May 27 eve
Saturn in Aries - the force of discipline, refines ur duties, responsibilities and the structure of ur life. "must" and "can't" relates to Saturn.
Assertive decision - self reliant, impatient.
Once u gain mastery over ur self. U can realistically think abt becoming an inventive, take charge leader
Once u learned to successfully deal wit ur anger and aggression, u will acquire necessary faith in urself to do ur thing.
U r somewhat willful, determined and reform minded. You can implement original ideas in a practical way.
Self discipline brings u opportunity towards ur work.
Soul
Was compiling abridged book from my blog and saw this.
Suddenly I realised that my Self Mastery journey's purpose is just for me to be an Transformative Self-Help leader.
Saturn in Aries
Decisions challenge self-expression _ ur self respect and self expression may be limited, especially due to childhood problems associated wit the father
Decision help clarify what will be.
Soul
Yea, my family is dysfunctional. My mom doesn't like us to express sadness and my dad doesn't like us to express anger. So, everything is suppressed.
When I first started meditation, my sadness finally can be expressed.
And now I am learning to express my disatisfaction before it turns to resentment.
Finally see whats my issue with Three of Diamonds. It is in my Uranus in Virgo
Uranus in Virgo
Free urself and others in the slave labour pool. You get a 7 year itch to have an unusual job, learn to do your job in unusual ways.
Soul
Well, I am now on 3 days work.
Uranus in Virgo - helpful liberation
You are courageous, original and impatient.
You need a variety of action and excitement.
Learn to finish some of ur great project
Confront bullies. Resist being dominated
Develop ur own unique strength
Curb ur temper and any asocial and antisocial tendencies that u may have.
Find outlets for ur excess energy and learn when to take it easy.
Muses wit decisive force deliberate changes
Radical and conservative forces conflict within.
Unusual ambitions stir u to restlessness
Wit enough self control, u can do anything
Work to resolve the conflict between ur duty and ur need for freedom.
If its tried and true, keep it.
If its bold and new, check it out
When necessary, confront authorities and work for individual rights. You can be a rebel leader
Explore life alternative
Soul
Exactly why Self Mastery journey is the perfect answer for all the above.
In mastering myself, I inadvertently found a way for others too!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Aloneness - learning to handle it
May 27 aft
Four of Diamonds
A solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some.
We gotten clear about what we want.
Soul
Father, feeling bit restless. I got no work to do whole day. Now just waiting for meeting.
A tot came that I should be filling up myself with other work. I should create my valuation.
As I m now updating my blog of late 2009; I wished for no more challenges at work. So, now I have it.
Father, let me savour this relaxed working state. My values is inherent.
Just checked my this week Osho cards
1. Issue
The Dream
The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone and aloneness hurts. We drown our aloneness in relationship. That's why we become so much involved in love.
U were going to avoid yourself somehow or other. And there are people who don't fall in love with women or men- then they fall in love with money or power. That too is avoiding loneliness.
All ur activities can be reduced to one single source. The source is that u r afraid of aloneness. Everything else is just an excuse. The real cause is that u find urself very alone.
Soul
I have received this before. But today it stick right in. I was feeling restless cos I don't have job to run to; no partner; no practices; nothing.
I m just alone. Let me stay here.
Now I know why Z goes on strenuous mode for money. Why F goes into strenuous mode for variety. We are all filling up ourselves with something or someone because we are afraid to be alone.
I m truly alone now. Neither volunteering not career moves me. I don't hanker for money or power. I used to go for food but that is gone too. So, everything is being shed.
Let me face this aloneness.
The Dream
Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love that we naturally draw lovers towards us.
Soul
Thank U.
Today had lunch with boss and she said I have strong will. I told her I tot my ex-boyfriend has strong will but not me. She said I m in Isha for nearly 5 years and yet is able not to have herd mentality and that takes strong will.
The Secret of ages
If u r trying to swim, u must believe that the sea is going to keep u afloat. U must give yourself to the sea. There is the ocean and u are in it. I say to u, "According to ur faith, u will be able to swim".
The person who know with assurance that the sea will carry them if they do certain things will swim quite calmly, serenely, happily and will not mind if the water goes right over them.
Soul
I finally was able to swim half lap of breast stroke after nearly 15 years.
Yea, I can now swim calmly. I feel safe now.
Four of Diamonds
A solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some.
We gotten clear about what we want.
Soul
Father, feeling bit restless. I got no work to do whole day. Now just waiting for meeting.
A tot came that I should be filling up myself with other work. I should create my valuation.
As I m now updating my blog of late 2009; I wished for no more challenges at work. So, now I have it.
Father, let me savour this relaxed working state. My values is inherent.
Just checked my this week Osho cards
1. Issue
The Dream
The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone and aloneness hurts. We drown our aloneness in relationship. That's why we become so much involved in love.
U were going to avoid yourself somehow or other. And there are people who don't fall in love with women or men- then they fall in love with money or power. That too is avoiding loneliness.
All ur activities can be reduced to one single source. The source is that u r afraid of aloneness. Everything else is just an excuse. The real cause is that u find urself very alone.
Soul
I have received this before. But today it stick right in. I was feeling restless cos I don't have job to run to; no partner; no practices; nothing.
I m just alone. Let me stay here.
Now I know why Z goes on strenuous mode for money. Why F goes into strenuous mode for variety. We are all filling up ourselves with something or someone because we are afraid to be alone.
I m truly alone now. Neither volunteering not career moves me. I don't hanker for money or power. I used to go for food but that is gone too. So, everything is being shed.
Let me face this aloneness.
The Dream
Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love that we naturally draw lovers towards us.
Soul
Thank U.
Today had lunch with boss and she said I have strong will. I told her I tot my ex-boyfriend has strong will but not me. She said I m in Isha for nearly 5 years and yet is able not to have herd mentality and that takes strong will.
The Secret of ages
If u r trying to swim, u must believe that the sea is going to keep u afloat. U must give yourself to the sea. There is the ocean and u are in it. I say to u, "According to ur faith, u will be able to swim".
The person who know with assurance that the sea will carry them if they do certain things will swim quite calmly, serenely, happily and will not mind if the water goes right over them.
Soul
I finally was able to swim half lap of breast stroke after nearly 15 years.
Yea, I can now swim calmly. I feel safe now.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius - learning to flow with life
May 27
Surya kriya was lovely. Laugh loads at the end. Breathing was lovely.
Shakti is getting better. Got the right sound for Kapala Bhakti. Will work on slower speed later. Have slowed considerably on the 5242 breathing and organs breathing. Only come up twice from posture.
There were little tots of anything.
Shambavi was bit stretched cos legs were numb from Shakti.
A happy practices, I was singing and laughing loads.
As I was driving, had some tots of Z that I waived off and said I forgiven myself.
Astrology for the Soul
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They are powerful creators and able to manifest anything they want. However, to achieve success they need to remember that there are two parts to creative process: observation and action.
Observation consist of research: what does the public need? What does the other person want? This part of creative dance moves ahead in a measured way that objectively considers prevailing circumstances and allow others to adjust to cooperate with the vision.
Action requires will and determination to manifest a result and capture the prize. Creative action requires ego;
Observation requires non ego objectivity.
If these folks experience a rebuff, their best bet is to pull out of ego and move back into non ego observation mode so they can objectively evaluate what has occurred. Then, when path ahead is clear, they can reconnect with ego and press forward.
Soul
Yea on my website.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
Life doesn't want to hurt them but they ultimately hurt themselves by resisting the timing of the universe. They are learning to accept whatever happens in their lives as appropriate in order to take the next step.
Soul
Will remember that.
My period with Z is over.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They are surrounded by Angel and Spiritual Guides. It is almost as though before incarnating they were part of a larger group and now they are here on earth while others are in the invisible realm to guide and help them.
Soul
I truly believe this. Helps always come. My receptivity to energy is beyond me. My intuition is also beyond me.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They are instrument for higher forces. Thus when they have an idea that is truly in alignment with what is needed on the planet, the universe will set it up so that they connect with the right people to help manifest the idea.
These folks are eclectic, combining the best of the associations they are involved in under the auspices of their larger life path and inner knowledge about the New Age. In this lifetime, the idea is for them to transfer some of their strong loyalty to the Infinite, to their own spirituality and to cooperating with the larger Flow.
In this way their incredible creative will from past lives can click in and their path to success will become magical. As long as they give credit to "good luck", the Angels or the universe itself for the ideas they put out, they are totally free to succeed.
Surya kriya was lovely. Laugh loads at the end. Breathing was lovely.
Shakti is getting better. Got the right sound for Kapala Bhakti. Will work on slower speed later. Have slowed considerably on the 5242 breathing and organs breathing. Only come up twice from posture.
There were little tots of anything.
Shambavi was bit stretched cos legs were numb from Shakti.
A happy practices, I was singing and laughing loads.
As I was driving, had some tots of Z that I waived off and said I forgiven myself.
Astrology for the Soul
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They are powerful creators and able to manifest anything they want. However, to achieve success they need to remember that there are two parts to creative process: observation and action.
Observation consist of research: what does the public need? What does the other person want? This part of creative dance moves ahead in a measured way that objectively considers prevailing circumstances and allow others to adjust to cooperate with the vision.
Action requires will and determination to manifest a result and capture the prize. Creative action requires ego;
Observation requires non ego objectivity.
If these folks experience a rebuff, their best bet is to pull out of ego and move back into non ego observation mode so they can objectively evaluate what has occurred. Then, when path ahead is clear, they can reconnect with ego and press forward.
Soul
Yea on my website.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
Life doesn't want to hurt them but they ultimately hurt themselves by resisting the timing of the universe. They are learning to accept whatever happens in their lives as appropriate in order to take the next step.
Soul
Will remember that.
My period with Z is over.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They are surrounded by Angel and Spiritual Guides. It is almost as though before incarnating they were part of a larger group and now they are here on earth while others are in the invisible realm to guide and help them.
Soul
I truly believe this. Helps always come. My receptivity to energy is beyond me. My intuition is also beyond me.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They are instrument for higher forces. Thus when they have an idea that is truly in alignment with what is needed on the planet, the universe will set it up so that they connect with the right people to help manifest the idea.
These folks are eclectic, combining the best of the associations they are involved in under the auspices of their larger life path and inner knowledge about the New Age. In this lifetime, the idea is for them to transfer some of their strong loyalty to the Infinite, to their own spirituality and to cooperating with the larger Flow.
In this way their incredible creative will from past lives can click in and their path to success will become magical. As long as they give credit to "good luck", the Angels or the universe itself for the ideas they put out, they are totally free to succeed.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Overcoming my North node in 11th house...thanks to my mirror, Z
May 26 aft 1
Now reading Astrology for Soul to go into specific of 11th house.
Father, I recalled I prayed that I be given an answer to address my need for validation and alas answers given.
North node in 11th house and Aquarius
The Achilles heel Aquarius north node people need to be aware of their need for others approval ("My survival depends on others giving me approval") and thinking that if they have others' approval their life is on the right track. But it is a bottomless pit: they can never get enough approval to feel satisfied or to feel free to be themselves. Actually, for them the approval of others is a false barometer. They must risk disapproval and be true to their own unorthodox ideas in order to develop the deeper and more satisfying feeling of self-approval.
Soul
Alas I m getting clear. Also tot that's why Z and I can't be.
Astrology for Soul
North node in 11th house
Another important factor is carefully choosing whom to work with. They do better with like-minded people who are not controlling and are open to new ways of doing things. Aquarius north nodes are kids at heart - they don't want any "adult" telling them what to do! They need to work with people who are generous, who respect them, and who values their ideas. When they involve others, their creative process becomes energised and the successes generated by the shared energy are far greater.
Soul
Yea. That's why I shy off working with Parental mode people - very controlling. I don't feel free. That's is also why I can't teach; I can lead Isha. I need to have my own creative expression.
North node in 11th house
The sooner Aquarius north node begin playing their part to further the idealistic causes they are drawn to support, the sooner they will feel more of a sense of wholeness. Their action might take the firm of group efforts to protect environment or etc, or they might donate monies to humanitarian causes. They might begin their own project, using their creative talents (writing, painting, music, photography).
Unless these folks are "creating", dissatisfaction undermines other areas of their life. Their creativity can be released through business, an art form, the furthering of humanitarian causes or acceleration of their spiritual growth. When they are re-creating themselves through spiritual discipline or initiating projects in the tangible world, it is in their best interest to be conscious of what they want to create and to use their passion to actively pursue it.
Soul
Yea, my aloneness, writing and practices is in Top 5.
North node in 11th house
They are happiest being involved in projects that allow them to express this in their own way. They love to contribute, but they need to be free to be innovative and creative. They don't want to follow someone else's directions - it limits them and lower their "frequency". If they try to slow down their high-frequency, intense energy, it makes them crazy. When they ignore their own creative impulses and do what they think they should do, their energy plummets.
Soul
Exactly. I m on the right track.
Now reading Astrology for Soul to go into specific of 11th house.
Father, I recalled I prayed that I be given an answer to address my need for validation and alas answers given.
North node in 11th house and Aquarius
The Achilles heel Aquarius north node people need to be aware of their need for others approval ("My survival depends on others giving me approval") and thinking that if they have others' approval their life is on the right track. But it is a bottomless pit: they can never get enough approval to feel satisfied or to feel free to be themselves. Actually, for them the approval of others is a false barometer. They must risk disapproval and be true to their own unorthodox ideas in order to develop the deeper and more satisfying feeling of self-approval.
Soul
Alas I m getting clear. Also tot that's why Z and I can't be.
Astrology for Soul
North node in 11th house
Another important factor is carefully choosing whom to work with. They do better with like-minded people who are not controlling and are open to new ways of doing things. Aquarius north nodes are kids at heart - they don't want any "adult" telling them what to do! They need to work with people who are generous, who respect them, and who values their ideas. When they involve others, their creative process becomes energised and the successes generated by the shared energy are far greater.
Soul
Yea. That's why I shy off working with Parental mode people - very controlling. I don't feel free. That's is also why I can't teach; I can lead Isha. I need to have my own creative expression.
North node in 11th house
The sooner Aquarius north node begin playing their part to further the idealistic causes they are drawn to support, the sooner they will feel more of a sense of wholeness. Their action might take the firm of group efforts to protect environment or etc, or they might donate monies to humanitarian causes. They might begin their own project, using their creative talents (writing, painting, music, photography).
Unless these folks are "creating", dissatisfaction undermines other areas of their life. Their creativity can be released through business, an art form, the furthering of humanitarian causes or acceleration of their spiritual growth. When they are re-creating themselves through spiritual discipline or initiating projects in the tangible world, it is in their best interest to be conscious of what they want to create and to use their passion to actively pursue it.
Soul
Yea, my aloneness, writing and practices is in Top 5.
North node in 11th house
They are happiest being involved in projects that allow them to express this in their own way. They love to contribute, but they need to be free to be innovative and creative. They don't want to follow someone else's directions - it limits them and lower their "frequency". If they try to slow down their high-frequency, intense energy, it makes them crazy. When they ignore their own creative impulses and do what they think they should do, their energy plummets.
Soul
Exactly. I m on the right track.
To assert myself for my own needs..instead of feeling resentful to others for not meeting my need..
May 26 aft
Just finished my Surya kriya practices. Looks like I was lopsided in my mountain postures. I was leaning on my left body.
Also found out I cut short some asanas in Cat stretch. No wonder I m normally faster.
J said my resistance is because I was afraid I might 'fly' to the other side. I told him unlike him and teacher, M; Sadhguru is not my life. He is just my guru. It took me four years to accept him. I haven't accept my role in his foundation yet.
North node in Taurus
They know when their boundaries are being trespassed - they feel frustrated, fatigued, uncomfortable and unsettled. Others don't sense the resentment because the native covers it up.
These people are learning that in this lifetime their destiny is to risk asserting their own needs in their relationships and to "train" the other person to satisfy them. When these people owns their needs and take responsibility for integrating them into their rships, it works. They get back the energy they need from their partner, which opens the door for intimacy to be created.
Soul
I didn't try with Z. I was afraid of the ending if I assert, especially I know that Z is not in love with me. I forgive myself with Z. He was meant to be my mirror only.
Cosmic Love
Z is my 8th house
Once u have received their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, u can continue building with then - if ur values are compatible - or go out on ur own. Either way u have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a new level of energy, self confidence and determination.
Soul
Yea; new beginning for me. He was the first. He broke through my strong fort and i learned to set my boundary with others. Father, I can now read the rship without any sadness. I forgiven myself with Z. Amen.
Cosmic Love
Me in Z's 1st house
This person (me) can permanently strengthen Z's life by encouraging his individuality and enchanting his sense of independence. As Z accept my gift and allow me to help him recognise he can do things on his own. Z's demonstration motivates me to actively began exploring my independence and pursuing my own talents. In this way, we empower each other to evolve into the full expression of our unique potential.
Soul
We both meet so we can grow. Amen. I forgiven myself with Z.
Father, thank u. Alas I m freed of Z.
Just finished my Surya kriya practices. Looks like I was lopsided in my mountain postures. I was leaning on my left body.
Also found out I cut short some asanas in Cat stretch. No wonder I m normally faster.
J said my resistance is because I was afraid I might 'fly' to the other side. I told him unlike him and teacher, M; Sadhguru is not my life. He is just my guru. It took me four years to accept him. I haven't accept my role in his foundation yet.
North node in Taurus
They know when their boundaries are being trespassed - they feel frustrated, fatigued, uncomfortable and unsettled. Others don't sense the resentment because the native covers it up.
These people are learning that in this lifetime their destiny is to risk asserting their own needs in their relationships and to "train" the other person to satisfy them. When these people owns their needs and take responsibility for integrating them into their rships, it works. They get back the energy they need from their partner, which opens the door for intimacy to be created.
Soul
I didn't try with Z. I was afraid of the ending if I assert, especially I know that Z is not in love with me. I forgive myself with Z. He was meant to be my mirror only.
Cosmic Love
Z is my 8th house
Once u have received their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, u can continue building with then - if ur values are compatible - or go out on ur own. Either way u have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a new level of energy, self confidence and determination.
Soul
Yea; new beginning for me. He was the first. He broke through my strong fort and i learned to set my boundary with others. Father, I can now read the rship without any sadness. I forgiven myself with Z. Amen.
Cosmic Love
Me in Z's 1st house
This person (me) can permanently strengthen Z's life by encouraging his individuality and enchanting his sense of independence. As Z accept my gift and allow me to help him recognise he can do things on his own. Z's demonstration motivates me to actively began exploring my independence and pursuing my own talents. In this way, we empower each other to evolve into the full expression of our unique potential.
Soul
We both meet so we can grow. Amen. I forgiven myself with Z.
Father, thank u. Alas I m freed of Z.
Food is where I safely express...thats why I resist on change of diet
May 26
Just finished my walk. The grass are so green and alive. The trees are so fresh. As I walk I just got one tot in my mind, I forgive myself with Z. It has to happen and it has to take so long for me to get over him. He was my true mirror.
As for Isha leadership. Maybe not my time yet. I don't want to force myself to learn the lesson. What I know is I mend my rship issue with P, C and M. I can see their worth and I no longer take their criticism as personally as before. It took me 4 and half years to accept Sadhguru and Dhynalinga.
Cosmic Love
Trust ur inner experience of the other person rather than what u think u should be experiencing. Just trust ur own instincts and the practical results of ur experiment.
Soul
Learning to.
I should feel blessed on Isha but not yet.
But I now feel grateful to my rship with Z. It was meant to happen. I could not have stopped it. Alas I forgive myself for holding on for so long.
Now reading my North node in Taurus; one of my gift is natural team player. I may have the sensitivity and insecurity of the north node in Aquarius but I m a team player.
North node in Taurus
Special gifts
Psychological depth - yes
Sensitivity to the circumstances of others. - yes
Eagerness to support others. - yes
A powerful spirit - yes
A natural team player - yes
The potential to create financial abundance - not yet
A willingness to invest in others - yes
Misconception that blocks intimacy.
My rship works when I pour all my energy into supporting the other person - yes
Supporting my partner means getting involved in helping them to make their decision - yes but now lessen bit
I need to be in rship to survive - yes; not to survive but to make me happy. It is in my Top 5.
I m safer if I ignore my boundaries and give beyond my comfort zone - yes but now learning to pull back
If I reveal my needs, others may not respond in a positive way - yes but now I m learning to reduce my need for validation from others.
It's ok for me to buy what I want now and pay for it later - no cos I have need for financial security. Money in the bank is better than having wants. So I have little wants.
Others don't care enough about me to tune in to where I m coming from - not really. I think its because I m eccentric.
Cosmic Love
North node in Taurus
They cannot experience true intimacy because the natural reciprocal process that can be created when needs are expressed AS THEY ARISE has been circumvented.
Soul
True. Due to my auto control I tend to blocked myself. I suppressed and later explode.
Now I try to express; still delayed by a few days but at least not suppressed totally.
Father, such irony. I tot I m self centred and yet I don't often express my need except in food. In food I m exact in what I want. Guess that's where no one can judge me.
Cosmic love
North node in Taurus
Our true boundaries are not mental construct. They are innate, and are actually felt as an urge within the body that lets us know whether or not we feel comfortable in a particular situation.
For most of us, stretching beyond our "comfort zone" is a requirement for personal and spiritual growth. BUT for Taurus north node people this process is reversed. They tend to feel safer when they discount their own comfort and ignore their boundaries. It may even feel very frightening for them to remain aware of their own comfort zone and to stay within it, but it is through that process, that growth can occur.
Soul
No wonder I had so much resistance on food. Food is where I had personal freedom. Food is where I self expressed freely. To have a change in food means to no freedom. Means death of me. It is not the miss of taste of food. It is the loss of freedom. No wonder a change of diet is a loss of me. No wonder I said food is me cos food is where I can be myself totally.
In other parts of myself I limit my wants but in food I go without limit. That's why even when my body is purging over food, I still ignored cos I cannot let my body curtail my freedom.
Just like today, breakfast should be completed by 7 am cos I need 4 hours break before Surya kriya. But I find it restrictive so I had it by 8 am. I had a cup of coffee and half slice of bread. It is now 9 am and my body is feeling full. Not sure if I can do Surya kriya later.
I guess I was just being recalcitrant cos I have changed my diet. Not willing to be subject to timing restrictions.
Just finished my walk. The grass are so green and alive. The trees are so fresh. As I walk I just got one tot in my mind, I forgive myself with Z. It has to happen and it has to take so long for me to get over him. He was my true mirror.
As for Isha leadership. Maybe not my time yet. I don't want to force myself to learn the lesson. What I know is I mend my rship issue with P, C and M. I can see their worth and I no longer take their criticism as personally as before. It took me 4 and half years to accept Sadhguru and Dhynalinga.
Cosmic Love
Trust ur inner experience of the other person rather than what u think u should be experiencing. Just trust ur own instincts and the practical results of ur experiment.
Soul
Learning to.
I should feel blessed on Isha but not yet.
But I now feel grateful to my rship with Z. It was meant to happen. I could not have stopped it. Alas I forgive myself for holding on for so long.
Now reading my North node in Taurus; one of my gift is natural team player. I may have the sensitivity and insecurity of the north node in Aquarius but I m a team player.
North node in Taurus
Special gifts
Psychological depth - yes
Sensitivity to the circumstances of others. - yes
Eagerness to support others. - yes
A powerful spirit - yes
A natural team player - yes
The potential to create financial abundance - not yet
A willingness to invest in others - yes
Misconception that blocks intimacy.
My rship works when I pour all my energy into supporting the other person - yes
Supporting my partner means getting involved in helping them to make their decision - yes but now lessen bit
I need to be in rship to survive - yes; not to survive but to make me happy. It is in my Top 5.
I m safer if I ignore my boundaries and give beyond my comfort zone - yes but now learning to pull back
If I reveal my needs, others may not respond in a positive way - yes but now I m learning to reduce my need for validation from others.
It's ok for me to buy what I want now and pay for it later - no cos I have need for financial security. Money in the bank is better than having wants. So I have little wants.
Others don't care enough about me to tune in to where I m coming from - not really. I think its because I m eccentric.
Cosmic Love
North node in Taurus
They cannot experience true intimacy because the natural reciprocal process that can be created when needs are expressed AS THEY ARISE has been circumvented.
Soul
True. Due to my auto control I tend to blocked myself. I suppressed and later explode.
Now I try to express; still delayed by a few days but at least not suppressed totally.
Father, such irony. I tot I m self centred and yet I don't often express my need except in food. In food I m exact in what I want. Guess that's where no one can judge me.
Cosmic love
North node in Taurus
Our true boundaries are not mental construct. They are innate, and are actually felt as an urge within the body that lets us know whether or not we feel comfortable in a particular situation.
For most of us, stretching beyond our "comfort zone" is a requirement for personal and spiritual growth. BUT for Taurus north node people this process is reversed. They tend to feel safer when they discount their own comfort and ignore their boundaries. It may even feel very frightening for them to remain aware of their own comfort zone and to stay within it, but it is through that process, that growth can occur.
Soul
No wonder I had so much resistance on food. Food is where I had personal freedom. Food is where I self expressed freely. To have a change in food means to no freedom. Means death of me. It is not the miss of taste of food. It is the loss of freedom. No wonder a change of diet is a loss of me. No wonder I said food is me cos food is where I can be myself totally.
In other parts of myself I limit my wants but in food I go without limit. That's why even when my body is purging over food, I still ignored cos I cannot let my body curtail my freedom.
Just like today, breakfast should be completed by 7 am cos I need 4 hours break before Surya kriya. But I find it restrictive so I had it by 8 am. I had a cup of coffee and half slice of bread. It is now 9 am and my body is feeling full. Not sure if I can do Surya kriya later.
I guess I was just being recalcitrant cos I have changed my diet. Not willing to be subject to timing restrictions.
Z is my true mirror (north node in Aquarius) - I forgive myself for Z
May 25 eve
Astrology for the Soul by Jan Spiller
North node in 11th house Aquarius
One reason this nodal group is so self-absorbed is a strong, internal feeling hidden in their psyche that they are single-handedly responsible for creating everything that they and those who are close to them - need on a survival level.
Because they take total responsibility for what is created in their life, they want their choices to be totally based on their own inner persuasion - not dependent on others in any way - since they hold themselves accountable for the outcome.
Over time, feeling like everything is up to them becomes exhausting. They feel that everything that happens to them - including others' reaction to them - is caused by something that they have done, so they take everything personally.
When someone is simply being themselves, and in some way criticises the native, the Aquarius person tends to think that they something they did provoked it. This block intimacy because they are afraid to truly be themselves and express who they really are since they don't want to experience disapproval.
Soul
So true. I even used to take the loss of business as due to me.
Thanks to the parental mode of S, P and teacher; I finally learn that feedback from others is also their own projections and it is not gospel truth and I need not take it personally.
Thanks to the initiation, I also released the burden. Now I can swim breast stroke with ease. Finally after so many years.
A tot came; same on Z too. I need not take his avoidance of me as a personal reflection. He just cannot handle confrontation.
Anyway, thanks to his avoidance I had to search deep for answers. I found the mirror in me. Father, I finally forgive myself for Z.
North node in 11th house Aquarius
In fact, these people's desire for the approval of those who are close to them is insatiable - they can never get enough. They view approval as a sign that others see the purity of their intentions. They normally go through life that others don't really understand where they are coming from. So they tend to act out a role - trying to be what they think will please others instead of showing their real self.
The desire for approval also blocks intimacy because if the other doesn't approve of them in a given moment, they think it means that their partner doesn't understand and love them. This strains the rship on both sides: the native feels rejected and unloved, and the other person feels forced to respond a certain way. Both parties end up withdrawing from trust and closeness.
However, it is much more worse for these people when someone doesn't respond to them at all. They are so accustomed to being seen "special" in past lives, when people don't respond to them, they feel invincible. This triggers insecurity. They can go out of control trying to force a response one way or the other. In this type of situation they will push others because they feel even a negative response is better than no response at all. Their pride gets hurt, it becomes a big drama, and it drains them. It also disorients their worldview. They are likely to take the responses of others personally - as a reflection of them and feel defensive.
Soul
This is so me. But Z cured me of that and facing parental mode like S, P and teacher cemented it.
In my case is worst cos I don't even project it or express it. It goes inner and result in Rheumatoid arthritis.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They learn that their life can unfold in a magnificent way when they become director of the performance rather than the star. The star openly display her talent, while everyone else takes responsibility for making the performance work on a practical level. The director, on the other hand is aware of the unique talents and specialness of other people involved, and works to highlight and blend their individual gifts in a way that elevates the shared creative performance and bring it alive.
Soul
Yea. I m good at being a director. I played a director role in office and then wanted to do the same in Isha. But I was told off frequently by the Parental mode. They said I cannot volunteer people; I can only volunteer myself. Anyway, I don't bother and continue to select volunteers. My volunteering is in identification of roles. Yes, it's a leader role and others may not like it. But I played director role best.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius.
Sometimes these people think that its all up to them - that what they do or don't do can determine the results in a particular situation. Encourage them to realise that success or failure is on the shoulders of both people. For instance; if their partner wants to have children and they don't, nothing they do or don't do will change their partner's innate longing
Soul
Timely msg for me. Father, I forgive myself for Z.
Astrology for the Soul by Jan Spiller
North node in 11th house Aquarius
One reason this nodal group is so self-absorbed is a strong, internal feeling hidden in their psyche that they are single-handedly responsible for creating everything that they and those who are close to them - need on a survival level.
Because they take total responsibility for what is created in their life, they want their choices to be totally based on their own inner persuasion - not dependent on others in any way - since they hold themselves accountable for the outcome.
Over time, feeling like everything is up to them becomes exhausting. They feel that everything that happens to them - including others' reaction to them - is caused by something that they have done, so they take everything personally.
When someone is simply being themselves, and in some way criticises the native, the Aquarius person tends to think that they something they did provoked it. This block intimacy because they are afraid to truly be themselves and express who they really are since they don't want to experience disapproval.
Soul
So true. I even used to take the loss of business as due to me.
Thanks to the parental mode of S, P and teacher; I finally learn that feedback from others is also their own projections and it is not gospel truth and I need not take it personally.
Thanks to the initiation, I also released the burden. Now I can swim breast stroke with ease. Finally after so many years.
A tot came; same on Z too. I need not take his avoidance of me as a personal reflection. He just cannot handle confrontation.
Anyway, thanks to his avoidance I had to search deep for answers. I found the mirror in me. Father, I finally forgive myself for Z.
North node in 11th house Aquarius
In fact, these people's desire for the approval of those who are close to them is insatiable - they can never get enough. They view approval as a sign that others see the purity of their intentions. They normally go through life that others don't really understand where they are coming from. So they tend to act out a role - trying to be what they think will please others instead of showing their real self.
The desire for approval also blocks intimacy because if the other doesn't approve of them in a given moment, they think it means that their partner doesn't understand and love them. This strains the rship on both sides: the native feels rejected and unloved, and the other person feels forced to respond a certain way. Both parties end up withdrawing from trust and closeness.
However, it is much more worse for these people when someone doesn't respond to them at all. They are so accustomed to being seen "special" in past lives, when people don't respond to them, they feel invincible. This triggers insecurity. They can go out of control trying to force a response one way or the other. In this type of situation they will push others because they feel even a negative response is better than no response at all. Their pride gets hurt, it becomes a big drama, and it drains them. It also disorients their worldview. They are likely to take the responses of others personally - as a reflection of them and feel defensive.
Soul
This is so me. But Z cured me of that and facing parental mode like S, P and teacher cemented it.
In my case is worst cos I don't even project it or express it. It goes inner and result in Rheumatoid arthritis.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius
They learn that their life can unfold in a magnificent way when they become director of the performance rather than the star. The star openly display her talent, while everyone else takes responsibility for making the performance work on a practical level. The director, on the other hand is aware of the unique talents and specialness of other people involved, and works to highlight and blend their individual gifts in a way that elevates the shared creative performance and bring it alive.
Soul
Yea. I m good at being a director. I played a director role in office and then wanted to do the same in Isha. But I was told off frequently by the Parental mode. They said I cannot volunteer people; I can only volunteer myself. Anyway, I don't bother and continue to select volunteers. My volunteering is in identification of roles. Yes, it's a leader role and others may not like it. But I played director role best.
North node in 11th house or Aquarius.
Sometimes these people think that its all up to them - that what they do or don't do can determine the results in a particular situation. Encourage them to realise that success or failure is on the shoulders of both people. For instance; if their partner wants to have children and they don't, nothing they do or don't do will change their partner's innate longing
Soul
Timely msg for me. Father, I forgive myself for Z.
Z is also my mirror in North Node and South node houses - I finally forgive myself on Z
May 25 eve
Had quite a lot of fish and some mince meat and prawn today.
Just now for dinner, I took 2 pieces of the fish stuffing. I heated it up but body says no and I just can't eat it.
Today my enjoyment was time spent with my family.
Father, truly lost my attachment to food. I have slowly but surely comes to acceptance that food is no longer love to me.
Finished watching 2 hours of Korean drama. Saw a gal who offer herself to the man and was willing to settle for anything. Reminds me of myself, but this time didn't feel so sad. Instead I focus on the other couple who had many difficulties but willing to overcome for their love. In the end, whatever the difficulties, if Z truly love me, he will overcome it. Alas, he just ran.
Father, I m ready for new love.
Now continue to read north node in Aquarius, north node in 11th house. I can identify with the need for validation. It gives a more detailed behind the scene of why I need validation. It also reaffirms my lifetime challenge of Seven of Hearts.
Astrology for the Soul
The sign in which the North node falls denotes the psychological shift that needs to occur within the personality.
The house containing the North node shows the experiences that allow the person to access this new psychological awareness.
The house is at least of equal importance to the sign. The house position indicates the arena.
If the sign of ur north node is the same sign as the house containing ur north node, it means double intensity.
Soul
I missed this in 2 readings. The first time I read for Z and my compatibility. Second time for why Z and I cannot be. Now finally I m reading it with open eyes and saw this.
North node in Taurus; 11th house in Aquarius (which is Z's north node)
South node in Scorpio; 5th house in Leo (which is Z's south node)
Father, I laughed when I saw this. Z and I are truly mirror to each other.
Five of Spades
There is certain amount if restlessness and the desire for change or travel.
Unexpected event rock ur expectations but also bring in good things u have not tot about.
Soul
Very true. This finding opens up another dimension in me. Alas all judgement of why I was with Z now clears. Z is meant for me to open me up. It is destined. I could not have prevented it; it is meant for the growth of my soul; it is meant as a blessing. Amen.
Finally I forgive myself for Z.
Alas, finally I feel the Breakthrough card this week. I can feel something opens up in me. Amen.
Had quite a lot of fish and some mince meat and prawn today.
Just now for dinner, I took 2 pieces of the fish stuffing. I heated it up but body says no and I just can't eat it.
Today my enjoyment was time spent with my family.
Father, truly lost my attachment to food. I have slowly but surely comes to acceptance that food is no longer love to me.
Finished watching 2 hours of Korean drama. Saw a gal who offer herself to the man and was willing to settle for anything. Reminds me of myself, but this time didn't feel so sad. Instead I focus on the other couple who had many difficulties but willing to overcome for their love. In the end, whatever the difficulties, if Z truly love me, he will overcome it. Alas, he just ran.
Father, I m ready for new love.
Now continue to read north node in Aquarius, north node in 11th house. I can identify with the need for validation. It gives a more detailed behind the scene of why I need validation. It also reaffirms my lifetime challenge of Seven of Hearts.
Astrology for the Soul
The sign in which the North node falls denotes the psychological shift that needs to occur within the personality.
The house containing the North node shows the experiences that allow the person to access this new psychological awareness.
The house is at least of equal importance to the sign. The house position indicates the arena.
If the sign of ur north node is the same sign as the house containing ur north node, it means double intensity.
Soul
I missed this in 2 readings. The first time I read for Z and my compatibility. Second time for why Z and I cannot be. Now finally I m reading it with open eyes and saw this.
North node in Taurus; 11th house in Aquarius (which is Z's north node)
South node in Scorpio; 5th house in Leo (which is Z's south node)
Father, I laughed when I saw this. Z and I are truly mirror to each other.
Five of Spades
There is certain amount if restlessness and the desire for change or travel.
Unexpected event rock ur expectations but also bring in good things u have not tot about.
Soul
Very true. This finding opens up another dimension in me. Alas all judgement of why I was with Z now clears. Z is meant for me to open me up. It is destined. I could not have prevented it; it is meant for the growth of my soul; it is meant as a blessing. Amen.
Finally I forgive myself for Z.
Alas, finally I feel the Breakthrough card this week. I can feel something opens up in me. Amen.
Something released in me...now can swim breast stroke after nearly 15 years
May 25
Just back from swim. Did a few laps of breast stroke. Alas, breast stroke is now affirmed in me. Something in me finally released. Amen.
I also know why I was disturbed the last few days. Isha thing again coming back. I know my Top 5 is not Isha foundation. My Top 5 is just my Isha practices. Sadhguru is one my masters, he is not my life. I have accepted him as a guru. When I see teacher, M watching his video with adoration. I knew I m not.
With that I knew I need to inform the core team that I fulfilled the promise made to hold the fort a couple of months ago. I m not keen to be overall lead Isha. I think we should set different leads for different group. The rest can act as support members.
Father, my top 5 is
1. Alone time
2. Family time
3. Writing time
4. Practices
5. Partner
Isha foundation is not my Top 5.
Only response from C but not the other two. Guess they waiting for a date. But it's ok. I need to focus on my Top 5.
I m not going to be silent and let Isha runs my life. P may like work but I don't. Frankly I didn't feel any satisfaction of completing the program or event. I m just thankful that it is over. I m not her. I may be a good lead but I m not a lead of other's people dream. I have my own dream to lead.
Thanks to the swim that clears my head. From now on, live life according to myself, not according to validation.
Yea, I just realised that I don't want to open my private mail. Only does it during working days cos its all volunteering work. Something that I m not really keen to do.
Just back from swim. Did a few laps of breast stroke. Alas, breast stroke is now affirmed in me. Something in me finally released. Amen.
I also know why I was disturbed the last few days. Isha thing again coming back. I know my Top 5 is not Isha foundation. My Top 5 is just my Isha practices. Sadhguru is one my masters, he is not my life. I have accepted him as a guru. When I see teacher, M watching his video with adoration. I knew I m not.
With that I knew I need to inform the core team that I fulfilled the promise made to hold the fort a couple of months ago. I m not keen to be overall lead Isha. I think we should set different leads for different group. The rest can act as support members.
Father, my top 5 is
1. Alone time
2. Family time
3. Writing time
4. Practices
5. Partner
Isha foundation is not my Top 5.
Only response from C but not the other two. Guess they waiting for a date. But it's ok. I need to focus on my Top 5.
I m not going to be silent and let Isha runs my life. P may like work but I don't. Frankly I didn't feel any satisfaction of completing the program or event. I m just thankful that it is over. I m not her. I may be a good lead but I m not a lead of other's people dream. I have my own dream to lead.
Thanks to the swim that clears my head. From now on, live life according to myself, not according to validation.
Yea, I just realised that I don't want to open my private mail. Only does it during working days cos its all volunteering work. Something that I m not really keen to do.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Forgiveness is the key to release Z
May 24
Father, I had 2 consecutive dreams on having rship. The first one was me having an ex colleague as a boyfriend. He brought me to see his mom and he holds my hand. Then on second day I had a dream on Z.
Looks like rship is in my list. Me now reading Cosmic Love again. The last time I read was for me and Z. And my focus was more on South Node. Now I can focus on North Node.
My tots now is Z is truly over and I m ready to face new love. No point pining over Z. It will never happen. Two months ago I said the same and now still on it. Let Z be bygone.
Father, part of me bit judging on myself for wanting a rship. But that's me. Such irony. To the outside world, I don't need it. But to me I know I want it.
Cosmic love
If there is someone in our past whom we still blame for betraying us or hurting us, we remain bonded to them as long as we hold on to that blame. Ultimately if the other person is unwilling to "work it out" with u, the process of forgiveness is ur key to totally releasing the connection to ur soul.
Soul
Well, I wish Z could have a good chat with me. But now not sure if that will help. Like he would say; break up is inevitable, why prolong.
I lost my last hope of Z last week. Guess that's also why I was grieving, not just on food. But I m proud of myself. I did good. I learned my Saturn in Aries with Z and now faced my Pluto in Virgo. I have evolved.
Today I start to miss meat. But I choose my body. I like that it is more healthy. My diet change has been on for the past 2 months.
Cosmic Love
Each of us will go through whatever we need to experience in order to learn how to create success in every area of life that's important to us. Nothing happens by accident. Either way, what happens to us during our lifetime is always a blessing, no matter how it may seem at the time. Our journey can be more pleasant and difficult situation less painful - when we are aware of that truth. In my own life, whenever "adversity" arises, I immediately clarify my intention by responding "Life loves me and somehow this is going to work to my benefit". So every challenge I have encountered has expanded my ability to experience life from a more conscious, positive perspective.
Soul
I only know when God closes a door, He opens a window for me. I know the lesson with Z was crucial for my inner development. I know myself more deeply after our break up. For now I don't feel blessed yet. Maybe in future.
Just now try to check Osho on rship. But I saw my Three of Diamonds today. So, I stop checking Osho half way. Be focused on letting go of Z. He is no more. So, don't bring him back.
Cosmic Love
In any rship, both people readiness and level of commitment to success has a lot to do with the outcome. If a person is ready to commit to making the rship work, and is willing to give the time and energy that can make it successful, many things that might be ordinarily be difficulties can be dealt with and overcome in a harmonious way.
Soul
When I read this, I can say Z just drop us. He never values us. Really sad. Tears are coming again. Then judgment came, why I had gives myself hopes when there are none. How many times do I need to be proven he never care for me.
Just now when I was watching Iron Man 3; I was envious when he declared she was the most important person in his life. I wish someone says that about me.
To Z I was the least important. I m sad now, the Parent in me beating me up.
Lets not go there.
Feeling better now. Amen. Just need to release and acknowledge the sadness.
Cosmic Love
Another factor that can greatly enhance the quality of a relationship is if both people have a commitment to a similar spiritual path. When two people are willing to grow and work on themselves, and have a level of awareness that allows them to put the health of the rship above the ego need to "be right". The values and spiritual maturity of two individuals must be naturally compatible in order for true bonding to occur.
Soul
Instead of thinking I m too little, I could be too much for Z.
Now saw that apart from North node in Taurus, I also have to read my 11th house and that happens to be North node in Aquarius, which is Z's north node. As I was reading it, I can see the truth especially in my non romantic rships. And it also explain my lifetime Seven of Heart challenge. Was bit scary and I got to stop reading it. Didn't realise that part was also my mirror with Z.
I do have superiority complex. And I do make Z feel inferior my financial freedom. I recalled I reacted strongly about him spending his last dollars. And he remembers it.
Father, me now facing leadership in Isha and learning about this is real helpful. I applied it at work via ACIM. And now I got to do the same in volunteering.
Father, I had 2 consecutive dreams on having rship. The first one was me having an ex colleague as a boyfriend. He brought me to see his mom and he holds my hand. Then on second day I had a dream on Z.
Looks like rship is in my list. Me now reading Cosmic Love again. The last time I read was for me and Z. And my focus was more on South Node. Now I can focus on North Node.
My tots now is Z is truly over and I m ready to face new love. No point pining over Z. It will never happen. Two months ago I said the same and now still on it. Let Z be bygone.
Father, part of me bit judging on myself for wanting a rship. But that's me. Such irony. To the outside world, I don't need it. But to me I know I want it.
Cosmic love
If there is someone in our past whom we still blame for betraying us or hurting us, we remain bonded to them as long as we hold on to that blame. Ultimately if the other person is unwilling to "work it out" with u, the process of forgiveness is ur key to totally releasing the connection to ur soul.
Soul
Well, I wish Z could have a good chat with me. But now not sure if that will help. Like he would say; break up is inevitable, why prolong.
I lost my last hope of Z last week. Guess that's also why I was grieving, not just on food. But I m proud of myself. I did good. I learned my Saturn in Aries with Z and now faced my Pluto in Virgo. I have evolved.
Today I start to miss meat. But I choose my body. I like that it is more healthy. My diet change has been on for the past 2 months.
Cosmic Love
Each of us will go through whatever we need to experience in order to learn how to create success in every area of life that's important to us. Nothing happens by accident. Either way, what happens to us during our lifetime is always a blessing, no matter how it may seem at the time. Our journey can be more pleasant and difficult situation less painful - when we are aware of that truth. In my own life, whenever "adversity" arises, I immediately clarify my intention by responding "Life loves me and somehow this is going to work to my benefit". So every challenge I have encountered has expanded my ability to experience life from a more conscious, positive perspective.
Soul
I only know when God closes a door, He opens a window for me. I know the lesson with Z was crucial for my inner development. I know myself more deeply after our break up. For now I don't feel blessed yet. Maybe in future.
Just now try to check Osho on rship. But I saw my Three of Diamonds today. So, I stop checking Osho half way. Be focused on letting go of Z. He is no more. So, don't bring him back.
Cosmic Love
In any rship, both people readiness and level of commitment to success has a lot to do with the outcome. If a person is ready to commit to making the rship work, and is willing to give the time and energy that can make it successful, many things that might be ordinarily be difficulties can be dealt with and overcome in a harmonious way.
Soul
When I read this, I can say Z just drop us. He never values us. Really sad. Tears are coming again. Then judgment came, why I had gives myself hopes when there are none. How many times do I need to be proven he never care for me.
Just now when I was watching Iron Man 3; I was envious when he declared she was the most important person in his life. I wish someone says that about me.
To Z I was the least important. I m sad now, the Parent in me beating me up.
Lets not go there.
Feeling better now. Amen. Just need to release and acknowledge the sadness.
Cosmic Love
Another factor that can greatly enhance the quality of a relationship is if both people have a commitment to a similar spiritual path. When two people are willing to grow and work on themselves, and have a level of awareness that allows them to put the health of the rship above the ego need to "be right". The values and spiritual maturity of two individuals must be naturally compatible in order for true bonding to occur.
Soul
Instead of thinking I m too little, I could be too much for Z.
Now saw that apart from North node in Taurus, I also have to read my 11th house and that happens to be North node in Aquarius, which is Z's north node. As I was reading it, I can see the truth especially in my non romantic rships. And it also explain my lifetime Seven of Heart challenge. Was bit scary and I got to stop reading it. Didn't realise that part was also my mirror with Z.
I do have superiority complex. And I do make Z feel inferior my financial freedom. I recalled I reacted strongly about him spending his last dollars. And he remembers it.
Father, me now facing leadership in Isha and learning about this is real helpful. I applied it at work via ACIM. And now I got to do the same in volunteering.
Focus on new self instead of old self
May 23 eve
Just when I tot I was alone, V also said he would look for place.
Glad of support.
Father, I wanted to watch the Korean drama that I accidentally watched yesterday. Alas my nephew is holding on to the television and so I can't watch. I haven't watch it for a few years since I got on with Z. And when we are off, I was grieving and don't want a reminder. Alas, maybe I m finally opening up to love.
I decided to focus on new me instead on harping on the loss of old me. I may not know what tomorrow brings but I m ok with today.
Cosmic love by Jan Spiller
Being "on path" is different for each individual, and is defined by the placement of North Node - along with any relevant aspects.
Since we have free will, we can resist being "on path" and the required growth of character. And when we do , we inevitably experience difficulty in that sector of our lives.
To experience success requires embracing that part of ourselves we have been resisting so we can come into the balance that is needed to create success in the material world.
Just when I tot I was alone, V also said he would look for place.
Glad of support.
Father, I wanted to watch the Korean drama that I accidentally watched yesterday. Alas my nephew is holding on to the television and so I can't watch. I haven't watch it for a few years since I got on with Z. And when we are off, I was grieving and don't want a reminder. Alas, maybe I m finally opening up to love.
I decided to focus on new me instead on harping on the loss of old me. I may not know what tomorrow brings but I m ok with today.
Cosmic love by Jan Spiller
Being "on path" is different for each individual, and is defined by the placement of North Node - along with any relevant aspects.
Since we have free will, we can resist being "on path" and the required growth of character. And when we do , we inevitably experience difficulty in that sector of our lives.
To experience success requires embracing that part of ourselves we have been resisting so we can come into the balance that is needed to create success in the material world.
With meditation, comes clarity...
May 23 aft 1
Uranus in Virgo
Confront bullies. Resist being dominated. Develop ur own unique strength. Curb ur temper and antisocial tendencies.
Soul
Yea, finally overcome those parental friends.
Pluto in Virgo
U are capable of about as much personal change as u decide. Dare to be a unique individual. Rather than reacting or responding to circumstance, try initiating change.
Instead of stealthing urself against others, strive to plummet the depths of ur own soul.
North node in Taurus
U will find ur spiritual path by becoming receptive to new value systems.
Clarify ur values and make them more tangible.
Soul
No wonder Results is Nine of Diamond this year and for the last few periods, Five of Diamonds. Long range is Ace of Diamonds.
All about values, change in values, loss of old values and creation of new values.
North Node in Taurus
It is possible that in past life u lived in Vancouver, Seattle or anchorage.
This time around, forces are leading u to visit or do business with and make friends with people from Middle East.
Soul
All my Isha teachers are from Lebanon.
Was reading my blog and saw this back in late 2009
In tune with infinite
When we come into full realisation of our oneness with this infinite Power, do we become calm and quiet, undisturbed by the little occurrences that so vex and annoy us.
We no longer disappointed in people, for we always read them alright.
We have the power of penetrating into their very souls and seeing the underlying motives at work here.
As soon as we are able to read people alright, we will cease to place them on pedestals, for this can never be done without some attendant disappointment.
Soul
I had the same realisation a few weeks ago. I make myself sad cos I was disappointed with others. I set too high an expectation. I should lower it.
In tune with infinite
As long as u merely live in the physical and intellectual, u set limitations to urself that will hold u as long as u live.
When u come into the realisation of ur oneness with the Infinite life and power and open urself that it may work through to u, u will find that u have entered upon an entirely new phase in life and that an ever increasing power will be yours.
Soul
Yea. Same msg as my internal influence this week.
Instead of focus on loss of old me, focus on creation of new me.
Uranus in Virgo
Confront bullies. Resist being dominated. Develop ur own unique strength. Curb ur temper and antisocial tendencies.
Soul
Yea, finally overcome those parental friends.
Pluto in Virgo
U are capable of about as much personal change as u decide. Dare to be a unique individual. Rather than reacting or responding to circumstance, try initiating change.
Instead of stealthing urself against others, strive to plummet the depths of ur own soul.
North node in Taurus
U will find ur spiritual path by becoming receptive to new value systems.
Clarify ur values and make them more tangible.
Soul
No wonder Results is Nine of Diamond this year and for the last few periods, Five of Diamonds. Long range is Ace of Diamonds.
All about values, change in values, loss of old values and creation of new values.
North Node in Taurus
It is possible that in past life u lived in Vancouver, Seattle or anchorage.
This time around, forces are leading u to visit or do business with and make friends with people from Middle East.
Soul
All my Isha teachers are from Lebanon.
Was reading my blog and saw this back in late 2009
In tune with infinite
When we come into full realisation of our oneness with this infinite Power, do we become calm and quiet, undisturbed by the little occurrences that so vex and annoy us.
We no longer disappointed in people, for we always read them alright.
We have the power of penetrating into their very souls and seeing the underlying motives at work here.
As soon as we are able to read people alright, we will cease to place them on pedestals, for this can never be done without some attendant disappointment.
Soul
I had the same realisation a few weeks ago. I make myself sad cos I was disappointed with others. I set too high an expectation. I should lower it.
In tune with infinite
As long as u merely live in the physical and intellectual, u set limitations to urself that will hold u as long as u live.
When u come into the realisation of ur oneness with the Infinite life and power and open urself that it may work through to u, u will find that u have entered upon an entirely new phase in life and that an ever increasing power will be yours.
Soul
Yea. Same msg as my internal influence this week.
Instead of focus on loss of old me, focus on creation of new me.
Meditation lets you see how ur tots and emotion drives u
May 23 aft
Did my Shoonya. Such peace. Just silence.
Father, bit down. No appetite. First time I m taking fruit juice instead of coffee. No food.
I had breakfast today. So, can do.
Father, I m still sad that my love affair with food is over. And I guess the fact that there is no replacement made me restless.
Today feeling alone.
Leading this Isha also alone. Anyway I have to go through this. One thing I realised is that having the free time to do volunteering is a blessing. I may not feel bless of volunteering but I feel blessed for having the time to do so.
Be the Change
Rabia Roberts
Meditation practice turns the telescope around so u can see how u invent a self and a story. U become familiar with how tots and emotions drive u. Once that happens, the ego loosen its grasp. U are not so compulsive any more or so reactive. U respond to what is going on, but u no longer react against anything. U also begin to understand equanimity, how to keep ur balance when emotions or disturbing tots arise.
Father, I m not sure if I want to go forward but I know I don't want to go backward. Guess that's the first step.
Did my Shoonya. Such peace. Just silence.
Father, bit down. No appetite. First time I m taking fruit juice instead of coffee. No food.
I had breakfast today. So, can do.
Father, I m still sad that my love affair with food is over. And I guess the fact that there is no replacement made me restless.
Today feeling alone.
Leading this Isha also alone. Anyway I have to go through this. One thing I realised is that having the free time to do volunteering is a blessing. I may not feel bless of volunteering but I feel blessed for having the time to do so.
Be the Change
Rabia Roberts
Meditation practice turns the telescope around so u can see how u invent a self and a story. U become familiar with how tots and emotions drive u. Once that happens, the ego loosen its grasp. U are not so compulsive any more or so reactive. U respond to what is going on, but u no longer react against anything. U also begin to understand equanimity, how to keep ur balance when emotions or disturbing tots arise.
Father, I m not sure if I want to go forward but I know I don't want to go backward. Guess that's the first step.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Three of Diamonds - why am I affected?
May 23
Woke up 4.30 am. Asanas was good, getting more nimble. I don't feel strenuous as the stretches was quite effortless but I doze off during Shavasana. Breathing was good. Shakti was different. I now does slow 5242 and ending breathing session. I was trying to get the jerky sound. Not sure if I m successful but will try again. As teacher said the sound comes in jerks.
Father, I m slightly affected by Three of Diamonds people. Why both F and K can't just take things one at a time. Why do they need variety?
I know I have first karma card of Three of Diamonds; but why am I affected?
I tot of telling F that I can't see any talent in her current hobby. But I stopped myself as I recalled I have a tendency to shoot down others dreams; I break the bubble. I will hurt people. Same as K, now aiming for guiding meditation and etc. Why are they looking to excel? Why they try to stand out when they can't even hold their own ground.
Father, what it is about me that is affected? I know the other side of Eight of Diamonds tells another story.
Be the Change
Steve Demos
Meditation is my foundation. If u strip away the dirt, u get the roots. Mediation was an entry gate for me, and then it was a re-enforcer. It sets the stage that permits me to demonstrate the value system.
Soul
True for me too.
On the Three of Diamonds. When I read Queen of Diamonds about changeability, I couldn't relate.
A tot came. I like spiritual but I resist so much. Isn't that uncertainty in values.
Osho today
Aloneness.
When there is no "significant other" in our lives we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.
If u r facing such situation now, be aware of how u r choosing to view ur aloneness and take responsibility for the choice u made.
Ultimately each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions or guide.
Soul
Yes. I m feeling alone. No partner and no support from Isha.
Woke up 4.30 am. Asanas was good, getting more nimble. I don't feel strenuous as the stretches was quite effortless but I doze off during Shavasana. Breathing was good. Shakti was different. I now does slow 5242 and ending breathing session. I was trying to get the jerky sound. Not sure if I m successful but will try again. As teacher said the sound comes in jerks.
Father, I m slightly affected by Three of Diamonds people. Why both F and K can't just take things one at a time. Why do they need variety?
I know I have first karma card of Three of Diamonds; but why am I affected?
I tot of telling F that I can't see any talent in her current hobby. But I stopped myself as I recalled I have a tendency to shoot down others dreams; I break the bubble. I will hurt people. Same as K, now aiming for guiding meditation and etc. Why are they looking to excel? Why they try to stand out when they can't even hold their own ground.
Father, what it is about me that is affected? I know the other side of Eight of Diamonds tells another story.
Be the Change
Steve Demos
Meditation is my foundation. If u strip away the dirt, u get the roots. Mediation was an entry gate for me, and then it was a re-enforcer. It sets the stage that permits me to demonstrate the value system.
Soul
True for me too.
On the Three of Diamonds. When I read Queen of Diamonds about changeability, I couldn't relate.
A tot came. I like spiritual but I resist so much. Isn't that uncertainty in values.
Osho today
Aloneness.
When there is no "significant other" in our lives we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.
If u r facing such situation now, be aware of how u r choosing to view ur aloneness and take responsibility for the choice u made.
Ultimately each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions or guide.
Soul
Yes. I m feeling alone. No partner and no support from Isha.
My perception on food has changed
May 22
Today much tots on Z. Guess its the period time and hormone acting up.
As I was driving I tot I have lost a few values in my life. The first was my career, followed by Z break up with me and now my body break up with food.
Just now Shoonya was so peaceful. Samyama was ok.
Just finished watching Korean drama. Tot of Z and I. The guy said both of them running away cos they start to like each other. A tot came; is that why Z run so fast. Smiling at myself. It is past.
Father, I can see that my food intake has reduced. I can only eat half of what I normally eat. Previously by the time I finished my food, I be too full. Now, just feel fine after meal. And that's because I eat half. I didn't stopped myself but my body send signal that its enough. Alas I finally know what Sadhguru means by with awareness of our body, we will eat just right for our body.
Mahatria Ra
Success is not a status. It is a responsibility.
With each rung u scale on the ladder of success, u are also scaling rungs on the ladder of responsibility.
Aspiring to be successful in essence, is aspiring to be more responsible.
Soul
I am aware of this since day one. That's why I shy away from success. Success means power; and power means responsibility.
Father, responsibility is love and not burden per Sadhguru. Still have not grasped this yet. Need to find a new Sathsang hall.
Today much tots on Z. Guess its the period time and hormone acting up.
As I was driving I tot I have lost a few values in my life. The first was my career, followed by Z break up with me and now my body break up with food.
Just now Shoonya was so peaceful. Samyama was ok.
Just finished watching Korean drama. Tot of Z and I. The guy said both of them running away cos they start to like each other. A tot came; is that why Z run so fast. Smiling at myself. It is past.
Father, I can see that my food intake has reduced. I can only eat half of what I normally eat. Previously by the time I finished my food, I be too full. Now, just feel fine after meal. And that's because I eat half. I didn't stopped myself but my body send signal that its enough. Alas I finally know what Sadhguru means by with awareness of our body, we will eat just right for our body.
Mahatria Ra
Success is not a status. It is a responsibility.
With each rung u scale on the ladder of success, u are also scaling rungs on the ladder of responsibility.
Aspiring to be successful in essence, is aspiring to be more responsible.
Soul
I am aware of this since day one. That's why I shy away from success. Success means power; and power means responsibility.
Father, responsibility is love and not burden per Sadhguru. Still have not grasped this yet. Need to find a new Sathsang hall.
Sadhguru - whatever you see/experience is all your responsibilities/karma
May 21 aft 3
Sadhguru
Whatever ur perception, beauty, ugly, pleasant, unpleasant, tasty and distasteful and etc is all ur responsibility.
Ur experience is the result of your karma (conditioning). So ur experience is not objective. It does not have clarity.
Karma is your action. Karma is your responsibility.
When a situation happens, it goes through the 4 process:
1. Cognition
2. Recognition
3. Reaction - this is in ur hand
4. Memory - once u react, it is stored in ur system. This the karma.
Soul
Step by step. Sadness is also my responsibility. I m already joyful by nature and now I only need to be responsible for my sadness.
Sadhguru
Whatever ur perception, beauty, ugly, pleasant, unpleasant, tasty and distasteful and etc is all ur responsibility.
Ur experience is the result of your karma (conditioning). So ur experience is not objective. It does not have clarity.
Karma is your action. Karma is your responsibility.
When a situation happens, it goes through the 4 process:
1. Cognition
2. Recognition
3. Reaction - this is in ur hand
4. Memory - once u react, it is stored in ur system. This the karma.
Soul
Step by step. Sadness is also my responsibility. I m already joyful by nature and now I only need to be responsible for my sadness.
Something is changing within..but not sure
May 21 aft 2
1. Issue
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality, u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by society.
It's time to take a look at ur own reflection in the pond, and make a move to break out of whatever u have been conditioned by others to believe about urself. Do whatever needed to wake the sleeping lion within.
2. Internal influence
Possibilities
This smallness is ur imposition upon ur freedom, upon ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlimited potential.
The eagle has the overview of all possibilities contained in the landscape below, as he flies freely, naturally and effortlessly through the sky. He is really in his domain, very grand and self-contained.
This card indicates that u r at a point where a world of possibilities is open to u. Because u have grown more loving towards urself, more self-contained, u can work easily with others. Because u r relaxed and at ease, u can recognise possibilities as they present themselves. Because u r in tune with ur own nature, u understand that existence is providing u with exactly what u need.
Soul
Yea.
I always feel like I want to fly like an eagle. Eagle normally goes in pairs Just with my partner, flying.
3. External
Fighting
By covering our wounds with armour we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others, we kept ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need. It's time to stop fighting.
Start by forgiving urself. You are worth it.
Soul
Finally with the control lifted from Burden and Outsider. I m healed and open.
I now take responsibility for my sadness. I changed the story.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the Past
Soul
Yes, I was clinging to my Burden but it was swung off. I cling to my food and it was purged off.
5. Resolution
Breakthrough.
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through
And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Soul
True. Amen.
1. Issue
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality, u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by society.
It's time to take a look at ur own reflection in the pond, and make a move to break out of whatever u have been conditioned by others to believe about urself. Do whatever needed to wake the sleeping lion within.
2. Internal influence
Possibilities
This smallness is ur imposition upon ur freedom, upon ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlimited potential.
The eagle has the overview of all possibilities contained in the landscape below, as he flies freely, naturally and effortlessly through the sky. He is really in his domain, very grand and self-contained.
This card indicates that u r at a point where a world of possibilities is open to u. Because u have grown more loving towards urself, more self-contained, u can work easily with others. Because u r relaxed and at ease, u can recognise possibilities as they present themselves. Because u r in tune with ur own nature, u understand that existence is providing u with exactly what u need.
Soul
Yea.
I always feel like I want to fly like an eagle. Eagle normally goes in pairs Just with my partner, flying.
3. External
Fighting
By covering our wounds with armour we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others, we kept ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need. It's time to stop fighting.
Start by forgiving urself. You are worth it.
Soul
Finally with the control lifted from Burden and Outsider. I m healed and open.
I now take responsibility for my sadness. I changed the story.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the Past
Soul
Yes, I was clinging to my Burden but it was swung off. I cling to my food and it was purged off.
5. Resolution
Breakthrough.
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through
And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Soul
True. Amen.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Changing myself instead of others
May 21 aft 1
Had a good chat with LK and she also said I m grieving over food.
She also commented that P was not supportive of Mu. It is true Mu is not leading well but we should help him. It's true he can be sensitive but we can still respond.
P always said she will not bend to others ego. But little did she realised we have to bend to hers.
Mu may not be effective lead but he has possibility as people will want to follow him. Mu lack organisation skill but got some people skill.
While P can do a good organisation but no follower. Got good organisation skill and can attract obedient people but cannot grow.
I would then say there is a difference between a leader and organiser.
I myself is a leader so I always hire organiser.
This time things are crumbling. I m taking charge and smoothing feathers where needed. I don't feel that I m responsible for the crumbling nor the pick up of everything. I m not the leader, teacher is.
I m real glad of the shoulder and hands swings. Something in me loosen.
Suddenly tot of my Neptune cards. They are really true.
Never in my wildest dream that I can finally resolved;
1. Food
2. Validation/Outsider
3. Burden
Neptune (13 may to 2 Jul)
Destiny
Queen of Spades
Through meditation and inner reflection u could achieve some meaningful changes in your life.
Ur deepest dreams, the ones that are a major driving force in ur life, are being uplifted to new levels. Expect some realisations that are profound and life altering.
On the mundane side, many areas of ur life are going better now as u stop trying to change others and make changes in urself that allow you to experience more joy and success.
Ruling
Five of Diamonds
This could represents a long business trip or business interests that are at some distance. Be extra cautious in all communications and contracts under this influence and u may do much of what u dreamed u wanted to do.
Soul
So true. The recent program communication was with teacher at overseas resulting in miscommunication. And Mu taking the first time lead role.
And my deepest dream is Self Mastery. Finally able to know I m responsible for my sadness and overcoming my Outsider card, I now can change my story. And by releasing my Burden card, i can now have energy to pursue my Destiny.
Had a good chat with LK and she also said I m grieving over food.
She also commented that P was not supportive of Mu. It is true Mu is not leading well but we should help him. It's true he can be sensitive but we can still respond.
P always said she will not bend to others ego. But little did she realised we have to bend to hers.
Mu may not be effective lead but he has possibility as people will want to follow him. Mu lack organisation skill but got some people skill.
While P can do a good organisation but no follower. Got good organisation skill and can attract obedient people but cannot grow.
I would then say there is a difference between a leader and organiser.
I myself is a leader so I always hire organiser.
This time things are crumbling. I m taking charge and smoothing feathers where needed. I don't feel that I m responsible for the crumbling nor the pick up of everything. I m not the leader, teacher is.
I m real glad of the shoulder and hands swings. Something in me loosen.
Suddenly tot of my Neptune cards. They are really true.
Never in my wildest dream that I can finally resolved;
1. Food
2. Validation/Outsider
3. Burden
Neptune (13 may to 2 Jul)
Destiny
Queen of Spades
Through meditation and inner reflection u could achieve some meaningful changes in your life.
Ur deepest dreams, the ones that are a major driving force in ur life, are being uplifted to new levels. Expect some realisations that are profound and life altering.
On the mundane side, many areas of ur life are going better now as u stop trying to change others and make changes in urself that allow you to experience more joy and success.
Ruling
Five of Diamonds
This could represents a long business trip or business interests that are at some distance. Be extra cautious in all communications and contracts under this influence and u may do much of what u dreamed u wanted to do.
Soul
So true. The recent program communication was with teacher at overseas resulting in miscommunication. And Mu taking the first time lead role.
And my deepest dream is Self Mastery. Finally able to know I m responsible for my sadness and overcoming my Outsider card, I now can change my story. And by releasing my Burden card, i can now have energy to pursue my Destiny.
Destiny - our responsibility
May 21 aft
Today card
King of Clubs
Highest card in the suit of knowledge. It bestows mastery and success in any of the communication fields but especially situations where we are able and willing to take a leadership position.
Highly intuitive and can make mental distinction and will never do anything to compromise her integrity or inner truth.
Checked to my Osho card. Same msg.
The Rebel
Every genius who knows something of the inner is bound to be an upsetting force. The masses don't want to be disturbed, even though they may be in misery.
The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organisation confines him, no community, no society, no nation
He is the master of his own destiny. He has broken the chains of society's repressive conditioning and opinions. He has formed himself embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his dark unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky.
His way of being is rebellious - not because he is fighting against anybody or anything but he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it.
The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.
Soul
Father, thank U.
This morning I sent out a msg to inform the issue on Sh not preparing for teacher's ticket. There were no response. The old me would think its me. The new me now thinks it may not be me. It may be them. They could either see this as normal or they worried to get involved.
Alas, not only people's verbal feedback are not gospel truth and most case it's their own perception of projections. The same goes for people's non response. It may not be due to me. It may also due to them.
After a few hours still no response. My mind was ticking a bit that it could be me. I said no. I m responsible for how I feel. I need not make myself feel sad.
As Sadhguru says, its up to me to change the story board.
Today card
King of Clubs
Highest card in the suit of knowledge. It bestows mastery and success in any of the communication fields but especially situations where we are able and willing to take a leadership position.
Highly intuitive and can make mental distinction and will never do anything to compromise her integrity or inner truth.
Checked to my Osho card. Same msg.
The Rebel
Every genius who knows something of the inner is bound to be an upsetting force. The masses don't want to be disturbed, even though they may be in misery.
The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organisation confines him, no community, no society, no nation
He is the master of his own destiny. He has broken the chains of society's repressive conditioning and opinions. He has formed himself embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his dark unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky.
His way of being is rebellious - not because he is fighting against anybody or anything but he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it.
The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.
Soul
Father, thank U.
This morning I sent out a msg to inform the issue on Sh not preparing for teacher's ticket. There were no response. The old me would think its me. The new me now thinks it may not be me. It may be them. They could either see this as normal or they worried to get involved.
Alas, not only people's verbal feedback are not gospel truth and most case it's their own perception of projections. The same goes for people's non response. It may not be due to me. It may also due to them.
After a few hours still no response. My mind was ticking a bit that it could be me. I said no. I m responsible for how I feel. I need not make myself feel sad.
As Sadhguru says, its up to me to change the story board.
Grieving over loss of 'love' for food
May 21
Yesterday I didn't eat dinner. I just had a glass of water cos it was after 1 am and if I eat I can't wake up for practices. But I was also not hungry. This was despite a light lunch.
Today woke up at 6 am upon alarm. But I know body was still tired cos it was less than 4 hours sleep. I snooze about 10 minutes and then I shower. Did my guru pooja and then follow up with Shambavi. Feel better.
I had been having a continuous tots that Sh may not be paying our teacher ticket. I ignored it cos don't want to be too nosy. But it came again and so I send a nice reminder. I was shocked when she said she didn't buy. Luckily still got time and she can do it.
Now back to the topic on food. We have been programmed that we need three meals a day. And for the first time, I realise it may not be so.
And then I tot I be very hungry this morning since no dinner yesterday and ordered a big breakfast. To my surprise my my appetite is as per norm.
Father, so it could be true as Sadhguru says, we need only 2 meals a day. What's important to me now is my body. Yesterday I again tot of Yoga Marga. I have always ignored it cos I knew I cannot change my diet. But now I know I can change my diet as my priority is for my body and not food.
Food is supposed to be nutrients but we used it for comfort, for passing time, for pleasure, for excitement, for love and etc. We basically use food for the mind and not for the body.
Wow! I have always said my last change would be body. It was my weakest link and my strongest attachment, my karma.
Went into toilet and suddenly tot maybe me crying on the way here has to do with my food. I tot of checking out my Osho rship card for food. But then I dismissed as this shows how much attachment I had over food.
Just saw my boss. She said I looked down. I told her about me crying over the chicken story. First time after nearly 5 years. She said I m going through a break up with food. I m now grieving and followed up by denial and then later acceptance. She said I will recover this week.
Now I know why I cried during this morning Shambavi. I was crying over the food. And on the way driving here I was also crying. I felt like I lost myself. My boss said its not a loss, I have gained a new self.
Alas, now I understood Osho's Clingjng to the Past card.
Yesterday I didn't eat dinner. I just had a glass of water cos it was after 1 am and if I eat I can't wake up for practices. But I was also not hungry. This was despite a light lunch.
Today woke up at 6 am upon alarm. But I know body was still tired cos it was less than 4 hours sleep. I snooze about 10 minutes and then I shower. Did my guru pooja and then follow up with Shambavi. Feel better.
I had been having a continuous tots that Sh may not be paying our teacher ticket. I ignored it cos don't want to be too nosy. But it came again and so I send a nice reminder. I was shocked when she said she didn't buy. Luckily still got time and she can do it.
Now back to the topic on food. We have been programmed that we need three meals a day. And for the first time, I realise it may not be so.
And then I tot I be very hungry this morning since no dinner yesterday and ordered a big breakfast. To my surprise my my appetite is as per norm.
Father, so it could be true as Sadhguru says, we need only 2 meals a day. What's important to me now is my body. Yesterday I again tot of Yoga Marga. I have always ignored it cos I knew I cannot change my diet. But now I know I can change my diet as my priority is for my body and not food.
Food is supposed to be nutrients but we used it for comfort, for passing time, for pleasure, for excitement, for love and etc. We basically use food for the mind and not for the body.
Wow! I have always said my last change would be body. It was my weakest link and my strongest attachment, my karma.
Went into toilet and suddenly tot maybe me crying on the way here has to do with my food. I tot of checking out my Osho rship card for food. But then I dismissed as this shows how much attachment I had over food.
Just saw my boss. She said I looked down. I told her about me crying over the chicken story. First time after nearly 5 years. She said I m going through a break up with food. I m now grieving and followed up by denial and then later acceptance. She said I will recover this week.
Now I know why I cried during this morning Shambavi. I was crying over the food. And on the way driving here I was also crying. I felt like I lost myself. My boss said its not a loss, I have gained a new self.
Alas, now I understood Osho's Clingjng to the Past card.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Perhaps I could be truly lovable to Z too
May 20 eve
Just got back from the program. It is now nearly 1.30 am. That's means I have been awake for nearly 21 hours.
When I saw A, I apologised and hugged him for raising my voice and scolded him. He said he understand. I waited till the young ones did their jobs. I just stayed cos I know they should not be made to feel bad. I want to motivate them. I just took responsibility. I didn't feel it as a chore. I feel it as love.
No one asked why they r staying back. They just left. Now I understand what teacher meant asking all to stay back.
When I was with them. I shared about my amazing Practices this morning and also about me crying when Sadhguru said about chicken's life also matters. This is the first time for me, feeling for the chicken.
Earlier on, I tot of Mu and his issue of not being seen as a lead, of people usurping his lead. Actually i think Mu got leadership skill but he sabotage himself and look like a hit and miss leader. Then I tot perhaps inside him; he knows he hasn't been leading well but he project it to us to highlight his hidden perception of himself. As I shared with him; we didn't exclude him from meetings. Infact most times we couldn't locate him. And a true lead would take charge and insist if he knows we met without him.
As I was driving back. I tot maybe I m truly lovable and that's why Z got to ignore me. I m a temptation against his desire for children. Eventhough he avoid me; he has 'like' my FB for a few times. Yeah, instead of viewing his avoidance as rejection. He could be seeing me as too lovable and hence need to actively avoid me.
Or he could see that I can't live with financial security and he avoids me.
Just got back from the program. It is now nearly 1.30 am. That's means I have been awake for nearly 21 hours.
When I saw A, I apologised and hugged him for raising my voice and scolded him. He said he understand. I waited till the young ones did their jobs. I just stayed cos I know they should not be made to feel bad. I want to motivate them. I just took responsibility. I didn't feel it as a chore. I feel it as love.
No one asked why they r staying back. They just left. Now I understand what teacher meant asking all to stay back.
When I was with them. I shared about my amazing Practices this morning and also about me crying when Sadhguru said about chicken's life also matters. This is the first time for me, feeling for the chicken.
Earlier on, I tot of Mu and his issue of not being seen as a lead, of people usurping his lead. Actually i think Mu got leadership skill but he sabotage himself and look like a hit and miss leader. Then I tot perhaps inside him; he knows he hasn't been leading well but he project it to us to highlight his hidden perception of himself. As I shared with him; we didn't exclude him from meetings. Infact most times we couldn't locate him. And a true lead would take charge and insist if he knows we met without him.
As I was driving back. I tot maybe I m truly lovable and that's why Z got to ignore me. I m a temptation against his desire for children. Eventhough he avoid me; he has 'like' my FB for a few times. Yeah, instead of viewing his avoidance as rejection. He could be seeing me as too lovable and hence need to actively avoid me.
Or he could see that I can't live with financial security and he avoids me.
Finally releasing my Burden
May 20 aft
I have a King of Heart card today
King of Heart in Mercury
The highest card in the suit of love, rules through compassion and wisdom. He has the power and knowledge of love and knows how to use it. It gives u the opportunity to have more control over ur feelings and romantic impulses. This will bring u more success in all ur personal rships.
Soul
Mmm, same msg on Osho - fighting card.
By covering our wounds with armour, we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need. Time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start forgiving urself. U r worth it.
Soul
Just now msg with C. When I said M is my deep friend whom I have defended with against teacher. She was bit defensive and said M is also her good friend and that's why she informed new teacher of M and K yesterday. Actually I was puzzled why she brought them up when the new ad hoc teacher has never seen them and will never know since she won't be coming. When she msg me, I just replied with a smile.
What's more important was Mu to be intro to teacher.
Speaking of the 'devil', Mu just called to voice his frustration of being slighted again. He said we exclude him from teacher meeting. I said I was called and I always asked for him but was informed he was not around. Infact I was bit miffed with him for always missing our teacher meeting. I said I apologise for not asserting that he be in meeting. But I also said he also need to take responsibility by asserting himself also. He should have gone to teacher and said to be included.
Father, I just released myself from Burden this morning. Why I should be concerned about people leaving Isha. Anyway, chill it. Main thing, the three of us must hold on. People will come and go. I have made my peace with C and P. I know C and P are true friends. I cannot say I m but we all knows we each has a role to play and volunteering is for something bigger than us. We been thru thick and thin.
Suddenly a tot occurred. It cannot be just the lead. It also has to do with the person. Mmm, I openly admit I haven't yet see blessing of volunteering. But when I do. I m not bothered about the result. Mmm, truly?? Maybe not but I more affected by people.
Anyway. Whatever will be will be. I am not responsible for everything.
Mmm, suddenly I see Mu's issue. This is not the first time he says he felt slighted, not recognised as a lead.
Mmm, my issue was validation from people. His issue is also validation. My case is worry of loss of validation. His is not seeking validation as a leader.
Be the Change
Andrew Harvey
Letting go of insecurities and self doubt so that we can be available and open to what is needed in the moment is a quality that we can bring not only to our meditation
I have a King of Heart card today
King of Heart in Mercury
The highest card in the suit of love, rules through compassion and wisdom. He has the power and knowledge of love and knows how to use it. It gives u the opportunity to have more control over ur feelings and romantic impulses. This will bring u more success in all ur personal rships.
Soul
Mmm, same msg on Osho - fighting card.
By covering our wounds with armour, we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need. Time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start forgiving urself. U r worth it.
Soul
Just now msg with C. When I said M is my deep friend whom I have defended with against teacher. She was bit defensive and said M is also her good friend and that's why she informed new teacher of M and K yesterday. Actually I was puzzled why she brought them up when the new ad hoc teacher has never seen them and will never know since she won't be coming. When she msg me, I just replied with a smile.
What's more important was Mu to be intro to teacher.
Speaking of the 'devil', Mu just called to voice his frustration of being slighted again. He said we exclude him from teacher meeting. I said I was called and I always asked for him but was informed he was not around. Infact I was bit miffed with him for always missing our teacher meeting. I said I apologise for not asserting that he be in meeting. But I also said he also need to take responsibility by asserting himself also. He should have gone to teacher and said to be included.
Father, I just released myself from Burden this morning. Why I should be concerned about people leaving Isha. Anyway, chill it. Main thing, the three of us must hold on. People will come and go. I have made my peace with C and P. I know C and P are true friends. I cannot say I m but we all knows we each has a role to play and volunteering is for something bigger than us. We been thru thick and thin.
Suddenly a tot occurred. It cannot be just the lead. It also has to do with the person. Mmm, I openly admit I haven't yet see blessing of volunteering. But when I do. I m not bothered about the result. Mmm, truly?? Maybe not but I more affected by people.
Anyway. Whatever will be will be. I am not responsible for everything.
Mmm, suddenly I see Mu's issue. This is not the first time he says he felt slighted, not recognised as a lead.
Mmm, my issue was validation from people. His issue is also validation. My case is worry of loss of validation. His is not seeking validation as a leader.
Be the Change
Andrew Harvey
Letting go of insecurities and self doubt so that we can be available and open to what is needed in the moment is a quality that we can bring not only to our meditation
Explosive Shambavi
May 20
Slept 8.30 pm yesterday and woke up feeling refreshed at 4.30 am
I had food poisoning on Saturday night and hardly slept at all. I wanted to go back early as I was feeling really sick. But teacher said we all need to stay back. After I did mother session, I felt a recovery and alas can volunteer in kitchen. Then I had a quick shower and changed into my white clothes for initiation. I felt recovered after that. Now with a good sleep, back to normal. I m glad I didn't take the antibodi for food poisoning. I had my fair shares of stomach ailments and this one takes the cakes as the pain was loads and carry on for a long time. Thanks to Sadhguru I recovered from body poisoning without antibody.
Did my Surya kriya and had some tots of yesterday inner engineering program. So, lost a bit of counting but body geometries maintained.
Breathing was good. Shakti was better now that we had the one to one correction. I did good on the 5242 breathing while ensuring my mudra and shoulders are kept straight and relaxed at elbow. Then on the end breathing, ensuring back are straight and counting is slower. And I only took 3 breaks.
Shambavi was amazing. I ensured good preparatory steps. Suka kriya and aum chanting was fine. The finale I was singing and suddenly I was dancing and moments later my arms start to straighten out and was swinging at maximum, stretching my shoulders. It keeps on swinging as if someone is holding my fingers. I want to stop as it was getting to strenuous but it can't stop. Then I start to cry for help but it still keep on swinging furiously. After a long moments, it stop.
As I m writing this I feel my shoulders are very light. There is no tension. A tot came, all my burdens and control shaken off. There is a lightness never encountered before.
Suddenly tot of my Breakthrough resolution card. Alas perhaps the burden card is off. When my hands was swinging furiously, a tot came that I m to give to others.
Now writing this I tot that I had always tot responsibility is suffering. Never it occur to me responsibility is love.
Slept 8.30 pm yesterday and woke up feeling refreshed at 4.30 am
I had food poisoning on Saturday night and hardly slept at all. I wanted to go back early as I was feeling really sick. But teacher said we all need to stay back. After I did mother session, I felt a recovery and alas can volunteer in kitchen. Then I had a quick shower and changed into my white clothes for initiation. I felt recovered after that. Now with a good sleep, back to normal. I m glad I didn't take the antibodi for food poisoning. I had my fair shares of stomach ailments and this one takes the cakes as the pain was loads and carry on for a long time. Thanks to Sadhguru I recovered from body poisoning without antibody.
Did my Surya kriya and had some tots of yesterday inner engineering program. So, lost a bit of counting but body geometries maintained.
Breathing was good. Shakti was better now that we had the one to one correction. I did good on the 5242 breathing while ensuring my mudra and shoulders are kept straight and relaxed at elbow. Then on the end breathing, ensuring back are straight and counting is slower. And I only took 3 breaks.
Shambavi was amazing. I ensured good preparatory steps. Suka kriya and aum chanting was fine. The finale I was singing and suddenly I was dancing and moments later my arms start to straighten out and was swinging at maximum, stretching my shoulders. It keeps on swinging as if someone is holding my fingers. I want to stop as it was getting to strenuous but it can't stop. Then I start to cry for help but it still keep on swinging furiously. After a long moments, it stop.
As I m writing this I feel my shoulders are very light. There is no tension. A tot came, all my burdens and control shaken off. There is a lightness never encountered before.
Suddenly tot of my Breakthrough resolution card. Alas perhaps the burden card is off. When my hands was swinging furiously, a tot came that I m to give to others.
Now writing this I tot that I had always tot responsibility is suffering. Never it occur to me responsibility is love.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
To refocus on Top 5s
May 18 eve
BSP sharing brought back memories that I had forgotten. During BSP, I not only face oneness with people but also with nature. I was dancing and singing with a tiny flower. Her presence become big as if same size with me. We dance to the song. It was an amazing feeling.
Mahatria Ra
There comes a time in ur life when u must trade ur money for time; in fact, time should become the key factor that influences ur decision making. Is it worth my time? Will it save me time.
Till this point, ur criteria for recruitment were to productivity and profits; but from now onwards there should be recruitment to save time.
Keep asking urself, "My future comes from where my times goes; so, where should my time go?
Whether it is taking care of ur health and fitness, building an organisation, diversifying ur business, being there for the family, pursuing ur talents and hobbies, reaching out to make a difference to society, or focusing on ur spiritual growth - for everything that u want to do, u need to have the time.
Soul
Similar msg with Passion book. That's how I got my Top 5.
Mahatria ra
Stop viewing priorities vertically. It is not career first, then family, then health, and so on.
Start viewing priorities horizontally.
The question is not "Out of everything, which is the best" but "How to get the best out of everything?
Apply the formula of Top 5 to anything and everything. Not a week should go by without ur interacting with the Top 5 in some ways. That on which u invest time grows.
Soul
Yea.
BSP sharing brought back memories that I had forgotten. During BSP, I not only face oneness with people but also with nature. I was dancing and singing with a tiny flower. Her presence become big as if same size with me. We dance to the song. It was an amazing feeling.
Mahatria Ra
There comes a time in ur life when u must trade ur money for time; in fact, time should become the key factor that influences ur decision making. Is it worth my time? Will it save me time.
Till this point, ur criteria for recruitment were to productivity and profits; but from now onwards there should be recruitment to save time.
Keep asking urself, "My future comes from where my times goes; so, where should my time go?
Whether it is taking care of ur health and fitness, building an organisation, diversifying ur business, being there for the family, pursuing ur talents and hobbies, reaching out to make a difference to society, or focusing on ur spiritual growth - for everything that u want to do, u need to have the time.
Soul
Similar msg with Passion book. That's how I got my Top 5.
Mahatria ra
Stop viewing priorities vertically. It is not career first, then family, then health, and so on.
Start viewing priorities horizontally.
The question is not "Out of everything, which is the best" but "How to get the best out of everything?
Apply the formula of Top 5 to anything and everything. Not a week should go by without ur interacting with the Top 5 in some ways. That on which u invest time grows.
Soul
Yea.
Queen of Spades in Neptune
May 18 aft
Tot of my Neptune period
Neptune (13 may to 2 Jul)
Destiny
Queen of Spades
Through meditation and inner reflection u could achieve some meaningful changes in your life.
Ur deepest dreams, the ones that are a major driving force in ur life, are being uplifted to new levels. Expect some realisations that are profound and life altering.
On the mundane side, many areas of ur life are going better now as u stop trying to change others and make changes in urself that allow you to experience more joy and success.
Ruling
Five of Diamonds
This could represents a long business trip or business interests that are at some distance
Soul
Father, my dream is Self Mastery. My life time challenge was Seven of Hearts.
I can't change others. I changed my expectation. Z won't rise to the occasion to be a real diamond.
I can continue to be sad over him. I have let him have much power over me. I no longer want Z's presence as a validation of my valuation. I m valuable with or without Z.
Today card - Uranus (unexpected event)
The Writer's Card
U will have an opportunity to either get the benefits of heightened creativity of mind or suffer the liability of more stress and indecision.
Soul
I choose the former. I m responsible for my sadness. My sadness is because I make Z absence as a loss. In reality I m not losing a real diamond. I need not regret and create false hopes. I will change my perception.
I will focus on the new me, the blessed me. Today I feel love for myself.
Tot of my Neptune period
Neptune (13 may to 2 Jul)
Destiny
Queen of Spades
Through meditation and inner reflection u could achieve some meaningful changes in your life.
Ur deepest dreams, the ones that are a major driving force in ur life, are being uplifted to new levels. Expect some realisations that are profound and life altering.
On the mundane side, many areas of ur life are going better now as u stop trying to change others and make changes in urself that allow you to experience more joy and success.
Ruling
Five of Diamonds
This could represents a long business trip or business interests that are at some distance
Soul
Father, my dream is Self Mastery. My life time challenge was Seven of Hearts.
I can't change others. I changed my expectation. Z won't rise to the occasion to be a real diamond.
I can continue to be sad over him. I have let him have much power over me. I no longer want Z's presence as a validation of my valuation. I m valuable with or without Z.
Today card - Uranus (unexpected event)
The Writer's Card
U will have an opportunity to either get the benefits of heightened creativity of mind or suffer the liability of more stress and indecision.
Soul
I choose the former. I m responsible for my sadness. My sadness is because I make Z absence as a loss. In reality I m not losing a real diamond. I need not regret and create false hopes. I will change my perception.
I will focus on the new me, the blessed me. Today I feel love for myself.
Still having tots of Z...I am determined in letting go
May 18
My menses is delayed. I must be stressed by the pgm. Slept about 1 am yesterday. Woke up at 7 am, took a quick shower and run off for breakfast as got Shakti refresher.
Had a tot of Z. But I decided its enough. Lets be objective. I didn't lose a real diamond. He may be an uncut diamond but he is not willing to be cut. So, no real loss for me.
I got so many things right for me. Why ponder over an uncut diamond.
Why keep thinking of Past? Why don't I spend time on opening myself up to my true partner instead?
Lao Tzu
If u r depressed, u r living in the Past
If u r anxious, u r living in the Future
If u r peaceful, u r living in the Present.
Soul
Timely reminder. I was living in memories and false hope because I love Z. I love him but he is not here. I can either cling on or locked the door and move on.
Mmm, suddenly I recalled that's my Osho card - breakthrough.
I had enough of living on memories and false hopes of Z.
I got so much love and joy in me. I closed the door. He was never the cut diamond. I can help him but his insecurity can't allow it.
Father, I had enough of Z. I have given him enough time for my false hopes. I had enough of myself pining over him with my memories and imagination.
Osho's
What is needed for resolution?
Traveling Life is a continuity always and always
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Soul
Z is not the end for me. I m to walk further on my own. New friends and experiences will come when I open up.
Resolution - Breakthrough
All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.
Soul
Father, I m responsible for making myself sad over Z. I take responsibility and change this. I woke up to the beautiful present.
My menses is delayed. I must be stressed by the pgm. Slept about 1 am yesterday. Woke up at 7 am, took a quick shower and run off for breakfast as got Shakti refresher.
Had a tot of Z. But I decided its enough. Lets be objective. I didn't lose a real diamond. He may be an uncut diamond but he is not willing to be cut. So, no real loss for me.
I got so many things right for me. Why ponder over an uncut diamond.
Why keep thinking of Past? Why don't I spend time on opening myself up to my true partner instead?
Lao Tzu
If u r depressed, u r living in the Past
If u r anxious, u r living in the Future
If u r peaceful, u r living in the Present.
Soul
Timely reminder. I was living in memories and false hope because I love Z. I love him but he is not here. I can either cling on or locked the door and move on.
Mmm, suddenly I recalled that's my Osho card - breakthrough.
I had enough of living on memories and false hopes of Z.
I got so much love and joy in me. I closed the door. He was never the cut diamond. I can help him but his insecurity can't allow it.
Father, I had enough of Z. I have given him enough time for my false hopes. I had enough of myself pining over him with my memories and imagination.
Osho's
What is needed for resolution?
Traveling Life is a continuity always and always
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Soul
Z is not the end for me. I m to walk further on my own. New friends and experiences will come when I open up.
Resolution - Breakthrough
All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.
Soul
Father, I m responsible for making myself sad over Z. I take responsibility and change this. I woke up to the beautiful present.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Buddha is not comparable to Shiva
May 17 aft
Sadhguru
Once u have a kid, its a 20 years project if they are good. If not, they are lifetime project. There is no such necessity for everyone to reproduce. Only those who really wants to contribute to humanity by producing another life.
U must asked if the world really need another u.
Soul
Exactly. Father, I really can't meet Z's dream. Thanks for reminding me.
Sadhguru
U can only do ur best.
Some people may not be good parents.
If we are not concerned that the next generation lives with less fear, entanglement, hatred. Then we might as well become extinct.
Difference between shiva and buddha
Shiva way - there is no milestone. But u r definitely going somewhere. A bottomless pit is the safest place, u can simply jump.
Falling is a great thing. If u fall into bottomless pit, there is no problem.
The seven disciples with seven different ways and it went into 112 ways.
Buddha is a small part of Shiva. Before Buddha reach enlightenment, he travel for many years learning under different gurus. Upon enlightenment Buddha explored the path of awareness, which is one aspect of Shiva. Buddha appeals to the logical mind.
Shiva's 112 ways looks so different from each other.
Many times Shiva was an ascetic, he sits unmoving, very still. He can also be mad, dancing and drunk. He was in all kind of states.
Buddha is not comparable to Shiva. Gautama only took one out of 112 path from Shiva. Gautama market it well. Shiva is not well marketed. Shiva is not appreciated for all the teachings he has cultivated for us.
Soul
Silence is not the only way of liberation.
Sadhguru
Once u have a kid, its a 20 years project if they are good. If not, they are lifetime project. There is no such necessity for everyone to reproduce. Only those who really wants to contribute to humanity by producing another life.
U must asked if the world really need another u.
Soul
Exactly. Father, I really can't meet Z's dream. Thanks for reminding me.
Sadhguru
U can only do ur best.
Some people may not be good parents.
If we are not concerned that the next generation lives with less fear, entanglement, hatred. Then we might as well become extinct.
Difference between shiva and buddha
Shiva way - there is no milestone. But u r definitely going somewhere. A bottomless pit is the safest place, u can simply jump.
Falling is a great thing. If u fall into bottomless pit, there is no problem.
The seven disciples with seven different ways and it went into 112 ways.
Buddha is a small part of Shiva. Before Buddha reach enlightenment, he travel for many years learning under different gurus. Upon enlightenment Buddha explored the path of awareness, which is one aspect of Shiva. Buddha appeals to the logical mind.
Shiva's 112 ways looks so different from each other.
Many times Shiva was an ascetic, he sits unmoving, very still. He can also be mad, dancing and drunk. He was in all kind of states.
Buddha is not comparable to Shiva. Gautama only took one out of 112 path from Shiva. Gautama market it well. Shiva is not well marketed. Shiva is not appreciated for all the teachings he has cultivated for us.
Soul
Silence is not the only way of liberation.
Self completion - inclusion of others...not just Z
May 17
Woke up 7 am to do my practices. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya. I was laughing from third cycle onward during the body down posture. On fourth cycle, I was crying and wailing. And when I ended the 5 cycles, I was crying too.
Not sure why but something to do with Z. I recalled I said I love him only during my cries. Shavasana was great after the explosive Surya Kriya.
Breathing was ok. Shakti was great and Shambavi too. For Shakti, I m more conscious of my Kapala Bhakti and sitting more. I ended with silence and halfway through I was singing and dancing with my regular love songs
Today card
Ace of Spades
The card of ambition and the Magi card.
The key to the mysteries; the veil behind the illusions. So it has been a symbol for the study and pursuit of esoteric knowledge and mystical wisdom.
It is also traditional card of death, change and transformation. It is certain u will go through some sort of death and rebirth.
Soul
Maybe. Still mulling over Responsibilty is Love vs my Responsibility is due to Power and it is suffering.
Father, not sure who I can ask. Guide me, please.
Mmm, ego bit dented. They are the one who asked me to step into the treasury matter. But when I give direction; they got inputs. Why don't they just do it and don't disturb me? On second tot; why do I need to be bothered that S going to quit treasury role. Just like C is not bothered about leaving Sathsang guide role.
I guess I also didn't like that they didn't inform me on the one person religion who got in and I have to hear it from teacher. Yea, my Outsider card was triggered.
Osho today
Rebirth
Things come and go
The three states, the Camel, Lion and the Child.
The camel is sleepy, dull, self satisfied. He lives in delusion, thinking he's a mountain peak, but really he is so concerned with others opinions that he hardly has any energy of his own.
Emerging from the camel is the lion. When we realise that we've been missing life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth. But this is not the end.
Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.
Whatever the state u r in right now .... Sleepy and depressed or roaring and rebellious - be aware that it will evolve into something new if u allow it. It is time for growth and change.
Soul
Yea. I was feeling bit down, until now still cannot get over Z. I m judging myself. Logically no reason at all.
I feel bad that I m making myself sad.
Just has a good cry. I guess all my sadness was bottled up. The Surya kriya and now the IE session helps to release it.
Father, my Osho this week also says the same; Traveling - attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Was cleaning up my IPhone notes and saw this
Lunar and Solar in opposites by Jan Spiller.
Extending ur identity to include others gives u a greater sense of self completion. The self, as developed in prior incarnation is now ready for another major development. This requires humility and grace because u must change personal patterns that separates u from others and allow, even invite them, to facilitate ur growth process.
U r seeking the balance of self importance in this lifetime by recognising that all things are of equal importance.
Woke up 7 am to do my practices. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya. I was laughing from third cycle onward during the body down posture. On fourth cycle, I was crying and wailing. And when I ended the 5 cycles, I was crying too.
Not sure why but something to do with Z. I recalled I said I love him only during my cries. Shavasana was great after the explosive Surya Kriya.
Breathing was ok. Shakti was great and Shambavi too. For Shakti, I m more conscious of my Kapala Bhakti and sitting more. I ended with silence and halfway through I was singing and dancing with my regular love songs
Today card
Ace of Spades
The card of ambition and the Magi card.
The key to the mysteries; the veil behind the illusions. So it has been a symbol for the study and pursuit of esoteric knowledge and mystical wisdom.
It is also traditional card of death, change and transformation. It is certain u will go through some sort of death and rebirth.
Soul
Maybe. Still mulling over Responsibilty is Love vs my Responsibility is due to Power and it is suffering.
Father, not sure who I can ask. Guide me, please.
Mmm, ego bit dented. They are the one who asked me to step into the treasury matter. But when I give direction; they got inputs. Why don't they just do it and don't disturb me? On second tot; why do I need to be bothered that S going to quit treasury role. Just like C is not bothered about leaving Sathsang guide role.
I guess I also didn't like that they didn't inform me on the one person religion who got in and I have to hear it from teacher. Yea, my Outsider card was triggered.
Osho today
Rebirth
Things come and go
The three states, the Camel, Lion and the Child.
The camel is sleepy, dull, self satisfied. He lives in delusion, thinking he's a mountain peak, but really he is so concerned with others opinions that he hardly has any energy of his own.
Emerging from the camel is the lion. When we realise that we've been missing life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth. But this is not the end.
Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being.
Whatever the state u r in right now .... Sleepy and depressed or roaring and rebellious - be aware that it will evolve into something new if u allow it. It is time for growth and change.
Soul
Yea. I was feeling bit down, until now still cannot get over Z. I m judging myself. Logically no reason at all.
I feel bad that I m making myself sad.
Just has a good cry. I guess all my sadness was bottled up. The Surya kriya and now the IE session helps to release it.
Father, my Osho this week also says the same; Traveling - attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Was cleaning up my IPhone notes and saw this
Lunar and Solar in opposites by Jan Spiller.
Extending ur identity to include others gives u a greater sense of self completion. The self, as developed in prior incarnation is now ready for another major development. This requires humility and grace because u must change personal patterns that separates u from others and allow, even invite them, to facilitate ur growth process.
U r seeking the balance of self importance in this lifetime by recognising that all things are of equal importance.
Sadness is also my responsibility
May 16 eve
Mmm, should not have the dinner. Now stomach feels bloated eventhough just fried egg and vege. But I had a very bad lunch today so I need some tender care.
Father, teacher M said in class 2 things that hits me.
1) happiness is my responsibility. Being alive is my responsibility. Being angry is also our responsibility. Suddenly I tot that, then sadness is my responsibility too. Me loving Z also caused me sadness.
2. Responsibility is love.
Responsibility is not "who is responsible?" Is not "blame"
For me, responsibility is suffering. This is truly something new.
The example of being responsible for ur loved ones no matter where or they are. There is no boundary to ur responsibility. U can feel love for ur loved one no matter far they are. That's mean our love is not from them; our love is from within.
Just now the class ended but I had to stay back for a late comer. Teacher and I just sat down and wait till he finished his practice. There was a sense of love. Just the three of us sitting together.
Mmm, should not have the dinner. Now stomach feels bloated eventhough just fried egg and vege. But I had a very bad lunch today so I need some tender care.
Father, teacher M said in class 2 things that hits me.
1) happiness is my responsibility. Being alive is my responsibility. Being angry is also our responsibility. Suddenly I tot that, then sadness is my responsibility too. Me loving Z also caused me sadness.
2. Responsibility is love.
Responsibility is not "who is responsible?" Is not "blame"
For me, responsibility is suffering. This is truly something new.
The example of being responsible for ur loved ones no matter where or they are. There is no boundary to ur responsibility. U can feel love for ur loved one no matter far they are. That's mean our love is not from them; our love is from within.
Just now the class ended but I had to stay back for a late comer. Teacher and I just sat down and wait till he finished his practice. There was a sense of love. Just the three of us sitting together.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Looking at my life lessons/resistance
May 16
Slept after 12.30 am and woke up at 5.30 am. Just did one cycle of surya kriya. Did a short breathing. Shakti was good. Shambavi was fine. I did a slower car stretch as elbow joints are better.
Silence in the end. Plough back now getting better. As I was about to do closing invocation, suddenly a blast of joy came in and laughter erupted. I laughed for quite a long while.
There were much lesser tots today. Tots flow in and out as I didn't hang on. When tots come in, I seem to pause and decide whether to get hooked or not. Except for Z, got hooked one or two times but I didn't hold on long.
As I was driving, I saw the loveliness of grass on the road. I saw the trees. They are so beautiful.
Yesterday teacher said Sadhguru wants to have volunteer run program cos it gives adds a flavour to the whole pgm. And to her, she too felt more profound in volunteering. She said some people can offer just by being there but mostly all can do only by action. She explained volunteering beautifully. Her experience of volunteering is similar to C.
But I have resistance still. Never mind I used to resist Indian food, now can eat. I used to resist Indian culture, and now I can wear Indian tops on daily basis.
Maybe that's my resistance. After 4 years finally accepted Sadhguru and Dhynalinga.
After nearly 3 years, I no longer have resentment being Sathsang guide.
As for IE pgm, I can feel the resentment coming up. Wish I can talk to someone.
And Isha is build on volunteering. What an irony? My greatest lesson then.
Slept after 12.30 am and woke up at 5.30 am. Just did one cycle of surya kriya. Did a short breathing. Shakti was good. Shambavi was fine. I did a slower car stretch as elbow joints are better.
Silence in the end. Plough back now getting better. As I was about to do closing invocation, suddenly a blast of joy came in and laughter erupted. I laughed for quite a long while.
There were much lesser tots today. Tots flow in and out as I didn't hang on. When tots come in, I seem to pause and decide whether to get hooked or not. Except for Z, got hooked one or two times but I didn't hold on long.
As I was driving, I saw the loveliness of grass on the road. I saw the trees. They are so beautiful.
Yesterday teacher said Sadhguru wants to have volunteer run program cos it gives adds a flavour to the whole pgm. And to her, she too felt more profound in volunteering. She said some people can offer just by being there but mostly all can do only by action. She explained volunteering beautifully. Her experience of volunteering is similar to C.
But I have resistance still. Never mind I used to resist Indian food, now can eat. I used to resist Indian culture, and now I can wear Indian tops on daily basis.
Maybe that's my resistance. After 4 years finally accepted Sadhguru and Dhynalinga.
After nearly 3 years, I no longer have resentment being Sathsang guide.
As for IE pgm, I can feel the resentment coming up. Wish I can talk to someone.
And Isha is build on volunteering. What an irony? My greatest lesson then.
Shoonya is a real blessing
May 15 eve
Just did my Shoonya. It was quite humid but it cools down. I start to feel joy and laughter erupted. Later silence sets in. I feel so peaceful. No tots in my mind.
Before Shoonya, I tot of Z. I msg him so he knows I m fine with him.
Father, thank u for the silence.
The first day ended. I wish teacher don't look up to me to be lead volunteer for the program.
There were three hiccups but main thing is the team was not made to feel bad. I was surprised that others keep on referring to me.
As expected P keep on saying it is a disaster. But alas we address the hiccup thereafter.
Father, I don't feel the blessing of volunteering. A tot came, u r volunteering via website and blog. But that one is I enjoy doing it and I have to do it for release.
Just did my Shoonya. It was quite humid but it cools down. I start to feel joy and laughter erupted. Later silence sets in. I feel so peaceful. No tots in my mind.
Before Shoonya, I tot of Z. I msg him so he knows I m fine with him.
Father, thank u for the silence.
The first day ended. I wish teacher don't look up to me to be lead volunteer for the program.
There were three hiccups but main thing is the team was not made to feel bad. I was surprised that others keep on referring to me.
As expected P keep on saying it is a disaster. But alas we address the hiccup thereafter.
Father, I don't feel the blessing of volunteering. A tot came, u r volunteering via website and blog. But that one is I enjoy doing it and I have to do it for release.
Uranus in Virgo - unexpected change required in work, diet and personality
May 15 aft
Uranus in Virgo
Helpful liberation
Ur work life can be erratic; reform ur work place. Free urself and others from labour pool.
Soul
Yea, very true. I was always changing jobs for new challenges. Finally a few years ago after Isha I decided work no longer validates me and so don't have to keep changing jobs. Just savour my good work and relax. For the past 8 months I have been working on 3 days week.
I m much more relaxed and better for my health and happiness.
Uranus in Virgo
Parts of ur diets are unsettling. It is important that u free urself from unhealthy and restricting habits. Renew ur interest in organic food and high tech nutrients and supplements.
Soul
Whenever I read this I ignored as food is my religion.
Unexpectedly during last 52 days of Uranus with Five of Diamonds; suddenly I had to change my diet and now on seafood diet only.
Yday learning about yoga Marga; it sounds interesting as my body do need an overhaul.
Uranus conjunct Pluto
Liberation unites with cleansing powerful experiment.
Uranus in Virgo and Pluto in Virgo
It is possible that u may push the limit until u break through .,, U were born to experience social change. It is possible that if u consciously probe the deepest part of ur unconscious mind and process ur stuff, progressive historical forces will prevail
Sometimes u may face anthropological and sociological disruptions in ur personal and professional life.
Soul
This is so true. This is me. Started this inner journey from 1997 when I faced my first economic recession.
Uranus conjunct Pluto
Tip: Most personal problems are standard human issue.
Strive to overcome personal problem by overcoming ur humanity and becoming transhuman. Start by developing a new technical skill. Scope out futurism. Read science fiction. Take some time to be left alone and some time for sexual experimentation.
Soul
Yea, my issue may be standard human problem. But I don't want to be standard. That's why my dream is Queen of Spades - Self mastery.
Agreed on time alone. That's my Top 5 and hence me going for 3 days work with a reduction in salary.
I also do 7thunders card and Osho tarots. And I face my lessons with courage.
Uranus opposite Chiron
Learn things with ur mind as well as ur body.
Soul
I used to think body as lowest cos I m spatially challenged, slow coordination and reaction.
I was surprised my body likes Suria Namaskara. And I m equally surprised about Surya Kriya.
Uranus in Virgo
Helpful liberation
Ur work life can be erratic; reform ur work place. Free urself and others from labour pool.
Soul
Yea, very true. I was always changing jobs for new challenges. Finally a few years ago after Isha I decided work no longer validates me and so don't have to keep changing jobs. Just savour my good work and relax. For the past 8 months I have been working on 3 days week.
I m much more relaxed and better for my health and happiness.
Uranus in Virgo
Parts of ur diets are unsettling. It is important that u free urself from unhealthy and restricting habits. Renew ur interest in organic food and high tech nutrients and supplements.
Soul
Whenever I read this I ignored as food is my religion.
Unexpectedly during last 52 days of Uranus with Five of Diamonds; suddenly I had to change my diet and now on seafood diet only.
Yday learning about yoga Marga; it sounds interesting as my body do need an overhaul.
Uranus conjunct Pluto
Liberation unites with cleansing powerful experiment.
Uranus in Virgo and Pluto in Virgo
It is possible that u may push the limit until u break through .,, U were born to experience social change. It is possible that if u consciously probe the deepest part of ur unconscious mind and process ur stuff, progressive historical forces will prevail
Sometimes u may face anthropological and sociological disruptions in ur personal and professional life.
Soul
This is so true. This is me. Started this inner journey from 1997 when I faced my first economic recession.
Uranus conjunct Pluto
Tip: Most personal problems are standard human issue.
Strive to overcome personal problem by overcoming ur humanity and becoming transhuman. Start by developing a new technical skill. Scope out futurism. Read science fiction. Take some time to be left alone and some time for sexual experimentation.
Soul
Yea, my issue may be standard human problem. But I don't want to be standard. That's why my dream is Queen of Spades - Self mastery.
Agreed on time alone. That's my Top 5 and hence me going for 3 days work with a reduction in salary.
I also do 7thunders card and Osho tarots. And I face my lessons with courage.
Uranus opposite Chiron
Learn things with ur mind as well as ur body.
Soul
I used to think body as lowest cos I m spatially challenged, slow coordination and reaction.
I was surprised my body likes Suria Namaskara. And I m equally surprised about Surya Kriya.
Amazing Surya Kriya
May 15
Did my Surya kriya. In the first cycle, I had a tot of something and automatically my feet placement was off. With that I fully focus for next 4 cycle. With Surya kriya, not even a single tot must be in. Otherwise, the body geometries will be out. When I was doing my fourth cycle; lifting my head up for fluttering, suddenly I was crying and wailing. Tears fell to the yoga mat and I cried to Father to help me. I don't recall having any tots.
Had a short Shavasana and continue with breathing session. Shakti was good as I did the correct Kapala Bhakti. Shambavi was amazing. I was singing from butterfly wings to left and right baby rocks. Violet flame surya kriya. Crying during aum chanting. Silence in the end and when I ended with closing invocation; singing came out of nowhere. I just go with the flow. Amen.
Had tots on Z. Pe asked if I m truly over him and whether I can be just friends with him. I say not now; maybe in future. Pe said she is sure Z can do it as most men can easily let go.
I am now updating my blog and saw that many people read the page; To truly love Z is to let him go so he can fulfill his dream.
Glad that L realised she was afraid to face her downs and hence didn't want to do homework. She admitted she doesn't want to see her past.
Father, I was about to face the email comm again. My confidence took a hit when teacher keep on saying I m not polite. Anyway, I told myself to stay positive. In my heart I know N is a good guy and wouldn't leave us stranded. And Nine of Hearts means good heart. Besides my brother loves me; so N should not be too different. Brace my face and call him and we got things sorted out.
Did my Surya kriya. In the first cycle, I had a tot of something and automatically my feet placement was off. With that I fully focus for next 4 cycle. With Surya kriya, not even a single tot must be in. Otherwise, the body geometries will be out. When I was doing my fourth cycle; lifting my head up for fluttering, suddenly I was crying and wailing. Tears fell to the yoga mat and I cried to Father to help me. I don't recall having any tots.
Had a short Shavasana and continue with breathing session. Shakti was good as I did the correct Kapala Bhakti. Shambavi was amazing. I was singing from butterfly wings to left and right baby rocks. Violet flame surya kriya. Crying during aum chanting. Silence in the end and when I ended with closing invocation; singing came out of nowhere. I just go with the flow. Amen.
Had tots on Z. Pe asked if I m truly over him and whether I can be just friends with him. I say not now; maybe in future. Pe said she is sure Z can do it as most men can easily let go.
I am now updating my blog and saw that many people read the page; To truly love Z is to let him go so he can fulfill his dream.
Glad that L realised she was afraid to face her downs and hence didn't want to do homework. She admitted she doesn't want to see her past.
Father, I was about to face the email comm again. My confidence took a hit when teacher keep on saying I m not polite. Anyway, I told myself to stay positive. In my heart I know N is a good guy and wouldn't leave us stranded. And Nine of Hearts means good heart. Besides my brother loves me; so N should not be too different. Brace my face and call him and we got things sorted out.
When we want to change, even our strength has to be dropped
May 14 eve
Now reading my Natal chart
Saturn in Aries
First u must gain mastery of ur self, then u can realistically think about becoming an inventive, take charge leader.
Ur self respect and self expression may be limited due to childhood problems.
U can gain more power and a big payoff by understanding that negative conditions are neither permanent nor pervasive.
Soul
Very true.
Just got back from meet with teacher M Her path is straight forward; no resistance. After IE and BSP; she already decided on her teacher path.
Interesting on yoga Marga. 21 days...this will be better than. Kailash.
I feel a connection to M. When I leave just now. She gave me a strong hug.
Mmm, again N on silent mode. The old me would have reacted. The new me says that I can't help it if he is affected. I know my mail were fine. There is no 'begging'. He is someone I need to cross over. I acknowledged he always win over me with T. So, no point getting defensive. Just focus on T.
Mahatria Ra
In the long journey of growth, like every other aspect, ur strengths too should mature and adapt to changing situations; else, ur very strength would become ur weakness.
What u have been has led u up to this point. From here on, unless u change, ur future will not change. Ur tomorrow will be a mere repetition of ur yesterday. If u keep doing the same things, u will keep getting the same results. If you want new results, u have to do same thing.
U have walked up to this point. Now u will have to trek to the top. The need of the hour is to change urself as well as ur approach.
Soul
Such a timely msg. My sense of valuation, gourmet food taste has brought me so far. Now time to say goodbye.
Me, being a control and not listening has brought me so far. Maybe I need to change as I can't change others. And only I is within my management.
So, this leadership in Isha is crucial. Like Pe said I m not doing out of service nor joy but our of fulfilment of my lesson. I may not gain from this and it may be painful. But it will help in my own website.
Similar msg to my this week Osho card.
What is needed for resolution?
Travelling
When this card appears, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical or inner movement.
This card reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experience into our lives.
Now reading my Natal chart
Saturn in Aries
First u must gain mastery of ur self, then u can realistically think about becoming an inventive, take charge leader.
Ur self respect and self expression may be limited due to childhood problems.
U can gain more power and a big payoff by understanding that negative conditions are neither permanent nor pervasive.
Soul
Very true.
Just got back from meet with teacher M Her path is straight forward; no resistance. After IE and BSP; she already decided on her teacher path.
Interesting on yoga Marga. 21 days...this will be better than. Kailash.
I feel a connection to M. When I leave just now. She gave me a strong hug.
Mmm, again N on silent mode. The old me would have reacted. The new me says that I can't help it if he is affected. I know my mail were fine. There is no 'begging'. He is someone I need to cross over. I acknowledged he always win over me with T. So, no point getting defensive. Just focus on T.
Mahatria Ra
In the long journey of growth, like every other aspect, ur strengths too should mature and adapt to changing situations; else, ur very strength would become ur weakness.
What u have been has led u up to this point. From here on, unless u change, ur future will not change. Ur tomorrow will be a mere repetition of ur yesterday. If u keep doing the same things, u will keep getting the same results. If you want new results, u have to do same thing.
U have walked up to this point. Now u will have to trek to the top. The need of the hour is to change urself as well as ur approach.
Soul
Such a timely msg. My sense of valuation, gourmet food taste has brought me so far. Now time to say goodbye.
Me, being a control and not listening has brought me so far. Maybe I need to change as I can't change others. And only I is within my management.
So, this leadership in Isha is crucial. Like Pe said I m not doing out of service nor joy but our of fulfilment of my lesson. I may not gain from this and it may be painful. But it will help in my own website.
Similar msg to my this week Osho card.
What is needed for resolution?
Travelling
When this card appears, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical or inner movement.
This card reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experience into our lives.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
We can only attack others when we think we are separate
May 14 aft
As I was getting worried about the hiring of the accountant and start to query my staff in my mind. I suddenly got of P. when in fear, we attack. In my case, I attacked in my mind, whereas the Parental mode like S and P attacked outside. They won't become ill but will spoil rship.
Be the Change
The illusion of separateness has so influenced our behaviour and attitudes toward each other that it is only when we become more self reflective that our awareness grows beyond such a limited view.
When separation divides and causes conflict, awareness of our interconnectedness means that we see each other as
Soul
True. But at the moment I can only do so if my Outsider card is not triggered.
Today I think I have loosen my Burden card.
I told L that everything seems to fall when I decided to take leadership. L said that is the test for willingness.
Father, just now Shoonya was silence. I felt a grounding. There are tots but there is also a layer of silence. I m feeling teary again. Felt grateful for the gift of meditation.
1. The issue
Turning in
The antics of the mind are slightly amusing, as it jumps up and down and twists this way.
Meditation is just watching as if the mind belongs to someone else.
Soul
Mmm, not there yet. But I can decide not to react.
2. Internal
Exhaustion
A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness becomes soft.
Life isn't a business to be managed, its a mystery to be lived.
Soul
Mmm, I know my energy level is low. Just need to go thru this week.
3. External influence
We are the world
When we combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Travelling
Life is a continuity always and always. There is no final destination it is going to towards.
When this card appears, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical or inner movement.
This card reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experience into our lives.
Soul
This journey of leadership is not easy.
5. Resolution
Breakthrough
If u r now feeling enough is enough, allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing.
In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this breakthrough can bring to ur life.
As I was getting worried about the hiring of the accountant and start to query my staff in my mind. I suddenly got of P. when in fear, we attack. In my case, I attacked in my mind, whereas the Parental mode like S and P attacked outside. They won't become ill but will spoil rship.
Be the Change
The illusion of separateness has so influenced our behaviour and attitudes toward each other that it is only when we become more self reflective that our awareness grows beyond such a limited view.
When separation divides and causes conflict, awareness of our interconnectedness means that we see each other as
Soul
True. But at the moment I can only do so if my Outsider card is not triggered.
Today I think I have loosen my Burden card.
I told L that everything seems to fall when I decided to take leadership. L said that is the test for willingness.
Father, just now Shoonya was silence. I felt a grounding. There are tots but there is also a layer of silence. I m feeling teary again. Felt grateful for the gift of meditation.
1. The issue
Turning in
The antics of the mind are slightly amusing, as it jumps up and down and twists this way.
Meditation is just watching as if the mind belongs to someone else.
Soul
Mmm, not there yet. But I can decide not to react.
2. Internal
Exhaustion
A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness becomes soft.
Life isn't a business to be managed, its a mystery to be lived.
Soul
Mmm, I know my energy level is low. Just need to go thru this week.
3. External influence
We are the world
When we combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Travelling
Life is a continuity always and always. There is no final destination it is going to towards.
When this card appears, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical or inner movement.
This card reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experience into our lives.
Soul
This journey of leadership is not easy.
5. Resolution
Breakthrough
If u r now feeling enough is enough, allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing.
In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this breakthrough can bring to ur life.
I can't change the world, I can only change myself
May 14
Did my one cycle of surya kriya and asanas. Asanas are getting better. I doze off during Shavasana and so had a short breathing session. Shakti was ok. Shambavi was good with violet flame during Suka kriya. Silence in the end. I savour it.
During the hata yoga aession, little tots. During the meditations, more tots but I didn't really hang on. I just let then flow. Had some tots of Z.
I can see my body bloating and energy level is bit down cos menses is coming. One more week to go.
Not sure if Z will be there. Part of me hope to and another part not. Bit torn. Anyway, whatever will be will be.
Father, guide me through this. I can't change the world. I can't change my destiny of being a leader. What I can do is to remove my inner resistance and flow with life. Remove my control mechanism and be open.
Be the Change
When we are in particularly difficult situations, meditation can become our ally, our closest friend and support, for it connects us to a deeper source of inner strength and peace.
It can also lead us to sharing with others in ways we would have never tot possible.
Soul
True. I can now connect personally with C. Instead of feeling envious of her loveliness. I reach out to receive it from her. With P, I can now see the fear and don't take her attack personally. And instead calm her down. Both she and S are the same. Work is their validation and when things goes wrong, they project it out.
Be the Change
Through meditation, the prisoners slowly realise that, rather than looking outside for freedom, they could find within themselves.
Until we find that freedom, we, as Bo Lozoff of the Prison Ashram Project says, all doing time, whether we are in jail or not.
Father, suddenly I feel like crying. I m grateful for the tools that Sadhguru gave us.
Did my one cycle of surya kriya and asanas. Asanas are getting better. I doze off during Shavasana and so had a short breathing session. Shakti was ok. Shambavi was good with violet flame during Suka kriya. Silence in the end. I savour it.
During the hata yoga aession, little tots. During the meditations, more tots but I didn't really hang on. I just let then flow. Had some tots of Z.
I can see my body bloating and energy level is bit down cos menses is coming. One more week to go.
Not sure if Z will be there. Part of me hope to and another part not. Bit torn. Anyway, whatever will be will be.
Father, guide me through this. I can't change the world. I can't change my destiny of being a leader. What I can do is to remove my inner resistance and flow with life. Remove my control mechanism and be open.
Be the Change
When we are in particularly difficult situations, meditation can become our ally, our closest friend and support, for it connects us to a deeper source of inner strength and peace.
It can also lead us to sharing with others in ways we would have never tot possible.
Soul
True. I can now connect personally with C. Instead of feeling envious of her loveliness. I reach out to receive it from her. With P, I can now see the fear and don't take her attack personally. And instead calm her down. Both she and S are the same. Work is their validation and when things goes wrong, they project it out.
Be the Change
Through meditation, the prisoners slowly realise that, rather than looking outside for freedom, they could find within themselves.
Until we find that freedom, we, as Bo Lozoff of the Prison Ashram Project says, all doing time, whether we are in jail or not.
Father, suddenly I feel like crying. I m grateful for the tools that Sadhguru gave us.
Slowly but surely facing my Saturn in Aries
May 13 eve
Silent Shoonya; felt like a great sleep. So rested that I had slight difficulty going into Samyama.
Yea, my silence is so peaceful.
Today received SOS call from P on Sh. Looks like she too faced hardship under teacher. I think teacher knows Sh is closed to M. I told P I m tired. She said she understand. She was quite stress as Sh said no longer want to be Treasurer. P starts to 'froth' and this time I m able to manage her. Her 'frothing' is just out of fear and she project it out, attacking others instead. Mmm, suddenly it occur to me. P is afraid to lose and that's why didn't step into arena. I don't think it is becos she is afraid 'me' when I have never dealt with the accounts before.
I was fine with a change of Treasurer. I immediately tot of the Auditor. Mmm, can also ask Y, a financial analyst at stock exchange. Got 2 candidates.
Have to deal with teacher and N. The old me would have reacted. The new me, knowing the lens that teacher and N wore for each other, can approach them better. Instead of feeling envious, admired them for their strong friendship.
Mahatria Ra
Struggle, suffering, challenges, testing periods, tough times - in fact all these are part of the vocabulary of a man who is seeing only the lower being pushed without recognising how the higher delights in the process.
U r saying a caterpillar is being pushed.
I am saying the butterfly being born.
Every time man is pushed, God delights .., for it is thorough this push that man is created.
Soul
So timely.
Today I got Ten of Spades; continuous work load from both office and Isha. I tot of my Queen of Spades in Neptune that just begin yesterday. Not easy.
Queen of Spades in 52 days Neptune.
Through meditation and inner reflection u could achieve some meaningful changes in your life.
Expect some realisations that are profound and life altering.
On the mundane side, many areas of ur life are going better now as u stop trying to change others and make changes in urself that allow you to experience more joy and success.
Soul
Amen.
Silent Shoonya; felt like a great sleep. So rested that I had slight difficulty going into Samyama.
Yea, my silence is so peaceful.
Today received SOS call from P on Sh. Looks like she too faced hardship under teacher. I think teacher knows Sh is closed to M. I told P I m tired. She said she understand. She was quite stress as Sh said no longer want to be Treasurer. P starts to 'froth' and this time I m able to manage her. Her 'frothing' is just out of fear and she project it out, attacking others instead. Mmm, suddenly it occur to me. P is afraid to lose and that's why didn't step into arena. I don't think it is becos she is afraid 'me' when I have never dealt with the accounts before.
I was fine with a change of Treasurer. I immediately tot of the Auditor. Mmm, can also ask Y, a financial analyst at stock exchange. Got 2 candidates.
Have to deal with teacher and N. The old me would have reacted. The new me, knowing the lens that teacher and N wore for each other, can approach them better. Instead of feeling envious, admired them for their strong friendship.
Mahatria Ra
Struggle, suffering, challenges, testing periods, tough times - in fact all these are part of the vocabulary of a man who is seeing only the lower being pushed without recognising how the higher delights in the process.
U r saying a caterpillar is being pushed.
I am saying the butterfly being born.
Every time man is pushed, God delights .., for it is thorough this push that man is created.
Soul
So timely.
Today I got Ten of Spades; continuous work load from both office and Isha. I tot of my Queen of Spades in Neptune that just begin yesterday. Not easy.
Queen of Spades in 52 days Neptune.
Through meditation and inner reflection u could achieve some meaningful changes in your life.
Expect some realisations that are profound and life altering.
On the mundane side, many areas of ur life are going better now as u stop trying to change others and make changes in urself that allow you to experience more joy and success.
Soul
Amen.
Energised after Sathsang
May 13
Father, body feel refreshed. Woke up at 4 am eventhough slept about 11 pm.
Surya kriya good and I was singing at the end. I was energised and did a short Shavasana. Breathing was not so good. Shakti was fine and so was Shambavi. There were just a bit of tots and nothing on Z.
Silence in the end but suddenly out of the blue I was singing and then dancing. Plough back asanas is getting better.
I like my new body. H said my size has shrunk. I said I know as I can see my frame has reduced. My facial skin has recovered from the allergy to dry toner. Now left my neck which will take time.
Father, yesterday I finally enjoyed myself as a guide. The interaction was good. And I m glad I was able to facilitate. Just have to accept my fate as a leader.
Rabindranath Tagore
I slept and dreamt that life was joy
I awake and saw that life was service
I acted and behold, service was joy.
Soul
Slowly I m realising that.
Be the Change
Mark Gerzon
I see meditation as absolutely yeast for politics. And I see engagement in the world leavening yeast for meditation. There was a dynamic tension between the two. My spiritual breakthrough have happened because of my engagement in the world that has deepened my meditation, and my meditation has changed and been informed by my engagement in the world.
Soul
So true.
Be the Change
Mark Gerzon
Meditation make me aware of how much I get in my own way. This knowledge gives me a lot more humility and compassion toward other people who gets in their own way too. A meditative act is to look directly and openly at the whole, without looking up or down at someone.
If we recognise that we have disowned part of ourselves, then we can integrate that disowned part into our awareness. Carl Jung called this 'making the unconscious conscious'.
If we can define meditation as bringing into awareness the disintegrated, disowned, or disconnected part of ourselves, then we can create containers for meditative experiences in the real world.
Soul
Very true. I used to suppress sadness. I used to suppress my questions whenever I felt hurt. All these becomes unconscious.
I will now ask. Alas I now acknowledge I m an emotional person. I m a real feeler.
Great that I shared with C. She said it is a blessing. She said she find herself more involved as Sathsang guide. She felt so high and floats thereafter. I told her I haven't feel the high. But it could be my resistance as it took me 4 years to accept Dhynalinga.
Yea, since day one, everyone says that. Yea, I guess it is my Saturn in Aries. Instead of viewing it as a blessing; I view it as a chore that I can't get out. I used to see all responsibility as suffering.
Mmm, that be my sadhana. Yesterday I felt a gleam being a Sathsang guide. Just change my view.
Father, body feel refreshed. Woke up at 4 am eventhough slept about 11 pm.
Surya kriya good and I was singing at the end. I was energised and did a short Shavasana. Breathing was not so good. Shakti was fine and so was Shambavi. There were just a bit of tots and nothing on Z.
Silence in the end but suddenly out of the blue I was singing and then dancing. Plough back asanas is getting better.
I like my new body. H said my size has shrunk. I said I know as I can see my frame has reduced. My facial skin has recovered from the allergy to dry toner. Now left my neck which will take time.
Father, yesterday I finally enjoyed myself as a guide. The interaction was good. And I m glad I was able to facilitate. Just have to accept my fate as a leader.
Rabindranath Tagore
I slept and dreamt that life was joy
I awake and saw that life was service
I acted and behold, service was joy.
Soul
Slowly I m realising that.
Be the Change
Mark Gerzon
I see meditation as absolutely yeast for politics. And I see engagement in the world leavening yeast for meditation. There was a dynamic tension between the two. My spiritual breakthrough have happened because of my engagement in the world that has deepened my meditation, and my meditation has changed and been informed by my engagement in the world.
Soul
So true.
Be the Change
Mark Gerzon
Meditation make me aware of how much I get in my own way. This knowledge gives me a lot more humility and compassion toward other people who gets in their own way too. A meditative act is to look directly and openly at the whole, without looking up or down at someone.
If we recognise that we have disowned part of ourselves, then we can integrate that disowned part into our awareness. Carl Jung called this 'making the unconscious conscious'.
If we can define meditation as bringing into awareness the disintegrated, disowned, or disconnected part of ourselves, then we can create containers for meditative experiences in the real world.
Soul
Very true. I used to suppress sadness. I used to suppress my questions whenever I felt hurt. All these becomes unconscious.
I will now ask. Alas I now acknowledge I m an emotional person. I m a real feeler.
Great that I shared with C. She said it is a blessing. She said she find herself more involved as Sathsang guide. She felt so high and floats thereafter. I told her I haven't feel the high. But it could be my resistance as it took me 4 years to accept Dhynalinga.
Yea, since day one, everyone says that. Yea, I guess it is my Saturn in Aries. Instead of viewing it as a blessing; I view it as a chore that I can't get out. I used to see all responsibility as suffering.
Mmm, that be my sadhana. Yesterday I felt a gleam being a Sathsang guide. Just change my view.
Slowly but surely accepting my leadership role
May 12 aft
Great Sathsang despite everything. Both P and her sister didn't make it and neither did C. They didn't even inform me. M nowadays doesn't come for Sathsang.
I spoke to V and he agrees with my assessment that Sathsang Guide has to firstly attend Sathsang. He also nominated J.
Then the new volunteers were also late for set up.
My normal routine was to do aum chanting. But today I was feeling disturbed and so I went for Shoonya. It was so lovely and my natural joy return.
At first slight hiccup on the opening of file via vlc or Itune. But I got it sorted myself. Things progress. Sharing was great. The self creation meditation was so lovely. As Pa said the energy was happy happy.
I shared that we need volunteers to grow. I need replacement. I also shared that I m not senior or etc, everyone is of equal standing. So once a task is given, they need to discuss with each other directly. I open up the channel.
The potluck gathering was made with such joyful ambience. A few of them approaches me and shared the importance of Sathsang.
Even the white lady, W has started to open up. I m glad. No more division of seniority. That was more P style.
Father, thank you for showing me the Faith card and Self Mastery period. I rise to the occasion. I gather more volunteers.
Great Sathsang despite everything. Both P and her sister didn't make it and neither did C. They didn't even inform me. M nowadays doesn't come for Sathsang.
I spoke to V and he agrees with my assessment that Sathsang Guide has to firstly attend Sathsang. He also nominated J.
Then the new volunteers were also late for set up.
My normal routine was to do aum chanting. But today I was feeling disturbed and so I went for Shoonya. It was so lovely and my natural joy return.
At first slight hiccup on the opening of file via vlc or Itune. But I got it sorted myself. Things progress. Sharing was great. The self creation meditation was so lovely. As Pa said the energy was happy happy.
I shared that we need volunteers to grow. I need replacement. I also shared that I m not senior or etc, everyone is of equal standing. So once a task is given, they need to discuss with each other directly. I open up the channel.
The potluck gathering was made with such joyful ambience. A few of them approaches me and shared the importance of Sathsang.
Even the white lady, W has started to open up. I m glad. No more division of seniority. That was more P style.
Father, thank you for showing me the Faith card and Self Mastery period. I rise to the occasion. I gather more volunteers.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Facing my Outsider card..but this time awareness arise
May 12
Walked in the park and had tots of Z. Sadhguru says that body got memories and hence break up is painful. So I just accept the tots and comfort it by saying there is abundance of love out there.
Just now received call from P on the volunteer issue. I was bit irritated as first preference is for the volunteer to call the person directly. Then if she can't, to call me instead as I was the handler. And when P called has to pass to me too. Was getting real irritated and negative tots start to arise. I wanted to say to C about it and said that I too cannot talk to his wife directly since she can't speak to me.
Then I realised it was my Outsider card. I felt left out. I remind myself I never had Sr's approval. She was just feeling fearful, nothing personal. Then I got irritated at myself. Then I just sang, love me tender, love me deep. Love me ever more. Father, I was judging myself for being so 'weak' that I needed validation even from people I don't need to.
Then the msg from M saying he won't attend Sathsang. My mind spiral and said maybe time to change Sathsang guide. Then I stopped. He could have his own reason; nothing to do with guide.
Father, guide me through today.
No wonder. Seven of Spades - card of faith
Challenge u to higher levels of thinking, speaking and acting.
If u r willing to take responsibility for ur condition and practice positivity in spite of circumstances, u can realise the powerful spiritual potential of this card and attain new heights.
Soul
This is Z card too. No wonder much tots on him today.
Neptune day.
Mmm, a start of Queen Of Spades in 52 days Neptune too. Opportunity for Self Mastery.
Walked in the park and had tots of Z. Sadhguru says that body got memories and hence break up is painful. So I just accept the tots and comfort it by saying there is abundance of love out there.
Just now received call from P on the volunteer issue. I was bit irritated as first preference is for the volunteer to call the person directly. Then if she can't, to call me instead as I was the handler. And when P called has to pass to me too. Was getting real irritated and negative tots start to arise. I wanted to say to C about it and said that I too cannot talk to his wife directly since she can't speak to me.
Then I realised it was my Outsider card. I felt left out. I remind myself I never had Sr's approval. She was just feeling fearful, nothing personal. Then I got irritated at myself. Then I just sang, love me tender, love me deep. Love me ever more. Father, I was judging myself for being so 'weak' that I needed validation even from people I don't need to.
Then the msg from M saying he won't attend Sathsang. My mind spiral and said maybe time to change Sathsang guide. Then I stopped. He could have his own reason; nothing to do with guide.
Father, guide me through today.
No wonder. Seven of Spades - card of faith
Challenge u to higher levels of thinking, speaking and acting.
If u r willing to take responsibility for ur condition and practice positivity in spite of circumstances, u can realise the powerful spiritual potential of this card and attain new heights.
Soul
This is Z card too. No wonder much tots on him today.
Neptune day.
Mmm, a start of Queen Of Spades in 52 days Neptune too. Opportunity for Self Mastery.
Looking forward to next year - Destiny and Ruling
May 11
Did one cycle of surya kriya. Lovely. Breathing was fine. Shakti was Good. Shambavi was fine. Silence. No singing today.
Had some tots of Z.
Had a good lunch with L. She is really something else. Behind her constant chattering, lies a good business mind and a person with integrity. I m glad I see beyond her chattering. Before I knew it. I spent 3 and half hour with her.
Mahatria RA
Money is a wonderful by-product and a very poor point of focus. When ur work becomes ur self expression, money comes in search of u as a natural by-product.
Keep asking yourself; Am I doing justice to my potential?
Success is not what u achieve compared to others, but what u achieved compared to what u r capable of. And what u r capable of is defined by the infinite potential in u.
Soul
Wow. Yea. I always use the alcoholic vs non-alcoholic; that's why I played down my success. Just now L also commented on my success.
Like Z said he and I are on different level; I have made my money and he is still struggling. He could be insecure and perhaps that's why he always need to update me on his financial progress. Anyway, that's past.
For today, instead of feeling negative of his avoidance, I just say he cannot resist me and hence got to avoid me. And I let him go cos I know his dream of having children is important to him.
Father, let Z fulfill his dream and me to fulfill mine.
Wow, just read my next year destiny card which will start in July. Coincidentally it seems to be reflecting my own plans in terms of my website and also my dream of my husband.
Destiny
Long range - Ten of Hearts
(I am surrounded by the love and admiration of people. I have success with groups and the public and enjoy much popularity)
Pluto - Two of Hearts
(I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life, my friendships, and lovers are mine to embrace)
Results - Nine of Spades
( I learn to let go of people, lifestyle habits, and jobs that have completed their purpose in my life. They are fulfilled and I am free to move on the new and better things.)
Ruling
Long range - Jack of Spades
(A year of success in creative fields such as acting or performing, a year of "rip off" or of spiritual initiation.
Pluto - Three of Hearts (learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships)
Results - Ace of Hearts.
(I complete this year with a new love, which could be a lover, friend, child or something else that brings me great joy)
Soul
A coincidence that I have just this week started to sing; "Love me tender, love me deep, love me ever more".
Amen.
And I m also going in with a new body. It is now nearly one and half month without red meat and chicken. My body frame and face has reduced. Lost about 2kg without reduction in food, just no red and white meat.
My body is lighter. Never tot it is even possible. Cos I tot it would "kill" me to change my diet. That's was my greatest fear in the Isha journey. Alas, I m not "killed" and I m alive and the effects of meditation and hata yoga is enhanced.
Did one cycle of surya kriya. Lovely. Breathing was fine. Shakti was Good. Shambavi was fine. Silence. No singing today.
Had some tots of Z.
Had a good lunch with L. She is really something else. Behind her constant chattering, lies a good business mind and a person with integrity. I m glad I see beyond her chattering. Before I knew it. I spent 3 and half hour with her.
Mahatria RA
Money is a wonderful by-product and a very poor point of focus. When ur work becomes ur self expression, money comes in search of u as a natural by-product.
Keep asking yourself; Am I doing justice to my potential?
Success is not what u achieve compared to others, but what u achieved compared to what u r capable of. And what u r capable of is defined by the infinite potential in u.
Soul
Wow. Yea. I always use the alcoholic vs non-alcoholic; that's why I played down my success. Just now L also commented on my success.
Like Z said he and I are on different level; I have made my money and he is still struggling. He could be insecure and perhaps that's why he always need to update me on his financial progress. Anyway, that's past.
For today, instead of feeling negative of his avoidance, I just say he cannot resist me and hence got to avoid me. And I let him go cos I know his dream of having children is important to him.
Father, let Z fulfill his dream and me to fulfill mine.
Wow, just read my next year destiny card which will start in July. Coincidentally it seems to be reflecting my own plans in terms of my website and also my dream of my husband.
Destiny
Long range - Ten of Hearts
(I am surrounded by the love and admiration of people. I have success with groups and the public and enjoy much popularity)
Pluto - Two of Hearts
(I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life, my friendships, and lovers are mine to embrace)
Results - Nine of Spades
( I learn to let go of people, lifestyle habits, and jobs that have completed their purpose in my life. They are fulfilled and I am free to move on the new and better things.)
Ruling
Long range - Jack of Spades
(A year of success in creative fields such as acting or performing, a year of "rip off" or of spiritual initiation.
Pluto - Three of Hearts (learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships)
Results - Ace of Hearts.
(I complete this year with a new love, which could be a lover, friend, child or something else that brings me great joy)
Soul
A coincidence that I have just this week started to sing; "Love me tender, love me deep, love me ever more".
Amen.
And I m also going in with a new body. It is now nearly one and half month without red meat and chicken. My body frame and face has reduced. Lost about 2kg without reduction in food, just no red and white meat.
My body is lighter. Never tot it is even possible. Cos I tot it would "kill" me to change my diet. That's was my greatest fear in the Isha journey. Alas, I m not "killed" and I m alive and the effects of meditation and hata yoga is enhanced.
Me, a pessimist need to be opportunist in my thinking
May 10 eve
Father, some tots of Z and I remind myself to move on to abundance.
I refused to go back to the past. I only want to go forward.
Mahatria RA
I am an opportunist when it comes to my thinking.
I only think what I want to think.
Hence I end up drawing into my life only what I want in my life.
After all, like begets like.
Control the direction of ur thinking and always hold positive tots as ur most dominant tots and see how u navigate through life.
Soul
Me on negative.
Father, some tots of Z and I remind myself to move on to abundance.
I refused to go back to the past. I only want to go forward.
Mahatria RA
I am an opportunist when it comes to my thinking.
I only think what I want to think.
Hence I end up drawing into my life only what I want in my life.
After all, like begets like.
Control the direction of ur thinking and always hold positive tots as ur most dominant tots and see how u navigate through life.
Soul
Me on negative.
Singing from beyond
May 10
Did my 5 cycles of surya kriya. During 4th cycle had a tot on Isha event and suddenly lose focus. Surya kriya really need focus n perhaps that's why it is meditative in nature.
Breathing was good. Shakti and Shambavi were not great. There were intermittent tots of Isha event that is coming up. I just let it be. I tot finale be very low key. I was surprised that I was singing and dancing in the end too. This time singing "love me tender, love me deep, love me evermore".
This singing is not mine. In the end when I wanted to end the session, suddenly I exploded into singing again. The singing is from my Soul as I cannot hear the preceding tots in my mind and I know I was actually thinking about something else.
Father, thank U for everything.
Father, I am truly a pessimist. And my fear of losing validation really govern my inner life. Need to address this. But on a positive note, no longer have tots of Z. I just remind myself of abundance.
Now reading my Natal chart description in my blog on Nov 2009.
Mercury in Cancer
Need to reduce my patterns of nagging self criticism.
Soul
I have learned of my inner Parental mode. I truly judge myself loads.
Venus in Leo
U struggle to be loving, lovely and loved.
Soul
Quite true. My cosmic reward is Nine of Hearts.
And when I m meditating, always singing love songs of me loving others. But just the last two weeks, singing others loving me instead.
I know I m at a different phase in life.
Mars in Libra
If u r restless and irritable, u need to meditate.
Soul
Very true. Amen.
Jupiter in Leo
U r highly competitive and unrelenting in the pursuit of ur goals. Super power and super riches can be yours.
Soul
Definitely not seen yet.
My Pluto and Saturn so strong. I bet they are opposite to my Jupiter.
Me now just start to use the word 'abundance' at age 46
Venus in Leo
I seems to be far away. Mmm, a tot occur to me. Jupiter also in Leo. And I would say I don't display Leo, except that I don't like to be told what to do. I like to do my way.
Did my 5 cycles of surya kriya. During 4th cycle had a tot on Isha event and suddenly lose focus. Surya kriya really need focus n perhaps that's why it is meditative in nature.
Breathing was good. Shakti and Shambavi were not great. There were intermittent tots of Isha event that is coming up. I just let it be. I tot finale be very low key. I was surprised that I was singing and dancing in the end too. This time singing "love me tender, love me deep, love me evermore".
This singing is not mine. In the end when I wanted to end the session, suddenly I exploded into singing again. The singing is from my Soul as I cannot hear the preceding tots in my mind and I know I was actually thinking about something else.
Father, thank U for everything.
Father, I am truly a pessimist. And my fear of losing validation really govern my inner life. Need to address this. But on a positive note, no longer have tots of Z. I just remind myself of abundance.
Now reading my Natal chart description in my blog on Nov 2009.
Mercury in Cancer
Need to reduce my patterns of nagging self criticism.
Soul
I have learned of my inner Parental mode. I truly judge myself loads.
Venus in Leo
U struggle to be loving, lovely and loved.
Soul
Quite true. My cosmic reward is Nine of Hearts.
And when I m meditating, always singing love songs of me loving others. But just the last two weeks, singing others loving me instead.
I know I m at a different phase in life.
Mars in Libra
If u r restless and irritable, u need to meditate.
Soul
Very true. Amen.
Jupiter in Leo
U r highly competitive and unrelenting in the pursuit of ur goals. Super power and super riches can be yours.
Soul
Definitely not seen yet.
My Pluto and Saturn so strong. I bet they are opposite to my Jupiter.
Me now just start to use the word 'abundance' at age 46
Venus in Leo
I seems to be far away. Mmm, a tot occur to me. Jupiter also in Leo. And I would say I don't display Leo, except that I don't like to be told what to do. I like to do my way.
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