The Witch
Changes only happens when we go totally against everything we're used to doing.
Soul
I m used to doing generalist role, strategic n leadership. Didn't do reporting due to my VFM mode.
Then I was forced to do reporting, firstly by giving me very efficient boss who is major in reporting (Group CFO – Year 2003), then giving me very inefficent staff in the next company (Year 2004) and then give me inefficient staff coupled with massive reporting requirement (Year 2008).
All the events were to force me to do something I dislike n it is my weakness and going against my VFM mode.
Why do God wanted me to use my weakness, to do badly, to feel low value. I used to think is to make me suffer, to make me lose my arrogance and to make me humble, to make me compassionate. Alas, it is not so.
The Witch
The Teacher - I used the method of knitting badly / dancing badly for quite some time, until I managed to provoke the presence without artificial means, now that I knew it and was used to it.
And it must be said that I knitted much faster and better after that, just as Athena danced with much more soul n rhythm once she dared to break down those barriers.
Soul.
Father, yday I cried so much during meditation, begging the reporting to end. Begging that I need not have to work so hard, forever on my toe, forever have to prove myself.
Yoga kriya found me n I must slowly but surely learn to go into my bliss without yoga kriya.
I already know that I can access to my bliss in an energetic room. My room too is energetic.
Father, is been a long journey, in the end, d conclusion is Love. You love me enough to free me from my Limitation. I will only grow stronger. Facing my weaknesses will only made my strength stronger. Father, this book is so reflective of my own tots.
I think I am slowly getting the big picture on my journey. I know m on a spiritual track, a very fast paced one. All the past few years challenges was to break my limitation, break down my ego n not to make me suffer or rather definitely my ego was suffering and I was humbled.
Suddenly I felt there is a reason for my existence. It is not the job nor d suffering, is just a tool, a path in my spiritual journey. For the first time, I see my job as very small, just a tool in my path.
Afternoon
The Protector
Start doing what u want to do and everything will be revealed to you. Believe that God is the Mother and looks after her children and never let's anything bad happen to them.
When u grow tired of being what you are not, go and have fun and celebrate life, hammering metal into shape. In time, you will discover that it will give you more than pleasure, it will give you meaning.
Soul - still reading The Witch. Suddenly tot my job is not important, not my destiny. Tot of quitting and finding what I have already started. To be financially independent n jus explore n share the Universe.
What am I
I just know m a leader, am a Sharer, am a Communicator I am change agent.
What I like most is to change people or rather to help people find d Light within, like I did.
Now I knew why I was too scared of Isha. It is not just my fear of vegetarian food. Its because it may not be my path.
For now I use yoga kriya as a tool.
The Witch/The blacksmith
Divide time between biological research and working as a blacksmith apprentice. I was always tired but was much happier. One day I left my job and set up own blacksmith business, which went completely wrong from the start. Just when I was starting to believe in life, things got markedly worse. But I continued on as I know God is putting me through the fire of afflictions. It was so nearly impossible. But I prayed that God won't give up on me until I have taken on the shape that You wish for me. Do this by whatever means You think best, for as long as You like, but never ever throw me on the scrap heap of souls.
Soul - he followed his Destiny. He surrendered to it and when he suffered, he continues to pray for Faith. Father, am not sure if I am that strong. At the moment, I don't think of starting biz or anything but I just wan to explore whatever that is in my path, under Your Guidance. Suddenly tot of having a freelancer job, preferably don’t have to do accounting, just directing only, don’t mind having a pay cut. Wow, a great idea to explore.
The Witch/The Blacksmith
I too get scared, but it is at such moments that I discover a wisdom that is beyond me and I go forward.
The Witch/The teacher
I earn a lot of money working as GP in Edinburgh and even more money if I went to work in London but I prefer to make the most of life and to take the time out. I do what I like. I combine the healing processes of the ancients, the Arcane Tradition, with the most modern technique.
I am writing a paper on the subject and I hope to encourage others who will dare to take the steps which, deep down, they have always wanted to take.
I am careful to who I say these things to, because I might get dubbed a witch doctor and then many lives I could have saved would be lost.
Soul.
Father, my cries still goes on despite me having overcome the reporting and yesterday it was so clear. With risk, there is opportunity, may be can freelance in current company since we are downsizing.
Evening
Talk the idea with both Vic n Annie n both think is a good idea.
Now, my eagle is afraid saying that the FM wil replace me. Saying that I be out of job. Saying that I won't have money. Saying that Swan doesn't know what she want, jus wan a break.
Eagle, I know I don't know, but m jus like a child that jus has been released or rather know that there is a door n is not locked. But if u don't open the door n let me see what's out there, I will die. I am already dying and cannot take anymore.
Eagle, if we don't do this, when Swan finally breakdown n die, all of us will die together.
I too am afraid because I also don't know what Swan wants and whether we be able to do ok financially as Swan never keen in biz. By having this off time for 6 mths, we buy each other some time. We give open the door to let Swan fly first n get her rhythm, then perhaps we know what she want n then she will need u, eagle to execute the plan.
So, if Swan finally wan to stay, we can still have a door in the corporate - 6 mths till end Dec 09.
Evening
Did meditation. When started the Swan continue her cries n said she really don't know what she want, but she knows she want out, really need to go out. After the first session, no more tears.
Looks like our decision is correct. Eagle also quiet a bit.
I had the worst belching since I started meditation. This time, even the navel contract, throwing n pushing out air from deep within my stomach base n I also fart. I guess this is real releasing. Amen.
Also tot of isha n my cries when I tot I had to stay there. Now I know, for now Swan said that the place she doesn't wan also.
Midnite
Father, jus realised I went to Finland from April to June 1999 - 3 mths off n I recall d decision in Feb 99 after CNY. It was a real good sabbatical.
Now is Feb 2009, exactly 10 years.
Eagle, don't be scared. Let's take this breather n let Swan fly n see where she brings us cos like Swan we also not sure what we want, except for VFM mode. I really want to know where we are meant to go. U already know u r a natural leader/strategist but now we need Swan to guide us where we can be at ease, following our Destiny. U found ur Destiny as a Leader n now we let Swan be freed so she can slowly led us to the Path/Function/Role.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Value for Money mode
It has been a long journey. I hav arrived.
My friend said I always shift jobs. True, but I guess I changed jobs instead of changing partner.
The Witch/Teacher
It was no easy matter, constantly destroying and rebuilding ourselves.
It was difficult living as a human being and as a divinity. Moving from tension into relaxation and then into trance. From trance into a more intense contact. It is not easy because it requires unconditional love, which does not fear suffering, rejection, loss.
Soul - tot of my path, constant change except for family n friends.
This week Osho reading caught me by surprise;
1. The Issue - Inner Voice
Finding your truth within yourself, there is nothing more in this world existence to find.
Whenever u find too many voices seem to be pulling u, just to seek the silence within.
Soul - At first in my journey, I found d Darkness / Shadow n now alas via kriya, I found my Light / Joy. I feel so at ease. I am at bliss, a song unto myself.
Yea, this morning, I was bit confused n also slightly thrown out by another car at my place. I told myself, d guy will drive out before 9 am, don't have to agitate myself. Yea, jus centering within cos I have found my Self within. Just need to call it n I was settled.
2 Internal Influence that I am not aware - Existence
Existence needs u. Without u something will be missing in existence n nobody can replace it. That's what give you dignity.
Home is where an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance is being experienced.
Soul - yea, all the while looking at my job for my existence. And when I couldn't find it in the job, tot of looking for partner. The truth is I matter. While I know I am meant to lead, I still don't know what I am to lead. For now, just be a leader in my job.
I have experienced acceptance during kriya n now slowly wil bring it up without kriya.
I have received this Existence card a couple of times n for the first time I saw the phrase - I matter n I am needed n I don't have to justify my existence, no need to prove I am special in order to seek acceptance. I am Home. I have arrived. Previously, I basically dismissed it and saw the part of me taking in a breather – relaxing.
3 External Influence that you are aware - Celebration
Finally overcome reporting n able to create a more open relationship wit boss.
I am open and available to the many opportunities, even relocation to overseas, travel to Penang for Guru Pooja, to share by blogging.
4. Success.
The waves has peak n valley, both to be enjoyed as both will also pass thru life.
5. Travelling
Be open n receptive to new friends and experiences into our lives.
Evening
Soul
Was looking forward meeting my old friends this weekend. Thought of how I go about eliminating the restaurants, my elimination method decision making. Thought of my dear friend, whom I used to be in love with and how I took the rejection badly.
Suddenly, it occurred to me why I took the rejection badly. I have always been using VFM mode in my decision making of ‘elimination’, so when he rejected me, I thought it was because I am not valuable. Of cos, now I knew its because we are of different world, both age and religion. Mmmm, finally, I am able to see from another angle.
Actually, I am wondering, do other people operate on VFM mode in their decision making.
Is it just me who is always looking out for diamonds in anything that I am asked to decide on anything. I have always searching for the best VFM in everything and everyone. I find it very difficult to give anything less or rather to ask for anything less.
I thought of my boss and her high expectations, giving us unnecessary pressure.
Am I like that? Has my VFM mode in every circumstances makes my friends/family/staff difficult. Mmmm, my boss is turning into such a huge mirror for me. Will look at it more.
My friend said I always shift jobs. True, but I guess I changed jobs instead of changing partner.
The Witch/Teacher
It was no easy matter, constantly destroying and rebuilding ourselves.
It was difficult living as a human being and as a divinity. Moving from tension into relaxation and then into trance. From trance into a more intense contact. It is not easy because it requires unconditional love, which does not fear suffering, rejection, loss.
Soul - tot of my path, constant change except for family n friends.
This week Osho reading caught me by surprise;
1. The Issue - Inner Voice
Finding your truth within yourself, there is nothing more in this world existence to find.
Whenever u find too many voices seem to be pulling u, just to seek the silence within.
Soul - At first in my journey, I found d Darkness / Shadow n now alas via kriya, I found my Light / Joy. I feel so at ease. I am at bliss, a song unto myself.
Yea, this morning, I was bit confused n also slightly thrown out by another car at my place. I told myself, d guy will drive out before 9 am, don't have to agitate myself. Yea, jus centering within cos I have found my Self within. Just need to call it n I was settled.
2 Internal Influence that I am not aware - Existence
Existence needs u. Without u something will be missing in existence n nobody can replace it. That's what give you dignity.
Home is where an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance is being experienced.
Soul - yea, all the while looking at my job for my existence. And when I couldn't find it in the job, tot of looking for partner. The truth is I matter. While I know I am meant to lead, I still don't know what I am to lead. For now, just be a leader in my job.
I have experienced acceptance during kriya n now slowly wil bring it up without kriya.
I have received this Existence card a couple of times n for the first time I saw the phrase - I matter n I am needed n I don't have to justify my existence, no need to prove I am special in order to seek acceptance. I am Home. I have arrived. Previously, I basically dismissed it and saw the part of me taking in a breather – relaxing.
3 External Influence that you are aware - Celebration
Finally overcome reporting n able to create a more open relationship wit boss.
I am open and available to the many opportunities, even relocation to overseas, travel to Penang for Guru Pooja, to share by blogging.
4. Success.
The waves has peak n valley, both to be enjoyed as both will also pass thru life.
5. Travelling
Be open n receptive to new friends and experiences into our lives.
Evening
Soul
Was looking forward meeting my old friends this weekend. Thought of how I go about eliminating the restaurants, my elimination method decision making. Thought of my dear friend, whom I used to be in love with and how I took the rejection badly.
Suddenly, it occurred to me why I took the rejection badly. I have always been using VFM mode in my decision making of ‘elimination’, so when he rejected me, I thought it was because I am not valuable. Of cos, now I knew its because we are of different world, both age and religion. Mmmm, finally, I am able to see from another angle.
Actually, I am wondering, do other people operate on VFM mode in their decision making.
Is it just me who is always looking out for diamonds in anything that I am asked to decide on anything. I have always searching for the best VFM in everything and everyone. I find it very difficult to give anything less or rather to ask for anything less.
I thought of my boss and her high expectations, giving us unnecessary pressure.
Am I like that? Has my VFM mode in every circumstances makes my friends/family/staff difficult. Mmmm, my boss is turning into such a huge mirror for me. Will look at it more.
The Witch of Portobello
The Witch of Portobello
All creative human being, to a greater or lesser extent, have experienced of being possessed by God. Suddenly, we feel that our whole life is justified, our sins forgiven, and that love is is still the strongest force, one that can transform us forever.
But at the same time, we feel afraid. Surrendering completely to love, be it human or divine, means giving up everything, including our own well-being or our ability to make decisions. It means loving in the deepest sense of the word.
The truth is that we don't want to be saved in the way God has chosen, we want to keep absolute control over our every step, to be fully conscious of our decisions, to be capable of choosing the object of our devotion.
Only very strong souls allow themselves to be swept along
Soul - very true. I have encountered a few such moment, but always I pulled back cos am still afraid to let go n be who God meant to be me. I know m definitely not strong soul yet :)
Only thing is at least I now accept m a leader, not sure in which role. So for now, just lead wherever I am.
The Witch of Portobello
If I don't feel life growing inside me, I will never be able to accept life outside me.
Soul
I equate this is as going internal, finding my Self, n letting it grow so that it can face and grow wit life outside.
The Witch
A saint is someone who lives his or her life with dignity. All we have to do is to understand that we are all here for a reason and to commit ourselves to that. Then we can laugh at our sufferings, large and small, and walk fearlessly, aware that each step has meaning. We can let ourselves be guided by the light emanating from the Vertes.
Soul
Remind me of my path; knowing that suffering (death of ego) is blessing. Hence I walk with more willingness and g reduced too.
The witch
I prefer to accept my loneliness. If I accept it, rather than fight against it, things might change.
I noticed that loneliness gets stronger when we try to face it down, but gets weaker when we simply ignore it.
Dance till exhausted n then fell into a state of grace, of profound ecstasy. I want the ecstasy to last throughout the day and for it to help me what I lack; the love of a man. I can see the heart of that man when I am dancing but not his face. I sense that he is close by, which is why I need to remain alert. I need the dance in the morning so that I can spend the rest of the day paying attention to everything that's going on around me.
Soul
Tot of me at the end of meditation, feeling blissful n at times singing; love me tender, love me true, love me evermore.
That the Love I have. When I do my meditation in the morning, it get me aligned n guide me throughout the day.
The Witch / The Teacher
Ecstasy – is to stand outside yourself.
During any dance to which we surrender with joy, the brain loses its controlling power and the heart takes ups the reins of the body. Only at that moment, does the Vertes appear. As long as we believe in it
Soul - I equate the dance to the Shiva dance we did during BSP. I also tot is like the meditation I do with joy on daily basis. Once I did the locking, my closed eyes would see a vortex a black thick circle n then slowly replaced by orange light, then a bliss settle over me.
The Witch
The rapid movement in dance allows me to get in touch with my Vertex. But now I am being forced to do the most difficult thing in the world - slowing down. Why is patience so important.
If your Soul could communicate with your brain, you would be able to change even more things.
The Witch/Calligrapher
There are 2 kinds of letter. The first is precise but lacks soul. In this case, although the calligrapher may have mastered the technique, he has focused solely on the craft, which is why it hasn't evolved, but become repetitive; he hasn't grown at all and one day he'll give up the practice of writing because he feels it is mere routine.
The second kind is done with great technique but with soul as well. For that to happen, the intention of the writer must be in harmony with the word.
Soul - Tot of me in meditation. I went in without any knowledge of possible outcome n was initiated unknowingly. However, I know Sadhguru is giving me an alternative - energy. So, I do it with abandon n the outcome is amazing.
The Witch/Calligrapher
You know the effort it took to sit in the correct position, to quieten your soul, keep your intentions clear and respect each letter of each word. Meanwhile keep practising. After a great deal of practise, we no longer think of all the necessary movements we must make; they become part of your existence.
Before reaching that stage, however, you must practise and repeat. And if that is not enough, you must practise and repeat so more.
Soul - same advice given by Sadhguru on yoga kriya. For the first 48 days, must do twice a day n thereafter once a day for 6 mths.
Honestly, I was consistent for 4 mths n of late after CNY has lagged but m back in force after listening to Marianne Williamson of getting ourself aligned instead of always asking for miracle of forgiveness. So, I continue in the morning n now in d evening, especially Friday, at times I don't do.
The Witch/Calligrapher.
Repetition - seems the same but it is always different. The moment will come when u no longer need to think about what you are doing. You become the letter, the ink, the paper, the world
Soul - mmm, definitely not there yet but each meditation experience is unique n seems is what required for the day.
The Witch/Teacher
We are surrounded by Universal Desire. It is not happiness; its desire. And desires are never satisfied, because once they are, they cease to be desires.
You are alive. This moment is the only point in your universe. Let go of the idea that the path will lead you to your goal.
The truth is that with each step we take, we arrive.
I have arrived (repeat every morning)
That way you will find it much easier to stay in touch with each second of your day
Soul - that's a good idea. A big part of me still thinking of the future. Just look at now at my current company is what I have.
The Witch/Teacher
Faith is not desire.
Faith is Will.
Desires are things that need to be satisfied whereas Will is a force
Will changes the space around us, as you did with your work.
But for that you also need Desire.
Instead of trying to prove that you are better than you think, just laugh. Laugh at ur worries and insecurities. View your anxieties with humour. It will be difficult at first, but gradually get used to it.
Soul - I told myself not take my issues so seriously. Don't think everything is personal.
All creative human being, to a greater or lesser extent, have experienced of being possessed by God. Suddenly, we feel that our whole life is justified, our sins forgiven, and that love is is still the strongest force, one that can transform us forever.
But at the same time, we feel afraid. Surrendering completely to love, be it human or divine, means giving up everything, including our own well-being or our ability to make decisions. It means loving in the deepest sense of the word.
The truth is that we don't want to be saved in the way God has chosen, we want to keep absolute control over our every step, to be fully conscious of our decisions, to be capable of choosing the object of our devotion.
Only very strong souls allow themselves to be swept along
Soul - very true. I have encountered a few such moment, but always I pulled back cos am still afraid to let go n be who God meant to be me. I know m definitely not strong soul yet :)
Only thing is at least I now accept m a leader, not sure in which role. So for now, just lead wherever I am.
The Witch of Portobello
If I don't feel life growing inside me, I will never be able to accept life outside me.
Soul
I equate this is as going internal, finding my Self, n letting it grow so that it can face and grow wit life outside.
The Witch
A saint is someone who lives his or her life with dignity. All we have to do is to understand that we are all here for a reason and to commit ourselves to that. Then we can laugh at our sufferings, large and small, and walk fearlessly, aware that each step has meaning. We can let ourselves be guided by the light emanating from the Vertes.
Soul
Remind me of my path; knowing that suffering (death of ego) is blessing. Hence I walk with more willingness and g reduced too.
The witch
I prefer to accept my loneliness. If I accept it, rather than fight against it, things might change.
I noticed that loneliness gets stronger when we try to face it down, but gets weaker when we simply ignore it.
Dance till exhausted n then fell into a state of grace, of profound ecstasy. I want the ecstasy to last throughout the day and for it to help me what I lack; the love of a man. I can see the heart of that man when I am dancing but not his face. I sense that he is close by, which is why I need to remain alert. I need the dance in the morning so that I can spend the rest of the day paying attention to everything that's going on around me.
Soul
Tot of me at the end of meditation, feeling blissful n at times singing; love me tender, love me true, love me evermore.
That the Love I have. When I do my meditation in the morning, it get me aligned n guide me throughout the day.
The Witch / The Teacher
Ecstasy – is to stand outside yourself.
During any dance to which we surrender with joy, the brain loses its controlling power and the heart takes ups the reins of the body. Only at that moment, does the Vertes appear. As long as we believe in it
Soul - I equate the dance to the Shiva dance we did during BSP. I also tot is like the meditation I do with joy on daily basis. Once I did the locking, my closed eyes would see a vortex a black thick circle n then slowly replaced by orange light, then a bliss settle over me.
The Witch
The rapid movement in dance allows me to get in touch with my Vertex. But now I am being forced to do the most difficult thing in the world - slowing down. Why is patience so important.
If your Soul could communicate with your brain, you would be able to change even more things.
The Witch/Calligrapher
There are 2 kinds of letter. The first is precise but lacks soul. In this case, although the calligrapher may have mastered the technique, he has focused solely on the craft, which is why it hasn't evolved, but become repetitive; he hasn't grown at all and one day he'll give up the practice of writing because he feels it is mere routine.
The second kind is done with great technique but with soul as well. For that to happen, the intention of the writer must be in harmony with the word.
Soul - Tot of me in meditation. I went in without any knowledge of possible outcome n was initiated unknowingly. However, I know Sadhguru is giving me an alternative - energy. So, I do it with abandon n the outcome is amazing.
The Witch/Calligrapher
You know the effort it took to sit in the correct position, to quieten your soul, keep your intentions clear and respect each letter of each word. Meanwhile keep practising. After a great deal of practise, we no longer think of all the necessary movements we must make; they become part of your existence.
Before reaching that stage, however, you must practise and repeat. And if that is not enough, you must practise and repeat so more.
Soul - same advice given by Sadhguru on yoga kriya. For the first 48 days, must do twice a day n thereafter once a day for 6 mths.
Honestly, I was consistent for 4 mths n of late after CNY has lagged but m back in force after listening to Marianne Williamson of getting ourself aligned instead of always asking for miracle of forgiveness. So, I continue in the morning n now in d evening, especially Friday, at times I don't do.
The Witch/Calligrapher.
Repetition - seems the same but it is always different. The moment will come when u no longer need to think about what you are doing. You become the letter, the ink, the paper, the world
Soul - mmm, definitely not there yet but each meditation experience is unique n seems is what required for the day.
The Witch/Teacher
We are surrounded by Universal Desire. It is not happiness; its desire. And desires are never satisfied, because once they are, they cease to be desires.
You are alive. This moment is the only point in your universe. Let go of the idea that the path will lead you to your goal.
The truth is that with each step we take, we arrive.
I have arrived (repeat every morning)
That way you will find it much easier to stay in touch with each second of your day
Soul - that's a good idea. A big part of me still thinking of the future. Just look at now at my current company is what I have.
The Witch/Teacher
Faith is not desire.
Faith is Will.
Desires are things that need to be satisfied whereas Will is a force
Will changes the space around us, as you did with your work.
But for that you also need Desire.
Instead of trying to prove that you are better than you think, just laugh. Laugh at ur worries and insecurities. View your anxieties with humour. It will be difficult at first, but gradually get used to it.
Soul - I told myself not take my issues so seriously. Don't think everything is personal.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Path to my Destiny
Father, thank you for bringing me isha.
Yesterday evening meditation, I cried a bit, and tot of why my long time friend recommended me to the current company and led me to this suffering, but then of course if I don't come, I won't find kriya and if I don't find, forever holding back my swan n fighting over my destiny.
Osho reading for the week
Flowering
The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds and as the wind blows, the seeds will be scattered where they may. The Queen of Rainbows is not concerned where they land, she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love.
Soul - yea, have finally started d blog, a platform of expression. Have always been amazed by d wonders of God n been wanting to share. So, the blog is a good platform. Someday, someone who needed the seeds will be guided to the bloga. For now, my role is spreading and for me is a release. So, this is a good deal for both of us.
Transformation
It comes like death in its own time. And like death, it takes you from one dimension into another.
Soul - Alas I am finally free of d guilt of why I attracted challenging situation and also if I had been d cause. The truth is I am a leader n my destiny is to be in places where leadership is required. All d while there has been an internal fight between d eagle n swan n hence d conflicts.
Also my VFM mode, is good but need to be applied selectively instead on auto mode.
Before transformation, there is a deep let go, let be and just accept what is. Before transformation, pain, sorrow or difficulty will be there.
Eagle - leader
Swan - food n time off for relaxation.
All d while, eagle took charge n not aware that swan's needs are not met. For swan, since needs are not meant, she sits there festering victim mode.
The truth is a leader in a good environment will have both leadership n time off.
I know m a leader n now to find d red strategy.
Thunderbolt
The card show earthquakes n woman has to leaped n her sense of security is being challenged n hence she is feeling shaky
After the fire, the earth is replenished, after the storm, the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say YES to the process by meeting it halfway
Soul - when I first read d card on Monday, I jus saw the earthquake. Was thinking of overall recession n tot of a small client. So, knew I was bit shaky but comfort myself cause I be last to go.
Little did I know that our biggest client wanting to cut a huge fee. I got the info on Wed. so, this is definitely earthquake now.
On Wed meditation, I remember I cried loads n later got idea on strategy n see this as an opportunity to revamp.
On Thursday I told Mgm n they think that is the process.
Then my colleague said that there is a possibility of losing the client and this a real major earthquake but then it would do a total downsizing from big to small n we start again.
I m fine. I am leader n I accept that I will attract to situations whereby leadership is required. With this possibility of major earthquake, that means m truly ready to be a true leader.
Amen.
My swan, I wil always listen to u, u r my heart n help me to keep my eagle in check. I need u both.
Yesterday evening meditation, I cried a bit, and tot of why my long time friend recommended me to the current company and led me to this suffering, but then of course if I don't come, I won't find kriya and if I don't find, forever holding back my swan n fighting over my destiny.
Osho reading for the week
Flowering
The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds and as the wind blows, the seeds will be scattered where they may. The Queen of Rainbows is not concerned where they land, she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love.
Soul - yea, have finally started d blog, a platform of expression. Have always been amazed by d wonders of God n been wanting to share. So, the blog is a good platform. Someday, someone who needed the seeds will be guided to the bloga. For now, my role is spreading and for me is a release. So, this is a good deal for both of us.
Transformation
It comes like death in its own time. And like death, it takes you from one dimension into another.
Soul - Alas I am finally free of d guilt of why I attracted challenging situation and also if I had been d cause. The truth is I am a leader n my destiny is to be in places where leadership is required. All d while there has been an internal fight between d eagle n swan n hence d conflicts.
Also my VFM mode, is good but need to be applied selectively instead on auto mode.
Before transformation, there is a deep let go, let be and just accept what is. Before transformation, pain, sorrow or difficulty will be there.
Eagle - leader
Swan - food n time off for relaxation.
All d while, eagle took charge n not aware that swan's needs are not met. For swan, since needs are not meant, she sits there festering victim mode.
The truth is a leader in a good environment will have both leadership n time off.
I know m a leader n now to find d red strategy.
Thunderbolt
The card show earthquakes n woman has to leaped n her sense of security is being challenged n hence she is feeling shaky
After the fire, the earth is replenished, after the storm, the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say YES to the process by meeting it halfway
Soul - when I first read d card on Monday, I jus saw the earthquake. Was thinking of overall recession n tot of a small client. So, knew I was bit shaky but comfort myself cause I be last to go.
Little did I know that our biggest client wanting to cut a huge fee. I got the info on Wed. so, this is definitely earthquake now.
On Wed meditation, I remember I cried loads n later got idea on strategy n see this as an opportunity to revamp.
On Thursday I told Mgm n they think that is the process.
Then my colleague said that there is a possibility of losing the client and this a real major earthquake but then it would do a total downsizing from big to small n we start again.
I m fine. I am leader n I accept that I will attract to situations whereby leadership is required. With this possibility of major earthquake, that means m truly ready to be a true leader.
Amen.
My swan, I wil always listen to u, u r my heart n help me to keep my eagle in check. I need u both.
My destiny
Father, thank u for being with me. For sending yoga kriya to me.
This mornin woke up worried n mind was operating overtime on strategy. I jus let it be n d ending was great. I had a great calming time wit stomach sucked in. It wasn't me.
Father, yea I told my fellow kriya, there is no obvious sympthon like others. Perhaps I was already balanced per se. My sympthon is more subtle - catching mosquito, not irritable when losing money, not affected when request r denied, not so affected wit the current turmoil. Not so fearful if losing job or cut pay. Not so affected on no follow up on overseas posting job, as possible wit downturn, headcount will be most likely frozen, especially for new position
Alchemist
No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. Normally he doesn't know it. Be aware of the place where you are brought to tears. That's where I am and that's where your treasure is.
Soul - I think this is equivalent to my experience that suffering is blessing. Is only when u perceive u r suffering, that tears will come. When tears come, means Heart has flowered. Where heart has flowered then we will find our destiny.
I have never cried so much in my life. Thru isha yoga, my heart has opened n now started to flower. The tears are more n d laughter is much deeper. As much as I can cry, is as much I will laugh. I have definitely expanded in this couple of months.
Alchemist
The boy arrived at the pyramid n couldn't find any treasure. Instead encounter bandits who robbed n beat him. As the bandit was leaving, he told the boy of his own recurrent dream of treasure in Spain but he wasn't so stupid to travel across desert to find it.
Soul - Sometimes we were guided to a place which we hope would give us something good or could finally realise our destiny, but when we reach n stayed there, our hope are shattered. But unknowingly, there are other blessings which we didn't wish for but is meant for us.
So if we didn't even try n went to d new place, we never would be even on our destiny path.
Me, when I joined d current company, I had hope of being part of mgm team n able to support ceo in all operation. When m here, my hope was shattered n I become miserable cos my main role was reporting and I had a ceo who had a bullying mode.
Then my colleague intro me to meditation n led me to an amazing path of yoga kriya.
I have shy away from meditation for many years believing that my mind was too active for meditation and I can't sit so long in one place. But in 2008, I finally realised that my mind is shitty and cannot be depended on and I need something to overcome its constant need to push me to excel. Then I tot of meditation n coincidentally yoga kriya came and is truly a blessing. It has calmed my mind somewhat n also led to better physical coordination. I think by calming d mind, it freed up space to allow physical coordination.
Evening
Did my meditation and was laughing for so long. Didn't expect it
I know now my destiny is being a Leader. That's is why I am being guided or attracted to a situation whereby I will have lead, involuntarily and when I didn’t do it, it is by ‘force’, like the situation now.
I used to resist leading at higher level and just want to maintain in the mid level but alas now I accept my destiny, being a leader. I am a Queen.
Alas I am no longer feeling guilty that I m always in such challenging situation. I didn't cause it. The challenging situations call to me cos I am a hidden Leader. A leader who was unwilling. Well, I accept my destiny.
This mornin woke up worried n mind was operating overtime on strategy. I jus let it be n d ending was great. I had a great calming time wit stomach sucked in. It wasn't me.
Father, yea I told my fellow kriya, there is no obvious sympthon like others. Perhaps I was already balanced per se. My sympthon is more subtle - catching mosquito, not irritable when losing money, not affected when request r denied, not so affected wit the current turmoil. Not so fearful if losing job or cut pay. Not so affected on no follow up on overseas posting job, as possible wit downturn, headcount will be most likely frozen, especially for new position
Alchemist
No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. Normally he doesn't know it. Be aware of the place where you are brought to tears. That's where I am and that's where your treasure is.
Soul - I think this is equivalent to my experience that suffering is blessing. Is only when u perceive u r suffering, that tears will come. When tears come, means Heart has flowered. Where heart has flowered then we will find our destiny.
I have never cried so much in my life. Thru isha yoga, my heart has opened n now started to flower. The tears are more n d laughter is much deeper. As much as I can cry, is as much I will laugh. I have definitely expanded in this couple of months.
Alchemist
The boy arrived at the pyramid n couldn't find any treasure. Instead encounter bandits who robbed n beat him. As the bandit was leaving, he told the boy of his own recurrent dream of treasure in Spain but he wasn't so stupid to travel across desert to find it.
Soul - Sometimes we were guided to a place which we hope would give us something good or could finally realise our destiny, but when we reach n stayed there, our hope are shattered. But unknowingly, there are other blessings which we didn't wish for but is meant for us.
So if we didn't even try n went to d new place, we never would be even on our destiny path.
Me, when I joined d current company, I had hope of being part of mgm team n able to support ceo in all operation. When m here, my hope was shattered n I become miserable cos my main role was reporting and I had a ceo who had a bullying mode.
Then my colleague intro me to meditation n led me to an amazing path of yoga kriya.
I have shy away from meditation for many years believing that my mind was too active for meditation and I can't sit so long in one place. But in 2008, I finally realised that my mind is shitty and cannot be depended on and I need something to overcome its constant need to push me to excel. Then I tot of meditation n coincidentally yoga kriya came and is truly a blessing. It has calmed my mind somewhat n also led to better physical coordination. I think by calming d mind, it freed up space to allow physical coordination.
Evening
Did my meditation and was laughing for so long. Didn't expect it
I know now my destiny is being a Leader. That's is why I am being guided or attracted to a situation whereby I will have lead, involuntarily and when I didn’t do it, it is by ‘force’, like the situation now.
I used to resist leading at higher level and just want to maintain in the mid level but alas now I accept my destiny, being a leader. I am a Queen.
Alas I am no longer feeling guilty that I m always in such challenging situation. I didn't cause it. The challenging situations call to me cos I am a hidden Leader. A leader who was unwilling. Well, I accept my destiny.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Beginner's luck followed by severe lessons
Alchemist
What u still need to know is this; before a dream is realised, the Soul of the World test everything that was learned along the way.
It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realising our dreams, master the lessons we have learned as we move toward that dream.
That's the point where most people gives up. Its the point at which, as one say one 'dies of thirst' just when the palm tree appeared in the horizon'
Every search begins with beginners luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested.
'The darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.
Soul - are u asking me to hold on? My heart is afraid of further challenges.
Father, beginners luck followed by severe lessons is definitely my life situations for the past 21 years. This really comforts me. While is true I was having it good in d beginning n now severely tested, but it is not becos I was pampered/spoilt n now having to pay penance like what good friend says. I guess part of me have inner guilt and have felt God was punishing me to be more humble. Alas, another perspective of looking at my life situation.
Not sure where this will lead me. For now, do my kriya, let my heart come out, and hopefully alas I can be friends with my heart.
Alchemist
Once the heart settled down, heart will no longer wanted to know past or future n is contented in the present. The boy and its heart have become friends and neither was capable now of betraying the others.
Soul - yea, all these years, my heart has no say at all. It is always been me n my mind. I have betrayed her and when I finally let her come out, she betrayed me too, tit for tat. My heart is now very emotional, grieving for past betrayal n heart. While my mind is still strong, but we stay put on execution n will hear our heart.
Man's hearts of those who are trying to realise their destinies will help n support the man. For the rest, seldom. But they do help drunkards, children n elderly
Soul - now I know why I distrusted my heart. But then I betrayed her first by not following my destiny (whatever it may be).
What is Alchemy
It is about penetrating to the Soul of the World and discover the treasure that has been reserved for you.
Soul - for now I am cleansing n aligning myself to Universe.
Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.
If a person is living out his destiny, he know everything he needs to know. There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve : the fear of failure.
What if I die or suffer.
Then u wil die in the midst of trying to realise ur destiny. That's a lot better than dying like millions of other people, who never even knew what their destinies are
What u still need to know is this; before a dream is realised, the Soul of the World test everything that was learned along the way.
It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realising our dreams, master the lessons we have learned as we move toward that dream.
That's the point where most people gives up. Its the point at which, as one say one 'dies of thirst' just when the palm tree appeared in the horizon'
Every search begins with beginners luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested.
'The darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.
Soul - are u asking me to hold on? My heart is afraid of further challenges.
Father, beginners luck followed by severe lessons is definitely my life situations for the past 21 years. This really comforts me. While is true I was having it good in d beginning n now severely tested, but it is not becos I was pampered/spoilt n now having to pay penance like what good friend says. I guess part of me have inner guilt and have felt God was punishing me to be more humble. Alas, another perspective of looking at my life situation.
Not sure where this will lead me. For now, do my kriya, let my heart come out, and hopefully alas I can be friends with my heart.
Alchemist
Once the heart settled down, heart will no longer wanted to know past or future n is contented in the present. The boy and its heart have become friends and neither was capable now of betraying the others.
Soul - yea, all these years, my heart has no say at all. It is always been me n my mind. I have betrayed her and when I finally let her come out, she betrayed me too, tit for tat. My heart is now very emotional, grieving for past betrayal n heart. While my mind is still strong, but we stay put on execution n will hear our heart.
Man's hearts of those who are trying to realise their destinies will help n support the man. For the rest, seldom. But they do help drunkards, children n elderly
Soul - now I know why I distrusted my heart. But then I betrayed her first by not following my destiny (whatever it may be).
What is Alchemy
It is about penetrating to the Soul of the World and discover the treasure that has been reserved for you.
Soul - for now I am cleansing n aligning myself to Universe.
Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.
If a person is living out his destiny, he know everything he needs to know. There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve : the fear of failure.
What if I die or suffer.
Then u wil die in the midst of trying to realise ur destiny. That's a lot better than dying like millions of other people, who never even knew what their destinies are
If the heart is not in the right place, it can be treacherous
Alchemist - Heart
Listen to ur heart. It knows all things because it came from the Soul of the World, AND it will one day return there.
Soul - ic, so now my heart still not in d right place.
Your heart is naturally afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you have won.
Even if ur heart is negative, u will never be able to keep it quiet. Even if u pretend not to have heard what it tells u, it will always be there, repeating to u what u r thinking abt life and the world.
Soul - Father, m confused. U brought me so far. I have conquered reporting. Know that I have attached myself to my job. But why still not satisfied n why still concern.
You should listen to your heart even if its treasonous. Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If u know ur heart well, it will never be able to do that to u. Because u will know its dreams and wishes and will know how to deal with them.
So. U will never be able to escape from your heart. So, its better to listen to what it has to say. That way u will never have to fear an unanticipated blow.
Soul - while knowing my attachment to work is a good revelation. Knowing that I have high value is good for my ego. Knowing that high or zero value is the same. Knowing that if I am awareness, I can detach from my job. But if I detach, what is left of me? So the ego wil naturally flow back to work. And now that I know m attached to work, is even more fearful. Cos previously it was unconscious n now conscious. How to deal wit it. When will this ends.
Alchemist
The boy continued to listen to his heart. He came to understand its dodges and tricks and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because his heart is happy. Eventhough I complain sometimes, its because I am the heart of a person and the people's hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important deeams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they are unable to achieve them.
We also become fearful when good things or people or loved ones are lost cos we suffer terribly.
Soul - m disturbed cos no news of any new job opportunities. Telling myself it didn't happen n not to be disappointed n here my closest peer is leaving already. Will miss him.
Alchemist
Be ur heart's friend. Tell ur heart that the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second encounter with God and wit eternity.
Soul - yea, both positive n negativ n hence my confusion. Whenever is negativ, I normally ignore it or eat to keep my heart quiet. Now I know is to let it speak, hear her out n be her friend.
Alchemist
The heart says all people who are happy have God within them and that happiness could be found in a grain of sand in the desert. Because a grain of sand is a moment of creation.
Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him. We, people heart's seldom say much abt those treasure becos people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak only to children.
We don't say more cos it is hurtful when people don't follow their dreams. And we don't like to suffer.
Soul - as a child. I only know I wan to be a leader cos I know what is best. Now I know why m sad. Now that reporting is over m worried I hav to start on operation n support current boss but m also fearful cos she is not appreciate and she is very insecure. Now finally have to face her. We may ‘fight’. This can be my fear as then the readings be correct. Also, too much hiding from Regional n I didn't like it too. Also afraid that I may do it, out of fear of being threatened and cos I am very smart n can find ways n means. My integrity also at stake.
Alchemist
What u still need to know is this; before a dream is realised, the Soul of the World test everything that was learned along the way.
It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realising our dreams, master the lessons we have learned as we move toward that dream.
That's the point where most people gives up. Its the point at which, as one say one 'dies of thirst' just when the palm tree appeared in the horizon'
Every search begins with beginners luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested.
'The darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.
Soul - are u asking me to hold on? My heart is afraid of further challenges.
Father, beginners luck followed by severe lessons. It helps or rather it comforts me. While is true I was having it good in d beginning n now severely tested, but is not bcos I was pampered/spoilt n now having to pay penance like what good friend says. I guess part of me have inner guilt and have felt God was punishing me to be more humble.
Alas, another perspective of looking at my life situation.
Not sure where this will lead me. For now, do my kriya, let my heart come out, and hopefully alas I can be friends with my heart.
Listen to ur heart. It knows all things because it came from the Soul of the World, AND it will one day return there.
Soul - ic, so now my heart still not in d right place.
Your heart is naturally afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you have won.
Even if ur heart is negative, u will never be able to keep it quiet. Even if u pretend not to have heard what it tells u, it will always be there, repeating to u what u r thinking abt life and the world.
Soul - Father, m confused. U brought me so far. I have conquered reporting. Know that I have attached myself to my job. But why still not satisfied n why still concern.
You should listen to your heart even if its treasonous. Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If u know ur heart well, it will never be able to do that to u. Because u will know its dreams and wishes and will know how to deal with them.
So. U will never be able to escape from your heart. So, its better to listen to what it has to say. That way u will never have to fear an unanticipated blow.
Soul - while knowing my attachment to work is a good revelation. Knowing that I have high value is good for my ego. Knowing that high or zero value is the same. Knowing that if I am awareness, I can detach from my job. But if I detach, what is left of me? So the ego wil naturally flow back to work. And now that I know m attached to work, is even more fearful. Cos previously it was unconscious n now conscious. How to deal wit it. When will this ends.
Alchemist
The boy continued to listen to his heart. He came to understand its dodges and tricks and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because his heart is happy. Eventhough I complain sometimes, its because I am the heart of a person and the people's hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important deeams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they are unable to achieve them.
We also become fearful when good things or people or loved ones are lost cos we suffer terribly.
Soul - m disturbed cos no news of any new job opportunities. Telling myself it didn't happen n not to be disappointed n here my closest peer is leaving already. Will miss him.
Alchemist
Be ur heart's friend. Tell ur heart that the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second encounter with God and wit eternity.
Soul - yea, both positive n negativ n hence my confusion. Whenever is negativ, I normally ignore it or eat to keep my heart quiet. Now I know is to let it speak, hear her out n be her friend.
Alchemist
The heart says all people who are happy have God within them and that happiness could be found in a grain of sand in the desert. Because a grain of sand is a moment of creation.
Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him. We, people heart's seldom say much abt those treasure becos people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak only to children.
We don't say more cos it is hurtful when people don't follow their dreams. And we don't like to suffer.
Soul - as a child. I only know I wan to be a leader cos I know what is best. Now I know why m sad. Now that reporting is over m worried I hav to start on operation n support current boss but m also fearful cos she is not appreciate and she is very insecure. Now finally have to face her. We may ‘fight’. This can be my fear as then the readings be correct. Also, too much hiding from Regional n I didn't like it too. Also afraid that I may do it, out of fear of being threatened and cos I am very smart n can find ways n means. My integrity also at stake.
Alchemist
What u still need to know is this; before a dream is realised, the Soul of the World test everything that was learned along the way.
It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realising our dreams, master the lessons we have learned as we move toward that dream.
That's the point where most people gives up. Its the point at which, as one say one 'dies of thirst' just when the palm tree appeared in the horizon'
Every search begins with beginners luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested.
'The darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.
Soul - are u asking me to hold on? My heart is afraid of further challenges.
Father, beginners luck followed by severe lessons. It helps or rather it comforts me. While is true I was having it good in d beginning n now severely tested, but is not bcos I was pampered/spoilt n now having to pay penance like what good friend says. I guess part of me have inner guilt and have felt God was punishing me to be more humble.
Alas, another perspective of looking at my life situation.
Not sure where this will lead me. For now, do my kriya, let my heart come out, and hopefully alas I can be friends with my heart.
Without a price, u get nothing.
15 feb
Soul - tot of me n my reporting. Alas not only have I overcome d reporting, but also become the 2nd best among the asia pacific. I can already leave by 7.30 pm, something unimaginable previously. I learnt to take one day at a time. Now with Temp Accountant joining me as permanent staff, things will further improve. Again, the Ace in me is saying what's next but for now I wan to savour it. I may leave in future and if I do leave, it wil be because of pull factor as d push factor is diminishing. I may not enjoy workin wit my current boss but we have come to an understanding.
I who attach my value to job. Firstly I had to attach it to reporting, which I finally overcome n now the next phase, not even sure what it is, but guess something related to Boss. What if I cannot do it, m I facing d routine again - father, let me remember my job is not me.
Father, m also worried abt leaving, now that I have conquered my fear of reporting. Yea, I forgot the bigger lesson is me attaching my value to job.
Sadhguru (pg 76)
Without a price, u get nothing.
For d spiritual person, nothing is great benediction, nothing is a problem. Everything is just another life situation through which they become free.
In order to be free, cultivate awareness.
If u r not able to relate to things around you, to people around you, it is not because there is something wrong wit u. You are either a little misplaced, or out of ur foolishness, you got misplaced in this life.
Once u become aware, u have to make the little arrangements that are needed to put urself in the right place. If u know u r a coconut, then u shld have fallen here at the foothills, not on the mountain top. It is no use, you can't grow there. You have to roll down somehow. If u have to roll down, maybe u have to loose something (success/comfort after conquering)
Father, part of me know that its ending. Everything is falling in place.
But the swan in me thinks is not fair, that we have beginning again. My mom has always told me that I tend to leave whenever everything has fallen in space and she thinks m a glutton for punishment. She does have a point though, but I have changed. I recalled that the first time I didn't welcome new beginning was when I had to leave my former company, leaving my peers. And now would be the 2nd time now, leaving my reporting.
Both are also leaving my achievement.
Soul - tot of me n my reporting. Alas not only have I overcome d reporting, but also become the 2nd best among the asia pacific. I can already leave by 7.30 pm, something unimaginable previously. I learnt to take one day at a time. Now with Temp Accountant joining me as permanent staff, things will further improve. Again, the Ace in me is saying what's next but for now I wan to savour it. I may leave in future and if I do leave, it wil be because of pull factor as d push factor is diminishing. I may not enjoy workin wit my current boss but we have come to an understanding.
I who attach my value to job. Firstly I had to attach it to reporting, which I finally overcome n now the next phase, not even sure what it is, but guess something related to Boss. What if I cannot do it, m I facing d routine again - father, let me remember my job is not me.
Father, m also worried abt leaving, now that I have conquered my fear of reporting. Yea, I forgot the bigger lesson is me attaching my value to job.
Sadhguru (pg 76)
Without a price, u get nothing.
For d spiritual person, nothing is great benediction, nothing is a problem. Everything is just another life situation through which they become free.
In order to be free, cultivate awareness.
If u r not able to relate to things around you, to people around you, it is not because there is something wrong wit u. You are either a little misplaced, or out of ur foolishness, you got misplaced in this life.
Once u become aware, u have to make the little arrangements that are needed to put urself in the right place. If u know u r a coconut, then u shld have fallen here at the foothills, not on the mountain top. It is no use, you can't grow there. You have to roll down somehow. If u have to roll down, maybe u have to loose something (success/comfort after conquering)
Father, part of me know that its ending. Everything is falling in place.
But the swan in me thinks is not fair, that we have beginning again. My mom has always told me that I tend to leave whenever everything has fallen in space and she thinks m a glutton for punishment. She does have a point though, but I have changed. I recalled that the first time I didn't welcome new beginning was when I had to leave my former company, leaving my peers. And now would be the 2nd time now, leaving my reporting.
Both are also leaving my achievement.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Guidance from Sadhguru on my Value for Money mode
I shared with Friend abt my value for money (VFM) strategy.
Told her about my good friend flaring up. He said she flare up because she cannot live up to my standard. (Yea, I recalled both she and another good friend of mine, who tend not to like if I don't express their same value)
My friend said there are 2 equation to value for money. Experience vs price.
I told him that I am zero value n that's why I attached myself to the job, food, quality and etc.
At first was happy with the revelation on my VFM mode but then was so sad because I have no value. Such insecurity.
He said Nope. He said I valued myself infinite.
He asked me if there is anyone that I see n valued high.
I thought about it and cannot answer him upfront.
Just tot of another good friend of mine saying that I seldom praise people for being smart. She also said she noted another friend of ours (very beautiful woman) who seldom praise other women for their beauty n wonder if our friend is insecure. I said nope, I said our friend is so beautiful but tend to underplay her own beauty whenever she herself is being complimented. So, since she has underplay her own beauty and think it is average, she would also think that the other beautiful gal is average too. Mmm, my friend could be right on me having high value too.
He said I not only think of myself as high value, infact I thought of myself as infinite Value.
I said no lah. I am insecure too, otherwise why I tied my value to job.
He said it is because I think I am high value n hence see the job as low value. If I am zero value, there would be no judgement nor comparison as everything I see would be high value.
Mmm, that is another way of looking at things. Mmm, I have infinite value, definitely a boost to my ego and am happier now cos I have value versus my earlier perception of having no value at all. Thanks to my friend, I don’t feel that lousy.
Evening
I was doing my meditation n suddenly started to cry non-stop for the first 3 yoga movement.
I asked Sadhguru for help. I was lost for 40 years n d lesson start from 5 years back. I finally just open d door to see the truth behind d lesson. Now my friend telling me my value is infinite.
I am afraid to believe that cos infinite is also ego based n definitely eagle perspective. Infinite is d same as zero value.
I lost my confidence to direct myself out to the next level. I lost d confidence to live my life. While Friend's answer is logical cos similar to mine interpretation on the beautiful waman's case, somehow it is not the answer. Suddenly I thought of Sadhguru saying that spirituality is beyond logic.
So, while it served my ego to believe I hav infinite instead of zero value. I know its 2 sides to a coin, something Carl Jung said, but for now I can't recall.
Yea, narcissim - thinking herself is the highest value of all, in the end has to die alone.
In the final stage of meditation, suddenly have a pix of me dancing with Sadhguru when I see him in Spore - so laughable. At least I am no longer fearful n avoiding him. If he comes, I will go see him.
After my meditation, I would normally refer to Mystic's Musings by Sadhguru. Prayed for guidance and open up pg 148 ;
So you don't know who is driving your car. Destiny is something that you have been creating unconsciously. You can also create it consciously. You can rewrite your destiny.
If you can touch that core in you, and see everything is your responsibility and shift your whole focus to yourself, you can rewrite your destiny.
All the time, u think your job, ur food, ur staff, your partner is you. If u strip yourself of all these things, u will feel like a nobody (Soul - yeah, I did feel zero).
Right now what u feel is 'you' is spread out; you are a scattered being. You are not an established being.
A scattered being still have to gather all this mess, put it inside in order to have 'you'. So, u still have not become you; you are still a crowd, isn't it?
The crowd's destiny is always predestined. Once you have become an individual - individual means, it comes from 'indivisible' - it cannot be divided anymore; it is this. It cannot be here and there. (Soul - Suddenly tot of Osho card reading I did on tuesday - Internal influence that I am unable to see - Conditioning - a lion born among sheeps. Stepping out to become an Individual)
Once you truly becomes an individual, your destiny is yours.
The pig story - the attachment is to his body. If you cut his body, he will come.
(Soul - Tot of me n my job. They cut d job to such low level, that I can no longer find my identification n hence I have to disengaged).
You don't have to go about distancing yourself from this and that in your life, but once u get scattered (identification with so many externals), your destiny becomes predestined. Whichever way your karma is, it just go that way. If u become an individual, shifting ur whole focus to you.
When I say 'you', it is just you, not even your body or your mind. If u are unable to be like that, you just choose one more identity. When you say 'you', make it you and your Guru. You attach yourself to the Guru without any hesitation, because you have no entanglements from the other side. You can get as entangles as you want with him; he is not going to get entangled. The moment you are ripe, you can drop it.
(Soul - suddenly tot of my last vision of dancing with Sadhguru during meditation. Me deciding to meet him, even if he comes to Singapore. I was asking for Sadhguru on what is d next step cos I don't want to follow my eagle and my swan is still not strong enough to guide me. Sadhguru has given me an answer. My zero value - just add in Sadhguru n me. Stil not sure on how to include him, but will continue on kriya).
Once u become an Individual, your destiny become yours. If your destiny is in your hands, will u choose bondage or freedom. Freedom, of cos, because the very longing of life, the deepest longing of every life is to become free. So, once your destiny is happening in awareness, the next step will just happen by itself, because life within you has the intelligence to choose freedom, not bondage. Only because your destiny is being created in unawareness, you go about weaving bondage around yourself.
(Soul - that is why I cry when I jus start my meditation. Cos when Friend said infinite value, my auto VFM (value for money) come into play and my ego start to swell. And I know I don't want to go that path anymore. What good is I am value for money when I haven't been able to find my own happiness. )
Sadhguru, thank you for coming to my rescue. For supporting me and allowing me to lean on you. For now, I need you. As for the next step, u already said Life intelligence will guide me. I need not worry. I just need to be Awareness and watch out for my auto VFM mode.
Amen.
Told her about my good friend flaring up. He said she flare up because she cannot live up to my standard. (Yea, I recalled both she and another good friend of mine, who tend not to like if I don't express their same value)
My friend said there are 2 equation to value for money. Experience vs price.
I told him that I am zero value n that's why I attached myself to the job, food, quality and etc.
At first was happy with the revelation on my VFM mode but then was so sad because I have no value. Such insecurity.
He said Nope. He said I valued myself infinite.
He asked me if there is anyone that I see n valued high.
I thought about it and cannot answer him upfront.
Just tot of another good friend of mine saying that I seldom praise people for being smart. She also said she noted another friend of ours (very beautiful woman) who seldom praise other women for their beauty n wonder if our friend is insecure. I said nope, I said our friend is so beautiful but tend to underplay her own beauty whenever she herself is being complimented. So, since she has underplay her own beauty and think it is average, she would also think that the other beautiful gal is average too. Mmm, my friend could be right on me having high value too.
He said I not only think of myself as high value, infact I thought of myself as infinite Value.
I said no lah. I am insecure too, otherwise why I tied my value to job.
He said it is because I think I am high value n hence see the job as low value. If I am zero value, there would be no judgement nor comparison as everything I see would be high value.
Mmm, that is another way of looking at things. Mmm, I have infinite value, definitely a boost to my ego and am happier now cos I have value versus my earlier perception of having no value at all. Thanks to my friend, I don’t feel that lousy.
Evening
I was doing my meditation n suddenly started to cry non-stop for the first 3 yoga movement.
I asked Sadhguru for help. I was lost for 40 years n d lesson start from 5 years back. I finally just open d door to see the truth behind d lesson. Now my friend telling me my value is infinite.
I am afraid to believe that cos infinite is also ego based n definitely eagle perspective. Infinite is d same as zero value.
I lost my confidence to direct myself out to the next level. I lost d confidence to live my life. While Friend's answer is logical cos similar to mine interpretation on the beautiful waman's case, somehow it is not the answer. Suddenly I thought of Sadhguru saying that spirituality is beyond logic.
So, while it served my ego to believe I hav infinite instead of zero value. I know its 2 sides to a coin, something Carl Jung said, but for now I can't recall.
Yea, narcissim - thinking herself is the highest value of all, in the end has to die alone.
In the final stage of meditation, suddenly have a pix of me dancing with Sadhguru when I see him in Spore - so laughable. At least I am no longer fearful n avoiding him. If he comes, I will go see him.
After my meditation, I would normally refer to Mystic's Musings by Sadhguru. Prayed for guidance and open up pg 148 ;
So you don't know who is driving your car. Destiny is something that you have been creating unconsciously. You can also create it consciously. You can rewrite your destiny.
If you can touch that core in you, and see everything is your responsibility and shift your whole focus to yourself, you can rewrite your destiny.
All the time, u think your job, ur food, ur staff, your partner is you. If u strip yourself of all these things, u will feel like a nobody (Soul - yeah, I did feel zero).
Right now what u feel is 'you' is spread out; you are a scattered being. You are not an established being.
A scattered being still have to gather all this mess, put it inside in order to have 'you'. So, u still have not become you; you are still a crowd, isn't it?
The crowd's destiny is always predestined. Once you have become an individual - individual means, it comes from 'indivisible' - it cannot be divided anymore; it is this. It cannot be here and there. (Soul - Suddenly tot of Osho card reading I did on tuesday - Internal influence that I am unable to see - Conditioning - a lion born among sheeps. Stepping out to become an Individual)
Once you truly becomes an individual, your destiny is yours.
The pig story - the attachment is to his body. If you cut his body, he will come.
(Soul - Tot of me n my job. They cut d job to such low level, that I can no longer find my identification n hence I have to disengaged).
You don't have to go about distancing yourself from this and that in your life, but once u get scattered (identification with so many externals), your destiny becomes predestined. Whichever way your karma is, it just go that way. If u become an individual, shifting ur whole focus to you.
When I say 'you', it is just you, not even your body or your mind. If u are unable to be like that, you just choose one more identity. When you say 'you', make it you and your Guru. You attach yourself to the Guru without any hesitation, because you have no entanglements from the other side. You can get as entangles as you want with him; he is not going to get entangled. The moment you are ripe, you can drop it.
(Soul - suddenly tot of my last vision of dancing with Sadhguru during meditation. Me deciding to meet him, even if he comes to Singapore. I was asking for Sadhguru on what is d next step cos I don't want to follow my eagle and my swan is still not strong enough to guide me. Sadhguru has given me an answer. My zero value - just add in Sadhguru n me. Stil not sure on how to include him, but will continue on kriya).
Once u become an Individual, your destiny become yours. If your destiny is in your hands, will u choose bondage or freedom. Freedom, of cos, because the very longing of life, the deepest longing of every life is to become free. So, once your destiny is happening in awareness, the next step will just happen by itself, because life within you has the intelligence to choose freedom, not bondage. Only because your destiny is being created in unawareness, you go about weaving bondage around yourself.
(Soul - that is why I cry when I jus start my meditation. Cos when Friend said infinite value, my auto VFM (value for money) come into play and my ego start to swell. And I know I don't want to go that path anymore. What good is I am value for money when I haven't been able to find my own happiness. )
Sadhguru, thank you for coming to my rescue. For supporting me and allowing me to lean on you. For now, I need you. As for the next step, u already said Life intelligence will guide me. I need not worry. I just need to be Awareness and watch out for my auto VFM mode.
Amen.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Suffering is blessing - a lesson that spans a few years, finally uncovered
For a few years now, my lesson has always been the same. My job profile/tasks is going on a downward trends.
In my current job, I am miserable cos I have to do many manual reporting and little strategic work. I have now at least managed to overcome my resistance and able to do all the reporting but yet I am still not happy. Really not sure what is my lesson, which has been eluding me for many years.
This afternoon, I went to a potluck gathering, good food J
Towards the end of the session, my good friend asked me to see her friend’s accessories collection to see if I want to buy. I have earlier told her that I have a colleague who does accessories and while I thought it is bit pricey, but the quality is worth it. So, I had a look a the accessories and found them to be of poorer quality, but since the price is much lower, I told her that while it is of lower quality but it is still worth it cos is cheaper - so value for money. Immediately my good friend reacted and said that she doesn’t know how to ‘value’ the accessories as she has no comparison, unlike me. She was being defensive about it and it affected our time after that.
I went back and in the evening, I start to wonder, how did I cause such reaction in my good friend. How have I made her ‘undervalue’ or is it because she felt that just becos my perception of ‘value’ is higher than her, then she will lose my respect. I wonder.
Then, just before I went to sleep, I took out the Destiny card book and suddenly thought of browsing my personality card – Ace of Diamond again and see if I can find any idea of what I am facing since I was still bit disturbed. I have normally ignored my personality card and focus on my destiny card – Queen of Diamond, perhaps thinking that Queen is of higher ‘quality’ than Ace, so just focus on the higher value ones.
Below is the excerpt on the Ace cards
All of us identify with our values and our possessions to some extent.
We are adult n dislike being bossed around, matronised or patronised.
We are the ones who are always asking how much things cost.
To us, everything has a value, if not actual price.
Because we are so closely associated with values, we r constantly exploring what everything in our life is worth and not worth.
(Soul – Suddenly I thought of my current job which is transactional job and is not worth the money n hence undermine my value as in general, strategic job has more value vs transactional ones. Just realise that this is the overall guiding direction of my career path. Not focusing on my strength and avoiding my weakness. I dont think I know my strength and weakness when i was fresh out from college).
Ace of Diamond- the desire for love and money
We seek to acquire or attain something that is so valuable that it will make us the valuable person that we want to be.
The hidden motive is self acceptance.
We seek to find ourselves in the reflection of our accomplishment (job) instead of just stopping and looking within
Perfection in our work, either thru quantity or quality is our means of finding the love for ourselves that we seek.
We are ambitious because our value/ our love/ our approval of ourselves are tied to the value of the job.
Their lesson is to know that there is no dream job that can complete or give them love. Their lesson is to realise the love they seek is within and not without and definitely not in job.
They are the prodigal sons and daughter seeking to come home.
(Soul - This job - really low value in terms of output. It undermines me - make me feel low value, make me feel ashamed. I have always value/identified myself with my job. If my job is high profile - I become valuable too. It is not the power, it is being needed.
I left Sungard cos I felt my profile slowly eroding, firstly with the Regional Contract lady n d final straw was Regional HR (who I judge to be of little value) and here I was being put under them.
My current job - real shit job. Low value _ jus transactional n some more admin job. Such a shame to be called Finance Director. Even lower than Finance Manager because in previous job as Finance Manager, I don't have to be so admin even. And all this add up with me being weak in reporting and admin.
Actually, I didnt want to do admin n reporting cos I perceived it as low value. Because I have such belief, I avoid doing it. And because I avoid doing it, I don't have practice n hence not good at it. Because, I amm not good at it n yet has to be valued externally by it, it makes me even more helpless.
Being measured on reporting n admin, something that I perceive to be low value in d first place.
Father, I think there is realy some anology here....
Finally, it occurred to me that I who valued myself based on my job value now find myself in a low value job. That is what killing me.
Father, my boss also tied herself with high value everywhere n I tot she is creating her own misery.
Finally can see what is my lesson thru all d suffering.
My lesson is to learn to detach myself to my identification with my job.
My value - has nothing to do with d job level, profile or task, or security
There is no dream job that can enhance my value.
I am valuable.
I have been searching for my value in job, in everything that I perceive will reflect me, partner, boss, clothes, food, and etc. I found myself unable to eat low quality food, low quality clothes, low quality partner, staff…everything is attached to my valuation L
My need always to have valued thing - means I myself also have to be of certain value, and to be of ‘value, I would need to fork out more energy (similar mirror to my current boss). So, I too create my own misery.
Whenever my job profile fell, my value also falls.
That is why I told the Headhunter, I don't care what role I take, as long as it gives me the opportunity/power to direct/support the business.
What I want - is to ensure that my job profile doesn't drop so that my value won't drop. When my value drop, my self acceptance also drops. Also realized that is why I dropped Internal audit (eventhough I am good at it and enjoyed it). I dropped it cos I perceive Internal audit as less valuable, as it is nice to have (first to be retrenched during recession)
Father, thank you so much. I am sorry for myself that it took so long to see the answers.
Everything now fit into place. I now know that all my life – guided by Valuation.
The valuation mode has brought me to a certain level in my life, but now it is time to drop the valuation mode. As to what is next, I am not sure, will continue doing kriya to get my guidance cos I don’t trust myself anymore. What a fiasco….
In my current job, I am miserable cos I have to do many manual reporting and little strategic work. I have now at least managed to overcome my resistance and able to do all the reporting but yet I am still not happy. Really not sure what is my lesson, which has been eluding me for many years.
This afternoon, I went to a potluck gathering, good food J
Towards the end of the session, my good friend asked me to see her friend’s accessories collection to see if I want to buy. I have earlier told her that I have a colleague who does accessories and while I thought it is bit pricey, but the quality is worth it. So, I had a look a the accessories and found them to be of poorer quality, but since the price is much lower, I told her that while it is of lower quality but it is still worth it cos is cheaper - so value for money. Immediately my good friend reacted and said that she doesn’t know how to ‘value’ the accessories as she has no comparison, unlike me. She was being defensive about it and it affected our time after that.
I went back and in the evening, I start to wonder, how did I cause such reaction in my good friend. How have I made her ‘undervalue’ or is it because she felt that just becos my perception of ‘value’ is higher than her, then she will lose my respect. I wonder.
Then, just before I went to sleep, I took out the Destiny card book and suddenly thought of browsing my personality card – Ace of Diamond again and see if I can find any idea of what I am facing since I was still bit disturbed. I have normally ignored my personality card and focus on my destiny card – Queen of Diamond, perhaps thinking that Queen is of higher ‘quality’ than Ace, so just focus on the higher value ones.
Below is the excerpt on the Ace cards
All of us identify with our values and our possessions to some extent.
We are adult n dislike being bossed around, matronised or patronised.
We are the ones who are always asking how much things cost.
To us, everything has a value, if not actual price.
Because we are so closely associated with values, we r constantly exploring what everything in our life is worth and not worth.
(Soul – Suddenly I thought of my current job which is transactional job and is not worth the money n hence undermine my value as in general, strategic job has more value vs transactional ones. Just realise that this is the overall guiding direction of my career path. Not focusing on my strength and avoiding my weakness. I dont think I know my strength and weakness when i was fresh out from college).
Ace of Diamond- the desire for love and money
We seek to acquire or attain something that is so valuable that it will make us the valuable person that we want to be.
The hidden motive is self acceptance.
We seek to find ourselves in the reflection of our accomplishment (job) instead of just stopping and looking within
Perfection in our work, either thru quantity or quality is our means of finding the love for ourselves that we seek.
We are ambitious because our value/ our love/ our approval of ourselves are tied to the value of the job.
Their lesson is to know that there is no dream job that can complete or give them love. Their lesson is to realise the love they seek is within and not without and definitely not in job.
They are the prodigal sons and daughter seeking to come home.
(Soul - This job - really low value in terms of output. It undermines me - make me feel low value, make me feel ashamed. I have always value/identified myself with my job. If my job is high profile - I become valuable too. It is not the power, it is being needed.
I left Sungard cos I felt my profile slowly eroding, firstly with the Regional Contract lady n d final straw was Regional HR (who I judge to be of little value) and here I was being put under them.
My current job - real shit job. Low value _ jus transactional n some more admin job. Such a shame to be called Finance Director. Even lower than Finance Manager because in previous job as Finance Manager, I don't have to be so admin even. And all this add up with me being weak in reporting and admin.
Actually, I didnt want to do admin n reporting cos I perceived it as low value. Because I have such belief, I avoid doing it. And because I avoid doing it, I don't have practice n hence not good at it. Because, I amm not good at it n yet has to be valued externally by it, it makes me even more helpless.
Being measured on reporting n admin, something that I perceive to be low value in d first place.
Father, I think there is realy some anology here....
Finally, it occurred to me that I who valued myself based on my job value now find myself in a low value job. That is what killing me.
Father, my boss also tied herself with high value everywhere n I tot she is creating her own misery.
Finally can see what is my lesson thru all d suffering.
My lesson is to learn to detach myself to my identification with my job.
My value - has nothing to do with d job level, profile or task, or security
There is no dream job that can enhance my value.
I am valuable.
I have been searching for my value in job, in everything that I perceive will reflect me, partner, boss, clothes, food, and etc. I found myself unable to eat low quality food, low quality clothes, low quality partner, staff…everything is attached to my valuation L
My need always to have valued thing - means I myself also have to be of certain value, and to be of ‘value, I would need to fork out more energy (similar mirror to my current boss). So, I too create my own misery.
Whenever my job profile fell, my value also falls.
That is why I told the Headhunter, I don't care what role I take, as long as it gives me the opportunity/power to direct/support the business.
What I want - is to ensure that my job profile doesn't drop so that my value won't drop. When my value drop, my self acceptance also drops. Also realized that is why I dropped Internal audit (eventhough I am good at it and enjoyed it). I dropped it cos I perceive Internal audit as less valuable, as it is nice to have (first to be retrenched during recession)
Father, thank you so much. I am sorry for myself that it took so long to see the answers.
Everything now fit into place. I now know that all my life – guided by Valuation.
The valuation mode has brought me to a certain level in my life, but now it is time to drop the valuation mode. As to what is next, I am not sure, will continue doing kriya to get my guidance cos I don’t trust myself anymore. What a fiasco….
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Meditation will lead us to see our dis-ease in a loving way
Soul - when I start my meditation jus now, tear start to fall and I cried non stop and in d end I hear myself calling out - Save me. Someone pls save me. My tears dries up after I finished the rocking babies session. This time I find myself ending d session by hugging myself, felt so loved n start to hum n sing; Love me tender, Love me sweet, Love me evermore.
I have already been using d meditation for my release of tension/stress. Now I experience that my meditation can also connect me to Love. Amen
Follow up with the Heal Your Body – by Louise L Hay
Arthritis
Feeling unloved. Criticism and resentment
I am love. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love
Arthritis fingers.
A desire to punish. Blame. Feeling victimised.
I see with love and understanding. I hold all my experiences up to the light of love.
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.
I am my own authority.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.
Soul - I have not been leading my life in a joyous way. I have controlled it too much due to fear, afraid to let my weakness show. Strength and Weakness is the same line. You can't have one without the other. I have lovingly approved others of their strength and weakness. It is time to love and approve of myself.
Nose - stuffy
Not recognising the self worth.
I love and appreciate myself.
Soul - true, constantly/compulsively proving my worth at work. When there is no challenges, feeling fearful cos no avenue to prove my worth. Well, I am worthy, don't have to prove anymore. I release myself from the need to attract challenging situation/people.
Flatulence
Gripping. Fear. Undigested ideas.
I relax and let life flow through me with ease.
Soul - let go of my control and just flow with Life and trust that my kriya will guide me.
Fat arm
Anger at being denied love
It is safe for me to create all the love I want.
Soul - I have been loved and I need not be afraid to create and receive love.
Crying
Tears are the river of life, shed in joy as well as in sadness and fear.
I am peaceful with all of my emotions. I love and approve of myself.
Soul - with kriya, I have finally able to let go and cry. With that my laughter is even more deep.
Constipation.
Refusing to release old ideas. Stuck in the past. Sometimes stinginess.
As I release the past, the new and fresh and vital enter. I allow life to flow throygh me.
Chronic disease
A refusal to change. Fear of the future. Not feeling safe
I am willing to change and to grow. I now create a safe, new future.
Belching
Fear. Gulping life too quickly.
There is a time and space for everything I need to do. I am at peace
I have already been using d meditation for my release of tension/stress. Now I experience that my meditation can also connect me to Love. Amen
Follow up with the Heal Your Body – by Louise L Hay
Arthritis
Feeling unloved. Criticism and resentment
I am love. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love
Arthritis fingers.
A desire to punish. Blame. Feeling victimised.
I see with love and understanding. I hold all my experiences up to the light of love.
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.
I am my own authority.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.
Soul - I have not been leading my life in a joyous way. I have controlled it too much due to fear, afraid to let my weakness show. Strength and Weakness is the same line. You can't have one without the other. I have lovingly approved others of their strength and weakness. It is time to love and approve of myself.
Nose - stuffy
Not recognising the self worth.
I love and appreciate myself.
Soul - true, constantly/compulsively proving my worth at work. When there is no challenges, feeling fearful cos no avenue to prove my worth. Well, I am worthy, don't have to prove anymore. I release myself from the need to attract challenging situation/people.
Flatulence
Gripping. Fear. Undigested ideas.
I relax and let life flow through me with ease.
Soul - let go of my control and just flow with Life and trust that my kriya will guide me.
Fat arm
Anger at being denied love
It is safe for me to create all the love I want.
Soul - I have been loved and I need not be afraid to create and receive love.
Crying
Tears are the river of life, shed in joy as well as in sadness and fear.
I am peaceful with all of my emotions. I love and approve of myself.
Soul - with kriya, I have finally able to let go and cry. With that my laughter is even more deep.
Constipation.
Refusing to release old ideas. Stuck in the past. Sometimes stinginess.
As I release the past, the new and fresh and vital enter. I allow life to flow throygh me.
Chronic disease
A refusal to change. Fear of the future. Not feeling safe
I am willing to change and to grow. I now create a safe, new future.
Belching
Fear. Gulping life too quickly.
There is a time and space for everything I need to do. I am at peace
Dis-ease that guide us to love ourself
Borrowed this book from a friend - Heal your body - Louise Hay
In the last section, the passage on loving oneself serves as a reminder:
Deep within me, there is an infinite well of love. I now allow the love to flow to the surface.
It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being and radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me mutliplied.
The use of love makes Me Feel Good, an expression of my inner joy
1. I take loving care of my body, feeding it with nourishing food and beverages. I lovingly groom and dress it and my body lovingly respond to me with vibrant health and energy.
2. I love myself and thus provide myself with a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and it is a pleasure to be in. I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, myself included, will feel the love and be nourished by it.
3. I love myself; therefore I work at a job that I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people that I love and that love me, and earning a good income.
4. I love myself and therefore I behave and think in a loving way to all people for I know that which I give out returns to me multiplied.
5. I only attract loving people in my world, for they are a mirror of what I am.
6. I love myself and therefore I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences and I am free.
7. I love myself and therefore I live totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the Universe and the Universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.
When we can truly live from the loving space of the heart, approving of ourselves and trusting the Divine Power to provide for us, then peace and joy will fill our lives and illness and uncomfortable experiences will cease to be in our experience.
Soul - yeah, this coincides with my realisation when I read Pramahansa _
Whoever realises himself as the Creator, can reach any goal by the infinite power hidden within him.
I am slowly but surely absorbing that I am the Creator and I must go to the source of my creation.
I am worthy
This mornin I woke up, feeling ok but jus don't wan to go to work.
The mind is telling me all the stuff I haven't done n hence I need to cancel my leave.
But I tot I already worked for the past 3 days cancellin my leave, so since budget are done, why not take a break as I am tired.
I briefly tot of the Osho reading;
1. The Outsider - me finally not engulfed in drama. I must remember not to fill myself with pain and misery. I must remember I need not have to justify myself in work again, I am worthy.
2. The Source - I can go back to rest and to reenergised myself. It is Within Me. The Source wil direct me to where my potential is.
3. Going with the flow. Bein passive n just be available to the currents of life - no resistance nor motivation. I am able to float now. I can trust and relax and be assured.
4. Suppression - let go of my control. Let go of my high expectation, my guilt, my conscientiousness, my burden. Release my tensions.
5. The Dream - perfect job. Let go of my need to search the perfect job so I won't feel alone.
With that tot, I send a few emails to follow thru on outstanding matters conveyed to me by my mind
Its evening now and I have a good rest.
Now reading Pramahansa and this phrase jumped out to me again
The Lord first formed the earth as an idea. He quickened it; atomic energy and then the matter came into being.
When He withdraws His will, all earth atoms will be transformed into energy n return back to its source - consciousness and the earth idea will disappear from objectivity.
The substance of a dream is held in materialisation by the subsconscious tot of the dreamer. When that cohesive tot is withdrawn in wakefulness, the dream and its element dissolve.
Whoever realises himself as the Creator, can reach any goal by the infinite power hidden within him.
Soul - I suddenly tot of myself. I who was feeling unaccepted, has been forever attracting situations to prove myself. So many situations to prove that m worthy. As long as I felt unworthy internally, I would keep on attracting such challenging situation.
So the trick is to stop at the source - just feel worthy.
This morning, my mind said I need to prove my commitment to work, but then I tot I m committed, I don't have to overkill. I came back to work last Friday and Saturday, I need not feel guilty or fear that I lose my staff respect. I am worthy of their respect even if I didn't work today despite saying I would earlier.
So, I am worthy and accepted. No need to justify the need of my existence. The need is from the past.
The mind is telling me all the stuff I haven't done n hence I need to cancel my leave.
But I tot I already worked for the past 3 days cancellin my leave, so since budget are done, why not take a break as I am tired.
I briefly tot of the Osho reading;
1. The Outsider - me finally not engulfed in drama. I must remember not to fill myself with pain and misery. I must remember I need not have to justify myself in work again, I am worthy.
2. The Source - I can go back to rest and to reenergised myself. It is Within Me. The Source wil direct me to where my potential is.
3. Going with the flow. Bein passive n just be available to the currents of life - no resistance nor motivation. I am able to float now. I can trust and relax and be assured.
4. Suppression - let go of my control. Let go of my high expectation, my guilt, my conscientiousness, my burden. Release my tensions.
5. The Dream - perfect job. Let go of my need to search the perfect job so I won't feel alone.
With that tot, I send a few emails to follow thru on outstanding matters conveyed to me by my mind
Its evening now and I have a good rest.
Now reading Pramahansa and this phrase jumped out to me again
The Lord first formed the earth as an idea. He quickened it; atomic energy and then the matter came into being.
When He withdraws His will, all earth atoms will be transformed into energy n return back to its source - consciousness and the earth idea will disappear from objectivity.
The substance of a dream is held in materialisation by the subsconscious tot of the dreamer. When that cohesive tot is withdrawn in wakefulness, the dream and its element dissolve.
Whoever realises himself as the Creator, can reach any goal by the infinite power hidden within him.
Soul - I suddenly tot of myself. I who was feeling unaccepted, has been forever attracting situations to prove myself. So many situations to prove that m worthy. As long as I felt unworthy internally, I would keep on attracting such challenging situation.
So the trick is to stop at the source - just feel worthy.
This morning, my mind said I need to prove my commitment to work, but then I tot I m committed, I don't have to overkill. I came back to work last Friday and Saturday, I need not feel guilty or fear that I lose my staff respect. I am worthy of their respect even if I didn't work today despite saying I would earlier.
So, I am worthy and accepted. No need to justify the need of my existence. The need is from the past.
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