May 12
Father, reading Sadhguru's book. Re-living my experience. A good one.
Enlightenment - Life the way it is
If in his presence, u don't know what to do, but still everything happens, then he is definitely guru
When that space or that energy which u refer to as Guru happens to u, it will overwhelm u. It will destroy u the way u r, so u become unbounded. U will become the way the Creator intended u to be.
When u experience the Divine within u, u definitely would not have any need to belong to any group. U just exist here as life. Life is sufficient unto itself. If u sit here, this being is sufficient.
Soul
I bought my new car. Of course mom and so does most people is worried about me handling a big car.
I admit I am not great but my sense of coordination have improved loads since I did yoga. When I was driving Teana, I felt comfortable. I will be fine.
I deserve and can take a luxury car.
Sadhguru
If the fear of suffering is taken away, u would give urself absolutely to everything around u.
This way, u would love more.
(23 May - very true. Now that I know my point of security on our relationship is the reverse from Z. I can now love him freely.)
Soul
MD said whenever I speaks of E, my's eyes water and I said he has done so much. I said he takes on everything, he carries everyone's responsibility.
Father, suddenly it occurs to me that I projected my suffering on him. I carried so much responsibilities. And I was overwhelmed and I projected it on him. Anyway, now that I have released my role in Isha, things are much better. I m also going to release old company. I also found out that Germany has designated me or E as the main approval authority.
My new notebook will only have 1 outlook for new company. The old company email will be mapped to new company email.
I also got my old company chair to new company. So, everything will settle down next week. My new Billing gal would start on 21 May. Things are falling into place
Father, on purging. I have recently stopped purging after I decided to leave my role in Isha. Either that or because I don't do breathing meditation and hence body less pure and less receptive.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Settling down in new company
May 11 Eve
Father, I will need to set some parameters with Sl. She doesn't know that I have changed. These days I have no qualms of scolding my staff.
I also prefers to have lunch alone. It is my off time.
Father, the worst is over. For the past 52 days, it was difficult. Not only I had to deal with unexpected ending with Isha. I also had heavy workloads. But alas the heavy workloads help me to prioritize.
When I read my card
Six of Spades (fate and karma in action, payback from the past in many forms.
A smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health and bring some much needed peace into ur life.
Soul
Amen
Father, I will need to set some parameters with Sl. She doesn't know that I have changed. These days I have no qualms of scolding my staff.
I also prefers to have lunch alone. It is my off time.
Father, the worst is over. For the past 52 days, it was difficult. Not only I had to deal with unexpected ending with Isha. I also had heavy workloads. But alas the heavy workloads help me to prioritize.
When I read my card
Six of Spades (fate and karma in action, payback from the past in many forms.
A smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health and bring some much needed peace into ur life.
Soul
Amen
Saturday, May 19, 2012
I no longer listen to my mind ...I know I am lovable
May 11
Father, I am off today, albeit first half. I am fine. Had a good sleep, woke up 7 am to do my practices.
Yday Z didn't return my msg and I was fine cos it didn't require reply and he was outstation. Just now I just did another msg and no immediate reply and mind acting again that Z decides to leave me and its because I activated it. Well, I am not listening to it. We been through so many rounds.
I am now on a half day break. Let me enjoy this. Amen.
Seven of Clubs
U will either be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that leads one back to the self, or u will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping u trapped on lower levels of tots. The lowest side is negative thinking. The highest side is spiritual revelation.
Soul
I choose the latter.
Mmm, I m glad I no longer listen to my mind. He just responded.
Father, I am off today, albeit first half. I am fine. Had a good sleep, woke up 7 am to do my practices.
Yday Z didn't return my msg and I was fine cos it didn't require reply and he was outstation. Just now I just did another msg and no immediate reply and mind acting again that Z decides to leave me and its because I activated it. Well, I am not listening to it. We been through so many rounds.
I am now on a half day break. Let me enjoy this. Amen.
Seven of Clubs
U will either be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that leads one back to the self, or u will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping u trapped on lower levels of tots. The lowest side is negative thinking. The highest side is spiritual revelation.
Soul
I choose the latter.
Mmm, I m glad I no longer listen to my mind. He just responded.
Finally able to confront Z with my sadness without hanging up
May 10
Father, I enjoyed my suria. Shakti and Shambavi was fine. The plough back in the end was deep.
One thing Z said that strikes me is when I become emotional, I will narrow down the topic and then burst and I make him burst too. That is true and he manage me. I was at the point of hanging up a few times and he interjected some jokes to keep me going. He said this is the first time we discussed our rship without me hanging up on him. That's true. I have to say its kudos to him. But I too helped by not feeling overwhelmed.
Anyway, I told him my love is not unconditional. If he continues to hold back, I would walk out on him. I don't know when, but when limits up I goes.
He always said he need to control his feelings for me. Mmm, I used to take it negatively. But I now see it as his feelings for me must be strong enough for him to be afraid and wanting to hold it back.
He tries ways and means to 'sell' his terms to me. This time I didn't hold back. I scolded him and he took it well. He didn't want to burst. I didn't clamp down when I got emotional. I am no longer so afraid to be emotional.
Father, I am no longer afraid of losing him. Whereas he is afraid of losing me.
For the first time, I don't feel bad after our discussion. Yesterday I did cried for a bit. But I know I be fine. Love is not unconditional. Suffering is not forever.
May 10 Aft
Father, I really got a role to play in new company. Like I told P, I am busy but I am also excited.
I recalled I run a similar ship back in the copier company. In here, I know I can run an even bigger ship.
Father, I enjoyed my suria. Shakti and Shambavi was fine. The plough back in the end was deep.
One thing Z said that strikes me is when I become emotional, I will narrow down the topic and then burst and I make him burst too. That is true and he manage me. I was at the point of hanging up a few times and he interjected some jokes to keep me going. He said this is the first time we discussed our rship without me hanging up on him. That's true. I have to say its kudos to him. But I too helped by not feeling overwhelmed.
Anyway, I told him my love is not unconditional. If he continues to hold back, I would walk out on him. I don't know when, but when limits up I goes.
He always said he need to control his feelings for me. Mmm, I used to take it negatively. But I now see it as his feelings for me must be strong enough for him to be afraid and wanting to hold it back.
He tries ways and means to 'sell' his terms to me. This time I didn't hold back. I scolded him and he took it well. He didn't want to burst. I didn't clamp down when I got emotional. I am no longer so afraid to be emotional.
Father, I am no longer afraid of losing him. Whereas he is afraid of losing me.
For the first time, I don't feel bad after our discussion. Yesterday I did cried for a bit. But I know I be fine. Love is not unconditional. Suffering is not forever.
May 10 Aft
Father, I really got a role to play in new company. Like I told P, I am busy but I am also excited.
I recalled I run a similar ship back in the copier company. In here, I know I can run an even bigger ship.
Looking forward to peace
May 9
Father, my right shoulder has recovered. I really don't know why got such joint pain when the x ray shows everything fine. I knew I overdid it last Sunday. Anyway, I am looking forward to my new slim notebook.
Father, 20 more days to go before June, Six of Spades.
The Inner Journey
I is the absence of love itself - I is the lack of love. And the more u go on strengthening this voice of your I, the less possible it will be to find love within u. The more the ego is there, the more love will be absent. And when there is total ego, love totally dies.
Father, my right shoulder has recovered. I really don't know why got such joint pain when the x ray shows everything fine. I knew I overdid it last Sunday. Anyway, I am looking forward to my new slim notebook.
Father, 20 more days to go before June, Six of Spades.
The Inner Journey
I is the absence of love itself - I is the lack of love. And the more u go on strengthening this voice of your I, the less possible it will be to find love within u. The more the ego is there, the more love will be absent. And when there is total ego, love totally dies.
Seeing my sadness as guide post instead of misery
May 8
Father, I cried loads yesterday over Z. Suddenly sadness came over me in the car. I cried that he didn't love me after one year, I cried that I am asking for love.
This time he even responded quickly but still sadness boils over. I guess this is to with the Neptune's Queen of Heart, about him meeting the gal of his dream. I guess I felt there is no hope etc.
I was sad cos I love him and want to be with him. I want to sleep and wake up to him in the morning.
I guess I can no longer pretend it is ok. It is not ok.
Yesterday I was so miserable and wanted to end misery by leaving him.
This morning I see my sadness as an indication to pursue for what I want, which is him.
Mmm, what a difference. So similar to my Osho card this week
Issue
New Vision
Now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together and when we come to know from experience that the dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Question to Z;
Do we want to end or we open up and grow?
Finally I am fine with sadness. I am no longer afraid of sadness. It is just a sign post, a barometer. My Osho Resolution card
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. The pain is not to make u miserable. The pain is just to make u more alert. And when u r alert, misery disappears.
Time of great sorry have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self pity.
Soul
Amen.
What a long journey. It started with auto-suppression of sadness, then avoidance of sadness, then fear of sadness, followed by acceptance of sadness and now welcoming sadness a sign post /barometer.
Father, I cried loads yesterday over Z. Suddenly sadness came over me in the car. I cried that he didn't love me after one year, I cried that I am asking for love.
This time he even responded quickly but still sadness boils over. I guess this is to with the Neptune's Queen of Heart, about him meeting the gal of his dream. I guess I felt there is no hope etc.
I was sad cos I love him and want to be with him. I want to sleep and wake up to him in the morning.
I guess I can no longer pretend it is ok. It is not ok.
Yesterday I was so miserable and wanted to end misery by leaving him.
This morning I see my sadness as an indication to pursue for what I want, which is him.
Mmm, what a difference. So similar to my Osho card this week
Issue
New Vision
Now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together and when we come to know from experience that the dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Question to Z;
Do we want to end or we open up and grow?
Finally I am fine with sadness. I am no longer afraid of sadness. It is just a sign post, a barometer. My Osho Resolution card
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. The pain is not to make u miserable. The pain is just to make u more alert. And when u r alert, misery disappears.
Time of great sorry have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self pity.
Soul
Amen.
What a long journey. It started with auto-suppression of sadness, then avoidance of sadness, then fear of sadness, followed by acceptance of sadness and now welcoming sadness a sign post /barometer.
Go back to my Top 5
May 7
Father, I seems to be very calm today.
When I saw SS's mail that I have to take care of credit, I just acted on it. I took the opportunity to inform him that I cannot handle both companies and I want out.
Actually I can but it leaves me little time to do my Top 5, being with Z and doing my writing.
I felt at ease. I told Z and he tot I break out. I said I am fine but I don't want to be superwoman. The truth is I want to focus on my Top 5.
E called me out of concern. I told him I am fine. He said my role will expand considerably. I told him I am fine. He is my saving grace.
1. The Issue
New Vision
U r no longer an ordinary human being - u have transcended.
U now see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. The dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy. You now have a different perspective on the world.
By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
I decided to quit from old company. I want to focus on my Top 5, which doesn't include work. Work is just a means to an end. Once I set up my team, I am ready to roll. The episode with Isha and now old company really made me see. My suffering was worth it as it cause me to see the light. It reminds me of my path to happiness.
2. Internal influence
Beyond Illusion
Through the rising of the inner sun, meditation is born. This card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on externals, we too often get caught up in judgments - this is good, this is bad. I don't want this, I want this. These judgments keeps us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There, u can relax into ur own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.
Soul
Yea, Top 5.
3. External influence
Compromise
Don't be clever, otherwise u will remain the same, u will not change.
Compromise will create more confusion.
When we compromisee our own truth, it is usually us trying to gain something - whether it is power of the approval. Remember, if u r tempted, beware: the rewards of this kind of compromise always leave a bitter taste.
Soul
Yea, earlier I wanted old company for back up in future, in case new company doesn't work out. Also that was my power base, a place of relaxation.
Alas, I have bitten more than I can chew. Besides I need to focus on new company and make it work.
Ruling Card
Eight of Diamonds
Focusing and concentrating our VALUES and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not. This card usually occurs at a time when we want to make some major purchase.
Destiny card
Six of Spades (fate and karma in action, payback from the past in many forms.
A smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health and bring some much needed peace into ur life.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Celebration
Life is a moment to celebrate.
Your cleverness is ur disease. Don't be too wise. A little foolishness and a little wisdom is good; and the right combination makes u a buddha.
U r becoming more and more available and open to the many opportunities that are to celebrate in life, and to spread this by contagion to others.
Soul
My sadness over Isha is gone. I am slowly returning to my happy self. I know my new company will be fine. I got my Team now.
5. Resolution
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad, remember. The pain is just to make u more alert.
In order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain and experience it as it is.
Soul
Yea, the let go of Isha led me to let go of old company, led me to let go of my attachment to work.
Father, I seems to be very calm today.
When I saw SS's mail that I have to take care of credit, I just acted on it. I took the opportunity to inform him that I cannot handle both companies and I want out.
Actually I can but it leaves me little time to do my Top 5, being with Z and doing my writing.
I felt at ease. I told Z and he tot I break out. I said I am fine but I don't want to be superwoman. The truth is I want to focus on my Top 5.
E called me out of concern. I told him I am fine. He said my role will expand considerably. I told him I am fine. He is my saving grace.
1. The Issue
New Vision
U r no longer an ordinary human being - u have transcended.
U now see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. The dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy. You now have a different perspective on the world.
By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
I decided to quit from old company. I want to focus on my Top 5, which doesn't include work. Work is just a means to an end. Once I set up my team, I am ready to roll. The episode with Isha and now old company really made me see. My suffering was worth it as it cause me to see the light. It reminds me of my path to happiness.
2. Internal influence
Beyond Illusion
Through the rising of the inner sun, meditation is born. This card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on externals, we too often get caught up in judgments - this is good, this is bad. I don't want this, I want this. These judgments keeps us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There, u can relax into ur own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.
Soul
Yea, Top 5.
3. External influence
Compromise
Don't be clever, otherwise u will remain the same, u will not change.
Compromise will create more confusion.
When we compromisee our own truth, it is usually us trying to gain something - whether it is power of the approval. Remember, if u r tempted, beware: the rewards of this kind of compromise always leave a bitter taste.
Soul
Yea, earlier I wanted old company for back up in future, in case new company doesn't work out. Also that was my power base, a place of relaxation.
Alas, I have bitten more than I can chew. Besides I need to focus on new company and make it work.
Ruling Card
Eight of Diamonds
Focusing and concentrating our VALUES and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not. This card usually occurs at a time when we want to make some major purchase.
Destiny card
Six of Spades (fate and karma in action, payback from the past in many forms.
A smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health and bring some much needed peace into ur life.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Celebration
Life is a moment to celebrate.
Your cleverness is ur disease. Don't be too wise. A little foolishness and a little wisdom is good; and the right combination makes u a buddha.
U r becoming more and more available and open to the many opportunities that are to celebrate in life, and to spread this by contagion to others.
Soul
My sadness over Isha is gone. I am slowly returning to my happy self. I know my new company will be fine. I got my Team now.
5. Resolution
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad, remember. The pain is just to make u more alert.
In order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain and experience it as it is.
Soul
Yea, the let go of Isha led me to let go of old company, led me to let go of my attachment to work.
Love is still conditional
May 7
Father, I woke up 4 am, slept about 5 and half hours. It was raining horrendously. I wish I could also sleep through. I did suria, it was good but not effortless and I didn't doze after suria, and continue the practices cos I want to sleep later. I finished at 6.18 am and slept another 20 minutes.
Yesterday msg was timely. I project my goodness to stranger. I am more apt to give the beggars cos they are the one others won't give. On Indians, I should stop trying to change the perception. Just becos I have an Indian boyfriend, doesn't mean I have to accept the whole community. Z is different and he himself said he doesn't mix with them too.
Yoga and meditation is part of my life style.
I am glad of having E. I am also glad my message got through. He said I need not follow him and he also knows I like a light Friday.
The Inner Journey
If we want goodness, truth and beauty to enter our lives, there is no other way than to tune the strings of the veena of the heart.
When u say to somebody,"I love u," you are in fact not giving love, u r asking for love. How can people who are asking for love be the givers of love.
Love only comes to the door of a house from where the desire for love has disappeared. Love starts showering on the house of someone who has stopped asking for love
Father, I woke up 4 am, slept about 5 and half hours. It was raining horrendously. I wish I could also sleep through. I did suria, it was good but not effortless and I didn't doze after suria, and continue the practices cos I want to sleep later. I finished at 6.18 am and slept another 20 minutes.
Yesterday msg was timely. I project my goodness to stranger. I am more apt to give the beggars cos they are the one others won't give. On Indians, I should stop trying to change the perception. Just becos I have an Indian boyfriend, doesn't mean I have to accept the whole community. Z is different and he himself said he doesn't mix with them too.
Yoga and meditation is part of my life style.
I am glad of having E. I am also glad my message got through. He said I need not follow him and he also knows I like a light Friday.
The Inner Journey
If we want goodness, truth and beauty to enter our lives, there is no other way than to tune the strings of the veena of the heart.
When u say to somebody,"I love u," you are in fact not giving love, u r asking for love. How can people who are asking for love be the givers of love.
Love only comes to the door of a house from where the desire for love has disappeared. Love starts showering on the house of someone who has stopped asking for love
Answers on ending with Isha
May 6 Eve
Father, I try to call Z. This is third time. This time I left a msg on my displeasure.
Father, I know my issue on unlovability but sometimes it does get on my edge. I forgot that I was planning for our meetup this Thursday evening.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Why do people fall in love? People fall in love because as they begin to expand, they start to get close to their essence. Then the unconscious, the personality, gets in the way. It is threatened by getting close to Essence. So, u project ur essence outside onto someone else and fall in love with it.
Soul
I love the goodness in Z. He is so forgiving. I guess that's the goodness in me. Today the con job, I continue giving cos I want to give him a chance to repent. I don't want to believe the worst of him. When he did the con, I felt sorry for him that he has to live his life this way. For me, the money is nothing but for him is something. Perhaps that's the goodness in me who believes that everyone is good at heart.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
If u think back to when u fell in love, it was at the height of a time of feeling good, of expansion. Suddenly, the right person shows up and you are in love. U might have known him for years, but u had never seen him as wonderful. Suddenly he's acquired all this wonderfulness; all these suns are shining through him. You have it, but you think he has it. That's basically what happens when u fall in love.
Positive projection happens when u start becoming more and more aware of ur true nature, ur essence. Before this what u know best is ur personality, and that's what u project. When u start to experience ur value, ur love, ur essential self, ur compassion, all kind of issues arise from the unconscious, barriers against experiencing Essence. This will make u want to project it outside.
Soul
Yea, Eat, Pray and Love. My life story. I fell in love with Z more than 1.5 years ago when I was at my peak. I was feeling secure and ready to fall in love, ready to face my issue on unlovability.
I knew him for nearly six months and suddenly it happen. I saw the goodness in him, I saw the diamond in him. Perhaps that's me; I who always wanted to say I am not nice ...is actually a good person.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
As a person starts getting deeper into herself, regressing to those earlier stages, she gets to the deep layer of the unconscious that has the merged state imprinted on it, that very early symbiotic state where the mother had all the good qualities. So the positive projection may feel wonderful and sound like a good thing, but it's still projection and it still lacks objectivity.
Soul
Yea, me trusting a stranger, the type who can do mumbo jumbo. Me continuing to give money, believing the stranger will have conscience and won't lie.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Being who u r, being ur essence, should be completely independent of any other factor, inner or outer.
Essence is the life. Essence is the fulfillment. It is not the environment, not the situation, not the job.
Soul
Thanks for the reminder. I got my Essence so easily and I guess I forgot how valuable it is. I need not depend on Z.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
As we begin to get in touch with our own essential states again, we tend to be innocent and naïve. For instance, when we begin to feel our own value and we come upon false value in the world, we tend to believe real value is there.
That is when objective perception is needed to see what is actually there, especially since we have all kinds of unconscious reasons to want to believe the other person has it, the situation has it, a certain group has it. It is so hard for us to feel that we ourselves actually have it.
Soul
I knew the stranger con but I wanted to correct the perception that Indian are bad and so I gave him another chance. But he didn't repent.
Like the indian guy who came in for reporting. I know he can do the job but he may not fit into the team and he may not make us look great and we need time to mold him. But I pity him and wanted to give him a chance cos no one has.
Also, he is available within 2 weeks, that was the clinch.
But anyway, I woke up after the con from the stranger. Forget about helping people; just focus on what I need. That Z's advice for me too. I am building a team and I want a progressive, energetic team. Also, I now see the potential in JV and I want him to take the lead instead. Also my key focus is building an energetic, smart team.
Soul
Thanks for the con job and also the message in this book. It woke me up.
The Diamond Heart
We think, "If I am the only who's got it, I'll end up all alone"
Yes, you might end up alone. Alone and happy. This doesn't mean that u will have to be alone, but it does mean that u have to make the choice of being willing to be alone, if that's what it takes to own ur essence. Eventually, u will be faced with this choice.
Soul
Exactly. That's was my dilemma with Isha. I was afraid if I break off, I will lose my practices, my joy and I be alone in my journey. How can I be ungrateful to break off from the one that taught me to touch my Essence.
Alas, my sadness was overpowering and it was helped by the workload of handling 2 companies. I can then give up Isha with less guilt. And both teacher and N also helps.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Do you want to be "loved", "appreciated", "seen" and be miserable, or do you want to be "alone", "uncared for", and happy, genuinely happy. That's a choice everyone will have to make. That is the true independence. The true realisation is that ur essence is not dependent on ur exterior life at all. The whole world might be against u, but if u are ur essential self, u will be content.
Soul
True, especially with leaving Isha. I have no "power", I have no activities and etc but I am happy.
Of course, when I couldn't find success in new co, I start to get stress due to old issue on valuation.
Father, next on the line is Z.
Father, I try to call Z. This is third time. This time I left a msg on my displeasure.
Father, I know my issue on unlovability but sometimes it does get on my edge. I forgot that I was planning for our meetup this Thursday evening.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Why do people fall in love? People fall in love because as they begin to expand, they start to get close to their essence. Then the unconscious, the personality, gets in the way. It is threatened by getting close to Essence. So, u project ur essence outside onto someone else and fall in love with it.
Soul
I love the goodness in Z. He is so forgiving. I guess that's the goodness in me. Today the con job, I continue giving cos I want to give him a chance to repent. I don't want to believe the worst of him. When he did the con, I felt sorry for him that he has to live his life this way. For me, the money is nothing but for him is something. Perhaps that's the goodness in me who believes that everyone is good at heart.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
If u think back to when u fell in love, it was at the height of a time of feeling good, of expansion. Suddenly, the right person shows up and you are in love. U might have known him for years, but u had never seen him as wonderful. Suddenly he's acquired all this wonderfulness; all these suns are shining through him. You have it, but you think he has it. That's basically what happens when u fall in love.
Positive projection happens when u start becoming more and more aware of ur true nature, ur essence. Before this what u know best is ur personality, and that's what u project. When u start to experience ur value, ur love, ur essential self, ur compassion, all kind of issues arise from the unconscious, barriers against experiencing Essence. This will make u want to project it outside.
Soul
Yea, Eat, Pray and Love. My life story. I fell in love with Z more than 1.5 years ago when I was at my peak. I was feeling secure and ready to fall in love, ready to face my issue on unlovability.
I knew him for nearly six months and suddenly it happen. I saw the goodness in him, I saw the diamond in him. Perhaps that's me; I who always wanted to say I am not nice ...is actually a good person.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
As a person starts getting deeper into herself, regressing to those earlier stages, she gets to the deep layer of the unconscious that has the merged state imprinted on it, that very early symbiotic state where the mother had all the good qualities. So the positive projection may feel wonderful and sound like a good thing, but it's still projection and it still lacks objectivity.
Soul
Yea, me trusting a stranger, the type who can do mumbo jumbo. Me continuing to give money, believing the stranger will have conscience and won't lie.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Being who u r, being ur essence, should be completely independent of any other factor, inner or outer.
Essence is the life. Essence is the fulfillment. It is not the environment, not the situation, not the job.
Soul
Thanks for the reminder. I got my Essence so easily and I guess I forgot how valuable it is. I need not depend on Z.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
As we begin to get in touch with our own essential states again, we tend to be innocent and naïve. For instance, when we begin to feel our own value and we come upon false value in the world, we tend to believe real value is there.
That is when objective perception is needed to see what is actually there, especially since we have all kinds of unconscious reasons to want to believe the other person has it, the situation has it, a certain group has it. It is so hard for us to feel that we ourselves actually have it.
Soul
I knew the stranger con but I wanted to correct the perception that Indian are bad and so I gave him another chance. But he didn't repent.
Like the indian guy who came in for reporting. I know he can do the job but he may not fit into the team and he may not make us look great and we need time to mold him. But I pity him and wanted to give him a chance cos no one has.
Also, he is available within 2 weeks, that was the clinch.
But anyway, I woke up after the con from the stranger. Forget about helping people; just focus on what I need. That Z's advice for me too. I am building a team and I want a progressive, energetic team. Also, I now see the potential in JV and I want him to take the lead instead. Also my key focus is building an energetic, smart team.
Soul
Thanks for the con job and also the message in this book. It woke me up.
The Diamond Heart
We think, "If I am the only who's got it, I'll end up all alone"
Yes, you might end up alone. Alone and happy. This doesn't mean that u will have to be alone, but it does mean that u have to make the choice of being willing to be alone, if that's what it takes to own ur essence. Eventually, u will be faced with this choice.
Soul
Exactly. That's was my dilemma with Isha. I was afraid if I break off, I will lose my practices, my joy and I be alone in my journey. How can I be ungrateful to break off from the one that taught me to touch my Essence.
Alas, my sadness was overpowering and it was helped by the workload of handling 2 companies. I can then give up Isha with less guilt. And both teacher and N also helps.
The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Do you want to be "loved", "appreciated", "seen" and be miserable, or do you want to be "alone", "uncared for", and happy, genuinely happy. That's a choice everyone will have to make. That is the true independence. The true realisation is that ur essence is not dependent on ur exterior life at all. The whole world might be against u, but if u are ur essential self, u will be content.
Soul
True, especially with leaving Isha. I have no "power", I have no activities and etc but I am happy.
Of course, when I couldn't find success in new co, I start to get stress due to old issue on valuation.
Father, next on the line is Z.
Losing my hold on Food
May 6 Aft
I was conned today.
Six of Spades.
The strongest of the karma cards. When this card is present, u can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However if u have had bad or negative habits, u may have to settle ur accounts. Whatever happens when this card appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in ur path.
Soul
I got conned and once and for all I will address my issue with money.
I shared with SL our similarity. Me, issue with money and she on friend.
Father, I am now updating website from late March to early April. I can see that when I fall out of Isha, I also falls out of food. Food was my greatest issue. Isha tot me to let go of my attachment to food.
Father, tot of the con again. I knew he lied when he takes my first 20, but I took out another 10 cos I can't believe he is out to con me. Then I took out 50 and I let him walk scott free. I am not sure if I let him walk because I was embarrassed or because I symphatised him. To me, if he really need to con me, is his misfortune.
(May 20 - recently my assessment on food is not as accurate as before. I can't seem to make the right decision on selection of food. Something is changing within me)
I was conned today.
Six of Spades.
The strongest of the karma cards. When this card is present, u can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However if u have had bad or negative habits, u may have to settle ur accounts. Whatever happens when this card appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in ur path.
Soul
I got conned and once and for all I will address my issue with money.
I shared with SL our similarity. Me, issue with money and she on friend.
Father, I am now updating website from late March to early April. I can see that when I fall out of Isha, I also falls out of food. Food was my greatest issue. Isha tot me to let go of my attachment to food.
Father, tot of the con again. I knew he lied when he takes my first 20, but I took out another 10 cos I can't believe he is out to con me. Then I took out 50 and I let him walk scott free. I am not sure if I let him walk because I was embarrassed or because I symphatised him. To me, if he really need to con me, is his misfortune.
(May 20 - recently my assessment on food is not as accurate as before. I can't seem to make the right decision on selection of food. Something is changing within me)
I was conned by a beggar
May 6
Father, today it was so hot, no air. Then the sky start to turn dark. I did my 3 rounds of walk in the public park but I was glad to see the end.
The Inner Journey
The third point is to keep continuous check on which direction it is that deepens ur joy. The criterion is bliss. Go on checking every day using the criterion of bliss, see what is right and what is wrong. Whatever is wrong can be thrown away, and whatever is right, will slowly start accumulating like a treasure.
Soul
Aiyah, I was just being kind. But the guy took all the money away; I didn't want to give but he says and I pity him. I gave him 2, then he asked for 20, which he keeps and later I gave 10, but still he asked more and I gave 50; so all 82 gone. In all fairness, he only asked for 30 bucks, but I got 60 bucks.; so he only wants 50 bucks.
I just told Z and he will laugh at me. I am quite gullible but I tot if he really does it, he needs the money more than me.
But part of me thinks its real; it show I can give now cos I have. Who knows maybe I get 4D strike. Father, I think it was a prank. He target me cos I was alone. The first time he took the money. The second time he took again. But I just let it be. I who never bought 3 D. Mmm, who knows; Jack of Spades came. I was caught becos of money and compliment. Aiyah. Anyway, small money, I can let go
Father, today it was so hot, no air. Then the sky start to turn dark. I did my 3 rounds of walk in the public park but I was glad to see the end.
The Inner Journey
The third point is to keep continuous check on which direction it is that deepens ur joy. The criterion is bliss. Go on checking every day using the criterion of bliss, see what is right and what is wrong. Whatever is wrong can be thrown away, and whatever is right, will slowly start accumulating like a treasure.
Soul
Aiyah, I was just being kind. But the guy took all the money away; I didn't want to give but he says and I pity him. I gave him 2, then he asked for 20, which he keeps and later I gave 10, but still he asked more and I gave 50; so all 82 gone. In all fairness, he only asked for 30 bucks, but I got 60 bucks.; so he only wants 50 bucks.
I just told Z and he will laugh at me. I am quite gullible but I tot if he really does it, he needs the money more than me.
But part of me thinks its real; it show I can give now cos I have. Who knows maybe I get 4D strike. Father, I think it was a prank. He target me cos I was alone. The first time he took the money. The second time he took again. But I just let it be. I who never bought 3 D. Mmm, who knows; Jack of Spades came. I was caught becos of money and compliment. Aiyah. Anyway, small money, I can let go
Graduated to 2nd lane in the public pool
May 5
Father, I had a great time at the pool. I am now swimming comfortably on 2nd lane. Instead of feeling fearful, I felt freedom.
The 2nd lane has not changed, its me who has changed. Again, its up to ur lens, whether it become a challenge or an opportunity.
Tot of my work at Isha; I grow sadder day by day but still I was not sure if leaving was the right thing. I tot it was my ego and I hold on. My path is always towards happiness. Reading Osho helps me.
The Inner Journey by Osho
The proof that something is wrong is that the more u move, the more u become empty; the more u move, the more u become sad; the more u move, the more u become restless; the more u move, the more u r feel with darkness.
If this is the situation, then certainly u r moving wrongly.
Soul
This certainly prove it. And all the while my main reason for quitting Isha is due to unhappiness. And when I can't quit, I become resentful.
I never expect my Uranus's Nine of Heart was the ending of my work at Isha.
Destiny - Displacement
Nine of Diamonds (Ruling Pluto is Nine of Diamonds too)
This is an important 'graduation' year for u in terms of ur values or job. If u r unaware that u have reached the end of cycle and must move on, u could experience financial losses of many kinds, loss of ur job or disappointments related to losing things that u value in some way.
Something important in ur value system has reached the end of its usefulness for u.
Value - line of work, something u collect or own or simply ur entire way of looking at life and the things that are important to u.
Its up to u as to whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause for celebration as u graduate from this level to next. How u handle this ending will determine ur happiness this year.
Soul
While I knew my work in Isha was making me unhappy but I was also reluctant to take the break. It was a difficult ending, so much dilemma. Alas, seeing Sl's dilemmma helps me.
Displacement in Nine of Diamonds
This year is the preparation for a new life just about to begin. This new life will be one that is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprises for u. So, embrace the endings that occur this year with joy.
You have come a long way to get what u r and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
I guess I have E to thank to for pulling me out of a rut. I still have way up on the career ladder. My destiny is Queen of Diamond - philanthropist. In order to give money, I must be able to make more money and give to myself and others.
I only give food to myself and now I give myself a good luxury car, something that I have been admiring.
Father, I had a great time at the pool. I am now swimming comfortably on 2nd lane. Instead of feeling fearful, I felt freedom.
The 2nd lane has not changed, its me who has changed. Again, its up to ur lens, whether it become a challenge or an opportunity.
Tot of my work at Isha; I grow sadder day by day but still I was not sure if leaving was the right thing. I tot it was my ego and I hold on. My path is always towards happiness. Reading Osho helps me.
The Inner Journey by Osho
The proof that something is wrong is that the more u move, the more u become empty; the more u move, the more u become sad; the more u move, the more u become restless; the more u move, the more u r feel with darkness.
If this is the situation, then certainly u r moving wrongly.
Soul
This certainly prove it. And all the while my main reason for quitting Isha is due to unhappiness. And when I can't quit, I become resentful.
I never expect my Uranus's Nine of Heart was the ending of my work at Isha.
Destiny - Displacement
Nine of Diamonds (Ruling Pluto is Nine of Diamonds too)
This is an important 'graduation' year for u in terms of ur values or job. If u r unaware that u have reached the end of cycle and must move on, u could experience financial losses of many kinds, loss of ur job or disappointments related to losing things that u value in some way.
Something important in ur value system has reached the end of its usefulness for u.
Value - line of work, something u collect or own or simply ur entire way of looking at life and the things that are important to u.
Its up to u as to whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause for celebration as u graduate from this level to next. How u handle this ending will determine ur happiness this year.
Soul
While I knew my work in Isha was making me unhappy but I was also reluctant to take the break. It was a difficult ending, so much dilemma. Alas, seeing Sl's dilemmma helps me.
Displacement in Nine of Diamonds
This year is the preparation for a new life just about to begin. This new life will be one that is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprises for u. So, embrace the endings that occur this year with joy.
You have come a long way to get what u r and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
I guess I have E to thank to for pulling me out of a rut. I still have way up on the career ladder. My destiny is Queen of Diamond - philanthropist. In order to give money, I must be able to make more money and give to myself and others.
I only give food to myself and now I give myself a good luxury car, something that I have been admiring.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Bliss vs Suffering
May 4 Aft
Father, yea. No wonder I felt stressed out. I told A that my new role is very different from all my former roles.
I received mail from C and I told her that I will be 'stranger' for awhile and she should take up the lead role. She replied and put P on the mail and asked me to "come back". I didn't reply. On the matter of permits, I stepped it because they were going off quadrants.
Instead of suppressing ur wants, grow ur creativity instead. Father, my forte is people, I am able to see through people. I am able to see the light.
Situations are either challenges or opportunities. - its how we see it. I am thankful for Z. I had an issue with using money as security and he helped to cure it.
The Inner Journey
The more we know about the inner, the more we can enter the inner, the more we become acquainted with the inner, the more our life-energies will develop and our soul will crystallise.
U should not suppress any of ur energies; u should know them, look into them and see them. Watch all ur negative energies, bring an awareness to them, they all disappears.
So, watching will have 2 results, 1. Knowledge of ur own energies will develop and knowing them makes u the master;
2. The strength of the grip which these energies have on u will decrease.
Soul
Yea, my awareness that I can't bear to feel valueless, not important and etc.
I was focusing on not losing the valueness and hence can't grow. I am now realising being valued by others and being happy is different.
The Inner Journey
The proof that something is wrong is that the more u move, the more u become empty; the more u move, the more u become sad; the more u move, the more u become restless; the more u move, the more u r feel with darkness.
If this is the situation, then certainly u r moving wrongly.
Bliss is the only criterion for life. If ur life is not blissful, then know that u r moving wrongly.
Suffering is the criterion of being wrong and bliss is the criterion of being right - there is no other criteria.
There is no need to read any scriptures nor is there any need to ask a guru. All that is needed is to see if u r becoming more and more blissful, if u r bliss is going deeper and deeper. If it is, u r moving rightly.
And if suffering, pain and anguish are growing, then u r moving wrongly. There is no question of believing somebody else; it is a question of looking into ur own life everyday and seeing whether u r becoming more sad or more blissful. If u ask urself, there will be no difficulty.
Father, yea. No wonder I felt stressed out. I told A that my new role is very different from all my former roles.
I received mail from C and I told her that I will be 'stranger' for awhile and she should take up the lead role. She replied and put P on the mail and asked me to "come back". I didn't reply. On the matter of permits, I stepped it because they were going off quadrants.
Instead of suppressing ur wants, grow ur creativity instead. Father, my forte is people, I am able to see through people. I am able to see the light.
Situations are either challenges or opportunities. - its how we see it. I am thankful for Z. I had an issue with using money as security and he helped to cure it.
The Inner Journey
The more we know about the inner, the more we can enter the inner, the more we become acquainted with the inner, the more our life-energies will develop and our soul will crystallise.
U should not suppress any of ur energies; u should know them, look into them and see them. Watch all ur negative energies, bring an awareness to them, they all disappears.
So, watching will have 2 results, 1. Knowledge of ur own energies will develop and knowing them makes u the master;
2. The strength of the grip which these energies have on u will decrease.
Soul
Yea, my awareness that I can't bear to feel valueless, not important and etc.
I was focusing on not losing the valueness and hence can't grow. I am now realising being valued by others and being happy is different.
The Inner Journey
The proof that something is wrong is that the more u move, the more u become empty; the more u move, the more u become sad; the more u move, the more u become restless; the more u move, the more u r feel with darkness.
If this is the situation, then certainly u r moving wrongly.
Bliss is the only criterion for life. If ur life is not blissful, then know that u r moving wrongly.
Suffering is the criterion of being wrong and bliss is the criterion of being right - there is no other criteria.
There is no need to read any scriptures nor is there any need to ask a guru. All that is needed is to see if u r becoming more and more blissful, if u r bliss is going deeper and deeper. If it is, u r moving rightly.
And if suffering, pain and anguish are growing, then u r moving wrongly. There is no question of believing somebody else; it is a question of looking into ur own life everyday and seeing whether u r becoming more sad or more blissful. If u ask urself, there will be no difficulty.
Finally realising that I am loved..Challenges faced were opportunities given to me
May 4
Father, I woke up at 4 am, I only slept about 4 hours as I finished talk with SL around 11.30 pm yesterday and need time to wind down.
When I called Z, he was babbling about my new strategy of hooking him, calling him everyday and etc. I felt a bit hurt and I put the phone away from my ear, which I told him. I then asked if he wants me to hang up. He replied no, and we continue chatting. Then he got me stirred and he wanted to calm me down and said nice things, about what he likes about me.
On SL, I can relate how she feels. But like P said, my case is even more difficult as it is positive strings. Nevertheless a string. I no longer need to feel important, what matters is I am happy. I know the sadness is gone. I am determined to see this thru.
Destiny Results
Eight of Spades
As a result of contending with ur Pluto, is the element of developing a strong will power and determination that can help u overcome any obstacles in ur path.
Soul
So true, so many times my mind asked me to break from Z but I hold on. It was thru determination but it was helped by him too as he wasn't willing to let me go.
Because of me walking the path with him, I am able to have power to break thru with Isha and power to buy a big car which everyone even myself said I cannot handle. I will handle it.
Displacement in Destiny
Nine of Diamonds
Something important in ur value system has reached the end of its usefulness for u.
Value - line of work, something u collect or own or simply ur entire way of looking at life and the things that are important to u.
Its up to u as to whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause for celebration as u graduate from this level to next. How u handle this ending will determine ur happiness this year.
This year is the preparation for a new life just about to begin. This new life will be one that is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprises for u. So, embrace the endings that occur this year with joy.
You have come a long way to get what u r and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
Agreed.
I am also glad I don't take things as personally as before. Let go and lets live, its my motto now. I never like volunteering and now I focused on what makes me happy, rather than how others perceive me. They may now think me ungrateful or etc and I lost my importance, I am fine cos I am happy.
Displacement
Ruling - Ace of Heart
This is a year when ur own personal satisfaction in love matters will assume a greater importance in ur life. Just what will best satisfy ur yearning for affection will come into focus. U also have a restlessness on the emotional level, one probably due to some dissatisfaction with ur current emotional environment.
This year marks the beginning of a new way of loving yourself. Our relationships always reflect how we love ourselves, so expect some new experiences.
U will probably need more time to urself to sort out ur feelings, inner drives and motivation.
Soul
So true. I had tots of now the Isha teachers is similar to the Church's pastors. The foundation has become like a religion. There are many rules and protocol. No wonder I was unhappy.
The Inner Journey
If a person is growing rightly, anger will play an important part in his life. Anger has its own colour. If it is removed, then the pic of man's life will be in some sense incomplete.
Anger should be transformed - but it should not be destroyed.
Soul
When I interviewed the persons for reporting role. I can see that they are good but somehow no one see beyond their surface, they were not given opportunity.
For me, I have always been given opportunity. I always faced extreme opportunity. At that times, I used to see them as challenges and I tot God didn't love me and wants me to suffer. Alas, now I realised I am lucky. I have always been in situations that force me to adapt and learn and grow. I am always given responsibilities. Now I can buy an expensive car without blinking an eye. In truth, I am actually prosperous.
The Inner Journey
All the heart qualities within man should be intensely and extremely developed; this should be the priority. Only if there is extreme development, can there be transformation. All transformation takes place at extreme points, no transformation happens below that.
U r lukewarm people - no transformation can take place. All the qualities of ur mind and of ur heart should be developed to the utmost; only then can there be revolution in them. Only then can there be change. When anger has an intensity it can be transformed into compassion, otherwise not.
So, it is not a question of fighting with the anger, it is a question of knowing the anger - because remember, there is no greater energy than knowing and there is no greater stupidity than to fight with one's own energies.
If u divide urself and fight, u will go on breaking apart; u will disintegrate, u will not be a whole person. There can be no attainment in life other than defeat for the person who fights with himself. Do not fight. Know ur own energies, recognise them, be acquainted with them.
Soul
Suddenly tot of me like quality things that are expensive. I suppressed that because I don't want to earn the money to buy.
Perhaps, I should be focusing on earning money, something that comes easily to me instead of suppressing my wants.
Z focus on earning instead of suppression. Of course, he should balance lah. But I should learn from him.
Father, I woke up at 4 am, I only slept about 4 hours as I finished talk with SL around 11.30 pm yesterday and need time to wind down.
When I called Z, he was babbling about my new strategy of hooking him, calling him everyday and etc. I felt a bit hurt and I put the phone away from my ear, which I told him. I then asked if he wants me to hang up. He replied no, and we continue chatting. Then he got me stirred and he wanted to calm me down and said nice things, about what he likes about me.
On SL, I can relate how she feels. But like P said, my case is even more difficult as it is positive strings. Nevertheless a string. I no longer need to feel important, what matters is I am happy. I know the sadness is gone. I am determined to see this thru.
Destiny Results
Eight of Spades
As a result of contending with ur Pluto, is the element of developing a strong will power and determination that can help u overcome any obstacles in ur path.
Soul
So true, so many times my mind asked me to break from Z but I hold on. It was thru determination but it was helped by him too as he wasn't willing to let me go.
Because of me walking the path with him, I am able to have power to break thru with Isha and power to buy a big car which everyone even myself said I cannot handle. I will handle it.
Displacement in Destiny
Nine of Diamonds
Something important in ur value system has reached the end of its usefulness for u.
Value - line of work, something u collect or own or simply ur entire way of looking at life and the things that are important to u.
Its up to u as to whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause for celebration as u graduate from this level to next. How u handle this ending will determine ur happiness this year.
This year is the preparation for a new life just about to begin. This new life will be one that is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprises for u. So, embrace the endings that occur this year with joy.
You have come a long way to get what u r and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
Agreed.
I am also glad I don't take things as personally as before. Let go and lets live, its my motto now. I never like volunteering and now I focused on what makes me happy, rather than how others perceive me. They may now think me ungrateful or etc and I lost my importance, I am fine cos I am happy.
Displacement
Ruling - Ace of Heart
This is a year when ur own personal satisfaction in love matters will assume a greater importance in ur life. Just what will best satisfy ur yearning for affection will come into focus. U also have a restlessness on the emotional level, one probably due to some dissatisfaction with ur current emotional environment.
This year marks the beginning of a new way of loving yourself. Our relationships always reflect how we love ourselves, so expect some new experiences.
U will probably need more time to urself to sort out ur feelings, inner drives and motivation.
Soul
So true. I had tots of now the Isha teachers is similar to the Church's pastors. The foundation has become like a religion. There are many rules and protocol. No wonder I was unhappy.
The Inner Journey
If a person is growing rightly, anger will play an important part in his life. Anger has its own colour. If it is removed, then the pic of man's life will be in some sense incomplete.
Anger should be transformed - but it should not be destroyed.
Soul
When I interviewed the persons for reporting role. I can see that they are good but somehow no one see beyond their surface, they were not given opportunity.
For me, I have always been given opportunity. I always faced extreme opportunity. At that times, I used to see them as challenges and I tot God didn't love me and wants me to suffer. Alas, now I realised I am lucky. I have always been in situations that force me to adapt and learn and grow. I am always given responsibilities. Now I can buy an expensive car without blinking an eye. In truth, I am actually prosperous.
The Inner Journey
All the heart qualities within man should be intensely and extremely developed; this should be the priority. Only if there is extreme development, can there be transformation. All transformation takes place at extreme points, no transformation happens below that.
U r lukewarm people - no transformation can take place. All the qualities of ur mind and of ur heart should be developed to the utmost; only then can there be revolution in them. Only then can there be change. When anger has an intensity it can be transformed into compassion, otherwise not.
So, it is not a question of fighting with the anger, it is a question of knowing the anger - because remember, there is no greater energy than knowing and there is no greater stupidity than to fight with one's own energies.
If u divide urself and fight, u will go on breaking apart; u will disintegrate, u will not be a whole person. There can be no attainment in life other than defeat for the person who fights with himself. Do not fight. Know ur own energies, recognise them, be acquainted with them.
Soul
Suddenly tot of me like quality things that are expensive. I suppressed that because I don't want to earn the money to buy.
Perhaps, I should be focusing on earning money, something that comes easily to me instead of suppressing my wants.
Z focus on earning instead of suppression. Of course, he should balance lah. But I should learn from him.
Whatever hidden can open via meditation
May 3 Aft
Father, thank u for giving me E as a boss. It was true, in the midst of all the challenges, he is the saving grace. He was more TLC vs Z.
The Inner Journey
People who believe are unable to reach any understanding. People who accept silently are unable to have any experience of their own.
Life changes through fight and struggle. Life changes through the effort of facing it and changing it. Life does not change by keeping ur eyes closed and chanting mantras.
Meditation is the way for waking up to the consciousness deep inside u, not making it go to sleep. That which is hiding deep inside u should wake up and become so aware that not a single part inside remains asleep. Ur whole being should wake up. Meditation is the name of that state of awareness.
Father, thank u for giving me E as a boss. It was true, in the midst of all the challenges, he is the saving grace. He was more TLC vs Z.
The Inner Journey
People who believe are unable to reach any understanding. People who accept silently are unable to have any experience of their own.
Life changes through fight and struggle. Life changes through the effort of facing it and changing it. Life does not change by keeping ur eyes closed and chanting mantras.
Meditation is the way for waking up to the consciousness deep inside u, not making it go to sleep. That which is hiding deep inside u should wake up and become so aware that not a single part inside remains asleep. Ur whole being should wake up. Meditation is the name of that state of awareness.
Our beliefs direct our live
May 3
Father, the new FM didn't turn up but I got what I wanted. I did have tots of regrets about 2 weeks ago when I knew my responsibility is big and if SL is in reporting, she be bogged down and won't be able to help me. And now here I got my wishes. Great! And the beauty is I got the RA lined up for interviews.
On the FM being unable to leave, I can now emphatise. I had loads of difficulty leaving Isha. Actually my sadness is gone and I feel light. Also, purging has reduced drastically. Not sure if its due to me being more careful of my food or alas its due to issue with Isha.
And also the FM issue sort of helped me not to sway back to Isha. I am also glad I don't take such happening as personally as before.
The Inner Journey
Everybody should be himself: this is what I see as the fundamental rule of life. Until now mankind has not been able to accept each individual as he is - they try to make him become like somebody else. This is a direct insult to the individuality of each person.
Everyone should become himself. Then this world can become a wonderful and beautiful world.
A person can become free from his inner entanglement of tots only if he becomes free of his faith and belief, if he becomes free of continually looking towards others for their point of view.
Belief is the foundation stone at the bottom of the pile of tots. Man has learned to think on the basis of belief, and when tots grip the mind tightly, a fear also takes hold: "What will happen if I drop them?".
Freedom, liberation of the mind, happens not from changing one's belief, but from becoming free from belief itself.
Father, the new FM didn't turn up but I got what I wanted. I did have tots of regrets about 2 weeks ago when I knew my responsibility is big and if SL is in reporting, she be bogged down and won't be able to help me. And now here I got my wishes. Great! And the beauty is I got the RA lined up for interviews.
On the FM being unable to leave, I can now emphatise. I had loads of difficulty leaving Isha. Actually my sadness is gone and I feel light. Also, purging has reduced drastically. Not sure if its due to me being more careful of my food or alas its due to issue with Isha.
And also the FM issue sort of helped me not to sway back to Isha. I am also glad I don't take such happening as personally as before.
The Inner Journey
Everybody should be himself: this is what I see as the fundamental rule of life. Until now mankind has not been able to accept each individual as he is - they try to make him become like somebody else. This is a direct insult to the individuality of each person.
Everyone should become himself. Then this world can become a wonderful and beautiful world.
A person can become free from his inner entanglement of tots only if he becomes free of his faith and belief, if he becomes free of continually looking towards others for their point of view.
Belief is the foundation stone at the bottom of the pile of tots. Man has learned to think on the basis of belief, and when tots grip the mind tightly, a fear also takes hold: "What will happen if I drop them?".
Freedom, liberation of the mind, happens not from changing one's belief, but from becoming free from belief itself.
Life is full of endings and beginnings
May 2
Father, I woke up at 4 am to do my practices. Not that flexible but I was laughing despite my reluctance. Had a doze after hata. Was bit affected by tots of office and in the end I decided to let go of old company. I need not be worried about how others view me.
Z said I now called him everyday. So, I immediately told him I will hang up but he didn't want to let go. He continued to chat with me and made me laugh and I then ease off. I admit I am no longer that defensive. Recently he is on prowling mode again, trying to establish how deep my feelings for him. I remember he asked me if I love him and I didn't reply. He repeated and said he wanted a response and I still didn't reply. I guess he wants to know where I am so he can make decision on where we go. For me, the decision he made should be dependent on him and not me.
On Isha, I am no longer keen. I was surprised that even P's call no longer stirred me. Alas, I already placed so much internal suppression and hence I should not be joining a society that have so many rules and regulation. I will be unhappy. Perhaps, in future, when I finally break down my own suppression then I am able to see Isha objectively. But the truth is we don't gel.
What is needed for resolution?
Completion
Even in the ever changing flow of life there are moments in which we come to a point of completion. In these moments, we are able to perceive the whole picture, the composite of all the small pieces that have occupied our attention for so long.
In the finishing, we can either be in despair because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings.
Soul
Ending for Isha and also old company is here. I am not sure if I can excel in new company but decision is made, I have committed to 3 years and I will walk the path. It is shaky now but this is beginning.
Father, I realised it is not easy for me to not succeed. My foundation is not as secure as I tot. Perhaps in new company I am not trying because I am afraid to fail. I am not jumping because I am afraid I cannot jump. This morning I tot of asking E whether he regrets in asking me to join. Anyway, no need to ask. Just do my part. Main thing is just to remember I am safe.
On my new car, I am fine with it. I deserve to drive a nice car. For years, I tot I cannot have luxury. I afraid of luxury that comes with a price and etc; ie a job. I also realised that's my fear; any form of restriction. It is my self-projection as I restricted myself too much. My self-control was so high it become self-restrict.
Father, I woke up at 4 am to do my practices. Not that flexible but I was laughing despite my reluctance. Had a doze after hata. Was bit affected by tots of office and in the end I decided to let go of old company. I need not be worried about how others view me.
Z said I now called him everyday. So, I immediately told him I will hang up but he didn't want to let go. He continued to chat with me and made me laugh and I then ease off. I admit I am no longer that defensive. Recently he is on prowling mode again, trying to establish how deep my feelings for him. I remember he asked me if I love him and I didn't reply. He repeated and said he wanted a response and I still didn't reply. I guess he wants to know where I am so he can make decision on where we go. For me, the decision he made should be dependent on him and not me.
On Isha, I am no longer keen. I was surprised that even P's call no longer stirred me. Alas, I already placed so much internal suppression and hence I should not be joining a society that have so many rules and regulation. I will be unhappy. Perhaps, in future, when I finally break down my own suppression then I am able to see Isha objectively. But the truth is we don't gel.
What is needed for resolution?
Completion
Even in the ever changing flow of life there are moments in which we come to a point of completion. In these moments, we are able to perceive the whole picture, the composite of all the small pieces that have occupied our attention for so long.
In the finishing, we can either be in despair because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings.
Soul
Ending for Isha and also old company is here. I am not sure if I can excel in new company but decision is made, I have committed to 3 years and I will walk the path. It is shaky now but this is beginning.
Father, I realised it is not easy for me to not succeed. My foundation is not as secure as I tot. Perhaps in new company I am not trying because I am afraid to fail. I am not jumping because I am afraid I cannot jump. This morning I tot of asking E whether he regrets in asking me to join. Anyway, no need to ask. Just do my part. Main thing is just to remember I am safe.
On my new car, I am fine with it. I deserve to drive a nice car. For years, I tot I cannot have luxury. I afraid of luxury that comes with a price and etc; ie a job. I also realised that's my fear; any form of restriction. It is my self-projection as I restricted myself too much. My self-control was so high it become self-restrict.
Finally booked my new car
May 1
Father, I finally booked my car today. It was 150k and I was able to pay off 45% and finance the balance. Interest rate from the car manufacturer was low at 1.98% per annum and hence total interest for 2 years is only 3.5k. My monthly instalment is 3400.
I recalled previous loan instalment was 4600, so I am able to handle this monthly payout especially with my increment
Soul
Suddenly I recalled my tots during practice. What I dislike most on Isha is restriction. And from teacher, massive restriction. Perhaps my feelings is due to my own projection as I too restrict myself.
Father, I finally booked my car today. It was 150k and I was able to pay off 45% and finance the balance. Interest rate from the car manufacturer was low at 1.98% per annum and hence total interest for 2 years is only 3.5k. My monthly instalment is 3400.
I recalled previous loan instalment was 4600, so I am able to handle this monthly payout especially with my increment
Soul
Suddenly I recalled my tots during practice. What I dislike most on Isha is restriction. And from teacher, massive restriction. Perhaps my feelings is due to my own projection as I too restrict myself.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Projections takes away objectivity....things become unreal
Apr 30 Eve
Father, once I decided to get over my past victory, I was able to review the file with Ze and made some contribution. We finally finalise it together.
Had a chat with Z and I told him that my brother also didn't want to carry his mobile during weekend. We chatted. I told him he would have challenges in rship this year and he immediately tot of his ex. He also told me his mom advise him not to be angry with his wife.
This time when he joke about money again. I responded that it comes with commitment.
The Diamond Heart 1
Objectivity is an important quality of Essence itself; seeing truth as it is - not according to our desires, beliefs or emotions. The existence of the personality as a whole depends upon non-objectivity. A one particular mechanism that sustains the illusion of personality is projection.
Projection is one of the main defenses we use to avoid seeing the truth inside us. Projection is usually seen in terms of negative emotion - hostility, anger, fear, jealousy, things like that.
For instance, a paranoid person who appears to be scared of other people is not really scared of other people. He is angry and hostile. But instead of seeing the anger and hostility in himself, he sees it outside in other people. He thinks other people wants to kill him and so he is scared of them. The truth is that he actually has murderous feelings toward them and toward himself.
This is projection, displacing what is inside u, to the outside. Clearly, if u see something as outside that actually exists within u, u can't be objective. Our projections determine many of our actions, our feelings and even our life plan.
When u r projecting, u r acting at the pre-verbal, pre-conscious level. Ur mind isn't even involved in it; it just happen. That's why we take our experience to be reality - because we cannot distinguish what is inside from what is outside.
Soul
I normally get angry when I sense people restricting my freedom, preventing me from behind myself; which is an issue of authority.
Yea, it was I who is restricting myself to be who I am, the good and the bad.
I do like luxury goods but I said no to myself because I fear the loss of security in money.
Mmm, I gave total freedom for food and nil for capital commitment.
Isha represents to me restriction. And since I am already restricting myself, it felt double.
Mmm, a tot came. I love Z because he gave me freedom. He allows me to be myself.
Father, once I decided to get over my past victory, I was able to review the file with Ze and made some contribution. We finally finalise it together.
Had a chat with Z and I told him that my brother also didn't want to carry his mobile during weekend. We chatted. I told him he would have challenges in rship this year and he immediately tot of his ex. He also told me his mom advise him not to be angry with his wife.
This time when he joke about money again. I responded that it comes with commitment.
The Diamond Heart 1
Objectivity is an important quality of Essence itself; seeing truth as it is - not according to our desires, beliefs or emotions. The existence of the personality as a whole depends upon non-objectivity. A one particular mechanism that sustains the illusion of personality is projection.
Projection is one of the main defenses we use to avoid seeing the truth inside us. Projection is usually seen in terms of negative emotion - hostility, anger, fear, jealousy, things like that.
For instance, a paranoid person who appears to be scared of other people is not really scared of other people. He is angry and hostile. But instead of seeing the anger and hostility in himself, he sees it outside in other people. He thinks other people wants to kill him and so he is scared of them. The truth is that he actually has murderous feelings toward them and toward himself.
This is projection, displacing what is inside u, to the outside. Clearly, if u see something as outside that actually exists within u, u can't be objective. Our projections determine many of our actions, our feelings and even our life plan.
When u r projecting, u r acting at the pre-verbal, pre-conscious level. Ur mind isn't even involved in it; it just happen. That's why we take our experience to be reality - because we cannot distinguish what is inside from what is outside.
Soul
I normally get angry when I sense people restricting my freedom, preventing me from behind myself; which is an issue of authority.
Yea, it was I who is restricting myself to be who I am, the good and the bad.
I do like luxury goods but I said no to myself because I fear the loss of security in money.
Mmm, I gave total freedom for food and nil for capital commitment.
Isha represents to me restriction. And since I am already restricting myself, it felt double.
Mmm, a tot came. I love Z because he gave me freedom. He allows me to be myself.
Not used to be unknown...not valuable
Apr 30 aft
Father, I am feeling bit stressed as today is my Reporting Temp last day and there is no Temp.
But I am better than I should be. Father, I am feeling bit off. I know I got to stick with this job as this is a growing phase for me and also I got in SL and this would be for long haul. I promised SL that I will be here for 3 years. And the Nissan Teana is a sweetener. Am I just stressed cos I do find myself get excited but not sure lah.
1. Issue
Politics
The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at urself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play.
Soul
Perhaps its because I see myself not so performing n yet I don't want to stretch myself. I don't know lah. Sometimes, I cannot trust myself.
I think I am just not comfortable being at bottom, being unknown.
2. Internal influence
Morality
Unless awareness arises in u, all ur morality is bogus, all ur culture is simply a thin layer which can be destroyed by anybody.
The Queen of Clouds lurks in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable.
And whether our judgements are applied to ourselves or to others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.
Soul
Suddenly I know why. I am not excelling anywhere. I used to excel in old company and also volunteering. I had to give up both, to do new company and yet I don't excel, I got nothing to show.
So, don't be too hard on myself.
3. External influence
The Creator
The real creator works on himself, his own being. Drop the idea of becoming someone, because u r already a masterpiece. U cannot be improved. U have only to come to it, to know it, to realise it.
The King of Fire tells us that anything that we undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enrichment to our own lives and to the lives of others.
Soul
I know I am meant to be here. Its true I can't excel, but this is set up time and my team is not in yet. Give myself 3 more months till end July.
Yea, today I seems to be on 'confusing mode', looks bad, don't know my area, not influencing and etc.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Completion
All answers are incomplete. The master has only given u a direction. By the time u reach the limit, u will know what is going to remain.
In the finishing, we can either be in despair, because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings.
Soul
Yea, my days of glory in old company and Isha has ended. Now I need to get my hands dirty to give what I can. I am a Turnaround Agent. I can do this.
5. Past Lives
While it might be entertaining to fantasise about famous past lives; it is just a distraction. The real point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives.
This is a wake-up call; the events in ur life are trying to show u a pattern as ancient as the journey of ur own soul.
Soul
What I resist is growth. Somehow I am pushed into growth mode. I resist growth cos there is a down phase. There is a phase where I feel like a failure and I don't like to fail.
I just need to remember I am a Queen. Buying Nissan Teana will give me that. I don't have to hide anymore.
Father, I am feeling bit stressed as today is my Reporting Temp last day and there is no Temp.
But I am better than I should be. Father, I am feeling bit off. I know I got to stick with this job as this is a growing phase for me and also I got in SL and this would be for long haul. I promised SL that I will be here for 3 years. And the Nissan Teana is a sweetener. Am I just stressed cos I do find myself get excited but not sure lah.
1. Issue
Politics
The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at urself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play.
Soul
Perhaps its because I see myself not so performing n yet I don't want to stretch myself. I don't know lah. Sometimes, I cannot trust myself.
I think I am just not comfortable being at bottom, being unknown.
2. Internal influence
Morality
Unless awareness arises in u, all ur morality is bogus, all ur culture is simply a thin layer which can be destroyed by anybody.
The Queen of Clouds lurks in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable.
And whether our judgements are applied to ourselves or to others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.
Soul
Suddenly I know why. I am not excelling anywhere. I used to excel in old company and also volunteering. I had to give up both, to do new company and yet I don't excel, I got nothing to show.
So, don't be too hard on myself.
3. External influence
The Creator
The real creator works on himself, his own being. Drop the idea of becoming someone, because u r already a masterpiece. U cannot be improved. U have only to come to it, to know it, to realise it.
The King of Fire tells us that anything that we undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enrichment to our own lives and to the lives of others.
Soul
I know I am meant to be here. Its true I can't excel, but this is set up time and my team is not in yet. Give myself 3 more months till end July.
Yea, today I seems to be on 'confusing mode', looks bad, don't know my area, not influencing and etc.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Completion
All answers are incomplete. The master has only given u a direction. By the time u reach the limit, u will know what is going to remain.
In the finishing, we can either be in despair, because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings.
Soul
Yea, my days of glory in old company and Isha has ended. Now I need to get my hands dirty to give what I can. I am a Turnaround Agent. I can do this.
5. Past Lives
While it might be entertaining to fantasise about famous past lives; it is just a distraction. The real point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives.
This is a wake-up call; the events in ur life are trying to show u a pattern as ancient as the journey of ur own soul.
Soul
What I resist is growth. Somehow I am pushed into growth mode. I resist growth cos there is a down phase. There is a phase where I feel like a failure and I don't like to fail.
I just need to remember I am a Queen. Buying Nissan Teana will give me that. I don't have to hide anymore.
Settling down with my mind
Apr 30
Father, I slept early and woke up 4.05 am to do my practices. Suria was fine and shakti and shambavi too, I complete at 6.30 am since I didn't doze and also I have been reducing my breathing meditation.
Had some tot on the purchase of car. Whether I should buy a cheaper smaller version, whether I can handle the big car. The answer is I have always like the car, it was instant love but I always tot it was way beyond my budget. Alas, I can afford to pay 50% down payment and settle in 2 to 3 years.
Father, on work load. There is things I know I want to do but I will take it easy till my team is here. E is demanding but he is a real workaholic and I won't follow his pace. But what I am willing to do is delayed lunches. I miss my shoonya for one week. Next trip, I will do it in the spare room. I need my meditation just like he need his cigarettes.
On Z, I am glad he msg me yday that he is already back. It was nice spending my family to a good dinner. We all enjoyed it.
The Inner Journey
A sage is a third type of person. The journey of a seeker is not one of becoming a good man; the journey of a seeker is one of becoming a sage.
So, do not decide that a tot which is arising in the mind is good or bad. Don't condemn or appreciate. Just sit on the side of the stream of the mind, as if u r sitting on the bank of a river and indifferently watching the flow.
Soul
I told sis I was worried about the parking. She told me it will take time. Initially she also had some difficulty with her new Mazda but it is fine now.
The Inner Journey
1. Tremendous fearlessness in encountering the mind.
2. No restrictions, no conditions on the mind
3. No judgements about whatsoever tots and longing that arise in the mind. Ur attitude should simply be indifferent.
As u listen totally, the continuous movement of tots within u will become absolutely silent - because both of these things cannot happen simultaneously.
If the energy of the mind which usually goes into thinking starts flowing into other stream, then tots will automatically become weak.
Soul
Samyama. When I become aware of my tots, I do realise it lessen.
The Inner Journey
Tots have no life of their own. The more attention u give to a tot, the more alive it becomes. The more u remove ur attention, the more dead it becomes. If attention is totally withdrawn, then tots become lifeless: they die, they disappear immediately.
Father, I slept early and woke up 4.05 am to do my practices. Suria was fine and shakti and shambavi too, I complete at 6.30 am since I didn't doze and also I have been reducing my breathing meditation.
Had some tot on the purchase of car. Whether I should buy a cheaper smaller version, whether I can handle the big car. The answer is I have always like the car, it was instant love but I always tot it was way beyond my budget. Alas, I can afford to pay 50% down payment and settle in 2 to 3 years.
Father, on work load. There is things I know I want to do but I will take it easy till my team is here. E is demanding but he is a real workaholic and I won't follow his pace. But what I am willing to do is delayed lunches. I miss my shoonya for one week. Next trip, I will do it in the spare room. I need my meditation just like he need his cigarettes.
On Z, I am glad he msg me yday that he is already back. It was nice spending my family to a good dinner. We all enjoyed it.
The Inner Journey
A sage is a third type of person. The journey of a seeker is not one of becoming a good man; the journey of a seeker is one of becoming a sage.
So, do not decide that a tot which is arising in the mind is good or bad. Don't condemn or appreciate. Just sit on the side of the stream of the mind, as if u r sitting on the bank of a river and indifferently watching the flow.
Soul
I told sis I was worried about the parking. She told me it will take time. Initially she also had some difficulty with her new Mazda but it is fine now.
The Inner Journey
1. Tremendous fearlessness in encountering the mind.
2. No restrictions, no conditions on the mind
3. No judgements about whatsoever tots and longing that arise in the mind. Ur attitude should simply be indifferent.
As u listen totally, the continuous movement of tots within u will become absolutely silent - because both of these things cannot happen simultaneously.
If the energy of the mind which usually goes into thinking starts flowing into other stream, then tots will automatically become weak.
Soul
Samyama. When I become aware of my tots, I do realise it lessen.
The Inner Journey
Tots have no life of their own. The more attention u give to a tot, the more alive it becomes. The more u remove ur attention, the more dead it becomes. If attention is totally withdrawn, then tots become lifeless: they die, they disappear immediately.
Overcoming my attachment to money as security
Apr 28
Father, yea; finally found the car. I wasn't too keen on VW Polo and tot of Golf but it was hatchback, which is not my preference. Little did I know that there is a Golf Sedan that is called Jeeta. And the price is 150k too.
I saw Altis and Syphly and I wasn't so keen, around 120k. So, when I saw Jeeta I like it for its luxurious interior and main thing is air cond for behind passenger, something that I always wanted to have.
Alas I broken my security issue with money. Money is not meant for accumulation for security. I am secured enough. A tot just came, now u cannot quit ur job. Well, I am not quitting. I have a role to play there. I am meant to be a queen.
Tot of Z's issue with balancing of money. I guess he is the other extreme of both his sister and brother, who are on extreme accumulation mode. And here he met me.
Father, yea; finally found the car. I wasn't too keen on VW Polo and tot of Golf but it was hatchback, which is not my preference. Little did I know that there is a Golf Sedan that is called Jeeta. And the price is 150k too.
I saw Altis and Syphly and I wasn't so keen, around 120k. So, when I saw Jeeta I like it for its luxurious interior and main thing is air cond for behind passenger, something that I always wanted to have.
Alas I broken my security issue with money. Money is not meant for accumulation for security. I am secured enough. A tot just came, now u cannot quit ur job. Well, I am not quitting. I have a role to play there. I am meant to be a queen.
Tot of Z's issue with balancing of money. I guess he is the other extreme of both his sister and brother, who are on extreme accumulation mode. And here he met me.
Lunch at 5.30 pm...latest in my life
Apr 27
Father, I woke up 5.05 am. Body was fine but mind was reluctant. I told myself do it for my health. I did it and it was fine. I did my asanas, only the plough back wasn't great. Shakti and Shambavi was good and I enjoy it. Did tot of P and wish we can still be friends, but really my time with Isha is gone.
Now the next phase is with new company. Spoke to Ph yesterday and she told me SS did raise the matter of consolidation and Ph was worried for me. Alas, when I took up the job in new company, she was happy for me. Looks like things was closing down in old company and yet SS created so much resistance for my transfer.
Apr 27 Aft
Just boarded the plane.
I didn't want to change my food style and looks like I finally got it. The only saving grace is that I have very good food.
Father, I woke up 5.05 am. Body was fine but mind was reluctant. I told myself do it for my health. I did it and it was fine. I did my asanas, only the plough back wasn't great. Shakti and Shambavi was good and I enjoy it. Did tot of P and wish we can still be friends, but really my time with Isha is gone.
Now the next phase is with new company. Spoke to Ph yesterday and she told me SS did raise the matter of consolidation and Ph was worried for me. Alas, when I took up the job in new company, she was happy for me. Looks like things was closing down in old company and yet SS created so much resistance for my transfer.
Apr 27 Aft
Just boarded the plane.
I didn't want to change my food style and looks like I finally got it. The only saving grace is that I have very good food.
My latest lunch in this life time
Apr 25 Eve
Father, today I ate lunch at 4 pm plus. Amazing track record. I guess food is no longer top priority. For a moment, I tot I will quit the job over late lunch. But then I tot it only happen infrequently with E. When I am not with him, my lunch hour is normal.
Actually E already did the closing. He doesn't need me here at all. Not sure why he insist I flew in and to stay so many days.
On Ze, my rship with her is getting better. I have empathy now for her. She is just muddled. E told me he informed her that J wanted to let her go. She told me E motivated her to stay. Classic case of what you see is what u want to see. Anyway, my impatience with her is gone.
Father, today I ate lunch at 4 pm plus. Amazing track record. I guess food is no longer top priority. For a moment, I tot I will quit the job over late lunch. But then I tot it only happen infrequently with E. When I am not with him, my lunch hour is normal.
Actually E already did the closing. He doesn't need me here at all. Not sure why he insist I flew in and to stay so many days.
On Ze, my rship with her is getting better. I have empathy now for her. She is just muddled. E told me he informed her that J wanted to let her go. She told me E motivated her to stay. Classic case of what you see is what u want to see. Anyway, my impatience with her is gone.
Still on my Isha practices
Apr 25
Father, I woke up drowsy and was pondering not to do my practices as I seems to be tired. Then a tot came, u always feel better after ur practices. I also remember about my RA. Tot that perhaps what P said about my drive being focused on yoga and now that I need to focus back on work, the drive for yoga has waned.
Who knows, perhaps yoga was a way for me to excel, to show off. Now that my work is the new platform, my drive waned for yoga.
But in midst of all this dramas, I remember my RA again.
So, I persevere and start my practices. At first tot of doing asanas as suria seems bit daunting. After guru pooja, I stand up and immediately suria happens. To my surprise I was quite agile and I start to laugh throughout the 12 cycles. I am glad I did my practices.
I felt much better. I also know I m buying the VW Golf TSI. I know I will be able to settle the car within 3 years. My Honda will be able to get for 30k, I will pay 30k, so left 100k to be paid in 3 years. I can pay an instalment for 3.5k.
Like C said, people without money buys without thinking and here I have money but need to ponder. Anyway, finances settled. I m not sure where this is heading but somehow I knew it is right.
I just tweeted; When u r secure, u can live fearlessly.
Now me with Z. I am secure that he wants me and he doesn't want me to go. As for commitment, he is committed to me. As for marriage, he still has not changed his mind on having a traditional marriage with children, something that I m not keen on.
Father, I woke up drowsy and was pondering not to do my practices as I seems to be tired. Then a tot came, u always feel better after ur practices. I also remember about my RA. Tot that perhaps what P said about my drive being focused on yoga and now that I need to focus back on work, the drive for yoga has waned.
Who knows, perhaps yoga was a way for me to excel, to show off. Now that my work is the new platform, my drive waned for yoga.
But in midst of all this dramas, I remember my RA again.
So, I persevere and start my practices. At first tot of doing asanas as suria seems bit daunting. After guru pooja, I stand up and immediately suria happens. To my surprise I was quite agile and I start to laugh throughout the 12 cycles. I am glad I did my practices.
I felt much better. I also know I m buying the VW Golf TSI. I know I will be able to settle the car within 3 years. My Honda will be able to get for 30k, I will pay 30k, so left 100k to be paid in 3 years. I can pay an instalment for 3.5k.
Like C said, people without money buys without thinking and here I have money but need to ponder. Anyway, finances settled. I m not sure where this is heading but somehow I knew it is right.
I just tweeted; When u r secure, u can live fearlessly.
Now me with Z. I am secure that he wants me and he doesn't want me to go. As for commitment, he is committed to me. As for marriage, he still has not changed his mind on having a traditional marriage with children, something that I m not keen on.
Overcoming my attachment to money (2)
Apr 24
Father, I woke up at 4.15 am, very sleepy cos awaken from a dream state. I was in the toilet and I really don't want to do my practices. At first, put 5 am to exclude hata but I found I cannot sleep immediately and when alarm ring at 5 am, I switched it off and later woke up at 6.15 am.
On old company, I m ready to let go. I am glad E also concur that I need to let go.
Without my practice, I am not as alert. But never mind. Main thing is to let my practices be a loving routine.
The Inner Journey
The center of intellect is the mind, the center of feelings is the heart. The navel is the center of will-power. The more activated the navel is, the more intense the willpower becomes and the more u can attain the determination, the power and the life-energy to do something.
Apr 24 Aft
Father, me now in airport. Today I did the income tax and collect FD. Overall, a good day.
I m now wearing my new shoes that I bought for Germany. It is a good walking shoes that I should not waste.
SL salary was 7.8 % of the car she bought. I tot I upped my ratio, but it is 2.1%.
Father, I woke up at 4.15 am, very sleepy cos awaken from a dream state. I was in the toilet and I really don't want to do my practices. At first, put 5 am to exclude hata but I found I cannot sleep immediately and when alarm ring at 5 am, I switched it off and later woke up at 6.15 am.
On old company, I m ready to let go. I am glad E also concur that I need to let go.
Without my practice, I am not as alert. But never mind. Main thing is to let my practices be a loving routine.
The Inner Journey
The center of intellect is the mind, the center of feelings is the heart. The navel is the center of will-power. The more activated the navel is, the more intense the willpower becomes and the more u can attain the determination, the power and the life-energy to do something.
Apr 24 Aft
Father, me now in airport. Today I did the income tax and collect FD. Overall, a good day.
I m now wearing my new shoes that I bought for Germany. It is a good walking shoes that I should not waste.
SL salary was 7.8 % of the car she bought. I tot I upped my ratio, but it is 2.1%.
Overcoming my attachment to money
Apr 22
Yea, did my walk. And I am buying a new car, VW sedan about R110k after registration.
I call my brother and he said its fine and told me he too bought a car, BMW.
It is such irony, me who I and everyone tot is so self-centred and care for myself only, actually been denying myself.
Let's face it, if I cannot even give to myself, how can I give to others. Me, cannot give and Z gives all.
Afternoon
Tot of yday swim, I was very comfortable breathing in the pool. I was able to maintain my calm during the numerous episodes which would have made me panic previously.
The Inner Journey
Desire alone is not enough: determination and effort are also needed. It is alright that u desire something but how much effort do u make for that desire, how many steps do u take towards that desire, what do u do for that desire.
Soul
Tot of my writing - nothing.
My fear of lack of money - something.
Yea, did my walk. And I am buying a new car, VW sedan about R110k after registration.
I call my brother and he said its fine and told me he too bought a car, BMW.
It is such irony, me who I and everyone tot is so self-centred and care for myself only, actually been denying myself.
Let's face it, if I cannot even give to myself, how can I give to others. Me, cannot give and Z gives all.
Afternoon
Tot of yday swim, I was very comfortable breathing in the pool. I was able to maintain my calm during the numerous episodes which would have made me panic previously.
The Inner Journey
Desire alone is not enough: determination and effort are also needed. It is alright that u desire something but how much effort do u make for that desire, how many steps do u take towards that desire, what do u do for that desire.
Soul
Tot of my writing - nothing.
My fear of lack of money - something.
Facing my life changes
Apr 20
Father, I woke up 5 am to do practices. Since I slept after 12 plus, I knew I be too tired to wake up at 4 am. So, I skip hata. Both Shakti and Shambavi were fine. Tots came in but now I know I have options.
Father, my decision to drop Isha was correct. Next week I will need to be in Singapore. I will be attending client's meeting. I asked E why is J not attending. E said J is not ready, I replied neither am I. E said he wants to give me exposure. I know why E was persistent in having me in his team, he trusts me. And we are aligned in terms of business, even without consultation.
Apr 20 Aft
Father, looks like my vision for reporting team is real. I am not dreaming. And I am on track. I think E is happy that he has someone who is aligned with him and tot I had some potential and now wanted me to attend CA meeting too, not just SEA meeting.
Today went surprisingly well. Despite the change of location for immigration, I was not flustered. I had help throughout the process. Amen.
Father, I woke up 5 am to do practices. Since I slept after 12 plus, I knew I be too tired to wake up at 4 am. So, I skip hata. Both Shakti and Shambavi were fine. Tots came in but now I know I have options.
Father, my decision to drop Isha was correct. Next week I will need to be in Singapore. I will be attending client's meeting. I asked E why is J not attending. E said J is not ready, I replied neither am I. E said he wants to give me exposure. I know why E was persistent in having me in his team, he trusts me. And we are aligned in terms of business, even without consultation.
Apr 20 Aft
Father, looks like my vision for reporting team is real. I am not dreaming. And I am on track. I think E is happy that he has someone who is aligned with him and tot I had some potential and now wanted me to attend CA meeting too, not just SEA meeting.
Today went surprisingly well. Despite the change of location for immigration, I was not flustered. I had help throughout the process. Amen.
Settling down in new company
Apr 19 Aft
Father, just did shoonya. Now that my mind doesn't fluctuate, I feel better.
On Z, didn't get a reply from him on our date and I saw his Five of Hearts. I tot he is pondering that we go deeper and open up our rship to our families, just like my dream this morning.
I like this, for the first time, I had a positive tot instead of negative one. I have come very far.
As for my Volkswagon, I tot the Polo sports was too small and now they have the sedan version, so may be my call.
On new company's operation, I am now on-board. I think my thank u note to N opens her up. And my conversation with her just now on "how she knows her team's performance", further got me in her books.
And I had a chat with Ad on her resignation which I spoke to E and he concur that Ad should be given authority to hire and fire and she should sort it out with J. At first I told E I don't want to get involved but E wanted me to do so. It was funny, coincidentally Ad called me for my room. E said I spoke to Ad just now and now Ad become my friend. He can see my potential.
The Inner Journey
The second thing about food is that the state of ur mind when u eat is much more important than what u eat. Food will affect u differently if u eat joyfully, happily or if u eat when u r filled with sadness and worry.
The more happily and joyously and the more relaxed and without worry a person can be when eating, the more his food will start becoming the right food.
On the soul level, there should be a feeling of gratefulness, of thankfulness
Soul
No wonder, I am fine despite not eating healthily. I am always in a happy state whenever I am eating. I ate with contentment.
Father, just did shoonya. Now that my mind doesn't fluctuate, I feel better.
On Z, didn't get a reply from him on our date and I saw his Five of Hearts. I tot he is pondering that we go deeper and open up our rship to our families, just like my dream this morning.
I like this, for the first time, I had a positive tot instead of negative one. I have come very far.
As for my Volkswagon, I tot the Polo sports was too small and now they have the sedan version, so may be my call.
On new company's operation, I am now on-board. I think my thank u note to N opens her up. And my conversation with her just now on "how she knows her team's performance", further got me in her books.
And I had a chat with Ad on her resignation which I spoke to E and he concur that Ad should be given authority to hire and fire and she should sort it out with J. At first I told E I don't want to get involved but E wanted me to do so. It was funny, coincidentally Ad called me for my room. E said I spoke to Ad just now and now Ad become my friend. He can see my potential.
The Inner Journey
The second thing about food is that the state of ur mind when u eat is much more important than what u eat. Food will affect u differently if u eat joyfully, happily or if u eat when u r filled with sadness and worry.
The more happily and joyously and the more relaxed and without worry a person can be when eating, the more his food will start becoming the right food.
On the soul level, there should be a feeling of gratefulness, of thankfulness
Soul
No wonder, I am fine despite not eating healthily. I am always in a happy state whenever I am eating. I ate with contentment.
Accepting my ending with Isha
Apr 19
Father, I slept around 10 plus cos mind was wandering on Isha and I don't want to go there. But I admit I must now work on my web. Looks like my new job is not as overwhelming as I tot now that I got Isha off my back.
Father, I tot since day one, apart from the Sathsang set up, I have never felt like volunteering. I don't have this passion for Isha like others. Even my attendance for IE was solely to energise myself and I was vocal about it. And then I had to be Sathsang guide, which left me unhappy cos it took away what I love about being with Isha. After one year, I only got to let go of the unhappiness. My attendance and participation is solely out of responsibility because of my role as Sathsang guide. Once this is taken out, I can join back like a normal meditator.
Today hata, I was laughing during the 1st lying down asanas, just feeling joyful despite doing hata at 4 plus am. After hata, I indulge myself and I slept and I dreamed of Z. I dreamed that my mom and I visited Z and his mom at Z's house. My mom and Z's mom seems to be able to chat. Looks like I wanted our relationship to deepen.
Mmm, my weight is going down since my decision to drop Isha. I guess I need not pile on food to offset the unhappiness. I am beginning to know and accept my role in new company. I can even see the old company is no longer doing me good. The old company and Isha has helped me for the last 3 years plus. I am grateful but I must moved on. But whatever I learned, stays with me. Hearing what L described about me, being knowledgeable and have clear communication. Hearing that E also have the same tots.
Today the shakti and shambavi was effortless and I went in deep. I did a great kapala bhakti. I felt that a new energy has arisen within and I felt strong.
The Inner Journey
The statue holds a shining sword on one hand and a lamp on the other.
A person can only be non-violent when he himself has become a sword.
The lamp of peace will only be of benefit to a man in whose being a sword of courage has been born, in whose being, a sword of energy and strength has been born.
The personality should be filled with total strength and on the other hand, with total peace: only then an integrated personality, a wholeness can arise.
Soul
This msg is coincidental to my Resolution Card: Abundance - Zorba the man and Buddha meet together, a whole man. The support of ur own male energies will come into ur life, a union with the soul mate within.
The Inner Journey by Osho
People who held on the lamps in their hands become absolutely weak. They have no strength to protect the lamp of peace. These are people of the East.
On the other hand, there are people who simply stopped caring about the lamp, who took up the sword and started using it. These are people of the West.
Both people are crying. The whole world is crying. The right man is both a living sword and a lamp of peace. I call somebody a religious man only if both of these things have arisen in him.
Right Food
Any food which takes man into any kind of unconsciousness, any kind of excitement, any kind of extremity, any kind of disturbance, is harmful. And the deepest, ultimate harm is when these things start reaching the navel
The lighter the food is, the less it creates heaviness on the body, the more valuable and significant it will be for the beginning of ur inner journey.
The right Diet should not create excitement, should not be intoxicating, it should not be heavy. After eating rightly, u should not feel heaviness and drowsiness.
So the first thing is that every person should be very aware and conscious about his eating. And I am saying this especially for the meditator. It is necessary for a meditator to remain aware of what he eats, how much he eats and what it effects are on his body. If u experiment for a few months with awareness, u will certainly find out which is the right food for u, which food gives u tranquility, peace and health.
Soul
I am surprised. I am not resisting this msg on food. I am more receptive. I have already avoided negative pranic food. I have also eliminate Vietnam, Thai and Japanese raw fish and Italian smoke meat or fish. So now I wanted to do, is to eat less. Since I am eating every meal, to reduce volume.
Father, I slept around 10 plus cos mind was wandering on Isha and I don't want to go there. But I admit I must now work on my web. Looks like my new job is not as overwhelming as I tot now that I got Isha off my back.
Father, I tot since day one, apart from the Sathsang set up, I have never felt like volunteering. I don't have this passion for Isha like others. Even my attendance for IE was solely to energise myself and I was vocal about it. And then I had to be Sathsang guide, which left me unhappy cos it took away what I love about being with Isha. After one year, I only got to let go of the unhappiness. My attendance and participation is solely out of responsibility because of my role as Sathsang guide. Once this is taken out, I can join back like a normal meditator.
Today hata, I was laughing during the 1st lying down asanas, just feeling joyful despite doing hata at 4 plus am. After hata, I indulge myself and I slept and I dreamed of Z. I dreamed that my mom and I visited Z and his mom at Z's house. My mom and Z's mom seems to be able to chat. Looks like I wanted our relationship to deepen.
Mmm, my weight is going down since my decision to drop Isha. I guess I need not pile on food to offset the unhappiness. I am beginning to know and accept my role in new company. I can even see the old company is no longer doing me good. The old company and Isha has helped me for the last 3 years plus. I am grateful but I must moved on. But whatever I learned, stays with me. Hearing what L described about me, being knowledgeable and have clear communication. Hearing that E also have the same tots.
Today the shakti and shambavi was effortless and I went in deep. I did a great kapala bhakti. I felt that a new energy has arisen within and I felt strong.
The Inner Journey
The statue holds a shining sword on one hand and a lamp on the other.
A person can only be non-violent when he himself has become a sword.
The lamp of peace will only be of benefit to a man in whose being a sword of courage has been born, in whose being, a sword of energy and strength has been born.
The personality should be filled with total strength and on the other hand, with total peace: only then an integrated personality, a wholeness can arise.
Soul
This msg is coincidental to my Resolution Card: Abundance - Zorba the man and Buddha meet together, a whole man. The support of ur own male energies will come into ur life, a union with the soul mate within.
The Inner Journey by Osho
People who held on the lamps in their hands become absolutely weak. They have no strength to protect the lamp of peace. These are people of the East.
On the other hand, there are people who simply stopped caring about the lamp, who took up the sword and started using it. These are people of the West.
Both people are crying. The whole world is crying. The right man is both a living sword and a lamp of peace. I call somebody a religious man only if both of these things have arisen in him.
Right Food
Any food which takes man into any kind of unconsciousness, any kind of excitement, any kind of extremity, any kind of disturbance, is harmful. And the deepest, ultimate harm is when these things start reaching the navel
The lighter the food is, the less it creates heaviness on the body, the more valuable and significant it will be for the beginning of ur inner journey.
The right Diet should not create excitement, should not be intoxicating, it should not be heavy. After eating rightly, u should not feel heaviness and drowsiness.
So the first thing is that every person should be very aware and conscious about his eating. And I am saying this especially for the meditator. It is necessary for a meditator to remain aware of what he eats, how much he eats and what it effects are on his body. If u experiment for a few months with awareness, u will certainly find out which is the right food for u, which food gives u tranquility, peace and health.
Soul
I am surprised. I am not resisting this msg on food. I am more receptive. I have already avoided negative pranic food. I have also eliminate Vietnam, Thai and Japanese raw fish and Italian smoke meat or fish. So now I wanted to do, is to eat less. Since I am eating every meal, to reduce volume.
Breathing influences the mind
Apr 18 Aft
The Inner Journey by Osho
Have u ever considered that no significant process of life is related to ur thinking? Infact, all the processes of life slow down and become disturbed by too much thinking.
Someone who is a friend to all will sooner or later reach to the divine because his relationships are happening with everyone's navel center. And some day or other, he is bound to become related to the navel center of the universe.
For the person who wants to develop and influence his life centers, the first thing is rhythmic breathing. His breath should be so harmonious, so peaceful, so deep that he should be able to experience a different music.
As long as breathing remains harmonious, ur thinking will become less, there will be almost no tots. If the breathing is absolutely even, the tots in the mind totally disappear.
The deeper and slower the flow of breath, the more ur naval center will develop.
When dangers are calling u, if u go, u will certainly reach closer to the divine. In danger, in insecurity, the center feels a challenge - and in this situation the navel center can develop.
The Inner Journey by Osho
Have u ever considered that no significant process of life is related to ur thinking? Infact, all the processes of life slow down and become disturbed by too much thinking.
Someone who is a friend to all will sooner or later reach to the divine because his relationships are happening with everyone's navel center. And some day or other, he is bound to become related to the navel center of the universe.
For the person who wants to develop and influence his life centers, the first thing is rhythmic breathing. His breath should be so harmonious, so peaceful, so deep that he should be able to experience a different music.
As long as breathing remains harmonious, ur thinking will become less, there will be almost no tots. If the breathing is absolutely even, the tots in the mind totally disappear.
The deeper and slower the flow of breath, the more ur naval center will develop.
When dangers are calling u, if u go, u will certainly reach closer to the divine. In danger, in insecurity, the center feels a challenge - and in this situation the navel center can develop.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Settling down with my ending with Isha
Apr 17 Eve
Father, yday a msg from LK and today a call from A. With LK, I don't feel guilty cos she was not brought in by me and she knew my feeling. With A, she is new and she got excited partly due to me. So, bit of dilemma going on when she said that I made the meeting fun.
So, feeling bit of dilemma. Then C sms me back but I was able to ignore her cos both she and P has become independent, I need not feel guilty.
Now I understand this week Osho card
4. What is needed for resolution?
Politics
Politicians don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at urself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours.
Soul
This is not easy. I tot of SL, I must end it for both of us. I know that if I go back in, I be unhappy. Now I just need to work on feeling of guilt and regret that I cannot go back. This is so timely, I was made to experience similar situation as SL so that my irritation with her is gone. Now I understand the dilemma that she faces.
So, SL not only provide support for my work but also on my departure from Isha. Just like I helped her to depart from her boss, she too helped me in my departure from Isha.
Suddenly I tot of my this year Displacement in Ruling - Ace of Heart
This is a year when ur own personal satisfaction in love matters will assume a greater importance in ur life. Just what will best satisfy ur yearning for affection will come into focus. U also have a restlessness on the emotional level, one probably due to some dissatisfaction with ur current emotional environment. This may precipitate new love affairs or even the birth of a child.
This year marks the beginning of a new way of loving yourself. Our relationships always reflect how we love ourselves, so expect some new experiences.
U will probably need more time to urself to sort out ur feelings, inner drives and motivation. Self-expression can play a key role in allowing u to find the answers u seek from inside.
Soul
I love myself and hence I cannot go back to Isha.
Coincidentally, this msg same as this week's Guidance.
Father, yday a msg from LK and today a call from A. With LK, I don't feel guilty cos she was not brought in by me and she knew my feeling. With A, she is new and she got excited partly due to me. So, bit of dilemma going on when she said that I made the meeting fun.
So, feeling bit of dilemma. Then C sms me back but I was able to ignore her cos both she and P has become independent, I need not feel guilty.
Now I understand this week Osho card
4. What is needed for resolution?
Politics
Politicians don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at urself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours.
Soul
This is not easy. I tot of SL, I must end it for both of us. I know that if I go back in, I be unhappy. Now I just need to work on feeling of guilt and regret that I cannot go back. This is so timely, I was made to experience similar situation as SL so that my irritation with her is gone. Now I understand the dilemma that she faces.
So, SL not only provide support for my work but also on my departure from Isha. Just like I helped her to depart from her boss, she too helped me in my departure from Isha.
Suddenly I tot of my this year Displacement in Ruling - Ace of Heart
This is a year when ur own personal satisfaction in love matters will assume a greater importance in ur life. Just what will best satisfy ur yearning for affection will come into focus. U also have a restlessness on the emotional level, one probably due to some dissatisfaction with ur current emotional environment. This may precipitate new love affairs or even the birth of a child.
This year marks the beginning of a new way of loving yourself. Our relationships always reflect how we love ourselves, so expect some new experiences.
U will probably need more time to urself to sort out ur feelings, inner drives and motivation. Self-expression can play a key role in allowing u to find the answers u seek from inside.
Soul
I love myself and hence I cannot go back to Isha.
Coincidentally, this msg same as this week's Guidance.
No more trying to fulfill my Inner Judge - its ok make mistakes
Apr 17 Aft
Father, at first was thinking how can I go for medical check up with E coming. Anyway, so happen he calls and I just tell him that I will be away whole day tomorrow cos 1st half taking the test and 2nd half in old company. He cared enough to ask, not sure if he knew what is RA.
I am pleased with myself. I managed to extrapolate the quarterly Sales comm template into monthly basis and the figures ties.
His mgm style is to throw you into the sea, u either sink or swim. Mmm, I guess that's what Sl does too. For me, I guide and support people along the way.
At first, I was not confident and try to reach out to him. Later, I got hold of myself, imagine E is not around and I am the Head, so I need to make the decision and I just did.
I already got L and Z and now slowly A. Next will be K.
1. The Issue
Guidance
The angelic figure with rainbow-coloured wings on this card represent the guide that each of us carries within. Like the second figure in the background, we may sometimes be a little reluctant to trust this guide when it comes to us, because we r so accustomed to taking our cues from the outside rather than from the inside.
When this card appears, it means u can trust the inner guidance u r being given. It speaks in whispers and sometimes we hesitate, not knowing if we have understood rightly. But the indications are clear; in following the inner guide, u will feel more whole, more integrated, as if u r moving outwards from the very center of ur being. If u go with it, this beam of light will carry u exactly where u need to go.
Soul
Well, it is now giving me messages on why I need to end with Isha, the institute. And looks like with the release of Isha, I am happier and have time to focus on new company. Since I am happier, I can do the new role smoothly. The feeling of being overwhelm is gone. I now look forward to new things. I am no longer afraid of possibility of not being successful, of being found lacking now that I am being tested.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Participation
There is so much joy around u, all around, u have just to be aware of it and to become a participant and not a spectator
U have an opportunity to participate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beautiful than each of u could manage alone. Ur participation will not only nourish u, but will also contribute something precious to the whole.
Soul
I have been a spectator. I was afraid of losing comforts, I was afraid of being judged lacking and I was afraid of losing Isha.
Well, now that I have prioritise and let go of Isha, I can do my Top 5.
Next month will be the Mgm meetup again and this time I am ready and will build the rship with them.
I know I have a role to play here. I know my values and I know I will be appreciated.
I want to join the potential client pitch presentation.
3. External influence
Creativity
Whatsoever you do, if u do it joyfully, u do it lovingly, if ur act of doing is not purely economical, then it is creative.
If u have something growing out of it within u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine.
Technique, expertise and knowledge are just tools; the key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things. It makes no difference what particular form ur creativity takes. The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed.
Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arised from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
I just did the Sales comm template. I was surprised at myself for doing it quite effortlessly within short time. I got it right first time.
Even my approach on fee nego for a client, the idea just came.
I always have a talent for my role. Work has always come easy to me. Let me appreciate it too.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Politics
Politicians don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at urself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours.
Soul
No more dilemma. No more trying to be all. No more trying to fulfill my inner Judge. It is impossible.
5. The Understanding
Abundance
In one hand, Zorba holds a lotus, showing that he respects and contains within himself the grace of the feminine. His exposed chest (open heart) and relaxed belly show that he is at home with his masculinity as well, utterly self-contained.
If u r a woman the King of Rainbow brings the support of ur own male energies into ur life, a union with the soul mate within.
Soul
Amen.
The Inner Journey
The more harmonious the personality, the more music is arising within, the deeper u can descend. The more disharmony there is within the more u will remain shallow, the more u will remain on the surface.
Father, at first was thinking how can I go for medical check up with E coming. Anyway, so happen he calls and I just tell him that I will be away whole day tomorrow cos 1st half taking the test and 2nd half in old company. He cared enough to ask, not sure if he knew what is RA.
I am pleased with myself. I managed to extrapolate the quarterly Sales comm template into monthly basis and the figures ties.
His mgm style is to throw you into the sea, u either sink or swim. Mmm, I guess that's what Sl does too. For me, I guide and support people along the way.
At first, I was not confident and try to reach out to him. Later, I got hold of myself, imagine E is not around and I am the Head, so I need to make the decision and I just did.
I already got L and Z and now slowly A. Next will be K.
1. The Issue
Guidance
The angelic figure with rainbow-coloured wings on this card represent the guide that each of us carries within. Like the second figure in the background, we may sometimes be a little reluctant to trust this guide when it comes to us, because we r so accustomed to taking our cues from the outside rather than from the inside.
When this card appears, it means u can trust the inner guidance u r being given. It speaks in whispers and sometimes we hesitate, not knowing if we have understood rightly. But the indications are clear; in following the inner guide, u will feel more whole, more integrated, as if u r moving outwards from the very center of ur being. If u go with it, this beam of light will carry u exactly where u need to go.
Soul
Well, it is now giving me messages on why I need to end with Isha, the institute. And looks like with the release of Isha, I am happier and have time to focus on new company. Since I am happier, I can do the new role smoothly. The feeling of being overwhelm is gone. I now look forward to new things. I am no longer afraid of possibility of not being successful, of being found lacking now that I am being tested.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Participation
There is so much joy around u, all around, u have just to be aware of it and to become a participant and not a spectator
U have an opportunity to participate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beautiful than each of u could manage alone. Ur participation will not only nourish u, but will also contribute something precious to the whole.
Soul
I have been a spectator. I was afraid of losing comforts, I was afraid of being judged lacking and I was afraid of losing Isha.
Well, now that I have prioritise and let go of Isha, I can do my Top 5.
Next month will be the Mgm meetup again and this time I am ready and will build the rship with them.
I know I have a role to play here. I know my values and I know I will be appreciated.
I want to join the potential client pitch presentation.
3. External influence
Creativity
Whatsoever you do, if u do it joyfully, u do it lovingly, if ur act of doing is not purely economical, then it is creative.
If u have something growing out of it within u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine.
Technique, expertise and knowledge are just tools; the key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things. It makes no difference what particular form ur creativity takes. The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed.
Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arised from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
I just did the Sales comm template. I was surprised at myself for doing it quite effortlessly within short time. I got it right first time.
Even my approach on fee nego for a client, the idea just came.
I always have a talent for my role. Work has always come easy to me. Let me appreciate it too.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Politics
Politicians don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at urself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours.
Soul
No more dilemma. No more trying to be all. No more trying to fulfill my inner Judge. It is impossible.
5. The Understanding
Abundance
In one hand, Zorba holds a lotus, showing that he respects and contains within himself the grace of the feminine. His exposed chest (open heart) and relaxed belly show that he is at home with his masculinity as well, utterly self-contained.
If u r a woman the King of Rainbow brings the support of ur own male energies into ur life, a union with the soul mate within.
Soul
Amen.
The Inner Journey
The more harmonious the personality, the more music is arising within, the deeper u can descend. The more disharmony there is within the more u will remain shallow, the more u will remain on the surface.
Settling down with my ending with Isha
Apr 17
Father, I did my practices. Its good. I slept after hata, I guess I was tired. So, not time to do breathing meditation, something that I have been skipping.
I had a dream of making out with Z. I guess its been awhile.
The more I tot of Isha, the more I know I made the right decision. Apart from the time spent that takes me from Top 5, I also don't like to be molded. I already have a personal rship with Sadhguru, I no longer need the form, especially when the form is restricting my freedom. I think what I dislike most being in Isha, is being the lead and hence have to mold myself to be Isha type, which I am not and don't plan to be.
Its like I have a relationship with Christ and I don't need the church.
Now here in new company is where I am to participate.
Father, I am happiest, sitting alone in a cafe, having coffee and some food. Just the time for self-reflection is so good for me.
The Inner Journey by Osho
The journey of a meditator is downwards, towards the roots. One has to descend from the head to the heart and from the heart to the navel. Only from the navel, can anybody enter into the soul; before that one can never enter it.
Soul
Whenever I do stretches that involve my stomach, laughter will bubble out.
The Inner Journey by Osho
The burden of tots cannot take man anywhere else other than into madness. Our whole life-energy has started moving around the brain.
The body should be accepted as a temple, as a spiritual path - and as long as this is not our attitude, we are either indulgers or we r renouncers. In both cases, our attitude towards the body is neither right nor balanced.
Soul
Father, my joy is coming back. I am feeling happy and contented once more.
The Inner Journey
If the strings of life are too loose, then music does not arise, and if the strings of life are too tight, then too there is no music. One who wants to create the music of life has first to see that the strings are not too tight or too loose.
There are many strings in the mind which are very tight. They are so tight that music cannot arise from them, only madness. And u r all living with the strings of ur mind being very tight. U r keeping ur mind tense from morning till evening.
Even at night, ur mind is stressed and tense. The night is the reflection of the whole day; it is its echo. Whatever happens in the mind during the day resounds as an echo during the night. So, the strings of the mind are never relaxed and are very tense.
The second thing is; the strings of the heart are very loose. They r not tight at all. U know something like love; u know anger, jealousy. Sometime u love, sometimes u hate. It is like saying a person is sometimes alive and sometimes dead. U r either alive or dead, there can be no compromise.
In a heart which has love, hatred becomes impossible.
What u know as love, is the less condensed form of hate and the very condensed form of hate, u understand as hate.
The strings of ur heart are totally loose.
Father, I did my practices. Its good. I slept after hata, I guess I was tired. So, not time to do breathing meditation, something that I have been skipping.
I had a dream of making out with Z. I guess its been awhile.
The more I tot of Isha, the more I know I made the right decision. Apart from the time spent that takes me from Top 5, I also don't like to be molded. I already have a personal rship with Sadhguru, I no longer need the form, especially when the form is restricting my freedom. I think what I dislike most being in Isha, is being the lead and hence have to mold myself to be Isha type, which I am not and don't plan to be.
Its like I have a relationship with Christ and I don't need the church.
Now here in new company is where I am to participate.
Father, I am happiest, sitting alone in a cafe, having coffee and some food. Just the time for self-reflection is so good for me.
The Inner Journey by Osho
The journey of a meditator is downwards, towards the roots. One has to descend from the head to the heart and from the heart to the navel. Only from the navel, can anybody enter into the soul; before that one can never enter it.
Soul
Whenever I do stretches that involve my stomach, laughter will bubble out.
The Inner Journey by Osho
The burden of tots cannot take man anywhere else other than into madness. Our whole life-energy has started moving around the brain.
The body should be accepted as a temple, as a spiritual path - and as long as this is not our attitude, we are either indulgers or we r renouncers. In both cases, our attitude towards the body is neither right nor balanced.
Soul
Father, my joy is coming back. I am feeling happy and contented once more.
The Inner Journey
If the strings of life are too loose, then music does not arise, and if the strings of life are too tight, then too there is no music. One who wants to create the music of life has first to see that the strings are not too tight or too loose.
There are many strings in the mind which are very tight. They are so tight that music cannot arise from them, only madness. And u r all living with the strings of ur mind being very tight. U r keeping ur mind tense from morning till evening.
Even at night, ur mind is stressed and tense. The night is the reflection of the whole day; it is its echo. Whatever happens in the mind during the day resounds as an echo during the night. So, the strings of the mind are never relaxed and are very tense.
The second thing is; the strings of the heart are very loose. They r not tight at all. U know something like love; u know anger, jealousy. Sometime u love, sometimes u hate. It is like saying a person is sometimes alive and sometimes dead. U r either alive or dead, there can be no compromise.
In a heart which has love, hatred becomes impossible.
What u know as love, is the less condensed form of hate and the very condensed form of hate, u understand as hate.
The strings of ur heart are totally loose.
Settling down on my ending with Isha
Apr 16
Father, woke up and did my practices. Suria was lovely. These days I knew that even if my mind doesn't like it, my body likes suria. It was quite effortless with a few laughter along the way. I noted that I can now ignore my tots if I want to.
I am glad I lost my reservation with Z. We had a lovely and fun conversations. As usual, he was teasing me and we both laughed over it.
On Isha, I have no regrets stopping. Its like I fell out of love. Only thing left is I do wonder how others feel or think about me. I know it is not easy to shoulder the event. But perhaps it is difficult for me but easy for them.
As for C and P, who knows, M and me leaving, is perhaps similar to the cranes.
Evening
Father, LK tot that I just wanted a one week break. She tot I was shaken by C coming to leadership. I was the one who brought her to limelight cos I wanted her to be Isha speaker. I wanted to go into background. But when LK suggested on me leading IK session, I admit I was stirred, more to prove a point,...luckily moments later I come to my senses and told her nope. I needed a break. Actually, the truth is I needed an ending.
Today, I reach home around 8 pm and my family said I was early. They said they seldom sees me. I m glad of ending with Isha, spending time with family is my Top 5.
Diamond Heart - 1
When u allow urself to be vulnerable, the compassion center open.
Soul
Tot of me and Sl. The over-riding irritation is gone ever since I myself was caught in a dilemma over ending Isha. I knew I was not happy and yet I hold on. Now I develop compassion for her and me.
Diamond Heart 1
Love alone sometimes isn't enough to engender trust, but when a person has kindness and compassion, we respond with trust. What this means is that the green center of the other person has activated ur own green center. If a person is compassionate toward u, u trust him. Trust and compassion come from the same center.
When u allow urself compassion in the heart, the head center opens automatically. They become one center, and there is rest in the mind. There is no questioning or doubt. When fear is gone, the solar plexus is more open, and the will is there, giving support and confidence.
Father, woke up and did my practices. Suria was lovely. These days I knew that even if my mind doesn't like it, my body likes suria. It was quite effortless with a few laughter along the way. I noted that I can now ignore my tots if I want to.
I am glad I lost my reservation with Z. We had a lovely and fun conversations. As usual, he was teasing me and we both laughed over it.
On Isha, I have no regrets stopping. Its like I fell out of love. Only thing left is I do wonder how others feel or think about me. I know it is not easy to shoulder the event. But perhaps it is difficult for me but easy for them.
As for C and P, who knows, M and me leaving, is perhaps similar to the cranes.
Evening
Father, LK tot that I just wanted a one week break. She tot I was shaken by C coming to leadership. I was the one who brought her to limelight cos I wanted her to be Isha speaker. I wanted to go into background. But when LK suggested on me leading IK session, I admit I was stirred, more to prove a point,...luckily moments later I come to my senses and told her nope. I needed a break. Actually, the truth is I needed an ending.
Today, I reach home around 8 pm and my family said I was early. They said they seldom sees me. I m glad of ending with Isha, spending time with family is my Top 5.
Diamond Heart - 1
When u allow urself to be vulnerable, the compassion center open.
Soul
Tot of me and Sl. The over-riding irritation is gone ever since I myself was caught in a dilemma over ending Isha. I knew I was not happy and yet I hold on. Now I develop compassion for her and me.
Diamond Heart 1
Love alone sometimes isn't enough to engender trust, but when a person has kindness and compassion, we respond with trust. What this means is that the green center of the other person has activated ur own green center. If a person is compassionate toward u, u trust him. Trust and compassion come from the same center.
When u allow urself compassion in the heart, the head center opens automatically. They become one center, and there is rest in the mind. There is no questioning or doubt. When fear is gone, the solar plexus is more open, and the will is there, giving support and confidence.
Settling down with my ending with Isha
Apr 15
Father, it was such a lovely time having my morning walk in the park. I love it. I am aware of the trees, grass and the moss growing from the recent rain. I am glad the dry trunks have some moss to protect them from the hot sun.
I have not been walking for 2 weeks. And yet, the walk was steady, quite effortless. I like my new shoes, so light.
Then I had breakfast with my mom.
Now in cafe, did my article on dilemma about cutting out my rship with Isha, a 6 pager one. I wanted to do the article, to close the chapter.
I just did a review of Isha 2nd Newsletter. To my surprise, I did not have the loving experience I did the first round. This means I cannot even do the Newsletter, it is really time for me to go. Staying on is not good for me nor Isha.
Amen.
Z and I chatted a bit. He tot of asking me to join him shopping. But when he know I am in cafe, doing my writing. He said its fine. Father, I love him.
Father, it was such a lovely time having my morning walk in the park. I love it. I am aware of the trees, grass and the moss growing from the recent rain. I am glad the dry trunks have some moss to protect them from the hot sun.
I have not been walking for 2 weeks. And yet, the walk was steady, quite effortless. I like my new shoes, so light.
Then I had breakfast with my mom.
Now in cafe, did my article on dilemma about cutting out my rship with Isha, a 6 pager one. I wanted to do the article, to close the chapter.
I just did a review of Isha 2nd Newsletter. To my surprise, I did not have the loving experience I did the first round. This means I cannot even do the Newsletter, it is really time for me to go. Staying on is not good for me nor Isha.
Amen.
Z and I chatted a bit. He tot of asking me to join him shopping. But when he know I am in cafe, doing my writing. He said its fine. Father, I love him.
Slowly overcoming dilemma in leaving Isha
Apr 14 Eve
Father, I was surprised that Pe understand my situation and she too concur with Z to cut off my entanglement with Isha. Like Z, she also said no point for me to continue with Isha. I would be making a mockery if I am serving out of guilt.
I told Pe that I was afraid not only the loss of friendship but also the teaching. Others are already making a mockery of it and I don't want to do a disservice to the Tool that has given me my freedom and my joy. She said Isha is just a foundation make up of people and my having gained from the Tool is because I resonate with the path, not because anyone gave anything to me.
Nine of Heart
It is entirely possible that u have outgrown some friendships and that now is the time to let them go. See these endings as completions and let go willingly, if that is what being called for by the situation. New and better rship is around the corner.
Five of Spades
Changes that happen now may happen unexpectedly and may leave u feeling somewhat insecure or unsettled. These changes are most likely overdue and beneficial in many ways.
Displacement in Destiny
Nine of Diamond
Something is ending this year and it is up to u as to whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause for celebration as u graduate from this level to move on to the next.
How u handle this ending will determine ur level of happiness this year. The best attitude is one of giving up and letting go, knowing that u r not losing anything that is actually good for u anymore. As a matter of fact, this year is the preparation for a new life just about to begin.
This new life will be one that is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprises for u. So, embrace the endings that occur this year with joy. U have come a long way to get where u r, and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
Father, let me accept the ending. If P and C is my true friend, they will remain firm. If not, then we r just members of Isha.
Father, I am thinking of getting a new car. I don't mind it being second hand. I want to spend below 100k. I am now looking at Nissan Syphly, Peugeout or even local assembled Passat. Somehow, I am not keen on Honda anymore. I know I don't want Toyota.
Also, I suddenly got a call that I have 9k FD in a bank and there another net 9k from back pay, so nearly 20k. I can pump in another 50k. So, financing at 50k only.
A story just came to me. The dancer in the korean drama. As a dancer in the troupe, they also has to be prostitute and to dance in certain ways. She stayed in unwillingly because of her love for the dance. In the end she came out of the troupe and dance her own with joy.
Just like me, coming out from Isha, just meditating on my own with joy. Isha taught me the tool for my path in meditation. Now I just need to continue the path on my own. Amen. I found my peace.
Father, I was surprised that Pe understand my situation and she too concur with Z to cut off my entanglement with Isha. Like Z, she also said no point for me to continue with Isha. I would be making a mockery if I am serving out of guilt.
I told Pe that I was afraid not only the loss of friendship but also the teaching. Others are already making a mockery of it and I don't want to do a disservice to the Tool that has given me my freedom and my joy. She said Isha is just a foundation make up of people and my having gained from the Tool is because I resonate with the path, not because anyone gave anything to me.
Nine of Heart
It is entirely possible that u have outgrown some friendships and that now is the time to let them go. See these endings as completions and let go willingly, if that is what being called for by the situation. New and better rship is around the corner.
Five of Spades
Changes that happen now may happen unexpectedly and may leave u feeling somewhat insecure or unsettled. These changes are most likely overdue and beneficial in many ways.
Displacement in Destiny
Nine of Diamond
Something is ending this year and it is up to u as to whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause for celebration as u graduate from this level to move on to the next.
How u handle this ending will determine ur level of happiness this year. The best attitude is one of giving up and letting go, knowing that u r not losing anything that is actually good for u anymore. As a matter of fact, this year is the preparation for a new life just about to begin.
This new life will be one that is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprises for u. So, embrace the endings that occur this year with joy. U have come a long way to get where u r, and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
Father, let me accept the ending. If P and C is my true friend, they will remain firm. If not, then we r just members of Isha.
Father, I am thinking of getting a new car. I don't mind it being second hand. I want to spend below 100k. I am now looking at Nissan Syphly, Peugeout or even local assembled Passat. Somehow, I am not keen on Honda anymore. I know I don't want Toyota.
Also, I suddenly got a call that I have 9k FD in a bank and there another net 9k from back pay, so nearly 20k. I can pump in another 50k. So, financing at 50k only.
A story just came to me. The dancer in the korean drama. As a dancer in the troupe, they also has to be prostitute and to dance in certain ways. She stayed in unwillingly because of her love for the dance. In the end she came out of the troupe and dance her own with joy.
Just like me, coming out from Isha, just meditating on my own with joy. Isha taught me the tool for my path in meditation. Now I just need to continue the path on my own. Amen. I found my peace.
Not easy letting go of Isha
Apr 14
Father, I woke up at 5 am cos menses came. Then I slept back when alarm rang on 7.10 am. I felt bit tired and so I slept back and woke up 8 am. Had some resistance on practice.
Had a good session with SL. I am glad we r back together again. My Environment Card of Two of Diamond is really true.
Father, P didn't reply my sms. Of course, I feel rejected and I wanted to call. But then I hold back, if they r my true friends, they will remain. If not, then so be it. I now understand what Mother goes thru when they got to cut the apron string. And this really shows me why I hang on to Isha. Feel like telling Z. His advice for me is really true. He said I need to cut it. Hei, I just realised that my sadness is gone. I now only miss the friends.
Father, I woke up at 5 am cos menses came. Then I slept back when alarm rang on 7.10 am. I felt bit tired and so I slept back and woke up 8 am. Had some resistance on practice.
Had a good session with SL. I am glad we r back together again. My Environment Card of Two of Diamond is really true.
Father, P didn't reply my sms. Of course, I feel rejected and I wanted to call. But then I hold back, if they r my true friends, they will remain. If not, then so be it. I now understand what Mother goes thru when they got to cut the apron string. And this really shows me why I hang on to Isha. Feel like telling Z. His advice for me is really true. He said I need to cut it. Hei, I just realised that my sadness is gone. I now only miss the friends.
Mistakes is part of growth process
Apr 13
Woke up feeling ok at 4.15 am. Did my practices and it was fine. Finished at 7 pm. I admit there were instances that I didn't want to do the practices but I remember that I felt much better after doing it. So, I did it. I really feel good. But thank God tomorrow is weekend and I can have a break.
MF said my new company doesn't require specialist skills. I agree and perhaps this is the opportunity for me to be the COO that I am meant to be.
Father, yea. The pain was to make me alert. It made me aware that I don't want to be ruled by other people kingdom. I want to set my own rules, I want to have my own kingdom.
I am happy that I finally found my pearl bracelet.
Freedom by Osho
U r so afraid of making mistakes ... Because, if u r free, naturally u will make many mistakes. But remember that is the way of life.
Many times u will fall. There is no harm in this. Get up again and learn not to fall. Be more alert. U will make mistakes but don't make the same mistake again. That is how one become wise. This how one become an individual, proud like a cedar tree rising high, reaching to the stars.
Don't be a pygmy. Try to reach to the ultimate height of which u r capable.
As u go beyond the false self, u suddenly discover a sky that has no limits. As u become free from all that is false and mortal, immediately doors of immortality open for u.
Soul
Coincidentally same msg as my card. I am not sure leaving Isha is the absolute right thing but I know I cannot handle all. I also know I am excited about my job! Excited of setting up and straightening things out.
Woke up feeling ok at 4.15 am. Did my practices and it was fine. Finished at 7 pm. I admit there were instances that I didn't want to do the practices but I remember that I felt much better after doing it. So, I did it. I really feel good. But thank God tomorrow is weekend and I can have a break.
MF said my new company doesn't require specialist skills. I agree and perhaps this is the opportunity for me to be the COO that I am meant to be.
Father, yea. The pain was to make me alert. It made me aware that I don't want to be ruled by other people kingdom. I want to set my own rules, I want to have my own kingdom.
I am happy that I finally found my pearl bracelet.
Freedom by Osho
U r so afraid of making mistakes ... Because, if u r free, naturally u will make many mistakes. But remember that is the way of life.
Many times u will fall. There is no harm in this. Get up again and learn not to fall. Be more alert. U will make mistakes but don't make the same mistake again. That is how one become wise. This how one become an individual, proud like a cedar tree rising high, reaching to the stars.
Don't be a pygmy. Try to reach to the ultimate height of which u r capable.
As u go beyond the false self, u suddenly discover a sky that has no limits. As u become free from all that is false and mortal, immediately doors of immortality open for u.
Soul
Coincidentally same msg as my card. I am not sure leaving Isha is the absolute right thing but I know I cannot handle all. I also know I am excited about my job! Excited of setting up and straightening things out.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Trust
Apr 12 Eve
Father, I am feeling tired. Whenever I fly, I feel tired. Pity MF who has to do it continuously.
Managing 2 companies is real tired cos there is no rest. Anyway, let's this continue till new FM comes in. By end June, I will know.
Like Sadhguru says when there is no fear of suffering, we can a long way.
Diamond Heart 1
When I trust, I allow myself to be vulnerable. I don't feel a need to defend or protect myself - there is a sense of security.
When u r trusting urself, u r more surrendered to what is happening inside u, to ur own promptings, to ur own truth.
When u trust somebody else, there is more sense of surrender, allowing urself to be vulnerable, allowing urself to be there without needing defense.
Trusting a situation means u r feeling secure in the situation. There is a kind of security and safety that things will be okay or that what's supposed to happen is going to happen.
Trust has to do with the absence of fear and paranoia.
Father, I am feeling tired. Whenever I fly, I feel tired. Pity MF who has to do it continuously.
Managing 2 companies is real tired cos there is no rest. Anyway, let's this continue till new FM comes in. By end June, I will know.
Like Sadhguru says when there is no fear of suffering, we can a long way.
Diamond Heart 1
When I trust, I allow myself to be vulnerable. I don't feel a need to defend or protect myself - there is a sense of security.
When u r trusting urself, u r more surrendered to what is happening inside u, to ur own promptings, to ur own truth.
When u trust somebody else, there is more sense of surrender, allowing urself to be vulnerable, allowing urself to be there without needing defense.
Trusting a situation means u r feeling secure in the situation. There is a kind of security and safety that things will be okay or that what's supposed to happen is going to happen.
Trust has to do with the absence of fear and paranoia.
Osho card reflecting my exit from Isha
Apr 12 Aft
1. Issue
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make u more aware! And when u r aware, misery disappears.
Soul
Well, after releasing leadership in Isha, I felt much better.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Innocence
Innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.
Soul
Well, I am definitely pure. Just now a client asked for comment. I just replied that I am tired and I just had my very late lunch. Everyone laughed at my honesty.
Father, I used to be not bother about positioning myself. Now, I am totally not bothered.
3. External influence
Moment to Moment
Life is a great ocean in which u can play if u drop all ur judgements, ur preferences and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans. Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself off, have a good laugh and carry on.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Letting go
Something is finished, something is completing. Whatever that may have help to define who u r -- it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on. Something greater is awaiting u, new dimensions are there to be discovered. U r past the point of no return now and gravity is doing its work. Go with it - it represents liberation.
5. Resolution
New Vision
This figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded.
Now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
1. Issue
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make u more aware! And when u r aware, misery disappears.
Soul
Well, after releasing leadership in Isha, I felt much better.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Innocence
Innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.
Soul
Well, I am definitely pure. Just now a client asked for comment. I just replied that I am tired and I just had my very late lunch. Everyone laughed at my honesty.
Father, I used to be not bother about positioning myself. Now, I am totally not bothered.
3. External influence
Moment to Moment
Life is a great ocean in which u can play if u drop all ur judgements, ur preferences and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans. Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself off, have a good laugh and carry on.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Letting go
Something is finished, something is completing. Whatever that may have help to define who u r -- it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on. Something greater is awaiting u, new dimensions are there to be discovered. U r past the point of no return now and gravity is doing its work. Go with it - it represents liberation.
5. Resolution
New Vision
This figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded.
Now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Settling down in not being with Isha
Apr 12
Father, I did my practices. Suria was lovely. Shakti and Shambavi was fine too. These days I am aware that my tots are like background voices.
I recalled I was laughing loads in the pool yesterday.
Had a good dinner with MF and he finally agreed that it his karma and he has backed off so many times. This time he agreed to do what is needed instead of to be a nice man.
Me, finally breaking thru karma of having to be personally responsible. I don't owe anyone. The karma was the hidden Queen of Diamond. I might as well use it in my work and take my money to enjoy myself and give to others. Be the Queen that I am, ruling in my own kingdom instead of others.
Freedom by Osho
If the whole day u r disturbed and worried, hankering and desiring and feeling frustrated, ur nights will be nightmares. But if u r living each moment in its totality, with intensity, with ur wholeness, ur nights will be calm and quiet, relaxed and peaceful. Not even a dream can disturb u, because dreams come from unfulfilled life, from repressed life.
Soul
Yday I slept well.
Freedom by Osho
When ur innermost core is full of light, ur outer light also starts reflecting it.
Father, I did my practices. Suria was lovely. Shakti and Shambavi was fine too. These days I am aware that my tots are like background voices.
I recalled I was laughing loads in the pool yesterday.
Had a good dinner with MF and he finally agreed that it his karma and he has backed off so many times. This time he agreed to do what is needed instead of to be a nice man.
Me, finally breaking thru karma of having to be personally responsible. I don't owe anyone. The karma was the hidden Queen of Diamond. I might as well use it in my work and take my money to enjoy myself and give to others. Be the Queen that I am, ruling in my own kingdom instead of others.
Freedom by Osho
If the whole day u r disturbed and worried, hankering and desiring and feeling frustrated, ur nights will be nightmares. But if u r living each moment in its totality, with intensity, with ur wholeness, ur nights will be calm and quiet, relaxed and peaceful. Not even a dream can disturb u, because dreams come from unfulfilled life, from repressed life.
Soul
Yday I slept well.
Freedom by Osho
When ur innermost core is full of light, ur outer light also starts reflecting it.
Exit from Isha - final mail to teacher
Apr 11
Father, I woke up 5.20 am to do my practices. I was done about 7.40 am. 2 hours and 10 min cos I didn't rest during shavasana. I was laughing again during aum chanting. I am back to my joyful self.
1. The Issue
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad, remember. That's where people go on missing. The pain is to make u more alert. And when u r alert, misery disappears.
Soul
I was sad when I was still in core team of Isha. I am going to take a break. Like P said I was entangled. While I was not entangled with the program, the place or Sadhguru, I was entangled with the people. I was heartbroken that such a good spiritual practice can be made into such mockery. And people allow it to be continued and used Sadhguru's name in vain. That's not what I wanted. So, to me promoting Isha further will only bring its downfall and gave spirituality a bad name. For what I gave up my time and passion for writing, to have this. The price to pay is not worth it at all. And I was held back by friendship and they too betrayed me. On one hand, we said we stick together but then both individually replied and kow tow to her. And to further compound it, they are completely floored by the new teacher and now said that they r now clear on their objective of volunteering and it was me that have to analyse myself. The last part was when C told me in the end that she couldn't do sathsang. That's when I knew that I had to make the break, otherwise I will continue to pay price for something that I no longer believe in. The value is no longer there.
Apr 11 Aft
Father, I purged again. One of these days, I will avoid the food. I think it could be the crayfish but it taste great. First time I ate it.
Teacher send me a mail on Giver or Taker, which do u think is more happy. My first reaction was piss off. Two hours later I tot this be a good opportunity to do a good exit. I told her I was in a dilemma and felt guilty but I am over it as Sadhguru's msg was for me to be myself, whatever it may be. So, if I am taker, so be it.
And now that guilt is gone, I even tot the leave of me and M could actually represent the two crane that the young teacher has to remove. I finally can leave with peace.
Freedom by Osho
What exactly is the innermost substance of freedom? - that u r free from the past, that u r free from the future.
U do not have memories binding u with the past, dragging u always backwards - that is against existence; nothing goes backward. And ur freedom comes also from imagination, desire, longing - they drag u towards the future.
Neither the past exists nor the future exists. All that u have in ur hands is the present. And one who lives in the present, unburdened of past and future, knows the taste of freedom. These are the real chains which bind ur soul and never allow u to live the moment that is yours.
Soul
What a coincidence! Same msg as this week Osho card.
Father, I woke up 5.20 am to do my practices. I was done about 7.40 am. 2 hours and 10 min cos I didn't rest during shavasana. I was laughing again during aum chanting. I am back to my joyful self.
1. The Issue
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad, remember. That's where people go on missing. The pain is to make u more alert. And when u r alert, misery disappears.
Soul
I was sad when I was still in core team of Isha. I am going to take a break. Like P said I was entangled. While I was not entangled with the program, the place or Sadhguru, I was entangled with the people. I was heartbroken that such a good spiritual practice can be made into such mockery. And people allow it to be continued and used Sadhguru's name in vain. That's not what I wanted. So, to me promoting Isha further will only bring its downfall and gave spirituality a bad name. For what I gave up my time and passion for writing, to have this. The price to pay is not worth it at all. And I was held back by friendship and they too betrayed me. On one hand, we said we stick together but then both individually replied and kow tow to her. And to further compound it, they are completely floored by the new teacher and now said that they r now clear on their objective of volunteering and it was me that have to analyse myself. The last part was when C told me in the end that she couldn't do sathsang. That's when I knew that I had to make the break, otherwise I will continue to pay price for something that I no longer believe in. The value is no longer there.
Apr 11 Aft
Father, I purged again. One of these days, I will avoid the food. I think it could be the crayfish but it taste great. First time I ate it.
Teacher send me a mail on Giver or Taker, which do u think is more happy. My first reaction was piss off. Two hours later I tot this be a good opportunity to do a good exit. I told her I was in a dilemma and felt guilty but I am over it as Sadhguru's msg was for me to be myself, whatever it may be. So, if I am taker, so be it.
And now that guilt is gone, I even tot the leave of me and M could actually represent the two crane that the young teacher has to remove. I finally can leave with peace.
Freedom by Osho
What exactly is the innermost substance of freedom? - that u r free from the past, that u r free from the future.
U do not have memories binding u with the past, dragging u always backwards - that is against existence; nothing goes backward. And ur freedom comes also from imagination, desire, longing - they drag u towards the future.
Neither the past exists nor the future exists. All that u have in ur hands is the present. And one who lives in the present, unburdened of past and future, knows the taste of freedom. These are the real chains which bind ur soul and never allow u to live the moment that is yours.
Soul
What a coincidence! Same msg as this week Osho card.
Settling down with Z
Apr 10
Father, I am a Queen. U can't have 2 queen in a kingdom. Since she was the official one, I back off.
Yea, C didn't reply. Probably busy. Z also didn't reply. Mmm, he said he was going to K to seal the land deal.
Yea, let's remember how far Z and I have come. We have settle down. Don't let my fear of losing Isha's friends to question my rship with Z.
Father, deep down I am an just an insecure person, looking for love. I am loved by myself. I have touched the inner joy in me and it is flowing. Like Sadhguru said, I don't have to compare. I don't have to be the Isha's norm. What I have to be is just myself. Isha is part of me but I need to disentangle myself, knowing that it is ok. For now, I want to focus on new job and I am excited about it.
Apr 10 Eve
Father, I had a nice dinner today, at a roof top restaurant in a posh hotel. But I wish Z was there. I just send him a msg. I don't know what is the outcome but I love him. And I will lead the way since I love him. He already doesn't show much and if I wait for him, then we won't move. So, just focus on the moment that he is my boyfriend.
While I don't know the outcome, I trust that as of now, he is with me only, just like I am with him.
I love him. I don't think he love me yet but at the moment he is there for me to love.
Yea, such irony. After a hard day work and a good dinner with good companionships, I still want to be with Z. I like sleeping with him and waking up beside him.
Father, I am a Queen. U can't have 2 queen in a kingdom. Since she was the official one, I back off.
Yea, C didn't reply. Probably busy. Z also didn't reply. Mmm, he said he was going to K to seal the land deal.
Yea, let's remember how far Z and I have come. We have settle down. Don't let my fear of losing Isha's friends to question my rship with Z.
Father, deep down I am an just an insecure person, looking for love. I am loved by myself. I have touched the inner joy in me and it is flowing. Like Sadhguru said, I don't have to compare. I don't have to be the Isha's norm. What I have to be is just myself. Isha is part of me but I need to disentangle myself, knowing that it is ok. For now, I want to focus on new job and I am excited about it.
Apr 10 Eve
Father, I had a nice dinner today, at a roof top restaurant in a posh hotel. But I wish Z was there. I just send him a msg. I don't know what is the outcome but I love him. And I will lead the way since I love him. He already doesn't show much and if I wait for him, then we won't move. So, just focus on the moment that he is my boyfriend.
While I don't know the outcome, I trust that as of now, he is with me only, just like I am with him.
I love him. I don't think he love me yet but at the moment he is there for me to love.
Yea, such irony. After a hard day work and a good dinner with good companionships, I still want to be with Z. I like sleeping with him and waking up beside him.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Contentment in leaving Isha
Apr 9 Eve
Father, I felt a sense of contentment within. A final release. Looks like everything is destined for me to end my stint in Isha.
Yea, here I was afraid of going in deeper. I was afraid that with Sadhguru coming, I will be stuck. But looks like on the contrary, his coming releases me.
Ruling Card
Nine of Hearts (completion of some major relationships, giving counseling or help to others)
Unexpected circumstances can bring disappointments in work, in love, in romance, and with friends during this period. Jealousy and scandal may occur at work and good friends may seem hard to come by.
Soul
Thanks to teacher, things just flow away and new teacher for smoothing my exit. She has energised the team.
Nine of Hearts
It is entirely possible that u have outgrown some of ur friendships and that now is the time to let them go. See these endings as completions and let them go willingly, if that is what is being called for by the situation. New and better relationships are just around the corner.
Destiny Card
Five of Spades (change of life styles or living location, a long trip or change of job)
During this period, u will have a change of some importance. This could be a change of profession or a change in the labour force of a business.
Change or travel that happen now may happen unexpectedly and may leave u feeling somewhat insecure or unsettled. These changes are most likely overdue and beneficial in many ways.
Soul
The change is my complete cross over to new company. Me letting go of my stint in Isha.
I had great dilemma in letting go. But now that final cut-off is made, I felt at peace. Surprisingly there was no guilt feeling. Or perhaps I was caught up in excitement over my trip to Sg and I am excited that new boss will hand over the rein to me.
Father, I think my weight will goes down once more. I am more conscious of what I eat instead of over-indulging. I over indulge to love myself, to cover my emotion.
I am definitely keen on the special inner wear that cost 5k.
Father, I felt a sense of contentment within. A final release. Looks like everything is destined for me to end my stint in Isha.
Yea, here I was afraid of going in deeper. I was afraid that with Sadhguru coming, I will be stuck. But looks like on the contrary, his coming releases me.
Ruling Card
Nine of Hearts (completion of some major relationships, giving counseling or help to others)
Unexpected circumstances can bring disappointments in work, in love, in romance, and with friends during this period. Jealousy and scandal may occur at work and good friends may seem hard to come by.
Soul
Thanks to teacher, things just flow away and new teacher for smoothing my exit. She has energised the team.
Nine of Hearts
It is entirely possible that u have outgrown some of ur friendships and that now is the time to let them go. See these endings as completions and let them go willingly, if that is what is being called for by the situation. New and better relationships are just around the corner.
Destiny Card
Five of Spades (change of life styles or living location, a long trip or change of job)
During this period, u will have a change of some importance. This could be a change of profession or a change in the labour force of a business.
Change or travel that happen now may happen unexpectedly and may leave u feeling somewhat insecure or unsettled. These changes are most likely overdue and beneficial in many ways.
Soul
The change is my complete cross over to new company. Me letting go of my stint in Isha.
I had great dilemma in letting go. But now that final cut-off is made, I felt at peace. Surprisingly there was no guilt feeling. Or perhaps I was caught up in excitement over my trip to Sg and I am excited that new boss will hand over the rein to me.
Father, I think my weight will goes down once more. I am more conscious of what I eat instead of over-indulging. I over indulge to love myself, to cover my emotion.
I am definitely keen on the special inner wear that cost 5k.
Let go of Isha
Apr 9
Father, I woke up 4 am. I slept around 10 pm, which should be enough. But somehow I sense a resistance. I did my suria namaskara. Despite my resistance, it was fine, just a bit of laughter. But it was not effortless. After suria, I did breathing but somehow couldn't get in. I persevere and then continue with shakti. After kapala bhakti, resistance comes up, I just want to end it and have a nap. I ended shakti and proceed to sleep. I didn't do shambavi. I slept happily and woke up feeling refreshed.
Father, my tots. I now find it difficult to say No to people, as there is attachment. So, now I cannot say No to myself. Perhaps, its a good thing as I recently realised I have been saying No to myself and it causes my immune system to reject myself.
Apr 9 Aft
I msg my friend LK;
Are u going for today volunteer's meet? I m not happy lah. Even yday sathsang, I also not happy.
For the first time in my life, I now understand when people said they r unhappy but still stay on becos of responsibility.
I don't want to act. Yday I was also acting and hence sathsang didn't turn up well. I really need a break from Isha as it also affects my practice.
Father, I finally told P and C. C said Ok with a smile as she also back off from Sathsang. She acknowledged my feelings. I told her that I will stay on as Sathsang Guide till she is ready to take over.
P, with her normal self said below;
Ok... Its your decision dear, don't get so entangled with it all..
When I read it, I felt bit edgy as I was entangled with their friendship and of course my guilt feeling. And I realised also I was bit hurt that she didn't acknowledge my feelings. I have ignored my own feelings for so long now that I am going to share mine.
But the judge in me said people don't care about my feeling, people don't care about me. Here, I was having such dilemma and guilt of leaving them. Alas, they are all grown up. Anyway, just give myself the break that I needed. Aiyah, that's the mother in me.
Yea, its ok for me to get entangle. That's my lesson, to get entangled and hence to have compassion for myself and empathy to others.
That's was why my Cosmic Lesson is Seven of Spades.
Mmm, Queen of Diamond, letting go of my children.
Anyway, glad it is over.
Wow, my heart is beating. Request for services is coming in. My old performance is coming in. But it is ok, my team is coming in.
I must remember about my RA. Now taking a break, having my coffee.
I am so glad I am not going to Isha meet. I just feel a sense of relieve. I m getting myself back. Finally I am able to say Yes to myself.
Father, I woke up 4 am. I slept around 10 pm, which should be enough. But somehow I sense a resistance. I did my suria namaskara. Despite my resistance, it was fine, just a bit of laughter. But it was not effortless. After suria, I did breathing but somehow couldn't get in. I persevere and then continue with shakti. After kapala bhakti, resistance comes up, I just want to end it and have a nap. I ended shakti and proceed to sleep. I didn't do shambavi. I slept happily and woke up feeling refreshed.
Father, my tots. I now find it difficult to say No to people, as there is attachment. So, now I cannot say No to myself. Perhaps, its a good thing as I recently realised I have been saying No to myself and it causes my immune system to reject myself.
Apr 9 Aft
I msg my friend LK;
Are u going for today volunteer's meet? I m not happy lah. Even yday sathsang, I also not happy.
For the first time in my life, I now understand when people said they r unhappy but still stay on becos of responsibility.
I don't want to act. Yday I was also acting and hence sathsang didn't turn up well. I really need a break from Isha as it also affects my practice.
Father, I finally told P and C. C said Ok with a smile as she also back off from Sathsang. She acknowledged my feelings. I told her that I will stay on as Sathsang Guide till she is ready to take over.
P, with her normal self said below;
Ok... Its your decision dear, don't get so entangled with it all..
When I read it, I felt bit edgy as I was entangled with their friendship and of course my guilt feeling. And I realised also I was bit hurt that she didn't acknowledge my feelings. I have ignored my own feelings for so long now that I am going to share mine.
But the judge in me said people don't care about my feeling, people don't care about me. Here, I was having such dilemma and guilt of leaving them. Alas, they are all grown up. Anyway, just give myself the break that I needed. Aiyah, that's the mother in me.
Yea, its ok for me to get entangle. That's my lesson, to get entangled and hence to have compassion for myself and empathy to others.
That's was why my Cosmic Lesson is Seven of Spades.
Mmm, Queen of Diamond, letting go of my children.
Anyway, glad it is over.
Wow, my heart is beating. Request for services is coming in. My old performance is coming in. But it is ok, my team is coming in.
I must remember about my RA. Now taking a break, having my coffee.
I am so glad I am not going to Isha meet. I just feel a sense of relieve. I m getting myself back. Finally I am able to say Yes to myself.
Compensating with food
Apr 8
Father, I woke up. I saw my face bit bloated. I put on weight since I got back from Germany. Perhaps I was compensating with food.
My body is telling me to stop. Yesterday, after the meal at Popeye, I just couldn't eat anymore meat. I had noodles with meat but I just couldn't eat it.
Last night was a good session among friends. And I m glad I got over my defense mechanism. Whenever I am stopped, I felt rejected and I would attack. But I am glad I just let it be. I also knew my reluctance with C is because of my guilt.
Teacher now excluding me from emails, trying to outcast me. Mind of course, was working a bit. I know I am all for it. Just removed me from the core and I just be a normal volunteer, come and go as I wish.
Father, I woke up. I saw my face bit bloated. I put on weight since I got back from Germany. Perhaps I was compensating with food.
My body is telling me to stop. Yesterday, after the meal at Popeye, I just couldn't eat anymore meat. I had noodles with meat but I just couldn't eat it.
Last night was a good session among friends. And I m glad I got over my defense mechanism. Whenever I am stopped, I felt rejected and I would attack. But I am glad I just let it be. I also knew my reluctance with C is because of my guilt.
Teacher now excluding me from emails, trying to outcast me. Mind of course, was working a bit. I know I am all for it. Just removed me from the core and I just be a normal volunteer, come and go as I wish.
When u feel ur pain, you can feel compassion for yourself and others
Apr 7 Eve
Father, when C stop me from doing IK, I felt a moment of anger and attacking tots came in. But I asked for alternative and it dispersed.
Father, new teacher asked me to hold on till after Sadhguru's visit. I told her that I am afraid it doesn't end there. Every time I want to end, another thing crop up.
She then said I got so much benefits and etc and Sadhguru's being here will reach more people. I told her the guilt no longer works on me. I am now here to help friends out.
Today I saw another email which teacher excluded me. I immediately asked P if she is out-casting me. Both N and teacher work together.
I was surprised but I am no longer hurt by their rejection. I already excluded them. I can see it as Universe helping me to get out.
Father, Z and I are getting comfortable in thinking of each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Diamond Heart - 1
Most of u who have learned to experience compassion have seen that it usually opens when u allow urself to experience pain, and that pain usually comes by seeing the truth about urself or ur situation.
When u see the truth, u feel hurt and when u allow urself to feel the hurt, compassion comes. If u don't allow urself to feel hurt, u can't feel compassion. That's how our organism functions.
When we work on our unconscious, finding the truth means finding out what is actually there, discovering our actual beliefs, our unconscious motivations, and conflicts.
First we see the truth of our defenses, the lies we believe in. We see that they exist, and we begin to identify them. Through observing our lies, we can see the deficiencies we feel underneath the lies. We discover how often we consciously believe the opposite of our unconscious beliefs and feelings.
We unconsciously feel we r weak, and so we create a lie in the form of belief that we r strong. Because we may even believe that we feel strong, it will be difficult to uncover the feeling of weakness. It is important that compassion to be present for that to happen.
Father, when C stop me from doing IK, I felt a moment of anger and attacking tots came in. But I asked for alternative and it dispersed.
Father, new teacher asked me to hold on till after Sadhguru's visit. I told her that I am afraid it doesn't end there. Every time I want to end, another thing crop up.
She then said I got so much benefits and etc and Sadhguru's being here will reach more people. I told her the guilt no longer works on me. I am now here to help friends out.
Today I saw another email which teacher excluded me. I immediately asked P if she is out-casting me. Both N and teacher work together.
I was surprised but I am no longer hurt by their rejection. I already excluded them. I can see it as Universe helping me to get out.
Father, Z and I are getting comfortable in thinking of each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Diamond Heart - 1
Most of u who have learned to experience compassion have seen that it usually opens when u allow urself to experience pain, and that pain usually comes by seeing the truth about urself or ur situation.
When u see the truth, u feel hurt and when u allow urself to feel the hurt, compassion comes. If u don't allow urself to feel hurt, u can't feel compassion. That's how our organism functions.
When we work on our unconscious, finding the truth means finding out what is actually there, discovering our actual beliefs, our unconscious motivations, and conflicts.
First we see the truth of our defenses, the lies we believe in. We see that they exist, and we begin to identify them. Through observing our lies, we can see the deficiencies we feel underneath the lies. We discover how often we consciously believe the opposite of our unconscious beliefs and feelings.
We unconsciously feel we r weak, and so we create a lie in the form of belief that we r strong. Because we may even believe that we feel strong, it will be difficult to uncover the feeling of weakness. It is important that compassion to be present for that to happen.
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