Jul 13 Even
Father, a day later, D admitted that her lovability is not time, but instead productivity. She believes that if she doesn't act, the world becomes stagnant. I told her that's an egoic tot, think herself so great. Can't trust the Universe to provide. So, she gave herself grueling schedule. I asked her in a downtime period, she can't even let herself have downtime, that's means she need to 'produce/act' in order to feel good.
Mmm, but I noticed she keep on holding to lack of trust in Universe, instead of looking inward on why she need to be productive to feel good.
Cos in my mind, lack of trust is a universal problem, jus different form. And besides, how many of us can trust the unknown Universe.
Jus now saw my sight drawn to the guy. I like his voice. Anyway, didn't hear him again. Don't like him in red. But then heard abt his DBA, which I like, I have attraction for smart guy with good voice.
Mmm, opposite attract. Does that means m not smart and don't have a good voice???
Today, saw d gals all looking beautiful and I am happy for them. My vision changed.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Hidden unlovability is what drives us (7)
Jul 13
This mornin was awake at 3.20 am. Tot it was time. Then I slept back and woke up at 4.30 am, my wrist swell reduced and I did my hatha asanas, quite effortless.
Wonder whether this is due to the final showdown of the mirror between CEO and me.
Osho Transformation
1. Events/Influences affecting you or your question - Prayer
Let ur gestures be alive, spontaneous. Let ur own awareness decide your lifestyle, life pattern. Don't allow anybody else to decide it. This is a sin to allow anybody else to decide as it would be superficial.
Allow the truth of the moment to possess you and u will start growing and u will know the tremendous beauties of prayer. You have entered on the path.
Soul
Yeap, I was affected. Since no answer of my own, tot if I shld follow others. Glad the answer came. I stay on my course. Yday didn't go for IE volunteering, went back and do my guru pooja/shoonya/shakti enjoyably.
2. External influence u r aware - Intelligence
We are born to be blissful. It is our birthright. But people don't even claim their birthright. They become more interested in what others possess and they start running after those things. They never look within, they never search in their own house.
We need to look within because unless we know what is within us how can we go on searching all over the world. And those who looked within, found it immediately.
If u don't know what u r seeking. How can u find it? The search continues in spite of what u have. So, the search must not be for power, money, prestige and respectability. These are just to satisfy ur mind.
If u start defining your search, u will start losing interest in the search. Search exists only when u r not aware. The unawareness creates the search. Once u r aware, search ceased.
Meditation is nothing but a re-adjustment of your vision, of your eyes. And if u go on looking inside - it takes time - gradually, slowly, you start feeling a beautiful light inside. It is not like the glaring/dazzling sun, but it is the cool, calm compassionate moon.
By and by, when u have adjusted by the inside light, u will see that u r the very source. The seeker is the sought. Then u will see that the treasure is within u and the whole problem was that u were seeking for it outside, wrong direction.
Soul
Amazing. Tot I saw d mirror with CEO of creating insecurities in others. Now can see the bigger version. We both on diamond and measure our self worth according to the value we acquired/delivered. When we possess valuable or deliver values, our self worth increase and immediately we felt lovable. I used to judge CEO, why so hard on urself and others. So, what if outside not as valuable, does it kill her. Well, it does, just like when I have to prepare reporting, which I tot its low value and I felt so low cos I lost my self-worth. That's the reason I was miserable here, cannot create valuable work, self-worth at the lowest point, felt so unloved. If I cannot feel myself worth of love, how can I feel lovable.
So, CEO is my mirror. From now on, I won't judge of her deliverable's need.
And by demanding of such high values in others and ourselves, we drive ourselves. Me, resulting in RA. CEO, resulting in continuous anger and anxiety. Since her posession is her valuation, she wil fight tooth and nails to maintain her job, I think will stretch to 60 like d other Chairman.
And who knows, my Jupiter period of 9 of heart, mirror to 7 of diamond will last till then.
Now I understand her outburst at me for the low grade PA.
My valuation is down and so is my lovability factor. This was reinforced when I was asked to be mute during volunteering for IE programme. Suddenly I felt unloved. And when I have such astounding experience during initiation. I wasn't sure how to react, to be please or not. Not sure whether it is a good thing.
For me, I was searching for ways to make me feel lovable so that I can be loved. This is despite me being the happiest I ever been in my life.
That's why I was looking for avenue for creation of value so that I can feel lovable.
Now I know my happiness is priceless. I already have it within me, my Light has shined outward. I just need to let go of my perception in lovability. I just need to be aware and remind myself. The search stop here.
4. The seed of transformation
Worth - on the virtue of worthlessness
Be like this useless tree, then nobody can harm u and u will grow big and vast and thousands of people can find shade under I.
Move in the world as if u r not. Remain unknown. Don't try to prove ur worth. There is no need. Just remain useless and enjoy.
Of course, this seem impractical. But life is to enjoy and celebrate, life is not to become a utility. Life is more like a poetry than a commodity in the market, it should be like poetry, a song, a dance.
If u want to be a poem, an ecstasy, then forget about utility. Remain true to yourself.
Soul
Heard it loud and clear. Now that my perception of my view of lovability is cleared. No need to increase my valuation by doing more.
5. New direction of growth in ur inner awareness
Blessings in Disguise - the fortunes and misfortunes of a villager.
The only problem with sadness, desperateness, anger, hopelessness, anxiety, anguish, misery, is that u want to be rid of them. That's the only barrier. You will have to live with them. You cannot just escape. They are the very situation in which life has to integrate and grow. They are the challenges of life. Accept them. They are blessing in disguise.
Just state the fact! Don't think of anything as a curse or a blessing. Don't interpret, and suddenly you will see that everything is beautiful.
Soul
Thanks for the major upheaval between CEO and me. Amen.
5. Key to integration.
Desire - the magical begging bowl
When u desire something, your joy depends on that something. If it is taken away, u r miserable; if it is given to u, u r happy. But only for the moment! That too must be understood.
Whenever ur desire is fulfilled, it is only for the moment that u feel joy. It is fleeting because once u have got it, again the mind starts desiring for more, for something else.
Mind exists in desiring; hence mind can never leave u without desire.
If you are without desire, mind dies immediately. That's the whole secret of meditation.
Human skull is endless. You go on pouring anything into it and it disappear. The desire, the longing for something else takes u away from this moment.
The majority running after shadows, their begging bowls will remain with them till they enter their graves.
And a very small minority, one in a millon, stop running, drops all desires, asks for nothing and suddenly he finds everything within himself.
Soul
I have found and uncover my inner Light. By letting go of my love perception, being in the moment, let me savour it
My swimming or rather my floating will keep me intact.
This mornin was awake at 3.20 am. Tot it was time. Then I slept back and woke up at 4.30 am, my wrist swell reduced and I did my hatha asanas, quite effortless.
Wonder whether this is due to the final showdown of the mirror between CEO and me.
Osho Transformation
1. Events/Influences affecting you or your question - Prayer
Let ur gestures be alive, spontaneous. Let ur own awareness decide your lifestyle, life pattern. Don't allow anybody else to decide it. This is a sin to allow anybody else to decide as it would be superficial.
Allow the truth of the moment to possess you and u will start growing and u will know the tremendous beauties of prayer. You have entered on the path.
Soul
Yeap, I was affected. Since no answer of my own, tot if I shld follow others. Glad the answer came. I stay on my course. Yday didn't go for IE volunteering, went back and do my guru pooja/shoonya/shakti enjoyably.
2. External influence u r aware - Intelligence
We are born to be blissful. It is our birthright. But people don't even claim their birthright. They become more interested in what others possess and they start running after those things. They never look within, they never search in their own house.
We need to look within because unless we know what is within us how can we go on searching all over the world. And those who looked within, found it immediately.
If u don't know what u r seeking. How can u find it? The search continues in spite of what u have. So, the search must not be for power, money, prestige and respectability. These are just to satisfy ur mind.
If u start defining your search, u will start losing interest in the search. Search exists only when u r not aware. The unawareness creates the search. Once u r aware, search ceased.
Meditation is nothing but a re-adjustment of your vision, of your eyes. And if u go on looking inside - it takes time - gradually, slowly, you start feeling a beautiful light inside. It is not like the glaring/dazzling sun, but it is the cool, calm compassionate moon.
By and by, when u have adjusted by the inside light, u will see that u r the very source. The seeker is the sought. Then u will see that the treasure is within u and the whole problem was that u were seeking for it outside, wrong direction.
Soul
Amazing. Tot I saw d mirror with CEO of creating insecurities in others. Now can see the bigger version. We both on diamond and measure our self worth according to the value we acquired/delivered. When we possess valuable or deliver values, our self worth increase and immediately we felt lovable. I used to judge CEO, why so hard on urself and others. So, what if outside not as valuable, does it kill her. Well, it does, just like when I have to prepare reporting, which I tot its low value and I felt so low cos I lost my self-worth. That's the reason I was miserable here, cannot create valuable work, self-worth at the lowest point, felt so unloved. If I cannot feel myself worth of love, how can I feel lovable.
So, CEO is my mirror. From now on, I won't judge of her deliverable's need.
And by demanding of such high values in others and ourselves, we drive ourselves. Me, resulting in RA. CEO, resulting in continuous anger and anxiety. Since her posession is her valuation, she wil fight tooth and nails to maintain her job, I think will stretch to 60 like d other Chairman.
And who knows, my Jupiter period of 9 of heart, mirror to 7 of diamond will last till then.
Now I understand her outburst at me for the low grade PA.
My valuation is down and so is my lovability factor. This was reinforced when I was asked to be mute during volunteering for IE programme. Suddenly I felt unloved. And when I have such astounding experience during initiation. I wasn't sure how to react, to be please or not. Not sure whether it is a good thing.
For me, I was searching for ways to make me feel lovable so that I can be loved. This is despite me being the happiest I ever been in my life.
That's why I was looking for avenue for creation of value so that I can feel lovable.
Now I know my happiness is priceless. I already have it within me, my Light has shined outward. I just need to let go of my perception in lovability. I just need to be aware and remind myself. The search stop here.
4. The seed of transformation
Worth - on the virtue of worthlessness
Be like this useless tree, then nobody can harm u and u will grow big and vast and thousands of people can find shade under I.
Move in the world as if u r not. Remain unknown. Don't try to prove ur worth. There is no need. Just remain useless and enjoy.
Of course, this seem impractical. But life is to enjoy and celebrate, life is not to become a utility. Life is more like a poetry than a commodity in the market, it should be like poetry, a song, a dance.
If u want to be a poem, an ecstasy, then forget about utility. Remain true to yourself.
Soul
Heard it loud and clear. Now that my perception of my view of lovability is cleared. No need to increase my valuation by doing more.
5. New direction of growth in ur inner awareness
Blessings in Disguise - the fortunes and misfortunes of a villager.
The only problem with sadness, desperateness, anger, hopelessness, anxiety, anguish, misery, is that u want to be rid of them. That's the only barrier. You will have to live with them. You cannot just escape. They are the very situation in which life has to integrate and grow. They are the challenges of life. Accept them. They are blessing in disguise.
Just state the fact! Don't think of anything as a curse or a blessing. Don't interpret, and suddenly you will see that everything is beautiful.
Soul
Thanks for the major upheaval between CEO and me. Amen.
5. Key to integration.
Desire - the magical begging bowl
When u desire something, your joy depends on that something. If it is taken away, u r miserable; if it is given to u, u r happy. But only for the moment! That too must be understood.
Whenever ur desire is fulfilled, it is only for the moment that u feel joy. It is fleeting because once u have got it, again the mind starts desiring for more, for something else.
Mind exists in desiring; hence mind can never leave u without desire.
If you are without desire, mind dies immediately. That's the whole secret of meditation.
Human skull is endless. You go on pouring anything into it and it disappear. The desire, the longing for something else takes u away from this moment.
The majority running after shadows, their begging bowls will remain with them till they enter their graves.
And a very small minority, one in a millon, stop running, drops all desires, asks for nothing and suddenly he finds everything within himself.
Soul
I have found and uncover my inner Light. By letting go of my love perception, being in the moment, let me savour it
My swimming or rather my floating will keep me intact.
Hidden unlovability is what drives us (6)
Jul 12 Even
Nine of Diamond
Diamond represents whatever we value in our life, or the priority of what is important to us.
For the Nine of Diamond, there are things in their value system that will be realigned over the course of their life.
Much of this realignment will occur through apparent losses with respect to specific things or people.
They will realise that for each thing they supposedly lose, new avenues are opening and they are getting more in touch with the cosmic flow. When they truly release their attachment, spiritual gifts are showered upon them.
They realise the beauty in releasing things in their life that are holding them back from a new and more beautiful life that is just now emerging. They now begin to identify with a much larger image of themselves, one that includes the needs of others as well as their own. The result is that they are happy and enlightened, having made the transition to a more universal approach to life. This universal, rather than personal, point of view is the ultimate destination for all Nine of Diamond.
Soul
I do love myself. But my self worth is wrongly attached to the valuation of my output. That's explain why I keep on focused on deliverables.
Sathsang food is not valuable but is priceless cos the volunteer prepares it, it cannot be bought.
My laughter is not valuable cos it cannot be sold but is priceless because it cannot be bought.
Ashram food is not valuable but is priceless because its prepared by the volunteers and contributed by donation.
Nine of Diamond
Diamond represents whatever we value in our life, or the priority of what is important to us.
For the Nine of Diamond, there are things in their value system that will be realigned over the course of their life.
Much of this realignment will occur through apparent losses with respect to specific things or people.
They will realise that for each thing they supposedly lose, new avenues are opening and they are getting more in touch with the cosmic flow. When they truly release their attachment, spiritual gifts are showered upon them.
They realise the beauty in releasing things in their life that are holding them back from a new and more beautiful life that is just now emerging. They now begin to identify with a much larger image of themselves, one that includes the needs of others as well as their own. The result is that they are happy and enlightened, having made the transition to a more universal approach to life. This universal, rather than personal, point of view is the ultimate destination for all Nine of Diamond.
Soul
I do love myself. But my self worth is wrongly attached to the valuation of my output. That's explain why I keep on focused on deliverables.
Sathsang food is not valuable but is priceless cos the volunteer prepares it, it cannot be bought.
My laughter is not valuable cos it cannot be sold but is priceless because it cannot be bought.
Ashram food is not valuable but is priceless because its prepared by the volunteers and contributed by donation.
Hidden unlovability is what drives us (5) - mirror to CEO
Jul 12 Afternoon
Father, that's it. I am feeling dead end. I felt I am back to square 1. Finally after so many years, I know the source of my unconsciousness is my unlovability issue. So, now what? To fill up my well of love? But I have been filling, I felt loved during meditation.
But so what the difference in me, after all these years of search/discovering/cleansing/awareness
A reply came; it because of your doing that u can finally admit to ur unlovability.
But where does that leave me? I have many moments of loving experience and joy. But I seem to be the same, it hasn't transform me.
A reply came; Continue to meditate to keep the well of love intact.
Father, now I know why I have been crying recently. I felt I am the end. No need to search anymore. How do I fill up my well of love? Do I need external help? Just now hearing abt a colleague's declaration of love for his wife; he loves her to bits and she is his Light. For a moment, I felt envious and then tot little that he know, he cannot rely on her Light.
Now this unlovability is inside me. I do know how it arise, but what can I do. How do I fill the well of love.
I used to feel loved whenever I feel valued and I felt valuable by the work that I do. Now that my is not of value to me, I tot of the counselling, but that is not something that I am confident about. So, where and what can I create value to feel loved.
A reply came;
Osho transformation - on the virtue of uselessness.
Don't be bothered about utilitarian ends. Constantly remember that u r not here in life to become a commodity. You are not here to become a utility. You are not here just to become more and more efficient - u r here to become more and more alive; u r here to become more and more intelligent; u r here to become more and more happy; estatically happy.
Don't be competitive. Don't try to prove your worth. There is no need. Remain useless and enjoy.
If u want to be a poem, an ecstasy, then forget about utility. Remain true to yourself.
Soul
I m the happiest in my life. But for now I don't have value and I really not keen on volunteering or be of service. But without value, my perception of lovability goes down.
Does being happy and being of value has any similarities?
I am not sure if being joyful for nothing is of value. I don't feel valuable, I don't felt good.
joy doesn't last; there is no value.
God, I am ungrateful. Why can't I value my joy. I am laughing to sleep almost daily. That is something priceless.
Yeap, it is not valuable, cos I cannot sell, but it is priceless cos I have it by grace.
I guess partly becos no one tell me that they admire what I have. They ignored it and I ignored it cos I see that they not keen about it and at times seem uncomfortable. And the recent initiation, they find my laughter to be 'trouble', something to shunned. I think they laughed at me. So, I don't hold it with pride. Also, becos I don't do much, I know its not my achievement. Its something inside, something not within my control.
I used to worry abt my laughter until both M and P told me that their experience becomes deeper whenever I laughed. They asked me to continue to laugh.
I used to have doubts. Luckily Sadhguru explained about shift of energy can cause laughing, tears, movement. All of which I have experienced.
Spoke to D, she says hers is time. If she give someone time and it is not used productively, she will get angry. Cos time given to others means time taken away from herself. For her giving time to herelf is loving herself.
For me, now I know why Nine of Heart - death of rship wit myself, the way I love myself will be changed.
When talking to her, suddenly I tot where is the mirror between CEO and I. She want her surrounding to be of value, cos it represent her. If she is of value, she is loved. She measured her self worth by the values she garnered outside. When her valuables increased, her self-love increased.
I measured my self worth by my output/deliverable. Whenever the value of my deliverable increased, self worth and self love increased accordingly.
So we are both mirror. Both looking for valuables to increase our well of love.
Father, that's it. I am feeling dead end. I felt I am back to square 1. Finally after so many years, I know the source of my unconsciousness is my unlovability issue. So, now what? To fill up my well of love? But I have been filling, I felt loved during meditation.
But so what the difference in me, after all these years of search/discovering/cleansing/awareness
A reply came; it because of your doing that u can finally admit to ur unlovability.
But where does that leave me? I have many moments of loving experience and joy. But I seem to be the same, it hasn't transform me.
A reply came; Continue to meditate to keep the well of love intact.
Father, now I know why I have been crying recently. I felt I am the end. No need to search anymore. How do I fill up my well of love? Do I need external help? Just now hearing abt a colleague's declaration of love for his wife; he loves her to bits and she is his Light. For a moment, I felt envious and then tot little that he know, he cannot rely on her Light.
Now this unlovability is inside me. I do know how it arise, but what can I do. How do I fill the well of love.
I used to feel loved whenever I feel valued and I felt valuable by the work that I do. Now that my is not of value to me, I tot of the counselling, but that is not something that I am confident about. So, where and what can I create value to feel loved.
A reply came;
Osho transformation - on the virtue of uselessness.
Don't be bothered about utilitarian ends. Constantly remember that u r not here in life to become a commodity. You are not here to become a utility. You are not here just to become more and more efficient - u r here to become more and more alive; u r here to become more and more intelligent; u r here to become more and more happy; estatically happy.
Don't be competitive. Don't try to prove your worth. There is no need. Remain useless and enjoy.
If u want to be a poem, an ecstasy, then forget about utility. Remain true to yourself.
Soul
I m the happiest in my life. But for now I don't have value and I really not keen on volunteering or be of service. But without value, my perception of lovability goes down.
Does being happy and being of value has any similarities?
I am not sure if being joyful for nothing is of value. I don't feel valuable, I don't felt good.
joy doesn't last; there is no value.
God, I am ungrateful. Why can't I value my joy. I am laughing to sleep almost daily. That is something priceless.
Yeap, it is not valuable, cos I cannot sell, but it is priceless cos I have it by grace.
I guess partly becos no one tell me that they admire what I have. They ignored it and I ignored it cos I see that they not keen about it and at times seem uncomfortable. And the recent initiation, they find my laughter to be 'trouble', something to shunned. I think they laughed at me. So, I don't hold it with pride. Also, becos I don't do much, I know its not my achievement. Its something inside, something not within my control.
I used to worry abt my laughter until both M and P told me that their experience becomes deeper whenever I laughed. They asked me to continue to laugh.
I used to have doubts. Luckily Sadhguru explained about shift of energy can cause laughing, tears, movement. All of which I have experienced.
Spoke to D, she says hers is time. If she give someone time and it is not used productively, she will get angry. Cos time given to others means time taken away from herself. For her giving time to herelf is loving herself.
For me, now I know why Nine of Heart - death of rship wit myself, the way I love myself will be changed.
When talking to her, suddenly I tot where is the mirror between CEO and I. She want her surrounding to be of value, cos it represent her. If she is of value, she is loved. She measured her self worth by the values she garnered outside. When her valuables increased, her self-love increased.
I measured my self worth by my output/deliverable. Whenever the value of my deliverable increased, self worth and self love increased accordingly.
So we are both mirror. Both looking for valuables to increase our well of love.
Valuation a measure of my lovability
Jul 12
Father, my wrist swell again. Most likely due to cutting of vegetables.
Father, suddenly tot of what I don't like most about people?
1. People who found the answer but won't act on it.
2. People who makes people feel bad for being themselves, can't help who they are.
3. People complaining non-stop, won't look for answer and expect others to give them.
4. People who suppress their experience.
Mmm, 1 and 2 bit contradicting.
Also, today tot of d socso half pay again. But don't wan to go there cos that its like dad. Don't want to try to overcome and leave it be.
Something here.
Radical forgiveness
Ego is also our friend. We need the ego to help us to fulfill our mission
Soul
That's what I believe. Yday sathsang sharing, when d guy says he has experienced bliss in evert nano seconds (I tot I was whole day wit him and yet I cannot sense it) and ask us to surrender to Sadhguru.
Well, I can't and not sure I wan to. I have my own path to follow. Besides I see all the masters, Jesus and Sadhguru as my elder brother and God as my Father.
Radical Forgiveness
Repression is a powerful mental safety device, for without this blocking mechanism, we would easily go mad. It works effectively that absolutely no memory of the feeling.
Projection
As soon as u find yourself judging someone and getting angry, u know u r projecting. Anger serves as the constant companion of projection, for you always use this emotion to justify the projection of your self hatred.
What u find so objectional about this person simply serves as a reflection of that part of u that u have rejected and denied in urself (ur shadow) and projected unto them instead. If this were not so, u would not be upset.
If u spot it, u got it!
When u own that ur feeling begin wit u, not with them, u will drop the need to feel victimised and realise that the person is doing these things not to u BUT for u - enabling u to take back the projection and love it in urself.
Though repression and projection are meant as temporary relief salves for the psyche, the ego co-opts them as the means to increase and prolong the feeling of separation.
Soul
Father, I am thinking to stop searching. That's why I didn't read anymore. But u gave me Radical Forgiveness and Nanak, both is inner.
Knowing my unlovability. I know how it arise and I also know when it can arise. So, how do I deal wit it? When do I get it over and realise I am blessed and loved and I generally get all that I want. How much more do I want? Of cos, part of me said its d partner, but knowing my unlovability, am afraid and also believing that I can only journey alone, I know partner is futile. So, how? Do I have to go thru the partner mode! Even that is suspect, cos I need both love and money. How to find? Also worried I can be tempted by money and fake love. And when I found love, I can fake that money is not important to me. It is.
Where do I go from here!
Recently Golden group from ACIM came back
And Radical Forgiveness not only mention ACIM but also is contemporary ACIM.
Do I take it back? Its been nearly 5 years since I stopped. I wonder.
Also volunteering, be of value no longer strike me. I jus wan to be alone. So what if I have much spiritual breakthru. In the end, is still me. Part of my stress is how to be of value. Now that I don't have career.
That's why also striving to learn and write.
Remain useless and enjoy. Can I do that?
Father, now I knew why m disturbed. The initiation was very powerful. Something is beyond me. This something, what does it want? I tot I have uncovered everything and I have control. Now I know I don't. Who or what in me that is moving frantically to the beating of the drum. I thought my head will torn off with such excessive movement. This is even more bizzare cos Sadhguru also not there. Previously, I accede my reaction to him, but now I know its inside me. But I don't wan to be like Sadhguru. I don't wan to follow his path. I felt bit bad about others who wan to, can't have the receptivity.
I never really tot I am spiritual. I jus wan to clear my unconsciousness, I want to be in confrol, self mastery.
Where does this spiritual led to? I don't really like what I see yet? But if is not for me, why my body is reacting?
My mind is a wandering mind. My challenge is in value. I must have value to feel love. The well of love is made up of values, career and money, love and money, fame and money.
Value brought me so far. How to drop the value mode. Just be useless,
Father, my wrist swell again. Most likely due to cutting of vegetables.
Father, suddenly tot of what I don't like most about people?
1. People who found the answer but won't act on it.
2. People who makes people feel bad for being themselves, can't help who they are.
3. People complaining non-stop, won't look for answer and expect others to give them.
4. People who suppress their experience.
Mmm, 1 and 2 bit contradicting.
Also, today tot of d socso half pay again. But don't wan to go there cos that its like dad. Don't want to try to overcome and leave it be.
Something here.
Radical forgiveness
Ego is also our friend. We need the ego to help us to fulfill our mission
Soul
That's what I believe. Yday sathsang sharing, when d guy says he has experienced bliss in evert nano seconds (I tot I was whole day wit him and yet I cannot sense it) and ask us to surrender to Sadhguru.
Well, I can't and not sure I wan to. I have my own path to follow. Besides I see all the masters, Jesus and Sadhguru as my elder brother and God as my Father.
Radical Forgiveness
Repression is a powerful mental safety device, for without this blocking mechanism, we would easily go mad. It works effectively that absolutely no memory of the feeling.
Projection
As soon as u find yourself judging someone and getting angry, u know u r projecting. Anger serves as the constant companion of projection, for you always use this emotion to justify the projection of your self hatred.
What u find so objectional about this person simply serves as a reflection of that part of u that u have rejected and denied in urself (ur shadow) and projected unto them instead. If this were not so, u would not be upset.
If u spot it, u got it!
When u own that ur feeling begin wit u, not with them, u will drop the need to feel victimised and realise that the person is doing these things not to u BUT for u - enabling u to take back the projection and love it in urself.
Though repression and projection are meant as temporary relief salves for the psyche, the ego co-opts them as the means to increase and prolong the feeling of separation.
Soul
Father, I am thinking to stop searching. That's why I didn't read anymore. But u gave me Radical Forgiveness and Nanak, both is inner.
Knowing my unlovability. I know how it arise and I also know when it can arise. So, how do I deal wit it? When do I get it over and realise I am blessed and loved and I generally get all that I want. How much more do I want? Of cos, part of me said its d partner, but knowing my unlovability, am afraid and also believing that I can only journey alone, I know partner is futile. So, how? Do I have to go thru the partner mode! Even that is suspect, cos I need both love and money. How to find? Also worried I can be tempted by money and fake love. And when I found love, I can fake that money is not important to me. It is.
Where do I go from here!
Recently Golden group from ACIM came back
And Radical Forgiveness not only mention ACIM but also is contemporary ACIM.
Do I take it back? Its been nearly 5 years since I stopped. I wonder.
Also volunteering, be of value no longer strike me. I jus wan to be alone. So what if I have much spiritual breakthru. In the end, is still me. Part of my stress is how to be of value. Now that I don't have career.
That's why also striving to learn and write.
Remain useless and enjoy. Can I do that?
Father, now I knew why m disturbed. The initiation was very powerful. Something is beyond me. This something, what does it want? I tot I have uncovered everything and I have control. Now I know I don't. Who or what in me that is moving frantically to the beating of the drum. I thought my head will torn off with such excessive movement. This is even more bizzare cos Sadhguru also not there. Previously, I accede my reaction to him, but now I know its inside me. But I don't wan to be like Sadhguru. I don't wan to follow his path. I felt bit bad about others who wan to, can't have the receptivity.
I never really tot I am spiritual. I jus wan to clear my unconsciousness, I want to be in confrol, self mastery.
Where does this spiritual led to? I don't really like what I see yet? But if is not for me, why my body is reacting?
My mind is a wandering mind. My challenge is in value. I must have value to feel love. The well of love is made up of values, career and money, love and money, fame and money.
Value brought me so far. How to drop the value mode. Just be useless,
Great IE initiation
Jul 11
Father, since teacher was bit worried about the sound system for initiation. I shared that its good, even wit the sound issue. She replied that for me, anything is good.
I tot about it, that's true. Even the sathsang today, quite powerful for me too.
This afternoon, I realised that felt bit down cos teacher didn't compliment on the set up. Anyway, at least I was aware. The initiation is very powerful, even more than samyama.
Father, this inner child flower essence makes my feeling comes to the front.
Osho
Be concerned and unconcerned. I am concerned about the many people who come to me with their woes. I symphatised with their troubles and find ways to lighten their distress. I do not become sad wit your sorrow or I will not be able to help you. And I will not be displeased wit you if you come the next day without acting on my advice - which will surely happen.
I care and through it all I remain carefree.
These are of Spiritual course
To be concerned and yet free from anxiety. Outwardly you do everything required of you but nothing attaches you inside, because that is God's way. He is in the world, yet not of it. His way should be yours.
Outwardly in the world, inwardly be in God. Let the outer physical boundary be in contact with the world, but let the center remain untouched. That is the essence.
Soul
Similar to Krishna's play.
Father, since teacher was bit worried about the sound system for initiation. I shared that its good, even wit the sound issue. She replied that for me, anything is good.
I tot about it, that's true. Even the sathsang today, quite powerful for me too.
This afternoon, I realised that felt bit down cos teacher didn't compliment on the set up. Anyway, at least I was aware. The initiation is very powerful, even more than samyama.
Father, this inner child flower essence makes my feeling comes to the front.
Osho
Be concerned and unconcerned. I am concerned about the many people who come to me with their woes. I symphatised with their troubles and find ways to lighten their distress. I do not become sad wit your sorrow or I will not be able to help you. And I will not be displeased wit you if you come the next day without acting on my advice - which will surely happen.
I care and through it all I remain carefree.
These are of Spiritual course
To be concerned and yet free from anxiety. Outwardly you do everything required of you but nothing attaches you inside, because that is God's way. He is in the world, yet not of it. His way should be yours.
Outwardly in the world, inwardly be in God. Let the outer physical boundary be in contact with the world, but let the center remain untouched. That is the essence.
Soul
Similar to Krishna's play.
Love flowers on its own
Jul 10 Even
Father, whatever I have attained, is not due to me. It is due to my Past. Someone has done all the work and carried it to this life time and I will now do my part to carry it through the next life time, passing the torch.
Reading on my life spread, I can see my whole life infront of me. The path is clear and ego is no longer fighting.
Osho
In surrender u feel that u r a part of the whole, no question of ur will being different or apart. If you are one with the whole, surrender is natural. Surrender brings emptiness, peace, joy and finally the supreme knowledge.
When u r ready to move as he pleases, when u have no expectations of ur own, when u make no decisions, then u cease swimming and begin to float.
Soul
Ironically, I found my Truth, moment to moment and surrender in the Pool. The place I feared most, the place that I go back to, the place that is my Home. No worries, I will learn to float.
Osho
Have u watched a hawk soaring high in the sky? When it has flown to a sufficient height, it stretches its wing wide and floats the air.
When ur mind reaches that stage, it is in a state of surrender.
You need no longer flap your wings, you merely float, weightlessness in his atmosphere.
For all weights is caused by conflict; it is born through resistance. The more u fight, the lower u fall.
Soul
Amen. Same msg as my Osho - internal; Ripeness.
Tomorrow initiation; Sadhguru wants me to go to a different level of experience; I will follow.
Osho - Nanak
Love flowers on its own. No one can bring love or implant compassion. If u become free of all burdens, it all happen on its own.
The day u realise that both joy and sorrow are given by him, they lose their impact. Then happiness will no longer raise u up nor sorrow produce pain. When joy and sorrow becomes equal to you, bliss appears to take their place.
The trouble is that if u let go of the ego, ur joys will end with ur sorrow. You wan to preserve unhappiness and be rid of unhappiness. It is both side of a coin. You can't keep or abandon one side without the other.
If you leave both sorrow and joy to God, who is the authentic source of all life, ur ego has no place to stand.
Father, whatever I have attained, is not due to me. It is due to my Past. Someone has done all the work and carried it to this life time and I will now do my part to carry it through the next life time, passing the torch.
Reading on my life spread, I can see my whole life infront of me. The path is clear and ego is no longer fighting.
Osho
In surrender u feel that u r a part of the whole, no question of ur will being different or apart. If you are one with the whole, surrender is natural. Surrender brings emptiness, peace, joy and finally the supreme knowledge.
When u r ready to move as he pleases, when u have no expectations of ur own, when u make no decisions, then u cease swimming and begin to float.
Soul
Ironically, I found my Truth, moment to moment and surrender in the Pool. The place I feared most, the place that I go back to, the place that is my Home. No worries, I will learn to float.
Osho
Have u watched a hawk soaring high in the sky? When it has flown to a sufficient height, it stretches its wing wide and floats the air.
When ur mind reaches that stage, it is in a state of surrender.
You need no longer flap your wings, you merely float, weightlessness in his atmosphere.
For all weights is caused by conflict; it is born through resistance. The more u fight, the lower u fall.
Soul
Amen. Same msg as my Osho - internal; Ripeness.
Tomorrow initiation; Sadhguru wants me to go to a different level of experience; I will follow.
Osho - Nanak
Love flowers on its own. No one can bring love or implant compassion. If u become free of all burdens, it all happen on its own.
The day u realise that both joy and sorrow are given by him, they lose their impact. Then happiness will no longer raise u up nor sorrow produce pain. When joy and sorrow becomes equal to you, bliss appears to take their place.
The trouble is that if u let go of the ego, ur joys will end with ur sorrow. You wan to preserve unhappiness and be rid of unhappiness. It is both side of a coin. You can't keep or abandon one side without the other.
If you leave both sorrow and joy to God, who is the authentic source of all life, ur ego has no place to stand.
Do not swim, just float
Jul 10
Father, jus did my practices. Not so good. Was thinking of d fellow meditators persistence on the teacher's behaviour. They are using the teacher to 'scold' others. No wonder, almost all become afraid of teacher. If they can trigger me, they can trigger others too. Why does this affect me? I guess it was brought about by teacher's comment that everyone seems to be frighten of her, how to resolve it. Whenever they did the 'scolding' on behalf of teacher, I used to have a negative perception on her. Looks like its the rest that is adding salt and pepper.
Mmm, the mind really want to hold everything. Even this can be taken to disturb my practices.
Osho
Do not swim, float
Do not fight with the river, because it is not your enemy, but ur friend
Float!
By fighting, you create enmity; when you swim against the current, the river opposes you.
It is not the river but you who introduces struggle.
The river flows along its course; it is not even aware of you.
Of your own will, you begin swimming against the tide.
You are asserting your will by going in the opposite direction, and that means you are nourishing and strengthening your ego.
His wish ...and you become one with the current.
Now wherever the river takes you is your destination.
Wherever it takes you is the shore. If it drowns you, that is your destination.
Then where is the anxiety, then where is the pain? You have cut off the very roots of suffering.
Soul
So appropriate.
Now no need to wonder why I finished practice earlier.
Evening
My floats were great in the pool. For the first time, since I was focused on the moment by moment floating, my whole body can feel the sensation of water enveloping my body. I find them friendly and I jus focus on floating.
Jus now watching Sadhguru talked abt bandana lock, bringing all d good to next life, so don't have to re-do the life lesson and life become effortless. I tot my Past Life person has done the deed, cos I mostly got what I want and generally my life is effortless. I felt moved and now would do proper bandana lock to carry it through to next Life.
Just now when teacher was talking that I need to be mute during initiation, my unlovability came up and I tot I don't want to attend then. Then she continues to say that her focus is on the 17 persons. I tot that is fine. Besides, I can try to be silent and now I also enjoy my silence. On 2nd tot, take this opp to go in deeper.
Father, jus did my practices. Not so good. Was thinking of d fellow meditators persistence on the teacher's behaviour. They are using the teacher to 'scold' others. No wonder, almost all become afraid of teacher. If they can trigger me, they can trigger others too. Why does this affect me? I guess it was brought about by teacher's comment that everyone seems to be frighten of her, how to resolve it. Whenever they did the 'scolding' on behalf of teacher, I used to have a negative perception on her. Looks like its the rest that is adding salt and pepper.
Mmm, the mind really want to hold everything. Even this can be taken to disturb my practices.
Osho
Do not swim, float
Do not fight with the river, because it is not your enemy, but ur friend
Float!
By fighting, you create enmity; when you swim against the current, the river opposes you.
It is not the river but you who introduces struggle.
The river flows along its course; it is not even aware of you.
Of your own will, you begin swimming against the tide.
You are asserting your will by going in the opposite direction, and that means you are nourishing and strengthening your ego.
His wish ...and you become one with the current.
Now wherever the river takes you is your destination.
Wherever it takes you is the shore. If it drowns you, that is your destination.
Then where is the anxiety, then where is the pain? You have cut off the very roots of suffering.
Soul
So appropriate.
Now no need to wonder why I finished practice earlier.
Evening
My floats were great in the pool. For the first time, since I was focused on the moment by moment floating, my whole body can feel the sensation of water enveloping my body. I find them friendly and I jus focus on floating.
Jus now watching Sadhguru talked abt bandana lock, bringing all d good to next life, so don't have to re-do the life lesson and life become effortless. I tot my Past Life person has done the deed, cos I mostly got what I want and generally my life is effortless. I felt moved and now would do proper bandana lock to carry it through to next Life.
Just now when teacher was talking that I need to be mute during initiation, my unlovability came up and I tot I don't want to attend then. Then she continues to say that her focus is on the 17 persons. I tot that is fine. Besides, I can try to be silent and now I also enjoy my silence. On 2nd tot, take this opp to go in deeper.
I am disciplined
Jul 9
Father, wrist is still painful but I did good in suria namaskara. This mornin, I was dreaming when alarm ring at 6.30 am. One of those rare days, I wake up and off the alarm and told myself I deserve a break, perhaps wake up 7 am. Then I lie down and a tot came, does it makes a difference. Am I really tired and I asked m body, nope I am fine actually, it was just the dream
Evenin
Did my duty. Went to IE. Mmm, now not sure if I wan to go tomorrow. Perhaps good to just stay home.
(Jul 31 - I accepted I am disciplined)
Father, wrist is still painful but I did good in suria namaskara. This mornin, I was dreaming when alarm ring at 6.30 am. One of those rare days, I wake up and off the alarm and told myself I deserve a break, perhaps wake up 7 am. Then I lie down and a tot came, does it makes a difference. Am I really tired and I asked m body, nope I am fine actually, it was just the dream
Evenin
Did my duty. Went to IE. Mmm, now not sure if I wan to go tomorrow. Perhaps good to just stay home.
(Jul 31 - I accepted I am disciplined)
Why people stay in victim mode - anger
Jul 8
Father, yday and today, I spend extra 10 min during practice. After shambavi, head just hang down. Not sure if I doze off.
Radical forgiveness
Righteousness and revenge lower our vibration. Conversely defense of principles and acting with integrity raises our vibration. The higher the vibration, the closer we come to Divine Truth and the more able we are to forgive radically.
The idea that our decision matter in the overall scheme of things is just our ego trying to make us feel separate and special. The Universe has everything handled no matter what we decide.
But how we make those decision - whether from love or fear, greed or generosity, false pride or humility, dishonestly or integrity - matters to us personally, because each decision we make affect our vibration.
Without exception, everything that happens to us is divinely guided, purposeful and for our greater good.
The divine plan is not fixed. At any point in the unfolding of one's plan, one always has choice. RF helps people to shift their viewpoint and make new choices based on their insights.
However developing such receptivity can take time and almost always require a great deal of emotional release work first. Releasing victimhood provides the key to health, personal power and spiritual evolution.
Projection
The ego first caused us to believe that God would get even and punish us severely for our great sin. So great were the guilt and terror that we had no choice but to repress these emotions deep in our unconscious minds. This spared us from conscious awareness of them.
This tactic worked quite well, yet we retained a great fear that the feelings might raise again. To remedy this problem, this ego developed a new belief - that the guilt lay with someone else rather than within ourselves.
In other words, we began projecting our guilt onto other people so we could be rid of it entirely. Others become scapegoats. Then, to ensure that the guilt stayed with them. We became angry with them and continuously attacked them.
After such attack, we fear they will attack us in return. So, we create a strong defenses to protect ourselves and what we see as our complete innocence.
At some level, we know we are guilty, so the more we defend against the attack, the more we reinforce our guilt. Thus we must constantly find people to hate, to criticise, to judge, to attack, and to make wrong simply so that we can feel better about ourselves.
Soul
This gives me some understanding on why CEO invest so much in her anger. I used to wonder what does she gets out of it? Does she feel good?
Father, yday and today, I spend extra 10 min during practice. After shambavi, head just hang down. Not sure if I doze off.
Radical forgiveness
Righteousness and revenge lower our vibration. Conversely defense of principles and acting with integrity raises our vibration. The higher the vibration, the closer we come to Divine Truth and the more able we are to forgive radically.
The idea that our decision matter in the overall scheme of things is just our ego trying to make us feel separate and special. The Universe has everything handled no matter what we decide.
But how we make those decision - whether from love or fear, greed or generosity, false pride or humility, dishonestly or integrity - matters to us personally, because each decision we make affect our vibration.
Without exception, everything that happens to us is divinely guided, purposeful and for our greater good.
The divine plan is not fixed. At any point in the unfolding of one's plan, one always has choice. RF helps people to shift their viewpoint and make new choices based on their insights.
However developing such receptivity can take time and almost always require a great deal of emotional release work first. Releasing victimhood provides the key to health, personal power and spiritual evolution.
Projection
The ego first caused us to believe that God would get even and punish us severely for our great sin. So great were the guilt and terror that we had no choice but to repress these emotions deep in our unconscious minds. This spared us from conscious awareness of them.
This tactic worked quite well, yet we retained a great fear that the feelings might raise again. To remedy this problem, this ego developed a new belief - that the guilt lay with someone else rather than within ourselves.
In other words, we began projecting our guilt onto other people so we could be rid of it entirely. Others become scapegoats. Then, to ensure that the guilt stayed with them. We became angry with them and continuously attacked them.
After such attack, we fear they will attack us in return. So, we create a strong defenses to protect ourselves and what we see as our complete innocence.
At some level, we know we are guilty, so the more we defend against the attack, the more we reinforce our guilt. Thus we must constantly find people to hate, to criticise, to judge, to attack, and to make wrong simply so that we can feel better about ourselves.
Soul
This gives me some understanding on why CEO invest so much in her anger. I used to wonder what does she gets out of it? Does she feel good?
Accept my unlovability (4)
Jul 7 Eve
Father, today IE pgm, did my sharing. Told them that I mostly laughed myself to sleep and I often laughed in the pool too. I also shared abt my 4 days work week.
And this time I can look and admire teacher's beauty. No envy feeling. I am glad, looks like I have returned.
Osho
Each wave is but a dream, the ocean is the reality. The waves are many, the ocean only one, but we see it as so many waves. Until we see the unity, the oneness of the ocean, we shall continue wandering.
Soul
Tot of me and my wandering mind. Now that I know the source of all my subsconsciousness is unlovabilty, no need to wander anymore.
Osho
When the mind and the heart meet, religion begins. If the mind empowers the heart, science is born. If the heart empowers the head, the realms of art is entered. But if the head and heart are united, u enter into Omkar.
Fear involves the other; if someone can take something away from u, it destroys your security.
Fear persists as long as the other remains the other for u.
Father, today IE pgm, did my sharing. Told them that I mostly laughed myself to sleep and I often laughed in the pool too. I also shared abt my 4 days work week.
And this time I can look and admire teacher's beauty. No envy feeling. I am glad, looks like I have returned.
Osho
Each wave is but a dream, the ocean is the reality. The waves are many, the ocean only one, but we see it as so many waves. Until we see the unity, the oneness of the ocean, we shall continue wandering.
Soul
Tot of me and my wandering mind. Now that I know the source of all my subsconsciousness is unlovabilty, no need to wander anymore.
Osho
When the mind and the heart meet, religion begins. If the mind empowers the heart, science is born. If the heart empowers the head, the realms of art is entered. But if the head and heart are united, u enter into Omkar.
Fear involves the other; if someone can take something away from u, it destroys your security.
Fear persists as long as the other remains the other for u.
Accept my unlovability (3)
Jul 7 Aft
Father, finally I was ready to confront the situation between S and P. I think with ur help, I did good and it was fun session too.
I even admitted to them that CEO was the first person that I am afraid of in my working and personal life. So, in fear, I too played the avoidance game. Jus like what S is playing. Father, I am open enough to be vulnerable. Coincidentally, this falls within my Queen of Club in Mercury period.
Radical Forgiveness
The world provides us with the environment in which we, as spiritual beings, can experience being human. This means having a physical body and working with (and possibly transcending) a particular energy pattern associated with the World of Humanity that we may specifically "come in" to work with.
The only way to obtain growth from the experience is to go through it.
Our choice in this is not so much whether or not to have the experience (Spirit decides this for us), but how long we are going to hang out in the victim mode consciousness because of it.
Soul
Mine is unlovability. Suddenly tot of reading past lives. Aiyah, no need lah. Jus work on this lah. Don't have to ponder why. Now is how to transcend.
Radical Forgiveness
When we vibrate at a low level, which makes our bodies become dense and we exist only in the World of Humanity.
When we vibrate at a high level, which makes our bodies become lighter, we exist also in the World of Divine Truth.
Depending on our vibration at any moment, we move up and down the scale toward one world or the other.
The World of Humanity holds the energy patterns of death, fear, limitation and duality.
The World of Divine Truth carries the energy pattern of eternal life, immutability, infinite abundance, love and oneness with God.
Activities such as prayer, meditation and Radical Forgiveness, yogas, breathwork, dancing, chanting and etc., all of which raise our vibration allow us to assess the World of Divine Truth.
Soul
Mmm, meditation increase vibration and make body lighter. No wonder, I can now do shoulder stand and become acrobatic, my body can really blend.
Father, thank U. This is another reinforcement for my journey.
Radical Forgiveness
These existential realms differ not in terms of place or time but solely in the vibrational level.
The world of form exists as dense concentration of energy vibrating at frequencies we can experience through our physical senses. On the other hand, we experience the World of Divine Truth as an inner knowing and extrasensory awareness.
We live in both worlds at the same time. However, which world we experience at any given moment depends upon our awareness of them and how awake we are.
Soul
This is similar to Sadhguru's version.
Radical Forgiveness
Pretending forgiveness
Pretending that we are not angry about something when we actually are angry provides not so much an opportunity to forgive as an opportunity to deny our anger.
This represent self-invalidation.
When we do this, we allow others to treat us like the proverbial doormant. Such behaviour usually stems from a fear of not forgiving, of being abandoned, or from a belief that expressing anger is unacceptable.
Father, finally I was ready to confront the situation between S and P. I think with ur help, I did good and it was fun session too.
I even admitted to them that CEO was the first person that I am afraid of in my working and personal life. So, in fear, I too played the avoidance game. Jus like what S is playing. Father, I am open enough to be vulnerable. Coincidentally, this falls within my Queen of Club in Mercury period.
Radical Forgiveness
The world provides us with the environment in which we, as spiritual beings, can experience being human. This means having a physical body and working with (and possibly transcending) a particular energy pattern associated with the World of Humanity that we may specifically "come in" to work with.
The only way to obtain growth from the experience is to go through it.
Our choice in this is not so much whether or not to have the experience (Spirit decides this for us), but how long we are going to hang out in the victim mode consciousness because of it.
Soul
Mine is unlovability. Suddenly tot of reading past lives. Aiyah, no need lah. Jus work on this lah. Don't have to ponder why. Now is how to transcend.
Radical Forgiveness
When we vibrate at a low level, which makes our bodies become dense and we exist only in the World of Humanity.
When we vibrate at a high level, which makes our bodies become lighter, we exist also in the World of Divine Truth.
Depending on our vibration at any moment, we move up and down the scale toward one world or the other.
The World of Humanity holds the energy patterns of death, fear, limitation and duality.
The World of Divine Truth carries the energy pattern of eternal life, immutability, infinite abundance, love and oneness with God.
Activities such as prayer, meditation and Radical Forgiveness, yogas, breathwork, dancing, chanting and etc., all of which raise our vibration allow us to assess the World of Divine Truth.
Soul
Mmm, meditation increase vibration and make body lighter. No wonder, I can now do shoulder stand and become acrobatic, my body can really blend.
Father, thank U. This is another reinforcement for my journey.
Radical Forgiveness
These existential realms differ not in terms of place or time but solely in the vibrational level.
The world of form exists as dense concentration of energy vibrating at frequencies we can experience through our physical senses. On the other hand, we experience the World of Divine Truth as an inner knowing and extrasensory awareness.
We live in both worlds at the same time. However, which world we experience at any given moment depends upon our awareness of them and how awake we are.
Soul
This is similar to Sadhguru's version.
Radical Forgiveness
Pretending forgiveness
Pretending that we are not angry about something when we actually are angry provides not so much an opportunity to forgive as an opportunity to deny our anger.
This represent self-invalidation.
When we do this, we allow others to treat us like the proverbial doormant. Such behaviour usually stems from a fear of not forgiving, of being abandoned, or from a belief that expressing anger is unacceptable.
Accept my unlovability (2)
Jul 7
Father, I am back. At first was bit fearful of antagonising CEO and didn't wan to handle d Freelance. Anyway, m back. The fear is gone.
Yday, the drama. The hero at first say, if he has both the gal and kid, he will let go of fighting. Then when the kids left him, he says he can endure anything if the gal stay with him. Of cos, d gal couldn't say yes. That means his happiness is dependent on her.
I tot this is a case of unlovability. When our well of love is low, we need someone to fill the well. I tot of myself and the Osho card - aloness that I hav, I want to be The Light unto myself.
Then I tot of CEO. She knows she is a bitch and hence not likeable by others and even shunned by family, so she hold on to the husband and children, giving them everything jus to hold on to their love. Her well of love is empty.
Tot of an ex-colleague, also similar case wit CEO, albeit lower version. She has her family and now she cannot depend on the husband for love, that's why crumbling and at last can see her own self-loathing. She says her shield of anger is to prevent others from hurting her.
What abt me? My shield of control is to prevent others from hurting me.
Jus like her anger has carry her so far, so has my control. And I used to dislike emotion. Of late, I can do sadness and laughter, anger silightly.
According to Radical Forgiveness, Life is abt experience and emotion is the outlet. So,if I shunned emotion, I shunned life too.
Radical Forgiveness
What appears to be cruel and nasty behaviour on somebody's part might be exactly what we need and have indeed called forth.
Situations that appear to be the worst that could possibly befall us may hold the key to our healing something deep within us that keeps us from being happy and prevents our growth. The people who seem to us to be the most troublesome and the least likeable may therefore be our greatest teacher.
Hence whatever appears to be happening is seldom what is really occurring.
Beneath the apparent circumstances of every situation exists a wholly different reality - a different world altogether, a world that we are not privy to except for the occasional glimpse.
When we shift our perspective to this possibility, we become open to the idea that nothing wrong took place and that infact there was nothing to forgive. This is precisely the notion that defines Radical Forgiveness. It is also what makes it radical.
Whereas traditional forgiveness takes it as a given that something wrong happened and we need to accept what happened and let go/forgive
With traditional forgiveness, the willingness to forgive is present but so is the residual need to condemn and therefore victim consciousness is maintained.
With radical forgiveness, the willingness to forgive is present but not the need for condemn. Therefore, the victim of consciousness is dropped and everything changes.
Victim consciousness is defined as the conviction that someone else has done something bad to u, and as a direct result, they are responsible for the lack of peace and happiness.
Soul
This is what I know and hence my blog title; sufferingisblessing.
Suddenly tot of SL and her boss. Yea, her unlovability was so low that it needed such a bad person to make her realised she is prone to be on victim mode. Its her karma that she still accept him despite being taken advantage of. Remember her 2 of Diamond, she crave rship and would rather stay in bad rship rather than no rship.
It has nothing to do with me. Its not that she like me less or I am unlovable. Infact, with my unlovability projected, I have been quite nasty to her so that ishe can let go of me and yet she stayed. I wouldn't have. Until now I still avoid her per se. Cos listening to her abt the boss, seems to trigger my unlovability. This is not about me should be my motto. This is her karma being played out.
And perhaps her persistence in following me despite my obvious rejection is to let me feel my own unlovability, which I missed. I did recall I sayi project my low self esteem but the real cause is unlovability.
I can finally see the interplay of hidden drama.
There are 2 mode of response on feeling of unlovability
1. You reject the person who doesn't love u
2. You lower urself and give everything to them.
For me and D, we use 1. For SL, use 2.
7 of Clubs
You will be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that leads one back to the self.
There will be mental revelation, expanded consciousness.
Soul
Yeap. First level, This is not about Me. But must be followed up by Second level, How am I affected?, Third level, Whya am I affected?
Father, I am back. At first was bit fearful of antagonising CEO and didn't wan to handle d Freelance. Anyway, m back. The fear is gone.
Yday, the drama. The hero at first say, if he has both the gal and kid, he will let go of fighting. Then when the kids left him, he says he can endure anything if the gal stay with him. Of cos, d gal couldn't say yes. That means his happiness is dependent on her.
I tot this is a case of unlovability. When our well of love is low, we need someone to fill the well. I tot of myself and the Osho card - aloness that I hav, I want to be The Light unto myself.
Then I tot of CEO. She knows she is a bitch and hence not likeable by others and even shunned by family, so she hold on to the husband and children, giving them everything jus to hold on to their love. Her well of love is empty.
Tot of an ex-colleague, also similar case wit CEO, albeit lower version. She has her family and now she cannot depend on the husband for love, that's why crumbling and at last can see her own self-loathing. She says her shield of anger is to prevent others from hurting her.
What abt me? My shield of control is to prevent others from hurting me.
Jus like her anger has carry her so far, so has my control. And I used to dislike emotion. Of late, I can do sadness and laughter, anger silightly.
According to Radical Forgiveness, Life is abt experience and emotion is the outlet. So,if I shunned emotion, I shunned life too.
Radical Forgiveness
What appears to be cruel and nasty behaviour on somebody's part might be exactly what we need and have indeed called forth.
Situations that appear to be the worst that could possibly befall us may hold the key to our healing something deep within us that keeps us from being happy and prevents our growth. The people who seem to us to be the most troublesome and the least likeable may therefore be our greatest teacher.
Hence whatever appears to be happening is seldom what is really occurring.
Beneath the apparent circumstances of every situation exists a wholly different reality - a different world altogether, a world that we are not privy to except for the occasional glimpse.
When we shift our perspective to this possibility, we become open to the idea that nothing wrong took place and that infact there was nothing to forgive. This is precisely the notion that defines Radical Forgiveness. It is also what makes it radical.
Whereas traditional forgiveness takes it as a given that something wrong happened and we need to accept what happened and let go/forgive
With traditional forgiveness, the willingness to forgive is present but so is the residual need to condemn and therefore victim consciousness is maintained.
With radical forgiveness, the willingness to forgive is present but not the need for condemn. Therefore, the victim of consciousness is dropped and everything changes.
Victim consciousness is defined as the conviction that someone else has done something bad to u, and as a direct result, they are responsible for the lack of peace and happiness.
Soul
This is what I know and hence my blog title; sufferingisblessing.
Suddenly tot of SL and her boss. Yea, her unlovability was so low that it needed such a bad person to make her realised she is prone to be on victim mode. Its her karma that she still accept him despite being taken advantage of. Remember her 2 of Diamond, she crave rship and would rather stay in bad rship rather than no rship.
It has nothing to do with me. Its not that she like me less or I am unlovable. Infact, with my unlovability projected, I have been quite nasty to her so that ishe can let go of me and yet she stayed. I wouldn't have. Until now I still avoid her per se. Cos listening to her abt the boss, seems to trigger my unlovability. This is not about me should be my motto. This is her karma being played out.
And perhaps her persistence in following me despite my obvious rejection is to let me feel my own unlovability, which I missed. I did recall I sayi project my low self esteem but the real cause is unlovability.
I can finally see the interplay of hidden drama.
There are 2 mode of response on feeling of unlovability
1. You reject the person who doesn't love u
2. You lower urself and give everything to them.
For me and D, we use 1. For SL, use 2.
7 of Clubs
You will be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that leads one back to the self.
There will be mental revelation, expanded consciousness.
Soul
Yeap. First level, This is not about Me. But must be followed up by Second level, How am I affected?, Third level, Whya am I affected?
Accept my unlovability
Jul 6
Father, today plough back, I can touch my feet, first time in hatha yoga. Also noticed that feet up was effortless. Similar to the session after Shakti. Perhaps d realisation that my well of love is not full has released certain karmic parts.
Osho Cards
1. Issue
Aloneness.
Loneliness is the absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Loneliness is a negative state and Aloneness is very positive. You r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
When there is no significant other, we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings.
When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends and colleagues.
Be a light unto yourself!
Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guides.
Soul
I am alone and I have found my truth. Tot no one relate, but found SY and D. Amazingly also led D to peel off the hood of anger.
This mornin when meditating, tots of d korean drama, his feeling of unlovability arise, tot of mine. I affirm my love for myself. I affirm that I am loved.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Ripeness.
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death, not be a death to you but a door to the divine. You just need the courage to enter into ur inner forest.
When the fruit is ripe, it drops from the tree by itself.
You are ready to share ur inner riches, ur 'juice'. The sharing of urself, this expression of ur creativity can come in many ways. All u need to do is relax right where u are, and be willing for it to happen.
Soul
Yea, I didn't tot of sharing wit D. But she came in and I shared and it also give her the courage to go in her inner forest.
3. External influence of which u r aware.
Existence
You are not accidental. Existence needs you.
Soul
This mornin I tot, jus do the counselling course. I am not sure if I am meant for professional counselling but I know I will be called to help out and hence I better get myself ready. I need to use my Insight to hep rather than to make people feel insecure and make myself unlikeable. Who knows, when I retire, I can do.
4. What is needed for resolution
Change
Life repeat itself endlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern.
Move towards the Center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
5. The understanding
Beyond Illusion
The space beyond the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Not to look outside, but to look within. When we focus on externals, we too often get caught up with judgements - this good; this is bad; I want this; I want that.
These judgements keep us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There, u can relax into ur own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.
Eight of Hearts
Card of considerable emotional power, charm and personal magnetism.
Indicator of having healing energy, a 'spiritual force' gathering in you, a force u can use to better ur life in many way.
Evening
Osho - nanak
He who had become the thirst of his every heartbeat stood revealed to before Nanak. All his desires were fulfilled.
Then God spoke to him, "Now go back and give unto others what I have given to you.
Soul
When I read this, I started to cry, felt like God asked me to share.
Jus now don't know what to read. Wonder how to heal myself of my unlovability. Suddenly tot of Law of attraction and opened my bookshelf. Found this book on Nanak.
Jus five minutes ago I ran thru Destiny - Queen of Club in mercury period. It is said I have a special knowledge that I can share. I only need to curb my impatience. I tot, now that I encountered my own unlovability, my judgement had dropped drastically. So, the impatience also died down.
And now reading this msg, is like double whammy. Yea, I have received my truth and instead of thinking how to overcome. Jus sit wit it lah.
When I read the song of Nanak, tears fell unknowingly. Nanak met his divine by dancing. Tot of me and my dancing. Tonight, suddenly did guru pooja and was crying during samsaran section. It has been awhile since I am affected by guru pooja. Would now change my routine.
Osho
Unless u lose urself completely, until u die, u cannot hope to meet God. Your annihilation becomes his being.
The one who is lost invariably returns, but he returns as new.
When eyes is open, everything is he.
Soul
Jus like me making a full turning after seeing my own unlovability issue.
Jus now when P approach me on S. I honestly cracked my head, don't know how to resolve. But U came up wit me telling P abt S's lack of parameter causing him to rub everyone. He also rubbed me and he often receive my scolding. I tol P to remove her negative tot on S cos it is not so. S is not politicing, he is just fearful. Remember, a true politic would ensure that he/she won't rub anyone the wrong way.
Yeap, both P and W also wan my support. I told them all has my support.
You helped me to turn around. You are the best.
Father, today plough back, I can touch my feet, first time in hatha yoga. Also noticed that feet up was effortless. Similar to the session after Shakti. Perhaps d realisation that my well of love is not full has released certain karmic parts.
Osho Cards
1. Issue
Aloneness.
Loneliness is the absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Loneliness is a negative state and Aloneness is very positive. You r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
When there is no significant other, we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings.
When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends and colleagues.
Be a light unto yourself!
Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guides.
Soul
I am alone and I have found my truth. Tot no one relate, but found SY and D. Amazingly also led D to peel off the hood of anger.
This mornin when meditating, tots of d korean drama, his feeling of unlovability arise, tot of mine. I affirm my love for myself. I affirm that I am loved.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Ripeness.
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death, not be a death to you but a door to the divine. You just need the courage to enter into ur inner forest.
When the fruit is ripe, it drops from the tree by itself.
You are ready to share ur inner riches, ur 'juice'. The sharing of urself, this expression of ur creativity can come in many ways. All u need to do is relax right where u are, and be willing for it to happen.
Soul
Yea, I didn't tot of sharing wit D. But she came in and I shared and it also give her the courage to go in her inner forest.
3. External influence of which u r aware.
Existence
You are not accidental. Existence needs you.
Soul
This mornin I tot, jus do the counselling course. I am not sure if I am meant for professional counselling but I know I will be called to help out and hence I better get myself ready. I need to use my Insight to hep rather than to make people feel insecure and make myself unlikeable. Who knows, when I retire, I can do.
4. What is needed for resolution
Change
Life repeat itself endlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern.
Move towards the Center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
5. The understanding
Beyond Illusion
The space beyond the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Not to look outside, but to look within. When we focus on externals, we too often get caught up with judgements - this good; this is bad; I want this; I want that.
These judgements keep us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There, u can relax into ur own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.
Eight of Hearts
Card of considerable emotional power, charm and personal magnetism.
Indicator of having healing energy, a 'spiritual force' gathering in you, a force u can use to better ur life in many way.
Evening
Osho - nanak
He who had become the thirst of his every heartbeat stood revealed to before Nanak. All his desires were fulfilled.
Then God spoke to him, "Now go back and give unto others what I have given to you.
Soul
When I read this, I started to cry, felt like God asked me to share.
Jus now don't know what to read. Wonder how to heal myself of my unlovability. Suddenly tot of Law of attraction and opened my bookshelf. Found this book on Nanak.
Jus five minutes ago I ran thru Destiny - Queen of Club in mercury period. It is said I have a special knowledge that I can share. I only need to curb my impatience. I tot, now that I encountered my own unlovability, my judgement had dropped drastically. So, the impatience also died down.
And now reading this msg, is like double whammy. Yea, I have received my truth and instead of thinking how to overcome. Jus sit wit it lah.
When I read the song of Nanak, tears fell unknowingly. Nanak met his divine by dancing. Tot of me and my dancing. Tonight, suddenly did guru pooja and was crying during samsaran section. It has been awhile since I am affected by guru pooja. Would now change my routine.
Osho
Unless u lose urself completely, until u die, u cannot hope to meet God. Your annihilation becomes his being.
The one who is lost invariably returns, but he returns as new.
When eyes is open, everything is he.
Soul
Jus like me making a full turning after seeing my own unlovability issue.
Jus now when P approach me on S. I honestly cracked my head, don't know how to resolve. But U came up wit me telling P abt S's lack of parameter causing him to rub everyone. He also rubbed me and he often receive my scolding. I tol P to remove her negative tot on S cos it is not so. S is not politicing, he is just fearful. Remember, a true politic would ensure that he/she won't rub anyone the wrong way.
Yeap, both P and W also wan my support. I told them all has my support.
You helped me to turn around. You are the best.
Hidden unlovability is what drives us (4)
Jul 5
Father, today my feet hurt and hand too, but I did suria namaskara. During d practice, its fine but now feet is pain. It was quite strenous, good that I am able to join.
As for family day, as expected little interaction.
The more worrying thing is that there is now new faces. This means the lack of interaction for the last few sathsang finally taken its toil. Need to communicate that to teacher.
Father, this mornin while driving, I was sitting upright with my whole back touching the seat, so comfortable. Also did a few rounds of loving affirmation.
Radical Forgivness
Makes very little sense to the rational mind, or at least to the part of the mentality that is grounded in everyday reality as perceived through the five senses. That's becos Radical Forgivenss operates according to spiritual law, not physical law. It is essentially a metaphysical idea.
Since the pain of separation is an emotional experience, we need a body to be able to feel it.
The human experience is meant to be an emotional one, so the extent to which we deny our feelings is the extent to which we deny our purpose for being here.
We are spiritual beings having a spiritual experience in human bodies.
Vibrationally, we live in two worlds simultaneously;
1. The world of divine truth (spirit)
2. The world of humanity.
Once we awaken, we can live comfortably in both.
The world of humanity is a spiritual classroom and life is our curriculum. Our lessons are the events that happen in life. The objective is to awaken to the truth of who we are and return home.
Life is not random. It provides for the purposeful unfoldment of our own divine plan, with opportunities to make choices and decisions in every moment guided by our Higher Self and ego.
We create our reality through the Law of Cause and Effect. Thoughts are causes that show up in our world as physical effects. Reality is an outplaying of our consciousness. Our world offers a mirror of our beliefs.
At the soul level, we get precisely what we need in our lives for our spiritual growth. How we judge what we get determines whether we experience life as painful or joyful.
Through rships we grow and learn. Through rships we heal and are returned to wholeness and truth. We need other to mirror our misperceptions and our projections and to help us bring repressed material to consciousness for healing.
Through the Law of Resonance, we attract people who resonance with our issues so that we can heal them. For eg, if abandonment is our issue, we will tend to attract people who abandon us. In that sense, these people serve as our teachers.
We come into the physical life experience with a mission; to fully experience a particular energy pattern so we can feel the feelings associated with that patterns and then transform that energy through love.
Physical reality is an illusion created by our five senses. Matter consists of interrelating energy fields vibrating at different frequencies.
Soul
All the abv is what I know except for last one that is jus belief stage.
As for emotional experience. Didn't realise its importance as I hav been denying negative feelings. I hav relegated emotion to third rate class. Ignored it.
Jul 5 Even
Didn't plan to share abt my unlovebility. A friend drop by and I shared. Coincidentally cos I was willing to go in deep and unravel a long hidden mirror of myself, it gave her courage to see too.
She has just gone in and see the depth of her self-loathing, unlovability stretched to max. And now she seen it. She doesn't feel better yet.
My reply to her;
Just feel and experience it. Give urself space to grieve over it. We deserve to give love to ourself. Once the grieve is over, u feel humbled and later a certain calm will arise. Remember its can be both ur strength and weakness. Once we know which side its playing, we can act consciously instead of unconciously, we become the master instead of its slave.
That's how I experienced mine. Once I unravel the unlovability. It no longer has me in its group and cause me to attract unloving people nor me to do unloving action. I taken d plug out of it.
Father, there is no mistake. Me being a Pluto card to 8 of Club, really help to transform her. And I m glad I experienced it before her so I can guide her into the darkness and lead her out into light. Amen.
Father, today my feet hurt and hand too, but I did suria namaskara. During d practice, its fine but now feet is pain. It was quite strenous, good that I am able to join.
As for family day, as expected little interaction.
The more worrying thing is that there is now new faces. This means the lack of interaction for the last few sathsang finally taken its toil. Need to communicate that to teacher.
Father, this mornin while driving, I was sitting upright with my whole back touching the seat, so comfortable. Also did a few rounds of loving affirmation.
Radical Forgivness
Makes very little sense to the rational mind, or at least to the part of the mentality that is grounded in everyday reality as perceived through the five senses. That's becos Radical Forgivenss operates according to spiritual law, not physical law. It is essentially a metaphysical idea.
Since the pain of separation is an emotional experience, we need a body to be able to feel it.
The human experience is meant to be an emotional one, so the extent to which we deny our feelings is the extent to which we deny our purpose for being here.
We are spiritual beings having a spiritual experience in human bodies.
Vibrationally, we live in two worlds simultaneously;
1. The world of divine truth (spirit)
2. The world of humanity.
Once we awaken, we can live comfortably in both.
The world of humanity is a spiritual classroom and life is our curriculum. Our lessons are the events that happen in life. The objective is to awaken to the truth of who we are and return home.
Life is not random. It provides for the purposeful unfoldment of our own divine plan, with opportunities to make choices and decisions in every moment guided by our Higher Self and ego.
We create our reality through the Law of Cause and Effect. Thoughts are causes that show up in our world as physical effects. Reality is an outplaying of our consciousness. Our world offers a mirror of our beliefs.
At the soul level, we get precisely what we need in our lives for our spiritual growth. How we judge what we get determines whether we experience life as painful or joyful.
Through rships we grow and learn. Through rships we heal and are returned to wholeness and truth. We need other to mirror our misperceptions and our projections and to help us bring repressed material to consciousness for healing.
Through the Law of Resonance, we attract people who resonance with our issues so that we can heal them. For eg, if abandonment is our issue, we will tend to attract people who abandon us. In that sense, these people serve as our teachers.
We come into the physical life experience with a mission; to fully experience a particular energy pattern so we can feel the feelings associated with that patterns and then transform that energy through love.
Physical reality is an illusion created by our five senses. Matter consists of interrelating energy fields vibrating at different frequencies.
Soul
All the abv is what I know except for last one that is jus belief stage.
As for emotional experience. Didn't realise its importance as I hav been denying negative feelings. I hav relegated emotion to third rate class. Ignored it.
Jul 5 Even
Didn't plan to share abt my unlovebility. A friend drop by and I shared. Coincidentally cos I was willing to go in deep and unravel a long hidden mirror of myself, it gave her courage to see too.
She has just gone in and see the depth of her self-loathing, unlovability stretched to max. And now she seen it. She doesn't feel better yet.
My reply to her;
Just feel and experience it. Give urself space to grieve over it. We deserve to give love to ourself. Once the grieve is over, u feel humbled and later a certain calm will arise. Remember its can be both ur strength and weakness. Once we know which side its playing, we can act consciously instead of unconciously, we become the master instead of its slave.
That's how I experienced mine. Once I unravel the unlovability. It no longer has me in its group and cause me to attract unloving people nor me to do unloving action. I taken d plug out of it.
Father, there is no mistake. Me being a Pluto card to 8 of Club, really help to transform her. And I m glad I experienced it before her so I can guide her into the darkness and lead her out into light. Amen.
Hidden unlovability is what drives us (3)
Jul 4
This mornin, when I woke up. First tot in my mind, I am lovable and I attract only loving people and loving circumstances.
My well of love is enough that I can shared my unlovability wit LY and LK. I shared wit LY to thank her and LK to give her a guide of my inner journey.
Evenin
Father, at the end of d day. The crux is somehow we all felt unloved one way or the other. So, we have been either trying to fill up the well of love or trying to defend the well of love.
It is so humbling to see the unlovability in me causing my life to go this way.
Radical forgiveness
Its purpose lies in seeing the truth behind the apparent circumstances of a situation and recognising the love that always exist there.
90 percent of healing occurs when u become willing to let in the idea that ur soul has lovingly created this situation for u.
In becoming willing, u let go of control and surrender it to God.
Whenever things doesn't happen ur way. U think there must be something wrong wit me. That's the way little kids think. Since they perceive the world revolves around them, they always assume that when things don't go well, its their fault.
When a child first thinks this, the thought is coupled wit great pain. To reduce the pain, a child represses it, but this action actually makes it all the harder to get rid of the tot. Thus we stuck wit the idea that "its my fault and something must be wrong with me", even as an adult.
At any time a situation in our life triggers the memory of this pain or the idea attached to it, we emotionally regress. Thus we feel and behave like the little kid who first experienced the pain.
Soul
That's me. Until I stopped it when we lost d big client and there was an economic. I told myself that I cannot hold myself responsible, I can't carry the burden of the world. I am not that great.
Jus tot of V's sharing his journey. I was bit irritated cos he was talkin abt things he doesn't know. I was also not happy that teacher ignored him. V was only behaving what he knows, no one has the right to judge him. Why m I irritated wit him or was it jus a short moment. I guess I was irritated cos I didn't tell him what I think.
Tot of C and her witholding d cd.
Aiyah, jus my mind overactive. Need not react.
Radical forgiveness
Even though u repressed the pain to get rid of it, the belief kept working in ur life at a subconscious level. That's when ur soul decided to create some drama in ur life so u would bring it to consciousness again and have the opportunity to choose healing once more.
You attracted people into ur life who would confront u directly wit ur own pain and make u relive the original experience through them.
Soul
I always know abt the lesson. But what I didn't know was the source of unlovability at the root of our subsconscious.
Radical forgiveness
When u really understand this, u will feel grateful to the people who are confronting ur pain. You will stop sending out message that u r unlovable. You will have the ability to let love in, perhaps for the first time in ur life.
Soul
I am already doing that. I tot I couldn't do affirmation. And now I know why. Firstly, I tot nothing wrong wit me. Secondly I tot I don't deserve. Well, now I know d well of love is not full and can't be triggered. So, I can now do affirmation to feel the well of love. I am willing to let love in for the first time in my life.
Radical forgiveness
The people who confronted ur pain is already changing and dropping their bizarre behaviour once u forgive them and healed ur misperception abt urself. As u change ur energy, their energy changes too. U r connected energetically. Physical distance is irrelevant.
U don't share ur new way wit the people who confronted ur pain. Everything will be different automatically simply as a consequence of u changing ur perception. U will feel more peaceful, centered and relaxed.
You will have a knowingness that will seem strange to the people who confront ur pain.
Soul
Yeap, both CEO and C behaviour was quite bizzare, especially C.
Radical forgiveness
For it to truly happen often requires a great deal of integration and repetitive reinforcement.
Soul
Tot this is same msg as Fool. Abt me not seeing from past or my own knowledge. Just keep on trusting and let the experience be.
Abt my creativity, Insight into my inner journey.
Alas abt my expanded Consciousness.
The situation did unfold as what my Osho cards says. Amazing.
This mornin, when I woke up. First tot in my mind, I am lovable and I attract only loving people and loving circumstances.
My well of love is enough that I can shared my unlovability wit LY and LK. I shared wit LY to thank her and LK to give her a guide of my inner journey.
Evenin
Father, at the end of d day. The crux is somehow we all felt unloved one way or the other. So, we have been either trying to fill up the well of love or trying to defend the well of love.
It is so humbling to see the unlovability in me causing my life to go this way.
Radical forgiveness
Its purpose lies in seeing the truth behind the apparent circumstances of a situation and recognising the love that always exist there.
90 percent of healing occurs when u become willing to let in the idea that ur soul has lovingly created this situation for u.
In becoming willing, u let go of control and surrender it to God.
Whenever things doesn't happen ur way. U think there must be something wrong wit me. That's the way little kids think. Since they perceive the world revolves around them, they always assume that when things don't go well, its their fault.
When a child first thinks this, the thought is coupled wit great pain. To reduce the pain, a child represses it, but this action actually makes it all the harder to get rid of the tot. Thus we stuck wit the idea that "its my fault and something must be wrong with me", even as an adult.
At any time a situation in our life triggers the memory of this pain or the idea attached to it, we emotionally regress. Thus we feel and behave like the little kid who first experienced the pain.
Soul
That's me. Until I stopped it when we lost d big client and there was an economic. I told myself that I cannot hold myself responsible, I can't carry the burden of the world. I am not that great.
Jus tot of V's sharing his journey. I was bit irritated cos he was talkin abt things he doesn't know. I was also not happy that teacher ignored him. V was only behaving what he knows, no one has the right to judge him. Why m I irritated wit him or was it jus a short moment. I guess I was irritated cos I didn't tell him what I think.
Tot of C and her witholding d cd.
Aiyah, jus my mind overactive. Need not react.
Radical forgiveness
Even though u repressed the pain to get rid of it, the belief kept working in ur life at a subconscious level. That's when ur soul decided to create some drama in ur life so u would bring it to consciousness again and have the opportunity to choose healing once more.
You attracted people into ur life who would confront u directly wit ur own pain and make u relive the original experience through them.
Soul
I always know abt the lesson. But what I didn't know was the source of unlovability at the root of our subsconscious.
Radical forgiveness
When u really understand this, u will feel grateful to the people who are confronting ur pain. You will stop sending out message that u r unlovable. You will have the ability to let love in, perhaps for the first time in ur life.
Soul
I am already doing that. I tot I couldn't do affirmation. And now I know why. Firstly, I tot nothing wrong wit me. Secondly I tot I don't deserve. Well, now I know d well of love is not full and can't be triggered. So, I can now do affirmation to feel the well of love. I am willing to let love in for the first time in my life.
Radical forgiveness
The people who confronted ur pain is already changing and dropping their bizarre behaviour once u forgive them and healed ur misperception abt urself. As u change ur energy, their energy changes too. U r connected energetically. Physical distance is irrelevant.
U don't share ur new way wit the people who confronted ur pain. Everything will be different automatically simply as a consequence of u changing ur perception. U will feel more peaceful, centered and relaxed.
You will have a knowingness that will seem strange to the people who confront ur pain.
Soul
Yeap, both CEO and C behaviour was quite bizzare, especially C.
Radical forgiveness
For it to truly happen often requires a great deal of integration and repetitive reinforcement.
Soul
Tot this is same msg as Fool. Abt me not seeing from past or my own knowledge. Just keep on trusting and let the experience be.
Abt my creativity, Insight into my inner journey.
Alas abt my expanded Consciousness.
The situation did unfold as what my Osho cards says. Amazing.
Acknowledge anger at myself for creating my world of unlovability
Jul 3
Radical forgiveness
Life always reflects our beliefs. We always create our reality according to our beliefs.
Soul
Last time I tot I don't deserve more money n attract companies that doesn't give me money. When we lost a major client, for the first time I said it is not me, finally it stopped. Then I used to attract/want challenges to feel valuable, then I said nope and challenges stopped at work.
What is now beneath is d loveability issue. Can't recall any rship between dad and I.
The 3 bosses from hell, all are somewhat intimidating, all create insecurities, all pushed people, all hated, totally unlovable. I always says they are deprived of love and seeking love in office. But despite all their unlovability, I always managed to see beyond and give them attention. Why why??? Is it becos I didn't love myself that I tot I deserve such people?? Why others shunned them, whereas I can still accept them??
It was my mirror as a Pluto card to all and sundry. But beneath is the unlovability issue n that's why I don't wan to pursue my destiny.
(Soul - My destiny card as a Queen is nurturing. but my planetary ruling is Ace is aloneness. Both are at different ends, luckily within same family, though)
Radical Forgiveness
All suffering provides u wit an opportunity to get in touch wit ur original pain and to see how a certain belief about urself was running ur life.
It gives u an opportunity to understand and change ur belief, thus healing ur original pain.
U made him wrong each time and u created urself as a victim instead, which made healing impossible.
Soul
CEO and close friend whom I tot would always seem me Ok, finally did a turn. It brings back d old belief that people whom I tot love me would turn their back to me. Jus like when I was young, very loved by my cousins and suddenly they were there no more. Jus like those neighbours who loved me and suddenly no more. Jus like my brother too.
Jus like my staff S who I given so much and respected me and suddenly turn her back on me when she got the new boss. She put him higher than me. She said I was jealous and I said nope. I guess d crux was not d boss, but was her turning away from me. Perhaps that's why I don't relish meeting her. She reminds me that I don't deserve her love even vs a boss who took so much advantage of her.
I guess that its was made me think that I mus be so unlovable that such a bad person is more lovable than me. Even now she says its ok for him to take advantage of her becos she hurt his pride at work. Can u beat that? I who only give her care can't even compete wit such a bad person. That's why I close up to her.
Everytime listen to her forgiving d boss, only makes me felt like a looser, so unlovable. I guess d other day when she says nope to all d dates and then even dictate on price of food. I reacted cos both J n Y wanted to be wit me, to show they care cos I care too. And here, she wanted to dictate price and date but is willing to be taken advantage of by d boss. That's show my unlovability.
Now that I can see that its my unlovability issue and whether I accept it. I didn't and manage to set a date for us.
Than when CEO, whom I hav given so much and suddenly attack me for d PA, all d old unlovability issue arise. I given her so much, oversee her fault, true d PA candidate was not first class but I don't deserve d attack. I begin to doubt her 'appreciation' then. I begin to doubt my lovability.
Then d close friend who wouldn't take my call in distress, make me doubt my lovability again.
Then d Universe, everytime give me challenges after challenges, make me think m not lovable. Of cos, when I realised and said nope, it stop.
Somehow I believed I am truly not so lovable becos they can turn back on me. That's why I never truly dare to open up and love cos they turn back. Everyone turn back. Why shld I open up when d love is not consistent. When d love is not real. When I am not really lovable.
Today, no one turn up except for my friend M. Surprisingly I was fine, I didn't think I was unlovable and infact I jus focus on giving myself love. Bought Inner child flower essence and was recommended a book on Radical Forgiveness, exactly what I need now.
Father, d anger I felt is that somehow no matter what I give out, is not enough. No matter how much challenge I faced, no matter how much I proved myself, no matter how many doors of subconsciousness I opened up, no matter how whole I become, its still not enough. Since d saying that if I m lovable, I attract my loving partner, that didn't happen too. So I am not lovable.
God never send anyone to protect me, he didn't love me enough, I have to protect myself (Of course now, I don't believe it so much cos he did send me Sadhguru, Osho and other Masters)
When my parents didn't share my sadness, I tot I wasn't lovable enough for them to open up. I wasn't lovable when I am emotional.
I am still not lovable. While I have experienced moments of joy and peace, deep down I still feel unloved. I admit the well of love is less empty. Perhaps that's why I can't look at it and acknowledge the feeling of unlovability.
Wit close friend, I stop thinking of my unlovability, trusting our friendship, trusting her love. She came back, said sorry for not answering call of distress, thank me for givin her space to settle her issue. Again, This is not about Me.
Wit CEO, I also stopped and didn't react to her nastiness. I know its her resentment. I stop myself from seeking 'love'. She came back wit a lovely bday msg and I responded to her abt my appreciation.
Father, I guess when 2 persons whom I tot is there turn around against me. Its back to the past. But this time I didn't react, didn't defend myself, didn't justify them, jus accept that I am affected becos of my unlovability. I told myself m fine and need not seek love. The situation turn around.
Father, I love myself and I acknowledge d well of love is not full yet and I will have moments of unlovability but it will no longer dictate my action. I won't be defending myself or attacking others, I won't take it personally.
That's my anger at God, at myself. I am angry for having to do so much to have love. I am envious of others who seem to hav to do nothing, even jealous of one who is so evil and yet can still be loved. I guess when d childhood situation happen, I concluded that I am unloved vs the other person. That's where it all started. I recall my anger at my parents, my family but it was not expressed. I tot how can I get angry, I don't have d right. At the most I can be sad. Getting angry means u think u hav d right for love but someone didn't give u.
(Tot of CEO always gets angry when she felt not 'loved' or appreciated. She gets angry becos she think she deserved it and we are bad for not giving it.)
For me, I can't even get angry. Even when CEO scold me for PA, I only felt slight anger. I blame myself for the 2nd rate PA, my poor judgement call. I didn't blame her for scolding me profusely over such small matter.
When close friend didn't answer my call of distress, I'd didn't get angry, jus sad that I am unlovable to her that she can't even see past her own issue to help me.
When my parents didn't acknowledhge my sadness, I jus felt sad that I wasn't lovable enough for them to see me through my sadness, to help to discuss the situation. And becos mom doesn't like sadness.
I even stopped that.
I can get angry at matters but I never get angry when I didn't receive love/appreciation. I tot I don't deserve them. Jus like I am fine wit no increment, even ok wit pay cut.
I can get angry for others, but not for myself.
I used to can't get sad for myself. But I have done so for past 2 years.
CEO at least think she deserve love, not I.
I do deserve love, I am lovable, I am good, I am fine person, I am a great person infact.
Father, thank u for letting M bought that book on body/sympthon. For letting me flick to RA page. LY said abt anger suppression which I dismissed cos I can get angry.
The RA section again mentioned abt anger and that got me thinking abt anger again.
What I didn't realise is I can't get angry for not receiving love. I tot I didn't deserve love. That's explain why I don't have a loving partner. The lowest part was d conman, which I turn around and says I do deserve some. And now I says I deserve more than some. I deserve loads of love.
Father, d CEO tot she deserve 100 percent love and I tot I don't deserve love. CEO think she can find love from outside and me tot there is no love from outside. CEO thinks someone will protect her. Me, long time given up that hope, m supposed to be self-protect.
We r real opposite n yet d same.
Becos I think there is no love that I can receive from outside. I create a reality that has difficult corporation/industry, difficult business, difficult work, difficult staffing, impossible bosses from hell, conman.
Radical forgiveness
Its purpose lies in seeing the truth behind the apparent circumstances of a situation and recognising the love that always exist there.
Jus text LY. The one who guided me to see d mirror of 3 bosses frm hell. The one who guided me to see my unlovability. The one who guided me to see my suppressed anger. And finally to see how I created my whole life of unlovability.
My text to her:
Hi. Jus wan to share. Thks so much for d book. I can finally see my suppressed anger. I can't get angry when I don't receive love. And that is becos I tot I am unlovable and hence don't deserve love. Today is my bday and new Life awaits me :)
Mmm, isn't this similar to my ex-staff. Isn't she my mirror. She can't even walk away frm d bad boss for taking advantage of her.
Father, I finally see my whole life of 42 years.
Now I see this meetup wit VF is for me and it is not for Isha. If it hadn't been for Isha promo, I wouldn't have approach LY, wouldn't have gone back to VF.
Father, I am lovable and from now onwards I attract only loving people and loving circumstances.
Radical forgiveness
Life always reflects our beliefs. We always create our reality according to our beliefs.
Soul
Last time I tot I don't deserve more money n attract companies that doesn't give me money. When we lost a major client, for the first time I said it is not me, finally it stopped. Then I used to attract/want challenges to feel valuable, then I said nope and challenges stopped at work.
What is now beneath is d loveability issue. Can't recall any rship between dad and I.
The 3 bosses from hell, all are somewhat intimidating, all create insecurities, all pushed people, all hated, totally unlovable. I always says they are deprived of love and seeking love in office. But despite all their unlovability, I always managed to see beyond and give them attention. Why why??? Is it becos I didn't love myself that I tot I deserve such people?? Why others shunned them, whereas I can still accept them??
It was my mirror as a Pluto card to all and sundry. But beneath is the unlovability issue n that's why I don't wan to pursue my destiny.
(Soul - My destiny card as a Queen is nurturing. but my planetary ruling is Ace is aloneness. Both are at different ends, luckily within same family, though)
Radical Forgiveness
All suffering provides u wit an opportunity to get in touch wit ur original pain and to see how a certain belief about urself was running ur life.
It gives u an opportunity to understand and change ur belief, thus healing ur original pain.
U made him wrong each time and u created urself as a victim instead, which made healing impossible.
Soul
CEO and close friend whom I tot would always seem me Ok, finally did a turn. It brings back d old belief that people whom I tot love me would turn their back to me. Jus like when I was young, very loved by my cousins and suddenly they were there no more. Jus like those neighbours who loved me and suddenly no more. Jus like my brother too.
Jus like my staff S who I given so much and respected me and suddenly turn her back on me when she got the new boss. She put him higher than me. She said I was jealous and I said nope. I guess d crux was not d boss, but was her turning away from me. Perhaps that's why I don't relish meeting her. She reminds me that I don't deserve her love even vs a boss who took so much advantage of her.
I guess that its was made me think that I mus be so unlovable that such a bad person is more lovable than me. Even now she says its ok for him to take advantage of her becos she hurt his pride at work. Can u beat that? I who only give her care can't even compete wit such a bad person. That's why I close up to her.
Everytime listen to her forgiving d boss, only makes me felt like a looser, so unlovable. I guess d other day when she says nope to all d dates and then even dictate on price of food. I reacted cos both J n Y wanted to be wit me, to show they care cos I care too. And here, she wanted to dictate price and date but is willing to be taken advantage of by d boss. That's show my unlovability.
Now that I can see that its my unlovability issue and whether I accept it. I didn't and manage to set a date for us.
Than when CEO, whom I hav given so much and suddenly attack me for d PA, all d old unlovability issue arise. I given her so much, oversee her fault, true d PA candidate was not first class but I don't deserve d attack. I begin to doubt her 'appreciation' then. I begin to doubt my lovability.
Then d close friend who wouldn't take my call in distress, make me doubt my lovability again.
Then d Universe, everytime give me challenges after challenges, make me think m not lovable. Of cos, when I realised and said nope, it stop.
Somehow I believed I am truly not so lovable becos they can turn back on me. That's why I never truly dare to open up and love cos they turn back. Everyone turn back. Why shld I open up when d love is not consistent. When d love is not real. When I am not really lovable.
Today, no one turn up except for my friend M. Surprisingly I was fine, I didn't think I was unlovable and infact I jus focus on giving myself love. Bought Inner child flower essence and was recommended a book on Radical Forgiveness, exactly what I need now.
Father, d anger I felt is that somehow no matter what I give out, is not enough. No matter how much challenge I faced, no matter how much I proved myself, no matter how many doors of subconsciousness I opened up, no matter how whole I become, its still not enough. Since d saying that if I m lovable, I attract my loving partner, that didn't happen too. So I am not lovable.
God never send anyone to protect me, he didn't love me enough, I have to protect myself (Of course now, I don't believe it so much cos he did send me Sadhguru, Osho and other Masters)
When my parents didn't share my sadness, I tot I wasn't lovable enough for them to open up. I wasn't lovable when I am emotional.
I am still not lovable. While I have experienced moments of joy and peace, deep down I still feel unloved. I admit the well of love is less empty. Perhaps that's why I can't look at it and acknowledge the feeling of unlovability.
Wit close friend, I stop thinking of my unlovability, trusting our friendship, trusting her love. She came back, said sorry for not answering call of distress, thank me for givin her space to settle her issue. Again, This is not about Me.
Wit CEO, I also stopped and didn't react to her nastiness. I know its her resentment. I stop myself from seeking 'love'. She came back wit a lovely bday msg and I responded to her abt my appreciation.
Father, I guess when 2 persons whom I tot is there turn around against me. Its back to the past. But this time I didn't react, didn't defend myself, didn't justify them, jus accept that I am affected becos of my unlovability. I told myself m fine and need not seek love. The situation turn around.
Father, I love myself and I acknowledge d well of love is not full yet and I will have moments of unlovability but it will no longer dictate my action. I won't be defending myself or attacking others, I won't take it personally.
That's my anger at God, at myself. I am angry for having to do so much to have love. I am envious of others who seem to hav to do nothing, even jealous of one who is so evil and yet can still be loved. I guess when d childhood situation happen, I concluded that I am unloved vs the other person. That's where it all started. I recall my anger at my parents, my family but it was not expressed. I tot how can I get angry, I don't have d right. At the most I can be sad. Getting angry means u think u hav d right for love but someone didn't give u.
(Tot of CEO always gets angry when she felt not 'loved' or appreciated. She gets angry becos she think she deserved it and we are bad for not giving it.)
For me, I can't even get angry. Even when CEO scold me for PA, I only felt slight anger. I blame myself for the 2nd rate PA, my poor judgement call. I didn't blame her for scolding me profusely over such small matter.
When close friend didn't answer my call of distress, I'd didn't get angry, jus sad that I am unlovable to her that she can't even see past her own issue to help me.
When my parents didn't acknowledhge my sadness, I jus felt sad that I wasn't lovable enough for them to see me through my sadness, to help to discuss the situation. And becos mom doesn't like sadness.
I even stopped that.
I can get angry at matters but I never get angry when I didn't receive love/appreciation. I tot I don't deserve them. Jus like I am fine wit no increment, even ok wit pay cut.
I can get angry for others, but not for myself.
I used to can't get sad for myself. But I have done so for past 2 years.
CEO at least think she deserve love, not I.
I do deserve love, I am lovable, I am good, I am fine person, I am a great person infact.
Father, thank u for letting M bought that book on body/sympthon. For letting me flick to RA page. LY said abt anger suppression which I dismissed cos I can get angry.
The RA section again mentioned abt anger and that got me thinking abt anger again.
What I didn't realise is I can't get angry for not receiving love. I tot I didn't deserve love. That's explain why I don't have a loving partner. The lowest part was d conman, which I turn around and says I do deserve some. And now I says I deserve more than some. I deserve loads of love.
Father, d CEO tot she deserve 100 percent love and I tot I don't deserve love. CEO think she can find love from outside and me tot there is no love from outside. CEO thinks someone will protect her. Me, long time given up that hope, m supposed to be self-protect.
We r real opposite n yet d same.
Becos I think there is no love that I can receive from outside. I create a reality that has difficult corporation/industry, difficult business, difficult work, difficult staffing, impossible bosses from hell, conman.
Radical forgiveness
Its purpose lies in seeing the truth behind the apparent circumstances of a situation and recognising the love that always exist there.
Jus text LY. The one who guided me to see d mirror of 3 bosses frm hell. The one who guided me to see my unlovability. The one who guided me to see my suppressed anger. And finally to see how I created my whole life of unlovability.
My text to her:
Hi. Jus wan to share. Thks so much for d book. I can finally see my suppressed anger. I can't get angry when I don't receive love. And that is becos I tot I am unlovable and hence don't deserve love. Today is my bday and new Life awaits me :)
Mmm, isn't this similar to my ex-staff. Isn't she my mirror. She can't even walk away frm d bad boss for taking advantage of her.
Father, I finally see my whole life of 42 years.
Now I see this meetup wit VF is for me and it is not for Isha. If it hadn't been for Isha promo, I wouldn't have approach LY, wouldn't have gone back to VF.
Father, I am lovable and from now onwards I attract only loving people and loving circumstances.
Acknowledging my hidden unlovability
Jul 2
Father, thanks for loving me. The crux of everyone inability to follow their Destiny is unlovability.
For me, when I hav money and romantic love, I felt loved. Since I don't hav romantic love, I can't let go of money/job. Anyway, m fine wit my job too. For the first time, I am reaping benefits.
These 2 days after discovery of unlovability issue with me, whenever I do practices, air is being forced out from my abdoment, all d way from lower stomach. Suddenly tot this bit similar during samyama when air are being forced out, albeit double.
Father, m happy wit my body. The only thing I wan to work on is my arms. I wan to go in and work on the unlovability issue in me.
I am humbled and will emphatise wit my friends and clients.
Father, this mornin when I started meditation. I observed that chattering of mind start, it wasn't loud but whisper and the one that is observing says ignore the chattering. Who is the one that observe. I now can see there are 2 subject in myself. One is the automatic chattering mind and another an observer/evaluator/decision maker.
The osho card talks abt Suits of the mind are either cartoon-like or troubled becos the influence of the mind in our lives is generally either ridiculous or oppressive. These descriptions right described me.
Osho
The change of name has great significance for a sannyasin. It is an index, a symbol. Your name now has an association wit everything that u have been before yday.
Changing the name of a sannyasin means we are disconnecting him from his old identity, from his old associations. He is now starting on a new journey wit a new name, a new identity.
The change of name is helpful in breaking ur old identity. With the changed name, u suddenly come to know that u r not the same person now.
Everytime, while u r on the road, somebody calls u by ur new name, not by the old one, u r startled to learn that u have ceased to have ur old identity. Everyday ur identification wit ur old life will wither;; everyday a new man will come into being in his place.
You will be reminded again and again that u r on a new journey.
Soul
Tot of my new name Joy. So me. No more suffering.
Osho
My difficulty is that I know how useful ritual are and how useless they have become. So I will continue to speak both for and against them. That is my difficulty and destiny, and I would like u to understand it.
For this reason, I will lose many of my friends and many of them will turn into my enemies. But this will go on, and there is no way to stop it.
Soul
Tot of my destiny and difficulty. My destiny is to share and help people but in that I will lose them too.
Jul 2 Eve
Father, when d CEO gav me an unfriendly reply. My ego start to react and defensive tot came into the pix. And then later, I start to hav negativ tot on d GM. I just looked at the tot. I recalled that I said this is not me. This is jus d unlovability acting. I told my ego so if d CEO really wan to attack me and force me to leave. I will go cos now I know even dark experience is meaningful to my growth. Jus like d mirror I found wit CEO after d heavy scolding experience.
I told my ego, don't worry, we have enough funds to last us 2 more years.
Father, thanks for loving me. The crux of everyone inability to follow their Destiny is unlovability.
For me, when I hav money and romantic love, I felt loved. Since I don't hav romantic love, I can't let go of money/job. Anyway, m fine wit my job too. For the first time, I am reaping benefits.
These 2 days after discovery of unlovability issue with me, whenever I do practices, air is being forced out from my abdoment, all d way from lower stomach. Suddenly tot this bit similar during samyama when air are being forced out, albeit double.
Father, m happy wit my body. The only thing I wan to work on is my arms. I wan to go in and work on the unlovability issue in me.
I am humbled and will emphatise wit my friends and clients.
Father, this mornin when I started meditation. I observed that chattering of mind start, it wasn't loud but whisper and the one that is observing says ignore the chattering. Who is the one that observe. I now can see there are 2 subject in myself. One is the automatic chattering mind and another an observer/evaluator/decision maker.
The osho card talks abt Suits of the mind are either cartoon-like or troubled becos the influence of the mind in our lives is generally either ridiculous or oppressive. These descriptions right described me.
Osho
The change of name has great significance for a sannyasin. It is an index, a symbol. Your name now has an association wit everything that u have been before yday.
Changing the name of a sannyasin means we are disconnecting him from his old identity, from his old associations. He is now starting on a new journey wit a new name, a new identity.
The change of name is helpful in breaking ur old identity. With the changed name, u suddenly come to know that u r not the same person now.
Everytime, while u r on the road, somebody calls u by ur new name, not by the old one, u r startled to learn that u have ceased to have ur old identity. Everyday ur identification wit ur old life will wither;; everyday a new man will come into being in his place.
You will be reminded again and again that u r on a new journey.
Soul
Tot of my new name Joy. So me. No more suffering.
Osho
My difficulty is that I know how useful ritual are and how useless they have become. So I will continue to speak both for and against them. That is my difficulty and destiny, and I would like u to understand it.
For this reason, I will lose many of my friends and many of them will turn into my enemies. But this will go on, and there is no way to stop it.
Soul
Tot of my destiny and difficulty. My destiny is to share and help people but in that I will lose them too.
Jul 2 Eve
Father, when d CEO gav me an unfriendly reply. My ego start to react and defensive tot came into the pix. And then later, I start to hav negativ tot on d GM. I just looked at the tot. I recalled that I said this is not me. This is jus d unlovability acting. I told my ego so if d CEO really wan to attack me and force me to leave. I will go cos now I know even dark experience is meaningful to my growth. Jus like d mirror I found wit CEO after d heavy scolding experience.
I told my ego, don't worry, we have enough funds to last us 2 more years.
Hidden unlovability is what drives us (2)
Jul 1 Evening
Shared wit SY on my discovery that our root cause is unlovability.
She says that my level of lovability is much higher than her. We talked abt her inability to say No. I told her that is an outcome. She was safeguarding the rship, wanting to be loved and hence cannot say no.
She says now I can emphatise wit her confusion and dilemma. I replied that its humbling experience and I do emphatise with her.
Mmm, suddenly tot of C. Perhaps she doesn't want to open up, be vulnerable becos she afraid she is not lovable. Only when she act knowledgeable, she is lovable.
Father, suddenly tot of CEO. Her reaction of getting a third grade PA, is attached to her image as Glamour person. And if her glamour falls, her value falls and her lovability falls. That's why her reaction is so volatile as PA is part of her trophy.
Father, surprisingly now I can understand why people doesn't wan to change. The change may trigger their self image, increase their unlovability. That's why people don't act on change.
In my case, almost all reduce my unlovability, so easier for me to change. Except for counselling.
Father, let me not judge others. Its true I can slice and show them blood, but I now cannot judge them.
Osho
The moment humility is born, the door to the divine opens.
Soul
Thank U.
Osho
Never has before was the world in such dire need of meditation as it is today. And if we fail to make a large portion of mankind deeply involved in meditation, there is little hope for man's survival on this earth any longer, he will simply disappear from the earth.
There is already so much neurosis and insanity in the world, there is so much political madness.
Soul
Did my practices, today new acrobat style. Laughed so much. Could hav continued but I wanted to watch d drama. During d practice, tots came in and I told d mind to stop. Do practice and we can nego later. Father, unlovability is from the mind.
When I drove back, I cried for all the unloved people in d world, me included. The unconsciousness that I was searching was the unlovability in me. The part that triggered all fearful/defensive action.
So humbling, finally seeing myself at d core. And yet so liberating of all my judgements on people, those who are trigger-happy, those who are fearful to change. In the end, all is due to fear of losing love and etc.
Sadhguru
Once a person doesn't care whether he lives or dies, that person has no limitation. He can do anything he wants. People who want to live well, they have to think. Yes, they have to think hundreds of times; just once is not enough.
Shared wit SY on my discovery that our root cause is unlovability.
She says that my level of lovability is much higher than her. We talked abt her inability to say No. I told her that is an outcome. She was safeguarding the rship, wanting to be loved and hence cannot say no.
She says now I can emphatise wit her confusion and dilemma. I replied that its humbling experience and I do emphatise with her.
Mmm, suddenly tot of C. Perhaps she doesn't want to open up, be vulnerable becos she afraid she is not lovable. Only when she act knowledgeable, she is lovable.
Father, suddenly tot of CEO. Her reaction of getting a third grade PA, is attached to her image as Glamour person. And if her glamour falls, her value falls and her lovability falls. That's why her reaction is so volatile as PA is part of her trophy.
Father, surprisingly now I can understand why people doesn't wan to change. The change may trigger their self image, increase their unlovability. That's why people don't act on change.
In my case, almost all reduce my unlovability, so easier for me to change. Except for counselling.
Father, let me not judge others. Its true I can slice and show them blood, but I now cannot judge them.
Osho
The moment humility is born, the door to the divine opens.
Soul
Thank U.
Osho
Never has before was the world in such dire need of meditation as it is today. And if we fail to make a large portion of mankind deeply involved in meditation, there is little hope for man's survival on this earth any longer, he will simply disappear from the earth.
There is already so much neurosis and insanity in the world, there is so much political madness.
Soul
Did my practices, today new acrobat style. Laughed so much. Could hav continued but I wanted to watch d drama. During d practice, tots came in and I told d mind to stop. Do practice and we can nego later. Father, unlovability is from the mind.
When I drove back, I cried for all the unloved people in d world, me included. The unconsciousness that I was searching was the unlovability in me. The part that triggered all fearful/defensive action.
So humbling, finally seeing myself at d core. And yet so liberating of all my judgements on people, those who are trigger-happy, those who are fearful to change. In the end, all is due to fear of losing love and etc.
Sadhguru
Once a person doesn't care whether he lives or dies, that person has no limitation. He can do anything he wants. People who want to live well, they have to think. Yes, they have to think hundreds of times; just once is not enough.
Hidden unlovability is what drives us
Jul 1
Father, my mind chatter so much. These days, it is chattering useful info but not required during meditation. At first I say "Now" and it didn't work. I then say "thank u, but not now" and it quiet for a while. Father, I think I lost the breathing meditation. It only came back towards the last few minutes. Already lost samyama.
Father, d mind really chatters load. Never realise this much before. I am not sure if its always like that but I wasn't aware or I am getting overactive. Anyway, for now, jus let the chatter be. If too much, focus on breathing and chatter tone down somewhat.
Father, my mirror of creating insecurity in people resulting in rejection. My fear of being rejected is contradictory to my happiness of finding my Destiny as a Transformer. Like they say, a needle poke from me will draw blood, it is that sharp. And normally they will avoid such people.
I wonder how the 3 bosses from hell resolve or accept their unlikeability. How do they handle it? What do they think abt it? Will they correct it?
Ironic, now I can see the mirror, all d emotion on CEO died down. Of cos, now mind go another channel.
Father, yday d korean drama. Whole show doesn't attract me, except for d part of d 2 guys fighting over a gal. I wonder why my mind was on d scene. Then I realised cos I wish I was d gal. I felt unloved. Father, after all my search, the crux is this, I felt unloved despite all that I have. Now I know my fascination wit romantic show.
Finally I acknowledge and accept I felt unloved. So, humbling. How do I then create love for myself?
I am happiest when I discover Insight on myself and others. On myself, I will grow and change. On others, they will avoid me and hence reject me. My happiness can cause others unhappiness. Mmm, just like the boss's need for perfection causes people's unhappiness.
Like L says, to learn how to communicate.
Osho
1. Issue - The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. He does not learn. His trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around u. Whatsoever experience comes to u, let it happen, and then go on dropping it. Go on cleansing ur mind continuously. Leave the past behind.
And each time, u don't allow the situation to corrupt u, that opportunity will become an integration inside. Ur soul will become more crystalised.
Trust and innocence are ur guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
Father, thank u.
Its my unlovability issue that was debating on the experience. Once I acknowledge my unlovability. It dropped off.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
New Vision
You have transcended. Your insight has become the insight of the whole existence. Now u r no longer separate - u hav found ur roots. Ur consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one.
You are being borne anew.
You can see life in all its dimension, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective of the world. By allowing all of life's colour to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
My cause is unlovability, now experienced at the core of me. But once I accepted that, I saw the mirror between me and the 3 bosses from hell.
All the search, all the achievements, the need to be special, all the fear, agonising moment is all caused by fear of not having enough love.
Thanks for my bosses from hell. Thanks to RA that I am changing my life style.
Now I need to attend my root cause. Feeling unloved and seeking love in wrong places.
Now I understand how I cld give a substandard candidate to CEO. It is meant to happen to create the animosity, to cause me to want to find out, to see the mirror. And I am like her, she is seeking love, searching for wrong places.
This actually is all of us...it is just reflected in different form.
3. External influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. The very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, give u contentment, make ur life a work of art.
You become a master of yourself, master of ur own destiny.
Soul
Finally everything boils down to unlovability.
My mind chatters and now I can evaluate and see if I wan to follow.
I will act on those that r meant for me, for my destiny.
4. What is needed for resolution.
Creativity
If u have something growing out of u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine. You become more divine as u become more creative.
Be open to whatever wants to be expressed through u. Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us.
True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and blessing to others.
Soul
My Insight.
Father, am not sure. Somehow I lost my value judgment. I now can see the potential in everyone, however hidden. I wish to help people to uncover their potential, discover their strength and weakness, accept and love themselves and live life to the fullest, fulfill their destiny.
Jus realised. I have changed again. My perception of people now see their hidden potential instead of jus their current mode.
5. Resolution
Consciousness.
This flower that has become aware of itself need not come back to life because life is nothing but a school in which to learn. He has learned the lesson, he is now beyond delusions. He will move from the known for the first time, not into the unknown, but into the unknowable.
Most of the suit of mind are either cartoon-like or troubled, becos the influence of the mind in our lives is generally either ridiculous or oppressive. But this card of Consciousness show a vast Buddha figure. He is so expansive, he has gone even beyond the stars and abv his head is pure emptiness.
He represent the consciousness that is available to all who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be.
There is crystal clarity available right now, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of ur being.
There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding u hav now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself. Accept this gift. Share it.
Soul
Amen.
7 of Club
Spiritual revelation, expanded consciousness. How it manifest for u will depend on ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
Knowledge that leads one back to the self
Father, my mind chatter so much. These days, it is chattering useful info but not required during meditation. At first I say "Now" and it didn't work. I then say "thank u, but not now" and it quiet for a while. Father, I think I lost the breathing meditation. It only came back towards the last few minutes. Already lost samyama.
Father, d mind really chatters load. Never realise this much before. I am not sure if its always like that but I wasn't aware or I am getting overactive. Anyway, for now, jus let the chatter be. If too much, focus on breathing and chatter tone down somewhat.
Father, my mirror of creating insecurity in people resulting in rejection. My fear of being rejected is contradictory to my happiness of finding my Destiny as a Transformer. Like they say, a needle poke from me will draw blood, it is that sharp. And normally they will avoid such people.
I wonder how the 3 bosses from hell resolve or accept their unlikeability. How do they handle it? What do they think abt it? Will they correct it?
Ironic, now I can see the mirror, all d emotion on CEO died down. Of cos, now mind go another channel.
Father, yday d korean drama. Whole show doesn't attract me, except for d part of d 2 guys fighting over a gal. I wonder why my mind was on d scene. Then I realised cos I wish I was d gal. I felt unloved. Father, after all my search, the crux is this, I felt unloved despite all that I have. Now I know my fascination wit romantic show.
Finally I acknowledge and accept I felt unloved. So, humbling. How do I then create love for myself?
I am happiest when I discover Insight on myself and others. On myself, I will grow and change. On others, they will avoid me and hence reject me. My happiness can cause others unhappiness. Mmm, just like the boss's need for perfection causes people's unhappiness.
Like L says, to learn how to communicate.
Osho
1. Issue - The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. He does not learn. His trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around u. Whatsoever experience comes to u, let it happen, and then go on dropping it. Go on cleansing ur mind continuously. Leave the past behind.
And each time, u don't allow the situation to corrupt u, that opportunity will become an integration inside. Ur soul will become more crystalised.
Trust and innocence are ur guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
Father, thank u.
Its my unlovability issue that was debating on the experience. Once I acknowledge my unlovability. It dropped off.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
New Vision
You have transcended. Your insight has become the insight of the whole existence. Now u r no longer separate - u hav found ur roots. Ur consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one.
You are being borne anew.
You can see life in all its dimension, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective of the world. By allowing all of life's colour to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
My cause is unlovability, now experienced at the core of me. But once I accepted that, I saw the mirror between me and the 3 bosses from hell.
All the search, all the achievements, the need to be special, all the fear, agonising moment is all caused by fear of not having enough love.
Thanks for my bosses from hell. Thanks to RA that I am changing my life style.
Now I need to attend my root cause. Feeling unloved and seeking love in wrong places.
Now I understand how I cld give a substandard candidate to CEO. It is meant to happen to create the animosity, to cause me to want to find out, to see the mirror. And I am like her, she is seeking love, searching for wrong places.
This actually is all of us...it is just reflected in different form.
3. External influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. The very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, give u contentment, make ur life a work of art.
You become a master of yourself, master of ur own destiny.
Soul
Finally everything boils down to unlovability.
My mind chatters and now I can evaluate and see if I wan to follow.
I will act on those that r meant for me, for my destiny.
4. What is needed for resolution.
Creativity
If u have something growing out of u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine. You become more divine as u become more creative.
Be open to whatever wants to be expressed through u. Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us.
True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and blessing to others.
Soul
My Insight.
Father, am not sure. Somehow I lost my value judgment. I now can see the potential in everyone, however hidden. I wish to help people to uncover their potential, discover their strength and weakness, accept and love themselves and live life to the fullest, fulfill their destiny.
Jus realised. I have changed again. My perception of people now see their hidden potential instead of jus their current mode.
5. Resolution
Consciousness.
This flower that has become aware of itself need not come back to life because life is nothing but a school in which to learn. He has learned the lesson, he is now beyond delusions. He will move from the known for the first time, not into the unknown, but into the unknowable.
Most of the suit of mind are either cartoon-like or troubled, becos the influence of the mind in our lives is generally either ridiculous or oppressive. But this card of Consciousness show a vast Buddha figure. He is so expansive, he has gone even beyond the stars and abv his head is pure emptiness.
He represent the consciousness that is available to all who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be.
There is crystal clarity available right now, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of ur being.
There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding u hav now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself. Accept this gift. Share it.
Soul
Amen.
7 of Club
Spiritual revelation, expanded consciousness. How it manifest for u will depend on ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
Knowledge that leads one back to the self
See the Light in sad experiences
Jun 30
2 persons supposedy love or approve of me, no longer does. Feeling of unlovability arise.
Looked at all my issue and the causes.
And to be rejected by CEO for recruitment that is my forte was unforgivable.
And to be rejected by friend for wanting to explore on my hobby (which is her forte) is also not reasonable.
Fat arm
Anger at being denied love
Affirmation
It is safe for me to create all the love I want.
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. (Have healed this)
Feeling very put upon. (In progress)
Affirmation
I am my own authorty.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.
Arthritis fingers.
A desire to punish. Blame. Feeling victimised.
Affirmation
I see with love and understanding. I hold all my experiences up to the light of love.
Mmm, alas I can now see my experience wit understanding. I now knew why I am disturbed. Its true, I have poked their insecurities and hence they withheld love. Now, I can't control that but I can only manage myself. Love myself even if I have inadvertently poked people and cause myself to be rejected. Like Sadhguru says, I can't control others. So, I will be fine. I create my own love. I approved that I can poke people unknowingly with such precision that they will bleed with jus 1 poke.
One poke of needle results in blood is my strenght. Its me. Accept me, love me. And there will be lots of people who can't accept it. So, let me accept myself. Don't wan to look for love in wrong places.
Like my anaolgy to CEO. So difficult to love and accept her. It would be easier to accept and love myself, flaws and all.
Lookin at LY, a young lovely gal wit such courage. For me, while I am not excited abt my job, it give me the securities/love that I need. To me, since I don't hav a rich husband to support me. I must have job to support me.
Osho
There will be no division between Life and God.
There is no other God in opposition to life or separate from life.
This man will declare that there is no creator other than creation; creativity itself is God.
Don't accept or reject pleasant or unpleasent feelings. Jus understand it naturally.
Mmm, I am a Pluto card to so many people. I challenge people to transform. So, definitely lovability is low. So, instead of lamenting and trying to deny or improve on myself. Jus focus on detaching myself from the outcome.
My life path ahead is a Transformational Leader n that means it comes with perceived unlovability. If I cannot accept that I may be otracised, then I cannot walk the path of being a Transformer.
If I am bothered about having love or seeking acceptance, then I won't be a good Transformer.
Father, alas I finally saw the Light.
All my three bosses from hell are unlikeable. They are the ones that pushes people to perform beyond their current limit. They make people feel insecure, they hound and threaten them to perform.
So am I, a transformer who is so precise that I can poke blood wit one needle.
That's where we are the same. I attract these people from hell cos I am Hell to some people too.
And at the root of this is my feeling of unlovability vs destiny as Transformer.
This mirror is so difficult to see cos on d surface I am totally unlike them. But behind, I am cos unconsciously and consciously I pricked people insecurities, forcing them to look at areas they have denied. I am not likeable, not a pleasant person to be with.
Jack of Heart (Christ card_
A strong dose of higher, spiritual love into our lives and will encourage us to do things from a higher motive than usual.
To make some sort of personal sacrifice.
Soul - I sacrifice my need for love and acceptance to follow my Destiny as Transformational Leader.
I will faced my unlovability head on.
2 persons supposedy love or approve of me, no longer does. Feeling of unlovability arise.
Looked at all my issue and the causes.
And to be rejected by CEO for recruitment that is my forte was unforgivable.
And to be rejected by friend for wanting to explore on my hobby (which is her forte) is also not reasonable.
Fat arm
Anger at being denied love
Affirmation
It is safe for me to create all the love I want.
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. (Have healed this)
Feeling very put upon. (In progress)
Affirmation
I am my own authorty.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.
Arthritis fingers.
A desire to punish. Blame. Feeling victimised.
Affirmation
I see with love and understanding. I hold all my experiences up to the light of love.
Mmm, alas I can now see my experience wit understanding. I now knew why I am disturbed. Its true, I have poked their insecurities and hence they withheld love. Now, I can't control that but I can only manage myself. Love myself even if I have inadvertently poked people and cause myself to be rejected. Like Sadhguru says, I can't control others. So, I will be fine. I create my own love. I approved that I can poke people unknowingly with such precision that they will bleed with jus 1 poke.
One poke of needle results in blood is my strenght. Its me. Accept me, love me. And there will be lots of people who can't accept it. So, let me accept myself. Don't wan to look for love in wrong places.
Like my anaolgy to CEO. So difficult to love and accept her. It would be easier to accept and love myself, flaws and all.
Lookin at LY, a young lovely gal wit such courage. For me, while I am not excited abt my job, it give me the securities/love that I need. To me, since I don't hav a rich husband to support me. I must have job to support me.
Osho
There will be no division between Life and God.
There is no other God in opposition to life or separate from life.
This man will declare that there is no creator other than creation; creativity itself is God.
Don't accept or reject pleasant or unpleasent feelings. Jus understand it naturally.
Mmm, I am a Pluto card to so many people. I challenge people to transform. So, definitely lovability is low. So, instead of lamenting and trying to deny or improve on myself. Jus focus on detaching myself from the outcome.
My life path ahead is a Transformational Leader n that means it comes with perceived unlovability. If I cannot accept that I may be otracised, then I cannot walk the path of being a Transformer.
If I am bothered about having love or seeking acceptance, then I won't be a good Transformer.
Father, alas I finally saw the Light.
All my three bosses from hell are unlikeable. They are the ones that pushes people to perform beyond their current limit. They make people feel insecure, they hound and threaten them to perform.
So am I, a transformer who is so precise that I can poke blood wit one needle.
That's where we are the same. I attract these people from hell cos I am Hell to some people too.
And at the root of this is my feeling of unlovability vs destiny as Transformer.
This mirror is so difficult to see cos on d surface I am totally unlike them. But behind, I am cos unconsciously and consciously I pricked people insecurities, forcing them to look at areas they have denied. I am not likeable, not a pleasant person to be with.
Jack of Heart (Christ card_
A strong dose of higher, spiritual love into our lives and will encourage us to do things from a higher motive than usual.
To make some sort of personal sacrifice.
Soul - I sacrifice my need for love and acceptance to follow my Destiny as Transformational Leader.
I will faced my unlovability head on.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Stay put when feeling uncertain
Jun 29 Even
Met LY and she gave me some input that I cld be suppressing anger and hence show water retention.
Father, a tot came to me. All my bosses seek validation from me. Perhaps that is reflective of my own validation. On the anger, am not so sure as I am assertive, but it is possible that I sought love as I was into korean drama recently. But then I realised I am no longer that attached. So, not sure of that. But will explore cos I am keen to know more and also I agree on d water retention issue.
Cloud of Unknowing
Let it be the worker and u, but the sufferer; do but look upon it and let it alone.
Meddle thee not therewith as thou wouldest help it, for dread lest thou spill all. Be thou but the tree, and let it be the wright; be thou but the house and let it be the husbandman dwelling therein.
Be blind in this time and shear away covetise of knowing, for it will more let thee than help thee. Jus let thine intent be nakedly directed unto God. Trust then steadfastly that it is only God that stirreth thy will and thy desire plainly by Himself.
Soul
Today Osho card says to accept my experience. And I think the abv says the same thing. Jus focus on d moment - disidentification from my mind and emotion.
Sadhguru
To handle this body, to handle this mind, emotions, things that are within u right now. Handle them sensibly.
If u don't handle them sensibly, forget about going beyond. Such a thing will not happen. It is jus an illusion. Even if God appears in front of u, if u don't how to receive, u will continue to be the same.
God is within u, but dead. To make him alive, first u have to become fully alive. If u wan the Divine to become alive within u, first of all u, as a human being have to become absolutely alive.
Met LY and she gave me some input that I cld be suppressing anger and hence show water retention.
Father, a tot came to me. All my bosses seek validation from me. Perhaps that is reflective of my own validation. On the anger, am not so sure as I am assertive, but it is possible that I sought love as I was into korean drama recently. But then I realised I am no longer that attached. So, not sure of that. But will explore cos I am keen to know more and also I agree on d water retention issue.
Cloud of Unknowing
Let it be the worker and u, but the sufferer; do but look upon it and let it alone.
Meddle thee not therewith as thou wouldest help it, for dread lest thou spill all. Be thou but the tree, and let it be the wright; be thou but the house and let it be the husbandman dwelling therein.
Be blind in this time and shear away covetise of knowing, for it will more let thee than help thee. Jus let thine intent be nakedly directed unto God. Trust then steadfastly that it is only God that stirreth thy will and thy desire plainly by Himself.
Soul
Today Osho card says to accept my experience. And I think the abv says the same thing. Jus focus on d moment - disidentification from my mind and emotion.
Sadhguru
To handle this body, to handle this mind, emotions, things that are within u right now. Handle them sensibly.
If u don't handle them sensibly, forget about going beyond. Such a thing will not happen. It is jus an illusion. Even if God appears in front of u, if u don't how to receive, u will continue to be the same.
God is within u, but dead. To make him alive, first u have to become fully alive. If u wan the Divine to become alive within u, first of all u, as a human being have to become absolutely alive.
RA pain is back (2)
Jun 29
Father, thanks for letting me meet d RA fellow. She looked quite bad and she is apply for early retirement, will get 50% of her pay
Something that I can explore also. Cos 50% will be more than enough for me. I now need not worry. I am glad for my social contribution fund.
Father, my cosmic lesson is 7 of Spade, card of Faith, to stay positive despite physical affliction.
As expected, RA is higher at 51. But m fine. Today Doc asked me to rate myself out 10 and I said is 4.
He wanted me to be aggressive in medication. I said nope cos I don't believe in it. Medication only preventive measure. It doesn't contain it and higher intake will only make the body immune to it.
Father, listening to Sadhguru. He says no matter how careful we are, we wouldn't be able to avoid unpleasent situation. So, no matter how capable we are, we cannot control the external. And we can only control our internal.
Tot of me and my current situation. Instead of thinking I failed or lapsed. Tot of how this can motivate me to manage my interior.
Father, thanks for letting me meet d RA fellow. She looked quite bad and she is apply for early retirement, will get 50% of her pay
Something that I can explore also. Cos 50% will be more than enough for me. I now need not worry. I am glad for my social contribution fund.
Father, my cosmic lesson is 7 of Spade, card of Faith, to stay positive despite physical affliction.
As expected, RA is higher at 51. But m fine. Today Doc asked me to rate myself out 10 and I said is 4.
He wanted me to be aggressive in medication. I said nope cos I don't believe in it. Medication only preventive measure. It doesn't contain it and higher intake will only make the body immune to it.
Father, listening to Sadhguru. He says no matter how careful we are, we wouldn't be able to avoid unpleasent situation. So, no matter how capable we are, we cannot control the external. And we can only control our internal.
Tot of me and my current situation. Instead of thinking I failed or lapsed. Tot of how this can motivate me to manage my interior.
Meditation raised energy to give us awareness (2)
Jun 28
Shared wit LKand she says that sometime I poke directly wit a needle and it hurt. That's why people would avoid me.
Father, coincidentally. People like S, YL, SL all poke needle. They poke it without thinking of the others.
They r my mirror, I poke it also and in my case, people bleed.
Sadhguru
When u did Samyama, u r bringing out the whole truckload of karma. You opened the warehouse.
That's the reason why, when a person walks the spiritual path, in many ways - if they don't handle the situation properly - they will suffer much more than someone else, because they are bringing up large volumes of it. Others are just handling what is alloted to them. Now u r trying to take up the whole portion, u want ur Ph.D today, so u r not going step by step.
That is the reason why so much discipline was always brought into yogic practices, so that when things overwhelm u, u r able to handle that situation. Otherwise, if u open up things for which u r not ready, karma can just smother u completely. To live gracefully or not, that's not assured. That is something that u have to earn, there is no other way.
Sadhana is to live gracefully, to live beyond the present level of limitations.
Sadhana is done so that u create a certain sense of awareness and u r hastening the process of dissolution of karma so that ur prarabdha gets finished faster and faster.
If u dissolved some aspects of ur prarabdha, generally u r working towards the mental and emotional dimensions of ur prarabdha so that u can live in a blessed state for a longer period of ur life. U will then live without the struggles of the minds, the struggles of the emotions. That's a blessed state.
If ur energy becomes aware, ur life begins to move from compulsions to choice.
Evenin
Received an urgent mail for concall. Surprisingly didn't feel resentful, but feel bit victim. But I did follow thru, try to call people but no reply. I opened up the email and read thru the RFP and extract where I can.
That's all I can do. Contacted GM also to assist.
Let me focus on the positive. Surprisingly there was a reply frm Health and Awareness site. And she also asked for the flyer so that she can forward to other people too. Good start.
As for saturday intro. Jus saw Sadhguru dvd is 48 min. Jus asked for 15 min extension for sharing. Its fine.
Father, mmmm free from mind and emotion. That wld be great. Jus focus on day by day. Don't overwhelm myself. Lost my confidence wit CEO and close friend. I prick people and they bleed. Perhaps that's explain me being a Pluto card for so many people.
(Jul 24 - Just realised that during pre-meditation days, I would be much more affected. Now it has reduced at least 50 percent. So, meditation really does release me from the struggle of mind and emotion)
Shared wit LKand she says that sometime I poke directly wit a needle and it hurt. That's why people would avoid me.
Father, coincidentally. People like S, YL, SL all poke needle. They poke it without thinking of the others.
They r my mirror, I poke it also and in my case, people bleed.
Sadhguru
When u did Samyama, u r bringing out the whole truckload of karma. You opened the warehouse.
That's the reason why, when a person walks the spiritual path, in many ways - if they don't handle the situation properly - they will suffer much more than someone else, because they are bringing up large volumes of it. Others are just handling what is alloted to them. Now u r trying to take up the whole portion, u want ur Ph.D today, so u r not going step by step.
That is the reason why so much discipline was always brought into yogic practices, so that when things overwhelm u, u r able to handle that situation. Otherwise, if u open up things for which u r not ready, karma can just smother u completely. To live gracefully or not, that's not assured. That is something that u have to earn, there is no other way.
Sadhana is to live gracefully, to live beyond the present level of limitations.
Sadhana is done so that u create a certain sense of awareness and u r hastening the process of dissolution of karma so that ur prarabdha gets finished faster and faster.
If u dissolved some aspects of ur prarabdha, generally u r working towards the mental and emotional dimensions of ur prarabdha so that u can live in a blessed state for a longer period of ur life. U will then live without the struggles of the minds, the struggles of the emotions. That's a blessed state.
If ur energy becomes aware, ur life begins to move from compulsions to choice.
Evenin
Received an urgent mail for concall. Surprisingly didn't feel resentful, but feel bit victim. But I did follow thru, try to call people but no reply. I opened up the email and read thru the RFP and extract where I can.
That's all I can do. Contacted GM also to assist.
Let me focus on the positive. Surprisingly there was a reply frm Health and Awareness site. And she also asked for the flyer so that she can forward to other people too. Good start.
As for saturday intro. Jus saw Sadhguru dvd is 48 min. Jus asked for 15 min extension for sharing. Its fine.
Father, mmmm free from mind and emotion. That wld be great. Jus focus on day by day. Don't overwhelm myself. Lost my confidence wit CEO and close friend. I prick people and they bleed. Perhaps that's explain me being a Pluto card for so many people.
(Jul 24 - Just realised that during pre-meditation days, I would be much more affected. Now it has reduced at least 50 percent. So, meditation really does release me from the struggle of mind and emotion)
Meditation raised energy to give us awareness
Jun 26 afternoon
Sadhguru
To bring the necessary awareness and to constantly cleans your vessel, it requires sadhana or inner work.
The web of bondage is constantly being created only by the way we think and feel. Whatever we are calling awareness is just to start creating a distance between all that u think and feel yourself and yourself.
Whatever we are referring to as sadhana is an opportunity to raise ur energies so that u can ride over these limitations or these mechanisms through which u have entangled urself to ur thought and emotion.
Right now, in many ways!n people's happiness, people's peace, people's love is mortgaged to the external situation. Since it is mortgaged to the external situation, they are never going to be happy or truly peaceful. You can never have absolute control over the external situation.
As long as u are enslaved to the external situation, u will always be in some level of suffering because the outside situation is never going to be one hundred percent in ur control. Anything can happen externally.
When u r joyous by ur own nature, when u don't have to do anything to be happy, then the very dimension of ur life, the very way u perceive and express urself in the world wil change. The very way u perceive ur life will change.
When u r happy, u r a very generous and beautiful human being, isn't it? When u r unhappy, u r a nasty and dangerous person.
So, the first and foremost responsibility is to establish urself as joyous human being.
If this does not happen, with good intentions u will cause great suffering on this planet.
The whole science of spirituality means to become free from this process where ur happiness is mortgaged to outside situations. Spirituality is about ur interiority, not what u do outside. What u do outside is ur choice. How u wan to dress, what u want to eat, where u wan to be is ur personal, individual choice.
Spiritual science is about managing ur interiority. It is an inner science to create a conducive inner atmosphere because the quality of ur life is not dependent on where u r living, or how u r living. The quality of life thi moment depends on how joyous u r, how peaceful u r.
Soul
I need not do anything wit CEO. What I need is jus to focus on my sadhana, my interior. Then I will be happy regardless of how she react on me.
This is similar to what D says. I told her then I am fine wit world's success then. Little did I know that something brewing with CEO. Now I need to focus on beyong world's success as CEO is not within my control.
Thanks.
Sadhguru
To bring the necessary awareness and to constantly cleans your vessel, it requires sadhana or inner work.
The web of bondage is constantly being created only by the way we think and feel. Whatever we are calling awareness is just to start creating a distance between all that u think and feel yourself and yourself.
Whatever we are referring to as sadhana is an opportunity to raise ur energies so that u can ride over these limitations or these mechanisms through which u have entangled urself to ur thought and emotion.
Right now, in many ways!n people's happiness, people's peace, people's love is mortgaged to the external situation. Since it is mortgaged to the external situation, they are never going to be happy or truly peaceful. You can never have absolute control over the external situation.
As long as u are enslaved to the external situation, u will always be in some level of suffering because the outside situation is never going to be one hundred percent in ur control. Anything can happen externally.
When u r joyous by ur own nature, when u don't have to do anything to be happy, then the very dimension of ur life, the very way u perceive and express urself in the world wil change. The very way u perceive ur life will change.
When u r happy, u r a very generous and beautiful human being, isn't it? When u r unhappy, u r a nasty and dangerous person.
So, the first and foremost responsibility is to establish urself as joyous human being.
If this does not happen, with good intentions u will cause great suffering on this planet.
The whole science of spirituality means to become free from this process where ur happiness is mortgaged to outside situations. Spirituality is about ur interiority, not what u do outside. What u do outside is ur choice. How u wan to dress, what u want to eat, where u wan to be is ur personal, individual choice.
Spiritual science is about managing ur interiority. It is an inner science to create a conducive inner atmosphere because the quality of ur life is not dependent on where u r living, or how u r living. The quality of life thi moment depends on how joyous u r, how peaceful u r.
Soul
I need not do anything wit CEO. What I need is jus to focus on my sadhana, my interior. Then I will be happy regardless of how she react on me.
This is similar to what D says. I told her then I am fine wit world's success then. Little did I know that something brewing with CEO. Now I need to focus on beyong world's success as CEO is not within my control.
Thanks.
To be honest or to be avoid difficulty
Jun 26
Father, thanks for letting me hav a good friend like V. He has given me an insight on the CEO and myself.
Firstly, I have pushed button subconsciously on CEO. I can push button if I am Coach or Guide. But if I am not, then it will not be welcomed.
I told him that all my bosses seeks validation from me. He replied that becos I could have push their button and they wan me to acknowledge that the 'issue' is resolved or not applicable.
Coach is the one to insightly push button to enable the person to recognise the issue and to transcend it. But it is not really welcome if I dispensed my insight without the seeker's agreement to do so.
So, from now onward, I would provide insights or push button carefully.
V also shared on CEO's emotional turmoil and her increasing insecurity. She has masturbated her mind till the very end, thinking that I was planning her downfall. No wonder she wrote the note that she knows m not malicious nor have a bad bone in my body. Looks like the "relationship building" really hits her.
Also, I guess I must tamper it. Me must play smart. Even if I don't meant it, I must say it. Will learn from GM. Will see the other person/seeker's insecurity and learn to say things or don't say things that would trigger the other person's insecurity. Like V says, m not learning from my own insights.
To be honest or to be happy. That's the question I should ask mýself. Previously, it was to be right or happy.
Why do I have to trigger people's insecurity unnecessarily? Why should I make myself a target for them to project their insecurity?
Father, I choose happiness. As for honesty, will only enforce with if they sought me out and give me approval.
Like Krishna/Sadhguru, I can play it anyway that is required by the circumstances. I am flexible and need not hold strong to my personality.
This would be CEO lesson to me.
When the fungshui master says CEO can't change her anger because its her character. I tot why not? Why should we stay on wit our character/personality if its no longer helpful to us? Why use it an excuse?
Now the same question I am asking myself. Why stay on wit my character on its creating unhappy situation for me? Why use it as an excuse to trigger people insecurity? Why make myself unhappy?
Thanks to CEO for giving me to opportunity to change. Thanks to V for making me aware, I hurt people feeling, pushing insecurity button.
Same case wit C, I also push her button for procrastination. Her button for inability to fulfill her promises. At first tot of sms and say goodbye. But then tot, she will be feeling bad so, saying goodbye will only make her feel worse. Also tot of pushing button to send me the cd. Nevermind, she is feeling insecure and bad without my reminder. Don't increase her guilt. This is abt her and not me.
Jus becos I forgive her, I need not make her feel guilty. She is not ready for the Light in me.
I am feeling better already. As for my mind working on d fear of future attack, jus the same of what CEO. Like what V says, our working tool can be too efficient. Effectiveness depends on d database, whether positive or negative. Same as our perception or mirror depends on what is brewing internally.
Ironically I shared wit V on CEO. She is positioning herself for chairman role and that's means she is lengthening her stay.
Mmm, then my strategy will be to void her stay.
Father, thanks for letting me hav a good friend like V. He has given me an insight on the CEO and myself.
Firstly, I have pushed button subconsciously on CEO. I can push button if I am Coach or Guide. But if I am not, then it will not be welcomed.
I told him that all my bosses seeks validation from me. He replied that becos I could have push their button and they wan me to acknowledge that the 'issue' is resolved or not applicable.
Coach is the one to insightly push button to enable the person to recognise the issue and to transcend it. But it is not really welcome if I dispensed my insight without the seeker's agreement to do so.
So, from now onward, I would provide insights or push button carefully.
V also shared on CEO's emotional turmoil and her increasing insecurity. She has masturbated her mind till the very end, thinking that I was planning her downfall. No wonder she wrote the note that she knows m not malicious nor have a bad bone in my body. Looks like the "relationship building" really hits her.
Also, I guess I must tamper it. Me must play smart. Even if I don't meant it, I must say it. Will learn from GM. Will see the other person/seeker's insecurity and learn to say things or don't say things that would trigger the other person's insecurity. Like V says, m not learning from my own insights.
To be honest or to be happy. That's the question I should ask mýself. Previously, it was to be right or happy.
Why do I have to trigger people's insecurity unnecessarily? Why should I make myself a target for them to project their insecurity?
Father, I choose happiness. As for honesty, will only enforce with if they sought me out and give me approval.
Like Krishna/Sadhguru, I can play it anyway that is required by the circumstances. I am flexible and need not hold strong to my personality.
This would be CEO lesson to me.
When the fungshui master says CEO can't change her anger because its her character. I tot why not? Why should we stay on wit our character/personality if its no longer helpful to us? Why use it an excuse?
Now the same question I am asking myself. Why stay on wit my character on its creating unhappy situation for me? Why use it as an excuse to trigger people insecurity? Why make myself unhappy?
Thanks to CEO for giving me to opportunity to change. Thanks to V for making me aware, I hurt people feeling, pushing insecurity button.
Same case wit C, I also push her button for procrastination. Her button for inability to fulfill her promises. At first tot of sms and say goodbye. But then tot, she will be feeling bad so, saying goodbye will only make her feel worse. Also tot of pushing button to send me the cd. Nevermind, she is feeling insecure and bad without my reminder. Don't increase her guilt. This is abt her and not me.
Jus becos I forgive her, I need not make her feel guilty. She is not ready for the Light in me.
I am feeling better already. As for my mind working on d fear of future attack, jus the same of what CEO. Like what V says, our working tool can be too efficient. Effectiveness depends on d database, whether positive or negative. Same as our perception or mirror depends on what is brewing internally.
Ironically I shared wit V on CEO. She is positioning herself for chairman role and that's means she is lengthening her stay.
Mmm, then my strategy will be to void her stay.
Less affected by people
Jun 25
Father, tot of good friend C. No calls from her, even knowing how bad I was feeling. At first tot she doesn't care for me.
An alternative tot came, she is afraid of sadness and don't know how to respond and cannot meet me, so best to avoid.
For her, a no reply means second best.
Jus now needed to locate an address and try to avoid callin her becos feeling still bit hurt
Anyway, my mind was working overtime. I ignored it and I called but still no reply. Never mind.
Good thing is despite everything, m still fine.
Father, tot of good friend C. No calls from her, even knowing how bad I was feeling. At first tot she doesn't care for me.
An alternative tot came, she is afraid of sadness and don't know how to respond and cannot meet me, so best to avoid.
For her, a no reply means second best.
Jus now needed to locate an address and try to avoid callin her becos feeling still bit hurt
Anyway, my mind was working overtime. I ignored it and I called but still no reply. Never mind.
Good thing is despite everything, m still fine.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
What is the mirror between me and CEO (3)
Jun 24
Father, today my mind was wallowing on yday. At first I told myself I can afford to lose. Then still doesn't work. I told myself I lost. Funnily it did help somewhat. I am not a Superhero. Perhaps I am just like the rest of people who cannot handle CEO from hell. I don't need to be special. Anyway, surprisingly, meditation and hatha was quite good. The leg lift up was effortless, I hardly feel the strain on my stomach. Amazingly laughed end of Shambavi, which is seldom these days even on good day. Unexpectedly bad day, I laughed.
When I was done wit meditation, saw email from CEO, sent to me around 1 am. An email to clear the air. I was surprised but m glad to receive it. Jus when I tot I lost the rship, it came back. She valued me and I do see her for what she is.
When she was scolding me yday. I found myself distancing and tot that she is off for holiday and hence pressured and she released by attacking me. Hence I don't feel the attack per se.
What I was affected was d selection of PA. The task on hand. How could I hav let someone not presentable to be in? Where was my judgement call? Why I didn't ask if she like other race too?
As for combination of office work. To exclude as both current and ex PAs confirmed personal matters are 90 percent of the work. And both says during off time, need to recuperate so can dance wit CEO again. That's why cannot do other office work.
My close friend cannot meet me and I felt rejected. First tot was attacking, wanting her to courier d cds. Of cos, I told my mind, that was not necessary. I calmed down and says m not myself. Then later I replied that I am disappointed and today wasn't a good day, so unable to accept cheerfully. I am only human.
Yday, when I was judging myself on d change of plan on venue. My intention was good and then I recall I wasn't the one who suggest my park. I was fine wit any park. So, need not think m big headed.
Feel better now, called ex-boss PA for possible candidate and ex-colleague for recruitment search. I am back. Took a sneak at my Osho internal card - Consciousness. Have learned the lesson and now beyond delusiion. Need not come back to life. Thank God.
Father, when I read Osho card, clinging to Past. Past is gone and I need not cling. Don't stay stuck in old blueprints that I have already outgrown. Bid it farewell.
Yeap, I can dwell on the scolding, my failure, my rejection, my fear or I can move on and just get the job done. Get a good PA for CEO and close the chaptet. Like my attitude towards Regional. See CEO's input wit appreciation instead of with resentment. I am freed.
Osho's resolution - Flowering. Living in abundance, totality.
(July 20 - until now still have not receive the disk. Of course, she also hasnt ask me to pay. She claimed that she has not lable d copied cd. But this is puzzling. Anyway, I have given her till month end. Not sure why this is happening.)
Jun 24 Even
Father, d intro doc I did for website presentation is very nice. It fits so well together. I do hav talents in positioning and presentation. Of cos, later mind works overtime on what to do during Intro.
Anyway, I called my mind back.
Today, got almost 90 percent of fungshui item. Didn't hav to run around so much as before.
Just now driving non stop for few hours. So energetic. I think I drive more confidently than before. I am more focused on the road. At times, tots do fly to CEO and also Isha Intro, but I consciously pull myself back into present.
Past and future is not for me. I told myself I got no problem on hand except for driving. Jus focus on it.
Sadhguru
You can go thru life untouched, you can play wit life whichever way you want and still life cannot do anything to you, life does not live scars on u.
Soul
To me, this means Past is gone. I live now.
Sadhguru
It does no matter what u accumulate, you just need to meditate
Father, today my mind was wallowing on yday. At first I told myself I can afford to lose. Then still doesn't work. I told myself I lost. Funnily it did help somewhat. I am not a Superhero. Perhaps I am just like the rest of people who cannot handle CEO from hell. I don't need to be special. Anyway, surprisingly, meditation and hatha was quite good. The leg lift up was effortless, I hardly feel the strain on my stomach. Amazingly laughed end of Shambavi, which is seldom these days even on good day. Unexpectedly bad day, I laughed.
When I was done wit meditation, saw email from CEO, sent to me around 1 am. An email to clear the air. I was surprised but m glad to receive it. Jus when I tot I lost the rship, it came back. She valued me and I do see her for what she is.
When she was scolding me yday. I found myself distancing and tot that she is off for holiday and hence pressured and she released by attacking me. Hence I don't feel the attack per se.
What I was affected was d selection of PA. The task on hand. How could I hav let someone not presentable to be in? Where was my judgement call? Why I didn't ask if she like other race too?
As for combination of office work. To exclude as both current and ex PAs confirmed personal matters are 90 percent of the work. And both says during off time, need to recuperate so can dance wit CEO again. That's why cannot do other office work.
My close friend cannot meet me and I felt rejected. First tot was attacking, wanting her to courier d cds. Of cos, I told my mind, that was not necessary. I calmed down and says m not myself. Then later I replied that I am disappointed and today wasn't a good day, so unable to accept cheerfully. I am only human.
Yday, when I was judging myself on d change of plan on venue. My intention was good and then I recall I wasn't the one who suggest my park. I was fine wit any park. So, need not think m big headed.
Feel better now, called ex-boss PA for possible candidate and ex-colleague for recruitment search. I am back. Took a sneak at my Osho internal card - Consciousness. Have learned the lesson and now beyond delusiion. Need not come back to life. Thank God.
Father, when I read Osho card, clinging to Past. Past is gone and I need not cling. Don't stay stuck in old blueprints that I have already outgrown. Bid it farewell.
Yeap, I can dwell on the scolding, my failure, my rejection, my fear or I can move on and just get the job done. Get a good PA for CEO and close the chaptet. Like my attitude towards Regional. See CEO's input wit appreciation instead of with resentment. I am freed.
Osho's resolution - Flowering. Living in abundance, totality.
(July 20 - until now still have not receive the disk. Of course, she also hasnt ask me to pay. She claimed that she has not lable d copied cd. But this is puzzling. Anyway, I have given her till month end. Not sure why this is happening.)
Jun 24 Even
Father, d intro doc I did for website presentation is very nice. It fits so well together. I do hav talents in positioning and presentation. Of cos, later mind works overtime on what to do during Intro.
Anyway, I called my mind back.
Today, got almost 90 percent of fungshui item. Didn't hav to run around so much as before.
Just now driving non stop for few hours. So energetic. I think I drive more confidently than before. I am more focused on the road. At times, tots do fly to CEO and also Isha Intro, but I consciously pull myself back into present.
Past and future is not for me. I told myself I got no problem on hand except for driving. Jus focus on it.
Sadhguru
You can go thru life untouched, you can play wit life whichever way you want and still life cannot do anything to you, life does not live scars on u.
Soul
To me, this means Past is gone. I live now.
Sadhguru
It does no matter what u accumulate, you just need to meditate
What is the mirror between me and CEO (2)
Jun 23
Father, I have opened up. Honestly not easy, telling people who are not keen, about my meditation. Throughout yesterday dinner wit ex-colleagues, I hesistated. In the end, I share about my meditation. I don't have expectation and even psyche that they may even leave the brochure on the table. Alas, we talked bit and they took back the brochure.
As for the intel penang gal, trying very hard not to come. she is one of d stagnant 80 loss. She was the one who pursued us and we responded and followed thru. Now she is non-commital.
Jun 23 evenin
CEO was fuming cos the candidate I selected as her PA was third grade. She was very upset and raised her voice.
Ceo's input on me:
I am assuming and go above my head.
Think m too damm smart for my own good
Don't respet her
My focus was on the timing that CEO is leaving for long leave, the PA's ability to take her temper, willing to work on personal matters.
What did I do wrong? Why did I select a third rate candidate? Did something go wrong with my parameter? Why I can accept the gal? I used to be very selective and good in filtering out.
I should have known better that this candidate won't pass through. Whats happening to me? But why is she so angry over the PA interview. It is not as if she is hiring her, just interview only.
(July 20 - Now know why this 'negative' situation happens. It led me to my Inner Discover, expose my valuation method in loving myself, same as CEO. The pix is now with me.)
Sadhguru
If u r truly a seeker of Truth. Truth cannot hide from you. Everyone can love God, as He does not demand anything from you, but to love the one next to u right now costs life. It is a challenge. It takes much courage to do this.
"Love thy neighbour" is a very good device for breaking your illusion of loving the one who is in heaven.
If the thirst within u is strong enough, God always answers. You need sensitivity, to be live sensitive, no ego sensitive.
Soul
While meditating, I told myself to love myself. Don't judge that I didn't have a good filter, that I lost my filter. Accept it.
Then a tot came, these days, I see the good in everyone. Wit that judgement has reduced so drastically and accordingly filter is off. So, may not be a bad new from a spiritual angle.
As for CEO, I didn't hold grudge. I told her goodbye and take care.
Sadhguru
If a person is enlightened. He can relate to anybody. There is really no problem relating to whomever he is with at that moment.
He can absolutely relate to any person, be totally wit anyone. Even if the other person is not willing, he can still relate to him and his limitations as well, and still be okay.
Father, I have opened up. Honestly not easy, telling people who are not keen, about my meditation. Throughout yesterday dinner wit ex-colleagues, I hesistated. In the end, I share about my meditation. I don't have expectation and even psyche that they may even leave the brochure on the table. Alas, we talked bit and they took back the brochure.
As for the intel penang gal, trying very hard not to come. she is one of d stagnant 80 loss. She was the one who pursued us and we responded and followed thru. Now she is non-commital.
Jun 23 evenin
CEO was fuming cos the candidate I selected as her PA was third grade. She was very upset and raised her voice.
Ceo's input on me:
I am assuming and go above my head.
Think m too damm smart for my own good
Don't respet her
My focus was on the timing that CEO is leaving for long leave, the PA's ability to take her temper, willing to work on personal matters.
What did I do wrong? Why did I select a third rate candidate? Did something go wrong with my parameter? Why I can accept the gal? I used to be very selective and good in filtering out.
I should have known better that this candidate won't pass through. Whats happening to me? But why is she so angry over the PA interview. It is not as if she is hiring her, just interview only.
(July 20 - Now know why this 'negative' situation happens. It led me to my Inner Discover, expose my valuation method in loving myself, same as CEO. The pix is now with me.)
Sadhguru
If u r truly a seeker of Truth. Truth cannot hide from you. Everyone can love God, as He does not demand anything from you, but to love the one next to u right now costs life. It is a challenge. It takes much courage to do this.
"Love thy neighbour" is a very good device for breaking your illusion of loving the one who is in heaven.
If the thirst within u is strong enough, God always answers. You need sensitivity, to be live sensitive, no ego sensitive.
Soul
While meditating, I told myself to love myself. Don't judge that I didn't have a good filter, that I lost my filter. Accept it.
Then a tot came, these days, I see the good in everyone. Wit that judgement has reduced so drastically and accordingly filter is off. So, may not be a bad new from a spiritual angle.
As for CEO, I didn't hold grudge. I told her goodbye and take care.
Sadhguru
If a person is enlightened. He can relate to anybody. There is really no problem relating to whomever he is with at that moment.
He can absolutely relate to any person, be totally wit anyone. Even if the other person is not willing, he can still relate to him and his limitations as well, and still be okay.
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