I was still disturbed yesterday evening. Not sure if I wanted to apply for the Finance director position. Since i was facing 'bit' of attack by the boss, start to doubt my capability. Also worried if I am jumping into another fire. Alas I who is always able to handle any boss, now admit to failure. I cannot handle her and I am also not sure if I want to. But if I don't, I am afraid to get a worst one....
Just prayed and asked from guidance from Sadhguru. What am I to do?
Sadhguru
It is craving and aversion which builds karma.
You have an aversion to karma, so you are trying to push it away. In the effort to push it away, you are only building more karma.
Hesitation is the worst sin, because with hesitation, you kill life. Anything that suppresses life is the worst sin.
If u deprives you of any experience - whether it is pain, suffering, joy or whatever it is - if u avoids it that is big karma. If you go through it, it is not so much karma.
Simple people who laugh and cry as it comes, they are so much free.
If u lives totally, u dissolves enormous amounts of karma.
Living totally does not mean just having fun. Anything and everything that comes, you just experience it fully.
Soul - same card as postponement. Asking me to make not to postpone, not to hesistate, just do it.
I am afraid to face challenges, to face my karma. By not moving, I have less chance of facing karma, despite knowing m in a career rut, not enjoying my work.
This situation with my boss seem to be d push factor.
Also yesterday, first time I was invited to their business WIP, I don't like the advertising biz, this biz is all about people manipulation.
And I am too straight n not street smart and definitely not polished, so difficult to fit it and I am not sure that I want to be like them.
This morning, after meditation.
Suddenly tot of why I fear 24 x 7
It is about not having control.
Feeling being restricted by others
I guess all my fear of being controlled by others and environment is due to the control I set on myself.
Ask and it is given
It is our desire that you become one who is happy with that which you are and with that which you have - while at the same time being eager for more.
This is the optimal creative vantage point; To stand on the brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation - with no feeling of impatience, doubt, unworthiness hindering the receiving of it - that is the science of deliberate creation at its best.
Father, I just did my letter to apply for the Finance Director position. Will send by today. It is true, all the postponement, just make me feel stuck and cause even more chattering in mymind.
I have just send the email application and suddenly this feeling came.
I am so blessed n happy.
I am so easily happy wit jus good food
I can sleep well within 5 minutes and at least 95 percent of time that I can do so. And now I even have the Tool to release all tension n I can sleep 97 percent.
So, it doesn't matter if my boss ignore me n scold me cause I am happy n fulfilled without her.
In the end, this whole inner journey is just to accept ourselves, both good n bad.
Once we accept ourselves, we felt love flowing thru us.
Isn't this is why we r searching for partner? For someone to accept us as we are, not to reject us when they found us lacking or have weakness.
I now have accept and love myself, no need to find a partner to do so. This is so liberating.
After 7 months, I now start to feel acceptance of myself. In accepting myself, I felt loved by me...
Acceptance is Love.
I have read and I now experienced and know it.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Benefits of yoga - feeling of blessedness and Well-Beingness
This morning, I was still thinking of why I am resistant on working global hours. Hearing David mention about 7 am to 1 am timing make me worried about applying.
I know I can do the job and I can communicate and gain respect from the Whites, and I will enjoy travelling, eating and meeting people. Now it is the global timing that I need to address.
While I was driving, suddenly a van is in front of me and the words;
Once u try, u never forget.
Suddenly another line came to my mind; If you don't try, you won't get. Mmm, another message that I am to apply for the Finance Director position.
Mmm, yea woh. Jus like my meditation, if anyone has told me that in order to do meditation, have to do 2 times a day, wake up at 5.40 am. I would resist n freak out. And now I am doing it willingly cos I enjoy it. The waking up is not a chore. In fact, now I wake up about 5.30 am automatically.
Yea, don't try, don't know and of course, definitely won’t get
This last 2 weeks, I have met 2 persons who are into meditation and they are the ones who brought it up. They were open n share with me about not able to sleep n etc and looking for a way. They too said they cannot meditate because of their chattering mind. I told them of Isha. So far, no initiative, but when they r ready, they know they can make enquiries wit me.
My osho reading - so accurate
1. Issue - Success
2. Internal - schizophrenia
3. External - politics
4. What to do - We are the world (a time for commn n sharing and knowing we have the same longing for peace of mind, for something as simple as a good sleep)
5. Resolution - Postponement - Just to do it now cos if not, u wil start to waver n be more afraid. Postponing only give u a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and stuck-ness.
Asked and It is Given
You need to learn to always allow your true nature to pour through you and that as you learn to consciously allow your full connection with the You that is your Source, your experience will be one of absolute joy.
By consciously choosing the direction of your thoughts, you can be in constant connection with Source Energy, with God, with joy and with all that you considered to be good.
Soul - d meeting with my boss. I knew she would be venting out on me. Instead of being angry, I deliberately focus on my liking for her and knowing she support me. In the midst of her venting, suddenly tears came and I said that I am sad that I upset her. I am sad that our relationship break because of this incident. I told her that last Friday, I was upset with her but I also knew I was sad n I prayed before my meditation to have another tot of her cause I wan to feel good about us. In the meditation, the tot of her giving me guidance comes to my mind.
It was that finally stop her ranting and raving.
At first, I felt embarrassed that I cried and I talk about the relationship. I also felt guilty for kow towing. I tot I lost me cause this is not my normal response.
I had no plans to be tell her my sadness, cause that's is givin her weapon and frankly, the tot never crossed my mind. But now I knew it is because I allow my Source to come thru. Now I understand what they meant by not conditioning, jus be whatever I need to moment by moment.
Asked and it is given
Well-Being is the basis of this Universe. Well-Being is the basis of All-That-Is. It flows to you and through you. You have only to allow it. Like the air that you breathe, you only have to open, relax and draw it into your Being.
Soul - yeah. Whenever I start to sit on my yoga mat, immediate I relaxed and felt a stillness. Especially after the head shaking whereby all tension is released.
Asked and It is given
Do you understand how much orchestration of circumstances and events on your behalf is available to you?
Do you understand you adored are you?
Do you understand how the creation of this Universe, fits together for the perfection of your experience?
Do you understand how beloved are you, how blessed are you and what an integral part of this creative process you are?
Soul - I first encountered this understanding whenever I meditate. Recently I understand this when I am not meditating. I was telling my fellow meditator that so many accidents happen, jus to guide me to be aware and to move forward
Asked and it is given
We want u to begin to look for the evidence of it because we are showing it you every moment that you will allow yourselves to see it; in the lining up of lovers, money, fulfilling experiences and beautiful things for you to see; in the lining up of amazing co-creative experiences where you are rendezvousing with one another for no other reason than for the fantastically important reason of fulfilling, satisfying, and pleasing yourself and giving yourself joy in the moment.
Soul - I read this book a year back, but I wasn't able to see the beauty of life, how blessed I was. I recalled that I read it but it didn't leave an impression with me or rather I cannot connect with it. Now I can, after the meditation.
I who asked myself what is the benefit of yoga. I already knew my internals are calmer and correspond with my external and my auto-control mode switch is off more often.
Now the true benefit is that I am beginning to see how blessed I am and how the Universe creates accidents to guide me forward. Amen.
Asked and it is given
Your motion forward is inevitable; it must be. You cannot but move forward. But you are not here on a quest to move forward - you are here to experience outrageous joy. That's is why you are here
Soul - Amen. Finally, I know I am blessed and loved.
Today draw a 4 Heart card - very true.
I know I can do the job and I can communicate and gain respect from the Whites, and I will enjoy travelling, eating and meeting people. Now it is the global timing that I need to address.
While I was driving, suddenly a van is in front of me and the words;
Once u try, u never forget.
Suddenly another line came to my mind; If you don't try, you won't get. Mmm, another message that I am to apply for the Finance Director position.
Mmm, yea woh. Jus like my meditation, if anyone has told me that in order to do meditation, have to do 2 times a day, wake up at 5.40 am. I would resist n freak out. And now I am doing it willingly cos I enjoy it. The waking up is not a chore. In fact, now I wake up about 5.30 am automatically.
Yea, don't try, don't know and of course, definitely won’t get
This last 2 weeks, I have met 2 persons who are into meditation and they are the ones who brought it up. They were open n share with me about not able to sleep n etc and looking for a way. They too said they cannot meditate because of their chattering mind. I told them of Isha. So far, no initiative, but when they r ready, they know they can make enquiries wit me.
My osho reading - so accurate
1. Issue - Success
2. Internal - schizophrenia
3. External - politics
4. What to do - We are the world (a time for commn n sharing and knowing we have the same longing for peace of mind, for something as simple as a good sleep)
5. Resolution - Postponement - Just to do it now cos if not, u wil start to waver n be more afraid. Postponing only give u a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and stuck-ness.
Asked and It is Given
You need to learn to always allow your true nature to pour through you and that as you learn to consciously allow your full connection with the You that is your Source, your experience will be one of absolute joy.
By consciously choosing the direction of your thoughts, you can be in constant connection with Source Energy, with God, with joy and with all that you considered to be good.
Soul - d meeting with my boss. I knew she would be venting out on me. Instead of being angry, I deliberately focus on my liking for her and knowing she support me. In the midst of her venting, suddenly tears came and I said that I am sad that I upset her. I am sad that our relationship break because of this incident. I told her that last Friday, I was upset with her but I also knew I was sad n I prayed before my meditation to have another tot of her cause I wan to feel good about us. In the meditation, the tot of her giving me guidance comes to my mind.
It was that finally stop her ranting and raving.
At first, I felt embarrassed that I cried and I talk about the relationship. I also felt guilty for kow towing. I tot I lost me cause this is not my normal response.
I had no plans to be tell her my sadness, cause that's is givin her weapon and frankly, the tot never crossed my mind. But now I knew it is because I allow my Source to come thru. Now I understand what they meant by not conditioning, jus be whatever I need to moment by moment.
Asked and it is given
Well-Being is the basis of this Universe. Well-Being is the basis of All-That-Is. It flows to you and through you. You have only to allow it. Like the air that you breathe, you only have to open, relax and draw it into your Being.
Soul - yeah. Whenever I start to sit on my yoga mat, immediate I relaxed and felt a stillness. Especially after the head shaking whereby all tension is released.
Asked and It is given
Do you understand how much orchestration of circumstances and events on your behalf is available to you?
Do you understand you adored are you?
Do you understand how the creation of this Universe, fits together for the perfection of your experience?
Do you understand how beloved are you, how blessed are you and what an integral part of this creative process you are?
Soul - I first encountered this understanding whenever I meditate. Recently I understand this when I am not meditating. I was telling my fellow meditator that so many accidents happen, jus to guide me to be aware and to move forward
Asked and it is given
We want u to begin to look for the evidence of it because we are showing it you every moment that you will allow yourselves to see it; in the lining up of lovers, money, fulfilling experiences and beautiful things for you to see; in the lining up of amazing co-creative experiences where you are rendezvousing with one another for no other reason than for the fantastically important reason of fulfilling, satisfying, and pleasing yourself and giving yourself joy in the moment.
Soul - I read this book a year back, but I wasn't able to see the beauty of life, how blessed I was. I recalled that I read it but it didn't leave an impression with me or rather I cannot connect with it. Now I can, after the meditation.
I who asked myself what is the benefit of yoga. I already knew my internals are calmer and correspond with my external and my auto-control mode switch is off more often.
Now the true benefit is that I am beginning to see how blessed I am and how the Universe creates accidents to guide me forward. Amen.
Asked and it is given
Your motion forward is inevitable; it must be. You cannot but move forward. But you are not here on a quest to move forward - you are here to experience outrageous joy. That's is why you are here
Soul - Amen. Finally, I know I am blessed and loved.
Today draw a 4 Heart card - very true.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Osho cards guiding me...
Afternoon
Got the osho card n it is very appropriate
1. Issue - celebration, good things coming to me since I was willing to undertake n overcome challenges
Soul - tot of d adv for Finance Director - Asia
2. Internal issue I am unaware - Schizopreniac - ur mind always vacillates. For every Yes, there is a automatic corresponding No. You are not able to decide thru a list of Pro and Con. Follow ur heart. If you cannot find ur heart, just jump into it.
Soul - yeap, been disturbed since last sat on the Finance director role. For every yes, there was a No. Don't know what to decide. Worry of making wrong decision that will cause me to have new challenges. Part of me wants to grow, part of me afraid to grow.
3. External issue - Political mind.
Soul - nothing new here, I knew my political mind at work and hence I am uncertain. Actually, use to take pride in making fast decision n yet now so difficult. Really don't know or perhaps fearful of making wrong decisions cos unsure what I really need.
4. What is required. The wheel of togetherness.
5. Resolution - Procastination. Just do it, don't wait. Don't prolong.
The message is clear. To proceed.
Even now having lunch. I felt alone, bit lifeless. Goin thru the motion and not excited at all. Appropriately today is 3 diamond - uncertain abt values.
This is the first time, I am uncertain in my career path. But then, this is the first time I was afraid. Before current company, I wasn't uncertain but wish I have other better choice. Now, d choice is good but m not certain.
Father, yea. To grow up.
Funnily today cannot find d newspaper cutting.
Last week I was on High n now feeling bit low cos not sure.
But m glad for Osho card, it tells me to move.
Sadhguru
Sadhguru means somebody who has no gone through a so-called spiritual education. The only thing he has is his inner experience.
The only thing I know is myself, and that's all that is worth knowing in the existence.
If you know yourself, everything that is worth knowing is there within you.
Sadhguru means someone who comes from within.
Soul
Well, that is my path..going inner.
Got the osho card n it is very appropriate
1. Issue - celebration, good things coming to me since I was willing to undertake n overcome challenges
Soul - tot of d adv for Finance Director - Asia
2. Internal issue I am unaware - Schizopreniac - ur mind always vacillates. For every Yes, there is a automatic corresponding No. You are not able to decide thru a list of Pro and Con. Follow ur heart. If you cannot find ur heart, just jump into it.
Soul - yeap, been disturbed since last sat on the Finance director role. For every yes, there was a No. Don't know what to decide. Worry of making wrong decision that will cause me to have new challenges. Part of me wants to grow, part of me afraid to grow.
3. External issue - Political mind.
Soul - nothing new here, I knew my political mind at work and hence I am uncertain. Actually, use to take pride in making fast decision n yet now so difficult. Really don't know or perhaps fearful of making wrong decisions cos unsure what I really need.
4. What is required. The wheel of togetherness.
5. Resolution - Procastination. Just do it, don't wait. Don't prolong.
The message is clear. To proceed.
Even now having lunch. I felt alone, bit lifeless. Goin thru the motion and not excited at all. Appropriately today is 3 diamond - uncertain abt values.
This is the first time, I am uncertain in my career path. But then, this is the first time I was afraid. Before current company, I wasn't uncertain but wish I have other better choice. Now, d choice is good but m not certain.
Father, yea. To grow up.
Funnily today cannot find d newspaper cutting.
Last week I was on High n now feeling bit low cos not sure.
But m glad for Osho card, it tells me to move.
Sadhguru
Sadhguru means somebody who has no gone through a so-called spiritual education. The only thing he has is his inner experience.
The only thing I know is myself, and that's all that is worth knowing in the existence.
If you know yourself, everything that is worth knowing is there within you.
Sadhguru means someone who comes from within.
Soul
Well, that is my path..going inner.
With opportunity, comes fear
Morning
I woke up and this is my first tot and was thinking about all my former CEOs
Slow death
Death
Not growing
Deteriorate
All these adjectives are describing me as I was unwilling to grow to be a Queen.
Evening
My fear of having my time encroached off office hour n I will be on 24 x 7.
Fear I won't have time for meditation.
Fear I have to meet challenges again
Fear that I have no more strength to meet challenges
Amazingly, I have no fear of not able to handle d job or d foreign people or of not meeting expectation.
Aiyah, calm down. Now that I have Isha yoga, I am no longer as concerned with all my fear. I have the tool to overcome my fears.
Fear of no time, I am no longer a workaholic n not tied my value to job achievement, so as long as I managed myself, is ok.
Shared with my friend that I might apply for a regional position and she said that I am definitely ready for regional position and I know my ex-staff would also agree with her.
Evening
After finished my exercise, suddenly tot of listening to the cd - Way of the Heart.
Got this cds few years back and I tried to listen but somehow it didn’t connect with me but it did connect with my close friend.
Today I listened to the cd and I find myself more receptive. Coincidentally, I have jus mid this week decided to grow up and take care of my own heart and now suddenly listening to the Way of the Heart. The Way of the Heart is asking me to trust Him while He exposed me to situations that will release all the hidden illusions I have inside me.
I will start to listen to the cds on a weekly basis.
Sadhguru
Whoever did anything without thinking of sacrifice/benefits, without second thoughts.
Only he can experience something, a certain strength, a certain power within himself, that somebody who is trying to protect himself will never experience.
Soul
I am still thinking of the advertisement for Finance Director – Asia.
Father, I don't know. I just don't wan to fall into trap of looking for growth in wrong places.
On second tot, there are no wrong places, cos every company I worked in, I have learned n transformed, even in the current company, the worst n lowest level I have ever been, it brought me Isha yoga. For that, I am forever thankful.
I woke up and this is my first tot and was thinking about all my former CEOs
Slow death
Death
Not growing
Deteriorate
All these adjectives are describing me as I was unwilling to grow to be a Queen.
Evening
My fear of having my time encroached off office hour n I will be on 24 x 7.
Fear I won't have time for meditation.
Fear I have to meet challenges again
Fear that I have no more strength to meet challenges
Amazingly, I have no fear of not able to handle d job or d foreign people or of not meeting expectation.
Aiyah, calm down. Now that I have Isha yoga, I am no longer as concerned with all my fear. I have the tool to overcome my fears.
Fear of no time, I am no longer a workaholic n not tied my value to job achievement, so as long as I managed myself, is ok.
Shared with my friend that I might apply for a regional position and she said that I am definitely ready for regional position and I know my ex-staff would also agree with her.
Evening
After finished my exercise, suddenly tot of listening to the cd - Way of the Heart.
Got this cds few years back and I tried to listen but somehow it didn’t connect with me but it did connect with my close friend.
Today I listened to the cd and I find myself more receptive. Coincidentally, I have jus mid this week decided to grow up and take care of my own heart and now suddenly listening to the Way of the Heart. The Way of the Heart is asking me to trust Him while He exposed me to situations that will release all the hidden illusions I have inside me.
I will start to listen to the cds on a weekly basis.
Sadhguru
Whoever did anything without thinking of sacrifice/benefits, without second thoughts.
Only he can experience something, a certain strength, a certain power within himself, that somebody who is trying to protect himself will never experience.
Soul
I am still thinking of the advertisement for Finance Director – Asia.
Father, I don't know. I just don't wan to fall into trap of looking for growth in wrong places.
On second tot, there are no wrong places, cos every company I worked in, I have learned n transformed, even in the current company, the worst n lowest level I have ever been, it brought me Isha yoga. For that, I am forever thankful.
Negative situation may lead into opportunity
Morning
Father, I have received my boss reply sms and it makes me aggravated again.
She was asserting her so called leadership. I was disturbed.
Anyway, I calm myself down and said yeah, she is just being her usual self but why m I disturbed.
Then finally I realised she was trying to make me feel small, like I make her feel when I queried her about overtaking her leave
Her reply sms is asking me to remember my place in the hierarchy. Frankly there is no hierarchy in my perception and I don't like authority cos I already have so much in me
Father, my ego stil there and I am still angry. Started reading the newspaper and in my aggravation, I suddenly flicked to the job advertisement page and immediately this advertisement jumped out at me, vacancy for Finance Director – Asia for a global software house….my industry.
Afternoon
I have checked out the website and it has completed acquisition in Oct 2007 and now a global company. Headquarter in Australia and 2nd main office in Europe.
Regional office in KL Sentral and office set up in 2007, with 10 years tax free status.
I also checked out its annual report n looks heavy financing interest. Financially cash flow is low due to loan for acquisition.
I was worried about funding n cashflow issue. Over in current company, I don't have to worry about cashflow, jus have to worry about Boss, admin and reporting deadline.
Aiyah, think don't have to worry now lah. Get the job first n increase my profile. Its time I go for regional role.
Father, suddenly a tot came. If Boss has not aggravated me, I would not even have flick at the Job Advertisement section at all. Alas, I was aggravated and I did and somehow the Finance Director - Asia advert was there.
Well, let's see. Just apply as this is an opportunity.
My ego telling me that this is what I said about d human resource position in KL sentral and also the position in Shanghai. Yea, but then I was running away and now I am not. Ego telling me not to be so positive.
Frankly, it is easier to stay in current company as I have achieved so much. I wonder if the laziness card is not only for spirituality but for career too.
Ego said why go n be difficult again n face challenge in new company
Aiyah, anyway, jus apply and if it is meant for my growth, I will get.
This job in current company got me my meditation. So, I won't ever have to worry.
Father, I have received my boss reply sms and it makes me aggravated again.
She was asserting her so called leadership. I was disturbed.
Anyway, I calm myself down and said yeah, she is just being her usual self but why m I disturbed.
Then finally I realised she was trying to make me feel small, like I make her feel when I queried her about overtaking her leave
Her reply sms is asking me to remember my place in the hierarchy. Frankly there is no hierarchy in my perception and I don't like authority cos I already have so much in me
Father, my ego stil there and I am still angry. Started reading the newspaper and in my aggravation, I suddenly flicked to the job advertisement page and immediately this advertisement jumped out at me, vacancy for Finance Director – Asia for a global software house….my industry.
Afternoon
I have checked out the website and it has completed acquisition in Oct 2007 and now a global company. Headquarter in Australia and 2nd main office in Europe.
Regional office in KL Sentral and office set up in 2007, with 10 years tax free status.
I also checked out its annual report n looks heavy financing interest. Financially cash flow is low due to loan for acquisition.
I was worried about funding n cashflow issue. Over in current company, I don't have to worry about cashflow, jus have to worry about Boss, admin and reporting deadline.
Aiyah, think don't have to worry now lah. Get the job first n increase my profile. Its time I go for regional role.
Father, suddenly a tot came. If Boss has not aggravated me, I would not even have flick at the Job Advertisement section at all. Alas, I was aggravated and I did and somehow the Finance Director - Asia advert was there.
Well, let's see. Just apply as this is an opportunity.
My ego telling me that this is what I said about d human resource position in KL sentral and also the position in Shanghai. Yea, but then I was running away and now I am not. Ego telling me not to be so positive.
Frankly, it is easier to stay in current company as I have achieved so much. I wonder if the laziness card is not only for spirituality but for career too.
Ego said why go n be difficult again n face challenge in new company
Aiyah, anyway, jus apply and if it is meant for my growth, I will get.
This job in current company got me my meditation. So, I won't ever have to worry.
Guru Pooja - helps to turnaround a negative perception into a positve perception
Tagore
As long as we are journeying, stopping only to rest at various shelters by the wayside, we do not see these pictures - things seems merely useful, too concrete for remembrance.
It is when the traveller no longer needs them and has reached his destination that picture start to come.
When things surround us at every hand, the mind becomes lazy, commissions others and forgets that the joy of a feast depends more on nourishment of imagination than on external things.
This is the chief lesson which infancy has to teach a human being. Then his possessions are few and trivial, yet he needs no more to be happy.
For the unfortunate youngster who has an unlimited number of playthings, the world of play is spoilt.
The road that leads to knowledge without going thru the dreary process of understanding is the royal suit. If that be barred, eventhough commerce may continue, the open sea and the mountain top cease to be possible of access.
I m reminded of a day when, as I was seated on the cement floor, meditating on the text, my eyes overflowed with tears. Why they came, I do not know. The fact is that what goes on in the inner recesses of consciousness is not always known to the surface dweller.
Soul - mmm. Not sure. But there is some message here.
Evening
Today, I had a bad session with Boss. I was feeling both judgement on myself n on Boss. It was aggravated when the Boss PA said that I didn't think of her when I get Boss upset. She said m causing trouble to the company.
I was feeling bad n when I reached home by 8.30 pm, did my meditation. I asked God to release d negative tot.
I was singing guru pooja (song of joy now), suddenly a tot came. When things r not good, then u learn. I am not to rest on my laurel. So, I become calmer and accepted the situation.
Then suddenly tot of Boss was even guiding me despite being angry. I felt suddenly liberated. Yea, supposed to be killing but I wasn't killed but was guided. I suddenly cried cos I felt so blessed.
I send Boss a sms. No reply n ego working ovetime. It doesn't matter. Main thing is I m released. Ego said Boss think m not professional n being open. I said that is fine, no plan to follow.
I am so glad that guru pooja came. I had no expectation that it will change my tot so quickly.
As long as we are journeying, stopping only to rest at various shelters by the wayside, we do not see these pictures - things seems merely useful, too concrete for remembrance.
It is when the traveller no longer needs them and has reached his destination that picture start to come.
When things surround us at every hand, the mind becomes lazy, commissions others and forgets that the joy of a feast depends more on nourishment of imagination than on external things.
This is the chief lesson which infancy has to teach a human being. Then his possessions are few and trivial, yet he needs no more to be happy.
For the unfortunate youngster who has an unlimited number of playthings, the world of play is spoilt.
The road that leads to knowledge without going thru the dreary process of understanding is the royal suit. If that be barred, eventhough commerce may continue, the open sea and the mountain top cease to be possible of access.
I m reminded of a day when, as I was seated on the cement floor, meditating on the text, my eyes overflowed with tears. Why they came, I do not know. The fact is that what goes on in the inner recesses of consciousness is not always known to the surface dweller.
Soul - mmm. Not sure. But there is some message here.
Evening
Today, I had a bad session with Boss. I was feeling both judgement on myself n on Boss. It was aggravated when the Boss PA said that I didn't think of her when I get Boss upset. She said m causing trouble to the company.
I was feeling bad n when I reached home by 8.30 pm, did my meditation. I asked God to release d negative tot.
I was singing guru pooja (song of joy now), suddenly a tot came. When things r not good, then u learn. I am not to rest on my laurel. So, I become calmer and accepted the situation.
Then suddenly tot of Boss was even guiding me despite being angry. I felt suddenly liberated. Yea, supposed to be killing but I wasn't killed but was guided. I suddenly cried cos I felt so blessed.
I send Boss a sms. No reply n ego working ovetime. It doesn't matter. Main thing is I m released. Ego said Boss think m not professional n being open. I said that is fine, no plan to follow.
I am so glad that guru pooja came. I had no expectation that it will change my tot so quickly.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Guru Pooja turned from a song of sadness to a song of joy
Wow now this week Osho card truly makes sense. Alas I will stop resisting and grow spiritually so that I can take care of my own heart. It is time to let go of the old pain of rejection by my mother. Be a woman and stand on my own feet.
Osho card - Control
To control the mind, one has to remain so cold and frozen that no life energy is allowed to move into your limbs, into your body. If energy is allowed to move, those repressions will surface. People don't feel each other's energy, don't allow each other to pour - very afraid, somehow just managing, cold and dead, in a straightjacket.
Soul - I used to think that of ex-boss and a good close friend. I told my friend that I can't feel her and that she is not expressing her feeling. She said others doesn't think so. I have known awhile back that it is a projection of my internal coldness (control mode), but this card reiterate the projection.
Evening
I have emailed to my Teacher that I wanted to do Shoonya meditation and she is happy for my progress. I told her that Sadhguru would knock my head for being so recalcitrant. She said he won't cos he only knocked those unconscious ones. She said Sadhguru would probably 'kill' me with a smile.
Today I got a King of Heart card and I was determined to make my heart whole again during the evening meditation.
Did the guru pooja for 3 rounds.
For the first time since I encountered guru pooja, it became a song of joy. I was happily singing in d 3rd song.
There were a bit of tears during meditation, more of tears of gratitude for being blessed. There was laughter n this time I felt my heart was laughing too. This is the first time since I did guru pooja that the crying has stopped.
Osho card - Control
To control the mind, one has to remain so cold and frozen that no life energy is allowed to move into your limbs, into your body. If energy is allowed to move, those repressions will surface. People don't feel each other's energy, don't allow each other to pour - very afraid, somehow just managing, cold and dead, in a straightjacket.
Soul - I used to think that of ex-boss and a good close friend. I told my friend that I can't feel her and that she is not expressing her feeling. She said others doesn't think so. I have known awhile back that it is a projection of my internal coldness (control mode), but this card reiterate the projection.
Evening
I have emailed to my Teacher that I wanted to do Shoonya meditation and she is happy for my progress. I told her that Sadhguru would knock my head for being so recalcitrant. She said he won't cos he only knocked those unconscious ones. She said Sadhguru would probably 'kill' me with a smile.
Today I got a King of Heart card and I was determined to make my heart whole again during the evening meditation.
Did the guru pooja for 3 rounds.
For the first time since I encountered guru pooja, it became a song of joy. I was happily singing in d 3rd song.
There were a bit of tears during meditation, more of tears of gratitude for being blessed. There was laughter n this time I felt my heart was laughing too. This is the first time since I did guru pooja that the crying has stopped.
Growing up and take care of my own Heart
Jus now while doing meditation, there were a string of tots, especially my resistance from Day 1. As usual, I ignore n resist once I found d slightest resistance.
Perhaps this is d control part of me. And since I put up d resistance, I am not exposed n hence didn't grow. Alas, I admit I didn't grow up.
What a journey. It was becos I finally had to grow up in work (doing tasks I dislike cos I deemed that as low value) that I had the exposure to grow up spiritually n yet I put up resistance.
Guru pooja broke it down. Now I am aware why I was so against it. Till now d passive resistance is there as I cannot sing d stanzas after gurur brahma, but d outward resistance is gone. I m controlled enough to continue.
After the string of resistance, suddenly tot of writing to my Teacher and said I will stand up to share on resistance from day 1 to how guru pooja broke down my wall of internal control. Still more walls to go thru, but alas the outer wall is broken, undone.
After telling Teacher all about my resistance, I finally tot of Sadhguru saying that I am to continue n I tot of doing Shoonya meditation this year n of course followed by spa.
Father, never had intention to pursue deeper into Isha program, infact a very heavy NO.
Yeah, jus do the Shoonya. Grow up n protect my heart in the correct way and not protect it by controlling.
Amen, thank God for guru pooja.
Really amazing, if I haven't done guru pooja, I won't continue. And I had no expectation of what guru pooja can do. I guess if I had, I wouldn't do it. God has big plans for me and its time I grow up to take care of my own heart.
No more seeking others to take care of my heart.
Why I meet Sixes (what am I to learn from them)
A Six person will budge only when they are ready. Attempts to change them usually meet with failure. (Soul - that's me me)
Six is symbolised by the Star of David, the two interlocking triangles, one pointing up, the other down. This symbolizes balance and peace. (Soul - I m wearing the Star of David pendant)
Six can hear "the voice within".
Their natural intuition and their ability to see things from both sides gives a great deal of intuition to all sixes. (Soul - that's me too)
It is those Sixes that listen to their inner voice who realise that they are here to bring others to the light. They find that their life has much more meaning than just getting by day-to-day and fulfilling their personal desires. (Soul - part of me know that my path n have been doing it when needed to with friends/colleague, but still not doing it willingly)
This is one of the cards that can attain the highest degree of material or spiritual success. On the other hand, they can get caught up in their complacency and never amount to anything. (Soul - this reminds me of myself too. I already knew I have d foundation to prosper in both material or spiritual world. But I didn't wan to change, didn't wan to move away from my safety parameter, jus wan to rest basically resist growing)
Six love to be in love, but often there are some childhood issue that impinge them on their ability to choose wisely. The tendency of a Six is to avoid their feelings and emotion that can make them appear emotional or upset. But these feelings are essential if the Six person is to truly understand their self and get to the bottom of the issues that influences them in their choice of relationship
(Soul - I can relate to that. I was brought in a family that put sad emotion as a weakness n not to be expressed. Also due to my childhood sexual molest case and d physical disconnection from my mother, even the fun part is controlled. I become an adult even before I was 12 yrs old.)
Soul – The Sixes I have met recently are my mirror. The Sixes card is sending me a message of my past, my control issue and my passive resistance, about being mediocre when I can become great. Father, u r great, thank you.
Perhaps this is d control part of me. And since I put up d resistance, I am not exposed n hence didn't grow. Alas, I admit I didn't grow up.
What a journey. It was becos I finally had to grow up in work (doing tasks I dislike cos I deemed that as low value) that I had the exposure to grow up spiritually n yet I put up resistance.
Guru pooja broke it down. Now I am aware why I was so against it. Till now d passive resistance is there as I cannot sing d stanzas after gurur brahma, but d outward resistance is gone. I m controlled enough to continue.
After the string of resistance, suddenly tot of writing to my Teacher and said I will stand up to share on resistance from day 1 to how guru pooja broke down my wall of internal control. Still more walls to go thru, but alas the outer wall is broken, undone.
After telling Teacher all about my resistance, I finally tot of Sadhguru saying that I am to continue n I tot of doing Shoonya meditation this year n of course followed by spa.
Father, never had intention to pursue deeper into Isha program, infact a very heavy NO.
Yeah, jus do the Shoonya. Grow up n protect my heart in the correct way and not protect it by controlling.
Amen, thank God for guru pooja.
Really amazing, if I haven't done guru pooja, I won't continue. And I had no expectation of what guru pooja can do. I guess if I had, I wouldn't do it. God has big plans for me and its time I grow up to take care of my own heart.
No more seeking others to take care of my heart.
Why I meet Sixes (what am I to learn from them)
A Six person will budge only when they are ready. Attempts to change them usually meet with failure. (Soul - that's me me)
Six is symbolised by the Star of David, the two interlocking triangles, one pointing up, the other down. This symbolizes balance and peace. (Soul - I m wearing the Star of David pendant)
Six can hear "the voice within".
Their natural intuition and their ability to see things from both sides gives a great deal of intuition to all sixes. (Soul - that's me too)
It is those Sixes that listen to their inner voice who realise that they are here to bring others to the light. They find that their life has much more meaning than just getting by day-to-day and fulfilling their personal desires. (Soul - part of me know that my path n have been doing it when needed to with friends/colleague, but still not doing it willingly)
This is one of the cards that can attain the highest degree of material or spiritual success. On the other hand, they can get caught up in their complacency and never amount to anything. (Soul - this reminds me of myself too. I already knew I have d foundation to prosper in both material or spiritual world. But I didn't wan to change, didn't wan to move away from my safety parameter, jus wan to rest basically resist growing)
Six love to be in love, but often there are some childhood issue that impinge them on their ability to choose wisely. The tendency of a Six is to avoid their feelings and emotion that can make them appear emotional or upset. But these feelings are essential if the Six person is to truly understand their self and get to the bottom of the issues that influences them in their choice of relationship
(Soul - I can relate to that. I was brought in a family that put sad emotion as a weakness n not to be expressed. Also due to my childhood sexual molest case and d physical disconnection from my mother, even the fun part is controlled. I become an adult even before I was 12 yrs old.)
Soul – The Sixes I have met recently are my mirror. The Sixes card is sending me a message of my past, my control issue and my passive resistance, about being mediocre when I can become great. Father, u r great, thank you.
Growing up and accepting my path
Sadhguru
The whole spiritual process is jus that: you are willing to melt away your individuality, to experience the universality.
If you don't want to melt away your individuality, then you should not talk about spirituality.
Being spiritual means breaking all my limitations of being individual, become unbounded.
But some people wants to be spiritual and yet also maintain their limitations. You wear your limitations like decorations around your neck. Then u simply cause suffering to yourself, unfortunately and invariably, you will try to infect others around you.
Soul - yea, m one of them. This hit me, I keep on saying m not ready to let go and also at times didn't want to let go of my individuality out of pride.
So, unless I dropped d individuality, I cannot be spiritual.
Aiyah, as usual my limitation is mostly physical and self-imposed, like food, comfort, relaxation, pleasure, no hard work cos I already worked hard in office, no stressing myself with memorisation.
Sadhguru
Sadhguru means a dissolving agent, a catalyst to dissolve you faster. So if you say, I love Sadhguru but I don't want to dissolve; I don't like spirituality, then either you are mentally deranged, or u r somebody who jumps this way or that according to your convenience.
Both these things are not good.
You are on a rail track that goes this way, but you are struggling to go the other n hence d result is only going to be struggle instead of joy.
Soul - I have read this before but it didn't hit me. And now it did. I have found my path and yet m not working towards it, putting all my physical limitation. Or I tot those are not limitations but my pride n pleasure. In reality, they are my limitations.
Yeah, it is true that I am receptive but I can be even more so if I drop my limitations when required, not as a discipline.
I also felt bit guilty, I have been given so much, being so receptive by guided contemplation n here I am not willing to risk some pleasure.
Sadhguru
Renunciation means you have renounced your likes and dislikes. You have renounced the discriminatory process in your mind.
Sadhguru
The moment you recognise something as precious and something as not, the moment you recognise something as sacred and something as not, there's no renunciation in you.
Renunciation does not mean giving up. It just means that you are capable of getting involved with every aspect with the same intensity, with the same sacredness.
Soul - this is very contradicting to my VFM strategy. So, not only physical pleasures but also my judgement evaluation, something which I take pride of. This is like a big turnaround.
A classic example/lesson was my tasks at work and that took me years.
Sadhguru
If you want to escape, you escape. What you will escape is just everything that is possible within you. You will escape from that.
You will develop strategies of self-defeat.
The whole world is busy doing that.
If you try to avoid that which is a means to your ultimate well-being, definitely you are a self-destructive person.
You have enough consciousness to bring you to Isha, there should be no stepping back. Stepping back would be utter foolishness. There should be no letting up, no breaks.
It needs undivided attention, otherwise enlightenment won't happen.
It is ok to be confused. When you are confused, you will search; you will be more alert.
When you are settled, you may feel more comfortable. You may have a false sense of establishment.
Soul - yesterday I tot of me and my resistance n I cried cos part of me felt guilty. I have been given the power to be spiritual n yet I am holding back, fearful of being spiritual. Fear of losing what I have now (pleasure/relaxation/time) n what I may have (ptnr). Remind me of being fearful to climb as high as I can be in my career.
Now I understand this week Osho card
1. The issue - conditioning. Unless u drop your personality, u will not be able to find your individuality. A personality imposed from outside replaces the individuality that could have grown from within.
Soul - drop my resistance.
2. The Outsider. You don't need consolation. Humanity has come of age. Be a woman, and stand on your own feet. The only way to be connected wit existence is to go inwards, because at the center u r still connected.
Soul - stop seeking for a partner. Take care of my own heart myself. Go back to the Source.
3. External influence - Control.
Soul - Me afraid to let go of control. Afraid all the suppressed negative will come all out n it be never ending.
That is why I resist guru pooja cos it breaks down the inner wall in me. Anyway, d wall has crumbled since d day I did the whole 6 songs of guru pooja on my own.
4. What is needed for resolution - laziness. The journey isn't over yet. Your complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on.
Soul - yea, I tot meditation is enough n I can rest n journey ended. Guru pooja bring me to another level. I will be disciplined.
5. Resolution. Guilty. You are okay as you are, and its absolutely natural to go astray from time to time.
Soul - yeap. I m better now. Amen
Father, I love You and I love me too. I am grown up and I will take care of my own heart.
The whole spiritual process is jus that: you are willing to melt away your individuality, to experience the universality.
If you don't want to melt away your individuality, then you should not talk about spirituality.
Being spiritual means breaking all my limitations of being individual, become unbounded.
But some people wants to be spiritual and yet also maintain their limitations. You wear your limitations like decorations around your neck. Then u simply cause suffering to yourself, unfortunately and invariably, you will try to infect others around you.
Soul - yea, m one of them. This hit me, I keep on saying m not ready to let go and also at times didn't want to let go of my individuality out of pride.
So, unless I dropped d individuality, I cannot be spiritual.
Aiyah, as usual my limitation is mostly physical and self-imposed, like food, comfort, relaxation, pleasure, no hard work cos I already worked hard in office, no stressing myself with memorisation.
Sadhguru
Sadhguru means a dissolving agent, a catalyst to dissolve you faster. So if you say, I love Sadhguru but I don't want to dissolve; I don't like spirituality, then either you are mentally deranged, or u r somebody who jumps this way or that according to your convenience.
Both these things are not good.
You are on a rail track that goes this way, but you are struggling to go the other n hence d result is only going to be struggle instead of joy.
Soul - I have read this before but it didn't hit me. And now it did. I have found my path and yet m not working towards it, putting all my physical limitation. Or I tot those are not limitations but my pride n pleasure. In reality, they are my limitations.
Yeah, it is true that I am receptive but I can be even more so if I drop my limitations when required, not as a discipline.
I also felt bit guilty, I have been given so much, being so receptive by guided contemplation n here I am not willing to risk some pleasure.
Sadhguru
Renunciation means you have renounced your likes and dislikes. You have renounced the discriminatory process in your mind.
Sadhguru
The moment you recognise something as precious and something as not, the moment you recognise something as sacred and something as not, there's no renunciation in you.
Renunciation does not mean giving up. It just means that you are capable of getting involved with every aspect with the same intensity, with the same sacredness.
Soul - this is very contradicting to my VFM strategy. So, not only physical pleasures but also my judgement evaluation, something which I take pride of. This is like a big turnaround.
A classic example/lesson was my tasks at work and that took me years.
Sadhguru
If you want to escape, you escape. What you will escape is just everything that is possible within you. You will escape from that.
You will develop strategies of self-defeat.
The whole world is busy doing that.
If you try to avoid that which is a means to your ultimate well-being, definitely you are a self-destructive person.
You have enough consciousness to bring you to Isha, there should be no stepping back. Stepping back would be utter foolishness. There should be no letting up, no breaks.
It needs undivided attention, otherwise enlightenment won't happen.
It is ok to be confused. When you are confused, you will search; you will be more alert.
When you are settled, you may feel more comfortable. You may have a false sense of establishment.
Soul - yesterday I tot of me and my resistance n I cried cos part of me felt guilty. I have been given the power to be spiritual n yet I am holding back, fearful of being spiritual. Fear of losing what I have now (pleasure/relaxation/time) n what I may have (ptnr). Remind me of being fearful to climb as high as I can be in my career.
Now I understand this week Osho card
1. The issue - conditioning. Unless u drop your personality, u will not be able to find your individuality. A personality imposed from outside replaces the individuality that could have grown from within.
Soul - drop my resistance.
2. The Outsider. You don't need consolation. Humanity has come of age. Be a woman, and stand on your own feet. The only way to be connected wit existence is to go inwards, because at the center u r still connected.
Soul - stop seeking for a partner. Take care of my own heart myself. Go back to the Source.
3. External influence - Control.
Soul - Me afraid to let go of control. Afraid all the suppressed negative will come all out n it be never ending.
That is why I resist guru pooja cos it breaks down the inner wall in me. Anyway, d wall has crumbled since d day I did the whole 6 songs of guru pooja on my own.
4. What is needed for resolution - laziness. The journey isn't over yet. Your complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on.
Soul - yea, I tot meditation is enough n I can rest n journey ended. Guru pooja bring me to another level. I will be disciplined.
5. Resolution. Guilty. You are okay as you are, and its absolutely natural to go astray from time to time.
Soul - yeap. I m better now. Amen
Father, I love You and I love me too. I am grown up and I will take care of my own heart.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Overcoming resistance(fear)
Paul Coelho - The Valkyries
Angels are love in motion. They never rest, they struggle to grow and they are beyond good and evil.
Love that consumes all, that destroy all, that forgives all.
There is no love in peace. Whoever seeks peace is lost.
Soul - yeap, whenever I feel attraction, turmoil start to occur.
The Valkryies
He needed strong passion in his love, his work, in almost everything he did in his life. And that went against one of nature's most important laws; Every movement needs to pause at times. People wind up killing what they love most.
Soul - reminds me of myself. I too crave for new exposure n growth everytime. Whenever no growth, I worried n felt insecure n want to run. Now I learn that at work - no growth is good for me.
This mornin I did using blackberry n it was not ok. I hav decided to stop resisting n do the cd even in the mornin. For now don't hav to be concern abt shower and etc.
The Valkyries
I desperately in need of help. I have won important things for myself, but I am going to destroy them, because I tell myself that they have lost their meaning. I know its not true. I know they are still important, and that if I destroy them, I will be destroying myself, as well.
Soul - reminds me of myself. I wan peace n stability. Every I overcome my work challenge, I start to shift into stability. I got insecure n thinks I want growth instead of stability.
The 52 days is for me to find what I really valued once n for all n to continue.
Did 2 round of singing n tot I off d cd n start meditating. Instead d cd was playing for d next 3 songs. No one came to me to ask me to switch off.
All d fear that my mother would be disappointed and doesnt approve was mine.
Now d next step is to play d dvd in d living room.
Angels are love in motion. They never rest, they struggle to grow and they are beyond good and evil.
Love that consumes all, that destroy all, that forgives all.
There is no love in peace. Whoever seeks peace is lost.
Soul - yeap, whenever I feel attraction, turmoil start to occur.
The Valkryies
He needed strong passion in his love, his work, in almost everything he did in his life. And that went against one of nature's most important laws; Every movement needs to pause at times. People wind up killing what they love most.
Soul - reminds me of myself. I too crave for new exposure n growth everytime. Whenever no growth, I worried n felt insecure n want to run. Now I learn that at work - no growth is good for me.
This mornin I did using blackberry n it was not ok. I hav decided to stop resisting n do the cd even in the mornin. For now don't hav to be concern abt shower and etc.
The Valkyries
I desperately in need of help. I have won important things for myself, but I am going to destroy them, because I tell myself that they have lost their meaning. I know its not true. I know they are still important, and that if I destroy them, I will be destroying myself, as well.
Soul - reminds me of myself. I wan peace n stability. Every I overcome my work challenge, I start to shift into stability. I got insecure n thinks I want growth instead of stability.
The 52 days is for me to find what I really valued once n for all n to continue.
Did 2 round of singing n tot I off d cd n start meditating. Instead d cd was playing for d next 3 songs. No one came to me to ask me to switch off.
All d fear that my mother would be disappointed and doesnt approve was mine.
Now d next step is to play d dvd in d living room.
Support to overcome resistance (fear)
Osho card
1. We r the world - Isha community of sharing
2. Internal -The Master - mastery over ourself by meditation - finding ur lights among the seekers' energy field.
3. External - Sorrow - The pain is not to make u miserable, is to make u aware. Time of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame and self-pity.
4. What is needed - The Source. Come out of the head and go to the basic. Learn to be at the Source.
5. The resolution - Projections.
The only way to reach to truth is to learn how to be immediate in ur vision, how to drop the help of the mind. How not to project ur impression unto situations and people surrounding us. This happens when we r not fully aware of our own expectations, desires n judgements. Mind only create dreams. Thru ur excitement, the dream starts looking like reality. Then whatsoever u see is jus a projections.
A projections can be devilish, divine, disturbing or comforting. Always ask urself, is ur vision clear or clouded by what u wan to see?
Osho - the Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. The very separation is the greatest resolution that can happen to man. Now u can do and act only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, beauty. Once ur awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of ur own destiny.
Soul - I have been grasping on and on about my resistance. Knowing I put a brake to my spiritual devt, currently guru pooja. There were so many hints/guide that asked me to proceed ahead n yet I still resist. Yesterday meeting, I saw them so joyous n here I kept resisting. When I left yday, I still had no plans to do guru pooja, except in d evening. This mornin when I woke up, I tot why stil resist when I know there are good benefits. Jus do it. And I did it despite my mind stil resisting. Perhaps this is the disidentification from the mind.
I been telling others that I don't have much changes from yoga kriya and I do it not due to the benefit. I do it because I really enjoy d meditation. I look forward to it.
My benefits
1. Stop chewing gum
2. Need less massage
3. Mornin nose block reduce by half.
4. Weight balance despite me eating much more.
5. Aware whenever I am stressed due to attachment to job.
6 Aware of my resistance
7. Noted my resistance and still proceed ahead despite the mind's resistance.
Osho - Sorrow
To enable transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul - yea, that's was what I resisted, I didn wan to feel sad. I didn't want to suffer. I want to continue laughing. I wan to enjoy my meditation. This mornin, during aum, during quick breathe - some tears were rising but didn't come out. I guess I resisted. Tonite will let it come. Will use my blackberry to sing.
1. We r the world - Isha community of sharing
2. Internal -The Master - mastery over ourself by meditation - finding ur lights among the seekers' energy field.
3. External - Sorrow - The pain is not to make u miserable, is to make u aware. Time of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame and self-pity.
4. What is needed - The Source. Come out of the head and go to the basic. Learn to be at the Source.
5. The resolution - Projections.
The only way to reach to truth is to learn how to be immediate in ur vision, how to drop the help of the mind. How not to project ur impression unto situations and people surrounding us. This happens when we r not fully aware of our own expectations, desires n judgements. Mind only create dreams. Thru ur excitement, the dream starts looking like reality. Then whatsoever u see is jus a projections.
A projections can be devilish, divine, disturbing or comforting. Always ask urself, is ur vision clear or clouded by what u wan to see?
Osho - the Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. The very separation is the greatest resolution that can happen to man. Now u can do and act only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, beauty. Once ur awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of ur own destiny.
Soul - I have been grasping on and on about my resistance. Knowing I put a brake to my spiritual devt, currently guru pooja. There were so many hints/guide that asked me to proceed ahead n yet I still resist. Yesterday meeting, I saw them so joyous n here I kept resisting. When I left yday, I still had no plans to do guru pooja, except in d evening. This mornin when I woke up, I tot why stil resist when I know there are good benefits. Jus do it. And I did it despite my mind stil resisting. Perhaps this is the disidentification from the mind.
I been telling others that I don't have much changes from yoga kriya and I do it not due to the benefit. I do it because I really enjoy d meditation. I look forward to it.
My benefits
1. Stop chewing gum
2. Need less massage
3. Mornin nose block reduce by half.
4. Weight balance despite me eating much more.
5. Aware whenever I am stressed due to attachment to job.
6 Aware of my resistance
7. Noted my resistance and still proceed ahead despite the mind's resistance.
Osho - Sorrow
To enable transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul - yea, that's was what I resisted, I didn wan to feel sad. I didn't want to suffer. I want to continue laughing. I wan to enjoy my meditation. This mornin, during aum, during quick breathe - some tears were rising but didn't come out. I guess I resisted. Tonite will let it come. Will use my blackberry to sing.
Guru pooja - is the key
May 11
Soul - Did guru pooja three times n was in tears. Then did my kriya n was in tears too, a little laughter in the end.
Father, when I was crying, part of me judged myself n d other part cried out that we too wan to be loved for our tears n not just laughter.
Guru Pooja has taken my meditation to another level. I can't say I enjoy it cos so much tears but I cannot hold on to the past. Now is 2nd level, looks like even if I didn't go to sunil or samyama, I am already at the next level.
So much tears, m not looking forward but like Sadhguru said even if I don't understand why m now in tears, jus continue. Will seek Sadhguru’s advice.
Sadhguru
Maybe u can fool urself and to that extent u can put up an act. Madness is just the ego n it need some expression.
Layer n layer of madness. This is not jus something u gathered in a few years. Its an accumulation of a lifetime.
It has to be worked out. There is no other way. Either u drop the whole thing and walk away or slowly cleanse the bag.
When there is a certain madness within u, u can only be in lust. Your lust can be for sex, for food or work or any hobby. Without that lust u cannot live.
Father, thanks for sending Sadhguru.
Sadhguru, thanks for showing d way. Like my friend said, perhaps I need equate tears wit sadness....its jus a release of negativity.
Soul - Did guru pooja three times n was in tears. Then did my kriya n was in tears too, a little laughter in the end.
Father, when I was crying, part of me judged myself n d other part cried out that we too wan to be loved for our tears n not just laughter.
Guru Pooja has taken my meditation to another level. I can't say I enjoy it cos so much tears but I cannot hold on to the past. Now is 2nd level, looks like even if I didn't go to sunil or samyama, I am already at the next level.
So much tears, m not looking forward but like Sadhguru said even if I don't understand why m now in tears, jus continue. Will seek Sadhguru’s advice.
Sadhguru
Maybe u can fool urself and to that extent u can put up an act. Madness is just the ego n it need some expression.
Layer n layer of madness. This is not jus something u gathered in a few years. Its an accumulation of a lifetime.
It has to be worked out. There is no other way. Either u drop the whole thing and walk away or slowly cleanse the bag.
When there is a certain madness within u, u can only be in lust. Your lust can be for sex, for food or work or any hobby. Without that lust u cannot live.
Father, thanks for sending Sadhguru.
Sadhguru, thanks for showing d way. Like my friend said, perhaps I need equate tears wit sadness....its jus a release of negativity.
Love is the opposite of Fear
Swami Rama
There is a way to tell how much love you have for others. Sit down quietly and calmly examine your fears. The more fear you have, the less love you have.
If you have less fear, then you will have more fear.
If you have no fear, you are able to give complete love.
Your fear will tell you how much love you are capable of. So learn to live in love and not in fear. Always be cheerful, compassionate and giving. Let Providence work and trust that you will receive what you need.
If you do not know yourself, you can never know or understand others. So, if you want to learn about change or self-transformation, or if you want to understand how to make corrections in yourself, don't begin by trying to observe or correct others.
When you learn to give, when u understand that the real law of life is giving, and that the more you give, the more you receive, then u will know that love is giving sincerely, not expecting things from the other person all the time.
If you are selfless, ur outer individual shell will remain exactly the same but ur inner light will expand to universal consciousness
That individual flame of love will become a conflagration that will burn up the weed of ur selfishness.
Truth will automatically come to you if you learn how to love.
The day you understand that you have not come to this world merely to fulfill your own selfish desires, that will be a great day for you.
The word "service" in Sanskrit is seva, which also mean "to enjoy".
To serve others is not a process of merely helping others; you should actually enjoy the act. And the finest of all acts is to give without any strings or attachments.
Soul - Now I know why my car was spoilt. So I can't go to sathsang, so I can do the whole cd 6 sessions.
When I did my meditation, I really cried. I then accept my tears too.
Frankly, I wasn't keen on guru pooja cos I don't wan to cry anymore, don't want to go deeper within.
But the book Eat, Pray and Love asked me to continue and my friend also asked me to continue. Since I cannot go to Sathsang, I had time to go 6 session before kriya - abt 1 hour n 45 min in total that I was sitting cross leg but I was fine.
During my meditation, I was crying so much n at first judging myself but later told myself I love my tears too.
Yeah, once i overcome my fear of suffering, i learn to love my tears too.
But perhaps, tears are not suffering...amen
There is a way to tell how much love you have for others. Sit down quietly and calmly examine your fears. The more fear you have, the less love you have.
If you have less fear, then you will have more fear.
If you have no fear, you are able to give complete love.
Your fear will tell you how much love you are capable of. So learn to live in love and not in fear. Always be cheerful, compassionate and giving. Let Providence work and trust that you will receive what you need.
If you do not know yourself, you can never know or understand others. So, if you want to learn about change or self-transformation, or if you want to understand how to make corrections in yourself, don't begin by trying to observe or correct others.
When you learn to give, when u understand that the real law of life is giving, and that the more you give, the more you receive, then u will know that love is giving sincerely, not expecting things from the other person all the time.
If you are selfless, ur outer individual shell will remain exactly the same but ur inner light will expand to universal consciousness
That individual flame of love will become a conflagration that will burn up the weed of ur selfishness.
Truth will automatically come to you if you learn how to love.
The day you understand that you have not come to this world merely to fulfill your own selfish desires, that will be a great day for you.
The word "service" in Sanskrit is seva, which also mean "to enjoy".
To serve others is not a process of merely helping others; you should actually enjoy the act. And the finest of all acts is to give without any strings or attachments.
Soul - Now I know why my car was spoilt. So I can't go to sathsang, so I can do the whole cd 6 sessions.
When I did my meditation, I really cried. I then accept my tears too.
Frankly, I wasn't keen on guru pooja cos I don't wan to cry anymore, don't want to go deeper within.
But the book Eat, Pray and Love asked me to continue and my friend also asked me to continue. Since I cannot go to Sathsang, I had time to go 6 session before kriya - abt 1 hour n 45 min in total that I was sitting cross leg but I was fine.
During my meditation, I was crying so much n at first judging myself but later told myself I love my tears too.
Yeah, once i overcome my fear of suffering, i learn to love my tears too.
But perhaps, tears are not suffering...amen
Eat, Pray and Love - a timely message
Eat, pray and love
To find the balance u want. U must keep ur feet grounded so firmly on the earth that its like u have four legs instead of two. That way, u can stay in the world.
But u must stop looking at the world through ur head. U must look thru ur heart, instead. That way u will know God.
Rumi - Write down the three things u wanted most in life. If any item on the list clashes with any other item, u r destined for unhappiness. Better to live a life of single-pointed focus.
But what abt the benefits of living harmoniously amid extreme. What if you could somehow create an expansive enough lige that u could synchronise seemingly incongrous opposites into a worldview that exclude nothing.
I wanted worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence - the dual glories of a human life. I have been missing both of these because pleasure n devotion requires a stress-free space in which to flourish and I have been living in a giant compactor of non-stop anxiety.
Soul - Father, really my book. My list is in conflict. Hence I am afraid to go in deeper to any of the items cos fear of losing another. I have been changing jobs, always on the move, always performing and achieving, at the most about 1 mth slack n I start to feel insecure n start to find work.
Father, Elizabeth really reminds me of myself:
Food - I love italian food
Prayer - I am attracted to indian spirituality
Balance - I like Bali.
Furthermore, she is a Cancer horoscope, with Gemini rising - same as me, what an amazing coincidence.
Eat, Pray and Love
A soul has been blessed with the highest and most auspicious luck in the universe;
1. To have been born a human being, capable of conscious enquiry.
2. To have been born with or to have a developed - a yearning to understand the nature of universe.
3. To have found a living spiritual master.
There is a theory that if u yearn sincerely enough for a Guru, u will find one. The universe will shift and ur path will soon intersect with the path of the master u need.
Soul - I am blessed indeed.
Eat, Pray and Love
You are a powerful woman and u r used to getting what u want out of life and when u didn't get what u want in ur last few relationship and its got u all jammed up. Your husband didn't behave the way u wanted him to and David didn't either. Life didn't go ur way for once. And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not going her way.
Soul - this is so me.
Eat, Pray and Love
At some point, you gotta to let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to u.
Letting go, of course, is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on top of it which we have to personally turn, and that if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well - that would be the end of the universe.
Soul - this is so me.
Eat, Pray and Love
The Gurugita - 182 verses of sanskrit, the conversation between Shiva and Parvati.
I can't even sing it and can only croak it resentfully. When I sing, I am sweating heavily despite cold morning. And also experience hot waves of emotion that rock me as I try to sing the thing.
I always tries to back out n seek to excuse myself n seek Swami's advice.
Swami said it is up to her if she wants to do it. But Gurugita is a very important practice, next to meditation.
Swami said Gurugita isn't supposed to be fun song to sing. Its a text of unimaginable power. It is a mighty purifying practice. It burns away all ur junk, ur negative emotion. And its having a positive effect on you if u r experiencing such strong emotions and physical reactions while u r chanting it. This stuff can be painful, but it is awfully beneficial.
If something is rubbing u so hard against u, u can be sure it is working on.
Soul - this is so me on Guru Pooja. I was so resistant and didn't wan to do it on my own. Alas once forced to, I start to break down on 1st day, crying to teacher that I don't wan to do Guru Pooja cos it makes me cry. Then second day, the continuous singing of 7 rounds, just into 3 round, I broke down n cries n cries my heart out. Very much later, I start to laugh n laugh.
On 3 rd day, we have to do it on our own n I just did 4 stanza out of 13 stanza and I start to cry uncontrollably.
I have been avoiding it becos of strong painful emotion.
This is like a reminder - so me.
Yday, I did guru pooja 1 round before kriya and I cried uncontrollably at the final session.
Eat, Pray and Love
The moment I come to this yogic path and saw photograph of Swamiji and heard stories about him, I've thought, I am just going to stay clear of this character. He is too big. He makes me nervous.
I have been dodging the idea of him for a long time and generally avoiding his gaze as it stared down at me from the walls.
Soul - this is so me. I recalled that I was avoiding Sadhguru pix's gaze. I felt he is looking thru me and asking me to do things m not ready for. Asking more than what I am willing to give.
Alas, I can now look n coincidentally he be coming to Singapore in August. I guess I am ready.
Evening
Jus finished reading, Eat, Pray & Love. This is very timely in my path. Thanks for sending so many messengers to me.
To find the balance u want. U must keep ur feet grounded so firmly on the earth that its like u have four legs instead of two. That way, u can stay in the world.
But u must stop looking at the world through ur head. U must look thru ur heart, instead. That way u will know God.
Rumi - Write down the three things u wanted most in life. If any item on the list clashes with any other item, u r destined for unhappiness. Better to live a life of single-pointed focus.
But what abt the benefits of living harmoniously amid extreme. What if you could somehow create an expansive enough lige that u could synchronise seemingly incongrous opposites into a worldview that exclude nothing.
I wanted worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence - the dual glories of a human life. I have been missing both of these because pleasure n devotion requires a stress-free space in which to flourish and I have been living in a giant compactor of non-stop anxiety.
Soul - Father, really my book. My list is in conflict. Hence I am afraid to go in deeper to any of the items cos fear of losing another. I have been changing jobs, always on the move, always performing and achieving, at the most about 1 mth slack n I start to feel insecure n start to find work.
Father, Elizabeth really reminds me of myself:
Food - I love italian food
Prayer - I am attracted to indian spirituality
Balance - I like Bali.
Furthermore, she is a Cancer horoscope, with Gemini rising - same as me, what an amazing coincidence.
Eat, Pray and Love
A soul has been blessed with the highest and most auspicious luck in the universe;
1. To have been born a human being, capable of conscious enquiry.
2. To have been born with or to have a developed - a yearning to understand the nature of universe.
3. To have found a living spiritual master.
There is a theory that if u yearn sincerely enough for a Guru, u will find one. The universe will shift and ur path will soon intersect with the path of the master u need.
Soul - I am blessed indeed.
Eat, Pray and Love
You are a powerful woman and u r used to getting what u want out of life and when u didn't get what u want in ur last few relationship and its got u all jammed up. Your husband didn't behave the way u wanted him to and David didn't either. Life didn't go ur way for once. And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not going her way.
Soul - this is so me.
Eat, Pray and Love
At some point, you gotta to let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to u.
Letting go, of course, is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on top of it which we have to personally turn, and that if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well - that would be the end of the universe.
Soul - this is so me.
Eat, Pray and Love
The Gurugita - 182 verses of sanskrit, the conversation between Shiva and Parvati.
I can't even sing it and can only croak it resentfully. When I sing, I am sweating heavily despite cold morning. And also experience hot waves of emotion that rock me as I try to sing the thing.
I always tries to back out n seek to excuse myself n seek Swami's advice.
Swami said it is up to her if she wants to do it. But Gurugita is a very important practice, next to meditation.
Swami said Gurugita isn't supposed to be fun song to sing. Its a text of unimaginable power. It is a mighty purifying practice. It burns away all ur junk, ur negative emotion. And its having a positive effect on you if u r experiencing such strong emotions and physical reactions while u r chanting it. This stuff can be painful, but it is awfully beneficial.
If something is rubbing u so hard against u, u can be sure it is working on.
Soul - this is so me on Guru Pooja. I was so resistant and didn't wan to do it on my own. Alas once forced to, I start to break down on 1st day, crying to teacher that I don't wan to do Guru Pooja cos it makes me cry. Then second day, the continuous singing of 7 rounds, just into 3 round, I broke down n cries n cries my heart out. Very much later, I start to laugh n laugh.
On 3 rd day, we have to do it on our own n I just did 4 stanza out of 13 stanza and I start to cry uncontrollably.
I have been avoiding it becos of strong painful emotion.
This is like a reminder - so me.
Yday, I did guru pooja 1 round before kriya and I cried uncontrollably at the final session.
Eat, Pray and Love
The moment I come to this yogic path and saw photograph of Swamiji and heard stories about him, I've thought, I am just going to stay clear of this character. He is too big. He makes me nervous.
I have been dodging the idea of him for a long time and generally avoiding his gaze as it stared down at me from the walls.
Soul - this is so me. I recalled that I was avoiding Sadhguru pix's gaze. I felt he is looking thru me and asking me to do things m not ready for. Asking more than what I am willing to give.
Alas, I can now look n coincidentally he be coming to Singapore in August. I guess I am ready.
Evening
Jus finished reading, Eat, Pray & Love. This is very timely in my path. Thanks for sending so many messengers to me.
Liberation via loving others
Swami Rama
1. You cannot live without action;
2. You always receive the fruits of actions
3. You cannot live without doing your duties
4. The wrong attitude toward your duty makes you a slave.
So, in order to be free n liberated, learn to love your duties.
Before you can know truth, you have to learn ahimsa, or how to love.
Before you can lead a joyous life and live positively in the world, you have to learn to love.
Love means giving without any condition, constantly giving selflessly - because whenever you are truly selfless, you will enjoy life.
When you are not selfless, then the expectation that motivates you to give will actually create problems for you.
Soul - yea me not loving my job, not loving others, not loving myself.
Swami Rama
If u wants to help yourself, you need to understand the difference between habits and samskaras.
Your habits have made your personality. They make a mask for you and that is your outer shell, your external life.
Samskaras are the accumulation of impressions stored in the unconscious mind that motivates/drive you to do something again and again. Whatever you do, hear or see leaves an impression in the unconscious mind, where there are many layers and levels of samskaras. Every now and then these samskaras become active and then they motivate and control your mind and emotions.
You know how to culture and cultivate only a small part of the mind - the conscious mind. But the conscious mind is actually controlled by the unconscious mind, and that is why it is not easy to make spiritual progress.
The conscious mind functions through the senses and whenever an event takes place that relates to an impression already in your mind, then that impression or samskaras become active.
Thus your samskaras control your life. So to make progress, your samskaras need to be purified.
Soul - yeap, that is my objective since I walk this path 10 years back, to unravel my unconsciousness as the control mode in me cannot allow my unconscious to rule my life.
Swami Rama
There are 2 methods to purify your unconsciousness.
1. Renounce your desires; or
2. Fulfill your desires.
Renounce your desires and then reducing them to a minimum or by understanding which desires you want to fulfill and then by doing your duties. When you fulfill your desires by doing actions, however, you must remember that to do so, you must do your actions with love
Soul - my path is to fulfill my desire. Now I need to learn to love my duties with love.
Swami Rama
Renunciates and swamis purify their samskaras by offering them to the lightn to that great fire within - burning. them in the fire of knowledge. Samskaras are all mental expressions, there is nothing solid or material here. All these past impressions are brought up during meditation and burnt away. The goal is to expand the conscious aspect of the mind so that there is no unconsciousness
Another way, afer u have transcended ur desires, u can sit in deep meditation and use ur will power to tell ur mind and ur samskaras "At this time, my mind is only for meditation and learn to go beyond the mire of illusions and confusion created by the mind. Then u allow all the impressions to come forward and you don't get involved with them. This method is called 'inspection within' or introspection and slowly you learn to become a witness and transcend the samskaras.
Soul - I was using the second path of Introspection - journey within. Learning knowledge and opening all my unconscious doors. Cos by A Course in Miracles I have learnt that behind my fear is love. I have open many unconscious doors by learning from Krishnamurti about the mirror/projection and witnessing. But I guess I can only do so much alone. With the Divine help, meditation was brought to me. So, I will continue to expand my consciousness and at the same time start to share what I know.
Evening
Today a colleague said I should read the book - Eat, Pray and Love.
I told her I got the book. Actually I knew about the book about 1 year back but didn't have a chance.
I was thinking of reading Paul Coelho first or even Rabinadrath Tagore.
But since received another reminder, might as well start with the book Eat. Pray and Love. She said d book will remind me of myself.
I told her I have definitely eat more than enough and is now on praying.
I told her about Sadhguru coming to visit. She said if the guru is coming to me, that mean m ready.
Father, thank u for everything.
1. You cannot live without action;
2. You always receive the fruits of actions
3. You cannot live without doing your duties
4. The wrong attitude toward your duty makes you a slave.
So, in order to be free n liberated, learn to love your duties.
Before you can know truth, you have to learn ahimsa, or how to love.
Before you can lead a joyous life and live positively in the world, you have to learn to love.
Love means giving without any condition, constantly giving selflessly - because whenever you are truly selfless, you will enjoy life.
When you are not selfless, then the expectation that motivates you to give will actually create problems for you.
Soul - yea me not loving my job, not loving others, not loving myself.
Swami Rama
If u wants to help yourself, you need to understand the difference between habits and samskaras.
Your habits have made your personality. They make a mask for you and that is your outer shell, your external life.
Samskaras are the accumulation of impressions stored in the unconscious mind that motivates/drive you to do something again and again. Whatever you do, hear or see leaves an impression in the unconscious mind, where there are many layers and levels of samskaras. Every now and then these samskaras become active and then they motivate and control your mind and emotions.
You know how to culture and cultivate only a small part of the mind - the conscious mind. But the conscious mind is actually controlled by the unconscious mind, and that is why it is not easy to make spiritual progress.
The conscious mind functions through the senses and whenever an event takes place that relates to an impression already in your mind, then that impression or samskaras become active.
Thus your samskaras control your life. So to make progress, your samskaras need to be purified.
Soul - yeap, that is my objective since I walk this path 10 years back, to unravel my unconsciousness as the control mode in me cannot allow my unconscious to rule my life.
Swami Rama
There are 2 methods to purify your unconsciousness.
1. Renounce your desires; or
2. Fulfill your desires.
Renounce your desires and then reducing them to a minimum or by understanding which desires you want to fulfill and then by doing your duties. When you fulfill your desires by doing actions, however, you must remember that to do so, you must do your actions with love
Soul - my path is to fulfill my desire. Now I need to learn to love my duties with love.
Swami Rama
Renunciates and swamis purify their samskaras by offering them to the lightn to that great fire within - burning. them in the fire of knowledge. Samskaras are all mental expressions, there is nothing solid or material here. All these past impressions are brought up during meditation and burnt away. The goal is to expand the conscious aspect of the mind so that there is no unconsciousness
Another way, afer u have transcended ur desires, u can sit in deep meditation and use ur will power to tell ur mind and ur samskaras "At this time, my mind is only for meditation and learn to go beyond the mire of illusions and confusion created by the mind. Then u allow all the impressions to come forward and you don't get involved with them. This method is called 'inspection within' or introspection and slowly you learn to become a witness and transcend the samskaras.
Soul - I was using the second path of Introspection - journey within. Learning knowledge and opening all my unconscious doors. Cos by A Course in Miracles I have learnt that behind my fear is love. I have open many unconscious doors by learning from Krishnamurti about the mirror/projection and witnessing. But I guess I can only do so much alone. With the Divine help, meditation was brought to me. So, I will continue to expand my consciousness and at the same time start to share what I know.
Evening
Today a colleague said I should read the book - Eat, Pray and Love.
I told her I got the book. Actually I knew about the book about 1 year back but didn't have a chance.
I was thinking of reading Paul Coelho first or even Rabinadrath Tagore.
But since received another reminder, might as well start with the book Eat. Pray and Love. She said d book will remind me of myself.
I told her I have definitely eat more than enough and is now on praying.
I told her about Sadhguru coming to visit. She said if the guru is coming to me, that mean m ready.
Father, thank u for everything.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Fear to serve is Fear to love
This mornin, woke up feeling refreshed. Tot of my issue, then the harem word appears. Me, being so desperate that I can afford to be paired with anyone. Settling down is something else. I like to start but settling n stabling is my issue.
Tot of others with their anger issue, which I don't have. I have the harem issue n with God's help I will deal with it.
I also tot of Isha n this is something I can be involved in when I retire. I found my calling n I can also work as a recruiter.
Swami Rama
Stopping an unwanted behaviour is not going to help u much. U might stop one behaviour but there is still something at the root of the behaviour that you do not understand. Somewhere, there is an imbalance in how u manage ur primitive fountains: food, sleep, sex or self-preservation.
You are not aware of what you do or why. When you do something unconsciously, it means that your habit pattern is very deep and you are not aware of it. When you do things unconsciously, it means that you accept a kind of helplessness in that area and when you accept defeat, that's the worst thing that you can do to yourself. When you accept defeat in working with yourself, then you secretly condemn yourself and then, when someone said something you resent, you become offended.
Soul - feeling the need for a partner, feeling the fear of rejection, the fear of having and not wanting it. The fear of having a harem issue. I didn't want to go thru n jus want avoid it. I jus wan to accept I be alone as I have accepted defeat. I guess I am now ready and this time I will go to the root. I knew my abandonment n emotional issue but how it affected me is what I need to explore. Guess it is tine and guru pooja opened another door.
Swami Rama
All your fears will create problems for you as long as you separate urself and isolate yourself from that truth.
To be free from fear means to be obe with that truth; once you know the truth.
When u learn to do things for others, there are 4 aspects to the process;
1. You learn to give
2. You learn to love
3. You learn to be free
4. You learn to follow the law of karma.
If you do not follow this process, you cannot ever attenuate ur many desires.
You should allow ur good thoughts to be expressed through your actions. But many times your good thoughts are not fully expressed and in this way you constantly damage and kill that sensitive inner part of you which would help to bring about your own enlightenment and growth. Then a time comes when something negative builds up inside you because you are constantly hurting yourself. This is the greatest of all mistakes - to kill your consciousness.
So don't allow your consciousness to be enveloped by the dust of ignorance and don't shatter or damage your consciousness. Keep it clear by listening to it.
Soul - yea, apart from looking at my fear to love and to be loved. I be looking at my fear to serve/volunteer - fear to love. Father, yea. My fear to serve others voluntarily is my fear to love. Guide me more.
Afternoon
To serve is to love. To love others first so that I too can love myself.
I only dare to serve myself wit food and not other things.
That's is why food is so important for me.
Just now while sitting, my first tot is I love myself.
Only when I serve others that I am loving them;
Only when I can love others that I can love myself;
Only when I can love myself that I can believe others can love me too;
Tot of others with their anger issue, which I don't have. I have the harem issue n with God's help I will deal with it.
I also tot of Isha n this is something I can be involved in when I retire. I found my calling n I can also work as a recruiter.
Swami Rama
Stopping an unwanted behaviour is not going to help u much. U might stop one behaviour but there is still something at the root of the behaviour that you do not understand. Somewhere, there is an imbalance in how u manage ur primitive fountains: food, sleep, sex or self-preservation.
You are not aware of what you do or why. When you do something unconsciously, it means that your habit pattern is very deep and you are not aware of it. When you do things unconsciously, it means that you accept a kind of helplessness in that area and when you accept defeat, that's the worst thing that you can do to yourself. When you accept defeat in working with yourself, then you secretly condemn yourself and then, when someone said something you resent, you become offended.
Soul - feeling the need for a partner, feeling the fear of rejection, the fear of having and not wanting it. The fear of having a harem issue. I didn't want to go thru n jus want avoid it. I jus wan to accept I be alone as I have accepted defeat. I guess I am now ready and this time I will go to the root. I knew my abandonment n emotional issue but how it affected me is what I need to explore. Guess it is tine and guru pooja opened another door.
Swami Rama
All your fears will create problems for you as long as you separate urself and isolate yourself from that truth.
To be free from fear means to be obe with that truth; once you know the truth.
When u learn to do things for others, there are 4 aspects to the process;
1. You learn to give
2. You learn to love
3. You learn to be free
4. You learn to follow the law of karma.
If you do not follow this process, you cannot ever attenuate ur many desires.
You should allow ur good thoughts to be expressed through your actions. But many times your good thoughts are not fully expressed and in this way you constantly damage and kill that sensitive inner part of you which would help to bring about your own enlightenment and growth. Then a time comes when something negative builds up inside you because you are constantly hurting yourself. This is the greatest of all mistakes - to kill your consciousness.
So don't allow your consciousness to be enveloped by the dust of ignorance and don't shatter or damage your consciousness. Keep it clear by listening to it.
Soul - yea, apart from looking at my fear to love and to be loved. I be looking at my fear to serve/volunteer - fear to love. Father, yea. My fear to serve others voluntarily is my fear to love. Guide me more.
Afternoon
To serve is to love. To love others first so that I too can love myself.
I only dare to serve myself wit food and not other things.
That's is why food is so important for me.
Just now while sitting, my first tot is I love myself.
Only when I serve others that I am loving them;
Only when I can love others that I can love myself;
Only when I can love myself that I can believe others can love me too;
Mind cannot surrender easily
Swami Rama
Know that the manas of ur mind will always ask "Shall I do it or not?" The counselor is ur buddhi - always ask it for guidance.
Your mind is like a genie, higher than any power, faster than the speed of light or electricity; it is the fastest of all entities. Nothing has gone beyond that speed except one - and he is an enlightened one. To be enlightened means to have gone beyond the speed of mind. Spirit is beyond the speech of mind. Spirit is everywhere. The poor mind cannot match its speed
Soul - yea, I knew how powerful the mind is. Even my control mode combined with knowledge has not been able to manage it. It was this reason that I lost hope and referred to others as I can't do it on my own and it is because of this I searched for meditation. Now, I am saved.
Swami Rama
When the mind becomes aware that Spirit is everywhere, then it surrenders. You reach such a height that the mind doesn't function any longer. It is still there but it becomes aware of the reality, its ego vanishes. That is the meaning of self surrender.
Soul - I did surrender during meditation and hence I flowered and go into my blissfulness but when awake, my ego is still in charge.
Swami Rama
The knowledge of the mind, the senses and instinctual knowledge do not help in ur surrendering. They are important and we need them and can use them, but the highest of all knowledge is intuition. And this comes only when your buddhi is purified and your mind is refined. Intuition does not require any evidence at all; it does not need to ask if something is right. When u have intuition, u don't have to ask about it. This only comes when ur buddhis is purified and ur mind is refined.
Intuition helps u see things and know things as they are and then u no longer see things incompletely and partially.
Soul - I have been known as a cutter - cut thro the veil/shit and get to the core. I knew I have intuitive power but still need honing.
Know that the manas of ur mind will always ask "Shall I do it or not?" The counselor is ur buddhi - always ask it for guidance.
Your mind is like a genie, higher than any power, faster than the speed of light or electricity; it is the fastest of all entities. Nothing has gone beyond that speed except one - and he is an enlightened one. To be enlightened means to have gone beyond the speed of mind. Spirit is beyond the speech of mind. Spirit is everywhere. The poor mind cannot match its speed
Soul - yea, I knew how powerful the mind is. Even my control mode combined with knowledge has not been able to manage it. It was this reason that I lost hope and referred to others as I can't do it on my own and it is because of this I searched for meditation. Now, I am saved.
Swami Rama
When the mind becomes aware that Spirit is everywhere, then it surrenders. You reach such a height that the mind doesn't function any longer. It is still there but it becomes aware of the reality, its ego vanishes. That is the meaning of self surrender.
Soul - I did surrender during meditation and hence I flowered and go into my blissfulness but when awake, my ego is still in charge.
Swami Rama
The knowledge of the mind, the senses and instinctual knowledge do not help in ur surrendering. They are important and we need them and can use them, but the highest of all knowledge is intuition. And this comes only when your buddhi is purified and your mind is refined. Intuition does not require any evidence at all; it does not need to ask if something is right. When u have intuition, u don't have to ask about it. This only comes when ur buddhis is purified and ur mind is refined.
Intuition helps u see things and know things as they are and then u no longer see things incompletely and partially.
Soul - I have been known as a cutter - cut thro the veil/shit and get to the core. I knew I have intuitive power but still need honing.
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