Sept 21
When u think u r dependent on ur partner for love and happiness, u react whenever u didn't get or cannot have. Ur reaction is thru whatever defense mechanism that u have.
Just like ACIM, when u r dependent, u feel vulnerable and so u put up amour to protect. Whatever they did or didn't do, u will take it personally as it touch u.
If u know u r not dependent on ur partner for happiness. Then u r not affected and u don't take their response/non-response as personal to u. Then u don't have to put up amour to defend.
That's what meant by defenselessness is strength.
Z's tendency of clamping down through arrogance or his need to get his own way (his defense mechanism) have the result of giving rise to feeling of insecurity to his partner, which is me.
I can opt to see my insecurity and secure myself or blame him for my own insecurity and find another to give me security.
Well, I opt to face it myself. I am Light to myself. My happiness is up to me and not others. I need not find security. I am my own security. I need not defend myself. I am my own strength.
Thanks to Sl and Cosmic Lesson with Z.
Z's South Node in Leo is strong.
I also realised it is fine if we never bond. I don't need to measure the success of Cosmic on that. I need not hold myself back for that either. The bonding part comes naturally with the right partner.
My text with C
Text to C
Hi. Reading Nodes in Leo; which is Z's South Node. So, truly like him. No wonder he is my Cosmic Lesson, as he trigger all my Sevens :)
Response from C
So you are having an exciting albeit challenging relationship journey. Have fun ;)
Reply from Soul
I can now see that no matter how great we r together, he won't give us a chance. He is too fixed. So, my game plan is confirmed correct. I continue to use this rship to create my own security; overcome my Seven of Hearts. :)
My Pluto with him. Confirm cannot change him. So change me instead
Response from C
Wow...Using non-money related relationship to create own security. The first that I heard of HAHA Nice ;)
Response from Soul
I meant emotional security cos there is a feeling of lack in me. Financially I am already secured. My financial lesson is to create more money. :)
Soul
Father, yesterday reading the attributes of Nodes in Leo; this is Z to the nail.
When Z is dating a person and the fire dies or was never there to begin with - his instinctive response may be to leave the rship without explanation. This can cause emotionally distressing reactions in the other person: confusion, distrust of the opposite sex, feelings of personal inadequacy ... sometimes Leos don't realise how unfair or hurtful they can be.
They also don't like to fight. They may be experts at provoking fights, but when it comes to getting into the trenches and hashing out an emotionally charged issue, their tendency is to withdraw. They either sit in silence, "tuning out" the other person (which makes their partner mad) or they leave the situation to avoid dealing with it. They can be like ostriches - sticking their heads in the sand, hoping the problems will simply go away.
They think that because they are not participating in the drama around them, it's not their fault if the relationship becomes negative. Yet their lack of participation often breaks the hearts of those who want to love them.
Soul
Exactly like Z. I can't change him so, I change myself. Instead of lamenting about him, of him creating feelings of insecurity in me, I challenged myself to find my own security within me. Alas, I found it. Alas, I knew I cannot depend on anyone for my happiness. They cannot give me, they have their own wounds, their own amour. It is my destiny for Self Mastery and I have the courage to pursue and strength to feel secure and happy within me.
South Nodes in Leo
When these folks pull out of a situation, they become inaccessible. Then, when they think the emotional intensity has diminished, they return and act as though nothing happened. The problem is that they begin to accumulate a bad history with the people around them. The unresolved problems build up, and eventually their partners withdraw emotionally or physically from the relationship because of the unresolved tension. Others may think that these people don't care about them because of their lack of generosity in responding to others' emotional needs.
They fail to recognise crisis can be a focal point that draws two people closer in an intimate bond of understanding and emphaty.
If Leos take the energy they put into withdrawing and being miserable, and put it into becoming involved and creating happiness, it becomes a win for everyone.
Soul
Exactly.
With me, whenever I am angry with him, I make sure he is aware cos I am a Fixer.
I am fine with confrontation as I knew it bring us closer.
I didn't knew he needs energy to withdraw. Yea, he should participating. Clearly can be seen in his relationship with his ex.
Father, my happiness is in my hand. No one can give me, no one can take away from me. I only give happiness to myself and I can give abundance, never ending happiness.
This realisation is similar with I alone determine my lovability.
Amen. I am healed. I am whole. Finally I am experiencing this;
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. U r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
Be a light unto yourself
Father, I have found my Light. I am secure.
Father, I realised now the difference being knowing and experiencing. Knowing is knowledge. Experiencing is truth for me. That's where my stories comes in. Like C, she read and know loads but doesn't apply and hence didn't experience it and is not truth for her. I have always been an Applicator. And my learning helps to create teaching to the World is to apply, to practice so all the knowledge u have become ur experience, becomes ur truth.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Dream leds to manifestation
Sept 20
Father, today asanas was effortless. Practice was fine too. But I did doze off during breathing meditation. There were more tots of Z than usual, but I am able to waive it off, so it comes snippets.
Father, I just focus on strengthening my energy. Be the Queen of Diamond - Philanthropist that I am meant to be. I saw the pix of Bill Gates and he looks happier now.
Father, I want to go for spa package at the beach during raining season. It be good just to relax. Do I go alone or with others? Tot of C, then tot of P. J and B normally doesn't go for spa. Also tot of my family. Did think of Z too. Actually I check out the site because I want to go with Z. But now not sure I want to ask since he didn't reply my msg nor call, which is not uncommon. Of course, the mind is acting. I don't want to go there.
My tot; This too will pass.
Father, I think I know Z. He is facing himself. On the plus side, he does actually need a partner who is his friend and who can support him. And I came into his life because he asked for it, eventhough he doesn't know. So, just stay positive. Let him mull his way and besides he now need to face his finances. When he is ready, he will come back to me.
Ask and It is given
As soon as u receive the positive dream, u will know that u r on the path of a more positive real-life manifestation.
Sometimes when u have wanted something for a long while but u do not see any way for it to really happen, u will experience a dream where it does happen. And then, in the pleasant recollection of the dream, u soften ur vibration of resistance and then ur desire can be fulfilled.
Soul
I dreamed of me and Z before we got back together. And we r now back.
I dreamed of me being a promising publishing author.
Afternoon
V read my intro for Firefly 2 and he likes it. He wants me to do a talk show. I said yes, without any hesitation.
Yea, just do step by step.
Father, today asanas was effortless. Practice was fine too. But I did doze off during breathing meditation. There were more tots of Z than usual, but I am able to waive it off, so it comes snippets.
Father, I just focus on strengthening my energy. Be the Queen of Diamond - Philanthropist that I am meant to be. I saw the pix of Bill Gates and he looks happier now.
Father, I want to go for spa package at the beach during raining season. It be good just to relax. Do I go alone or with others? Tot of C, then tot of P. J and B normally doesn't go for spa. Also tot of my family. Did think of Z too. Actually I check out the site because I want to go with Z. But now not sure I want to ask since he didn't reply my msg nor call, which is not uncommon. Of course, the mind is acting. I don't want to go there.
My tot; This too will pass.
Father, I think I know Z. He is facing himself. On the plus side, he does actually need a partner who is his friend and who can support him. And I came into his life because he asked for it, eventhough he doesn't know. So, just stay positive. Let him mull his way and besides he now need to face his finances. When he is ready, he will come back to me.
Ask and It is given
As soon as u receive the positive dream, u will know that u r on the path of a more positive real-life manifestation.
Sometimes when u have wanted something for a long while but u do not see any way for it to really happen, u will experience a dream where it does happen. And then, in the pleasant recollection of the dream, u soften ur vibration of resistance and then ur desire can be fulfilled.
Soul
I dreamed of me and Z before we got back together. And we r now back.
I dreamed of me being a promising publishing author.
Afternoon
V read my intro for Firefly 2 and he likes it. He wants me to do a talk show. I said yes, without any hesitation.
Yea, just do step by step.
Cosmic Reward - my relationship with Z on the right track
Sept 19 Eve2
Father, what an amazing discovery. I always believed U will give me the tools I need. This was totally unexpected. U delivered once more and this time even much faster than I expected.
Now I know for sure that my path on Self Mastery is the right one. And it is true, I need only my own validation. If I don't develop it internally, even if I merge with Z, it would never be enough.
We are both so similar. Both of us are looking for soul mates. He wants a strong mate that has public respect and yet adores him and I want a mate that is totally committed to us and we can merge physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
If he is on right track, he will attract the right partner that can be his friend and support him in his endeavour.
If I am on the right track, I will attract the right partner that is equal to my energy and would enjoy the full symbiotic relationship.
He is teaching me on soul mate rship and I am coaching him on life. We are both best friend to each other.
ACIM
Open-mindedness comes with lack of judgment. As judgment shuts the mind against God's Teacher, so open-mindedness invites Him to come in.
As condemnation judges the Son of God as evil, so open-mindedness permits him to be judged by the Voice of God on His behalf.
Only the open-mindedness can be at peace, for they alone see reason for it.
How do the open-minded forgive? The answer is Nothing is now as it was formerly. Nothing but sparkles now which seem so dull and lifeless before. And above all are all things welcoming, for threat is gone.
Soul
Same message as Beyond Illusion.
Father, what an amazing discovery. I always believed U will give me the tools I need. This was totally unexpected. U delivered once more and this time even much faster than I expected.
Now I know for sure that my path on Self Mastery is the right one. And it is true, I need only my own validation. If I don't develop it internally, even if I merge with Z, it would never be enough.
We are both so similar. Both of us are looking for soul mates. He wants a strong mate that has public respect and yet adores him and I want a mate that is totally committed to us and we can merge physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
If he is on right track, he will attract the right partner that can be his friend and support him in his endeavour.
If I am on the right track, I will attract the right partner that is equal to my energy and would enjoy the full symbiotic relationship.
He is teaching me on soul mate rship and I am coaching him on life. We are both best friend to each other.
ACIM
Open-mindedness comes with lack of judgment. As judgment shuts the mind against God's Teacher, so open-mindedness invites Him to come in.
As condemnation judges the Son of God as evil, so open-mindedness permits him to be judged by the Voice of God on His behalf.
Only the open-mindedness can be at peace, for they alone see reason for it.
How do the open-minded forgive? The answer is Nothing is now as it was formerly. Nothing but sparkles now which seem so dull and lifeless before. And above all are all things welcoming, for threat is gone.
Soul
Same message as Beyond Illusion.
Cosmic Reward - seeing the great learning from the relationship with Z
Sept 19 Eve
Father, thanks for everything.
Ask and It is Given
Unconditional love is really about wanting so much to remain in connection, NO MATTER what manifestations may be happening nearby.
Soul
I will remember this. The Seven of Hearts is linked to Seven of Clubs and Seven of Spades.
I was updating my blog and this came up from journal dated Sept 7
ACIM
It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree of reality should be accorded to them.
He must learn to lay all judgment aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstances. Judgment destroys honesty and shatters trust. No teacher of judge and hope to learn. Without judgement all things are equally acceptable.
Soul
This is exactly same as Beyond Illusions
North Node in Taurus
What I aspire to have
1. Loyalty
2. Taking things one step at a time
3. A sense of self-worth
4. Awareness of personal values
5. Patience
6. Honouring expressed needs of self and others
7. Enjoying the five physical senses
8. Gratitude
9. Awareness of nurturing from Mother Earth
10. Forgiveness
11. Persistence.
Tendencies to leave behind
1. Attraction to crisis situations
2. Overconcern with other people's business
3. Impatience
4. Inappropriate intensity
5. Preoccupation with the psychological motivations of others
6. Resistance to cooperating with what others want
7. Overreacting
8. Destroying something in order to eliminate one part
9. Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
North Node in Taurus
When they see how far they have to go to reach their goal, they panic. All the work involved, the hurdles to overcome - how can they ever get there? So, they pull back from their larger goals owing to fear of failure. It all seems too overwhelming.
The only way long-range goals are reached is by breaking the process into individual steps. And the goal will be reached if each step is completed with total attention.
Soul
I know this. But I am now doing things step by step.
(Oct 31 - no wonder furnishing my bedroom and renovating bathroom feels so overwhelming. Alas, I have chosen the scheme and the base colour to start with. I have also settle the bathroom concept)
North Node in Taurus
Its the same in an important relationship. If these folks meet someone who "rings their bells", the idea of reuniting with their soul mate is so overwhelming that they don't want to think about it; they want to jump right into it - and the result is disaster.
North Node in Taurus
When they think of their goal, they forget getting there is solely up to them and their willingness to do the work. They can feel a lot of emotional intensity worrying about whether they are worthy of the goal.
Soul
I tot I was thinking of price to pay. I guess I was thinking if I can get it. When the chance of success is low, then I won't do it. Looks like the real reason is because of my uncertainty.
North Node in Taurus
They are not accustomed to formulating a strategy for getting to the goal, since in past lives defining the steps was the responsibility of another person.
Now they are learning to determine the goal they would like to accomplish and to formulate a practical plan for achieving. As they take the steps, they are efficient and have a feeling of confidence that "it will work" - and it usually does as long as they systematically follow the steps
Soul
Exactly. I know A and finale Z, but in between I have some difficulty. It is very difficult for me to go step by step as I don't know how. Normally I worked backward from Z and fill in blanks. I always told my staff that I knew the goal that I wanted but I don't know how to get there step by step.
North Node in Taurus
Even so, it is not always easy for these folks to be clear about what they want in life. They need a lot of self-reflection and soul searching to determine what they want to build. And when they do decide, it is important that they remember to tune in to their inner feeling of comfort of whether or not a decision is "on path" for them. When they remain true to that inner sense of what is comfortable (which is a reflection of their own unique boundaries), everything works to their advantage.
When they find spiritual practices they resonate with, their best bet is to apply them on a practical basis in their daily lives.
Soul
Only when I reach early forties that I knew I am good at writing and I have loads to express. And I found meditation so late in life.
North Node in Taurus
Mastering Money - they are too trusting with money. They need to accept responsibility for taking care of their own finances. Only then can they include others without fear of losing their personal power and self-worth. When they feel secure, they can trust the universe in a way that empowers them to see what life is offering.
Taking Charge
To accept responsibility in terms of money and open the doors to personal wealth, they need to deliberately begin paying attention to money; writing down, keeping track of what they are spending and where their money is going. This is empowering. Accumulating money is a game, for which these folks have a real talent. Once they put their minds, they can easily become wealthy.
Soul
I don't keep track. I don't really invest.
North Node in Taurus
Sometimes they feel resentful about having to take charge with money. They are angry about not having the "easier life" they were accustomed to in past incarnation.
They need to take care of money to create a secure financial base that will allow them to take risks in other areas. This gives them a feeling of ease and confidence about life and makes them feel good about themselves.
Soul
I am there. I am commitment free. I have loads of saving that I can work 4 days week with reduced pay. I can also buy and eat things that I enjoy.
North Node in Taurus
They have a natural understanding of how money works and the necessity of circulating money. Their challenge is to circulate it consciously. Once they start using it to build with, they can become very wealthy.
In past lives, they were accustomed to using other people's money that they lost respect for the value of money; they didn't have to earn it themselves. In this lifetime they are learning to respect money and to use it wisely in ways that help it multiply. Money is their teacher. Once they tap into their intuition of how money works, money itself will show them how to make more.
Soul
I know how to spend money within my means. I know money is my freedom, my security. And the con job further confirm my lackaisidal with money. I now need to learn how to multiply my money. Ask and It is Given has shown me the tool.
North Node in Taurus
The accumulation of debt does not work for them. They are master builders when they use common sense and don't take "leap of faith" or try high wire maneuvers without a safety net. But in some ways, they don't respect money and tend to be careless about it.
Soul
Yea, the con job happens because I was careless and I wanted to try leap of faith.
North Node in Taurus
They have lot of fears around money owing to lack of experience in providing for themselves financially in past lives.
But sometimes, they lose control and go on spending spree.
They can't stand feeling restricted financially.
Soul
That's me, except for the spending spree.
North Node in Taurus
The irony is that once they put their nose to the grindstone and accept responsibility for earning and budgeting, they can easily accrue the kind of wealth that will allow them to spend without worry.
But once they have made it, they need to continue to be responsible about handling it - they are not allowed to be unconscious about money in this lifetime.
Soul
Very true. The only saving grace is that I have a finance degree and holds a senior finance position, so that puts me on even footing. But now I want to learn to multiply my money. I want to buy all the beautiful things that I appreciate.
North Node
They are meant toward turning within themselves to connect with wealth of reassurance and peace in their own nature. Thus the bonding they need for security and a sense of self worth can happen within themselves.
Soul
Yea, I found meditation and now practice daily.
Father, thanks for everything.
Ask and It is Given
Unconditional love is really about wanting so much to remain in connection, NO MATTER what manifestations may be happening nearby.
Soul
I will remember this. The Seven of Hearts is linked to Seven of Clubs and Seven of Spades.
I was updating my blog and this came up from journal dated Sept 7
ACIM
It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree of reality should be accorded to them.
He must learn to lay all judgment aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstances. Judgment destroys honesty and shatters trust. No teacher of judge and hope to learn. Without judgement all things are equally acceptable.
Soul
This is exactly same as Beyond Illusions
North Node in Taurus
What I aspire to have
1. Loyalty
2. Taking things one step at a time
3. A sense of self-worth
4. Awareness of personal values
5. Patience
6. Honouring expressed needs of self and others
7. Enjoying the five physical senses
8. Gratitude
9. Awareness of nurturing from Mother Earth
10. Forgiveness
11. Persistence.
Tendencies to leave behind
1. Attraction to crisis situations
2. Overconcern with other people's business
3. Impatience
4. Inappropriate intensity
5. Preoccupation with the psychological motivations of others
6. Resistance to cooperating with what others want
7. Overreacting
8. Destroying something in order to eliminate one part
9. Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
North Node in Taurus
When they see how far they have to go to reach their goal, they panic. All the work involved, the hurdles to overcome - how can they ever get there? So, they pull back from their larger goals owing to fear of failure. It all seems too overwhelming.
The only way long-range goals are reached is by breaking the process into individual steps. And the goal will be reached if each step is completed with total attention.
Soul
I know this. But I am now doing things step by step.
(Oct 31 - no wonder furnishing my bedroom and renovating bathroom feels so overwhelming. Alas, I have chosen the scheme and the base colour to start with. I have also settle the bathroom concept)
North Node in Taurus
Its the same in an important relationship. If these folks meet someone who "rings their bells", the idea of reuniting with their soul mate is so overwhelming that they don't want to think about it; they want to jump right into it - and the result is disaster.
North Node in Taurus
When they think of their goal, they forget getting there is solely up to them and their willingness to do the work. They can feel a lot of emotional intensity worrying about whether they are worthy of the goal.
Soul
I tot I was thinking of price to pay. I guess I was thinking if I can get it. When the chance of success is low, then I won't do it. Looks like the real reason is because of my uncertainty.
North Node in Taurus
They are not accustomed to formulating a strategy for getting to the goal, since in past lives defining the steps was the responsibility of another person.
Now they are learning to determine the goal they would like to accomplish and to formulate a practical plan for achieving. As they take the steps, they are efficient and have a feeling of confidence that "it will work" - and it usually does as long as they systematically follow the steps
Soul
Exactly. I know A and finale Z, but in between I have some difficulty. It is very difficult for me to go step by step as I don't know how. Normally I worked backward from Z and fill in blanks. I always told my staff that I knew the goal that I wanted but I don't know how to get there step by step.
North Node in Taurus
Even so, it is not always easy for these folks to be clear about what they want in life. They need a lot of self-reflection and soul searching to determine what they want to build. And when they do decide, it is important that they remember to tune in to their inner feeling of comfort of whether or not a decision is "on path" for them. When they remain true to that inner sense of what is comfortable (which is a reflection of their own unique boundaries), everything works to their advantage.
When they find spiritual practices they resonate with, their best bet is to apply them on a practical basis in their daily lives.
Soul
Only when I reach early forties that I knew I am good at writing and I have loads to express. And I found meditation so late in life.
North Node in Taurus
Mastering Money - they are too trusting with money. They need to accept responsibility for taking care of their own finances. Only then can they include others without fear of losing their personal power and self-worth. When they feel secure, they can trust the universe in a way that empowers them to see what life is offering.
Taking Charge
To accept responsibility in terms of money and open the doors to personal wealth, they need to deliberately begin paying attention to money; writing down, keeping track of what they are spending and where their money is going. This is empowering. Accumulating money is a game, for which these folks have a real talent. Once they put their minds, they can easily become wealthy.
Soul
I don't keep track. I don't really invest.
North Node in Taurus
Sometimes they feel resentful about having to take charge with money. They are angry about not having the "easier life" they were accustomed to in past incarnation.
They need to take care of money to create a secure financial base that will allow them to take risks in other areas. This gives them a feeling of ease and confidence about life and makes them feel good about themselves.
Soul
I am there. I am commitment free. I have loads of saving that I can work 4 days week with reduced pay. I can also buy and eat things that I enjoy.
North Node in Taurus
They have a natural understanding of how money works and the necessity of circulating money. Their challenge is to circulate it consciously. Once they start using it to build with, they can become very wealthy.
In past lives, they were accustomed to using other people's money that they lost respect for the value of money; they didn't have to earn it themselves. In this lifetime they are learning to respect money and to use it wisely in ways that help it multiply. Money is their teacher. Once they tap into their intuition of how money works, money itself will show them how to make more.
Soul
I know how to spend money within my means. I know money is my freedom, my security. And the con job further confirm my lackaisidal with money. I now need to learn how to multiply my money. Ask and It is Given has shown me the tool.
North Node in Taurus
The accumulation of debt does not work for them. They are master builders when they use common sense and don't take "leap of faith" or try high wire maneuvers without a safety net. But in some ways, they don't respect money and tend to be careless about it.
Soul
Yea, the con job happens because I was careless and I wanted to try leap of faith.
North Node in Taurus
They have lot of fears around money owing to lack of experience in providing for themselves financially in past lives.
But sometimes, they lose control and go on spending spree.
They can't stand feeling restricted financially.
Soul
That's me, except for the spending spree.
North Node in Taurus
The irony is that once they put their nose to the grindstone and accept responsibility for earning and budgeting, they can easily accrue the kind of wealth that will allow them to spend without worry.
But once they have made it, they need to continue to be responsible about handling it - they are not allowed to be unconscious about money in this lifetime.
Soul
Very true. The only saving grace is that I have a finance degree and holds a senior finance position, so that puts me on even footing. But now I want to learn to multiply my money. I want to buy all the beautiful things that I appreciate.
North Node
They are meant toward turning within themselves to connect with wealth of reassurance and peace in their own nature. Thus the bonding they need for security and a sense of self worth can happen within themselves.
Soul
Yea, I found meditation and now practice daily.
Cosmic Reward - seeing the mirror in Z
Sept 19 Aft (Beyond Illusion on my rship with Z)
Father, meditation really works. Just discovered that our payroll margin has exceeded the benchmarks and quickly I improvise. The old me would have reacted. The new me, just did it and send a mail to inform the Mgm. I no longer take it personally.
I am feeling fine.
1. The Issue
Healing
U carry ur wound. With the ego, ur whole being is a wound. Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt u; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we r no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Soul
On Z, I realised like me, whenever he is wounded, he close up. He is used to having and spending money. Mmm, he said his ex-wife and new husband went for overseas trip. And previously his wife was not keen to go with him. And here, himself also cannot afford. Like he said, he cannot even afford my food. I guess I was bit tactless when he joked that I tendered resignation and my response was how could I do so as he cannot even support my living.
And here last weekend, I keep on sharing about my food appointments, it must have hit him also.
Father, he has been on dry zone for nearly 9 months. He cannot afford us, and yet he wanted it. So, I must be in his list of Top 5 too. He doesn't like to owe anyone, and yet he has to owe me.
(Oct 31 - I am always thinking that he is in my Top 5 and now I realised I am also in his Top 5 as he would make time for me.)
Yea, instead of thinking of me, he is just safeguarding his wound.
Father, I felt a sense of ease. For the first time, I am having alternative tots. I keep on saying I am in unfair position...actually maybe not so. A tot came, I want to ask him to come to my house when he needs me instead of waiting for our meetup, that he cannot afford.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Through the rising of inner sun, meditation is born. This card reminds us not to look out for what is real, but to look within.
When we focus on externals, we too often get caught up in judgements - this is good, this is bad, I want this, I don't want that. These judgements keeps us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There, u can relax into ur own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.
Soul
Yea. A tot came, I do criticised Z more than he did me. He only asked how he can be for me. He seldom tell me how I am not for him. He didn't even dare to tell me that he hated it when I called him arrogant bastard. He also didn't tell me that he prefer me in nightgown rather than pyjamas.
Father, suddenly I see a opposite pix, me being at higher vantage. I was so fixed on the fact that he doesn't want me as wife that I didn't realise how sweet he has been to me. His only vice is at times his lack of response, which used to hit me badly that I forgot the good.
I keep on saying he is using me for pleasure but I am also the same, I am using him for my growth. I keep on saying he will leave me when he is done and here I intend to leave him once I have learned my lesson and grown up.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Comparison.
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority, superiority, disappears. Then u r, u r simply there.
The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
4. What is needed for resolution
Success
Enjoy the peak while it last and the enjoy the valley when it comes. What is wrong with the valley! What is wrong with being low? It is a relaxation. A peak is an excitement, and nobody can exist continuously in an excitement.
Squeeze every drop of juice out of the happiness u r experiencing now, u will be able to take the future as it comes without regrets.
All the phenomena in the parade of ur life, whether they be valleys or peaks, is that "this too will pass".
5. Resolution
Aloneness
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. U r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
Be a light unto urself.
Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Soul
Amen.
Father, meditation really works. Just discovered that our payroll margin has exceeded the benchmarks and quickly I improvise. The old me would have reacted. The new me, just did it and send a mail to inform the Mgm. I no longer take it personally.
I am feeling fine.
1. The Issue
Healing
U carry ur wound. With the ego, ur whole being is a wound. Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt u; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we r no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Soul
On Z, I realised like me, whenever he is wounded, he close up. He is used to having and spending money. Mmm, he said his ex-wife and new husband went for overseas trip. And previously his wife was not keen to go with him. And here, himself also cannot afford. Like he said, he cannot even afford my food. I guess I was bit tactless when he joked that I tendered resignation and my response was how could I do so as he cannot even support my living.
And here last weekend, I keep on sharing about my food appointments, it must have hit him also.
Father, he has been on dry zone for nearly 9 months. He cannot afford us, and yet he wanted it. So, I must be in his list of Top 5 too. He doesn't like to owe anyone, and yet he has to owe me.
(Oct 31 - I am always thinking that he is in my Top 5 and now I realised I am also in his Top 5 as he would make time for me.)
Yea, instead of thinking of me, he is just safeguarding his wound.
Father, I felt a sense of ease. For the first time, I am having alternative tots. I keep on saying I am in unfair position...actually maybe not so. A tot came, I want to ask him to come to my house when he needs me instead of waiting for our meetup, that he cannot afford.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Through the rising of inner sun, meditation is born. This card reminds us not to look out for what is real, but to look within.
When we focus on externals, we too often get caught up in judgements - this is good, this is bad, I want this, I don't want that. These judgements keeps us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There, u can relax into ur own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.
Soul
Yea. A tot came, I do criticised Z more than he did me. He only asked how he can be for me. He seldom tell me how I am not for him. He didn't even dare to tell me that he hated it when I called him arrogant bastard. He also didn't tell me that he prefer me in nightgown rather than pyjamas.
Father, suddenly I see a opposite pix, me being at higher vantage. I was so fixed on the fact that he doesn't want me as wife that I didn't realise how sweet he has been to me. His only vice is at times his lack of response, which used to hit me badly that I forgot the good.
I keep on saying he is using me for pleasure but I am also the same, I am using him for my growth. I keep on saying he will leave me when he is done and here I intend to leave him once I have learned my lesson and grown up.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Comparison.
Comparison brings inferiority, superiority. When u don't compare, all inferiority, superiority, disappears. Then u r, u r simply there.
The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.
4. What is needed for resolution
Success
Enjoy the peak while it last and the enjoy the valley when it comes. What is wrong with the valley! What is wrong with being low? It is a relaxation. A peak is an excitement, and nobody can exist continuously in an excitement.
Squeeze every drop of juice out of the happiness u r experiencing now, u will be able to take the future as it comes without regrets.
All the phenomena in the parade of ur life, whether they be valleys or peaks, is that "this too will pass".
5. Resolution
Aloneness
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. U r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
Be a light unto urself.
Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Soul
Amen.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Motivation for meditation
Sept 19
Father, today suria was effortless. Did my practice and then slept. Was bit tired.
I also realised I still tend to ask that I be strong to face rejection from Z. Or rather, lack of response from Z. Of course, these days I handle it better as I don't take it as a representation of my lovability. What I want is to make sure I asked that Z always respond lovingly. Yea, asked that my joyful time with Z during meetup be extended to weekly basis.
Father, I read the Cosmic Nodes on money and it is reflective of me. I will change. I will keep track of money I have. I like the money game. I am Queen of Diamonds, its time not to suppress my desires to have.
Ask and It is Given
Summon the Energy through the power of ur desire and mold it through the power of ur imagination.
Soul
Both of which I have closed.
Ask and It is Given
Meditation is a process that can give the immediate benefit of changing ur beliefs in a much shorter time.
When u quiet ur mind, u offer no tot; and when u do so, u offer no resistance; and when u have activated no resistant tot, the vibration of ur Being is high and fast and pure.
A decision is the focusing of the vibration of desire, and the desire point happens when the desire is powerful enough. The only discipline that we would like u to exercise is to make a decision that nothing is more important than u feel good, and that u r going to find tots that feel better. Ur natural high vibration is the only thing worthy of discipline.
Once u have released resistance and are soaring in ur natural pure, high vibration - u will feel an involuntary movement in ur body. It may sway slightly from side to side or forward and backward or ur head may roll gently from side to side. Or u may simply feel a sensation of movement or of a yawn. But any or all of these sensations or movement are indicators of ur achievement of a state of Meditation. Ur point of attraction will now have changed and ur state of allowing will be in place.
A big benefit that u will notice right away is that things u have been wanting will begin showing up.
Everything is about relationship with Energy. Everyone u know, who is having every experience that u know, is having it because of the focused desire that their life has brought to them and the state of allowing or resistance that they are in at any moment.
Father, today suria was effortless. Did my practice and then slept. Was bit tired.
I also realised I still tend to ask that I be strong to face rejection from Z. Or rather, lack of response from Z. Of course, these days I handle it better as I don't take it as a representation of my lovability. What I want is to make sure I asked that Z always respond lovingly. Yea, asked that my joyful time with Z during meetup be extended to weekly basis.
Father, I read the Cosmic Nodes on money and it is reflective of me. I will change. I will keep track of money I have. I like the money game. I am Queen of Diamonds, its time not to suppress my desires to have.
Ask and It is Given
Summon the Energy through the power of ur desire and mold it through the power of ur imagination.
Soul
Both of which I have closed.
Ask and It is Given
Meditation is a process that can give the immediate benefit of changing ur beliefs in a much shorter time.
When u quiet ur mind, u offer no tot; and when u do so, u offer no resistance; and when u have activated no resistant tot, the vibration of ur Being is high and fast and pure.
A decision is the focusing of the vibration of desire, and the desire point happens when the desire is powerful enough. The only discipline that we would like u to exercise is to make a decision that nothing is more important than u feel good, and that u r going to find tots that feel better. Ur natural high vibration is the only thing worthy of discipline.
Once u have released resistance and are soaring in ur natural pure, high vibration - u will feel an involuntary movement in ur body. It may sway slightly from side to side or forward and backward or ur head may roll gently from side to side. Or u may simply feel a sensation of movement or of a yawn. But any or all of these sensations or movement are indicators of ur achievement of a state of Meditation. Ur point of attraction will now have changed and ur state of allowing will be in place.
A big benefit that u will notice right away is that things u have been wanting will begin showing up.
Everything is about relationship with Energy. Everyone u know, who is having every experience that u know, is having it because of the focused desire that their life has brought to them and the state of allowing or resistance that they are in at any moment.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Finding my values and living by my own values
Sept 18 Eve
Still no response from him but I am fine. Perhaps this could be me still asking wrong thing or could be him shielding himself from me, a positive thing. If I am not a risk, he need not shield. Of cos, the mind said maybe not based on his South nodes in Leo. Well, I need to interpret what makes me feel good.
Of course mind did want to do a sommer sault and go back into shell but I said no.
And for the first time, when he is ready, I want to ask why he respond like that.
Also, I want to learn to discern his expressed needs. Once he did voice out that he wants to come over and I asked if he was serious and he said yes, but I told him nope and brush it off. He has never asked me since.
Last week, for the first time he asked to extend our stay. Again, I asked if he was serious as I tot he was fooling around. He said yes, but I just keep silent and ignored his question, which means I am not keen.
Father, I am learning. Mmm, in my case I open and close and move side way and later I open again. In his case, he open and closed permanently. He is my mirror and his fear of rejection is worse off than mine.
He always asked me what I like about him, what I like him to do, or be. For me, I never asked cos I just be myself. Even simple things like pyjama, I sense that he wanted lingerie but he never said so and I assumed he is fine with pyjama. Later, I wore a simple nightgown and he told me he like it and prefer that over pyjama.
Father, he seldom tells me what he doesn't like, whereas I had no qualms of telling him what I doesn't like.
The special moisturiser is working and my ankle skin is now nearly healed.
North Node in Taurus
The most important goal for Taurus to pledge themselves to their own values and build a sense of self worth.
They are learning that they can't establish self-worth by going along with others" values to gain validation, nor can they attain self-worth through resisting others' values. Either way, they lose.
They win when they discover what is truly important and precious to them; their own values. Self-worth will come as a by-product of living according to those values.
They recognise the truth of this but may still feel lost when it comes to knowing what their values are. And that's fine. They have a clean slate - a unique opportunity to get in touch with what is in the deepest level of their souls. The idea is to consciously discover what is important to them what values give them a sense of being grounded, confident and able to face the world without anxiety.
Soul
Reminds me of my 1st karma of Three of Diamonds and later me knowing my Top 5 by doing Passion Tests.
North Node in Taurus
Whenever they are uncertain which road to take; they can ask themselves,"Would taking this action make me feel good about myself, regardless of the consequence in the outer world?". If the answer is yes, they can proceed with confidence.
Soul
Yea, I am doing that these days. When they wanted me to have more responsibility in Isha. I learned to say nope, after having a dream in which I felt estatic for being selected as a promising author.
North node in Taurus
To further discriminate, "Does choosing this direction make me feel comfortable, or anxious?". When they choose to move in alignment with their comfort zone, they win; if they opt for anxiety, with no safety net, they lose.
"Is this path leading to inner peace or will it create more crisis?". Inner peace will lead to victory for them.
"Is my motive self-validation, or to gain validation of others?" Those pathways that validate the principles they think are inherently valuable and that give them a sense of self-esteem help them win.
Self empowerment
They are so accustomed to empowering others that they have forgotten how to empower themselves. In this lifetime, their challenge is to turn the spotlight and make themselves powerful.
This is a lifetime to take their power back, to use it for themselves rather than giving it away or sharing it in ways that are not responsible to themselves.
They should ask themselves what they want to build. What projects give them energy? Once they know what it is, they need to feed themselves support and encouragement.
These folks are learning not to waste energy, whether in the form of time, money or personal talents. Its very easy to divert their energy away from building comfort and security. They may even distract themselves, spending time doing anything else, because they don't feel confident in doing things to fill their own needs. Yet when they approach it on practical level and proceed step by step toward their goal, they gain assurance.
Soul
Yea, I was distracted by Sadhguru public talk, I was then disappointed with the lack of success or rather no success and tot I was above my head on my writing. I then turned to 7thunder readings. And now I am back on track. I need to empower myself and overcome my Saturn of Seven of Clubs, my Cosmic lesson of Seven of Spades and lifetime challenge of Seven of Hearts.
North Node in Taurus
They tend to be unwilling to give 100 percent of themselves. They hold back because they are afraid of failure and don't want to undermine their self worth.
Actually, if they do give 100 percent and don't attain their goal, they still feel good about themselves because they know they did their best.
But when they hold back and fail, they are never sure: "If I really had done my best, would I have succeeded?" and that does undermine their self-confidence.
Soul
Amen. Father, thank U for this. I tot I had to go Ashram to find my answers. Looks like I received what I asked for and very fast too. Amen.
Father, not sure why.
North Node in Taurus
Sometimes the best thing that can happen to these folks is to encounter a situation in which they are forced to do their best. When its all or nothing and they are forced to open up all the way, that's when they truly get in touch with their own power. And tremendous self-worth is born from it.
They are learning to recognise their own power - that it comes from within and is not dependent on anyone else. The idea is for them to do things that allow the power within to come forth naturally.
Devoting time to projects that make money for them or provide comfort or security is empowering for them.
They gain power when they have the courage to walk through difficult times and experience a positive outcome.
They gain power when they communicate what is truly important to them, regardless of others' opinions and see the situation turn out well.
When they step outside of society"s values and get in touch with their own values, they find power every time they are true to themselves.
Soul
Now I know why I need to overcome Seven of Club and Seven of Spades.
The Seven of Hearts was just a platform for me to overcome. Only my power in romantic relationship is an issue.
Father, thanks to Z for being the tool.
(Oct 2 - Father, i didn't hold back in my talk with Z. I declared my love for him. I also told him that I wanted a committed relationship. Since he cannot give me that, we have to discuss on an amicable exit plan.)
Still no response from him but I am fine. Perhaps this could be me still asking wrong thing or could be him shielding himself from me, a positive thing. If I am not a risk, he need not shield. Of cos, the mind said maybe not based on his South nodes in Leo. Well, I need to interpret what makes me feel good.
Of course mind did want to do a sommer sault and go back into shell but I said no.
And for the first time, when he is ready, I want to ask why he respond like that.
Also, I want to learn to discern his expressed needs. Once he did voice out that he wants to come over and I asked if he was serious and he said yes, but I told him nope and brush it off. He has never asked me since.
Last week, for the first time he asked to extend our stay. Again, I asked if he was serious as I tot he was fooling around. He said yes, but I just keep silent and ignored his question, which means I am not keen.
Father, I am learning. Mmm, in my case I open and close and move side way and later I open again. In his case, he open and closed permanently. He is my mirror and his fear of rejection is worse off than mine.
He always asked me what I like about him, what I like him to do, or be. For me, I never asked cos I just be myself. Even simple things like pyjama, I sense that he wanted lingerie but he never said so and I assumed he is fine with pyjama. Later, I wore a simple nightgown and he told me he like it and prefer that over pyjama.
Father, he seldom tells me what he doesn't like, whereas I had no qualms of telling him what I doesn't like.
The special moisturiser is working and my ankle skin is now nearly healed.
North Node in Taurus
The most important goal for Taurus to pledge themselves to their own values and build a sense of self worth.
They are learning that they can't establish self-worth by going along with others" values to gain validation, nor can they attain self-worth through resisting others' values. Either way, they lose.
They win when they discover what is truly important and precious to them; their own values. Self-worth will come as a by-product of living according to those values.
They recognise the truth of this but may still feel lost when it comes to knowing what their values are. And that's fine. They have a clean slate - a unique opportunity to get in touch with what is in the deepest level of their souls. The idea is to consciously discover what is important to them what values give them a sense of being grounded, confident and able to face the world without anxiety.
Soul
Reminds me of my 1st karma of Three of Diamonds and later me knowing my Top 5 by doing Passion Tests.
North Node in Taurus
Whenever they are uncertain which road to take; they can ask themselves,"Would taking this action make me feel good about myself, regardless of the consequence in the outer world?". If the answer is yes, they can proceed with confidence.
Soul
Yea, I am doing that these days. When they wanted me to have more responsibility in Isha. I learned to say nope, after having a dream in which I felt estatic for being selected as a promising author.
North node in Taurus
To further discriminate, "Does choosing this direction make me feel comfortable, or anxious?". When they choose to move in alignment with their comfort zone, they win; if they opt for anxiety, with no safety net, they lose.
"Is this path leading to inner peace or will it create more crisis?". Inner peace will lead to victory for them.
"Is my motive self-validation, or to gain validation of others?" Those pathways that validate the principles they think are inherently valuable and that give them a sense of self-esteem help them win.
Self empowerment
They are so accustomed to empowering others that they have forgotten how to empower themselves. In this lifetime, their challenge is to turn the spotlight and make themselves powerful.
This is a lifetime to take their power back, to use it for themselves rather than giving it away or sharing it in ways that are not responsible to themselves.
They should ask themselves what they want to build. What projects give them energy? Once they know what it is, they need to feed themselves support and encouragement.
These folks are learning not to waste energy, whether in the form of time, money or personal talents. Its very easy to divert their energy away from building comfort and security. They may even distract themselves, spending time doing anything else, because they don't feel confident in doing things to fill their own needs. Yet when they approach it on practical level and proceed step by step toward their goal, they gain assurance.
Soul
Yea, I was distracted by Sadhguru public talk, I was then disappointed with the lack of success or rather no success and tot I was above my head on my writing. I then turned to 7thunder readings. And now I am back on track. I need to empower myself and overcome my Saturn of Seven of Clubs, my Cosmic lesson of Seven of Spades and lifetime challenge of Seven of Hearts.
North Node in Taurus
They tend to be unwilling to give 100 percent of themselves. They hold back because they are afraid of failure and don't want to undermine their self worth.
Actually, if they do give 100 percent and don't attain their goal, they still feel good about themselves because they know they did their best.
But when they hold back and fail, they are never sure: "If I really had done my best, would I have succeeded?" and that does undermine their self-confidence.
Soul
Amen. Father, thank U for this. I tot I had to go Ashram to find my answers. Looks like I received what I asked for and very fast too. Amen.
Father, not sure why.
North Node in Taurus
Sometimes the best thing that can happen to these folks is to encounter a situation in which they are forced to do their best. When its all or nothing and they are forced to open up all the way, that's when they truly get in touch with their own power. And tremendous self-worth is born from it.
They are learning to recognise their own power - that it comes from within and is not dependent on anyone else. The idea is for them to do things that allow the power within to come forth naturally.
Devoting time to projects that make money for them or provide comfort or security is empowering for them.
They gain power when they have the courage to walk through difficult times and experience a positive outcome.
They gain power when they communicate what is truly important to them, regardless of others' opinions and see the situation turn out well.
When they step outside of society"s values and get in touch with their own values, they find power every time they are true to themselves.
Soul
Now I know why I need to overcome Seven of Club and Seven of Spades.
The Seven of Hearts was just a platform for me to overcome. Only my power in romantic relationship is an issue.
Father, thanks to Z for being the tool.
(Oct 2 - Father, i didn't hold back in my talk with Z. I declared my love for him. I also told him that I wanted a committed relationship. Since he cannot give me that, we have to discuss on an amicable exit plan.)
Tear down my amour
Sept 18
Dream
I am the most promising writer. The publisher want to train me. They asked an establish writer, a white guy that looked like Dean to guide me. I was ecstatic and shared with my family and friends.
I have not been following my dream. At least Ch has quit her job to do freelance. But for me, I don't have to quit. I just need to be hardworking.
Just finished my walk. Have a peace of mind, and I was singing intermittently whenever the beauty of grasses awed me. Father, I don't need another job. What I need is just to follow thru with my writing and 7thunder and helps out in Isha.
Afternoon
I have informed 2 core Isha members that I will handle frontal communication and also communication with teacher. But the rest, they will take the lead.
I am sure I want to do my writings. Coincidentally V finally replied on my write for readings and tools, so I am on the right track.
I commit to help Isha with promotion - frontal communication but I have to go back to my dream.
Today card
Six of Clubs
We become aware of a special purpose in our life, something to do with sharing higher knowledge with others. It has also been called the Way-Shower's Card.
Thus it can be a harbinger of an important mission for u, one which will lead u to a higher purpose and life style.
Soul
Amen.
I called Z for his running link. The old me would have clamped up cos he didn't reply my message. After reading his South Nodes in Leo, I got 2 choice. I could either be negative and suffer or I could be positive and take this opportunity to let go of my negative tots and not take it personally. No one can affects me unless I allow them to do so. I am improving.
When I called and no response. My first tot was he is sleeping and I even msg him. This a first for me. I also remember my card, The Fool. And I remember my Cosmic Lesson, Seven of Spades.
Instead of saying he is making me suffer and be my Pluto, I am turning it around and take charge of it. He may be an arrogant bastard and etc, but he is a good man and behind all, he just wants to be loved but don't know to get it...hence his dream of Eight of Hearts...reminds me of myself. Another mirror.
Father, I am tearing down my amour.
Father, I felt good after informing the 2 core volunteers that I am taking a stand back. My values are cleared. And both of them is willing to take up the responsibilities.
I have just compiled and written 7thunders profile and now compiling Firefly Vol 2 and I felt great.
Father, the restlessness is gone. I found my path, I just need to walk. As for Z, just take up challenge and open my amour. There is really nothing to lose. And I am learning to be in a relationship. He is my boyfriend now, eventhough it may be a secret. So, I just need to practice.
I realised I tend to comfort myself for the outcome that he didn't respond. I also project my action if he didn't respond. Why don't I project my response if he calls. Father, I want to over turn my negative tots. Let me stay on faith. Let me not go back.
Father, no response from him still. But I already got my cake. I compiled Firefly 2 and I think it looks great. Again the outcome is not external, not him. The outcome is internal, me. I am happy and fulfilled.
Dream
I am the most promising writer. The publisher want to train me. They asked an establish writer, a white guy that looked like Dean to guide me. I was ecstatic and shared with my family and friends.
I have not been following my dream. At least Ch has quit her job to do freelance. But for me, I don't have to quit. I just need to be hardworking.
Just finished my walk. Have a peace of mind, and I was singing intermittently whenever the beauty of grasses awed me. Father, I don't need another job. What I need is just to follow thru with my writing and 7thunder and helps out in Isha.
Afternoon
I have informed 2 core Isha members that I will handle frontal communication and also communication with teacher. But the rest, they will take the lead.
I am sure I want to do my writings. Coincidentally V finally replied on my write for readings and tools, so I am on the right track.
I commit to help Isha with promotion - frontal communication but I have to go back to my dream.
Today card
Six of Clubs
We become aware of a special purpose in our life, something to do with sharing higher knowledge with others. It has also been called the Way-Shower's Card.
Thus it can be a harbinger of an important mission for u, one which will lead u to a higher purpose and life style.
Soul
Amen.
I called Z for his running link. The old me would have clamped up cos he didn't reply my message. After reading his South Nodes in Leo, I got 2 choice. I could either be negative and suffer or I could be positive and take this opportunity to let go of my negative tots and not take it personally. No one can affects me unless I allow them to do so. I am improving.
When I called and no response. My first tot was he is sleeping and I even msg him. This a first for me. I also remember my card, The Fool. And I remember my Cosmic Lesson, Seven of Spades.
Instead of saying he is making me suffer and be my Pluto, I am turning it around and take charge of it. He may be an arrogant bastard and etc, but he is a good man and behind all, he just wants to be loved but don't know to get it...hence his dream of Eight of Hearts...reminds me of myself. Another mirror.
Father, I am tearing down my amour.
Father, I felt good after informing the 2 core volunteers that I am taking a stand back. My values are cleared. And both of them is willing to take up the responsibilities.
I have just compiled and written 7thunders profile and now compiling Firefly Vol 2 and I felt great.
Father, the restlessness is gone. I found my path, I just need to walk. As for Z, just take up challenge and open my amour. There is really nothing to lose. And I am learning to be in a relationship. He is my boyfriend now, eventhough it may be a secret. So, I just need to practice.
I realised I tend to comfort myself for the outcome that he didn't respond. I also project my action if he didn't respond. Why don't I project my response if he calls. Father, I want to over turn my negative tots. Let me stay on faith. Let me not go back.
Father, no response from him still. But I already got my cake. I compiled Firefly 2 and I think it looks great. Again the outcome is not external, not him. The outcome is internal, me. I am happy and fulfilled.
South Nodes in Scorpio - letting go of values
Sept 17 Eve
South Nodes in Scorpio
Let go of values that are no longer accurate and are actually draining their energy
1. Re-evaluate the values and ideals that are holding them back - values regarding work, religion, relationships, self-worth, ethics, creativity, family, goals and etc - about what people have to do in order to be "okay".
If u think u need to do this to be okay, if u feel a sense of heaviness, u know u can release that idea and feel lighter.
2. U need to become more interested in other people's values. They need to truly listen to what others think is important, since other people can offer valuable perspectives that energises them and lighten their loads.
In past lives, these folks did not notice the value of the people around them, and now their challenge is to recognise the strengths and talents of others and join them for mutual empowerment. They are scheduled to let go of resistance to partnering and sharing resources. They are learning how to merge their power with others, re-energising their life and making their path easier.
Any steps they take in the direction of gaining insight - by keeping a journal, undergoing psychotheraphy, or learning self mastery through taking risks and having transformational experiences will reap immediate rewards.
They are fearful of one on one connection, because they have not asked themselves, "What does the other person need?". What support him? What would empower him? When they take the focus of themselves and truly tune in to what they need, it establishes a feeling of rapport. To do this, they must overcome the fear that they won't be liked or that people will be angry.
South Nodes in Scorpio
Let go of values that are no longer accurate and are actually draining their energy
1. Re-evaluate the values and ideals that are holding them back - values regarding work, religion, relationships, self-worth, ethics, creativity, family, goals and etc - about what people have to do in order to be "okay".
If u think u need to do this to be okay, if u feel a sense of heaviness, u know u can release that idea and feel lighter.
2. U need to become more interested in other people's values. They need to truly listen to what others think is important, since other people can offer valuable perspectives that energises them and lighten their loads.
In past lives, these folks did not notice the value of the people around them, and now their challenge is to recognise the strengths and talents of others and join them for mutual empowerment. They are scheduled to let go of resistance to partnering and sharing resources. They are learning how to merge their power with others, re-energising their life and making their path easier.
Any steps they take in the direction of gaining insight - by keeping a journal, undergoing psychotheraphy, or learning self mastery through taking risks and having transformational experiences will reap immediate rewards.
They are fearful of one on one connection, because they have not asked themselves, "What does the other person need?". What support him? What would empower him? When they take the focus of themselves and truly tune in to what they need, it establishes a feeling of rapport. To do this, they must overcome the fear that they won't be liked or that people will be angry.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Seeing my complexes when it comes to relationship
Sept 17
Father, I had great conversation with S. For the first time, the food doesn't matter. 7thunder is really true, finally I saw her 7 Diamond.
One thing I saw was my envious feeling coming up when she said she attract guys with money. She then confessed he always ask for guy with money. The only part not ok is she forgot to focus on the attributes.
When the envious tot came up. Instead of feeling it. I asked myself. Do I really want guys with money? I used to think I want. But I wouldn't trade the Ferrari for Z. To me what is important is that my body must resonate with him. I recalled my judgement on my boss. She was beautiful and smart but married a hideous looking rich guy. I couldn't understand how she could bear to be with him.
Mmm, Z was right when he said I go for tall, good looking guy. Looking back on my history. The first boy was tall and handsome, then CT was tall but little looks but smart and somehow I couldn't accept him as my boyfriend and in the end we never took off. Then many years later I fell for M who is tall, fair, quite handsome and smart and rich. Then many eons later I fell for A, who I is tall, dark and quite handsome and we r compatible mentally. I also had attraction for Rj for his mental but later I found out he was tall and the attraction started.
Then eons later, I fell for Z who is tall, dark and handsome. He was the first guy who got through my barrier. He bulldoze through all my barriers. He ignore all my complexes and insist we bond on his terms. Later we broke off but he still hold on and ask for us to bond again. He peels of layers and layers of me. Whatever happens, I am always thankful he persevere and ignored all my complexes.
When I was sharing with S, she commented that I don't dare to call Z my boyfriend and insist of calling him my friend. I said yes, cos our rship is not "boyfriend/girlfriend" in the normal sense. Whereas Z already said he is my boyfriend. Then I realised I am the Sun, if I couldn't see him as my boyfriend, we cannot move. So, he is my boyfriend.
Text him.
Just realised I am home alone tonite. But I got dinner appt and u got running tomorrow. Maybe next time :)
Mmm, I realised that I already said no and I was even thinking he won't respond when I send the text and the price to pay 'rejection'. And true enough, he didn't respond. But luckily I am now fine and don't take his non-response personally. Besides he told me he read msg last.
Father, I must focus on what I want and know I will get it. Now I keep on saying he is my boyfriend. I must remember I am the Sun in both Life and Spiritual connection, I must lead. If I keep on being afraid of rejection, I won't initiate and I am stuck. And if I keep on saying no to him, I will also be stuck.
Father, I had great conversation with S. For the first time, the food doesn't matter. 7thunder is really true, finally I saw her 7 Diamond.
One thing I saw was my envious feeling coming up when she said she attract guys with money. She then confessed he always ask for guy with money. The only part not ok is she forgot to focus on the attributes.
When the envious tot came up. Instead of feeling it. I asked myself. Do I really want guys with money? I used to think I want. But I wouldn't trade the Ferrari for Z. To me what is important is that my body must resonate with him. I recalled my judgement on my boss. She was beautiful and smart but married a hideous looking rich guy. I couldn't understand how she could bear to be with him.
Mmm, Z was right when he said I go for tall, good looking guy. Looking back on my history. The first boy was tall and handsome, then CT was tall but little looks but smart and somehow I couldn't accept him as my boyfriend and in the end we never took off. Then many years later I fell for M who is tall, fair, quite handsome and smart and rich. Then many eons later I fell for A, who I is tall, dark and quite handsome and we r compatible mentally. I also had attraction for Rj for his mental but later I found out he was tall and the attraction started.
Then eons later, I fell for Z who is tall, dark and handsome. He was the first guy who got through my barrier. He bulldoze through all my barriers. He ignore all my complexes and insist we bond on his terms. Later we broke off but he still hold on and ask for us to bond again. He peels of layers and layers of me. Whatever happens, I am always thankful he persevere and ignored all my complexes.
When I was sharing with S, she commented that I don't dare to call Z my boyfriend and insist of calling him my friend. I said yes, cos our rship is not "boyfriend/girlfriend" in the normal sense. Whereas Z already said he is my boyfriend. Then I realised I am the Sun, if I couldn't see him as my boyfriend, we cannot move. So, he is my boyfriend.
Text him.
Just realised I am home alone tonite. But I got dinner appt and u got running tomorrow. Maybe next time :)
Mmm, I realised that I already said no and I was even thinking he won't respond when I send the text and the price to pay 'rejection'. And true enough, he didn't respond. But luckily I am now fine and don't take his non-response personally. Besides he told me he read msg last.
Father, I must focus on what I want and know I will get it. Now I keep on saying he is my boyfriend. I must remember I am the Sun in both Life and Spiritual connection, I must lead. If I keep on being afraid of rejection, I won't initiate and I am stuck. And if I keep on saying no to him, I will also be stuck.
Loving Z physically
Sept 15
Mmm, this morning suria was not effortless. The practices was good and plough back also fine. But I slept thereafter.
Tot of Z more today cos we r meeting up. Love snuggling with him.
Sept 16
Father, we spend the longest time in the room. It was exciting and fun but now m feeling tired. For a moment, he asked us to stay for 2nd night. I asked if he was serious and he said he was but m not keen. Father, too much sex is quite draining and I need time alone. Besides he is not feeling well.
When I was reading my Nodes to him, he saw the part that I am ready to settle down and he pointed at it and look at me.
(Oct 2 - yes, it is true, I am settling down)
This is what North Node in Taurus by Raging Universe blog
Roots, stability, and endurance. After vast experience with upheaval, the Taurus NN is ready to put down roots. Ownership becomes more and more attractive as time goes on, since she wants to settle down and dig into experience without being forced to deal with destructive elements sweeping through and demolishing what she creates.
Steadiness and endurance are latent talents unfolding and excitement is no longer always connected to crisis and change. In fact, excitement becomes less necessary as a pursuit in and of itself, when the smallest things can be so enjoyable.
Mmm, this morning suria was not effortless. The practices was good and plough back also fine. But I slept thereafter.
Tot of Z more today cos we r meeting up. Love snuggling with him.
Sept 16
Father, we spend the longest time in the room. It was exciting and fun but now m feeling tired. For a moment, he asked us to stay for 2nd night. I asked if he was serious and he said he was but m not keen. Father, too much sex is quite draining and I need time alone. Besides he is not feeling well.
When I was reading my Nodes to him, he saw the part that I am ready to settle down and he pointed at it and look at me.
(Oct 2 - yes, it is true, I am settling down)
This is what North Node in Taurus by Raging Universe blog
Roots, stability, and endurance. After vast experience with upheaval, the Taurus NN is ready to put down roots. Ownership becomes more and more attractive as time goes on, since she wants to settle down and dig into experience without being forced to deal with destructive elements sweeping through and demolishing what she creates.
Steadiness and endurance are latent talents unfolding and excitement is no longer always connected to crisis and change. In fact, excitement becomes less necessary as a pursuit in and of itself, when the smallest things can be so enjoyable.
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