Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Losing All but gaining all too; If only i can truly experience that

Yday, abt losing but actually gaining.

Today reading thru my pluto card - 9 diamond.
For 9 diamond, there are things in their value system that will be realigned over the course of their life. Much of this realignment will occur through apparent losses with respect to specific things or people.
Those who take a thoughtful approach to the events of their life will realise that for each thing they supposedly lose, new avenues are opening and they are getting more in touch with the cosmic flow. When they truly release their attachment (validation by high value work), spiritual gifts are showered down upon them.
They realise the beauty of releasing things in their life that are holding them back from a new and more beautiful life that is just now emerging.
They began to identify with a much larger image of themselves, one that includes the need of others, as well as their own.
The result is that they are happy and enlightened, having made the transition to a more universal approach to life.
The universal, rather than personal, point of view is the ultimate destination for all 9 diamond.

Soul - remind me so much of me. I who had tot I lost, now have regained so much and all that is the Source.

Carl Jung
Whenever something emotionally sad came up, I would say to myself, "I have tot and felt this way at some time or other but I don't have to think and feel that way now. I need not accept this banality of mine in perpetuity; that is an unnecessary humiliation.

The essential thing is to differential oneself from these unconscious contents by personifying them (acknowledge), and at the same time to bring them into relationship wit consciousness (identifying). That is the technique for stripping them of their power.
The insinuations of the anima, the mouthpiece of the unconscious, can utterly destroy a man.
In the final analysis, the decisive factor is always consciousness, which can understand the manifestations of the unconsciousness and take a position toward them.
But the anima also has a positive aspect as well. It is she who communicates the images of unconscious to the conscious mind. "What are u up to?" What do u see?

Consciously, deliberately, I abandoned my academic career. For I felt something great was happening to me, and I put my trust in the thing which I felt to be more important. I knew that it would fill my life, and for the sake of that goal, I was ready to take any kind of risk. Of cos, it bothered me to have to give this up. I even had moments when I stormed against destiny, but this moments are transitory and do not count.
If we pay heed to what the inner personality desires and says, the sting vanishes.

The goal of psychic development is the self. There is no linear development; there is only a circumambulation of the self. Uniform development exists, at most, only at the beginning; later, everything points toward the center.

Soul. CJ left his career and chase his destiny. He is so sure. What about me? Where do I go from here. On one hand, I am appreciative of Sadhguru and all the gurus I have known, but on the other hand, all these knowledge leads me further and further from the normal life. I am feeling afraid especially since I cannot find any kindred friends that I can share on this. Part of me wants to go forward, but part of me wants to stay. All my search is leading me towards..somewhere I don’t know. And of course, my impatience and lack of gratitude of how far I have gone is also not helping L Someone should give me a knock on the head.
On the transformation, I know I always come back to the starting position, but in a stronger, better platform.

Soul - Yday, halfway thru evening meditation, I suddenly cry with grief that "No one love me", tears were pouring. It then stop after awhile and later I find myself giggle and laughing, a tot came "I am loved".

Evening
Halfway thru meditation just now, I was crying that I am alone n I jus let my tears fell. Moments later I stop n then I start to giggle. I am alone but m fine.

When I receive a sms from our collegue asking me to keep quiet about her story about wanting to leave the company. My first reaction was that why tell me n she has already told so many other people. 2nd tot, I wonder if someone is spreading stories about me, now that I have fall out with the CEO’s PA. I felt judged and I felt left out like an outsider. Moment later I recall d situation in a very former company, when I give compliment to the secretary but it was badly taken. I recall that they talked about me n I felt ostracised. Already over here, am alone, with no one to share. Recently, I felt it even more with CEO’s PA gone and my old FM too. I felt alone. Only comfort is my meditation, for which m grateful.
Over here, I already learned that everyone is not what they seem and the GM is the biggest player.

When I was meditating, I asked why I am being put on the spot. I didn't do anything wrong, I was jus being truthful.

Suddenly a msg came, darkness abhor light. I start to relax and then later laughed n I tot I am ripe.

I tot of this week Osho card - Outsider and I can't recall the What to do card, but I know the resolution is ripeness and I am comforted. And I won't push this away, if darkness abhor light, then I will face it with the light in me. I need not worry about my colleagues acceptance of me. I only care about my relationship with God. I will face it and I am not afraid cos I have d meditation to fall back on. The rest will be taken care. I attract loving people and loving circumstances. I guess all this comes about because the Fung Shui guys said my door is facing a bad direction and I will be ‘stabbed’ and hence I need the rooster to peck them back.

Sadhguru.
Now we are seeing how to put the basket aside. We r not interested in what is in the basket. If u deprive urself of any experience - pain or suffering. If u avoid it, is big karma. If u go through it, it is not so much of a karma.

Today people with etiquette, they cannot cry fully; they cannot laugh loudly. Slowly they become joyless.
You will see simple people who laugh and cry as it comes, they are so much more free.
The very process of life is dissolving of karma
Every living moment of ur life, if u live it totally, you dissolve enormous amounts of karma.
Living totally does not mean just having fun. Anything and everything that comes, u just experience it fully, intensely.

Amen. I will face it. I am not afraid. I am loved and if I need to face unloving people and circumstances. So be it, cos this time I am loved. Amen.

Sadhguru - a possibility

Afternoon
Father, yea, I appreciate that my jobs has loads of variety. I am appreciative that my colleagues and I have arrive in a better place.
I seem to not dislike my job as much as before. Even managed to do away with REV2 CP and Regional said they working on a budgeting software. I am in a good place.
So, after crossing all the hurdles, I am in a better place,

Today want to cut my hair, want to have a new hair style that is more vibrant, wan to do away with the fringe.

Osho reading.
Totality - it is not what u do, but how u do it that matters.
Giving each step ur complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all that u do.

Soul - yeap, I would learn that.

Sadhguru
I want u to look at me not as a person, but a possibility. Why certain people get access to certain possibilities and others don't, that is the question. Now, this is not really true.
It is not that only certain people get access to this possibility. Anybody who is truly longing, always has access to this, to this energy, which you right now refers to as me.
I have initiated more people I have not met than people I have met. When someone really longs, I initiate them, wherever they may be, when the longing is deep enough to receive me. When someone's heart cries out to know, I am always there.

Being with a Master is never comfortable, because He will break all your limitations, all ur ideologies. So knowing the person or having access to the person can be on many levels. Having access to the possibility is only because of the longing that one may have. There are many people who have close access to the person, but don't know anything about the possibility yet. Knowing the person is of no great significance. You need sensitivity, to be life sensitive, not ego sensitive.

Soul. This is the same answer I tot of during meditation jus now. Like our teacher said, its not d location, but u know the participants and hence cannot open up and share. I agree with her. But I also feel that BSP is a natural progression of the Isha Movement. Perhaps, like d British guy, even if he not open during BSP, he can open during Volunteering for BSP
But jus now during meditation, there is another tot. If the person has a longing to know, he/she wil open up automatically cos d longing is more than the ego's pride. He/she can't help it. Jus like me singing Guru Pooja last sunday. I received d same instruction in previous sathsang and I was surprised at the audacity of me singing guru pooja when I can only sing 50% and I clamped it down n didn't sing. This sathsang, d msg came for me to sing guru pooja, I told Sadhguru (verbalise) that I don't want to sing lah. Next minute I knew I start to sing. This time can I can sing about 80%. My pride was overcome and I sang without fear or shame, but softly.
Later after d sathsang, a lady came up to me and asked why I didn't finish the last 2 stanza. I was surprised n asked how she knew, she said she heard me cos she was sitting near to me. I laughed and I told her I cannot remember the last 2 stanza.

So, d opening is depending on the person's longing and hence its receptivity towards involuntary opening up irrespective of who is in the surrounding.
Mmm, this will be my email reply tomorrow. I know this is also Sadhguru's msg cos today d meditation was very expressive and later I was asked to read him eventhough I am not seeking for any guidance.

Evening
Hello God's drama series
That is how Life is. You gained when u tot u lost everything.

Soul. Today I finally cut my hair short. It looks good n modern n I think I found back Ram - Kelvin equivalent at 50% his price.

I lost my validation in career, n become sad n felt hopeless n lost and unvalidated, unloved. But I have gained so much more validation/acceptance from my meditation. At first it was just during meditation, and then internal transformation and alas external transformation.

I have finally took the plunge and my hair cut off is the outcome of decision made.

Ask and it is given

Ask and it is given.
There is NO Non-Physical Source of darkness, sickness, confusion or evil.
There is only the Stream of Well-Being, and it is flowing toward you at all times.
And unless u r offering resistance of some kind, you are the full receiver of it and ur emotions help you to understand to what extent u r allowing, or resisting the stream.
In another words, the better u feel, the less u r resisting; the worse u feel, the more u r resisting.

Deliberate Creation is really about deliberately achieving an emotional state u want.

1. When u do not have enough money and wants more. The distance u need to travel is not from not enough money to enough money but is between a feeling of insecurity to a feeling of security. Once u practice the thought that makes u consistently feel more secure - the money must follow.

2. When u r sick and wants to be well. The distance u need travel is not from sickness to wellness - but from fear to confidence. Once u practice the thoughts of feeling more confident, the physical improvement must follow.

3. When u have no mate and want to find one, the distance u r travelling is from the feeling of being lonely to a feeling of excitement or satisfaction. Once u practice the thoughts that make u feel excitement or anticipation, the perfect mate must follow.

You may say, I want to find another job, but what the Universe is hearing is:
I am angry because my employer doesn't see my value
I feel bored
I feel unhappy about my current salary
I am frustrated that I can't make them understand
I am overwhelmed with too much to do.

Soul - in my case. I must be low value to be stuck to this job. I must be low valye that I cannot find good job. I must have not overcome my lesson yet. I m also afraid to find new job. I am afraid I cannot face new challenges. I am afraid of seeking to be hired and to be judged again. I am afraid that by running, I go into another fire. I am afraid new job won't give me the spiritual platform I need. I am afraid I am bad luck cos the companies I am in is not growing.
I am afraid I keep on attracting bad boss. I am afraid I am not good enough. I am afraid I don't have interest anymore. I am afraid that perhaps this is my pinnacle and I won't be getting a better job, so don't look - don't window shop. I am afraid that I will need 1 year to stabilise n hence delay me finding my mate. I am afraid that by looking for job, am still seeking validation via job and hence no growth. I am afraid by leaving, I become unstable yet again. I am afraid people said I can't stay long and is a mover. I am afraid I cannot built such a good team like now.
Wow, I must be on my low side now. So much fear...yeap, am judging myself again..just accept my fear, they are part of me...it is acceptable ;)


Ask and it is given
If you will make the improved feeling or emotion to be your real destination, then anything and everything that you want will quickly follow.

The game is strictly about discovering thoughts that give u feeling of relief.

Empower - Powerless
Joy - Depression.

Soul
When u have Energy, u feel powerful and hence u feel joyful.

Ask and it is given
A standard extravert release that is discovered naturally and unconsciously: by a grieving woman over her father death. At first she was depressed (1), and felt powerless (2) and grief stricken (3) in response to her focus upon the uncontrollable death of her father. Then she naturally and unconsciously projected her guilt (4) out to others as follows;
5. Anger
6. Rage against another person
7. Blame the other person

The abv sequence is an improvement process. She did feel better after blaming someone else - much better.

Everyone finds the relief that anger and blame can offer from those suffocating emotions of powerlessness and grief, u move quickly up the vibrational scale. And while it may take a day or two to move up even one vibrational level, u can reclaim ur connection to your Source and to ur feeling of empowerment in a much Shorter Time than almost anyone realises.

Of course it is always better when u achieve the improved state of emotion deliberately

One last thing
Be easy about ur path. You tend to take life so seriously. Life is supposed to be fun.
You are Leading-Edge creators, sifting through the wonderful contrast of this Leading-Edge environment and coming to New conclusions that summon the Life Force forward.
There are not adequate words to explain the value of that which you are.
It is our powerful desire that u return to ur state of self-appreciation.
We want u to feel love for your life, for the people of your world, and most of all, for yourself.
There is great love here for you.
And . . .for now . . . We are complete.

Soul - Amen.

Validation - our ego trigger points

Yday, reached back home abt 9 pm and found out my nephew took my jewellery case. I got irritated n insist mom call them up to enquire n they were not at home. Ego was working overtime. I was showering n said aiyah, I wan to be in a happy state before meditation. This irritation is not worth the sacrifice of 1 hour of blissfulness. With that, I calm down n said this is the price to pay for having a free maid.
Then when I went up to my room, I discover my RM300 serum has been mixed wit water. Surprisingly I wasn't angry. I just took the bottle downstairs to show my Mom. I went back to my room to prepare meditation n suddenly have a tot that I have been meeting lovely people, why not I be lovely myself.

Instead of feeling angry, why not tell sis that I will be fine n she doesn't have to pay me provided that she goes to the free facial that I got for her n she doesn't have to pay me.
Then 2nd tot, I got another item to buy n that means I can get 30 percent discount. So works for me too.
Then 3rd tot, we need to teach my nephew not to play with other people's things without permission. And he has money, so will take RM200 from him instead.
Lovely.

Did my meditation and it is good, I guess its becos I have open up to my family.
I hope my sister is better. But I am not sure cos she trying to forget about the incident. It will come back.
Validation. I am validated by success, either in rship or at work.
My close friend is validated by friendship
My boss is validated by status, ie protocol
My college friend is validated by being a Martyr/Saviour
My sister is validated by being a good teacher
My youngest sister is validated by being a Provider

We need to be validated cos we need to have acknowledgement that we exist for a purpose. We are seeking acceptance for our existence. So, we would resist against anything that wil trigger our validation mode.

I told my colleague yesterday that I am still validated by work, but the need is lesser now.

This morning when I woke up, suddenly tot I like a 2nd aspect of my job - variety. Everytime, there is different things to do. This is a good sign.
Also if I can prosper spiritually in such bitchy environment, is good for me too!

My karma cards.
Learning that my close friend's sister is 9 diamond, my karma card teach me NOT to be so fixated on my values for a Good Job. Also, a paradox as I can handle a variety of roles and function.

Whereas my sister in law, my 3 diamond karma card teaches me to be steady in my choice, realising my uncertainty causes confusion, causes dilemma and delayed decision making. Such a paradox when in general, I can make decision easily.

Father, thank u. I guess its becos u have led me and I have followed somewhat that I don't need strong karma cards to awaken me. I can awake by myself. The same as I tot of those early marriages, they need it for their permanent mirrors, whereas for me, a temporary subtle mirror is all that I need to awaken me. Amen for guiding me.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I have found ME and I am HOME

Father, I am thankful I met my close friend and Sadhguru found me and Vijii motivated me and now I have a tool that can connect to my Source.

Yday, ego was judging that I won't get a partner n asked me to forget it. I didn't rebut, cos I am not sure but I told him that what I am sure is that I will find my Loving Self. I remember Way of Heart, once u aligned yourself with God, the rest follows thru. Ask and Is Given also said that Love attracted loving circumstances and loving people, Love attract Love.
So, perhaps my husband may not materialise soon, but my Loving Self would.
I use to wonder what is my transformation after the meditation, but now I know is out. I was so calm these few days, something that is so unlike the previous me. Amen.
I also like that I now have lunch partner with my staff.
I am also happy that my car bumper is repaired and was paid by someone else. Amen.

Ask and It is Given
When u pretend, or selectively remember, you activate new vibrations - and your point of attraction shifts. And when your point of attraction shifts, your life will improve regarding every subject for which u have found a new feeling - place.
Your role is to utilise Energy. That is why you exist. You are a Energy-flowing Being - a focuser, a perceiver.
You are a creator and there is nothing worse in all of the Universe than to come forth into the environment of great contrast, where desire is easily born, and not allow Energy to flow to your desire. This is a true squandering of life.

There is no high work or low work. There are just opportunities.

Soul
Contrast circumstances (Unwanted)
creates
Desires (Wanted)
activate
Energy
deliver
Loving circumstances (Have)

So, instead of lamenting why we have Unwanted circumstances, instead of asking why we still have desires which perpetuates unwanted circumstances. See them as opportunity to find ur Desires in ur consciousness and use Energy to bring your Desires in consciousness.
We also stop at lamenting unwanted circumstnaces
In my case, I keep on lamenting why I can't be satisfied. Perhaps I can't becos I am still meant to be greater. Don't suppress my desires cos is good and necessary.
So, in my case be appreciative I want more.
Only thing now is what is it I want.

Ask and it is Given
Spiritual vs Material are not the choices. Everything about this physical manifestational is spiritual.
It is all the end product of Spirit
You have nothing to prove.
Be the Spiritual You, and create like a physical fiend.

Success is not about getting it done, not abt accomplishment or achievement. It is about still dreaming and feeling positive in the unfolding. The standard of success in life is not the money or the stuff - the standard of success is absolutely the amount of joy you feel.

When I looked at the really happy people - people who are joyful, who are eager to get on with their day. Almost all of them, without exception, had a pretty rough beginning, which turned them into powerful rebels, initially. Then they found a way to relax into their natural birthright of Well-Bening

Success is about a happy life and a happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people do not allow the happy moments because they are so busy trying to get a happy life.

Soul - I felt so touched. Felt like is describing me. Recently I had d realisation that I am blessed to be happy abt food cos everyday, without fail, I have 3 session of being happy irrespective of whatever happen.

Ask and is Given
Instead of "Earning" Abundance, "Allow" your Abundance
Your action has nothing to do with your abundance! Your abundance is a response to your vibration.
Of course, your belief is part of your vibration, so if u believe that action is part of what brings you abundance, then you have to unravel that.

We would like you to release the word "earn" from your vocubulary and your understanding altogether, and we would like you to replace it with. The word "allow'.
You want to allow your Well-Being; it is not something that you need to earn.
All you have to do is to decide what you like to experience, and then allow it in order to receive it.
It is not something you have to struggle or try for.
You are all worthy Beings, and you are deserving of this Well-Being.

All the resources u will ever want and need are at ur fingertips. All you have to do is IDENTIFY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO with IT and then practice the feeling-place of what it will be like when that happens.

There is nothing you cannot be, do or have; your are blessed Beings, and you have come forth in this physical environment to create.
There is nothing holding you back other than your own contradictory thoughts. And your emotions tells you whenever you have such tots.
Life is supposed to be fun - it is supposed to feel good! You are powerful creators and you are right on the schedule.
Savour more; fix less. Laugh more; cry less.
Anticipate positively more; anticipate negatively less.
Nothing is more important than that YOU FEEL GOOD.
Just practice that and watch what happen.

Soul - Amazing, word by word, exactly like Way of the Heart. I was laughing uncontrollably just now, something connect with my Source. Amen
Thank you Father, Sadhguru, Masters and Viiji.
Just finished my laughter in the toilet. I am looking forward to use the Life Energy. This is a REAL BEGINNING

Jus rec email on Guru Poornima, which they said is powerful.
On Tuesday nite, I started meditation, it was great and even Mornin is great. I start to laugh more in d morning. Laughter is growing.

Today 7 thunder card.
The Ace of Diamond
Desire for money or the birth of new way of earning money.
All aces represent new beginnings, a desire for something that starts a new cycle of creating. Aces are the representatives of pure creative energy.
Diamond represents our value system, the things we like or dislike, treasure or discard. So, the Ace of Diamonds mean that we experience the birth of a new value or that we suddenly like or want something that we didn't before.

Soul - so right! I wan at 10 am to 6 pm job, I want a job that focuses on my strength - intuition and people, helicopter view, I want a job that pays me well, I want a good boss. I want a job that I can help people in opening them up to the Universe. I want a job that give me time to savour my Myself, my Depth.

Can't believe the Loving experience is real

Father, witnessing.

I was telling my close friend that I am aware of witnessing since eons ago when I learned about projection. But perhaps that is not so correct.
I know whenever I judged others, I will bring myself back thru will power n right thinking.
But bringing myself back when I am judging myself, don't really recall.
Yday, I knew my fear came up n there is another person that was observing the fear and curiously wonder why the fear arise.

1. The issue. Celebration
Make it fun, a celebration, and then u will enter the temple.
Don't be too wise. A little foolishness and a little wisdom is good and the right combination makes u a buddha
You have become more and more available and open to the many opportunities that are to celebrate in life and to spread this by contagion to others.

Soul - I think it ask me not to worry so much. Jus savour all the loving things coming my way. Don't resist my desires. Don't worry that if I act on my desires, it be detrimental. Afraid d past will repeat itself, putting out one fire after the other.

2. Internal influence - Adventure
Truth has nothing to do with past. Truth is a radical, personal realisation. You have to come to it.
Insecurity is the only way to grow. To face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.
Whenever we move into the new and unknown with the trusting spirit of a child, innocent and open and vulnerable, even the smallest things of life can become greatest adventure.

Soul - yeap, jus trust where d manifestation of Desires will bring me. My Desires is materialising, perhaps not in the form that I tot of, but the substance is there.
My brief to the Universe is very simple and encompassing - Attract loving people and loving circumstances to me.
Everything that happens so far has been loving.
From d loving accident, loving cab driver in d morning, to the loving cab driver at night who accepted RM2 less.

3. External - Trust
Trust life. If you trust, only then can u drop ur knowledge, drop ur mind. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing.
Just jump without a tot of what happen next.

Soul - yea, that's what been happening since my accident.

4. What is needed - New Vision
When u open up to the ultimate, immediately it pours into you. You are no longer an ordinary human being - u have transcended. Your insight has become the insight of the whole existence. Now you are no longer separate - u have found ur roots.
Threefold nature of the universe; manifest, unmanifest and the human being who contains both.
Now u r presented wit an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights.
They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to hav a different perspective of the world.
By allowing all colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.

Soul - contrast is good. When facing contrast, it force us to realise what we don't want, by right next step is what we do want. This is where we r stuck cos we seldom ask for what we desires. We are afraid to ask more cos we tot is limited, we tot is greedy.

5. Travelling
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change; It may be physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another.
But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring forward a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much.
It also remind us to accept and embrace the new, jus as when we travel from one cultute to the other.

Soul - I know m changing from one being to another.

Why I beat myself up?

Sadhguru, why I feel fear? Why I am bothered that I replied to Fred's email. Why d fear? Perhaps cos our colleagues don't do anything.
Actually why do I judged myself so badly. I am a careful n good communicator 95% of the time, but the 5% that I didn’t do well, I beat myself up. What about those people who is only good 5% instead, why can't I be thankful m good instead of judging myself n worried about other perception of me, how they see me n etc.

Today I shared with my colleague n she said m afraid or can't believe m receiving loving people n circumstances, similar to her not able to receive a compliment that she is beautiful.
Father, let me see this.

Father, how can I judge myself like that. Why am I not loving to myself? Why I can't believe I m loved? Why do need to remind myself so frequently?

Sadhguru
Your personality, the stronger it is, the more odoriferous it is. You can only go far in life only when u can leave ur past. This is like a snake shedding its skin.
If every moment, one is like a snake leaving the skin behind, only then there is growth. His action never left any residue.
Only that person who does not carry the previous moment to this moment, only that person is free from everything and that quality is felt everywhere. Within a few minutes of meeting you, people will trust u to the extent that they would not trust their parents, spouse, simply because u don't carry the burden of the past wit u.


Soul - I felt better now. Not as attacking on myself as before.
Yeap, I didn't communicate well, but is ok. I need not stick to my image of myself.
On people trusting me...i always have people telling me their secrets and most people is comfortable with me. Perhaps, i dont have such a strong personality..I wonder.

A new beginning

My birthday and i checked out my year card.

The Basic Meaning of the Ace of Hearts
The Ace of Hearts represents a desire for affection or love that is the stimulus that causes new relationships to be created. For this reason, it can indicate a new love affair or the birth of a child. Though influenced by each planetary period in a specific and unique way, this creative love energy always represents an awakening of love or passion in one's heart.

On a deeper level, the Ace of Hearts, being the very first card in the deck, represents a search for something inside of our self. Perhaps it is the search for self-identity or for those things that help us to love who we are unconditionally. In order to love ourselves, we often find someone to love who reflects back to us what we are seeking within. This is why the Ace of Hearts can represent a new relationship beginning.

Soul - This is what I tot of yesterday, a new beginning. I felt re-birth


Afternoon
Father, yesterday an accident happen n it was a friendly exchange. It wil cost abt 750 to repair, inclusive of sensor.
Father, I told myself m rich enough to repair without a 2nd tot, but is good Universe found d Insurance company to repair for me.
What a lovely accident. The gal is lovely and so considerate. She even gave me a hug for bumping into my car on my birthday.

My birthday - I valued spiritual growth more than career growth

My birthday. Got a birthday wish from my good friend.

This morning meditation was great. I was surprised that I was laughing non-stop. Also towards d end, suddenly my body wants to do head stand. I was caught off guard n was slightly afraid. So, it was a good session. Alas, my mornin session is also as enjoyable.

Yesterday I did the Deferred Tax reporting with Regional's help. I am proud of myself. Father, I now know why my ex FM didn't teach my current FM cos she too doesn't know. Teaching the new would bring the attention to her lack of know how.
Father, was talking to another Finance Director. She said its loads of reporting and only way out is to get good 2nd and 3rd in command. Otherwise, the FD role is mostly reporting.
So, now I realised I need not take it personally. At first, I rejected it strongly out of anger cos it wil hit my weakness then I judged myself poorly for unable to do. Then I picked myself up to do and slowly but surely circumstances turning around to help me. I know things will improve.
Now that I have overcomed the reporting. I realise it is not just me who felt challenged by d reporting. It is d industry.
So do I still want it.
So, what do I want?
Things will improve and I can go home by 7 pm when is not reporting time. So, I wld say 50 percent be late.

Frankly I wan to stay in my current job due to the following:
1. I have conquered. Not sure that I wan to go thru another round. M a tired soldier. I want a rest
2. I like my team
3. I want some stability and things will improve further. . I want to enjoy the fruit of my laboir
4. I am on my spiritual path. So don't wan disruption as my spiritual growth is more important to me than career growth.
I have chosen my higher self over ego.
5. This is the place that I was initiated to meditation. This is d place that stretches. This is d place that allow my feeling to come out.

Father, can't think of other things.

What I don't want in my current job
1. A job that has loads of reporting
2. A boss that is a bitch with another 3 year to go.
3. A job that is real challenging to my integrity
4. A place whereby I don't have good peers, ie people we can discuss, debate - ie same wavelength
5. A job that won't go up cos d role is spread too broadly
6. The money doesn't equate the deliverables as the FD has to go high to low. Has to really spread all across.

For now, my spiritual growth n my partner in my life. That is what I want.

Ask and it is given
All illness is a result of the allowance of negative emotion.
As u are understanding that a feeling of negative energy is an indicator that u r not in harmony with ur greater knowing, many of u hav reached a point of saying, "I want to feel good more of the time."
And that is a magnificent acknowledgement.

Ask and it is given
Pivoting - when u r feeling negative emotion, u r in a very good position to identify what u want. Because never are u more clear about what u do want than when u r experiencing what u do want.
And so, if u will stop in that moment and say "Something is important here, otherwise I would not be feeling this negative emotion; I need to focus on what I want, and then turn ur attention to what it is that u want.
And in that moment of turning ur attention, the negative emotion and the negative attraction will stop.
And in that moment, the positive attraction will begin. And ur feelings will change from not feeling good to feeling good.

" I am feeling negative emotion, which means that I am in the process of attracting what I don't want. What is it that I do want?"

Yes, I want to look for what I want, and I will no longer look in the direction of the lack of it.


Soul - growing my career doesn't give me as much joy as growing my self. So, I have chosen.
I don't want to be challenged anymore. I don't want to conquer anymore. I just wan to be at ease n know m loved. That is what I hav been chasing.
Perhaps that is why these few years, everytime my ego tot of changing job, I feel sad cos here we go again, into another battle.

I too am not real

Father, d call from June, my tenant was great. She agreed to 2 mths and also has sang me a birthday song. She said if I renovate d place a bit, then can get even more rental. I told her I miss her n hope that I have a tenant like her again. I have been lucky in getting good tenant.

Yday evening, my colleague shared about our top client scolding our boss. I was thinking Universe is moving things for me, removing all unloving people. I then said to Universe, "Wouldn't it be nice if the Client were to call our Group Chairman and asked for change of Head". Our boss always attacking internal team and now finally getting from external and worst case, by our major client, someone she proclaim to be on good relationship. This is her karma relationship payback year.
I was smiling when I drove all the way back. Amen

This morning before meditation, my tot was she deserved it. Again I said to Universe, "Wouldn't it be nice if the Client were to call our Group Chairman.

With that I started meditation, I was in by the mid of 1st song. Then during the fluttering breath, a new position, my head down on d floor, the front part of body pushed forward (already happen a few days now), but now added with my lower body moving. I was surprised n just continue.
When I was in silent mode, I started to laugh within minutes, this is the first time for morning meditation. I wonder if this is bcos, I started d meditation with happy tot.

Tot of my colleague, her saying she is ok being a mistress, her saying she doesn't pity herself. God, then who else will pity her. If she thinks she is so unlovable, no wonder keep on attracting clingy people. While is tiring, perhaps it make her feel important. She said she didn't wan to lead d company n been wondering why she still stay. I told her we also wonder the same thing. To take the shit, knowing your boss won't let u grow and then not wanting to lead if boss leaves. So, why stay and of cos even worst, don't mind being a mistress.
Father, let me learn from this. We create our world by the belief of ourself. What we believe, we expect and what we expect, we get. Amen.

Yesterday I was reading d natal chart, very true. In the natal chart, is mentioned that I am guided by emotion and my gut feeling (intuition)
Looking at me, previously can't see it but now because of meditation, emotion is let out. Like my good friend said, so much emotion inside me. Yeap, suppressed for so long. That is why exploded in Isha cos it broke my wall of suppression. I think this time when I go back, there will be no more explosion, jus nice normal feeling.

Father, perhaps I didn't realise I am loved cos I was suppressing my feeling. I couldn't feel others and mine too. I feel d sadness, suffering, sorrow, anguish, appreciation, thankfulness, gratitude, happiness, joy, blissfulness. Blissful is love.

I now can real the whole range of emotion from anguish to blissfulness, the emotion pendulum has swing to both its end. Amen.

Ask and it is given
Because everything carries its own vibration, and because you develop a vibrational relationship with everything in your life, your personal belongings do have an impact on the way you feel and your point of attraction.
So it is important to remove clutter from your environment.

Feeling of sadness that feels empty. People often try to fill that emptiness with stuff. They buy one more thing and bring it home or they eat something; in other words, there are lots of creative ways in which you have tried to fill that void.
Discard everything from your experience that is not essential to your now.

You all have a capacity for attraction, and when your process is clogged with stuff that you no longer want, the new attraction is slower - and then u end up with a feeling of frustration or overwhelment.

The wallet process
Each time u acknowledge u have the power, right there in ur wallet, to purchase this or to do that, over and over again you add to ur sense of financial well-being, so ur point of attraction begin to shift.

You see, u do not have to actually be abundant in order to attract abundance, but you do have to feel abundant.
A clearer way of saying is that any feeling of lack of abundance causes a resistance that does not allow abundance.

Soul - Me, never tot of having money. Just tot I need money to feel secure n hence cannot spend so much. Always pay my debt first so that I can be freed from commitment. Money is jus security but to have money, I need to work. So, there is a price to pay for security n hence cannot spend more cos have to pay more.
Aiyah, how to be rich? No wonder salary still on d low side. Also afraid of getting higher pay, then cannot afford to come down. Higher pay means higher responsibility, means more burden, means trapped, means loss of freedom.
Wah, no wonder lah pay is on d low side. I deserved the salary m having cos I was afraid to have more money.

Ask and it is given

So, by mentally spending this money again and again, you practice the vibration of Well-Being, of security, of abundance, and of financial security, and the Universe responds to the vibration you have achieved by matching it with manifested abundance.
Seemingly magical things will begin to occur as soon as you achieve that wonderful feeling of financial abundance. The money you are currently earning will seem to go further. Unexpected amount of money in various increment will begin to show up in your experience.
You will be offered opportunities to be able to "earn" all the abundance that you can believe is possible.
In time, it will feel as if a floodgate of abundance has opened, and u will find urself wondering where all that abundance had been hiding all along.

"I could have that. I could have that. I have the ability to purchase that". Because u really do have the means to do just that, because u r not pretending something that is not, there is now no hindering doubt or disbelief muddying the waters of your financial flow.

Soul - I only tot of financial independence, not of financial abundance.
Father, me so "dry". Didn't realise I am loved, didn't realise I am rich.
No wonder, no love and mid money.
Amen, will change.

Ask and it is given
You have to feel good about great abundance before you will allow the pleasure of great abundance to flow into your experience.
The wallet process is another means of giving deliberate attention to what makes u feel good.

Soul - jus realised I AM NOT REAL. I have hide and denied my Richness and Love
In the natal chart, it state that I identified love with money. So since I felt not loved, I felt I hav no money too. That is why I want a financially successful n loving husband cos it was what I tot lacking in me.

For the first time I dare to declare, "I want a rich man". Someone that can give me the luxury that I don't dare to give to myself.

I am actually rich and well loved but I believe n behave otherwise. I am not showing my true self.
Alas now I realised why I cannot identify with the Queen Diamond - abt having loads of money and giving out loads too, a Philanthropist.

I just cried in the toilet, feeling regrets for all those years of not feeling loved, not knowing I have money.

I behaved and acted as if I am earning 6k (only luxury is d food) and not loved.

Father, Thank You so much.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Deliberate Intending

This mornin meditation was abt 1 hour 15 min and yday abt 1 and half hours. I have stopped trying to time myself. Just let it flow. If it is short, so be it. If it is long, is ok too.
Tenant leaving. A happy problem. Agent Shirley wil assist me. I always find good tenant. So, is ok. Jus wish the Universe wil get me longer term tenant.

Ask and it is Given
1. Things I will do today - Mth end n Qtrly Report.
2. Things I would like the Universe to do - Get me a good long term tenant who pays on time n keep the apt clean, I wan the tenant to start immediately after current tenant leave get me my loving and successful partner, get us new biz, get us new boss.
I think I will stay to get the things up. I am thankful that my Team has improved. I am thankful that I can leave by 6.30 pm yday. I am thankful for finding You.
If however, I m meant for other, then I wan it to be loving circumstances and fill with loving n respectful people. I wan my pay to increase to 20k but time spent on job to reduce. I wan to leave office by 6 pm every day. I wan to have time to do yoga n followed wit A way of heart, so when finished abt 9 pm. I want a company car so I can sell to Jin or Ten, my car.

I m writing more n more of my husband. I realised I never ask before. Well, I am deserving of a fun, spiritual, loving and successful husband.

Ask and it is Given
1. When u feel clear and in control, you will attract circumstances of clarity.
2. When you feel happy, you will attract circumstances of happiness.
3. When you feel healthy, you will attract circumstances of health.
4. When you feel prosperous, you will attract circumstances of prosperity.
5. When you feel loved, you will attract circumstances of love
The way u feel is actually ur point of attraction.

Soul - Well, I definitely feel loved. Yday meditation, I felt so loved, that tears of gratitude jus fell and I was so thankful I was led to Sadhguru. Mmm, I felt fluttering.

Father, all these while, I think I am not loved n hence send out such vibration and keep on attracting challenging and unloving people and circumstances. When d challenges occurred, it reinforces my belief that I am not loved and the Law of attraction perpetuates it.

It is only when I start to meditate, I finally become aware that I am loved already. Amen.
Today card - 7 of clubs
Exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that will leads one back to the self. Letting go of mental beliefs that are keeping u trapped to lower level of thoughts. The highest side is mental and spiritual revelation, expanded consciousness.
Soul - so right. I finally have let go of the belief that I am not lovable nor loved. I am lovable and loved and I will attract loving circumstances to me. Amen. A start to a new life.
Afternoon

Father, I think my insight - that all my challenges is from my belief of my unlovability is true.


Ask and it is given
Imagine seeing yourself as one who uplift others, having a smile ready, recognising that everyone you meet is not deliberate in their intending, but knowing that by your deliberate intending, you will be in control of your life experience, and you will not be swept up by their confusion, their intent or their influence.

Father, I am loved and I attract loving circumstances to me.

Ask and it is given
Only when u r sensitive towards to the way you feel, do u really know what ur vibration content is.
U need to consciously identify the vibrational frequency of ur current though.

Understanding that negative emotion is an indicator of resistance, and further understanding that this resistance is the only thing that holds you apart from the things you really want, you will then decided to do something about releasing some resistance on this newly energised subject.

Your tots change the behaviour of everyone and everything who has anything to do with you. For ur tots, absolutely equal your point of attraction and the better you feel, the more that everything and everyone around you improves.
In the moment that u found an improved feeling, conditions and circumstances change to match ur feeling.

Soul - firstly be appreciate I am now more sensitive so I can identify my feeling. Secondly, to improve - that is easy for me. My problem was d identification of my emotion.

Ask and it is given
If the desire feels good to you, everything is going great. If the desire is uncomfortable, it means that you have a desire that is raging out there ahead of ur belief, but u can soothe that by saying "We don't have it right this minute. We just hold this as a future idea. We are not going to shut down the idea because we know its a good one. It is not a perfect match for where we are right now, but someday that will be a part of it. For now, this is quite satisfying"

Soul - on d partner thingy. I used to reject d idea cos I thougt I can't have but now I know I m going to be in a loving relationship with a successful, spiritual and loving partner. And the partner will be my husband.

Father, I felt loved. Finally I admit I did this to myself and I can undo it. Nothing to do, just drop my belief that I was unloved. I am loved by God, by the Source in me. Amen. Love u.

Unceasing pursue my path since I wanted to rule my Universe

Mornin
This is the first meditation in the mornin that I felt such good release. I laughed q lot and cried tears of gratefulness. This mornin, I woken up wit a dream of a kiss. When I was brushing my teeth, I said I wanted to have a guy that I wanted to kiss and he wants to kiss me too.
Then before I start meditation, I recalled Sadhguru's words – unceasingly pursue your path.

Soul - Now I knew what was my dilemma - following the path unceasingly. I wanted to cut down on sunday but part of me also not sure.

I am still humming a song. Feel so at ease despite massive jam.

Now I understand my Osho cards
1. Postponement - Thru d window frame, she can see colours and light and aliveness, and although she would like to move through the frame - as we can see by the rainbow colours appearing in her garment - she can't quite manage to do it. There is still too much "what-if" activity in her mind.
In fact, the one and only result of postponing things is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and 'stuckness". The relief and expansiveness you will feel once u put aside all dithering thoughts that are preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u ever waited so long.

Soul -its abt my decision to follow thru with my spiritual path even if it is difficult. I did take heed of Sadhguru's advice. I knew I want to lead and to lead need power. The power comes thru unceasingly following the path. I need not bother so much about future. Just do day by day, step by step, like swimming.

2. Internal influence - fighting. It is time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to you if you just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself; you are worth it.

Soul - this is d ego and God's mind fighting within me. Yeap, it won't be easy. It will still fight but I am leaning towards Sadhguru - unceasingly pursue d power that is in me.

3. External influence -Existence
You are not accidental. Existence need u. Once u r clean and clear, u can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.
Now is the time to look at whether u are allowing urself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling at "home" wherever you are.
If u are, be sure to take time to savour it so it can deepen and remain with u.
If on the other hand, u"ve been feeling like the world is out to get u, its time to take a break.

Soul - yea, I had let the tot of difficulty - which equates to unlovabilty that led me to think I need to cut down on d path so I can love myself. The truth is. Is difficult cos I want more. And I want more cos I want to rule my life. Its like again I have to overcome such challenges to have what I desire. Alternative tot - its because ur desire is so big that u have such challenges.

Why can't I be a server, why can't I be satisfied. Others jus do one time a day n I guru pooja. Alternative tot - don't compare alcoholic wit non-alcoholic. You have been given d gift.

I am more at ease today now that I knew what was disturbing me and had acknowledged it yday evening.
I do have great desire to rule, to have power and with that I will continue unceasingly.
Jus remember Sadhguru,

4. What is needed - Participation
We r behaving almost like blind people. In such a beautiful world, we are living in small ponds of our own misery.
It is familiar, so even if somebody wants to pull you out, you struggle. You don't want to be pulled out of ur misery, of ur suffering. Otherwise, there is so much joy all around, u just have to be aware of it and to become a participant, not a spectator.
Philosophy is speculation; Zen is participation.
Make participation ur lifestyle and the whole existence becomes a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.
Giving n receivng - creates tremendous energy for thunderbolt/transformation.
You have an opportunity to particpate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beaitiful than each of u could manage alone.
Your participation will not only nourish you, but wull also contribute something precious to the whole.

Soul - Decision and action from me. Yeap, that is why d feeling of pressure when I saw BSP in KL. It is like I just want to do alone, not to expand. Looks like d circumstances is more than me. And if I wanted to rule, to participate. Am stil not sure on this but m sure to particpate on my own path unceasingly.

5. The resolution - Transformation
Zen is not a believer world. It is for those daring souls who can drop all belief, unbelief, doubt, reason; mind and simply enter into their pure existence without boundaries.
But it brings a tremendous transformation.
This is a time for deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity".
It is very much like the experience of Buddha, when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up, knowing there is nothing more he could do. That very nigh he is enlightened

Soul - participation is required for transformation. My wound will be there. It won't go away but it is healed. Let me just move on to create a new future. Let not my fear pull me back. Amen.

I feel at ease now. The feeling of stuck is gone. Amen

Day card - 8 of spades
Powerful card of physical and will power power comes from focusing our will, a narrowing down of the areas of our interest.
Because of this, we often lose focus in less important areas while we gather force in one

Soul - power to rule my universe, vs power to rule my pleasure.
Me, a Queen of Diamond - Philanthropist. Yea, I give away things that I valued. I do give knowledge to people.

Powerful individual is created and not born

June 29

Father, today meditation so much tot. I recalled I was dreaming that I have to wake up for meditation. Not sure if its due to d medication, but it should have tailed off by now.
M not feeling tip top. Why?
Partly due to rashes n I see my body as flabby. Partly cos meditation not tip top, partly cos I judged myself for lack of commitment. Partly thinking don't wan to do meditation on Sunday, cos I already wake up at everyday at 5.40 am and want a break during weekend. Partly feeling like so much work. Partly feeling I don't have much to be happy about.

But saying that I saw an ambulance n it reminds me of my health and I saw a car full of deaf n mute passengers, remind me of my health and then followed by a blind woman - also reminds me of my health. My skin complexion is looking good.
Okie. Even if I can't find much, at least be appreciative of my health. Amen.

Yea, after last weekend. Up n down is the same, I felt resigned to life. What is there to look up for. Why search? I can never escape. After all my searching, it comes in vain. What have I to carry to people, jus accept what comes? U have no control? Ur control - similar like Buddha.... Yea, what's that to look forward to? Even if I get a partner, I still have to have d down time. So, what's d point?
Yea, that's how I feel - resigned to life. There is no more.

Ask and it is given
As I focus upon what I want, I feel good. If I focus upon lack of what I want, I will feel bad.

Soul - aiyah, my desire is coming. I know it, just celebrate. When things are down, then just accept it. For now before I even celebrate, don't even have to think of downturn. Just look forward to my desires being manifested.

Afternoon
Got my osho card for the week. Not so sure of its meaning
One thing I knew was d postponement of making cream corn custard and second thing is me giving my colleague a cold shoulder. I was embarrassed cos I was supposed to counsel him n not blurt out my gut.
Firstly, I felt anger for showing my wound, for sharing and secondly he is not staying. But on d hindsight, is good he is not staying. Pleas remember u doing it for his good n not yours. Yea, he equates me being his guardian angel.
Also there is a fight within me, whether to do yoga or not, this Sunday. Well, I decided on the park firstly, I want the closeness of trees n fresh air, secondly is good for my mom and thirdly, I will meditate when I can spare the time on sunday.
Stop fighting lah.




Participation (Receiving and Giving creates energy)
Yeap, something I am struggling. Even d trees, that one I have started. Now is the cream corn this weekend.
Even in sharing with my colleague also I regret like hell.
Father, yea, I have received so much, but I have not acted on it yet. So, no giving and hence staleness.

Why is giving so difficult for me?
Cos I give n give and don't receive from others except for God.
Aiyoh, then it is even better right? U have direct access n doesn't need from others. Others have indirect access thru you.
I am also afraid to give cos don't want anyone to know about me and over here in this office, I wan to maintain low profile.

Transformation - its language is only understood with ur loving heart, not with ur reasoning and intellectual mind.

Evenin

Meditation. At first I laugh cos I was happy and then I cry wit tears of gratitude cos I m so thankful. Later towards d mid of meditation. I cry out - Why this spiritual journey so difficult?

Sadhguru
Becoming a fanatic at least for a while can be useful for your energies to reach a boiling point and get moving. Then, to transform them into something else is very easy.
We have to perform action, so let us do it whole-heartedly, and let us choose the form of action that we want to do.
Do you want to rule the world or do u want to serve the world

In every waking moment of my life, unceasingly I pursue this work of offering myself, physically and mentally. Unceasingly I pursue it 24 hours a day, every moment, even in my sleep, with tremendous intensity. It is only out of that, that all of this has happened in my life. It has become so powerful simply because it does not mean anything to me, but for 24 hours, I am at it. Now this has a different kind of power. That is the whole meaning of sacrifice.
It is only out of that, that something else happens - both inside and outside - which can never be put in words.

There are many sages in the world. Realised beings who, even today are spreading their energy, but by themselves, they are not able to do anything. Only a few are unceasingly at it, day in and day out and only out of this, something was created.

That is how every powerful individual in this world is created. They are not born.
This is the science of creating a truly powerful being. This is not power to rule and it cannot be taken away.
Wherever u r put, you just do ur work anyway.
First of all, this releases u from the fruit of action. Once u r released from the fruit of action, the action will happen by itself.
You don't have to do anything about it.

By closing ur eyes, u will not become released. The moment u open them, everything will come back and catch up with you. If u run away and sit on the mountain, u will not become free. This is the way to work it out. It has to be worked out.
Soul - I know I cannot serve so I choose to rule. Father
Aha - the postponement of walking dis path. I know 1 month back I made d choice
But then I encountered jus d sunday walk or meditation and I went downhill. Tot of how difficult is it. Perhaps I have to go back on my choice. Perhaps have to admit I can go thru and jus be mediocre.

But I want to be a queen. I want to be enlightened. I want to rule my Universe. So, since d path is so difficult, I have to give up my dream to rule and instead to serve, doing d simple reporting. Jus grit my teeth, try to smile, stay positive and do the menial tasks.

Soul – Just read back my journal. Amazingly, once I drop my ego. This Sunday, just woke up at 5.45 am and start to do meditation and then later about 7.15 am go to the park. Both also good for me and I do really want it. Just my ego giving me a difficult time J

Heaven and Hell is in you

My question - when will I be free of suffering. When can I move beyond it? What more do I have to do?

My Osho Transformational reading for the week
1. Circumstances of ur life that u may no be aware.
Ultimate accident - It is not a certain sequence of causes that brings enlightenment. Your search, your intense longing, ur readiness to do anything - altogether perhaps they create a certain aroma around you in which that great accident becomes possible.
Once d great accident happen, u become awakened to the fact that everything was a reflection, an illusion because it was seen by the mind. All that could be done had been done. Nothing was left, you are ready. The ordinary incident become a trigger point.

Soul – Client recon is just 30% challenge vs last time cos I had my Temp Accountant and also d learning from previous recon. But I still feel bit of suffering and also tot of my staff. IT Exec, he really reminds me of myself. I asked again for God to heal my wound. Let me have an alternative tot. I surrender as I cannot find d answer despite searching for more than 10 years. The suffering has blunted but is still there and I cannot control external circumstances. At least let me control internal.

2. External u are aware
Worry - worry n suffering are created either by what u wanted to do in the past but could not do or by what u want to do in the future and don't know whether you will be able to do or not.
There is no suffering in the present - it is anxiety about past or future that disturbs the mind
The present is too small a moment that suffering cannot fit into it. In the present only heaven can fit, not hell. The present can only be peace.

Soul - yea, I was worried cos looking back at the past after years of searching, I still have not overcome. Looking into future, worried this would be my life. Worried I cannot be enlightened. Worried I am on d wrong track.

Osho - Why worry? U cannot miss it.
The moment u rest, u relax, u know that existence is already going. Drop ur whole achieving mind, all the ego projections. And then life is a mystery. Your eyes will full of wonder; your heart will be full of awe.
We are not to become something - we are already it.
This is the whole message of all the awakened ones; you are already where you should be. There is nowhere else to go, nothing to achieve. You can celebrate now.
Then there is no hurry, no anxiety, no anguish, no fear. You can't fail. In the very nature of things, it is impossible to fail, because there is no question of success at all.

Soul - amen. I was worried about the client recon cos found error in previous submission. Afraid I can't meet the deadline. Afraid I can't get the result that is favourable to us. Afraid I am not good enough. I am really not a figure person. I guess that is why I don't like to be put to test, always have to do reporting.

3. Inner influences, seed of transformation taking root within you.
Worth - don't be bothered too much abt utilitarian ends. Rather, constantly remembers that you are not here in life to become a commodity. You are not here to become a utility - that is below dignity. You are here to become more and more alive; to be more intelligent; to be more happy, ecstatically happy.
Don't try to prove your worth. There is no need. Remain useless and enjoy. Remain true to yourself.

Soul - noted but how do I go beyond it. There must be something I am not seeing and I am willing to see. Show me. I want to feel happy but circumstances doesn't allow me too. Previously, I used to suppress my emotion and now emotion is out, cannot be suppressed. So how can I contain my feelings. What can I do?

4. New level of understanding.
Mastery of moods.
Mornin n night comes daily, moving like a wheel., but u remain alert that u r not these things.
The same is the case with the mind. Anger comes, but u forget - u become anger. Sad comes, u forget and u feel suffering. This is unawareness.
Awareness is watching the mind full of sadness, u are simply a watcher. Then u can see the cloud of sadness rising, then dispersing --and u remain untouched. How long can it remain. Your sadness is momentary; it comes and it goes. Just watch and u will remain cool, calm and unaffected.
The most basic thing to remember is that when you are feeling good, in a mood of ecstasy, don't start thinking that it is going to be permanent state. Live the moment, enjoy it, knowing perfectly it has come and it will go - just like a breeze.
This is the most fundamental. If u start thinking in terms of making your ecstatic moments permanent, you have already started destroying them.
When they come, be grateful;
When they go, be thankful to existence.
Remain open, remain choiceless.
Yes, there will be moments when u will be miserable. So what? You are fortunate to have felt ecstasy.
Just like day and night, there are moments of joy and there are moments of sadness, accept them as part of the duality of nature, as the way things are. And you are simply a watcher, neither u become happiness nor you become misery.
Happiness comes and goes; Misery comes and goes. One thing remains, the watcher - the witness.
Slowly, slowly, get more centered into the watcher.
Once u r centered, everything u experience is a passing phenomenon.

Do not cling to any moment because it is beautiful and do not push away any moment because it is miserable.
Stop doing that. That u have been doing for lives.
You have not been successful yet and you will never be successful ever
The only way to go beyond, to remain beyond, is to find a place from where you can watch all these changing phenomena without getting identified.

Soul - Need to read Krishnamurti again.
I can finally see an alternative.

5. Key to integration - inner understanding that u need to work on.
The gates of hell - Heaven and hell are not geographical, they are psychological. Heaven and hell are not at the end of ur life, they are here and now
Every moment the door opens, every moment u go on wavering between heaven and hell. It is a moment-to-moment question, it is urgent; in a single moment you can move from hell to heaven, from heaven to hell.

Heaven and hell are within you. The doors are very close to each other; with the right hand u can open one, with the left hand, u can open another.
With just a change of mind, your being is transformed - from heaven to hell and from hell to heaven.
Whenever u act unconsciously, without awareness, u r in hell
Whenever u act consciously, whenever u act in full awareness, u r in Heaven

Ego is the drug, the intoxicant that makes u completely unconscious. You act, but the act comes from unconscious, not from your consciousness.
And whenever any act comes from unconsciousness, the door of hell is open.
Whatsoever you do, if u r not aware of what u r doing, the gate of hell opens.

Silence is the door. Inner peace is the door. Non violence is the door. Love and compassion are the doors

Do not push away