Mar 12 eve
I can't do the job at former company. Not because I can't do the job. But because it required lots of time facing. I m an introvert, INFJ.
Just two meetings today and I m tired out. Admiration for my smartness and capability no longer validate me. I remembered they have many meetings a day..even during lunch hour..especially during lunch hour...lunch hour is sacred to me..i needed my off-time..
Don't create drama for myself.
Too much time facing people. No flexibility on personal time.
Former boss, E demands on extraction value for money paid.
As my ex-staff J in former company said he regretted taking the promotion. The extra money not worth the extra work. Knowing former boss E, he will squeeze me. Need not let my fear of lose of job makes me jump into fire.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Possibility of expanding role if I stay
Mar 12 aft
C said that I shouldn't leave since I asked him to stay put to grow the biz. We discuss on possible options. Looks like this matter requires attention. His Long range Nine of Hearts is true. Him being a Nine of Diamonds would be very exasperated with boss's lack of business drive. I used to exasperated but I tolerated due to my 3 days week. Alas since C told me his frustration I realised that I can't keep it this way. Also good when my boss S told me that I m right to alert and I m not overreacting.
Actually be good that I partner C. Let both of them go. J lack of Mgm treatment truly is disappointing. He can't communicate with his second in command. By right M should let go of him but that doesn't solve the problem as who can open doors for new biz. So actually both to go but not sure who can then manage the rships.
Do I stay or go? Here I got freedom and possibility of getting involved in client rships. But in the former company I can truly do it. Maybe first step is I get involved in recruitment. First level interview by me. Get in good people.
This will involved me back into the biz. Definitely take away 3 days work but I still got flexibility. In ex company I won't have flexibility.
Here if we do well bonus is very good for management.
Just as my advice to L. Instead of going to another company to slough out. Why don't I stay here and get involved in operations, grow with the company. Start with HR.
In my former software company I got involved cos I recruited most of them. And upon retirement, recruitment can be the key.
Today card is Two of Diamonds.
Can I work with C. Yes. He too knows he can work with me.
Father, Ruling Ace no longer dominates, no more looking for new things nor money. Previously fear drives me. Ex boss said company is smaller no proper. Logically I jumped.
Guess this time when regional boss said if we lose the major client, we will close shop, that scared me and I was looking for escape.
But when I jumped I m not happy cos my Time alone is precious to me. That's also the reason why I quit local Isha, loss of personal time.
And going to the other company, definitely loss of personal time. That's precious to me.
Ace of Diamond - torn between money and rship. In this case my own time.
Queen is now coming out. I m already a Queen here. It just I didn't act on it. And as long as current boss, who is King here I can't act out my Queen.
Ex boss was Ruling King of Diamonds and Destiny Seven of Diamonds
Current boss Ruling King of Spades and Destiny Ten of Clubs.
With ex boss I got more power to act. With current boss, less power. But then it's because I took a sabbatical and she supported it.
Guess I now want to play a bigger role. Want to get involved.
1 April
Mmm..thats my karmic past of wanting to get challenged..lets see..
now not sure..will not strategise..will go with the flow..
C said that I shouldn't leave since I asked him to stay put to grow the biz. We discuss on possible options. Looks like this matter requires attention. His Long range Nine of Hearts is true. Him being a Nine of Diamonds would be very exasperated with boss's lack of business drive. I used to exasperated but I tolerated due to my 3 days week. Alas since C told me his frustration I realised that I can't keep it this way. Also good when my boss S told me that I m right to alert and I m not overreacting.
Actually be good that I partner C. Let both of them go. J lack of Mgm treatment truly is disappointing. He can't communicate with his second in command. By right M should let go of him but that doesn't solve the problem as who can open doors for new biz. So actually both to go but not sure who can then manage the rships.
Do I stay or go? Here I got freedom and possibility of getting involved in client rships. But in the former company I can truly do it. Maybe first step is I get involved in recruitment. First level interview by me. Get in good people.
This will involved me back into the biz. Definitely take away 3 days work but I still got flexibility. In ex company I won't have flexibility.
Here if we do well bonus is very good for management.
Just as my advice to L. Instead of going to another company to slough out. Why don't I stay here and get involved in operations, grow with the company. Start with HR.
In my former software company I got involved cos I recruited most of them. And upon retirement, recruitment can be the key.
Today card is Two of Diamonds.
Can I work with C. Yes. He too knows he can work with me.
Father, Ruling Ace no longer dominates, no more looking for new things nor money. Previously fear drives me. Ex boss said company is smaller no proper. Logically I jumped.
Guess this time when regional boss said if we lose the major client, we will close shop, that scared me and I was looking for escape.
But when I jumped I m not happy cos my Time alone is precious to me. That's also the reason why I quit local Isha, loss of personal time.
And going to the other company, definitely loss of personal time. That's precious to me.
Ace of Diamond - torn between money and rship. In this case my own time.
Queen is now coming out. I m already a Queen here. It just I didn't act on it. And as long as current boss, who is King here I can't act out my Queen.
Ex boss was Ruling King of Diamonds and Destiny Seven of Diamonds
Current boss Ruling King of Spades and Destiny Ten of Clubs.
With ex boss I got more power to act. With current boss, less power. But then it's because I took a sabbatical and she supported it.
Guess I now want to play a bigger role. Want to get involved.
1 April
Mmm..thats my karmic past of wanting to get challenged..lets see..
now not sure..will not strategise..will go with the flow..
Body in pain but sadhana still on
Mar 12
It was hot yesterday. Couldn't cool the room cos air cond is spoilt. Woke up from heat. Slept back cos still early. Woke up later upon alarm at 4.30 am. Slept earlier yesterday.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and followed by a long cat stretch and Angamardhana. Today was good. All the postures are in. Also corrected the breathing on standing.
Omit Surya Kriya cos right wrist is still swelling. It will be painful on mountain pose.
Breathing was good. Did a long one. Some tots come in but able to hold back.
It was hot yesterday. Couldn't cool the room cos air cond is spoilt. Woke up from heat. Slept back cos still early. Woke up later upon alarm at 4.30 am. Slept earlier yesterday.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and followed by a long cat stretch and Angamardhana. Today was good. All the postures are in. Also corrected the breathing on standing.
Omit Surya Kriya cos right wrist is still swelling. It will be painful on mountain pose.
Breathing was good. Did a long one. Some tots come in but able to hold back.
Reflecting on why I resign from previous job
Mar 11 eve
Just did pooja.
It was nice, feeling at home with my shrine. Tot of going to ashram to get clarity but ashram is already here with me.
My apprehension is fear. Fear that I can't do the job.
Fear that I let go of current company, no more back up if I fail.
On my 3 days week, memory comes back. It was because the budget couldn't accommodate me back cos we recruited a new mid level headcount. We had to retrench another junior. I can only come back on 3 days.
On why I left former boss, E. Cos I can't deal with the conflict. I was reporting to him, so no way out. That time I still can't voice out my feeling in personal rship. Between me and E, there is a personal element.
On my prayer I can do weekend. And every evening my sadhana is mainly Shoonya and breathing meditation.
So decision is made I will go provided I get my good money for the challenges. I get my one day off weekly basis. Up to me how to use it.
I get the authority to do my job without interference. I get my former boss support too. If E doesn't want me to be his working partner, it won't work.
My this year Jupiter card materialising.
Destiny
Eight of Clubs
Ur power of mind can bring u much success with money and business at the same time. The proper application of education and knowledge will bring u noticeable success with ur business and people dealings.
Ur mental gifts are the source of ur greatest benefits at this time.
Success among group of people is indicated, such as meeting or places where u speak or teach. U have more power than usual now. Use it wisely for popularity and profits.
This is probably the best influences for increasing financial gains this year, so be sure to take advantage of it. It works especially for increasing financial gains this year, so be sure to take advantage of it. It works especially those who have some business of their own. But even if u are employed by someone else, ur mental power could bring u a promotion or some form of greater success.
Eight of Spades
This is the strongest symbols of business and personal power and success. At this time u will either expand ur operations or make some invaluable connections with some large company that increases ur own financial power appreciably. This is also one of the best signs of good health and recovery from any and all problems u may be facing. U can overcome all obstacles now through honest effort and integrity.
U r in the midst of cycle of prosperity.
Just did pooja.
It was nice, feeling at home with my shrine. Tot of going to ashram to get clarity but ashram is already here with me.
My apprehension is fear. Fear that I can't do the job.
Fear that I let go of current company, no more back up if I fail.
On my 3 days week, memory comes back. It was because the budget couldn't accommodate me back cos we recruited a new mid level headcount. We had to retrench another junior. I can only come back on 3 days.
On why I left former boss, E. Cos I can't deal with the conflict. I was reporting to him, so no way out. That time I still can't voice out my feeling in personal rship. Between me and E, there is a personal element.
On my prayer I can do weekend. And every evening my sadhana is mainly Shoonya and breathing meditation.
So decision is made I will go provided I get my good money for the challenges. I get my one day off weekly basis. Up to me how to use it.
I get the authority to do my job without interference. I get my former boss support too. If E doesn't want me to be his working partner, it won't work.
My this year Jupiter card materialising.
Destiny
Eight of Clubs
Ur power of mind can bring u much success with money and business at the same time. The proper application of education and knowledge will bring u noticeable success with ur business and people dealings.
Ur mental gifts are the source of ur greatest benefits at this time.
Success among group of people is indicated, such as meeting or places where u speak or teach. U have more power than usual now. Use it wisely for popularity and profits.
This is probably the best influences for increasing financial gains this year, so be sure to take advantage of it. It works especially for increasing financial gains this year, so be sure to take advantage of it. It works especially those who have some business of their own. But even if u are employed by someone else, ur mental power could bring u a promotion or some form of greater success.
Eight of Spades
This is the strongest symbols of business and personal power and success. At this time u will either expand ur operations or make some invaluable connections with some large company that increases ur own financial power appreciably. This is also one of the best signs of good health and recovery from any and all problems u may be facing. U can overcome all obstacles now through honest effort and integrity.
U r in the midst of cycle of prosperity.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Osho - creativity
Mar 11 aft 1
My this week Osho tarot card.
1. The Issue
Flowering
Zen wants you living, living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely - not at the minimum as Christianity wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to the friendsh but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond.
Soul
As I was walking around the former company office, which has now expanded and is 6 times the size of my current company. I tot of the many people I could reach out to...sharing about yoga..
5. Resolution
Creativity
Creativity is the quality that you bring to the activity that you are doing. It is an attitude, an inner approach - how you look at things.... Not everybody can be a painter - and there is no need also. If everybody is a painter the world will be very ugly; it will be difficult to live! And not everybody can be a dancer, and there is no need. But everybody can be creative. Whatsoever you do, if you do it joyfully, if you do it lovingly, if your act of doing is not purely economical, then it is creative. If you have something growing out of it within you, if it gives you growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine. You become more divine as you become more creative.
From the alchemy of fire and water below to the divine light entering from above, the figure in this card is literally 'possessed by' the creative force. Really, the experience of creativity is an entry into the mysterious. Technique, expertise and knowledge are just tools; the key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things. This energy has no form or structure, yet all the forms and structures come out of it. It makes no difference what particular form your creativity takes - it can be painting or singing, planting a garden or making a meal. The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through you. Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
I knew I can do the job..I am good at it.
I just don't want to lose my current space.of being alone..of having a 3 days work week.
My this week Osho tarot card.
1. The Issue
Flowering
Zen wants you living, living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely - not at the minimum as Christianity wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to the friendsh but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond.
Soul
As I was walking around the former company office, which has now expanded and is 6 times the size of my current company. I tot of the many people I could reach out to...sharing about yoga..
5. Resolution
Creativity
Creativity is the quality that you bring to the activity that you are doing. It is an attitude, an inner approach - how you look at things.... Not everybody can be a painter - and there is no need also. If everybody is a painter the world will be very ugly; it will be difficult to live! And not everybody can be a dancer, and there is no need. But everybody can be creative. Whatsoever you do, if you do it joyfully, if you do it lovingly, if your act of doing is not purely economical, then it is creative. If you have something growing out of it within you, if it gives you growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine. You become more divine as you become more creative.
From the alchemy of fire and water below to the divine light entering from above, the figure in this card is literally 'possessed by' the creative force. Really, the experience of creativity is an entry into the mysterious. Technique, expertise and knowledge are just tools; the key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things. This energy has no form or structure, yet all the forms and structures come out of it. It makes no difference what particular form your creativity takes - it can be painting or singing, planting a garden or making a meal. The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through you. Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
I knew I can do the job..I am good at it.
I just don't want to lose my current space.of being alone..of having a 3 days work week.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Queen of Spades
Mar 11 aft
My Daily Card
The Queen of Spades
The Queen of Spades is known as the card of 'self-mastery', the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the 'Spiritual Spread'. Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
The Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organizational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.
This year Destiny Uranus, commence 22 Mar is Ten of Spades
My Next 52-Day Period Card
The Ten of Spades
The Ten of Spades is one of the best cards for success and satisfaction in your work and in health, though you may also expect to work very hard when it is present. Overcoming of all obstacles in work and health are the attributes of this card.
Like the Ten of Wands in the Tarot deck, your work may often seem to be a burden under this card's influence, or you may become obsessed with all the things that you have to do. This card can be a 'workaholic' kind of influence. However, if you have a list of specific goals and want to achieve them successfully, there is hardly a better card to have in your reading than this one.
Soul
Unexpectedly I have to work hard..
My Daily Card
The Queen of Spades
The Queen of Spades is known as the card of 'self-mastery', the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the 'Spiritual Spread'. Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
The Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organizational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.
This year Destiny Uranus, commence 22 Mar is Ten of Spades
My Next 52-Day Period Card
The Ten of Spades
The Ten of Spades is one of the best cards for success and satisfaction in your work and in health, though you may also expect to work very hard when it is present. Overcoming of all obstacles in work and health are the attributes of this card.
Like the Ten of Wands in the Tarot deck, your work may often seem to be a burden under this card's influence, or you may become obsessed with all the things that you have to do. This card can be a 'workaholic' kind of influence. However, if you have a list of specific goals and want to achieve them successfully, there is hardly a better card to have in your reading than this one.
Soul
Unexpectedly I have to work hard..
Thought of the past flowing in
Mar 11
Woke up before alarm but sleep back cos still early.
Woke up at alarm at 7 am but took a snooze.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps.
My right wrist is swelling since yesterday, probalby due to me placing my hands on the table during the 2 days training. Surya Kriya was nice.
Saw Devi in red..just take her back last Friday and now this offer.
I want big money and 4 days week. I need my yoga to do this job well and I want good money for the time and effort to work on the former company.
This tot keep on coming to my mind..
Sadhguru - You are here to live..not to avoid life.
Did Yogasaanas..nice...and I am coming along..breathing longer in asanas.
Even the boat asanas was good and I can hold much longer in the bow asanas.
So nice...just being with my body.
During the breathing meditation..
Wonder why I quit last time..I knew back then I only talked to Z and he was totally unsupportive and even break up with me on the phone. Then refused to take my calls.
I did quit..
I knew back then I was overwhelmed with local Isha due to Sadhguru's visit, with running 2 companies back to back, the travelling to and fro.
The stress of trying to find the right hotel for Z and I for our rendezous back then.
Then a tot came on the night of Sadhguru's visit. I recalled Z wanted to get back to me on the 1st and 2nd day afternoon. but in the 2nd day evening, he avoided my gaze..
I was wondering what happen to his playful enthusiasm..
Alas now I know he met his new wife on that day...must have fall in love with her..hence the avoidance when he looked at me in the evening. I was wondering why he ignored me..Now I knew..
anyway..didn't want to dwell on this, focus back on my breathe.
Reminding myself I am the gaps..not the tots..
So just focus back on my breathe..it is so nice..sat for awhile longer
Shakti..was good.
Despite so much tot flowing in...I was able to focus in 1st and 2nd cycle..but lost bit in 3rd cycle.
Shambavi is good.
Ended the session at 11.23 am..the longest ever.
Woke up before alarm but sleep back cos still early.
Woke up at alarm at 7 am but took a snooze.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps.
My right wrist is swelling since yesterday, probalby due to me placing my hands on the table during the 2 days training. Surya Kriya was nice.
Saw Devi in red..just take her back last Friday and now this offer.
I want big money and 4 days week. I need my yoga to do this job well and I want good money for the time and effort to work on the former company.
This tot keep on coming to my mind..
Sadhguru - You are here to live..not to avoid life.
Did Yogasaanas..nice...and I am coming along..breathing longer in asanas.
Even the boat asanas was good and I can hold much longer in the bow asanas.
So nice...just being with my body.
During the breathing meditation..
Wonder why I quit last time..I knew back then I only talked to Z and he was totally unsupportive and even break up with me on the phone. Then refused to take my calls.
I did quit..
I knew back then I was overwhelmed with local Isha due to Sadhguru's visit, with running 2 companies back to back, the travelling to and fro.
The stress of trying to find the right hotel for Z and I for our rendezous back then.
Then a tot came on the night of Sadhguru's visit. I recalled Z wanted to get back to me on the 1st and 2nd day afternoon. but in the 2nd day evening, he avoided my gaze..
I was wondering what happen to his playful enthusiasm..
Alas now I know he met his new wife on that day...must have fall in love with her..hence the avoidance when he looked at me in the evening. I was wondering why he ignored me..Now I knew..
anyway..didn't want to dwell on this, focus back on my breathe.
Reminding myself I am the gaps..not the tots..
So just focus back on my breathe..it is so nice..sat for awhile longer
Shakti..was good.
Despite so much tot flowing in...I was able to focus in 1st and 2nd cycle..but lost bit in 3rd cycle.
Shambavi is good.
Ended the session at 11.23 am..the longest ever.
Ten of Spades in Uranus
Mar 10 eve
My regional boss said that the position of new Head is suitable for me. I am the best person as I am 'strong', I have exposure to the business, already met some of the clients. I told him that I can't work long term, not with E, my former boss.
My boss said I won't be reporting to E but instead reporting to him. I will be his partner..not his staff.
Looks like my boss finally take over sister company group.
I can't say I m surprised cos he has been telling me half year ago but I keep on brushing it off.
Now it is here
Not taking it would be due to fear.
Now have to think why I quit last time.
I was overwhelmed with volunteering for Isha back in mid 2012, responsible for 2 companies, travelling to and fro. So tired..can't wake up early to do my morning sadhana...evenig sadhana also difficult... And was at the verge of break up with Z.
Did temporarily let go of local Isha.
I was trying to get support from Z but he was not supportive. I told him he didn't give me the financial security I need..he is only making me feel more insecure. He cut me off, saying I made him feel bad and decided to break up with me. Don't want to take up my call.
So I decided to proceed with resignation and went back to former company.
Now the offer is back here again.
Take a look at my Destiny card.
My this year displacement card is Six of Hearts, which is E's Destiny card.
This year Destiny Uranus, commence 22 Mar is Ten of Spades
My next year, commencing from July this year,
Destiny's long range is Ten of Spades - hardworking
The Ten of Spades
The Ten of Spades is one of the best cards for success and satisfaction in your work and in health, though you may also expect to work very hard when it is present. Overcoming of all obstacles in work and health are the attributes of this card.
Like the Ten of Wands in the Tarot deck, your work may often seem to be a burden under this card's influence, or you may become obsessed with all the things that you have to do. This card can be a 'workaholic' kind of influence. However, if you have a list of specific goals and want to achieve them successfully, there is hardly a better card to have in your reading than this one.
I had been wondering a few weeks ago about the Ten of Spades next year, wonderign what it could be that I got to be hardworking as my current company no new business and I am working 3 days week.
My current company...I was just wondering a few weeks ago whether I outstay my presence..just like the current boss...just like the colleague who recently resigned.
Ruling's challenge is Ace of Diamonds and Results is Ten of Diamonds..I think is E's Ruling car.d
Looks like its my destiny
My regional boss said that the position of new Head is suitable for me. I am the best person as I am 'strong', I have exposure to the business, already met some of the clients. I told him that I can't work long term, not with E, my former boss.
My boss said I won't be reporting to E but instead reporting to him. I will be his partner..not his staff.
Looks like my boss finally take over sister company group.
I can't say I m surprised cos he has been telling me half year ago but I keep on brushing it off.
Now it is here
Not taking it would be due to fear.
Now have to think why I quit last time.
I was overwhelmed with volunteering for Isha back in mid 2012, responsible for 2 companies, travelling to and fro. So tired..can't wake up early to do my morning sadhana...evenig sadhana also difficult... And was at the verge of break up with Z.
Did temporarily let go of local Isha.
I was trying to get support from Z but he was not supportive. I told him he didn't give me the financial security I need..he is only making me feel more insecure. He cut me off, saying I made him feel bad and decided to break up with me. Don't want to take up my call.
So I decided to proceed with resignation and went back to former company.
Now the offer is back here again.
Take a look at my Destiny card.
My this year displacement card is Six of Hearts, which is E's Destiny card.
This year Destiny Uranus, commence 22 Mar is Ten of Spades
My next year, commencing from July this year,
Destiny's long range is Ten of Spades - hardworking
The Ten of Spades
The Ten of Spades is one of the best cards for success and satisfaction in your work and in health, though you may also expect to work very hard when it is present. Overcoming of all obstacles in work and health are the attributes of this card.
Like the Ten of Wands in the Tarot deck, your work may often seem to be a burden under this card's influence, or you may become obsessed with all the things that you have to do. This card can be a 'workaholic' kind of influence. However, if you have a list of specific goals and want to achieve them successfully, there is hardly a better card to have in your reading than this one.
I had been wondering a few weeks ago about the Ten of Spades next year, wonderign what it could be that I got to be hardworking as my current company no new business and I am working 3 days week.
My current company...I was just wondering a few weeks ago whether I outstay my presence..just like the current boss...just like the colleague who recently resigned.
Ruling's challenge is Ace of Diamonds and Results is Ten of Diamonds..I think is E's Ruling car.d
Looks like its my destiny
Sadhana as usual
Mar 10
Woke up tired around 2.16 am. So glad I got time to sleep. Slept back and woke up at 4.30 alarm. Was feeling tired, snooze for 5 min. Woke up, ignoring my mind.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch. Did a long one, just breathing.
Angamardhana was good with the corrected posture. But alas forgot to do the Hero posture.
Did one cycle of Surya Kriya but was belching and farting much. So not fluid, have to stop at interval.
Breathing meditation is lovely. Just being aware of my breathe. Pleasantness arise.
Shakti was good too. Despite the tots coming in on the office matter I was able to focus on the count. Perhaps now less affected by the pull from the tots.
I m slowly but surely know that the tots are not mine.
At the end, a silent contentment arise.
Shambavi was good.
On the matter of office. I m surprised but I m calm about it. This need to be done, otherwise the whole ship goes down.
Also the chance to grow.
Woke up tired around 2.16 am. So glad I got time to sleep. Slept back and woke up at 4.30 alarm. Was feeling tired, snooze for 5 min. Woke up, ignoring my mind.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch. Did a long one, just breathing.
Angamardhana was good with the corrected posture. But alas forgot to do the Hero posture.
Did one cycle of Surya Kriya but was belching and farting much. So not fluid, have to stop at interval.
Breathing meditation is lovely. Just being aware of my breathe. Pleasantness arise.
Shakti was good too. Despite the tots coming in on the office matter I was able to focus on the count. Perhaps now less affected by the pull from the tots.
I m slowly but surely know that the tots are not mine.
At the end, a silent contentment arise.
Shambavi was good.
On the matter of office. I m surprised but I m calm about it. This need to be done, otherwise the whole ship goes down.
Also the chance to grow.
Awesome Sathsang
Mar 8 eve
Shambavi and Brahmanda so nice.
Video was on the paths.
1. Devotion
2. Intellect
3. Energy
4. Service.
I knew that mine is devotion and energy.
Didn't expect the Purification meditation will be so awesome. At the start I was thinking of tonight dinner at the local restaurant. Went into the special meditation halfheartedly. But after the relaxation session. I was in. It become awesome when I was in the water. Feel purified releasing
1. Anger at myself l, angry at my past.
2. Hate at myself
3. Jealousy of the Z and Y wife's and of Z
4. Fear of water. Fear that I be all alone. Fear that I can't live alone.
Felt purified. The least impact was the jealousy. I find that I didn't have much to release. In a way good that all the negative feeling is on me. Less projections.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
Samadhi means all problems solved, all questions dissolved, all anxieties resolved. One has come home. In total rest, in total tranquility, nothing disturb, nothing distracts. Now u are available to enjoy. Now every moment becomes a delights
Soul
Like this.
Shambavi and Brahmanda so nice.
Video was on the paths.
1. Devotion
2. Intellect
3. Energy
4. Service.
I knew that mine is devotion and energy.
Didn't expect the Purification meditation will be so awesome. At the start I was thinking of tonight dinner at the local restaurant. Went into the special meditation halfheartedly. But after the relaxation session. I was in. It become awesome when I was in the water. Feel purified releasing
1. Anger at myself l, angry at my past.
2. Hate at myself
3. Jealousy of the Z and Y wife's and of Z
4. Fear of water. Fear that I be all alone. Fear that I can't live alone.
Felt purified. The least impact was the jealousy. I find that I didn't have much to release. In a way good that all the negative feeling is on me. Less projections.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
Samadhi means all problems solved, all questions dissolved, all anxieties resolved. One has come home. In total rest, in total tranquility, nothing disturb, nothing distracts. Now u are available to enjoy. Now every moment becomes a delights
Soul
Like this.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Awesome Angamardhana
Mar 7
Woke up 6.30 am.
Today guided Angamardhana was awesome.
Sat in hero posture without any props. Went into laughter, head shaking and singing and dancing. 5 minutes just passed in moments.
On the standing posture, now know that the first exhalation is to the fullest.
On the lying down posture, got correction and I have completely left out one sequence of body rolling.
Sadhguru
The biggest problem is that people are inebriated with their own thought and emotion. The spiritual process is essentially to give you a distance between these worms of thoughts – which make you believe you are a nut – and yourself.
If you are out of this inebriation, there is only one way to be – to be here and to throb with the process of life. If you throb with this process of life, you will throb with the whole cosmic pulse. There is nothing mystical about it because life happens in many different dimensions. It is everyone’s right to know it, to have access to it, but you are too inebriated with thought and emotion.
Woke up 6.30 am.
Today guided Angamardhana was awesome.
Sat in hero posture without any props. Went into laughter, head shaking and singing and dancing. 5 minutes just passed in moments.
On the standing posture, now know that the first exhalation is to the fullest.
On the lying down posture, got correction and I have completely left out one sequence of body rolling.
Sadhguru
The biggest problem is that people are inebriated with their own thought and emotion. The spiritual process is essentially to give you a distance between these worms of thoughts – which make you believe you are a nut – and yourself.
If you are out of this inebriation, there is only one way to be – to be here and to throb with the process of life. If you throb with this process of life, you will throb with the whole cosmic pulse. There is nothing mystical about it because life happens in many different dimensions. It is everyone’s right to know it, to have access to it, but you are too inebriated with thought and emotion.
Devi Linga in red
Mar 6 eve
Today Sannidhi pooja is nice. Just so contented being with Sadhguru.
No tears. Just dancing.
Did Shoonya followed by breathing meditation. Later did Devi chanting. Just one cycle. Can feel Devi presence.
When I was about to leave the office, the flame in Devi's oil lamp still has a glimmer. Then I remember to bring back Devi's red pix. She won't let me forget her.
The Devi now in red on my shrine. She feels at home now. Can feel her making a presence in my shrine. Will bring Devi in black to office, the background wall in red will set her up.
Mmm. Suddenly a tot came. Instead of Linga Yantra, why not the Linga brass frame. Mmm. Won't be easy. Maybe Sadhguru will do another version of yantra. He answered my prayer for non-Vibhuti Sannidhi; so maybe another form of Linga will be here.
Today Sannidhi pooja is nice. Just so contented being with Sadhguru.
No tears. Just dancing.
Did Shoonya followed by breathing meditation. Later did Devi chanting. Just one cycle. Can feel Devi presence.
When I was about to leave the office, the flame in Devi's oil lamp still has a glimmer. Then I remember to bring back Devi's red pix. She won't let me forget her.
The Devi now in red on my shrine. She feels at home now. Can feel her making a presence in my shrine. Will bring Devi in black to office, the background wall in red will set her up.
Mmm. Suddenly a tot came. Instead of Linga Yantra, why not the Linga brass frame. Mmm. Won't be easy. Maybe Sadhguru will do another version of yantra. He answered my prayer for non-Vibhuti Sannidhi; so maybe another form of Linga will be here.
Patanjali on samadhi
Mar 6 mor
Yoga the science of living by Osho
If u concentrate on nirodh, the gaps between two tots, and u go on piling up those gaps, u go on accumulating those gaps is what Patanjali calls samadhi - and there arise in u a situation where u become one and one-pointed - Ekagrata - if this happens, knowledge of the past and the future. Because then for u time disappears and u become part of eternity. Then past is not past for u and the future of not future for u. Then for u, all the three are available simultaneously.
It will be a miracle that u know the future. It is not a miracle.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
If u concentrate on nirodh, the gaps between two tots, and u go on piling up those gaps, u go on accumulating those gaps is what Patanjali calls samadhi - and there arise in u a situation where u become one and one-pointed - Ekagrata - if this happens, knowledge of the past and the future. Because then for u time disappears and u become part of eternity. Then past is not past for u and the future of not future for u. Then for u, all the three are available simultaneously.
It will be a miracle that u know the future. It is not a miracle.
Shift of perception from negative to positive
Mar 6
Woke up at alarm at 4.30 am. Body was tired cos I slept around 12.30 am cos nephews playing fireworks. Took a snooze and got up. After my cold shower feel better.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. Did one cycle of Surya Kriya followed by 61 points awareness meditation. It is okay, not so aware but didn't lose track.
Breathing was nice. Wish I could sit longer.
Shakti was good. No loss in tot for Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi
A tot came. Actually my big brother coming back is a blessing. Without his resistance to the shift. I wouldn't have tot of shifting out on my own. Without him being here, mom would have followed me. Now he is here he can take care of mom. So it is a blessing. Maybe it's payback time for him. As for me it is just loss of opportunity income and I can handle that.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
U are responsible. When there is no God, the responsibility falls totally on u. That's why weaklings go on believing in God. Only strong men can stand alone. But this is basic necessity - for yoga this is a basic requirement, that u stand alone and that u come to realise that the meaning is not given; u have to search for it. U have to create it. U will come to a meaning - life can come to a meaning - but that meaning will have to be discovered by ur own efforts. Whatsoever u do will go on revealing u. Every act will make ur life, ur existence, more and more meaningful.
To realise one is alone in a cold universe and there is nobody to pray to, and there is nobody to complain to and there is nobody who is going to help u - only u - it is a tremendous responsibility. One staggers, one feels afraid, one starts trembling. Anguish arises, a great anxiety is created by the very fact that u are left alone.
Soul
When I read this it reminds me of myself when I realise that no partner is going to come for me. I am already middle age. The Bucks stops here. No more hoping, dreaming of Prince Charming. I remembered I too cries much, cry out of regret of waiting, cry out of fear that I now got to embark alone. The purchase of condo and shifting out to have my own life is the result of the shift of responsibility from the illusionary Prince Charming to myself.
Woke up at alarm at 4.30 am. Body was tired cos I slept around 12.30 am cos nephews playing fireworks. Took a snooze and got up. After my cold shower feel better.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. Did one cycle of Surya Kriya followed by 61 points awareness meditation. It is okay, not so aware but didn't lose track.
Breathing was nice. Wish I could sit longer.
Shakti was good. No loss in tot for Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi
A tot came. Actually my big brother coming back is a blessing. Without his resistance to the shift. I wouldn't have tot of shifting out on my own. Without him being here, mom would have followed me. Now he is here he can take care of mom. So it is a blessing. Maybe it's payback time for him. As for me it is just loss of opportunity income and I can handle that.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
U are responsible. When there is no God, the responsibility falls totally on u. That's why weaklings go on believing in God. Only strong men can stand alone. But this is basic necessity - for yoga this is a basic requirement, that u stand alone and that u come to realise that the meaning is not given; u have to search for it. U have to create it. U will come to a meaning - life can come to a meaning - but that meaning will have to be discovered by ur own efforts. Whatsoever u do will go on revealing u. Every act will make ur life, ur existence, more and more meaningful.
To realise one is alone in a cold universe and there is nobody to pray to, and there is nobody to complain to and there is nobody who is going to help u - only u - it is a tremendous responsibility. One staggers, one feels afraid, one starts trembling. Anguish arises, a great anxiety is created by the very fact that u are left alone.
Soul
When I read this it reminds me of myself when I realise that no partner is going to come for me. I am already middle age. The Bucks stops here. No more hoping, dreaming of Prince Charming. I remembered I too cries much, cry out of regret of waiting, cry out of fear that I now got to embark alone. The purchase of condo and shifting out to have my own life is the result of the shift of responsibility from the illusionary Prince Charming to myself.
Yoga is a perfect science - Osho
Mar 5 eve
Surprisingly faced objection on me renting out a room. Small brother said don't want stranger in the family house. They want everything status quo. They said best I rent out my condo.
They said I be miserable living in the apartment alone. The old me be scared. But now I got my shrine with me. They keep me safe. They will energise the place.
This time I was ready to face them. I just focus on shifting. The rest I handle when times comes.
I m now focused on my happiness instead of the price to pay.
Today tot of second hand TV from my family. I knew brother in law keen on big TV. Looks like they are buying one big TV. I can get it second hand from them.
Father, you showing up again. Things are falling in place. Agreement not signed yet. The restrictive clause can be handled by money so no worries. I trust it will be sorted out.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
Yoga is a perfect science. It does not teach to believe; it teaches to know. It does not say to u, 'Become blind followers'; it says, 'Open ur eyes,' and it gives u the method to open ur eyes. It does not say anything about the truth. It simply says everything about ur vision, how to attain the vision, the capacity to see, the eyes, so that whatsoever there is, is revealed to u. It is more than u can ever conceive of; it is more than all ur gods out together. It is infinite divineness.
It is a tremendous responsibility. To be an atheist is to be very deeply responsible because When there is no God, u are left alone in a cold world. When there is no God, u are left alone with nothing to hang on to, with nothing to cling to. Great courage is needed and u have to create the warmth out of ur own being.
This is the whole meaning of yoga, to create warmth out of ur own being.
Soul
My North node in Taurus is for me to find my sense of peace within me instead of waiting on soul mates.
So yoga is the right path for me.
Yoga the science of living
Yoga says, realise the truth that u are alone. U are given an existence; now u have to create meaning out of it. Meaning is not already given.
A rock is a rock. A rock's essence is already given. It's existence is its essence too. The rock is not going to grow; it is already that which it can be.
But man is different: man is born - he brings his existence, but the essence is not given yet. He becomes an emptiness. Now he has to fill that emptiness by his own effort. He has to create meaning. He had to grope in the dark, he has to work it out, what life means. He has to discover; he has to be creative.
Existence is given, essence has to be created - and every moment the way u live, u create ur essence. Every moment u live, u create ur essence. If u don't create it, u will not have it.
Surprisingly faced objection on me renting out a room. Small brother said don't want stranger in the family house. They want everything status quo. They said best I rent out my condo.
They said I be miserable living in the apartment alone. The old me be scared. But now I got my shrine with me. They keep me safe. They will energise the place.
This time I was ready to face them. I just focus on shifting. The rest I handle when times comes.
I m now focused on my happiness instead of the price to pay.
Today tot of second hand TV from my family. I knew brother in law keen on big TV. Looks like they are buying one big TV. I can get it second hand from them.
Father, you showing up again. Things are falling in place. Agreement not signed yet. The restrictive clause can be handled by money so no worries. I trust it will be sorted out.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
Yoga is a perfect science. It does not teach to believe; it teaches to know. It does not say to u, 'Become blind followers'; it says, 'Open ur eyes,' and it gives u the method to open ur eyes. It does not say anything about the truth. It simply says everything about ur vision, how to attain the vision, the capacity to see, the eyes, so that whatsoever there is, is revealed to u. It is more than u can ever conceive of; it is more than all ur gods out together. It is infinite divineness.
It is a tremendous responsibility. To be an atheist is to be very deeply responsible because When there is no God, u are left alone in a cold world. When there is no God, u are left alone with nothing to hang on to, with nothing to cling to. Great courage is needed and u have to create the warmth out of ur own being.
This is the whole meaning of yoga, to create warmth out of ur own being.
Soul
My North node in Taurus is for me to find my sense of peace within me instead of waiting on soul mates.
So yoga is the right path for me.
Yoga the science of living
Yoga says, realise the truth that u are alone. U are given an existence; now u have to create meaning out of it. Meaning is not already given.
A rock is a rock. A rock's essence is already given. It's existence is its essence too. The rock is not going to grow; it is already that which it can be.
But man is different: man is born - he brings his existence, but the essence is not given yet. He becomes an emptiness. Now he has to fill that emptiness by his own effort. He has to create meaning. He had to grope in the dark, he has to work it out, what life means. He has to discover; he has to be creative.
Existence is given, essence has to be created - and every moment the way u live, u create ur essence. Every moment u live, u create ur essence. If u don't create it, u will not have it.
My former boss coming back
Mar 5 aft
Just spent one hour plus on emails to my ex-boss on the sister company issue. My ex-boss was relentless.
Though he said he is not involved in the financials, he really prod on. I try to reply him as much as I could as I only know the overview but still he keep on.
I can feel the fear coming up...even my body is clamping up.
I can't go back.
Not sure whats the discussion next week is about.
I have already given my view and doc to the investigator.
I know that I don't want to get involve. I no longer need to have challenges to overcome. The additional money cannot justify the turmoil of facing the ex-boss. He is relentless in going after what he wants. The sad thing is that someone got to stop him.
Anyway, good that this happens, it brings back memories, all bad.
So I am prepared for the meeting next week.
I truly can't go back.
Just spoke to my ex-staff that used to work with him too. She understand my predicament. She said he is like a mad dog that bites on and don't let go. He will go round and round to other issue and in the end make people give up on seeking clarification. So the 'truth' never revealed.
Just spent one hour plus on emails to my ex-boss on the sister company issue. My ex-boss was relentless.
Though he said he is not involved in the financials, he really prod on. I try to reply him as much as I could as I only know the overview but still he keep on.
I can feel the fear coming up...even my body is clamping up.
I can't go back.
Not sure whats the discussion next week is about.
I have already given my view and doc to the investigator.
I know that I don't want to get involve. I no longer need to have challenges to overcome. The additional money cannot justify the turmoil of facing the ex-boss. He is relentless in going after what he wants. The sad thing is that someone got to stop him.
Anyway, good that this happens, it brings back memories, all bad.
So I am prepared for the meeting next week.
I truly can't go back.
Just spoke to my ex-staff that used to work with him too. She understand my predicament. She said he is like a mad dog that bites on and don't let go. He will go round and round to other issue and in the end make people give up on seeking clarification. So the 'truth' never revealed.
Devi in red
Mar 4 eve 1
After the awesome Sannidhi pooja. I did Linga chanting.
Just as I start tears flow. I cry for Devi and chant.
While I was changing suddenly heard Devi. She is meant to be in red. I need to get the red pic from the office. I need to give her a red shrine. She need her proper place.
I tot I lost her since I got Sannidhi. She is back. She has called me and she wants her rightful place.
Did 3 cycles effortlessly. Normally chant only one cycle.
Crying throughout.
After the chant, lie down in Devi's pose. Crying a bit and felt Devi presence. Feel calm.
Father, I used to fear red. Red means aggression. Guess I was being the fearful lamb. Being aggressive at personal front was difficult for me.
I can only see Devi in red or rather I prefer Devi without adornment. Yellow I am still okay but red I shy away.
I normally avoid red in anything.
Maybe me finally shifting out alone. Getting my own condo is me being aggressive. Finally red is coming. And alas I can now see Devi in red.
Mar 27
Devi is red...
After the awesome Sannidhi pooja. I did Linga chanting.
Just as I start tears flow. I cry for Devi and chant.
While I was changing suddenly heard Devi. She is meant to be in red. I need to get the red pic from the office. I need to give her a red shrine. She need her proper place.
I tot I lost her since I got Sannidhi. She is back. She has called me and she wants her rightful place.
Did 3 cycles effortlessly. Normally chant only one cycle.
Crying throughout.
After the chant, lie down in Devi's pose. Crying a bit and felt Devi presence. Feel calm.
Father, I used to fear red. Red means aggression. Guess I was being the fearful lamb. Being aggressive at personal front was difficult for me.
I can only see Devi in red or rather I prefer Devi without adornment. Yellow I am still okay but red I shy away.
I normally avoid red in anything.
Maybe me finally shifting out alone. Getting my own condo is me being aggressive. Finally red is coming. And alas I can now see Devi in red.
Mar 27
Devi is red...
Shift of perception
Mar 4 eve
What an awesome surprising pooja. Cried so much. From start to end. Caught me by surprise. Feel Sadhguru hug.
Must be the breakthrough. Yesterday just decided I shift to condo on my own. Keeping the current house for family. Not worrying about the costs about keeping 2 places.
With my own place. We can have our little gathering with Sannidhi. Amen.
So instead of thinking I m a victim. My brother and mom for making me feel guilty on the shift and loss of family house. I can now see that they helped me to come to this shift. This independence.
I can now lead the life that I want. I can get teacher to stay in my place. I can do Sannidhi gathering. Can watch Sadhguru video on television. I can invite my close friends for dinner and etc. I can be open with my spiritual practices instead of hiding in my room.
Such freedom now to live on my own. Actually I m into western food. Alas my true values is now open.
I am finally myself.
For a long time I tot I can only live the way I want when I get married. I can only leave my family house when I get married. I have been denying myself what I want. I didn't even dare to think about it. For such a fearless person at work I m a so fearful at home. Such irony. Truly a crab.
Glad a few months ago I said the buck stop here. There is no one to rescue me. No one to give me the life style I want.
Buying the condo was the first step. Alas my accumulation of money tot to be my security is actually binding me.
I truly can give myself what I want. Alas I m growing up.
What an awesome surprising pooja. Cried so much. From start to end. Caught me by surprise. Feel Sadhguru hug.
Must be the breakthrough. Yesterday just decided I shift to condo on my own. Keeping the current house for family. Not worrying about the costs about keeping 2 places.
With my own place. We can have our little gathering with Sannidhi. Amen.
So instead of thinking I m a victim. My brother and mom for making me feel guilty on the shift and loss of family house. I can now see that they helped me to come to this shift. This independence.
I can now lead the life that I want. I can get teacher to stay in my place. I can do Sannidhi gathering. Can watch Sadhguru video on television. I can invite my close friends for dinner and etc. I can be open with my spiritual practices instead of hiding in my room.
Such freedom now to live on my own. Actually I m into western food. Alas my true values is now open.
I am finally myself.
For a long time I tot I can only live the way I want when I get married. I can only leave my family house when I get married. I have been denying myself what I want. I didn't even dare to think about it. For such a fearless person at work I m a so fearful at home. Such irony. Truly a crab.
Glad a few months ago I said the buck stop here. There is no one to rescue me. No one to give me the life style I want.
Buying the condo was the first step. Alas my accumulation of money tot to be my security is actually binding me.
I truly can give myself what I want. Alas I m growing up.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Five of Diamonds - change of value
Mar 4
Yes me keeping the family house on my own seems unfair. Perhaps this the Six of Hearts card.
And the payback is in money form, my issue.
Perhaps by keeping the house it build my confidence in not having to keep money as security.
So again meant to be. It is only when I resist I see it as unfair or victim or suffering.
So this one I learned from C yesterday.
Spoke to mom again this morning. Asking her whether she is now okay with me keeping the big house. She said okay but her preference would be for me to rent out the condo and we stay in the current house for a few years and then rent it out and shift to condo.
She said keeping two house is waste of money. She also said time wasted in going to two places.
Yes, from monetary point of view..yes.
From my satisfying my value of having a private space with balcony and pool. A place where I can entertain my friends..priceless.
Just the same rationale as me having a 3 days job. Logically not financially sensible but my freedom of time is priceless and I am happy.
So I be happy with living in the condo too.
Mmm ..just checked my asset again..more than what I tot..so extra buffer..need not worry about renovation costs. Actually in the first place don't have to worry...just the money asset going down only..
This is the best antidote..forcing me to choose between money asset or happiness asset.
I truly do have money issue.
The first to help me to let go was Z.
He helped me to take out money to do renovation to my bedroom..it was such turmoil to me..but done and I enjoy my expensive looking bathroom and lovely bedroom.
Then he helped me in buying a big car...It was a dilemma during purchase..but I enjoyed the big car.
And now I am buying a condo and yet keeping the house..the dilemma is much lesser vs those earlier episodes eventhough amount is much bigger..
Focus on what I gain..instead of what I lost. And what I lost is not something that I even use..or aware..it is just for emotional security purpose, not even for real financial security.
Yes me keeping the family house on my own seems unfair. Perhaps this the Six of Hearts card.
And the payback is in money form, my issue.
Perhaps by keeping the house it build my confidence in not having to keep money as security.
So again meant to be. It is only when I resist I see it as unfair or victim or suffering.
So this one I learned from C yesterday.
Spoke to mom again this morning. Asking her whether she is now okay with me keeping the big house. She said okay but her preference would be for me to rent out the condo and we stay in the current house for a few years and then rent it out and shift to condo.
She said keeping two house is waste of money. She also said time wasted in going to two places.
Yes, from monetary point of view..yes.
From my satisfying my value of having a private space with balcony and pool. A place where I can entertain my friends..priceless.
Just the same rationale as me having a 3 days job. Logically not financially sensible but my freedom of time is priceless and I am happy.
So I be happy with living in the condo too.
Mmm ..just checked my asset again..more than what I tot..so extra buffer..need not worry about renovation costs. Actually in the first place don't have to worry...just the money asset going down only..
This is the best antidote..forcing me to choose between money asset or happiness asset.
I truly do have money issue.
The first to help me to let go was Z.
He helped me to take out money to do renovation to my bedroom..it was such turmoil to me..but done and I enjoy my expensive looking bathroom and lovely bedroom.
Then he helped me in buying a big car...It was a dilemma during purchase..but I enjoyed the big car.
And now I am buying a condo and yet keeping the house..the dilemma is much lesser vs those earlier episodes eventhough amount is much bigger..
Focus on what I gain..instead of what I lost. And what I lost is not something that I even use..or aware..it is just for emotional security purpose, not even for real financial security.
Your profession vanish when you vanish
Mar 3 aft
Was surprised that C asked me for a chat on office matter. I understand his dilemma. In the end best to communicate the truth so there are no regrets.
Today card King of Diamonds.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
U carry ur here and now around u.
Wherever u go, it is always here; wherever u go, it is always now.
Soul
That's my Osho card this week.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
If ur work is just a profession, it can vanish when u vanish. When ur ego disappears into deep meditation, ur profession can also disappear, but if it is not a profession but a vocation, if it not just a job but a calling l, if it not just imposed on u by urself or by others but has deeper sources within u, deeper springs to feed it and nourish it, then when ego disappears, ur work for the first time become ur love; then u become more creative. Tremendous energy is released when the ego disappears.
Soul
Well, corporate career may not be my vocation..cos I can now see myself losing it.
No longer excite me before....unlike writing and sharing...
Mar 3 eve
Mom happy that I m keeping the current house. So now left the agreement to be done. The owner lawyer had given some difficult terms. I let the agent to handle. Glad I got a senior person and she is taking charge.
I m not worried about this. It will happen. I let Universe sets the time for signing.
Today at work after the good sharing session with C. His staff, also my indirect staff came and I gave her some insight. She said everytime we chat she always felt a light bulb opening in her mind, making her see opportunity instead of trouble.
Father, I do have a role to play in corporate work force. Encouraging personal growth.
This month horoscope in Cancer said attention on work. Last week on the investigation. This week counselling. Next week big bosses coming.
Was surprised that C asked me for a chat on office matter. I understand his dilemma. In the end best to communicate the truth so there are no regrets.
Today card King of Diamonds.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
U carry ur here and now around u.
Wherever u go, it is always here; wherever u go, it is always now.
Soul
That's my Osho card this week.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
If ur work is just a profession, it can vanish when u vanish. When ur ego disappears into deep meditation, ur profession can also disappear, but if it is not a profession but a vocation, if it not just a job but a calling l, if it not just imposed on u by urself or by others but has deeper sources within u, deeper springs to feed it and nourish it, then when ego disappears, ur work for the first time become ur love; then u become more creative. Tremendous energy is released when the ego disappears.
Soul
Well, corporate career may not be my vocation..cos I can now see myself losing it.
No longer excite me before....unlike writing and sharing...
Mar 3 eve
Mom happy that I m keeping the current house. So now left the agreement to be done. The owner lawyer had given some difficult terms. I let the agent to handle. Glad I got a senior person and she is taking charge.
I m not worried about this. It will happen. I let Universe sets the time for signing.
Today at work after the good sharing session with C. His staff, also my indirect staff came and I gave her some insight. She said everytime we chat she always felt a light bulb opening in her mind, making her see opportunity instead of trouble.
Father, I do have a role to play in corporate work force. Encouraging personal growth.
This month horoscope in Cancer said attention on work. Last week on the investigation. This week counselling. Next week big bosses coming.
Breathing meditation with awareness
Mar 3
Woke up before alarm at 3.36 am. Snooze bit and finally woke up at 3.43 am.
Body was okay but mind chatting. Sat on the toilet bowl for sometimes. Had tots of Z's predicament with his ex-wife custody of children. Waive it off cos it's not my problem. Then tot of how to tell mom that I need to rent out a room.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by a long cat stretch.
Angarmadhana was okay. Flexibility was bit lacking. Hero posture was good.
Did preparatory followed by Surya Kriya, it's good.
61 points awareness meditation is good. Only third cycle was bit lost.
Breathing meditation is good. Just being aware of my breathe, my body. There is a presence. Not sure how. Once I m awareness, a certain quiet joy arise, a kind of happy contentment.
Did longer.
Shakti was okay with little tots. Shambavi was good. Wish I got more time to sit in silence contentment.
Just changed the alarm to 3.40 am cos time not enough. Three minutes seems insignificant but it's much. Don't want to create any resistance.
Looking forward to the Rudrash. I want to protect the energy created from sadhana.
Just informed sisters on keeping the current house. They are okay.
I m grateful that I m financially able to keep two house. Financially able to keep family situation status quo while I have my own personal space. This is a breakthrough. For me to overlook my need for more money. Money is no longer a security for me. What's important is that my family stay connected.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
There are two states - manifest and unmanifest. U are beyond them. U are the witness. Through the gap between the tots, u will have the first glimpse of it. Then go on gathering those gaps, go on piling those gaps. And whenever two gaps are there, they become one. Two gaps cannot be two.So go on piling the gaps.
Woke up before alarm at 3.36 am. Snooze bit and finally woke up at 3.43 am.
Body was okay but mind chatting. Sat on the toilet bowl for sometimes. Had tots of Z's predicament with his ex-wife custody of children. Waive it off cos it's not my problem. Then tot of how to tell mom that I need to rent out a room.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by a long cat stretch.
Angarmadhana was okay. Flexibility was bit lacking. Hero posture was good.
Did preparatory followed by Surya Kriya, it's good.
61 points awareness meditation is good. Only third cycle was bit lost.
Breathing meditation is good. Just being aware of my breathe, my body. There is a presence. Not sure how. Once I m awareness, a certain quiet joy arise, a kind of happy contentment.
Did longer.
Shakti was okay with little tots. Shambavi was good. Wish I got more time to sit in silence contentment.
Just changed the alarm to 3.40 am cos time not enough. Three minutes seems insignificant but it's much. Don't want to create any resistance.
Looking forward to the Rudrash. I want to protect the energy created from sadhana.
Just informed sisters on keeping the current house. They are okay.
I m grateful that I m financially able to keep two house. Financially able to keep family situation status quo while I have my own personal space. This is a breakthrough. For me to overlook my need for more money. Money is no longer a security for me. What's important is that my family stay connected.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
There are two states - manifest and unmanifest. U are beyond them. U are the witness. Through the gap between the tots, u will have the first glimpse of it. Then go on gathering those gaps, go on piling those gaps. And whenever two gaps are there, they become one. Two gaps cannot be two.So go on piling the gaps.
Five of Hearts
Mar 2 mor
Today card in Mercury
My Daily Card
The Five of Hearts
The Five of Hearts speaks of changes and restlessness in your heart which can manifest in many ways. At the deepest level, you will probably be feeling a dissatisfaction with your current relationship or home situation and desire some sort of change.
When this card appears there is always the chance of a separation or divorce with someone you love, but there is an equal possibility that you will be taking a trip or moving to a new home. The highest manifestation of this card is that of going out and meeting new people, telling others about what you are doing and who you are. You can make important contacts when this card is around.
Soul
so true..
Definitely moving to a new home by myself
hence the idea to let mom and brother stay at the big house. Will just sub-let my room to set off the maintenance expense from new condo.
Today card in Mercury
My Daily Card
The Five of Hearts
The Five of Hearts speaks of changes and restlessness in your heart which can manifest in many ways. At the deepest level, you will probably be feeling a dissatisfaction with your current relationship or home situation and desire some sort of change.
When this card appears there is always the chance of a separation or divorce with someone you love, but there is an equal possibility that you will be taking a trip or moving to a new home. The highest manifestation of this card is that of going out and meeting new people, telling others about what you are doing and who you are. You can make important contacts when this card is around.
Soul
so true..
Definitely moving to a new home by myself
hence the idea to let mom and brother stay at the big house. Will just sub-let my room to set off the maintenance expense from new condo.
Stil losing in thoughts of shifting out
Mar 2
Couldn't sleep yesterday. Tots flowing in my mind on me shifting out alone and keeping the current house intact for another one and half year or even stretched it till mom decides to fully retire from cooking for family. Bit scary if I can pull it through. Logically not financially sound but it win win for everyone.
In the long term I need not renovate my condo to cater to big family. I need only to renovate to cater to myself. So the kitchen need not be dismantle. I may buy a new powerful hood. That's all. Solve the dilemma on renovation.
Today saw brother and family came over early morning to avoid traffic jam. It was still early so they sleep first. If I shift to condo. It won't be convenient for them to do so.
So for now commit to one and half year. Will see the situation. Renting out my current master bedroom will cover the monthly maintenance in the condo. So no shortfall there.
Woke up upon alarm at 3.43 am. Surprisingly body was fine despite sleeping after 12 am. It must be the tumeric honey I took just before I went to sleep. I took cos throat was feeling bit irritated.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by a good long cat stretch. Continued with Angamardhana. Surprisingly quite good. Surya Kriya was fine too. Now getting better and bhanda lock. The 61 point awareness meditation not so good. Was lost in tots. Tots of having a bread maker to do loaf bread and have salted raw salmon, like the time in Europe.
Breathing was okay. Wish I could do longer but no time cos I snooze for 5 minutes earlier and I did a longer cat stretch.
Shakti was okay cos I was lost in tot in second and third cycle of Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was good. Wish I have more time to sit in silence. Body and head shaking much today.
Couldn't sleep yesterday. Tots flowing in my mind on me shifting out alone and keeping the current house intact for another one and half year or even stretched it till mom decides to fully retire from cooking for family. Bit scary if I can pull it through. Logically not financially sound but it win win for everyone.
In the long term I need not renovate my condo to cater to big family. I need only to renovate to cater to myself. So the kitchen need not be dismantle. I may buy a new powerful hood. That's all. Solve the dilemma on renovation.
Today saw brother and family came over early morning to avoid traffic jam. It was still early so they sleep first. If I shift to condo. It won't be convenient for them to do so.
So for now commit to one and half year. Will see the situation. Renting out my current master bedroom will cover the monthly maintenance in the condo. So no shortfall there.
Woke up upon alarm at 3.43 am. Surprisingly body was fine despite sleeping after 12 am. It must be the tumeric honey I took just before I went to sleep. I took cos throat was feeling bit irritated.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by a good long cat stretch. Continued with Angamardhana. Surprisingly quite good. Surya Kriya was fine too. Now getting better and bhanda lock. The 61 point awareness meditation not so good. Was lost in tots. Tots of having a bread maker to do loaf bread and have salted raw salmon, like the time in Europe.
Breathing was okay. Wish I could do longer but no time cos I snooze for 5 minutes earlier and I did a longer cat stretch.
Shakti was okay cos I was lost in tot in second and third cycle of Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was good. Wish I have more time to sit in silence. Body and head shaking much today.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Getting use to new plan of shifting out
Mar 2
Couldn't sleep yesterday. Tots flowing in my mind on me shifting out alone and keeping the current house intact for another one and half year or even stretched it till mom decides to fully retire from cooking for family. Bit scary if I can pull it through. Logically not financially sound but it win win for everyone.
In the long term I need not renovate my condo to cater to big family. I need only to renovate to cater to myself. So the kitchen need not be dismantle. I may buy a new powerful hood. That's all. Solve the dilemma on renovation.
Today saw brother and family came over early morning to avoid traffic jam. It was still early so they sleep first. If I shift to condo. It won't be convenient for them to do so.
So for now commit to one and half year. Will see the situation. Renting out my current master bedroom will cover the monthly maintenance in the condo. So no shortfall there.
Woke up upon alarm at 3.43 am. Surprisingly body was fine despite sleeping after 12 am. It must be the tumeric honey I took just before I went to sleep. I took cos throat was feeling bit irritated.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by a good long cat stretch. Continued with Angamardhana. Surprisingly quite good. Surya Kriya was fine too. Now getting better and bhanda lock. The 61 point awareness meditation not so good. Was lost in tots. Tots of having a bread maker to do loaf bread and have salted raw salmon, like the time in Europe.
Breathing was okay. Wish I could do longer but no time cos I snooze for 5 minutes earlier and I did a longer cat stretch.
Shakti was okay cos I was lost in tot in second and third cycle of Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was good. Wish I have more time to sit in silence. Body and head shaking much today.
Couldn't sleep yesterday. Tots flowing in my mind on me shifting out alone and keeping the current house intact for another one and half year or even stretched it till mom decides to fully retire from cooking for family. Bit scary if I can pull it through. Logically not financially sound but it win win for everyone.
In the long term I need not renovate my condo to cater to big family. I need only to renovate to cater to myself. So the kitchen need not be dismantle. I may buy a new powerful hood. That's all. Solve the dilemma on renovation.
Today saw brother and family came over early morning to avoid traffic jam. It was still early so they sleep first. If I shift to condo. It won't be convenient for them to do so.
So for now commit to one and half year. Will see the situation. Renting out my current master bedroom will cover the monthly maintenance in the condo. So no shortfall there.
Woke up upon alarm at 3.43 am. Surprisingly body was fine despite sleeping after 12 am. It must be the tumeric honey I took just before I went to sleep. I took cos throat was feeling bit irritated.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by a good long cat stretch. Continued with Angamardhana. Surprisingly quite good. Surya Kriya was fine too. Now getting better and bhanda lock. The 61 point awareness meditation not so good. Was lost in tots. Tots of having a bread maker to do loaf bread and have salted raw salmon, like the time in Europe.
Breathing was okay. Wish I could do longer but no time cos I snooze for 5 minutes earlier and I did a longer cat stretch.
Shakti was okay cos I was lost in tot in second and third cycle of Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was good. Wish I have more time to sit in silence. Body and head shaking much today.
New plan - shifting out alone
Mar 1 eve 1
Had a big family gathering. Relatives also came and they were gambling. Me just want time alone.
Talk to my nephew and jokingly asked him where he be doing his 21st birthday and he said at my new condo's pool. That took me aback cos it feels like my condo became the family house again.
Slowly my siblings going back to their respective houses and me going back to my room. Feeling envious that I don't have my own house to go back too.
Tot of them gathering in my condo. I feel not wanting it. Infact yesterday when I watched the TV on renovation. I saw the japanese family having a dining table connected to the kitchen table. There is only 3 of them and so normal dinner at the kitchen. When the crowd came, they can push the dining table out for a few more sittings. Infact I was thinking of that.
I also begin to wonder whether I m renovating the condo for myself or for my extended family.
Tot of Pe saying today that I m still carrying my family baggage with me. She asked what's the point of shifting when I m carrying the family with me. She tot I be staying alone.
So then the renovation must be for me and for some overnight visitor.
A tot came. May be good I shift there alone. Mom, maid and older brother stays here in the big house.
I don't need the money now per se. Let things be until this year end or can continue till end of next year when big brother work contract expires and he leave.
Mom is fine with maid.
So then there is no shake up to the family.
And me tasting some time alone. Perhaps getting used to live alone while having my mom in the big house.
I think let's maintain the big house. Will ask for some nominal rental from my big brother and sister so cover my monthly maintenance at condo. Also will rent out the big master room, my current room Keeping the other 3 rooms intact.
So win win situation for all.
My mom can continue to stay here. My brother can continue to stay. My mom continue to cook the big family food. My nephews continue to come over to big house.
So only other equipment I can't bring is the television. That one I can buy new one. Let the big TV be here for everyone else to enjoy.
Suddenly a tot came. Good to let big brother take care of mom instead. Maid is still here. For my condo I can get a temp maid.
Again, I can give myself what I want.
This is taking another jump.
My Daily Card in Neptune
The Six of Clubs
The Six of Clubs is THE card of intuition. Its presence in your cards can indicate a time when your intuition will be stronger than usual. It is also the card of reponsibility in speech and communications and of making compromises to maintain a peaceful surrounding. When this card shows up, situations will arise that promote bringing your life into balance and stability. Whatever is out of balance will have to be adjusted so there may be karmic debts to pay
Soul
I m now settled. Giving my family what I can so they don't disturb me and giving myself what I want.
Father. Thank you for the financial abundance to do what I want.
Had a big family gathering. Relatives also came and they were gambling. Me just want time alone.
Talk to my nephew and jokingly asked him where he be doing his 21st birthday and he said at my new condo's pool. That took me aback cos it feels like my condo became the family house again.
Slowly my siblings going back to their respective houses and me going back to my room. Feeling envious that I don't have my own house to go back too.
Tot of them gathering in my condo. I feel not wanting it. Infact yesterday when I watched the TV on renovation. I saw the japanese family having a dining table connected to the kitchen table. There is only 3 of them and so normal dinner at the kitchen. When the crowd came, they can push the dining table out for a few more sittings. Infact I was thinking of that.
I also begin to wonder whether I m renovating the condo for myself or for my extended family.
Tot of Pe saying today that I m still carrying my family baggage with me. She asked what's the point of shifting when I m carrying the family with me. She tot I be staying alone.
So then the renovation must be for me and for some overnight visitor.
A tot came. May be good I shift there alone. Mom, maid and older brother stays here in the big house.
I don't need the money now per se. Let things be until this year end or can continue till end of next year when big brother work contract expires and he leave.
Mom is fine with maid.
So then there is no shake up to the family.
And me tasting some time alone. Perhaps getting used to live alone while having my mom in the big house.
I think let's maintain the big house. Will ask for some nominal rental from my big brother and sister so cover my monthly maintenance at condo. Also will rent out the big master room, my current room Keeping the other 3 rooms intact.
So win win situation for all.
My mom can continue to stay here. My brother can continue to stay. My mom continue to cook the big family food. My nephews continue to come over to big house.
So only other equipment I can't bring is the television. That one I can buy new one. Let the big TV be here for everyone else to enjoy.
Suddenly a tot came. Good to let big brother take care of mom instead. Maid is still here. For my condo I can get a temp maid.
Again, I can give myself what I want.
This is taking another jump.
My Daily Card in Neptune
The Six of Clubs
The Six of Clubs is THE card of intuition. Its presence in your cards can indicate a time when your intuition will be stronger than usual. It is also the card of reponsibility in speech and communications and of making compromises to maintain a peaceful surrounding. When this card shows up, situations will arise that promote bringing your life into balance and stability. Whatever is out of balance will have to be adjusted so there may be karmic debts to pay
Soul
I m now settled. Giving my family what I can so they don't disturb me and giving myself what I want.
Father. Thank you for the financial abundance to do what I want.
Trying to practice Samyama
Feb 29 eve
Saw the mail from ex boss. He is on the hunt again to find revenue to cover his back. Can see my defenses coming up. Hold myself back. Remind myself to go for win win situation.
Got myself to focus on the gap. It helped.
After awhile the projection stops.
Destiny
Jack of Diamonds (financial success through salesmanship or creativity, initiation into higher values)
Three of Spades
This card can represent a businessman or associate with whom u have obligations or problems. This can be a karmic rship, one that requires hard work and patience for success.
Creative projects to make money may seem a burden to you but this is necessary part of establishing urself and ur future success. U will have success now but u will need to work hard for it.
Be on the lookout for Diamonds suit especially those who are younger or may be approaching you from either a romantic or creative view point. These are likely to be burdensome.
Soul
Earlier I tot it was Z but there were little difficulties..infact when I saw Z and wife, it was settlement. I am now able to face his wife. Also planned to visit his place in a few weeks time.No more sadness and very little envious feeling.
Just see that they are meant to be.....and we are not meant to be.
Thats all.
I can now see that we were never meant to be.
So..now alas the Saturn is actually the ex-boss. He has Ten of Diamonds Ruling card.
He is now working on creating revenue from the books.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
When u look into the gaps, the crowd of ur tots which has disturbed ur being so completely, by and by goes away, far away and ur inner stream of consciousness starts settling. This is the gradual settling of distractions and the simultaneous rising of one-pointedness.
Soul
Samyama is the key.
Meanwhile just be aware of my breathe and focus on the gaps. Been a few hours no tots of ex boss. Just release my defense's and remember he is just trying to salvage his own; not trying to attack. So focus on win win.
Besides no one is worth the distraction.
Yoga the science of living
When u r full of tots too much, u are not one man. U r not one consciousness; u are almost a crowd, a multitude. When there are tots and ur gestalt is to look at the tots, u are divided; u are divided as many parts as there are tots to ur mind. Each tot becomes a division of ur being. U become polypsychic; u r not unipsychic. U are not one, u are many. U are almost mad.
Soul
This is the Schizophrenia card.
Ever since I stopped doing Plough back or shoulder stand and with the corrected cat stretch I become more balanced. Less frequency of going into schizo tots.
Yoga the science of living
The whole misery of man is that he is running in many directions simultaneously - absolutely undecided, indecisive, not knowing where he is going, not knowing what he is doing. U go on missing because ur target goes on changing.
Soul
When I saw his mail and defense mechanism starts. I just decided that I want peace most of all. I need not win all. I need not make him lose. What I need is peace. That's make me tot of win win situation. Rather instead of attacking him. Be neutral and just state our position.
Saw the mail from ex boss. He is on the hunt again to find revenue to cover his back. Can see my defenses coming up. Hold myself back. Remind myself to go for win win situation.
Got myself to focus on the gap. It helped.
After awhile the projection stops.
Destiny
Jack of Diamonds (financial success through salesmanship or creativity, initiation into higher values)
Three of Spades
This card can represent a businessman or associate with whom u have obligations or problems. This can be a karmic rship, one that requires hard work and patience for success.
Creative projects to make money may seem a burden to you but this is necessary part of establishing urself and ur future success. U will have success now but u will need to work hard for it.
Be on the lookout for Diamonds suit especially those who are younger or may be approaching you from either a romantic or creative view point. These are likely to be burdensome.
Soul
Earlier I tot it was Z but there were little difficulties..infact when I saw Z and wife, it was settlement. I am now able to face his wife. Also planned to visit his place in a few weeks time.No more sadness and very little envious feeling.
Just see that they are meant to be.....and we are not meant to be.
Thats all.
I can now see that we were never meant to be.
So..now alas the Saturn is actually the ex-boss. He has Ten of Diamonds Ruling card.
He is now working on creating revenue from the books.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
When u look into the gaps, the crowd of ur tots which has disturbed ur being so completely, by and by goes away, far away and ur inner stream of consciousness starts settling. This is the gradual settling of distractions and the simultaneous rising of one-pointedness.
Soul
Samyama is the key.
Meanwhile just be aware of my breathe and focus on the gaps. Been a few hours no tots of ex boss. Just release my defense's and remember he is just trying to salvage his own; not trying to attack. So focus on win win.
Besides no one is worth the distraction.
Yoga the science of living
When u r full of tots too much, u are not one man. U r not one consciousness; u are almost a crowd, a multitude. When there are tots and ur gestalt is to look at the tots, u are divided; u are divided as many parts as there are tots to ur mind. Each tot becomes a division of ur being. U become polypsychic; u r not unipsychic. U are not one, u are many. U are almost mad.
Soul
This is the Schizophrenia card.
Ever since I stopped doing Plough back or shoulder stand and with the corrected cat stretch I become more balanced. Less frequency of going into schizo tots.
Yoga the science of living
The whole misery of man is that he is running in many directions simultaneously - absolutely undecided, indecisive, not knowing where he is going, not knowing what he is doing. U go on missing because ur target goes on changing.
Soul
When I saw his mail and defense mechanism starts. I just decided that I want peace most of all. I need not win all. I need not make him lose. What I need is peace. That's make me tot of win win situation. Rather instead of attacking him. Be neutral and just state our position.
Expressing myself despite fear
Mar 1 eve
After my mail the investigator called me. We had a good chat. He concur with my view on the matter. He said they already plan to increase the scope of investigation. He too agreed that a strong team need to be set up and segregation of duties need to happen. He said my ex-boss is golden boy and seems protected but they will ensure that change happens.
Yes, that's sorted.
Sent him the emails.
Will follow up with the other files tomorrow.
Now just focus on being open on the investigation. Don't want to worry what if my team made a mistake. And if my team made mistakes, we will ratify. Better be safe than be sorry.
Osho tarot really intuitive these few months. Despite me not following up diligently like before. Many times its predictions comes in mid to end week and I have no inklings of the situations that occurs.
Also 7thunders card really true. Saturn period in Destiny facing issue with Diamonds men who is too creative, in this case crooked. I have my King of Spades in Ruling. I be fine.
After my mail the investigator called me. We had a good chat. He concur with my view on the matter. He said they already plan to increase the scope of investigation. He too agreed that a strong team need to be set up and segregation of duties need to happen. He said my ex-boss is golden boy and seems protected but they will ensure that change happens.
Yes, that's sorted.
Sent him the emails.
Will follow up with the other files tomorrow.
Now just focus on being open on the investigation. Don't want to worry what if my team made a mistake. And if my team made mistakes, we will ratify. Better be safe than be sorry.
Osho tarot really intuitive these few months. Despite me not following up diligently like before. Many times its predictions comes in mid to end week and I have no inklings of the situations that occurs.
Also 7thunders card really true. Saturn period in Destiny facing issue with Diamonds men who is too creative, in this case crooked. I have my King of Spades in Ruling. I be fine.
Taking charge despite my fear
Mar 1 aft
This week Osho tarot card. Early this week, I wonder why..alas it has materialised.
The Issue - Integration
The conflict is in man. Unless it is resolved there, it cannot be resolved anywhere else. The politics is within you; it is between the two parts of the mind. A very small bridge exists. If that bridge is broken through some accident, through some physiological defect or something else, the person becomes split, the person becomes two persons and the phenomenon of schizophrenia or split personality happens.
The eagle and the swan are both beings of flight and majesty. The eagle is the embodiment of power and aloneness. The swan is the embodiment of space and purity, gently floating and diving, upon and within the element of the emotions, entirely content and complete within her perfection and beauty. We are the union of eagle and swan: male and female, fire and water, life and death. The card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life, and mystical union; otherwise known as alchemy.
Soul
I have been on a calm mode except for the issue on money in the purchase of the new condo.
Also on the investment and rental of my rental apartment.
Anyway, that is also settling down once I let the Universe decide.
Just a few days back suddenly emails on the sister company, my ex-boss is now looking for more revenue.
The company currently under investigation..
My old mind screams defense..
My new self said peace comes first..no one and nothing is worth the trouble to affecting my peace.
2. Internal influences that you are unable to see
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
I tot I make my peace with him..no more conflict.
Alas..it is coming back...
Guess that Six of Diamond..it was just suspended.
This period Saturn in Jack of Diamond is true.
He is Ten of Diamond, younger than me and in conflict due to work.
Just another 20 days to go.
3. External influences that you are aware
Schizophrenia
Man is split. Schizophrenia is a normal condition of man--at least now. It may not have been so in the primitive world, but centuries of conditioning, civilization, culture and religion have made man a crowd--divided, split, contradictory....
The person on this card brings a new twist to the old idea of "getting stuck between a rock and a hard place"! But we are in precisely this sort of situation when we get stuck in the indecisive and dualistic aspect of the mind. Should I let my arms go and fall head-first, or let my legs go and fall feet-first? Should I go here or there? Should I say yes or no? And whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately, to let go of both at once. You can't work your way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons, or in any way working it out with your mind. Better to follow your heart, if you can find it. If you can't find it, just jump--your heart will start beating so fast there will be no mistake about where it is!
Soul
Exactly, I tot the sister company was past and infact when the auditors called me I try to give him a good opinion. I want to be in peace.
But now my ex-boss is going too far, trying to make mockery of the books.
Somehow..this happens and it forces me to reevaluate.
Looks I can't avoid this.
But after talking to my ex-staff, she too confirm my suspicion that he has been inflating the revenue and have been covering the shortage from another source. Now that he is under investigation, he is trying to dig for other sources.
And now to face it and yet to maintain my peace,...double challenge.
Told myself to go for win win situation.
But truly someone got to stop him. Guess I may be the one..but I truly don't want to disturb my peace.
Anyway, already send out mail to ask for a chat with the investigator.
Need to do this once and for all.
I remembered I used to wish for an investigator.
Now that I got it, I must said what I know.
While I prefer to have no conflict..but it can't be helped.
At least I must ensure that the issues are open up to others.
Whether they act on it, not my concern.
Main thing is that my team have resisted but was ignored.
Hence I am not out to 'hunt' him but I must highlight we cannot continue to do the wrong thing.
4. Whats needed for resolution?
Sorrow
This pain is not to make you sad, remember. That's where people go on missing.... This pain is just to make you more alert--because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wounds them.
Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul
Instead of feeling like a victim..why I have to be in a conflict with ex-boss.
Why can't I close my eyes..and pretend that everything is alright.
I have already washed my 'hands' but now it comes back again.
S said earlier she was sympathetic on ex-boss cos she felt that everyone had bad judgment against him. To her she was very smart...but after one year..she know him also to be a crook. And when she want to dig deeper and even refused to follow his instructions, thats when ex-boss attacked her.
5. Resolution
Thunderbolt
The card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness. You might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever you can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if you allow it, you will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Soul
Yes..I have jumped.
I have asked for a chat with the investigator.
I have also now focused on the gaps in my mind instead of having defensive tots.
This week Osho tarot card. Early this week, I wonder why..alas it has materialised.
The Issue - Integration
The conflict is in man. Unless it is resolved there, it cannot be resolved anywhere else. The politics is within you; it is between the two parts of the mind. A very small bridge exists. If that bridge is broken through some accident, through some physiological defect or something else, the person becomes split, the person becomes two persons and the phenomenon of schizophrenia or split personality happens.
The eagle and the swan are both beings of flight and majesty. The eagle is the embodiment of power and aloneness. The swan is the embodiment of space and purity, gently floating and diving, upon and within the element of the emotions, entirely content and complete within her perfection and beauty. We are the union of eagle and swan: male and female, fire and water, life and death. The card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life, and mystical union; otherwise known as alchemy.
Soul
I have been on a calm mode except for the issue on money in the purchase of the new condo.
Also on the investment and rental of my rental apartment.
Anyway, that is also settling down once I let the Universe decide.
Just a few days back suddenly emails on the sister company, my ex-boss is now looking for more revenue.
The company currently under investigation..
My old mind screams defense..
My new self said peace comes first..no one and nothing is worth the trouble to affecting my peace.
2. Internal influences that you are unable to see
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
I tot I make my peace with him..no more conflict.
Alas..it is coming back...
Guess that Six of Diamond..it was just suspended.
This period Saturn in Jack of Diamond is true.
He is Ten of Diamond, younger than me and in conflict due to work.
Just another 20 days to go.
3. External influences that you are aware
Schizophrenia
Man is split. Schizophrenia is a normal condition of man--at least now. It may not have been so in the primitive world, but centuries of conditioning, civilization, culture and religion have made man a crowd--divided, split, contradictory....
The person on this card brings a new twist to the old idea of "getting stuck between a rock and a hard place"! But we are in precisely this sort of situation when we get stuck in the indecisive and dualistic aspect of the mind. Should I let my arms go and fall head-first, or let my legs go and fall feet-first? Should I go here or there? Should I say yes or no? And whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately, to let go of both at once. You can't work your way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons, or in any way working it out with your mind. Better to follow your heart, if you can find it. If you can't find it, just jump--your heart will start beating so fast there will be no mistake about where it is!
Soul
Exactly, I tot the sister company was past and infact when the auditors called me I try to give him a good opinion. I want to be in peace.
But now my ex-boss is going too far, trying to make mockery of the books.
Somehow..this happens and it forces me to reevaluate.
Looks I can't avoid this.
But after talking to my ex-staff, she too confirm my suspicion that he has been inflating the revenue and have been covering the shortage from another source. Now that he is under investigation, he is trying to dig for other sources.
And now to face it and yet to maintain my peace,...double challenge.
Told myself to go for win win situation.
But truly someone got to stop him. Guess I may be the one..but I truly don't want to disturb my peace.
Anyway, already send out mail to ask for a chat with the investigator.
Need to do this once and for all.
I remembered I used to wish for an investigator.
Now that I got it, I must said what I know.
While I prefer to have no conflict..but it can't be helped.
At least I must ensure that the issues are open up to others.
Whether they act on it, not my concern.
Main thing is that my team have resisted but was ignored.
Hence I am not out to 'hunt' him but I must highlight we cannot continue to do the wrong thing.
4. Whats needed for resolution?
Sorrow
This pain is not to make you sad, remember. That's where people go on missing.... This pain is just to make you more alert--because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wounds them.
Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul
Instead of feeling like a victim..why I have to be in a conflict with ex-boss.
Why can't I close my eyes..and pretend that everything is alright.
I have already washed my 'hands' but now it comes back again.
S said earlier she was sympathetic on ex-boss cos she felt that everyone had bad judgment against him. To her she was very smart...but after one year..she know him also to be a crook. And when she want to dig deeper and even refused to follow his instructions, thats when ex-boss attacked her.
5. Resolution
Thunderbolt
The card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness. You might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever you can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if you allow it, you will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Soul
Yes..I have jumped.
I have asked for a chat with the investigator.
I have also now focused on the gaps in my mind instead of having defensive tots.
Universe delivers
Mar 1
Woke up from a dream. Bit off. Took a 5 min snooze. Did a quick Bhuta Shuddhi as it is late.
Went to the park. Right sole is painful. Been 3 weeks since we walked in the park. So will just walk and avoid staircase.
Tots of ex boss flows in rampantly. I can see it and I decided to focus on the gaps. I said I m the gaps. And at times I focus on my breathe.
Went into the rental apartment. The tenant did their morning prayer. The place has a nice energy feel. I feel like going into meditative mode but I stopped myself.
Apartment just rented out within minutes. They came and saw the place. They like the feel and they gave one month rental. It was all done in 5 minutes. I was surprised that they decide so fast. I plan to ask them to think about it.
Just went into my mail, my advert on the rental on internet expires today. So it was timely.
Again, the Universe delivers.
Today card.
My Daily Card in Neptune
The Six of Clubs
The Six of Clubs is THE card of intuition. Its presence in your cards can indicate a time when your intuition will be stronger than usual. It is also the card of responsibility in speech and communications and of making compromises to maintain a peaceful surrounding. When this card shows up, situations will arise that promote bringing your life into balance and stability. Whatever is out of balance will have to be adjusted so there may be karmic debts to pay.
On a more universal level, the presence of the Six of Clubs can indicate a time when we can become aware of a special purpose in our life, something to do with sharing higher knowledge with others. It has also been called the 'John the Baptist Card' and the 'Way-Shower's Card'. Thus it can be a harbinger of an important mission for you, one which will lead you to a higher purpose and lifestyle in the spiritual sense.
Soul
Well, now that I have invested in the apartment, returns comes in.
Amen.
I am beginning to go with the flow, trust the universe.
whatever is meant to be, it will just happen. It like falling in love.
Will write this story.
Woke up from a dream. Bit off. Took a 5 min snooze. Did a quick Bhuta Shuddhi as it is late.
Went to the park. Right sole is painful. Been 3 weeks since we walked in the park. So will just walk and avoid staircase.
Tots of ex boss flows in rampantly. I can see it and I decided to focus on the gaps. I said I m the gaps. And at times I focus on my breathe.
Went into the rental apartment. The tenant did their morning prayer. The place has a nice energy feel. I feel like going into meditative mode but I stopped myself.
Apartment just rented out within minutes. They came and saw the place. They like the feel and they gave one month rental. It was all done in 5 minutes. I was surprised that they decide so fast. I plan to ask them to think about it.
Just went into my mail, my advert on the rental on internet expires today. So it was timely.
Again, the Universe delivers.
Today card.
My Daily Card in Neptune
The Six of Clubs
The Six of Clubs is THE card of intuition. Its presence in your cards can indicate a time when your intuition will be stronger than usual. It is also the card of responsibility in speech and communications and of making compromises to maintain a peaceful surrounding. When this card shows up, situations will arise that promote bringing your life into balance and stability. Whatever is out of balance will have to be adjusted so there may be karmic debts to pay.
On a more universal level, the presence of the Six of Clubs can indicate a time when we can become aware of a special purpose in our life, something to do with sharing higher knowledge with others. It has also been called the 'John the Baptist Card' and the 'Way-Shower's Card'. Thus it can be a harbinger of an important mission for you, one which will lead you to a higher purpose and lifestyle in the spiritual sense.
Soul
Well, now that I have invested in the apartment, returns comes in.
Amen.
I am beginning to go with the flow, trust the universe.
whatever is meant to be, it will just happen. It like falling in love.
Will write this story.
Six of Spades - settlement
Feb 28 aft
My Daily Card in Uranus
The Six of Spades
The Six of Spades is the strongest of the karma cards. When this card is present, you can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However, if you have had bad or negative habits in these areas or if your lifestyle has included any activities which have intentionally or inadvertently hurt others, you may have to settle your accounts when this powerful card appears. Whatever happens when this card appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in your path.
The Six of Spades will cause a settling of all affairs and at the same time bring some much needed peace into your life. If, during that time, you take some time to tune in to your deepest thoughts and feelings, you may become aware of a special message for you that comes from inside. This message may lead you to perform a special mission in your life, one that uplifts others in some important way. The Six of Spades is the card of FATE.
Soul
Today settled with S.
Finally able to see her as she is. No more animosity in me.
She to has changed for the better. No longer so much negativity. She said can now see how I have helped her.
Yes, she said my weight is back to 12 years back when I first worked with her
My Daily Card in Uranus
The Six of Spades
The Six of Spades is the strongest of the karma cards. When this card is present, you can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However, if you have had bad or negative habits in these areas or if your lifestyle has included any activities which have intentionally or inadvertently hurt others, you may have to settle your accounts when this powerful card appears. Whatever happens when this card appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in your path.
The Six of Spades will cause a settling of all affairs and at the same time bring some much needed peace into your life. If, during that time, you take some time to tune in to your deepest thoughts and feelings, you may become aware of a special message for you that comes from inside. This message may lead you to perform a special mission in your life, one that uplifts others in some important way. The Six of Spades is the card of FATE.
Soul
Today settled with S.
Finally able to see her as she is. No more animosity in me.
She to has changed for the better. No longer so much negativity. She said can now see how I have helped her.
Yes, she said my weight is back to 12 years back when I first worked with her
Ex boss coming back into my life
Feb 28
Wake up upon alarm at 6.40 am. Still feel sleepy cos slept at 1 plus am. Snooze bit and woke up 6.50 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. Did one cycle of Surya Kriya. 61 points awareness meditation was okay. Got lost in 3 cycles. Using the mental easier than using awareness. But using awareness the feeling is awesome.
Breathing meditation was good. Stay longer. Just being aware of the breathe. Not participation.
Shakti was okay. Was lost in tots over the office issue on my ex boss. Going through some internal audit. At first plan to let him go. But last Friday again he wrong asserted his power and made a mockery of the books. Need to act on this.
Shambavi was good. Body was shaking so much or rather my buttock was trying to come up.
Wake up upon alarm at 6.40 am. Still feel sleepy cos slept at 1 plus am. Snooze bit and woke up 6.50 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. Did one cycle of Surya Kriya. 61 points awareness meditation was okay. Got lost in 3 cycles. Using the mental easier than using awareness. But using awareness the feeling is awesome.
Breathing meditation was good. Stay longer. Just being aware of the breathe. Not participation.
Shakti was okay. Was lost in tots over the office issue on my ex boss. Going through some internal audit. At first plan to let him go. But last Friday again he wrong asserted his power and made a mockery of the books. Need to act on this.
Shambavi was good. Body was shaking so much or rather my buttock was trying to come up.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Sannidhi pooja
Feb 27 eve
Today great time with family.
Sannidhi pooja is good.
Linga chanting was okay. I feel Linga touching my forehead
Shoonya went in deep. Breathing meditation is good too. But unable to do Samyama.
Never mind. Just focus on breathing. Will do Refresher Samyama in November.
Was asked to volunteer for email communication. At first didn't volunteer but in the end I did as P seem bit worried.... I did it cos it's something that I can easily do. Also I can help to promote Isha. I offer myself as a prospect. If they got others they want to train. It's good too. There is no longer any need to volunteer.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
The world is troublesome. It creates so much anxiety; it creates so many imprisonments.
When u have sought freedom, when u come back from the peak back to the valley with a new dance in ur step, with a new song on ur lips, with a totally new being - when u come absolutely pure into the world of impurity, unafraid because now u are incorruptible.
When u come back to the prison on ur own accord, voluntarily, when u come to the prison as a free man and u accept the prison, back to ur cell; now it is a prison no more be use freedom cannot be imprisoned.
Soul
Not sure but suddenly see that I m a free person now coming back to Isha. Now doing only what I want to do, what I am willing. Doing cos I want to, not because I have to. Also okay if I don't do. No more attachment.
Mar 19
When they asked me again..I said I will take up if there is no other..basically a duty of service..
Today great time with family.
Sannidhi pooja is good.
Linga chanting was okay. I feel Linga touching my forehead
Shoonya went in deep. Breathing meditation is good too. But unable to do Samyama.
Never mind. Just focus on breathing. Will do Refresher Samyama in November.
Was asked to volunteer for email communication. At first didn't volunteer but in the end I did as P seem bit worried.... I did it cos it's something that I can easily do. Also I can help to promote Isha. I offer myself as a prospect. If they got others they want to train. It's good too. There is no longer any need to volunteer.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
The world is troublesome. It creates so much anxiety; it creates so many imprisonments.
When u have sought freedom, when u come back from the peak back to the valley with a new dance in ur step, with a new song on ur lips, with a totally new being - when u come absolutely pure into the world of impurity, unafraid because now u are incorruptible.
When u come back to the prison on ur own accord, voluntarily, when u come to the prison as a free man and u accept the prison, back to ur cell; now it is a prison no more be use freedom cannot be imprisoned.
Soul
Not sure but suddenly see that I m a free person now coming back to Isha. Now doing only what I want to do, what I am willing. Doing cos I want to, not because I have to. Also okay if I don't do. No more attachment.
Mar 19
When they asked me again..I said I will take up if there is no other..basically a duty of service..
Osho on our busy mind and meditation - living in the gaps
Feb 27
Yoga the science of living by Osho
This is a situation in u. The road is always empty - available - but u are looking for cars, tots and then u become very much worried. So many tots. They become multiplied, they echo and re-echo in u and u go on being attentive towards them. Ur gestalt is wrong.
Change the gestalt. If u look into the tots, u create a mind into urself.
The accumulation of the gaps is meditation; the accumulation of tots is the mind. These are two gestalts, two possibilities of ur being; either u be through the mind or u be through the meditation.
Looks for the gaps. They are already there naturally available. Meditation is not something which has to be produced by efforts. It is there as much as the mind. Infact more than the mind because the mind is only the surface, the waves and the meditation is the depth of the ocean.
In the gaps is the samadhi. In the gaps is calm and quiet.
When u live in the gap, u become capable of thinking for the first time. Before you were just victims, victims of a social atmosphere, victims of thousand and one tots surrounding u - not a single tot of ur own. Those tots had settled on u as birds settle on a tree by the evening. They had entered in u. They were not original; they are all borrowed.
Soul
That's what Samyama is. Living in the gap.
Just finished watching television. No one to compete. Just me and mom. Mom slept early today. Truly it's time for us to shift.
Age 48; Five of Diamonds as results.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
This is a situation in u. The road is always empty - available - but u are looking for cars, tots and then u become very much worried. So many tots. They become multiplied, they echo and re-echo in u and u go on being attentive towards them. Ur gestalt is wrong.
Change the gestalt. If u look into the tots, u create a mind into urself.
The accumulation of the gaps is meditation; the accumulation of tots is the mind. These are two gestalts, two possibilities of ur being; either u be through the mind or u be through the meditation.
Looks for the gaps. They are already there naturally available. Meditation is not something which has to be produced by efforts. It is there as much as the mind. Infact more than the mind because the mind is only the surface, the waves and the meditation is the depth of the ocean.
In the gaps is the samadhi. In the gaps is calm and quiet.
When u live in the gap, u become capable of thinking for the first time. Before you were just victims, victims of a social atmosphere, victims of thousand and one tots surrounding u - not a single tot of ur own. Those tots had settled on u as birds settle on a tree by the evening. They had entered in u. They were not original; they are all borrowed.
Soul
That's what Samyama is. Living in the gap.
Just finished watching television. No one to compete. Just me and mom. Mom slept early today. Truly it's time for us to shift.
Age 48; Five of Diamonds as results.
Osho - Animal only in the present
Feb 26 eve
Today no Yogaasanas practices. Came back early.
Sang guru pooja followed Shoonya. At first couldn't get in. Moments later went in deep. For the first time in weeks, head goes down and chin nearly touching my upper chest. Got back to my normal deep Shoonya.
Then just do Breathing meditation. Didn't want to do cat stretch.
Just finished watching television. Had the TV all by myself cos mom busy gambling. Can be tiring. Not my favourite pass time. Still prefer to read and write.
Had intermittent tots of Z today but I ignored them, no extrapolation. Did my physical release and felt much better. Another 21 days to go. Thanks to Sannidhi and sadhana, I be fine.
Body still itching especially at night. But the itch has reduced, better than before I got the condo.
Deb Shapiro.
Something inside u is itching to be free, breaking out of familiar or restrictive old patterns.
Soul
Could be.
Maybe all these ends when I finally got the key to condo and start renovation.
Just now looking at renovation. Wonder whether I should plan for my own stay or whole family gathering.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
A lizard exists in the present. A lizard has no idea of the past, no idea of the future. This moment is enough unto a lizard, but this moment is not enough unto a man and there arises the disease because whenever u will get, u will get only one moment. U will never get two moments together.
And wherever u are, u will always be here and whenever u become aware, u will become aware in the now.
The past is no more, the future not yet and we go on missing that which is for that future which is not yet, for that past which is no more.
Soul
Inner Engineering : This moment is inevitable.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
To be a lizard on a rock sunning is to be a meditator. Drop the past, drop the future. Drop thinking because all tots either belong to the past or to the future. There is no tot here-now.
Thinking is never real. The real is never a tot. The real is an experience. The real is an existential experience.
The real point of meditation is to be a lizard, sunning urself on a rock, to be here-now, to be part of the whole, not trying to jump ahead in the future, not trying to carry that which is no more. Unburdened of the past, unconcerned with the future. Then u can't be miserable.
Today no Yogaasanas practices. Came back early.
Sang guru pooja followed Shoonya. At first couldn't get in. Moments later went in deep. For the first time in weeks, head goes down and chin nearly touching my upper chest. Got back to my normal deep Shoonya.
Then just do Breathing meditation. Didn't want to do cat stretch.
Just finished watching television. Had the TV all by myself cos mom busy gambling. Can be tiring. Not my favourite pass time. Still prefer to read and write.
Had intermittent tots of Z today but I ignored them, no extrapolation. Did my physical release and felt much better. Another 21 days to go. Thanks to Sannidhi and sadhana, I be fine.
Body still itching especially at night. But the itch has reduced, better than before I got the condo.
Deb Shapiro.
Something inside u is itching to be free, breaking out of familiar or restrictive old patterns.
Soul
Could be.
Maybe all these ends when I finally got the key to condo and start renovation.
Just now looking at renovation. Wonder whether I should plan for my own stay or whole family gathering.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
A lizard exists in the present. A lizard has no idea of the past, no idea of the future. This moment is enough unto a lizard, but this moment is not enough unto a man and there arises the disease because whenever u will get, u will get only one moment. U will never get two moments together.
And wherever u are, u will always be here and whenever u become aware, u will become aware in the now.
The past is no more, the future not yet and we go on missing that which is for that future which is not yet, for that past which is no more.
Soul
Inner Engineering : This moment is inevitable.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
To be a lizard on a rock sunning is to be a meditator. Drop the past, drop the future. Drop thinking because all tots either belong to the past or to the future. There is no tot here-now.
Thinking is never real. The real is never a tot. The real is an experience. The real is an existential experience.
The real point of meditation is to be a lizard, sunning urself on a rock, to be here-now, to be part of the whole, not trying to jump ahead in the future, not trying to carry that which is no more. Unburdened of the past, unconcerned with the future. Then u can't be miserable.
North Node in Scorpio - money flow
Feb 26
Slept around 12 am yesterday. Woke up upon alarm at 4.30 am. Feeling tired, took a 5 minutes snooze.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. Did one cycle of Surya followed by 61 points awareness meditation.
Breathing meditation was good.
Shakti was okay and minimal tots during Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was nice.
Old jeans but tight after one and half week of eating without Angamardhana.
Was feeling sleepy on the way to work. Even Shambo mantra was unable to wake me up.
Will get back on my routine next week.
North node in Scorpio by Jan Spiller
The secret to accumulation of money is proper distribution. If they want to be wealthy, these folks must learn to be stewards of money rather than hoarders of money. They think the key to money is holding on to it, when in fact the opposite is true. Money loves to circulate and is attracted to people who will keep it in motion. If they don't allow money to flow to others through them, only a certain amount can come back to them because they are not clear channel.
They are beginning to learn as they release money with love - gladly using it to increase the wealth of others - more money comes to them.
They need to learn to love both parts of the process of money - the receiving and the giving in order for money to be easily attracted to them.
Soul
Me releasing the fixed deposit. Bought the condo so I can have more rental income in future. But meanwhile got to service the loan.
Alas recruiting Interior Designer for my new condo.
North node in Scorpio
Another key to increasing their capacity as money magnets is to consciously praise the universe for the financial bounty currently operating in their life. Even if it's only a little, the idea is to appreciate and feel grateful for what is there rather than desiring for more - which on energy level, translates into fear and anxiety about not having enough money.
Gratitude for what they have releases anxiety so they no longer block the flow of money and material things. If they let money and possessions pass through them in love, more will come.
Soul
Me have difficulty in letting go big money and having capital financial commitment.
Have released somewhat after Z.
Now need to show gratitude.
Slept around 12 am yesterday. Woke up upon alarm at 4.30 am. Feeling tired, took a 5 minutes snooze.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. Did one cycle of Surya followed by 61 points awareness meditation.
Breathing meditation was good.
Shakti was okay and minimal tots during Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was nice.
Old jeans but tight after one and half week of eating without Angamardhana.
Was feeling sleepy on the way to work. Even Shambo mantra was unable to wake me up.
Will get back on my routine next week.
North node in Scorpio by Jan Spiller
The secret to accumulation of money is proper distribution. If they want to be wealthy, these folks must learn to be stewards of money rather than hoarders of money. They think the key to money is holding on to it, when in fact the opposite is true. Money loves to circulate and is attracted to people who will keep it in motion. If they don't allow money to flow to others through them, only a certain amount can come back to them because they are not clear channel.
They are beginning to learn as they release money with love - gladly using it to increase the wealth of others - more money comes to them.
They need to learn to love both parts of the process of money - the receiving and the giving in order for money to be easily attracted to them.
Soul
Me releasing the fixed deposit. Bought the condo so I can have more rental income in future. But meanwhile got to service the loan.
Alas recruiting Interior Designer for my new condo.
North node in Scorpio
Another key to increasing their capacity as money magnets is to consciously praise the universe for the financial bounty currently operating in their life. Even if it's only a little, the idea is to appreciate and feel grateful for what is there rather than desiring for more - which on energy level, translates into fear and anxiety about not having enough money.
Gratitude for what they have releases anxiety so they no longer block the flow of money and material things. If they let money and possessions pass through them in love, more will come.
Soul
Me have difficulty in letting go big money and having capital financial commitment.
Have released somewhat after Z.
Now need to show gratitude.
Going with the flow..moved away from the past
Feb 25 eve
A fleeting tot came on Z.
I have only one answer Z and wife are meant to be.
These two days just watching television. Just finished watching The Voice. I love the show cos it's a chance to be yourself, overcoming fear and face the world. Truly gutsy. And the judges are kind to the one who didn't make it. The judges make fun of themselves too. Overall good one.
Father, today Sannidhi pooja was nice. Just contentment.
Linga chanting just one cycle. Did my lying down posture, laughter came.
Shoonya was okay. These days not able to put head down for Shoonya. Perhaps cos not as tired.
Breathing meditation was good. Went in deep. Nice.
A fleeting tot came on Z.
I have only one answer Z and wife are meant to be.
These two days just watching television. Just finished watching The Voice. I love the show cos it's a chance to be yourself, overcoming fear and face the world. Truly gutsy. And the judges are kind to the one who didn't make it. The judges make fun of themselves too. Overall good one.
Father, today Sannidhi pooja was nice. Just contentment.
Linga chanting just one cycle. Did my lying down posture, laughter came.
Shoonya was okay. These days not able to put head down for Shoonya. Perhaps cos not as tired.
Breathing meditation was good. Went in deep. Nice.
Osho - bliss is non-excited state of mind
Feb 25
woke up upon alarm at 7.05 am, was having a dream and so feeling bit tired.
Took a snooze and woke up at 7.16 am.
Had a tot of Z and I just waived it off.. I ignored it..
Decided to do Bhuta Shuddi. No longer want to do at night. Just keep to my own schedule...eventhough it is recommended to be done prior to 6.30 am. Nice one..
Start with cat stretch and followed by Angamardhana..it has been nearly one and half weeks since the last Angamardhana. It was quite tiring for the standing and squatting posture. My right feet is less painful now.
Did preparatory and one cycle of Surya Kriya...quite good.
Now able to do the Namaste posture correctly with my both thumbs pressed correctly. After so many years...61 point awareness meditation is nice.
Breathing meditation was lovely. Just feeling my presence..just being aware of my breathe..just witnessing..non participation.
Got this from Osho
"Misery is a tension, happiness is also a tension. There is excitement in both. Bliss is a non-excited state of mind; there is light there, but no heat. There is dance there, but no excitement. There is a silent, serene dance without any sound. This dance is in emptiness: it causes no fatigue, it is not of the body. Both happiness and misery belong to the body, but bliss belongs to your being; it is a different dance altogether." Osho
Yes, bliss belong to ur being.
Shakti is good...very little tots.
Shambavi is fine too...
Finished all my sadhana by 11 am...
Today got half day work...anyway..just feeling grateful I can have half day off.
woke up upon alarm at 7.05 am, was having a dream and so feeling bit tired.
Took a snooze and woke up at 7.16 am.
Had a tot of Z and I just waived it off.. I ignored it..
Decided to do Bhuta Shuddi. No longer want to do at night. Just keep to my own schedule...eventhough it is recommended to be done prior to 6.30 am. Nice one..
Start with cat stretch and followed by Angamardhana..it has been nearly one and half weeks since the last Angamardhana. It was quite tiring for the standing and squatting posture. My right feet is less painful now.
Did preparatory and one cycle of Surya Kriya...quite good.
Now able to do the Namaste posture correctly with my both thumbs pressed correctly. After so many years...61 point awareness meditation is nice.
Breathing meditation was lovely. Just feeling my presence..just being aware of my breathe..just witnessing..non participation.
Got this from Osho
"Misery is a tension, happiness is also a tension. There is excitement in both. Bliss is a non-excited state of mind; there is light there, but no heat. There is dance there, but no excitement. There is a silent, serene dance without any sound. This dance is in emptiness: it causes no fatigue, it is not of the body. Both happiness and misery belong to the body, but bliss belongs to your being; it is a different dance altogether." Osho
Yes, bliss belong to ur being.
Shakti is good...very little tots.
Shambavi is fine too...
Finished all my sadhana by 11 am...
Today got half day work...anyway..just feeling grateful I can have half day off.
Osho on meditation
Feb 24 eve 1
Yoga the science of living by Osho
Meditation is how to drop knowledge. Meditation means how to become a child again, how to be ignorant.
In relaxation suddenly u will start enjoying ur being, and the effort to be somebody else will stop. That's ur worry, how to be somebody else, etc.
U can only be urself. Accept it, rejoice it. Delight in it.
Soul
Yes..so true.
When I am in meditative zone..I feel safe..and contented
And when the energy is high..joy erupted.
Yoga the science of living by Osho
Meditation is how to drop knowledge. Meditation means how to become a child again, how to be ignorant.
In relaxation suddenly u will start enjoying ur being, and the effort to be somebody else will stop. That's ur worry, how to be somebody else, etc.
U can only be urself. Accept it, rejoice it. Delight in it.
Soul
Yes..so true.
When I am in meditative zone..I feel safe..and contented
And when the energy is high..joy erupted.
Moved on from Z, from the past
Feb 24 eve
Jack of Diamonds in Saturn
Yes, Z's Ruling card is Jack of Diamonds.
Suddenly saw a facebook that Z married his wife in Mar 2013. I tot he married in July 2013. Oh yea, that's his wedding ceremony.
Feeling bit sad but don't want to dwell on it.
Instead of seeing it as a loss, see it as a gain.
Instead of seeing that I m so easily replaceable, see it that they are both right for each other. They met and its on. They are truly right for each other just as Z is not right for the real me.
And I found my true self. He is not meant for me.
Father, I am learning to go with the flow. Learning that Universe wants only to give me what it's mine to have.
The condo and loan came so effortlessly.
Then today deciding on the current contractor instead of persisting to find new contractors.
Even the pest control guy was the good one recommended by cousin instead of getting other quotes. Now I m learning that the right one will come to me.
https://www.facebook.com/LifeWithoutACentre/posts/720284734735804:0
From facebook
Miracles happen when u shift from:
"Why is this happening to me?
To
"Why is this happening for me?"
Soul
Amen.
Jack of Diamonds in Saturn
Yes, Z's Ruling card is Jack of Diamonds.
Suddenly saw a facebook that Z married his wife in Mar 2013. I tot he married in July 2013. Oh yea, that's his wedding ceremony.
Feeling bit sad but don't want to dwell on it.
Instead of seeing it as a loss, see it as a gain.
Instead of seeing that I m so easily replaceable, see it that they are both right for each other. They met and its on. They are truly right for each other just as Z is not right for the real me.
And I found my true self. He is not meant for me.
Father, I am learning to go with the flow. Learning that Universe wants only to give me what it's mine to have.
The condo and loan came so effortlessly.
Then today deciding on the current contractor instead of persisting to find new contractors.
Even the pest control guy was the good one recommended by cousin instead of getting other quotes. Now I m learning that the right one will come to me.
https://www.facebook.com/LifeWithoutACentre/posts/720284734735804:0
From facebook
Miracles happen when u shift from:
"Why is this happening to me?
To
"Why is this happening for me?"
Soul
Amen.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Learning to go within for answers on mundane problems
Feb 24 aft
Yes, it's settled. Just call the existing contractor and asked for discount. Told him I am sticking to him cos he stayed near my rental apartment. He agreed to some discount and even offer ways to save money.
Then called the Pest control. Looks like the termite case is an old case. No more active termite so no maintenance required. Also he said the case in contained only to the particular door. He asked me to change to metal door frame as preventive measure.
So both sorted. Guess that's where my conflict was. These days whenever there is inner dilemma. I just turned inward and listen to the answer.
Today also chatted a bit with Z's wife. She seems to be an intelligent lady. My card today is Jack of Club, that's her Ruling.
Father, I can now see them as they are. It's time to let the past be gone. They are in my space so no point avoiding.
Also messaged Z to join the Isha program. I wish him and wife well.
I am now contented in my own space. Yes, finally realised that I wasn't my true self so all those partners are never meant to be. Now just contented to be my true self, enjoying my sadhana.
North node in Libra
Need to practice discrimination - seeing who the potential partner really is and not simply how that person fills their needs.
Need to learn about the other person.
1. Does this person have goals and ideals similar to their own?
2. Does the person have aims that they feel they can support?
3. Is the other person a giver or taker?
4. What are the other person's values?
5. What kind of identity do they want to build?
Soul
Good to know cos I too need to practice discrimination. In my case my over eagerness caused me to rush into rship and changing my values to fit others.
Father, truly glad none of the other partners came through cos I wasn't myself back then. I wasn't living my true values. I wasn't confident to come out. Amen.
Yes, it's settled. Just call the existing contractor and asked for discount. Told him I am sticking to him cos he stayed near my rental apartment. He agreed to some discount and even offer ways to save money.
Then called the Pest control. Looks like the termite case is an old case. No more active termite so no maintenance required. Also he said the case in contained only to the particular door. He asked me to change to metal door frame as preventive measure.
So both sorted. Guess that's where my conflict was. These days whenever there is inner dilemma. I just turned inward and listen to the answer.
Today also chatted a bit with Z's wife. She seems to be an intelligent lady. My card today is Jack of Club, that's her Ruling.
Father, I can now see them as they are. It's time to let the past be gone. They are in my space so no point avoiding.
Also messaged Z to join the Isha program. I wish him and wife well.
I am now contented in my own space. Yes, finally realised that I wasn't my true self so all those partners are never meant to be. Now just contented to be my true self, enjoying my sadhana.
North node in Libra
Need to practice discrimination - seeing who the potential partner really is and not simply how that person fills their needs.
Need to learn about the other person.
1. Does this person have goals and ideals similar to their own?
2. Does the person have aims that they feel they can support?
3. Is the other person a giver or taker?
4. What are the other person's values?
5. What kind of identity do they want to build?
Soul
Good to know cos I too need to practice discrimination. In my case my over eagerness caused me to rush into rship and changing my values to fit others.
Father, truly glad none of the other partners came through cos I wasn't myself back then. I wasn't living my true values. I wasn't confident to come out. Amen.
Going with the flow - still learning
Feb 24
Woke up at 4.25 am upon alarm. Was in a dream with my sisters sharing insights I have gained. Took a short breathe before I got out of bed.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. My right elbow joints are inflamed, feel very tight. Surya Kriya was okay. 61 points awareness meditation is good.
Shakti was just okay as right feet front sole is inflamed, it was painful to sit.
Shambavi was good. Abruptly awaken by alarm at 7.05 am. Couldn't stop and sat awhile longer.
Had tot of the 2 other contractors that I wanted to see my house. Alas, a tot came. Both contractors seems difficult to engage. Can't even arrange for meet. It's like it's not meant to be. Don't want to fight it. Perhaps best I stick to old contractor. For long term I still need him for odd jobs. With that I m now much better.
Yesterday Sannidhi pooja I cried a bit cos finally open the door of the past, approached Z's wife. On the surface I seems fine but I was scared inside, scared of memories of the past. Scared that I be sad again when envious feeling arise when I saw them together.
But surprisingly after the insight that Z was not meant for me and Z and wife perfect for each other.
During Linga chant I cried. Cried cos will be going to Z's house to view Linga yantra. Only Linga can make me open the door of past so I can have final closure. Perhaps this door I need to close before I can be ready and open for new beginnings.
That too I m settled.
Guess the Breakthrough card also apply to this.
Woke up at 4.25 am upon alarm. Was in a dream with my sisters sharing insights I have gained. Took a short breathe before I got out of bed.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps. My right elbow joints are inflamed, feel very tight. Surya Kriya was okay. 61 points awareness meditation is good.
Shakti was just okay as right feet front sole is inflamed, it was painful to sit.
Shambavi was good. Abruptly awaken by alarm at 7.05 am. Couldn't stop and sat awhile longer.
Had tot of the 2 other contractors that I wanted to see my house. Alas, a tot came. Both contractors seems difficult to engage. Can't even arrange for meet. It's like it's not meant to be. Don't want to fight it. Perhaps best I stick to old contractor. For long term I still need him for odd jobs. With that I m now much better.
Yesterday Sannidhi pooja I cried a bit cos finally open the door of the past, approached Z's wife. On the surface I seems fine but I was scared inside, scared of memories of the past. Scared that I be sad again when envious feeling arise when I saw them together.
But surprisingly after the insight that Z was not meant for me and Z and wife perfect for each other.
During Linga chant I cried. Cried cos will be going to Z's house to view Linga yantra. Only Linga can make me open the door of past so I can have final closure. Perhaps this door I need to close before I can be ready and open for new beginnings.
That too I m settled.
Guess the Breakthrough card also apply to this.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Seeking approval waste energy
Feb 23 aft
http://www.powerofpositivity.com/9-reasons-to-stop-seeking-approval-from-others/
You Drain Yourself of Valuable Energy
Not only does approval-seeking waste time, but it wastes energy as well. Energy makes up everything in this vast Universe, including you. If you want to use that energy in the most efficient ways, cut out unnecessary actions. If you want to keep the fire alive and truly transform your life, you will need to dismiss the need to gain outside approval for your decisions.
It Promotes Fear
When you seek approval from others, you begin to form expectations of what they will say. You start to think of how the conversation will go if they don’t agree with you, and you become anxious of their response. Fear only holds you back, but love will set you free. If you truly love yourself and feel assured with your life, you won’t even think twice about giving up the need for acceptance. We have been conditioned to be afraid of many things – other people, their opinions of us, trying new things, listening to new ideas, and much more
Soul
True. That's why I decided to let my family be. I just focused on getting the condo in place for my shift.
Got this from facebook - Tinybuddha
When you love your decisions, you begin to bother less about others loving it too.
http://www.powerofpositivity.com/9-reasons-to-stop-seeking-approval-from-others/
You Drain Yourself of Valuable Energy
Not only does approval-seeking waste time, but it wastes energy as well. Energy makes up everything in this vast Universe, including you. If you want to use that energy in the most efficient ways, cut out unnecessary actions. If you want to keep the fire alive and truly transform your life, you will need to dismiss the need to gain outside approval for your decisions.
It Promotes Fear
When you seek approval from others, you begin to form expectations of what they will say. You start to think of how the conversation will go if they don’t agree with you, and you become anxious of their response. Fear only holds you back, but love will set you free. If you truly love yourself and feel assured with your life, you won’t even think twice about giving up the need for acceptance. We have been conditioned to be afraid of many things – other people, their opinions of us, trying new things, listening to new ideas, and much more
Soul
True. That's why I decided to let my family be. I just focused on getting the condo in place for my shift.
Got this from facebook - Tinybuddha
When you love your decisions, you begin to bother less about others loving it too.
Saturn in Six of Hearts
Feb 23 aft 1
Displacement
Six of Hearts
Becoming more conscious of our actions in the area of personal relationship ls.
It is entirely possible that some fated events occur in ur life this year as a result of ur actions in the past in ur personal relationships.
These events may not be to ur liking. They may even seems unfair as far as u are concerned, as if what is happening is something that u do not deserve. These are likely to be difficult situation during ur Saturn period and they will involve some key relationships. However this event are fair and just, the result of something u did in the past, be it in this lifetime or one prior to now.
Sometimes this card has been known to attract a karmic relationship that returns for us to settle some unfinished business.
Issues will revolve around finances and having an awareness of personal responsibility in matters of love and family. It is up to u to explore any situations that come up and to be open to learning more about fairness. Keep an open mind and be willing to give whatever is asked of u if you wish to get the most from this powerful influence.
Soul
No wonder..now in Saturn period.
Actually not only facing resistance from my brother but also from my mother.
I am facing two of my biggest critic in the family.
Saturn 28 Jan to 21 Mar
Ruling
King of Spades
Three of Spades
King of Spades (great success in work through taking responsibility, fulfilment of goals.)
Though Saturn is typically the most difficult time of the year, the presence of the King of Spades in this position promises that u will be able to overcome any difficulties that may arise, especially those related to health or work. This powerful card also casts a favourable influence over ur entire year, giving u better chances in every area of ur life. For sure, ur health will be good this year, mostly from taking matters into ur own hand.
Be on the lookout for men of the Spades suits, especially those older or who may be in position of authority or responsibility. These are likely to prove troublesome or burdensome in some way during this period.
Three of Spades (creativity, stress, working two jobs)
Under this influence, indecision about work or money problems can affect ur health. Doubt or worry about health could affect ur business dealings. Extra precaution are advisable in health matters, and in choosing who u work and play with.
This card can indicate chronic indecision.
Creative project that u are involved in during this period will be more difficult to achieve but not impossible. Just keep working.
Though there are likely to be hurdles and some indecisiveness on ur part, u will make definitive progress.
Can be offset by a strong card.
Destiny
Jack of Diamonds (financial success through salesmanship or creativity, initiation into higher values)
This card can represent a businessman or associate with whom u have obligations or problems. This can be a karmic rship, one that requires hard work and patience for success.
Creative projects to make money may seem a burden to you but this is necessary part of establishing urself and ur future success. U will have success now but u will need to work hard for it.
Be on the lookout for Diamonds suit especially those who are younger or may be approaching you from either a romantic or creative view point. These are likely to be burdensome.
Three of Clubs (creativity, expression of ideas or through writing)
Worry and fear of the future could be ur major concerns this year, especially in this period. This worry could relate to somehow to an illness of a family member or urself.
Take special care of ur health and diet.
U have a lot of creative energy and in order to stay in a positive frame of mind, u would be better off if u found some way to express this creativity in a positive way.
Though creative projects may be difficult, proceed.
Displacement
Six of Hearts
Becoming more conscious of our actions in the area of personal relationship ls.
It is entirely possible that some fated events occur in ur life this year as a result of ur actions in the past in ur personal relationships.
These events may not be to ur liking. They may even seems unfair as far as u are concerned, as if what is happening is something that u do not deserve. These are likely to be difficult situation during ur Saturn period and they will involve some key relationships. However this event are fair and just, the result of something u did in the past, be it in this lifetime or one prior to now.
Sometimes this card has been known to attract a karmic relationship that returns for us to settle some unfinished business.
Issues will revolve around finances and having an awareness of personal responsibility in matters of love and family. It is up to u to explore any situations that come up and to be open to learning more about fairness. Keep an open mind and be willing to give whatever is asked of u if you wish to get the most from this powerful influence.
Soul
No wonder..now in Saturn period.
Actually not only facing resistance from my brother but also from my mother.
I am facing two of my biggest critic in the family.
Saturn 28 Jan to 21 Mar
Ruling
King of Spades
Three of Spades
King of Spades (great success in work through taking responsibility, fulfilment of goals.)
Though Saturn is typically the most difficult time of the year, the presence of the King of Spades in this position promises that u will be able to overcome any difficulties that may arise, especially those related to health or work. This powerful card also casts a favourable influence over ur entire year, giving u better chances in every area of ur life. For sure, ur health will be good this year, mostly from taking matters into ur own hand.
Be on the lookout for men of the Spades suits, especially those older or who may be in position of authority or responsibility. These are likely to prove troublesome or burdensome in some way during this period.
Three of Spades (creativity, stress, working two jobs)
Under this influence, indecision about work or money problems can affect ur health. Doubt or worry about health could affect ur business dealings. Extra precaution are advisable in health matters, and in choosing who u work and play with.
This card can indicate chronic indecision.
Creative project that u are involved in during this period will be more difficult to achieve but not impossible. Just keep working.
Though there are likely to be hurdles and some indecisiveness on ur part, u will make definitive progress.
Can be offset by a strong card.
Destiny
Jack of Diamonds (financial success through salesmanship or creativity, initiation into higher values)
This card can represent a businessman or associate with whom u have obligations or problems. This can be a karmic rship, one that requires hard work and patience for success.
Creative projects to make money may seem a burden to you but this is necessary part of establishing urself and ur future success. U will have success now but u will need to work hard for it.
Be on the lookout for Diamonds suit especially those who are younger or may be approaching you from either a romantic or creative view point. These are likely to be burdensome.
Three of Clubs (creativity, expression of ideas or through writing)
Worry and fear of the future could be ur major concerns this year, especially in this period. This worry could relate to somehow to an illness of a family member or urself.
Take special care of ur health and diet.
U have a lot of creative energy and in order to stay in a positive frame of mind, u would be better off if u found some way to express this creativity in a positive way.
Though creative projects may be difficult, proceed.
Asserting my wants
Feb 23 aft
Breakthrough with family
Mmm, another episode from mom.
She said my sister gave her so much money. I said well, she is paying for a family of 4, whereas I am only one.
She countered by saying that she has to feed her family. I retorted by saying that she has a husband to share the responsibility. This time I no longer feel defensive..I pay when I want to.
Then mom said it is okay cos I always pay for family dinner.
Later we start to chat about the family. I said second brother in law will take care of the family gathering as he is now the chef when we shift over to the condominium.
Mom immediately becomes defensive and said she will only shift if we can get a good rental for the house. Otherwise she wants to stay in old house or rather she wants to stay in both place, the condo and current house. Guess thats because she thinks that brother won't come back to KL as elder brother and sis in law doesn't like second sister. Infact she thinks that they left because they don't want to go to second sis in law for dinner.
So much drama..
Anyway, I am sure I can get a good rental.
Meanwhile just work on getting the S & P signed next week.
Planning for renovation in March and actual renovation work in April and shift in by May or June.
Anyway, have shared this with the sisters.
So much drama at our home.
This is the other shake up.
Anyway, long time coming.
I truly want a place of my own...not a family place, keeping everyone...
But I can see my mom, hovering over her responsibility, defending her position as the chef, ensuring brother have a place, looking after younger brother and etc...
In a way, reminds me of my issue when I had to let go of Isha..it took me so long..so much dilemma.
So, will let her be.
Then tot of why no one said impressed with the condo. Now I know they said it is 'old', whereas I like the 'old' feel. Thats the reason I buy the condo. I like the old feel, besides planning to renovate it mid-century style.
For me now, just focus on getting the condo ready.
I focus on getting myself what I want
I can leave mom be...she has her own battle to fight...
Whether she shift or not, will not detract me from my plan to have my own space.
Can't wait for the shrine place.
North node in Taurus
A major turning point is when they focus time and energy on projects that are important to themselves, not being diverted by what they think is important to another person.
They are here to take back their power. When they stand in their power, they can afford to be loving and helpful to others.
There are no more battles to fight, noting more to give up, no part of themselves that has to be thrown away.
This is a building lifetime: building a sense of comfort through their connection with themselves.
Soul
Amen.
This also rang true with last week Osho tarot.
2. Internal influences that you are unable to see
Breakthrough
The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination. All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.
Soul
I now focus on my need.
No longer want to expend energy on getting mom to shift.
I also don't her to have too much influence on the renovation as this is my space.
Breakthrough with family
Mmm, another episode from mom.
She said my sister gave her so much money. I said well, she is paying for a family of 4, whereas I am only one.
She countered by saying that she has to feed her family. I retorted by saying that she has a husband to share the responsibility. This time I no longer feel defensive..I pay when I want to.
Then mom said it is okay cos I always pay for family dinner.
Later we start to chat about the family. I said second brother in law will take care of the family gathering as he is now the chef when we shift over to the condominium.
Mom immediately becomes defensive and said she will only shift if we can get a good rental for the house. Otherwise she wants to stay in old house or rather she wants to stay in both place, the condo and current house. Guess thats because she thinks that brother won't come back to KL as elder brother and sis in law doesn't like second sister. Infact she thinks that they left because they don't want to go to second sis in law for dinner.
So much drama..
Anyway, I am sure I can get a good rental.
Meanwhile just work on getting the S & P signed next week.
Planning for renovation in March and actual renovation work in April and shift in by May or June.
Anyway, have shared this with the sisters.
So much drama at our home.
This is the other shake up.
Anyway, long time coming.
I truly want a place of my own...not a family place, keeping everyone...
But I can see my mom, hovering over her responsibility, defending her position as the chef, ensuring brother have a place, looking after younger brother and etc...
In a way, reminds me of my issue when I had to let go of Isha..it took me so long..so much dilemma.
So, will let her be.
Then tot of why no one said impressed with the condo. Now I know they said it is 'old', whereas I like the 'old' feel. Thats the reason I buy the condo. I like the old feel, besides planning to renovate it mid-century style.
For me now, just focus on getting the condo ready.
I focus on getting myself what I want
I can leave mom be...she has her own battle to fight...
Whether she shift or not, will not detract me from my plan to have my own space.
Can't wait for the shrine place.
North node in Taurus
A major turning point is when they focus time and energy on projects that are important to themselves, not being diverted by what they think is important to another person.
They are here to take back their power. When they stand in their power, they can afford to be loving and helpful to others.
There are no more battles to fight, noting more to give up, no part of themselves that has to be thrown away.
This is a building lifetime: building a sense of comfort through their connection with themselves.
Soul
Amen.
This also rang true with last week Osho tarot.
2. Internal influences that you are unable to see
Breakthrough
The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination. All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.
Soul
I now focus on my need.
No longer want to expend energy on getting mom to shift.
I also don't her to have too much influence on the renovation as this is my space.
Projection is on-going till I m conscious
Feb 23
Slept after 2 am yesterday.
Spent a short 15 minutes with the Shrine..lovely. Just going into deep silence.
My sacred space.
Woke up at around 6 plus and then slept back upon alarm at 8 am.
But body still feeling lazy and mind saying today last day of holiday. So, I slept again and woke up around 8.40 am.
Too late for Bhuta Shuddhi.
Sang guru pooja followed by preparatory for Surya Kriya.
Lovely one cycle of Surya Kriya..
The 61 point awareness meditation is lovely...so pleasurable, just feeling all my points.
Shakti was okay but with many tots of the condo and of the money for renovation.
Today I tot of L and her taking care of her family needs...I recalled I asked her to let go.
But now I can see that it kept her going, taking care of the family, it makes her happy.
Maybe, its because I too am doing that..ie keeping the family house..and hence project it into her.
Also remembering that she is a Spades and I am a Diamonds...
Everyone is different...
Just as Z being a Seven of Spades can work till 70 years old..me kept on thinking of retirement.
Surprisingly ended with a song...
At least my right feet front sole no longer hurt as much.
Shambavi was good.
So nice..just sat in contented silence...
Mmm, another episode from mom.
She said my sister gave her so much money. I said well, she is paying for a family of 4, whereas I am only one.
She countered by saying that she has to feed her family. I retorted by saying that she has a husband to share the responsibility. This time I no longer feel defensive..I pay when I want to.
Then mom said it is okay cos I always pay for family dinner.
Later we start to chat about the family. I said second brother in law will take care of the family gathering as he is now the chef when we shift over to the condominium.
Mom immediately becomes defensive and said she will only shift if we can get a good rental for the house.
Otherwise she wants to stay in old house or rather she wants to stay in both place, the condo and current house.
Guess thats because she thinks that brother won't come back to KL as elder brother and sis in law doesn't like second sister. Infact she thinks that they left because they don't want to go to second sis in law for dinner.
So much drama..
Anyway, I am sure I can get a good rental.
Meanwhile just work on getting the S & P signed next week.
Planning for renovation in March and actual renovation work in April and shift in by May or June.
Anyway, have shared this with the sisters.
So much drama at our home.
This is the other shake up.
Anyway, long time coming.
I truly want a place of my own...not a family place, keeping everyone...
But I can see my mom, hovering over her responsibility, defending her position as the chef, ensuring brother have a place, looking after younger brother and etc...
In a way, reminds me of my issue when I had to let go of Isha..it took me so long..so much dilemma.
So, will let her be.
Then tot of why no one said impressed with the condo. Now I know they said it is 'old', whereas I like the 'old' feel. Thats the reason I buy the condo. I like the old feel, besides planning to renovate it mid-century style.
For me now, just focus on getting the condo ready.
I can leave mom be...she has her own battle to fight...
Slept after 2 am yesterday.
Spent a short 15 minutes with the Shrine..lovely. Just going into deep silence.
My sacred space.
Woke up at around 6 plus and then slept back upon alarm at 8 am.
But body still feeling lazy and mind saying today last day of holiday. So, I slept again and woke up around 8.40 am.
Too late for Bhuta Shuddhi.
Sang guru pooja followed by preparatory for Surya Kriya.
Lovely one cycle of Surya Kriya..
The 61 point awareness meditation is lovely...so pleasurable, just feeling all my points.
Shakti was okay but with many tots of the condo and of the money for renovation.
Today I tot of L and her taking care of her family needs...I recalled I asked her to let go.
But now I can see that it kept her going, taking care of the family, it makes her happy.
Maybe, its because I too am doing that..ie keeping the family house..and hence project it into her.
Also remembering that she is a Spades and I am a Diamonds...
Everyone is different...
Just as Z being a Seven of Spades can work till 70 years old..me kept on thinking of retirement.
Surprisingly ended with a song...
At least my right feet front sole no longer hurt as much.
Shambavi was good.
So nice..just sat in contented silence...
Mmm, another episode from mom.
She said my sister gave her so much money. I said well, she is paying for a family of 4, whereas I am only one.
She countered by saying that she has to feed her family. I retorted by saying that she has a husband to share the responsibility. This time I no longer feel defensive..I pay when I want to.
Then mom said it is okay cos I always pay for family dinner.
Later we start to chat about the family. I said second brother in law will take care of the family gathering as he is now the chef when we shift over to the condominium.
Mom immediately becomes defensive and said she will only shift if we can get a good rental for the house.
Otherwise she wants to stay in old house or rather she wants to stay in both place, the condo and current house.
Guess thats because she thinks that brother won't come back to KL as elder brother and sis in law doesn't like second sister. Infact she thinks that they left because they don't want to go to second sis in law for dinner.
So much drama..
Anyway, I am sure I can get a good rental.
Meanwhile just work on getting the S & P signed next week.
Planning for renovation in March and actual renovation work in April and shift in by May or June.
Anyway, have shared this with the sisters.
So much drama at our home.
This is the other shake up.
Anyway, long time coming.
I truly want a place of my own...not a family place, keeping everyone...
But I can see my mom, hovering over her responsibility, defending her position as the chef, ensuring brother have a place, looking after younger brother and etc...
In a way, reminds me of my issue when I had to let go of Isha..it took me so long..so much dilemma.
So, will let her be.
Then tot of why no one said impressed with the condo. Now I know they said it is 'old', whereas I like the 'old' feel. Thats the reason I buy the condo. I like the old feel, besides planning to renovate it mid-century style.
For me now, just focus on getting the condo ready.
I can leave mom be...she has her own battle to fight...
Asserting my self for what I want
Feb 21 eve
Lovely dinner with family. Watch TV with family. They stayed back to gamble. I wasn't keen. Just want to be back at my space.
It's true I m not keen on entertaining friends. I am good for some close gatherings once in a while. Otherwise just be by myself. So no worries at car park issue, at lack of visitors.
Suddenly tot of my brother resistance on our shift. It occurred to me that he kept on saying its inconvenient to my younger brother family. How come no mention of my needs, of what I want? Then it occur to me that I haven't shared of what I want. To the family I have asserted on my sadhana time. But on the housing nope. Then again while I have no issue per se but I never go for housing due to my fear of money. Just like I m okay to drive small cars; doesn't meant that I don't like luxurious car. Now that I have my luxurious car for 3 years I enjoyed it.
The new housing allows space to have my own sadhana and prayer room.
Lovely dinner with family. Watch TV with family. They stayed back to gamble. I wasn't keen. Just want to be back at my space.
It's true I m not keen on entertaining friends. I am good for some close gatherings once in a while. Otherwise just be by myself. So no worries at car park issue, at lack of visitors.
Suddenly tot of my brother resistance on our shift. It occurred to me that he kept on saying its inconvenient to my younger brother family. How come no mention of my needs, of what I want? Then it occur to me that I haven't shared of what I want. To the family I have asserted on my sadhana time. But on the housing nope. Then again while I have no issue per se but I never go for housing due to my fear of money. Just like I m okay to drive small cars; doesn't meant that I don't like luxurious car. Now that I have my luxurious car for 3 years I enjoyed it.
The new housing allows space to have my own sadhana and prayer room.
Sannidhi pooja - brings me Home everytime
Feb 21
Didn't do any practices today.
Also didn't feel like doing Sannidhi's pooja despite missing it yesterday.
It is a very hot day. Went to visit the condo. Energy not as great as before. It has a vacant unit feel and smell. Then my family said it will costs me 100k to make it good. Feeling bit down cos no one say Wah about it.
Went to sleep and woke up at 5 pm due to heat despite with air conditioner.
Watching television and tot of my condo. Suddenly a positive tot arise, despite being so hot, the condo was quite cool.
Start to feel good again and then went to do pooja at 5.30 pm.
So start to do preparation for pooja at 5.45 pm.
Pooja was lovely. Head shaking nonstop. Laughing again. So nice. Back to my joyful self. As for the renovation, I got the money.
Feels good again.
Didn't do any practices today.
Also didn't feel like doing Sannidhi's pooja despite missing it yesterday.
It is a very hot day. Went to visit the condo. Energy not as great as before. It has a vacant unit feel and smell. Then my family said it will costs me 100k to make it good. Feeling bit down cos no one say Wah about it.
Went to sleep and woke up at 5 pm due to heat despite with air conditioner.
Watching television and tot of my condo. Suddenly a positive tot arise, despite being so hot, the condo was quite cool.
Start to feel good again and then went to do pooja at 5.30 pm.
So start to do preparation for pooja at 5.45 pm.
Pooja was lovely. Head shaking nonstop. Laughing again. So nice. Back to my joyful self. As for the renovation, I got the money.
Feels good again.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Sannidhi bringing harmony to our home
Feb 20 eve
Lovely time spent with family. Surprisingly sis in law and brother stay back much later than us. It has never happen before.
Sannidhi has brought our family much closer than ever.
Today I m fine. Still contented with my breakthrough yesterday; that all my previous romantic liaisons were unsuccessful cos they are not right for the true me.
The true me only materialise now.
Looking back I wasn't myself back then. I would have taken in my partner values as my own. So what I tot was suffering is actually a blessing.
Lovely time spent with family. Surprisingly sis in law and brother stay back much later than us. It has never happen before.
Sannidhi has brought our family much closer than ever.
Today I m fine. Still contented with my breakthrough yesterday; that all my previous romantic liaisons were unsuccessful cos they are not right for the true me.
The true me only materialise now.
Looking back I wasn't myself back then. I would have taken in my partner values as my own. So what I tot was suffering is actually a blessing.
North Node in Taurus - born looking for soul mates
Feb 19 eve
Did Sannidhi pooja. Just feel good. Nothing intense.
Did one cycle of Linga Struthi and just basked in her presence.
Shoonya was deep.
Did cat stretch followed by a short breathing meditation. Nice.
Feeling good with family. Came back from coffee at mall. Tomorrow other family members are back. House be packed.
Looking forward to the shift.
Just now when family was talking about long live in couple and then the guy marries another gal. A shot of sadness comes in, me with Z for nearly two years and he found his wife in the spate of one month after our break up. Anyway I squirt the tots. It is over and my case is different as Z and I are not meant to be. Being with Z won't give me what I need.
North node in Taurus by Jan Spiller
They are born looking for their soul mates. This can lead to promiscuity during their youth, with a tendency to jump into rships too quickly because they want the bonding so intensely. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their own values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything else in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel with through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream come true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then they can attract the right life partner.
Soul
Suddenly a tot came. I had much difficulty in getting my partner cos having one while I have not find my true self is not good for me. It is not a case of me being shortlisted to be without partner, without being loved. It is not me that's unlovable. It is not a reflection of my unlovability.
It is because I have not find my true self so all the partners are not right for me and hence must be let go of.
Universe wants the best for me, wants the right partner for me. And it's only when I m living my true self, giving myself what want instead of waiting for another that I can be ready.
Most others who has partners their issue is not the same as me. Either their true self are not meshed with others or they need the partner to bring out their true self.
A tot came, maybe that's why I have Ruling of Ace that enable me to be alone. Always looking for new values until I found my Destiny values of being Queen of Diamonds. So it is not a handicap that I can be alone, that I m independent that I m not the attracting type. Everything is to help me, to prevent me from having my partner until I m ready.
This is a real breakthrough. For the first time seeing that me not having my mate is a blessing rather than a curse. Finally seeing is not that I m unlovable. It is because I search for love outside.
North node in Taurus
They feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright.
But as with everything else in this incarnation, they must earn it.
As they work to experience their own wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction and together they can flow to the sea.
Soul
Amen.
Did Sannidhi pooja. Just feel good. Nothing intense.
Did one cycle of Linga Struthi and just basked in her presence.
Shoonya was deep.
Did cat stretch followed by a short breathing meditation. Nice.
Feeling good with family. Came back from coffee at mall. Tomorrow other family members are back. House be packed.
Looking forward to the shift.
Just now when family was talking about long live in couple and then the guy marries another gal. A shot of sadness comes in, me with Z for nearly two years and he found his wife in the spate of one month after our break up. Anyway I squirt the tots. It is over and my case is different as Z and I are not meant to be. Being with Z won't give me what I need.
North node in Taurus by Jan Spiller
They are born looking for their soul mates. This can lead to promiscuity during their youth, with a tendency to jump into rships too quickly because they want the bonding so intensely. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their own values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything else in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel with through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream come true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then they can attract the right life partner.
Soul
Suddenly a tot came. I had much difficulty in getting my partner cos having one while I have not find my true self is not good for me. It is not a case of me being shortlisted to be without partner, without being loved. It is not me that's unlovable. It is not a reflection of my unlovability.
It is because I have not find my true self so all the partners are not right for me and hence must be let go of.
Universe wants the best for me, wants the right partner for me. And it's only when I m living my true self, giving myself what want instead of waiting for another that I can be ready.
Most others who has partners their issue is not the same as me. Either their true self are not meshed with others or they need the partner to bring out their true self.
A tot came, maybe that's why I have Ruling of Ace that enable me to be alone. Always looking for new values until I found my Destiny values of being Queen of Diamonds. So it is not a handicap that I can be alone, that I m independent that I m not the attracting type. Everything is to help me, to prevent me from having my partner until I m ready.
This is a real breakthrough. For the first time seeing that me not having my mate is a blessing rather than a curse. Finally seeing is not that I m unlovable. It is because I search for love outside.
North node in Taurus
They feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright.
But as with everything else in this incarnation, they must earn it.
As they work to experience their own wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction and together they can flow to the sea.
Soul
Amen.
North Node in Taurus - being true to myself
Feb 18 eve 1
Lovely evening with family. Just feel harmonious.
Jan Spiller
North node in Taurus
What they really want is to merge with someone else's energy and feel mutual empowerment. They want a partner whom they can count on to take care of all the partner emotional needs and vice versa. A synergistic relationship that is mutually empowering and completely dependable.
To successfully established this type of relationship, they must be discriminating and find someone with similar energy and values. The shared goals must be innately valuable to each of them as individuals.
For this to happen, they must first get in touch with their own values. They must become strong within themselves, aware of what they want and tune in to what is real and meaningful for them.
The challenge is to establish their own energy systems and figure out who they are as individuals. As their energy becomes stronger, they will automatically attract mates of similar energy with whom they can form successful partnerships.
Soul
Amen.
Finally I know I m on right track.
Both Z and Y doesn't reflect my true values.
I m a combination of them.
My inner is Y's outer.
My outer is Z and Y's outer.
Inside spirituality inclined and outside enjoying materials.
Lovely evening with family. Just feel harmonious.
Jan Spiller
North node in Taurus
What they really want is to merge with someone else's energy and feel mutual empowerment. They want a partner whom they can count on to take care of all the partner emotional needs and vice versa. A synergistic relationship that is mutually empowering and completely dependable.
To successfully established this type of relationship, they must be discriminating and find someone with similar energy and values. The shared goals must be innately valuable to each of them as individuals.
For this to happen, they must first get in touch with their own values. They must become strong within themselves, aware of what they want and tune in to what is real and meaningful for them.
The challenge is to establish their own energy systems and figure out who they are as individuals. As their energy becomes stronger, they will automatically attract mates of similar energy with whom they can form successful partnerships.
Soul
Amen.
Finally I know I m on right track.
Both Z and Y doesn't reflect my true values.
I m a combination of them.
My inner is Y's outer.
My outer is Z and Y's outer.
Inside spirituality inclined and outside enjoying materials.
Acceptance of Z and wife - the past
Feb 18
Today met Z and wife. I had a good chat with Z's wife.
Can now see both of them good looking couple. Z and wife both looked good and healthy. They belong to each other
They are truly right for each other, just as I m not right for Z.
Can see that now.
Didn't manage to speak to Z.
There is no sadness. Just acceptance. There is no envious feeling. Just acceptance.
Today met Z and wife. I had a good chat with Z's wife.
Can now see both of them good looking couple. Z and wife both looked good and healthy. They belong to each other
They are truly right for each other, just as I m not right for Z.
Can see that now.
Didn't manage to speak to Z.
There is no sadness. Just acceptance. There is no envious feeling. Just acceptance.
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