Apr 28 eve
Father, my mind was working overtime on the email from teacher. And today I avoided checking my mails cos I don't want to be sad.
Anyway, towards evening I resolved to face my fear. The teacher and N is part of the lessons. If I can face these 2, how can I face international feedback.
There is no other reprimanding email.
I did my calling list. So far called 8 and all are high retention.
Father, thank U for being with me.
Be the Change
Byron Katie
The whole world is an effect of mind. Inside and outside always match: when u r frightened, the world seems dangerous; when u love what is, everything in the world becomes the beloved.
Soul
So true.
Validation is not love. It's my old childhood memories being played.
Father, let me faced the fear.
Let me remember beyond fear is fearlessness. Just like beyond sad is happiness.
I am seen to be fearless; but in reality I m fearful.
Mmm, suddenly a positive tot came. Teacher reprimand me cos she faces the same issue. She just don't want me to make the same mistake. It may not be just to pacify N. Mmm, an alternative tot about negative feedback.
Just like I give P feedback because I want her to 'grow', the same for teacher with me. Guess I m not used to be at receiving end.
Be the Change
The dark night
Entering into the dark places can occur when we are thrown into what is known as the dark night of the soul, a time of torment and loss of connectedness.
Such a time is expressed in all the mystical traditions as an integral part of the spiritual path, an experience of inner confusion and emotional turmoil that leads to a deeper awakening and opening. There is a great purification and healing that takes place when we allow ourselves to surrender to such a dark time.
The great gift meditation gives us is the ability to watch, to be aware, without becoming completely lost.
Joseph Goldstein
Through meditation, we can deal with deep-rooted issues, such as anger or fear, in an extremely powerful and pragmatic way. There is a world of difference between being lost in these deeply conditioned patterns and not identifying with them. Fear arises, anger arises, hatred or greed or whatever it is, normally we become lost in that energy, we get carried away and then act it out. This is the cause of so much pain in the world. Meditation is the middle ground between repression and expression, where awareness is open to the emotion, to the feeling; it is complete honesty with no suppression.
Ed Shapiro
Meditation also takes us beyond ourselves and allows us to see a bigger picture, of which we are just a part.
No longer is our story is the most important issue, nor suffering something that only we know.
Soul
Yea. Me now going into Pluto in Virgo.
Yea, at least I was not suck into turmoil emotionally. My mind was in turmoil but not my emotion.
I was fine, not so disturbed. Mmm, no wonder I now can have alternative tots and tot of teacher's good intention.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Validation is not love
Apr 28 aft
Father, thank U for being with me in my journey. Now facing my Saturn in Aries and Pluto in Virgo
I shared with F on my validation issue on the healing card. She asked is it because I think I m not good enough. In my case, its more I m not perfect. I know I m good but just not the best.
I replied its becos I equate validation with love. And now I know its not true.
Father, thank U. I learned from people I teach.
Just did my Shoonya. Feel so peaceful and loved. Amen.
Suddenly tot teacher and N are the perfect wounded souls to give me my lessons in validation. They are so reactive and even more so potent cos they wield the power without any compassion.
If I ever tot I needed validation to feel loved; these two will change my mind immediately. Thanks for sending them to me. I may not be able to overcome my feeling yet but at least I can see them as part of my lessons.
Father, thank U for being with me in my journey. Now facing my Saturn in Aries and Pluto in Virgo
I shared with F on my validation issue on the healing card. She asked is it because I think I m not good enough. In my case, its more I m not perfect. I know I m good but just not the best.
I replied its becos I equate validation with love. And now I know its not true.
Father, thank U. I learned from people I teach.
Just did my Shoonya. Feel so peaceful and loved. Amen.
Suddenly tot teacher and N are the perfect wounded souls to give me my lessons in validation. They are so reactive and even more so potent cos they wield the power without any compassion.
If I ever tot I needed validation to feel loved; these two will change my mind immediately. Thanks for sending them to me. I may not be able to overcome my feeling yet but at least I can see them as part of my lessons.
There are many wounded people in this world
Apr 28
Father, just did my run and now breakfast with mom. As I was doing my walk in the park. I tot of the many negative comments on Isha volunteering from the Meditators family. I understand how they felt, just like we feel that my sister now so much into her church activity and spends much lesser time with us. But on us, we just tot she found her thing and got bit fanatic. We miss her but we didn't think of her church negatively. Perhaps we are not dependent on her.
I didn't know there were so many negative feedback. Again, classic case of the wounded attacking. There are many such people in the world. Maybe in my family, we are taught to keep within. Well, it makes us 'physically ill but we don't attack others.
Father, I used to think power is suffering. Now I realised my gifts are a blessing. And it is with grace that I m given to teach.
And I m blessed to be able to volunteer without any family issue.
And this negative feedback on volunteering will makes us more aware to space things out. I m glad we decided to take a 2 weeks break before IE.
Father, just switched on my notebook so that I can send out the Calling list. I saw teacher's email saying that the tone of my emails is so off-putting.. even to those very enthusiastic one (meaning N) the part of when to send out emails. I noticed she puts everyone there. I just replied "Noted". She forgot that she wanted the email to be sent out by tomorrow...but now she said that the email should have been sent 3 weeks ago...thats defending herself
Father, the old me would have reacted...but the new me sees this as just her feedback. She must really need to 'defend' N's image in her eyes; thats why has to put me as the 'bad' one so that her perception of N is kept looking good.
Anyway, part of taking the leadership in Isha involves this drama of teacher and N. It is the price to pay to undertake my Saturn in Aries. Father, thank You for helping me in my validation issue that I can now take her feedback objectively.
Father, everyone projecting out their wound...Now alas I finally realised it is not me...I need not take in feedback personally cos it is also a form of projection.
What a Change!
Just checked my 7thunder card and i got Five of Clubs - change of mind and change of plan. Yeap; I changed my perception that it is a blessing to teach other and it is a blessing to be able to volunteer. Amen
Also checked out my Osho Tarot: Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time. It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death, death is followed by birth; love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love; success is followed by failure, failure is followed by success. And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern. Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it. .
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern.
If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
Yea...relaxed...thats the way..
Success by failure and on and on....
One day teacher supports me..the other day puts me down....
Just like P one day supports me...one day puts me down...
One day I tot our column be out and last minute is off..
It is just like feedback..one day good and another day bad...
It is my control nature that doesn't allows it...Let me release my controls..Let me go with the flow
.Just go inwards. Amen
Father, Thank You...
Wow...Suddenly tot of my this week Osho cards..so true...
Internal Influence - Healing
You carry your wound. With the ego, your whole being is a wound. And you carry it around. Nobody is interested in hurting you, nobody is positively waiting to hurt you; everybody is engaged insafeguarding his own wound. Who has got the energy? But still it happens, because you are so ready to be wounded, so ready, just waiting on the brink for anything.
You cannot touch a man of Tao. Why? - because there is no one to be touched. There is no wound. He is healthy, healed, whole. This word whole is beautiful. The word heal comes from the whole, and the word holy also comes from the whole. He is whole, healed, holy.
Be aware of your wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed; and it will be healed only when you move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things. Just for twenty-four hours, try it - total acceptance, whatsoever happens. Someone insults you, accept it; don't react, and see what happens. Suddenly you will feel an energy flowing in you that you have not felt before.
Soul
Exactly...Thats what I got to remember....This week lesson is all about that...Amen. Love You, Father.
Sadhguru, thank You for giving me the platform to learn my lesson
Thanks to all the meditators and teacher...they are playing their roles perfectly.
Father, just did my run and now breakfast with mom. As I was doing my walk in the park. I tot of the many negative comments on Isha volunteering from the Meditators family. I understand how they felt, just like we feel that my sister now so much into her church activity and spends much lesser time with us. But on us, we just tot she found her thing and got bit fanatic. We miss her but we didn't think of her church negatively. Perhaps we are not dependent on her.
I didn't know there were so many negative feedback. Again, classic case of the wounded attacking. There are many such people in the world. Maybe in my family, we are taught to keep within. Well, it makes us 'physically ill but we don't attack others.
Father, I used to think power is suffering. Now I realised my gifts are a blessing. And it is with grace that I m given to teach.
And I m blessed to be able to volunteer without any family issue.
And this negative feedback on volunteering will makes us more aware to space things out. I m glad we decided to take a 2 weeks break before IE.
Father, just switched on my notebook so that I can send out the Calling list. I saw teacher's email saying that the tone of my emails is so off-putting.. even to those very enthusiastic one (meaning N) the part of when to send out emails. I noticed she puts everyone there. I just replied "Noted". She forgot that she wanted the email to be sent out by tomorrow...but now she said that the email should have been sent 3 weeks ago...thats defending herself
Father, the old me would have reacted...but the new me sees this as just her feedback. She must really need to 'defend' N's image in her eyes; thats why has to put me as the 'bad' one so that her perception of N is kept looking good.
Anyway, part of taking the leadership in Isha involves this drama of teacher and N. It is the price to pay to undertake my Saturn in Aries. Father, thank You for helping me in my validation issue that I can now take her feedback objectively.
Father, everyone projecting out their wound...Now alas I finally realised it is not me...I need not take in feedback personally cos it is also a form of projection.
What a Change!
Just checked my 7thunder card and i got Five of Clubs - change of mind and change of plan. Yeap; I changed my perception that it is a blessing to teach other and it is a blessing to be able to volunteer. Amen
Also checked out my Osho Tarot: Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time. It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death, death is followed by birth; love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love; success is followed by failure, failure is followed by success. And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern. Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it. .
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern.
If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
Yea...relaxed...thats the way..
Success by failure and on and on....
One day teacher supports me..the other day puts me down....
Just like P one day supports me...one day puts me down...
One day I tot our column be out and last minute is off..
It is just like feedback..one day good and another day bad...
It is my control nature that doesn't allows it...Let me release my controls..Let me go with the flow
.Just go inwards. Amen
Father, Thank You...
Wow...Suddenly tot of my this week Osho cards..so true...
Internal Influence - Healing
You carry your wound. With the ego, your whole being is a wound. And you carry it around. Nobody is interested in hurting you, nobody is positively waiting to hurt you; everybody is engaged insafeguarding his own wound. Who has got the energy? But still it happens, because you are so ready to be wounded, so ready, just waiting on the brink for anything.
You cannot touch a man of Tao. Why? - because there is no one to be touched. There is no wound. He is healthy, healed, whole. This word whole is beautiful. The word heal comes from the whole, and the word holy also comes from the whole. He is whole, healed, holy.
Be aware of your wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed; and it will be healed only when you move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things. Just for twenty-four hours, try it - total acceptance, whatsoever happens. Someone insults you, accept it; don't react, and see what happens. Suddenly you will feel an energy flowing in you that you have not felt before.
Soul
Exactly...Thats what I got to remember....This week lesson is all about that...Amen. Love You, Father.
Sadhguru, thank You for giving me the platform to learn my lesson
Thanks to all the meditators and teacher...they are playing their roles perfectly.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Facing my fear consciously - 2
Apr 27 eve 1
Father, look like my next 52 days from 13 May to 3 July won't be easy either. Learning to accept and face my Saturn in Aries and Pluto in Virgo.
Just now I saw that yesterday page view was 108. The average page view is 60 per day. I now know that it is high as I don't even publish it.
I have to admit, I felt bit of fear. Not sure if I m ready to face my inner self being exposed. As I was googling for Vijii information, I can see my sufferingisblessing blogspot flashes out everywhere. This means my blog is truly out in the open. No wonder, no advert also so many page views.
And I think North Node in Taurus got many 'hits' too.
Just got to stay chill. I know that's my path. Reading Deb Shapiro's and also Jan Spiller, I can see that both of them also disclosed their inner issue. It is the point of personal sharing.
Be the Change
Ed Shapiro - inviting fear in
Remember the time u have met fear and moved through it, so many times when fear arose but u kept going? Fear may close the heart, but fearlessness comes out of heartfulness, out of releasing resistance. Fear will stop us from facing our demons and participating fully in life, but fearlessness will give us the courage to jump off the crane into the unknown.
In other words, being fearless does not mean we have to stop or deny the fear; fearlessness is not a state of being without fear. Rather, it is the experience of fully feeling the fear, naming it, getting to know it, taking it by the hand, and even making friends with it.
Soul
Exactly my feelings this morning. I know I was feeling fearful. But I told myself, just swim with the fear. For the first time I swim the full way. And despite my fear, I keep on swimming breast stroke instead of free style.
And I admit breast stroke is more relaxing than free style.
That's a first too.
Father, my readings always coincide with my experiences. Thank U for always being with me. I may be alone in the outer world but in the inner world, U r always with me. That I know for sure.
Even just now I was feeling fearful on leadership of Isha and u gave me the Osho's Aloneness card to motivate me. Amen.
I am crying when I wrote this. What a day!
Be the Change
Bruce Springsteen
There is a world of love and there is a world of fear and its standing right in front of you.
John Milton
When the world of love comes rushing in, a world of fear comes with it. To open yourself up to one thing, u got to embrace the other as well.
Soul
Years ago I realised that when I expressed my hidden sadness, my happiness become more and I become Joy.
Now the same concept applies to fear and fearlessness.
I was trying to suppress my fear. But today in the pool, I can't do it. As I suppressed my fear, my body closed up and I can't swim properly. Only when I feel my fear, and remind myself I m safe, my body opens up to swim properly.
Be the Change - Ed and Deb Shapiro
Letting fear in and making friends with it does not necessarily comes easily; fear is a powerful feeling that demands understanding and patience.
Fear comes - we breathe and let go
Fear comes - we see how the mind needs reassurance and tenderness.
Fear comes - we replace it with love.
When we do this, we are inviting the fearful and anxious part of ourselves to get to know each other, even to sit down for tea together.
Soul
Thank you for this. Especially when I am facing my Pluto in Virgo.
Pluto in ur path
It shows where u have the opportunity to walk the path of terror. It is the dark night of the soul - the test of worthiness to play a larger role in life than the one dictated by ur past.
Soul
It is my most fearful lesson in my life. I felt like I had to go thru personal death before I can pass this lesson.
But I know that's my destiny. Amen.
Father, I m not alone. U r with me. Amen.
Father, look like my next 52 days from 13 May to 3 July won't be easy either. Learning to accept and face my Saturn in Aries and Pluto in Virgo.
Just now I saw that yesterday page view was 108. The average page view is 60 per day. I now know that it is high as I don't even publish it.
I have to admit, I felt bit of fear. Not sure if I m ready to face my inner self being exposed. As I was googling for Vijii information, I can see my sufferingisblessing blogspot flashes out everywhere. This means my blog is truly out in the open. No wonder, no advert also so many page views.
And I think North Node in Taurus got many 'hits' too.
Just got to stay chill. I know that's my path. Reading Deb Shapiro's and also Jan Spiller, I can see that both of them also disclosed their inner issue. It is the point of personal sharing.
Be the Change
Ed Shapiro - inviting fear in
Remember the time u have met fear and moved through it, so many times when fear arose but u kept going? Fear may close the heart, but fearlessness comes out of heartfulness, out of releasing resistance. Fear will stop us from facing our demons and participating fully in life, but fearlessness will give us the courage to jump off the crane into the unknown.
In other words, being fearless does not mean we have to stop or deny the fear; fearlessness is not a state of being without fear. Rather, it is the experience of fully feeling the fear, naming it, getting to know it, taking it by the hand, and even making friends with it.
Soul
Exactly my feelings this morning. I know I was feeling fearful. But I told myself, just swim with the fear. For the first time I swim the full way. And despite my fear, I keep on swimming breast stroke instead of free style.
And I admit breast stroke is more relaxing than free style.
That's a first too.
Father, my readings always coincide with my experiences. Thank U for always being with me. I may be alone in the outer world but in the inner world, U r always with me. That I know for sure.
Even just now I was feeling fearful on leadership of Isha and u gave me the Osho's Aloneness card to motivate me. Amen.
I am crying when I wrote this. What a day!
Be the Change
Bruce Springsteen
There is a world of love and there is a world of fear and its standing right in front of you.
John Milton
When the world of love comes rushing in, a world of fear comes with it. To open yourself up to one thing, u got to embrace the other as well.
Soul
Years ago I realised that when I expressed my hidden sadness, my happiness become more and I become Joy.
Now the same concept applies to fear and fearlessness.
I was trying to suppress my fear. But today in the pool, I can't do it. As I suppressed my fear, my body closed up and I can't swim properly. Only when I feel my fear, and remind myself I m safe, my body opens up to swim properly.
Be the Change - Ed and Deb Shapiro
Letting fear in and making friends with it does not necessarily comes easily; fear is a powerful feeling that demands understanding and patience.
Fear comes - we breathe and let go
Fear comes - we see how the mind needs reassurance and tenderness.
Fear comes - we replace it with love.
When we do this, we are inviting the fearful and anxious part of ourselves to get to know each other, even to sit down for tea together.
Soul
Thank you for this. Especially when I am facing my Pluto in Virgo.
Pluto in ur path
It shows where u have the opportunity to walk the path of terror. It is the dark night of the soul - the test of worthiness to play a larger role in life than the one dictated by ur past.
Soul
It is my most fearful lesson in my life. I felt like I had to go thru personal death before I can pass this lesson.
But I know that's my destiny. Amen.
Father, I m not alone. U r with me. Amen.
Facing my fear consciously...
Apr 27
First time swim breast stroke in half lap without stopping.
Amen.
When I got into the pool, I was swimming slowly. Bit afraid to move. Then when I did breast stroke, I stopped intermittently as I was feeling afraid. I took a break and remind myself; yes I am afraid. I m feeling fearful of the world. They may only be trying to protect their wounds but I feel it. I told myself, courage is needed. Also I tot of my Pluto in Virgo.
So, with the fear still in me
I don't want also to do the same.Generally when u suffer u attack. That's why Sadhguru says be happy and u become pleasant.
Evening
Just received news that the column on the newspaper now withheld due to controversy on Sadhguru over Vijii's samadhi case.
N was obviously still mending his wound. Anyway, whatever will be will be. And he said he is busy running around and that means not sending out email either.
I was more disappointed with P, who now said that since teacher said advert no returns, that's means posters and flyers too not much return. True. But we don't give up. She also give feedback that teacher won't like any Tom dick to house the teacher. This time I said, teacher is in the loop. So, if she wants to stop it, let her do it.
Mmm, perhaps P is also protecting her own wound. Anyway, nowadays I can give response to feedback.
Father, I too am nursing my wound. Guess I felt I was alone. But I persevere.
Just checked out my Osho card.
Aloneness
When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.
If u r facing such situation now, be aware of how u r choosing to view ur aloneness and take responsibility for the choice u have made.
The humble figure in this card glows with a light that emanates from within. Be a light to urself. Ultimately each of us has to search for our own lights.
Soul
Thank you, Father.
I will undertake Saturn in Aries. This path I got to take alone. I can now see that P, C and M are all playing the right role in my life - I m to grow. Amen.
Once I decided on this, support came.
First time swim breast stroke in half lap without stopping.
Amen.
When I got into the pool, I was swimming slowly. Bit afraid to move. Then when I did breast stroke, I stopped intermittently as I was feeling afraid. I took a break and remind myself; yes I am afraid. I m feeling fearful of the world. They may only be trying to protect their wounds but I feel it. I told myself, courage is needed. Also I tot of my Pluto in Virgo.
So, with the fear still in me
I don't want also to do the same.Generally when u suffer u attack. That's why Sadhguru says be happy and u become pleasant.
Evening
Just received news that the column on the newspaper now withheld due to controversy on Sadhguru over Vijii's samadhi case.
N was obviously still mending his wound. Anyway, whatever will be will be. And he said he is busy running around and that means not sending out email either.
I was more disappointed with P, who now said that since teacher said advert no returns, that's means posters and flyers too not much return. True. But we don't give up. She also give feedback that teacher won't like any Tom dick to house the teacher. This time I said, teacher is in the loop. So, if she wants to stop it, let her do it.
Mmm, perhaps P is also protecting her own wound. Anyway, nowadays I can give response to feedback.
Father, I too am nursing my wound. Guess I felt I was alone. But I persevere.
Just checked out my Osho card.
Aloneness
When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.
If u r facing such situation now, be aware of how u r choosing to view ur aloneness and take responsibility for the choice u have made.
The humble figure in this card glows with a light that emanates from within. Be a light to urself. Ultimately each of us has to search for our own lights.
Soul
Thank you, Father.
I will undertake Saturn in Aries. This path I got to take alone. I can now see that P, C and M are all playing the right role in my life - I m to grow. Amen.
Once I decided on this, support came.
Meditation helps us to unfold all our repression
Apr 26 eve
Father, I saw some negative feedback from my comments made in Sadhguru's Facebook. This time, I just recalled feedback is natural outcome. If no feedback, means I do nothing and be nothing. Anyway, the fact that one of the person reaction was negative goes to show that 'garbage' in the mind was there but he or she didn't choose love and hence reacted negatively. The sad thing is he or she doesn't know I was proven right on the garbage.
No reply from my call to N nor my sms. Never mind, will call tomorrow.
Be the Change
Michelle levey
When we sit in meditation, we can begin to remember and reclaim those parts of our being that had become lost in denial or repression.
Meditation invites us to openly meet those places we have previously hidden from, no matter how unpleasant, ugly or unlovable we may think they are.
As long as they stay in dark recesses, they will continue to dominate our behaviour. Only by exploring the true nature of those repressed aspects and accepting that they are a part of being alive can we bring real transformation. All this may sound daunting, but the outcome is of relief, release and greater freedom.
Soul
Exactly. Meditation open me and allow all my hidden emotions be cleaned out.
Father, I saw some negative feedback from my comments made in Sadhguru's Facebook. This time, I just recalled feedback is natural outcome. If no feedback, means I do nothing and be nothing. Anyway, the fact that one of the person reaction was negative goes to show that 'garbage' in the mind was there but he or she didn't choose love and hence reacted negatively. The sad thing is he or she doesn't know I was proven right on the garbage.
No reply from my call to N nor my sms. Never mind, will call tomorrow.
Be the Change
Michelle levey
When we sit in meditation, we can begin to remember and reclaim those parts of our being that had become lost in denial or repression.
Meditation invites us to openly meet those places we have previously hidden from, no matter how unpleasant, ugly or unlovable we may think they are.
As long as they stay in dark recesses, they will continue to dominate our behaviour. Only by exploring the true nature of those repressed aspects and accepting that they are a part of being alive can we bring real transformation. All this may sound daunting, but the outcome is of relief, release and greater freedom.
Soul
Exactly. Meditation open me and allow all my hidden emotions be cleaned out.
Teaching my solar eclipse and learning my lunar eclipse is path to Self Mastery
Apr 26 aft
Father, help me to help my boss. I know since day one that she is not a business woman. She also has a deprivation issue that makes her difficult to say no to people.
Spiritual Astrology
The more talents or spiritual assets u use to help ur fellow beings, the more personal spiritual growth u gain.
The solar represents the collective higher consciousness u have to offer ur fellow beings.
The prenatal lunar eclipse pattern will show how and where u need to continue the growth of ur soul. The house and sign will show how and where u best acquire these lessons. The level of awareness the soul has when entering this plane will determine whether it will seek the lessons of its lunar eclipse with compassion and understanding or with resentment.
U promised to share the energy of the solar eclipse in order to earn the right to onto this plane and learn the lessons represented by ur lunar eclipse.
This universe operates in perfect balance - if u give something, u open urself to receiving something.
Soul
Wow. Father, I have been fearful in sharing my Solar gifts cos fear of losing validation.
My Saturn in Aries - fear of taking leadership and my Pluto in Virgo - too high self expectations both cause me to hide my Solar gifts.
On my lunar, I have been quite diligent. No wonder the lunar lessons are difficult.
Spiritual Astrology
Lunar eclipse is for ur own soul growth pattern : what u have come to learn, where u hurt, where u need completion.
And as u master these lessons as an individual, the entire planet feels it, learns them, and part of the universal balance is realised.
Evolved souls cooperate with this universal plan, spreading their solar eclipse teachings and mastering their lunar eclipse lessons, thus fulfilling contracts with the universe.
At that point, they are freed to enjoy being on the planet without obstructions, open to attract and experience the beauty, fun and bounty available.
Soul
That's describe my Self Mastery dream.
I now feel I m there.
Just now I commented on Sadhguru Facebook. First time ever, I m showing up. I may not be perfect but I got substance and that will help others.
Father, help me to help my boss. I know since day one that she is not a business woman. She also has a deprivation issue that makes her difficult to say no to people.
Spiritual Astrology
The more talents or spiritual assets u use to help ur fellow beings, the more personal spiritual growth u gain.
The solar represents the collective higher consciousness u have to offer ur fellow beings.
The prenatal lunar eclipse pattern will show how and where u need to continue the growth of ur soul. The house and sign will show how and where u best acquire these lessons. The level of awareness the soul has when entering this plane will determine whether it will seek the lessons of its lunar eclipse with compassion and understanding or with resentment.
U promised to share the energy of the solar eclipse in order to earn the right to onto this plane and learn the lessons represented by ur lunar eclipse.
This universe operates in perfect balance - if u give something, u open urself to receiving something.
Soul
Wow. Father, I have been fearful in sharing my Solar gifts cos fear of losing validation.
My Saturn in Aries - fear of taking leadership and my Pluto in Virgo - too high self expectations both cause me to hide my Solar gifts.
On my lunar, I have been quite diligent. No wonder the lunar lessons are difficult.
Spiritual Astrology
Lunar eclipse is for ur own soul growth pattern : what u have come to learn, where u hurt, where u need completion.
And as u master these lessons as an individual, the entire planet feels it, learns them, and part of the universal balance is realised.
Evolved souls cooperate with this universal plan, spreading their solar eclipse teachings and mastering their lunar eclipse lessons, thus fulfilling contracts with the universe.
At that point, they are freed to enjoy being on the planet without obstructions, open to attract and experience the beauty, fun and bounty available.
Soul
That's describe my Self Mastery dream.
I now feel I m there.
Just now I commented on Sadhguru Facebook. First time ever, I m showing up. I may not be perfect but I got substance and that will help others.
Thanks to Sadhguru..his tools truly works
Apr 26
Father, thank you for bringing Sadhguru into my life. His tools are amazing. It works since day one, even when I don't believe in it.
Surya kriya was really deep today. I was just immersing myself in the postures. After the end of 5 cycles I was singing.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was deep as I am now doing the correct Kapala Bhakti. Shambavi was good with violet flame Suka kriya.
Towards the end I was singing and dancing non stop. Even when I wanted to end by closing invocation, the body just want to dance.
Yea. A full month without meat. My body loves it. I can see that my body frame has reduced in size. It no longer swell up. So, the meat is bad for both my digestive system and my body frame.
Father, I m on my path without red meat.
Father, thank you for bringing Sadhguru into my life. His tools are amazing. It works since day one, even when I don't believe in it.
Surya kriya was really deep today. I was just immersing myself in the postures. After the end of 5 cycles I was singing.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was deep as I am now doing the correct Kapala Bhakti. Shambavi was good with violet flame Suka kriya.
Towards the end I was singing and dancing non stop. Even when I wanted to end by closing invocation, the body just want to dance.
Yea. A full month without meat. My body loves it. I can see that my body frame has reduced in size. It no longer swell up. So, the meat is bad for both my digestive system and my body frame.
Father, I m on my path without red meat.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
All suppressed stresses will find its own outlets
Apr 25 eve
Father, just now Shoonya was really deep. I was stationery. I couldn't lift up my head. Just there. I was 'floored'. I was here and yet not here.
Perhaps its true what they says about me not in Shoonya all these while. Well, I think it takes time to remove all the layers. Perhaps its time now.
Be the Change by Ed and Deb Shapiro
Imagine u r squeezing some tooth paste with its cap closed; and the tooth paste soon found another way out - through the bottom of the tube. Now imagine that the tube is u, under pressure and beginning to experience psychological or emotional distress. But u do not take ur cap off, as it were, by recognising what is happening and making time to relax and deal with ur inner concerns.
Instead, u just keep squeezing urself to do more. So what happens to the mental and emotional pressure building up inside u? Eventually it has to find a way out, and if it cannot come out through the top - by being acknowledged, expressed, and resolved - it will find another way of making itself known.
It will find its weakest point, whether through ur digestive system, ur nerves, immune system, behaviour, emotional balance or sleep patterns.
Repressed or ignored, it can become illness, depression, addiction or anxiety; projected outward, it becomes hostility, aggression, prejudice or dear. But all of this within our own domain.
Soul
Mine is inward resulted in Rheumatoid arthritis.
Be the Change
To make lasting changes, we need to loosen and release unconscious levels of stress from where accumulated tension and resistance affect both our behaviour and our health.
Soul
Good book. Tot Y may have use of it.
I did meditation cos its my tools. After immersed in meditation, I finally found and read what meditation is all about.
Father, just now Shoonya was really deep. I was stationery. I couldn't lift up my head. Just there. I was 'floored'. I was here and yet not here.
Perhaps its true what they says about me not in Shoonya all these while. Well, I think it takes time to remove all the layers. Perhaps its time now.
Be the Change by Ed and Deb Shapiro
Imagine u r squeezing some tooth paste with its cap closed; and the tooth paste soon found another way out - through the bottom of the tube. Now imagine that the tube is u, under pressure and beginning to experience psychological or emotional distress. But u do not take ur cap off, as it were, by recognising what is happening and making time to relax and deal with ur inner concerns.
Instead, u just keep squeezing urself to do more. So what happens to the mental and emotional pressure building up inside u? Eventually it has to find a way out, and if it cannot come out through the top - by being acknowledged, expressed, and resolved - it will find another way of making itself known.
It will find its weakest point, whether through ur digestive system, ur nerves, immune system, behaviour, emotional balance or sleep patterns.
Repressed or ignored, it can become illness, depression, addiction or anxiety; projected outward, it becomes hostility, aggression, prejudice or dear. But all of this within our own domain.
Soul
Mine is inward resulted in Rheumatoid arthritis.
Be the Change
To make lasting changes, we need to loosen and release unconscious levels of stress from where accumulated tension and resistance affect both our behaviour and our health.
Soul
Good book. Tot Y may have use of it.
I did meditation cos its my tools. After immersed in meditation, I finally found and read what meditation is all about.
Yea..finally admitting I am a hidden pessimist
Apr 25 aft
Father, I m feeling bit off. I know I m fine. Finally I recognised I m a feeler.
Sun in Cancer
U tend to collect the residue of past experience and hold on to it, allowing it to colour present activities and lead u to instinctual action. Rather than allowing urself to be driven by ur changing moods, u benefit from shedding the light of conscious reason on ur habitual patterns and focus on ur true goals.
Soul
Yea. Focus on happy me. I guess I was bit off. Not sure why. Can be anything. Tot of M maybe avoiding me because she knows what I think of her optimism. Tot of Y and wonder what she is telling Mi. Hope she is fine as I open her pix.
Good thing, Am asked if the IK session on Monday is a routine. I said nope unless for more participants. Am said he wants it. I wonder what R and J said about it.
Spiritual Astrology
Nothing happens by accident. Because we have the power to attract experiences, we also have the power to change our responses. The key is in accepting personal responsibility, which leads directly to personal empowerment.
Soul
Yea. I m real pessimist. Anything that happens, I tend to view negatively.
Spiritual Astrology
If u give the responsibility of ur happiness to others, u subjugate urself to the ups and downs of the material world. When u accept sole responsibility for actualising the energies in ur birth chart, u gain the power to navigate. Then ur life is lived inside out, rather than just being buffeted around by external shifts in ur environment.
Instead of playing catch up, u r playing ur own game! U still may be relating with the same people, but by becoming more conscious and changing the way u interacting with them (and with urself) u gain the empowerment of recognising that through self direction, u have far more control over producing results u would like in ur world than u had realised. By changing ur presentation, u gain more power over ur destiny.
Soul
Yea, I now have the complete tools. My practices helps me to be grounded. Natal chart helps to identify my triggers. 7thunders helps me to scope out the events. Osho helps me to read my inner path. Amen.
Father, I m feeling bit off. I know I m fine. Finally I recognised I m a feeler.
Sun in Cancer
U tend to collect the residue of past experience and hold on to it, allowing it to colour present activities and lead u to instinctual action. Rather than allowing urself to be driven by ur changing moods, u benefit from shedding the light of conscious reason on ur habitual patterns and focus on ur true goals.
Soul
Yea. Focus on happy me. I guess I was bit off. Not sure why. Can be anything. Tot of M maybe avoiding me because she knows what I think of her optimism. Tot of Y and wonder what she is telling Mi. Hope she is fine as I open her pix.
Good thing, Am asked if the IK session on Monday is a routine. I said nope unless for more participants. Am said he wants it. I wonder what R and J said about it.
Spiritual Astrology
Nothing happens by accident. Because we have the power to attract experiences, we also have the power to change our responses. The key is in accepting personal responsibility, which leads directly to personal empowerment.
Soul
Yea. I m real pessimist. Anything that happens, I tend to view negatively.
Spiritual Astrology
If u give the responsibility of ur happiness to others, u subjugate urself to the ups and downs of the material world. When u accept sole responsibility for actualising the energies in ur birth chart, u gain the power to navigate. Then ur life is lived inside out, rather than just being buffeted around by external shifts in ur environment.
Instead of playing catch up, u r playing ur own game! U still may be relating with the same people, but by becoming more conscious and changing the way u interacting with them (and with urself) u gain the empowerment of recognising that through self direction, u have far more control over producing results u would like in ur world than u had realised. By changing ur presentation, u gain more power over ur destiny.
Soul
Yea, I now have the complete tools. My practices helps me to be grounded. Natal chart helps to identify my triggers. 7thunders helps me to scope out the events. Osho helps me to read my inner path. Amen.
I am definitely transforming
Apr 25
Father, woke up at 4.30 am to alarm. It was raining very heavily and a tot came, go to sleep. I tot about it and decided not to follow. Took a shower and start my practices. I m getting more nimble in my hata yoga asana.
Shakti was good as I m getting into the postures. I can now feel the different pressure from each fingers holds. Shambavi was great too. My lower body can't stop shaking, it so loose; as if want to fly. I was dancing and singing. Thanks for this.
Yesterday read Be the Change. The first chapter was good but the rest was bit too light for me. I even checked out all the methods. I think Isha method still the most effective and gives consistent results.
My right elbow is stiff again. How have I blocked my energy? Well, I have dreamed of eating chicken and definitely tots of Z. Yesterday when S said she is over her 'friend' after her love confession, I tot I not over Z yet. I m not anxious about him but I do miss his presence. I still love him. He is not truly rich, smart, spiritual and loving. Infact I am. That's ironic. I am the one that I want.
An ease settled into me.
Finally had time to check out my this week Osho card
1. The issue
Creator
A mystic works on himself, his own being, creates himself. U r carrying a masterpiece but u r standing in the way. Just move aside, then the masterpiece will be revealed. U just have to come to it.
This card belongs to those who are so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is outside. He offers the gift of understanding and integration to those who comes to him. Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from ur own experience, it is time to express yourself.
Soul
This week I counsel Y and S. I took the lead in Isha.
2. Internal influence
Healing
Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt you; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his wound. The less of the head, the more the wound heals.
A man of Tao cannot be touched. There is no wound. He is healthy and whole.
Just for twenty four hours, total acceptance, whatsoever happens. Suddenly u will feel an energy flowing in u that u never felt before.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed.
Soul
Exactly. So accurate. Both teacher and N's opinion on the advert didn't touch me at all. I can see their view point and I can see their behaviour protecting their egos.
I didn't change my opinion but since I don't have the authority I accepted the teacher decision. I didn't take it personally at all. Amen.
And when I didn't get a seat in the council, I was bit surprised but not hurt.
Father, thank U.
(Apr 26 - I was informed I got a seat the following day. It doesn't matter to me either)
3. External influence
Compromise
It is one thing to meet another half way, to understand a point of view different from ours. It is quite another to cave in and betray our truth.
Soul
There were moments I wanted to drop leadership cos I didn't get feedback. I persevere. I wrote to teacher on my idea eventhough there was no feedback.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Breakthrough
The greatest adventure in life is to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest adventure because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough.
All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough". At such times, it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be mistakes, to throw off the burdens and restrictions.
Soul
Yea. I did. I volunteered to be the India visit coordinator.
Teacher reply mail but made a comment that we should talk more again. The old me would have react. The new me just waived it off and even said I may have miss the mail.
5. Resolution
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake.
Let urself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for u just around the corner.
Soul
Amen.
Father, woke up at 4.30 am to alarm. It was raining very heavily and a tot came, go to sleep. I tot about it and decided not to follow. Took a shower and start my practices. I m getting more nimble in my hata yoga asana.
Shakti was good as I m getting into the postures. I can now feel the different pressure from each fingers holds. Shambavi was great too. My lower body can't stop shaking, it so loose; as if want to fly. I was dancing and singing. Thanks for this.
Yesterday read Be the Change. The first chapter was good but the rest was bit too light for me. I even checked out all the methods. I think Isha method still the most effective and gives consistent results.
My right elbow is stiff again. How have I blocked my energy? Well, I have dreamed of eating chicken and definitely tots of Z. Yesterday when S said she is over her 'friend' after her love confession, I tot I not over Z yet. I m not anxious about him but I do miss his presence. I still love him. He is not truly rich, smart, spiritual and loving. Infact I am. That's ironic. I am the one that I want.
An ease settled into me.
Finally had time to check out my this week Osho card
1. The issue
Creator
A mystic works on himself, his own being, creates himself. U r carrying a masterpiece but u r standing in the way. Just move aside, then the masterpiece will be revealed. U just have to come to it.
This card belongs to those who are so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is outside. He offers the gift of understanding and integration to those who comes to him. Using whatever skills u have, whatever u have learned from ur own experience, it is time to express yourself.
Soul
This week I counsel Y and S. I took the lead in Isha.
2. Internal influence
Healing
Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt you; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his wound. The less of the head, the more the wound heals.
A man of Tao cannot be touched. There is no wound. He is healthy and whole.
Just for twenty four hours, total acceptance, whatsoever happens. Suddenly u will feel an energy flowing in u that u never felt before.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed.
Soul
Exactly. So accurate. Both teacher and N's opinion on the advert didn't touch me at all. I can see their view point and I can see their behaviour protecting their egos.
I didn't change my opinion but since I don't have the authority I accepted the teacher decision. I didn't take it personally at all. Amen.
And when I didn't get a seat in the council, I was bit surprised but not hurt.
Father, thank U.
(Apr 26 - I was informed I got a seat the following day. It doesn't matter to me either)
3. External influence
Compromise
It is one thing to meet another half way, to understand a point of view different from ours. It is quite another to cave in and betray our truth.
Soul
There were moments I wanted to drop leadership cos I didn't get feedback. I persevere. I wrote to teacher on my idea eventhough there was no feedback.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Breakthrough
The greatest adventure in life is to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest adventure because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough.
All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough". At such times, it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be mistakes, to throw off the burdens and restrictions.
Soul
Yea. I did. I volunteered to be the India visit coordinator.
Teacher reply mail but made a comment that we should talk more again. The old me would have react. The new me just waived it off and even said I may have miss the mail.
5. Resolution
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake.
Let urself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for u just around the corner.
Soul
Amen.
We truly can change when we practice meditation
Apr 24 eve 1
Soul
Another breakthrough. I m now learning to share what I read that inspire. Now realised I can do this in my Joy Ong Facebook.
Be the Change - Ed and Deb Shapiro
We think we cannot change, that we are the way we are and that's that - this is who I am and I cannot change and I won't change!
We do have choices. We do not have to be the way we think we are; we can actually be and act differently.
Soul
Exactly. I was like that when it comes to food. I tot I can't change and I won't change. Now I know I have a choice. I choose health. I choose to give my body a break.
Be the Change
A monk in a meditation retreat.
There is enough pain and suffering in the world already - the very nature of life includes change and unfulfilled desire and a longing for things to be different from how they are, all of which brings discontent and dissatisfaction. He was constantly emphasising that through meditation, we could find a deeper contentment, one that is not dependent on anything or anyone, but arises naturally from within us.
Soul
Amen. Father, I never knew this before I start Isha as I always skip any info on meditation. Mmm, that's show my huge resistance. I did Isha because I was at the lowest point, I needed help. Sadhguru said he is using energy as the mode to help. That's why I sign up cos energy is clean and not within my control.
Be the change
Sitting quietly creates the space for unfinished or unhealed issues to be seen, and they can, at times, dominate our meditation session. This provides a great opportunity to work closely with ourselves in order to resolve and heal emotional or psychological concerns.
Soul
For me, it allows my controls to be lifted and I can express truly.
Perhaps that's why my meditation is full of expression such as crying, laughing and singing.
One day I will be still when I am able to express myself out in the world.
So Mo is correct. I m still a junior.
But I sit with surrendering myself. Letting myself be open and vulnerable.
Soul
Another breakthrough. I m now learning to share what I read that inspire. Now realised I can do this in my Joy Ong Facebook.
Be the Change - Ed and Deb Shapiro
We think we cannot change, that we are the way we are and that's that - this is who I am and I cannot change and I won't change!
We do have choices. We do not have to be the way we think we are; we can actually be and act differently.
Soul
Exactly. I was like that when it comes to food. I tot I can't change and I won't change. Now I know I have a choice. I choose health. I choose to give my body a break.
Be the Change
A monk in a meditation retreat.
There is enough pain and suffering in the world already - the very nature of life includes change and unfulfilled desire and a longing for things to be different from how they are, all of which brings discontent and dissatisfaction. He was constantly emphasising that through meditation, we could find a deeper contentment, one that is not dependent on anything or anyone, but arises naturally from within us.
Soul
Amen. Father, I never knew this before I start Isha as I always skip any info on meditation. Mmm, that's show my huge resistance. I did Isha because I was at the lowest point, I needed help. Sadhguru said he is using energy as the mode to help. That's why I sign up cos energy is clean and not within my control.
Be the change
Sitting quietly creates the space for unfinished or unhealed issues to be seen, and they can, at times, dominate our meditation session. This provides a great opportunity to work closely with ourselves in order to resolve and heal emotional or psychological concerns.
Soul
For me, it allows my controls to be lifted and I can express truly.
Perhaps that's why my meditation is full of expression such as crying, laughing and singing.
One day I will be still when I am able to express myself out in the world.
So Mo is correct. I m still a junior.
But I sit with surrendering myself. Letting myself be open and vulnerable.
No longer need the pleasure of good food
Apr 24 eve
Father, something changed in me. There was no mental drama at all on the email interactions. I can't stop them. But I can stop myself from reacting. And the beauty is there is no reaction.
Two more days and it will be full month since the change if diet. I did have dreams of eating chicken. But somehow I don't want to eat. My tots were on my organs and not on my mouth. Yesterday lunch was very expensive and the seafood dishes taste good but I don't find the pleasure as before. It no longer makes me happy as before. The old me would have raved about it. The new me tot there is no happiness in eating good food. Something in me really has changed.
Osho - Upanishad
Sitting near a master is an art. Listening is very easy, sitting near him is difficult.
The word Upanishad means that which one attains to by sitting near the master - simply by sitting near him, by coming closer to him, by surrendering to him, being a nothingness near him, forgetting oneself near him.
Infact what that is why what the master says is not important as what he is, because what he says is heard, but what he is, is received by sitting near him.
Soul
Exactly what Sadhguru said. No wonder he created Sathsang. And he didn't author books. He said he only speaks so we could sit with him.
For me, the most difficult part was to be near him. I couldn't even watch his videos.
Anyway, after 4 years, I finally overcomes my fear of him. Now I can watch his videos in my room. I can sit comfortably in Dhynalinga.
Father, something changed in me. There was no mental drama at all on the email interactions. I can't stop them. But I can stop myself from reacting. And the beauty is there is no reaction.
Two more days and it will be full month since the change if diet. I did have dreams of eating chicken. But somehow I don't want to eat. My tots were on my organs and not on my mouth. Yesterday lunch was very expensive and the seafood dishes taste good but I don't find the pleasure as before. It no longer makes me happy as before. The old me would have raved about it. The new me tot there is no happiness in eating good food. Something in me really has changed.
Osho - Upanishad
Sitting near a master is an art. Listening is very easy, sitting near him is difficult.
The word Upanishad means that which one attains to by sitting near the master - simply by sitting near him, by coming closer to him, by surrendering to him, being a nothingness near him, forgetting oneself near him.
Infact what that is why what the master says is not important as what he is, because what he says is heard, but what he is, is received by sitting near him.
Soul
Exactly what Sadhguru said. No wonder he created Sathsang. And he didn't author books. He said he only speaks so we could sit with him.
For me, the most difficult part was to be near him. I couldn't even watch his videos.
Anyway, after 4 years, I finally overcomes my fear of him. Now I can watch his videos in my room. I can sit comfortably in Dhynalinga.
Not reacting to other opinions
Apr 24
Woke up late at 7.40 am
Did 5 cycles of Surya Kriya...it was so powerful. Slowly I am getting my geometrics right. Right foot is ok but left foot still need to be shaped up. Tots come in and I just ignored and focus on the breathe counting. I also learn something. Whenever I changed to new posture, I savour it before I start breathe counting. I went in so deep.
Breathing meditation was fine. Shakti was quite good as I am getting the hang of Kapala Bhakti. Towards the end of third cycle, it was so effortless. Shambavi was good. My right elbow was bit stiff but still I did a good suka kriya..saw the violet flame. Towards the end...I was dancing and singing non stop. The finale ended with some laughter. Father, I felt I reached another level in my practices.
Thanks to J for not giving up on me and got me on board for Surya kriya
Did Shoonya in the afternoon..I went in deep...real nice...
Saw the exchanges of emails between teacher and her second in command and another core member. I just see it neutrally and put in my comments. Lets see.
We put up our rationale but alas they have another sets of rationale.
The old me would have reacted. The new me just calmly takes it all in.
So appropriate..Mars card and Nine of Heart...which is N. N was also very adamant that the money is not to be spent. This time...I don't see him and teacher in cavort..but I can see their points too.
Something is happening here. I checked my Osho card for more clarity.
Going with the Flow
When this card appears in a reading it is an indication that you are able to float now, trusting that life will support you in your relaxation and take you exactly where it wants you to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; everything is happening exactly as it should.
Saw an email of a nice resort in outstation. Suddenly wish I could go with Z. Alas, that part of life is over..Miss him..but I am fine.
Father, thinking about it...i realised that part of my reluctance of taking leadership of Isha is to face the constraints from the teacher. Now again, I am back in the fold. Never mind..this is my karma...will face it. On N, my issue with him is over. He is just being himself. I definitely place teacher on much more responsibility. Lets see. No worries..till 12 May...
Woke up late at 7.40 am
Did 5 cycles of Surya Kriya...it was so powerful. Slowly I am getting my geometrics right. Right foot is ok but left foot still need to be shaped up. Tots come in and I just ignored and focus on the breathe counting. I also learn something. Whenever I changed to new posture, I savour it before I start breathe counting. I went in so deep.
Breathing meditation was fine. Shakti was quite good as I am getting the hang of Kapala Bhakti. Towards the end of third cycle, it was so effortless. Shambavi was good. My right elbow was bit stiff but still I did a good suka kriya..saw the violet flame. Towards the end...I was dancing and singing non stop. The finale ended with some laughter. Father, I felt I reached another level in my practices.
Thanks to J for not giving up on me and got me on board for Surya kriya
Did Shoonya in the afternoon..I went in deep...real nice...
Saw the exchanges of emails between teacher and her second in command and another core member. I just see it neutrally and put in my comments. Lets see.
We put up our rationale but alas they have another sets of rationale.
The old me would have reacted. The new me just calmly takes it all in.
So appropriate..Mars card and Nine of Heart...which is N. N was also very adamant that the money is not to be spent. This time...I don't see him and teacher in cavort..but I can see their points too.
Something is happening here. I checked my Osho card for more clarity.
Going with the Flow
When this card appears in a reading it is an indication that you are able to float now, trusting that life will support you in your relaxation and take you exactly where it wants you to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; everything is happening exactly as it should.
Saw an email of a nice resort in outstation. Suddenly wish I could go with Z. Alas, that part of life is over..Miss him..but I am fine.
Father, thinking about it...i realised that part of my reluctance of taking leadership of Isha is to face the constraints from the teacher. Now again, I am back in the fold. Never mind..this is my karma...will face it. On N, my issue with him is over. He is just being himself. I definitely place teacher on much more responsibility. Lets see. No worries..till 12 May...
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Our world is our beliefs...overcome my food karma
Apr 23 eve
Father, just now Shoonya I went in deep. I was so silent. Perhaps now finally I m in Shoonya. Before that, too many layers to remove.
I was crying non stop during afternoon Shoonya cos I felt afraid of losing myself, afraid of taking my leadership karma. I asked for guidance.
Samyama was good. So peaceful. Laughing and singing towards the end.
Father, my food karma is over. Now will face my leadership karma.
Osho - Upanishad
We only need to know we are the witness, that things certainly happen in our presence, but we are not the doer. When that is understood, a distance is then created between ourselves and our mechanism.
Freedom from mind and body is not attained through effort, it is attained through effortless witnessing, because u r not the doer.
Soul
Mmm. True.
Osho
Our world is our belief, and unless this belief is broken we have no way of attaining celebration.
Soul
I used to tot I lose myself if I don't eat meat. I even tot it was my body that wants it. Alas, my body doesn't need it and I didn't lose myself.
Infact I now think I can do without meat permanently as I no longer want to strain my intestines. My mouth eats it but the digestive work is done by my organ. So, now I think the taste of meat not worth the price of over working my organs.
Father, just now Shoonya I went in deep. I was so silent. Perhaps now finally I m in Shoonya. Before that, too many layers to remove.
I was crying non stop during afternoon Shoonya cos I felt afraid of losing myself, afraid of taking my leadership karma. I asked for guidance.
Samyama was good. So peaceful. Laughing and singing towards the end.
Father, my food karma is over. Now will face my leadership karma.
Osho - Upanishad
We only need to know we are the witness, that things certainly happen in our presence, but we are not the doer. When that is understood, a distance is then created between ourselves and our mechanism.
Freedom from mind and body is not attained through effort, it is attained through effortless witnessing, because u r not the doer.
Soul
Mmm. True.
Osho
Our world is our belief, and unless this belief is broken we have no way of attaining celebration.
Soul
I used to tot I lose myself if I don't eat meat. I even tot it was my body that wants it. Alas, my body doesn't need it and I didn't lose myself.
Infact I now think I can do without meat permanently as I no longer want to strain my intestines. My mouth eats it but the digestive work is done by my organ. So, now I think the taste of meat not worth the price of over working my organs.
Ascendant in Gemini - the communicator...my Destiny
Apr 23
Did all my practices. I doze of during Shav It was ok. But I felt good. There were some tots of Z. Yesterday saw that my attraction to him was a powerful 7 and it was fated we met. That's true. Miss him.
Father, S said the same yesterday. Missing him means what.
Ascendant in Gemini
Relationship
U have an incredible ability to teach and supply information that can help another see a more positive view of life. U r uniquely able to inspire others to see how higher law operates in their life.
U r also aware when others are lacking faith and can uplift their spirits so they believe in a brighter future.
Seeing the other person's level of faith in the universe and positive outcome as separate from ur own - and possibly quite different - gives u the opportunity to relate to him without trying to get him constantly agree with u or be motivated by the same thing.
When u accept what ur partner says is true for him, u can realistically see what inspires him in terms of his own life and relate to him without enmeshment. Then u can tune in to the solutions he is trying to find for himself, and use ur gift of logic to help him succeed. In this way, supporting each other's hopes and dreams can become the adventure u share.
But the challenge is to see the reality of the situation in ur choice of a suitable mate, partner or friend.
Is he intelligent? How does he think? Is he open to risk and adventure? Does he takes chance in life; acting on his inspiration and moving from a comfortable situation to take a leap of faith.
Soul
Now with the lesson from Z, a Seven and knowledge about the Eights, I now understand I can only help those who wants to be helped.
Like Sadhguru says, we can only be Light to the one who is thirsty.
Ascendant in Gemini
Past life gifts
1. U have the ability to use words to sell others on ur ideas.
2. U r gifted in ur ability to get information circulating in society.
3. U mastered the art of communication as u instinctively listen to the words the other person is saying. This allows u to understand how he thinks and create an easy mental rapport.
4. Listening to the view points of others and taking them into accounts is ur strong points and give u excellent skills in sales and marketing since u can translate a concept into words that will appeal to the other person.
5. U r gifted at creating ease in social situation simply by being genuinely interested and curious about what others have to say.
6. U have the ability to deeply listen without judgement and to keep conversation open, keeps the mood light and happy. U create a sense of harmony and a happy exchange of ideas.
Step into the role of "the communicator"
Hold the intention of "what information will be helpful to u?"
Soul
True to all above.
On 1 and 2, I only applied it in my career and now expand to promotion of Isha. I need to use it for my own project.
I do have the gifts. I may not be perfect but I got to start somewhere. I may not reach put to all but those who are really thirsty will find me.
Did all my practices. I doze of during Shav It was ok. But I felt good. There were some tots of Z. Yesterday saw that my attraction to him was a powerful 7 and it was fated we met. That's true. Miss him.
Father, S said the same yesterday. Missing him means what.
Ascendant in Gemini
Relationship
U have an incredible ability to teach and supply information that can help another see a more positive view of life. U r uniquely able to inspire others to see how higher law operates in their life.
U r also aware when others are lacking faith and can uplift their spirits so they believe in a brighter future.
Seeing the other person's level of faith in the universe and positive outcome as separate from ur own - and possibly quite different - gives u the opportunity to relate to him without trying to get him constantly agree with u or be motivated by the same thing.
When u accept what ur partner says is true for him, u can realistically see what inspires him in terms of his own life and relate to him without enmeshment. Then u can tune in to the solutions he is trying to find for himself, and use ur gift of logic to help him succeed. In this way, supporting each other's hopes and dreams can become the adventure u share.
But the challenge is to see the reality of the situation in ur choice of a suitable mate, partner or friend.
Is he intelligent? How does he think? Is he open to risk and adventure? Does he takes chance in life; acting on his inspiration and moving from a comfortable situation to take a leap of faith.
Soul
Now with the lesson from Z, a Seven and knowledge about the Eights, I now understand I can only help those who wants to be helped.
Like Sadhguru says, we can only be Light to the one who is thirsty.
Ascendant in Gemini
Past life gifts
1. U have the ability to use words to sell others on ur ideas.
2. U r gifted in ur ability to get information circulating in society.
3. U mastered the art of communication as u instinctively listen to the words the other person is saying. This allows u to understand how he thinks and create an easy mental rapport.
4. Listening to the view points of others and taking them into accounts is ur strong points and give u excellent skills in sales and marketing since u can translate a concept into words that will appeal to the other person.
5. U r gifted at creating ease in social situation simply by being genuinely interested and curious about what others have to say.
6. U have the ability to deeply listen without judgement and to keep conversation open, keeps the mood light and happy. U create a sense of harmony and a happy exchange of ideas.
Step into the role of "the communicator"
Hold the intention of "what information will be helpful to u?"
Soul
True to all above.
On 1 and 2, I only applied it in my career and now expand to promotion of Isha. I need to use it for my own project.
I do have the gifts. I may not be perfect but I got to start somewhere. I may not reach put to all but those who are really thirsty will find me.
Intellect is born out of overcoming challenges
Apr 22
Just now did Shoonya and Samyama. So peaceful, don't feel like waking up.
Osho - Upanishad
Intellect is born out of struggle between the consciousness and the world without. The intellect is a product of that struggle.
That's why if u have no challenge in ur life, ur intelligence will not flower.
Hence the sons of rich people remain unintelligent, there is no challenge to awaken their intelligence and no opportunity for its creation and expression.
Soul
I had load of challenges. I always wonder why God sees me so great; always give the the grandest challenge.
At least I m now reaping the benefits. I m smart.
Just now did Shoonya and Samyama. So peaceful, don't feel like waking up.
Osho - Upanishad
Intellect is born out of struggle between the consciousness and the world without. The intellect is a product of that struggle.
That's why if u have no challenge in ur life, ur intelligence will not flower.
Hence the sons of rich people remain unintelligent, there is no challenge to awaken their intelligence and no opportunity for its creation and expression.
Soul
I had load of challenges. I always wonder why God sees me so great; always give the the grandest challenge.
At least I m now reaping the benefits. I m smart.
Ascendent Rising in Gemini - sharing my ideas without fear
Apr 22
Yday, couldn't sleep. Feel energised. Woke up at 4.30 am. Did my Surya kriya. Now consciously put my leg to the back. Right feet can touch the floor all the way but not left feet. Breathing was fine.
Shakti was fine. Shambavi too. Just one song in the end.
Ascendent rising
Too often we interpret the reactions of others as negative. Then rather than just looking to see where we could make an adjustment in the way we present ourselves and our ideas, we feel not okay and end up suppressing that part of ourselves.
We may even become so focused about how others see us that we totally lose touch with our own innate strength and beauty. And if we allow this to happen, over time our experience of the world and the world experience of us will grow more limited and less interesting. And in turn restrict the flow of vital energy in our life.
Success comes through the process of being candid, open, genuine and truthful about ur honest reactions to outer circumstances as they occur, regardless of any imagined outcome. In this way, a mutually satisfying rship is the result of ur inner authenticity, since those who inherently resonate with ur true nature will grow closer, while those who don't will move on.
Ascendent in Gemini
Ur personality and demeanour reflect those traits that to u, demonstrate logic, open-mindlessness and intelligence. Ur attitude and behaviour demonstrate that u r understanding of how others think and u accept acceptance of ur ideas.
Ur Achilles heel is ur fear of potential disapproval. If u don't stay in touch with the natural excitement of ur own identity and instead give in to ur fears of how other people might see u, u may end up blocking the expression of ur own point of view. This would suppress any meaningful communication and ur innate way of being in the world. Then u can lose in ur ability to share ur multidimensional personality with others.
If u blocked ur inborn gift of sharing ideas with others, u turn it inward against urself where it becomes an impediment. When all that mental energy is not expressed, it implodes and block the flow of ur own vital energy.
Soul
Father, looks like being a leader, being a sharer of ideas is my inborn gifts. And I resist out of my fear of potential disapproval, out of my validation issue.
By blocking, I blocked my energy and my joints becomes stiff. So, results in RA.
Ascendent in Gemini
Sharing ur talents with others is the only healthy way for u to experience ongoing vitality in ur life, but it can be difficult to get past ur fear of how other people will see u and the potential of their not accepting u.
But the highest path is to be courageous enough to overcome this obstacle and fully express ur true nature, using ur gift for instinctively understanding the mental process of others for the benefit of all concerned.
Ur greatest challenge becomes using the feedback u receive from ur environment - both positive and negative - to shift and fine tune the ways u expressed ur gifts. It is only through this process, that ur ability to consistently create positive results can be refined and perfected and ur presentation accepted.
This process can be painful but only to the extent that u take any negative feedback personally. Instead it is actually a gift that allows u to see the exact changes that are needed in order for u to create happy outcomes.
Soul
Yea, firstly to know not all feedback are gospel truth. Secondly to not take negative feedback personally. Use it.
Be sharing Isha Kriya to 3 office colleagues. First time ever.
Ace of Spades.
Traditional card of death and transformation. U will go through some sort of death and rebirth. This is a new beginnings for work.
Soul
So true.
Yday, couldn't sleep. Feel energised. Woke up at 4.30 am. Did my Surya kriya. Now consciously put my leg to the back. Right feet can touch the floor all the way but not left feet. Breathing was fine.
Shakti was fine. Shambavi too. Just one song in the end.
Ascendent rising
Too often we interpret the reactions of others as negative. Then rather than just looking to see where we could make an adjustment in the way we present ourselves and our ideas, we feel not okay and end up suppressing that part of ourselves.
We may even become so focused about how others see us that we totally lose touch with our own innate strength and beauty. And if we allow this to happen, over time our experience of the world and the world experience of us will grow more limited and less interesting. And in turn restrict the flow of vital energy in our life.
Success comes through the process of being candid, open, genuine and truthful about ur honest reactions to outer circumstances as they occur, regardless of any imagined outcome. In this way, a mutually satisfying rship is the result of ur inner authenticity, since those who inherently resonate with ur true nature will grow closer, while those who don't will move on.
Ascendent in Gemini
Ur personality and demeanour reflect those traits that to u, demonstrate logic, open-mindlessness and intelligence. Ur attitude and behaviour demonstrate that u r understanding of how others think and u accept acceptance of ur ideas.
Ur Achilles heel is ur fear of potential disapproval. If u don't stay in touch with the natural excitement of ur own identity and instead give in to ur fears of how other people might see u, u may end up blocking the expression of ur own point of view. This would suppress any meaningful communication and ur innate way of being in the world. Then u can lose in ur ability to share ur multidimensional personality with others.
If u blocked ur inborn gift of sharing ideas with others, u turn it inward against urself where it becomes an impediment. When all that mental energy is not expressed, it implodes and block the flow of ur own vital energy.
Soul
Father, looks like being a leader, being a sharer of ideas is my inborn gifts. And I resist out of my fear of potential disapproval, out of my validation issue.
By blocking, I blocked my energy and my joints becomes stiff. So, results in RA.
Ascendent in Gemini
Sharing ur talents with others is the only healthy way for u to experience ongoing vitality in ur life, but it can be difficult to get past ur fear of how other people will see u and the potential of their not accepting u.
But the highest path is to be courageous enough to overcome this obstacle and fully express ur true nature, using ur gift for instinctively understanding the mental process of others for the benefit of all concerned.
Ur greatest challenge becomes using the feedback u receive from ur environment - both positive and negative - to shift and fine tune the ways u expressed ur gifts. It is only through this process, that ur ability to consistently create positive results can be refined and perfected and ur presentation accepted.
This process can be painful but only to the extent that u take any negative feedback personally. Instead it is actually a gift that allows u to see the exact changes that are needed in order for u to create happy outcomes.
Soul
Yea, firstly to know not all feedback are gospel truth. Secondly to not take negative feedback personally. Use it.
Be sharing Isha Kriya to 3 office colleagues. First time ever.
Ace of Spades.
Traditional card of death and transformation. U will go through some sort of death and rebirth. This is a new beginnings for work.
Soul
So true.
Falling in love with myself
Apr 21 eve
Father, my friend S going thru another break up drama. This been going on for nearly 8 years. That her karma. I can understand why she holds on. I am thankful Z was strong enough to ignore me. He let me go as I couldn't have done it on my own. I hope my friend's 'partner' will do the same.
Father, two things today. First was reading all the 10 signs of your 'guy' not into u. And then followed by by S's drama. I am thankful to Z for being strong. No regrets as he was truly my mirror and he helps to open up physically.
Father, I am falling in love with myself.
Father, my friend S going thru another break up drama. This been going on for nearly 8 years. That her karma. I can understand why she holds on. I am thankful Z was strong enough to ignore me. He let me go as I couldn't have done it on my own. I hope my friend's 'partner' will do the same.
Father, two things today. First was reading all the 10 signs of your 'guy' not into u. And then followed by by S's drama. I am thankful to Z for being strong. No regrets as he was truly my mirror and he helps to open up physically.
Father, I am falling in love with myself.
Showing up my values without fear
Apr 21
Father, I had a lovely walk. Tot of Z when I saw marathon runners.
It was an easy walk. I kept to momentum. Little tots.
Just feeling good today.
Just going in to feel my inner contentment.
Today I created IK event in RA association website. Another breakthrough.
Father, next step is yours. Now I know what u meant. Many were called but few listens.
Sadhguru says if u r not thirsty, u will ignore the calls and infact find them irritating.
So my sharing will reach whoever is thirsty. Amen.
Father; this msg from Sadhguru is most important.
Fulfilment is not going to happen by getting this or that.
It will only happen when this piece of life is alive to its core.
Only when u touch the divinity in u, then everything is fine. Then nothing is a problem.
U can switch it on or off, as u choose.
Father, I had a lovely walk. Tot of Z when I saw marathon runners.
It was an easy walk. I kept to momentum. Little tots.
Just feeling good today.
Just going in to feel my inner contentment.
Today I created IK event in RA association website. Another breakthrough.
Father, next step is yours. Now I know what u meant. Many were called but few listens.
Sadhguru says if u r not thirsty, u will ignore the calls and infact find them irritating.
So my sharing will reach whoever is thirsty. Amen.
Father; this msg from Sadhguru is most important.
Fulfilment is not going to happen by getting this or that.
It will only happen when this piece of life is alive to its core.
Only when u touch the divinity in u, then everything is fine. Then nothing is a problem.
U can switch it on or off, as u choose.
My food karma evaporated
Apr 20 eve
Sadhguru
If u become fully alive, u will become so blissful, joyful, ecstatic without reason, burst of ecstasy within u without any reason, it is almost embarrassing. Now the tot of pleasure just evaporate. Looking for a drink, looking for some kinds of pleasurable thing just evaporate itself out of ur mind. Because u r fully alive.
When u r fully alive, pleasure disappear.
Soul
That's happening. I m feeling happy. Just contented. Even when the issue of validation arise, I was aware and didn't get to caught up with it.
I m just happy. When I meditate, so blissful.
Today had to go to eat a certain noodle that requires meat for it to taste good. I tried to avoid going but I couldn't. I went but I order something else for lunch.
During dinner, another test, I had to go eat a rice dish that has chicken in it. Without the chicken, only rice. I tried to change the venue but my sister already ordered. So I went and just eat the food without chicken. Just eat the rice and I was fine. Absolutely no drama.
My life used to be about good food. I used to live to eat. Food is my number one pleasure.
Father, tonight tells me that I m serious about not eating chicken and meat.
North node in Taurus
Establishing self worth
When they look to others to acknowledge that they have power, they won't feel like they have any. When they realise that their power is within them, they have a lot. Part of claiming their power involves understanding their own values.
They don't have to work to become valuable; their value is inherent - who they are is a gift they bring to the world.
Their own sense of self worth is the one thing that they can hang on to amid the constant shift of public opinion. When this folks let others determine their worth, they are on roller coaster ride.
Strengthening my values
The most important goal for Taurus north node is to pledge themselves to their own values and build a sense of self-worth.
They are learning that they can't establish self worth by going along with others' values to gain validation nor can they attain self worth through resisting others values. Either way, they lose.
They win when they discover what is truly important and precious to them: their own values. Self worth will come as a by product of living according to those values.
They recognise the truth of this but may still feel lost when it comes to knowing what their values are. And that's fine. They have a clean slate - a unique opportunity to get in touch with what is in the deepest level of their souls.
The idea is to consciously discover what is important to them, what values gives them a sense of being grounded, confident and able to face the world without anxiety. They need to ask themselves: "What principles can I live by that will make me feel good about myself, give me a sense of my own self worth and give me a solid path to follow?"
To further discriminate. Is my motive self validation or to gain the validation of others.
Soul
I asked how to overcome validation issue. Answer came. This also gives clarity on my Ruling Card of Ace of Diamonds and my Destiny Card of Queen of Diamonds.
I am worthy inside me. I just need to validate my own values and the result will be self worth.
Sadhguru
If u become fully alive, u will become so blissful, joyful, ecstatic without reason, burst of ecstasy within u without any reason, it is almost embarrassing. Now the tot of pleasure just evaporate. Looking for a drink, looking for some kinds of pleasurable thing just evaporate itself out of ur mind. Because u r fully alive.
When u r fully alive, pleasure disappear.
Soul
That's happening. I m feeling happy. Just contented. Even when the issue of validation arise, I was aware and didn't get to caught up with it.
I m just happy. When I meditate, so blissful.
Today had to go to eat a certain noodle that requires meat for it to taste good. I tried to avoid going but I couldn't. I went but I order something else for lunch.
During dinner, another test, I had to go eat a rice dish that has chicken in it. Without the chicken, only rice. I tried to change the venue but my sister already ordered. So I went and just eat the food without chicken. Just eat the rice and I was fine. Absolutely no drama.
My life used to be about good food. I used to live to eat. Food is my number one pleasure.
Father, tonight tells me that I m serious about not eating chicken and meat.
North node in Taurus
Establishing self worth
When they look to others to acknowledge that they have power, they won't feel like they have any. When they realise that their power is within them, they have a lot. Part of claiming their power involves understanding their own values.
They don't have to work to become valuable; their value is inherent - who they are is a gift they bring to the world.
Their own sense of self worth is the one thing that they can hang on to amid the constant shift of public opinion. When this folks let others determine their worth, they are on roller coaster ride.
Strengthening my values
The most important goal for Taurus north node is to pledge themselves to their own values and build a sense of self-worth.
They are learning that they can't establish self worth by going along with others' values to gain validation nor can they attain self worth through resisting others values. Either way, they lose.
They win when they discover what is truly important and precious to them: their own values. Self worth will come as a by product of living according to those values.
They recognise the truth of this but may still feel lost when it comes to knowing what their values are. And that's fine. They have a clean slate - a unique opportunity to get in touch with what is in the deepest level of their souls.
The idea is to consciously discover what is important to them, what values gives them a sense of being grounded, confident and able to face the world without anxiety. They need to ask themselves: "What principles can I live by that will make me feel good about myself, give me a sense of my own self worth and give me a solid path to follow?"
To further discriminate. Is my motive self validation or to gain the validation of others.
Soul
I asked how to overcome validation issue. Answer came. This also gives clarity on my Ruling Card of Ace of Diamonds and my Destiny Card of Queen of Diamonds.
I am worthy inside me. I just need to validate my own values and the result will be self worth.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Sadhguru - Pleasure is only important if you are half alive
Apr 20
Today did Surya kriya cos couldn't go to the pool.
This time I did with awareness of my feet position. Noticed that my left feet is generally out but right feet is ok. I can push my right feet down but not my left feet.
Did breathing, was ok
Shakti was ok with good Kapala Bhakti
I was singing away on the butterfly postures in Shambavi. Towards the end, I begin to dance and then I sang. The joy is in me.
Went for the group meet and it was unofficially announced that I m the lead and of my change of name. They teased me a bit.
My new name is Joy.
Father, just now when my sister shared about her experiences, I was fine. I realised now that's what I need to do. Share so I can reaffirmed my valuation.
That's what Eight of Diamonds people are meant to teach me.
Sadhguru dvd: With the One Who Knows
Question: Why am I here with u?
U r here because there is light. U r like a moth, attracted to light.
If u cannot walk in or walk out by choice, u r in prison.
U close the door, because of insecurity. Such insurance is good for somebody who wish to die. But it is not a safety.
In search of security, self destructive things can happen to oneself.
A door is only a door if it can be shut or open. If it is always closed, then it is not a door.
I am always saying "I knows" repeatedly, whether the situation is conducive or not. That's sound hedonistic. It is. If there is no thirst in ur heart, that's a horrible thing when there is somebody keeps on saying he Knows.
But if there is a thirst in ur heart, then when u hear someone clearly saying, "he knows" is the greatest benediction. If there is thirst in the heart....
Water is only valuable when u r thirsty. If u r thirsty, alas a glass of water is found. Otherwise water doesn't mean anything.
Soul
When I watch this, I recalled the first time I watched his video during IE, he said there is a way, our energy. And I knew he gave me the answer I was searching for.
I recalled I cried non stop cos I was grateful that alas an answer came after so many years of searching and when I nearly given up hope in my Self mastery journey.
Father, Z is not receptive to Sadhguru. Does that mean he is not thirsty?
(Suddenly, I remembered M said about his question in a Sathsang. I have just msg him and confirmed that the sathsang he attended in Aug 2009. I wish M is here..)
Sadhguru
Question: what is the rship between a Guru and disciple?
A friend is someone who sustain ur ego, who comfort u.
So a Guru is not ur friend.
Parents arise out of compulsion, during hormonal hijacks. Parents are generally people who do everything they can't do thru their children. So Guru is not parent.
Am I am authoritarian? Yes, I am definitely that. But not the Hitler type.
When it comes to fundamental life, whatever I say, will happen. I will not listen to anyone, even God. I am an absolute authoritarian. I will dismiss everyone who disagree with me, even Buddha himself. That's how I am.
Death and pleasure is connected. Life and pleasure is not connected.
If u said u go to ashram. People will think you must not be alive. Thats the general perception.
If u r partially alive, is a terrible torture. This is the torture that a large segment of humanity is going through right now. Because they are half alive. Only one part of them has become alive. Only their physicality and mentality has become alive. The rest of it has yet to become alive.
Half alive people will suffer everything. They will suffer ignorance; they will suffer education; they will suffer poverty; they will suffer affluence; they will suffer being alone; they will suffer being in a relationship; if they are not married, they suffer. If they are married, they also suffer. If they don't have children, they suffer that. Children not there also they suffer.
Just show me one thing that human are not suffering from right now. Just show me one aspect of life that human beings are not suffering right now. They are suffering just about anything. Not just life, they are even suffering death before it happens.
That which is and that which is not; everything human suffers.
U r not suffering loneliness; u r not suffering company; u r not suffering money; u r not suffering poverty. What u r suffering is that u r half alive.
U r desperately trying to make yourself fully alive thru money, thru drinks, thru sex, thru going on a track, coming to ashram. In so many ways, u r somehow trying to make urself fully alive but it has yet to happen fully. Here and there u feel a burst of aliveness. But yet again it stops.
So when people are constantly half alive, pleasure becomes an important part of ur life. Very important part of ur life. Why? Because, without pleasure u cannot access ur aliveness. Pleasure becomes paramount in ur life when u r only half alive. When physicality is all u know, pleasure becomes an immense importance in ur life.
If u become fully alive, u will become so blissful, joyful, ecstatic without reason, burst of ecstasy within u without any reason, it is almost embarrassing. Now the tot of pleasure just evaporate. Looking for a drink, looking for some kinds of pleasurable thing just evaporate itself out of ur mind. Because u r fully alive.
When u r fully alive, pleasure disappear.
When u r half dead, pleasure is an important thing. When half of u is buried in a grave. To have pleasure becomes extremely important.
Graves have their own problems too. I saw the pyramids and saw that.
Whatever ur problem. Go all the way out to get it. U will find out within 24 hours that it is not the answer. Infact every pleasure you go for for is not the answer.
Life is just an explosion of intelligence. What u called as the Source of Creation, the Creator is ultimate intelligence.
That's the only thing u can trust right now. That will function only if u go all the way. If u go half heartedly, it will give u a false sense of comforts and solace. U can carry on with this stupid thing for the whole lifetime; infact for many lifetimes. U know it doesn't work but its not intense enough; thats why you still continue.
So give urself absolutely to whatever nonsense u r doing, very soon, within a day, u will know it doesn't work. If u realise it doesn't work, I believe u will shift. Something doesn't work and u r sure it doesn't work and u will shift.
Fulfilment, completeness is not going to happen by getting this or getting that.
It will only happen when this piece of life is alive to its core. That the very source of creation in this human, u have divine.
Only when u have touch the divinity in u, then u will find everything is fine. Now u can play life like a football game. U r on, when its on and when u want to switch it, it's off. Then nothing is a problem.
Today did Surya kriya cos couldn't go to the pool.
This time I did with awareness of my feet position. Noticed that my left feet is generally out but right feet is ok. I can push my right feet down but not my left feet.
Did breathing, was ok
Shakti was ok with good Kapala Bhakti
I was singing away on the butterfly postures in Shambavi. Towards the end, I begin to dance and then I sang. The joy is in me.
Went for the group meet and it was unofficially announced that I m the lead and of my change of name. They teased me a bit.
My new name is Joy.
Father, just now when my sister shared about her experiences, I was fine. I realised now that's what I need to do. Share so I can reaffirmed my valuation.
That's what Eight of Diamonds people are meant to teach me.
Sadhguru dvd: With the One Who Knows
Question: Why am I here with u?
U r here because there is light. U r like a moth, attracted to light.
If u cannot walk in or walk out by choice, u r in prison.
U close the door, because of insecurity. Such insurance is good for somebody who wish to die. But it is not a safety.
In search of security, self destructive things can happen to oneself.
A door is only a door if it can be shut or open. If it is always closed, then it is not a door.
I am always saying "I knows" repeatedly, whether the situation is conducive or not. That's sound hedonistic. It is. If there is no thirst in ur heart, that's a horrible thing when there is somebody keeps on saying he Knows.
But if there is a thirst in ur heart, then when u hear someone clearly saying, "he knows" is the greatest benediction. If there is thirst in the heart....
Water is only valuable when u r thirsty. If u r thirsty, alas a glass of water is found. Otherwise water doesn't mean anything.
Soul
When I watch this, I recalled the first time I watched his video during IE, he said there is a way, our energy. And I knew he gave me the answer I was searching for.
I recalled I cried non stop cos I was grateful that alas an answer came after so many years of searching and when I nearly given up hope in my Self mastery journey.
Father, Z is not receptive to Sadhguru. Does that mean he is not thirsty?
(Suddenly, I remembered M said about his question in a Sathsang. I have just msg him and confirmed that the sathsang he attended in Aug 2009. I wish M is here..)
Sadhguru
Question: what is the rship between a Guru and disciple?
A friend is someone who sustain ur ego, who comfort u.
So a Guru is not ur friend.
Parents arise out of compulsion, during hormonal hijacks. Parents are generally people who do everything they can't do thru their children. So Guru is not parent.
Am I am authoritarian? Yes, I am definitely that. But not the Hitler type.
When it comes to fundamental life, whatever I say, will happen. I will not listen to anyone, even God. I am an absolute authoritarian. I will dismiss everyone who disagree with me, even Buddha himself. That's how I am.
Death and pleasure is connected. Life and pleasure is not connected.
If u said u go to ashram. People will think you must not be alive. Thats the general perception.
If u r partially alive, is a terrible torture. This is the torture that a large segment of humanity is going through right now. Because they are half alive. Only one part of them has become alive. Only their physicality and mentality has become alive. The rest of it has yet to become alive.
Half alive people will suffer everything. They will suffer ignorance; they will suffer education; they will suffer poverty; they will suffer affluence; they will suffer being alone; they will suffer being in a relationship; if they are not married, they suffer. If they are married, they also suffer. If they don't have children, they suffer that. Children not there also they suffer.
Just show me one thing that human are not suffering from right now. Just show me one aspect of life that human beings are not suffering right now. They are suffering just about anything. Not just life, they are even suffering death before it happens.
That which is and that which is not; everything human suffers.
U r not suffering loneliness; u r not suffering company; u r not suffering money; u r not suffering poverty. What u r suffering is that u r half alive.
U r desperately trying to make yourself fully alive thru money, thru drinks, thru sex, thru going on a track, coming to ashram. In so many ways, u r somehow trying to make urself fully alive but it has yet to happen fully. Here and there u feel a burst of aliveness. But yet again it stops.
So when people are constantly half alive, pleasure becomes an important part of ur life. Very important part of ur life. Why? Because, without pleasure u cannot access ur aliveness. Pleasure becomes paramount in ur life when u r only half alive. When physicality is all u know, pleasure becomes an immense importance in ur life.
If u become fully alive, u will become so blissful, joyful, ecstatic without reason, burst of ecstasy within u without any reason, it is almost embarrassing. Now the tot of pleasure just evaporate. Looking for a drink, looking for some kinds of pleasurable thing just evaporate itself out of ur mind. Because u r fully alive.
When u r fully alive, pleasure disappear.
When u r half dead, pleasure is an important thing. When half of u is buried in a grave. To have pleasure becomes extremely important.
Graves have their own problems too. I saw the pyramids and saw that.
Whatever ur problem. Go all the way out to get it. U will find out within 24 hours that it is not the answer. Infact every pleasure you go for for is not the answer.
Life is just an explosion of intelligence. What u called as the Source of Creation, the Creator is ultimate intelligence.
That's the only thing u can trust right now. That will function only if u go all the way. If u go half heartedly, it will give u a false sense of comforts and solace. U can carry on with this stupid thing for the whole lifetime; infact for many lifetimes. U know it doesn't work but its not intense enough; thats why you still continue.
So give urself absolutely to whatever nonsense u r doing, very soon, within a day, u will know it doesn't work. If u realise it doesn't work, I believe u will shift. Something doesn't work and u r sure it doesn't work and u will shift.
Fulfilment, completeness is not going to happen by getting this or getting that.
It will only happen when this piece of life is alive to its core. That the very source of creation in this human, u have divine.
Only when u have touch the divinity in u, then u will find everything is fine. Now u can play life like a football game. U r on, when its on and when u want to switch it, it's off. Then nothing is a problem.
Seeking validation as a leader...my main issue
Apr 19 eve
Father, I got the contact from An and gave to the team. Answer was they don't know. And then no further response.
My mind was working overtime judging myself. Saying that others don't like me, don't acknowledge my leadership. I just looked at it. This is the modus operandi. Me, thinking others don't like me, which was due to me thinking I need others.
Alas a person respond saying they need etc.
This time I just replied I too don't know. To me, an idea came and we just pursue. Guess some need detailed instruction.
Mmm, if that's the case, then P is the most suitable one.
Father, I went in again.
Why?
Mmm, Ace of diamond. Not enough valuation on oneself. Continuous searching for others for values.
And in reality I m a Queen of Diamonds, I have more than enough values.
Father, nowadays at the office, my values are already in good foundation. Hence I m not bothered in seeking validation.
Whereas in a volunteer environment and have to take a leadership role; I m now again seeking validation.
Earlier it was with Z and after awhile cos I felt secure. I no longer seek. It's only when we broke off, that seeking came.
Father, yea. No one can validate me except myself. I may not be the best leader. I may not give complete information but I m a good leader. I have build many teams before.
For me now to undergo my karma in Isha is not to worry about validation. Let me validate myself. I already got such a high level of expectation and conscience that I don't need others to do so. I tend to downgrade myself. So sad but true.
Father, to the outside world they tot I m strong and don't need validation. In reality I am needy. And the worst thing is I sought validation from people that I don't need to.
Father, I have recovered from my mental drama and kept team posted on happenings.
Father, now I truly understand Ace and Eight of Diamonds...and also my Destiny Queen of Diamonds
I may be an Ace on the surface. And I need to learn from the Eights so that I can be my Queen of Diamonds.
(Apr 20 - A day later, I tot...instead of thinking I am not a good leader..why I don't think they are not good supporter??....why always me that is at 'loosing end'...why always me that need to be improved and not others?
Father, I got the contact from An and gave to the team. Answer was they don't know. And then no further response.
My mind was working overtime judging myself. Saying that others don't like me, don't acknowledge my leadership. I just looked at it. This is the modus operandi. Me, thinking others don't like me, which was due to me thinking I need others.
Alas a person respond saying they need etc.
This time I just replied I too don't know. To me, an idea came and we just pursue. Guess some need detailed instruction.
Mmm, if that's the case, then P is the most suitable one.
Father, I went in again.
Why?
Mmm, Ace of diamond. Not enough valuation on oneself. Continuous searching for others for values.
And in reality I m a Queen of Diamonds, I have more than enough values.
Father, nowadays at the office, my values are already in good foundation. Hence I m not bothered in seeking validation.
Whereas in a volunteer environment and have to take a leadership role; I m now again seeking validation.
Earlier it was with Z and after awhile cos I felt secure. I no longer seek. It's only when we broke off, that seeking came.
Father, yea. No one can validate me except myself. I may not be the best leader. I may not give complete information but I m a good leader. I have build many teams before.
For me now to undergo my karma in Isha is not to worry about validation. Let me validate myself. I already got such a high level of expectation and conscience that I don't need others to do so. I tend to downgrade myself. So sad but true.
Father, to the outside world they tot I m strong and don't need validation. In reality I am needy. And the worst thing is I sought validation from people that I don't need to.
Father, I have recovered from my mental drama and kept team posted on happenings.
Father, now I truly understand Ace and Eight of Diamonds...and also my Destiny Queen of Diamonds
I may be an Ace on the surface. And I need to learn from the Eights so that I can be my Queen of Diamonds.
(Apr 20 - A day later, I tot...instead of thinking I am not a good leader..why I don't think they are not good supporter??....why always me that is at 'loosing end'...why always me that need to be improved and not others?
First time in years...right elbow joints loosen
Apr 19
Woke up 7.30 am. Surya kriya was joyful. Loads of laughter after 5 cycles.
Breathing was ok.
Shakti was great cos alas seems to get rhythm for Kapala Bhakti. I think straighten spine help loads.
After ending Shakti and starting with Shambavi, I was singing at the first session of butterfly wings. Quite amazing. Towards the end, suddenly I was crying, tears rolling down. There were not tots, so not sure why I cry.
Moments later I was singing non stop and dancing even. Just like in Samyama program.
My right elbow joints has loosen. My continuous long standing right elbow has loosen.
I felt like a gay coming out of closet. In my case, was a spiritual person coming out of closet. I was fighting with my inner self. Going against the flow.
I should take my sister as the reference. She is into Christianity and sharing and expressing. Me, hiding.
The inner fight is gone. My resistance against myself is gone. Amen. Elbow stiffness also gone.
Four of Clubs
The card of mental satisfaction. U will experience some mental peace for awhile.
This is a good time to make plan for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.
Woke up 7.30 am. Surya kriya was joyful. Loads of laughter after 5 cycles.
Breathing was ok.
Shakti was great cos alas seems to get rhythm for Kapala Bhakti. I think straighten spine help loads.
After ending Shakti and starting with Shambavi, I was singing at the first session of butterfly wings. Quite amazing. Towards the end, suddenly I was crying, tears rolling down. There were not tots, so not sure why I cry.
Moments later I was singing non stop and dancing even. Just like in Samyama program.
My right elbow joints has loosen. My continuous long standing right elbow has loosen.
I felt like a gay coming out of closet. In my case, was a spiritual person coming out of closet. I was fighting with my inner self. Going against the flow.
I should take my sister as the reference. She is into Christianity and sharing and expressing. Me, hiding.
The inner fight is gone. My resistance against myself is gone. Amen. Elbow stiffness also gone.
Four of Clubs
The card of mental satisfaction. U will experience some mental peace for awhile.
This is a good time to make plan for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.
Further confirmation that I got very high expectation of myself - Pluto in Virgo
Apr 18 aft
As I was discussing with Ah, I suddenly realised that I sought validation because I am not validating myself.
I shared with her that on average there is 60 page views a day. She said that is a lot for a site that is not even advertised. That's show there are people out there that is keen to read my sharing.
I told her I tot 1000 page view a day would be when I think it has done well.
Ah said that I seems to have an expectation level issue. I got very high expectation level on myself.
Coincidentally I came to the same conclusion a few days ago; I set myself up for disappointment cos I had too high an expectation. If I lower down my expectation realistically, then there be no disappointment.
Father, this is so reminiscent of my Pluto in Virgo - perfectionist. This is hidden so deep that I didn't even realised.
When I shared with her the web layout, she said it is very good and its so me. She always felt energised and good after she sees me.
A tot occurred to me...I didn't show my true self.
I only show to the world, the social part of me, the one that loves food and recently now the one that meditate.
I can't show the world the one that's invest her whole time in self development and sharing of her experiences. I hide my spiritual aspect, which is the larger part of me.
Hiding means not giving recognition to myself, not validating myself. No wonder I then project it out that's others don't validate me. That I need validation from others. The truth is I only need to validate myself.
As I was discussing with Ah, I suddenly realised that I sought validation because I am not validating myself.
I shared with her that on average there is 60 page views a day. She said that is a lot for a site that is not even advertised. That's show there are people out there that is keen to read my sharing.
I told her I tot 1000 page view a day would be when I think it has done well.
Ah said that I seems to have an expectation level issue. I got very high expectation level on myself.
Coincidentally I came to the same conclusion a few days ago; I set myself up for disappointment cos I had too high an expectation. If I lower down my expectation realistically, then there be no disappointment.
Father, this is so reminiscent of my Pluto in Virgo - perfectionist. This is hidden so deep that I didn't even realised.
When I shared with her the web layout, she said it is very good and its so me. She always felt energised and good after she sees me.
A tot occurred to me...I didn't show my true self.
I only show to the world, the social part of me, the one that loves food and recently now the one that meditate.
I can't show the world the one that's invest her whole time in self development and sharing of her experiences. I hide my spiritual aspect, which is the larger part of me.
Hiding means not giving recognition to myself, not validating myself. No wonder I then project it out that's others don't validate me. That I need validation from others. The truth is I only need to validate myself.
Rheumatoid Arthristis - physical sympthom of me not validating myself
Apr 18 eve
Father, L and I have met ten years ago in ACIM session. We can't remember each other. She said she couldn't read ACIM and felt insecure then. I told her now is the right time for her. I think I am to meet her again to ask her to use ACIM.
Today my card was Nine of Hearts, giving counsel. First I met As, then I was surprised by my FC asking about her issue and shared with her tendency of Eight of Diamonds, guarding their values tightly and disregarding others, not open. Also realised M has the same cards as her King and Eight. Double mirror, no wonder both doesn't like each other.
Then now L. Three counsel sessions today and yet I don't feel drained. I now know I m to learn from who I teach. So, I see people u sent to me to teach is an opportunity for me to learn.
L told me her name represents the goddess of plentiful of everything.
And here I named myself Joy cos I am Joy. But yet I still have not use verbalise my new name yet. Waiting for name card.
Father, just received Deb Shapiro book today. I read it a couple months ago and tot its a good book to buy for keep.
Now just flicking thru the book and turn to auto immune disorder and saw this line;
"Do u feel as if u r not really valid?"
Are u overly critical of yourself?
Do u constantly put urself down?
Have u lost ur ability to discriminate?
Do u let someone else determine what u think or feel?
When I read the book then, I was not able to relate to all of this, I could only relate to the information on inflammation; whose cause is due to suppressed anger.
But now after knowing my issue on validation, recognition of my true self to others and setting too high expectation on myself, I can now see it. I tot I was kind to myself but actually I was not.
Deb Shapiro
Under inflammation;
Is there a battle going on between what is acceptable and what is not?
There is a war going on between an invading substance and ur inner being, ur immune system is fighting with ur non self in order to maintain balance.
Perhaps u r failing to acknowledge this war within urself.
Soul
Yes. I truly didn't know. I tot I was self centred and others tot so too. How can I not be validating myself when I don't do things that I don't want...yea...but do I truly do things that I really want???
But I knew now I only show things that I tot is socially acceptable. That's why it took me four and half year to recognise Sadhguru as my Guru. The same length that I was hiding myself as his devotee.
Now I knew my resistance to change diet was due to lack of acceptance. Now that I acknowledge my own rights to my own diets, the door is opened.
Suddenly I cried. Father, I wish everyone can see this. All illness is just due to our ignorance. It is so well hidden that it escaped everyone, even our own self.
I know now that I m given the gift to see this so that I can share with others.
I may not be an expert but I am a good applicator and a dialectic that can connect all the invisible dots together to create a picture that others can see.
For the first time I finally accepted my destiny of bringing hidden self knowledge. No more resistance. All is gone.
I have found and validate myself.
Anymore fear is now open and will be consciously addressed
There is No More reason for any RA symptoms as everything is now open, no more hiding. Amen.
Father, L and I have met ten years ago in ACIM session. We can't remember each other. She said she couldn't read ACIM and felt insecure then. I told her now is the right time for her. I think I am to meet her again to ask her to use ACIM.
Today my card was Nine of Hearts, giving counsel. First I met As, then I was surprised by my FC asking about her issue and shared with her tendency of Eight of Diamonds, guarding their values tightly and disregarding others, not open. Also realised M has the same cards as her King and Eight. Double mirror, no wonder both doesn't like each other.
Then now L. Three counsel sessions today and yet I don't feel drained. I now know I m to learn from who I teach. So, I see people u sent to me to teach is an opportunity for me to learn.
L told me her name represents the goddess of plentiful of everything.
And here I named myself Joy cos I am Joy. But yet I still have not use verbalise my new name yet. Waiting for name card.
Father, just received Deb Shapiro book today. I read it a couple months ago and tot its a good book to buy for keep.
Now just flicking thru the book and turn to auto immune disorder and saw this line;
"Do u feel as if u r not really valid?"
Are u overly critical of yourself?
Do u constantly put urself down?
Have u lost ur ability to discriminate?
Do u let someone else determine what u think or feel?
When I read the book then, I was not able to relate to all of this, I could only relate to the information on inflammation; whose cause is due to suppressed anger.
But now after knowing my issue on validation, recognition of my true self to others and setting too high expectation on myself, I can now see it. I tot I was kind to myself but actually I was not.
Deb Shapiro
Under inflammation;
Is there a battle going on between what is acceptable and what is not?
There is a war going on between an invading substance and ur inner being, ur immune system is fighting with ur non self in order to maintain balance.
Perhaps u r failing to acknowledge this war within urself.
Soul
Yes. I truly didn't know. I tot I was self centred and others tot so too. How can I not be validating myself when I don't do things that I don't want...yea...but do I truly do things that I really want???
But I knew now I only show things that I tot is socially acceptable. That's why it took me four and half year to recognise Sadhguru as my Guru. The same length that I was hiding myself as his devotee.
Now I knew my resistance to change diet was due to lack of acceptance. Now that I acknowledge my own rights to my own diets, the door is opened.
Suddenly I cried. Father, I wish everyone can see this. All illness is just due to our ignorance. It is so well hidden that it escaped everyone, even our own self.
I know now that I m given the gift to see this so that I can share with others.
I may not be an expert but I am a good applicator and a dialectic that can connect all the invisible dots together to create a picture that others can see.
For the first time I finally accepted my destiny of bringing hidden self knowledge. No more resistance. All is gone.
I have found and validate myself.
Anymore fear is now open and will be consciously addressed
There is No More reason for any RA symptoms as everything is now open, no more hiding. Amen.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
My Soul is singing with joy
Apr 18
Father, did my asanas and one cycle of Surya kriya. Quite ok. Doze bit in Shavasana. Little time for breathing meditation. Shakti was bit different as I m trying to experiment Kapala Bhakti. I noticed that with my body upright and head tilted a bit, spine is straightened and Kapala Bhakti flows better. Shambavi was fine. Towards the end just silence. Later when I was about to end, I started to sing non stop. My soul is signing with joy.
North node in Taurus
If they get in touch with what is really important to them and clearly represent those values, then they will attract people who truly resonate with them.
In this incarnation, Taurus north node need stability, not crisis.
To achieve this in the context of rship, they must not let their partner invalidate them. If the partner says something that they are not comfortable with, they can let him know:" I am not comfortable with this"
In this way, they make others aware of their boundaries, giving the partner an opportunity to accommodate them and come into alignment with what they need. As the rship evolves, it will become apparent whether or not this person is appropriate.
Soul
I am fine with setting boundaries. I have told Z:
1. Financial security represents stability. I can't live like him, living to his last dollar.
2. I choose having money vs having expensive things and be in debts.
3. I don't prefer children as I treasured my time alone.
4. I treasured my spiritual practices.
5. Reading and contemplation time is important to me.
6. I enjoy having good food.
Father, reading this makes me see that Z may not be right for me. No wonder he keeps on saying we are on a different phase in life. I have found my money and now on spiritual path whereas he is still looking for money.
He is my cosmic lesson and my soul mate and perhaps we are meant to be together for a season.
Without being with Z, I would never have dared to face my Saturn in Aries.
Without P, another cosmic lesson, I would never have faced my Pluto in Virgo.
I am thankful to both of them.
North node in Taurus
Bonding
To achieve a successful bonded partnerships, Taurus north node people needs to be ones that others support!
This means clarifying their values and goals and allowing others to rally around them.
To achieve successful long term rships, Taurus north node people need to first recognise that their energy is enough. They can live off their own energy.
As long as they feel incomplete they will continue to attract people who also have low self esteem.
But without untamed neediness driving them, they can take their time in discovering whose energy will actually increase them and bring them joy.
Father, did my asanas and one cycle of Surya kriya. Quite ok. Doze bit in Shavasana. Little time for breathing meditation. Shakti was bit different as I m trying to experiment Kapala Bhakti. I noticed that with my body upright and head tilted a bit, spine is straightened and Kapala Bhakti flows better. Shambavi was fine. Towards the end just silence. Later when I was about to end, I started to sing non stop. My soul is signing with joy.
North node in Taurus
If they get in touch with what is really important to them and clearly represent those values, then they will attract people who truly resonate with them.
In this incarnation, Taurus north node need stability, not crisis.
To achieve this in the context of rship, they must not let their partner invalidate them. If the partner says something that they are not comfortable with, they can let him know:" I am not comfortable with this"
In this way, they make others aware of their boundaries, giving the partner an opportunity to accommodate them and come into alignment with what they need. As the rship evolves, it will become apparent whether or not this person is appropriate.
Soul
I am fine with setting boundaries. I have told Z:
1. Financial security represents stability. I can't live like him, living to his last dollar.
2. I choose having money vs having expensive things and be in debts.
3. I don't prefer children as I treasured my time alone.
4. I treasured my spiritual practices.
5. Reading and contemplation time is important to me.
6. I enjoy having good food.
Father, reading this makes me see that Z may not be right for me. No wonder he keeps on saying we are on a different phase in life. I have found my money and now on spiritual path whereas he is still looking for money.
He is my cosmic lesson and my soul mate and perhaps we are meant to be together for a season.
Without being with Z, I would never have dared to face my Saturn in Aries.
Without P, another cosmic lesson, I would never have faced my Pluto in Virgo.
I am thankful to both of them.
North node in Taurus
Bonding
To achieve a successful bonded partnerships, Taurus north node people needs to be ones that others support!
This means clarifying their values and goals and allowing others to rally around them.
To achieve successful long term rships, Taurus north node people need to first recognise that their energy is enough. They can live off their own energy.
As long as they feel incomplete they will continue to attract people who also have low self esteem.
But without untamed neediness driving them, they can take their time in discovering whose energy will actually increase them and bring them joy.
Slowly stop fighting with my body
Apr 17 eve
Just purged again. I really can't take spice. I was being recalcitrant; since I am not taking red meat and poultry.
Father, as I was purging I scold myself for being stupid. Why put my body through the pain? This is the first time ever, I used to think the price is worth paying for eating spicy food. And the curry noodle and fried noodles was not even hot.
But today, feeling the pain I tot of my intestines that had to grind the spice; how they must have suffer, all because I was being childish.
After all the yoga, my body is becoming receptive to grace, so naturally it will dispel any food that its negative pranic and chilli being one of them. I will stop being stupid. My body really cannot take any spicy food.
Just purged again. I really can't take spice. I was being recalcitrant; since I am not taking red meat and poultry.
Father, as I was purging I scold myself for being stupid. Why put my body through the pain? This is the first time ever, I used to think the price is worth paying for eating spicy food. And the curry noodle and fried noodles was not even hot.
But today, feeling the pain I tot of my intestines that had to grind the spice; how they must have suffer, all because I was being childish.
After all the yoga, my body is becoming receptive to grace, so naturally it will dispel any food that its negative pranic and chilli being one of them. I will stop being stupid. My body really cannot take any spicy food.
My issue in validation cause me to hide my spiritual side
Apr 17
Had my walk in the park today. The trees and grass are so lovely. It was a peaceful walk and I start to sing in the third cycle.
Just finished my Shoonya and Samyama, I was singing in the end. Can't recall the last time I sang in Samyama.
Net my web designer, S and he told me that 7.thunders.com has now gone viral as he can see both his wife and our friend A is keen on the site. I told him that it has gone viral in my company.
I asked if his life is directed by his fears or happiness. He was surprised that there another view of looking at life. He has never tot being happy can be a direction.
Father, I truly got something to share. I may not be an expert but definitely something is in me. It's time to be optimistic and share. Just trust things to unfold.
Now reading my North node in Taurus.
Because NN in Taurus were not born with knowing what is important to them in life, they tend to investigate others' values. But this never work because when others share what is important to them, Taurus north node say to themselves: "That's not important because of ........, " and the other person feels invalidated. Not only do NN in Taurus lose out what they are seeking, but the process throws the other person off track in pursuing his values, and he often ends up feeling upset.
Soul
Yes. My first karma card was Three of Diamonds.
Yes. I used to do that a lot. But the last few years, it has decreased cos now focus is on me.
Taurus North node
They have spent so many incarnations being subject to the value system of others that they sometimes hide what they want if the think its not socially acceptable or not okay with those close to them.
In this incarnation, in order to build a sense of self worth they need to discriminate between others' values and their own and honour what they want. Only when they go after what they really want to do, they feel good about themselves.
Soul
I used to tot I was reserved in not sharing about my involvement in Isha. Or perhaps I was not sure I continued to be in Isha and here I m on my fifth year.
Then I see Y who just did Isha and was sharing non stop about it.
Now I know my issue on validation and further reading this, the truth is I was uncertain. Alas I finally opened up yesterday.
North node in Taurus
They tend to attract troubled types as candidates for close rship. They tend to be drawn to people who are poor risks for closeness. When they bond and put their trust in one of these people, they always end up being disappointed.
They think they can help heal the other person and expect the other person to be grateful and offer reciprocal support.
Soul
Not sure. But maybe. I fell in love with Z when he shared his sob stories on his ex-wife. I tot he too needs to be loved like me. I can give him the love.
Only much later, after reading Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller I knew about his South Node in Leo and his North node in Aquarius. By then I was in deep. The book helped me not to take his lack of response to me personally; I felt less hurt.
Only after the final break up, I knew about his Lunar in Leo. So, double whammy.
Had my walk in the park today. The trees and grass are so lovely. It was a peaceful walk and I start to sing in the third cycle.
Just finished my Shoonya and Samyama, I was singing in the end. Can't recall the last time I sang in Samyama.
Net my web designer, S and he told me that 7.thunders.com has now gone viral as he can see both his wife and our friend A is keen on the site. I told him that it has gone viral in my company.
I asked if his life is directed by his fears or happiness. He was surprised that there another view of looking at life. He has never tot being happy can be a direction.
Father, I truly got something to share. I may not be an expert but definitely something is in me. It's time to be optimistic and share. Just trust things to unfold.
Now reading my North node in Taurus.
Because NN in Taurus were not born with knowing what is important to them in life, they tend to investigate others' values. But this never work because when others share what is important to them, Taurus north node say to themselves: "That's not important because of ........, " and the other person feels invalidated. Not only do NN in Taurus lose out what they are seeking, but the process throws the other person off track in pursuing his values, and he often ends up feeling upset.
Soul
Yes. My first karma card was Three of Diamonds.
Yes. I used to do that a lot. But the last few years, it has decreased cos now focus is on me.
Taurus North node
They have spent so many incarnations being subject to the value system of others that they sometimes hide what they want if the think its not socially acceptable or not okay with those close to them.
In this incarnation, in order to build a sense of self worth they need to discriminate between others' values and their own and honour what they want. Only when they go after what they really want to do, they feel good about themselves.
Soul
I used to tot I was reserved in not sharing about my involvement in Isha. Or perhaps I was not sure I continued to be in Isha and here I m on my fifth year.
Then I see Y who just did Isha and was sharing non stop about it.
Now I know my issue on validation and further reading this, the truth is I was uncertain. Alas I finally opened up yesterday.
North node in Taurus
They tend to attract troubled types as candidates for close rship. They tend to be drawn to people who are poor risks for closeness. When they bond and put their trust in one of these people, they always end up being disappointed.
They think they can help heal the other person and expect the other person to be grateful and offer reciprocal support.
Soul
Not sure. But maybe. I fell in love with Z when he shared his sob stories on his ex-wife. I tot he too needs to be loved like me. I can give him the love.
Only much later, after reading Cosmic Love by Jan Spiller I knew about his South Node in Leo and his North node in Aquarius. By then I was in deep. The book helped me not to take his lack of response to me personally; I felt less hurt.
Only after the final break up, I knew about his Lunar in Leo. So, double whammy.
My issue in validation unravelling
Apr 16 eve
North node in Taurus
Their tendency to perceive themselves as intrinsically "bad" and disliked by others is actually their over sensitive probing to evoke validation from others.
When this folks stop seeking validation, they will no longer be so vulnerable to feeling disliked.
They are master builders. When they focus on building a rship and do it their way, in tune with own level of comfort. It will last forever.
Their challenge is not to allow other people's energy to disturb their sense of what's comfortable - it's not to their advantage to allow themselves to get "knocked around" in any way.
Soul
True. That's why I was so sad when Z left me. That's why I hold on. But the worst is over. While there are remnants of sadness, but I am getting better.
My next journey is to my Destiny. All the clearing is done, next step is with grace. Amen.
North node in Taurus
Their tendency to perceive themselves as intrinsically "bad" and disliked by others is actually their over sensitive probing to evoke validation from others.
When this folks stop seeking validation, they will no longer be so vulnerable to feeling disliked.
They are master builders. When they focus on building a rship and do it their way, in tune with own level of comfort. It will last forever.
Their challenge is not to allow other people's energy to disturb their sense of what's comfortable - it's not to their advantage to allow themselves to get "knocked around" in any way.
Soul
True. That's why I was so sad when Z left me. That's why I hold on. But the worst is over. While there are remnants of sadness, but I am getting better.
My next journey is to my Destiny. All the clearing is done, next step is with grace. Amen.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Sharing Isha Kriya at office
Apr 16 aft 1
Six of Spades
U can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realm of work and health.
Soul
Yes.
Just now as I was driving. I thank Father for giving me the life to take on Saturn in Aries and Pluto in Virgo. Now I know why the Seven of Clubs in Ruling that results in Five of Diamonds, change of values.
Destiny is Five of Diamonds and result is Queen of Spades, self mastery.
True enough, undertaking Pluto in Virgo will lead me to self mastery.
By next month, my website be out. Amen.
Timing is perfect.
Today, I did 2 things unexpectedly.
The first is to share IK to my office colleagues. So, will see next Monday.
Second thing call R despite no response and told him of my idea for IE. He liked it and I shared with L. Then I inform teacher and she tot it was a very good idea that she wants both Singapore and Australia to follow. And US is already doing that too. So, my idea was on the right track.
Another thing happen unexpectedly was Pe. That she even tot of joining IE. She opens up bit.
Six of Spades
U can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realm of work and health.
Soul
Yes.
Just now as I was driving. I thank Father for giving me the life to take on Saturn in Aries and Pluto in Virgo. Now I know why the Seven of Clubs in Ruling that results in Five of Diamonds, change of values.
Destiny is Five of Diamonds and result is Queen of Spades, self mastery.
True enough, undertaking Pluto in Virgo will lead me to self mastery.
By next month, my website be out. Amen.
Timing is perfect.
Today, I did 2 things unexpectedly.
The first is to share IK to my office colleagues. So, will see next Monday.
Second thing call R despite no response and told him of my idea for IE. He liked it and I shared with L. Then I inform teacher and she tot it was a very good idea that she wants both Singapore and Australia to follow. And US is already doing that too. So, my idea was on the right track.
Another thing happen unexpectedly was Pe. That she even tot of joining IE. She opens up bit.
Being a leader..is also alone...
Apr 16
Father, woke up twice yesterday cos it was too hot and then too cold after air cond. I was surprised body was fine at 4.30 am.
Did a cycle of surya kriya and then followed by asanas. Now my whole fingers can touch the ground while standing. Also realised that I now does deep breathing when doing the asanas, which makes it better.
After practice, I doze off during Shavasana and so had little time for breathing meditation.
Shakti is getting better cos now sitting up straight. Today suddenly shifted position and Kapala Bhakti becomes smoother. Since Maya is here, can ask her for correction.
Today had more tots of Z. I even dreamed of him with other women and I also dreamed of eating chicken.
We always dream what we miss. And this week cards does depicts it. Trust my Osho cards to tell me intuitively what I don't even know.
1. Issue
Trust
Don't waste ur life for that which was going to be taken away. Trust life. If u trust, u can drop knowledge, only then can u put ur mind aside.
Now is the bungee jumper without the cord. And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets, that the Knight of Water demands from us.
Soul
I always tot leadership is suffering; similar to power is responsibility. I just wanted to be on my own. Feeling contented within. But reading my Saturn in Aries - my skill and social responsibility is to be a leader. And knowing my need for validation makes me determined to proceed.
Let me change this.
Let me not fear that by being a leader, I lost the right to be lovable. Let me be a lovable leader.
2. Internal influence
Lovers
The lowest is sex, followed by love and highest is compassion
Love plus meditation becomes compassion.
What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky.
Our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us become whole.
Soul
Yea. My Saturn in Aries. That's Z. After the break up, I can truly see him as my mirror and alas proceed to take up my Saturn in Aries and Pluto in Virgo.
And he taught me to focus on the goal instead of price to pay.
I have physically let go. No longer whatsapp with him for a month. At times I still see his pix on Facebook. But that's all. No, these two days have tot of him. Not sure why. I tot lesson was over.
3. External influence
The Dream
All togetherness is illusory. The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone and this aloneness hurts. We want to drown our aloneness in rship.
Nobody, whether its ur current mate or some dreamed of partner in the future, has any obligation to deliver ur happiness on a platter - nor could they even if they wanted to.
Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity.
Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw others to us.
Soul
Yea. Being leader is alone. I don't feel I got the support of the team. I felt being tested.
With P no longer in my circle of trust and L is too busy for me and C is with P and busy too. I feel alone.
Perhaps that's why I suddenly had tot of Z. But that's a real dead end, I can't have any comfort there.
This aloneness in being a leader is not easy. Always being judged. No returns.
Oops. Don't go down. The returns will be in my personal goal of being a transforming agent. Helping others to be aware of the truth within.
4. What is needed?
Aloneness.
Loneliness is the absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. U r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
When we find no support for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.
If u r facing such a situation now, be aware of how u r choosing to view ur aloneness and take responsibility for the choice u have made.
Be a light unto urself.
Soul
I avoided this leadership path for many times. The lesson was easier previously as I got support then. But I was resistant and ran off and now had to take this up cos I valued it.
But because of my continuous runs, I no longer have others support. It's now on my own.
The lesson just gets more difficulty. Like Sadhguru says u either break urself or let life breaks u.
I will stay positive. I can do this. I m meant to carry it.
5. Resolution
The Source
Zen asked u to come out of the head and go to the basic source.
Learn to be at the Source. Relax at the Source and it will take u to ur very potential.
Soul
Amen.
Father, woke up twice yesterday cos it was too hot and then too cold after air cond. I was surprised body was fine at 4.30 am.
Did a cycle of surya kriya and then followed by asanas. Now my whole fingers can touch the ground while standing. Also realised that I now does deep breathing when doing the asanas, which makes it better.
After practice, I doze off during Shavasana and so had little time for breathing meditation.
Shakti is getting better cos now sitting up straight. Today suddenly shifted position and Kapala Bhakti becomes smoother. Since Maya is here, can ask her for correction.
Today had more tots of Z. I even dreamed of him with other women and I also dreamed of eating chicken.
We always dream what we miss. And this week cards does depicts it. Trust my Osho cards to tell me intuitively what I don't even know.
1. Issue
Trust
Don't waste ur life for that which was going to be taken away. Trust life. If u trust, u can drop knowledge, only then can u put ur mind aside.
Now is the bungee jumper without the cord. And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets, that the Knight of Water demands from us.
Soul
I always tot leadership is suffering; similar to power is responsibility. I just wanted to be on my own. Feeling contented within. But reading my Saturn in Aries - my skill and social responsibility is to be a leader. And knowing my need for validation makes me determined to proceed.
Let me change this.
Let me not fear that by being a leader, I lost the right to be lovable. Let me be a lovable leader.
2. Internal influence
Lovers
The lowest is sex, followed by love and highest is compassion
Love plus meditation becomes compassion.
What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky.
Our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us become whole.
Soul
Yea. My Saturn in Aries. That's Z. After the break up, I can truly see him as my mirror and alas proceed to take up my Saturn in Aries and Pluto in Virgo.
And he taught me to focus on the goal instead of price to pay.
I have physically let go. No longer whatsapp with him for a month. At times I still see his pix on Facebook. But that's all. No, these two days have tot of him. Not sure why. I tot lesson was over.
3. External influence
The Dream
All togetherness is illusory. The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone and this aloneness hurts. We want to drown our aloneness in rship.
Nobody, whether its ur current mate or some dreamed of partner in the future, has any obligation to deliver ur happiness on a platter - nor could they even if they wanted to.
Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity.
Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw others to us.
Soul
Yea. Being leader is alone. I don't feel I got the support of the team. I felt being tested.
With P no longer in my circle of trust and L is too busy for me and C is with P and busy too. I feel alone.
Perhaps that's why I suddenly had tot of Z. But that's a real dead end, I can't have any comfort there.
This aloneness in being a leader is not easy. Always being judged. No returns.
Oops. Don't go down. The returns will be in my personal goal of being a transforming agent. Helping others to be aware of the truth within.
4. What is needed?
Aloneness.
Loneliness is the absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. U r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
When we find no support for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.
If u r facing such a situation now, be aware of how u r choosing to view ur aloneness and take responsibility for the choice u have made.
Be a light unto urself.
Soul
I avoided this leadership path for many times. The lesson was easier previously as I got support then. But I was resistant and ran off and now had to take this up cos I valued it.
But because of my continuous runs, I no longer have others support. It's now on my own.
The lesson just gets more difficulty. Like Sadhguru says u either break urself or let life breaks u.
I will stay positive. I can do this. I m meant to carry it.
5. Resolution
The Source
Zen asked u to come out of the head and go to the basic source.
Learn to be at the Source. Relax at the Source and it will take u to ur very potential.
Soul
Amen.
Finally can see the pessimism in me
Apr 15 eve
Father, I wonder about my perception on F. Guess I m puzzled on her positivity, which to me, I can't see the rationale. Then I turn back the mirror on myself, I got much but yet can't feel positive. That's my Pluto in Virgo.
In the end, what's is positivity. Perhaps positivity is the starting point of having faith that things will turn out right even if it is not currently so. Yea, actually must learn from F.
Now that issue with P is over, the mind turns to Z. Tots of him came back. I m learning to ignore. And my this week Osho message also says the same thing.
North node in Taurus
Part of cultivating the energy of appreciation involves acknowledging the bounty that is already present in their lives. As they feel gratitude for what life has already brought them, they relax and feel peaceful and loved.
The energy of appreciation pulls them back into themselves and when they are centred this way, they open up to life bringing them more.
Soul
Yes. I m now freed from my job. I have a 3 days work with a good pay. I m financially secured. I have my blog and my website.
I have Isha tools to see me thru any challenges.
I have found my joy. I have released my control and expressed my sadness.
I now have high definition eye sight and connect with nature
I got RA for the past 8 years and have no pain, can do my yoga beautifully.
I have a loving family.
I m truly blessed.
I m also disciplined in my inner journey.
As for friends, I m still sensitive and uncertain. But I have learned to express my emotion.
North node in Taurus
If they don't have partner, they can say appreciation for having family and friends.
This is the key to the fullness they have been seeking. It has nothing to do with what is happening externally; it has to do with the graciousness in accepting and appreciating what they have.
As they take time to appreciate what they do have - with openness and feeling - they begin to experience the fullness of love inside them, which replaces the agitation they have so often felt.
Soul
Yea. It's time to learn appreciation. And appreciation leads to positivity.
Such a coincidence. Me thinking about F positivity and now picked up NN book which says the same thing.
I m to learn from who I teach.
Father, I wonder about my perception on F. Guess I m puzzled on her positivity, which to me, I can't see the rationale. Then I turn back the mirror on myself, I got much but yet can't feel positive. That's my Pluto in Virgo.
In the end, what's is positivity. Perhaps positivity is the starting point of having faith that things will turn out right even if it is not currently so. Yea, actually must learn from F.
Now that issue with P is over, the mind turns to Z. Tots of him came back. I m learning to ignore. And my this week Osho message also says the same thing.
North node in Taurus
Part of cultivating the energy of appreciation involves acknowledging the bounty that is already present in their lives. As they feel gratitude for what life has already brought them, they relax and feel peaceful and loved.
The energy of appreciation pulls them back into themselves and when they are centred this way, they open up to life bringing them more.
Soul
Yes. I m now freed from my job. I have a 3 days work with a good pay. I m financially secured. I have my blog and my website.
I have Isha tools to see me thru any challenges.
I have found my joy. I have released my control and expressed my sadness.
I now have high definition eye sight and connect with nature
I got RA for the past 8 years and have no pain, can do my yoga beautifully.
I have a loving family.
I m truly blessed.
I m also disciplined in my inner journey.
As for friends, I m still sensitive and uncertain. But I have learned to express my emotion.
North node in Taurus
If they don't have partner, they can say appreciation for having family and friends.
This is the key to the fullness they have been seeking. It has nothing to do with what is happening externally; it has to do with the graciousness in accepting and appreciating what they have.
As they take time to appreciate what they do have - with openness and feeling - they begin to experience the fullness of love inside them, which replaces the agitation they have so often felt.
Soul
Yea. It's time to learn appreciation. And appreciation leads to positivity.
Such a coincidence. Me thinking about F positivity and now picked up NN book which says the same thing.
I m to learn from who I teach.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Pluto - greatest risk and biggest impact
Apr 15
Father, body feels good. My skin is recovering. Probably due to detox of not having the meats. Father, its nearly 3 weeks since I said no to meats and I m fine.
Did my surya kriya, my right feet can touch the ground but not left feet. I m getting into the breathe routine. I find myself able to breathe easily when bending backward. But the towards the end of 4th cycle, I followed some tots and the position of legs were off. Surya kriya has to be done intently.
Did my breathing - not great. Shakti and Shambavi was fine. I m able to see the tots and make a choice whether to follow or not.
Towards the end, suddenly breathe suck in, like an exchange of energy. After awhile I start to sing and dance.
Yesterday I shared IE and responded with comments to RA group. A first for me. I referred them to Louise Hays and Deb Shapiro.
Some tots of Z comes in. No tots of P at all. Miss him but he is long gone. Nearly a month since my last msg. Another 3 months he be married and I will be having a new year.
Pluto
where u most covertly resist change; a willingness to change will have the biggest impact on ur life and will result in fearlessness.
Depicts the parts of urself that is the most difficult to face and to change.
Shows the way to release area of greatest internal repression and in the process experience a new sense of personal empowerment and self mastery.
Represents area where u r constantly challenged to use ur power to alter stagnant situation.
Illuminates that area in ur life in which u can obtain the rewards of true self mastery if u r willing to risk it all, exposing personal perceptions and values at the deepest level.
Indicates the area in which u need to be willing to die psychologically in order to be reborn into an experience of life on a whole new level.
Signifies where u can claim the high consciousness of clear right action and alignment with the self. It is also the area where u fear that embracing ur connection with the high consciousness might make u different from everyone else; aloneness.
Pluto signifies the transformation of an entire group of people as well as being an indicator of personal challenge for transformation and self mastery.
Pluto in Virgo
Ur generation calling:
To participate in world transformation on the levels of health and service to those less fortunate.
U r also given a chance to change the ecology of the earth.
Personal fear:
Risking the criticism of others through a commitment to ur sense of duty.
Challenge:
To serve others on practical levels even though u may not have attained the perception of self perfection that u seek.
Soul
Father, thanks to P; I got over my karma on seeking validation. I m now ready.
Father, body feels good. My skin is recovering. Probably due to detox of not having the meats. Father, its nearly 3 weeks since I said no to meats and I m fine.
Did my surya kriya, my right feet can touch the ground but not left feet. I m getting into the breathe routine. I find myself able to breathe easily when bending backward. But the towards the end of 4th cycle, I followed some tots and the position of legs were off. Surya kriya has to be done intently.
Did my breathing - not great. Shakti and Shambavi was fine. I m able to see the tots and make a choice whether to follow or not.
Towards the end, suddenly breathe suck in, like an exchange of energy. After awhile I start to sing and dance.
Yesterday I shared IE and responded with comments to RA group. A first for me. I referred them to Louise Hays and Deb Shapiro.
Some tots of Z comes in. No tots of P at all. Miss him but he is long gone. Nearly a month since my last msg. Another 3 months he be married and I will be having a new year.
Pluto
where u most covertly resist change; a willingness to change will have the biggest impact on ur life and will result in fearlessness.
Depicts the parts of urself that is the most difficult to face and to change.
Shows the way to release area of greatest internal repression and in the process experience a new sense of personal empowerment and self mastery.
Represents area where u r constantly challenged to use ur power to alter stagnant situation.
Illuminates that area in ur life in which u can obtain the rewards of true self mastery if u r willing to risk it all, exposing personal perceptions and values at the deepest level.
Indicates the area in which u need to be willing to die psychologically in order to be reborn into an experience of life on a whole new level.
Signifies where u can claim the high consciousness of clear right action and alignment with the self. It is also the area where u fear that embracing ur connection with the high consciousness might make u different from everyone else; aloneness.
Pluto signifies the transformation of an entire group of people as well as being an indicator of personal challenge for transformation and self mastery.
Pluto in Virgo
Ur generation calling:
To participate in world transformation on the levels of health and service to those less fortunate.
U r also given a chance to change the ecology of the earth.
Personal fear:
Risking the criticism of others through a commitment to ur sense of duty.
Challenge:
To serve others on practical levels even though u may not have attained the perception of self perfection that u seek.
Soul
Father, thanks to P; I got over my karma on seeking validation. I m now ready.
Our perception is our own...
Apr 14 eve
Father, Sadhguru said spinal holds all the information. Spine hold all the conductivity. No wonder they said after practices, stay longer with a straight spine.
Osho
Our minds work in totally contradictory ways. Whatever conclusion we draw, we immediately impose on others. Eg. We say a man is handsome. We should say he looks handsome to me.
We should restrict the statement only to ourselves.
What u know from external appearances are ur perceptions - ur likings, ur did likings. U r present in them. But u immediately exclude yourself and impose ur conclusions on others. Then the difficulty arises.
Soul
Father, I keep on saying F has no depth, just on the surface. . M also said the same thing about her. Tell me my mirror. I m to learn from those who I teach.
Osho
The laws of life are very strange. If there is the flame of a tiny lamp, then even a small breeze puts it out. But if its a huge, burning fire, then a big storm will only strengthen it.
So if its the ego which is facing the breeze, death appears to happen.
If it pure isness facing the breeze, then a glimpse of life is revealed.
A little breeze hits the ego - and only death appears. But if a storm hit the soul, the being, then u r bathed in the juice of life.
A small breeze blows out a lamp but makes a blazing fire bigger and bigger. The ego is very small, it is our creation - but we are vast because we are not our own creation, we are created by the infinite.
So, understand that u r always bigger than u see urself - u r vaster than urself; u r beyond urself.
All ur pettiness is the result of ur own efforts, ur own doing; all ur wretchedness is the result of ur own heroic efforts. It is thru ur own courageous seed that u have remained a small flame of a lamp, fearing death every moment, worrying about the sufferings, the troubles, the pains and the anxieties.
Take a jump out of ur madness. That jump starts from the ego.
Soul
Same msg as Sadhguru. Our experience comes from within. Our experience is of our own makings. Amen.
Father, Sadhguru said spinal holds all the information. Spine hold all the conductivity. No wonder they said after practices, stay longer with a straight spine.
Osho
Our minds work in totally contradictory ways. Whatever conclusion we draw, we immediately impose on others. Eg. We say a man is handsome. We should say he looks handsome to me.
We should restrict the statement only to ourselves.
What u know from external appearances are ur perceptions - ur likings, ur did likings. U r present in them. But u immediately exclude yourself and impose ur conclusions on others. Then the difficulty arises.
Soul
Father, I keep on saying F has no depth, just on the surface. . M also said the same thing about her. Tell me my mirror. I m to learn from those who I teach.
Osho
The laws of life are very strange. If there is the flame of a tiny lamp, then even a small breeze puts it out. But if its a huge, burning fire, then a big storm will only strengthen it.
So if its the ego which is facing the breeze, death appears to happen.
If it pure isness facing the breeze, then a glimpse of life is revealed.
A little breeze hits the ego - and only death appears. But if a storm hit the soul, the being, then u r bathed in the juice of life.
A small breeze blows out a lamp but makes a blazing fire bigger and bigger. The ego is very small, it is our creation - but we are vast because we are not our own creation, we are created by the infinite.
So, understand that u r always bigger than u see urself - u r vaster than urself; u r beyond urself.
All ur pettiness is the result of ur own efforts, ur own doing; all ur wretchedness is the result of ur own heroic efforts. It is thru ur own courageous seed that u have remained a small flame of a lamp, fearing death every moment, worrying about the sufferings, the troubles, the pains and the anxieties.
Take a jump out of ur madness. That jump starts from the ego.
Soul
Same msg as Sadhguru. Our experience comes from within. Our experience is of our own makings. Amen.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Sadhguru - human peacefulness can only comes with consciousness
Apr 14
Just had a good sleep. Did the presentation, I was feeling fine. But crowd was small.
As I was waiting, I can feel the stress coming up. I had Seven of Clubs in Neptune and Stress card in Osho. I just calmed down.
And somehow I reached out to P for support and I also want her to know I don't enjoy doing the session. I didn't knew she was coming. She came to provide support. Like I know, her heart is in the right place. I hope she can find a pleasantness within herself.
Father, I think I did well in the presentation. I was not nervous. I too can support IE intro.
Now watching Sadhguru DVD. Something changed in me. Just wanting to be with him, after nearly 5 years of practices.
Sadhguru
The basis of ur experience is in ur spine. So having some mastery over ur spine important.
Naturally u go towards pleasant experience and avoid unpleasant experience. So, u divided the world and then try to learn about unity.
The fundamental for dividing the world is due to survival mode. U gravitate towards pleasantness and after awhile u cannot go towards unpleasantness.
Spine itself doesn't know anything but it is conducting everything. Once ur very being is accidental, u become potential calamity. Once the fear of what will happen is there in my mind.
The sense of peacefulness that animal has is unconscious. So, u cannot try hard to become unconscious. Even if u lead simple life, u cant be peaceful. U can only move forward and become conscious.
Human being can only look at things/people with tenderness only at what they tot belong to them. They cannot do so for every aspect of life. If u cannot at trees with a certain tenderness in ur heart, u r a human. U r not yet human. It is an evolutionary process. Even the evolution has been handed to u. U can either evolved or remain stagnant.
Human being are not great but they are great possibilities. There is a distance between reality and possibility. Are we going to walk the distance or just become like every other creatures in the universe. U can never be as peaceful without walking the distance.
The problem is u r unable to determine the nature of ur experience. That's why u need to be told to be peaceful, be loving and etc. these are all great things that never work.
If u take charge of what causes experience within u. If u r in charge of that, I am 100 percent sure that u will make it very pleasant for urself.
And when u r pleasant inside, u will naturally be pleasant to people around u.
If u r feeling wonderful within urself, however other people feel, u can still be magnanimous.
When u r very pleasant, ur body and mind will work at its best. Then u become successful.
Whatever the nature of ur experience, is within u. Whether is fear, ecstasy, anger. Then u would naturally looked within to see how to make it pleasant.
If u r loving and ecstatic, u don't care about heaven or hell.
The more u know about urself, u inner engineer urself to make urself even more pleasant.
Grace is just the help to create the necessary experience. Grace is just the lubricant.
Just pay attention to ur spine. It will pay off.
Just had a good sleep. Did the presentation, I was feeling fine. But crowd was small.
As I was waiting, I can feel the stress coming up. I had Seven of Clubs in Neptune and Stress card in Osho. I just calmed down.
And somehow I reached out to P for support and I also want her to know I don't enjoy doing the session. I didn't knew she was coming. She came to provide support. Like I know, her heart is in the right place. I hope she can find a pleasantness within herself.
Father, I think I did well in the presentation. I was not nervous. I too can support IE intro.
Now watching Sadhguru DVD. Something changed in me. Just wanting to be with him, after nearly 5 years of practices.
Sadhguru
The basis of ur experience is in ur spine. So having some mastery over ur spine important.
Naturally u go towards pleasant experience and avoid unpleasant experience. So, u divided the world and then try to learn about unity.
The fundamental for dividing the world is due to survival mode. U gravitate towards pleasantness and after awhile u cannot go towards unpleasantness.
Spine itself doesn't know anything but it is conducting everything. Once ur very being is accidental, u become potential calamity. Once the fear of what will happen is there in my mind.
The sense of peacefulness that animal has is unconscious. So, u cannot try hard to become unconscious. Even if u lead simple life, u cant be peaceful. U can only move forward and become conscious.
Human being can only look at things/people with tenderness only at what they tot belong to them. They cannot do so for every aspect of life. If u cannot at trees with a certain tenderness in ur heart, u r a human. U r not yet human. It is an evolutionary process. Even the evolution has been handed to u. U can either evolved or remain stagnant.
Human being are not great but they are great possibilities. There is a distance between reality and possibility. Are we going to walk the distance or just become like every other creatures in the universe. U can never be as peaceful without walking the distance.
The problem is u r unable to determine the nature of ur experience. That's why u need to be told to be peaceful, be loving and etc. these are all great things that never work.
If u take charge of what causes experience within u. If u r in charge of that, I am 100 percent sure that u will make it very pleasant for urself.
And when u r pleasant inside, u will naturally be pleasant to people around u.
If u r feeling wonderful within urself, however other people feel, u can still be magnanimous.
When u r very pleasant, ur body and mind will work at its best. Then u become successful.
Whatever the nature of ur experience, is within u. Whether is fear, ecstasy, anger. Then u would naturally looked within to see how to make it pleasant.
If u r loving and ecstatic, u don't care about heaven or hell.
The more u know about urself, u inner engineer urself to make urself even more pleasant.
Grace is just the help to create the necessary experience. Grace is just the lubricant.
Just pay attention to ur spine. It will pay off.
Sadhguru - all longing is for inclusions
Apr 13 eve
Father, now watching Sadhguru video.
Sadhguru
If u r suffering, u cannot go for liberation, mukti.
If u r suffering, u will only go for some sweetness or pleasures.
Only those who are already blissful will seek mukti. They are not bothered about other things and just continue on the path to mukti.
For people who are suffering, the idea of heaven was created. Heaven is a bloody perverted place.
A large part of people wants to go heaven, exaggerated quantity of pleasures. That's their idea of ultimate. Pleasures has always been rationed to people and they tot larger quantity is great.
In reality, large quality of pleasures only make u sick of it.
Pleasures is a poor substitute for joy and blissfulness
This whole game of good deal and bad deal, similar to heaven and hell.
Any kind of deviation from the normal course of life process gives u an exaggerated sense of energy, always. U become fanatical about something. U will have an exaggerated sense of energy.
If u become very loving, blissful, u will also have a great sense of energy but it will not expend itself the way a perverted mind will do.
Literacy doesn't take intelligence. Most printed words (sacred) negate life. Makes people guilty, confused. It doesn't matter. Causing confusion is very easy. Bringing clarity is difficult.
Let life reach u.
Whatever a human is seeking, whether food, money or pleasure. Starting from the fundamental longing for food. Beyond hunger, u r also eating. Food, ingestion, digestion and assimilation. Is a way of taking something not a part of u and making it part of u. At the lowest level is food. Others pleasure.
If highest level, we call yoga.
The longing is for unity.
All the cries are confusing the essential longing to include.
By eating, possessing, conquering. U wanted to include something else as a part of yourself.
Ur longing, whatever u r longing for, food, lust, ambition.
U r confusing the fundamental longing for other things.
Ur only longing is for inclusiveness. Nobody can take in piece by piece. Either u swallow in whole or u don't.
If u r receptive of nature, u will feel overwhelmed.
If u r willing to see u as a person, u willl see you still have not grasped about life. The blade of grass may be laughing at u. Nature knows life except human being. Human was given the freedom to transcend life, but they just go below. They can't even enjoy life like the trees enjoy life.
Soul
Father, now I know why I cried this morning. I was overwhelmed by the trees capability to just be with life. Human puts so much struggle with life.
Father, now watching Sadhguru video.
Sadhguru
If u r suffering, u cannot go for liberation, mukti.
If u r suffering, u will only go for some sweetness or pleasures.
Only those who are already blissful will seek mukti. They are not bothered about other things and just continue on the path to mukti.
For people who are suffering, the idea of heaven was created. Heaven is a bloody perverted place.
A large part of people wants to go heaven, exaggerated quantity of pleasures. That's their idea of ultimate. Pleasures has always been rationed to people and they tot larger quantity is great.
In reality, large quality of pleasures only make u sick of it.
Pleasures is a poor substitute for joy and blissfulness
This whole game of good deal and bad deal, similar to heaven and hell.
Any kind of deviation from the normal course of life process gives u an exaggerated sense of energy, always. U become fanatical about something. U will have an exaggerated sense of energy.
If u become very loving, blissful, u will also have a great sense of energy but it will not expend itself the way a perverted mind will do.
Literacy doesn't take intelligence. Most printed words (sacred) negate life. Makes people guilty, confused. It doesn't matter. Causing confusion is very easy. Bringing clarity is difficult.
Let life reach u.
Whatever a human is seeking, whether food, money or pleasure. Starting from the fundamental longing for food. Beyond hunger, u r also eating. Food, ingestion, digestion and assimilation. Is a way of taking something not a part of u and making it part of u. At the lowest level is food. Others pleasure.
If highest level, we call yoga.
The longing is for unity.
All the cries are confusing the essential longing to include.
By eating, possessing, conquering. U wanted to include something else as a part of yourself.
Ur longing, whatever u r longing for, food, lust, ambition.
U r confusing the fundamental longing for other things.
Ur only longing is for inclusiveness. Nobody can take in piece by piece. Either u swallow in whole or u don't.
If u r receptive of nature, u will feel overwhelmed.
If u r willing to see u as a person, u willl see you still have not grasped about life. The blade of grass may be laughing at u. Nature knows life except human being. Human was given the freedom to transcend life, but they just go below. They can't even enjoy life like the trees enjoy life.
Soul
Father, now I know why I cried this morning. I was overwhelmed by the trees capability to just be with life. Human puts so much struggle with life.
Aliveness of nature
Apr 13
Woke up before alarm and slept back. But when alarm rang later, I feel tired and switched it off. Hopefully I learn to wake up when body tells rather than to wait.
Did one cycle of Surya Kriya, feels good. Breathing meditation was not great. Then followed by Shakti and Shambavi. Towards the end, I was singing. Of late, that's my experiences.
There were no tots of P, some tots of tomorrow program. some pleasurable tots of Z.
But this time I find that I have the option to ignore it and just focus back on my practices instead of pursuing the clouds of tots. The clouds is just there, coming and going. It's us that's tot the cloud is us and starts to get on the cloud and make it our sky. We are truly not our mind
Went for a short swim, had some panic attacks but I persevere. Towards the end the breathing was so smooth that I got frightened and stopped it.
As I was driving back, I saw the loveliness of the trees and bushes on the roads. They are so contented, so there. Suddenly I cried as I was feeling overwhelmed by their aliveness.
I wished everyone could experienced it, the aliveness of nature.
On P, I understood L comments "seriously weaken" when I said P returned all the things. We have all give in to her instructions cos she hold everything. Because, we are reluctant to hold things, we leave it. But since she give away everything, she loss her 'power' and we don't have to listen to her. So sad, we make her to be a leader out of our inertia. And despite not wanting to follow her, we let be, out of fear of not wanting to take over.
Anyway, the ball on my court. I cannot expect immediate support but once I m in and do my part, the support will come. Father. Thank you.
Woke up before alarm and slept back. But when alarm rang later, I feel tired and switched it off. Hopefully I learn to wake up when body tells rather than to wait.
Did one cycle of Surya Kriya, feels good. Breathing meditation was not great. Then followed by Shakti and Shambavi. Towards the end, I was singing. Of late, that's my experiences.
There were no tots of P, some tots of tomorrow program. some pleasurable tots of Z.
But this time I find that I have the option to ignore it and just focus back on my practices instead of pursuing the clouds of tots. The clouds is just there, coming and going. It's us that's tot the cloud is us and starts to get on the cloud and make it our sky. We are truly not our mind
Went for a short swim, had some panic attacks but I persevere. Towards the end the breathing was so smooth that I got frightened and stopped it.
As I was driving back, I saw the loveliness of the trees and bushes on the roads. They are so contented, so there. Suddenly I cried as I was feeling overwhelmed by their aliveness.
I wished everyone could experienced it, the aliveness of nature.
On P, I understood L comments "seriously weaken" when I said P returned all the things. We have all give in to her instructions cos she hold everything. Because, we are reluctant to hold things, we leave it. But since she give away everything, she loss her 'power' and we don't have to listen to her. So sad, we make her to be a leader out of our inertia. And despite not wanting to follow her, we let be, out of fear of not wanting to take over.
Anyway, the ball on my court. I cannot expect immediate support but once I m in and do my part, the support will come. Father. Thank you.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
If u cannot see your own ego, u cannot see your Soul
Apr 12 eve
Father, P returned all the items for IE. I guess she give up. That's typical of Nines, they are extreme. They cannot stay in a situation and learn their lessons. Their mode is always to terminate the situation.
Anyway, on a positive note. That's good too. I was bit dilemma on her cos she is double edged sword.
Father, a few Nines in my life. Yea, I took up the lesson cos I know it come back. I prefer to break on my own rather than others break me.
Father, thank u for being here.
Osho
Knowledge which does not transform u is borrowed. It conclusions are not yours because your knowledge is not your own, it is not your experience.
Try to know your ego and don't make any judgements that this is good or this is bad, look at it directly. And if u cannot even see your ego, u will never be able to see the thou or that, because the ego is your outer layer and thou is the center.
How can one who has not yet come to know his ego know thou or that?
First know this I and as u come to know this I. It will disperse. The fire of this knowing reduces the I into ashes.
Soul
Yes. I know. I m so blessed that my inner journey was always on the ego and finally I reached thou with Sadhguru's help.
P said she searched and studied so much. But I can see she didn't study herself. She is going thru the hard way using her body.
Father, I leave it to you. I m just thankful I finally broke karma on validation. Now just focus on leadership is my next karma.
Father, P returned all the items for IE. I guess she give up. That's typical of Nines, they are extreme. They cannot stay in a situation and learn their lessons. Their mode is always to terminate the situation.
Anyway, on a positive note. That's good too. I was bit dilemma on her cos she is double edged sword.
Father, a few Nines in my life. Yea, I took up the lesson cos I know it come back. I prefer to break on my own rather than others break me.
Father, thank u for being here.
Osho
Knowledge which does not transform u is borrowed. It conclusions are not yours because your knowledge is not your own, it is not your experience.
Try to know your ego and don't make any judgements that this is good or this is bad, look at it directly. And if u cannot even see your ego, u will never be able to see the thou or that, because the ego is your outer layer and thou is the center.
How can one who has not yet come to know his ego know thou or that?
First know this I and as u come to know this I. It will disperse. The fire of this knowing reduces the I into ashes.
Soul
Yes. I know. I m so blessed that my inner journey was always on the ego and finally I reached thou with Sadhguru's help.
P said she searched and studied so much. But I can see she didn't study herself. She is going thru the hard way using her body.
Father, I leave it to you. I m just thankful I finally broke karma on validation. Now just focus on leadership is my next karma.
The law of inner progress..it will come back again and again until we become conscious
Apr 12
Father, wake up 7 am to do my practices. Body woke up before 6 am and I slept back, so lethargy sets in.
Took a shower and starts. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya. I realised I did a short Shavasana. When I m doing Surya, it has to be with full intensity as any tots will disrupt the different breathe counts. So, I did Surya intently.
Did my breathing, Shakti and Shambavi. Father, today there were some tots. None of P as the karma was broken and I love her for it. There were a little tots of Z but I didn't follow. But I realised I have the option not to follow. I just see the cloud of tots and can omit them.
Father, now editing the book of Sri Autobindo, and the following strikes me
The disillusioned vital in a philanthropist becomes a pessimist.
Soul
My destiny card is Nine of Diamonds, Philanthropist. I still cant identify with this. But maybe my blog and website, i shared my inner journey, my greatest treasure.
But I can see myself as a pessimist. But now I can see its because I had unrealistic expectation.
Sri Aurobindo
Our sorrows and sufferings are always the sign of a mixture, and therefore always deceitful.
Joy alone is true.
Because the I in us that embrace all existence and opposites of existence is true.
We will find again certain deadlocked situations that will strike us with an air of deja vu and seem wrapped in a halo of fatality: what we did not conquer in the past returns again and again, each time with a slightly different face, but basically always the same, until we confront it and untie the old knot. Such is the law of inner progress.
Soul
Exactly what I tot of leadership in Isha. It comes back many times. I m ready now to tackle my Saturm in Aries. Tackling Z,the Aries has given me the strength.
Sri Aurobindo
Evolution does not consist in becoming more saintly or intelligent, but in becoming more conscious.
Consciousness is the means, consciousness is the key, and consciousness is the end.
Soul
My tots exactly..first know yourself
Father, wake up 7 am to do my practices. Body woke up before 6 am and I slept back, so lethargy sets in.
Took a shower and starts. Did 5 cycles of Surya kriya. I realised I did a short Shavasana. When I m doing Surya, it has to be with full intensity as any tots will disrupt the different breathe counts. So, I did Surya intently.
Did my breathing, Shakti and Shambavi. Father, today there were some tots. None of P as the karma was broken and I love her for it. There were a little tots of Z but I didn't follow. But I realised I have the option not to follow. I just see the cloud of tots and can omit them.
Father, now editing the book of Sri Autobindo, and the following strikes me
The disillusioned vital in a philanthropist becomes a pessimist.
Soul
My destiny card is Nine of Diamonds, Philanthropist. I still cant identify with this. But maybe my blog and website, i shared my inner journey, my greatest treasure.
But I can see myself as a pessimist. But now I can see its because I had unrealistic expectation.
Sri Aurobindo
Our sorrows and sufferings are always the sign of a mixture, and therefore always deceitful.
Joy alone is true.
Because the I in us that embrace all existence and opposites of existence is true.
We will find again certain deadlocked situations that will strike us with an air of deja vu and seem wrapped in a halo of fatality: what we did not conquer in the past returns again and again, each time with a slightly different face, but basically always the same, until we confront it and untie the old knot. Such is the law of inner progress.
Soul
Exactly what I tot of leadership in Isha. It comes back many times. I m ready now to tackle my Saturm in Aries. Tackling Z,the Aries has given me the strength.
Sri Aurobindo
Evolution does not consist in becoming more saintly or intelligent, but in becoming more conscious.
Consciousness is the means, consciousness is the key, and consciousness is the end.
Soul
My tots exactly..first know yourself
Unrealistic expectation sets the foundation for disappointment
Apr 11 aft
Father, no response on the mail. Of course, the mind work overtime.
But I ignored it. This is just a beginning and many wanted to come but cannot make it.
I will create teams.
As I was driving, I suddenly realised it was my unrealistic expectation that gets me easily disappointed.
Besides the reason why no volunteers this weekend is because a few went to overseas and others on Tamil new year festival.
Father, let me have realistic expectation. On P, just let her be. Who I tot she was when she comes back energised from Kailash. Let her have space and let me have mine. So the Friendliness card was very apt.
Had a good session with J. He was a few years older than I tot he is. When I said about karma on work, he immediately know that's its about leadership in Isha. I shared with him my resistances on leadership and how this role keeps on coming back to me. It is just waiting for me to pick up. I told him I decide to end this leadership karma once and for all. I don't want it to come back.
I said this role of leadership, lots of heartache but no returns.
Suddenly he said that he feel Isha will explode in Msia especially with hata yoga as an entrance. He said not to worry, by then I would have lots of support.
Father, no response on the mail. Of course, the mind work overtime.
But I ignored it. This is just a beginning and many wanted to come but cannot make it.
I will create teams.
As I was driving, I suddenly realised it was my unrealistic expectation that gets me easily disappointed.
Besides the reason why no volunteers this weekend is because a few went to overseas and others on Tamil new year festival.
Father, let me have realistic expectation. On P, just let her be. Who I tot she was when she comes back energised from Kailash. Let her have space and let me have mine. So the Friendliness card was very apt.
Had a good session with J. He was a few years older than I tot he is. When I said about karma on work, he immediately know that's its about leadership in Isha. I shared with him my resistances on leadership and how this role keeps on coming back to me. It is just waiting for me to pick up. I told him I decide to end this leadership karma once and for all. I don't want it to come back.
I said this role of leadership, lots of heartache but no returns.
Suddenly he said that he feel Isha will explode in Msia especially with hata yoga as an entrance. He said not to worry, by then I would have lots of support.
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