28 Feb Even
Fantastic Shoonya. After Shoonya, I opens my eyes to do Samyama but I just close it back. I went into deep silence. I just sat in contented and joyful silence for about 40 minutes. Just going in deep. I think first time for me, that long.
Sadhguru
If u are overwhelmed with sweet emotion. Ur physical body and ur mind will function its best for u. Everything and everyone will offer their best to you.
Devotion is very deep intelligence. Devotion is not about God, devotion is about you. Because of devotion, God exists.
If u raised its mind to its highest pitch, then also God becomes a reality. The same goes for body or ur energy.
Right now, emotion is the thing u can use, hence devotion. Devotion happens to be more easily available.
Soul
Thats its, I am overwhelmed with a sweet feeling. No wonder, now my favourite word is "lovely'. I feel lovely inside..not sure how I look outside, but I know there is a lovely smile on my face and in my eyes. I felt it
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Loving others..ownself feel good
28 Feb
Father, slept around 11.30 pm cos feels good. I m glad to have Ad in Isha. He is Six of Diamonds and Eight of Clubs. Combination of Lau and Dw. Six of Diamonds is my lifetime environment card.
Tot of my Venus in Leo and Z's Lunar in Leo. We are a match. I am a gift to him. I m getting hopeful we be together. Totally irrational but somehow feels right. Really the Fool card.
I am so glad...there is no more anxiousness now..just loving him at my own end...
Like Sadhguru said, when you love, you yourself feel good. It may not be so for the other person, as being loved can be a burden/responsibility or etc.
This week Osho cards was on the spot. Earlier I was bit puzzled on why I got Healing and Sorrow cards as things are fine. Alas, it is not. After all pondering, I m sure I don't want to lead but I know I can volunteer without resentment now. I do what I can and don't commit or take charge out of need to excel.
Actually, to be able to volunteer is a high value, not low value. I m volunteering now due to learning my lesson on valuation. Everything is important.
1. Issue
Healing
U carry ur wound. No one is trying to hurt u. Everybody is safeguarding their own wound. When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves.
2. Internal influence
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make u aware! And when u aware, misery disappears.
In order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul
I now can see P's predicament and point of view. Now know her reluctance.
Father, slept around 11.30 pm cos feels good. I m glad to have Ad in Isha. He is Six of Diamonds and Eight of Clubs. Combination of Lau and Dw. Six of Diamonds is my lifetime environment card.
Tot of my Venus in Leo and Z's Lunar in Leo. We are a match. I am a gift to him. I m getting hopeful we be together. Totally irrational but somehow feels right. Really the Fool card.
I am so glad...there is no more anxiousness now..just loving him at my own end...
Like Sadhguru said, when you love, you yourself feel good. It may not be so for the other person, as being loved can be a burden/responsibility or etc.
This week Osho cards was on the spot. Earlier I was bit puzzled on why I got Healing and Sorrow cards as things are fine. Alas, it is not. After all pondering, I m sure I don't want to lead but I know I can volunteer without resentment now. I do what I can and don't commit or take charge out of need to excel.
Actually, to be able to volunteer is a high value, not low value. I m volunteering now due to learning my lesson on valuation. Everything is important.
1. Issue
Healing
U carry ur wound. No one is trying to hurt u. Everybody is safeguarding their own wound. When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves.
2. Internal influence
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make u aware! And when u aware, misery disappears.
In order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul
I now can see P's predicament and point of view. Now know her reluctance.
Osho tarot - Healing and Sorrow card for the week
27 Feb evening
Father, now I understand the Sorrow card under Internal influence. I was sad that the team doesn't want to address the conflict. Or perhaps I was sad that they don't respond. Anyway, thanks to training with Z and also my natal chart reading, I am not as hurt as before.
It doesn't matter what the others think. I replied to M cos I like his idea and I want to support him. Also, learning that he is ENFJ, confirmed to me that he is a feeler.
Learn to express my tots.
Father, thank so much. So nice of J, the yoga teacher. He said I emit positive energy and will get others into ecstatic state.
Father, now I understand the Sorrow card under Internal influence. I was sad that the team doesn't want to address the conflict. Or perhaps I was sad that they don't respond. Anyway, thanks to training with Z and also my natal chart reading, I am not as hurt as before.
It doesn't matter what the others think. I replied to M cos I like his idea and I want to support him. Also, learning that he is ENFJ, confirmed to me that he is a feeler.
Learn to express my tots.
Father, thank so much. So nice of J, the yoga teacher. He said I emit positive energy and will get others into ecstatic state.
Me, Venus in Leo and Z's Lunar in Leo
27 Feb
Woke up 7 am as per alarm. Did my asanas, quite ok. Breathing was fine and I wish I can just sit in silence. Did Shakti and it was good as I went in deep and Shambavi was good too.
Towards the end, was so nice. I laughed with joy and contentment and then cry with gratitude for the grace I have received.
Loving Z and a tot came, me a Venus in Leo, vs Z's Lunar in Leo. Me, Lunar in Scorpio vs Z's Moon in Scorpio. No mistakes. Loving him but there is no anxiousness. Saw his name in meet. Part of me is hopeful, truly The Fool card.
On volunteering, this time I just want to volunteer where I can, I don't want to aim for leaderships . I used to lament why it is always me that has to take lead in everything that I undertake. Z told me that's because I show commitment. So, now learning to hold back so that I don't get resentful for over contributing. Amen. Just like I need not be first in work, i need not be first in volunteering.
Woke up 7 am as per alarm. Did my asanas, quite ok. Breathing was fine and I wish I can just sit in silence. Did Shakti and it was good as I went in deep and Shambavi was good too.
Towards the end, was so nice. I laughed with joy and contentment and then cry with gratitude for the grace I have received.
Loving Z and a tot came, me a Venus in Leo, vs Z's Lunar in Leo. Me, Lunar in Scorpio vs Z's Moon in Scorpio. No mistakes. Loving him but there is no anxiousness. Saw his name in meet. Part of me is hopeful, truly The Fool card.
On volunteering, this time I just want to volunteer where I can, I don't want to aim for leaderships . I used to lament why it is always me that has to take lead in everything that I undertake. Z told me that's because I show commitment. So, now learning to hold back so that I don't get resentful for over contributing. Amen. Just like I need not be first in work, i need not be first in volunteering.
Resistance over Sura Kriya
27 Feb
Father, there is only a few volunteers. Two from new ones. Two we called and the others is core team. No forum for sharing.
No forum for me to shine...my leadership qualities
Also, since I back off last year, I can't be the one to call them back. Suddenly tot may be good for C to invite them back for celebration for Sadhguru event. A great kudos to all
Father, again didn't check properly. I tot 2 sessions only for the sura kriya. But it is actually 4 sessions. So, since I have committed. Cannot back out. At first resistant arise. But now I see that the session ends on 10 march, Mahashivarathri day. So, there is a significance, an unplanned one. Meant to be.
As I was taking charge, I realised that very few persons respond. Now I knew what's the sorrow card. I lost my leadership standing when I left last year. So, no more followers.
Father, there is only a few volunteers. Two from new ones. Two we called and the others is core team. No forum for sharing.
No forum for me to shine...my leadership qualities
Also, since I back off last year, I can't be the one to call them back. Suddenly tot may be good for C to invite them back for celebration for Sadhguru event. A great kudos to all
Father, again didn't check properly. I tot 2 sessions only for the sura kriya. But it is actually 4 sessions. So, since I have committed. Cannot back out. At first resistant arise. But now I see that the session ends on 10 march, Mahashivarathri day. So, there is a significance, an unplanned one. Meant to be.
As I was taking charge, I realised that very few persons respond. Now I knew what's the sorrow card. I lost my leadership standing when I left last year. So, no more followers.
Slowly removing my resistance on volunteering
26 Feb
Father, I was surprised but body woke up 4.30 am on alarm. Very little resistance, just feel surprised and wonder why body is fine despite sleeping late and had a big raw meat steak. Father, I smell flesh. I was eating flesh. There were one or two times I sense it but I ignored. But yesterday afternoon I sensed it and definitely yesterday night as the tenderloin steak was really raw, just the minimal outer layer was cooked.
My body really didn't like it. I was worried I would throw up or purge. Luckily nothing happens. I pity my body. I really worked it to the max.
1. The issue
Healing
U carry your wound. With the ego, your whole being is a wound. Nobody is interested in hurting you, nobody is positively waiting to hurt you; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound.
Be aware of your wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed, and it will heal only when you move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Soul
Not sure if this is for me. But perhaps is for the situation I mediated last week.
Can now see P's reaction. When she cannot give an answer or she doesn't know the answer, tendency is to brush it off abrasively. This will make the other person feel small for asking the question or raising the issue or bring up ideas.
Just now her response on whatsapp, I can just see her voicing the word "nonsense" in her mind.
Nine of hearts
Represents helping others by counselling them or in some way sharing our love and compassion with them. It means giving love in a more or less selfless manner.
Soul
Now have to take one of the lead in Isha. Today is volunteer meet. So, Nine of Hearts is a good sign.
Now much lesser resentment that I have to help others. Firstly, knowing it was my need for pampering that raise the resistance and it had impeded me in my growth. Secondly, knowing that under Opposition between my Lunar in Scorpio and Solar in Taurus, the people to teach me are those that I helped, let me knows that I have returns.
Father, I was surprised but body woke up 4.30 am on alarm. Very little resistance, just feel surprised and wonder why body is fine despite sleeping late and had a big raw meat steak. Father, I smell flesh. I was eating flesh. There were one or two times I sense it but I ignored. But yesterday afternoon I sensed it and definitely yesterday night as the tenderloin steak was really raw, just the minimal outer layer was cooked.
My body really didn't like it. I was worried I would throw up or purge. Luckily nothing happens. I pity my body. I really worked it to the max.
1. The issue
Healing
U carry your wound. With the ego, your whole being is a wound. Nobody is interested in hurting you, nobody is positively waiting to hurt you; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound.
Be aware of your wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed, and it will heal only when you move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Soul
Not sure if this is for me. But perhaps is for the situation I mediated last week.
Can now see P's reaction. When she cannot give an answer or she doesn't know the answer, tendency is to brush it off abrasively. This will make the other person feel small for asking the question or raising the issue or bring up ideas.
Just now her response on whatsapp, I can just see her voicing the word "nonsense" in her mind.
Nine of hearts
Represents helping others by counselling them or in some way sharing our love and compassion with them. It means giving love in a more or less selfless manner.
Soul
Now have to take one of the lead in Isha. Today is volunteer meet. So, Nine of Hearts is a good sign.
Now much lesser resentment that I have to help others. Firstly, knowing it was my need for pampering that raise the resistance and it had impeded me in my growth. Secondly, knowing that under Opposition between my Lunar in Scorpio and Solar in Taurus, the people to teach me are those that I helped, let me knows that I have returns.
Too much red meat
25 Feb
Father, I think I m done with red meat. Just had an expensive rare steak. Body doesn't like it. Had steak this afternoon too. I felt I was truly eating dead flesh.
Now body is not feeling good. So heavy, don't like the feeling. I guess I took it cos I still want to resist. I want to be different.
Well, no more raw steak.
Father, this is second time I felt like stopping meat as body don't like it.
Finally got my whatsapp installed. First thing is to see Z update information. He had changed status from movie to busy and he had a new smiling face. A glimmer of hope but I moved it. Maybe the pix is intended for his future wife and not me.
(1 Mar)
He even now changed to Urgent Calls only. Obviously some people is calling him non-stop. He also changed his pix to the old smiling face; the one whereby I msg him if he is ready to talk.
Surprisingly, I love him and miss him...but no more anxiousness. When I miss him, I just see his pix, love arise and I feel good. No anxiousness
Father, I think I m done with red meat. Just had an expensive rare steak. Body doesn't like it. Had steak this afternoon too. I felt I was truly eating dead flesh.
Now body is not feeling good. So heavy, don't like the feeling. I guess I took it cos I still want to resist. I want to be different.
Well, no more raw steak.
Father, this is second time I felt like stopping meat as body don't like it.
Finally got my whatsapp installed. First thing is to see Z update information. He had changed status from movie to busy and he had a new smiling face. A glimmer of hope but I moved it. Maybe the pix is intended for his future wife and not me.
(1 Mar)
He even now changed to Urgent Calls only. Obviously some people is calling him non-stop. He also changed his pix to the old smiling face; the one whereby I msg him if he is ready to talk.
Surprisingly, I love him and miss him...but no more anxiousness. When I miss him, I just see his pix, love arise and I feel good. No anxiousness
Surrounded by Nines - completion
25 Feb
Father, body was tired. Woke up about 5 am before alarm but I slept back and wake up 5.30 am.
Father, Ma at work is acting like a dumb blond. Normally ones act this way, when they give up.
Father, I m surrounded by Nines. Early last year was Nine of Hearts by N, then followed by Nine of Diamonds by Mz. Also coming another Nine of Diamonds in Ck. Now on my hand is Nine of Spades ruling card in P.
So many Nines.
And I myself got Nine of Diamonds in 2nd karma card.
Earlier, when Mz leaves, I can see that like her I too drop things easily.
And now I knew my age 39 to 51 is Nine of Hearts
And I got to transform myself and can only learn from people that I teach. This means that I have their issues too.
And my lesson is to expand myself. To see others as important as me.
Father, now I m no longer about volunteering as I got Mu and LK behind me. I also got C as back up. On P, I guess I felt betrayed when she boycott me previously. And with the latest episode, my mind was searching for evidence.
(1 March)
Suddenly tot I needed Nines to show that I need to end my need for pampering.
Father, body was tired. Woke up about 5 am before alarm but I slept back and wake up 5.30 am.
Father, Ma at work is acting like a dumb blond. Normally ones act this way, when they give up.
Father, I m surrounded by Nines. Early last year was Nine of Hearts by N, then followed by Nine of Diamonds by Mz. Also coming another Nine of Diamonds in Ck. Now on my hand is Nine of Spades ruling card in P.
So many Nines.
And I myself got Nine of Diamonds in 2nd karma card.
Earlier, when Mz leaves, I can see that like her I too drop things easily.
And now I knew my age 39 to 51 is Nine of Hearts
And I got to transform myself and can only learn from people that I teach. This means that I have their issues too.
And my lesson is to expand myself. To see others as important as me.
Father, now I m no longer about volunteering as I got Mu and LK behind me. I also got C as back up. On P, I guess I felt betrayed when she boycott me previously. And with the latest episode, my mind was searching for evidence.
(1 March)
Suddenly tot I needed Nines to show that I need to end my need for pampering.
Amazing guru pooja at Diety place
Father, looks like P really had slighted many people. I told her earlier that her outburst makes people feel small. And true enough, M also told me that P outburst belittle him.
Father, my issue of valuation had the potential impact of inadvertently making people small in my perception. But the people doesn't know it..guess thats why I seldom have respect for others.
But I do. Me helping P is helping myself. She was just an extreme case. Mmm, why I didn't see that previously. Yea, I had Neptune rship card. Father, let me see her in loving way. Let me see her as important. I don't want to see her as liability. She just doesn't have diplomacy skill, just as I don't have execution skills.
M said he is glad to hear that I need people. He has many. He is happy that I m back in the fold. I told him I don't enjoy volunteering, just like I don't enjoy Indian food or vegetarian or Indian clothes. But when I in, I am truly in. From unable to wear Indian clothes, it has now become my main clothes even for office. From unable to eat Indian food, I can now enjoy it and introduces my family.
Just now the guru pooja for the Devi was amazing. I fell into meditation mode quite suddenly. Despite the heat, loud music and big crowd, I was in meditation, giggling, dancing and in silence. Such joy and contentment. I was truly surprised. I even had a tot that I can follow Z to all these types of poojas; great opportunity to be in energetic space for meditation.
Father, my issue of valuation had the potential impact of inadvertently making people small in my perception. But the people doesn't know it..guess thats why I seldom have respect for others.
But I do. Me helping P is helping myself. She was just an extreme case. Mmm, why I didn't see that previously. Yea, I had Neptune rship card. Father, let me see her in loving way. Let me see her as important. I don't want to see her as liability. She just doesn't have diplomacy skill, just as I don't have execution skills.
M said he is glad to hear that I need people. He has many. He is happy that I m back in the fold. I told him I don't enjoy volunteering, just like I don't enjoy Indian food or vegetarian or Indian clothes. But when I in, I am truly in. From unable to wear Indian clothes, it has now become my main clothes even for office. From unable to eat Indian food, I can now enjoy it and introduces my family.
Just now the guru pooja for the Devi was amazing. I fell into meditation mode quite suddenly. Despite the heat, loud music and big crowd, I was in meditation, giggling, dancing and in silence. Such joy and contentment. I was truly surprised. I even had a tot that I can follow Z to all these types of poojas; great opportunity to be in energetic space for meditation.
Valuation - my strength..my weakness
24 Feb
Father, my lesson is to learn others are as important as me.
Suddenly tot of Sadhguru saying that Nature is all inclusive. So, we too should become like nature, all inclusive.
Father, I have an issue with value judgement. I do valuation for everything and everyone. It is this valuation mode that dictate my likes and dislikes resulting in pleasure or suffering.
Sadhguru said we need to move beyond our likes and dislikes. Need to go beyond our personality.
Honestly, I hate kanji as I viewed as non tasty and cheap food. Eating it demeans me. That's means my food is me. I had become identified with food. Of course, that part has eroded somewhat.
Now on volunteering. I perceived that volunteering happens when they got nothing to do, to fill up their time. Volunteering happens when u can't create things on your own. Volunteering because you have nothing and hence you need to volunteer..I guess I see volunteer less value...or pampering is more important to me
Father, my lesson is to learn others are as important as me.
Suddenly tot of Sadhguru saying that Nature is all inclusive. So, we too should become like nature, all inclusive.
Father, I have an issue with value judgement. I do valuation for everything and everyone. It is this valuation mode that dictate my likes and dislikes resulting in pleasure or suffering.
Sadhguru said we need to move beyond our likes and dislikes. Need to go beyond our personality.
Honestly, I hate kanji as I viewed as non tasty and cheap food. Eating it demeans me. That's means my food is me. I had become identified with food. Of course, that part has eroded somewhat.
Now on volunteering. I perceived that volunteering happens when they got nothing to do, to fill up their time. Volunteering happens when u can't create things on your own. Volunteering because you have nothing and hence you need to volunteer..I guess I see volunteer less value...or pampering is more important to me
Solar and Lunar in Opposites - learning from those I teach
24 Feb
Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Solar and Lunar in opposites
You are learning from the people you teach. Your major avenue from growth evolves from the intensity of your relationship with those around you. As u work with others on a one to one basis, the people you support also provides the support you are seeking in your own life. Mutual growth occurs through this process of reciprocity.
The abstract goal of humankind are not your concern. Your challenge is in finding out how to relate to those around you in a way that produces harmony and justice for both parties.
Extending your identity to include others give you a greater sense of self-completion. The self, as developed in prior incarnations is now ready for another major growth step, and input from the energy of other people is necessary.
You are learning to accept the support and assistance of others in gaining awareness of what you need to complete your own development. This requires humility and grace because you must change personal patterns that separate you from those around you and allow, even invite, them to facilitate in your growth process. As you become more open to this assistance, you find that the other person also gains self-awareness.
You are seeking the balance of self importance in this lifetime by recognising that all things are of equal importance.
Soul
Suddenly tot of my valuation issue. Just like work, I too have valuation for people.
Opposites between eclipses
You learn this by accepting responsibility for making yourself as complete as you possibly can while remembering that others are doing the same thing and are just as important as you are.
As you work on ego development and relate with others, you find that those around you remind you of your lesson by saying, "Hey, I m important too." This brings u back to earth and helps you become aware of your flaws, for without this awareness you cannot grow. By relating with others, you become the best that u can possibly be. At the same time you gain awareness of the needs of others, which facilitates the social balance you are seeking.
Soul
True. When I was in my thirties, many issues. With the help from A Course In Miracles, I have changed. Then with 7thunders, I become aware of my life's lessons. But that was all in the mind. With Isha practices, I have bloomed and even able to transform my dislikes of Indian food, Indian place, vegetarian food, yoga and exercise, romantic relationship and now volunteering.
When we all shared our issues in volunteering, theirs are all valid reasons, mine is just selfish reason.
My feeling was similar to when I had to force myself to eat kanji during Samyama program. The second day as I was about to cry, I looked around and see that everyone is drinking the kanji, even the other foreigners; what makes me thinks I m so special. It is just food that doesn't taste good to me. Why create such drama? In the end I drank it for the whole 7 days. But I admit I didn't drink any kanji during the Samyama refresher.
Opposites
You are also learning the value of diplomacy when expressing which leads to more mutually pleasant experiences.
Soul
Did this via ACIM.
The opposites
This is an equal-time issue; you are learning to share. In the process, you gain a sense of ease about life and an ability to enjoy others while pursuing your own goals.
Soul
Thanks for this message. Next lesson is volunteering.
Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Solar and Lunar in opposites
You are learning from the people you teach. Your major avenue from growth evolves from the intensity of your relationship with those around you. As u work with others on a one to one basis, the people you support also provides the support you are seeking in your own life. Mutual growth occurs through this process of reciprocity.
The abstract goal of humankind are not your concern. Your challenge is in finding out how to relate to those around you in a way that produces harmony and justice for both parties.
Extending your identity to include others give you a greater sense of self-completion. The self, as developed in prior incarnations is now ready for another major growth step, and input from the energy of other people is necessary.
You are learning to accept the support and assistance of others in gaining awareness of what you need to complete your own development. This requires humility and grace because you must change personal patterns that separate you from those around you and allow, even invite, them to facilitate in your growth process. As you become more open to this assistance, you find that the other person also gains self-awareness.
You are seeking the balance of self importance in this lifetime by recognising that all things are of equal importance.
Soul
Suddenly tot of my valuation issue. Just like work, I too have valuation for people.
Opposites between eclipses
You learn this by accepting responsibility for making yourself as complete as you possibly can while remembering that others are doing the same thing and are just as important as you are.
As you work on ego development and relate with others, you find that those around you remind you of your lesson by saying, "Hey, I m important too." This brings u back to earth and helps you become aware of your flaws, for without this awareness you cannot grow. By relating with others, you become the best that u can possibly be. At the same time you gain awareness of the needs of others, which facilitates the social balance you are seeking.
Soul
True. When I was in my thirties, many issues. With the help from A Course In Miracles, I have changed. Then with 7thunders, I become aware of my life's lessons. But that was all in the mind. With Isha practices, I have bloomed and even able to transform my dislikes of Indian food, Indian place, vegetarian food, yoga and exercise, romantic relationship and now volunteering.
When we all shared our issues in volunteering, theirs are all valid reasons, mine is just selfish reason.
My feeling was similar to when I had to force myself to eat kanji during Samyama program. The second day as I was about to cry, I looked around and see that everyone is drinking the kanji, even the other foreigners; what makes me thinks I m so special. It is just food that doesn't taste good to me. Why create such drama? In the end I drank it for the whole 7 days. But I admit I didn't drink any kanji during the Samyama refresher.
Opposites
You are also learning the value of diplomacy when expressing which leads to more mutually pleasant experiences.
Soul
Did this via ACIM.
The opposites
This is an equal-time issue; you are learning to share. In the process, you gain a sense of ease about life and an ability to enjoy others while pursuing your own goals.
Soul
Thanks for this message. Next lesson is volunteering.
Letting go of armour
23 Feb
Father, Ad is also Sun in Cancer, like me. And he also had a rship breakup with his girlfriend. And, he is still in love with the gal but the gal is now with another boyfriend. So, he is learning to handle his unrequited love, just like me. I shared with him, Sadhguru's message from Leela DVD, of building an altar of love for Z. I can continue to love Z but it is up to him, how he wants to be with me. Amen.
Osho
Each seeker of truth has to know how to melt, how to become one. And each seeker of truth has to know how to dissolve into nature, how to go with the flow, without resisting, without fighting. As u become more and more meditative, your energies become non aggressive. Your violence disappears; love arises. You are no longer interested in dominating; instead, you become more and more intrigued with the art of surrender.
(1 Mar)
Soul
Mmm, I received 3 emails of complaints. Instead of my usual defense mechanism reaction, I didn't want to reply and instead, see the value of non-reply. Just accept what they said cos it doesn't harm me or my department. It doesnt matter. I wonder whether this is due to me finally letting go of my armour
Father, Ad is also Sun in Cancer, like me. And he also had a rship breakup with his girlfriend. And, he is still in love with the gal but the gal is now with another boyfriend. So, he is learning to handle his unrequited love, just like me. I shared with him, Sadhguru's message from Leela DVD, of building an altar of love for Z. I can continue to love Z but it is up to him, how he wants to be with me. Amen.
Osho
Each seeker of truth has to know how to melt, how to become one. And each seeker of truth has to know how to dissolve into nature, how to go with the flow, without resisting, without fighting. As u become more and more meditative, your energies become non aggressive. Your violence disappears; love arises. You are no longer interested in dominating; instead, you become more and more intrigued with the art of surrender.
(1 Mar)
Soul
Mmm, I received 3 emails of complaints. Instead of my usual defense mechanism reaction, I didn't want to reply and instead, see the value of non-reply. Just accept what they said cos it doesn't harm me or my department. It doesnt matter. I wonder whether this is due to me finally letting go of my armour
Lunar in Scorpio - everyone is important
22 Feb
Lunar in Scorpio
In this incarnation, you need to learn that society is interdependent and you are responsible for more than just yourself. We must all aid one another: the strong must help the weak, and the weak must learn how to be strong.
Soul
I knew power is responsibility and hence avoided power. I don't see it as a gift but instead a curse as it hamper my wish for pampering. I noted its the weak that get protection, not the strong ones.
There are 3 layers to me. First surface layer is strong, second layer is sensitive and third layer is joy.
Lunar on Scorpio
Discovering boundaries
U have a strong desire to push others to their limit because you want to know its boundaries.
Child with this eclipse need special guidance in discovering their boundaries. Whatever limit sets, must be enforced. With this assistance, they are able to know their place in the society.
Soul
I have always lamented my parents doesn't set limit. That's why school was so difficult. Working was difficult too. It was because I dislike being managed, that I slough and got myself promoted. It is because of no limit, I cross my own limit, resulting in Rheumatoid Arthritis. I over suppresses.
Lunar in Scorpio
Respecting others
Yours is the energy of destruction and you are incarnated thinking that everything here is bad and needs to be rebuilt. Now you want to know who and what is of value here. You are looking for someone worthy of your respect.
You are looking to find what values give other people the strength and self confidence to work for the good of the planet so u can emulate them and find peace.
Soul
True. I seldom look up to others. Even for Sadhguru, it took me 4 years to finally accept him.
For Z, I love and respect him. I wish to emulate his faith.
Past life influence
If you don't meet with any limitations and don't find anyone with strong enough value to guide you in your youth, your life can become difficult.
Soul
My parents has strong values. My mother always taught me that strong must protect the weak. Power is responsibility
Lunar in Scorpio
In this incarnation, you need to learn that society is interdependent and you are responsible for more than just yourself. We must all aid one another: the strong must help the weak, and the weak must learn how to be strong.
Soul
I knew power is responsibility and hence avoided power. I don't see it as a gift but instead a curse as it hamper my wish for pampering. I noted its the weak that get protection, not the strong ones.
There are 3 layers to me. First surface layer is strong, second layer is sensitive and third layer is joy.
Lunar on Scorpio
Discovering boundaries
U have a strong desire to push others to their limit because you want to know its boundaries.
Child with this eclipse need special guidance in discovering their boundaries. Whatever limit sets, must be enforced. With this assistance, they are able to know their place in the society.
Soul
I have always lamented my parents doesn't set limit. That's why school was so difficult. Working was difficult too. It was because I dislike being managed, that I slough and got myself promoted. It is because of no limit, I cross my own limit, resulting in Rheumatoid Arthritis. I over suppresses.
Lunar in Scorpio
Respecting others
Yours is the energy of destruction and you are incarnated thinking that everything here is bad and needs to be rebuilt. Now you want to know who and what is of value here. You are looking for someone worthy of your respect.
You are looking to find what values give other people the strength and self confidence to work for the good of the planet so u can emulate them and find peace.
Soul
True. I seldom look up to others. Even for Sadhguru, it took me 4 years to finally accept him.
For Z, I love and respect him. I wish to emulate his faith.
Past life influence
If you don't meet with any limitations and don't find anyone with strong enough value to guide you in your youth, your life can become difficult.
Soul
My parents has strong values. My mother always taught me that strong must protect the weak. Power is responsibility
Doing work means loss of pampering..Moon in Taurus
22 Feb
Couldn't sleep. Partly because I m reacting on work to be done for Isha. Yea, de javu. I recalled same thing during a few years ago. Back then, it was suffering as I didn't know my own issue. Doing work means a loss of pampering.
I recalled that I eventually overcome the hurdle when I decided that I allowed my fear of reporting take control over me. Once I let it be and learned to do the reporting, then the role was lifted.
Just called V and he said I am doing self abuse. I said I know.
I also know Z will say the same thing.
Unlike the other core Isha team, I don't like volunteering. I don't enjoy it. I feel trapped.
Mmm, a tot came. Just as I said previously, unlike other finance person, I don't like reporting.
Such irony. The whole concept and growth of Isha is from volunteering. So, that's why can't escape. Just like the whole concept of my department is on reporting. But in the end I did, but only after I stopped resisting, do it, conquer my dislike and in the end become good at it. At the same time, the old people all left and the right people come into my life.
Back then, I finally overcome it with Isha tools. Now I already have the tools, so it is just a change of mind set.
Moon in Taurus
The lesson is to contribute it resources to the world, thus earning your comforts and establishing self esteem. U can accomplish this by recognising other people's emotions coming into expression. This recognition can inspire u to get in touch with your creativity.
U gain a deeper sense of inner stability and self worth by supporting and contributing to the material stability of the environment.
Choosing to sacrifice the role of a pampered child empowers you to create goals and objectives that motivate you to establish a set of values.
When you notice that the people who feel good about themselves are those who are contributing their talents and and resources in a tangible way, you are inspired to manifest and establish your creativity. When you appreciate your ideals enough to manifest them, you find the confirmation of self-worth that u need.
Couldn't sleep. Partly because I m reacting on work to be done for Isha. Yea, de javu. I recalled same thing during a few years ago. Back then, it was suffering as I didn't know my own issue. Doing work means a loss of pampering.
I recalled that I eventually overcome the hurdle when I decided that I allowed my fear of reporting take control over me. Once I let it be and learned to do the reporting, then the role was lifted.
Just called V and he said I am doing self abuse. I said I know.
I also know Z will say the same thing.
Unlike the other core Isha team, I don't like volunteering. I don't enjoy it. I feel trapped.
Mmm, a tot came. Just as I said previously, unlike other finance person, I don't like reporting.
Such irony. The whole concept and growth of Isha is from volunteering. So, that's why can't escape. Just like the whole concept of my department is on reporting. But in the end I did, but only after I stopped resisting, do it, conquer my dislike and in the end become good at it. At the same time, the old people all left and the right people come into my life.
Back then, I finally overcome it with Isha tools. Now I already have the tools, so it is just a change of mind set.
Moon in Taurus
The lesson is to contribute it resources to the world, thus earning your comforts and establishing self esteem. U can accomplish this by recognising other people's emotions coming into expression. This recognition can inspire u to get in touch with your creativity.
U gain a deeper sense of inner stability and self worth by supporting and contributing to the material stability of the environment.
Choosing to sacrifice the role of a pampered child empowers you to create goals and objectives that motivate you to establish a set of values.
When you notice that the people who feel good about themselves are those who are contributing their talents and and resources in a tangible way, you are inspired to manifest and establish your creativity. When you appreciate your ideals enough to manifest them, you find the confirmation of self-worth that u need.
Bit stress with coming back to Isha
22 Feb
This morning woke feeling bit stressed over Isha matters.
This tot then came to me.
I know what to do. But I don't know how to do. I have leadership skill and can motivate and develop people. But my skill needs people. I need good second liners to come out with how to do and others to do as instructed. I need people.
Woke up at 7 am with alarm but was feeling bit tired. So, just lay back and wake up at 7.30 am. Took a shower and start to practice at 7.46. Mind said its bit late, skip hata. I replied I got lots of time. Did my asana and was laughing a fair bit. A tot came, it's ok if I don't feel like attending the other hata yoga program. For now let me just enjoy what I have learned from December hata yoga refresher. Unlike the rest, I enjoyed hata albeit lazy. Besides now that I have new role in Isha, I won't have more time. And unlike the others, my daily practices is much more. So, it's enough.
Shakti was fine and Shambavi was beautiful. I went in deep into Suka Kriya and aim chanting. Towards the end I was suddenly singing and dancing. Such joy and contentment. Amen for the tools.
Father, if the Isha thingy were to come earlier, it would be outright rejection. But I now can see what's my role. This is my pilgrimage.
When doing asana, I was crying over the work to be done the next few months, loss of my self pampering time. The moon in me doesn't want to. Whenever I had to take a leadership role outside work, I felt unloved as there will be no pampering.
Then I laughed as this is my lesson, my pilgrimage. No wonder Seven of Clubs. I know I can take the lead role, others know I can but I don't want to.
Just spoken to LK, she said I create too much resistance. Just go with the flow. Besides, since I don't want to do work, I might as well take the lead.
I told her, I cannot run away and besides its in my card. I will accept my lesson. Just like I took up the lesson with Z. I m doing it for my Self, less on friendship.
Today Osho card
We are the World. Life has been given to u to create, to rejoice and to celebrate. When u cry and weep, when u r miserable, u r alone. When u celebrate, the whole existence participates with u. Only in celebration do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
This card represents time of communication, of sharing the riches that each of us brings to the whole. There is no clinging, no grasping. It is a circle without fear of feelings of inferiority and superiority. When we combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.
Soul
Alas, I understand the Sorrow card. Only in lesson of pain, I become aware and grow. Without the pain of break up with Z, I would not be able to see my Natal Chart clearly. I wouldn't find my way Home. Now that I m Home. I m integrated and act consciously instead of letting my unconsciousness leads me unknowingly.
Father, amen.
This morning woke feeling bit stressed over Isha matters.
This tot then came to me.
I know what to do. But I don't know how to do. I have leadership skill and can motivate and develop people. But my skill needs people. I need good second liners to come out with how to do and others to do as instructed. I need people.
Woke up at 7 am with alarm but was feeling bit tired. So, just lay back and wake up at 7.30 am. Took a shower and start to practice at 7.46. Mind said its bit late, skip hata. I replied I got lots of time. Did my asana and was laughing a fair bit. A tot came, it's ok if I don't feel like attending the other hata yoga program. For now let me just enjoy what I have learned from December hata yoga refresher. Unlike the rest, I enjoyed hata albeit lazy. Besides now that I have new role in Isha, I won't have more time. And unlike the others, my daily practices is much more. So, it's enough.
Shakti was fine and Shambavi was beautiful. I went in deep into Suka Kriya and aim chanting. Towards the end I was suddenly singing and dancing. Such joy and contentment. Amen for the tools.
Father, if the Isha thingy were to come earlier, it would be outright rejection. But I now can see what's my role. This is my pilgrimage.
When doing asana, I was crying over the work to be done the next few months, loss of my self pampering time. The moon in me doesn't want to. Whenever I had to take a leadership role outside work, I felt unloved as there will be no pampering.
Then I laughed as this is my lesson, my pilgrimage. No wonder Seven of Clubs. I know I can take the lead role, others know I can but I don't want to.
Just spoken to LK, she said I create too much resistance. Just go with the flow. Besides, since I don't want to do work, I might as well take the lead.
I told her, I cannot run away and besides its in my card. I will accept my lesson. Just like I took up the lesson with Z. I m doing it for my Self, less on friendship.
Today Osho card
We are the World. Life has been given to u to create, to rejoice and to celebrate. When u cry and weep, when u r miserable, u r alone. When u celebrate, the whole existence participates with u. Only in celebration do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
This card represents time of communication, of sharing the riches that each of us brings to the whole. There is no clinging, no grasping. It is a circle without fear of feelings of inferiority and superiority. When we combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.
Soul
Alas, I understand the Sorrow card. Only in lesson of pain, I become aware and grow. Without the pain of break up with Z, I would not be able to see my Natal Chart clearly. I wouldn't find my way Home. Now that I m Home. I m integrated and act consciously instead of letting my unconsciousness leads me unknowingly.
Father, amen.
Uranus - unexpected challenges..back to Isha
21 Feb Eve
Meet up was good, both P and C has reconciled. P said she will be like C and now take a breather. With K now off, looks like it is up to me to take the next IE in May.
Here I was wondering yesterday, what possible unexpected challenges I will face next month. Now I know, I have to lead IE. Bit daunting as I used to be able to escape this portion for the past 4 years.
Uranus period.
Destiny is Five of Diamonds with Queen of Spade.
Ruling is Seven of Clubs with Five of Diamonds.
Seven of Clubs in Uranus
Brings unexpected trouble or doubts related to work, a friend or real estate transaction. Perhaps some plans u have made were unexpectedly interrupted. Under this highly spiritual influence, u must be prepared to let go of your plans and to adopt a positive attitude in spite of whatever circumstances present themselves. Then u may experience the "higher mind" potential of this card, cosmic consciousness, freedom from worry and concern.
This is a good influence for spiritual matters, learning new spiritual information.
Soul
I tot I be spending the next 3 months on my website. But looks like I m not. If this challenge were to come I read Spiritual Astrology, I would have freaked out and said no. Now I know all challenges help to open up doors. It's time I undertake this lesson.
Two days of not having my what's app messages. Can't see Z. Also, don't have pix. All pixels are gone. Now in the phone. I didn't save them. Is this a sign that it truly over.
Meet up was good, both P and C has reconciled. P said she will be like C and now take a breather. With K now off, looks like it is up to me to take the next IE in May.
Here I was wondering yesterday, what possible unexpected challenges I will face next month. Now I know, I have to lead IE. Bit daunting as I used to be able to escape this portion for the past 4 years.
Uranus period.
Destiny is Five of Diamonds with Queen of Spade.
Ruling is Seven of Clubs with Five of Diamonds.
Seven of Clubs in Uranus
Brings unexpected trouble or doubts related to work, a friend or real estate transaction. Perhaps some plans u have made were unexpectedly interrupted. Under this highly spiritual influence, u must be prepared to let go of your plans and to adopt a positive attitude in spite of whatever circumstances present themselves. Then u may experience the "higher mind" potential of this card, cosmic consciousness, freedom from worry and concern.
This is a good influence for spiritual matters, learning new spiritual information.
Soul
I tot I be spending the next 3 months on my website. But looks like I m not. If this challenge were to come I read Spiritual Astrology, I would have freaked out and said no. Now I know all challenges help to open up doors. It's time I undertake this lesson.
Two days of not having my what's app messages. Can't see Z. Also, don't have pix. All pixels are gone. Now in the phone. I didn't save them. Is this a sign that it truly over.
Pink is the colour of love
21 Feb
Father, woke up just before alarm rang at 4.30 am. Did Suria Namaskara with subtle body and it was effortless and I was giggling throughout. Shakti was just ok as I didn't do Kapala Bhakti due to menses. Shambavi was good too. I felt such contentment.
This morning I woke up and tot of next year new love and saw that my new phone cover is pink. Pink is the colour of love. When I was reading yesterday on my next year Cards, I tot it was for calendar 2014, and that's another one year away. This morning I remembered my new year starts in July and that's another 4 months to go. I be ready by then.
My Osho card for this week is really true.
1. Issue
The Creator.
The mystic creates himself. He doesn't work with objects, he work on himself, his own being. He makes himself into a masterpiece. U r carrying a masterpiece hidden within u, but u r standing in the way. Just move aside, then the masterpiece be revealed.
The Zen master in this card has harnessed the energy of fire and is able to use it for creation rather than destruction. He has mastered the fires of passion without repressing them or allowing them to get destructive and out of balance. Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from your own life experiences, it is time to express yourself.
Soul
True. I now helped to bridge the relationship between P and C. I didn't knew it was so bad. I also didn't knew that P was at her breaking point. Unlike me, she can't leave and hence project her resentment on us.
When I called this morning, I tried to the indirect way, looking for an opening. P was so off putting. She raised her voice and asked me to cut out the bull shit and goes straight to the stories. I was taken aback momentarily by her outburst. I retorted that this is her problem, shutting people off. How can then she expect others to respond. She said she is selective as she knew I can handle it. Mmm, in a way yes, I got this from my dominating bosses.
Anyway, she finally relented and we start afresh. She then start to cry and share her burden. She too know she becomes like a bad person that she doesn't like too. But someone need to take the whip cos otherwise the ship will drown. I let her cry and I said I am sorry as only yesterday I realised the call for help. And I now only know the extent of it. She said she didn't dare to show her vulnerabilities as worry that it will affect others.
Father, somehow I played the role of mediators.
3. External influence
Clinging to the Past
The past is gone and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that u have already outgrown if u hadn't been busy clinging on to what u have already been through.
Soul
Yesterday I cried when I did Shoonya, the tot of going back to be part of Isha leadership hurt my Moon in Taurus as I missed my self pampering. But then I laughed cos that's the past. The true me need to do so.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Guidance
The truth of your own deepest being is trying to show u where u to go right now, and when this card appears it means u can trust the inner guidance u r being given.
Soul
I knew I had to come in and take the lead. But I also know I m not that willing. So for now, just want to bring the team together.
I also knew that's my Sun in Cancer.
5. Resolution.
Sharing
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give. It doesn't occur to her to take inventories or to put aside something for later.
Everything around u seems to be coming together. Enjoy it. Ground yourself in it and let the abundance in you and around you overflow.
Father, woke up just before alarm rang at 4.30 am. Did Suria Namaskara with subtle body and it was effortless and I was giggling throughout. Shakti was just ok as I didn't do Kapala Bhakti due to menses. Shambavi was good too. I felt such contentment.
This morning I woke up and tot of next year new love and saw that my new phone cover is pink. Pink is the colour of love. When I was reading yesterday on my next year Cards, I tot it was for calendar 2014, and that's another one year away. This morning I remembered my new year starts in July and that's another 4 months to go. I be ready by then.
My Osho card for this week is really true.
1. Issue
The Creator.
The mystic creates himself. He doesn't work with objects, he work on himself, his own being. He makes himself into a masterpiece. U r carrying a masterpiece hidden within u, but u r standing in the way. Just move aside, then the masterpiece be revealed.
The Zen master in this card has harnessed the energy of fire and is able to use it for creation rather than destruction. He has mastered the fires of passion without repressing them or allowing them to get destructive and out of balance. Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from your own life experiences, it is time to express yourself.
Soul
True. I now helped to bridge the relationship between P and C. I didn't knew it was so bad. I also didn't knew that P was at her breaking point. Unlike me, she can't leave and hence project her resentment on us.
When I called this morning, I tried to the indirect way, looking for an opening. P was so off putting. She raised her voice and asked me to cut out the bull shit and goes straight to the stories. I was taken aback momentarily by her outburst. I retorted that this is her problem, shutting people off. How can then she expect others to respond. She said she is selective as she knew I can handle it. Mmm, in a way yes, I got this from my dominating bosses.
Anyway, she finally relented and we start afresh. She then start to cry and share her burden. She too know she becomes like a bad person that she doesn't like too. But someone need to take the whip cos otherwise the ship will drown. I let her cry and I said I am sorry as only yesterday I realised the call for help. And I now only know the extent of it. She said she didn't dare to show her vulnerabilities as worry that it will affect others.
Father, somehow I played the role of mediators.
3. External influence
Clinging to the Past
The past is gone and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that u have already outgrown if u hadn't been busy clinging on to what u have already been through.
Soul
Yesterday I cried when I did Shoonya, the tot of going back to be part of Isha leadership hurt my Moon in Taurus as I missed my self pampering. But then I laughed cos that's the past. The true me need to do so.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Guidance
The truth of your own deepest being is trying to show u where u to go right now, and when this card appears it means u can trust the inner guidance u r being given.
Soul
I knew I had to come in and take the lead. But I also know I m not that willing. So for now, just want to bring the team together.
I also knew that's my Sun in Cancer.
5. Resolution.
Sharing
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give. It doesn't occur to her to take inventories or to put aside something for later.
Everything around u seems to be coming together. Enjoy it. Ground yourself in it and let the abundance in you and around you overflow.
Pink Iphone cover - my sensitive self coming out
20 Feb
Father, today I woke up before the alarm at 7pm. I guess I must have been tired.
Did my asana, not great as I have stopped for one week. Not sure why, I can't seem to visualise subtle body when doing asana, as compared to Suria Namaskara.
Breathing meditation was great.
Afternoon
Was communicating via mails and phone on Isha matters. Took charge and gave input on some matters. Actually P's reaction was a call for help. I told her that I was still on low profile and K be giving birth soon and C is not available too. So, everything seems to fall on her shoulder. Yesterday we said P can take a break too, but in reality, she can't because both C and me also has not show her that we be there to support. Worst still C had said she can't do it. And P can't ask me cos I had said no too.
Did my Shoonya and Samyama just now. Went in deep, I was crying and laughing loads. I even sing. I am so thankful for Sadhguru's tools.
Father, thanks for your guidance.
Seven of Clubs in Destiny was a lift in my consciousness. With the help of Spiritual Astrology book by Jan Spiller, I felt I come home to myself. Hence the Four of Hearts in second card. Also, the relationship among four of us had strengthen.
Ruling card is Seven of Diamonds and Jack of Diamonds in Result card. Yes, the last one month has been me trying to find an answer of how to go on. Just loving him, give him an altar. What he wants to be with me is up to him. Amen.
Saturn period is up to 20th March, but I know I learned my lesson. My lesson is to allow my vulnerability to come out, to give space for the expression of my emotion, matter what's the outcome.
Father, today I accepted a purchase of a pink cover. My first tot was that this show feminine, which is not my normal me. Then a smaller voice came, the real you is a sensitive woman with deep emotions.
That's why I got so much to write. I needed an outlet for all my suppressed emotion. So, I bought the pink cover despite my initial resistance. As I was looking at my pyjamas which I purchased recently, I realised it is also a deep pink. I guess I am now willing to show up.
S just called me. She went back to her old boss and even met up with his family. Now I know why she didn't call me for the past one month. She didn't want me to know, as she knew I won't approve. Anyway, I told her its up to her. But she is already 41 years old, not much time left. Why want to continue wasting her love for someone that she can't have. Mmm, that's me too. I am 46 years old but still loving Z despite knowing it is unrequited. But in my case, I guess I am luckier as Z was kind enough to let me go.
Father, I love Z but is a love that I felt for A previously. I let go of A and in time I let go of Z too.
I finally compiled my ebook volume 3 today. Now just need to review and put into typeset mode.
A coincidence, once I m ready to let go, the ebook materialised. There is a connection.
I am ready for a change. 10 March is Mahashivarathri cum Sathsang and that is a day of full elevation. Coincidentally, my Uranus card from 21 march to 12 May is a period of change. By then, my website will be ready.
Uranus period.
Destiny is Five of Diamonds with Queen of Spade.
Ruling is Seven of Clubs with Five of Diamonds.
Five of Diamonds is changes in values, occupation or business travel. At it deepest level, it is about change in values. If our values, or what we really want from life, changes, it is likely that many other changes will occur at the same time.
It also represents an evolution from security to adventure, a branching out into new directions to claim more territory and gather new experiences.
Five of Diamonds in Uranus is a strong influence for a change that is unexpected. The unexpected is bound to happen. I can only think of website and perhaps taking bigger role in Isha as May is the IE period. Of course, a tot came, a hope for Z. I had to be realistic. We did break up in mid September and it is highly possible that his marriage is real. I can't say he is Good but he is a Gentleman.
Father, today I woke up before the alarm at 7pm. I guess I must have been tired.
Did my asana, not great as I have stopped for one week. Not sure why, I can't seem to visualise subtle body when doing asana, as compared to Suria Namaskara.
Breathing meditation was great.
Afternoon
Was communicating via mails and phone on Isha matters. Took charge and gave input on some matters. Actually P's reaction was a call for help. I told her that I was still on low profile and K be giving birth soon and C is not available too. So, everything seems to fall on her shoulder. Yesterday we said P can take a break too, but in reality, she can't because both C and me also has not show her that we be there to support. Worst still C had said she can't do it. And P can't ask me cos I had said no too.
Did my Shoonya and Samyama just now. Went in deep, I was crying and laughing loads. I even sing. I am so thankful for Sadhguru's tools.
Father, thanks for your guidance.
Seven of Clubs in Destiny was a lift in my consciousness. With the help of Spiritual Astrology book by Jan Spiller, I felt I come home to myself. Hence the Four of Hearts in second card. Also, the relationship among four of us had strengthen.
Ruling card is Seven of Diamonds and Jack of Diamonds in Result card. Yes, the last one month has been me trying to find an answer of how to go on. Just loving him, give him an altar. What he wants to be with me is up to him. Amen.
Saturn period is up to 20th March, but I know I learned my lesson. My lesson is to allow my vulnerability to come out, to give space for the expression of my emotion, matter what's the outcome.
Father, today I accepted a purchase of a pink cover. My first tot was that this show feminine, which is not my normal me. Then a smaller voice came, the real you is a sensitive woman with deep emotions.
That's why I got so much to write. I needed an outlet for all my suppressed emotion. So, I bought the pink cover despite my initial resistance. As I was looking at my pyjamas which I purchased recently, I realised it is also a deep pink. I guess I am now willing to show up.
S just called me. She went back to her old boss and even met up with his family. Now I know why she didn't call me for the past one month. She didn't want me to know, as she knew I won't approve. Anyway, I told her its up to her. But she is already 41 years old, not much time left. Why want to continue wasting her love for someone that she can't have. Mmm, that's me too. I am 46 years old but still loving Z despite knowing it is unrequited. But in my case, I guess I am luckier as Z was kind enough to let me go.
Father, I love Z but is a love that I felt for A previously. I let go of A and in time I let go of Z too.
I finally compiled my ebook volume 3 today. Now just need to review and put into typeset mode.
A coincidence, once I m ready to let go, the ebook materialised. There is a connection.
I am ready for a change. 10 March is Mahashivarathri cum Sathsang and that is a day of full elevation. Coincidentally, my Uranus card from 21 march to 12 May is a period of change. By then, my website will be ready.
Uranus period.
Destiny is Five of Diamonds with Queen of Spade.
Ruling is Seven of Clubs with Five of Diamonds.
Five of Diamonds is changes in values, occupation or business travel. At it deepest level, it is about change in values. If our values, or what we really want from life, changes, it is likely that many other changes will occur at the same time.
It also represents an evolution from security to adventure, a branching out into new directions to claim more territory and gather new experiences.
Five of Diamonds in Uranus is a strong influence for a change that is unexpected. The unexpected is bound to happen. I can only think of website and perhaps taking bigger role in Isha as May is the IE period. Of course, a tot came, a hope for Z. I had to be realistic. We did break up in mid September and it is highly possible that his marriage is real. I can't say he is Good but he is a Gentleman.
Friday, February 22, 2013
My learnings...my Tools
Feb 19 Eve
Good that I created a Whatsapp and all opened up for this Thursday meet.
I m glad P understand my intention. As for K, she was quick to agree to a volunteer meet.
Feeling tired. Nearly 2 weeks of worrying of venue and then get approval and then close the rank among the team. Need my time off. Its great that tomorrow is my off day. Amen.
Spoke to my ex-company colleagues and noted the dramas. I m really glad I escaped from it. No more intense work environment.
Today I spoke to A. I shared about the Spiritual Astrology book.
I told when I read it, I was depressed, no where to hide and I didn't like the result of my unconscious behavior and was determined to change.
That's why I classified as Tools, whereas my friend said she want to categorised under References. A said for me, its about application and for my friend, its about information, knowledge.
Good that I created a Whatsapp and all opened up for this Thursday meet.
I m glad P understand my intention. As for K, she was quick to agree to a volunteer meet.
Feeling tired. Nearly 2 weeks of worrying of venue and then get approval and then close the rank among the team. Need my time off. Its great that tomorrow is my off day. Amen.
Spoke to my ex-company colleagues and noted the dramas. I m really glad I escaped from it. No more intense work environment.
Today I spoke to A. I shared about the Spiritual Astrology book.
I told when I read it, I was depressed, no where to hide and I didn't like the result of my unconscious behavior and was determined to change.
That's why I classified as Tools, whereas my friend said she want to categorised under References. A said for me, its about application and for my friend, its about information, knowledge.
Opening up my sensitivity - helping others
Feb 18 Eve
Father, I couldn't sleep. Too much energy.
I wanted to reply P's mail. I let her know the real reason for my response. Then I can share others feedback on her.
I saw C has responded that she too feel the same. K had wrote a long mail.
After my mail to P, I knew my Insight to share our strength is the answer.
Also, another answer came. P also realised that just correcting my English grammar is not worth 100 and now lower it to 50. So, I got 2 reasonably priced editors for English now.
I cannot write like Pe. She wrote beautifully. When she edited same way, I felt it was not my voice. I am not a Writer but I am a Sharer expressing my insights and learnings.
Alas, can continue to read Osho, book of Women. A month ago I stopped cos I was suppressing my love for Z and I wanted to ignore any messages on unconditional love. Amazingly, the message came from Leela dvd from Sadhguru. And I had some time off from the dvds. So, it is amazingly timely I watched Dvd 4, blue magic.
Now that my love for Z is being expressed, I can now go back to Osho's book of Women. Amen.
Father, I couldn't sleep. Too much energy.
I wanted to reply P's mail. I let her know the real reason for my response. Then I can share others feedback on her.
I saw C has responded that she too feel the same. K had wrote a long mail.
After my mail to P, I knew my Insight to share our strength is the answer.
Also, another answer came. P also realised that just correcting my English grammar is not worth 100 and now lower it to 50. So, I got 2 reasonably priced editors for English now.
I cannot write like Pe. She wrote beautifully. When she edited same way, I felt it was not my voice. I am not a Writer but I am a Sharer expressing my insights and learnings.
Alas, can continue to read Osho, book of Women. A month ago I stopped cos I was suppressing my love for Z and I wanted to ignore any messages on unconditional love. Amazingly, the message came from Leela dvd from Sadhguru. And I had some time off from the dvds. So, it is amazingly timely I watched Dvd 4, blue magic.
Now that my love for Z is being expressed, I can now go back to Osho's book of Women. Amen.
Alternative view on others - an opening
Feb 18
Father, did my practices. Shakti and Shambavi were fine. I admitted I was feeling bit short of time and plan to rush through but I went in deep.
Actually, I wasn't that exasperated with her mail nor T's reply. I knew that's just P. But after C's call, I knew that I need to stop P as I cannot afford for C to go.
Evening
Just finished Shoonya, such contentment. Thanks to Sadhguru.
I knew I need to gather us all back together. I recalled the gathering where M and I thrashed out our differences and we make up and become good friends.
I then knew that its time for us to gather again.
I spoke to L and she agreed P's parental communications behaviour. She also told me that she had received negative feedback on P too.
I then shared that I had a Nine of Spades in my ex-staff, St. He is a very good staff and respectful too. However his peers cannot stand him.
Suddenly tot of P's similar problem.
I never knew P was so parental as previously I hold the leadership role. But I recalled when I let go and came back to the volunteer meet, I was boycotted. I recalled I was so hurt and betrayed as P used to respect and support me. L told me she remembered the incident and felt bad for me.
We both agreed that P was hurt by me letting go of the team and came back. I told L I knew and hence forgiven P. But of course, the visit to Ashram helped.
And now reading my Lunar in Scorpio also expanded my empathy to forgive.
In a volunteers type environment, P's parental mode is destructive as there will be no followers.
Mmm, suddenly a tot came. On one hand P can said that volunteers meet is ineffective. But the other side is, it could ineffective to her because she cannot get followers.
That is why she insist that volunteers must give full commitment. And if they don't, she will pulled the whip. She demands commitment. In a volunteers environment, it is peer to peer, this type of communications alienated others.
For me and C, volunteers meet is productive as we both can get volunteers. We are able to inspire. Me via my joy, and her via compassion.
If we follow P, stagnancy sets in. No growth. P is great with execution. She is military.
Instead of me and C fights over P and K.
I think C and I be in charge of the volunteers meet and Sathsang Guide.
Let P and K be in charge of events execution. I know C and I can get more followers for P and K to command.
Win win situation. Different energy for different purpose. We need not be in conflict, we can complement. All parties just want Isha to grow.
Let me sleep on this. Not sure if I can take this up.
Father, did my practices. Shakti and Shambavi were fine. I admitted I was feeling bit short of time and plan to rush through but I went in deep.
Actually, I wasn't that exasperated with her mail nor T's reply. I knew that's just P. But after C's call, I knew that I need to stop P as I cannot afford for C to go.
Evening
Just finished Shoonya, such contentment. Thanks to Sadhguru.
I knew I need to gather us all back together. I recalled the gathering where M and I thrashed out our differences and we make up and become good friends.
I then knew that its time for us to gather again.
I spoke to L and she agreed P's parental communications behaviour. She also told me that she had received negative feedback on P too.
I then shared that I had a Nine of Spades in my ex-staff, St. He is a very good staff and respectful too. However his peers cannot stand him.
Suddenly tot of P's similar problem.
I never knew P was so parental as previously I hold the leadership role. But I recalled when I let go and came back to the volunteer meet, I was boycotted. I recalled I was so hurt and betrayed as P used to respect and support me. L told me she remembered the incident and felt bad for me.
We both agreed that P was hurt by me letting go of the team and came back. I told L I knew and hence forgiven P. But of course, the visit to Ashram helped.
And now reading my Lunar in Scorpio also expanded my empathy to forgive.
In a volunteers type environment, P's parental mode is destructive as there will be no followers.
Mmm, suddenly a tot came. On one hand P can said that volunteers meet is ineffective. But the other side is, it could ineffective to her because she cannot get followers.
That is why she insist that volunteers must give full commitment. And if they don't, she will pulled the whip. She demands commitment. In a volunteers environment, it is peer to peer, this type of communications alienated others.
For me and C, volunteers meet is productive as we both can get volunteers. We are able to inspire. Me via my joy, and her via compassion.
If we follow P, stagnancy sets in. No growth. P is great with execution. She is military.
Instead of me and C fights over P and K.
I think C and I be in charge of the volunteers meet and Sathsang Guide.
Let P and K be in charge of events execution. I know C and I can get more followers for P and K to command.
Win win situation. Different energy for different purpose. We need not be in conflict, we can complement. All parties just want Isha to grow.
Let me sleep on this. Not sure if I can take this up.
Sun in Cancer - finally opening up my sensitivity
Feb 17 Aft 1
Father, I get annoyed whenever others don't take charge when they r designated or appointed or volunteered for leadership. And I get pissed off if they then push the leadership back to me. Why can't they just hold the leadership? Why should they have the rights to delegate/shares when I can't do so.
Just like C. But with her, in the end I truly listen and she wanted out. Now with P, I m not sure. But she used this word frequently which I don't like, "nonsense". Anytime she doesn't get her way, it was nonsense.
Well, nonsense is in this world. I face it daily.
P realised she is out of line. She msg to says that she will send direct. I replied that it was my first choice.
Father, again if I hold back.
Suddenly a tot came, because of Z, I accelerated my search to find my Self. And by holding back my sensitivity on myself and bring it to others, I can have better clarity and responded objectively and empathy. Another example today. Another thing, I now can see P also communicate with Parent mode like SL, which was what trigger me.
About 2 hours later I received the draft mail and P put the additional sentence. Of course I got a slight comment from teacher, which doesn't affect me like before. Of course, negative tot of P's betrayal came. But I dismissed it. I told myself, don't be sensitive.
And this time, knowing my Mars in Libra for maintaining false harmony, I msg her to clarify my stand. She said she didn't understand my rationale and I could have been more patient in explaining. I responded by saying she could have use a different tone of voice. We both understand our reactions.
Father, Nine of Diamonds. I no longer value false harmony. I no longer believe in auto betrayal tots. I now know its my sensitivity. I will use it outward.
Spiritual Astrology
Sun in Cancer
New focus - sharing ur talent for emotional perception with others.
Result - u can care for and about them. Simultaneously, u become more objective and content with ur feelings.
The idea is to use ur natural sensitivity to recognise the emotional pain of others.
By giving others center stage to express their feelings and vulnerabilities, u emphatise with their suffering and ur vitality increases. Others appreciate ur intuitive, loving nature.
By expressing ur gifts for emotional perception in a way that serves others, u realise that ur best security rests in caring for those outside urself
Soul
I used to be envious of C for her sympathetic and loving ways. Now I know I too have it.
Guess being a crab, tendency is to keep myself safe under my protective shell.
Father, amen.
Father, I get annoyed whenever others don't take charge when they r designated or appointed or volunteered for leadership. And I get pissed off if they then push the leadership back to me. Why can't they just hold the leadership? Why should they have the rights to delegate/shares when I can't do so.
Just like C. But with her, in the end I truly listen and she wanted out. Now with P, I m not sure. But she used this word frequently which I don't like, "nonsense". Anytime she doesn't get her way, it was nonsense.
Well, nonsense is in this world. I face it daily.
P realised she is out of line. She msg to says that she will send direct. I replied that it was my first choice.
Father, again if I hold back.
Suddenly a tot came, because of Z, I accelerated my search to find my Self. And by holding back my sensitivity on myself and bring it to others, I can have better clarity and responded objectively and empathy. Another example today. Another thing, I now can see P also communicate with Parent mode like SL, which was what trigger me.
About 2 hours later I received the draft mail and P put the additional sentence. Of course I got a slight comment from teacher, which doesn't affect me like before. Of course, negative tot of P's betrayal came. But I dismissed it. I told myself, don't be sensitive.
And this time, knowing my Mars in Libra for maintaining false harmony, I msg her to clarify my stand. She said she didn't understand my rationale and I could have been more patient in explaining. I responded by saying she could have use a different tone of voice. We both understand our reactions.
Father, Nine of Diamonds. I no longer value false harmony. I no longer believe in auto betrayal tots. I now know its my sensitivity. I will use it outward.
Spiritual Astrology
Sun in Cancer
New focus - sharing ur talent for emotional perception with others.
Result - u can care for and about them. Simultaneously, u become more objective and content with ur feelings.
The idea is to use ur natural sensitivity to recognise the emotional pain of others.
By giving others center stage to express their feelings and vulnerabilities, u emphatise with their suffering and ur vitality increases. Others appreciate ur intuitive, loving nature.
By expressing ur gifts for emotional perception in a way that serves others, u realise that ur best security rests in caring for those outside urself
Soul
I used to be envious of C for her sympathetic and loving ways. Now I know I too have it.
Guess being a crab, tendency is to keep myself safe under my protective shell.
Father, amen.
Z's Lunar in Leo...and my Venus in Leo
Feb 17 Aft
Was reviewing the edited version of my story and I saw this.
How can I emulate my Cosmic Lesson of Faith, seven of Spades? How can I have the courage and determination of Z. How to follow what I want without being immobilised by my fear of having to pay a price?
Coincidentally, just now when I was browsing thru Z's lunar in Leo, I also glanced at the Solar and as I was reading, I recalled that I am also Venus in Leo.
Solar in Leo
Your mission is to come to teach ur fellow beings how to accept love.
You persevere, not taking no for an answer and continuing to love and share love when u honestly feel it in ur heart, whether those around you are remaining aloof or not.
Soul
I am on the right track when I decided to love Z eventhough it is unrequited.
On the same note, Z's lunar in Scorpio is to learn how to accept love.
I may not be Solar in Leo but I have Venus in Leo and with courage, I can teach Z. Furthermore, I did identify that he makes it difficult for people to love him.
Suddenly a tot occurred to me, he makes it difficult because he thinks that he can't be loved.
Similar to me avoiding rship as I don't want to face rejection.
Was reviewing the edited version of my story and I saw this.
How can I emulate my Cosmic Lesson of Faith, seven of Spades? How can I have the courage and determination of Z. How to follow what I want without being immobilised by my fear of having to pay a price?
Coincidentally, just now when I was browsing thru Z's lunar in Leo, I also glanced at the Solar and as I was reading, I recalled that I am also Venus in Leo.
Solar in Leo
Your mission is to come to teach ur fellow beings how to accept love.
You persevere, not taking no for an answer and continuing to love and share love when u honestly feel it in ur heart, whether those around you are remaining aloof or not.
Soul
I am on the right track when I decided to love Z eventhough it is unrequited.
On the same note, Z's lunar in Scorpio is to learn how to accept love.
I may not be Solar in Leo but I have Venus in Leo and with courage, I can teach Z. Furthermore, I did identify that he makes it difficult for people to love him.
Suddenly a tot occurred to me, he makes it difficult because he thinks that he can't be loved.
Similar to me avoiding rship as I don't want to face rejection.
Z and I are mirrors to each other
Feb 17
Now browsing my next period in Uranus. A Seven of Clubs with Five of Diamonds in Ruling. Five of Diamonds with Queen of Spades in Destiny's.
M not so hopeful About Z. But I m hopeful of myself. Loving him won't kill me. I don't hope he changed. I just hope my unrequited love can transform itself. What I want to learn is to be open and experienced my feelings without fear. No more suppressing.
Z and I really have a connection. Not only is he my mirror in Scorpio and I am his in Taurus.
I just noted that just as I have Saturn in Aries (his Sun and Mercury signs), my reluctance to be a leader his Saturn is in Gemini (my Rising sign), an issue with open and honest communications.
My task is to rise above the limitations of past life personality expressions; to discover and formulate a new, more powerful sense of identity.
His task is to communicate clearly, honestly and openly. Now I knew why he hid about his marriage.
Today, he just changed his what's app pix of his face to a motor racer. My first tot was his next goal is to buy a racing bike. Second tot is he no longer wants me to see his face.
Now browsing my next period in Uranus. A Seven of Clubs with Five of Diamonds in Ruling. Five of Diamonds with Queen of Spades in Destiny's.
M not so hopeful About Z. But I m hopeful of myself. Loving him won't kill me. I don't hope he changed. I just hope my unrequited love can transform itself. What I want to learn is to be open and experienced my feelings without fear. No more suppressing.
Z and I really have a connection. Not only is he my mirror in Scorpio and I am his in Taurus.
I just noted that just as I have Saturn in Aries (his Sun and Mercury signs), my reluctance to be a leader his Saturn is in Gemini (my Rising sign), an issue with open and honest communications.
My task is to rise above the limitations of past life personality expressions; to discover and formulate a new, more powerful sense of identity.
His task is to communicate clearly, honestly and openly. Now I knew why he hid about his marriage.
Today, he just changed his what's app pix of his face to a motor racer. My first tot was his next goal is to buy a racing bike. Second tot is he no longer wants me to see his face.
Solar in Taurus and Z Venus is in Taurus
Feb 15
Father, thank you for everything. Tools are given. Now the next step is for me to let go of my mind.
The asanas were fine. Shakti went in deep and Shambavi was good too. I was laughing at the end. Father, thank u. I have received your Grace via Sadhguru.
Spiritual Astrology
Lunar eclipse shows the qualities we are learning to emotionally embrace, and the sign of the solar eclipse reveals what we are learning to express at a more refined and effective level.
Solar in Taurus
To express at a more refined level, my senses, money and possession.
Soul
Luckily my Moon is in Taurus and hence accumulating money for security is already expressed moderately.
Suddenly occurred to me Z's likes to express senses, money and possession. His Venus is in Taurus. No wonder, I found him too expressive cos I suppressed my own.
Lunar in Scorpio
To embrace the use of my power, transformation and regeneration.
Soul
Z's Moon is in Scorpio. He used his power externally and enhanced his will power.
Z's solar in Sagitarius
Z's lunar in Leo
To embrace his sense of pride, his ego and creativity.
Feb 15 eve
Father, thanks for answering our call. We finally found the place for Mahashivarathri. Thanks to
K.
Because I was so happy, first tot was to share with Z. I msg him. I didn't expect a reply. But I did feel bit fearful that he would send me a msg asking me to stop sharing. Its ok lah, I love I share.,, don't suppress. One day, my love, unrequited will end by itself. Let nature works its way. I just go with the flow.
Father, thank you for everything. Tools are given. Now the next step is for me to let go of my mind.
The asanas were fine. Shakti went in deep and Shambavi was good too. I was laughing at the end. Father, thank u. I have received your Grace via Sadhguru.
Spiritual Astrology
Lunar eclipse shows the qualities we are learning to emotionally embrace, and the sign of the solar eclipse reveals what we are learning to express at a more refined and effective level.
Solar in Taurus
To express at a more refined level, my senses, money and possession.
Soul
Luckily my Moon is in Taurus and hence accumulating money for security is already expressed moderately.
Suddenly occurred to me Z's likes to express senses, money and possession. His Venus is in Taurus. No wonder, I found him too expressive cos I suppressed my own.
Lunar in Scorpio
To embrace the use of my power, transformation and regeneration.
Soul
Z's Moon is in Scorpio. He used his power externally and enhanced his will power.
Z's solar in Sagitarius
Z's lunar in Leo
To embrace his sense of pride, his ego and creativity.
Feb 15 eve
Father, thanks for answering our call. We finally found the place for Mahashivarathri. Thanks to
K.
Because I was so happy, first tot was to share with Z. I msg him. I didn't expect a reply. But I did feel bit fearful that he would send me a msg asking me to stop sharing. Its ok lah, I love I share.,, don't suppress. One day, my love, unrequited will end by itself. Let nature works its way. I just go with the flow.
Choosing to live consciously...
Feb 14 Eve
Suddenly feeling sad over Z. Fear is rising. I find my tears coming. I knew its time for my weekly Osho guide
Yes, just as I suspected. It was my mind working overtime.
I just did my Osho cards.
1. Issue
Mind
2. Internal
Moment to Moment
3. External
Patience
4. What to do
Flowering
5. Resolution
Meditation
Just be patient. The seed been sowed.
When I saw my Saturn card from 28 jan to 20 March of Seven of Diamonds with Jack of Diamonds as second card, I hoped it was not due to Z.
I tot I be fine by end Jan and infact did up Ebook Volume 3 to say goodbye in late Jan. Alas, it was not to be. The book was accidentally deleted.
To my surprise, in early Feb, I suddenly opened up my feelings for Z and via Spiritual Astrology, I found out Z is my mirror in Scorpio.
Anyway, I went thru my lesson. Another one month to go before the end of Saturn on 20 March and his birthday on 1 April. That has been my original commitment. Looks like I got to live through this.
I can either live with my unrequited love in sadness or in joy. I consciously choose joy. Amen.
Suddenly feeling sad over Z. Fear is rising. I find my tears coming. I knew its time for my weekly Osho guide
Yes, just as I suspected. It was my mind working overtime.
I just did my Osho cards.
1. Issue
Mind
2. Internal
Moment to Moment
3. External
Patience
4. What to do
Flowering
5. Resolution
Meditation
Just be patient. The seed been sowed.
When I saw my Saturn card from 28 jan to 20 March of Seven of Diamonds with Jack of Diamonds as second card, I hoped it was not due to Z.
I tot I be fine by end Jan and infact did up Ebook Volume 3 to say goodbye in late Jan. Alas, it was not to be. The book was accidentally deleted.
To my surprise, in early Feb, I suddenly opened up my feelings for Z and via Spiritual Astrology, I found out Z is my mirror in Scorpio.
Anyway, I went thru my lesson. Another one month to go before the end of Saturn on 20 March and his birthday on 1 April. That has been my original commitment. Looks like I got to live through this.
I can either live with my unrequited love in sadness or in joy. I consciously choose joy. Amen.
Fear of losing my pampering..
Feb 14 aft
My fear is rising, asking me to bolt from Z. Telling me that I m taking a risky path.
Sadhguru's
What u get is not important, what u give is important.
The man who received first may not be the one who is more fulfilled.
Guru pooja is a yekna (offer, sacrifice, etc).
Soul
I had difficulty in yekna cos I believed that being pampered means I m loved.
M feeling my fear, heart is shrink. The experience is similar to my panic attack in the swimming pool.
A tot came, one moment at a time. Don't look forward. As looking forward, I felt a doom of loving Z without him.
Sadhguru
If u allows urself to become Shoonya. How restful u r, is how much active u are. If u r restless, ur action will be life taking and not life giving.
If action is performed for itself, then it is pure action.
The most difficult is to be purely resting as ur mind is acting too.
Energy is something u have to work on. Kriya practices is to hold the energy daily.
Emotion is something easier to hold vs awareness and physicality.
Sadhguru
Guru
Light and light bulb. U need the light but not the light bulb. A person sitting far away may get more light vs one that sit near the bulb. U don't have to hug the bulb.
Soul
With Sadhguru, I don't need his physical presence. He is with me. With Z, I too must learn.
Sadhguru
Dharma encompass much more than duty. The difference between Dharma and Karma is that Karma is entangling and Dharma is liberating.
If u can just make urself still, there will be no illness.
Activity is 24 hours and consciously entangling. Or mind is in activity always.
My fear is rising, asking me to bolt from Z. Telling me that I m taking a risky path.
Sadhguru's
What u get is not important, what u give is important.
The man who received first may not be the one who is more fulfilled.
Guru pooja is a yekna (offer, sacrifice, etc).
Soul
I had difficulty in yekna cos I believed that being pampered means I m loved.
M feeling my fear, heart is shrink. The experience is similar to my panic attack in the swimming pool.
A tot came, one moment at a time. Don't look forward. As looking forward, I felt a doom of loving Z without him.
Sadhguru
If u allows urself to become Shoonya. How restful u r, is how much active u are. If u r restless, ur action will be life taking and not life giving.
If action is performed for itself, then it is pure action.
The most difficult is to be purely resting as ur mind is acting too.
Energy is something u have to work on. Kriya practices is to hold the energy daily.
Emotion is something easier to hold vs awareness and physicality.
Sadhguru
Guru
Light and light bulb. U need the light but not the light bulb. A person sitting far away may get more light vs one that sit near the bulb. U don't have to hug the bulb.
Soul
With Sadhguru, I don't need his physical presence. He is with me. With Z, I too must learn.
Sadhguru
Dharma encompass much more than duty. The difference between Dharma and Karma is that Karma is entangling and Dharma is liberating.
If u can just make urself still, there will be no illness.
Activity is 24 hours and consciously entangling. Or mind is in activity always.
Lunar in Scorpio....relates to Z's Moon in Scorpio
Feb 14
Woke up around 5 am. First tot was Z.
Body felt refreshed. I was surprised cos I slept around 12.20 am yday. Wanted to sleep bit more till nearly 6 am. Alas, body is wide awake. Surprisingly I can feel body wanting to stretched itself thru Suria Namaskara. Lovely meet with subtle body.
Mmm, no more calls from S. But somehow I m fine. She was getting bit draining and attacking. Yea, that's her word on others, verbal attack..she herself is expert on it.
(Feb 22 - I found out she didn't call as she has got back with her ex-boss. She is embarrased that she went back or rather didn't want me to stop her. So, nothing to do with me.)
Lunar in Scorpio
Once ur energy is aligned with something u believe in, something u have tested and known to be worthwhile and beyond reproach in its integrity, u pledge urself to it with ur whole heart. It can then contain ur energy and make use of ur tremendous strength, and u can find peace within it.
Soul
At first I valued my mind. Then I valued my energy and using Isha tools. I have definitely find peace and love with Isha.
I didn't realised I got tremendous energy. I tot Z has it as I m a generally physically laid back person.
Lunar in Scorpio
When u r resentful, it is because ur energy has no outlet u can believe in. Ur energy desperately need a focus and a cause u can pledge ur power to, and in the process of building this cause, ur energy finds its own radiant expression.
Soul
With Isha tools, I m glowing. With Z as my mirror, I found my self.
Woke up around 5 am. First tot was Z.
Body felt refreshed. I was surprised cos I slept around 12.20 am yday. Wanted to sleep bit more till nearly 6 am. Alas, body is wide awake. Surprisingly I can feel body wanting to stretched itself thru Suria Namaskara. Lovely meet with subtle body.
Mmm, no more calls from S. But somehow I m fine. She was getting bit draining and attacking. Yea, that's her word on others, verbal attack..she herself is expert on it.
(Feb 22 - I found out she didn't call as she has got back with her ex-boss. She is embarrased that she went back or rather didn't want me to stop her. So, nothing to do with me.)
Lunar in Scorpio
Once ur energy is aligned with something u believe in, something u have tested and known to be worthwhile and beyond reproach in its integrity, u pledge urself to it with ur whole heart. It can then contain ur energy and make use of ur tremendous strength, and u can find peace within it.
Soul
At first I valued my mind. Then I valued my energy and using Isha tools. I have definitely find peace and love with Isha.
I didn't realised I got tremendous energy. I tot Z has it as I m a generally physically laid back person.
Lunar in Scorpio
When u r resentful, it is because ur energy has no outlet u can believe in. Ur energy desperately need a focus and a cause u can pledge ur power to, and in the process of building this cause, ur energy finds its own radiant expression.
Soul
With Isha tools, I m glowing. With Z as my mirror, I found my self.
Altar for Z - I truly see him
Feb 13
Just had a lovely gathering with old friends from school. We last seen each other for more than 10 years ago. They said I looked young and my skin is glowing. I replied that's all from yoga. We shared each other updates. This time I take the time to listen truly when they talked. I have changed.
Father, just told my friend I had an ex boyfriend. Guess this means I accepted Z and I are over. I love him and wants to be with him. But its 5 months since we last meet. While I had remain loyal, he had found someone else.
I had an altar for him. He will always be in my prayer. Tots of him will always warm my heart. Even now looking at his pix warms me.
Feb 13 Eve
Just back from my family gathering. Yday was at second sis and today in first sis's place. Lovely gathering with good food.
We watched Avatar again for the umpteenth time. I always love the movie for its lovely colourful scenes and the love between the hero and heroin. This time when the hero and heroin got back together after a misunderstanding, both said to each other, "I see you".
I can now relate to it, I too see Z truly and in seeing Z, I also see myself truly. And I still love him. Whenever u truly see each other and wants to be together, that is true love. I cannot offer Z children but I can offer him true love that cannot be shaken. Amen, I m glad I went thru this loving experience.
Osho
A sage is one who sees. That is why we call the experience darshan, seeing.
By closing ur outer eyes, ur energy is retained for inner eyes. Whenever u remember, close ur eyes, sit silently and remember that the energy of both eyes flowing towards the third eye, between the two middle eyes, in the middle of the eyebrows. Thus ur meditation will deepen tremendously.
Just had a lovely gathering with old friends from school. We last seen each other for more than 10 years ago. They said I looked young and my skin is glowing. I replied that's all from yoga. We shared each other updates. This time I take the time to listen truly when they talked. I have changed.
Father, just told my friend I had an ex boyfriend. Guess this means I accepted Z and I are over. I love him and wants to be with him. But its 5 months since we last meet. While I had remain loyal, he had found someone else.
I had an altar for him. He will always be in my prayer. Tots of him will always warm my heart. Even now looking at his pix warms me.
Feb 13 Eve
Just back from my family gathering. Yday was at second sis and today in first sis's place. Lovely gathering with good food.
We watched Avatar again for the umpteenth time. I always love the movie for its lovely colourful scenes and the love between the hero and heroin. This time when the hero and heroin got back together after a misunderstanding, both said to each other, "I see you".
I can now relate to it, I too see Z truly and in seeing Z, I also see myself truly. And I still love him. Whenever u truly see each other and wants to be together, that is true love. I cannot offer Z children but I can offer him true love that cannot be shaken. Amen, I m glad I went thru this loving experience.
Osho
A sage is one who sees. That is why we call the experience darshan, seeing.
By closing ur outer eyes, ur energy is retained for inner eyes. Whenever u remember, close ur eyes, sit silently and remember that the energy of both eyes flowing towards the third eye, between the two middle eyes, in the middle of the eyebrows. Thus ur meditation will deepen tremendously.
Moon in Taurus - pampering myself
Feb 12
Body woke up before 6 am. I slept back as there is no place for my practices. Then I woke up at 8 am and this time with a blocked nose. I knew I need to do my practices.
Ruling cards
Seven of diamonds (financial challenges, learning appreciation for things valued)
We r confronted with how attached we are to our values and are given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realising and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.
Soul
Thanks to Father and Sadhguru, I can continue to love Z without feeling I m stupid, without fear of losing myself, without fear of suffering. He is always in my daily prayer of thanks, that's my altar for him. Nothing is lost, everything to gain.
Destiny Cards
Seven of Clubs (dealing with negativity, exposure to spiritual knowledge)
U will be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which leads one back to the self or u will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping u trapped on lower levels of tots.
How it manifest for u will depend upon ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
Soul
Now alas I can relate to my saturn cards. Never expect to see my mirror of Scorpio in Z.
Also, now I can truly identify myself with my natal chart. I have come home to myself. I m freed.
Seeing how Z acted on his Lunar in Leo and South node in Leo, make me realise that I need not take his rejection of me personally. He can't accept my love and he also wants children. I am more determined to overcome my Lunar in Scorpio, which is Z's moon sign.
Aiyah, I accidentally send a msg to Z. Drafted and wanted to delete but wrongly sent. Never mind, he will ignored it. He read but ignored it.
Ascendant in Gemini
Seeing the other person"s level of faith in the universe and positive outcomes as separate from ur own - and possibly quite different - gives u the opportunity to relate to him without trying to get him to constantly agree with u or be motivated by the same thing that inspire u.
Soul
Z's Venus is in Taurus, whereas my Venus is in Leo, we have different likings.
Just read his Moon In Scorpio about his issue in releasing control over his rships. Very true for him. Then I asked myself, what is my main lesson in my Moon Sign. I saw that I have issue in releasing being a pampered child.
Moon in Taurus
U gain a deeper understanding of inner stability and self worth by supporting and contributing to the material stability of the environment.
Choosing to sacrifice the role of pampered child empowers u to create goals and objectives that motivate u to establish a set of values.
When u notice people who feels good about themselves are those who are contributing their talents and resources in a tangible way, u r then inspired to manifest and establish ur creativity. When u appreciate ur ideals enough to manifest them, u find the confirmation of self worth that u need.
Soul
What I admires are people who follow and execute their dreams.
I now know that it was me holding on being a pampered child that stops me.
Everything I undertake will be measured against how much pampering moments I would have lost. Which is exactly why I never tot to have my own children, as that would wipe out my pampering.
Again, my insecurity with Z was also the fear of losing my pampering financially.
Here I have inbred leadership in Cancer and inbred self confidence in communications under Ascendent in Gemini.
I have wrongly measured my worth by the amount of pampering I give to myself.
Now I understand why my values shakes. It is because of my valuation in pampering.
Body woke up before 6 am. I slept back as there is no place for my practices. Then I woke up at 8 am and this time with a blocked nose. I knew I need to do my practices.
Ruling cards
Seven of diamonds (financial challenges, learning appreciation for things valued)
We r confronted with how attached we are to our values and are given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realising and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.
Soul
Thanks to Father and Sadhguru, I can continue to love Z without feeling I m stupid, without fear of losing myself, without fear of suffering. He is always in my daily prayer of thanks, that's my altar for him. Nothing is lost, everything to gain.
Destiny Cards
Seven of Clubs (dealing with negativity, exposure to spiritual knowledge)
U will be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which leads one back to the self or u will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping u trapped on lower levels of tots.
How it manifest for u will depend upon ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
Soul
Now alas I can relate to my saturn cards. Never expect to see my mirror of Scorpio in Z.
Also, now I can truly identify myself with my natal chart. I have come home to myself. I m freed.
Seeing how Z acted on his Lunar in Leo and South node in Leo, make me realise that I need not take his rejection of me personally. He can't accept my love and he also wants children. I am more determined to overcome my Lunar in Scorpio, which is Z's moon sign.
Aiyah, I accidentally send a msg to Z. Drafted and wanted to delete but wrongly sent. Never mind, he will ignored it. He read but ignored it.
Ascendant in Gemini
Seeing the other person"s level of faith in the universe and positive outcomes as separate from ur own - and possibly quite different - gives u the opportunity to relate to him without trying to get him to constantly agree with u or be motivated by the same thing that inspire u.
Soul
Z's Venus is in Taurus, whereas my Venus is in Leo, we have different likings.
Just read his Moon In Scorpio about his issue in releasing control over his rships. Very true for him. Then I asked myself, what is my main lesson in my Moon Sign. I saw that I have issue in releasing being a pampered child.
Moon in Taurus
U gain a deeper understanding of inner stability and self worth by supporting and contributing to the material stability of the environment.
Choosing to sacrifice the role of pampered child empowers u to create goals and objectives that motivate u to establish a set of values.
When u notice people who feels good about themselves are those who are contributing their talents and resources in a tangible way, u r then inspired to manifest and establish ur creativity. When u appreciate ur ideals enough to manifest them, u find the confirmation of self worth that u need.
Soul
What I admires are people who follow and execute their dreams.
I now know that it was me holding on being a pampered child that stops me.
Everything I undertake will be measured against how much pampering moments I would have lost. Which is exactly why I never tot to have my own children, as that would wipe out my pampering.
Again, my insecurity with Z was also the fear of losing my pampering financially.
Here I have inbred leadership in Cancer and inbred self confidence in communications under Ascendent in Gemini.
I have wrongly measured my worth by the amount of pampering I give to myself.
Now I understand why my values shakes. It is because of my valuation in pampering.
Altar for Z
Feb 11
Father, I love U. Thanks so much. If the answer of building an altar for Z had come earlier, I would have freaked out and not receptive. U know me and u waited till now. Amen.
Woke up before alarm rang at 6.25 am. Did my asanas, was good. Shakti is so deep with slow kapala bhakti. Shambavi was great. Towards the end, I felt such great joy, I cried with thankfulness and laughed with joy. I thanked Z for bringing me back to my Self.
Unexpectedly there was a response from Z. A new year wish. I responded with a thanks and wish that he gets his dream car. His Venus in Taurus, so he likes materials. Me, Venus in Leo, I like writing and reading. I finally understood him.
Father, I love U. Thanks so much. If the answer of building an altar for Z had come earlier, I would have freaked out and not receptive. U know me and u waited till now. Amen.
Woke up before alarm rang at 6.25 am. Did my asanas, was good. Shakti is so deep with slow kapala bhakti. Shambavi was great. Towards the end, I felt such great joy, I cried with thankfulness and laughed with joy. I thanked Z for bringing me back to my Self.
Unexpectedly there was a response from Z. A new year wish. I responded with a thanks and wish that he gets his dream car. His Venus in Taurus, so he likes materials. Me, Venus in Leo, I like writing and reading. I finally understood him.
Sadhguru's Leela - Build an altar for Z
Feb 10 Eve 1
Sadhguru
Krishna - blue magic
Just build an altar of love for her. What she becomes to u, is up to her. Whether she becomes ur mother, ur sister, ur friend, ur lover. Just build ur altar for her. What she becomes is left to her, in whatever she wants to relate to u, u leave it to her.
Budawa, But this is very hard. I may not get her.
Krishna
She is not a thing. She is not something u can possess. If u forcefully take her, u may get her but u will never know the joy of being with another being. U will then just treat her as a wayside fire to warm you for a few days. That is unrighteous. Let it percolates to other aspect of ur life.
Once u build an altar for her, she will always be there. She is ur sacred fire. She will warmed u in some way. Because she is precious to u, in some way she will be beautiful to u.
Budawa. This is so hard. This solution u offered is so hard. It takes life.
Krishna said "yes, it is hard. To live by Dharma is hard. It is not easy life but it is fulfilling life. It is very fulfilling to live like this. I never said it was easy.
If u live like this, u can have many fires in ur life, any number of different fires which will keep u warm always. u can enjoy them in different dimensions. U can enjoy life in all dimensions.
But if you just want to possess her, frustration and suffering arise. If you insist, u may only get her body, but u won't experienced her joy.
Budawa - why u give such hard solution?
In the end, he decides to wait. But he said he had to go to Himalayas as he cannot take the woman off his mind. I will go away. I don't want to hurt my friend. I don't want to see another woman in my life.
Krishna.
Not every man can stay away from women and still lives a vigorous life. If u can stay away and lives vigorously, then u r a yogi.
Most people who stayed away without the opposites (man or woman). They will become dead when they are alive. They will only able to manage avoid life but they cannot live life. They will avoid life. He will then miss both the world.
If u go away to Himalaya, u will still carry Sabia in ur mind. She will haunt u day and night. No point running away.
Budawa
I will build altar and wait. I will stay away and wait.
Soul
I cried and laughed. I have asked for a solution on how to handle my unrequited love for Z. Also doubly difficult as Z won't even talk to me.
If I had heard this solution, a month ago, I would have said an adamant no. Now that I knew my natal chart, I may not have said yes. But today, after seeing my full mirror in Z and accepting I love Z despite knowing he doesn't love me, I knew this solution is the only way to go through.
I have gone thru many suppression via control mode resulting in Rheumatoid Arthritis. Now I need to let the love flow through me. Just live it. Don't avoid it. Finally accepting. Amen.
Sadhguru
Krishna - blue magic
Just build an altar of love for her. What she becomes to u, is up to her. Whether she becomes ur mother, ur sister, ur friend, ur lover. Just build ur altar for her. What she becomes is left to her, in whatever she wants to relate to u, u leave it to her.
Budawa, But this is very hard. I may not get her.
Krishna
She is not a thing. She is not something u can possess. If u forcefully take her, u may get her but u will never know the joy of being with another being. U will then just treat her as a wayside fire to warm you for a few days. That is unrighteous. Let it percolates to other aspect of ur life.
Once u build an altar for her, she will always be there. She is ur sacred fire. She will warmed u in some way. Because she is precious to u, in some way she will be beautiful to u.
Budawa. This is so hard. This solution u offered is so hard. It takes life.
Krishna said "yes, it is hard. To live by Dharma is hard. It is not easy life but it is fulfilling life. It is very fulfilling to live like this. I never said it was easy.
If u live like this, u can have many fires in ur life, any number of different fires which will keep u warm always. u can enjoy them in different dimensions. U can enjoy life in all dimensions.
But if you just want to possess her, frustration and suffering arise. If you insist, u may only get her body, but u won't experienced her joy.
Budawa - why u give such hard solution?
In the end, he decides to wait. But he said he had to go to Himalayas as he cannot take the woman off his mind. I will go away. I don't want to hurt my friend. I don't want to see another woman in my life.
Krishna.
Not every man can stay away from women and still lives a vigorous life. If u can stay away and lives vigorously, then u r a yogi.
Most people who stayed away without the opposites (man or woman). They will become dead when they are alive. They will only able to manage avoid life but they cannot live life. They will avoid life. He will then miss both the world.
If u go away to Himalaya, u will still carry Sabia in ur mind. She will haunt u day and night. No point running away.
Budawa
I will build altar and wait. I will stay away and wait.
Soul
I cried and laughed. I have asked for a solution on how to handle my unrequited love for Z. Also doubly difficult as Z won't even talk to me.
If I had heard this solution, a month ago, I would have said an adamant no. Now that I knew my natal chart, I may not have said yes. But today, after seeing my full mirror in Z and accepting I love Z despite knowing he doesn't love me, I knew this solution is the only way to go through.
I have gone thru many suppression via control mode resulting in Rheumatoid Arthritis. Now I need to let the love flow through me. Just live it. Don't avoid it. Finally accepting. Amen.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Z's Moon in Scorpio and Lunar in Leo
Feb 10 Eve
Just read his Moon in Scorpio. Father, I had south node and lunar in Scorpio. If unchecked, I will become like him. Real sad. He really wanted a soul mate rship but his insecurity led him to ensure full control over others. I already laughed when I saw his change of pix.
The more he refused to talk to me, the more I perceived he lied about his marriage. He has set a date for 14 July and must be working furiously to fulfill it. Ha ha.
I send him my laughter.
I have seen a deeper side of myself and now I can see another side. Let me learn from the mirror that God sent me. If unrequited love is the lesson, I accepted it. I have accepted that I love a guy that can't love me. I will channel the love energy to learn my lifetime lessons of Scorpio.
Moon in Scorpio
To compensate for severe loneliness, u seek for that one other person u can trust, ur soul mate , sensing that this will somehow bring you peace. But because of past life experiences of crisis and betrayal, ur approach to rships is so obsessive and demanding that it often becomes mutually destructive. Instead of finding the peace u seek, u again experience being wounded.
Soul
Yea, his first 2 rships, followed by a bad marriage. I always told him that his ex wife must have loved him a lot for her to hate him now. Z's lunar in Leo lesson is to overcome his fear to accept love.
So, his behavior in Moon in Scorpio ensured that he retained full dominance and control over rships.
Moon in Scorpio
He habitually requires others to give him their unconditional loyalty and allegiance. He become crushed, insecure and angry when they don't.
Soul
No wonder he went into depression when his wife divorced him. He went into anger when I told him I felt insecure with his financials.
Father, there are layers that I need to explore. And he is my mirror
Moon in Scorpio.
When u sense another's vulnerabilities and provokes that person's response, u get to be powerful momentarily, but may feel isolated. There is a basic tendency to feel insecure in financial and sexual rships.
Soul
Yea. He try to dominates me. He wills himself not to call me and at times don't respond. It used to hurt me terribly. But it no longer hurts me now. Now I can see him as a coward and his need to be in power. Father, I have no regrets despite all the pains. Now I know I need to uncover all.
This week Osho's internal influence
Lovers
As we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honours the unique individuality of the other.
We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
This love is then based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Soul
When I saw this week cards last Thursdays, I knew it has to do with Z. But I suppressed it, and then got real heavy that I need to release it. But I couldn't, so I went to Osho and drew a Political card, which I slept on. The next day I did my practices, fear is gone and I did it.
But even then, I tot I couldn't achieve The Lovers - mirror and compassion. I always tot Z and I are opposites. The only mirror I saw a month ago was the need to seek approval. I had no idea we are mirrors. Even when I saw the Scorpio in his natal chart, two days ago, it still didn't hit me. It is only when I released my need for control, my fear of facing rejection again and open up and show my forgiveness and love, that I finally see the mirror. Father, thank u.
Now I know that the disruption on completion of my third ebook is to tell me the lessons are not over yet.
My 7thunders is King of Clubs today.
Moon in Scorpio - conscious expression.
For emotional fulfillment, the idea is to first release manipulative control over others. By releasing ur vision of being in command, u r able to find out what others are really made of.
As u entered uncharted ground, and are willing to take risks by letting go of exclusive power, u can interact with another in a manner that is exhilarating to u. When u choose the stimulation of change over a stagnant status quo, u r able to go forward. Then u gain knowledge of what enhances self-worth through an exciting process of risk and unpredictable mystery u need for fulfillment.
Key - Sharing Power
U can gain more knowledge and strength only by first releasing what u already had.
U can then allow urself to go spontaneously in the direction others want, rather than resisting the current. This opens the way for u to interact with them on a deeper level.
By being committed to freedom through renewal, u begin to realise that the way to win most is to share power. Thus u reach a deeper levels by releasing the tendency to control. Finally in the process of expressing loyalty to ur ideals, u contribute potency by exposing ur hidden perceptions to others. U can then experience ur inner worth and the satisfaction of ur transformation coming into expression.
Soul
Somehow I felt this msg is for me too. It was only when I let go of fear of losing, fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid, fear of sadness, fear of Z winning, fear of unrequited love and etc., and finally fear of my blog, that I can finally found Natal Chart book by Jan Spiller and I saw myself and now find my mirror in Z. This is totally unexpected. This is a real grace. Amen..
(Feb 18 - When I was updating my blog, I tot of his this year's Pluto challenge of Five of Clubs (change of mind)...and Result of Queen of Diamond...looks like he couldn't take the risk)
Just read his Moon in Scorpio. Father, I had south node and lunar in Scorpio. If unchecked, I will become like him. Real sad. He really wanted a soul mate rship but his insecurity led him to ensure full control over others. I already laughed when I saw his change of pix.
The more he refused to talk to me, the more I perceived he lied about his marriage. He has set a date for 14 July and must be working furiously to fulfill it. Ha ha.
I send him my laughter.
I have seen a deeper side of myself and now I can see another side. Let me learn from the mirror that God sent me. If unrequited love is the lesson, I accepted it. I have accepted that I love a guy that can't love me. I will channel the love energy to learn my lifetime lessons of Scorpio.
Moon in Scorpio
To compensate for severe loneliness, u seek for that one other person u can trust, ur soul mate , sensing that this will somehow bring you peace. But because of past life experiences of crisis and betrayal, ur approach to rships is so obsessive and demanding that it often becomes mutually destructive. Instead of finding the peace u seek, u again experience being wounded.
Soul
Yea, his first 2 rships, followed by a bad marriage. I always told him that his ex wife must have loved him a lot for her to hate him now. Z's lunar in Leo lesson is to overcome his fear to accept love.
So, his behavior in Moon in Scorpio ensured that he retained full dominance and control over rships.
Moon in Scorpio
He habitually requires others to give him their unconditional loyalty and allegiance. He become crushed, insecure and angry when they don't.
Soul
No wonder he went into depression when his wife divorced him. He went into anger when I told him I felt insecure with his financials.
Father, there are layers that I need to explore. And he is my mirror
Moon in Scorpio.
When u sense another's vulnerabilities and provokes that person's response, u get to be powerful momentarily, but may feel isolated. There is a basic tendency to feel insecure in financial and sexual rships.
Soul
Yea. He try to dominates me. He wills himself not to call me and at times don't respond. It used to hurt me terribly. But it no longer hurts me now. Now I can see him as a coward and his need to be in power. Father, I have no regrets despite all the pains. Now I know I need to uncover all.
This week Osho's internal influence
Lovers
As we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honours the unique individuality of the other.
We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
This love is then based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Soul
When I saw this week cards last Thursdays, I knew it has to do with Z. But I suppressed it, and then got real heavy that I need to release it. But I couldn't, so I went to Osho and drew a Political card, which I slept on. The next day I did my practices, fear is gone and I did it.
But even then, I tot I couldn't achieve The Lovers - mirror and compassion. I always tot Z and I are opposites. The only mirror I saw a month ago was the need to seek approval. I had no idea we are mirrors. Even when I saw the Scorpio in his natal chart, two days ago, it still didn't hit me. It is only when I released my need for control, my fear of facing rejection again and open up and show my forgiveness and love, that I finally see the mirror. Father, thank u.
Now I know that the disruption on completion of my third ebook is to tell me the lessons are not over yet.
My 7thunders is King of Clubs today.
Moon in Scorpio - conscious expression.
For emotional fulfillment, the idea is to first release manipulative control over others. By releasing ur vision of being in command, u r able to find out what others are really made of.
As u entered uncharted ground, and are willing to take risks by letting go of exclusive power, u can interact with another in a manner that is exhilarating to u. When u choose the stimulation of change over a stagnant status quo, u r able to go forward. Then u gain knowledge of what enhances self-worth through an exciting process of risk and unpredictable mystery u need for fulfillment.
Key - Sharing Power
U can gain more knowledge and strength only by first releasing what u already had.
U can then allow urself to go spontaneously in the direction others want, rather than resisting the current. This opens the way for u to interact with them on a deeper level.
By being committed to freedom through renewal, u begin to realise that the way to win most is to share power. Thus u reach a deeper levels by releasing the tendency to control. Finally in the process of expressing loyalty to ur ideals, u contribute potency by exposing ur hidden perceptions to others. U can then experience ur inner worth and the satisfaction of ur transformation coming into expression.
Soul
Somehow I felt this msg is for me too. It was only when I let go of fear of losing, fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid, fear of sadness, fear of Z winning, fear of unrequited love and etc., and finally fear of my blog, that I can finally found Natal Chart book by Jan Spiller and I saw myself and now find my mirror in Z. This is totally unexpected. This is a real grace. Amen..
(Feb 18 - When I was updating my blog, I tot of his this year's Pluto challenge of Five of Clubs (change of mind)...and Result of Queen of Diamond...looks like he couldn't take the risk)
Losing the little hope I have...
Feb 10 Aft
Just did my Shoonya. Feel rested.
No response from him. Got used to it. But at least no regrets from my end.
Of course, there are some negative whispers but I ignored it.
Mmm, just saw his profile pix, now his pix is no longer smiling. Is it my perception or he really changed his six.
On second look he really did change.
Such irony, I cannot give love and he cannot accept love.
Father, I have come a long way. The old me would have been disturbed. The new me, while disappointed, is not sad. This is good practice for future. If I can be egoless with him. I be fine when I embarked on my web project. Amen.
Just did my Shoonya. Feel rested.
No response from him. Got used to it. But at least no regrets from my end.
Of course, there are some negative whispers but I ignored it.
Mmm, just saw his profile pix, now his pix is no longer smiling. Is it my perception or he really changed his six.
On second look he really did change.
Such irony, I cannot give love and he cannot accept love.
Father, I have come a long way. The old me would have been disturbed. The new me, while disappointed, is not sad. This is good practice for future. If I can be egoless with him. I be fine when I embarked on my web project. Amen.
My love for Z...hasn't wavered
Feb 10
Finished my practices, Suria Namaskara was effortless with my subtle body. Shakti was fine with slow kapala bhakti. Shambavi was fine. Suka kriya went into violet flame. Towards the end, I felt my heart, both tears and laughter came together.
Woke up with one tot. Z. I knew that I need to trust my guts. I knew that his pixes are a way to tell me he is ready to chat. Not sure of the outcome. But at least, I have no regrets in the future. While I may not offer him children, I can offer my true and courageous love that never waver.
Yday Leela video on blues, about the women in Krishna's life. Sadhguru said Rumi, Krishna's first wife love for Krishna has never wavered irrespective of the situations. She is a princess and if she didn't love and marry Krishna, she could have an easy life.
Krishna always said Rumi deserved a shrine as her love is always true and never waver.
In a way, that's my love for Z too. It has never wavered. Not sure why he was chosen for me to love. But with him, because of him, I found my courage, I found my heart. I found my Self
I may be stupid. Logically no reason to forgive him. But I did, I can't help it. He is my love, if I can't forgive him, who can I forgive. Amen.
Thanks. It no longer matters. What matters, is me opening my heart.
Finished my practices, Suria Namaskara was effortless with my subtle body. Shakti was fine with slow kapala bhakti. Shambavi was fine. Suka kriya went into violet flame. Towards the end, I felt my heart, both tears and laughter came together.
Woke up with one tot. Z. I knew that I need to trust my guts. I knew that his pixes are a way to tell me he is ready to chat. Not sure of the outcome. But at least, I have no regrets in the future. While I may not offer him children, I can offer my true and courageous love that never waver.
Yday Leela video on blues, about the women in Krishna's life. Sadhguru said Rumi, Krishna's first wife love for Krishna has never wavered irrespective of the situations. She is a princess and if she didn't love and marry Krishna, she could have an easy life.
Krishna always said Rumi deserved a shrine as her love is always true and never waver.
In a way, that's my love for Z too. It has never wavered. Not sure why he was chosen for me to love. But with him, because of him, I found my courage, I found my heart. I found my Self
I may be stupid. Logically no reason to forgive him. But I did, I can't help it. He is my love, if I can't forgive him, who can I forgive. Amen.
Thanks. It no longer matters. What matters, is me opening my heart.
Venus in Leo and Saturn in Aries
Feb 9 Aft
Spiritual Astrology
Venus in Leo
Self defeating habits - seeking the approval of others in social situations.
Result - moderating ur expressiveness in order to gain recognition. Social isolation and powerlessness ensue when u interpret others' reactions as a personal rejection.
Soul
True. I had the same insight a few months ago.
Venus in Leo
U can bring about ease of communications through ur inclusive open arms policy.
When u use ur generosity and sensitivity to help others reach positive emotional states, u can experience without fear ur own social worth.
U have a dramatic talent for inspiring others and an inbred confidence, warmth and enthusiasm that brings about self worth.
Soul
True. I m welcomed in all meetings. I know my presence made people comfortable.
Saturn in Aries
Unconscious - to stand out as a leader by ignoring established protocol and being impatient.
Results - u will alienate others and results in frustration of ur productive efforts.
Conscious - ur Skills and social responsibility
- to ability to be a leader. As u use ur leadership capacity more and more, u become aware of others' wishes. Fostering new ideals and ideas into a form that answers a collective need, ur innovative ambitions have the potential for reaching and affecting society at large.
Soul
With my Sun in Cancer and Moon in Taurus, I accept being a leader in work environment. It is outside work that I resist.
I knew my blog and Reflections and website will help others. But I shy away, for fear of risking approval.
Saturn in Aries
Karmically, ur destiny is to formulate a new identity. An entire cycle of ego expression through an old sense of self has ended, and that ego has dissolved. That is why you feel so vulnerable in this lifetime.
U have no instinctive ego to serve as a buffer against environmental stimuli. Thus there is a tendency either to overreact or underreact when asserting urself because u don't have a solid sense of self to assert from .
Ur task is to rise above the limitations of past life personality expression to discover and formulate a new, more powerful sense of identity.
Soul
True. When I faced dominating person, I tend to absorb automatically. Somehow I m not affected.
When my ex staff, Sa and SL behaves as if they r my boss and scolded me, I took it.
When Z broke off without a backward glance, I forgives him. Even this latest one where he set himself up with a marriage, I still forgive him. P said I seem to be egoless with Z. She said I seem to take the heat from Z.
That's why I now prayed for strength to stay put. I m not going back. I still love him but he truly doesn't care for me. He has been cruel to me and I deserved to be cherished.
(Z is Aries..no wonder he is my Cosmic Lesson)
Feb 9 Eve
Leela by Sadhguru
Krishna channeled the women biological love into a more productive channel. Instead of frustration of longing for Krishna, their love was redirected elsewhere.
Soul
Instead of me feeling frustrated with my unrequited love over Z, I will re direct it to my website and writing.
Spiritual Astrology
Venus in Leo
Self defeating habits - seeking the approval of others in social situations.
Result - moderating ur expressiveness in order to gain recognition. Social isolation and powerlessness ensue when u interpret others' reactions as a personal rejection.
Soul
True. I had the same insight a few months ago.
Venus in Leo
U can bring about ease of communications through ur inclusive open arms policy.
When u use ur generosity and sensitivity to help others reach positive emotional states, u can experience without fear ur own social worth.
U have a dramatic talent for inspiring others and an inbred confidence, warmth and enthusiasm that brings about self worth.
Soul
True. I m welcomed in all meetings. I know my presence made people comfortable.
Saturn in Aries
Unconscious - to stand out as a leader by ignoring established protocol and being impatient.
Results - u will alienate others and results in frustration of ur productive efforts.
Conscious - ur Skills and social responsibility
- to ability to be a leader. As u use ur leadership capacity more and more, u become aware of others' wishes. Fostering new ideals and ideas into a form that answers a collective need, ur innovative ambitions have the potential for reaching and affecting society at large.
Soul
With my Sun in Cancer and Moon in Taurus, I accept being a leader in work environment. It is outside work that I resist.
I knew my blog and Reflections and website will help others. But I shy away, for fear of risking approval.
Saturn in Aries
Karmically, ur destiny is to formulate a new identity. An entire cycle of ego expression through an old sense of self has ended, and that ego has dissolved. That is why you feel so vulnerable in this lifetime.
U have no instinctive ego to serve as a buffer against environmental stimuli. Thus there is a tendency either to overreact or underreact when asserting urself because u don't have a solid sense of self to assert from .
Ur task is to rise above the limitations of past life personality expression to discover and formulate a new, more powerful sense of identity.
Soul
True. When I faced dominating person, I tend to absorb automatically. Somehow I m not affected.
When my ex staff, Sa and SL behaves as if they r my boss and scolded me, I took it.
When Z broke off without a backward glance, I forgives him. Even this latest one where he set himself up with a marriage, I still forgive him. P said I seem to be egoless with Z. She said I seem to take the heat from Z.
That's why I now prayed for strength to stay put. I m not going back. I still love him but he truly doesn't care for me. He has been cruel to me and I deserved to be cherished.
(Z is Aries..no wonder he is my Cosmic Lesson)
Feb 9 Eve
Leela by Sadhguru
Krishna channeled the women biological love into a more productive channel. Instead of frustration of longing for Krishna, their love was redirected elsewhere.
Soul
Instead of me feeling frustrated with my unrequited love over Z, I will re direct it to my website and writing.
Loving Z...loving myself
Feb 9
Yday was feeling disturbed over Z. Then I checked my Osho day card. Just me in my political mind. With that, I just ignored and had a good sleep.
This morning I woke up. I told myself to just accept the situation, I still love him and we have ended. And it was a good ending.
He send me Sadhguru's pix and I responded likewise. A good ending.
I feel the beat of my heart. There is sadness of being without him and gladness of being myself. I love him but it is more important for me to be myself.
Yday was feeling disturbed over Z. Then I checked my Osho day card. Just me in my political mind. With that, I just ignored and had a good sleep.
This morning I woke up. I told myself to just accept the situation, I still love him and we have ended. And it was a good ending.
He send me Sadhguru's pix and I responded likewise. A good ending.
I feel the beat of my heart. There is sadness of being without him and gladness of being myself. I love him but it is more important for me to be myself.
Resentment arise..when I have taken too much and overburden myself
Feb 8
Father, didn't do hata today. Woke up 7 am and it was raining, so I slept and wake up 8 plus and did practices.
Download Z's natal chart, his Moon is in Scorpio and Rising in Sagitarius. Real optimisms vs my hidden pessimism.
Found out his Lunar is in Leo, just as his South node in Leo. His life lesson is to learn to accept love.
That's exactly what I told him previously, that he made it so difficult to love him. After awhile, his partner will give up.
I have got both Lunar and South Node in Scorpio, hence he is my mirror. Now that I can see how Lunar shaped him, I m going to read and learn my Lunar lesson.
Lunar in Scorpio
Not to be swayed in my values.
Soul
Yea, its been 4 years, I admitted I have swayed in hata. From 5 times to 4 times. Shoonya only done during work days. And I have reduced my work days. .
Lunar in Scorpio
Discovery and belief in my own goodness. You are also learning to stop projecting your goodness outward by looking for someone else to believe in.
As u learn to support and trust urself by being true to ur own sense of goodness, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur own energy. This gives u the freedom to be more trusting of those around u, since it eliminates the need to give away ur power.
This will also lead to the realisation that it is alright for u to be successful and to be in the limelight. Then u can be the power of ur own throne and rise to success.
Soul
Yea, maybe that's why Z and I are not meant to be. With Z, I know I would slack in my yoga practices.
I had wanted to give my power to Z and helped him achieve his wealth so he can provides me the comfort.
Alas, I m to create my own wealth.
I do have avenue vis mindmap valley. Once Si helped me to set website, I get them to promote it.
Lunar in Scorpio
Ur ability to see through to the core of any situation can expose the diseases that prohibit a healthy body, mind or spirit, and the result is purifying and healing.
On the highest level, u r the psychic healers and spiritual generators, reconnecting the minds of ur fellow beings to a magnetic rship with the whole universe.
U need to remain aware of ur spiritual responsibility to the universal plan. This is important for your good health. It is important that u learn to let go of ur creations, whether trusting those around u with what u value or sharing ur spiritual concepts.
Soul
I resisted out of fear. Looks like it is part of my healing. It is true, I don't share because I don't trust.
Spiritual Astrology
12th house in Solar has eclipse in Pisces
When u first open ur sensitivity and compassion, unless u do it very consciously, u can at times feel overwhelmed with the need to take on the burdens of others. Not understanding where this feeling is coming from, u may accept too much emotional debris from those around u, thereby making ur burden heavier than it needs to be.
U can recognised when this is happening because u will resent those coming to u for assistance. When u feel this sense of resentment, its important to get in touch: "Am I accepting more than I really want to? Have I made myself a self appointed martyr? Am I shifting resentment and anger to those who are coming to me for help?
When u give more than u have, u deplete ur own energy, and resent those who are "taking" from u, failing to realise that no one is doing the taking, u r giving and at all times we must be responsible for what we give. U r learning to be sensitive to the self as well as to others by learning when to say no.
Soul
I learned this from my ex staff St. When I finally learned, he left the company.
12th house in Solar
As ur life progresses, sensitivity, spirituality and psychic awareness become more and more a part of ur being and u become of even greater assistance to those around u.
As ur psychic abilities grow, there are deeper insights into how u can most benefit ur fellow brings and urself with these awareness.
Soul
True.
Father, didn't do hata today. Woke up 7 am and it was raining, so I slept and wake up 8 plus and did practices.
Download Z's natal chart, his Moon is in Scorpio and Rising in Sagitarius. Real optimisms vs my hidden pessimism.
Found out his Lunar is in Leo, just as his South node in Leo. His life lesson is to learn to accept love.
That's exactly what I told him previously, that he made it so difficult to love him. After awhile, his partner will give up.
I have got both Lunar and South Node in Scorpio, hence he is my mirror. Now that I can see how Lunar shaped him, I m going to read and learn my Lunar lesson.
Lunar in Scorpio
Not to be swayed in my values.
Soul
Yea, its been 4 years, I admitted I have swayed in hata. From 5 times to 4 times. Shoonya only done during work days. And I have reduced my work days. .
Lunar in Scorpio
Discovery and belief in my own goodness. You are also learning to stop projecting your goodness outward by looking for someone else to believe in.
As u learn to support and trust urself by being true to ur own sense of goodness, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur own energy. This gives u the freedom to be more trusting of those around u, since it eliminates the need to give away ur power.
This will also lead to the realisation that it is alright for u to be successful and to be in the limelight. Then u can be the power of ur own throne and rise to success.
Soul
Yea, maybe that's why Z and I are not meant to be. With Z, I know I would slack in my yoga practices.
I had wanted to give my power to Z and helped him achieve his wealth so he can provides me the comfort.
Alas, I m to create my own wealth.
I do have avenue vis mindmap valley. Once Si helped me to set website, I get them to promote it.
Lunar in Scorpio
Ur ability to see through to the core of any situation can expose the diseases that prohibit a healthy body, mind or spirit, and the result is purifying and healing.
On the highest level, u r the psychic healers and spiritual generators, reconnecting the minds of ur fellow beings to a magnetic rship with the whole universe.
U need to remain aware of ur spiritual responsibility to the universal plan. This is important for your good health. It is important that u learn to let go of ur creations, whether trusting those around u with what u value or sharing ur spiritual concepts.
Soul
I resisted out of fear. Looks like it is part of my healing. It is true, I don't share because I don't trust.
Spiritual Astrology
12th house in Solar has eclipse in Pisces
When u first open ur sensitivity and compassion, unless u do it very consciously, u can at times feel overwhelmed with the need to take on the burdens of others. Not understanding where this feeling is coming from, u may accept too much emotional debris from those around u, thereby making ur burden heavier than it needs to be.
U can recognised when this is happening because u will resent those coming to u for assistance. When u feel this sense of resentment, its important to get in touch: "Am I accepting more than I really want to? Have I made myself a self appointed martyr? Am I shifting resentment and anger to those who are coming to me for help?
When u give more than u have, u deplete ur own energy, and resent those who are "taking" from u, failing to realise that no one is doing the taking, u r giving and at all times we must be responsible for what we give. U r learning to be sensitive to the self as well as to others by learning when to say no.
Soul
I learned this from my ex staff St. When I finally learned, he left the company.
12th house in Solar
As ur life progresses, sensitivity, spirituality and psychic awareness become more and more a part of ur being and u become of even greater assistance to those around u.
As ur psychic abilities grow, there are deeper insights into how u can most benefit ur fellow brings and urself with these awareness.
Soul
True.
Z is my Cosmic Lesson in Faith
Feb 7 Eve
Just found out Z is Moon in Scorpio, no wonder he is intense. And he is my mirror as I got Lunar and South Node in Scorpio. He is a control person and likes to dominate his partner. And me, an inner control freak.
His rising is in Sagitarius, have optimism, trust in life and have faith. He is a Seven of Spades, the Faith card. I had a million in assets and he has a million in loan commitment and yet he is optimistic that he will be rich and here I m pessimistic and tot I m not rich.
He is my true Cosmic Lesson card of Faith that I need to emulate. In a way, I did cos I renovated my room and bought a new big car, gave my brother monthly funding.
But part of me judged him and ignored my lesson.
I do recalled when he broke off with me the first time cos he felt that I had no faith he will be rich.
Part of me knew, my pessimism may affect his optimisms. I didn't want to block his expansion. Just because I m afraid.
Just found out Z is Moon in Scorpio, no wonder he is intense. And he is my mirror as I got Lunar and South Node in Scorpio. He is a control person and likes to dominate his partner. And me, an inner control freak.
His rising is in Sagitarius, have optimism, trust in life and have faith. He is a Seven of Spades, the Faith card. I had a million in assets and he has a million in loan commitment and yet he is optimistic that he will be rich and here I m pessimistic and tot I m not rich.
He is my true Cosmic Lesson card of Faith that I need to emulate. In a way, I did cos I renovated my room and bought a new big car, gave my brother monthly funding.
But part of me judged him and ignored my lesson.
I do recalled when he broke off with me the first time cos he felt that I had no faith he will be rich.
Part of me knew, my pessimism may affect his optimisms. I didn't want to block his expansion. Just because I m afraid.
Seeing myself...loving myself
Feb 7
Missed Z. I still love him. Its ok, just remember love is an emotion, just like sadness. It will run its course when its no longer protected. We first broke up in mid Sept and has not seen each other since then, it is about 5 months. Let it be released and run its course.
Watch the TV drama yday, a very good show of following ur dream. Don't have to modify or justify urself.
Slept after midnight, so wake up 5.30 am, skip hata yoga. Practices were fine. I was laughing loads towards the end. A tot came, trust Universe to provide me with all the orgasm I want. Ha ha.
Mercury in Cancer and 2nd house
Ur thinking become clear when u focus on ur own needs to feel comfortable. U have a natural sense perception and the special ability to communicate in ways that bring tangible results.
Asleep fear - losing ur emotional connections with others.
Result - ur rational mind can become dominated almost entirely by moods, feeling and emotions. This inadvertently forces people to respond with either sympathetic Indulgence or overt rebuff.
Indulging in communications that demands the sympathy of others may expose u to unnecessary rejection.
(Feb 18 - aiyoh...did I just do that? Was my email to the Group...asking for sympathetic indulgence..well, not really...I know I need to bring out our unhappiness upfront. What if no one replies...aiyah...It is the right thing to do. Worst case, I take the lead and re-built the team)
Soul
So true for office matters. But when my emotion is involved, then I go overboard. I used emotions instead and hence I don't dare to read reply for fear of rejection.
Z has ignored my emotional communications so many times till I become thick skin.
I communicate openly so there is no barriers. But I opened up myself for rebuff.
Such paradox, I m known to be such a good communicator and yet there is another side. Will note as here I fear rejection and yet I set myself up for rejection.
As I was driving, I felt such love for myself. I can feel my heart. I need find someone else to project my love. I love myself. Laughter of joy starts to bubble within.
Missed Z. I still love him. Its ok, just remember love is an emotion, just like sadness. It will run its course when its no longer protected. We first broke up in mid Sept and has not seen each other since then, it is about 5 months. Let it be released and run its course.
Watch the TV drama yday, a very good show of following ur dream. Don't have to modify or justify urself.
Slept after midnight, so wake up 5.30 am, skip hata yoga. Practices were fine. I was laughing loads towards the end. A tot came, trust Universe to provide me with all the orgasm I want. Ha ha.
Mercury in Cancer and 2nd house
Ur thinking become clear when u focus on ur own needs to feel comfortable. U have a natural sense perception and the special ability to communicate in ways that bring tangible results.
Asleep fear - losing ur emotional connections with others.
Result - ur rational mind can become dominated almost entirely by moods, feeling and emotions. This inadvertently forces people to respond with either sympathetic Indulgence or overt rebuff.
Indulging in communications that demands the sympathy of others may expose u to unnecessary rejection.
(Feb 18 - aiyoh...did I just do that? Was my email to the Group...asking for sympathetic indulgence..well, not really...I know I need to bring out our unhappiness upfront. What if no one replies...aiyah...It is the right thing to do. Worst case, I take the lead and re-built the team)
Soul
So true for office matters. But when my emotion is involved, then I go overboard. I used emotions instead and hence I don't dare to read reply for fear of rejection.
Z has ignored my emotional communications so many times till I become thick skin.
I communicate openly so there is no barriers. But I opened up myself for rebuff.
Such paradox, I m known to be such a good communicator and yet there is another side. Will note as here I fear rejection and yet I set myself up for rejection.
As I was driving, I felt such love for myself. I can feel my heart. I need find someone else to project my love. I love myself. Laughter of joy starts to bubble within.
Need to let go of my armour....just feel...
Feb 6 afternoon
Was picking this up when reading my notes.
7thunder
Saturn (Lord of Karma / Great Father)
It is not until we know what it is like to be the giver and receiver of our actions that we are ready to move on to the next step in our evolution.
Saturn represents the conscious awareness of how we are affecting those in our environment by our actions and deeds.
If we are conscious of this, Saturn rewards us with a good reputation and recognition from others.
Saturn will be a reminder to the other of how they could be doing things better in their life.
Other connection, such as Venus, Moon or Jupiter could cause them to tell me these shoulds in a loving manner that would be easier to digest. Saturn is a reminder of some of our shortcomings.
In extreme cases, a Saturn person can be cruel, judgemental, harsh, cold and even verbally and physically abusive.
We always attract what we are inside. If inside myself, I already feel judgmental and harsh on myself, then I will attract someone who personifies this. Many people who are in Saturn rship are those who are very hard on themselves already.
Not all Saturn rships are harsh and cruel. Many can be quite constructive and productive. There are cases where the Saturn rship provides just what is needed for an individual to achieve his or her goals and ambitions. However it requires utmost in patience and shelf honesty to handle it in a positive way.
All Saturn rships have a positive effect ultimately. All of them teach us something about being fair, loving ourselves, becoming more responsible, and adult-like, and self-disciplined. Therefore, we should not always frown when we see that we have a Saturn connection as there may be some very good things in store for us.
Soul
I suddenly realised my Seven of Clubs in Saturn and Seven of Spades in Cosmic Lesson. Just like I said Z is extreme. The same Mz via Nine of Diamonds is extreme too.
I am extreme by my negative thinking, resulting in me activating my Nine of Diamonds into action. I can forget Z, but my mode is suppression and hence energy is blocked.
S said normal process is takes 6 months to let go of your lover and here I expect to be done in 2 months….in fact my aim was 1 month as I let go of my first crush in 2 weeks time.
Alas, I can now see how extreme I am in protecting myself. I really had a great armour as I got very high defense mechanism
Was picking this up when reading my notes.
7thunder
Saturn (Lord of Karma / Great Father)
It is not until we know what it is like to be the giver and receiver of our actions that we are ready to move on to the next step in our evolution.
Saturn represents the conscious awareness of how we are affecting those in our environment by our actions and deeds.
If we are conscious of this, Saturn rewards us with a good reputation and recognition from others.
Saturn will be a reminder to the other of how they could be doing things better in their life.
Other connection, such as Venus, Moon or Jupiter could cause them to tell me these shoulds in a loving manner that would be easier to digest. Saturn is a reminder of some of our shortcomings.
In extreme cases, a Saturn person can be cruel, judgemental, harsh, cold and even verbally and physically abusive.
We always attract what we are inside. If inside myself, I already feel judgmental and harsh on myself, then I will attract someone who personifies this. Many people who are in Saturn rship are those who are very hard on themselves already.
Not all Saturn rships are harsh and cruel. Many can be quite constructive and productive. There are cases where the Saturn rship provides just what is needed for an individual to achieve his or her goals and ambitions. However it requires utmost in patience and shelf honesty to handle it in a positive way.
All Saturn rships have a positive effect ultimately. All of them teach us something about being fair, loving ourselves, becoming more responsible, and adult-like, and self-disciplined. Therefore, we should not always frown when we see that we have a Saturn connection as there may be some very good things in store for us.
Soul
I suddenly realised my Seven of Clubs in Saturn and Seven of Spades in Cosmic Lesson. Just like I said Z is extreme. The same Mz via Nine of Diamonds is extreme too.
I am extreme by my negative thinking, resulting in me activating my Nine of Diamonds into action. I can forget Z, but my mode is suppression and hence energy is blocked.
S said normal process is takes 6 months to let go of your lover and here I expect to be done in 2 months….in fact my aim was 1 month as I let go of my first crush in 2 weeks time.
Alas, I can now see how extreme I am in protecting myself. I really had a great armour as I got very high defense mechanism
Unrequited love....once fully expressed...will also lapse
Feb 6
Father, woke up before alarm. My asanas were ok. I managed to stay longer in the trigo pose.
Had some tots of Z since mind interpreted possible reconciliation. Nothing has changed. I won't go back without any commitment.
Just read Moon in Taurus
Due to past lives of physical sensitivity and Indulgence, u have strong physical desires for sensuality, touching and physical contact in this incarnation. Once again u r learning to accept the natural healthiness of ur needs and be open to having them fulfilled by others.
Soul
Yea, Z and I r compatible sexually, and I miss him. But unlike others, I can only connect when I m in love.
Father, I did it.
I send an image of Sadhguru to Z around midnight yesterday. This morning I woke up feeling at peace, elbow joint is also not stiff.
I knew then that I am on the right track.
Thanks to Mz, a Nine of Diamonds for showing me the way. She behaves extremely by projecting it out externally, me internally. So, in her case, the damage was towards her outside world, with me, inner world, my body. She attacked the world outside and I attack the world inside, I attacked my own joints.
I have no hard feelings. I knew she is feeling hurt, rejected and hence she rejected us too, but doubly hard so she don't have to feel her hurt.
Me, same too, but in different forms.
Yea, love is an emotion, just like sadness. If I suppress my emotion of love of Z, the energy is blocked and my joints will be swollen. I love Z and I don't expect for us to be together, just like I don't want children, the same I knew he wants children. I want him to follow his dream, just like I want to follow mine. We need not compromise so as to be together.
Love is an emotion, I love him and I will show. He won't respond, so one day, once my love emotion is all expressed without any returns, it will be released.
I need not put up an armour, like what Mz did. I just need to lay down the armour and let the emotion of love be released. Truly understand the Osho's Fighting card that is my Resolution card for the week.
I love Z and he doesn't love me. This is inevitable for now. Alas, now I understand the Internal Influence card. Friendliness. My love for him is no longer a need, it is just an expression of love. I need to express instead of suppressing my love, blocking my energy and hurting myself instead.
Father, thank You. I have asked for an answer, how can I handle this love for Z. You have given me the answer.
This was a period of Seven of Diamond in Saturn Ruling and Seven of Clubs in Saturn Destiny.
Instead of lamenting of Mz leaving us abruptly, me losing face, losing credibility on recruitment, I turn it around and saw myself instead.
Seven of Clubs (dealing with negativity, exposure to spiritual knowledge)
U will be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which leads one back to the self or u will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping u trapped on lower levels of tots.
How it manifest for u will depend upon ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
Father, woke up before alarm. My asanas were ok. I managed to stay longer in the trigo pose.
Had some tots of Z since mind interpreted possible reconciliation. Nothing has changed. I won't go back without any commitment.
Just read Moon in Taurus
Due to past lives of physical sensitivity and Indulgence, u have strong physical desires for sensuality, touching and physical contact in this incarnation. Once again u r learning to accept the natural healthiness of ur needs and be open to having them fulfilled by others.
Soul
Yea, Z and I r compatible sexually, and I miss him. But unlike others, I can only connect when I m in love.
Father, I did it.
I send an image of Sadhguru to Z around midnight yesterday. This morning I woke up feeling at peace, elbow joint is also not stiff.
I knew then that I am on the right track.
Thanks to Mz, a Nine of Diamonds for showing me the way. She behaves extremely by projecting it out externally, me internally. So, in her case, the damage was towards her outside world, with me, inner world, my body. She attacked the world outside and I attack the world inside, I attacked my own joints.
I have no hard feelings. I knew she is feeling hurt, rejected and hence she rejected us too, but doubly hard so she don't have to feel her hurt.
Me, same too, but in different forms.
Yea, love is an emotion, just like sadness. If I suppress my emotion of love of Z, the energy is blocked and my joints will be swollen. I love Z and I don't expect for us to be together, just like I don't want children, the same I knew he wants children. I want him to follow his dream, just like I want to follow mine. We need not compromise so as to be together.
Love is an emotion, I love him and I will show. He won't respond, so one day, once my love emotion is all expressed without any returns, it will be released.
I need not put up an armour, like what Mz did. I just need to lay down the armour and let the emotion of love be released. Truly understand the Osho's Fighting card that is my Resolution card for the week.
I love Z and he doesn't love me. This is inevitable for now. Alas, now I understand the Internal Influence card. Friendliness. My love for him is no longer a need, it is just an expression of love. I need to express instead of suppressing my love, blocking my energy and hurting myself instead.
Father, thank You. I have asked for an answer, how can I handle this love for Z. You have given me the answer.
This was a period of Seven of Diamond in Saturn Ruling and Seven of Clubs in Saturn Destiny.
Instead of lamenting of Mz leaving us abruptly, me losing face, losing credibility on recruitment, I turn it around and saw myself instead.
Seven of Clubs (dealing with negativity, exposure to spiritual knowledge)
U will be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which leads one back to the self or u will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping u trapped on lower levels of tots.
How it manifest for u will depend upon ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
To live consciously
Feb 5 Eve 1
Osho - upanishad
Just as one awakens from sleep and the consciousness enters into another dimension, in the same way, when a person awakens from the sleep called "the world", sanyas happens and the consciousness enters into another realm.
sanyas means that now one no longer chooses to function in the world like a somnambulist, now one simply wants to live consciously.
Soul
That's my goal, to live consciously.
Osho
To encounter truth, even a little bit is dangerous because truth will not allow u to remain as u are. It will change, demolish, destroy and renew u. It will give u a new birth.
Certainly there is pain in birth, but without pain, how can there be a new birth?
And when there is so much pain for a mother to give birth to another being, there will be much more pain in giving birth to one's own self.
A mother carried the baby for nine months in her womb, we had carried ourselves within our wombs for many innumerable lives.
Soul
My tot exactly and hence title of my blog, suffering is blessing
Osho - upanishad
Just as one awakens from sleep and the consciousness enters into another dimension, in the same way, when a person awakens from the sleep called "the world", sanyas happens and the consciousness enters into another realm.
sanyas means that now one no longer chooses to function in the world like a somnambulist, now one simply wants to live consciously.
Soul
That's my goal, to live consciously.
Osho
To encounter truth, even a little bit is dangerous because truth will not allow u to remain as u are. It will change, demolish, destroy and renew u. It will give u a new birth.
Certainly there is pain in birth, but without pain, how can there be a new birth?
And when there is so much pain for a mother to give birth to another being, there will be much more pain in giving birth to one's own self.
A mother carried the baby for nine months in her womb, we had carried ourselves within our wombs for many innumerable lives.
Soul
My tot exactly and hence title of my blog, suffering is blessing
Lunar in Scorpio....healing myself and others
Feb 5 Eve
Father, I m truly surprised. Z responded by changing his profile image with his smiling face. Based on our past experience, we both communicate thru our profiles.
Not sure where we are heading. Main thing is we have become true friends. We both wish each other the best.
While his pix is smiling, he looks much older than his age, with his greying beard and moustache.
Jan Spiller.
Lunar in Scorpio
Transpersonal expression
U have the capacity to teach people to recognise and honour the good that lies in their own individuality.
U help others to remove whatever is invalidating the self, so that their spiritual essence can shine through; by validating what is right in themselves, they validate the whole.
U r using ur power to transform the consciousness of humankind by removing old subconscious patterns that hold down the evolution of the individual soul as well as the evolution of planetary consciousness.
Ur ability to see through to the core of any situation can expose the diseases that prohibit a healthy body, mind or spirit, and the result is purifying and healing. On the highest level, u r the psychic healers and spiritual regenerator, reconnecting the minds of ur fellow beings to a magnetic rship with the whole.
Soul
This is my passion for myself. And now that I found myself, I m ready to guide others.
As I was looking for my Solar in Taurus, I stumbled upon Lunar in Leo. The first part about difficulty in accepting love strikes me as true for Z. During one of my sad moment, I told Z, it is not that he is unlovable, but he makes it so difficult for others to love him. After awhile, people gets tired and dropped out.
I finished reading and even saw the last part where Z will lose his vitality if he still ignored love. And here, I just said Z looks so old. He aged so much this few months. When I was with him, he looks so alive and energetic.
I just realised his South node is in Leo too. Mmm, better test it out.
Mmm, just saw the same pix Z sent me with another meditator. Perhaps he send to everyone.
Father, I m truly surprised. Z responded by changing his profile image with his smiling face. Based on our past experience, we both communicate thru our profiles.
Not sure where we are heading. Main thing is we have become true friends. We both wish each other the best.
While his pix is smiling, he looks much older than his age, with his greying beard and moustache.
Jan Spiller.
Lunar in Scorpio
Transpersonal expression
U have the capacity to teach people to recognise and honour the good that lies in their own individuality.
U help others to remove whatever is invalidating the self, so that their spiritual essence can shine through; by validating what is right in themselves, they validate the whole.
U r using ur power to transform the consciousness of humankind by removing old subconscious patterns that hold down the evolution of the individual soul as well as the evolution of planetary consciousness.
Ur ability to see through to the core of any situation can expose the diseases that prohibit a healthy body, mind or spirit, and the result is purifying and healing. On the highest level, u r the psychic healers and spiritual regenerator, reconnecting the minds of ur fellow beings to a magnetic rship with the whole.
Soul
This is my passion for myself. And now that I found myself, I m ready to guide others.
As I was looking for my Solar in Taurus, I stumbled upon Lunar in Leo. The first part about difficulty in accepting love strikes me as true for Z. During one of my sad moment, I told Z, it is not that he is unlovable, but he makes it so difficult for others to love him. After awhile, people gets tired and dropped out.
I finished reading and even saw the last part where Z will lose his vitality if he still ignored love. And here, I just said Z looks so old. He aged so much this few months. When I was with him, he looks so alive and energetic.
I just realised his South node is in Leo too. Mmm, better test it out.
Mmm, just saw the same pix Z sent me with another meditator. Perhaps he send to everyone.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Stop fighting my love for Z...let it flow naturally
Feb 4 Eve
Just had the best meal in my life. But I wish Z is here with me.
Logically, there is no reasons for me to hope. But somehow, I do, after the pix he sent me.
Not sure why but Mz walking out on me give me some tots about myself. I also tend to black out when I m upset. I generally don't want any communications and will block out the contact by changing their name. But I have never barred calls like what Mz did. I know she is hurting but she really self jeopardise herself.
Part me wonder about my goodbye mail a week after he send the pix. I don't want to have any hope and ends it. And I tot volume 3 ends but alas it was corrupted and I need to recompile.
Not sure why. But I think I may have pre empted my goodbye.
Suddenly an idea to check my Osho cards which I got last Wed. I knew I couldn't relate to it cos I have done my part.
I then saw the resolution, Fighting.
I m not like Mz. I fight not openly aggressive, I fight by suppressing my feelings. Both of us also try to control the unwanted situation. She does it by running off angrily. Me, by suppressing my hurt, by pretending I don't care, by going off nicely.
I fight by pretending Z no longer matters to me. Actually he does. I love him. I haven't stop. Why pretend, why set up an armour?
What is unwanted, is me loving Z despite being unwanted by him, despite knowing he is going to marry someone. I wanted to remove my love. I can't. At least not now.
Don't suppress my love. If I feel loving, just express. I m not expecting anything but at least I let my love for him ends naturally instead of trying to force quit.
Really see the mirror in Nine Of Diamonds in Mz. Now I know what Z feels by my 'fighting'.
I have really jumped. I found courage to let myself express sadness. I didn't die, sadness once expressed ease off.
Now I must find courage to let my love for Z ends naturally. Let me just express it. Just like sadness, the unrequited expressed love will also ends naturally.
Amen. Thanks for sending MZ to me, for being my mirror in Nine of Diamonds. She was here for a reason. Alas, now understand Friendliness card.
Unexpectedly God had shown me the way my unrequited love can end. Amen.
Just had the best meal in my life. But I wish Z is here with me.
Logically, there is no reasons for me to hope. But somehow, I do, after the pix he sent me.
Not sure why but Mz walking out on me give me some tots about myself. I also tend to black out when I m upset. I generally don't want any communications and will block out the contact by changing their name. But I have never barred calls like what Mz did. I know she is hurting but she really self jeopardise herself.
Part me wonder about my goodbye mail a week after he send the pix. I don't want to have any hope and ends it. And I tot volume 3 ends but alas it was corrupted and I need to recompile.
Not sure why. But I think I may have pre empted my goodbye.
Suddenly an idea to check my Osho cards which I got last Wed. I knew I couldn't relate to it cos I have done my part.
I then saw the resolution, Fighting.
I m not like Mz. I fight not openly aggressive, I fight by suppressing my feelings. Both of us also try to control the unwanted situation. She does it by running off angrily. Me, by suppressing my hurt, by pretending I don't care, by going off nicely.
I fight by pretending Z no longer matters to me. Actually he does. I love him. I haven't stop. Why pretend, why set up an armour?
What is unwanted, is me loving Z despite being unwanted by him, despite knowing he is going to marry someone. I wanted to remove my love. I can't. At least not now.
Don't suppress my love. If I feel loving, just express. I m not expecting anything but at least I let my love for him ends naturally instead of trying to force quit.
Really see the mirror in Nine Of Diamonds in Mz. Now I know what Z feels by my 'fighting'.
I have really jumped. I found courage to let myself express sadness. I didn't die, sadness once expressed ease off.
Now I must find courage to let my love for Z ends naturally. Let me just express it. Just like sadness, the unrequited expressed love will also ends naturally.
Amen. Thanks for sending MZ to me, for being my mirror in Nine of Diamonds. She was here for a reason. Alas, now understand Friendliness card.
Unexpectedly God had shown me the way my unrequited love can end. Amen.
My staff - Nine of Diamonds...
Feb 4
Woke up around 5 am and had tots of Z, wish he was with me. Then I waived off and sleep back. Woke up around 5.34 am to shower. Finished shower and practices around 8 am.
A tot came on the staff, M, that walked out on us, Nine of Diamonds can let go of things easily when they reached limit. They will shut it out.
Then I tot of myself, with Second karma card in Nine of Diamonds. I know I can quit my job without a backward glance.
Wonder about me applying this to Z
M cut me off BB. I recalled I did the same to Z.
On M, I m fine with her quitting as she is not performing. The old me would have reacted but the new me just informed MD. I didn't even batter nor angry at M, I just wished she doesn't repeat her mistakes. I had hoped for us to end well.
Woke up around 5 am and had tots of Z, wish he was with me. Then I waived off and sleep back. Woke up around 5.34 am to shower. Finished shower and practices around 8 am.
A tot came on the staff, M, that walked out on us, Nine of Diamonds can let go of things easily when they reached limit. They will shut it out.
Then I tot of myself, with Second karma card in Nine of Diamonds. I know I can quit my job without a backward glance.
Wonder about me applying this to Z
M cut me off BB. I recalled I did the same to Z.
On M, I m fine with her quitting as she is not performing. The old me would have reacted but the new me just informed MD. I didn't even batter nor angry at M, I just wished she doesn't repeat her mistakes. I had hoped for us to end well.
Running scared
Feb 3
Father, had a weird dream. Me working in airlines and all staff had to sleep over. At first my potential partner was a White guy but somehow changed to an indian chap.
Went for a swim in the hotel. It was a big pool and fear came. I swam slowly but had some panic attacks. Then I exhale out my fear, I felt calmer. I managed to swim free style well. Once I become comfortable, I swam breast stroke, with my both feet and hand straight for some moments, allowing the water to carry me forward. I was able to do few strokes, and panic strikes and I lost my balance, but I still float.
Then I realised I won't drown in this pool, I will float even if loss of balance. I swam a couple of time, focusing on the water below me, instead of looking forward towards the front line, which triggers my fear. Yea, moment by moment works. And I finally got the hang of breast strokes, with moments of letting the water taking me forward. Amen.
Lunar in Scorpio
U need to develop more trust in the universe so u r not constantly running scared. Then u can relax and allow the universe to help u build what u feel is truly good and worthwhile, so u can find peace and enjoyment in life.
U r learning that u cannot depend on other people to set ur boundaries and contain ur energy. U need to get in touch with what is good for u and begin to act within ur own boundaries and be responsible for ur own energy.
When u connect with the power within u and learn to go with ur natural inborn flow, u will find that the universe does support u and there is good in the world - and in u. That is what u r here to learn; discovery and belief in ur own goodness.
U are also learning to stop projecting ur goodness outward by looking for someone else to believe in. As u learn to support and trust urself, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur own energy. U can then becomes more trusting of others. U will also realised it is alright for u to be in the limelight. Then u can be the power behind ur own throne and rise to success.
Father, had a weird dream. Me working in airlines and all staff had to sleep over. At first my potential partner was a White guy but somehow changed to an indian chap.
Went for a swim in the hotel. It was a big pool and fear came. I swam slowly but had some panic attacks. Then I exhale out my fear, I felt calmer. I managed to swim free style well. Once I become comfortable, I swam breast stroke, with my both feet and hand straight for some moments, allowing the water to carry me forward. I was able to do few strokes, and panic strikes and I lost my balance, but I still float.
Then I realised I won't drown in this pool, I will float even if loss of balance. I swam a couple of time, focusing on the water below me, instead of looking forward towards the front line, which triggers my fear. Yea, moment by moment works. And I finally got the hang of breast strokes, with moments of letting the water taking me forward. Amen.
Lunar in Scorpio
U need to develop more trust in the universe so u r not constantly running scared. Then u can relax and allow the universe to help u build what u feel is truly good and worthwhile, so u can find peace and enjoyment in life.
U r learning that u cannot depend on other people to set ur boundaries and contain ur energy. U need to get in touch with what is good for u and begin to act within ur own boundaries and be responsible for ur own energy.
When u connect with the power within u and learn to go with ur natural inborn flow, u will find that the universe does support u and there is good in the world - and in u. That is what u r here to learn; discovery and belief in ur own goodness.
U are also learning to stop projecting ur goodness outward by looking for someone else to believe in. As u learn to support and trust urself, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur own energy. U can then becomes more trusting of others. U will also realised it is alright for u to be in the limelight. Then u can be the power behind ur own throne and rise to success.
Still on Z....when will this be over?
Feb 2
Woke up at around 6 am. Slept back and dreamed that Z came back.
Didn't do practices today cos want to bring mom to market.
Had some tots of Z and I felt frustrated cos I know Z is enjoying himself with his future wife and has no tots of me at all.
Why can't I let go, why I need to prolonged my own suffering. This is unfair. Then a tot came, Z may not have issue with rship as it is not important to him, his issue is money.
I couldn't help it, I checked out his whatsapp. I saw the nice pix, first tot was I wanted to ask him where the pix was taken.
But then I remembered I can no longer do that. I must firstly release myself from him.
Woke up at around 6 am. Slept back and dreamed that Z came back.
Didn't do practices today cos want to bring mom to market.
Had some tots of Z and I felt frustrated cos I know Z is enjoying himself with his future wife and has no tots of me at all.
Why can't I let go, why I need to prolonged my own suffering. This is unfair. Then a tot came, Z may not have issue with rship as it is not important to him, his issue is money.
I couldn't help it, I checked out his whatsapp. I saw the nice pix, first tot was I wanted to ask him where the pix was taken.
But then I remembered I can no longer do that. I must firstly release myself from him.
Still on Z
Feb 1
Father, a surprising day. I met S to discuss on website redesign but we ended up shedding light on S life instead.
Both of us didn't plan for it. But it is good as S will then have a better insight on how to redesign my website.
I was not so drained and infact giggle came after the session.
S said I manage to see him clearly in 3 hours. I said I had the gift.
I know I want to share.
This morning I had a dream of Z meeting my family. Yea, he is not goodness but I still miss him. Its been 2 months.
My mind even went backward to say that my files were accidentally deleted so I cannot complete volume 3. That means the issue with Z is not over yet.
It also said I could have preempted the goodbye email since I sent it a few days after Z send me images. Father, let me accept is over. It is not easy to let go, just as it was not easy for S to come out of his comfort rut.
Both S and I hold on because of fear, both wants to be in comfort zone. Both think to move out is loss, we couldn't think of gain. Yea, just accept he is gone. I can have new chance.
Father, a surprising day. I met S to discuss on website redesign but we ended up shedding light on S life instead.
Both of us didn't plan for it. But it is good as S will then have a better insight on how to redesign my website.
I was not so drained and infact giggle came after the session.
S said I manage to see him clearly in 3 hours. I said I had the gift.
I know I want to share.
This morning I had a dream of Z meeting my family. Yea, he is not goodness but I still miss him. Its been 2 months.
My mind even went backward to say that my files were accidentally deleted so I cannot complete volume 3. That means the issue with Z is not over yet.
It also said I could have preempted the goodbye email since I sent it a few days after Z send me images. Father, let me accept is over. It is not easy to let go, just as it was not easy for S to come out of his comfort rut.
Both S and I hold on because of fear, both wants to be in comfort zone. Both think to move out is loss, we couldn't think of gain. Yea, just accept he is gone. I can have new chance.
Lunar in Scorpio - Inside me...I tot I am not good...
Jan 31 Aft
Just did Shoonya. I was crying, cos I didn't see my own worth. I m real goodness. I m valuable. I m worthy. Such paradox, on the surface and to others, I seems to value myself, but actually internal, I think m not worthy. That is why whenever there is no response from Z, I tot I m rejected, I couldn't see my own worth.
Z is not bad, but he is not good. Whereas, I m real goodness. I also realised he never really care for me. Sad, but true. Otherwise, he won't be able to break up so cruelly, not once but twice.
I had projected my goodness into him. He is not worth my power of support, my goodness.
Lunar in Scorpions
U r here to learn : discovery and belief in my own goodness.
When u connect with the power within u and learn to go with ur natural inborn flow, u will find that the universe.
Stop projecting ur goodness outward by looking for someone else to believe in. As u learn to support and trust urself by being true to ur own sense of goodness, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur energy.
This then gives u freedom to be more trusting of those around u, since it eliminates the need to give away ur power. This will also lead to the realisation that it is alright for u to be successful and to be in the limelight.
Then u can become the power of ur own throne.
Lunar in Scorpions
Unconsciously, you may have a negative behaviour pattern of building ur success on the misfortune of others. If u r not aware of the lessons u have come to learn, u may find urself surrounded with very negative people or being a very negative person.
If u choose to operate in a negative fashion, ur body may deteriorate as u set out to prove that there is no one u can depend on, not even yourself. You try to prove that there is nothing good on this plane, and that everything must be destroyed.
Soul
No wonder Seven of Clubs in Saturn and Seven of Spades in Cosmic lesson.
Lunar in Scorpions
One way to faciltate ur growth is to begin to value urself.
Once u feel u r worth saving, u r more than capable of pulling urself up. U know ur faults all too well.
U need to understand what is right about urself and to get in touch with the goodness inside u.
U r gentle
U have an understanding of the workings of the universe
U r sensitive (even if u try to hide it)
U care about others (even if u pretend not to).
U have a goodness of intent.
If someone can tell u one positive thing every time u do something negative, it gives u the recognition of ur good intent without validating ur antisocial behaviour.
Once u see this spark of good, u will have enough faith in urself to climb out of the worst situations. U r capable of overcoming circumstances that will bury the average person.
It is important for u to recognise the good within urself because this eclipse rules the energy of destruction, and until u see the spark of good within u, u will continue on a self destructive path. U don't see ur own value until someone reflects it.
U r here to learn ur value as a human being, to society, and to others.
Soul,
Nine of hearts - universal love
Just did Shoonya. I was crying, cos I didn't see my own worth. I m real goodness. I m valuable. I m worthy. Such paradox, on the surface and to others, I seems to value myself, but actually internal, I think m not worthy. That is why whenever there is no response from Z, I tot I m rejected, I couldn't see my own worth.
Z is not bad, but he is not good. Whereas, I m real goodness. I also realised he never really care for me. Sad, but true. Otherwise, he won't be able to break up so cruelly, not once but twice.
I had projected my goodness into him. He is not worth my power of support, my goodness.
Lunar in Scorpions
U r here to learn : discovery and belief in my own goodness.
When u connect with the power within u and learn to go with ur natural inborn flow, u will find that the universe.
Stop projecting ur goodness outward by looking for someone else to believe in. As u learn to support and trust urself by being true to ur own sense of goodness, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur energy.
This then gives u freedom to be more trusting of those around u, since it eliminates the need to give away ur power. This will also lead to the realisation that it is alright for u to be successful and to be in the limelight.
Then u can become the power of ur own throne.
Lunar in Scorpions
Unconsciously, you may have a negative behaviour pattern of building ur success on the misfortune of others. If u r not aware of the lessons u have come to learn, u may find urself surrounded with very negative people or being a very negative person.
If u choose to operate in a negative fashion, ur body may deteriorate as u set out to prove that there is no one u can depend on, not even yourself. You try to prove that there is nothing good on this plane, and that everything must be destroyed.
Soul
No wonder Seven of Clubs in Saturn and Seven of Spades in Cosmic lesson.
Lunar in Scorpions
One way to faciltate ur growth is to begin to value urself.
Once u feel u r worth saving, u r more than capable of pulling urself up. U know ur faults all too well.
U need to understand what is right about urself and to get in touch with the goodness inside u.
U r gentle
U have an understanding of the workings of the universe
U r sensitive (even if u try to hide it)
U care about others (even if u pretend not to).
U have a goodness of intent.
If someone can tell u one positive thing every time u do something negative, it gives u the recognition of ur good intent without validating ur antisocial behaviour.
Once u see this spark of good, u will have enough faith in urself to climb out of the worst situations. U r capable of overcoming circumstances that will bury the average person.
It is important for u to recognise the good within urself because this eclipse rules the energy of destruction, and until u see the spark of good within u, u will continue on a self destructive path. U don't see ur own value until someone reflects it.
U r here to learn ur value as a human being, to society, and to others.
Soul,
Nine of hearts - universal love
Lunar in Scorpio - my power used inward instead of outward
Jan 31
Woke up before alarm. Did my suria. Towards the sixth cycle, I suddenly tot of inner body. So, I visualised my inner body for every moment. I find that the body becomes more supple and since I was focus on inner body, very little tots. I think that's the key.
It got bit warm but air conditioner remote out of batt. So, I keep cool and did Shakti. Not so great. Shambavi was fine. Towards the end, there was no joy, but there was something need to be released, I open my mouth and cry out loud for a few times.
But good thing was, just little tots of Z.
Yday, I tot of L. When she was lost while coming to IE, I reacted towards her edginess and gave up on her. Yday, I was lost and she didn't give up on me. She really wants us to see her place. I sense loneliness in her. And to top it all, she is a useful allies as she turned out to be very rich.
Today my elbow is stiff. Father, I truly want to heal. Now I understand what Sadhguru meant by trapped energy. I will move forward and release the energy. Where I m now, is not where I should be. Instead of avoiding power, I will take it to share. Power is not only responsibility. I m a responsible person
A tot came when I was driving, I want to live consciously. That was the original reason I undertake my inner journey.
I read my solar in Taurus and can identify with it. Then I proceed to lunar in Taurus, it seems so much like Z. Actually, the first time I read, I tot I was reading for Z and I felt sad, that he is like that.
Then I proceed to read my Lunar in Scorpion, which I couldn't relate in the first reading. Now that I know I avoid power and goodness, finally I can relate. I just read bit and tears start to welt up. I stopped as I need to go to office. As I got into my car, I burst out into tears and start to cry non stop.
Then I knew I admired Z for his power that he used on the world, whereas mine is used inwardly to suppress my desires and emotions.
I also knew I projected my goodness into Z. I now know he is not bad, but he is not as good as I tot he is. I m the good one, I m the one with goodness. I had wrongly projected to him. Now I knew we are meant to end. It was humbling to know I see him wrongly. I can now release him, he is not good for me. My role was to help him to build but he is not for me. I m finally at ease with this new insight.
Seven of Clubs
U will be exposed to spiritual knowledge that leads one back to self.
Soul
I just did.
I m goodness and power.
Woke up before alarm. Did my suria. Towards the sixth cycle, I suddenly tot of inner body. So, I visualised my inner body for every moment. I find that the body becomes more supple and since I was focus on inner body, very little tots. I think that's the key.
It got bit warm but air conditioner remote out of batt. So, I keep cool and did Shakti. Not so great. Shambavi was fine. Towards the end, there was no joy, but there was something need to be released, I open my mouth and cry out loud for a few times.
But good thing was, just little tots of Z.
Yday, I tot of L. When she was lost while coming to IE, I reacted towards her edginess and gave up on her. Yday, I was lost and she didn't give up on me. She really wants us to see her place. I sense loneliness in her. And to top it all, she is a useful allies as she turned out to be very rich.
Today my elbow is stiff. Father, I truly want to heal. Now I understand what Sadhguru meant by trapped energy. I will move forward and release the energy. Where I m now, is not where I should be. Instead of avoiding power, I will take it to share. Power is not only responsibility. I m a responsible person
A tot came when I was driving, I want to live consciously. That was the original reason I undertake my inner journey.
I read my solar in Taurus and can identify with it. Then I proceed to lunar in Taurus, it seems so much like Z. Actually, the first time I read, I tot I was reading for Z and I felt sad, that he is like that.
Then I proceed to read my Lunar in Scorpion, which I couldn't relate in the first reading. Now that I know I avoid power and goodness, finally I can relate. I just read bit and tears start to welt up. I stopped as I need to go to office. As I got into my car, I burst out into tears and start to cry non stop.
Then I knew I admired Z for his power that he used on the world, whereas mine is used inwardly to suppress my desires and emotions.
I also knew I projected my goodness into Z. I now know he is not bad, but he is not as good as I tot he is. I m the good one, I m the one with goodness. I had wrongly projected to him. Now I knew we are meant to end. It was humbling to know I see him wrongly. I can now release him, he is not good for me. My role was to help him to build but he is not for me. I m finally at ease with this new insight.
Seven of Clubs
U will be exposed to spiritual knowledge that leads one back to self.
Soul
I just did.
I m goodness and power.
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