grinding.
I tot 1 week to go, and its just a simple nite out and my Seven of Heart be over. Looks like its not. Somehow the timing seems to enforce us to execute our plans.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Projections
Your mind is at the back of the whole thing and the mind is the projector. But u always look at the other, because the other is the screen.
Soul
I always said he is not available and doesn't care enough to make it work for us. Doesn't prioritise me. In reality, its me who is wishy washy and escaping. He has been very focused. Actually it was him who has drive our rship till this stage and he ensured we stayed together and focused. If its up to me, it would have been gone. Its true he keep on saying no commitment, but he is the one focus on making us happen. When I was in my moods, he cajoled me out of it. When I want to run, he comfort me and give me room. When I was uncertain to share my concern, out of worry of hurting his feelings or worry how he thinks of me, he would gave me the support to tell him. His words are that we have always been honest with each other, we tell each other everything.
Yea, it was him who holds us together despite him reiterating he doesn't want commitment.
3. External influence
Schizophrenia
Man is split. If u want to say "yes", immediately the "no" is there. You cannot utter a simple word "yes" with totality...In this way, happiness is not possible unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.
Whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately to let go of both at once. U can't work ur way out. Better to follow ur heart and just jump.
Soul
Yea, firstly meetings, then menses and worry abt 3 days things and then not free for another 2 weekends. Z already know its not easy for weekend and hence proposed weekday.
And now I realised I too need to jump. I want him, period.
4. What is needed for resolution
The Outsider
Be a woman, stand on ur own feet. The only way to be connected with existence is to go inwards, because at the center u r still connected. U cannot see it, so u have to go deep down with great awareness
Whenever we feel "left out" or excluded, it brings up this feeling of being a small, helpless child.
U have an opportunity now to stop the tape, to quit tormenting urself with ideas that u r somehow not "enough" to be accepted and included. Recognise the roots of these feelings in the past and let go of the old pain. It will bring u the clarity to see how u can open the gate and enter that which u most long to become.
Soul
Father, I felt like Universe doesn't want me to be with Z and I start to feel not sure of my decision. Why so difficult to execute. I don't know where to start. Like everywhere I turned, there is some block. And now I realised the block is me. I have relegated him only to weekend and weekday for myself only. Problem is weekend also includes family, friends and Isha.
I felt bit overwhelmed with so many other schedules, how to fit him in. I have created a world without him and now another person and I have to make room.
And If I doesn't want the other parts of my life to be disrupted, I have to open up weekday for him. Its just like my practices. I know I want them and since I wanted my other parts of life, I open up my early mornings by 2 hours daily.
The door is for me to open. People says cannot find time to meditate. I can and I just make time by waking up earlier. So, the same with Z then. Amen, I found my answer.
5. Resolution
Possibilities
Man can accept boundary anywhere. But the reality is that, by its very nature, existence cannot have any boundary, because what will be beyond the boundary? - again another sky
The eagle has all the possibilities contained in the landscape below as he flies freely, naturally and effortlessly through the sky. He is really in his domain, very grand and self-contained.
U r at the point where a world of possibilities is open to u. Because u have grown more loving towards urself, more self-contained, u can work easily with others. Because u r relaxed and at ease, u can recognise possibilities as they present themselves.
Because u are in tune with ur own nature, u understand that existence is providing u with exactly what u need.
Enjoy the flight! And celebrate all the varied wonders of the landscape spread before u.
Aiyoh, I tot I decided and now at the execution, I am deliberating. Also the timing seems to be against both of us. Anyway, I am still resourceful and have tot of alternatives, but still not executing.
Father, I need help. I want him.
1. The Issue
Existence
The stars, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds - all our brothers and sisters in this dance of life.
Home is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance.
Now is the time to look at whether u r allowing urself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at home" wherever u r.
If u r, savour it so it deepen and remain with u.
If on the other hand, u have been feeling like the world is out to get u, its time to take a break.
Soul
Honestly, I feel at home. Even during sleep, no more teeth grinding.
I tot 1 week to go, and its just a simple nite out and my Seven of Heart be over. Looks like its not. Somehow the timing seems to enforce us to execute our plans.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Projections
Your mind is at the back of the whole thing and the mind is the projector. But u always look at the other, because the other is the screen.
Soul
I always said he is not available and doesn't care enough to make it work for us. Doesn't prioritise me. In reality, its me who is wishy washy and escaping. He has been very focused. Actually it was him who has drive our rship till this stage and he ensured we stayed together and focused. If its up to me, it would have been gone. Its true he keep on saying no commitment, but he is the one focus on making us happen. When I was in my moods, he cajoled me out of it. When I want to run, he comfort me and give me room. When I was uncertain to share my concern, out of worry of hurting his feelings or worry how he thinks of me, he would gave me the support to tell him. His words are that we have always been honest with each other, we tell each other everything.
Yea, it was him who holds us together despite him reiterating he doesn't want commitment.
3. External influence
Schizophrenia
Man is split. If u want to say "yes", immediately the "no" is there. You cannot utter a simple word "yes" with totality...In this way, happiness is not possible unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.
Whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately to let go of both at once. U can't work ur way out. Better to follow ur heart and just jump.
Soul
Yea, firstly meetings, then menses and worry abt 3 days things and then not free for another 2 weekends. Z already know its not easy for weekend and hence proposed weekday.
And now I realised I too need to jump. I want him, period.
4. What is needed for resolution
The Outsider
Be a woman, stand on ur own feet. The only way to be connected with existence is to go inwards, because at the center u r still connected. U cannot see it, so u have to go deep down with great awareness
Whenever we feel "left out" or excluded, it brings up this feeling of being a small, helpless child.
U have an opportunity now to stop the tape, to quit tormenting urself with ideas that u r somehow not "enough" to be accepted and included. Recognise the roots of these feelings in the past and let go of the old pain. It will bring u the clarity to see how u can open the gate and enter that which u most long to become.
Soul
Father, I felt like Universe doesn't want me to be with Z and I start to feel not sure of my decision. Why so difficult to execute. I don't know where to start. Like everywhere I turned, there is some block. And now I realised the block is me. I have relegated him only to weekend and weekday for myself only. Problem is weekend also includes family, friends and Isha.
I felt bit overwhelmed with so many other schedules, how to fit him in. I have created a world without him and now another person and I have to make room.
And If I doesn't want the other parts of my life to be disrupted, I have to open up weekday for him. Its just like my practices. I know I want them and since I wanted my other parts of life, I open up my early mornings by 2 hours daily.
The door is for me to open. People says cannot find time to meditate. I can and I just make time by waking up earlier. So, the same with Z then. Amen, I found my answer.
5. Resolution
Possibilities
Man can accept boundary anywhere. But the reality is that, by its very nature, existence cannot have any boundary, because what will be beyond the boundary? - again another sky
The eagle has all the possibilities contained in the landscape below as he flies freely, naturally and effortlessly through the sky. He is really in his domain, very grand and self-contained.
U r at the point where a world of possibilities is open to u. Because u have grown more loving towards urself, more self-contained, u can work easily with others. Because u r relaxed and at ease, u can recognise possibilities as they present themselves.
Because u are in tune with ur own nature, u understand that existence is providing u with exactly what u need.
Enjoy the flight! And celebrate all the varied wonders of the landscape spread before u.
Cosmic Reward (2)
Mar 14 Aft
Father, tell me what's the projection with the teacher. I know I dented her ego.
But she needed to be taught a lesson and now she is going on a witch hunt.
I wanted to end all and asked her to find another sathsang guide. Frankly, I don't want to be a sathsang guide. Mmm, perhaps I am pushing for this. Earlier my intention was just to hold the group together.
Father, my first tot was since she has so many issues with me, which to me meant rejection. So, I want to reject her too.
Do I really want to be Sathsang guide!!! No.
Do I want to be Isha following member?? No.
Father, is this past pain or present.
Frankly, I already let go. But her email on the notes triggered me again. She is like a dog who won't let go.
Aiyah, I will go into Now. U let me see.
The only reason I want Sathsang was the chance to practice my fear of public speaking. Its nothing to do with blessing or glory of being a guide.
Spoken to V. Just let her be. Agreed with him.
Saw my Seven of Heart. U will be tested to see just how attached we r to others being a certain way. If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment.
Soul
Tot of me and teacher. Let it unfold.
Father, tell me what's the projection with the teacher. I know I dented her ego.
But she needed to be taught a lesson and now she is going on a witch hunt.
I wanted to end all and asked her to find another sathsang guide. Frankly, I don't want to be a sathsang guide. Mmm, perhaps I am pushing for this. Earlier my intention was just to hold the group together.
Father, my first tot was since she has so many issues with me, which to me meant rejection. So, I want to reject her too.
Do I really want to be Sathsang guide!!! No.
Do I want to be Isha following member?? No.
Father, is this past pain or present.
Frankly, I already let go. But her email on the notes triggered me again. She is like a dog who won't let go.
Aiyah, I will go into Now. U let me see.
The only reason I want Sathsang was the chance to practice my fear of public speaking. Its nothing to do with blessing or glory of being a guide.
Spoken to V. Just let her be. Agreed with him.
Saw my Seven of Heart. U will be tested to see just how attached we r to others being a certain way. If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment.
Soul
Tot of me and teacher. Let it unfold.
Cosmic Reward (1)
Mar 14
Father, woke up worrying about Z"s finance. Suddenly have flashback of dad's bankruptcy and us being unable to pay the monthly fee of 20 dollars to the trishaw peddler and I have to sit behind his bicycle instead. Also I recalled that Z has the same chinese zodiac.
Of course, my mind was having a field day. I told myself I don't have a problem now. Its not like we r married or whatever.
But I am glad I was able to share with Z my feeling that I have never dated a guy who is financially desperate. He try to explain his financial cycle and etc. He said that its ok if I am not willing and he can wait. I am also glad I stand up to my rights. Father, we r now close that we r discussing financials. While part of me doesn't like his situation, but I like that he was honest and courageous enough to ask for pricing and tell me. It would be bad if he hide and tell me later. That's why I said I trust him.
And I agree with him that we really need a place of our own.
Father, I am also connecting to the trees today. And I find that it keep me present too. I felt them so alive.
(Apr 23 - he is open with me, until he would show me his bank statements, he tells me his debt commitment and etc. For someone who says he cannot commit, he sure is disclosing loads of personal information to me.)
The Power of Now
To realise that ultimately time is an illusion, u need to live it. When every cell of ur body is so present that it feels vibrant with life, and when u can feel that life every moment as the joy of Being, then it can be said u r free of time.
Loss of Now is the problem. The core delusion that turns a mere situation, event, or emotion into a personal problem and into suffering. Loss of Now is loss of Being.
To be free of time is to be free of the psychological need of past for ur identity and future for ur fulfillment.
Soul
Tot of me. The situation with Z has forced me off my normal identity. I am now doing things I have never done before.
I used to worry about future but now I just focus on the present cos otherwise I won't be able to move.
The Power of Now
When u have had ur first few glimpses of the timeless state of consciousness, u begin to move back and forth between the dimension of time and presence. U lose the Now and u return to it, again and again. Eventually presence becomes ur predominant state.
Soul
I am now alternating. I found nature helps me to focus back. Earlier it was the suffering with Z that make me go back to the Now. But I don't want to wait for suffering, it doesn't have to be a push factor, I want it to be a pull factor instead and I found it in my trees.
I also noted that for the past few days, I didn't grind my teeth during sleep. That's means I am at ease.
The Power of Now
The best indicator of ur level of consciousness is how u deal with life's challenges when they come. Through those challenges, an already unconscious tends to become more deeply unconscious, and a conscious person more intensely conscious.
U can use a challenge to awaken u or u can pull u into even deeper sleep. The dream of ordinary then turns into a nightmare.
These challenges are ur tests. Only the way in which u deal with them will show u and others where u r at as far as ur state of consciousness is concerned, not how long u can sit with ur eyes closed or what visions u see.
Soul
Mmm, looks like I am quite conscious.
The Power of Now
So, it is essential to bring more consciousness into ur life in ordinary situations when everything is going relatively smoothly. In this way, u grow in presence power. It generates an energy field in u and around u of a high vibrational frequency. No unconsciousness, no discord or violence can enter that field and survive.
Soul
I am on the right track with the kriyas and hata yoga.
The Power of Now
When u learn to be the witness of ur tots and emotions, which is an essential part of being present, u may be surprised when u first become aware of the background "static" of ordinary unconsciousness and realise how rarely, if ever, u r truly at ease within urself.
Soul
I can see my tots is always past and future. I can see the mind always trying to hook me.
Father, woke up worrying about Z"s finance. Suddenly have flashback of dad's bankruptcy and us being unable to pay the monthly fee of 20 dollars to the trishaw peddler and I have to sit behind his bicycle instead. Also I recalled that Z has the same chinese zodiac.
Of course, my mind was having a field day. I told myself I don't have a problem now. Its not like we r married or whatever.
But I am glad I was able to share with Z my feeling that I have never dated a guy who is financially desperate. He try to explain his financial cycle and etc. He said that its ok if I am not willing and he can wait. I am also glad I stand up to my rights. Father, we r now close that we r discussing financials. While part of me doesn't like his situation, but I like that he was honest and courageous enough to ask for pricing and tell me. It would be bad if he hide and tell me later. That's why I said I trust him.
And I agree with him that we really need a place of our own.
Father, I am also connecting to the trees today. And I find that it keep me present too. I felt them so alive.
(Apr 23 - he is open with me, until he would show me his bank statements, he tells me his debt commitment and etc. For someone who says he cannot commit, he sure is disclosing loads of personal information to me.)
The Power of Now
To realise that ultimately time is an illusion, u need to live it. When every cell of ur body is so present that it feels vibrant with life, and when u can feel that life every moment as the joy of Being, then it can be said u r free of time.
Loss of Now is the problem. The core delusion that turns a mere situation, event, or emotion into a personal problem and into suffering. Loss of Now is loss of Being.
To be free of time is to be free of the psychological need of past for ur identity and future for ur fulfillment.
Soul
Tot of me. The situation with Z has forced me off my normal identity. I am now doing things I have never done before.
I used to worry about future but now I just focus on the present cos otherwise I won't be able to move.
The Power of Now
When u have had ur first few glimpses of the timeless state of consciousness, u begin to move back and forth between the dimension of time and presence. U lose the Now and u return to it, again and again. Eventually presence becomes ur predominant state.
Soul
I am now alternating. I found nature helps me to focus back. Earlier it was the suffering with Z that make me go back to the Now. But I don't want to wait for suffering, it doesn't have to be a push factor, I want it to be a pull factor instead and I found it in my trees.
I also noted that for the past few days, I didn't grind my teeth during sleep. That's means I am at ease.
The Power of Now
The best indicator of ur level of consciousness is how u deal with life's challenges when they come. Through those challenges, an already unconscious tends to become more deeply unconscious, and a conscious person more intensely conscious.
U can use a challenge to awaken u or u can pull u into even deeper sleep. The dream of ordinary then turns into a nightmare.
These challenges are ur tests. Only the way in which u deal with them will show u and others where u r at as far as ur state of consciousness is concerned, not how long u can sit with ur eyes closed or what visions u see.
Soul
Mmm, looks like I am quite conscious.
The Power of Now
So, it is essential to bring more consciousness into ur life in ordinary situations when everything is going relatively smoothly. In this way, u grow in presence power. It generates an energy field in u and around u of a high vibrational frequency. No unconsciousness, no discord or violence can enter that field and survive.
Soul
I am on the right track with the kriyas and hata yoga.
The Power of Now
When u learn to be the witness of ur tots and emotions, which is an essential part of being present, u may be surprised when u first become aware of the background "static" of ordinary unconsciousness and realise how rarely, if ever, u r truly at ease within urself.
Soul
I can see my tots is always past and future. I can see the mind always trying to hook me.
Nature is alive; I am alive
Mar 13
Father, Thank U.
Last sunday, when I walked into the park, I saw the trees were so alive. I tot its just the weather and I ignored them and do my morning walk.
This morning, when I walked into the park, again the trees looks so alive. I couldn't believe it and I keep rubbing my eyes and my spectacles.
The trees, grass and plants continues to look alive, so green and beautiful. About 10minutes later, I sense their energy and I start to hum some tunes and I felt connected to them and felt like hugging them, enveloping them in my arms. I literally walked with my arms stretched throughout the walk. I stopped a few times marvelling at their beauty. I was singing and dancing with the trees.
When I passed some cut branches, I can sense their death and I felt bit sad. This has been the best walk in my life so far.
Then I drove to the market and I was still able to see the aliveness and beauty of each tree and plants by the road side. Amen.
If given the opportunity, I will share this in today sathsang. It is no fluke.
The Passion Test
As ur trust that things will work out well grows, the speed with which u manifest ur dreams will increase dramatically.
The key to happiness is to discover it in every moment, not to wait for it to arrive with the achievement. Living a passionate life is the fulfillment that comes from the process of creation.
The happiness that comes from achieving a goal is fleeting at best. It never really works. Once u reach one of ur goals, there's another goal around the corner and its always out in the future - its a temporary happiness.
Passions are about how u live ur life. Goals are about what u choose to create in ur life.
Soul
Mmm, another thing I noticed. These days, I am singing to sleep. Previously, I used to laugh to sleep. Guess, I have transcended to another level.
Mar 13 Eve
Father, I felt good today at sathsang. Because I am allowed to move. I feel so at ease.
As I was driving to sathsang, I slowed down, driving at 60km just enjoying the trees and plants on the way.
Father, Thank U.
Last sunday, when I walked into the park, I saw the trees were so alive. I tot its just the weather and I ignored them and do my morning walk.
This morning, when I walked into the park, again the trees looks so alive. I couldn't believe it and I keep rubbing my eyes and my spectacles.
The trees, grass and plants continues to look alive, so green and beautiful. About 10minutes later, I sense their energy and I start to hum some tunes and I felt connected to them and felt like hugging them, enveloping them in my arms. I literally walked with my arms stretched throughout the walk. I stopped a few times marvelling at their beauty. I was singing and dancing with the trees.
When I passed some cut branches, I can sense their death and I felt bit sad. This has been the best walk in my life so far.
Then I drove to the market and I was still able to see the aliveness and beauty of each tree and plants by the road side. Amen.
If given the opportunity, I will share this in today sathsang. It is no fluke.
The Passion Test
As ur trust that things will work out well grows, the speed with which u manifest ur dreams will increase dramatically.
The key to happiness is to discover it in every moment, not to wait for it to arrive with the achievement. Living a passionate life is the fulfillment that comes from the process of creation.
The happiness that comes from achieving a goal is fleeting at best. It never really works. Once u reach one of ur goals, there's another goal around the corner and its always out in the future - its a temporary happiness.
Passions are about how u live ur life. Goals are about what u choose to create in ur life.
Soul
Mmm, another thing I noticed. These days, I am singing to sleep. Previously, I used to laugh to sleep. Guess, I have transcended to another level.
Mar 13 Eve
Father, I felt good today at sathsang. Because I am allowed to move. I feel so at ease.
As I was driving to sathsang, I slowed down, driving at 60km just enjoying the trees and plants on the way.
Self Mastery (3) - ur mind is not You
Mar 12
Father, on d website. Since my fear is boss. Just removed articles relating to her.
I have been observing my tots. Its all either past or present. When I don't get hooked on negative tots, it will change into pleasurable tots that let me hooked on and once I did it change to negative tots again.
Mar 12 Eve
Third lesson in dating
Time is about the heart. Time goes slowly and they use it to express their love.
Time is money to some people and they spend it finding money in their whole live and blow it away. Later they lose the people they love.
Everyone gets back what they put in.
Trust only those who spend their time well.
Its a good day. Surprisingly wasn't hooked on Z. Just now tot of telling him to have a good run tomorrow since he asked me about my pgm tomorrow. I stop myself, I realised its just my projection of abandonment on him.
The Retreat - Ekhart Tolle
As fast as possible, break into the present, by letting go of past and future.
Make a spaciousness for the formless to enter u.
Allow the words to become pointers, don't be entangle with them. Look beyond the words.
Music that comes out of stillness. Then it assumes a form and it emanates its stillness.
Your whole life and very being becomes transparent so that the formless can shines through. U r no longer attached to the form. And it can happen only when you are able to assess the stillness. You become the work of art, u become the divine.
Mainstream is now profane. Civilisation is running them down, making them weary. The activities are totally meaningless. Tots coming without stopping. And they know nothing about the sacred, stillness, the divine.
Sense perceptions gets u closer to stillness when u perceive and do not label it. Simply able to perceive the underlying of whatever u think or feel is stillness.
Something in u that recognise the impermanence of all forms.
We reincarnate many times in form.
The Passion Test
Byron Katie
I realised at that moment that when I believed my thoughts I suffered, but when I didn't them I didn't suffer and this is true for every human being.
Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone.
Soul
I know that now.
Byron Katie
We don't suffer because of what happens, we suffer because of our tots about what happens. Reality is neither good or bad. Only our tots make it good or bad.
Soul
Just like Sadhguru. Just change ur idea of success or failure.
Byron Katie
Eventually, u come to see that everything outside u is a reflection of ur own thinking. U r the storyteller, the projector of all stories and the world is the projected image of ur tots.
Soul
Suddenly tot of the Isha coordinator. She has such a need to control, worry about things. Perhaps its a reflection of her.
How about me. I tend to think I fall for guy that is not available. Here I am, with one too and this time openly confronting me. With D's help, I admitted that I was unavailable. But I need to tamper that with my projection of abandonment.
Byron Katie
When u question ur thinking, and find what is really true for u, u have the clarity to do something about a problem, if u choose to, rather than making urself miserable thinking about it.
Soul
Last week on the pill thingy. Bought 2 types and now that I have accepted it cos I want certain things to happen, it no longer become an issue.
Byron Katie
If u have judgements about someone else, write them, self-question them and turn them around.
Be ur own teacher
Soul
Tot of my partner being unavailable. And actually I am too.
Byron Kaite
As u investigate the tots that make u feel afraid, unworthy, unlovable, u will discover something new growing in u; trust.
Your speed on the cosmic highway is directly related in ur ability to trust in benevolence of the Universe.
Life is designed for ur joy. It is designed to allow u to experience ever-increasing fulfillment. And if u r saying, "Well, that's not my experience..."
Change ur mind about what u choose to experience in ur life.
When u begin to look for evidence that is a blessing, u will start to find those reason.
As u begin to embrace the idea that life is here for ur joy, that every moment is a gift, showing u the path to fulfillment, u will discover magic happening in ur life
Soul
My turnaround with Z.
Father, on d website. Since my fear is boss. Just removed articles relating to her.
I have been observing my tots. Its all either past or present. When I don't get hooked on negative tots, it will change into pleasurable tots that let me hooked on and once I did it change to negative tots again.
Mar 12 Eve
Third lesson in dating
Time is about the heart. Time goes slowly and they use it to express their love.
Time is money to some people and they spend it finding money in their whole live and blow it away. Later they lose the people they love.
Everyone gets back what they put in.
Trust only those who spend their time well.
Its a good day. Surprisingly wasn't hooked on Z. Just now tot of telling him to have a good run tomorrow since he asked me about my pgm tomorrow. I stop myself, I realised its just my projection of abandonment on him.
The Retreat - Ekhart Tolle
As fast as possible, break into the present, by letting go of past and future.
Make a spaciousness for the formless to enter u.
Allow the words to become pointers, don't be entangle with them. Look beyond the words.
Music that comes out of stillness. Then it assumes a form and it emanates its stillness.
Your whole life and very being becomes transparent so that the formless can shines through. U r no longer attached to the form. And it can happen only when you are able to assess the stillness. You become the work of art, u become the divine.
Mainstream is now profane. Civilisation is running them down, making them weary. The activities are totally meaningless. Tots coming without stopping. And they know nothing about the sacred, stillness, the divine.
Sense perceptions gets u closer to stillness when u perceive and do not label it. Simply able to perceive the underlying of whatever u think or feel is stillness.
Something in u that recognise the impermanence of all forms.
We reincarnate many times in form.
The Passion Test
Byron Katie
I realised at that moment that when I believed my thoughts I suffered, but when I didn't them I didn't suffer and this is true for every human being.
Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone.
Soul
I know that now.
Byron Katie
We don't suffer because of what happens, we suffer because of our tots about what happens. Reality is neither good or bad. Only our tots make it good or bad.
Soul
Just like Sadhguru. Just change ur idea of success or failure.
Byron Katie
Eventually, u come to see that everything outside u is a reflection of ur own thinking. U r the storyteller, the projector of all stories and the world is the projected image of ur tots.
Soul
Suddenly tot of the Isha coordinator. She has such a need to control, worry about things. Perhaps its a reflection of her.
How about me. I tend to think I fall for guy that is not available. Here I am, with one too and this time openly confronting me. With D's help, I admitted that I was unavailable. But I need to tamper that with my projection of abandonment.
Byron Katie
When u question ur thinking, and find what is really true for u, u have the clarity to do something about a problem, if u choose to, rather than making urself miserable thinking about it.
Soul
Last week on the pill thingy. Bought 2 types and now that I have accepted it cos I want certain things to happen, it no longer become an issue.
Byron Katie
If u have judgements about someone else, write them, self-question them and turn them around.
Be ur own teacher
Soul
Tot of my partner being unavailable. And actually I am too.
Byron Kaite
As u investigate the tots that make u feel afraid, unworthy, unlovable, u will discover something new growing in u; trust.
Your speed on the cosmic highway is directly related in ur ability to trust in benevolence of the Universe.
Life is designed for ur joy. It is designed to allow u to experience ever-increasing fulfillment. And if u r saying, "Well, that's not my experience..."
Change ur mind about what u choose to experience in ur life.
When u begin to look for evidence that is a blessing, u will start to find those reason.
As u begin to embrace the idea that life is here for ur joy, that every moment is a gift, showing u the path to fulfillment, u will discover magic happening in ur life
Soul
My turnaround with Z.
Cosmic Lesson (33) - the game starts
Mar 11
Father, am slowly seeing Z. He is a workaholic. The reason we are progressing so slow is because of his priority for his business, which takes up 70 percent of his time, then followed by his continuing education, his children, Isha and me.
I also know why he cannot prowl for sex as he is just a nice clean boy at heart. He is not a bad boy. That's why almost all his encounters ended up living together. Like he said its not sex only. And I also noticed he has to like the gal before he can pursue. He is not a total player. Mmm, why I didn't see all this before? He is ok.
The Power of Now
A great deal of what people say, think or do is actually motivated by fear, which is of course is always linked with having ur focus on the future and being out of touch with the Now. As there are no problems in the Now, there is no fear either.
As soon as u honour the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease.
Soul
Yeap, my experience during swimming that I am bringing back to life outside the pool. Now apply only to Z.
The Power of Now
In the absence of psychological time, ur sense of self is derived from Being, not from ur personal past. Therefore the psychological need to become anything other than who u r already is no longer there.
And u will not have illusory expectations that anything or anybody in the future will save u or make u angry. U may still be things u wanted to attain in outer world. Yet on a deeper level, u r already complete, and when u realise that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what u do.
Being free from psychological time;
1. U no longer pursue your goals with grim determination, driven by fear, anger, discontent or the need to become someone
2. U no longer remain inactive through fear of failure, which to the ego is loss of self.
When ur deeper sense of self is derived from Being, when u r free of "becoming" as a psychological need, neither ur happiness nor ur sense of self depends on the outcome, and so there is freedom from fear.
You don't seek for permanency where it cannot be found; in the world of form, of gain and loss, birth and death.
You don't demand that situations, conditions, places or people should make u happy, and then u suffer when they don't live up to ur expectations.
When this is ur state of Being, how can u not succeed? You have succeed already.
Soul
This is like self-mastery. Went through the world and its now back to self, back to present. I can be in the now. This is happening.
King of Spades
The final and most powerful card in the deck, representing mastery of one's environment and one's self.
You will experience good fortune and results.
It is truly the card of success in all things but brings the most blessings to those who are ready and willing to take responsibility for their life and work and who can take a leadership position in their work.
Remember this is a King we are talking about and every King has a kingdom.
Be prepared to take a leadership role and to live by ur own wisdom when this potent card appears. Success is yours for the taking, but u have to stand up and claim it.
Soul
Today I offered to source location for our rendezous.
Ego is saying what about articles on CEO. But that's happy problem. So, will handle it then.
Also, this is a prelude to the video.
Father, the ball on ur court.
Its amazing. It is because of Z. He has helped me to break free of my limitations and with that my fear is gone. Amen.
Yeap, every time I overcome my resistance to Z, other parts of my life opens up. Now I understand the meaning of Cosmic lesson.
Cosmic Lesson
Z is playing an instrumental role in helping you find your path to power.
It is not an easy connection, it could be one of the most powerful and important rships of ur life. Taken with the proper attitude, it could provide the catalyst for finding your life's work and purpose on a more universal life.
Soul
Yes, he is the catalyst. He nudged me to acknowledge my issue. When I handled it, I found my power.
It helped me to clear the past and now to build my future, to pursue my destiny.
Guess I have been sleepy of late cos freedom has become negative.
Cosmic Reward Card
Z challenges me and somehow points the way to ur own destiny and fulfillment. It can feel like a true blessing, once the challenges associated with it are met and dealt with.
Soul
Well, I can now see the reward. I have been thanking him in my prayer for the last one month.
Evening
The Passion Test
Your life is created first in ur mind, then in the world. As long as u believe u can't, u won't be able to. As long as u believe its too hard, it will be too hard for u.
Soul
Yea, my mantra is love life is effortless. True enough, Z and I fell into each other effortlessly. I am not sure of an apartment though.
The Passion Test
When u feel truly passionate about something, u will always have the ability to create it in ur life.
Father, am slowly seeing Z. He is a workaholic. The reason we are progressing so slow is because of his priority for his business, which takes up 70 percent of his time, then followed by his continuing education, his children, Isha and me.
I also know why he cannot prowl for sex as he is just a nice clean boy at heart. He is not a bad boy. That's why almost all his encounters ended up living together. Like he said its not sex only. And I also noticed he has to like the gal before he can pursue. He is not a total player. Mmm, why I didn't see all this before? He is ok.
The Power of Now
A great deal of what people say, think or do is actually motivated by fear, which is of course is always linked with having ur focus on the future and being out of touch with the Now. As there are no problems in the Now, there is no fear either.
As soon as u honour the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease.
Soul
Yeap, my experience during swimming that I am bringing back to life outside the pool. Now apply only to Z.
The Power of Now
In the absence of psychological time, ur sense of self is derived from Being, not from ur personal past. Therefore the psychological need to become anything other than who u r already is no longer there.
And u will not have illusory expectations that anything or anybody in the future will save u or make u angry. U may still be things u wanted to attain in outer world. Yet on a deeper level, u r already complete, and when u realise that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what u do.
Being free from psychological time;
1. U no longer pursue your goals with grim determination, driven by fear, anger, discontent or the need to become someone
2. U no longer remain inactive through fear of failure, which to the ego is loss of self.
When ur deeper sense of self is derived from Being, when u r free of "becoming" as a psychological need, neither ur happiness nor ur sense of self depends on the outcome, and so there is freedom from fear.
You don't seek for permanency where it cannot be found; in the world of form, of gain and loss, birth and death.
You don't demand that situations, conditions, places or people should make u happy, and then u suffer when they don't live up to ur expectations.
When this is ur state of Being, how can u not succeed? You have succeed already.
Soul
This is like self-mastery. Went through the world and its now back to self, back to present. I can be in the now. This is happening.
King of Spades
The final and most powerful card in the deck, representing mastery of one's environment and one's self.
You will experience good fortune and results.
It is truly the card of success in all things but brings the most blessings to those who are ready and willing to take responsibility for their life and work and who can take a leadership position in their work.
Remember this is a King we are talking about and every King has a kingdom.
Be prepared to take a leadership role and to live by ur own wisdom when this potent card appears. Success is yours for the taking, but u have to stand up and claim it.
Soul
Today I offered to source location for our rendezous.
Ego is saying what about articles on CEO. But that's happy problem. So, will handle it then.
Also, this is a prelude to the video.
Father, the ball on ur court.
Its amazing. It is because of Z. He has helped me to break free of my limitations and with that my fear is gone. Amen.
Yeap, every time I overcome my resistance to Z, other parts of my life opens up. Now I understand the meaning of Cosmic lesson.
Cosmic Lesson
Z is playing an instrumental role in helping you find your path to power.
It is not an easy connection, it could be one of the most powerful and important rships of ur life. Taken with the proper attitude, it could provide the catalyst for finding your life's work and purpose on a more universal life.
Soul
Yes, he is the catalyst. He nudged me to acknowledge my issue. When I handled it, I found my power.
It helped me to clear the past and now to build my future, to pursue my destiny.
Guess I have been sleepy of late cos freedom has become negative.
Cosmic Reward Card
Z challenges me and somehow points the way to ur own destiny and fulfillment. It can feel like a true blessing, once the challenges associated with it are met and dealt with.
Soul
Well, I can now see the reward. I have been thanking him in my prayer for the last one month.
Evening
The Passion Test
Your life is created first in ur mind, then in the world. As long as u believe u can't, u won't be able to. As long as u believe its too hard, it will be too hard for u.
Soul
Yea, my mantra is love life is effortless. True enough, Z and I fell into each other effortlessly. I am not sure of an apartment though.
The Passion Test
When u feel truly passionate about something, u will always have the ability to create it in ur life.
Cosmic Lesson (32) To lose is to live - romance is to play
Mar 10 Aft
My good friend D just drop by. She said the purpose of romance is to force us to play.
Father, I haven't play since eons ago. And Z also hasn't play a few years already. I told D that Z is focused and actively pursued a date out of me despite our busy schedule.
D said its sound like I don't want to compromise. I replied as if he does.
Yea, perhaps its true. Even the pill issue was difficult for me. I only concede this morning to eat it.
Like yday, when Z found out I went for volunteer meet, he asked me why. I said I go there to give them support. He said he need support too and he want me to give him support. I guess he is referring to making us happen. He has been cracking his head to get us a place (despite his busyness) and I am definitely not giving him support.
He is so busy and I guess I am not as busy but I m reluctant to do it cos its like I m more hard up and also I guess I am delaying it.
Looks like, I am not available, not willing to compromise and etc.
Just like in previous group session, I basically ignored him out of shyness. He purposely crack jokes to get my attention and this time sit with me.
The Power of Now
When u r full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. So, whenever u can, make some room, create some space, so that u find the life underneath ur life situation.
Use ur senses fully. Listen to the silence underneath the sounds. Observe ur breathing; feel the air flowing in and out, feel the life energy inside ur body. Allow everything to be. Move deeply into the Now.
You are leaving behind the deadening world of mental abstraction, of time. You are getting out of the insane mind that is draining u of life energy, just as it is slowly poisoning and destroying the Earth. You are awakening out of the dream of time into the present.
Soul
Not there yet for all times. But can assess the Now whenever I am disturbed. And I am able to see my tots of past and future.
The Power of Now
"Problems" means that u r dwelling on a situation mentally without there being a true intention or possibility of taking action now and that u r unconsciously making it part of ur sense of self. U then become so overwhelmed by ur life situations that u lose ur sense of life, of Being.
And when u create problem, u create pain.
All it takes is a simple choice, a simple decision; no matter what happens. I will create no more pain for myself. I will create no more problems.
Soul
That's what I decided on Tuesday. I m still hooked on pleasure but I have unhooked on pain. God will me only happiness.
The Power of Now
U won't make that choice unless u r truly fed up with suffering, unless u truly had enough. And u won't be able to go through with it.
And u won't be able to go through with it unless u access the Power of the Now. If u create no more pain for urself, then u create no more pain for others. U no longer contaminate the beautiful Earth, ur inner space, and the collective human psyche with the negativity of problem-making.
Soul
Thanks to T and Z for samyama lesson and practices.
Mar 10 Eve
Father, have tots of missing him. But I connect to my breath and it subsides.
Father, I haven't done much on writing. Been bz on Isha promotion and this weekend is sathsang.
Today did contract nego, my forte. Even E was impressed and the client definitely in awe. E said if I ever I tot of moving, give him a call. I counter by saying if the job is flexi and faciltate overseas, that would be great. Surprisingly when I told MD, she said she didn't want me to go. CEO also said the same thing, that I cannot leave as long as she is still around. Looks like I have made my mark.
As I tot of career progression, I tot of Z. He is already so bz and if I too become bz, we both cannot grow. Besides, my Top 5 is my partner and the joy of insightful writing.
My good friend D just drop by. She said the purpose of romance is to force us to play.
Father, I haven't play since eons ago. And Z also hasn't play a few years already. I told D that Z is focused and actively pursued a date out of me despite our busy schedule.
D said its sound like I don't want to compromise. I replied as if he does.
Yea, perhaps its true. Even the pill issue was difficult for me. I only concede this morning to eat it.
Like yday, when Z found out I went for volunteer meet, he asked me why. I said I go there to give them support. He said he need support too and he want me to give him support. I guess he is referring to making us happen. He has been cracking his head to get us a place (despite his busyness) and I am definitely not giving him support.
He is so busy and I guess I am not as busy but I m reluctant to do it cos its like I m more hard up and also I guess I am delaying it.
Looks like, I am not available, not willing to compromise and etc.
Just like in previous group session, I basically ignored him out of shyness. He purposely crack jokes to get my attention and this time sit with me.
The Power of Now
When u r full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. So, whenever u can, make some room, create some space, so that u find the life underneath ur life situation.
Use ur senses fully. Listen to the silence underneath the sounds. Observe ur breathing; feel the air flowing in and out, feel the life energy inside ur body. Allow everything to be. Move deeply into the Now.
You are leaving behind the deadening world of mental abstraction, of time. You are getting out of the insane mind that is draining u of life energy, just as it is slowly poisoning and destroying the Earth. You are awakening out of the dream of time into the present.
Soul
Not there yet for all times. But can assess the Now whenever I am disturbed. And I am able to see my tots of past and future.
The Power of Now
"Problems" means that u r dwelling on a situation mentally without there being a true intention or possibility of taking action now and that u r unconsciously making it part of ur sense of self. U then become so overwhelmed by ur life situations that u lose ur sense of life, of Being.
And when u create problem, u create pain.
All it takes is a simple choice, a simple decision; no matter what happens. I will create no more pain for myself. I will create no more problems.
Soul
That's what I decided on Tuesday. I m still hooked on pleasure but I have unhooked on pain. God will me only happiness.
The Power of Now
U won't make that choice unless u r truly fed up with suffering, unless u truly had enough. And u won't be able to go through with it.
And u won't be able to go through with it unless u access the Power of the Now. If u create no more pain for urself, then u create no more pain for others. U no longer contaminate the beautiful Earth, ur inner space, and the collective human psyche with the negativity of problem-making.
Soul
Thanks to T and Z for samyama lesson and practices.
Mar 10 Eve
Father, have tots of missing him. But I connect to my breath and it subsides.
Father, I haven't done much on writing. Been bz on Isha promotion and this weekend is sathsang.
Today did contract nego, my forte. Even E was impressed and the client definitely in awe. E said if I ever I tot of moving, give him a call. I counter by saying if the job is flexi and faciltate overseas, that would be great. Surprisingly when I told MD, she said she didn't want me to go. CEO also said the same thing, that I cannot leave as long as she is still around. Looks like I have made my mark.
As I tot of career progression, I tot of Z. He is already so bz and if I too become bz, we both cannot grow. Besides, my Top 5 is my partner and the joy of insightful writing.
Facing my karma in relationship (44) - he won't let me go
Mar 10
Father, Z won't let me go. And he knows my modus operandi is to run. I am surprised that he saw me avoiding him in the previous meditation. Of course, I denied it. He then said that since I avoid him, he deliberately sits besides me.
He keep on saying I was happy the whole night, hinting that it was because he is near me, again trying to reiterate I like him. I told him nope, it was because of the Energy, not because of him.
(Apr 23 - he keep on seeking for sign that I really like him. Why? Today J told me is because he is unsure of my feelings for him and he is seeking reassurance. Which of course, he cannot have, as he had already closed the door to my heart when he laid down the ground rules for the non-committal relationship. He told me the worst case scenario.)
When I asked him, how he felt, he replied he was ok and was excited with the music. As usual, wants to reinforce I like him more than he like me. Why???
I have decided to take the monthly pills instead as the piece meal pills wouldn't be enough. We be together quite often. I was quite surprised that he really want to come over my house yday night.
Anyway, just focused on samyama meditation. There is a long way to go. I can now see the mind truly vacilitate between past and future. And when I don't want tots on Z, it moves to work and later isha. The mind is cunning.
The Power of Now
In the normal, mind-identified or unenlightened stat of consciousness, the power and infinite creative potential that lie concealed in the Now are completely obscured by psychological time. Your life then loses its vibrancy, its freshness, its sense of wonder.
The old patterns of tots, emotion, behaviour, reaction and desire are acted out in endless repeat performance, a script in ur mind that gives u an identity of sorts but distorts or covers up the reality on the Now. The mind then creates an obsession with the future as an escape from the unsatisfactory present.
Soul
I know.
The Power of Now
Usually, the future is a replica of the past. Superficial changes are possible, but real transformation are rare and depends upon whether u can become present enough to dissolve the past by accessing the power of Now.
The past perpetuates itself through lack of presence.
The quality of ur consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future - which, of course can only be experienced in Now. Your degree of presence determines the quality of ur consciousness.
Soul
Noted and will continue.
The Power of Now
All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of present.
Too much future
1. Unease
2. Anxiety
3. Tension
4. Stress
5. Worry.
Too much past
1. Guilt
2. Regret
3. Resentment
4. Grievances
5. Sadness
6. Bitterness
7. Non-forgivness of past.
Time is the cause of ur suffering or ur problems. Until u have dealt with the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind - its attachment to past and future and denial of the Now - problems are actually interchangeable.
Ultimately, this is not about solving ur problems. It is about realising that there are no problems.
Soul
True. My situation with Z, there is no problem now. There is only problem when I project the future based on my past.
Tq.
Soul
Yea, now I can see tots vacilitate between past and future, creatin time.
Father, Z won't let me go. And he knows my modus operandi is to run. I am surprised that he saw me avoiding him in the previous meditation. Of course, I denied it. He then said that since I avoid him, he deliberately sits besides me.
He keep on saying I was happy the whole night, hinting that it was because he is near me, again trying to reiterate I like him. I told him nope, it was because of the Energy, not because of him.
(Apr 23 - he keep on seeking for sign that I really like him. Why? Today J told me is because he is unsure of my feelings for him and he is seeking reassurance. Which of course, he cannot have, as he had already closed the door to my heart when he laid down the ground rules for the non-committal relationship. He told me the worst case scenario.)
When I asked him, how he felt, he replied he was ok and was excited with the music. As usual, wants to reinforce I like him more than he like me. Why???
I have decided to take the monthly pills instead as the piece meal pills wouldn't be enough. We be together quite often. I was quite surprised that he really want to come over my house yday night.
Anyway, just focused on samyama meditation. There is a long way to go. I can now see the mind truly vacilitate between past and future. And when I don't want tots on Z, it moves to work and later isha. The mind is cunning.
The Power of Now
In the normal, mind-identified or unenlightened stat of consciousness, the power and infinite creative potential that lie concealed in the Now are completely obscured by psychological time. Your life then loses its vibrancy, its freshness, its sense of wonder.
The old patterns of tots, emotion, behaviour, reaction and desire are acted out in endless repeat performance, a script in ur mind that gives u an identity of sorts but distorts or covers up the reality on the Now. The mind then creates an obsession with the future as an escape from the unsatisfactory present.
Soul
I know.
The Power of Now
Usually, the future is a replica of the past. Superficial changes are possible, but real transformation are rare and depends upon whether u can become present enough to dissolve the past by accessing the power of Now.
The past perpetuates itself through lack of presence.
The quality of ur consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future - which, of course can only be experienced in Now. Your degree of presence determines the quality of ur consciousness.
Soul
Noted and will continue.
The Power of Now
All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of present.
Too much future
1. Unease
2. Anxiety
3. Tension
4. Stress
5. Worry.
Too much past
1. Guilt
2. Regret
3. Resentment
4. Grievances
5. Sadness
6. Bitterness
7. Non-forgivness of past.
Time is the cause of ur suffering or ur problems. Until u have dealt with the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind - its attachment to past and future and denial of the Now - problems are actually interchangeable.
Ultimately, this is not about solving ur problems. It is about realising that there are no problems.
Soul
True. My situation with Z, there is no problem now. There is only problem when I project the future based on my past.
Tq.
Soul
Yea, now I can see tots vacilitate between past and future, creatin time.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Facing my karma in relationship (43a) - abandonment
Mar 8 Aft
Yea, I met my match. I am strong and he is stronger still or perhaps I am more open. Need not see this as a loss per se. I am now moving towards mySelf and he is sticking to his hard won self. Very understandable. I too was afraid but now can take it.
Evening
D and I shared our challenges. She too had a difficult time last week and it was Sunday too. She cried and I cried. Like me, she also said she can't take it anymore and want a break. And both of us got answer that we need to stay in our relationship.
Like she said we are staying not because of the man but because we know we need them as part of our spiritual transformation.
Earlier, when negative tots on Z came in, I quickly switched to watching my breath. So I thanked him for accelerating my path.
Today a fellow meditator asked me not to swing my feet during sathsang as it was not becoming of a teacher. I said I am not a teacher but she said I am having the seat and so I am.
Mmm, called Z but no response. I chickened out and hang up. So, now I have to work on my breath and next thing is ego will follow on his non-response. Father, to do also die, not to do also die. Ego doesn't let me win either way.
Mmm, a tot came. Since ego won't let me win either way, then I might as well walked the path I want to go and forget about its judgement and opinions of me. I want to disidentify from my mind.
I finally realised Z is the spiritual catalyst. Because I don't want to suffer anymore on matters of hearts, the only way is to disengage from my mind.
Father, just like I expect. Immediately a tot came on Z that he didn't want to pick my phone. I said nope and it said why not since he didn't want to reply my msg. I asked for a positive tot and it came. Its ok to hunt for something u want. Even if people reject, u preservere.
I already lost the game. Why hold on to my pride? Why still resist? Even if he wanted to play the game, I need not react.
The Power of Now
Once u have disidentified from ur mind, whether u r right or wrong makes no difference to ur sense of self at all, so the forcefully compulsive and deeply unconscious need to be right, which is a form of violence, will no longer be there.
U can state clearly and firmly how u feel or what u think, but there will be no aggresiveness or defensiveness about it. Your sense of self is then derived from a deeper and truer place within urself, not from the mind. Power over others is weakness disguised as strength. True power is within and is available to Now.
Soul
Tot of me in Samurai Game, I was dead, I lost but there is a sense of self that is not lost.
The Power of Now
Another aspect of the egoic mind is a deep-seated sense of lack or incompleteness, of not being whole.
If it is conscious, it manifest as the unsettling and constant feeling of not being worthy or good enough.
If its unconscious, it will be felt indirectly as an intense craving, wanting and needing.
In either case, people will often enter into a compulsive pursuit of ego-gratification and things to identify with in order to fill this hole they feel within. So, they after money, success, power, recognition, or special relationship, basically so that they can feel better about themselves, feel more complete. But even after they attain all, they soon find it is bottomless.
The ego's needs are endless. It feels vulnerable and threatened and so lives in a state of fear and want.
Yea, I met my match. I am strong and he is stronger still or perhaps I am more open. Need not see this as a loss per se. I am now moving towards mySelf and he is sticking to his hard won self. Very understandable. I too was afraid but now can take it.
Evening
D and I shared our challenges. She too had a difficult time last week and it was Sunday too. She cried and I cried. Like me, she also said she can't take it anymore and want a break. And both of us got answer that we need to stay in our relationship.
Like she said we are staying not because of the man but because we know we need them as part of our spiritual transformation.
Earlier, when negative tots on Z came in, I quickly switched to watching my breath. So I thanked him for accelerating my path.
Today a fellow meditator asked me not to swing my feet during sathsang as it was not becoming of a teacher. I said I am not a teacher but she said I am having the seat and so I am.
Mmm, called Z but no response. I chickened out and hang up. So, now I have to work on my breath and next thing is ego will follow on his non-response. Father, to do also die, not to do also die. Ego doesn't let me win either way.
Mmm, a tot came. Since ego won't let me win either way, then I might as well walked the path I want to go and forget about its judgement and opinions of me. I want to disidentify from my mind.
I finally realised Z is the spiritual catalyst. Because I don't want to suffer anymore on matters of hearts, the only way is to disengage from my mind.
Father, just like I expect. Immediately a tot came on Z that he didn't want to pick my phone. I said nope and it said why not since he didn't want to reply my msg. I asked for a positive tot and it came. Its ok to hunt for something u want. Even if people reject, u preservere.
I already lost the game. Why hold on to my pride? Why still resist? Even if he wanted to play the game, I need not react.
The Power of Now
Once u have disidentified from ur mind, whether u r right or wrong makes no difference to ur sense of self at all, so the forcefully compulsive and deeply unconscious need to be right, which is a form of violence, will no longer be there.
U can state clearly and firmly how u feel or what u think, but there will be no aggresiveness or defensiveness about it. Your sense of self is then derived from a deeper and truer place within urself, not from the mind. Power over others is weakness disguised as strength. True power is within and is available to Now.
Soul
Tot of me in Samurai Game, I was dead, I lost but there is a sense of self that is not lost.
The Power of Now
Another aspect of the egoic mind is a deep-seated sense of lack or incompleteness, of not being whole.
If it is conscious, it manifest as the unsettling and constant feeling of not being worthy or good enough.
If its unconscious, it will be felt indirectly as an intense craving, wanting and needing.
In either case, people will often enter into a compulsive pursuit of ego-gratification and things to identify with in order to fill this hole they feel within. So, they after money, success, power, recognition, or special relationship, basically so that they can feel better about themselves, feel more complete. But even after they attain all, they soon find it is bottomless.
The ego's needs are endless. It feels vulnerable and threatened and so lives in a state of fear and want.
Transformation did happen (7) - I am blooming, its spring time for me
Mar 8
Father, woke up and hope to see his msg. Mmm, the grandma in the korean drama was right.
This is the first time I am feeling this. Or its just my mind, its false feeling.
Did my practice. Today I finished at 6.53 am. Not sure why I took so long but I know I was watching my tots, true enough, its on past and future. Whenever I waived it off, it hooked me again with pleasurable tots. By the time I finished, I felt bit wet. Then on the way driving, I was so aroused. Perhaps its because my menses is near.
Father, the timing is flawless. Its true, my body finally mature, first with dance and now sex. Thank u for sending me a sex partner just when I need it.
From now on, I just looked at Z as a tool that I required now.
The Power of Now
When u start to disidentify and become the watcher, the pain-body will continue to operate for a while and will try to trick u into identifying with it again. Although u r no longer energizing through ur identification, it has a certain momentum, just like a spinning wheel. At this stage, it may also create physical aches and pains in different parts of the body, but they won't last.
Soul
Mmm, I been disidentifying since Sunday and I noticed my right elbow is getting stiff and I am more aroused than ever.
The Power of Now
Be the ever-alert guardian of ur inner space. U need to be present enough to be able to watch the pain-body directly and feel its energy. It then cannot control ur thinking. The moment ur thinking is aligned with the energy field of the pain-body, u r identified with it and again feeding it with ur tots. Don't let the feeling turn into thinking.
For many women, the pain-body awakens particularly at the time preceding the menstrual flow. It is an opportunity for the most powerful spiritual practice and a rapid transmutation of all past pain become possible.
Soul
Mmm, 12 days more to go for the ending of Saturn, Seven of Hearts. Menses should be either this weekend or early next week.
The Power of Now
Sustained conscious attention severs the link between the pain-body and ur tot processes and brings about the process of transmutation. It is as if the pain become fuel for the flame of ur consciousness, which then burns more brightly as a result. The split within is healed and u become whole again. Ur responsibility then is not to create further pain.
Be aware of not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes", the silent watcher. This is the power of Now, the power of ur own conscious presence.
Soul
Will do.
(Apr 20 - It is definitely helpful that I am awed into silence by the trees on the roads)
The Power of Now
Only u can transmute the pain-body. But if u r fortunate enough to find someone who is intensely conscious, if u can be with them and join them in the state of presence, that can ne helpful and will accelerate things. In this way, ur own light will quickly grow stronger. To be such a light, is one of the functions of a spiritual teacher.
Soul
No wonder Sathsang is important and annual retreat too. Sitting with Sadhguru and being in Dhaynalinga
Suddenly tot of me being a light. I helped to mediate colleagues, calm down bosses.
The Power of Now
The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms, unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia and etc.
This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while ur mind is in the future and this creates an anxiety gap.
And if u r identified with ur mind and have lost touch with the power and simplicity of the
Now, that anxiety gap will be ur constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but u cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - u cannot cope with the future
Soul
Tot of boss, no wonder. Tot of me, yea too.
Like the insight I got during swimming, as long as I focus on the water below me, I will be at ease. Its when I see the way forward, I become afraid of what might happen if I swim to the front and stop swimming.
The Power of Now
Moreover, as long as u r identified with ur mind, the ego runs ur life. Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanisms, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case, even if the ego outwardly is very confident
Father, woke up and hope to see his msg. Mmm, the grandma in the korean drama was right.
This is the first time I am feeling this. Or its just my mind, its false feeling.
Did my practice. Today I finished at 6.53 am. Not sure why I took so long but I know I was watching my tots, true enough, its on past and future. Whenever I waived it off, it hooked me again with pleasurable tots. By the time I finished, I felt bit wet. Then on the way driving, I was so aroused. Perhaps its because my menses is near.
Father, the timing is flawless. Its true, my body finally mature, first with dance and now sex. Thank u for sending me a sex partner just when I need it.
From now on, I just looked at Z as a tool that I required now.
The Power of Now
When u start to disidentify and become the watcher, the pain-body will continue to operate for a while and will try to trick u into identifying with it again. Although u r no longer energizing through ur identification, it has a certain momentum, just like a spinning wheel. At this stage, it may also create physical aches and pains in different parts of the body, but they won't last.
Soul
Mmm, I been disidentifying since Sunday and I noticed my right elbow is getting stiff and I am more aroused than ever.
The Power of Now
Be the ever-alert guardian of ur inner space. U need to be present enough to be able to watch the pain-body directly and feel its energy. It then cannot control ur thinking. The moment ur thinking is aligned with the energy field of the pain-body, u r identified with it and again feeding it with ur tots. Don't let the feeling turn into thinking.
For many women, the pain-body awakens particularly at the time preceding the menstrual flow. It is an opportunity for the most powerful spiritual practice and a rapid transmutation of all past pain become possible.
Soul
Mmm, 12 days more to go for the ending of Saturn, Seven of Hearts. Menses should be either this weekend or early next week.
The Power of Now
Sustained conscious attention severs the link between the pain-body and ur tot processes and brings about the process of transmutation. It is as if the pain become fuel for the flame of ur consciousness, which then burns more brightly as a result. The split within is healed and u become whole again. Ur responsibility then is not to create further pain.
Be aware of not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes", the silent watcher. This is the power of Now, the power of ur own conscious presence.
Soul
Will do.
(Apr 20 - It is definitely helpful that I am awed into silence by the trees on the roads)
The Power of Now
Only u can transmute the pain-body. But if u r fortunate enough to find someone who is intensely conscious, if u can be with them and join them in the state of presence, that can ne helpful and will accelerate things. In this way, ur own light will quickly grow stronger. To be such a light, is one of the functions of a spiritual teacher.
Soul
No wonder Sathsang is important and annual retreat too. Sitting with Sadhguru and being in Dhaynalinga
Suddenly tot of me being a light. I helped to mediate colleagues, calm down bosses.
The Power of Now
The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms, unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia and etc.
This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while ur mind is in the future and this creates an anxiety gap.
And if u r identified with ur mind and have lost touch with the power and simplicity of the
Now, that anxiety gap will be ur constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but u cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - u cannot cope with the future
Soul
Tot of boss, no wonder. Tot of me, yea too.
Like the insight I got during swimming, as long as I focus on the water below me, I will be at ease. Its when I see the way forward, I become afraid of what might happen if I swim to the front and stop swimming.
The Power of Now
Moreover, as long as u r identified with ur mind, the ego runs ur life. Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanisms, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case, even if the ego outwardly is very confident
Transformation did happen (6) - I am blooming, its spring time for me
Mar 7 Eve
The Power of Now
Love, joy and peace cannot flourish until u have freed yourself from mind dominance. They r not emotions. They lie beyond the emotions, on a much deeper level. So u need to become fully conscious of ur emotions and be able to feel them before u can feel that which lies beyond them.
Emotion literally means "disturbance".
Love, joy and peace are deep states of Being or rather three aspects of the state of inner connectedness with Being.
Soul
Exactly.
The Power of Now
Pleasure is always derived outside, whereas joy arises from within.
The very thing that gives u pleasure today will give u pain tomorrow or it will leave u, so its absence will give u pain.
And what is often referred to as romantic love may be pleasurable and exciting for a while, but it is an addictive clinging, an extremely needy condition that can turn into its opposite at the flick of switch. Many "love" rships, after the initial euphoria has passed, actually oscillate between "love" and hate, attraction and attack.
Soul
Tell me about it.
The Power of Now
Real love doesn't make u suffer. All cravings are the mind seeking salvation or fulfillment in external things and in the future as a substitute for the joy of Being. As long as I am my mind, I am those cravings, those needs, wants, attachments, and aversion. Even desire to become enlighten is just another craving.
So, don't seek, just become present. Be the observer of the mind. Be the buddha, be "the awakened one", which is what the word Buddha means.
Pain is inevitable as long as u r identified with ur mind, which is to say as long as u r unconscious, spiritually speaking. Pain and pleasure is inseparable opposite, which will manifest in time.
There are two levels to ur pain;
1. The pain that u create now
2. The pain from the past that still lives on in ur mind and body.
Ceasing to create pain in the present and dissolving past pain - this is what I want to talk about now.
Soul
Pain of the past, I can dissolve using meditation.
Pain of the present, I have to be in the Now.
The Power of Now
The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment, and this in turn depends on how strongly u r identified with ur mind. The mind always seeks to deny the Now and to escape from it.
The more u r able to honour and accept the Now, the more u r free of pain, of suffering and free the egoic mind.
Soul
Can see my abandonment issue come up. Tots come in on Z but I don't want to react on it.
The Power of Now
Say "yes" to life and see how life suddenly starts working for u rather than against u.
Soul
Yes, I don't know what I could be. I don't know what I need for my growth. For now, at least I stop resisting Z. What m doing now is not to project my abandonment to him. He is totally fine no one calls him till the very last day. Besides I did my quota this morning. Now just want to focus on my breath.
Don't take this personally. He is just busy with his studies. He is very focused. Nothing to do with me. Just like he was not in my life, neither am I in his.
The Power of Now
Love, joy and peace cannot flourish until u have freed yourself from mind dominance. They r not emotions. They lie beyond the emotions, on a much deeper level. So u need to become fully conscious of ur emotions and be able to feel them before u can feel that which lies beyond them.
Emotion literally means "disturbance".
Love, joy and peace are deep states of Being or rather three aspects of the state of inner connectedness with Being.
Soul
Exactly.
The Power of Now
Pleasure is always derived outside, whereas joy arises from within.
The very thing that gives u pleasure today will give u pain tomorrow or it will leave u, so its absence will give u pain.
And what is often referred to as romantic love may be pleasurable and exciting for a while, but it is an addictive clinging, an extremely needy condition that can turn into its opposite at the flick of switch. Many "love" rships, after the initial euphoria has passed, actually oscillate between "love" and hate, attraction and attack.
Soul
Tell me about it.
The Power of Now
Real love doesn't make u suffer. All cravings are the mind seeking salvation or fulfillment in external things and in the future as a substitute for the joy of Being. As long as I am my mind, I am those cravings, those needs, wants, attachments, and aversion. Even desire to become enlighten is just another craving.
So, don't seek, just become present. Be the observer of the mind. Be the buddha, be "the awakened one", which is what the word Buddha means.
Pain is inevitable as long as u r identified with ur mind, which is to say as long as u r unconscious, spiritually speaking. Pain and pleasure is inseparable opposite, which will manifest in time.
There are two levels to ur pain;
1. The pain that u create now
2. The pain from the past that still lives on in ur mind and body.
Ceasing to create pain in the present and dissolving past pain - this is what I want to talk about now.
Soul
Pain of the past, I can dissolve using meditation.
Pain of the present, I have to be in the Now.
The Power of Now
The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment, and this in turn depends on how strongly u r identified with ur mind. The mind always seeks to deny the Now and to escape from it.
The more u r able to honour and accept the Now, the more u r free of pain, of suffering and free the egoic mind.
Soul
Can see my abandonment issue come up. Tots come in on Z but I don't want to react on it.
The Power of Now
Say "yes" to life and see how life suddenly starts working for u rather than against u.
Soul
Yes, I don't know what I could be. I don't know what I need for my growth. For now, at least I stop resisting Z. What m doing now is not to project my abandonment to him. He is totally fine no one calls him till the very last day. Besides I did my quota this morning. Now just want to focus on my breath.
Don't take this personally. He is just busy with his studies. He is very focused. Nothing to do with me. Just like he was not in my life, neither am I in his.
Transformation did happen (5) - I am blooming, its spring time for me
Mar 7 Aft
Osho
1. Issue
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful. One day, u r feeling so good and so happy and another day, u r so dull, so dead that u start thinking of committing suicide.
And it goes on and on, but u don't see the pattern. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.
Move toward the center of cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
I can now see the patterns. I won't be hooked by pleasure or pain. I can now see more clearly that my tots are not me, with help from Ekhart Tolle and samyama. I can lift myself up from my mind.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Exhaustion
A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness remain soft. Why? Because a man who has some ideas about how to live, naturally becomes hard. He has continuously to carry his character around himself. That character is like an armour, his protection, his security, his whole life invested in that character. And he always reacts to situations through the character, not directly.
No doubt he can't allow himself to be playful. It is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural routines for ourselves and, by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our doors. Life isn't a business to be managed, its a mystery to be lived.
Soul
I finally understood. No wonder, I was so tired, exhausted from having to hold on to my image of nice gal, afraid of being abandoned, afraid of too much sex, afraid I am a player. I guess its worse for people who are strong willed and is successful, like me and Z.
Previously I tot I was frigid, I tot I cannot be intimate and I was proven wrong by Z. Infact I love it and aim to be good at it, cos its a deliverable and I gave good value.
Anyway, I don't know who I really am. Z is offering me something I never done before and I am up to it.
And I can see Z totally living and adhering to his image. He already set what needs to happen and what can happen. Actually he didn't expect for us to happen and now he is trying his best to contain it. Anyway, I aim to learn my lesson.
Mmm, I wanted Z for the courage. I tot I don't have but I do. I may ding dong but once I made the decision, I stay put no matter how much price I need to pay. Mmm, that's what Z says about me. He admire that I go to India despite all my misgivings.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Rebirth
Everything passes by u, ur consciousness reflects it but it does not get identified.
Camel - sleepy, dull, self satisfied. And is concerned about other's opinions that he hardly has any energy of his own.
Lion - realised we have been missing in life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth.
Child - neither acquiescent nor rebellious but innocent and spontaneous, and true to his being.
Wherever u r, be aware that it will evolve into something new if u allow it. It is a time of growth and change.
Soul
I was the lion and now I just accept what life is offering me, I want to live spontaneously. I joined BSP in India spontaneously and look where it got me. I too was so frightened. I guess this steps I am taking is frightening too.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Flowering
Zen wants u living, living in abundance, in totality, intensely. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, ur benediction, ur ecstasy should not be contained within u like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to friends but to the strangers too.
The Queen of Rainbows is like a fantastic plant that has reached the apex of its flowering and its colour. She is very sexual, very alive, and full of possibilities. She snaps her fingers to the music of love and her zodiac necklace is placed in a way that Venus lies over her heart.
The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds, and as the wind blows, the seeds will be scattered to take root where they may. She is not concerned whether they land on the soil or on the rocks - she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love.
Flowers fall on her from above, in harmony with her own flowering, and the waters of emotion swirls playfully beneath the flower on which sits.
You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere. Welcome the bees, invite the birds to drink ur nectar. Spread ur joy around for all to share.
Soul
For the first time in my life, I am feeling sexual and liberated.
I now can move, can dance, can have sex!!
(Apr 20, Hei, I just realised that I am now following the book, Eat, Pray and Love. I recalled that I always tell people that the books reminds me of myself, except for the part of Love. But now, I am at the phase of Love, amazing how life unfolds!)
5. The Understanding
Guidance
You have to find the inner guide, and that's what I call ur witness. That's what I call ur intrinsic buddha, ur dharma.
You have to awaken that buddha and ur life will shower blessings, benediction. Your life will become so radiant with good, with godliness, more than u can possibly conceive. It is almost like light. Ur room is dark, just bring light in. You simply see, and there is not even a flicker of tot. You simply go out.
The truth of ur deepest being is trying to show u where to go right now, and when this card appears, it means u can trust the inner guidance u r being given.
It speaks in whispers, and sometimes we can hesitate, not knowing if we have understood rightly. But the indications are clear; in following the inner guide, u will feel more whole, more integrated, as if u r moving outwards from the very center of ur being. If u go with it, this beam of light will carry u exactly where u need to go.
Soul
Such turmoil with Z. Everytime I faced him head on, I come out with loads of benefits. Because of overcoming him, I finally found my Being. I can be One with Life.
Osho
1. Issue
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful. One day, u r feeling so good and so happy and another day, u r so dull, so dead that u start thinking of committing suicide.
And it goes on and on, but u don't see the pattern. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.
Move toward the center of cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
I can now see the patterns. I won't be hooked by pleasure or pain. I can now see more clearly that my tots are not me, with help from Ekhart Tolle and samyama. I can lift myself up from my mind.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Exhaustion
A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness remain soft. Why? Because a man who has some ideas about how to live, naturally becomes hard. He has continuously to carry his character around himself. That character is like an armour, his protection, his security, his whole life invested in that character. And he always reacts to situations through the character, not directly.
No doubt he can't allow himself to be playful. It is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural routines for ourselves and, by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our doors. Life isn't a business to be managed, its a mystery to be lived.
Soul
I finally understood. No wonder, I was so tired, exhausted from having to hold on to my image of nice gal, afraid of being abandoned, afraid of too much sex, afraid I am a player. I guess its worse for people who are strong willed and is successful, like me and Z.
Previously I tot I was frigid, I tot I cannot be intimate and I was proven wrong by Z. Infact I love it and aim to be good at it, cos its a deliverable and I gave good value.
Anyway, I don't know who I really am. Z is offering me something I never done before and I am up to it.
And I can see Z totally living and adhering to his image. He already set what needs to happen and what can happen. Actually he didn't expect for us to happen and now he is trying his best to contain it. Anyway, I aim to learn my lesson.
Mmm, I wanted Z for the courage. I tot I don't have but I do. I may ding dong but once I made the decision, I stay put no matter how much price I need to pay. Mmm, that's what Z says about me. He admire that I go to India despite all my misgivings.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Rebirth
Everything passes by u, ur consciousness reflects it but it does not get identified.
Camel - sleepy, dull, self satisfied. And is concerned about other's opinions that he hardly has any energy of his own.
Lion - realised we have been missing in life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth.
Child - neither acquiescent nor rebellious but innocent and spontaneous, and true to his being.
Wherever u r, be aware that it will evolve into something new if u allow it. It is a time of growth and change.
Soul
I was the lion and now I just accept what life is offering me, I want to live spontaneously. I joined BSP in India spontaneously and look where it got me. I too was so frightened. I guess this steps I am taking is frightening too.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Flowering
Zen wants u living, living in abundance, in totality, intensely. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, ur benediction, ur ecstasy should not be contained within u like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to friends but to the strangers too.
The Queen of Rainbows is like a fantastic plant that has reached the apex of its flowering and its colour. She is very sexual, very alive, and full of possibilities. She snaps her fingers to the music of love and her zodiac necklace is placed in a way that Venus lies over her heart.
The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds, and as the wind blows, the seeds will be scattered to take root where they may. She is not concerned whether they land on the soil or on the rocks - she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love.
Flowers fall on her from above, in harmony with her own flowering, and the waters of emotion swirls playfully beneath the flower on which sits.
You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere. Welcome the bees, invite the birds to drink ur nectar. Spread ur joy around for all to share.
Soul
For the first time in my life, I am feeling sexual and liberated.
I now can move, can dance, can have sex!!
(Apr 20, Hei, I just realised that I am now following the book, Eat, Pray and Love. I recalled that I always tell people that the books reminds me of myself, except for the part of Love. But now, I am at the phase of Love, amazing how life unfolds!)
5. The Understanding
Guidance
You have to find the inner guide, and that's what I call ur witness. That's what I call ur intrinsic buddha, ur dharma.
You have to awaken that buddha and ur life will shower blessings, benediction. Your life will become so radiant with good, with godliness, more than u can possibly conceive. It is almost like light. Ur room is dark, just bring light in. You simply see, and there is not even a flicker of tot. You simply go out.
The truth of ur deepest being is trying to show u where to go right now, and when this card appears, it means u can trust the inner guidance u r being given.
It speaks in whispers, and sometimes we can hesitate, not knowing if we have understood rightly. But the indications are clear; in following the inner guide, u will feel more whole, more integrated, as if u r moving outwards from the very center of ur being. If u go with it, this beam of light will carry u exactly where u need to go.
Soul
Such turmoil with Z. Everytime I faced him head on, I come out with loads of benefits. Because of overcoming him, I finally found my Being. I can be One with Life.
My happiness and unhappiness
Mar 7
Father, did my practices. It was fine. Suria was effortless. I just focused on my breath. Shakti and shambavi was fine too. I was surprised that despite a week of non-practice, I was fine.
Tot of me not liking red. I think its because there is hidden passion in me. Z's role was to faciltate me to express my hidden passion. Father, m looking forward to be intimate with him. Mmm, I am fine today. I am slowly learning my tots are not me, they are false.
Positivity
Watch ur tots, words and beliefs. Eliminate every negative - including gossip, doubt and fear
Decide on ur personal goal and ur vision for ur community and the world.
Then focus wholeheartedly on it. Your life must inevitably accelerate, so expect to move forward now.
Success awaits u.
Soul
I am looking forward to Z. Need not be in future. The worst case is I may be a player myself and that's a happy problem.
Did this list during Soul Sister pgm, a good reminder on what grabs me;
Happiness is me feeling contented in my own space
Happiness is me having a good cup of coffee and some good dessert.
Happiness is when I am meditating.
Happiness is when I am with my family.
Happiness is when I am sharing my Insight.
Happiness is when I am doing my writing.
Happiness is when i m connected with something that interest me.
Unhappiness is when I am closed up, afraid to come out.
Unhappiness is when I am rejected.
Unhappiness is when I am not feeling secure.
Unhappiness is when I am feeling humiliated
Soul
No wonder pain body was activated. The situation with Z last Friday activated all my unhappiness. I am fine now. But I am not calling becos I can see my projection of abandonment to him. He doesn't need my msg, it was me that need it. Amen.
Father, now that mind knows I don't believe in their negativity, it starts to turn around spurting pleasurable tots instead. Very cunning. For a moment, felt so pleasurable that I wanted to msg Z. Then I stop, I want to maintain till Thur. Don't get hooked by the mind again. Both pain and pleasure is theirs to wield. In order to be true, I cannot believe bot.
(Apr 20 - looking at my happiness..i realised I am contented and happy most of the time. My list of unhappiness shows why I am afraid of relationship as it triggers my abandonment mode. When it is triggered, I cannot move.)
The Power of Now
If u r pulled into unconscious identification with the emotion through lack of presence, which is normal, the emotion temporarily becomes "you". Often a vicious circle builds up between ur thinking and the emotion; they feed each other. By dwelling mentally on the situation, event or person that is the perceived cause of the emotion, the tot feeds energy to the emotion, which in turn energises the tot pattern, and so on.
Emotion is fear, but apart from a continuous sense of threat, it also includes a deep sense of abandonment and incompleteness. It may be best to use a term that is undifferentiated as that basic emotion called "pain".
One of the main tasks of the mind is to fight or remove that emotional pain, which is one of the reason for its incessant activity, but all it can ever achieve is to cover it up temporarily.
In fact, the harder the mind struggles to get rid of the pain, the greater the pain.
The mind can never find the solution, nor can it afford to allow u to find the solution, because it is itself an intrinsic part of the "problem". Imagine a chief of police trying to find an arsonist, when the arsonist is the chief of police.
You will not be free of that pain until u cease to derive ur sense of self from identification with the mind, which is to say from ego. The mind is then toppled from its place of power and Being reveals itself as ur true nature.
Soul
Amen
Father, I was feeling cheeky and sensual and I msg him after I read my weekly Osho. I just react. I need not manage my life. Such irony, I tot our commn is doomed and not sure how to continue. Looks like I can never trust myself to predict future again.
And I no longer trust my false self.
Five of Clubs
Change of mind and plan.
Signal a change in ur life. U will likely feel a dissatisfaction with things as they are and want to progress into new areas.
Father, did my practices. It was fine. Suria was effortless. I just focused on my breath. Shakti and shambavi was fine too. I was surprised that despite a week of non-practice, I was fine.
Tot of me not liking red. I think its because there is hidden passion in me. Z's role was to faciltate me to express my hidden passion. Father, m looking forward to be intimate with him. Mmm, I am fine today. I am slowly learning my tots are not me, they are false.
Positivity
Watch ur tots, words and beliefs. Eliminate every negative - including gossip, doubt and fear
Decide on ur personal goal and ur vision for ur community and the world.
Then focus wholeheartedly on it. Your life must inevitably accelerate, so expect to move forward now.
Success awaits u.
Soul
I am looking forward to Z. Need not be in future. The worst case is I may be a player myself and that's a happy problem.
Did this list during Soul Sister pgm, a good reminder on what grabs me;
Happiness is me feeling contented in my own space
Happiness is me having a good cup of coffee and some good dessert.
Happiness is when I am meditating.
Happiness is when I am with my family.
Happiness is when I am sharing my Insight.
Happiness is when I am doing my writing.
Happiness is when i m connected with something that interest me.
Unhappiness is when I am closed up, afraid to come out.
Unhappiness is when I am rejected.
Unhappiness is when I am not feeling secure.
Unhappiness is when I am feeling humiliated
Soul
No wonder pain body was activated. The situation with Z last Friday activated all my unhappiness. I am fine now. But I am not calling becos I can see my projection of abandonment to him. He doesn't need my msg, it was me that need it. Amen.
Father, now that mind knows I don't believe in their negativity, it starts to turn around spurting pleasurable tots instead. Very cunning. For a moment, felt so pleasurable that I wanted to msg Z. Then I stop, I want to maintain till Thur. Don't get hooked by the mind again. Both pain and pleasure is theirs to wield. In order to be true, I cannot believe bot.
(Apr 20 - looking at my happiness..i realised I am contented and happy most of the time. My list of unhappiness shows why I am afraid of relationship as it triggers my abandonment mode. When it is triggered, I cannot move.)
The Power of Now
If u r pulled into unconscious identification with the emotion through lack of presence, which is normal, the emotion temporarily becomes "you". Often a vicious circle builds up between ur thinking and the emotion; they feed each other. By dwelling mentally on the situation, event or person that is the perceived cause of the emotion, the tot feeds energy to the emotion, which in turn energises the tot pattern, and so on.
Emotion is fear, but apart from a continuous sense of threat, it also includes a deep sense of abandonment and incompleteness. It may be best to use a term that is undifferentiated as that basic emotion called "pain".
One of the main tasks of the mind is to fight or remove that emotional pain, which is one of the reason for its incessant activity, but all it can ever achieve is to cover it up temporarily.
In fact, the harder the mind struggles to get rid of the pain, the greater the pain.
The mind can never find the solution, nor can it afford to allow u to find the solution, because it is itself an intrinsic part of the "problem". Imagine a chief of police trying to find an arsonist, when the arsonist is the chief of police.
You will not be free of that pain until u cease to derive ur sense of self from identification with the mind, which is to say from ego. The mind is then toppled from its place of power and Being reveals itself as ur true nature.
Soul
Amen
Father, I was feeling cheeky and sensual and I msg him after I read my weekly Osho. I just react. I need not manage my life. Such irony, I tot our commn is doomed and not sure how to continue. Looks like I can never trust myself to predict future again.
And I no longer trust my false self.
Five of Clubs
Change of mind and plan.
Signal a change in ur life. U will likely feel a dissatisfaction with things as they are and want to progress into new areas.
Focus on breath - samyama
Mar 6 Eve
Today, I was in the Cafe for 5 hours. Did an article, write mail on Isha and update blog.
Was planning to sleep but got side tracked with a packet of meatball noodles and now too full to sleep.
Tot of my video promotion, can actually just use 1 article for discussion. I can start of sharing my experience and learning via the article. Then invite audience to share theirs.
Feel much better after reading my blog. I have grown much. Actually the situation between Z and me hasn't changed except the fact that Z confirmation that he is not emotionally involved and he doesn't want any commitment. He prefers that I also date other guys so that I don't hold on to him as he doesn't want me to be hurt. So, all in all, its my pride that's is hurting.
Anyway, I am fine now.
(Apr 20 - so much drama..over nothing. Father, I am feeling calm)
The Power of Now - Ekhart Tolle
Enlightenment is a state of wholeness, of being "at one" and therefore at peace.
At one with life in its manifested aspect, the world, as well as ur deepest self and life unmanifested.
Soul
Tot of me being at One with Water and now want to be at One with Me.
Evenin
Woke up from sleep and mind still want to do Z. I don't want. I focus on my breath.
Again I dreamt. A guy was kissing me and my eyes was closed. He was a great kisser and then I tot that is not Z. I then run away and a guy chased me for my BB, thinking that I had evidence of the big shot who kissed me. I said nope and he let me be. Then I continue to wait for Z and he came but it was like a very long time or many years cos he has grown very old. We hug each other. Weird dream.
Father, let me use this spiral energy for my enlightenment instead. I am focusing on my breath as I think my mind is running wild. Why so fearful?? I want Z and I trust him. And everytime I overcome my challenge with him, I grow. So, why so fearful?? Decision is made, so move on.
(Apr 20 - I shared the dream with Z and we have a laugh over it. )
The Power of Now
The incessant mental noise prevents u from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from Being. It also create a false mind-made self that casts a shadow of fear and suffering.
Enlightenment is at one with Being. Enlightenment is not only the end of suffering and of continuous conflict within and without, but also the end of the dreadful enslavement to incessant thinking. What an incredible liberation this is!
Identification with ur mind creates an opaque screen of concepts that separate between u and urself, u and others.
Soul
When I focus on the water below me and my breath, I become one with water. The swim was effortless.
My mind is on compulsion mode. I am focusing on my breath and whatever m doing. I seem calmer now.
The Power of Now
The moment u start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realise that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond tot, that tot is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. Things that truly matter - beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace - arise from beyond the mind. You begun to awaken.
Soul
Suddenly a tot came, I am a Venus in Leo and I will regained my power.
Father, now that I can assess into the inner joy in me, I know now.
The Power of Now
The voice in ur mind belongs to ur conditioned mind, which is the result of all ur past history as well as of the collective cultural mind-set u inherited. So u see and judge the present through the eyes of the past and get a totally distorted view of it. It is not uncommon for the voice to be a person's own worst enemy.
Soul
I came to this realisation when I was swimming. I didn't want to look into the future as I would be immobilised because I predict the people would either be stationery, block me or swim towards me. So, I don't look and to my surprise, most times, the people move away and when the swimmer came, I was able to float and let them past.
Mmm, I will use this to apply in my life. I now agreed I cannot predict a clean future, so I won't speculate what's to become of me. Its true Z is speculating, but he too doesn't know how he maybe and I too don't know. Instead of worrying about being stuck, who knows, I will just back out happily.
The Power of Now
When u listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say do not judge. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old gramophone records that have been playing in ur head perhaps for many years. Listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence.
You will soon realise; there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realisation, this sense of ur own presence, it is not ur tot. It arises from beyond the mind.
Soul
This is samyama. I did sense the presence, a grounding presence.
The Power of Now
You become aware not only of the tot but also of urself as the witness of the tot. U feel ur deepr self, beneath or behind the tot. The tot then loses it power over u and quickly subsides, because u r no longer energising the mind through identification with it. This is the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking.
When the tot subsides, u experience a discontinuity in the mental stream - a gap of no-mind. At first the gaps will be short, a few second perhaps, but gradually they will become longer. When these gaps occur, u feel a certain stillness and peace inside u.
This is the beginning of ur natural state of felt oneness with Being.
U r fully present. It also raises the vibrational frequency of the energy field that gives life to the physical body.
Soul
Father, my wish comes quickly. Yday I asked since I now can become One with Water, how can I become One with Life and U answered me.
The Power of Now
Instead of "watching the thinker", u can also create a gap in the mind stream simply by directing the focus of ur attention into the Now. Just become intensely conscious of the present moment. U draw consciousness away from mind activity and create a gap of no-mind in which u are highly alert and aware but not thinking. This is the essence of meditation.
Soul
This is shoonya.
The Power of Now
You can practice this by taking any routine activity that normally is only a means to an end and giving it ur fullest attention so that it becomes an end in itself.
Be aware of a silent but powerful sense of presence. U measure ur success by the degree of peace that u feel within.
Soul
Definitely there. I have been watching my breath. And tots of Z has dwindled and some still float but I didn't follow it. I am now much calmer.
The Power of Now
The single most vital step on ur journey toward enlightenment is this: learn to disidentify from ur mind. Everytime u create a gap in the stream of mind, the light of consciousness grows stronger.
One day u may catch urself smiling at the voice in ur head, as u would smile at the antics of a child. This means that u no longer take the content of ur mind all that seriously, as ur sense of self does not depend on it.
Soul
I have been able to except for Z, cos abandonment was my pain body and I get hooked too fast. Anyway, I can now.
The Power of Now
Ego - false self, created by unconscious identification with the mind. To the ego, only past and future are considered important. It is always concerned with keeping the past alive, because without it - who are u?
Soul
No wonder it so active on Z. Me going out with Z is going against my old self. It is death to the old self but I am fine. It is going into a losing game.
The Power of Now
The present moment holds the key to liberation. But u cannot find the present moment as long as u r ur mind.
Tot alone, when it is no longer connected with the much vaster realm of consciousness, quickly becomes barren, insane, destructive.
The mind is essentially a survival machine. Attack and defense against other minds.
The tot that u r being threatened, physically or psychologically, causes the body to contract, and this is the physical side of what we call fear.
The less present u r, as the watching consciousness, the stronger the emotional energy charge will be. If u cannot feel ur emotions, if u r cut off from them, u will eventually experience them on a purely physical level, illness and etc.
Soul
I couldn't feel my fear previously and hence it turn to RA. I now can.
The Power of Now
Your body will always give u a truthful reflection of ur mind.
You can allow the emotion to be there without being controlled by it. You are no longer the emotion, u r the watcher, the observer. If u practice this, all that is unconscious in u will be brought into the light of consciousness.
Soul
That's where I am now. Everything is coming up. Now I know what to do. Like C said, I have faced my Pluto of Seven of Clubs and now adjourned to Cosmic of Seven of Spade.
Father, thank U for not forsaking me. I cried for help and U came. I am feeling better now.
Today, I was in the Cafe for 5 hours. Did an article, write mail on Isha and update blog.
Was planning to sleep but got side tracked with a packet of meatball noodles and now too full to sleep.
Tot of my video promotion, can actually just use 1 article for discussion. I can start of sharing my experience and learning via the article. Then invite audience to share theirs.
Feel much better after reading my blog. I have grown much. Actually the situation between Z and me hasn't changed except the fact that Z confirmation that he is not emotionally involved and he doesn't want any commitment. He prefers that I also date other guys so that I don't hold on to him as he doesn't want me to be hurt. So, all in all, its my pride that's is hurting.
Anyway, I am fine now.
(Apr 20 - so much drama..over nothing. Father, I am feeling calm)
The Power of Now - Ekhart Tolle
Enlightenment is a state of wholeness, of being "at one" and therefore at peace.
At one with life in its manifested aspect, the world, as well as ur deepest self and life unmanifested.
Soul
Tot of me being at One with Water and now want to be at One with Me.
Evenin
Woke up from sleep and mind still want to do Z. I don't want. I focus on my breath.
Again I dreamt. A guy was kissing me and my eyes was closed. He was a great kisser and then I tot that is not Z. I then run away and a guy chased me for my BB, thinking that I had evidence of the big shot who kissed me. I said nope and he let me be. Then I continue to wait for Z and he came but it was like a very long time or many years cos he has grown very old. We hug each other. Weird dream.
Father, let me use this spiral energy for my enlightenment instead. I am focusing on my breath as I think my mind is running wild. Why so fearful?? I want Z and I trust him. And everytime I overcome my challenge with him, I grow. So, why so fearful?? Decision is made, so move on.
(Apr 20 - I shared the dream with Z and we have a laugh over it. )
The Power of Now
The incessant mental noise prevents u from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from Being. It also create a false mind-made self that casts a shadow of fear and suffering.
Enlightenment is at one with Being. Enlightenment is not only the end of suffering and of continuous conflict within and without, but also the end of the dreadful enslavement to incessant thinking. What an incredible liberation this is!
Identification with ur mind creates an opaque screen of concepts that separate between u and urself, u and others.
Soul
When I focus on the water below me and my breath, I become one with water. The swim was effortless.
My mind is on compulsion mode. I am focusing on my breath and whatever m doing. I seem calmer now.
The Power of Now
The moment u start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realise that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond tot, that tot is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. Things that truly matter - beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace - arise from beyond the mind. You begun to awaken.
Soul
Suddenly a tot came, I am a Venus in Leo and I will regained my power.
Father, now that I can assess into the inner joy in me, I know now.
The Power of Now
The voice in ur mind belongs to ur conditioned mind, which is the result of all ur past history as well as of the collective cultural mind-set u inherited. So u see and judge the present through the eyes of the past and get a totally distorted view of it. It is not uncommon for the voice to be a person's own worst enemy.
Soul
I came to this realisation when I was swimming. I didn't want to look into the future as I would be immobilised because I predict the people would either be stationery, block me or swim towards me. So, I don't look and to my surprise, most times, the people move away and when the swimmer came, I was able to float and let them past.
Mmm, I will use this to apply in my life. I now agreed I cannot predict a clean future, so I won't speculate what's to become of me. Its true Z is speculating, but he too doesn't know how he maybe and I too don't know. Instead of worrying about being stuck, who knows, I will just back out happily.
The Power of Now
When u listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say do not judge. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old gramophone records that have been playing in ur head perhaps for many years. Listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence.
You will soon realise; there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realisation, this sense of ur own presence, it is not ur tot. It arises from beyond the mind.
Soul
This is samyama. I did sense the presence, a grounding presence.
The Power of Now
You become aware not only of the tot but also of urself as the witness of the tot. U feel ur deepr self, beneath or behind the tot. The tot then loses it power over u and quickly subsides, because u r no longer energising the mind through identification with it. This is the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking.
When the tot subsides, u experience a discontinuity in the mental stream - a gap of no-mind. At first the gaps will be short, a few second perhaps, but gradually they will become longer. When these gaps occur, u feel a certain stillness and peace inside u.
This is the beginning of ur natural state of felt oneness with Being.
U r fully present. It also raises the vibrational frequency of the energy field that gives life to the physical body.
Soul
Father, my wish comes quickly. Yday I asked since I now can become One with Water, how can I become One with Life and U answered me.
The Power of Now
Instead of "watching the thinker", u can also create a gap in the mind stream simply by directing the focus of ur attention into the Now. Just become intensely conscious of the present moment. U draw consciousness away from mind activity and create a gap of no-mind in which u are highly alert and aware but not thinking. This is the essence of meditation.
Soul
This is shoonya.
The Power of Now
You can practice this by taking any routine activity that normally is only a means to an end and giving it ur fullest attention so that it becomes an end in itself.
Be aware of a silent but powerful sense of presence. U measure ur success by the degree of peace that u feel within.
Soul
Definitely there. I have been watching my breath. And tots of Z has dwindled and some still float but I didn't follow it. I am now much calmer.
The Power of Now
The single most vital step on ur journey toward enlightenment is this: learn to disidentify from ur mind. Everytime u create a gap in the stream of mind, the light of consciousness grows stronger.
One day u may catch urself smiling at the voice in ur head, as u would smile at the antics of a child. This means that u no longer take the content of ur mind all that seriously, as ur sense of self does not depend on it.
Soul
I have been able to except for Z, cos abandonment was my pain body and I get hooked too fast. Anyway, I can now.
The Power of Now
Ego - false self, created by unconscious identification with the mind. To the ego, only past and future are considered important. It is always concerned with keeping the past alive, because without it - who are u?
Soul
No wonder it so active on Z. Me going out with Z is going against my old self. It is death to the old self but I am fine. It is going into a losing game.
The Power of Now
The present moment holds the key to liberation. But u cannot find the present moment as long as u r ur mind.
Tot alone, when it is no longer connected with the much vaster realm of consciousness, quickly becomes barren, insane, destructive.
The mind is essentially a survival machine. Attack and defense against other minds.
The tot that u r being threatened, physically or psychologically, causes the body to contract, and this is the physical side of what we call fear.
The less present u r, as the watching consciousness, the stronger the emotional energy charge will be. If u cannot feel ur emotions, if u r cut off from them, u will eventually experience them on a purely physical level, illness and etc.
Soul
I couldn't feel my fear previously and hence it turn to RA. I now can.
The Power of Now
Your body will always give u a truthful reflection of ur mind.
You can allow the emotion to be there without being controlled by it. You are no longer the emotion, u r the watcher, the observer. If u practice this, all that is unconscious in u will be brought into the light of consciousness.
Soul
That's where I am now. Everything is coming up. Now I know what to do. Like C said, I have faced my Pluto of Seven of Clubs and now adjourned to Cosmic of Seven of Spade.
Father, thank U for not forsaking me. I cried for help and U came. I am feeling better now.
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