Oct 9
Father, m disturbed. Mind keep on thinking of action plan. I don't wan to go back to the past, dramas. I don't want to prove myself. Especially now my RA is on d high side. Let me connect to U. Real glad this Sunday is sathsang. I need it to cleanse up myself.
When food is love
We create drama because we are afraid of revealing ourselves. Creating drama protects us from being intimate.
Intimacy is showing another person the parts of ourselves that we believe to be unworthy and thereby risking that they will turn from is the way our parents did. (A voice inside scream, "It was excruciating the first time and now you are asking me to go through it again:). Intimacy brings with it tenderness and humour, companionship and affection, but it also demands that we relive the most agonising moments of being a child.
The hard part isn't getting there, it is staying there. Which is the reason that we do all we can to prolong the process of getting there. We don't want to be there. We unconsciously decide that we would rather eat and be protected or occupy our time with The Search, or find fault with our present relationship, then go back to the vulnerability of childhood that intimacy brings.
Soul - yeap. It was unconscious in d beginning n then later it was conscious after d con incident. For the past 3 years, I avoided it. And now alas I m opening up, d fears still there but at least it is conscious and now wit meditation, I know I can face my fear.
Instead of food, I have use my Work as d protection.
When food is love
When you protect yourself from pain, you protect yourself from intimacy. When you allow your pain to be visible, you can give it voice. When you give it voice, you can release yourself from it.
Soul - earlier, I started only to release my pain during meditation but now I can release at the moment.
When food is love
The problem with giving up drama - with food and in relationships - is that without it, we don't know what to do. We are not sure we are really alive.
We don't know how to be alive without drama. To us, suffering dignifies an experience. When something is hard, we know it is worth doing. If we have to struggle, we have a purpose - and winning the struggle gives us a feeling of accomplishment.
We have to face something that we never anticipated; the possibility of peace and contentment. Peace and contentment are feelings that take practice to achieve. They r not a consequence of being successful or being in love or being thin. They are, among other things, a consequence of stopping in the present moment and looking around.
Soul - I have now experienced contentment after meditation. I can now connect to the silence of Universe almost everywhere.
When food is love
You either learn to change ur internal dialogue to one of respecting yourself now, as a regular and unromantic it seem or u live in great swoops of emotion, always afraid that the moment the sut settle, people will see the "real" you and reject you.
Soul - yeap, very apt. That's my tot. Stop deliberating action plan, stop creating ideas, stop using rebates, stop giving ideas to CEO. Stop get caught up in the drama. Especially since GM said she opt out of drama.
I to of me judging PA for keep on saying she want out, but other rely on her. Saying that if others go, she will go to. Now her 2 kaki - driver and GM is leaving, she still here n that's give her a mirror that she didn't wan to go.
Me, says I wan easy life, contented job and here I goes on reliving drama. Participating give d drama energy and prolonging it. Stop now.
Father, tot of telling CEO that m out of my league n its best to get SS help to restructure. Yeap, that's great cos then I won't hav to come out wit plans that prolong my dramas.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
My jobs are high drama - is not me
Oct 8
When food is love
Beneath the passion for drama in a compulsive eater's life is the belief that without it, we would not get what we want. Without drama, we would simply be ourselves, and that is not good enough.
Soul - when reading this, tot of me n my job. All my jobs got loads of drama, cashflow problem, restructuring, nasty bosses, envious peers, recalcitrant staff, biz failure, no bonus n no increment and not to forget heavy work load.
Always my 1 (one) year of experience equates to people 5 years. Whenever I do something for first time, it wld be the worst case scenario n I wld experience the full spectrum from A to Z.
Looking at it now - all these are dramas.
At times, when things are stable, I start to feel restless, feel not wanted, not needed, worry if being stagnant, worried being left out, n then look for new job and d challenge starts again.
Mom said I wld always start a job, struggle for at least 1 year n more n when things stablelise, I wld leave. She said I m not smart, didn't stay to savour d fruit of labour.
My staff has told me that m achievement orientated n nothing seem to affect me.
My ex-staff said m workoholic. She said m d type person that can overcome any challenge n do it with a happy go lucky attitude.
Actually, now looking at me from a witness viewpoint, all these are dramas, all these are heavy activities. I used to judge my advertising friend for d need for activities n dramas in order to get recognition.
Now for d first time, I can see that I m also into heavy drama. I used to think firstly, its d job, then I tot its my karma n then conclude m not lovable n resigned to the fact that I cannot have a peachy job with high pay, 9 to 5 pm, good boss and exciting role, limelight, a fully maintained car, a driver.
The one thing I always have in jobs, is good food. Wherever I go, I get good food.
Since I can't have d goodies, I get the badies, either way I can hav recognition, if not by others, then by myself. M needed. M not useless. M not hopeless.
Even yday when I suspect PA n MA talking abt me being flustered. At first I felt defensive n then tot aiyah, its ok if m flustered, got so much on my plate. Heaviest period in d year. And who is PA to judge me for flustering, when she can even lose her cool, snap n wanted to hit out at people. So, never mind, flustering is fine.
When food is love
If I don't create a reason to be loved - being sick, being unhappy, being famous I if there is no urgency, no one will respond. My everyday self is boring, chubby, clumsy. I say dumb things.
Each of this beliefs is preceded by an unspoken primary belief;
"I was myself as a child and that didn't work. If I had been a different self, I surely would have been loved. Now I will try to being someone else"
If our reaction to events or feeling is "Oh good, this will get his/her attention, it is a sign that we believe that we can't get what we want by being ourselves.
Soul - that doesn't resonate but a tot came I do my job cos I can show of my smartness, contradicting my brother's criticism that m hopeless, not smart, clumsy, absent minded.
It becos d drama of job makes me shine. But too much drama also takes its toil n hence I got RA.
As for food, its only way I give back to myself, loving myself. I cannot accept bad food cos it felt that m crucifying myself and good food means m glorifying myself. That's what people meant when they see me so attached n affected by food. How can I be not affected. Good quality food is love to me.
Mmm, in which instance m I crucifying myself? One answer came - my job.
Suddenly click into journal on New Earth.
Eckhart Tolle
You become good, by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge.
The greatest achievement of humanity is the recognition of its own madness. To recognise one's own insanity is the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcedence.
How spiritual you are has nothing to do wit what you believe, but everything to do wit your state of consciousness. This in turn, determines how you act in the world and interact with others.
When u r conscious, you then no longer derive your identity, your sense of who you are, from the incessant stream of thinking that in the old consciousness you take to be yourself; ie "the voice in your head" is not you.
Awareness
Thought
Perception
Emotion.
Ego is complete identification wit forms, physical, thought and emotional. The greatest miracle is experiencing yourself prior any words, tots or labels. To do that you need to Disentangle your sense of I, of beingness, from all the things it has become mixed up.
If you can recognise illusions as illusions, it dissolves.
If you take away one kind of identification, the ego will quickly find another. It ultimately doesn't mind what it identifies with as long as it has an identity. Making yourself right and others wrong is one of the principal egoic mind patterns, one of the main form of consciousness. In other word, the content may change but the mind structure that keeps it alive does not.
The ego sense of self is in most cases bound up wit the worth you have in the eyes of others.
The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old conditioned mind-pattern.
Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist. The old mind patterns can be weaken.
Spiritual realisation is to see clearly what I perceive, experience, think or feel is ultimately not who I am, that I cannot find myself in all those things that continuously pass away. It is no longer of absolute n hence I need not take it as carved in stone. All forms are unstable
When food is love
Beneath the passion for drama in a compulsive eater's life is the belief that without it, we would not get what we want. Without drama, we would simply be ourselves, and that is not good enough.
Soul - when reading this, tot of me n my job. All my jobs got loads of drama, cashflow problem, restructuring, nasty bosses, envious peers, recalcitrant staff, biz failure, no bonus n no increment and not to forget heavy work load.
Always my 1 (one) year of experience equates to people 5 years. Whenever I do something for first time, it wld be the worst case scenario n I wld experience the full spectrum from A to Z.
Looking at it now - all these are dramas.
At times, when things are stable, I start to feel restless, feel not wanted, not needed, worry if being stagnant, worried being left out, n then look for new job and d challenge starts again.
Mom said I wld always start a job, struggle for at least 1 year n more n when things stablelise, I wld leave. She said I m not smart, didn't stay to savour d fruit of labour.
My staff has told me that m achievement orientated n nothing seem to affect me.
My ex-staff said m workoholic. She said m d type person that can overcome any challenge n do it with a happy go lucky attitude.
Actually, now looking at me from a witness viewpoint, all these are dramas, all these are heavy activities. I used to judge my advertising friend for d need for activities n dramas in order to get recognition.
Now for d first time, I can see that I m also into heavy drama. I used to think firstly, its d job, then I tot its my karma n then conclude m not lovable n resigned to the fact that I cannot have a peachy job with high pay, 9 to 5 pm, good boss and exciting role, limelight, a fully maintained car, a driver.
The one thing I always have in jobs, is good food. Wherever I go, I get good food.
Since I can't have d goodies, I get the badies, either way I can hav recognition, if not by others, then by myself. M needed. M not useless. M not hopeless.
Even yday when I suspect PA n MA talking abt me being flustered. At first I felt defensive n then tot aiyah, its ok if m flustered, got so much on my plate. Heaviest period in d year. And who is PA to judge me for flustering, when she can even lose her cool, snap n wanted to hit out at people. So, never mind, flustering is fine.
When food is love
If I don't create a reason to be loved - being sick, being unhappy, being famous I if there is no urgency, no one will respond. My everyday self is boring, chubby, clumsy. I say dumb things.
Each of this beliefs is preceded by an unspoken primary belief;
"I was myself as a child and that didn't work. If I had been a different self, I surely would have been loved. Now I will try to being someone else"
If our reaction to events or feeling is "Oh good, this will get his/her attention, it is a sign that we believe that we can't get what we want by being ourselves.
Soul - that doesn't resonate but a tot came I do my job cos I can show of my smartness, contradicting my brother's criticism that m hopeless, not smart, clumsy, absent minded.
It becos d drama of job makes me shine. But too much drama also takes its toil n hence I got RA.
As for food, its only way I give back to myself, loving myself. I cannot accept bad food cos it felt that m crucifying myself and good food means m glorifying myself. That's what people meant when they see me so attached n affected by food. How can I be not affected. Good quality food is love to me.
Mmm, in which instance m I crucifying myself? One answer came - my job.
Suddenly click into journal on New Earth.
Eckhart Tolle
You become good, by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge.
The greatest achievement of humanity is the recognition of its own madness. To recognise one's own insanity is the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcedence.
How spiritual you are has nothing to do wit what you believe, but everything to do wit your state of consciousness. This in turn, determines how you act in the world and interact with others.
When u r conscious, you then no longer derive your identity, your sense of who you are, from the incessant stream of thinking that in the old consciousness you take to be yourself; ie "the voice in your head" is not you.
Awareness
Thought
Perception
Emotion.
Ego is complete identification wit forms, physical, thought and emotional. The greatest miracle is experiencing yourself prior any words, tots or labels. To do that you need to Disentangle your sense of I, of beingness, from all the things it has become mixed up.
If you can recognise illusions as illusions, it dissolves.
If you take away one kind of identification, the ego will quickly find another. It ultimately doesn't mind what it identifies with as long as it has an identity. Making yourself right and others wrong is one of the principal egoic mind patterns, one of the main form of consciousness. In other word, the content may change but the mind structure that keeps it alive does not.
The ego sense of self is in most cases bound up wit the worth you have in the eyes of others.
The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old conditioned mind-pattern.
Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist. The old mind patterns can be weaken.
Spiritual realisation is to see clearly what I perceive, experience, think or feel is ultimately not who I am, that I cannot find myself in all those things that continuously pass away. It is no longer of absolute n hence I need not take it as carved in stone. All forms are unstable
Food is equates to love; good food - good love and vice versa
Oct 7
When food is love
Chaos, intensity and drama are normal in the day to day life of a compulsive eater. Suffering is a way of being in the world.
Soul - tot of me n my job. Always high drama with demanding bosses n challenging situation. Also tot of me thinkin I needed d stress so won't grow fat n can eat. Its like d licence to eat. Well, no more. I now jus eat when I wan to n don't worry abt d weight. Don't even weigh myself. Apart from work, there is no drama in my life. Am I recreating it?
When food is love
Overeating is a means to give ourselves
Our relationship to food is a microcosm of all that we learned about loving and being loved. It is the stage upon which we reenact our childhood.
Soul - I don't over eat but m very particular abd d taste of food, d quality, d value. If I take in low value, m not being good to myself. Eating low value rrflects me. Just like havin low value job, having low value partner.
Jus a tot, I said CEO is particular abt everything cos her surrounding is a reflection of her. External things is a reflection of her. PA judged her to not have inherent value n hence need valuation from external. Then for me, I am also like that. Does that means that I m already high value n cannot afford any 'diminishment' or I have no value.
What do I learn abt food. Mom loves us n give us food, let us make choices. Food is her way of showing her love. Food is also a way for me to show love. So I must hav good food to give me good love. Bad food means unloving.
I had no problems not eating or delayed eating. That's why I don't mind to wait n do meditation n eat late. But I hav problems in eating not tasty food. Its not d quantity, its d quality I hav issue with.
Good quality food represent Love.
Since m thinking m not loved, I need to give love to myself via food or even disallowing non-tasty food.
Mmm, its more of a case I resist bad food. I don't mind so much if I can't have good food but I must not have bad food. Having bad food means me devaluing myself.
Good food makes me happy n feel loved
Bad food makes me feel sad n unloved, unworthy.
I wld say I avoid being unworthy, unvaluable.
When food is love
Chaos, intensity and drama are normal in the day to day life of a compulsive eater. Suffering is a way of being in the world.
Soul - tot of me n my job. Always high drama with demanding bosses n challenging situation. Also tot of me thinkin I needed d stress so won't grow fat n can eat. Its like d licence to eat. Well, no more. I now jus eat when I wan to n don't worry abt d weight. Don't even weigh myself. Apart from work, there is no drama in my life. Am I recreating it?
When food is love
Overeating is a means to give ourselves
Our relationship to food is a microcosm of all that we learned about loving and being loved. It is the stage upon which we reenact our childhood.
Soul - I don't over eat but m very particular abd d taste of food, d quality, d value. If I take in low value, m not being good to myself. Eating low value rrflects me. Just like havin low value job, having low value partner.
Jus a tot, I said CEO is particular abt everything cos her surrounding is a reflection of her. External things is a reflection of her. PA judged her to not have inherent value n hence need valuation from external. Then for me, I am also like that. Does that means that I m already high value n cannot afford any 'diminishment' or I have no value.
What do I learn abt food. Mom loves us n give us food, let us make choices. Food is her way of showing her love. Food is also a way for me to show love. So I must hav good food to give me good love. Bad food means unloving.
I had no problems not eating or delayed eating. That's why I don't mind to wait n do meditation n eat late. But I hav problems in eating not tasty food. Its not d quantity, its d quality I hav issue with.
Good quality food represent Love.
Since m thinking m not loved, I need to give love to myself via food or even disallowing non-tasty food.
Mmm, its more of a case I resist bad food. I don't mind so much if I can't have good food but I must not have bad food. Having bad food means me devaluing myself.
Good food makes me happy n feel loved
Bad food makes me feel sad n unloved, unworthy.
I wld say I avoid being unworthy, unvaluable.
Meditation - a doorway to Universe
Oct 6
Father, slept 4 hour yday. Woke up, didn't wan to do meditation, jus wan to sleep. I laze around abt half an hour, woke up n do guru pooja and shakti. Of cos without suria namaskara, d breathing bit blocked.
Today met fellow RA patient. Shared wit her on meditation n she shared abt her umrah experience. Its like we knew each other for long time. I told her we must chat. M glad I met up wit her. I shared wit her my blog.
My osho card
1. Issue - Silence
The energy of the whole has taken possession of you. You are possessed, u r no more, the whole is. Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it remains the same.
It may makes some people uncomfortable, accustomed as they are to all the noise and activity of the world. Never mind, seek out those who can resonate wit ur silence - or enjoy ur aloness. Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of ur life.
Soul - tats how I m experiencing now. I savour d silence n once m silent, m no more. I connect to the Universe Energy. Actually meditation is jus that - to connect wit the Universe, be as One. I tried to intro to friends, but they not keen. Even most of d Isha meditators is not receptive yet of d connection. They may not understand my zeal. My fellow patient understood. M glad u send her to me.
Like I told my ex-colleague, of late loads of coincidences is happening n Universe is manifesting whatever I need.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see - Existence
Once u r clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions. U will know "home" is not a physical place outside the world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance. u will savour it so it can deepen and remain with you.
Soul - yeap, m deepening it. Jus now my staff asked me for lunch n sonehow m more eager to be alone n do meditation and contemplation instead ofeating food. A first time.
3. External influence that u r aware - Awareness.
Once u start dropping tots, the dust you collect in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Your whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is. Any sense you might have had that you have been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon. Let urself settle, and remember that deep inside u r jus a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged. A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil of illusion from ur eyes.
Soul - very true n its happening now. I m detached n m very receptive to Universe energy n easily can connect with the Universe.
4. What is needed for resolution - Patience
In silence and waiting, something inside you goes on growing - ur authentic being. And one day it jumps and becomes a flame, and ur whole personality is shattered.
This card reminds u that u need jus to be simply alert, patient and waiting n let nature take its course.
5. The resolution - the understanding
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.
Father, slept 4 hour yday. Woke up, didn't wan to do meditation, jus wan to sleep. I laze around abt half an hour, woke up n do guru pooja and shakti. Of cos without suria namaskara, d breathing bit blocked.
Today met fellow RA patient. Shared wit her on meditation n she shared abt her umrah experience. Its like we knew each other for long time. I told her we must chat. M glad I met up wit her. I shared wit her my blog.
My osho card
1. Issue - Silence
The energy of the whole has taken possession of you. You are possessed, u r no more, the whole is. Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it remains the same.
It may makes some people uncomfortable, accustomed as they are to all the noise and activity of the world. Never mind, seek out those who can resonate wit ur silence - or enjoy ur aloness. Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of ur life.
Soul - tats how I m experiencing now. I savour d silence n once m silent, m no more. I connect to the Universe Energy. Actually meditation is jus that - to connect wit the Universe, be as One. I tried to intro to friends, but they not keen. Even most of d Isha meditators is not receptive yet of d connection. They may not understand my zeal. My fellow patient understood. M glad u send her to me.
Like I told my ex-colleague, of late loads of coincidences is happening n Universe is manifesting whatever I need.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see - Existence
Once u r clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions. U will know "home" is not a physical place outside the world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance. u will savour it so it can deepen and remain with you.
Soul - yeap, m deepening it. Jus now my staff asked me for lunch n sonehow m more eager to be alone n do meditation and contemplation instead ofeating food. A first time.
3. External influence that u r aware - Awareness.
Once u start dropping tots, the dust you collect in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Your whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is. Any sense you might have had that you have been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon. Let urself settle, and remember that deep inside u r jus a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged. A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil of illusion from ur eyes.
Soul - very true n its happening now. I m detached n m very receptive to Universe energy n easily can connect with the Universe.
4. What is needed for resolution - Patience
In silence and waiting, something inside you goes on growing - ur authentic being. And one day it jumps and becomes a flame, and ur whole personality is shattered.
This card reminds u that u need jus to be simply alert, patient and waiting n let nature take its course.
5. The resolution - the understanding
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.
When u r at ease inside, everything outside is acceptable
Oct 5
Yday picnic n games is good. Hurt my feet during tug og war. So did my friend, so wil not think m jinx in games. My feet hurt cos I was wearing d wrong shoes n also I was havin fun.
Main benefits of d yoga meditation is I no longer worry abt office matters. I used to take pride I don't bring my work home. But then that's becos I didn't face work issue and I was emotionally stunted. And now there is so many work issue but m fine.
I m truly happy go lucky. A full cycle.
Reading d sathsang paper helps cos its says that d benefits will come later n hence we have to be very patient. Jus do the kriya with commtiment and love.
Food is love
My good friend says, "You can't make anyone leave, Colleen. In the same way that you can't make anyone stay.They stay or they leave because of decisions they made becos of reasons that have to do with them, not becos of something u do or don't do on a particular day".
Colleen - I didn't believe her.
Soul - in some moments, I saw rship whereby d woman is way below me, nasty even n yet d guy stayed. I tot d guy mus really love her inspite of everything. Me, didn't do anything also people leave, I must really be unlovable. Perhaps its time to reevaluate. Mayb this belief m unlovable is from d childhood days, but now I knew m so lovable that mom can off-load me to neighbour for free. I wan to have new perception of my lovability.
When food is love
There are areas whereby we never were and never will be in control. The areas that hav to do with loving and being loved.
When we become intimate wit someone else, we lose control. We lose control of how long they stay or if they leave, how they feel abt us, how we feel abt things they do or say. We lose control of the effect that loving them has on our lives. We become vulnerable to loss, pain, death.
Soul - that's my issue. Mmm, I used to tot I always be in control n then when faced rship m out. I wonder since things r full cycle, perhaps I be whole that I need not be in control. That's real confidence.
When food is love
Rather than experience the loss of control that loving brings, many of us choose to feel out of control abt something within our control - the food we eat or don't eat.
Soul - that's different from me. I like food cos m in control of what to eat or not eat. I don't have weight problem as I don't overdo wit food. I don't get lost in it. I get lost in reading. Wit food is pleasure n control. Perhaps that why I hold tightly to food. Disallowing anything disagreeable to my taste bud.
On d other hand, food is something that I give to myself - in terms of quality. So that's why I can't compromise. It a measurement of how much I value myself.
Another tot just came. I m finally in control of myself, not let d unconscious rule me. I used to be an internal control freak, using suppression and now I am a truly an internal control being, using awareness n detachment. Alas, mastery instead of controlling. I gone a full cycle. Amen.
The osho card
1.
2. Internal - existence
3. External - awareness
4.
5. Change - external life is forever changing, going up n down. It is d internal life that we need to aware. Internal life once aware - u can be grounded n yet deatched.
When food is love
Everything that we believe we. r not allowed to do in our lives - with people, in our work - we allow ourselves with food.
We take the biggest one, the best for ourselves, we take more than we need, we spend loads of money on food, we don't think about others. We allow ourselves to have exactly what we want. As for the rest of our lives, we are always on a diet of restricted feelings.
Becos at some age, each of us learned that to be loved, we could not reveal ourselves. To be loved, we could not ask for what we wanted.
Soul - so true for me. Whenever m in a rship, I don't dare to ask question abt them cos I also don wan them to know me. Aiyah, isn't this contradicting to me wanting to meet n share my tot. I don't dare to ask for what I want cos I am afraid they ask for what they want and I can't fulfill n that be d end of d rship.
Aiyoh, now only see where I was heading previously. The approach is totally contradicting to what I wan to have and what I can be. Alas, thank God there were no rship n it needed d con man to tell me m not ready then.
A question came, am I ready now? An answer came, when u the rship wil come, u don't hav to control it to bring it to fruition.
When food is love
When we ate, we felt both victorious and desperate - victorious because it was our way, sometimes our only way, of being ourselves, and desperate becos being ourselves seemed to take us further and further away from what we wanted more than anything else - to be loved.
We practised and became a masterful act.
Soul - yeap, that applies to us too.
When food is love
As soon as we begin relying on others to fill us, we feel the need, the urgency, to control what they do and say; we feel the need, the urgency, to control what they do and say; the reflection of ourselves in their eyes becomes critical.
They must love us in a particular way, say things in a particular manner. They must love us the way we would love ourselves if only we were allowed. They must become what we define as loving so that we will know we r loved. They must do everything our parents did.
Soul - I cld replace the word love with value and change the context to the work that I do. I let my work value me.
Why I don't think of love? Why d word value instead?
Now updating the blog few weeks later on Oct 27. I suddenly can relate to the above. Normally Regional comments irritates me, make me they judging/questioning my value. I was angry last Friday and when he follow thru with emails on Monday, I was irritated and Tuesday, I just felt nothing. He is just being himself and his comments is not a reflection of me. I can allow him to say him piece cos I don't allow him to affect me. It is when I am affected that I can't allow him to say his piece...amazing...Father, thank you.
When food is love
Being loved by Matt heightens the ways in which I already felt complete and exacerbates the emptiness.
Being loved in the present brings up all the ways in which we were not loved in the past.
The only insurance against repeating the pain in the past is to allow ourselves to feel it fully and release it in the present.
When we allow our bodies/weight to interfere with the quality of intimacy in our lives, when we feel too fat, too ugly to be stroked, we r trying to protect ourselves from being hurt.
Soul - tot can replaced this with me using Work to prevent me from getting intimate with anyone. Work is my clutch. Something I can rely on. And if its more n more challenging, then I don't have tine to think of what I really want. Cos I do want a partner, I do want to share wit others, but m afraid of to be hurt more than anything.
Even this sathsang thingy, I didn't wan to fail. I didn't wan to get hurt.
In the end, my fear of failure - a reflection of my value - a reflection of my lovability.
When food is love
But the hurt we r protecting ourselves from is not in the present. Nor is it in the future. We r trying to protect ourselves from feeling a hurt that has nothing to do with our lives now; over and over for the rest our lives, we r trying to protect ourselves from feeling our past and in so doing we never allow ourselves to claim the present.
Soul - Father, thank u. It time I let go of fear of failure. Failure does not equate to value. Value does not equate to lovability. My lovabilty has no equation to what I do or don't do. I m lovable, period.
Yday picnic n games is good. Hurt my feet during tug og war. So did my friend, so wil not think m jinx in games. My feet hurt cos I was wearing d wrong shoes n also I was havin fun.
Main benefits of d yoga meditation is I no longer worry abt office matters. I used to take pride I don't bring my work home. But then that's becos I didn't face work issue and I was emotionally stunted. And now there is so many work issue but m fine.
I m truly happy go lucky. A full cycle.
Reading d sathsang paper helps cos its says that d benefits will come later n hence we have to be very patient. Jus do the kriya with commtiment and love.
Food is love
My good friend says, "You can't make anyone leave, Colleen. In the same way that you can't make anyone stay.They stay or they leave because of decisions they made becos of reasons that have to do with them, not becos of something u do or don't do on a particular day".
Colleen - I didn't believe her.
Soul - in some moments, I saw rship whereby d woman is way below me, nasty even n yet d guy stayed. I tot d guy mus really love her inspite of everything. Me, didn't do anything also people leave, I must really be unlovable. Perhaps its time to reevaluate. Mayb this belief m unlovable is from d childhood days, but now I knew m so lovable that mom can off-load me to neighbour for free. I wan to have new perception of my lovability.
When food is love
There are areas whereby we never were and never will be in control. The areas that hav to do with loving and being loved.
When we become intimate wit someone else, we lose control. We lose control of how long they stay or if they leave, how they feel abt us, how we feel abt things they do or say. We lose control of the effect that loving them has on our lives. We become vulnerable to loss, pain, death.
Soul - that's my issue. Mmm, I used to tot I always be in control n then when faced rship m out. I wonder since things r full cycle, perhaps I be whole that I need not be in control. That's real confidence.
When food is love
Rather than experience the loss of control that loving brings, many of us choose to feel out of control abt something within our control - the food we eat or don't eat.
Soul - that's different from me. I like food cos m in control of what to eat or not eat. I don't have weight problem as I don't overdo wit food. I don't get lost in it. I get lost in reading. Wit food is pleasure n control. Perhaps that why I hold tightly to food. Disallowing anything disagreeable to my taste bud.
On d other hand, food is something that I give to myself - in terms of quality. So that's why I can't compromise. It a measurement of how much I value myself.
Another tot just came. I m finally in control of myself, not let d unconscious rule me. I used to be an internal control freak, using suppression and now I am a truly an internal control being, using awareness n detachment. Alas, mastery instead of controlling. I gone a full cycle. Amen.
The osho card
1.
2. Internal - existence
3. External - awareness
4.
5. Change - external life is forever changing, going up n down. It is d internal life that we need to aware. Internal life once aware - u can be grounded n yet deatched.
When food is love
Everything that we believe we. r not allowed to do in our lives - with people, in our work - we allow ourselves with food.
We take the biggest one, the best for ourselves, we take more than we need, we spend loads of money on food, we don't think about others. We allow ourselves to have exactly what we want. As for the rest of our lives, we are always on a diet of restricted feelings.
Becos at some age, each of us learned that to be loved, we could not reveal ourselves. To be loved, we could not ask for what we wanted.
Soul - so true for me. Whenever m in a rship, I don't dare to ask question abt them cos I also don wan them to know me. Aiyah, isn't this contradicting to me wanting to meet n share my tot. I don't dare to ask for what I want cos I am afraid they ask for what they want and I can't fulfill n that be d end of d rship.
Aiyoh, now only see where I was heading previously. The approach is totally contradicting to what I wan to have and what I can be. Alas, thank God there were no rship n it needed d con man to tell me m not ready then.
A question came, am I ready now? An answer came, when u the rship wil come, u don't hav to control it to bring it to fruition.
When food is love
When we ate, we felt both victorious and desperate - victorious because it was our way, sometimes our only way, of being ourselves, and desperate becos being ourselves seemed to take us further and further away from what we wanted more than anything else - to be loved.
We practised and became a masterful act.
Soul - yeap, that applies to us too.
When food is love
As soon as we begin relying on others to fill us, we feel the need, the urgency, to control what they do and say; we feel the need, the urgency, to control what they do and say; the reflection of ourselves in their eyes becomes critical.
They must love us in a particular way, say things in a particular manner. They must love us the way we would love ourselves if only we were allowed. They must become what we define as loving so that we will know we r loved. They must do everything our parents did.
Soul - I cld replace the word love with value and change the context to the work that I do. I let my work value me.
Why I don't think of love? Why d word value instead?
Now updating the blog few weeks later on Oct 27. I suddenly can relate to the above. Normally Regional comments irritates me, make me they judging/questioning my value. I was angry last Friday and when he follow thru with emails on Monday, I was irritated and Tuesday, I just felt nothing. He is just being himself and his comments is not a reflection of me. I can allow him to say him piece cos I don't allow him to affect me. It is when I am affected that I can't allow him to say his piece...amazing...Father, thank you.
When food is love
Being loved by Matt heightens the ways in which I already felt complete and exacerbates the emptiness.
Being loved in the present brings up all the ways in which we were not loved in the past.
The only insurance against repeating the pain in the past is to allow ourselves to feel it fully and release it in the present.
When we allow our bodies/weight to interfere with the quality of intimacy in our lives, when we feel too fat, too ugly to be stroked, we r trying to protect ourselves from being hurt.
Soul - tot can replaced this with me using Work to prevent me from getting intimate with anyone. Work is my clutch. Something I can rely on. And if its more n more challenging, then I don't have tine to think of what I really want. Cos I do want a partner, I do want to share wit others, but m afraid of to be hurt more than anything.
Even this sathsang thingy, I didn't wan to fail. I didn't wan to get hurt.
In the end, my fear of failure - a reflection of my value - a reflection of my lovability.
When food is love
But the hurt we r protecting ourselves from is not in the present. Nor is it in the future. We r trying to protect ourselves from feeling a hurt that has nothing to do with our lives now; over and over for the rest our lives, we r trying to protect ourselves from feeling our past and in so doing we never allow ourselves to claim the present.
Soul - Father, thank u. It time I let go of fear of failure. Failure does not equate to value. Value does not equate to lovability. My lovabilty has no equation to what I do or don't do. I m lovable, period.
Whatever life demands of u - accept
Oct 4
Father, really not sure of d sathsang. I don't wan to do it anymore. I m ok at promoting isha, but not be a teacher. Cos I don't wan to follow thru n thru and m not. I felt restrained, burdened if I hav to follow. I wan to pull out. The meditators can handle it on their own.
Its true, I hav some meditative experience n I can guide people in, but m not isha conquest. I only used it as a tool. Now people know, I think there is expectation or rather I wld hav expectation.
Suddenly tot of reading Sadhguru
Sadhguru
Wherever u r put, u just do the work. This releases u from the fruit of action n once u r released from the fruit of action, the action will happen by itself.
By closing ur eyes, u will not become released. The moment u open them, everything will come back. If u run away and sit on the mountain, u will not become free. This is d way to work it out. It has to be worked out.
Whatever life demands, u do. Acceptance, acceptance.
Soul - d truth is I know I may fail, cos already I don't fulfill d pre-requisite. And at least now m jus a normal meditator with experience but not volunteering. If I do sathsang, I will open myself up for failure. That's it, I don't wan to do something I know I can fail. I don't wan to open myself up for failure.
An alternative tot came, the current Sathsang leader did it n she is not great. I admit I don't hav her fortitude, but I will bring joy into sathsang, I wil change d mode. My teacher must hav select me cos she think I can and I know I can.
Father, really not sure of d sathsang. I don't wan to do it anymore. I m ok at promoting isha, but not be a teacher. Cos I don't wan to follow thru n thru and m not. I felt restrained, burdened if I hav to follow. I wan to pull out. The meditators can handle it on their own.
Its true, I hav some meditative experience n I can guide people in, but m not isha conquest. I only used it as a tool. Now people know, I think there is expectation or rather I wld hav expectation.
Suddenly tot of reading Sadhguru
Sadhguru
Wherever u r put, u just do the work. This releases u from the fruit of action n once u r released from the fruit of action, the action will happen by itself.
By closing ur eyes, u will not become released. The moment u open them, everything will come back. If u run away and sit on the mountain, u will not become free. This is d way to work it out. It has to be worked out.
Whatever life demands, u do. Acceptance, acceptance.
Soul - d truth is I know I may fail, cos already I don't fulfill d pre-requisite. And at least now m jus a normal meditator with experience but not volunteering. If I do sathsang, I will open myself up for failure. That's it, I don't wan to do something I know I can fail. I don't wan to open myself up for failure.
An alternative tot came, the current Sathsang leader did it n she is not great. I admit I don't hav her fortitude, but I will bring joy into sathsang, I wil change d mode. My teacher must hav select me cos she think I can and I know I can.
New beginning
Oct 2 afternoon
When food is love
Once we had no choice, now we do.
The decision to be intimate, like the decision to break free from compulsive eating, is not something that is given to you. Intimacy is not something that just happens between two people, it is a way of being alive.
At every moment, we are choosing either to reveal ourselves or to protect ourselves, to value ourselves or to diminish ourselves, to tell the truth or to hide. To dive into life or to avoid it. Intimacy is making the choice to be connected to, rather than isolated from, our deepest truth at that moment.
In every workshop, I hear; "So when is the magic going to begin?"
And I say "When you take the step, when you made the choice"
For those of us who are used to waiting for someone to bring love to our lives, the dscovery that being intimate is a choice that we make at every moment is as close to magic as anyone ever comes.
Soul - I always protect myself either by thinking d other person is too good for me or I am too good for the other person. Either way is closing up.
How do we open up? How do we feel secure enough to send out d msg that we want a rship?
Father, u r great. A timely book for me. I want a book that can guide me to be a normal healthy woman instead one that is scared to even open up for possibility of rship.
When food is love
Once we had no choice, now we do.
The decision to be intimate, like the decision to break free from compulsive eating, is not something that is given to you. Intimacy is not something that just happens between two people, it is a way of being alive.
At every moment, we are choosing either to reveal ourselves or to protect ourselves, to value ourselves or to diminish ourselves, to tell the truth or to hide. To dive into life or to avoid it. Intimacy is making the choice to be connected to, rather than isolated from, our deepest truth at that moment.
In every workshop, I hear; "So when is the magic going to begin?"
And I say "When you take the step, when you made the choice"
For those of us who are used to waiting for someone to bring love to our lives, the dscovery that being intimate is a choice that we make at every moment is as close to magic as anyone ever comes.
Soul - I always protect myself either by thinking d other person is too good for me or I am too good for the other person. Either way is closing up.
How do we open up? How do we feel secure enough to send out d msg that we want a rship?
Father, u r great. A timely book for me. I want a book that can guide me to be a normal healthy woman instead one that is scared to even open up for possibility of rship.
My value is measured by the value of food I eat
Oct 2
Father, I m thankful that I no longer worry so much abt things I can't control. Things happening in office is going way down but now I know its not my burden. Its d CEO. Our revenue has dropped from 19 mil to 11 mil n CEO package is too high for us. That decision is for Regional.
Today also quarterly reporting. At least I got an extension by another hald day.
So, I m thankful that m detached from office. Although I haven't find anything that m keen on. D sathsang thingy, I think M want to be d one n m fine with that.
Today tot of d korean drama - soil for d other person, loving d person n wanting him to be happy, instead of wanting him to make her happy.
Today start to read the book "When Food is Love", I first read this book in Year 2001, then Year 2004 and now 2009. Will see whats my stand now.
When food is love
Eating is a metaphor for the way we live; it is also a metaphor for the way we love.
Excessive fantasising, creating drama, the need to be in control, and wanting what is forbidden are behaviours that block us from finding joy in food or relationships.
And some of the same guidelines that enable us to break free from compulsive behaviours - learning to stay in the present, beginning to value ourselves, giving the hungry child within us a voice, trusting our physical and emotional hungers, and teaching ourselves to receive pleasure - enable us to be intimate with another person.
There are pieces you have minimised, shut away or forgotten deeply affect the way you eat and love and keep you from living with creativity and passion, self respect and a belief in your own effectiveness.
I told myself that if I spent the rest of my life without a partner, I would still be living fully. Everyone ends up being alone, I reasoned. Its better to be alone than to be with someone I don't love. I believed it all. But I was still dreaming of moony kisses and entwined bodies.
Soul - mmm, words from my heart.
When food is love
After waiting all our lives for tenderness and beauty to arrive in the form of being thin or being in love, it can be devastating to discover that neither one can be found in either one. Not when the expectation is that we will lose ourselves. Or find ourselves.
Soul - I tot of this too. I already knew rship is not d answer or perhaps I didn't meet the right guy. D job is not the answer. It is jus me. I even not sure if meditation is the answer but I knew enough that it is my path.
Father, what's next?
When food is love
Compulsion is despair on the emotional level. The substances, people or activities that we become compulsive about are those that we believe capable of taking our despair away.
Loving him was supposed to take the pain away. Instead, it brings it up. I thought that having someone to sleep with and talk with and eat with was going to take the pain away. But there were many moments, when I m back to being a child with no one at home.
Compulsion is the feeling that there is no one at home. We become compulsive to put someone home. All we ever wanted was love. We didn't want to become compulsive abt anything. We did it to survive. We did it to keep us from going crazy.
Soul - my job used to give me identity n used to affect me d most. When m in rship, m also affected.
Afternoon
Did a good powerpoint n run thru wit CEO. I know I did well n I was proud of myself. I told CEO n she agrees with me.When I did my Shoonya, I thanked God for the clarity, it wasn't me. I didn't think of any action plan n tot of d idea in d toilet jus before discussion wit CEO. She likes d idea.
It was God, not me. I m good, but never as good as this. I used to need time to ponder n muddle/worry in my head before I came out wit d plan. Now didn't even ponder/worry and it jus came out.
The nine of heart is real true. I lost my cousin.
When food is love
Food was our love; eating was our way of being loved. Food was available when our parents weren't. Food didn't get up n leave us like our mother. Food didn't hurt us. Food didn't say no. Food tasted good. Food was warm when we r cold and cold when we are hot. Food become the closest thing we knew of love. But food is only a substitute for love. Food is not, nor was it ever love.
Compulsive behaviour , at its most fundamental, is a lack of self-love, it is an expression of a belief that we r not good enough. Eating food that I had taken from my grandmother drawer, made me feel like I was something special.
Soul - in my case, food was d time I let go of my control freak nature n jus do what I wan without any consideration for others.
My compulsion is always to give myself n others d best food. It cannot be lowered. If the std is lowered n I eat it, is a reflection of how much I love me. I eat well cos I love me. I give myself d most cos I don't receive from others. I think m not good enough for others, so must be good enough for myself.
Eating good food makes me think m special too. I never give anything to myself except good food.
That the way I show love to myself. Perhaps I can see abt decorating my room but the tot of paying d money stops me. Perhaps can explore 2nd hand shop n make my room a sanctuary.
When food is love
Love and compulsion cannot coexist. Love is the willingness and ability to be affected by another human being and to allow that effect to make a difference in what you do, say, become.
Compulsion is the act of wrapping ourselves around an activity, a substance, or a person to survive, to tolerate and numb our experience of the moment.
Love is a state of connectedness, one that includes vulnerability, surrender, self-valuing, steadiness and a willingness to face, rather than run from, the worst of ourselves.
Compulsion is a state of isolation, one that includes self-absorption, invulnerability, low self esteem, unpredictability and fear that if we faced our pain, it would destroy us.
The very purpose of compulsion is to protect ourselves from the pain associated with love.
Our mother goes away n we decide that we r unlovable. There are situations in which uncomfortable feelings were denied and repressed.
As children, we have no resources, no power to make choices abt our situations. We need our families. If we feel that the pain around us is too intense and we cannot leave or change it, we will shut off. We will - and do - switch our pain to something less threatening; a compulsion.
As adult, it become our task to examine the decisions we made long ago about our self-worth, our capacity to love, our wilingness to be loved, for it is from these decisions that many of our beliefs about compulsion and love take root.
Soul - my control freak fear of love. Cos when in love, m not in control and insecurity crops up and I become a feeler. I don't like being not in control.
My mom let me be taken care by others, choose me of all d siblings and I tot I was unlovable too. I now knew I was chosen becos I was d cute one, d cheerful one, actually d lovable one. But still d pain of past doesn't jus go off like that. I still feel unlovable.
At work, no one want to protect me, they said m self-protected and I can fight my own battles and I am smart but I interpret that they didn't wan to protect me cos m not lovable.
Suddenly a tot just came, they said I don't need protection cos I am already self-protected, alreayd well loved by myself and others. I faced loads of demanding bosses.
When d situation of molest happen n I wasn't encouraged to talk abt it, again I tot that they don't love me. Actually, action already was taken, which I didn't know.
So, perhaps m truly loved n don't need loving circumstances. But I do want it. What I don't understand is why I can stil be affected by work. Well, it is cut by 50 percent already. So, will see.
Actually, deep within I think m not lovable. Even now after getting connecting to the Source, I feel guilty and unworthy cos not able to actualise it unlike others.
Since I think m unlovable, who wil then think m lovable???
Father, I m thankful that I no longer worry so much abt things I can't control. Things happening in office is going way down but now I know its not my burden. Its d CEO. Our revenue has dropped from 19 mil to 11 mil n CEO package is too high for us. That decision is for Regional.
Today also quarterly reporting. At least I got an extension by another hald day.
So, I m thankful that m detached from office. Although I haven't find anything that m keen on. D sathsang thingy, I think M want to be d one n m fine with that.
Today tot of d korean drama - soil for d other person, loving d person n wanting him to be happy, instead of wanting him to make her happy.
Today start to read the book "When Food is Love", I first read this book in Year 2001, then Year 2004 and now 2009. Will see whats my stand now.
When food is love
Eating is a metaphor for the way we live; it is also a metaphor for the way we love.
Excessive fantasising, creating drama, the need to be in control, and wanting what is forbidden are behaviours that block us from finding joy in food or relationships.
And some of the same guidelines that enable us to break free from compulsive behaviours - learning to stay in the present, beginning to value ourselves, giving the hungry child within us a voice, trusting our physical and emotional hungers, and teaching ourselves to receive pleasure - enable us to be intimate with another person.
There are pieces you have minimised, shut away or forgotten deeply affect the way you eat and love and keep you from living with creativity and passion, self respect and a belief in your own effectiveness.
I told myself that if I spent the rest of my life without a partner, I would still be living fully. Everyone ends up being alone, I reasoned. Its better to be alone than to be with someone I don't love. I believed it all. But I was still dreaming of moony kisses and entwined bodies.
Soul - mmm, words from my heart.
When food is love
After waiting all our lives for tenderness and beauty to arrive in the form of being thin or being in love, it can be devastating to discover that neither one can be found in either one. Not when the expectation is that we will lose ourselves. Or find ourselves.
Soul - I tot of this too. I already knew rship is not d answer or perhaps I didn't meet the right guy. D job is not the answer. It is jus me. I even not sure if meditation is the answer but I knew enough that it is my path.
Father, what's next?
When food is love
Compulsion is despair on the emotional level. The substances, people or activities that we become compulsive about are those that we believe capable of taking our despair away.
Loving him was supposed to take the pain away. Instead, it brings it up. I thought that having someone to sleep with and talk with and eat with was going to take the pain away. But there were many moments, when I m back to being a child with no one at home.
Compulsion is the feeling that there is no one at home. We become compulsive to put someone home. All we ever wanted was love. We didn't want to become compulsive abt anything. We did it to survive. We did it to keep us from going crazy.
Soul - my job used to give me identity n used to affect me d most. When m in rship, m also affected.
Afternoon
Did a good powerpoint n run thru wit CEO. I know I did well n I was proud of myself. I told CEO n she agrees with me.When I did my Shoonya, I thanked God for the clarity, it wasn't me. I didn't think of any action plan n tot of d idea in d toilet jus before discussion wit CEO. She likes d idea.
It was God, not me. I m good, but never as good as this. I used to need time to ponder n muddle/worry in my head before I came out wit d plan. Now didn't even ponder/worry and it jus came out.
The nine of heart is real true. I lost my cousin.
When food is love
Food was our love; eating was our way of being loved. Food was available when our parents weren't. Food didn't get up n leave us like our mother. Food didn't hurt us. Food didn't say no. Food tasted good. Food was warm when we r cold and cold when we are hot. Food become the closest thing we knew of love. But food is only a substitute for love. Food is not, nor was it ever love.
Compulsive behaviour , at its most fundamental, is a lack of self-love, it is an expression of a belief that we r not good enough. Eating food that I had taken from my grandmother drawer, made me feel like I was something special.
Soul - in my case, food was d time I let go of my control freak nature n jus do what I wan without any consideration for others.
My compulsion is always to give myself n others d best food. It cannot be lowered. If the std is lowered n I eat it, is a reflection of how much I love me. I eat well cos I love me. I give myself d most cos I don't receive from others. I think m not good enough for others, so must be good enough for myself.
Eating good food makes me think m special too. I never give anything to myself except good food.
That the way I show love to myself. Perhaps I can see abt decorating my room but the tot of paying d money stops me. Perhaps can explore 2nd hand shop n make my room a sanctuary.
When food is love
Love and compulsion cannot coexist. Love is the willingness and ability to be affected by another human being and to allow that effect to make a difference in what you do, say, become.
Compulsion is the act of wrapping ourselves around an activity, a substance, or a person to survive, to tolerate and numb our experience of the moment.
Love is a state of connectedness, one that includes vulnerability, surrender, self-valuing, steadiness and a willingness to face, rather than run from, the worst of ourselves.
Compulsion is a state of isolation, one that includes self-absorption, invulnerability, low self esteem, unpredictability and fear that if we faced our pain, it would destroy us.
The very purpose of compulsion is to protect ourselves from the pain associated with love.
Our mother goes away n we decide that we r unlovable. There are situations in which uncomfortable feelings were denied and repressed.
As children, we have no resources, no power to make choices abt our situations. We need our families. If we feel that the pain around us is too intense and we cannot leave or change it, we will shut off. We will - and do - switch our pain to something less threatening; a compulsion.
As adult, it become our task to examine the decisions we made long ago about our self-worth, our capacity to love, our wilingness to be loved, for it is from these decisions that many of our beliefs about compulsion and love take root.
Soul - my control freak fear of love. Cos when in love, m not in control and insecurity crops up and I become a feeler. I don't like being not in control.
My mom let me be taken care by others, choose me of all d siblings and I tot I was unlovable too. I now knew I was chosen becos I was d cute one, d cheerful one, actually d lovable one. But still d pain of past doesn't jus go off like that. I still feel unlovable.
At work, no one want to protect me, they said m self-protected and I can fight my own battles and I am smart but I interpret that they didn't wan to protect me cos m not lovable.
Suddenly a tot just came, they said I don't need protection cos I am already self-protected, alreayd well loved by myself and others. I faced loads of demanding bosses.
When d situation of molest happen n I wasn't encouraged to talk abt it, again I tot that they don't love me. Actually, action already was taken, which I didn't know.
So, perhaps m truly loved n don't need loving circumstances. But I do want it. What I don't understand is why I can stil be affected by work. Well, it is cut by 50 percent already. So, will see.
Actually, deep within I think m not lovable. Even now after getting connecting to the Source, I feel guilty and unworthy cos not able to actualise it unlike others.
Since I think m unlovable, who wil then think m lovable???
Meditation - You are the source of your own light
Oct 1 afternoon
Father, m feelin bit lost. After shoonya wanted to chk out transformation card
1. Issue - Disciplehood - all situations is with lesson. You hv to be watchful to see
2. External - Communion - existence is in a state of interdependence.
3. Inner influence - Energy - energy must be used creatively or it become destructive. If u cannot be lost in painting or etc, then you will find lower ways of being losts anger, rage.
4. Direction of growth - Intelligence. Meditation is nothing but a re-adjustment of ur vision, of ur eyes. And if u go on looking inside, gradually u see start feeling a beautiful light inside. It is like the moon, and it is soothing. When u finally adjusted to the inside light, u will see that you are the very source. The seeker is the sought. You will see that the treasure is within you and the whole problems was that u were seeking it outside.
5. Key to integration - Devotion
Is a way of merging and melting into existence. It is simply losing all the boundaries.
Mmm, stil not sure.
Mmm, now after about 3 weeks later, I can now see the Message. It is true. I am feeling so contented. Whenever i feel stressed and not sure...i just let things be. I just allow. Infact, last Sunday I made a decision to let go of my meditation regime on Sunday. Will just do meditation if I want to. No ritual...just allowing myself to be...Amen
Father, m feelin bit lost. After shoonya wanted to chk out transformation card
1. Issue - Disciplehood - all situations is with lesson. You hv to be watchful to see
2. External - Communion - existence is in a state of interdependence.
3. Inner influence - Energy - energy must be used creatively or it become destructive. If u cannot be lost in painting or etc, then you will find lower ways of being losts anger, rage.
4. Direction of growth - Intelligence. Meditation is nothing but a re-adjustment of ur vision, of ur eyes. And if u go on looking inside, gradually u see start feeling a beautiful light inside. It is like the moon, and it is soothing. When u finally adjusted to the inside light, u will see that you are the very source. The seeker is the sought. You will see that the treasure is within you and the whole problems was that u were seeking it outside.
5. Key to integration - Devotion
Is a way of merging and melting into existence. It is simply losing all the boundaries.
Mmm, stil not sure.
Mmm, now after about 3 weeks later, I can now see the Message. It is true. I am feeling so contented. Whenever i feel stressed and not sure...i just let things be. I just allow. Infact, last Sunday I made a decision to let go of my meditation regime on Sunday. Will just do meditation if I want to. No ritual...just allowing myself to be...Amen
Enjoy ur journey...and hope for miracle
Oct 1
Father, m feeling sleepy these few days. Still havin tot of babies n cremation during meditation. Stil havin tot of my cousin, of me not answering to her call of help. Tot of not even realising of d heart problem. Tot of not realising Funeral parlour is meant for her n not me.
I wonder if me sharing abt d in law intention is what made her give up. But I recall d husband already tell her, so I m d one.
After reading her 4 of heart - family card. It saddens me further cos if she wan to work, that's means the family life she had must be quite bad for her to seek her release at work. I knew it wld be for me but I tot she was ok abt it. Looks like its not.
My dear cousin, rests in peace. We will watch out for ur children.
Father, I feel guilty cos I hav not used my intuition. I was self centred.
Expect a miracle
Just because you have grown doesn't mean you won't be presented with old situations that still pull your strings. Should an experience present itself that hints of the old unhealthy energy, firmly say "No" and walk away.
Soul - m facing pressure on action plan n again tot of finding alternative plan comes to mind. Tot of taking out doing off-line expense again. But then this wld go back to the past. Hold firm. The truth is we can't afford both CEO and GM. So, even if situation is bad, jus let it be.
Expect a miracle
Sometimes people might be more comfortable in fantasy rather than venturing out into the real world. But that its an escape and a way of avoiding growth. We don't have to take risks if we live entirely in our own little world, real life calls for us to go out on a limb and take chances that might seem frightening or unfamiliar.
Another thing is to stay realistic. We don't always get everything we want but if we go with the flow, we do usually get better than what we could hope for.
Mantra - Nothing is perfect. And yet everything is perfect just the way it is.
Soul - this is a good reminder as I was feeling guilty abt my lack of responses to my cousin. Was thinking m not suitable to lead sathsang. Was wondering if I shld join d sunday event. But I guess its just an excuse for me to escape anything physical.
Expect a miracle
The best gauge of whether or not you have met the partner you seek is to see who you become in their presence. Do you like yourself? Do you have interesting thing to talk about? Do you bring out the best in each other? Is your creative energy at full tilt?
You find that u want to know more about him with each passing day.
Mantra - when the soul is ready, the mate appears. You will feel completely alive and connected and comfortable with yourself.
Rather than judging the potential right away or projecting your fantasy onto this person, just quietly be in his presence with openness and the intention to see the truth. And with the courage to take a risk, take the leap!
Soul - mmm, a tall order. So far, I have never have all the abv even wit my first love.
For now, let's do the sathsang.
Expect a miracle
Anything you could possibly want for yourself is far less than God intends for you; so being stuck on particulars compromises your potential.
Remember also that accepting the person in front of you opens the door for them to become their full potential. Don't worry about whether someone is successful enough or creative enough.
Soul - I focus on being successful cos I wan d nature house, I want a luxurious lifestyle. I want to be financially independent.
Expect a miracle
Chaung Tzu - Non-action does not mean doing nothing and keeping silent. Let everything be allowed to do what it naturally does, so that its nature will be satisfied.
Soul - that's what I wan my partner to give me n that what I can give.
Expect a miracle
Nobody needs to hear every detail of your process, progress and how u realise all these deep understandings of urself and the workings of ur life, they have their own paths to travel. Simply enjoy your enthusiasm but don't let it wear u out.
Soul - I used to wear my first love out n then my ex-staff n then my ex-colleagueV. These days, m jus keeping more to myself. It does help when I blog, as it is a form of release for me. Too much feeling inside me and I can't express in emotion, so writing is the best forms.
I used to force open doors that is not mine to begin with.
Expect a miracle
There will be periods which u have doubt and can't see what the end results is going to be. It seem to take forever. These are times u most need to embrace faith.
Henry David Thoreau - We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.
Faith is based on unseen world. It is our communion with God through prayer and meditation that consistently speaks to us through intuitions, hunches and gut instict.
Things rarely comes in exactly the way we would expect, so let go of any preconceived ideas of how the transformation should unfold. Your life will manifest in a far more perfect way if you surrender it to your Higher Power and trust that you are being taken care of.
The task for us now is to live in the question rather than seek to stamp our lives with an answer.
Enjoy your journey with all your being. And expect a miracle!
Soul - yeap. I admit I lost it when my cousin died.
Father, m feeling sleepy these few days. Still havin tot of babies n cremation during meditation. Stil havin tot of my cousin, of me not answering to her call of help. Tot of not even realising of d heart problem. Tot of not realising Funeral parlour is meant for her n not me.
I wonder if me sharing abt d in law intention is what made her give up. But I recall d husband already tell her, so I m d one.
After reading her 4 of heart - family card. It saddens me further cos if she wan to work, that's means the family life she had must be quite bad for her to seek her release at work. I knew it wld be for me but I tot she was ok abt it. Looks like its not.
My dear cousin, rests in peace. We will watch out for ur children.
Father, I feel guilty cos I hav not used my intuition. I was self centred.
Expect a miracle
Just because you have grown doesn't mean you won't be presented with old situations that still pull your strings. Should an experience present itself that hints of the old unhealthy energy, firmly say "No" and walk away.
Soul - m facing pressure on action plan n again tot of finding alternative plan comes to mind. Tot of taking out doing off-line expense again. But then this wld go back to the past. Hold firm. The truth is we can't afford both CEO and GM. So, even if situation is bad, jus let it be.
Expect a miracle
Sometimes people might be more comfortable in fantasy rather than venturing out into the real world. But that its an escape and a way of avoiding growth. We don't have to take risks if we live entirely in our own little world, real life calls for us to go out on a limb and take chances that might seem frightening or unfamiliar.
Another thing is to stay realistic. We don't always get everything we want but if we go with the flow, we do usually get better than what we could hope for.
Mantra - Nothing is perfect. And yet everything is perfect just the way it is.
Soul - this is a good reminder as I was feeling guilty abt my lack of responses to my cousin. Was thinking m not suitable to lead sathsang. Was wondering if I shld join d sunday event. But I guess its just an excuse for me to escape anything physical.
Expect a miracle
The best gauge of whether or not you have met the partner you seek is to see who you become in their presence. Do you like yourself? Do you have interesting thing to talk about? Do you bring out the best in each other? Is your creative energy at full tilt?
You find that u want to know more about him with each passing day.
Mantra - when the soul is ready, the mate appears. You will feel completely alive and connected and comfortable with yourself.
Rather than judging the potential right away or projecting your fantasy onto this person, just quietly be in his presence with openness and the intention to see the truth. And with the courage to take a risk, take the leap!
Soul - mmm, a tall order. So far, I have never have all the abv even wit my first love.
For now, let's do the sathsang.
Expect a miracle
Anything you could possibly want for yourself is far less than God intends for you; so being stuck on particulars compromises your potential.
Remember also that accepting the person in front of you opens the door for them to become their full potential. Don't worry about whether someone is successful enough or creative enough.
Soul - I focus on being successful cos I wan d nature house, I want a luxurious lifestyle. I want to be financially independent.
Expect a miracle
Chaung Tzu - Non-action does not mean doing nothing and keeping silent. Let everything be allowed to do what it naturally does, so that its nature will be satisfied.
Soul - that's what I wan my partner to give me n that what I can give.
Expect a miracle
Nobody needs to hear every detail of your process, progress and how u realise all these deep understandings of urself and the workings of ur life, they have their own paths to travel. Simply enjoy your enthusiasm but don't let it wear u out.
Soul - I used to wear my first love out n then my ex-staff n then my ex-colleagueV. These days, m jus keeping more to myself. It does help when I blog, as it is a form of release for me. Too much feeling inside me and I can't express in emotion, so writing is the best forms.
I used to force open doors that is not mine to begin with.
Expect a miracle
There will be periods which u have doubt and can't see what the end results is going to be. It seem to take forever. These are times u most need to embrace faith.
Henry David Thoreau - We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.
Faith is based on unseen world. It is our communion with God through prayer and meditation that consistently speaks to us through intuitions, hunches and gut instict.
Things rarely comes in exactly the way we would expect, so let go of any preconceived ideas of how the transformation should unfold. Your life will manifest in a far more perfect way if you surrender it to your Higher Power and trust that you are being taken care of.
The task for us now is to live in the question rather than seek to stamp our lives with an answer.
Enjoy your journey with all your being. And expect a miracle!
Soul - yeap. I admit I lost it when my cousin died.
Releasing guillt
Sept 30 Afternoon
Jus finished shoonya, had a good cry cos feeling guilty over my cousin. Glad my sis was there to accompany her to the new 'house' in the final resting place.
Jus now when checking for 7thunder card, saw my 52 days cards as 9 of heart, death of personal rship card. I have been wondering what is it due to, even tot of me n P, but we make up. Alas, is cousin's death and also the tot of the Funeral parlour. The 2 signs I have missed cos I was focusing inward instead of outward.
Osho card
1. The issue - Healing
Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed. Live a headless life. The aura around his body is full of light, and the quality of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering.
When we rec this card, it means that we r no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Soul - well, I have opened up my yoga meditation to my family.
2. Internal influence that u r unaware.
The miser.
Loosen ur grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.
Soul -not sure what is this. Only thing is sathsang, m thinking of playing a support role. Don't think m suitable for it as I don't prescribed to the general route of bhakti. And even if I do have access to the Energy, m also not displaying the norm behaviour of volunteering, being nice and etc. Worried that they have expectation of me, which I can't meet. Worried I may led them astray. I lost confidence, I lost my cousin.
3. External influence of which you are aware
Rebirth - a time of growth and change.
Soul - yeap, I know. A new Me is here. More whole, balanced.
4. What is needed for resolution.
Guilty
We all long to be better people - more loving, more aware, more true to ourselves. But when we punish ourselves for our failures by feeing guilty, we can get locked in a cycle of despair and hopelessness that robs us of all clarity about ourselves and the situations we encounter.
You are absolutely okay as u are, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on, and use the lesson not to make the same mistake again.
Soul - a timely reminder for me to let go of my guilt of not 'acting' on my intuition and miss the 2 signs that I was given.
5. Resolution
Particpation.
Make participation your lifestyle and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.
You have an opportunity to participate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beautiful than each of you could manage alone. Your participation will not only nourish you, but will also contribute something precious to the world.
Soul - not sure its correct. Remind me of my role of Sathsang leader and Isha promoters. I did participate in the funeral proceeding and it has been memorable for me and my family. I recall the final day, when I went into meditation involuntarily during the buddhist aum chanting. We were laughing so much...am glad. Wash away all the sorrows.
I told aunt that her daughter, my cousin must be in a good place, otherwise, we wouldn't be laughing like crazy on the final day.
Its her energy.
I also told her that for the past few days, I was meditating in the funeral room and I felt the energy was good. So, I asked her to rest easy.
Jus finished shoonya, had a good cry cos feeling guilty over my cousin. Glad my sis was there to accompany her to the new 'house' in the final resting place.
Jus now when checking for 7thunder card, saw my 52 days cards as 9 of heart, death of personal rship card. I have been wondering what is it due to, even tot of me n P, but we make up. Alas, is cousin's death and also the tot of the Funeral parlour. The 2 signs I have missed cos I was focusing inward instead of outward.
Osho card
1. The issue - Healing
Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed. Live a headless life. The aura around his body is full of light, and the quality of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering.
When we rec this card, it means that we r no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Soul - well, I have opened up my yoga meditation to my family.
2. Internal influence that u r unaware.
The miser.
Loosen ur grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.
Soul -not sure what is this. Only thing is sathsang, m thinking of playing a support role. Don't think m suitable for it as I don't prescribed to the general route of bhakti. And even if I do have access to the Energy, m also not displaying the norm behaviour of volunteering, being nice and etc. Worried that they have expectation of me, which I can't meet. Worried I may led them astray. I lost confidence, I lost my cousin.
3. External influence of which you are aware
Rebirth - a time of growth and change.
Soul - yeap, I know. A new Me is here. More whole, balanced.
4. What is needed for resolution.
Guilty
We all long to be better people - more loving, more aware, more true to ourselves. But when we punish ourselves for our failures by feeing guilty, we can get locked in a cycle of despair and hopelessness that robs us of all clarity about ourselves and the situations we encounter.
You are absolutely okay as u are, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on, and use the lesson not to make the same mistake again.
Soul - a timely reminder for me to let go of my guilt of not 'acting' on my intuition and miss the 2 signs that I was given.
5. Resolution
Particpation.
Make participation your lifestyle and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.
You have an opportunity to participate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beautiful than each of you could manage alone. Your participation will not only nourish you, but will also contribute something precious to the world.
Soul - not sure its correct. Remind me of my role of Sathsang leader and Isha promoters. I did participate in the funeral proceeding and it has been memorable for me and my family. I recall the final day, when I went into meditation involuntarily during the buddhist aum chanting. We were laughing so much...am glad. Wash away all the sorrows.
I told aunt that her daughter, my cousin must be in a good place, otherwise, we wouldn't be laughing like crazy on the final day.
Its her energy.
I also told her that for the past few days, I was meditating in the funeral room and I felt the energy was good. So, I asked her to rest easy.
Monday, October 19, 2009
You must first give in order to receive
Sept 28
Today cousin's friend drop by. He said my cousin is a nice gal. I said nice gal died young. I don't believe in being nice. Actually her lesson is to be assertive.
I m glad I took off, or else no one here to accompany her.
Aiyah, I hav been havin tot of Funeral parlour for past 1 mth, I tot its becos of art exhibition, meeting my partner, little did I know that is for my cousin funeral proceeding.
Now that I am here, no tot of going to the Art Gallery
Expect a miracle
If you want to find love, you need to notice and connect with that love. Anything that you like to receive, you must first give of freely. Being grateful serves as a reminder, as a force of love and abundance. Even if something at the time doesn't seem "right", appreciate it and assume its bringing you some sort of gift that in the end you will indeed be great
Sept 30 (out from closet _ yoga path)
Father, now d tot of Funeral parlour is actually abt cousin's death, I find myself feeling guilty for not acting on it. On d plus point, is d intuition is getting more.
I guess I may hav to expand my horizon. Yday don't want to sleep n tot of d korean drama, d guy love d gal so much, wishing m her. Then a tot came, its jus an escape tot, I jus don't wan to think abt work.
Tot of me and nature house owner, don't need those dramas, when we meet each other, we jus connect, n know we wan to be together.
Of cos, m wondering what's next.
The plus point is that m sharing my yoga meditation. Alas, I dared to open up so all my relatives n family is aware of my yoga meditation. For this m real glad. I am out of d closet.
So, today, I jus did d guru pooja, suria namaskara and shakti chalana while d maid was sleeping still. That itself is a major transformation. So, will focus on that. As for me being wrong abt cousin, perhaps her time is here n there is nothing I can do.
Her card is 4 heart. She wan a family of her own but married into a very big traditional family, n becos she is afraid to cause a rift, stay silent n since she cannot get the family she wants, she jus leave.
Expect a miracle
Martha Graham
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action. It is not ur business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You jus have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivates you. Keep the channel open.
By being still and opening to an inner truth, you have awakened the spirit of transformation.
Trust divine timing. It is vital that u understand that everything has its time, everything has its place.
Soul - a very timely reminder, I need it. I don't know what next but I only know that I will continues on d kriyas and suria namaskara.
I admit I don't know. But I don't know but there is no more resistance on my yoga path. All my questions answered. And I already come out from closet.
Expect a miracle
Consider ur partner may now be unravelling himself from whatever entanglements he is in. Your partner could very well be on his way to you, but details unbeknowst to you must be tended to.
And consider ur own soul's timing, its ur own readiness in being in a relationship.
You are ever-evolving and your soul knows when that evolution should include a partner. You might have more growing or self-searching to do before making a union.
In the scheme of development, certain things have to take place, such as your ability to accept something great, so it doesn't shock the system and get rejected.
Be patient, let the fruit grows, let the seed grow into flowers, let nature take its course.
Mantra - my partner comes at the perfect time and in the perfect way.
Soul - now I knew why I focused on d scene, its a beginning. Mmm, I admit I m more ready now than a mth ago. I have come out of d closet on my yoga path n hence can open up to my ptnr too. I am able to asserts my feeling/wants wit brother/sister/mother, n that means I can assert wit my partner too. As to I am completely ready, I am not sure.
Expect a miracle
Keep ur spiritual devt to urself. To introduce to the outside world too soon would expose the creation to negative and confusing energy, a vulnerable environment and dissipating influences. You and only you will know when it is time to introduce to the world this new way of being.
Soul - yeap, when I was ready to unfold my yoga meditation, the opportunity present itself even without me asking for it.
So, funeral parlour - a place that I hav open up to my family and relatives that I am now doing meditation.
Expect a miracle
Chloe was a very powerful woman in mnay ways and I think her friends felt that the one thing they had over her - and remember, this is unconscious - was her inability to master relationships. So they felt threatened and began to deflate Chloe's hope, enthusiasm and faith in Grace. These being her very good friends, she listened. Chloe begin to doubt herself and what she achieved. It was hard for her to maintain her energy and sureness in the face of reasonable doubt.
Don't be surprised if some people drop out of your life. Your friends may not like it when yoy change becos ur light will expose the darkness they may still be attached to.
When u make changes on the inside, it is only natural that changes will take place in every area of ur life. I wld urge u to jus roll with it, things will find their balance and harmony will soon be in place.
Soul - tot of me and close friend. The difference is I am sure of my yoga path.
Father, my work doesn't excite me but it pays d bills n give me security. And it led me to yoga path n it allows me to flourish. So, m thankful for that.
Today cousin's friend drop by. He said my cousin is a nice gal. I said nice gal died young. I don't believe in being nice. Actually her lesson is to be assertive.
I m glad I took off, or else no one here to accompany her.
Aiyah, I hav been havin tot of Funeral parlour for past 1 mth, I tot its becos of art exhibition, meeting my partner, little did I know that is for my cousin funeral proceeding.
Now that I am here, no tot of going to the Art Gallery
Expect a miracle
If you want to find love, you need to notice and connect with that love. Anything that you like to receive, you must first give of freely. Being grateful serves as a reminder, as a force of love and abundance. Even if something at the time doesn't seem "right", appreciate it and assume its bringing you some sort of gift that in the end you will indeed be great
Sept 30 (out from closet _ yoga path)
Father, now d tot of Funeral parlour is actually abt cousin's death, I find myself feeling guilty for not acting on it. On d plus point, is d intuition is getting more.
I guess I may hav to expand my horizon. Yday don't want to sleep n tot of d korean drama, d guy love d gal so much, wishing m her. Then a tot came, its jus an escape tot, I jus don't wan to think abt work.
Tot of me and nature house owner, don't need those dramas, when we meet each other, we jus connect, n know we wan to be together.
Of cos, m wondering what's next.
The plus point is that m sharing my yoga meditation. Alas, I dared to open up so all my relatives n family is aware of my yoga meditation. For this m real glad. I am out of d closet.
So, today, I jus did d guru pooja, suria namaskara and shakti chalana while d maid was sleeping still. That itself is a major transformation. So, will focus on that. As for me being wrong abt cousin, perhaps her time is here n there is nothing I can do.
Her card is 4 heart. She wan a family of her own but married into a very big traditional family, n becos she is afraid to cause a rift, stay silent n since she cannot get the family she wants, she jus leave.
Expect a miracle
Martha Graham
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action. It is not ur business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You jus have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivates you. Keep the channel open.
By being still and opening to an inner truth, you have awakened the spirit of transformation.
Trust divine timing. It is vital that u understand that everything has its time, everything has its place.
Soul - a very timely reminder, I need it. I don't know what next but I only know that I will continues on d kriyas and suria namaskara.
I admit I don't know. But I don't know but there is no more resistance on my yoga path. All my questions answered. And I already come out from closet.
Expect a miracle
Consider ur partner may now be unravelling himself from whatever entanglements he is in. Your partner could very well be on his way to you, but details unbeknowst to you must be tended to.
And consider ur own soul's timing, its ur own readiness in being in a relationship.
You are ever-evolving and your soul knows when that evolution should include a partner. You might have more growing or self-searching to do before making a union.
In the scheme of development, certain things have to take place, such as your ability to accept something great, so it doesn't shock the system and get rejected.
Be patient, let the fruit grows, let the seed grow into flowers, let nature take its course.
Mantra - my partner comes at the perfect time and in the perfect way.
Soul - now I knew why I focused on d scene, its a beginning. Mmm, I admit I m more ready now than a mth ago. I have come out of d closet on my yoga path n hence can open up to my ptnr too. I am able to asserts my feeling/wants wit brother/sister/mother, n that means I can assert wit my partner too. As to I am completely ready, I am not sure.
Expect a miracle
Keep ur spiritual devt to urself. To introduce to the outside world too soon would expose the creation to negative and confusing energy, a vulnerable environment and dissipating influences. You and only you will know when it is time to introduce to the world this new way of being.
Soul - yeap, when I was ready to unfold my yoga meditation, the opportunity present itself even without me asking for it.
So, funeral parlour - a place that I hav open up to my family and relatives that I am now doing meditation.
Expect a miracle
Chloe was a very powerful woman in mnay ways and I think her friends felt that the one thing they had over her - and remember, this is unconscious - was her inability to master relationships. So they felt threatened and began to deflate Chloe's hope, enthusiasm and faith in Grace. These being her very good friends, she listened. Chloe begin to doubt herself and what she achieved. It was hard for her to maintain her energy and sureness in the face of reasonable doubt.
Don't be surprised if some people drop out of your life. Your friends may not like it when yoy change becos ur light will expose the darkness they may still be attached to.
When u make changes on the inside, it is only natural that changes will take place in every area of ur life. I wld urge u to jus roll with it, things will find their balance and harmony will soon be in place.
Soul - tot of me and close friend. The difference is I am sure of my yoga path.
Father, my work doesn't excite me but it pays d bills n give me security. And it led me to yoga path n it allows me to flourish. So, m thankful for that.
My family finally know m doing meditation
Sept 27
Yday, I meditated shoonya at the place. I m no longer so afraid of showing my bliss. Just now while sitting for yean prayer session, I jus tot of close my eyes to follow d proceeding. Then I found myself going into meditation mode. After a while I was swaying my body n head. Both mom and aunt called me. Mum is funny and asked if I seen my dead cousin, Y. I told her nope.
Aunt asked me what do I see n why m I laughing. I told her m jus happy. L said that Aunt's younger son can chant naturally for a first timer, whereas L has been doing it for years. Her son is a natural n spiritually inclined. I shared that its d way wit me too, its so natural for me.
Father, I asked why? How? Could I have done anything? The more I see, I should have seen death is coming. Cousin sister who is usually fearful was also 'black out' into not fearing, then perhaps death was calling her.
I also tot of me telling her that there is a long journey ahead n she has to fight. I tot if I had scared her n she didn't wan to fight anymore.
Also me n mom couldn't go to see her today. Why? Could we have made a difference?
She is always fighting for space to breathe. Yet, pregnancy clashed wit sis in laws both time and then death also clash. I guess she couldn't fight the battle n decided to opt out n came next time.
I tot abt me, feeling guilty. Perhaps I shld have been more considerate. Not looking into her feeling. M like close friend. But at least this time, I can give compassion to the husband, which I think no one is doing.
Sadhguru
The moment u carry the past n future, u become a donkey. Carrying the burden, there is no way to live intelligently.
Much love n compassion is needed. But when u r burdened, compassion can't come through.
When you are so light that nothing matters, only then you can truly be compassionate.
Love and compassion flow out of a person only when there is no sense of burden.
What u called love, has become a burden, which is not at all.
You can taste love and compassion in your life, only when you are in this moment, absolutely without any burden.
Yday, I meditated shoonya at the place. I m no longer so afraid of showing my bliss. Just now while sitting for yean prayer session, I jus tot of close my eyes to follow d proceeding. Then I found myself going into meditation mode. After a while I was swaying my body n head. Both mom and aunt called me. Mum is funny and asked if I seen my dead cousin, Y. I told her nope.
Aunt asked me what do I see n why m I laughing. I told her m jus happy. L said that Aunt's younger son can chant naturally for a first timer, whereas L has been doing it for years. Her son is a natural n spiritually inclined. I shared that its d way wit me too, its so natural for me.
Father, I asked why? How? Could I have done anything? The more I see, I should have seen death is coming. Cousin sister who is usually fearful was also 'black out' into not fearing, then perhaps death was calling her.
I also tot of me telling her that there is a long journey ahead n she has to fight. I tot if I had scared her n she didn't wan to fight anymore.
Also me n mom couldn't go to see her today. Why? Could we have made a difference?
She is always fighting for space to breathe. Yet, pregnancy clashed wit sis in laws both time and then death also clash. I guess she couldn't fight the battle n decided to opt out n came next time.
I tot abt me, feeling guilty. Perhaps I shld have been more considerate. Not looking into her feeling. M like close friend. But at least this time, I can give compassion to the husband, which I think no one is doing.
Sadhguru
The moment u carry the past n future, u become a donkey. Carrying the burden, there is no way to live intelligently.
Much love n compassion is needed. But when u r burdened, compassion can't come through.
When you are so light that nothing matters, only then you can truly be compassionate.
Love and compassion flow out of a person only when there is no sense of burden.
What u called love, has become a burden, which is not at all.
You can taste love and compassion in your life, only when you are in this moment, absolutely without any burden.
My cousin sister pass away
Sept 25 Evening
The life of the Mind
Thinking become meditation, and meditation again ended in contemplation, a kind of blessed state of the soul where the mind was no longer stretching out to know the truth but, in anticipation of a future state, received it temporarily in intuition.
Sept 26
Father, looks like my prediction is wrong. Perhaps she didn't wan to walk d journey anymore.
This afternoon I suddenly tot of visiting the Funeral parlour near my place and I wonder why. Perhaps that's the intuition. But I was sure that cousin sister will be ok n hence didn't connect that cousin sister will pass away.
Father, m ok in facing death. For d first time, I dare to see dead person face. Yday see my first uncle and today Yean.
I can also cry now. I cry that I will miss her n also for her husband and children. Perhaps this is d husband n family journey.
The life of the Mind
Thinking become meditation, and meditation again ended in contemplation, a kind of blessed state of the soul where the mind was no longer stretching out to know the truth but, in anticipation of a future state, received it temporarily in intuition.
Sept 26
Father, looks like my prediction is wrong. Perhaps she didn't wan to walk d journey anymore.
This afternoon I suddenly tot of visiting the Funeral parlour near my place and I wonder why. Perhaps that's the intuition. But I was sure that cousin sister will be ok n hence didn't connect that cousin sister will pass away.
Father, m ok in facing death. For d first time, I dare to see dead person face. Yday see my first uncle and today Yean.
I can also cry now. I cry that I will miss her n also for her husband and children. Perhaps this is d husband n family journey.
Living consciously
Sept 25
Cultivate more awareness n do what needs to be done without desire. This same as living consciously.
Now reading d imagination/visualisation of Expect a Miracle I suddenly tot it doesn't matter. Whatever my karma is, if meant to be alone, m also fine. If he comes, I wil hav to work on growing, m also fine.
Also tot of d nature house, I m fine without it. With it, m also fine.
I can now enjoy myself anywhere, alone or with people.
I love who I am. I don't need anyone to love me to confirm that m lovable.
I love my mind, my body, my feeling and my energy. If I m not likeable at times, its because m imbalanced, but that's fine cos the same imbalance has also makes me very formidable.
Exoect a miracle
Feel ur smile. Feel the celebration of your soul finding its mate.
Mantra - as my soul stretches, so does the scope of my potential relatoonshup.
Soul - I m smiling and celebrate that I finally accepted myself.
As for rship, it wil happen cos that's the next chapter of growth since I already accepted myself.
Perfectly, God will arrange.
Since I m isha promoter, d impression to the world is more effective, if I seem to hav all in their eyes. Once they can see they can have all, they will join isha.
Expect a miracle
If u r surrounded by people who just will not change their messages of who you are, can't see you as any different than their historical viewpoint, then try to carve out a space away from them, don't let their tots invade when they are around.
People are comfortable with their projections and its not really our place to change them. And remember, water seeks its own level, so pay attention to the subtext of all your interactions with people.
Shirly -she start doing things she wanted to share with her partner. ironically, eventhough she felt him 'approaching', she was for the first time quite content to be alone.
She become a woman who is contented with her life and played no games.
Father, this mornin, I tot of either drawing or photography.
Afternoon
M glad to hear that cousin sister is ok. I jus heard abt 1st uncle pass away. I don't feel anything, cos there is no attchement n also he died quite peacefully without pain/suffering, so am happy for him.
Osho
1. Issue - Compromise. Don't be clever or u remain unchanged. Half on the techniques of love and half on the path of meditation. Will only cause confusion.
Soul - apt reminder n yday when I read Sadhguru, he said d path is to overcome karma. To be aware so that we r detached from our karma. And this mornin, I felt detached on my ambition to be in a loving rship.
Also on 7 thunder card, is 7 heart -
2. Interrnal influence
When ur love is not asking for something in return, but is ready to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fagrance (compassion) is released.
This love is then based on freedom, not expectation or need. Our ptnr functions as our mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
3. External influence u r aware - the burden.
The personality cannot become ur soul. And striving towards truth is nothing but creating more confusion. Only the lie has to be dropped.
4. What is needed for resolution - Rebirth.
The child - neither acquiscent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.
5. The resolution - Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful and then much love will happen on its own accord.
Then being wit others is beautiful, and being alone is also beautiful.
U r now ready to enter into this quality of friendliness.
Expect a miracle
We had to learn that we were lovable despite the twisted messages given us.
Cultivate more awareness n do what needs to be done without desire. This same as living consciously.
Now reading d imagination/visualisation of Expect a Miracle I suddenly tot it doesn't matter. Whatever my karma is, if meant to be alone, m also fine. If he comes, I wil hav to work on growing, m also fine.
Also tot of d nature house, I m fine without it. With it, m also fine.
I can now enjoy myself anywhere, alone or with people.
I love who I am. I don't need anyone to love me to confirm that m lovable.
I love my mind, my body, my feeling and my energy. If I m not likeable at times, its because m imbalanced, but that's fine cos the same imbalance has also makes me very formidable.
Exoect a miracle
Feel ur smile. Feel the celebration of your soul finding its mate.
Mantra - as my soul stretches, so does the scope of my potential relatoonshup.
Soul - I m smiling and celebrate that I finally accepted myself.
As for rship, it wil happen cos that's the next chapter of growth since I already accepted myself.
Perfectly, God will arrange.
Since I m isha promoter, d impression to the world is more effective, if I seem to hav all in their eyes. Once they can see they can have all, they will join isha.
Expect a miracle
If u r surrounded by people who just will not change their messages of who you are, can't see you as any different than their historical viewpoint, then try to carve out a space away from them, don't let their tots invade when they are around.
People are comfortable with their projections and its not really our place to change them. And remember, water seeks its own level, so pay attention to the subtext of all your interactions with people.
Shirly -she start doing things she wanted to share with her partner. ironically, eventhough she felt him 'approaching', she was for the first time quite content to be alone.
She become a woman who is contented with her life and played no games.
Father, this mornin, I tot of either drawing or photography.
Afternoon
M glad to hear that cousin sister is ok. I jus heard abt 1st uncle pass away. I don't feel anything, cos there is no attchement n also he died quite peacefully without pain/suffering, so am happy for him.
Osho
1. Issue - Compromise. Don't be clever or u remain unchanged. Half on the techniques of love and half on the path of meditation. Will only cause confusion.
Soul - apt reminder n yday when I read Sadhguru, he said d path is to overcome karma. To be aware so that we r detached from our karma. And this mornin, I felt detached on my ambition to be in a loving rship.
Also on 7 thunder card, is 7 heart -
2. Interrnal influence
When ur love is not asking for something in return, but is ready to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fagrance (compassion) is released.
This love is then based on freedom, not expectation or need. Our ptnr functions as our mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
3. External influence u r aware - the burden.
The personality cannot become ur soul. And striving towards truth is nothing but creating more confusion. Only the lie has to be dropped.
4. What is needed for resolution - Rebirth.
The child - neither acquiscent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.
5. The resolution - Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful and then much love will happen on its own accord.
Then being wit others is beautiful, and being alone is also beautiful.
U r now ready to enter into this quality of friendliness.
Expect a miracle
We had to learn that we were lovable despite the twisted messages given us.
Desirelessness - ur desires fulfilled or not doesn't affect u.
Sept 24 Evening
Jus did shoonya and its nearly midnite.
I cried n prayed for my cousin sister. Didn't know that Doc has given her a 50 percent chance. I prayed for her wellness n I got the answer. She is fine. Thank you. Father.
Towards d end of shoonya, my previous hand thumping suddenly turns to clapping. It was not conscious. I only realised I was clapping when I hear d sound, by then I just let it be and I start to breathe to the sound/wave/wind made by the claps. This is something new
The Brahma Nanda really melt me and I cried cos I tot I was insensitive to my cousin and I felt guilty for not responding to her call for help. I shld have gone to see her, jus like my intuition tells me too. I didn't n I tot mom wld ask me, but she also didn't. I really wish to have been there wit her. Also tot I wasn't taking care of her feeling, asking her not to worry.
Then I tot of close friend, m like her. Not allowing others to have their feeling. Close friend is my mirror. I also tot of another friend emailing me abt d guy who want to meet up n she don't like it but then is worried if she is like him and etc, I asked her not to look into it. I too not acknowledging her feeling.
I cried and I felt guilty n tot no wonder friend didn't reply me n tot m not likeable n start to feel bad. And I was aware n I tot I don't wan to feel bad n in that instant an opposite tot came, "its ok, don't judge urself, u were using ur mind function n hence no feeling. Don't blame yourself. And its also ur strength cos u stay strong and positive when everyone is sad". So jus accept urself.
Sadhguru
We r seeing how to become free. So, this freedom will happen, not because you are trying to change the trajectories of your karmas this way or that way.
Let the karma go and bomb anything. You are not a part of it any more.
Once u know how to be aware, once the necessary awareness is there - to be away from your own body, to be away from your mind - has come to you, don't even bother abt ur karmas. Jus see how to deepen this awareness.
Soul - Father, jus now in brahma nanda, d first realisation on close being my mirror was good n the mind n emotion took over n I start to feel guilt n remorse. I was aware n said that I don't have to feel bad n I need not judge myself badly as I was operating thru minds. Its true its not likeable but its also my strength not to panic n be stable during such duress circumstances. I wonder if Sadhguru is referring to this awareness. I become aware n step away from my feeling.
I also tot of my osho card - 2 ways - prayer n meditation. M I mixing it up?? M I focus on manifestation, clearing my bad karma, wanting only good karma not right???
Sadhguru
Karma is not in terms of what u do and do not do. Karma is only in terms of what u desire to do.
Buddha said 'desirelessness' - He doesn't mean that people can exist without desire; he knows that without desires, there is no existence.
You being 'desireless', means you have no identification wit ur desires, your desires are only about what is needed. You have no personal identity with the desires that u play with. The desires are not about you anymore. Your desires fulfilled or not doesn't affect u.
Once that awareness is there, there is no karmic bondage for that person.
Whatever he does, even if he fight a war, there is no karma for him becos he has no desire to do anything like that. Its not coming out of hate or love for something. Its is just coming because simply, that's the way.
Isha - simply accepting, accepting everything is desirelessness. It does not mean u become still and u become incapable of activity or anything like that. It is just that, once u r truly accepting what is there, u r not identified with anything. Everything is there the way it is, do whatever u can do abt it. That's all there is. You can be deeply involved with everything, but still not identified with it anymore.
The karma can be in body, energy or mind. But once ur awareness comes to a certain point, all this is happening separately from you.
In shoonya, do u see, the mind is happening separately and u r happening separately. Whatever noise ur mind makes, it has no impact on you. You are free.
Soul - jus now we r tot to put hand in certain way n I never tot of lifting it up ever, even to wipe my sneeze. But today, without me stopping or activating, d hand suddenly lift up to clap. Jus like me clapping on my body after Shakti.
Why do I wan to clap???
Once your awareness
Jus did shoonya and its nearly midnite.
I cried n prayed for my cousin sister. Didn't know that Doc has given her a 50 percent chance. I prayed for her wellness n I got the answer. She is fine. Thank you. Father.
Towards d end of shoonya, my previous hand thumping suddenly turns to clapping. It was not conscious. I only realised I was clapping when I hear d sound, by then I just let it be and I start to breathe to the sound/wave/wind made by the claps. This is something new
The Brahma Nanda really melt me and I cried cos I tot I was insensitive to my cousin and I felt guilty for not responding to her call for help. I shld have gone to see her, jus like my intuition tells me too. I didn't n I tot mom wld ask me, but she also didn't. I really wish to have been there wit her. Also tot I wasn't taking care of her feeling, asking her not to worry.
Then I tot of close friend, m like her. Not allowing others to have their feeling. Close friend is my mirror. I also tot of another friend emailing me abt d guy who want to meet up n she don't like it but then is worried if she is like him and etc, I asked her not to look into it. I too not acknowledging her feeling.
I cried and I felt guilty n tot no wonder friend didn't reply me n tot m not likeable n start to feel bad. And I was aware n I tot I don't wan to feel bad n in that instant an opposite tot came, "its ok, don't judge urself, u were using ur mind function n hence no feeling. Don't blame yourself. And its also ur strength cos u stay strong and positive when everyone is sad". So jus accept urself.
Sadhguru
We r seeing how to become free. So, this freedom will happen, not because you are trying to change the trajectories of your karmas this way or that way.
Let the karma go and bomb anything. You are not a part of it any more.
Once u know how to be aware, once the necessary awareness is there - to be away from your own body, to be away from your mind - has come to you, don't even bother abt ur karmas. Jus see how to deepen this awareness.
Soul - Father, jus now in brahma nanda, d first realisation on close being my mirror was good n the mind n emotion took over n I start to feel guilt n remorse. I was aware n said that I don't have to feel bad n I need not judge myself badly as I was operating thru minds. Its true its not likeable but its also my strength not to panic n be stable during such duress circumstances. I wonder if Sadhguru is referring to this awareness. I become aware n step away from my feeling.
I also tot of my osho card - 2 ways - prayer n meditation. M I mixing it up?? M I focus on manifestation, clearing my bad karma, wanting only good karma not right???
Sadhguru
Karma is not in terms of what u do and do not do. Karma is only in terms of what u desire to do.
Buddha said 'desirelessness' - He doesn't mean that people can exist without desire; he knows that without desires, there is no existence.
You being 'desireless', means you have no identification wit ur desires, your desires are only about what is needed. You have no personal identity with the desires that u play with. The desires are not about you anymore. Your desires fulfilled or not doesn't affect u.
Once that awareness is there, there is no karmic bondage for that person.
Whatever he does, even if he fight a war, there is no karma for him becos he has no desire to do anything like that. Its not coming out of hate or love for something. Its is just coming because simply, that's the way.
Isha - simply accepting, accepting everything is desirelessness. It does not mean u become still and u become incapable of activity or anything like that. It is just that, once u r truly accepting what is there, u r not identified with anything. Everything is there the way it is, do whatever u can do abt it. That's all there is. You can be deeply involved with everything, but still not identified with it anymore.
The karma can be in body, energy or mind. But once ur awareness comes to a certain point, all this is happening separately from you.
In shoonya, do u see, the mind is happening separately and u r happening separately. Whatever noise ur mind makes, it has no impact on you. You are free.
Soul - jus now we r tot to put hand in certain way n I never tot of lifting it up ever, even to wipe my sneeze. But today, without me stopping or activating, d hand suddenly lift up to clap. Jus like me clapping on my body after Shakti.
Why do I wan to clap???
Once your awareness
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I need an Internal blue print
Sept 24
Expect a miracle
Mantra - I feel the presence of my soulmate and rest with the knowledge of his approach.
Soul - mmm, that's how I feel now.
Expect a miracle
Self-fulfilling prophecy. If we anticipate something, our mind begins to map out a plan for what to expect and how to respond, and then prepares to move us into the experience, co-creating that very scenario merely but its readiness to interact.
Its nearly impossible to have something other than the internal vision you deeply, if not subsconsciously, expect.
Picture the subconscious as an untamed, pulsing field of energy containing all your issues, motivations, memories and it is RUNNING YOUR LIFE.
Soul - yeap, that's was d reason I undertake the journey in 1997. m, this is same as Law of Attraction and the Art of Allowing. Again tot of my imbalance. All the years, I was judging myself, of being not enough, don't know how to play physical games, don't know how to be expressive - actually that becos I was operating from mind and energy n omit to use body and feeling. My energy was focused in following out my mind instruction - to be defensive. Now alas, I have worked on d feeling and now time for body.
That's why when my brother criticise me n said m useless in direction/blus blur on phyiscal/dont like housework - I wasn't affected n infact give back to him, for daring to judge me, n who is he anyway?
1. Mind - gnana
2. Energy - kriya
3. Feeling - bhakti
4. Body - Karma
Everyday when I do suria namaskara, m freeing up all the nerve points in my body, getting my energy to energise them.
I guess d reason why I hated suria namaskara perviously is becos when d nadi was open, all feeling of remorse/sadness/grieve comes out n hence I didn't wan to do it. Now that m mostly cleared, when I do it, d nerve opens up n release happy feeling. Perhaps that's why I always laugh n felt a sense of calm after suria namaskara.
Expect a miracle
Subconsciousness is temperamental, moody and ever adjusting in order to make sense of things, so its important to give it something healthy to latch to. Like a child needs discipline to grow and feel safe, so does the subconscious need the structure of the Internal Blueprint to invite the various energies of relationship into your life in a healthy way.
Soul - mmm, didn't realise that. I was jus bz clearing and infact now meditation also clearing. Perhaps that's why kathy said to do prayer - request for specific, whereas meditation - clearing/allowing.
I m now setting the Internal Blueprint. In terms of work, I know the way has already smoothen, no more challenges cos d problem solving n achievement mode has greatly reduced.
Creativity
Tot of using my time to do the pamphlet n to do write up on Sadhguru. To do that. For the past few mths, have been using d time to sleep instead. Besides now that my notebook is changed, I can now do what I want. Can also jus go into Starbuck, having coffee.
Expect a miracle.
Exercise - creating an Internal Blueprint for a relationshup
1. Picture yourself as ur most powerful and highest self. Place that image in the backdrop of a fulfilling life - complete with family, friends, creativity and luxurious comfort.
2. Then see your ideal partner thriving in his life
3. Imagine the two of you meeting and connecting.
4. See how perfectly the two worlds emerge. Watch how easily it all comes together
Hold this map in your mind as a guiding influence to harness all unforeseen events and happenings. Let it settle deeply into ur subconscious mind so that all the free-flowing energy is harnessed and directed. Remember you are training the subsconscious mind to support and magnetise whoever (whatever) it is you wish to manifest.
Soul - that's the same process I tot of this morning. Everything is coming together. It is amazing, abt late last year, I dreamed of a nature house n abt 3 mths back d nature house comes in magazine n d house just built abt a year back. Its like everything is waiting for me. The timing is perfect.
The other day, saw lovely dress in the shop n asked my sis to try. She said no point as there is no event for her to
wear. Whereas, for me, I am already planning cos there will be events for me. Infact I hav been buying dresses since a year back, but now getting more. In fact, I want to wear d casual one tomorrow.
Expect a miracle
Give your Trinity Self - body, mind and spirit - the feeling and experience of love and it will magnetize love.
The wonderful thing about imaging is that the image you create becomes so real that you drop any fear of not finding someone because he already exists inside you.
Once that fear is dropped and you are blueprinted for partnership, its just a matter of time before the man wil appear.
By changing on the inside, your physical vubration changes. - embody the soul who knows and experience love.
Soul - Amen.
Got this from my osho card - resolution
Friendliness - first meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and belng alone is also beautiful.
The branches of the two flowering trees are intertwined and their fallen petals blend together on the ground in their beautiful colors.
But they std individually, each rooted in the soil in their own connection with the earth.
In this way, they represent the essence of true friends, mature, easy with each other, natural.
There is no urgency about their connection, no neediness, no desire to change the other into something else.
This card indicates a readiness to enter into this quality of friendliness.
In the passage, u may notice that you are no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people engaged in. It is not a loss. It is the birth of a higher, more loving quality born of the fullness of experience. It is the birth of the love that is truly unconditional, without expectations or demands.
Soul - this is how I felt this morning. This card depicts it. Amazing, I tot I was being too positive! But looks like its real!
Afternoon
My cousin is being transferred out to General Hospital as her heart is weak. Do I think she will be fine?
Yes, cos her karma has not run thru yet. She has to find a will to std up to everyone, children, husband and in laws.
Why d heart? Too me. d keeping of everything is weakening her heart. So, to me, this near death will perk her up. She wld realise that life is short, better get what she wants first instead of being a dormant.
So, I know she will leave thru this n learn to say Yes to what she wants.
Expect a miracle
Mantra - I feel the presence of my soulmate and rest with the knowledge of his approach.
Soul - mmm, that's how I feel now.
Expect a miracle
Self-fulfilling prophecy. If we anticipate something, our mind begins to map out a plan for what to expect and how to respond, and then prepares to move us into the experience, co-creating that very scenario merely but its readiness to interact.
Its nearly impossible to have something other than the internal vision you deeply, if not subsconsciously, expect.
Picture the subconscious as an untamed, pulsing field of energy containing all your issues, motivations, memories and it is RUNNING YOUR LIFE.
Soul - yeap, that's was d reason I undertake the journey in 1997. m, this is same as Law of Attraction and the Art of Allowing. Again tot of my imbalance. All the years, I was judging myself, of being not enough, don't know how to play physical games, don't know how to be expressive - actually that becos I was operating from mind and energy n omit to use body and feeling. My energy was focused in following out my mind instruction - to be defensive. Now alas, I have worked on d feeling and now time for body.
That's why when my brother criticise me n said m useless in direction/blus blur on phyiscal/dont like housework - I wasn't affected n infact give back to him, for daring to judge me, n who is he anyway?
1. Mind - gnana
2. Energy - kriya
3. Feeling - bhakti
4. Body - Karma
Everyday when I do suria namaskara, m freeing up all the nerve points in my body, getting my energy to energise them.
I guess d reason why I hated suria namaskara perviously is becos when d nadi was open, all feeling of remorse/sadness/grieve comes out n hence I didn't wan to do it. Now that m mostly cleared, when I do it, d nerve opens up n release happy feeling. Perhaps that's why I always laugh n felt a sense of calm after suria namaskara.
Expect a miracle
Subconsciousness is temperamental, moody and ever adjusting in order to make sense of things, so its important to give it something healthy to latch to. Like a child needs discipline to grow and feel safe, so does the subconscious need the structure of the Internal Blueprint to invite the various energies of relationship into your life in a healthy way.
Soul - mmm, didn't realise that. I was jus bz clearing and infact now meditation also clearing. Perhaps that's why kathy said to do prayer - request for specific, whereas meditation - clearing/allowing.
I m now setting the Internal Blueprint. In terms of work, I know the way has already smoothen, no more challenges cos d problem solving n achievement mode has greatly reduced.
Creativity
Tot of using my time to do the pamphlet n to do write up on Sadhguru. To do that. For the past few mths, have been using d time to sleep instead. Besides now that my notebook is changed, I can now do what I want. Can also jus go into Starbuck, having coffee.
Expect a miracle.
Exercise - creating an Internal Blueprint for a relationshup
1. Picture yourself as ur most powerful and highest self. Place that image in the backdrop of a fulfilling life - complete with family, friends, creativity and luxurious comfort.
2. Then see your ideal partner thriving in his life
3. Imagine the two of you meeting and connecting.
4. See how perfectly the two worlds emerge. Watch how easily it all comes together
Hold this map in your mind as a guiding influence to harness all unforeseen events and happenings. Let it settle deeply into ur subconscious mind so that all the free-flowing energy is harnessed and directed. Remember you are training the subsconscious mind to support and magnetise whoever (whatever) it is you wish to manifest.
Soul - that's the same process I tot of this morning. Everything is coming together. It is amazing, abt late last year, I dreamed of a nature house n abt 3 mths back d nature house comes in magazine n d house just built abt a year back. Its like everything is waiting for me. The timing is perfect.
The other day, saw lovely dress in the shop n asked my sis to try. She said no point as there is no event for her to
wear. Whereas, for me, I am already planning cos there will be events for me. Infact I hav been buying dresses since a year back, but now getting more. In fact, I want to wear d casual one tomorrow.
Expect a miracle
Give your Trinity Self - body, mind and spirit - the feeling and experience of love and it will magnetize love.
The wonderful thing about imaging is that the image you create becomes so real that you drop any fear of not finding someone because he already exists inside you.
Once that fear is dropped and you are blueprinted for partnership, its just a matter of time before the man wil appear.
By changing on the inside, your physical vubration changes. - embody the soul who knows and experience love.
Soul - Amen.
Got this from my osho card - resolution
Friendliness - first meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and belng alone is also beautiful.
The branches of the two flowering trees are intertwined and their fallen petals blend together on the ground in their beautiful colors.
But they std individually, each rooted in the soil in their own connection with the earth.
In this way, they represent the essence of true friends, mature, easy with each other, natural.
There is no urgency about their connection, no neediness, no desire to change the other into something else.
This card indicates a readiness to enter into this quality of friendliness.
In the passage, u may notice that you are no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people engaged in. It is not a loss. It is the birth of a higher, more loving quality born of the fullness of experience. It is the birth of the love that is truly unconditional, without expectations or demands.
Soul - this is how I felt this morning. This card depicts it. Amazing, I tot I was being too positive! But looks like its real!
Afternoon
My cousin is being transferred out to General Hospital as her heart is weak. Do I think she will be fine?
Yes, cos her karma has not run thru yet. She has to find a will to std up to everyone, children, husband and in laws.
Why d heart? Too me. d keeping of everything is weakening her heart. So, to me, this near death will perk her up. She wld realise that life is short, better get what she wants first instead of being a dormant.
So, I know she will leave thru this n learn to say Yes to what she wants.
Ego stil ticking
Sept 22
Yday while turning in d middle of nite cos left hand shoulder was stiff, I asked why? And the answer was, I turned cos looking for my partner.
Jus done wit watching d korean drama. The guy is all defensive cos he likes d gal and tot d gal doesn't like him n hates himself for liking her.
When d guy was piggy ride her n finally encounter d gal's potential boy. I felt for him n tot that of him not wanting to let go n continue to carry her.
Jus now my ego tot of me judging close friend n then of my email to her. The ego said my email seems to push it n close friend wld react n rail against me. Aiyah, no lah. The email was a concilliatory note.
Jus tot of my defensiveness. My ego wans to be in control and whenever m in rship, I m not in control and then I got hurt and ego reminding me not to go thru the turmoil again.
Again, my mind come up. Father, I am all shambled up. Using mind for everything and when its time to use mind, I shut down. I admit part of me still think m not ready. Even now, after got the sathsang leadership, m thinkin I won't be doing it. I don't know anymore. I used to take pride I m in control and now its like I m real havoc. M losing confidence but on d hand with Shakti, I know d tool is there to balance everything within.
Father, let me change my defensiveness into openness.
Expect a miracle
Mantra - I am in utter synchronicity wit life's highest possibilities
If you are not using your core energy with the intention of shifting your potential, u r passively directing all your creative output to the old habitual stuff.
Our tots, our focus, have to go somewhere, so if we don't consciously bring them to the image we wish to manifest! All that energy will go right into making reappear the scenarios we so wanted to leave behind.
One way or the other, our attention supports and grows whatever it focuses on, so now is the time to really decide on and make happen the vision of your perfect mate.
Soul - mmm, no wonder. I have been listless.
Yday while turning in d middle of nite cos left hand shoulder was stiff, I asked why? And the answer was, I turned cos looking for my partner.
Jus done wit watching d korean drama. The guy is all defensive cos he likes d gal and tot d gal doesn't like him n hates himself for liking her.
When d guy was piggy ride her n finally encounter d gal's potential boy. I felt for him n tot that of him not wanting to let go n continue to carry her.
Jus now my ego tot of me judging close friend n then of my email to her. The ego said my email seems to push it n close friend wld react n rail against me. Aiyah, no lah. The email was a concilliatory note.
Jus tot of my defensiveness. My ego wans to be in control and whenever m in rship, I m not in control and then I got hurt and ego reminding me not to go thru the turmoil again.
Again, my mind come up. Father, I am all shambled up. Using mind for everything and when its time to use mind, I shut down. I admit part of me still think m not ready. Even now, after got the sathsang leadership, m thinkin I won't be doing it. I don't know anymore. I used to take pride I m in control and now its like I m real havoc. M losing confidence but on d hand with Shakti, I know d tool is there to balance everything within.
Father, let me change my defensiveness into openness.
Expect a miracle
Mantra - I am in utter synchronicity wit life's highest possibilities
If you are not using your core energy with the intention of shifting your potential, u r passively directing all your creative output to the old habitual stuff.
Our tots, our focus, have to go somewhere, so if we don't consciously bring them to the image we wish to manifest! All that energy will go right into making reappear the scenarios we so wanted to leave behind.
One way or the other, our attention supports and grows whatever it focuses on, so now is the time to really decide on and make happen the vision of your perfect mate.
Soul - mmm, no wonder. I have been listless.
You are where you are because it was the best you could do up to now"
Sept 21 (evening)
Expect a miracle
The plan
1. Identify the old, dysfunctional behaviour.
2. Accept it.
3. Go thru the emotion attached; ie. grieving, raging and etc.
4. Devise a Plan to change;
A. Catching urself doing itv
B. Taking a deep breath and being willing to do things differently
C. Asking help from Higher Power to show u how
d. Looking at how healthy people do it and trying it for size!
5. Make amends as necessary
6. Forgive urself and anyone else involved.
Feeling such as sadness, anger and regret are not only natural but necessary; they protect us and maintain internal boundaries. The feeling is not abt judging ur behaviour but bringing it to light. Simply allowing urself to have ur "dark feelings" loosen their grip.
This is the hardest step - making peace with our shadow selves. The only way out is through.
To accept where you are, and to forgive yourself.
Accept all the different aspects of yourself, rosy or not.
Remind yourself often, "You are where you are because it was the best you could do up to now"
Soul - this is so amazing. That's what I told close friend last Friday. I wan to accept all of me.
Evenin
Not sure but didn't tot of goin cos since I didn't come for all days, why go now?
Then tot m supposed to do sathsang, so shld get together. But then tot of Meg is there n I most likely won't be doing.
I also didn't wan to go cos it be late n I wan to watch my korean drama.
Aiyah forget it lah.
Jus do my shoonya, shakti n shambavi.
Expect a miracle
The plan
1. Identify the old, dysfunctional behaviour.
2. Accept it.
3. Go thru the emotion attached; ie. grieving, raging and etc.
4. Devise a Plan to change;
A. Catching urself doing itv
B. Taking a deep breath and being willing to do things differently
C. Asking help from Higher Power to show u how
d. Looking at how healthy people do it and trying it for size!
5. Make amends as necessary
6. Forgive urself and anyone else involved.
Feeling such as sadness, anger and regret are not only natural but necessary; they protect us and maintain internal boundaries. The feeling is not abt judging ur behaviour but bringing it to light. Simply allowing urself to have ur "dark feelings" loosen their grip.
This is the hardest step - making peace with our shadow selves. The only way out is through.
To accept where you are, and to forgive yourself.
Accept all the different aspects of yourself, rosy or not.
Remind yourself often, "You are where you are because it was the best you could do up to now"
Soul - this is so amazing. That's what I told close friend last Friday. I wan to accept all of me.
Evenin
Not sure but didn't tot of goin cos since I didn't come for all days, why go now?
Then tot m supposed to do sathsang, so shld get together. But then tot of Meg is there n I most likely won't be doing.
I also didn't wan to go cos it be late n I wan to watch my korean drama.
Aiyah forget it lah.
Jus do my shoonya, shakti n shambavi.
What we don't think we deserve, we will not allow to happen.
Sept 21
Father, what a coincidence. Met a friend whom i have not seen a long time. We just chatted via email and sms the other day. We haven't seen each other since abt 2 yrs back. She said I look good n slim. Whereas my relative n friends said I look bigger. I tend to believe that my body is bigger but my face is smaller.
Mmm, this time my brother made those sarcastic remarks n always wan me to do housework or the other. This time, I can jus says I don't wan to do, he jus do it n infact told d wife that he is so arrogant. And d part is I am unaffected. I jus says my piece n let go. Last time, I be silent but miffed.
Last sunday when relative said I put on weight especially d arms, I said ok lah, since m already old already, rightfully will expand.
Evening
Jus now I wanted to watch d korean drama. Its only 1 hour n d rest said no, in particular my brother. He said to ask for a vote. I said nope, this is my place n I want to watch d drama n so they can wait.
I can now says my piece.
My close friend from Spore called me yday and said she can now says her piece n she is so proud of herself. And I told her that I can understand her cos I too can say my piece now alas.
This is great beginning. I tend not to ask for my piece when I faced people that's close to me. I only say my piece to colleagues n bosses.
Wit my ex-staff, I started to say my piece to staff. Wit close friend, I started to say my piece to friend and alas I can now say my piece to my brother.
So, this is a good beginning cos I can then say my piece to the partner. I used to keep to myself whenever I m wit someone, I keep to myself n bear wit it. And it went straight down.
So, its great I learn to say my piece before I embark on my marriage.
Jus now sister was sharing abt putting in her load at her school. I told her that I now no longer want to prove myself. I m already 40 plus and I know m good. I used to take pride being a problem solver and attract challenges n now I don't wan to be a problem solver. I don't need to be. Sister agrees wit me and she too says she is now 40 plus n no longer hav to prove herself. M glad that these days I can talk to my sister like that.
Expect a miracle
U first have to understands;
1. What stops you,
2. What holds you back, and then
3. Change it.
Its a personal work that takes courage and the willingness to look very deeply at your strategies and behaviours. Once u identified the behaviours and decide to change them, the change process itself flows quite naturally.
What we don't think we deserve, we will not allow to happen.
The ego, is our small self, the one created out of fear, which tries desperately to stay in control and keep us unaware of the benevolent force of love.
Mantra - I am willing to look within and accept everything I discover.
When we don't turn on the light to see what's holding us back, our lower self has control. Remember you were brought into this place for the sole purpose of unveiling the great potential within you.
We r so accustomed to believing that we r defined by our relationships (careers, marriage n etc) that they are who we are. Until we grasp that there really is nothing lasting and truly fulfilling in this life other than being in touch with spirit, we will never find a real miracle partnership.
When we invest someone/something else with the power to define who we are, we inevitably come to resent them for failing to live up to the impossible task of doing what only God can do.
Soul - me and my job. I valued myself based on my job's value. If the job is low value, I will be valued lowly.
Mmm, no wonder I felt resentment n didn't wan to expand on my career. Resenting that higher career will eat into my spare time.
Great that I have detached myself from my job.
Expect a miracle
We are all born with certain lessons to learn and we unconsciously create situations in our lives to help us fulfill this destiny, to help us discover our power.
Certain conflicts arise in early childhood to point us toward our path. They are the fundamental building blocks for the personalities we become. They drive us to figure things out, to seek enlightenment, and to become closer to the God potential within.
You see, our wounds are gifts - sometimes very, very painful ones, but always doorways we are forced through so that we can seek beyond our personal limits to the grander scheme of life.
Soul - this is what I know.
Expect a miracle
Whenever we felt abandoned or in some way not cared for, the experiential memory of not getting the love and attention we needed became lodged in our Trinity Self. To survive, we developed personalities to cope with this sense of lack.
At the point that we recognise that these old coping behaviours don't work for us, we haver a choice; we can either dig in and submerge ourselves more deeply into being frustated and alone, or simply decide once and for all to face whatever it was that caused us so much pain and fear.
Often, as people begin this work, they tap into a profound sense of grief. Rather than pushing yourself to "get over it", and move on, now is the time to tend to this grief. There is no more powerful step than to feel and move through the feelings that have been holding you hostage all your life.
This may means crying for a week, or writhing in pain. Whatever comes up for you, its so important that you just let yourself feel it and have compassion for yourself.
Soul - this was me, abt 10 years back in 1999, abt 3 yrs after the start of journey back in 1997. I already experience my worst case wit the con man n decided to take a break cos I was not ready. Now I wan to start, but realised old patterns still there to hold me back. I am now ready to release.
Expect a miracle
The root feeling that serves as an obstacle to a soulful relationship is fear. When we are fearful, we create facades and personas to defend ourselves.
For instance, we may act cocky and sure of ourselves, when in fact we are terrified of being seen as an insecure person with nothin to say.
Its true that when we r afraid, we r not tapped into our spiritual nature. And when we r not tapped into our spiritual nature, we r not nearly as interesting, beautiful and magnetic as we could be.
In this sense our insecurity is well-founded, but as long as we continue to be guided by fear rather than love, we will never attract anyone other than someone who reinforces that fear.
It's all self- created and self-perpetuating. We send out an unconsciour or fear-based message and the Universal Mind fills the order with the perfect person to match.
Fear of not being enough.
Fear of being alone
Fear of being seen for who we really are
Fear of commitment
The fears are powerful dictators of energy, for as we hold to a thought based on fear, energy gathers around it and actually creates the very experience we are afraid of.
If we can't even look at who we are in the deepest regions of our being because of the fear of what we might discover, we are saying to the Universe that we are ashamed our ourselves. If we were to choose to come from love insteadn we would welcome the chance for introspection, knowing that we did the best we could.
To neutralise the energy of fear, which shows up as suspicion, doubt or anxiety, we first have to recognise what we get out of it. What is the binding rewaerd that keeps us isolated from our higher selves.
Father, what a coincidence. Met a friend whom i have not seen a long time. We just chatted via email and sms the other day. We haven't seen each other since abt 2 yrs back. She said I look good n slim. Whereas my relative n friends said I look bigger. I tend to believe that my body is bigger but my face is smaller.
Mmm, this time my brother made those sarcastic remarks n always wan me to do housework or the other. This time, I can jus says I don't wan to do, he jus do it n infact told d wife that he is so arrogant. And d part is I am unaffected. I jus says my piece n let go. Last time, I be silent but miffed.
Last sunday when relative said I put on weight especially d arms, I said ok lah, since m already old already, rightfully will expand.
Evening
Jus now I wanted to watch d korean drama. Its only 1 hour n d rest said no, in particular my brother. He said to ask for a vote. I said nope, this is my place n I want to watch d drama n so they can wait.
I can now says my piece.
My close friend from Spore called me yday and said she can now says her piece n she is so proud of herself. And I told her that I can understand her cos I too can say my piece now alas.
This is great beginning. I tend not to ask for my piece when I faced people that's close to me. I only say my piece to colleagues n bosses.
Wit my ex-staff, I started to say my piece to staff. Wit close friend, I started to say my piece to friend and alas I can now say my piece to my brother.
So, this is a good beginning cos I can then say my piece to the partner. I used to keep to myself whenever I m wit someone, I keep to myself n bear wit it. And it went straight down.
So, its great I learn to say my piece before I embark on my marriage.
Jus now sister was sharing abt putting in her load at her school. I told her that I now no longer want to prove myself. I m already 40 plus and I know m good. I used to take pride being a problem solver and attract challenges n now I don't wan to be a problem solver. I don't need to be. Sister agrees wit me and she too says she is now 40 plus n no longer hav to prove herself. M glad that these days I can talk to my sister like that.
Expect a miracle
U first have to understands;
1. What stops you,
2. What holds you back, and then
3. Change it.
Its a personal work that takes courage and the willingness to look very deeply at your strategies and behaviours. Once u identified the behaviours and decide to change them, the change process itself flows quite naturally.
What we don't think we deserve, we will not allow to happen.
The ego, is our small self, the one created out of fear, which tries desperately to stay in control and keep us unaware of the benevolent force of love.
Mantra - I am willing to look within and accept everything I discover.
When we don't turn on the light to see what's holding us back, our lower self has control. Remember you were brought into this place for the sole purpose of unveiling the great potential within you.
We r so accustomed to believing that we r defined by our relationships (careers, marriage n etc) that they are who we are. Until we grasp that there really is nothing lasting and truly fulfilling in this life other than being in touch with spirit, we will never find a real miracle partnership.
When we invest someone/something else with the power to define who we are, we inevitably come to resent them for failing to live up to the impossible task of doing what only God can do.
Soul - me and my job. I valued myself based on my job's value. If the job is low value, I will be valued lowly.
Mmm, no wonder I felt resentment n didn't wan to expand on my career. Resenting that higher career will eat into my spare time.
Great that I have detached myself from my job.
Expect a miracle
We are all born with certain lessons to learn and we unconsciously create situations in our lives to help us fulfill this destiny, to help us discover our power.
Certain conflicts arise in early childhood to point us toward our path. They are the fundamental building blocks for the personalities we become. They drive us to figure things out, to seek enlightenment, and to become closer to the God potential within.
You see, our wounds are gifts - sometimes very, very painful ones, but always doorways we are forced through so that we can seek beyond our personal limits to the grander scheme of life.
Soul - this is what I know.
Expect a miracle
Whenever we felt abandoned or in some way not cared for, the experiential memory of not getting the love and attention we needed became lodged in our Trinity Self. To survive, we developed personalities to cope with this sense of lack.
At the point that we recognise that these old coping behaviours don't work for us, we haver a choice; we can either dig in and submerge ourselves more deeply into being frustated and alone, or simply decide once and for all to face whatever it was that caused us so much pain and fear.
Often, as people begin this work, they tap into a profound sense of grief. Rather than pushing yourself to "get over it", and move on, now is the time to tend to this grief. There is no more powerful step than to feel and move through the feelings that have been holding you hostage all your life.
This may means crying for a week, or writhing in pain. Whatever comes up for you, its so important that you just let yourself feel it and have compassion for yourself.
Soul - this was me, abt 10 years back in 1999, abt 3 yrs after the start of journey back in 1997. I already experience my worst case wit the con man n decided to take a break cos I was not ready. Now I wan to start, but realised old patterns still there to hold me back. I am now ready to release.
Expect a miracle
The root feeling that serves as an obstacle to a soulful relationship is fear. When we are fearful, we create facades and personas to defend ourselves.
For instance, we may act cocky and sure of ourselves, when in fact we are terrified of being seen as an insecure person with nothin to say.
Its true that when we r afraid, we r not tapped into our spiritual nature. And when we r not tapped into our spiritual nature, we r not nearly as interesting, beautiful and magnetic as we could be.
In this sense our insecurity is well-founded, but as long as we continue to be guided by fear rather than love, we will never attract anyone other than someone who reinforces that fear.
It's all self- created and self-perpetuating. We send out an unconsciour or fear-based message and the Universal Mind fills the order with the perfect person to match.
Fear of not being enough.
Fear of being alone
Fear of being seen for who we really are
Fear of commitment
The fears are powerful dictators of energy, for as we hold to a thought based on fear, energy gathers around it and actually creates the very experience we are afraid of.
If we can't even look at who we are in the deepest regions of our being because of the fear of what we might discover, we are saying to the Universe that we are ashamed our ourselves. If we were to choose to come from love insteadn we would welcome the chance for introspection, knowing that we did the best we could.
To neutralise the energy of fear, which shows up as suspicion, doubt or anxiety, we first have to recognise what we get out of it. What is the binding rewaerd that keeps us isolated from our higher selves.
Change ur inner energy field and it will flow out to ur world
Sept 19
D briefing was good. For the first time, Teacher shared her journey. She was also the outcast, she didn't wan to fit in. She too didn't wan to volunteer. She too was freak out like me.
I told her this year has been one amazing year. And I now my outer match my inner. If my inner is not feeling like it. I m not doing it. I shared that my friend said I am no longer loving. I told her, fuck it. So what, if m not loving, so be it. M not there yet lah.
For d first time, I felt d connection with her.
I also shared that on d same day she wrote the email, I had a tot that I wan to be Isha promoter, to share and bring this programme to the world. Cos I experienced such joy.
If she has wrote the email earlier, I wld have said no.
She said I am intuined with the Universe. I think I am.
I shared wit her that I felt so restricted n I m not bothered abt d kriya steps, I jus go wit the flow. So, worried I can't carry out the role of Sathsang leader. Also not sure if my way will work as everyone is individual. (Was thinkin perhaps its best she chose someone who follows d normal process).
Teacher said, its just that, to go with the flow.
I also shared wit her my view on sathsang. I m not as bothered abt the step, I am more focused on guiding people to the joy of meditation and once they experienced d joy, commitment will follow thru.
The fellow meditator was more concerned abt the kriya steps. But like me, he too wants d sathsang to be a joyful experience. I told him m glad that we both have the same vision for sathsang.
Amen.
When I said goodbye to Teacher n thanked her for the amazing 1 year. She said she is happy of my experience. She too believe spirituality shld be fun and not bore. I finally found myself connecting with her. Perhaps, previously I wanted to be special, perhaps was envious that she is beautiful n m not. But now, no such feeling. I see as my sister in this path.
On CEO's PA, earlier I cldnt find myself to wish her good holiday. Cos its jus me trying to be cordial. Since these days, more intune wit inner, didn't do it. Then in d evening, met her in d toilet n this time the greeting jus came out naturally, without planning. After the exchange, I too was surprised at myself.
Tot of sharing wit the meditator from Spore, "me who don't wan to fall further n now become Sathsang leader. I hav to becos there is no one else, jus me n fellow meditator and he can be travel at times, we need 2 at least.
Can jus imagine the meditator from Spore laughing at me.
Expect a miracle
We often seek out people who will fill a need in us rather than complement our higher selves.
When we are whole, we attract the same quality in another person. And so divine partnership is about finding someone who testifies to our own personal perfection rather than fostering our dependence.
Rich - this m not sure. But I wan d luxury of good food, travel and of cos, my nature house.
Smart - cos I wan someone of equal bandwith
Spiritual - cos I wan to be able to share the journey
Loving - this m not sure, cos close friend always said m not loving. M spoilt. Actually m spoilt only in terms of food n perhaps work. But I have been in control all my life n I was not loving to myself n hence got RA. But now for d first time, I m starting to love myself.
Like today n tomorrow. Previously, I wld force myself to go IE and if I cannot go, I will try 1 day and if that cannot, I wil feel guilty. Now I jus say No to both, cos its not everyday, my family is together n I recall my sis always there for me.
I do have those.
Expect a miracle
When we radiate the energy of who we are and what we want, the Universe gives us the experience that confirms our belief.
To change that which is reflected back to us, we must tweak the energy that we put out.
When we put out strong, loving feelings about our desires and ourselves, we will be recognised and answered by the powers that be with benevolence and love.
The way out is by a willingness to change, to be receptive in a whole new way, and to be in the world without being chained to ur old and familiar limitations.
Mantra - I am willing to see things differently.
D briefing was good. For the first time, Teacher shared her journey. She was also the outcast, she didn't wan to fit in. She too didn't wan to volunteer. She too was freak out like me.
I told her this year has been one amazing year. And I now my outer match my inner. If my inner is not feeling like it. I m not doing it. I shared that my friend said I am no longer loving. I told her, fuck it. So what, if m not loving, so be it. M not there yet lah.
For d first time, I felt d connection with her.
I also shared that on d same day she wrote the email, I had a tot that I wan to be Isha promoter, to share and bring this programme to the world. Cos I experienced such joy.
If she has wrote the email earlier, I wld have said no.
She said I am intuined with the Universe. I think I am.
I shared wit her that I felt so restricted n I m not bothered abt d kriya steps, I jus go wit the flow. So, worried I can't carry out the role of Sathsang leader. Also not sure if my way will work as everyone is individual. (Was thinkin perhaps its best she chose someone who follows d normal process).
Teacher said, its just that, to go with the flow.
I also shared wit her my view on sathsang. I m not as bothered abt the step, I am more focused on guiding people to the joy of meditation and once they experienced d joy, commitment will follow thru.
The fellow meditator was more concerned abt the kriya steps. But like me, he too wants d sathsang to be a joyful experience. I told him m glad that we both have the same vision for sathsang.
Amen.
When I said goodbye to Teacher n thanked her for the amazing 1 year. She said she is happy of my experience. She too believe spirituality shld be fun and not bore. I finally found myself connecting with her. Perhaps, previously I wanted to be special, perhaps was envious that she is beautiful n m not. But now, no such feeling. I see as my sister in this path.
On CEO's PA, earlier I cldnt find myself to wish her good holiday. Cos its jus me trying to be cordial. Since these days, more intune wit inner, didn't do it. Then in d evening, met her in d toilet n this time the greeting jus came out naturally, without planning. After the exchange, I too was surprised at myself.
Tot of sharing wit the meditator from Spore, "me who don't wan to fall further n now become Sathsang leader. I hav to becos there is no one else, jus me n fellow meditator and he can be travel at times, we need 2 at least.
Can jus imagine the meditator from Spore laughing at me.
Expect a miracle
We often seek out people who will fill a need in us rather than complement our higher selves.
When we are whole, we attract the same quality in another person. And so divine partnership is about finding someone who testifies to our own personal perfection rather than fostering our dependence.
Rich - this m not sure. But I wan d luxury of good food, travel and of cos, my nature house.
Smart - cos I wan someone of equal bandwith
Spiritual - cos I wan to be able to share the journey
Loving - this m not sure, cos close friend always said m not loving. M spoilt. Actually m spoilt only in terms of food n perhaps work. But I have been in control all my life n I was not loving to myself n hence got RA. But now for d first time, I m starting to love myself.
Like today n tomorrow. Previously, I wld force myself to go IE and if I cannot go, I will try 1 day and if that cannot, I wil feel guilty. Now I jus say No to both, cos its not everyday, my family is together n I recall my sis always there for me.
I do have those.
Expect a miracle
When we radiate the energy of who we are and what we want, the Universe gives us the experience that confirms our belief.
To change that which is reflected back to us, we must tweak the energy that we put out.
When we put out strong, loving feelings about our desires and ourselves, we will be recognised and answered by the powers that be with benevolence and love.
The way out is by a willingness to change, to be receptive in a whole new way, and to be in the world without being chained to ur old and familiar limitations.
Mantra - I am willing to see things differently.
I want to be my everything, both good/bad
Sept 18 Afternoon
Father, m feeling so at ease. Things are jus comin thru. It was nice of Lee to show me his template.
And even when they wan report in local currency. It was also so easy, jus a change of one forex entry, everything in place.
Did my shoonya n head was shaking loads jus now. I know its not me, body jus wan to shake. But I know that when tots come in too strong, it wil shake also. Googled d head shaking and looks like is quite common. Its a form of release n preparation for d meditation to go to the centre.
Today receive an email from Lilian
What makes me beautiful? My everything. Soul - I have been hiding big part of myself.
I send this email to my close friend telling her that I want to be my everything. From now on, I don't want to hide, to be who I am not yet.
And I m glad to have her in my journey. I am excited n looking forward to new experiences. This time, its my conscious creation.
I jus realised. I don't want to anything, don't want to be achiever, don't want to be spiritual, or to seek enlightenment. I jus want to be me, whatever it is, the good, the bad, happy, sad, all is me and I solemnly now accept all of me.
Expect a miracle
When u realise the power to transform any situation is within you, you can approach it with a gentle intention rather from a needy stance.
When u can experience the power of God within, you know with certainty and relief that good is on the way.
Soul - that's how I felt. I know all challenges wil melt away os I don't need them anymore to shake me. I am awaken.
Expect a miracle.
Prayer is when u focus on something specific, as if u r going in with a define purpose.
Meditation is when we seek to clear our mind.
Prayer - asking
Meditation - listening.
By praying, u are asking for the relationshup, while by meditating, you are becoming the person who will draw that to you.
Meditation is the most powerful tool I know for acheiving a state of Grace.
Thru meditation, ur vibration rises and deepens at the same time, affecting your tots, perceptions, actions and ultimately, people's reaction to you.
You initiate the Grace Consciousness within by dwellling on its presnece. Because anything you focus on, you give power to.
We r able to access our own mystical, psychic powers thru meditation, becos ego has moved aside and the Higher Power, is set free.
It is as if you are creating a positive force field around you, which, by its very nature, draws in loving relationships and rejects lower energy situations.
Father, m feeling so at ease. Things are jus comin thru. It was nice of Lee to show me his template.
And even when they wan report in local currency. It was also so easy, jus a change of one forex entry, everything in place.
Did my shoonya n head was shaking loads jus now. I know its not me, body jus wan to shake. But I know that when tots come in too strong, it wil shake also. Googled d head shaking and looks like is quite common. Its a form of release n preparation for d meditation to go to the centre.
Today receive an email from Lilian
What makes me beautiful? My everything. Soul - I have been hiding big part of myself.
I send this email to my close friend telling her that I want to be my everything. From now on, I don't want to hide, to be who I am not yet.
And I m glad to have her in my journey. I am excited n looking forward to new experiences. This time, its my conscious creation.
I jus realised. I don't want to anything, don't want to be achiever, don't want to be spiritual, or to seek enlightenment. I jus want to be me, whatever it is, the good, the bad, happy, sad, all is me and I solemnly now accept all of me.
Expect a miracle
When u realise the power to transform any situation is within you, you can approach it with a gentle intention rather from a needy stance.
When u can experience the power of God within, you know with certainty and relief that good is on the way.
Soul - that's how I felt. I know all challenges wil melt away os I don't need them anymore to shake me. I am awaken.
Expect a miracle.
Prayer is when u focus on something specific, as if u r going in with a define purpose.
Meditation is when we seek to clear our mind.
Prayer - asking
Meditation - listening.
By praying, u are asking for the relationshup, while by meditating, you are becoming the person who will draw that to you.
Meditation is the most powerful tool I know for acheiving a state of Grace.
Thru meditation, ur vibration rises and deepens at the same time, affecting your tots, perceptions, actions and ultimately, people's reaction to you.
You initiate the Grace Consciousness within by dwellling on its presnece. Because anything you focus on, you give power to.
We r able to access our own mystical, psychic powers thru meditation, becos ego has moved aside and the Higher Power, is set free.
It is as if you are creating a positive force field around you, which, by its very nature, draws in loving relationships and rejects lower energy situations.
Miracles from hardship/suffering
Sept 18
This mornin, without alarm n wit d boys sleeping. At first wanted to sleep n not disturb d boys n also worried how they see me. Then I recalled I hav a heavy day today n its good to be prepared. So I got up thinkin jus to do Suria Namaskara so the boys won't know abt my kriya/laughter, but last minute decided shld do kriya cos its more beneficial.
Was feeling edgy yday cos didn't do shoonya n did it jus before 4 pm n then had coffee. Later d reporting goes smooth. The next step is to clean up d Report. Now that both FM and Accountant can alternate, it is good.
Expect a miracle
Surrender, acceptance - this conscious letting go returns us to stillness, and in that stillness that we tap into Grace, the source of all miracles.
Once u recognise that life can change in an instant, you can relax into a steady state of joyful expectation.
Soul - I have encountered so many experiences beyond me that I now knew something else at force.
D issue I had to do wit the CEO was so difficult n yet it went so well. Much more than what I expected. Things r really going well. I know now d way ahead wil be smooth cos I am aware n won't push myself anymore. Alas, the inner match the outer. CEO told me that I looked happier n my communication is much clearer. I told her perhaps its 2 way cos she is now more understanding.
Actually d non-communico wit the CEO's PA is a real blessing cos now she has to speak to Admin n I don't hav to hear her judgement on d CEO. So my rship wit CEO is not tainted with her judgement. CEO told me she is happy m here cos she always know that I don't have an agenda, whatever I only think of d company, d biz.
Expect a miracle
Miracles can also find their way thru illness or after hardship becos it is in that state of desperation that we turn our hearts over to God and plead for Grace.
If we don't actually invite in the miracle, we are often forced to our knees by any means possible for healing
Miracle also happens when a powerful person is praying or meditating on our behalf.
Soul - true, suffering is blessing, which I have expereinced thru and thru. And now I am meditating for myself.
Expect a miracle
Whether we know it or not, we get what we expect. The Universal mirror simply reflects back to us what, on the deepest level, we believe is coming our way.
Mantra - Miracles are constant potential and I now open myself to their manifesting.
Soul - I hav always wanted a nature house, with living room (glass wall) facing d trees. And tot I can't hav here in Msia. But recently, I was meditating on it and a mth later the nature house materialised. And now m working on being in the nature house. Being in a loving rship with the owner. I don't know the outcome of d meeting, but I think can't go wrong. 2 people loving and savouring being in the same house - there is a connection and d rest we can cultivate.
These 2 days, d meditation is so peaceful. I am so contented. It is a miracle that I pick up meditation, like a duck to water. So, never say No.
Expect a miracle
Make urself available to the miracle of possibility, but also conscientiously set out to be facilitators of that change. U set our will to find your partner and then held on to the notion that a miracle was on the way, and thus becomimg conductors of a great force of transformation.
Willingness is the key. When our energy are infused with our intention it creates a new paradigm, lays the groundwork for having a partnership.
When we are able to raise our vibration by aligning ourselves with the universal power of Grace, we invite the love we deserve.
The practices of prayer and meditation are the most direct ways to initiate manifesting a relationship. They brings us clarity about what we really want and nothing comes to us unless our intention are clear.
Prayers n meditation is quite simply communion with God. What possibly can't happen in such a sacred space?
When we enter the mystical realms of spirit, all the disillussion of lovelessness melts away and only the essence of truth remains; that love has always been right there in front of us, just awaiting our readiness.
So, to be in communion with God, is to feel in every cell of your body, a sense of fusing with the Holy spirit. Its as if you invite the Divine into your being, and every single bit of you is enlightened by that presence. Thru the art of communion, you become more Grace-full; radiant, loving and magnetic.
Mantra _I am in constant communion with God in every action I take.
Communion is a very personal process. You don't have to adhere to any particular formula, tone or dogma. Your intention of communion is all that is necessary.
When I m in communion,
1. Express my thankfulness to be wit God, its a gift to me.
2. Ask for guidance in a particular situation. I asked to be shown what I need to do or understand so that I might find that great partner who I know is out there waiting for me.
3. Sit quitely and allow any inspiration to become clear.
4. Ask release from any patterns that have held me back. Ask God to remove whatever I have been doing out of fear.
5. I see the flow of energy between God image n myself intensify until we are fused.
Soul - Amen.
When we are in that Miracle Zone, we know who we are, what we have to do, and that all is already ours.
My card for the day - 3 of hearts
Card of self expression and its presence can indicate that we r talking more, expressing our feelings, and meeting new people.
True.
This mornin, without alarm n wit d boys sleeping. At first wanted to sleep n not disturb d boys n also worried how they see me. Then I recalled I hav a heavy day today n its good to be prepared. So I got up thinkin jus to do Suria Namaskara so the boys won't know abt my kriya/laughter, but last minute decided shld do kriya cos its more beneficial.
Was feeling edgy yday cos didn't do shoonya n did it jus before 4 pm n then had coffee. Later d reporting goes smooth. The next step is to clean up d Report. Now that both FM and Accountant can alternate, it is good.
Expect a miracle
Surrender, acceptance - this conscious letting go returns us to stillness, and in that stillness that we tap into Grace, the source of all miracles.
Once u recognise that life can change in an instant, you can relax into a steady state of joyful expectation.
Soul - I have encountered so many experiences beyond me that I now knew something else at force.
D issue I had to do wit the CEO was so difficult n yet it went so well. Much more than what I expected. Things r really going well. I know now d way ahead wil be smooth cos I am aware n won't push myself anymore. Alas, the inner match the outer. CEO told me that I looked happier n my communication is much clearer. I told her perhaps its 2 way cos she is now more understanding.
Actually d non-communico wit the CEO's PA is a real blessing cos now she has to speak to Admin n I don't hav to hear her judgement on d CEO. So my rship wit CEO is not tainted with her judgement. CEO told me she is happy m here cos she always know that I don't have an agenda, whatever I only think of d company, d biz.
Expect a miracle
Miracles can also find their way thru illness or after hardship becos it is in that state of desperation that we turn our hearts over to God and plead for Grace.
If we don't actually invite in the miracle, we are often forced to our knees by any means possible for healing
Miracle also happens when a powerful person is praying or meditating on our behalf.
Soul - true, suffering is blessing, which I have expereinced thru and thru. And now I am meditating for myself.
Expect a miracle
Whether we know it or not, we get what we expect. The Universal mirror simply reflects back to us what, on the deepest level, we believe is coming our way.
Mantra - Miracles are constant potential and I now open myself to their manifesting.
Soul - I hav always wanted a nature house, with living room (glass wall) facing d trees. And tot I can't hav here in Msia. But recently, I was meditating on it and a mth later the nature house materialised. And now m working on being in the nature house. Being in a loving rship with the owner. I don't know the outcome of d meeting, but I think can't go wrong. 2 people loving and savouring being in the same house - there is a connection and d rest we can cultivate.
These 2 days, d meditation is so peaceful. I am so contented. It is a miracle that I pick up meditation, like a duck to water. So, never say No.
Expect a miracle
Make urself available to the miracle of possibility, but also conscientiously set out to be facilitators of that change. U set our will to find your partner and then held on to the notion that a miracle was on the way, and thus becomimg conductors of a great force of transformation.
Willingness is the key. When our energy are infused with our intention it creates a new paradigm, lays the groundwork for having a partnership.
When we are able to raise our vibration by aligning ourselves with the universal power of Grace, we invite the love we deserve.
The practices of prayer and meditation are the most direct ways to initiate manifesting a relationship. They brings us clarity about what we really want and nothing comes to us unless our intention are clear.
Prayers n meditation is quite simply communion with God. What possibly can't happen in such a sacred space?
When we enter the mystical realms of spirit, all the disillussion of lovelessness melts away and only the essence of truth remains; that love has always been right there in front of us, just awaiting our readiness.
So, to be in communion with God, is to feel in every cell of your body, a sense of fusing with the Holy spirit. Its as if you invite the Divine into your being, and every single bit of you is enlightened by that presence. Thru the art of communion, you become more Grace-full; radiant, loving and magnetic.
Mantra _I am in constant communion with God in every action I take.
Communion is a very personal process. You don't have to adhere to any particular formula, tone or dogma. Your intention of communion is all that is necessary.
When I m in communion,
1. Express my thankfulness to be wit God, its a gift to me.
2. Ask for guidance in a particular situation. I asked to be shown what I need to do or understand so that I might find that great partner who I know is out there waiting for me.
3. Sit quitely and allow any inspiration to become clear.
4. Ask release from any patterns that have held me back. Ask God to remove whatever I have been doing out of fear.
5. I see the flow of energy between God image n myself intensify until we are fused.
Soul - Amen.
When we are in that Miracle Zone, we know who we are, what we have to do, and that all is already ours.
My card for the day - 3 of hearts
Card of self expression and its presence can indicate that we r talking more, expressing our feelings, and meeting new people.
True.
Joyful expectation during meditation
Sept 17
Mmm, yday on d sharing at Isha preview, was feeling disturbed. It was d ego pushin me to be special. Thank God, d timing not enough and I don't have to share. Cousin also didn't show up after so many years.
Saw my ex-colleague/staff yday after so many years. She looks old n tired. Yea, she is ready as she looks at the end. When Teacher said d range from 5 yrs till now, most people become less happy n she said not for her. I look at her n ask what happen when she was 5. Most people are not as happy now as compared to a child.
I shared wit he abt the inner n outer finally match n I no longer push myself to meet deadline. She was surprised that my inner n outer is different cos I am always in control and smiling. She said I hide very well. I told her that its not hiding, I didn't even realise the inner was different. Other shared abt gaining control and there was a lady who shared abt not having guilt n don't need to be in charge/responsible for everyone n she felt so liberated. That's my sentiment exactly.
My poor results n wonder if its me. Teacher said it took her 1 year to join Isha. She said if ur not knocked up, u won't be ready.
Coming back to my left shoulder. It is lesser stiff in d morning. Wil see n I think that my energy wil channel it cos I m now doing Suria Namaskara.
Expect a miracle
Having negative expectations in our minds is like putting up a wall that keeps love away.
A miracle is a shift in consciousness, a jump to a higher level. Somewhere in us, though, we have to make the decision to change our energy on a core level. Change the energy and the experiences change.
Once we learn to see through the eyes of our higher selves, we come from loving place rather than a fearful one. Wit that problems are magically transcended and people just show up differently.
Becos we r not limited by our fear, our rship are not dictated by our old negative assumptions. We become fertile ground for the miracle of love to take root.
It takes work to be quiet, to do nothing and allow the miracle to unfold. This posture goes against everything we have been taught and unlearning it requires patience.
No one starts out being perfectly open and available for spiritual match; it takes commitment, faith and joyful expectation.
Soul - that the way I approach my meditation journey. Yday was thinking that perhaps for sathsang, we cld share the Lead role. Someone can start with the chanting and my role is to prepare n lead them to joyful meditation. So, I will do the preparation and they can then start the meditation. Then I will ask for sharing of experience first. Then d leader can jus inform the respective person whose steps are too out.
Expect a miracle
In order to get to the place where we are always choosing love, we have to learn to surrender our tenacious will and through prayer and meditation, ask the spirit of Grace to help us.
Once we recognise that what we are doing is ineffective, it only make sens that we would make a conscious choice to do things differently.
Soul - yeap, its becos of this recognition, I joined meditation, something which I tot I can't do. And I also know that I need help in rshp. I can't attract and I can't hold and I can't commit. I guess its becos I don't wan to and becos I tot I can't and its becos I expect failure. Its becos I tot that God wan me to be alone cos m strong, jus like in office, m strong n don't need protection. But that's not really true, its right m strong and I don't need protection but I do need loving support.
When I do attract, if its a good match, I says its not real and if it not a good match, I say why me.
Expect a miracle
Its hard to trust that things will unfold perfectly for us if we can't see how they are going to unfold. But if what you've been doing hasn't been working, isn't it worth trying to surrender, to relax and assume that the Universe is at work, making it all come together for u.
I guarantee u, once u get your desperate hold on things out of the way, everything will come ur way.
"Let go and let God"
The great paradox here is that the less we get involved in trying to make a rship happen, the better able we are to allow one to enter.
Soul - the bamboo house- I have wished for it daily n even did the wish prayer. But I stil not sure. So, have to let it be.
Expect a miracle
Look for faults and that's all you see.
See the perfection in ur fellow human and perfection will appear before u.
The kind of person that we want to meet won't materialise (or certainly won't call us if they did) if we are not embodying the very same loving qualities that we seek.
Surrender also means letting go of the past so that it doesn't torment us, and in turn we are freed of any limited idea of what the future will being.
The thing abt surrender is that when we don't do it voluntarily, life will progressively nudge (or sometimes just all-out shove) us toward embracing it anyway.
Disease, challenging situation/boss, weakness will come along and force us to our knees so that we have no choice but to move aside and let a greater force take over.
Surely we don't need to bottom up in such painful way to recognise how important it is to let go of being in control and surrender
Soul - I did.
Mmm, yday on d sharing at Isha preview, was feeling disturbed. It was d ego pushin me to be special. Thank God, d timing not enough and I don't have to share. Cousin also didn't show up after so many years.
Saw my ex-colleague/staff yday after so many years. She looks old n tired. Yea, she is ready as she looks at the end. When Teacher said d range from 5 yrs till now, most people become less happy n she said not for her. I look at her n ask what happen when she was 5. Most people are not as happy now as compared to a child.
I shared wit he abt the inner n outer finally match n I no longer push myself to meet deadline. She was surprised that my inner n outer is different cos I am always in control and smiling. She said I hide very well. I told her that its not hiding, I didn't even realise the inner was different. Other shared abt gaining control and there was a lady who shared abt not having guilt n don't need to be in charge/responsible for everyone n she felt so liberated. That's my sentiment exactly.
My poor results n wonder if its me. Teacher said it took her 1 year to join Isha. She said if ur not knocked up, u won't be ready.
Coming back to my left shoulder. It is lesser stiff in d morning. Wil see n I think that my energy wil channel it cos I m now doing Suria Namaskara.
Expect a miracle
Having negative expectations in our minds is like putting up a wall that keeps love away.
A miracle is a shift in consciousness, a jump to a higher level. Somewhere in us, though, we have to make the decision to change our energy on a core level. Change the energy and the experiences change.
Once we learn to see through the eyes of our higher selves, we come from loving place rather than a fearful one. Wit that problems are magically transcended and people just show up differently.
Becos we r not limited by our fear, our rship are not dictated by our old negative assumptions. We become fertile ground for the miracle of love to take root.
It takes work to be quiet, to do nothing and allow the miracle to unfold. This posture goes against everything we have been taught and unlearning it requires patience.
No one starts out being perfectly open and available for spiritual match; it takes commitment, faith and joyful expectation.
Soul - that the way I approach my meditation journey. Yday was thinking that perhaps for sathsang, we cld share the Lead role. Someone can start with the chanting and my role is to prepare n lead them to joyful meditation. So, I will do the preparation and they can then start the meditation. Then I will ask for sharing of experience first. Then d leader can jus inform the respective person whose steps are too out.
Expect a miracle
In order to get to the place where we are always choosing love, we have to learn to surrender our tenacious will and through prayer and meditation, ask the spirit of Grace to help us.
Once we recognise that what we are doing is ineffective, it only make sens that we would make a conscious choice to do things differently.
Soul - yeap, its becos of this recognition, I joined meditation, something which I tot I can't do. And I also know that I need help in rshp. I can't attract and I can't hold and I can't commit. I guess its becos I don't wan to and becos I tot I can't and its becos I expect failure. Its becos I tot that God wan me to be alone cos m strong, jus like in office, m strong n don't need protection. But that's not really true, its right m strong and I don't need protection but I do need loving support.
When I do attract, if its a good match, I says its not real and if it not a good match, I say why me.
Expect a miracle
Its hard to trust that things will unfold perfectly for us if we can't see how they are going to unfold. But if what you've been doing hasn't been working, isn't it worth trying to surrender, to relax and assume that the Universe is at work, making it all come together for u.
I guarantee u, once u get your desperate hold on things out of the way, everything will come ur way.
"Let go and let God"
The great paradox here is that the less we get involved in trying to make a rship happen, the better able we are to allow one to enter.
Soul - the bamboo house- I have wished for it daily n even did the wish prayer. But I stil not sure. So, have to let it be.
Expect a miracle
Look for faults and that's all you see.
See the perfection in ur fellow human and perfection will appear before u.
The kind of person that we want to meet won't materialise (or certainly won't call us if they did) if we are not embodying the very same loving qualities that we seek.
Surrender also means letting go of the past so that it doesn't torment us, and in turn we are freed of any limited idea of what the future will being.
The thing abt surrender is that when we don't do it voluntarily, life will progressively nudge (or sometimes just all-out shove) us toward embracing it anyway.
Disease, challenging situation/boss, weakness will come along and force us to our knees so that we have no choice but to move aside and let a greater force take over.
Surely we don't need to bottom up in such painful way to recognise how important it is to let go of being in control and surrender
Soul - I did.
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