Jan 20
Woke up around 4 am but just want to doze. Finally woke up upon alarm at 4.50 am.
Tot of Y. Then I recalled when I fall for A many years ago and it took me like 1 and half years to finally tell him and it was no go. All the time wasted on my side.
Then with Z I took the plunge once he called me and now Y I just told him within one month after I fall although we know each other about 2 months That's the transformation.
Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
Fearlessness and charisma results when u go beyond ur greatest fears, surrendering to ur sensitivity. In revealing what u are feeling - in spite of fearing the consequences - u undergo a transformation of feelings. This allows a truer alignment with ur deepest sensitivities.
In sharing response and deep perception of others feelings, u may experience a temporary invalidation from those who are closest. A purge of both ur insecurities and theirs can follow.
Soul
Now I experienced invalidation from Y.
Mmm, just stay with it.
I need to know I m fine with invalidation. It is not just my insecurities but theirs too. Me to work on being fine with invalidation/rejection so I got to hold back. They to address their own. Whether they succeed or not is not my call but whether I succeed or not is my call.
Father. With me being afraid of invalidation from personal and romantic relationships I would never grow, never be authentic. Mmm, never be true leader. Need to check further on this. Aiyah, Z was my Saturn and Y was my Pluto.
-- Gargatholil
Pluto in the Fourth House
Your Experience of Transformation through Crisis Is Focused on Rootedness
With Pluto in the Fourth House, the energies symbolized by Pluto will act to transform your psychological foundations and your fundamental underpinnings. Typically, such transformations will involve your relationships with your family, cultural context, conditioning and inherited belief system. Pluto in the Fourth House may also symbolize crisis issues involving protection, security and the home. At a deeper level, Pluto in the Fourth House is associated with a drive for you to transform your subconscious and entire behavior pattern.
You are likely to experience a stormy or violent separation from your roots. The period of adolescence, when the individual is naturally separating him/herself from the identity of family and parental influence, is an especially vulnerable time for you. You may feel as if you need to destroy all links with the past and with your upbringing. This reflects a compulsion to demolish the edifice of your conditioning, thus transforming the essential foundation of the expression of your personality. You are likely to perceive your family circumstances and upbringing as outmoded, inhibiting and even negative in character.
It is common for you and your parents (and/or parental authority figures) to become polarized. After you have established your own fundamental identity, this polarization can return to balance. If this result is not achieved, the polarization may become permanent, manifested either as alienation or as parental domination if you are too weak to assert your own identity.
Your rejection of family influence may become broader, resulting in a rejection of the beliefs, value systems and the legitimacy of the culture into which you have been born. You may develop a profound skepticism towards what others accept as given, only retaining those cultural conventions which you, upon examination, find to be real and true.
You can often see through sham and illusion to the roots or essence of things. This makes it very difficult for anything which has lost its purpose and is simply being supported by tradition to stand up to your scrutiny. It is important for you to get beyond the automatic rejection of the past and your heritage and to rediscover what is valuable in your culture and family upbringing.
You are likely to be particularly sensitive to behavioral conditioning. You can usually see through attempts to manipulate and condition (e.g. advertising, mass media) and insulate yourself against it. You will tend to view any type of conditioning as something negative, although you may be compulsively driven by your past conditioning. You may find yourself going through crisis in order to break old habits and decondition yourself.
Your psychological crises are also likely to involve a plunging into your subconscious. You may struggle to purify your subconscious and you may spend a good deal of time "fighting demons" within yourself. If you are psychologically weak or prone to depression, these demons may overcome you from time to time. You may also feel perpetually unworthy or impure, for, when one impurity has been resurrected and destroyed, it seems there is always another to take its place. If you are not in touch with your own psychological landscape, besides compulsive-obsessive disorders and other mental illnesses, you may find that sudden and destructive events involving home and family periodically afflict you.
Transcendent Potential
You can realize the transcendent potential of Pluto in the Fourth House when you completely transform yourself from your foundation upward. With little in the way of support or encouragement, you may bootstrap your consciousness and character to a higher level of consciousness. You then overcome any false spiritual pride in the realization that you have never been alone in this struggle but that an Inner Power has supported you and still does so. You develop a profound sensitivity to Truth and you learn to act in accordance with this Truth. This requires a complete mental deconditioning and the resulting experience of the highest freedom--the freedom to act within the Higher Will. The alchemy of suffering breeds compassion in your breast. You learn to tenderly embrace what others hold dear and to "suffer the little children." Your foundation having been transformed, after this struggle, you quickly ascend to the heights of consciousness.
Insecurity
If you are inwardly insecure, you will feel threatened at the very center of your ego's foundation. You psychologically circle the wagons and defend yourself against the onslaught from the unknown. One defensive measure is to raise your level of attachment to those things which give your ego definition and security--family, tradition, home and homeland. The more your subconscious tries to shake these foundations away from you, the more you cling to them. Obsession, compulsion, mania, or at least an unreasonable preoccupation with these Fourth House matters is the result.
You consider home and family to be your power-base and you are bound to protect these security-providers at all cost. You are likely also to defend tradition and country as appendages of your ego. You are likely to establish yourself in a patri/matriarchal position in your home, controlling and even brutalizing other family members in order to safeguard the security of your ego. However, if your character is weak, prone to addictive behavior or perverse, you may gain a sense of security by being a victim of a brutalizing domestic situation.
Your Experience of Crisis and Transformation
With Pluto in the Fourth House, the crisis producing and transformative energies of Pluto will act within the context of your home and family life. In a broader sense, any arena which provides you with protection and security may be vulnerable to crisis and disruption. Such crises may spring from subconscious motivations or may affect your subconscious, resulting in a psychological crisis.
When crisis results in transformation, you may find your outlook toward family and tradition profoundly altered. After a peak crisis, you may feel that your whole essence has been fundamentally changed and that your sense of personal security is no longer dependent upon external nurturing but is rooted in your own sense of Truth. If you are unable to undergo internal transformation, there is a danger that destructive changes will occur within your family and home environment.
Focus of Your Power Drive
You will tend to focus your drive for power in your home, within or through your family or by mobilizing symbols of security such as tradition and homeland. You tend to associate power with preserving personal and emotional security; it is likely to be defensive in nature. At a higher level, you see power as derived from within, based on a strong personal foundation. You are likely to experience a higher Inner Power supportive. The image of Jesus (or any Holy Being) as a Rock is suggested by this placement.
Focus of Your Sexuality and Intimacy
Unless Pluto is expressing itself in rebellion against hypocrisy and sham, your sexuality is likely to be traditionally and conservatively expressed. It is likely to be bound by the commitment and responsibility of family, and, therefore, Pluto in the Fourth House suggests fidelity (except when inner crisis bursts all bounds). You may feel that your sexuality is fundamental to your personhood. Sexuality may also be a strong theme in your experience of the subconscious.
Your personality may also manifest undertones of Pluto aspecting the Moon.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Truth is the herenow - opening your heart
Jan 19 aft
Did two cycle of walk cum run. Was planning not to run cos I sprained my two little toes. But somehow body wants to run. I ran quite far in the first cycle. Feels exhilarated.
Second cycle just ran a bit. Knowing my feet not good and I be walking in the wet market with mom.
Feeling comfortable. Sitting besides dad at the hospital. He looks okay. He will be at home with us.
Had a tot of Y. But waived it off. Just the mind. Let me accept is okay if he avoid me. Let me accept the avoidance. Father, after this round with Y I will no longer keep what's true in me.
Yesterday watching the video and tot that what Y had was accumulation of Sadhguru's teaching. He is influenced by Sadhguru. For me I m not. I don't care what Sadhguru says but I only do the practice. In this path I don't really use my mind. I just be with him and be available to him.
Life love and laughter
Truth is herenow.
Truth is u have to become available to it.
Truth is the opening of ur heart - love will become the bridge between u and truth.
Start sharing whatsoever u have. Share ur beauty, ur songs, ur life. In sharing u will be enriched. Don't hoard. The moment u start hoarding, u r trying to depend on urself; u lost trust in life. Give it! As life has given it to u, give it - more will be coming.
Soul
I have stopped writing for past 3 months. Firstly nothing deep happens. Also last two months was busy with Y. Secondly after reading all the articles from rebelle society, Matt Licata and Jeff foster. I feel my story being insignificant. Also still updating my blog.
Will start writing again soon.
Mmm. Suddenly tot of the love I gave but no reciprocation. When I first saw Pluto Two of Hearts, I said I don't want to go through another round especially just recover from long break up with Z. Unexpectedly Y came into my life. It was a short 2 months but he helped me to close the door on Z completely. I can now talk to Z and wife. Can looked at them without any envious feeling. I know Z values and mine are different. And I can never be happy with Z in a traditional marriage with family.
Life love and laughter.
Be nothing. Nothing is the source of all, nothing means nirvana. In being nothing, u will have attained to the whole. In being something, u will miss; in being nothing u will arrive home.
Soul
I overcome my fearlessness with Y and declare my feelings for him knowing that the consequences may not be good. But still I do it. I no longer want to hide. Since he now avoids me, I accepts it.
I don't get him but I get to be my true Self.
Life love and laughter
The whole existence is divine. Love the trees if u want to know about the forest. Love people if u want to know anything about God. Don't be obsessed by word.
Feel more, rather than thinking. Through feeling, ur prayer will arise.... and through feeling, u will be dissolved one day. And when u are dissolved, God is.
Soul
Amen.
Feel settled today. No longer bothered about Y's disappearance. He has fulfilled his role in my life and I took up the lesson. As for his lesson, he got to learn from another person; which is during his Uranus period.
Life love and laughter
Love is when God has found u. Love is when God's hand searching for u, groping for u. Love is when u are allowing God to find you.
Hence u cannot manage love. U can manage logic; u can be very efficient as far as logic is concerned. The moment love arises, u become absolutely inefficient.
then u don't know what u are doing. Then u don't know any control.
Jan 19 eve
Did Yoga Namaskara. Good for spine. Will be taking this up. As for the Upa, know its good but can't fit in all.
Y didn't come in for Sathsang. I was sad that he avoided me. Then mind spiral said its my fault I made him afraid to come. A tot came, I fall for him and its not a crime that I declare to him. How he takes it is his issue. At least I know the outcome instead of hanging on.
If he avoids me then even friendship is not true. So nothing real is lost.
Two days already that I don't seek him out. Not even checking his whatsapp profile. If he doesn't want to be in my space so be it. I need not apologise.
Did two cycle of walk cum run. Was planning not to run cos I sprained my two little toes. But somehow body wants to run. I ran quite far in the first cycle. Feels exhilarated.
Second cycle just ran a bit. Knowing my feet not good and I be walking in the wet market with mom.
Feeling comfortable. Sitting besides dad at the hospital. He looks okay. He will be at home with us.
Had a tot of Y. But waived it off. Just the mind. Let me accept is okay if he avoid me. Let me accept the avoidance. Father, after this round with Y I will no longer keep what's true in me.
Yesterday watching the video and tot that what Y had was accumulation of Sadhguru's teaching. He is influenced by Sadhguru. For me I m not. I don't care what Sadhguru says but I only do the practice. In this path I don't really use my mind. I just be with him and be available to him.
Life love and laughter
Truth is herenow.
Truth is u have to become available to it.
Truth is the opening of ur heart - love will become the bridge between u and truth.
Start sharing whatsoever u have. Share ur beauty, ur songs, ur life. In sharing u will be enriched. Don't hoard. The moment u start hoarding, u r trying to depend on urself; u lost trust in life. Give it! As life has given it to u, give it - more will be coming.
Soul
I have stopped writing for past 3 months. Firstly nothing deep happens. Also last two months was busy with Y. Secondly after reading all the articles from rebelle society, Matt Licata and Jeff foster. I feel my story being insignificant. Also still updating my blog.
Will start writing again soon.
Mmm. Suddenly tot of the love I gave but no reciprocation. When I first saw Pluto Two of Hearts, I said I don't want to go through another round especially just recover from long break up with Z. Unexpectedly Y came into my life. It was a short 2 months but he helped me to close the door on Z completely. I can now talk to Z and wife. Can looked at them without any envious feeling. I know Z values and mine are different. And I can never be happy with Z in a traditional marriage with family.
Life love and laughter.
Be nothing. Nothing is the source of all, nothing means nirvana. In being nothing, u will have attained to the whole. In being something, u will miss; in being nothing u will arrive home.
Soul
I overcome my fearlessness with Y and declare my feelings for him knowing that the consequences may not be good. But still I do it. I no longer want to hide. Since he now avoids me, I accepts it.
I don't get him but I get to be my true Self.
Life love and laughter
The whole existence is divine. Love the trees if u want to know about the forest. Love people if u want to know anything about God. Don't be obsessed by word.
Feel more, rather than thinking. Through feeling, ur prayer will arise.... and through feeling, u will be dissolved one day. And when u are dissolved, God is.
Soul
Amen.
Feel settled today. No longer bothered about Y's disappearance. He has fulfilled his role in my life and I took up the lesson. As for his lesson, he got to learn from another person; which is during his Uranus period.
Life love and laughter
Love is when God has found u. Love is when God's hand searching for u, groping for u. Love is when u are allowing God to find you.
Hence u cannot manage love. U can manage logic; u can be very efficient as far as logic is concerned. The moment love arises, u become absolutely inefficient.
then u don't know what u are doing. Then u don't know any control.
Jan 19 eve
Did Yoga Namaskara. Good for spine. Will be taking this up. As for the Upa, know its good but can't fit in all.
Y didn't come in for Sathsang. I was sad that he avoided me. Then mind spiral said its my fault I made him afraid to come. A tot came, I fall for him and its not a crime that I declare to him. How he takes it is his issue. At least I know the outcome instead of hanging on.
If he avoids me then even friendship is not true. So nothing real is lost.
Two days already that I don't seek him out. Not even checking his whatsapp profile. If he doesn't want to be in my space so be it. I need not apologise.
Y and I meant to meet and separate
Jan 19
Woke up with good feeling on the findings from Spiritual astrology. Not sure why.
The cosmic love card says that Y role in my life.
1. Y in my second house
He bring me wealth and confidence
He is here to enhance my freedom in terms of my personal and financial strength and to make sure I know I can survive on my own.
He is here to make me see my unique talents and help me to become more aware of my value to others and to reap the rewards myself.
Y's purpose in my life is to be a conduit to a higher level of awareness than I would be able to reach without Y's influence. Y encourage me to take risks and grow.
He need me to tell him directly what I need. Focus on what I need from him rather than his behaviour.
To bring out the best in them, stay away from their personal business and psychology and allow them to focus on ur needs.
Soul
Despite overwhelming evidence that we can't be but still I shared how I feel. Its true he now avoid me. So just give him the space.
He is also leaving soon. Funny he got the oversea posting after my declaration. Means that's meant to be.
Woke up with good feeling on the findings from Spiritual astrology. Not sure why.
The cosmic love card says that Y role in my life.
1. Y in my second house
He bring me wealth and confidence
He is here to enhance my freedom in terms of my personal and financial strength and to make sure I know I can survive on my own.
He is here to make me see my unique talents and help me to become more aware of my value to others and to reap the rewards myself.
Y's purpose in my life is to be a conduit to a higher level of awareness than I would be able to reach without Y's influence. Y encourage me to take risks and grow.
He need me to tell him directly what I need. Focus on what I need from him rather than his behaviour.
To bring out the best in them, stay away from their personal business and psychology and allow them to focus on ur needs.
Soul
Despite overwhelming evidence that we can't be but still I shared how I feel. Its true he now avoid me. So just give him the space.
He is also leaving soon. Funny he got the oversea posting after my declaration. Means that's meant to be.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Pluto in Virgo - revealing my feelings eventhough I am fearful
Jan 18 eve 1
Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
Fearlessness and charisma results when u go beyond ur greatest fears, surrendering to ur sensitivity. In revealing what u are feeling - in spite of fearing the consequences - u undergo a transformation of feelings. This allows a truer alignment with ur deepest sensitivities.
In sharing response and deep perception of others feelings, u may experience a temporary invalidation from those who are closest. A purge of both ur insecurities and theirs can follow.
Soul
Mmm this was the Trust card.
Y's sun card is Virgo.
Just looking at my natal chart. Got Z's Scorpio and Aries. And got Y's Virgo and Leo.
My own Taurus and Cancer.
Got Pe's Libra in Mars. I think Y's Mercury in Libra too.
I got Scorpio in Neptune, South Node and Lunar.
I got Pluto and Uranus in Virgo
I got Venus and Jupiter in Leo. Y was truly expected.
Mmm, among Pe, Z and Y, they covers all my natal chart.
Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
Path to self mastery
Ceasing to control others's feelings to protect ur own vulnerability frees u to operate from a stable position. This vantage empowers u to express and share from the integrity of ur deepest sensitivities. Selfless commitment to recognising and exposing ur awareness of the realm of feelings leads you past ur greatest fear and into self mastery.
The environment in which u meet the challenge for personal transformation : Home and family.
Soul
True.
Soul
This is Seven of Hearts.
Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
Fearlessness and charisma results when u go beyond ur greatest fears, surrendering to ur sensitivity. In revealing what u are feeling - in spite of fearing the consequences - u undergo a transformation of feelings. This allows a truer alignment with ur deepest sensitivities.
In sharing response and deep perception of others feelings, u may experience a temporary invalidation from those who are closest. A purge of both ur insecurities and theirs can follow.
Soul
Mmm this was the Trust card.
Y's sun card is Virgo.
Just looking at my natal chart. Got Z's Scorpio and Aries. And got Y's Virgo and Leo.
My own Taurus and Cancer.
Got Pe's Libra in Mars. I think Y's Mercury in Libra too.
I got Scorpio in Neptune, South Node and Lunar.
I got Pluto and Uranus in Virgo
I got Venus and Jupiter in Leo. Y was truly expected.
Mmm, among Pe, Z and Y, they covers all my natal chart.
Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
Path to self mastery
Ceasing to control others's feelings to protect ur own vulnerability frees u to operate from a stable position. This vantage empowers u to express and share from the integrity of ur deepest sensitivities. Selfless commitment to recognising and exposing ur awareness of the realm of feelings leads you past ur greatest fear and into self mastery.
The environment in which u meet the challenge for personal transformation : Home and family.
Soul
True.
Soul
This is Seven of Hearts.
Sadhguru - Mind is like a knife
Jan 18 eve
The pain of ignorance.
Spirituality is like sexuality.
When a certain awareness arise in u, suddenly u know little games. When the big things of life become petty thing, now spirituality arrive.
When u r seeking fulfilment unconsciously, u go through many rounds; u will need lots of endurance.
Mind cannot be aware. It is the mind that keeps u unaware. It is only the activity of the mind that keeps u unaware.
The moment u got a sharp mind u become terribly identified with it. If u look at the advertising culture u know what's attractive in the culture. Eg. Fragrance - in the west body sells. In the east, fragrance is in the temple and house of prayer.
Mind can only function with discretion. Otherwise mind is useless. Mind can discriminate between what is good or bad. Mind is like a knife. So u better have a sharp knife. But sharp knife can only cut, cannot unite. Yoga means union. The more and more u use ur mind the more you cut.
People with blunt knife are living more joyfully than people with sharp knife. Simply because the intellectual don't know when to use it and when not to use it. They use it on everything because they are so identified with the sharpness of their knife. The more u use ur mind, the smaller and smaller pieces the world will become and suddenly there is no place to stand on because everything become such minute particle.
If u moving into awareness, u explode into the wonder of the existence. If u move into the mind, u move into the discretion of splitting the world into little pieces.
The pain of ignorance.
Spirituality is like sexuality.
When a certain awareness arise in u, suddenly u know little games. When the big things of life become petty thing, now spirituality arrive.
When u r seeking fulfilment unconsciously, u go through many rounds; u will need lots of endurance.
Mind cannot be aware. It is the mind that keeps u unaware. It is only the activity of the mind that keeps u unaware.
The moment u got a sharp mind u become terribly identified with it. If u look at the advertising culture u know what's attractive in the culture. Eg. Fragrance - in the west body sells. In the east, fragrance is in the temple and house of prayer.
Mind can only function with discretion. Otherwise mind is useless. Mind can discriminate between what is good or bad. Mind is like a knife. So u better have a sharp knife. But sharp knife can only cut, cannot unite. Yoga means union. The more and more u use ur mind the more you cut.
People with blunt knife are living more joyfully than people with sharp knife. Simply because the intellectual don't know when to use it and when not to use it. They use it on everything because they are so identified with the sharpness of their knife. The more u use ur mind, the smaller and smaller pieces the world will become and suddenly there is no place to stand on because everything become such minute particle.
If u moving into awareness, u explode into the wonder of the existence. If u move into the mind, u move into the discretion of splitting the world into little pieces.
Sadghuru - life is just a stepping stone
Jan 18 aft
Saw this on my blog.
Sadhguru
For one who seeing this life as a stepping stone for a larger possibilities. If u r seeing this event of life as the goal itself, for him there is failure and success. If u seeing this life as a stepping stone. Either good or bad thing, u use it for ur well being. It doesn't matter what the hell matter with ur life. If u see this life as stepping stone, whether good or bad, u just see it as useful.
Soul
Yes..thats why I am staying put..not bolting.
I know my mind is working overtime...
I am accepting I don't know..and I just play along where needed..
After the long breakup with Z..I know I be fine..and while it was painful I gained.
And that gain can be seen by attracting Y into my life..at least now my values are affirmed.
So if Y is not the one..I just need to have the grace to let it be..could be the Two of Diamonds..
This year my Environment is Nine of Diamonds and Results in Destiny is Nine of Spades.
At least I knew that this thing with Y is under my Destiny's Pluto of Two of Hearts.
Saw this on my blog.
Sadhguru
For one who seeing this life as a stepping stone for a larger possibilities. If u r seeing this event of life as the goal itself, for him there is failure and success. If u seeing this life as a stepping stone. Either good or bad thing, u use it for ur well being. It doesn't matter what the hell matter with ur life. If u see this life as stepping stone, whether good or bad, u just see it as useful.
Soul
Yes..thats why I am staying put..not bolting.
I know my mind is working overtime...
I am accepting I don't know..and I just play along where needed..
After the long breakup with Z..I know I be fine..and while it was painful I gained.
And that gain can be seen by attracting Y into my life..at least now my values are affirmed.
So if Y is not the one..I just need to have the grace to let it be..could be the Two of Diamonds..
This year my Environment is Nine of Diamonds and Results in Destiny is Nine of Spades.
At least I knew that this thing with Y is under my Destiny's Pluto of Two of Hearts.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
This too will pass
Jan 18
Woke up and know this will pass. This sadness will pass. Me no need to see to Y. His role is done. It is over.
My sister was sleeping in my room so can't do my whole sadhana or rather cannot let myself complete go.
Sang guru pooja with a dance
Did one cycle Surya Kriya followed by breathing meditation. Breathing was okay and I stayed quite awhile.
Shakti was good albeit bit side tracked by tots of office and Y during the second and third cycle. But can feel the energy and towards the end laughing and singing silently.
Shambavi was good, head was shaking non stop during aum chanting. This shaking of head becomes quite regular but today even the limbs are shaking.
Towards the end, blowing out whistle for quite some time. And then just sit in contented silence.
Matt Licata
Ur vulnerability is not a mistake and ur sadness is not something which need to be healed. Inside the core of ur sensitivity is a bridge to the unseen world. As u peer beneath the veil u will be astonished at what is truly happening here. Yes this is a bridge made of pure grace but it is a grace that mind could never understand.
Today 7thunder card.
My Daily Card
The Six of Spades
The Six of Spades is the strongest of the karma cards. When this card is present, you can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However, if you have had bad or negative habits in these areas or if your lifestyle has included any activities which have intentionally or inadvertently hurt others, you may have to settle your accounts when this powerful card appears. Whatever happens when this card appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in your path.
The Six of Spades will cause a settling of all affairs and at the same time bring some much needed peace into your life. If, during that time, you take some time to tune in to your deepest thoughts and feelings, you may become aware of a special message for you that comes from inside. This message may lead you to perform a special mission in your life, one that uplifts others in some important way. The Six of Spades is the card of FATE.
Soul
Guess this means things are settling; which is true.
While I still have tots of Y, no more craving to contact him..or perhaps i knew that he is now avoiding me.
Just did The Mirror card.
Me
(a) Body - totality
When you are not total, whenever you are in the head – thinking, brooding, calculating, cunning, clever – you are not total. Slowly, slowly slip out of those moments. It is just an old habit. Habits die hard. But they die certainly – if one persists, they die." Osho
Developing the knack of being total in responding to whatever comes, as it comes, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Taking one step through life at a time, giving each step your complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all that you do
Soul
True..me trying to bolt again.
Trying to ignore and suppress it..
Alas just hoping this will go over soon.
(b) Heart - The Lovers
These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest love is sex – it is physical – and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love; love is exactly in the middle. Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love – it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential.Actually the biggest "problem" with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is – welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it's not. Then as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
He said he wanted us to be spiritual friends..
Just have to ride this out..
(c) The Mind
"This is the situation of your head: I see cycle handles and pedals and strange things that you have gathered from everywhere. Such a small head and no space to live in! And that rubbish goes on moving in your head; your head goes on spinning and weaving – it keeps you occupied.
The Page of Clouds is telling you that somebody, somewhere, is stuck in "a head trip." Take a look and make sure it isn't you.
Soul
Last week was him in the Mind..this week is me..
2. Him
(a) Body - Inner voice
There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.
"Zen wants you living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely – not at the minimum as Christianity wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry – not only to the friends but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond." Osho
Soul
when I read this..possibly he is spreading to others as his January card says so and also yesterday he got Ten of Hearts in Venus. Just that he is not into me...not the way I want to..
(c) Mind - Guilt
"This moment – this herenow – is forgotten when you start thinking in terms of achieving something. When the achieving mind arises, you lose contact with the paradise you are in. This is one of the most liberating approaches: it liberates you right now! Forget all about sin and forget all about saintliness; both are stupid. Both together have destroyed all the joys of humanity. The sinner is feeling guilty, hence his joy is lost. How can you enjoy life if you are continuously feeling guilty
Soul
No wonder..he is guilty of us..so he now go on avoidance mode. Guess this is the standard modus operandi for guys.
3. Outer Manifestation
(a) Melting and merging - Courage
When we are faced with a very difficult situation we have a choice: we can either be resentful, and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow. The flower shows us the way, as its passion for life leads it out of the darkness and into the light. There is no point fighting against the challenges of life, or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower you are meant to be.
(b) Alchemy of togetherness - Existence
Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at home" wherever you are. If you are, be sure to take time to savor it so it can deepen and remain with you. If on the other hand you've been feeling like the world is out to get you, it's time to take a break. Go outside tonight and look at the stars.
(c) The Blessings - Transformation
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow, or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity." It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night, he became enlightened. Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And, like death, it takes you from one dimension into another.
Soul
A week ago..it was Breakthrough and now Transformation
4. INNER DYNAMIC
(a) Melting and merging
Comparison
"Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When you don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority, disappear. Then you are, you are simply there. A small bush or a big high tree – it doesn't matter; you are yourself. You are needed. A grass leaf is needed as much as the biggest star.
The way to find out who you are is not by comparing yourself with others, but by looking to see whether you are fulfilling your own potential in the best way you know how.
(b) Alchemy of Togetherness
Exhaustion
"A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness remains soft. Why? – because a man who has some ideas about how to live, naturally becomes hard. He has continuously to carry his character around himself. That character is like an armor; his protection, his security; his whole life is invested in that character. And he always reacts to situations through the character, not directly. If you ask him a question, his answer is ready-made. That is the sign of a hard person
It is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural routines for ourselves and, by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our doors. Life isn't a business to be managed, it's a mystery to be lived. It's time to tear up the time-card, break out of the factory, and take a little trip into the uncharted. Your work can flow more smoothly from a relaxed state of mind.
(c) Blessings
Past lives
A glimpse into the eternity of our existence is a gift, and understanding the function of karma in our lives is not something that can be grasped at will. This is a wake-up call; the events in your life are trying to show you a pattern as ancient as the journey of your own soul.
Soul
Exactly...thats what I am wondering these 2 days.
What does my Soul wants to learn in this lifetime.
Instead of resisting..I want to go with the Soul
Woke up and know this will pass. This sadness will pass. Me no need to see to Y. His role is done. It is over.
My sister was sleeping in my room so can't do my whole sadhana or rather cannot let myself complete go.
Sang guru pooja with a dance
Did one cycle Surya Kriya followed by breathing meditation. Breathing was okay and I stayed quite awhile.
Shakti was good albeit bit side tracked by tots of office and Y during the second and third cycle. But can feel the energy and towards the end laughing and singing silently.
Shambavi was good, head was shaking non stop during aum chanting. This shaking of head becomes quite regular but today even the limbs are shaking.
Towards the end, blowing out whistle for quite some time. And then just sit in contented silence.
Matt Licata
Ur vulnerability is not a mistake and ur sadness is not something which need to be healed. Inside the core of ur sensitivity is a bridge to the unseen world. As u peer beneath the veil u will be astonished at what is truly happening here. Yes this is a bridge made of pure grace but it is a grace that mind could never understand.
Today 7thunder card.
My Daily Card
The Six of Spades
The Six of Spades is the strongest of the karma cards. When this card is present, you can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However, if you have had bad or negative habits in these areas or if your lifestyle has included any activities which have intentionally or inadvertently hurt others, you may have to settle your accounts when this powerful card appears. Whatever happens when this card appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in your path.
The Six of Spades will cause a settling of all affairs and at the same time bring some much needed peace into your life. If, during that time, you take some time to tune in to your deepest thoughts and feelings, you may become aware of a special message for you that comes from inside. This message may lead you to perform a special mission in your life, one that uplifts others in some important way. The Six of Spades is the card of FATE.
Soul
Guess this means things are settling; which is true.
While I still have tots of Y, no more craving to contact him..or perhaps i knew that he is now avoiding me.
Just did The Mirror card.
Me
(a) Body - totality
When you are not total, whenever you are in the head – thinking, brooding, calculating, cunning, clever – you are not total. Slowly, slowly slip out of those moments. It is just an old habit. Habits die hard. But they die certainly – if one persists, they die." Osho
Developing the knack of being total in responding to whatever comes, as it comes, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Taking one step through life at a time, giving each step your complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all that you do
Soul
True..me trying to bolt again.
Trying to ignore and suppress it..
Alas just hoping this will go over soon.
(b) Heart - The Lovers
These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest love is sex – it is physical – and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love; love is exactly in the middle. Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love – it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential.Actually the biggest "problem" with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is – welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it's not. Then as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
He said he wanted us to be spiritual friends..
Just have to ride this out..
(c) The Mind
"This is the situation of your head: I see cycle handles and pedals and strange things that you have gathered from everywhere. Such a small head and no space to live in! And that rubbish goes on moving in your head; your head goes on spinning and weaving – it keeps you occupied.
The Page of Clouds is telling you that somebody, somewhere, is stuck in "a head trip." Take a look and make sure it isn't you.
Soul
Last week was him in the Mind..this week is me..
2. Him
(a) Body - Inner voice
There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.
"Zen wants you living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely – not at the minimum as Christianity wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry – not only to the friends but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond." Osho
Soul
when I read this..possibly he is spreading to others as his January card says so and also yesterday he got Ten of Hearts in Venus. Just that he is not into me...not the way I want to..
(c) Mind - Guilt
"This moment – this herenow – is forgotten when you start thinking in terms of achieving something. When the achieving mind arises, you lose contact with the paradise you are in. This is one of the most liberating approaches: it liberates you right now! Forget all about sin and forget all about saintliness; both are stupid. Both together have destroyed all the joys of humanity. The sinner is feeling guilty, hence his joy is lost. How can you enjoy life if you are continuously feeling guilty
Soul
No wonder..he is guilty of us..so he now go on avoidance mode. Guess this is the standard modus operandi for guys.
3. Outer Manifestation
(a) Melting and merging - Courage
When we are faced with a very difficult situation we have a choice: we can either be resentful, and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow. The flower shows us the way, as its passion for life leads it out of the darkness and into the light. There is no point fighting against the challenges of life, or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower you are meant to be.
(b) Alchemy of togetherness - Existence
Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at home" wherever you are. If you are, be sure to take time to savor it so it can deepen and remain with you. If on the other hand you've been feeling like the world is out to get you, it's time to take a break. Go outside tonight and look at the stars.
(c) The Blessings - Transformation
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow, or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity." It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night, he became enlightened. Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And, like death, it takes you from one dimension into another.
Soul
A week ago..it was Breakthrough and now Transformation
4. INNER DYNAMIC
(a) Melting and merging
Comparison
"Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When you don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority, disappear. Then you are, you are simply there. A small bush or a big high tree – it doesn't matter; you are yourself. You are needed. A grass leaf is needed as much as the biggest star.
The way to find out who you are is not by comparing yourself with others, but by looking to see whether you are fulfilling your own potential in the best way you know how.
(b) Alchemy of Togetherness
Exhaustion
"A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness remains soft. Why? – because a man who has some ideas about how to live, naturally becomes hard. He has continuously to carry his character around himself. That character is like an armor; his protection, his security; his whole life is invested in that character. And he always reacts to situations through the character, not directly. If you ask him a question, his answer is ready-made. That is the sign of a hard person
It is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural routines for ourselves and, by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our doors. Life isn't a business to be managed, it's a mystery to be lived. It's time to tear up the time-card, break out of the factory, and take a little trip into the uncharted. Your work can flow more smoothly from a relaxed state of mind.
(c) Blessings
Past lives
A glimpse into the eternity of our existence is a gift, and understanding the function of karma in our lives is not something that can be grasped at will. This is a wake-up call; the events in your life are trying to show you a pattern as ancient as the journey of your own soul.
Soul
Exactly...thats what I am wondering these 2 days.
What does my Soul wants to learn in this lifetime.
Instead of resisting..I want to go with the Soul
Friday, January 24, 2014
Too much self control blocked my own energy from flowing...Rheumatoid Arthritis
Jan 17
Woke up at alarm at 7 am. Feel tired cos had cough medicine. Really not good for body. Doze a bit and wake up before 7.30 am.
Sang guru pooja and dance bit.
Jan 17 eve
This morning the practice session was so sweet..
I didn't think but just want to share with Y and message him.
As expected no response..but I am okay....not sad..
Just letting myself be.
I just want to be myself....and he can be him...
Just checked my card
My Daily Card
The Seven of Hearts
The Seven of Hearts indicates that whatever time this card appears could be marked by many challenges in love and feelings in your close relationships. The Seven of Hearts can manifest as betrayal by those we love. In any case, we will be tested to see just how attached we are to others being a certain way.
Seven, being a highly spiritual number, promises success in love if you try a new approach and adopt a more selfless or unattached attitude. If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a seven was present.
Today is a Saturn card...
No more...I gone beyond my Seven of Hearts.
Who he is, is up to him...
But who I am...is my choice..
No longer afraid to express myself...no longer afraid of 'rejection'...
It is their inability to respond to my love...and not a reflection of my unlovability..
Alas,...freed of notion of unlovability.
I know Sadhguru loves me..that I know for sure...
I am slowly but surely kwowing God loves me too...
I think my Soul comes here for a reason.....and it choose so many Sevens to be overcome...Something great with my Soul.
Eventhough Y didn't respond but I still care and want to know if got the mail. So I message him...
No longer..worried about anybody's no response...
Just picked my Osho tarot card today.
Flowering
"Zen wants you living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely – not at the minimum as Christianity wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry – not only to the friends but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond." Osho
You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere. Welcome the bees, invite the birds to drink your nectar. Spread your joy around for all to share.
Soul
Amen
Finally understood my Fighting card. It goes together with the Seven of Hearts. Self sabotage...
What to do?
Fighting
An explosive temper or a smoldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armor we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need. If this description seems to fit you, it's time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to you if you just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself; you're worth it.
Resolution - Breakthrough
The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination. All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this breakthrough can bring to your life.
Jan 24
As I read Fighting suddenly tot of those people like L, S and P, ex-boss...
All of them display this...In their case they lash out..whereas in my case, I cover my wound and control myself from feeling the wound, hiding it.
Woke up at alarm at 7 am. Feel tired cos had cough medicine. Really not good for body. Doze a bit and wake up before 7.30 am.
Sang guru pooja and dance bit.
Jan 17 eve
This morning the practice session was so sweet..
I didn't think but just want to share with Y and message him.
As expected no response..but I am okay....not sad..
Just letting myself be.
I just want to be myself....and he can be him...
Just checked my card
My Daily Card
The Seven of Hearts
The Seven of Hearts indicates that whatever time this card appears could be marked by many challenges in love and feelings in your close relationships. The Seven of Hearts can manifest as betrayal by those we love. In any case, we will be tested to see just how attached we are to others being a certain way.
Seven, being a highly spiritual number, promises success in love if you try a new approach and adopt a more selfless or unattached attitude. If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a seven was present.
Today is a Saturn card...
No more...I gone beyond my Seven of Hearts.
Who he is, is up to him...
But who I am...is my choice..
No longer afraid to express myself...no longer afraid of 'rejection'...
It is their inability to respond to my love...and not a reflection of my unlovability..
Alas,...freed of notion of unlovability.
I know Sadhguru loves me..that I know for sure...
I am slowly but surely kwowing God loves me too...
I think my Soul comes here for a reason.....and it choose so many Sevens to be overcome...Something great with my Soul.
Eventhough Y didn't respond but I still care and want to know if got the mail. So I message him...
No longer..worried about anybody's no response...
Just picked my Osho tarot card today.
Flowering
"Zen wants you living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely – not at the minimum as Christianity wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry – not only to the friends but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond." Osho
You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere. Welcome the bees, invite the birds to drink your nectar. Spread your joy around for all to share.
Soul
Amen
Finally understood my Fighting card. It goes together with the Seven of Hearts. Self sabotage...
What to do?
Fighting
An explosive temper or a smoldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armor we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need. If this description seems to fit you, it's time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to you if you just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself; you're worth it.
Resolution - Breakthrough
The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination. All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this breakthrough can bring to your life.
Jan 24
As I read Fighting suddenly tot of those people like L, S and P, ex-boss...
All of them display this...In their case they lash out..whereas in my case, I cover my wound and control myself from feeling the wound, hiding it.
Osho - the greater the ego, the greater the sorrow
Jan 16 aft
Feeling bit of uncertainty. Not sure today and so checked my card. Three of Clubs in Jupiter. Just want to let Y know about my dad.
But not sure. So just did Osho tarot for the day - Harmony - follow ur heart at all costs. Be simple. So I just messaged him la. No response.
Me okay cos can see he hasn't check message yet. So wait la. Just as I didn't die when Z left; so I wouldn't also on Y. But for now I asked for what I want. Just follow my heart. Once and for all end this Seven of Hearts. I didn't ask for Y but I admit I felt the attraction the first time. But now I have fallen for this lion. It is just attraction I would be off. But I have fallen so I stay put. Meanwhile continue to be with Linga. Read the Mirror card and saw that we need to pass over Breakthrough card before we can have Harmony.
In Breakthrough; its dark night of the soul. When the dawn is near, the night gets darker.
This is my Jupiter period so follow it. Focus on what I want. Forget about the costs. For the first time in my life I ignored the costs and focus on what I want. Just remembering that day the three of them together and still I choose Y. I know I want him. Whether we be or not is not my call. But what matters is I focus on what I want and have faith.
Life love and laughter
U cannot go beyond sorrow. There is a transcendence but u cannot go; u will have to drop it before it happens. Yes, there is state of sorrowlessness, but u cannot enter into it; u will have to drop out of it.
Something within u will enter but not u. Something within u will go into the land of no sorrow but not u: u are the sorrow.
The greater the ego, the greater the sorrow it creates. It hurts - it's like a wound. The lesser the ego, the less it hurts - the wound is healed.
When there is no ego, it hurts not at all. Even if somebody insults u, it does not hurt, because u are not - how can he insult you?
The insult hits only when the wound exists - u are defeated because u wanted to be victorious. If the ego is not, what is the difference between victory and defeat? What is the difference between success and failure?
All distinction are created by ego. Whenever ego feels fulfilled, it is success, victory. When ego feels unfulfilled, it a failure, defeat.
When there is no ego, u simply live without success, without failure. U simply live ... and that simple life is the religious life.
Soul
The other day L yelled at me to shut up. At first I felt embarrassed and then bit piss off. Half an hour later I was fine and able to speak to her naturally.
When I found out that I misunderstood Y. It was embarrassing and sad but I was not too bad.
Now can still message him despite me fallen for him and him not wanting me.
This is a new period for me.
Simple life. Mmm the message same as the Harmony card. Follow ur heart. Be simple. Don't be complex. Be simple costs u everything.
Life love and laughter
Those four steps of living rightly.
1. Be herenow
2. Learn to transform ur poisons into honey
3. Share ur positivity and
4. Be nothing
If u live rightly, in twenty four hours u will cross many times to this shore from that, from that to this, from this to that - many times God will penetrate u, radiate within u.
Live in the world but don't allow the world to live in u.
Be skillful.
Love, but don't allow ur love to become lust. Love but don't allow ur love to become attachment. Love but don't allow ur love to become dependence, a slavery. And then .... then love tremendously. Then there is no fear. And loving, u will be able to cross to the other shore without difficulty.
Soul
It's like I want Y but I need not let myself be sad that Y doesn't want me. I need not be embarrassed that I still want him despite his avoidance.
Life love laughter.
Don't escape anywhere because this life is God.
If u are escaping from life u are escaping from God himself - from the very opportunity where he was available. Don't escape anywhere. Rather than putting effort into escaping, put more effort into becoming aware. That will be the real escape: without escaping anywhere, u will create a cave in ur heart ... and you will start living there.
Soul
Amen.
Jan 16 eve
Y replied my message very late. Actually I realised I m in his priority list. A smile came, very positive.
Miss him but just want to be alone.
When I read Osho this afternoon a tot came on why I have to face both Z and Y. In normal circumstances, the exes won't be in the same vicinity. In my case it is, God must think I m great. It takes loads to go beyond instead of escaping. Truly not sure why. For now stay put. No rush.
Feeling bit of uncertainty. Not sure today and so checked my card. Three of Clubs in Jupiter. Just want to let Y know about my dad.
But not sure. So just did Osho tarot for the day - Harmony - follow ur heart at all costs. Be simple. So I just messaged him la. No response.
Me okay cos can see he hasn't check message yet. So wait la. Just as I didn't die when Z left; so I wouldn't also on Y. But for now I asked for what I want. Just follow my heart. Once and for all end this Seven of Hearts. I didn't ask for Y but I admit I felt the attraction the first time. But now I have fallen for this lion. It is just attraction I would be off. But I have fallen so I stay put. Meanwhile continue to be with Linga. Read the Mirror card and saw that we need to pass over Breakthrough card before we can have Harmony.
In Breakthrough; its dark night of the soul. When the dawn is near, the night gets darker.
This is my Jupiter period so follow it. Focus on what I want. Forget about the costs. For the first time in my life I ignored the costs and focus on what I want. Just remembering that day the three of them together and still I choose Y. I know I want him. Whether we be or not is not my call. But what matters is I focus on what I want and have faith.
Life love and laughter
U cannot go beyond sorrow. There is a transcendence but u cannot go; u will have to drop it before it happens. Yes, there is state of sorrowlessness, but u cannot enter into it; u will have to drop out of it.
Something within u will enter but not u. Something within u will go into the land of no sorrow but not u: u are the sorrow.
The greater the ego, the greater the sorrow it creates. It hurts - it's like a wound. The lesser the ego, the less it hurts - the wound is healed.
When there is no ego, it hurts not at all. Even if somebody insults u, it does not hurt, because u are not - how can he insult you?
The insult hits only when the wound exists - u are defeated because u wanted to be victorious. If the ego is not, what is the difference between victory and defeat? What is the difference between success and failure?
All distinction are created by ego. Whenever ego feels fulfilled, it is success, victory. When ego feels unfulfilled, it a failure, defeat.
When there is no ego, u simply live without success, without failure. U simply live ... and that simple life is the religious life.
Soul
The other day L yelled at me to shut up. At first I felt embarrassed and then bit piss off. Half an hour later I was fine and able to speak to her naturally.
When I found out that I misunderstood Y. It was embarrassing and sad but I was not too bad.
Now can still message him despite me fallen for him and him not wanting me.
This is a new period for me.
Simple life. Mmm the message same as the Harmony card. Follow ur heart. Be simple. Don't be complex. Be simple costs u everything.
Life love and laughter
Those four steps of living rightly.
1. Be herenow
2. Learn to transform ur poisons into honey
3. Share ur positivity and
4. Be nothing
If u live rightly, in twenty four hours u will cross many times to this shore from that, from that to this, from this to that - many times God will penetrate u, radiate within u.
Live in the world but don't allow the world to live in u.
Be skillful.
Love, but don't allow ur love to become lust. Love but don't allow ur love to become attachment. Love but don't allow ur love to become dependence, a slavery. And then .... then love tremendously. Then there is no fear. And loving, u will be able to cross to the other shore without difficulty.
Soul
It's like I want Y but I need not let myself be sad that Y doesn't want me. I need not be embarrassed that I still want him despite his avoidance.
Life love laughter.
Don't escape anywhere because this life is God.
If u are escaping from life u are escaping from God himself - from the very opportunity where he was available. Don't escape anywhere. Rather than putting effort into escaping, put more effort into becoming aware. That will be the real escape: without escaping anywhere, u will create a cave in ur heart ... and you will start living there.
Soul
Amen.
Jan 16 eve
Y replied my message very late. Actually I realised I m in his priority list. A smile came, very positive.
Miss him but just want to be alone.
When I read Osho this afternoon a tot came on why I have to face both Z and Y. In normal circumstances, the exes won't be in the same vicinity. In my case it is, God must think I m great. It takes loads to go beyond instead of escaping. Truly not sure why. For now stay put. No rush.
Osho - love only flows out of somebody who is nobody
Jan 16
Woke up 3.50 am upon alarm. Body was fine thanks to pre-sleep breathing. Just had time to do 20 minutes. Slept around 11.15 pm.
Sang guru pooja with a dance. Did 5 cycle of Surya kriya and now both hands on the floor with one leg rest. Only happen since I got back from the program. Will reduce to 3 cycle and replace with abridged Upa and Yoga Namaskara. On the yoga asanas day will just add yoga Namaskara.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was good with just bit of out of focus in third cycle of Kapala Bhakti. Had some tots of work matters.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end just contented silence.
After the practices I prayed to Linga for fulfillment of my wish. I prayed that my husband and I be in Kailash for our honeymoon. I am no longer confident that Y can be. But I am still sure of what I want. So continue to reaffirm my goal.
Yesterday night I just forget my ego and ask Y to be careful. He noted my concern. Father, am I falling into same compulsion Y said I have no pride when it comes to romantic relationship. And later I found I lacked parameters and give into other values. I now know my values and attract the same kind but he is putting a distance between us. By right I should just leave him and move on. But I m not. Just being there.
Life love and laughter
Act when u are positive. Don't force positivity, wait for positivity to come on its own. Learn to transform ur poisons into honey.
Whenever it is negative, keep it to urself. Whenever it is positive, share. Human being is simply stupid. When they are happy, they don't share, they are miserly. When they are unhappy, they are very, very spendthrift - then they are much ready to share. When people smile, they smile economically - just so far. But when they are angry they are totally angry.
The third step is to share to positivity. That will bring ur love flowing river like, arising from ur heart. Ur dilemma of the heart will start moving when u share.
The real thing is not what u are giving - pearls, holiness and love - and to whom u are giving; that is not the point. The point is that u are giving. When u have, give it.
Soul
People said I don't have pride. I give and give. But actually it is not conditional and hence I get resentment when I don't receive.
This issue with Y. For two months we been up and down and finally this impasse. But still we both know the friendship is there in the background. Despite him avoiding me and me trying to run away.
At least this time I asked about the other feelings before I go full board. Saying that, the feelings are already there. But what's more important to me is that I be the main star in relationship. No more being sidekick that can be easily replaced.
Life love and laughter
Hoarding poisons the heart. All hoarding is poisonous. If u share, ur system will be free from poisons. And when u give, don't bother whether it is responded to or not. Be thankful u found someone to share. Be thankful that he didn't reject ur sharing.
Sharing is one of the most spiritual virtues, one of the greatest spiritual virtues
And the fourth: be nothing. Once u start thinking u are somebody, u stop; then love does not flow. Love flows only out of somebody who is nobody. Love abides in nothingness. When u are empty, there is love.
Woke up 3.50 am upon alarm. Body was fine thanks to pre-sleep breathing. Just had time to do 20 minutes. Slept around 11.15 pm.
Sang guru pooja with a dance. Did 5 cycle of Surya kriya and now both hands on the floor with one leg rest. Only happen since I got back from the program. Will reduce to 3 cycle and replace with abridged Upa and Yoga Namaskara. On the yoga asanas day will just add yoga Namaskara.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was good with just bit of out of focus in third cycle of Kapala Bhakti. Had some tots of work matters.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end just contented silence.
After the practices I prayed to Linga for fulfillment of my wish. I prayed that my husband and I be in Kailash for our honeymoon. I am no longer confident that Y can be. But I am still sure of what I want. So continue to reaffirm my goal.
Yesterday night I just forget my ego and ask Y to be careful. He noted my concern. Father, am I falling into same compulsion Y said I have no pride when it comes to romantic relationship. And later I found I lacked parameters and give into other values. I now know my values and attract the same kind but he is putting a distance between us. By right I should just leave him and move on. But I m not. Just being there.
Life love and laughter
Act when u are positive. Don't force positivity, wait for positivity to come on its own. Learn to transform ur poisons into honey.
Whenever it is negative, keep it to urself. Whenever it is positive, share. Human being is simply stupid. When they are happy, they don't share, they are miserly. When they are unhappy, they are very, very spendthrift - then they are much ready to share. When people smile, they smile economically - just so far. But when they are angry they are totally angry.
The third step is to share to positivity. That will bring ur love flowing river like, arising from ur heart. Ur dilemma of the heart will start moving when u share.
The real thing is not what u are giving - pearls, holiness and love - and to whom u are giving; that is not the point. The point is that u are giving. When u have, give it.
Soul
People said I don't have pride. I give and give. But actually it is not conditional and hence I get resentment when I don't receive.
This issue with Y. For two months we been up and down and finally this impasse. But still we both know the friendship is there in the background. Despite him avoiding me and me trying to run away.
At least this time I asked about the other feelings before I go full board. Saying that, the feelings are already there. But what's more important to me is that I be the main star in relationship. No more being sidekick that can be easily replaced.
Life love and laughter
Hoarding poisons the heart. All hoarding is poisonous. If u share, ur system will be free from poisons. And when u give, don't bother whether it is responded to or not. Be thankful u found someone to share. Be thankful that he didn't reject ur sharing.
Sharing is one of the most spiritual virtues, one of the greatest spiritual virtues
And the fourth: be nothing. Once u start thinking u are somebody, u stop; then love does not flow. Love flows only out of somebody who is nobody. Love abides in nothingness. When u are empty, there is love.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Osho - every emotion continously change; just wait for it to change
Jan 15
Woke up okay at 3.50 am upon alarm. The pre-sleep Samyama truly helps.
Y reply my message with this:
U have avoided Sadhguru long enough it seems. Now that you got his attention just be with him.
Soul
Can't say this is the response I want. I don't really like it. I never sought Sadhguru's attention. Never wanted it. This time I just want to sit closer and look at his loving presence. Like sitting with my Shrine at home.
Looks like my dream of being with Y is getting dimmer as that message is telling me to focus on my path. That's why I get bit affronted. Anyway, just remember of my Fighting card.
Life Love and Laughter
Love is the ladder between heaven and hell, but the ladder is always a two-way thing: you can go up, u can come down. If there are poisons, the ladder will bring u down - u will be entering into hell and not into heaven. And instead of attaining to a melody, ur life will become a nauseous noise - conflicting, traffic noise; just a maddening noise - a crowd of many noises with no harmony. U will remain on the verge of madness.
So learn to transform ur poisons into honey. Don't do anything; u only need patience. When anger comes you are not to do anything; just sit silently and watch it. Don't be against it, don't be for it. Don't cooperate with it, don't repress it. Just watch it, be patient, just see what happens.... let it rise.
One day when u wait long enough anger itself becomes compassion.
It is a wheel; It is moving on its own - u are in hurry. Just as night becomes day if u can wait a little, in the same way anger becomes compassion. The same energy - just patience has to be added to it, nothing else.
Soul
Mmm. Something about my Fighting card.l
Life love and laugher
Remember one thing: never do anything in the mood when the poison is possessing you; just wait.
This is one of the basic laws of life - that everything continuously changes into its other. One just have to wait.
When u are negative u do something, the other becomes negative, the other is ready to do something - negativity creates more negativity.
Negativity provokes negativity, anger brings more anger, hostility brings more hostility and things go on and on and on .... and people have been entangled with each other for lives together.
And I m not saying to repress the negative I m saying watch the negative. Don't smile when u are angry. Close the room door and look at urself in the mirror. These are ur climates - u have to be acquainted with them. This is part of growth towards self knowledge. Know thyself means know all the climates, all possibilities - the murderer, the saint, the criminal, the sinner, the virtue, the God, the devil - know all the climates, the whole range of it, and by knowing it you will be discovering secrets, keys.
Soul
Mmm good advice for Two of Hearts.
This is similar to Shiva's message to Pavarthi on human consciousness.
Life love and laughter
Happiness comes and goes. Unhappiness comes and goes. Everything changes, nothing remains permanent.
Don't repress and don't act according to the anger and soon u will see that the face is becoming softer, eyes becoming calmer and energy is changing - the male turning into female...and soon u will be full of radiance.
Woke up okay at 3.50 am upon alarm. The pre-sleep Samyama truly helps.
Y reply my message with this:
U have avoided Sadhguru long enough it seems. Now that you got his attention just be with him.
Soul
Can't say this is the response I want. I don't really like it. I never sought Sadhguru's attention. Never wanted it. This time I just want to sit closer and look at his loving presence. Like sitting with my Shrine at home.
Looks like my dream of being with Y is getting dimmer as that message is telling me to focus on my path. That's why I get bit affronted. Anyway, just remember of my Fighting card.
Life Love and Laughter
Love is the ladder between heaven and hell, but the ladder is always a two-way thing: you can go up, u can come down. If there are poisons, the ladder will bring u down - u will be entering into hell and not into heaven. And instead of attaining to a melody, ur life will become a nauseous noise - conflicting, traffic noise; just a maddening noise - a crowd of many noises with no harmony. U will remain on the verge of madness.
So learn to transform ur poisons into honey. Don't do anything; u only need patience. When anger comes you are not to do anything; just sit silently and watch it. Don't be against it, don't be for it. Don't cooperate with it, don't repress it. Just watch it, be patient, just see what happens.... let it rise.
One day when u wait long enough anger itself becomes compassion.
It is a wheel; It is moving on its own - u are in hurry. Just as night becomes day if u can wait a little, in the same way anger becomes compassion. The same energy - just patience has to be added to it, nothing else.
Soul
Mmm. Something about my Fighting card.l
Life love and laugher
Remember one thing: never do anything in the mood when the poison is possessing you; just wait.
This is one of the basic laws of life - that everything continuously changes into its other. One just have to wait.
When u are negative u do something, the other becomes negative, the other is ready to do something - negativity creates more negativity.
Negativity provokes negativity, anger brings more anger, hostility brings more hostility and things go on and on and on .... and people have been entangled with each other for lives together.
And I m not saying to repress the negative I m saying watch the negative. Don't smile when u are angry. Close the room door and look at urself in the mirror. These are ur climates - u have to be acquainted with them. This is part of growth towards self knowledge. Know thyself means know all the climates, all possibilities - the murderer, the saint, the criminal, the sinner, the virtue, the God, the devil - know all the climates, the whole range of it, and by knowing it you will be discovering secrets, keys.
Soul
Mmm good advice for Two of Hearts.
This is similar to Shiva's message to Pavarthi on human consciousness.
Life love and laughter
Happiness comes and goes. Unhappiness comes and goes. Everything changes, nothing remains permanent.
Don't repress and don't act according to the anger and soon u will see that the face is becoming softer, eyes becoming calmer and energy is changing - the male turning into female...and soon u will be full of radiance.
Acceptance
Jan 14
Woke up wonder about Y for a moment. Start my practices. Guru pooja was lovely. Did 5 cycle of Surya Kriya. Breathing was good but ended earlier cos habit breakfast. Shakti was good eventhough no Kapala Bhakti due to menses. I felt like dancing towards the end Shambavi was good. Towards the end a loud ah from the guts. Just feeling happy.
During the practice tot of my 5 and half year journey. How I avoided and resisted Sadhguru until I finally open up and love him. The resistance was from the fear that he is so powerful and can change my life.
A tot came maybe that's why Y avoided me cos I too can change his life.
I was feeling contented whole day. There were sporadic tot of Y but no sadness. Like Sadhguru says event outside is beyond my control. So him avoiding me is out of my control. But what happen within is under my control. I have state my desire for Y. What happen is not within my control.
Woke up wonder about Y for a moment. Start my practices. Guru pooja was lovely. Did 5 cycle of Surya Kriya. Breathing was good but ended earlier cos habit breakfast. Shakti was good eventhough no Kapala Bhakti due to menses. I felt like dancing towards the end Shambavi was good. Towards the end a loud ah from the guts. Just feeling happy.
During the practice tot of my 5 and half year journey. How I avoided and resisted Sadhguru until I finally open up and love him. The resistance was from the fear that he is so powerful and can change my life.
A tot came maybe that's why Y avoided me cos I too can change his life.
I was feeling contented whole day. There were sporadic tot of Y but no sadness. Like Sadhguru says event outside is beyond my control. So him avoiding me is out of my control. But what happen within is under my control. I have state my desire for Y. What happen is not within my control.
Finally doing Kapalvriksha
Jan 13 aft
Life love and laughter
There is tremendous attraction in love, because its life .... and fear also because it is life. I
Love is dark. Love has a quality of darkness in it.
There are ways to avoid love; the past and the future are the ways to avoid love. So either u love in the past or u love in the future.
If u think too much - and thinking is always of the past or the future - ur energies are distracted.
So the first step is: to be herenow. Future and past bring thinking; thinking destroys feeling. And a person
Soul
A tot just occurred that Y avoid cos he knows he is in danger of falling too. If he is in no danger, why avoid until so fearfully. Just like I avoided Sadhguru so fearfully a few years ago. This may sound far to far etched but m glad I have positive instead of negative tot.
Jan 13 eve
Was driving back home and suddenly tot of my married name with Y's family name. I like the sound of it.
I recalled seeing the three guys together and my choice is still Y.
Suddenly I knew I m finally ready for Kapalvriksha. I never could do it. Finally decided to buy the DVD back in July 2013.
Just now suddenly feel I want to Kapalvriksha on Y. All there wishes involve him.
It feels good finally asking for what I want; not bothering whether it is achievable or not. But just focus on telling what I desires.
Like Sadhguru says since it is my dream, then it is up to me to make a beautiful dream.
Doing Kapalvriksha was effortless.
Life love and laughter
There is tremendous attraction in love, because its life .... and fear also because it is life. I
Love is dark. Love has a quality of darkness in it.
There are ways to avoid love; the past and the future are the ways to avoid love. So either u love in the past or u love in the future.
If u think too much - and thinking is always of the past or the future - ur energies are distracted.
So the first step is: to be herenow. Future and past bring thinking; thinking destroys feeling. And a person
Soul
A tot just occurred that Y avoid cos he knows he is in danger of falling too. If he is in no danger, why avoid until so fearfully. Just like I avoided Sadhguru so fearfully a few years ago. This may sound far to far etched but m glad I have positive instead of negative tot.
Jan 13 eve
Was driving back home and suddenly tot of my married name with Y's family name. I like the sound of it.
I recalled seeing the three guys together and my choice is still Y.
Suddenly I knew I m finally ready for Kapalvriksha. I never could do it. Finally decided to buy the DVD back in July 2013.
Just now suddenly feel I want to Kapalvriksha on Y. All there wishes involve him.
It feels good finally asking for what I want; not bothering whether it is achievable or not. But just focus on telling what I desires.
Like Sadhguru says since it is my dream, then it is up to me to make a beautiful dream.
Doing Kapalvriksha was effortless.
Osho - compassion is the flowering of meditation
Jan 13
Messaged Y around noon but he ignored. Guess just wanted to know his avoidance. Old wounds start to arise. But I won't let it. Not necessary.
Mmm, my Fighting card. Just had bolting tots again. Stay put. Just be loving. No fear anymore.
This message from FB
When God pushes you to the edge of difficulty
Trust him fully
Cos two things can happen
Either he catch u when u fall
Or
He will teach u how to fly.
Soul
Mmmm.
Life love and laughter
If meditation really happens, whatsoever the cause, compassion has to follow. Compassion is the flowering of meditation. If compassion is not coming, ur meditation is somewhere wrong.
Rooted in meditation, u will have wings of compassion. That's why I said I would like to give u two things: roots into this earth and wings into that heaven. Meditation is this earth, it is here and now; the very moment u can spread ur roots, do it.
And once ur roots are there, ur wings will reach to the highest sky possible. Compassion is the highest sky possible. Compassion is the sky. Meditation is the earth. And when meditation and compassion meet, a Buddha is born.
Go deeper and deeper into meditation so u can go higher and higher in compassion. The deeper the roots of a tree reach the higher the peak.
As deep as ur meditation is, the same depth will be achieved in compassion.
If u think u r meditative and there is no compassion, then you are deceiving yourself. Compassion must happen, because that is the flowering of the tree. Meditation is just a means towards compassion; compassion is the goal.
Soul
True.
Messaged Y around noon but he ignored. Guess just wanted to know his avoidance. Old wounds start to arise. But I won't let it. Not necessary.
Mmm, my Fighting card. Just had bolting tots again. Stay put. Just be loving. No fear anymore.
This message from FB
When God pushes you to the edge of difficulty
Trust him fully
Cos two things can happen
Either he catch u when u fall
Or
He will teach u how to fly.
Soul
Mmmm.
Life love and laughter
If meditation really happens, whatsoever the cause, compassion has to follow. Compassion is the flowering of meditation. If compassion is not coming, ur meditation is somewhere wrong.
Rooted in meditation, u will have wings of compassion. That's why I said I would like to give u two things: roots into this earth and wings into that heaven. Meditation is this earth, it is here and now; the very moment u can spread ur roots, do it.
And once ur roots are there, ur wings will reach to the highest sky possible. Compassion is the highest sky possible. Compassion is the sky. Meditation is the earth. And when meditation and compassion meet, a Buddha is born.
Go deeper and deeper into meditation so u can go higher and higher in compassion. The deeper the roots of a tree reach the higher the peak.
As deep as ur meditation is, the same depth will be achieved in compassion.
If u think u r meditative and there is no compassion, then you are deceiving yourself. Compassion must happen, because that is the flowering of the tree. Meditation is just a means towards compassion; compassion is the goal.
Soul
True.
Sadhguru loves me - finally got me
Jan 12 eve
What a great night.
Amazingly loving just being with Sadhguru.
Just laughing loads, body was like flying and cry some cos felt overwhelmed and gratitude for the tools. I was bubbling with intense joy.
Sadhguru loves me. Felt so great and loved just watching him, being with him. Towards the end he gave a finger shot pistol at me. Guess just to make me laugh again.
Upa Yoga was truly something. So simple asanas yet amazing experience. I was laughing too. Just two days ago L asked me whether I want to join Upa Yoga. I said nope and it can only happen by accident.
True enough today Upa Yoga was introduced in the Mystic program. It was amazing and Sadhguru said this asanas strengthen the spine. All our emotions arise from the spine.
About seven months ago after Ayur Samporna, I wanted to do a pgm on spine. Tot of even doing Pilate. Little did I know that Isha already offer such spine program. I will be doing. Again another falling.
For now just feeling loved with Sadhguru.
Y avoided me throughout the trip. Just now didn't even say goodbye. It was a sad ending. Well, like the Cosmic Love said in conflict; give each other space.
Finally over with Z. Can voluntarily walk over. I chose Y over him. Alas Y is not into me. But at least chapter on Z is closed. And Y has already closed his door.
Well I m sad that our great friendship ended like that. Maybe we are ship that pass through the night. It was a whirlwind thing to give closure on Z.
Jan 24
On second tot, the pistol shot is to tell me, "Got you"
What a great night.
Amazingly loving just being with Sadhguru.
Just laughing loads, body was like flying and cry some cos felt overwhelmed and gratitude for the tools. I was bubbling with intense joy.
Sadhguru loves me. Felt so great and loved just watching him, being with him. Towards the end he gave a finger shot pistol at me. Guess just to make me laugh again.
Upa Yoga was truly something. So simple asanas yet amazing experience. I was laughing too. Just two days ago L asked me whether I want to join Upa Yoga. I said nope and it can only happen by accident.
True enough today Upa Yoga was introduced in the Mystic program. It was amazing and Sadhguru said this asanas strengthen the spine. All our emotions arise from the spine.
About seven months ago after Ayur Samporna, I wanted to do a pgm on spine. Tot of even doing Pilate. Little did I know that Isha already offer such spine program. I will be doing. Again another falling.
For now just feeling loved with Sadhguru.
Y avoided me throughout the trip. Just now didn't even say goodbye. It was a sad ending. Well, like the Cosmic Love said in conflict; give each other space.
Finally over with Z. Can voluntarily walk over. I chose Y over him. Alas Y is not into me. But at least chapter on Z is closed. And Y has already closed his door.
Well I m sad that our great friendship ended like that. Maybe we are ship that pass through the night. It was a whirlwind thing to give closure on Z.
Jan 24
On second tot, the pistol shot is to tell me, "Got you"
Saturday, January 18, 2014
No is not a rejection but a cosmic redirection
Jan 11
Awakening is just like falling in love.
U can't make urself fall
U can only remember
that you fell long ago
Mmmm, Y avoiding me throughout the day. Bit sad. But life got to go on.
Main thing is my own sense of contentment is still with me. And I know I got Kailash to look forward to with my husband. My wish still had not changed.
John Steinbeck
Don't worry about losing. If its right it happens. The main thing is not to rush.
Nothing good gets away.
From facebook
No is not a rejection is a cosmic redirection.
A reminder that I m part of everything and everything is a part of me. That I can trust the bigger picture, however hard it feels to accept the smaller picture.
U r right where you are meant to be. Nothing is lacking. And u cannot be rejected
Awakening is just like falling in love.
U can't make urself fall
U can only remember
that you fell long ago
Mmmm, Y avoiding me throughout the day. Bit sad. But life got to go on.
Main thing is my own sense of contentment is still with me. And I know I got Kailash to look forward to with my husband. My wish still had not changed.
John Steinbeck
Don't worry about losing. If its right it happens. The main thing is not to rush.
Nothing good gets away.
From facebook
No is not a rejection is a cosmic redirection.
A reminder that I m part of everything and everything is a part of me. That I can trust the bigger picture, however hard it feels to accept the smaller picture.
U r right where you are meant to be. Nothing is lacking. And u cannot be rejected
Seven leads to Nine in 2013/2014
Jan 10 eve
Life love and laughter
The quality of birth is decided by death. And then in turn, the quality of birth will decide the quality of another death. That's how one goes higher and higher.
Once u drop the past, the future drops on its own accord, because the future is nothing but a projection of the past.
Jan 18
Now updating the blog..and suddenly tot of my Sevens which leads to Nines.
Nine is death card...
So all the death leads to another new beginning
Six months have passed and I can see the happenings of both Ruling and Destiny.
Destiny
Long range - Ten of Hearts
(I am surrounded by the love and admiration of people. I have success with groups and the public and enjoy much popularity)
Pluto - Two of Hearts
(I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life, my friendships, and lovers are mine to embrace)
Results - Nine of Spades
( I learn to let go of people, lifestyle habits, and jobs that have completed their purpose in my life. They are fulfilled and I am free to move on the new and better things.)
Venus - Ace of Spades
(This card holds the promise of spiritual resolutions to some of ur mundane problem. This a process of death and rebirth. U will experience and ending and a beginning
- Soul, how appropriate. An ending with Z and a new beginning with Y. And now an ending with Y..I am sure there is new beginning with another..if Y is not meant to be..
Environment - Nine of Diamonds
Giving up things, people or jobs that u once valued highly will bring many blessings and rewards this year. On some level, this is a year to let go of the past and prepare to move on to many new and better things.
Usually we are afraid to let go of things in our life, afraid that the loss will deprive us of something important and essential to our happiness. However, this year u are protected, and all completions will bring u greater fortune and happiness.
Soul
Well, this year unexpectedly coffee is gone..
Ruling
Long range - Jack of Spades
(A year of success in creative fields such as acting or performing, a year of "rip off" or of spiritual initiation.
Pluto - Three of Hearts (learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships)
Soul - well did have Y for 2 months and when I set parameter to be main lead..it fizzles..But at least I assert myself.
Results - Ace of Hearts.
(I complete this year with a new love, which could be a lover, friend, child or something else that brings me great joy)
Soul - still praying to Linga that my husband and I will be going to Kailash this year. Don't know who, don't know when but at least know the ending in Kailash. The rest I leave it to Linga.
Venus - Eight of Clubs
Money and success. The card of mental power.
It can mean the development of psychic powers or the feminine side.
This is powerful and stabilising influence that it will produce very good results during this period.
Soul
Determined to set parameter. Determined to go after what I want. Now forget about prices to pay..no more on costs..
Environment - Ace of Heart
This is a year when new beginnings in the area of personal relationship will bring many rewards and blessings to u.
Whether u start a new love affair or help bring a new child into this world, this is the time for u to discover just what helps u love yourself the most. This is likely to be a year of joy and pleasure, and the focus will be on you, your needs and attracting to you, other people that will fulfil you on the deepest level.
Life love and laughter
The quality of birth is decided by death. And then in turn, the quality of birth will decide the quality of another death. That's how one goes higher and higher.
Once u drop the past, the future drops on its own accord, because the future is nothing but a projection of the past.
Jan 18
Now updating the blog..and suddenly tot of my Sevens which leads to Nines.
Nine is death card...
So all the death leads to another new beginning
Six months have passed and I can see the happenings of both Ruling and Destiny.
Destiny
Long range - Ten of Hearts
(I am surrounded by the love and admiration of people. I have success with groups and the public and enjoy much popularity)
Pluto - Two of Hearts
(I create the ideal love partner. Satisfaction in my love life, my friendships, and lovers are mine to embrace)
Results - Nine of Spades
( I learn to let go of people, lifestyle habits, and jobs that have completed their purpose in my life. They are fulfilled and I am free to move on the new and better things.)
Venus - Ace of Spades
(This card holds the promise of spiritual resolutions to some of ur mundane problem. This a process of death and rebirth. U will experience and ending and a beginning
- Soul, how appropriate. An ending with Z and a new beginning with Y. And now an ending with Y..I am sure there is new beginning with another..if Y is not meant to be..
Environment - Nine of Diamonds
Giving up things, people or jobs that u once valued highly will bring many blessings and rewards this year. On some level, this is a year to let go of the past and prepare to move on to many new and better things.
Usually we are afraid to let go of things in our life, afraid that the loss will deprive us of something important and essential to our happiness. However, this year u are protected, and all completions will bring u greater fortune and happiness.
Soul
Well, this year unexpectedly coffee is gone..
Ruling
Long range - Jack of Spades
(A year of success in creative fields such as acting or performing, a year of "rip off" or of spiritual initiation.
Pluto - Three of Hearts (learning about what I really want in love and romance by expressing my feelings and being open to new relationships)
Soul - well did have Y for 2 months and when I set parameter to be main lead..it fizzles..But at least I assert myself.
Results - Ace of Hearts.
(I complete this year with a new love, which could be a lover, friend, child or something else that brings me great joy)
Soul - still praying to Linga that my husband and I will be going to Kailash this year. Don't know who, don't know when but at least know the ending in Kailash. The rest I leave it to Linga.
Venus - Eight of Clubs
Money and success. The card of mental power.
It can mean the development of psychic powers or the feminine side.
This is powerful and stabilising influence that it will produce very good results during this period.
Soul
Determined to set parameter. Determined to go after what I want. Now forget about prices to pay..no more on costs..
Environment - Ace of Heart
This is a year when new beginnings in the area of personal relationship will bring many rewards and blessings to u.
Whether u start a new love affair or help bring a new child into this world, this is the time for u to discover just what helps u love yourself the most. This is likely to be a year of joy and pleasure, and the focus will be on you, your needs and attracting to you, other people that will fulfil you on the deepest level.
Destiny - Pluto in Two of Hearts
Jan 10 aft
Emotion - the juice of life
Spirituality is a quality, not an act. It is a new dimension. It is not something you do, it is something that u move into. It is something that u allow to overpower you. Otherwise there is no spirituality. U become vulnerable, only then there is spirituality. If u stand like a rock, there is no spirituality.
Soul
Suddenly tots all my Sevens compels me into this path.
I always believed spirituality is a quality..it is not doing..
It an end result..not an action...It comes on its own..can't be forced..
Destiny's Pluto is Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
Soul
An answer came.
I have been asking two days ago why I was given courage to jump and then answer was no from Y.
Why do I need to go through another rejection?
Well, I have bounced back...
I am no longer affected by 'rejection'.
So reading this made me see that it was meant to happen...
Yea..Y and I are not a couple...but I have overcome my rejection issue.
I am able to be friend with him eventhough he rejected me..and when I still love him..
Alas..Control no longer rules my life..
I am no longer fearful of life....
Just remember I faced this lesson with Y so that I can prepare myself to have more intimacy in life..
Got this from my Destiny card life spread
Venus
Three of Clubs
Indecision about love and friendship is the major influence. There may be some uncertainty in choosing friends and some disappointment as well. Making sacrifices for loved ones also confused u as well.
Too many social and personal love interests could prove to be draining or burdensome. See if it isn't ur own fickleness and indecision that is the root cause of any disappointments with friendships.
Soul
True..When I focus only on the problem..I become indecisive...
Emotion - the juice of life
Spirituality is a quality, not an act. It is a new dimension. It is not something you do, it is something that u move into. It is something that u allow to overpower you. Otherwise there is no spirituality. U become vulnerable, only then there is spirituality. If u stand like a rock, there is no spirituality.
Soul
Suddenly tots all my Sevens compels me into this path.
I always believed spirituality is a quality..it is not doing..
It an end result..not an action...It comes on its own..can't be forced..
Destiny's Pluto is Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
Soul
An answer came.
I have been asking two days ago why I was given courage to jump and then answer was no from Y.
Why do I need to go through another rejection?
Well, I have bounced back...
I am no longer affected by 'rejection'.
So reading this made me see that it was meant to happen...
Yea..Y and I are not a couple...but I have overcome my rejection issue.
I am able to be friend with him eventhough he rejected me..and when I still love him..
Alas..Control no longer rules my life..
I am no longer fearful of life....
Just remember I faced this lesson with Y so that I can prepare myself to have more intimacy in life..
Got this from my Destiny card life spread
Venus
Three of Clubs
Indecision about love and friendship is the major influence. There may be some uncertainty in choosing friends and some disappointment as well. Making sacrifices for loved ones also confused u as well.
Too many social and personal love interests could prove to be draining or burdensome. See if it isn't ur own fickleness and indecision that is the root cause of any disappointments with friendships.
Soul
True..When I focus only on the problem..I become indecisive...
Sadhguru - set larger goal in life...be able to walk in joy through hell
Jan 10 mor
Sadhguru
If u set a larger goal for urself than just eating, breathing, earning a living. U be successful in life if u know how to walk in joy through hell.
Soul
Exactly..all my Sevens..I walked through them.
For once...I am walking through Seven of Heart without bolting
For once,...I no longer see the rejection as a personal reflection of me..
Yesterday, wanted to check my Osho tarot card.
Was unwilling to check the relationship card cos I don't want to know. So I did the Flying cards but alas it didn't come out. And I know that means I got to check the Mirror cards on relationship
The Mirror card
My Body - Morality
Bodhidharma...far transcends moralists, puritans, so-called good people, do-gooders. He has touched the very rock bottom of the problem. Unless awareness arises in you, all your morality is bogus, all your culture is simply a thin layer which can be destroyed by anybody. Awareness cannot do anything that is bad. That is the ultimate beauty of awareness, that anything that comes out of it is simply beautiful, is simply right, and without any effort and without any practice. So rather than cutting the leaves and the branches, cut the root. And to cut the root there is no other method than a single method: the method of being alert, of being aware, of being conscious." Osho
Soul
Thats it...When I jump and declare..it was just being done.
When I msg him just now..it was just being done..
No thinking..no logic..
My Heart - Trust
"Don't waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of godliness, overflowing.
Now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord! And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets that the Knight of Water demands from us. There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death.
Soul
Well, I did jump.
Thats my heart..
My Mind - The Master
"Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea – and there is no experiment up to now that has found any center in the brain which corresponds to awareness. The whole work of meditation is to make you aware of all that is 'mind' and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now you can do and act on only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills you, gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty. But this is possible only if the master in you is awake. Right now the master is fast asleep. And the mind, the servant, is playing the role of master. And the servant is not even your servant; the servant is created by the outside world, it follows the outside world and its laws. Once your awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of your own destiny." Osho
Soul
I have got this card before.
But today I finally experience and understand its meaning,..
When I was resting after all my practices....there is some small chattering of tots..but behind the chattering there is a layer of silence...that resonates..
I see that I have the option to listen to the chattering in the mind or listen to the silence beyond the chattering..
So chattering was there but I am not with them,..
So just now..I tot of Y again..
Yea I love him and he doesn't love me..but we are still friends..we are not enemy.
Its true we have great chemistry...but that doesnt mean we are lover...
So why go on hiding mode? I know I may be stupid...but I know I be happy if we re connect again...
Thats why I message him...and of course confirmed got The Fool card.
Finally I got it..a master of my own destiny..instead of a slave to the society's ...
Sadhguru
If u set a larger goal for urself than just eating, breathing, earning a living. U be successful in life if u know how to walk in joy through hell.
Soul
Exactly..all my Sevens..I walked through them.
For once...I am walking through Seven of Heart without bolting
For once,...I no longer see the rejection as a personal reflection of me..
Yesterday, wanted to check my Osho tarot card.
Was unwilling to check the relationship card cos I don't want to know. So I did the Flying cards but alas it didn't come out. And I know that means I got to check the Mirror cards on relationship
The Mirror card
My Body - Morality
Bodhidharma...far transcends moralists, puritans, so-called good people, do-gooders. He has touched the very rock bottom of the problem. Unless awareness arises in you, all your morality is bogus, all your culture is simply a thin layer which can be destroyed by anybody. Awareness cannot do anything that is bad. That is the ultimate beauty of awareness, that anything that comes out of it is simply beautiful, is simply right, and without any effort and without any practice. So rather than cutting the leaves and the branches, cut the root. And to cut the root there is no other method than a single method: the method of being alert, of being aware, of being conscious." Osho
Soul
Thats it...When I jump and declare..it was just being done.
When I msg him just now..it was just being done..
No thinking..no logic..
My Heart - Trust
"Don't waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of godliness, overflowing.
Now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord! And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets that the Knight of Water demands from us. There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death.
Soul
Well, I did jump.
Thats my heart..
My Mind - The Master
"Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea – and there is no experiment up to now that has found any center in the brain which corresponds to awareness. The whole work of meditation is to make you aware of all that is 'mind' and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now you can do and act on only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills you, gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty. But this is possible only if the master in you is awake. Right now the master is fast asleep. And the mind, the servant, is playing the role of master. And the servant is not even your servant; the servant is created by the outside world, it follows the outside world and its laws. Once your awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of your own destiny." Osho
Soul
I have got this card before.
But today I finally experience and understand its meaning,..
When I was resting after all my practices....there is some small chattering of tots..but behind the chattering there is a layer of silence...that resonates..
I see that I have the option to listen to the chattering in the mind or listen to the silence beyond the chattering..
So chattering was there but I am not with them,..
So just now..I tot of Y again..
Yea I love him and he doesn't love me..but we are still friends..we are not enemy.
Its true we have great chemistry...but that doesnt mean we are lover...
So why go on hiding mode? I know I may be stupid...but I know I be happy if we re connect again...
Thats why I message him...and of course confirmed got The Fool card.
Finally I got it..a master of my own destiny..instead of a slave to the society's ...
Just continue being the Fool - go beyond all my Sevens
Jan 10
Woke up before 7 am...had a very good sleep.
Woke up having a smile on my face. Hear my nephews voices outside my room.
Suddenly said I love Y.
Falling in love is just like us falling into ourselves during meditation.
So instead of lamenting why I can fall in love...just like that..even when the circumstance is no conducive...Just be happy that I can..
I will be hurt..but I will be happy too...
Shower and start pratices.
Sang guru pooja and start to dance..
Breathing was not so great cos was coughing.
Shakti was intensive..can feel the build up of energy. Was momentarily lost in office tots during Kapala Bhakti 2nd and 3rd cycle...but came back. Towards the end just laughter and singing.
Shambavi was great.
Towards the end, it was so lovely sitting there..feeling cherished..I sat for quite a long while.
Everything is just perfect.
I can hear the tots in my mind..but I can also hear the silence behind the tots..
I just choose the silence...and suddenly the chattering tots in my mind no longer matters..
What matters is my contentment and joy.
Arriving at the mall..and still feeling cosy after the practices.
The tot of coffee that will drown this cosiness didn't sit well.
Have a cup of tea instead...
Tot of Y..and know our meet up today.
Check our email and saw that he didn't reply on my message.
Saw my 7thunder and got Three of Heart under Saturn.
Anyway...just msg cos he has offer the 'leave' yesterday and now its my turn. I know its stupid but we are friends no matter what.
He replied my message immediately.
Just now checked to Osho tarot card today...
The Fool
"A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. You deceive him, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you. Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn. His trust is tremendous; his trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it. Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense. Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you. Whatsoever experience comes to you, let it happen, and then go on dropping it. Go on cleaning your mind continuously; go on dying to the past so you remain in the present, here-now, as if just born, just a babe.
Moment to moment, and with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. He carries nothing more than his purity, innocence and trust, symbolized by the white rose in his hand. At this moment the Fool has the support of the universe to make this jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life. The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the "rightness" of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear "foolish" to others, or even to yourself, if you try to analyze them with the rational mind. But the "zero" place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
So true...
In my case..I have taken the Jump....and declared and he said nope..
Whats else to be afraid of...
After the bad experience with Z..which I survived and got to know myself better...nothing can hurt me anymore..
Sadhguru
For one who seeing this life as a stepping stone for a larger possibilities. If u r seeing this event of life as the goal itself, for him there is failure and success. If u seeing this life as a stepping stone. Either good or bad thing, u use it for ur well being. It doesn't matter what the hell matter with ur life. If u see this life as stepping stone, whether good or bad, u just see it as useful.
Soul
Yea..just have to go beyond all my Sevens...
I must be truly someone 'great' to be given so many Sevens...
My Soul must have chosen this karmic life for a reason.
Who am I to resist...
Suddenly tears come. I feel overwhelmed..
At long last...all Sevens no longer matters..
Woke up before 7 am...had a very good sleep.
Woke up having a smile on my face. Hear my nephews voices outside my room.
Suddenly said I love Y.
Falling in love is just like us falling into ourselves during meditation.
So instead of lamenting why I can fall in love...just like that..even when the circumstance is no conducive...Just be happy that I can..
I will be hurt..but I will be happy too...
Shower and start pratices.
Sang guru pooja and start to dance..
Breathing was not so great cos was coughing.
Shakti was intensive..can feel the build up of energy. Was momentarily lost in office tots during Kapala Bhakti 2nd and 3rd cycle...but came back. Towards the end just laughter and singing.
Shambavi was great.
Towards the end, it was so lovely sitting there..feeling cherished..I sat for quite a long while.
Everything is just perfect.
I can hear the tots in my mind..but I can also hear the silence behind the tots..
I just choose the silence...and suddenly the chattering tots in my mind no longer matters..
What matters is my contentment and joy.
Arriving at the mall..and still feeling cosy after the practices.
The tot of coffee that will drown this cosiness didn't sit well.
Have a cup of tea instead...
Tot of Y..and know our meet up today.
Check our email and saw that he didn't reply on my message.
Saw my 7thunder and got Three of Heart under Saturn.
Anyway...just msg cos he has offer the 'leave' yesterday and now its my turn. I know its stupid but we are friends no matter what.
He replied my message immediately.
Just now checked to Osho tarot card today...
The Fool
"A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. You deceive him, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you. Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn. His trust is tremendous; his trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it. Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense. Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you. Whatsoever experience comes to you, let it happen, and then go on dropping it. Go on cleaning your mind continuously; go on dying to the past so you remain in the present, here-now, as if just born, just a babe.
Moment to moment, and with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. He carries nothing more than his purity, innocence and trust, symbolized by the white rose in his hand. At this moment the Fool has the support of the universe to make this jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life. The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the "rightness" of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear "foolish" to others, or even to yourself, if you try to analyze them with the rational mind. But the "zero" place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
So true...
In my case..I have taken the Jump....and declared and he said nope..
Whats else to be afraid of...
After the bad experience with Z..which I survived and got to know myself better...nothing can hurt me anymore..
Sadhguru
For one who seeing this life as a stepping stone for a larger possibilities. If u r seeing this event of life as the goal itself, for him there is failure and success. If u seeing this life as a stepping stone. Either good or bad thing, u use it for ur well being. It doesn't matter what the hell matter with ur life. If u see this life as stepping stone, whether good or bad, u just see it as useful.
Soul
Yea..just have to go beyond all my Sevens...
I must be truly someone 'great' to be given so many Sevens...
My Soul must have chosen this karmic life for a reason.
Who am I to resist...
Suddenly tears come. I feel overwhelmed..
At long last...all Sevens no longer matters..
Lao Tzu - moment by moment
Jan 9 aft 1
Life love and laughter
Lao Tzu - I decide moment by moment.
Then one has to be very responsive. That's what responsibility is. Responsibility is not an obligation, responsibility is not a duty - it is a capacity to respond. A man who wants to know what life is has to be responsive.
Soul
Same msg as Sadhguru.
Just now my response to Y was on the moment. The old me would either act in defense and ignored or act by losing and go back to him.
The new me said yes and no. Yes, I remain as Y's friend but no on being the special friend.
Life love and laughter
Lao Tzu - I decide moment by moment.
Then one has to be very responsive. That's what responsibility is. Responsibility is not an obligation, responsibility is not a duty - it is a capacity to respond. A man who wants to know what life is has to be responsive.
Soul
Same msg as Sadhguru.
Just now my response to Y was on the moment. The old me would either act in defense and ignored or act by losing and go back to him.
The new me said yes and no. Yes, I remain as Y's friend but no on being the special friend.
Rebellesociety - acceptance of messiness by Patrick Linder
Jan 9 aft
Just deleted the message from Y. He needs me more than I need him. In this spiritual path I have walked since 1999.
I m sure in my value. I no longer want to be sideline. I no longer want a long distance relationship. I no longer want to wait for my partner to be ready.
I am ready and I want a partner that is ready too.
Rebellesociety
Beautiful mess by Patrick Linder
Whitman understood this – that life, art and emotion are inherently messy. This acceptance of messiness has been my turning point. I now embrace that I have a messy soul, mind and heart. They are filled with joy, and filled with defeat. They bounce between success and failure, tears of happiness and tears of sadness, earth-shaking love and underworld-shivering loneliness. Containing multitudes means not just embracing different facets of the good; it also means accepting the faults and failures.
The reason I could not do this before? I could not sit calmly in the mess. I never understood that beauty develops precisely because of, not despite, the fractures we experience.
Soul
Me now just sits in the mess.
I am no longer the child.
Rebellesociety
Beautiful mess by Patrick Linder
Mr. Whitman, thank you. I do indeed contain multitudes. I am living, moving, growing, evolving. I am constantly repainting my soul. Mr. Picasso, I have come to love my fractured beauty. The hurts and mistakes, joys and loves have made a unique pattern on my heart. I am learning to sit in the pain, luxuriate in the love. We all have stained glass souls, beautiful precisely because of that unique interplay of contradictory emotions, motives, loves and regrets.
Once I understood this, I was able to forgive myself. This does not mean that there is no pain. There is. There will be tears, there will be mistakes. And there will also be smiles and soul-laughter and love. That is how it works. There is no need to deny or tear out from myself the parts I have not liked in the past. You cannot do that anyway.
I have moved from Whitman to Picasso to, finally, Popeye: “I yam what I yam.”
I am the base materials for living a life of love. That starts with me. I have a new acceptance of my self, warts and wounds included. I am. I grow. I am growing.
My stained-glass, cubist soul contains multitudes and competing viewpoints and contradictions and it is messy. Painting your way through life always is. It is not just slapping on some color. Done properly, it is not as much covering up as it is repairing, adding to, and building upon what is underneath.
Soul
Suddenly I tot that's how I was with Z. I was afraid of losing him so I hang on being sideline. And in the end, truly sidelined.
Father I do miss Y but I miss more being a the main star. That's what I truly want. No longer settle for second or third best. Alas the door is opened.
Just deleted the message from Y. He needs me more than I need him. In this spiritual path I have walked since 1999.
I m sure in my value. I no longer want to be sideline. I no longer want a long distance relationship. I no longer want to wait for my partner to be ready.
I am ready and I want a partner that is ready too.
Rebellesociety
Beautiful mess by Patrick Linder
Whitman understood this – that life, art and emotion are inherently messy. This acceptance of messiness has been my turning point. I now embrace that I have a messy soul, mind and heart. They are filled with joy, and filled with defeat. They bounce between success and failure, tears of happiness and tears of sadness, earth-shaking love and underworld-shivering loneliness. Containing multitudes means not just embracing different facets of the good; it also means accepting the faults and failures.
The reason I could not do this before? I could not sit calmly in the mess. I never understood that beauty develops precisely because of, not despite, the fractures we experience.
Soul
Me now just sits in the mess.
I am no longer the child.
Rebellesociety
Beautiful mess by Patrick Linder
Mr. Whitman, thank you. I do indeed contain multitudes. I am living, moving, growing, evolving. I am constantly repainting my soul. Mr. Picasso, I have come to love my fractured beauty. The hurts and mistakes, joys and loves have made a unique pattern on my heart. I am learning to sit in the pain, luxuriate in the love. We all have stained glass souls, beautiful precisely because of that unique interplay of contradictory emotions, motives, loves and regrets.
Once I understood this, I was able to forgive myself. This does not mean that there is no pain. There is. There will be tears, there will be mistakes. And there will also be smiles and soul-laughter and love. That is how it works. There is no need to deny or tear out from myself the parts I have not liked in the past. You cannot do that anyway.
I have moved from Whitman to Picasso to, finally, Popeye: “I yam what I yam.”
I am the base materials for living a life of love. That starts with me. I have a new acceptance of my self, warts and wounds included. I am. I grow. I am growing.
My stained-glass, cubist soul contains multitudes and competing viewpoints and contradictions and it is messy. Painting your way through life always is. It is not just slapping on some color. Done properly, it is not as much covering up as it is repairing, adding to, and building upon what is underneath.
Soul
Suddenly I tot that's how I was with Z. I was afraid of losing him so I hang on being sideline. And in the end, truly sidelined.
Father I do miss Y but I miss more being a the main star. That's what I truly want. No longer settle for second or third best. Alas the door is opened.
I no longer want to be sidekick..in a relationship
Jan 9 mor
First thing got mail from Z's wife. At first not sure who was it. Later I see that it was her using Z's name as her last name.
Not a great start for the day. Still missing Y and got this on Z.
Father, there must be a reason for this. I truly don't know.
Just now received msg from Y. I didn't reply. I checked my Osho tarot. Then I just replied Thank you after 20 minutes.
I thank him cos he did restore my confidence that I m wanted.
But I no longer want to be sidekick. I want to be the main star. I want to be like Z's wife. She is the main star and she eligible to put her husband's surname.
Cried in the toilet. Eyes all red but feel better.
Me don't think I use my husband surname. Anyway. Thanks to Z's wife I reaffirmed my wish to be main star of romantic relationship. I deserved to be main.
First thing got mail from Z's wife. At first not sure who was it. Later I see that it was her using Z's name as her last name.
Not a great start for the day. Still missing Y and got this on Z.
Father, there must be a reason for this. I truly don't know.
Just now received msg from Y. I didn't reply. I checked my Osho tarot. Then I just replied Thank you after 20 minutes.
I thank him cos he did restore my confidence that I m wanted.
But I no longer want to be sidekick. I want to be the main star. I want to be like Z's wife. She is the main star and she eligible to put her husband's surname.
Cried in the toilet. Eyes all red but feel better.
Me don't think I use my husband surname. Anyway. Thanks to Z's wife I reaffirmed my wish to be main star of romantic relationship. I deserved to be main.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Osho - freedom needs insecurity and uncertainty
Jan 9
As I was driving back after a late night out, my cough returns. Could be the curry that I had for dinner. Or could be me suppressing my sadness and using sickness to numb it.
When I reach home, shower and light a candle around 11.20 am and just sit with my Shrine. Tears start to drop and I just cry. I was crying over Y. I talked to Linga. Help me.
I don't want to be sick. I will take the pain. No more numbing myself. All in all about 5 minutes. Later just sit quietly
Slept around 12 am and woke up around 4.30 am without alarm. Body is fine as if waking up in BSP hall. Must be the lighted candle and also energy from S who just got back from ashram. When I hugged her I felt the energy, I m stuck to her like a magnet. its overwhelming and tears came.
Sang guru pooja and did one cycle of Surya kriya. Breathing was okay. Shakti was great. There were little tots of anything. Very little tot of Y. Only tot of when we reconcile and become friends again. But there be no more lengthy whatsapp conversation that last for hour or two.
Shambavi was great. Towards the end just a lovely feeling of sweet contentment, a feeling of ease.
Tot of Y, we be good. Once I got over I be fine. I target to do so in another 2 weeks.
Towards the end cry a bit when I say prayer of thanks to Sadhguru. I affirm my wish and thanked Linga for my husband. I just prayed that my husband and I will go to Kailash.
Life Love and Laughter by Osho
A really rebellious person is one who is neither for society nor against society, who simply lived his life according to his own understanding. Whether it goes against or it goes with society is not a consideration, it is irrelevant.
He is not adamant, he is very humble. He says, "I may be wrong, but please allow me to be adobo according to myself. There is only way to learn. To commit mistakes is the only way to learn. To move according to one's own understanding is the only way to grow and become mature.
Soul
Well. I can be one.
Life Love and Laughter by Osho
Life is insecurity. Each movement is a new move into more and more insecurity. One never knows what is going to happen. And its beautiful that one never knows. If it were predictable, life would not be worth living. If everything were as u like to be and everything were certain, u would not be a man at all, u would be a machine.
Man lives in freedom. Freedom needs insecurity and uncertainty.
Lao Tzu. I m hesitant and I move alertly in life because I don't know what is going to happen. And I don't have any principle to follow. I have to decide every moment. I never decide beforehand. I have to decide when the moment comes.
Soul
This is opposite of being controlled.
As I was driving back after a late night out, my cough returns. Could be the curry that I had for dinner. Or could be me suppressing my sadness and using sickness to numb it.
When I reach home, shower and light a candle around 11.20 am and just sit with my Shrine. Tears start to drop and I just cry. I was crying over Y. I talked to Linga. Help me.
I don't want to be sick. I will take the pain. No more numbing myself. All in all about 5 minutes. Later just sit quietly
Slept around 12 am and woke up around 4.30 am without alarm. Body is fine as if waking up in BSP hall. Must be the lighted candle and also energy from S who just got back from ashram. When I hugged her I felt the energy, I m stuck to her like a magnet. its overwhelming and tears came.
Sang guru pooja and did one cycle of Surya kriya. Breathing was okay. Shakti was great. There were little tots of anything. Very little tot of Y. Only tot of when we reconcile and become friends again. But there be no more lengthy whatsapp conversation that last for hour or two.
Shambavi was great. Towards the end just a lovely feeling of sweet contentment, a feeling of ease.
Tot of Y, we be good. Once I got over I be fine. I target to do so in another 2 weeks.
Towards the end cry a bit when I say prayer of thanks to Sadhguru. I affirm my wish and thanked Linga for my husband. I just prayed that my husband and I will go to Kailash.
Life Love and Laughter by Osho
A really rebellious person is one who is neither for society nor against society, who simply lived his life according to his own understanding. Whether it goes against or it goes with society is not a consideration, it is irrelevant.
He is not adamant, he is very humble. He says, "I may be wrong, but please allow me to be adobo according to myself. There is only way to learn. To commit mistakes is the only way to learn. To move according to one's own understanding is the only way to grow and become mature.
Soul
Well. I can be one.
Life Love and Laughter by Osho
Life is insecurity. Each movement is a new move into more and more insecurity. One never knows what is going to happen. And its beautiful that one never knows. If it were predictable, life would not be worth living. If everything were as u like to be and everything were certain, u would not be a man at all, u would be a machine.
Man lives in freedom. Freedom needs insecurity and uncertainty.
Lao Tzu. I m hesitant and I move alertly in life because I don't know what is going to happen. And I don't have any principle to follow. I have to decide every moment. I never decide beforehand. I have to decide when the moment comes.
Soul
This is opposite of being controlled.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Jeff Foster - rest deeply, need not hurry
Jan 8 aft 2
Mmm, the fact I got a few journals today means I am disturbed la..
Or rather I don't want to feel sad...
Not sure if I am suppressing..probably.
Got this from FB
To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease and lightness.
This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad.
It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.
Soul
Like this..
Got this from Jeff Foster on Dec 29.
Now updating the blog and feel this is like Osho Travelling card..
From Jeff Foster
An Invitation To Rest Deeply.
Here’s some very good news.
Right here, right now, in this moment, you don’t have to ‘figure out’ the rest of your life, no matter what anyone says.
You don’t need all the answers. They will come, in time, or not, or perhaps the unnecessary questions will fall away.
There is no rush. Life is not in a hurry. Be like the seasons. Winter is not trying to become summer. Spring does not rush towards autumn. The grass grows at its own pace.
The choices that will be made will be made, and you’ve no choice about that. The decisions that will happen will happen, events will unfold, but right now perhaps you don’t need to know the solutions or the outcomes or how best to proceed.
Perhaps not knowing is a welcome guest at life’s banquet. Perhaps openness to possibility is a beloved friend. Perhaps even confusion can come to rest here.
And so, instead of trying to ‘fix’ our lives, instead of trying to neatly resolve the unresolveable and quickly complete the epic story of a fictitious ‘me’, we simply relax into utter not knowing, unravelling in the warm embrace of mystery, sinking deeply into the moment, savouring it fully, in all its uniqueness and wonder.
And then, perhaps without any effort, without any struggle or stress, without ‘you’ being involved at all, the true answers will emerge in their own sweet time.
Soul
Cough coming in and I said I don't want to be sick. I don't want to numb myself. I prefer to feel the pain.
Cried for a while in front of the shrine.
Feel better after the tears.
Mmm, the fact I got a few journals today means I am disturbed la..
Or rather I don't want to feel sad...
Not sure if I am suppressing..probably.
Got this from FB
To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease and lightness.
This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad.
It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.
Soul
Like this..
Got this from Jeff Foster on Dec 29.
Now updating the blog and feel this is like Osho Travelling card..
From Jeff Foster
An Invitation To Rest Deeply.
Here’s some very good news.
Right here, right now, in this moment, you don’t have to ‘figure out’ the rest of your life, no matter what anyone says.
You don’t need all the answers. They will come, in time, or not, or perhaps the unnecessary questions will fall away.
There is no rush. Life is not in a hurry. Be like the seasons. Winter is not trying to become summer. Spring does not rush towards autumn. The grass grows at its own pace.
The choices that will be made will be made, and you’ve no choice about that. The decisions that will happen will happen, events will unfold, but right now perhaps you don’t need to know the solutions or the outcomes or how best to proceed.
Perhaps not knowing is a welcome guest at life’s banquet. Perhaps openness to possibility is a beloved friend. Perhaps even confusion can come to rest here.
And so, instead of trying to ‘fix’ our lives, instead of trying to neatly resolve the unresolveable and quickly complete the epic story of a fictitious ‘me’, we simply relax into utter not knowing, unravelling in the warm embrace of mystery, sinking deeply into the moment, savouring it fully, in all its uniqueness and wonder.
And then, perhaps without any effort, without any struggle or stress, without ‘you’ being involved at all, the true answers will emerge in their own sweet time.
Soul
Cough coming in and I said I don't want to be sick. I don't want to numb myself. I prefer to feel the pain.
Cried for a while in front of the shrine.
Feel better after the tears.
Osho tarot - The Dream and Controlled
Jan 8 aft 1
Checking The Key card that I draw two weeks ago.
Yang
The Dream
"This has been said again and again, down through the ages. All the religious people have been saying this: "We come alone into this world, we go alone." All togetherness is illusory. The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone, and the aloneness hurts. We want to drown our aloneness in relationship. That's why we become so much involved in love. Try to see the point. Ordinarily you think you have fallen in love with a woman or with a man because she is beautiful, he is beautiful. That is not the truth. The truth is just the opposite: you have fallen in love because you cannot be alone. You were going to fall. You were going to avoid yourself somehow or other. And there are people who don't fall in love with women or men – then they fall in love with money.
Nobody, whether it's your current mate or some dreamed–of partner in the future, has any obligation to deliver your happiness on a platter – nor could they even if they wanted to. Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers towards us.
Meditation
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If you are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then you are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous – whatsoever happens, happens. You have no expectations for the future, you are not performing. Then why should you be nervous?
There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives we end up totally rigid. The figure is encased in the angles of pyramid shapes that surround him. Light glitters and glints off his shiny surfaces, but does not penetrate. It's as if he is almost mummified inside this structure he's built up around himself. His fists are clenched, and his stare is blank, almost blind. The lower part of his body beneath the table is a knife point, a cutting edge that divides and separates. His world is ordered and perfect, but it is not alive – he cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it. The image of the King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breath, loosen our neckties and take it easy. If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get a little out of hand, it's probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things."
Soul
I tot I was falling for Y...guess that its not true..
I was falling cos I want to fall and his values fits mine.
And maybe there is also a part of me that wants challenge..
Part of me feel sad..but then whats meant to be ...will happen.
Main thing is I fell I no longer hold on to my Control. I am ok to be open and vulnerable...
Pe always said I got no pride when it comes to romantic relationship..
Me..true maybe since I got no boundary.
Well, me setting one now...asking whether Y is going on same route or not...
Checking The Key card that I draw two weeks ago.
Yang
The Dream
"This has been said again and again, down through the ages. All the religious people have been saying this: "We come alone into this world, we go alone." All togetherness is illusory. The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone, and the aloneness hurts. We want to drown our aloneness in relationship. That's why we become so much involved in love. Try to see the point. Ordinarily you think you have fallen in love with a woman or with a man because she is beautiful, he is beautiful. That is not the truth. The truth is just the opposite: you have fallen in love because you cannot be alone. You were going to fall. You were going to avoid yourself somehow or other. And there are people who don't fall in love with women or men – then they fall in love with money.
Nobody, whether it's your current mate or some dreamed–of partner in the future, has any obligation to deliver your happiness on a platter – nor could they even if they wanted to. Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers towards us.
Meditation
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If you are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then you are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous – whatsoever happens, happens. You have no expectations for the future, you are not performing. Then why should you be nervous?
There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives we end up totally rigid. The figure is encased in the angles of pyramid shapes that surround him. Light glitters and glints off his shiny surfaces, but does not penetrate. It's as if he is almost mummified inside this structure he's built up around himself. His fists are clenched, and his stare is blank, almost blind. The lower part of his body beneath the table is a knife point, a cutting edge that divides and separates. His world is ordered and perfect, but it is not alive – he cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it. The image of the King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breath, loosen our neckties and take it easy. If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get a little out of hand, it's probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things."
Soul
I tot I was falling for Y...guess that its not true..
I was falling cos I want to fall and his values fits mine.
And maybe there is also a part of me that wants challenge..
Part of me feel sad..but then whats meant to be ...will happen.
Main thing is I fell I no longer hold on to my Control. I am ok to be open and vulnerable...
Pe always said I got no pride when it comes to romantic relationship..
Me..true maybe since I got no boundary.
Well, me setting one now...asking whether Y is going on same route or not...
Didn't die of embarrasment or sorrow from rejection
Jan 8 aft
This morning, checked Osho tarot, I draw the Guilt card. Feeling bit foolish.
Father, its nearly 6 hours since the conversation with Y.
Mostly ego is dented..feel a bit embarrased.
But towards lunch hour, after a good tiramisu, my mood recovers.
Tot of me and Y and I just smile.
The thing is I always know Y and I can be true friends.
I am not sure why...but I know I am fine with him.
And this morning our conversation actually ended quite well..
Only thing I was puzzled was why his message that it will be difficult for me that he is away in overseas.
If we are only friends, why would it be difficult...
And if we are only friends, why go through the trouble of sending me all the four pix and giving such a complex "no". I even asked him if he wanted me to move on and he said nope. All this points to he wanted us to stay on...
Not sure..but I deleted the whatsapp messages...not keen to dwell on it.
Did a relationship card on Tarot.
Bit puzzled on the cards.
1) Me - Travelling
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much.- journey is the key; not the goal.
Soul
I can relate to this..me moving on..
Like G said, Y is needed for the journey to let me go of Z.
2) Him - Abundance
In one hand he holds a lotus, showing that he respects and contains within himself the grace of the feminine. His exposed chest (an open heart) and relaxed belly show that he is at home with his masculinity as well, utterly self-contained. The four elements of earth, fire, water and sky all conjunct at the King of Rainbows who sits atop the book of the wisdom of life. For a man, this card represents a time of breaking through the conventional male stereotypes and allowing the fullness of the whole human being to shine forth.
Soul
Well, he was feeling great today.
3) Composite Energy
Beyond Illusion
The butterfly in this card represents the outer, that which is constantly moving and that which is not real but an illusion. Behind the butterfly is the face of consciousness, looking inward to that which is eternal. The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness. Through the rising of the inner sun, meditation is born. The card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on the external, we too often get caught up in judgments – this is good, this is bad, I want this, I don't want that. These judgments keep us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns. Drop your opinionated mind, and move inside. There, you can relax into your own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known
4) Insight
Sharing
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give. It doesn't even occur to her to take inventories or to put something aside for later. She dispenses her treasures without limits, welcoming all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and light that surrounds her. When you draw this card, it suggests that you too are in a situation where you have an opportunity to share your love, your joy and your laughter. And in sharing, you find that you feel even more full. There is no need to go anywhere or to make any special effort. You find that you can enjoy sensuality without possessiveness or attachment, can give birth to a child or to a new project with an equal sense of creativity fulfilled. Everything around you seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground yourself in it, and let the abundance in you and around you overflow
Soul
This is the card that I frequently draw with him.
And despite the disappointing news that we are not on; but I am still on with him.
I still like him...and I know we be great friends..camadarie...
I may be speaking from ego...but I am really good for him...he doesn't know it...
And we are great together..albeit he is totally oblivous...
Today I got Ten of Diamonds..
My Daily Card
The Ten of Diamonds
The Ten of Diamonds is a card of financial success and is considered to be the best money card to have in your yearly spread. Success in dealing with groups of people in some financial way is also indicated.
Essentially the Ten of Diamonds means a large sum of money and infatuation or obsession with money. It doesn't always mean that you will receive large sums of money. Sometimes it can merely mean a preoccupation with finances. However, when the Ten of Diamonds falls in Jupiter or as the year's Result Card, the chances are much greater that a huge financial gain is forthcoming.
Today is Mars Day.
Father, my values of myself is intact.
I am proud of myself.
And for once..I don't see that I am unlovable.
Infact I know I m lovable cos Y doesn't want to lose me as a friend...
Soul
This morning draw Osho tarot Guilt card.
And now draw Osho tarot Sorrow card.
Looks like sadness is inside...Go in...
This morning, checked Osho tarot, I draw the Guilt card. Feeling bit foolish.
Father, its nearly 6 hours since the conversation with Y.
Mostly ego is dented..feel a bit embarrased.
But towards lunch hour, after a good tiramisu, my mood recovers.
Tot of me and Y and I just smile.
The thing is I always know Y and I can be true friends.
I am not sure why...but I know I am fine with him.
And this morning our conversation actually ended quite well..
Only thing I was puzzled was why his message that it will be difficult for me that he is away in overseas.
If we are only friends, why would it be difficult...
And if we are only friends, why go through the trouble of sending me all the four pix and giving such a complex "no". I even asked him if he wanted me to move on and he said nope. All this points to he wanted us to stay on...
Not sure..but I deleted the whatsapp messages...not keen to dwell on it.
Did a relationship card on Tarot.
Bit puzzled on the cards.
1) Me - Travelling
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much.- journey is the key; not the goal.
Soul
I can relate to this..me moving on..
Like G said, Y is needed for the journey to let me go of Z.
2) Him - Abundance
In one hand he holds a lotus, showing that he respects and contains within himself the grace of the feminine. His exposed chest (an open heart) and relaxed belly show that he is at home with his masculinity as well, utterly self-contained. The four elements of earth, fire, water and sky all conjunct at the King of Rainbows who sits atop the book of the wisdom of life. For a man, this card represents a time of breaking through the conventional male stereotypes and allowing the fullness of the whole human being to shine forth.
Soul
Well, he was feeling great today.
3) Composite Energy
Beyond Illusion
The butterfly in this card represents the outer, that which is constantly moving and that which is not real but an illusion. Behind the butterfly is the face of consciousness, looking inward to that which is eternal. The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness. Through the rising of the inner sun, meditation is born. The card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on the external, we too often get caught up in judgments – this is good, this is bad, I want this, I don't want that. These judgments keep us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns. Drop your opinionated mind, and move inside. There, you can relax into your own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known
4) Insight
Sharing
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give. It doesn't even occur to her to take inventories or to put something aside for later. She dispenses her treasures without limits, welcoming all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and light that surrounds her. When you draw this card, it suggests that you too are in a situation where you have an opportunity to share your love, your joy and your laughter. And in sharing, you find that you feel even more full. There is no need to go anywhere or to make any special effort. You find that you can enjoy sensuality without possessiveness or attachment, can give birth to a child or to a new project with an equal sense of creativity fulfilled. Everything around you seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground yourself in it, and let the abundance in you and around you overflow
Soul
This is the card that I frequently draw with him.
And despite the disappointing news that we are not on; but I am still on with him.
I still like him...and I know we be great friends..camadarie...
I may be speaking from ego...but I am really good for him...he doesn't know it...
And we are great together..albeit he is totally oblivous...
Today I got Ten of Diamonds..
My Daily Card
The Ten of Diamonds
The Ten of Diamonds is a card of financial success and is considered to be the best money card to have in your yearly spread. Success in dealing with groups of people in some financial way is also indicated.
Essentially the Ten of Diamonds means a large sum of money and infatuation or obsession with money. It doesn't always mean that you will receive large sums of money. Sometimes it can merely mean a preoccupation with finances. However, when the Ten of Diamonds falls in Jupiter or as the year's Result Card, the chances are much greater that a huge financial gain is forthcoming.
Today is Mars Day.
Father, my values of myself is intact.
I am proud of myself.
And for once..I don't see that I am unlovable.
Infact I know I m lovable cos Y doesn't want to lose me as a friend...
Soul
This morning draw Osho tarot Guilt card.
And now draw Osho tarot Sorrow card.
Looks like sadness is inside...Go in...
Y said no to me...and I m going back to my shell
Jan 8
Woke up and something bothering me. Then I realised I didn't convey my tots to Y yesterday.
This is supposed to be my message to Y.
We just finally declared we both fallen for each other. And u suddenly got overseas posting
While I know we be okay cos we both are independent and loyal. I m feeling bit uncertain and want to knows your future plan for us.
That's why I was expecting your call so I know your tots.
Just messaged him. He said he doesn't understand my message.
He said he misunderstood him..he meant that we are spiritual partner..not partner
So sad, he apologised for making misinterpreting him.
Father, yea he is clinging to the past. The transformation card is for me. Glad I got this over with. At least this year I won't be sad over anyone in this new year.
Mmmm, focus on my goal. My husband and I are going to Kailash this year.
Sang guru pooja feels good. Did 5 cycle of Surya Kriya and towards the end laughing. Breathing was good. Shakti was good. I m able to focus despite the floating tots. After Shakti I was singing. Shambavi was good. Just now just sat in arashidharna in contented silence.
Looking at my Osho cards again.
1. Issue
Trust life
If u trust, only then u can drop ur knowledge, only then can u put ur mind aside. And with trust something immense opens up.
We just jump with hardly a tot for what happens next. The leap is the thing.
Soul
I did jump. I declared to Y that I fallen for him. He gave me complex message. He did it because he don't want to lose me as a friend. Even just now when I say goodbye he was reluctant to let go. I told him in future. Mmm, he too be off for overseas posting so he be gone la for next 6 months. By then I definitely be fine. All in all it took me 6 months to let go of Z. The 14 months was because I was waiting for him.
2. Internal influence that u are aware
Ordinariness
Sometimes it happens that u become one. Suddenly u forget ur split, ur schizophrenia; u relax.
U r facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations u encounter will bring better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or otherwise extraordinary. The special gift u have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.
Soul
Yday I declared. Today I clarify. Today I end with Y.
3. External influence
Letting Go
The innocent person is one who has renounced fighting; who is no longer interested in being higher.
To choose this card is a recognition that something is finished, something is completing. Whatever it is - a job, a relationship, a home u have loved.
It is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold one. Something greater is awaiting you; new dimensions are there to be discovered. U r past the point of no return. Go with it - it represent liberation.
Soul
Yesterday I tot is me letting go of my fear of vulnerability.
I did wonder the part rship but I ignored it. Looks like it is really true. Ending with Y romantically.
Finally able to ask the other party if the feeling is mutual instead of holding on.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Just like the tortoise, we carry our home with us wherever we go. There is no need to seek shelter elsewhere.
Even as we moved to the depths of the emotional waters, we can remain self-contained and free from attachments.
It is time when u are ready to let go of expectations u have had about yourself or other people and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying. There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who u are right now.
Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and u are able to welcome this development in a way u have never been able to before. Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognising that u are already at home.
Soul
Just now when Y wanted us to stay on as friend. I knew I couldn't and say no to him. I no longer want to nurture others without nurturing myself first.
5. Resolutions
Possibilities.
Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small. The smallness is ur own imposition upon ur freedom, upon ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlimited potential.
Because u have grown more loving towards yourself, more self contained, u can work easily with others.
Soul
Let's see. This morning I did think of Y lack of nurturing. I also tot of preferring a partner that has times for us. No longer want to have long distance partner.
Guess Y being off means I still can have hope for alternatives.
Woke up and something bothering me. Then I realised I didn't convey my tots to Y yesterday.
This is supposed to be my message to Y.
We just finally declared we both fallen for each other. And u suddenly got overseas posting
While I know we be okay cos we both are independent and loyal. I m feeling bit uncertain and want to knows your future plan for us.
That's why I was expecting your call so I know your tots.
Just messaged him. He said he doesn't understand my message.
He said he misunderstood him..he meant that we are spiritual partner..not partner
So sad, he apologised for making misinterpreting him.
Father, yea he is clinging to the past. The transformation card is for me. Glad I got this over with. At least this year I won't be sad over anyone in this new year.
Mmmm, focus on my goal. My husband and I are going to Kailash this year.
Sang guru pooja feels good. Did 5 cycle of Surya Kriya and towards the end laughing. Breathing was good. Shakti was good. I m able to focus despite the floating tots. After Shakti I was singing. Shambavi was good. Just now just sat in arashidharna in contented silence.
Looking at my Osho cards again.
1. Issue
Trust life
If u trust, only then u can drop ur knowledge, only then can u put ur mind aside. And with trust something immense opens up.
We just jump with hardly a tot for what happens next. The leap is the thing.
Soul
I did jump. I declared to Y that I fallen for him. He gave me complex message. He did it because he don't want to lose me as a friend. Even just now when I say goodbye he was reluctant to let go. I told him in future. Mmm, he too be off for overseas posting so he be gone la for next 6 months. By then I definitely be fine. All in all it took me 6 months to let go of Z. The 14 months was because I was waiting for him.
2. Internal influence that u are aware
Ordinariness
Sometimes it happens that u become one. Suddenly u forget ur split, ur schizophrenia; u relax.
U r facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations u encounter will bring better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or otherwise extraordinary. The special gift u have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.
Soul
Yday I declared. Today I clarify. Today I end with Y.
3. External influence
Letting Go
The innocent person is one who has renounced fighting; who is no longer interested in being higher.
To choose this card is a recognition that something is finished, something is completing. Whatever it is - a job, a relationship, a home u have loved.
It is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold one. Something greater is awaiting you; new dimensions are there to be discovered. U r past the point of no return. Go with it - it represent liberation.
Soul
Yesterday I tot is me letting go of my fear of vulnerability.
I did wonder the part rship but I ignored it. Looks like it is really true. Ending with Y romantically.
Finally able to ask the other party if the feeling is mutual instead of holding on.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Just like the tortoise, we carry our home with us wherever we go. There is no need to seek shelter elsewhere.
Even as we moved to the depths of the emotional waters, we can remain self-contained and free from attachments.
It is time when u are ready to let go of expectations u have had about yourself or other people and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying. There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who u are right now.
Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and u are able to welcome this development in a way u have never been able to before. Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognising that u are already at home.
Soul
Just now when Y wanted us to stay on as friend. I knew I couldn't and say no to him. I no longer want to nurture others without nurturing myself first.
5. Resolutions
Possibilities.
Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small. The smallness is ur own imposition upon ur freedom, upon ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlimited potential.
Because u have grown more loving towards yourself, more self contained, u can work easily with others.
Soul
Let's see. This morning I did think of Y lack of nurturing. I also tot of preferring a partner that has times for us. No longer want to have long distance partner.
Guess Y being off means I still can have hope for alternatives.
I thought there was hope for me and Y...
Jan 7 eve
Father, he responded..but gave me 4 pix..and the last one was a lotus flower with its mirror reflection in the pond..as if kissing..
He even joked with me..
I asked if he wanted me to move on..he says nope..
Then I truly tot we are on..
And later he informed me that he just received an oversea posting for a couple of months. He is worried about me not having him near.
He said he will chat with me later but till now no response.
Me getting bit nervous.
The mind saying remember Ra that quit his job and began new biz and decided to let go of us since we just started.
I counter and said Y is a different breed. He is truly with me otherwise would not even take the time to prepare to 4 pic to tell me he feels the same. And I have dissolved my Sevens.
Mmm, let things be la. To Y he already conveyed his decision to me. When his mood is okay then he will be loving and playful. But if he is busy, he will be silent. And when work is too much he will 'vent'.
Mmmm, I seems to continuously ignored his venting. Maybe becos I don't vent.
Pluto Two of Hearts really needed.
Pluto - Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
Soul
I will learn to validate others feeling as I too can validate myself.
Father, let this year be my goal in feeling communication.
Life, Love and Laughter by Osho
You cannot breathe in if u stop breathing out. U cannot live if u stop dying. The man who understood what his life is allows death to happen; he welcomes it. He dies each moment and each moment he is resurrected. He dies to the past each moment and he is born again and again into the future.
If u really want to live u have to be ready to die.
Ego is against both life and death. Ego is afraid to live because each effort, each step towards life, brings death closer.
Soul
Let me validate my feelings and others too. Mmm, suddenly it occurs to me why Y does not act differently after our mutual declaration. To him we are already together, so no change.
And here I tot we would be different. And hence disappointed unnecessarily.
Mmm, no wonder Slowing Down.
Life Love and Laughter
The ego is afraid to love because in love, life comes to a peak. Whenever there is a peak of life, there is also death.
Soul
True. When I declare I fall for Y, such anticipation. When I finally realised he too fallen for me, such exhilaration.
Then later feel anticlimax.
All ups comes down.
Guess Slowing Down card is the key especially since Y is busy these 2 days.
Life, Love and Laughter
In love, in trust, in prayer, whenever life becomes total, death is there. Without death, life cannot become total.
Soul
When I m knocked out, death to mind I m truly at bliss.
Love, life and Laughter
U change house. If u get to identified with one house then changing the house will be very painful. U will think that u are dying because the old house was what you were - that was ur identity.
But this doesn't happen, because u know that u are only changing the house, u remain the same. Those who looked within themselves, those who found who they are, come to know an eternal, non ending process.
Soul
I tot I would die if I lost meat. But I didn't.
I tot I die if I lose morning coffee and tea, but I didn't.
I tot I would die if I ever got a veg partner but I didn't.
Mmm, Y travel to overseas. Guess I have to follow la.
My boss told me last week that we may lose our main client. This would mean to down size. But lets see la. Just go with the flow.
Life love and laughter
Life is going away from the original source, death is coming back home. Death is not ugly, death is beautiful.
But death is only beautiful only for those who have lived their life unhindered, uninhibited, unsuppressed. Death is beautiful only for those who have lived their life beautifully, who have not been afraid to live, who have been courageous enough to live - who loved, who danced, who celebrated. Death become the ultimate celebration if ur life is a celebration.
If u have known anything of the transcendental in u, death will reveal to u the transcendental in the universe - then death is no longer a death but a meeting with God.
Soul
Exactly as what Sadhguru said.
Father, he responded..but gave me 4 pix..and the last one was a lotus flower with its mirror reflection in the pond..as if kissing..
He even joked with me..
I asked if he wanted me to move on..he says nope..
Then I truly tot we are on..
And later he informed me that he just received an oversea posting for a couple of months. He is worried about me not having him near.
He said he will chat with me later but till now no response.
Me getting bit nervous.
The mind saying remember Ra that quit his job and began new biz and decided to let go of us since we just started.
I counter and said Y is a different breed. He is truly with me otherwise would not even take the time to prepare to 4 pic to tell me he feels the same. And I have dissolved my Sevens.
Mmm, let things be la. To Y he already conveyed his decision to me. When his mood is okay then he will be loving and playful. But if he is busy, he will be silent. And when work is too much he will 'vent'.
Mmmm, I seems to continuously ignored his venting. Maybe becos I don't vent.
Pluto Two of Hearts really needed.
Pluto - Two of Hearts
A major goal for u this year will be to have a successful love relationship or friendship. For this reason, this is the year that u will have to make many changes within ur self in the name of love, friendship or romance.
Whether u are interested in the partner of ur dreams or just good, close friendships, u will have to take a different approach in ur life if u r to be successful in this area.
Love and intimacy requires compromise and cooperation, two of the keynotes for this card of the 'love union'
Ur intense desire for this closeness will cause u to confront some of the parts of urself that tend to keep this intimacy from u.
At times, this may seem very challenging or difficult, but it helps to keep in mind ur reasons for facing this situations - to have more intimacy in ur life.
Soul
I will learn to validate others feeling as I too can validate myself.
Father, let this year be my goal in feeling communication.
Life, Love and Laughter by Osho
You cannot breathe in if u stop breathing out. U cannot live if u stop dying. The man who understood what his life is allows death to happen; he welcomes it. He dies each moment and each moment he is resurrected. He dies to the past each moment and he is born again and again into the future.
If u really want to live u have to be ready to die.
Ego is against both life and death. Ego is afraid to live because each effort, each step towards life, brings death closer.
Soul
Let me validate my feelings and others too. Mmm, suddenly it occurs to me why Y does not act differently after our mutual declaration. To him we are already together, so no change.
And here I tot we would be different. And hence disappointed unnecessarily.
Mmm, no wonder Slowing Down.
Life Love and Laughter
The ego is afraid to love because in love, life comes to a peak. Whenever there is a peak of life, there is also death.
Soul
True. When I declare I fall for Y, such anticipation. When I finally realised he too fallen for me, such exhilaration.
Then later feel anticlimax.
All ups comes down.
Guess Slowing Down card is the key especially since Y is busy these 2 days.
Life, Love and Laughter
In love, in trust, in prayer, whenever life becomes total, death is there. Without death, life cannot become total.
Soul
When I m knocked out, death to mind I m truly at bliss.
Love, life and Laughter
U change house. If u get to identified with one house then changing the house will be very painful. U will think that u are dying because the old house was what you were - that was ur identity.
But this doesn't happen, because u know that u are only changing the house, u remain the same. Those who looked within themselves, those who found who they are, come to know an eternal, non ending process.
Soul
I tot I would die if I lost meat. But I didn't.
I tot I die if I lose morning coffee and tea, but I didn't.
I tot I would die if I ever got a veg partner but I didn't.
Mmm, Y travel to overseas. Guess I have to follow la.
My boss told me last week that we may lose our main client. This would mean to down size. But lets see la. Just go with the flow.
Life love and laughter
Life is going away from the original source, death is coming back home. Death is not ugly, death is beautiful.
But death is only beautiful only for those who have lived their life unhindered, uninhibited, unsuppressed. Death is beautiful only for those who have lived their life beautifully, who have not been afraid to live, who have been courageous enough to live - who loved, who danced, who celebrated. Death become the ultimate celebration if ur life is a celebration.
If u have known anything of the transcendental in u, death will reveal to u the transcendental in the universe - then death is no longer a death but a meeting with God.
Soul
Exactly as what Sadhguru said.
Osho tarot - Trust
Jan 7 aft 1
This week Osho tarot card.
1.The Issue
Trust
Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. And you are not deceived; there is nothing that can be taken away from you. That which can be taken away from you is not worth keeping, and that which cannot be taken away from you, why should one be afraid of its being taken away? – it cannot be taken away, there is no possibility. You cannot lose your real treasure." Osho
Now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord! And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets that the Knight of Water demands from us. There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death. And when we take trust to the level of the quantum leap, we don't make any elaborate plans or preparations. We don't say, "Okay, I trust that I know what to do now, and I'll settle my things and pack my suitcase and take it with me." No, we just jump, with hardly a thought for what happens next. The leap is the thing, and the thrill of it as we free-fall through the empty sky. The card gives a hint here, though, about what waits for us at the other end – a soft welcoming, yummy pink, rose petals, juicy...c'mon!
2. Internal influence that you are unaware
Ordinariness
"Sometimes it happens that you become one, in some rare moment. Watch the ocean, the tremendous wildness of it – and suddenly you forget your split, your schizophrenia; you relax.You fall together.You are facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extraordinary.
The special gift you have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.
3. External influence
Letting go
. The innocent person is one who has renounced fighting; who is no longer interested in being higher, who is no longer interested in performing, in proving that he is someone special; who has become like a roseflower or like a dewdrop on the lotus leaf; who has become part of this infinity; who has melted, merged and become one with the ocean and is just a wave; who has no idea of the 'I.' The disappearance of the 'I' is innocence. "
To choose this card is a recognition that something is finished, something is completing. Whatever it is – a job, a relationship, a home you have loved, anything that might have helped you to define who you are – it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on. Something greater is awaiting you; new dimensions are there to be discovered. You are past the point of no return now, and gravity is doing its work. Go with it – it represents liberation.
Soul
No longer interested to have pride..no longer afraid of rejection or etc. No longer need to be in control.
Suprisingly can now meet Z now..no more the past...
4. What is needed?
Slowing Down
The Knight of Rainbows is a reminder that, just like this tortoise, we carry our home with us wherever we go. There is no need to hurry, no need to seek shelter elsewhere. Even as we move into the depths of the emotional waters, we can remain self-contained and free from attachments. It is a time when you are ready to let go of any expectations you have had about yourself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying. There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who you are right now. If desires and hopes and dreams are fading away, so much the better. Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and you are able to welcome this development in a way you have never been able to before. Savor this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognizing that you are already at home.
Soul
Wah..finally Y and I are on.
But he be leaving soon for another country.
He is worried about me having difficulty with us being apart.
Well, I told him I can travel there..can stay one week a month.
Mmm..the old me would have taken this negatively especially since we just declare our love for each other.
But now..I just want to savour that our feelings are mutual.
5. Resolution - Understanding
Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small: small are their joys, small are their ecstasies, small are their silences, small is their being. But there is no need! This smallness is your own imposition upon your freedom, upon your unlimited possibilities, upon your unlimited potential." Osho
The eagle has an overview of all the possibilities contained in the landscape below, as he flies freely, naturally and effortlessly through the sky. He is really in his domain, very grand and self-contained. This card indicates that you are at a point where a world of possibilities is open to you. Because you have grown more loving towards yourself, more self-contained, you can work easily with others. Because you are relaxed and at ease, you can recognize possibilities as they present themselves, sometimes even before others can see them. Because you are in tune with your own nature, you understand that existence is providing you with exactly what you need. Enjoy the flight! And celebrate all the varied wonders of the landscape spread before you.
Soul
I know my next phase of life will change.
This week Osho tarot card.
1.The Issue
Trust
Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. And you are not deceived; there is nothing that can be taken away from you. That which can be taken away from you is not worth keeping, and that which cannot be taken away from you, why should one be afraid of its being taken away? – it cannot be taken away, there is no possibility. You cannot lose your real treasure." Osho
Now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord! And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets that the Knight of Water demands from us. There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death. And when we take trust to the level of the quantum leap, we don't make any elaborate plans or preparations. We don't say, "Okay, I trust that I know what to do now, and I'll settle my things and pack my suitcase and take it with me." No, we just jump, with hardly a thought for what happens next. The leap is the thing, and the thrill of it as we free-fall through the empty sky. The card gives a hint here, though, about what waits for us at the other end – a soft welcoming, yummy pink, rose petals, juicy...c'mon!
2. Internal influence that you are unaware
Ordinariness
"Sometimes it happens that you become one, in some rare moment. Watch the ocean, the tremendous wildness of it – and suddenly you forget your split, your schizophrenia; you relax.You fall together.You are facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extraordinary.
The special gift you have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.
3. External influence
Letting go
. The innocent person is one who has renounced fighting; who is no longer interested in being higher, who is no longer interested in performing, in proving that he is someone special; who has become like a roseflower or like a dewdrop on the lotus leaf; who has become part of this infinity; who has melted, merged and become one with the ocean and is just a wave; who has no idea of the 'I.' The disappearance of the 'I' is innocence. "
To choose this card is a recognition that something is finished, something is completing. Whatever it is – a job, a relationship, a home you have loved, anything that might have helped you to define who you are – it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on. Something greater is awaiting you; new dimensions are there to be discovered. You are past the point of no return now, and gravity is doing its work. Go with it – it represents liberation.
Soul
No longer interested to have pride..no longer afraid of rejection or etc. No longer need to be in control.
Suprisingly can now meet Z now..no more the past...
4. What is needed?
Slowing Down
The Knight of Rainbows is a reminder that, just like this tortoise, we carry our home with us wherever we go. There is no need to hurry, no need to seek shelter elsewhere. Even as we move into the depths of the emotional waters, we can remain self-contained and free from attachments. It is a time when you are ready to let go of any expectations you have had about yourself or other people, and to take responsibility for any illusions you might have been carrying. There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of who you are right now. If desires and hopes and dreams are fading away, so much the better. Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and you are able to welcome this development in a way you have never been able to before. Savor this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognizing that you are already at home.
Soul
Wah..finally Y and I are on.
But he be leaving soon for another country.
He is worried about me having difficulty with us being apart.
Well, I told him I can travel there..can stay one week a month.
Mmm..the old me would have taken this negatively especially since we just declare our love for each other.
But now..I just want to savour that our feelings are mutual.
5. Resolution - Understanding
Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small: small are their joys, small are their ecstasies, small are their silences, small is their being. But there is no need! This smallness is your own imposition upon your freedom, upon your unlimited possibilities, upon your unlimited potential." Osho
The eagle has an overview of all the possibilities contained in the landscape below, as he flies freely, naturally and effortlessly through the sky. He is really in his domain, very grand and self-contained. This card indicates that you are at a point where a world of possibilities is open to you. Because you have grown more loving towards yourself, more self-contained, you can work easily with others. Because you are relaxed and at ease, you can recognize possibilities as they present themselves, sometimes even before others can see them. Because you are in tune with your own nature, you understand that existence is providing you with exactly what you need. Enjoy the flight! And celebrate all the varied wonders of the landscape spread before you.
Soul
I know my next phase of life will change.
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