Aug 22 Aft
Ask and It is Given
Unconditional love is really about wanting so much to remain in connection with your Source of Love that u deliberately choose tots that allow ur connection, no matter what manifestations may be happening nearby.
When u choose better feeling tots, the conditions that surrounds u have to change.
Soul
This morning I asked how to have faith when u cannot have expectation.
Answer came;
Wanting in belief is live giving
Wanting in doubt is horrible.
And now u know u have a choice.
Soul
In my case, I have been trying to give up the wanting, the desire. No wonder it was so hard.
1. Issue
Healing
Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow. Let it be healed; and it will be healed only when u move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head, there is no wound.
In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.
Soul
Not easy when the other person wants his way.
Aiyah, just nego the deal with him. When m not focused that he get what he wants, I realised I too can have what I want.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Creativity
Technique, expertise and knowledge are just tools; the key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things.
Be open to what wants to be expressed through u.
3. External influence
Turning in
Desiring or non-desiring, any effort in either direction can only take u out.
U r already there, there is no point going.
When going stops, journeying disappears; when desiring is no more clouding ur mind, u r in.
To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. Turning in whenever u can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in u.
4. What is needed for resolution?
The Miser
The moment u start clinging to things, u have missed the target. Because things are not the target, u, ur innermost being, is the target; not many things, but an open being, available to millions of things.
Whatever u r holding on, remember that u can't take it with u. Loosen ur grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.
5. Resolution
The Understanding
Awareness
Mind can never be intelligent - only no mind is intelligent. Only no-mind is original and radical. Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action.
The mind gives u a sort of stupor. Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of the future, u go on living - at the minimum. U don't live at the maximum. Ur flame remains very dim.
Once u start dripping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arise. Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is.
Any sense u might have had that u have been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or u will be dissolving soon. Let urself settle and remember that deep inside u r just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged.
A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u to become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil from ur eyes.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Cosmic Reward (breakthru) - going for faith (3)
Aug 22
Father, did my practices. I was surprised that there was hardly any tots of Z.
Just now while driving, I had tots of him and pondering what do we say when see each other, how to proceed. Then a tot came, no need to speak, just let ur body talks to each other. Let ur body heal both of u.
Forget about all the techniques. Just be here now. And remember that Self Mastery is knowing I am both human and being. I won't die by loving someone without returns.
Ask and It is Given
Ur eternal nature is one of expansion and in that expansion is the potential for unspeakable joy.
Soul
Don't block it. Don't avoid it. Just go with the flow. Since my mind resist, let the body goes first.
Ask and It is Given
All desires are answered; all requests are granted and no one is left unanswered, unloved or unfulfilled. When u stay aligned with ur Energy Stream, u always win and somebody else does not have to lose for u to win. There is always enough.
There is no competition of resources. There is only the allowing or disallowing of that which u r asking for.
Soul
That's the lesson of unconditional love. To give love without fear.
Instead of fighting, perhaps I should thank God for thinking so highly of me, to give me double whammy, Seven of Hearts and Seven of Spades.
Yes, in the bigger context, this lesson is suitable for my quest of Self Mastery.
So, I am ready to take the step. I must look at my ultimate Goal.
Father, thank U. Ur msg via Osho says the same things, albeit more clearly. I am now going in.
Father, did my practices. I was surprised that there was hardly any tots of Z.
Just now while driving, I had tots of him and pondering what do we say when see each other, how to proceed. Then a tot came, no need to speak, just let ur body talks to each other. Let ur body heal both of u.
Forget about all the techniques. Just be here now. And remember that Self Mastery is knowing I am both human and being. I won't die by loving someone without returns.
Ask and It is Given
Ur eternal nature is one of expansion and in that expansion is the potential for unspeakable joy.
Soul
Don't block it. Don't avoid it. Just go with the flow. Since my mind resist, let the body goes first.
Ask and It is Given
All desires are answered; all requests are granted and no one is left unanswered, unloved or unfulfilled. When u stay aligned with ur Energy Stream, u always win and somebody else does not have to lose for u to win. There is always enough.
There is no competition of resources. There is only the allowing or disallowing of that which u r asking for.
Soul
That's the lesson of unconditional love. To give love without fear.
Instead of fighting, perhaps I should thank God for thinking so highly of me, to give me double whammy, Seven of Hearts and Seven of Spades.
Yes, in the bigger context, this lesson is suitable for my quest of Self Mastery.
So, I am ready to take the step. I must look at my ultimate Goal.
Father, thank U. Ur msg via Osho says the same things, albeit more clearly. I am now going in.
Cosmic Reward (breakthru) - going for faith (2)
Aug 21
Father, I am surprised all my friends asked me to go for it. If he makes me happy now why worry about future. As for J, he thinks I haven't learn my lesson as the time is too short.
I woke up with this tot of why I think "To love someone is sad.". I guess this is because to love someone is responsibility. And also to love someone who does not love me is sacrifice.
(Aug 23 - now I realise why I havent found a partner. It is because I don't want to. Perhaps thats why Z is perfect for me. I was afraid to have a partner. I am determined to change my belief as my Top 5 is to have a committed loving partner.)
Evening
Father, I am feeling sad. Really not sure on how to handle this situation with Z.
I tot I was over him and now just want him physically. But if others can immediately said that I am in love with him, I have to take that into consideration.
Today card - Seven of Spades
This will challenge u to rise to a higher levels of thinking, speaking and acting. Its challenges manifest in areas that u r holding some negative patterns that need to be changed.
If u r willing to take responsibility for ur condition and practice positively in spite of circumstances, u can realise the powerful spiritual potential of this card and attain new heights. In its highest form, this is the card of faith.
Soul
Firstly, Seven of Spades is his card. Secondly, I am attached to him. I am not sure I am in love. I don't want to go there. Thirdly, he is not attached to me. Really triple whammy.
How to proceed?
Seven of Heart
It is a quest for the truth about love and relationships. They are old souls who have come here to reach the highest in these areas.
With two Nines in their Life Path, they have come to complete a grand cycle in their soul's work and to let go of many things so that they may progress to the next level.
These people must learn to let go of personal attachments and give to others without expectation of return or reward.
On the high side, are those counselors and those who make personal sacrifices for others and who give much to the world.
On the low side, these people can be preoccupied with many suspicions and jealousies, which is merely a reflection of their own insecurities.
Their health should be watched carefully as these people bring into this life some past life karma that could manifest as health challenges. Whenever there is a problem, it either calls for a change of lifestyle or a need to let go of some part of it. For example, to quit a certain job because it is just too stressful.
The Seven of Hearts are the givers of knowledge and love and can experience the highest degree of unconditional love.
The Seven of Hearts - Unconditional love
In his or her essence, is a very loving person who yearns for a life free of fears about love and affection. They want to just love everyone for who they are and be sort of a lighthouse of unconditional love. However, many of them also have a deep inner conflict with this that comes from a previous incarnations.
One of the missions of the Seven of Hearts is to let go of this control aspect. They must do this if they are to ever experience their destiny of unconditional love.
For the Seven of Hearts, there is a belief that others are out to control them in love rships. Therefore, many of them put a lot of effort into making sure that they maintain control in their rships and do not let anyone else get the upper hand.
Soul
I am not sure this is me. I just want to be in control so I won't get hurt. I don't even want to control others. I just want to control myself.
Unconditional love
As u allow others to be who they are, u also allow urself to be urself, and in this way, u will be able to experience a new sense of personal freedom.
To be totally free means having no attachment to others and no worries about whether or not they love us.
It also means having a knowing that there will always be enough love in our life, because it comes from within.
(Aug 23 - not sure about this. Now that I have accepted that my rship with Z is for play. I become playful and able to tell him that I wanted him, when I want him..and etc. And there is no anxiousness.)
Father, I am surprised all my friends asked me to go for it. If he makes me happy now why worry about future. As for J, he thinks I haven't learn my lesson as the time is too short.
I woke up with this tot of why I think "To love someone is sad.". I guess this is because to love someone is responsibility. And also to love someone who does not love me is sacrifice.
(Aug 23 - now I realise why I havent found a partner. It is because I don't want to. Perhaps thats why Z is perfect for me. I was afraid to have a partner. I am determined to change my belief as my Top 5 is to have a committed loving partner.)
Evening
Father, I am feeling sad. Really not sure on how to handle this situation with Z.
I tot I was over him and now just want him physically. But if others can immediately said that I am in love with him, I have to take that into consideration.
Today card - Seven of Spades
This will challenge u to rise to a higher levels of thinking, speaking and acting. Its challenges manifest in areas that u r holding some negative patterns that need to be changed.
If u r willing to take responsibility for ur condition and practice positively in spite of circumstances, u can realise the powerful spiritual potential of this card and attain new heights. In its highest form, this is the card of faith.
Soul
Firstly, Seven of Spades is his card. Secondly, I am attached to him. I am not sure I am in love. I don't want to go there. Thirdly, he is not attached to me. Really triple whammy.
How to proceed?
Seven of Heart
It is a quest for the truth about love and relationships. They are old souls who have come here to reach the highest in these areas.
With two Nines in their Life Path, they have come to complete a grand cycle in their soul's work and to let go of many things so that they may progress to the next level.
These people must learn to let go of personal attachments and give to others without expectation of return or reward.
On the high side, are those counselors and those who make personal sacrifices for others and who give much to the world.
On the low side, these people can be preoccupied with many suspicions and jealousies, which is merely a reflection of their own insecurities.
Their health should be watched carefully as these people bring into this life some past life karma that could manifest as health challenges. Whenever there is a problem, it either calls for a change of lifestyle or a need to let go of some part of it. For example, to quit a certain job because it is just too stressful.
The Seven of Hearts are the givers of knowledge and love and can experience the highest degree of unconditional love.
The Seven of Hearts - Unconditional love
In his or her essence, is a very loving person who yearns for a life free of fears about love and affection. They want to just love everyone for who they are and be sort of a lighthouse of unconditional love. However, many of them also have a deep inner conflict with this that comes from a previous incarnations.
One of the missions of the Seven of Hearts is to let go of this control aspect. They must do this if they are to ever experience their destiny of unconditional love.
For the Seven of Hearts, there is a belief that others are out to control them in love rships. Therefore, many of them put a lot of effort into making sure that they maintain control in their rships and do not let anyone else get the upper hand.
Soul
I am not sure this is me. I just want to be in control so I won't get hurt. I don't even want to control others. I just want to control myself.
Unconditional love
As u allow others to be who they are, u also allow urself to be urself, and in this way, u will be able to experience a new sense of personal freedom.
To be totally free means having no attachment to others and no worries about whether or not they love us.
It also means having a knowing that there will always be enough love in our life, because it comes from within.
(Aug 23 - not sure about this. Now that I have accepted that my rship with Z is for play. I become playful and able to tell him that I wanted him, when I want him..and etc. And there is no anxiousness.)
Cosmic Reward (breakthru) - going for faith
Aug 20
Father, just finished my practice. Towards the end, two messages came in;
1. Have the courage
2. Seven of Heart lesson is unconditional love.
The self preservation comes from Ace and also Queen of not having enough. And now I have to face "Not going to have".
3. Part of me already love him. But I kept it down. I recalled the promise I made to love him privately. He is looking for love big time, guess I was looking at myself.
Going in would destroy my defense mechanism of self preservation.
Still not sure but yday was the breakdown. I have not cried so much for a long long time..
Father, just finished my practice. Towards the end, two messages came in;
1. Have the courage
2. Seven of Heart lesson is unconditional love.
The self preservation comes from Ace and also Queen of not having enough. And now I have to face "Not going to have".
3. Part of me already love him. But I kept it down. I recalled the promise I made to love him privately. He is looking for love big time, guess I was looking at myself.
Going in would destroy my defense mechanism of self preservation.
Still not sure but yday was the breakdown. I have not cried so much for a long long time..
Cosmic Reward - courage to go for faith
Aug 19 Aft
Father, I am still pondering. Do I really want a partner? Yea, I do. Its the fear of paying the prices that I am pondering.
I remember asking Z how come he has such courage. To try despite continuous failure.
Faith is simply a positive assumption.
Father, again its boils down to my negative mind set and inability to have faith. Hence my Cosmic Lesson is Seven of Spades - Faith
Father, for the first time I am seeing my issue on rship with such clarity. I am speechless. Not sure how to overcome this. Not sure if can overcome. And also not sure if I am rational to pick someone like Z. To be with him requires immense faith. And here I don't have. Am I kidding myself??
My Osho Internal Influence
Courage
There is no point fighting against the challenges of life, or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.
Soul
Father, I tot of my dream of Self Mastery. I tot of my need for physical fulfillment. But what if I said its enough for now. I don't go in.
For the first time I am not chasing this nor that.
Mmm, was scrolling my tweet and saw this; Courage comes when u r willing to lose.
For the second time, I am immobilised by fear. Both times also with Z. No wonder he is both my Cosmic and Pluto.
Osho
External influence
Breakthrough
Ur chaos is very ancient - for many, many lives u have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when u enter into the conscious breakdown, of course there is danger.
But without facing this danger, nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
Meditation is the method which will help u go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul.
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through.
As the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Soul
I have reach the dark night.
Breakthrough
If u r now feeling that "enough is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing.
In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.
(Aug 23 - It is really true. I did it and I felt so empowered.)
Soul
To have courage, I must be able to lose.
Father, going through this is against my self preservation, against my self control.
What is needed for resolution?
Politics
What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours.
Soul
In preserving myself, I become hard.
Resolution
Understanding
There are no doors - the bars were an illusion and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time.
Soul
Father, my greatest lesson is the removal of self preservation to protect myself. I am great in that.
Its only when I trust God and have faith that I am protected that I am willing to let go of self. I am afraid, shaken especially since I can see how my mind function.
Ok, the positive part is there.
Father, m thinking if I am this way, going back to Z would be disastrous. I must go back happily and not unhappily.
How to be happy - when I can see the outcome.
What do u know??
Aiyoh, such a dilemma.
Osho
Understanding
The dawn of a new understanding, that the cage has always been open and the sky has always been there for us to explore - can make us feel shaky at first.
It is fine and natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.
Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread ur wings and be free.
Aug 19 Eve
I am emotional person. I wear my emotion on my sleeves. I cannot play without emotion. I get easily entangled.
All my tears cried out.
Now I am calmer and have tots of Z. Father, I really don't know which is which.
The only thing I know is I cannot handle him.
Father, I am still pondering. Do I really want a partner? Yea, I do. Its the fear of paying the prices that I am pondering.
I remember asking Z how come he has such courage. To try despite continuous failure.
Faith is simply a positive assumption.
Father, again its boils down to my negative mind set and inability to have faith. Hence my Cosmic Lesson is Seven of Spades - Faith
Father, for the first time I am seeing my issue on rship with such clarity. I am speechless. Not sure how to overcome this. Not sure if can overcome. And also not sure if I am rational to pick someone like Z. To be with him requires immense faith. And here I don't have. Am I kidding myself??
My Osho Internal Influence
Courage
There is no point fighting against the challenges of life, or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.
Soul
Father, I tot of my dream of Self Mastery. I tot of my need for physical fulfillment. But what if I said its enough for now. I don't go in.
For the first time I am not chasing this nor that.
Mmm, was scrolling my tweet and saw this; Courage comes when u r willing to lose.
For the second time, I am immobilised by fear. Both times also with Z. No wonder he is both my Cosmic and Pluto.
Osho
External influence
Breakthrough
Ur chaos is very ancient - for many, many lives u have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when u enter into the conscious breakdown, of course there is danger.
But without facing this danger, nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
Meditation is the method which will help u go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul.
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through.
As the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Soul
I have reach the dark night.
Breakthrough
If u r now feeling that "enough is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing.
In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.
(Aug 23 - It is really true. I did it and I felt so empowered.)
Soul
To have courage, I must be able to lose.
Father, going through this is against my self preservation, against my self control.
What is needed for resolution?
Politics
What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours.
Soul
In preserving myself, I become hard.
Resolution
Understanding
There are no doors - the bars were an illusion and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time.
Soul
Father, my greatest lesson is the removal of self preservation to protect myself. I am great in that.
Its only when I trust God and have faith that I am protected that I am willing to let go of self. I am afraid, shaken especially since I can see how my mind function.
Ok, the positive part is there.
Father, m thinking if I am this way, going back to Z would be disastrous. I must go back happily and not unhappily.
How to be happy - when I can see the outcome.
What do u know??
Aiyoh, such a dilemma.
Osho
Understanding
The dawn of a new understanding, that the cage has always been open and the sky has always been there for us to explore - can make us feel shaky at first.
It is fine and natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.
Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread ur wings and be free.
Aug 19 Eve
I am emotional person. I wear my emotion on my sleeves. I cannot play without emotion. I get easily entangled.
All my tears cried out.
Now I am calmer and have tots of Z. Father, I really don't know which is which.
The only thing I know is I cannot handle him.
Cosmic Reward (Breakthru) - my tots are predominantly on price/value to pay instead of what I want
Aug 19
Father, did suria. Quite ok despite not feeling well. My cough is recovering. Had a little tots of Z. Practices was fine.
Father, I am now aware that I don't have to worry I cannot go off when its time. Cos I know I can. Besides it is actually less disturbance to me when I am alone. So, now the question is do I really want a committed partner? Someone I have to worry about, take care and etc.
Mmm, why I tot only of me having the responsibility?
Why? Because love is responsibility. That's why I don't even think of children cos that its added responsibility.
Mmm, again I tot of the price to pay, whether it is worth it, what its value. I cannot seem to think of the benefit. I guess just like I saw my mom, she pays a lot of price to take care of us and dad. Is it worth it? We all care for her but is it worth it?
Even the new job prospect with V, I too think of the additional work. Is it worth it? Need to uproot myself and start again. I am not sure. What I do know it I have unexcited about my job since day 1. The only excitement was the drama which boss created.
Its like now. I want to mate with Z but is the price worth it?? I seem to measure everything by a price. Weighing the potential gain or loss.
The same goes for me opening up my website. I too tot of the price to pay.
So, my tots are predominantly on the price to pay. Because of that, I am immobilised. I cannot move.
A tot just occurred. Since my tots are predominantly on the price to pay, if I go in, with the Law of Attraction, the outcome would be the price I have to pay instead of the benefit.
Now when I asked Z about why he wanted children. He said he wanted to play with them. He said he never tot of the price to pay. He focused on the benefits,on what he wants. No wonder he can act. No wonder he is determined. To him, its nothing. To me, he is determined to proceed ahead cos I see the price to be paid. For him, since he didn't see the price to pay, he just go for it naturally, no determination required.
We cannot proceed ahead with what we want if we keep on thinking of price to pay. We be immobilised. Worse still is the effect of Law of Attraction making our tots of prices to pay come true.
No wonder Z had no problem to proceed ahead with us. For now he wants me, he didn't think of the drama we had. He just focused on having me. So, there is no dilemma or turmoil at all. For him, he set the parameter that we cannot be married because our goals differ but meanwhile we can have our fun. So, he wants us to have fun up till he is married.
I tot he is so strong to take up on me despite price to pay. And here, he didn't even think of any price to pay.
For me, its the other way, my tots are predominanty the price to pay. So, I tot this is a heavy one. No wonder I have such difficulty in this relationship whereas he has none.
Because I had such difficulty and he has none, I am resentful that I have to pay the price of keeping it. That's why I am angry at him for not being considerate of the price I have to pay. Not caring that I be left alone after he had his fling. To him, it was not he doesn't care, he didn't even know he has to care. He didn't know that there is a price to pay. He tot I am fine with the fling. And that's why he said objectively if we managed the feelings, we would be both fine and can disentangle any moment.
Aiyah, its all in my mind. I create the drama in my mind and through Law of Attraction, it materialised.
Father, all these breakthroughs after I made a call to Z yesterday and reading Ask and It is Given.
Father, no more thinking of price to pay once I decided what I want. Thinking about it would only immobilise me into no action or create more prices to pay.
Now, I know what's the meaning of having faith. Having faith that things will turn out fine, focusing on the benefits instead of the prices to pay.
In order to have faith, thinks of benefits and not of the price to pay. Amen.
Father, did suria. Quite ok despite not feeling well. My cough is recovering. Had a little tots of Z. Practices was fine.
Father, I am now aware that I don't have to worry I cannot go off when its time. Cos I know I can. Besides it is actually less disturbance to me when I am alone. So, now the question is do I really want a committed partner? Someone I have to worry about, take care and etc.
Mmm, why I tot only of me having the responsibility?
Why? Because love is responsibility. That's why I don't even think of children cos that its added responsibility.
Mmm, again I tot of the price to pay, whether it is worth it, what its value. I cannot seem to think of the benefit. I guess just like I saw my mom, she pays a lot of price to take care of us and dad. Is it worth it? We all care for her but is it worth it?
Even the new job prospect with V, I too think of the additional work. Is it worth it? Need to uproot myself and start again. I am not sure. What I do know it I have unexcited about my job since day 1. The only excitement was the drama which boss created.
Its like now. I want to mate with Z but is the price worth it?? I seem to measure everything by a price. Weighing the potential gain or loss.
The same goes for me opening up my website. I too tot of the price to pay.
So, my tots are predominantly on the price to pay. Because of that, I am immobilised. I cannot move.
A tot just occurred. Since my tots are predominantly on the price to pay, if I go in, with the Law of Attraction, the outcome would be the price I have to pay instead of the benefit.
Now when I asked Z about why he wanted children. He said he wanted to play with them. He said he never tot of the price to pay. He focused on the benefits,on what he wants. No wonder he can act. No wonder he is determined. To him, its nothing. To me, he is determined to proceed ahead cos I see the price to be paid. For him, since he didn't see the price to pay, he just go for it naturally, no determination required.
We cannot proceed ahead with what we want if we keep on thinking of price to pay. We be immobilised. Worse still is the effect of Law of Attraction making our tots of prices to pay come true.
No wonder Z had no problem to proceed ahead with us. For now he wants me, he didn't think of the drama we had. He just focused on having me. So, there is no dilemma or turmoil at all. For him, he set the parameter that we cannot be married because our goals differ but meanwhile we can have our fun. So, he wants us to have fun up till he is married.
I tot he is so strong to take up on me despite price to pay. And here, he didn't even think of any price to pay.
For me, its the other way, my tots are predominanty the price to pay. So, I tot this is a heavy one. No wonder I have such difficulty in this relationship whereas he has none.
Because I had such difficulty and he has none, I am resentful that I have to pay the price of keeping it. That's why I am angry at him for not being considerate of the price I have to pay. Not caring that I be left alone after he had his fling. To him, it was not he doesn't care, he didn't even know he has to care. He didn't know that there is a price to pay. He tot I am fine with the fling. And that's why he said objectively if we managed the feelings, we would be both fine and can disentangle any moment.
Aiyah, its all in my mind. I create the drama in my mind and through Law of Attraction, it materialised.
Father, all these breakthroughs after I made a call to Z yesterday and reading Ask and It is Given.
Father, no more thinking of price to pay once I decided what I want. Thinking about it would only immobilise me into no action or create more prices to pay.
Now, I know what's the meaning of having faith. Having faith that things will turn out fine, focusing on the benefits instead of the prices to pay.
In order to have faith, thinks of benefits and not of the price to pay. Amen.
Monday, August 22, 2011
I am supposed to move..but where? (9) - back to him
Aug 18
Father, regardless of all the con, one thing I know is that I have a need to fulfill. Its something I have suppressed for so long. I want to be whole again completely. When I tot of that, it was final. There was no projection from the mind.
My only issue;
lost of pride - not really;
lost of face with Z - not really; lost of credibility with S - not really.
Fear of falling for him - yes
Fear of being hurt - not really
Fear of not able to let go - not really cos I have proven that.
Fear of how people see me - a bit. But like my colleague said, sometimes u just need to do something just for the fun of it.
Fear that it won't be that fun - maybe
Fear of how Z would see me - a bit
I also remember this on handling Pluto.
Osho - internal
Courage
When we are faced with a very difficult situation, we have a choice;
- we can either be resentful, and try to find somebody to blame (Blame God and my karma)
- we can face the challenge and grow
There is no point fighting against the challenges of life or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower, we must go through them.
Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.
Soul
The last time I couldn't help myself. I had to go in cos I fall for him. And I tot I also wanted to release the physical need. I went in but I had to come out cos I have fallen for him and he still has not and I was afraid of rejection.
This time, I have the choice. And there is no trepidation of the unknown in physical. I am just not sure if the price to pay is worth it. But perhaps I am not sure of the value I get.
I am only sure of one thing, I need the physical release and he is my Cosmic lesson I need to go through to achieve my Self Mastery. Therein lies my determination. I cannot let the fear of price to pay detract me away from my Dream.
Furthermore if what I fear is rejection. This would be the ultimate test.
External influence
Breakthrough
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Aug 18 Eve
V's advice to me
To live for today
Commitment I require is for my worth. If he commits, I feel worthy.
Just enjoy the rship. If it ends, deal with it then. If it doesn't, u keep enjoying it
Predicting failure and worrying about it now serves no purpose.
Yea, so just enjoy with Z. I have been holding myself back and etc.
I told him that I m having doubts. While I want him, I am not sure whether he is worth the price to pay.
V replied that I think too much. Just let it flow. If I really don't want it, I will know.
I am behaving like a crab. I got hurt and I don't dare to come out to play. I want to hold back my love. I prefer not to invest, prefer not to risk.
No wonder my lifetime challenge is Seven of Hearts. To love unconditionally.
My mind is busy with things not to do with him. All to do with not showing my affection.
Father, finished my evening practices. A tot came to my mind during the practice. Since my defense mechanism is to shut down, then the lesson is not to shut down. And hence I knew why I am with Z. With him, I had every reason in the world to shut down. But here I am not. Thats the conflict in me. I should be shutting down and why I start with him. What happened to my auto defense mechanism.
I try to call him but no reply. The old me would have reacted. The new me just said whatever.
The mind working overtime and said Z didn't want to pick up my call.
I don't think so.
Father, regardless of all the con, one thing I know is that I have a need to fulfill. Its something I have suppressed for so long. I want to be whole again completely. When I tot of that, it was final. There was no projection from the mind.
My only issue;
lost of pride - not really;
lost of face with Z - not really; lost of credibility with S - not really.
Fear of falling for him - yes
Fear of being hurt - not really
Fear of not able to let go - not really cos I have proven that.
Fear of how people see me - a bit. But like my colleague said, sometimes u just need to do something just for the fun of it.
Fear that it won't be that fun - maybe
Fear of how Z would see me - a bit
I also remember this on handling Pluto.
Osho - internal
Courage
When we are faced with a very difficult situation, we have a choice;
- we can either be resentful, and try to find somebody to blame (Blame God and my karma)
- we can face the challenge and grow
There is no point fighting against the challenges of life or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower, we must go through them.
Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.
Soul
The last time I couldn't help myself. I had to go in cos I fall for him. And I tot I also wanted to release the physical need. I went in but I had to come out cos I have fallen for him and he still has not and I was afraid of rejection.
This time, I have the choice. And there is no trepidation of the unknown in physical. I am just not sure if the price to pay is worth it. But perhaps I am not sure of the value I get.
I am only sure of one thing, I need the physical release and he is my Cosmic lesson I need to go through to achieve my Self Mastery. Therein lies my determination. I cannot let the fear of price to pay detract me away from my Dream.
Furthermore if what I fear is rejection. This would be the ultimate test.
External influence
Breakthrough
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Aug 18 Eve
V's advice to me
To live for today
Commitment I require is for my worth. If he commits, I feel worthy.
Just enjoy the rship. If it ends, deal with it then. If it doesn't, u keep enjoying it
Predicting failure and worrying about it now serves no purpose.
Yea, so just enjoy with Z. I have been holding myself back and etc.
I told him that I m having doubts. While I want him, I am not sure whether he is worth the price to pay.
V replied that I think too much. Just let it flow. If I really don't want it, I will know.
I am behaving like a crab. I got hurt and I don't dare to come out to play. I want to hold back my love. I prefer not to invest, prefer not to risk.
No wonder my lifetime challenge is Seven of Hearts. To love unconditionally.
My mind is busy with things not to do with him. All to do with not showing my affection.
Father, finished my evening practices. A tot came to my mind during the practice. Since my defense mechanism is to shut down, then the lesson is not to shut down. And hence I knew why I am with Z. With him, I had every reason in the world to shut down. But here I am not. Thats the conflict in me. I should be shutting down and why I start with him. What happened to my auto defense mechanism.
I try to call him but no reply. The old me would have reacted. The new me just said whatever.
The mind working overtime and said Z didn't want to pick up my call.
I don't think so.
I am supposed to move..but where? (9) - back to him
Aug 17
Yesterday the cough with phelgm was really bad and coupled with nose blocked. I didn't do my practice. But I am fine and alert.
Have been sending out instruction email and text non-stop.
Father, tot of Z. When I did my readings for 7thunder a month ago, I got Seven of Spades in my Pluto card in this year. I was wondering how could it be when he is already out of my life. At the most, I may have some tots of him when I see him but definitely won't be a challenge.
Looks like the card is true cos I am back with him.
Both of us wants each other. But this time we are treading with care. For me, I am going to remove the rship element and treat this as a deal. I won't be like last time, thinking we have a rship, missing him, calling him and etc. This time both of us will ensure feelings doesn't come in.
Aug 17 Eve
Father, still not sure what I am getting into. Only thing keeping me going is that this year he is my Pluto card. Of course, I have appetite to fulfill but am not sure if its worth of the price to pay.
I know why I am going into it. I don't know why Z wants to. I wonder why he thinks m worth his trouble especially he doesn't like drama in his life now. Or perhaps he just have need to fulfill but he could easily get it elsewhere, unlike me.
The Passion Test
Your life becomes seemingly worse when u intent on it appearing the way u think it should be. When u insist that the world conform to your concepts of what is best, and it doesn't, what happens? U suffer.
Everything in ur life is structured for ur evolution.
When u fight reality, u will lose - always. When u realise that every part of ur life is working to bring u closer to knowing ur true nature more completely, life can only get better.
By staying open to how life is appearing at this moment, free of ur concept.
Soul
The old me would resists. But the new me wonder why. Do I want just a physical rship? Or can't I wait?
Mmmm, this is just like my mind working drama. Logically, I shouldn't go in. I knew I want him and I knew my need been suppressed for too long. Just like I told A to accept whatever come out, the same advice for me. And I am glad Z still wants me.
The Passion Test
For the new to be created, the old must be destroyed. Because life is constantly evolving, hanging on to the old may prevent the new from coming in. There can be no tots of being a victim, for the know that all of God's acts are blessings.
Soul
Z has been in my prayer all these while. Even when we broke off.
I have Seven of Hearts in Lifetime challenges, Seven of Spades in Cosmic lesson and Seven of Clubs in Saturn. I have three of the Sevens. And I now have Seven of Diamonds (boss) with me.
I have all of them since my dream is Queen of Spades (self-mastery). I must counter my negative tots so I can have faith despite the circumstances and give love without any condition.
The Passion Test
The seven keys to living life aligned with Passion.
1. Commitment.
Until u r committed, nothing will happen for u.
2. Clarity
When u r clear, what u want will show up in ur life, and only the the extent that u r clear.
3. Attention
What u put ur attention on grows stronger in ur life.
4. Stay open
Ur greatest good may not be what u think it is. When u r open to whatever is appearing in this moment, even if its different from what u think it should be, u release ur individual will and open up to God's will for u.
When disaster strikes and u r open, u r able to take advantage of the opportunities that inevitably present themselves.
5. Integrity
Be as true to urself as u r to others and as true to others as u r to urself.
Be true to urself and when in doubt, practice Follow ur Heart
6. Persistence
Many begin the journey. Those who finish it are the ones who achieve success and fulfillment in life.
When u r living life truly aligned with ur passions, persistence is not hard. U will find u can't stop even if u want to. Ur deepest passions will drive u in spite of urself.
Soul
I am back with Z despite myself. Just when I tot I was over, it started.
7. Follow ur Heart
When all else fails, listen to ur heart. Passion emerges from the heart, not from mind.
Do what u love, follow ur heart's direction, and the path to fulfillment in life will naturally unfold before u.
When u r aligned with ur deepest, most important passions, the ups and downs of daily life won't be able to throw u off track.
Soul
I had no regrets with Z. My only regrets was that I didn't go all the way like I had committed to. So, now I will complete it.
Yesterday the cough with phelgm was really bad and coupled with nose blocked. I didn't do my practice. But I am fine and alert.
Have been sending out instruction email and text non-stop.
Father, tot of Z. When I did my readings for 7thunder a month ago, I got Seven of Spades in my Pluto card in this year. I was wondering how could it be when he is already out of my life. At the most, I may have some tots of him when I see him but definitely won't be a challenge.
Looks like the card is true cos I am back with him.
Both of us wants each other. But this time we are treading with care. For me, I am going to remove the rship element and treat this as a deal. I won't be like last time, thinking we have a rship, missing him, calling him and etc. This time both of us will ensure feelings doesn't come in.
Aug 17 Eve
Father, still not sure what I am getting into. Only thing keeping me going is that this year he is my Pluto card. Of course, I have appetite to fulfill but am not sure if its worth of the price to pay.
I know why I am going into it. I don't know why Z wants to. I wonder why he thinks m worth his trouble especially he doesn't like drama in his life now. Or perhaps he just have need to fulfill but he could easily get it elsewhere, unlike me.
The Passion Test
Your life becomes seemingly worse when u intent on it appearing the way u think it should be. When u insist that the world conform to your concepts of what is best, and it doesn't, what happens? U suffer.
Everything in ur life is structured for ur evolution.
When u fight reality, u will lose - always. When u realise that every part of ur life is working to bring u closer to knowing ur true nature more completely, life can only get better.
By staying open to how life is appearing at this moment, free of ur concept.
Soul
The old me would resists. But the new me wonder why. Do I want just a physical rship? Or can't I wait?
Mmmm, this is just like my mind working drama. Logically, I shouldn't go in. I knew I want him and I knew my need been suppressed for too long. Just like I told A to accept whatever come out, the same advice for me. And I am glad Z still wants me.
The Passion Test
For the new to be created, the old must be destroyed. Because life is constantly evolving, hanging on to the old may prevent the new from coming in. There can be no tots of being a victim, for the know that all of God's acts are blessings.
Soul
Z has been in my prayer all these while. Even when we broke off.
I have Seven of Hearts in Lifetime challenges, Seven of Spades in Cosmic lesson and Seven of Clubs in Saturn. I have three of the Sevens. And I now have Seven of Diamonds (boss) with me.
I have all of them since my dream is Queen of Spades (self-mastery). I must counter my negative tots so I can have faith despite the circumstances and give love without any condition.
The Passion Test
The seven keys to living life aligned with Passion.
1. Commitment.
Until u r committed, nothing will happen for u.
2. Clarity
When u r clear, what u want will show up in ur life, and only the the extent that u r clear.
3. Attention
What u put ur attention on grows stronger in ur life.
4. Stay open
Ur greatest good may not be what u think it is. When u r open to whatever is appearing in this moment, even if its different from what u think it should be, u release ur individual will and open up to God's will for u.
When disaster strikes and u r open, u r able to take advantage of the opportunities that inevitably present themselves.
5. Integrity
Be as true to urself as u r to others and as true to others as u r to urself.
Be true to urself and when in doubt, practice Follow ur Heart
6. Persistence
Many begin the journey. Those who finish it are the ones who achieve success and fulfillment in life.
When u r living life truly aligned with ur passions, persistence is not hard. U will find u can't stop even if u want to. Ur deepest passions will drive u in spite of urself.
Soul
I am back with Z despite myself. Just when I tot I was over, it started.
7. Follow ur Heart
When all else fails, listen to ur heart. Passion emerges from the heart, not from mind.
Do what u love, follow ur heart's direction, and the path to fulfillment in life will naturally unfold before u.
When u r aligned with ur deepest, most important passions, the ups and downs of daily life won't be able to throw u off track.
Soul
I had no regrets with Z. My only regrets was that I didn't go all the way like I had committed to. So, now I will complete it.
I am going back because of my dream of SelfMastery
Aug 16 Aft
Father, it was a quick one. He responded immediately when he knew about the meet up and even suggested this week. Very focused. I guess its because he knows he wants me and hence decision is made quickly so I don't go off again.
Father, somehow this time going with Z is a different feel. I am definitely more confident of myself as a woman. I can play the game and just need to remind myself that he is not the one and I don't want to have children.
My card for today.
Four of Diamonds
When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly.
Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it.
This is ur Venus day.
Soul
Quite true. I want him to fulfill my physical need and I got him.
Z's today card
Ten of Hearts
Hearts represent people.
Soul
Yea, he scored with me. He must be feeling good today for he finally got me.
For me, I didn't get him. I just got to borrow his body for awhile.
I just told D that I am back with Z. She laughed at me and said that I look like a school gal falling in love for the first time. I said not and I am going in for sex. She laughed even more at me.
I calmed down and told myself, ok if I am in love. Then I tot of my Seven of Heart Life time challenge - spiritual challenge is raising of love consciousness.
- To develop spiritual and unattached love for those in your life and to give both them and yourself the freedom to be who you are.
Affirmation
I am learning how to experience unconditional love for others, and in the process
Evening
Father, me being away from him got me 2 time sickness. And of course my skin sensitiveness still continues. Father, I find myself more easily affected by environment. Like now having dry lips and even allergy, which is something I never had before.
Aiyoh, I am back with Z. I am feeling bit apprehensive. Father, I am bit worry cos my feeling is still there. And D has given me a reminder. I hidden it so well. Ok, so I have feelings for him.
Father, I suspect the reason why I am back with him is to let me practice faith. To have faith in the relationship even if the odds are against me. Or perhaps its to have faith in myself that I will be fine. That I don't need anyone to prove my lovability.
Earlier, I initiated cos I need the physical release that he can give me now. I was worried I gone into wrong channel.
Aiyoh. I am going through this because of my dream for Self Mastery. The good thing is no matter how sick I am, how sad I am, the happiness is still there.
Father, it was a quick one. He responded immediately when he knew about the meet up and even suggested this week. Very focused. I guess its because he knows he wants me and hence decision is made quickly so I don't go off again.
Father, somehow this time going with Z is a different feel. I am definitely more confident of myself as a woman. I can play the game and just need to remind myself that he is not the one and I don't want to have children.
My card for today.
Four of Diamonds
When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly.
Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it.
This is ur Venus day.
Soul
Quite true. I want him to fulfill my physical need and I got him.
Z's today card
Ten of Hearts
Hearts represent people.
Soul
Yea, he scored with me. He must be feeling good today for he finally got me.
For me, I didn't get him. I just got to borrow his body for awhile.
I just told D that I am back with Z. She laughed at me and said that I look like a school gal falling in love for the first time. I said not and I am going in for sex. She laughed even more at me.
I calmed down and told myself, ok if I am in love. Then I tot of my Seven of Heart Life time challenge - spiritual challenge is raising of love consciousness.
- To develop spiritual and unattached love for those in your life and to give both them and yourself the freedom to be who you are.
Affirmation
I am learning how to experience unconditional love for others, and in the process
Evening
Father, me being away from him got me 2 time sickness. And of course my skin sensitiveness still continues. Father, I find myself more easily affected by environment. Like now having dry lips and even allergy, which is something I never had before.
Aiyoh, I am back with Z. I am feeling bit apprehensive. Father, I am bit worry cos my feeling is still there. And D has given me a reminder. I hidden it so well. Ok, so I have feelings for him.
Father, I suspect the reason why I am back with him is to let me practice faith. To have faith in the relationship even if the odds are against me. Or perhaps its to have faith in myself that I will be fine. That I don't need anyone to prove my lovability.
Earlier, I initiated cos I need the physical release that he can give me now. I was worried I gone into wrong channel.
Aiyoh. I am going through this because of my dream for Self Mastery. The good thing is no matter how sick I am, how sad I am, the happiness is still there.
I am supposed to move..but where? (8) - back to him
Aug 16
Father, I woke up. Today I had no sexual feeling. Perhaps its because I know I found an outlet. Now I understand why Z need me. The last time, it was me who helped him. And now its me who need his help. Or rather we can now help each other. I realised now why I had such good appetite for food in the last 2 months. I have transferred my sexual appetite to food. No wonder put on weight for the first time in nearly 3 years.
Father, I seem so enthusiatic yesterday but today I just see it as a step I have to take. Nothing to shout about. Me, just have a need to be fulfilled. And I will remember my ideal rship comprise of mental, physical and spiritual. Z only fulfilled one aspect of it. It is safer for me to get the physical fulfilled so I won't be confused about physical being love. It is not. It is a just a form of hunger, just like hunger for food.
I realised I am less hungry for him once I have food. So, the hunger must be in the same vein.
Today I coughed out all the greenish phelgm. I felt better after doing my practices.
Let me remember I am going with Z for my now, which I have a need to be fulfilled, and for future so that the need won't distort my choice of rship.
Ask and It is Give
Most people do not deliberately offer tot, but instead, let their tots gravitate to whatever is happening around them; Something happens. They observe. They have an emotional feeling response to what they are observing. And since they usually feel powerless in controlling what they r observing, they conclude that they have no control over their emotional response to what they are observing.
If u r standing in ur physical body and consciously connected to that Spirit, then u r eternal in nature and u need never fear any "endedness", because from that perspective
Soul
Suddenly a tot occurred to me. When we were sleeping, I would feel a tenderness and kiss Z's forehead. He never did that. He just want to zoom in. I can see more clearly now. It was all one sided. I must remember that like me Z said what he means. He is also frontal like me.
Just msg him that I want a meetup. We don't have to chat anymore. There is no need to build relationship, as we just have a need to be fulfilled. Infact, going forward, we need not chat. We just make a date and go for it. No more mistaken perception of us. There is no us. We r just helping each other out, like ship that pass through the night.
Ask and It is Given
When u really, really want something and u r feeling anger, fear or disappointment, that means u r focused upon the opposite of ur desire. And in doing so, u r introducing another non-matching vibration to the mix - and the degree of negative emotion that u r now experiencing indicates the degree of ur resistance to ur receiving ur desires.
When u really, really want something, and u r thinking about ur desire and feeling pleasure from the tot, ur tot vibration is now in alignment with ur desire - and the current from ur Source is flowing through u toward ur intended desire with no restriction or resistance.
Father, I woke up. Today I had no sexual feeling. Perhaps its because I know I found an outlet. Now I understand why Z need me. The last time, it was me who helped him. And now its me who need his help. Or rather we can now help each other. I realised now why I had such good appetite for food in the last 2 months. I have transferred my sexual appetite to food. No wonder put on weight for the first time in nearly 3 years.
Father, I seem so enthusiatic yesterday but today I just see it as a step I have to take. Nothing to shout about. Me, just have a need to be fulfilled. And I will remember my ideal rship comprise of mental, physical and spiritual. Z only fulfilled one aspect of it. It is safer for me to get the physical fulfilled so I won't be confused about physical being love. It is not. It is a just a form of hunger, just like hunger for food.
I realised I am less hungry for him once I have food. So, the hunger must be in the same vein.
Today I coughed out all the greenish phelgm. I felt better after doing my practices.
Let me remember I am going with Z for my now, which I have a need to be fulfilled, and for future so that the need won't distort my choice of rship.
Ask and It is Give
Most people do not deliberately offer tot, but instead, let their tots gravitate to whatever is happening around them; Something happens. They observe. They have an emotional feeling response to what they are observing. And since they usually feel powerless in controlling what they r observing, they conclude that they have no control over their emotional response to what they are observing.
If u r standing in ur physical body and consciously connected to that Spirit, then u r eternal in nature and u need never fear any "endedness", because from that perspective
Soul
Suddenly a tot occurred to me. When we were sleeping, I would feel a tenderness and kiss Z's forehead. He never did that. He just want to zoom in. I can see more clearly now. It was all one sided. I must remember that like me Z said what he means. He is also frontal like me.
Just msg him that I want a meetup. We don't have to chat anymore. There is no need to build relationship, as we just have a need to be fulfilled. Infact, going forward, we need not chat. We just make a date and go for it. No more mistaken perception of us. There is no us. We r just helping each other out, like ship that pass through the night.
Ask and It is Given
When u really, really want something and u r feeling anger, fear or disappointment, that means u r focused upon the opposite of ur desire. And in doing so, u r introducing another non-matching vibration to the mix - and the degree of negative emotion that u r now experiencing indicates the degree of ur resistance to ur receiving ur desires.
When u really, really want something, and u r thinking about ur desire and feeling pleasure from the tot, ur tot vibration is now in alignment with ur desire - and the current from ur Source is flowing through u toward ur intended desire with no restriction or resistance.
I am supposed to move..but where? (7) - back to him
Aug 15 Aft
Father, just now mind was trying to trigger insecurities of Z's rejection. The mind said Z can't answer becos I can't have him. I ignored it.
I am quite amazed at myself. I just be vulnerable and made a declaration. So far no response from him. The old me would have reacted. The new me is not so bothered. I am not sure of tonite or the following day if still no response. But for now I am fine.
Mmm, just rec mail that M doesn't think the approach for T is correct. This time I didn't react.
1. The Issue
Turning In
To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. U r ready to watch the show, without caught in the drama. Indulge in the simple freedom of Turning In whenever u can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in u.
Soul
Mmm, exactly what I mentioned earlier.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Courage
Long is the journey for the seed. And it is always safer not to go on that journey.
The same is the path for man. It is arduous. Much courage will be needed.
When we r faced with a very difficult situation, we have a choice: we can either be resentful and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow.
There is no point trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.
Soul
What make me go is also because of A. He reminded me of meditation will bring out whatever that has been suppressed. I also told him to accept whatever that is coming out cos it will balance in the end. And here I know my physical has been suppressed and now it is out. At least I got a good outlet.
So, for the second time I see Z as a blessing. And I now place his role accordingly as a Physical Releaser, not as a partner. He is only a Tool that Father has granted me.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Breakthrough
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough.
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
All of us occasionally reach a point when 'enough is enough'. And at such times, it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
If u r feeling that 'enough is enough', allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.
Soul
Who knows. I broke it off because I don't want to be rejected in future. Perhaps this seeking him again is to let me accept rejection per se. To let me experience that rejection is not a reflection of my lovability. So, either way, on or off with Z will be a good lesson which I know I will pass.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Politics
Take a good look if u r playing the game, good me, bad me. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all urs.
Soul
I acknowledge I have the physical needs to fulfill. And I acknowledge Z is the one that can fulfill it at the moment.
5. Resolution
Understanding
U r out of jail. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
When we first fly, its natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.
Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread ur wings and be free.
Aug 15 Eve
Father, tot of Z's non response. I am still not sure if I want to call him since he doesn't respond. I know my worth. I am smart, spiritual and sensual lady, I have 3S.
I want him but if he is not keen, I am fine too.
Father, just now mind was trying to trigger insecurities of Z's rejection. The mind said Z can't answer becos I can't have him. I ignored it.
I am quite amazed at myself. I just be vulnerable and made a declaration. So far no response from him. The old me would have reacted. The new me is not so bothered. I am not sure of tonite or the following day if still no response. But for now I am fine.
Mmm, just rec mail that M doesn't think the approach for T is correct. This time I didn't react.
1. The Issue
Turning In
To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. U r ready to watch the show, without caught in the drama. Indulge in the simple freedom of Turning In whenever u can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in u.
Soul
Mmm, exactly what I mentioned earlier.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Courage
Long is the journey for the seed. And it is always safer not to go on that journey.
The same is the path for man. It is arduous. Much courage will be needed.
When we r faced with a very difficult situation, we have a choice: we can either be resentful and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow.
There is no point trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.
Soul
What make me go is also because of A. He reminded me of meditation will bring out whatever that has been suppressed. I also told him to accept whatever that is coming out cos it will balance in the end. And here I know my physical has been suppressed and now it is out. At least I got a good outlet.
So, for the second time I see Z as a blessing. And I now place his role accordingly as a Physical Releaser, not as a partner. He is only a Tool that Father has granted me.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Breakthrough
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough.
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
All of us occasionally reach a point when 'enough is enough'. And at such times, it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
If u r feeling that 'enough is enough', allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.
Soul
Who knows. I broke it off because I don't want to be rejected in future. Perhaps this seeking him again is to let me accept rejection per se. To let me experience that rejection is not a reflection of my lovability. So, either way, on or off with Z will be a good lesson which I know I will pass.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Politics
Take a good look if u r playing the game, good me, bad me. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all urs.
Soul
I acknowledge I have the physical needs to fulfill. And I acknowledge Z is the one that can fulfill it at the moment.
5. Resolution
Understanding
U r out of jail. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
When we first fly, its natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.
Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread ur wings and be free.
Aug 15 Eve
Father, tot of Z's non response. I am still not sure if I want to call him since he doesn't respond. I know my worth. I am smart, spiritual and sensual lady, I have 3S.
I want him but if he is not keen, I am fine too.
I am supposed to move..but where? (6) - back to him
Aug 15 (1 mth after lassik)
Father, my body wants him. I always had the fear of emotion. Actually I can handle my emotion. My body still wants him. Perhaps its because we just started. Like Osho said I need to get it out of my system. The reason for breakup is the fear that I fall in love with partner that doesn't love me back.
So, one is confirmed. He doesn't love. Does he want me? Yes. Do I love him, not sure.
Father, there is a physical hunger in me. He has brought it to surface. He has released my physical point. I have transferred the hunger into food during the last two months without him.
And my Passion test affirm the decision that I need to make. He is just here to fulfill my hunger. My perfect partner is a combination of Rj, T and him. He stimulates me physically. I want him and not others.
Frankly I am not sure why he puts up with my nonsense, except that he wants me physically. Instead of seeing myself as a victim, seeing this as a risk. Why don't I see this as an opportunity? Like second sis keep on repeating, we only have a few years to Big O. I would prefer to be physical with a committed partner. But there is none at the moment and my hunger is great.
And let's face it. I too don't want a marriage with children. So, why am I arguing about that? Just use him like the Tool that he wanted me too.
As for the privacy, I agreed cos we are just helping each other out. We r not a couple. I was thinking that we go for a trip and have a rendezvous of 3 days 2 night. Who knows, what happen by then. I will pay cos its for me. This time is I want it. Best is the local haunt. We can do loads there. I also got to swim in the spa pool. That's my present for myself.
Pre-birth year - making it right again. I recalled I enjoy physical when I was a kid. Then it stopped. I am ready to play again. The past is gone.
I did my Osho
1. Issue
Turning in - meditation to ignore the drama in the mind
2. Internal influence
Courage to grow
3. External influence
Breakthrough
Enough is enough. We must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
4. What is need
Politics
Take a good look at urself if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play.
5. Resolution
Understanding
U r out of jail, out of the cage; u can open ur wings and the whole sky is yours.
Just drop clinging to this cage, move out and fly.
In the inner sky, in the inner world, freedom is the highest value.
Soul
I have just msg him, "I still want u".
I don't know if he still wants me. If yes, I don't want to pretend or hide anymore. This bottling up is not good for me and it may turn bad.
Alas, I am freed. The first step was acknowledging my need. And second step to tell him. If he is not keen, Father will send me another one.
Day card
Jack of Heart - spiritual sacrifice. U will feel and be encouraged to elevate ur thinking, speaking and acting to a higher level. U may also decide to make some sort of personal sacrifice when this influence is present. This would likely be for the sake of someone younger than urself though it can take other forms.
Soul, to me that was a conscious breakthrough. I must acknowledge my want for him.
Late morning
Still no response from him. But somehow I am not bothered. Well, he could reject me, which then end this or he is not sure. I may feel bad later but at least I am acknowledging it. That's the first step. The rest is not up to me.
(Aug 22 - he responded to me in the evening)
Father, my body wants him. I always had the fear of emotion. Actually I can handle my emotion. My body still wants him. Perhaps its because we just started. Like Osho said I need to get it out of my system. The reason for breakup is the fear that I fall in love with partner that doesn't love me back.
So, one is confirmed. He doesn't love. Does he want me? Yes. Do I love him, not sure.
Father, there is a physical hunger in me. He has brought it to surface. He has released my physical point. I have transferred the hunger into food during the last two months without him.
And my Passion test affirm the decision that I need to make. He is just here to fulfill my hunger. My perfect partner is a combination of Rj, T and him. He stimulates me physically. I want him and not others.
Frankly I am not sure why he puts up with my nonsense, except that he wants me physically. Instead of seeing myself as a victim, seeing this as a risk. Why don't I see this as an opportunity? Like second sis keep on repeating, we only have a few years to Big O. I would prefer to be physical with a committed partner. But there is none at the moment and my hunger is great.
And let's face it. I too don't want a marriage with children. So, why am I arguing about that? Just use him like the Tool that he wanted me too.
As for the privacy, I agreed cos we are just helping each other out. We r not a couple. I was thinking that we go for a trip and have a rendezvous of 3 days 2 night. Who knows, what happen by then. I will pay cos its for me. This time is I want it. Best is the local haunt. We can do loads there. I also got to swim in the spa pool. That's my present for myself.
Pre-birth year - making it right again. I recalled I enjoy physical when I was a kid. Then it stopped. I am ready to play again. The past is gone.
I did my Osho
1. Issue
Turning in - meditation to ignore the drama in the mind
2. Internal influence
Courage to grow
3. External influence
Breakthrough
Enough is enough. We must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
4. What is need
Politics
Take a good look at urself if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play.
5. Resolution
Understanding
U r out of jail, out of the cage; u can open ur wings and the whole sky is yours.
Just drop clinging to this cage, move out and fly.
In the inner sky, in the inner world, freedom is the highest value.
Soul
I have just msg him, "I still want u".
I don't know if he still wants me. If yes, I don't want to pretend or hide anymore. This bottling up is not good for me and it may turn bad.
Alas, I am freed. The first step was acknowledging my need. And second step to tell him. If he is not keen, Father will send me another one.
Day card
Jack of Heart - spiritual sacrifice. U will feel and be encouraged to elevate ur thinking, speaking and acting to a higher level. U may also decide to make some sort of personal sacrifice when this influence is present. This would likely be for the sake of someone younger than urself though it can take other forms.
Soul, to me that was a conscious breakthrough. I must acknowledge my want for him.
Late morning
Still no response from him. But somehow I am not bothered. Well, he could reject me, which then end this or he is not sure. I may feel bad later but at least I am acknowledging it. That's the first step. The rest is not up to me.
(Aug 22 - he responded to me in the evening)
I am supposed to move..but where (6)
Aug 14 Aft
Father, just did the Wishing tree meditation.
First wish was the physical connection with my partner. At first Z came to my mind and I blank the face.
Second wish was my website is famous and I am busy responding to requests.
Third wish was just me and my husband snuggling in a couch in our house, just contented with each other and with the world. Amen.
Aug 14 Eve
Father, he didn't attend sathsang today. I called him but no reply. I sort of knew he won't return call but a little part of me still hope to do so. When my phone rang two times, I was hoping that it be him.
Anyway, at first I was thinking he didn't want to see me. I start to project worry and etc. Then much later I stop myself and asked why am I taking this personally. He cannot come due to a valid reason that has nothing to do with me. He is not affected by me.
I just checked the call history. Not bad, 24 days I didn't call him. And of cos, he is even better than me, no calls at all. That's his determination, which is his downfall.
Never mind, let him be. I focus on my new partner.
The Passion Test
Everything made by man is created first in someone's mind; then it becomes manifest in the world.
Soul
Same as the shakti meditation today. Father, my Passion is to have my partner. But how? I really don't want to go to find. I didn't want those desperado case before.
This is not like the writing or website.
Father, I am not sure of my faith.
Father, just did the Wishing tree meditation.
First wish was the physical connection with my partner. At first Z came to my mind and I blank the face.
Second wish was my website is famous and I am busy responding to requests.
Third wish was just me and my husband snuggling in a couch in our house, just contented with each other and with the world. Amen.
Aug 14 Eve
Father, he didn't attend sathsang today. I called him but no reply. I sort of knew he won't return call but a little part of me still hope to do so. When my phone rang two times, I was hoping that it be him.
Anyway, at first I was thinking he didn't want to see me. I start to project worry and etc. Then much later I stop myself and asked why am I taking this personally. He cannot come due to a valid reason that has nothing to do with me. He is not affected by me.
I just checked the call history. Not bad, 24 days I didn't call him. And of cos, he is even better than me, no calls at all. That's his determination, which is his downfall.
Never mind, let him be. I focus on my new partner.
The Passion Test
Everything made by man is created first in someone's mind; then it becomes manifest in the world.
Soul
Same as the shakti meditation today. Father, my Passion is to have my partner. But how? I really don't want to go to find. I didn't want those desperado case before.
This is not like the writing or website.
Father, I am not sure of my faith.
I am supposed to move..but where? (5)
Aug 14
Father, mine was a fast track programme. I faced my Cosmic Lesson, Seven of Spades in Z and this year face Seven of Spades in Pluto.
But I am fine, this is my journey to realise my dream of Self Mastery.
As Ekhart Tolle said Mastery is when u realised u r both human and a being.
No wonder Sadhguru said there is no separation between materiality and spirituality. Its a matter of choice, a matter of time adjustment.
My weight has gone down a bit. I like my body. Like the china colleague said I looks fine despite such regular big eating. I already have my fill.
Father, my eyes are beautiful.
I had some tots of Z. I just nip it with, "its simply over".
I also acknowledged my body need for physical release. I wonder if I should go back to massages.
Just browsing through my this week Osho cards;
External
Traveling
When this card appears, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next or an inner movement from one way of being to another. It also reminds us to accept and embrace the new. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Soul
The initiative by V on me joining him is an opening. But this time, there is no push factor. Infact, when he asked me, I said I need my 4 days week and he said can be discussed. I have already decided I didn't want to leave current company because of the 4 days week.
What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the past
What gone is gone! Don't cling to the past memories, don't cling to the future hopes, imagination and plans. Clinging simply create misery. U will have to let go.
It is time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that u would have already outgrown if u hadn't been so busy clinging to what u have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if u must and bid it a fond and reverent farewell.
Soul
Yea. My first tot was that V's proposal sounds good especially with the 4 days week. Then negative tot came in. Worry that I need to face challenges such as money and etc in new company. But I immediately struck it off, that's in the past. I am over challenges and doesn't need it to prove my worthiness anymore. And God doesn't asked from me either. Furthermore, I no longer need to have suffering to grow.
Things are flowing.
5. The understanding
Silence
The energy of the whole has taken possession of u. U r possessed, u r no more, the whole is.
Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing u can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that u can call ur very being.
Soul
That's my tot. It no longer matter. I will face whatever is needed. And no matter what happens, I can connect to my source of Joy.
Father, mine was a fast track programme. I faced my Cosmic Lesson, Seven of Spades in Z and this year face Seven of Spades in Pluto.
But I am fine, this is my journey to realise my dream of Self Mastery.
As Ekhart Tolle said Mastery is when u realised u r both human and a being.
No wonder Sadhguru said there is no separation between materiality and spirituality. Its a matter of choice, a matter of time adjustment.
My weight has gone down a bit. I like my body. Like the china colleague said I looks fine despite such regular big eating. I already have my fill.
Father, my eyes are beautiful.
I had some tots of Z. I just nip it with, "its simply over".
I also acknowledged my body need for physical release. I wonder if I should go back to massages.
Just browsing through my this week Osho cards;
External
Traveling
When this card appears, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next or an inner movement from one way of being to another. It also reminds us to accept and embrace the new. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Soul
The initiative by V on me joining him is an opening. But this time, there is no push factor. Infact, when he asked me, I said I need my 4 days week and he said can be discussed. I have already decided I didn't want to leave current company because of the 4 days week.
What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the past
What gone is gone! Don't cling to the past memories, don't cling to the future hopes, imagination and plans. Clinging simply create misery. U will have to let go.
It is time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that u would have already outgrown if u hadn't been so busy clinging to what u have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if u must and bid it a fond and reverent farewell.
Soul
Yea. My first tot was that V's proposal sounds good especially with the 4 days week. Then negative tot came in. Worry that I need to face challenges such as money and etc in new company. But I immediately struck it off, that's in the past. I am over challenges and doesn't need it to prove my worthiness anymore. And God doesn't asked from me either. Furthermore, I no longer need to have suffering to grow.
Things are flowing.
5. The understanding
Silence
The energy of the whole has taken possession of u. U r possessed, u r no more, the whole is.
Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing u can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that u can call ur very being.
Soul
That's my tot. It no longer matter. I will face whatever is needed. And no matter what happens, I can connect to my source of Joy.
I am supposed to move..but where? (4)
Aug 13 Aft
Father, I had a dream. In it, again I seem to have lost my transportation and cannot go further. Its the same msg. Whenever, I am undecided and want to stay put. Such dream will arise.
Soul
I think this is where I don't know where to go. I am surprised by V's proposal to join him in the new company. I told him that if this was a week ago, I would say no but now I am open after reading 7thunder card Three of Spades LR/Jupiter.
I also recalled my interpretation of my car being knocked at the front twice. I said that if knocked from behind means go forward, from front would means stop, don't continue.
And here V asked me to quit and join his company. Ironically the last one month I realised that I am bored in current job. And when I last spoke to E about few months ago, I had that realisation but I shelved it and focus on Z because I don't want to change job anymore.
When I read my this year of Nine of Diamond, its an ending of values or job or etc. I was wondering how it could happen as I don't plan to leave. The only thing would be if we lost major client or we be downsized and etc. I was even willing to go for 3 days job.
Father, now that I knew my Shadow of Scorpio, I have been affirmed that I am not just into helping people but I am meant for bigger things. I know I want to keep my corporate career and still do the website as it is a form of self expression and sharing.
So, V's offer for regional role is quite good if I can be based here. I also recalled 2 years ago, when I did the Karpalviksha meditation of ideal boss, I visualised V. And here it could be happening.
Evening
Just did V's year card and saw that his Result is Queen of Diamond and my result is Eight of Spade. So, there is likelyhood of me joining him in new company.
Doing his complete readings show the accuracy of the card. V told me that it is helpful. To him. And I tot if I should do for him.
Aug 13 Eve
Father, I did a good reading for V. I am able to see him and select the relevant readings.
I tot of doing for Z. This time from an objective perspective. But somehow all his issues seems to point to relationship. Or is it me that is still trying to find out why he can't love me.
I also realised I cannot do a good reading as I have not been able to read him. Its sad that I know him physically but I don't know the person. So, what do we have?? So, I was holding on to a rship that is purely physical. I felt bit down cos I who can see people, cannot see through him. I now confess I don't know him. Anyway, let's KIV this until I am objective.
Father, I had a dream. In it, again I seem to have lost my transportation and cannot go further. Its the same msg. Whenever, I am undecided and want to stay put. Such dream will arise.
Soul
I think this is where I don't know where to go. I am surprised by V's proposal to join him in the new company. I told him that if this was a week ago, I would say no but now I am open after reading 7thunder card Three of Spades LR/Jupiter.
I also recalled my interpretation of my car being knocked at the front twice. I said that if knocked from behind means go forward, from front would means stop, don't continue.
And here V asked me to quit and join his company. Ironically the last one month I realised that I am bored in current job. And when I last spoke to E about few months ago, I had that realisation but I shelved it and focus on Z because I don't want to change job anymore.
When I read my this year of Nine of Diamond, its an ending of values or job or etc. I was wondering how it could happen as I don't plan to leave. The only thing would be if we lost major client or we be downsized and etc. I was even willing to go for 3 days job.
Father, now that I knew my Shadow of Scorpio, I have been affirmed that I am not just into helping people but I am meant for bigger things. I know I want to keep my corporate career and still do the website as it is a form of self expression and sharing.
So, V's offer for regional role is quite good if I can be based here. I also recalled 2 years ago, when I did the Karpalviksha meditation of ideal boss, I visualised V. And here it could be happening.
Evening
Just did V's year card and saw that his Result is Queen of Diamond and my result is Eight of Spade. So, there is likelyhood of me joining him in new company.
Doing his complete readings show the accuracy of the card. V told me that it is helpful. To him. And I tot if I should do for him.
Aug 13 Eve
Father, I did a good reading for V. I am able to see him and select the relevant readings.
I tot of doing for Z. This time from an objective perspective. But somehow all his issues seems to point to relationship. Or is it me that is still trying to find out why he can't love me.
I also realised I cannot do a good reading as I have not been able to read him. Its sad that I know him physically but I don't know the person. So, what do we have?? So, I was holding on to a rship that is purely physical. I felt bit down cos I who can see people, cannot see through him. I now confess I don't know him. Anyway, let's KIV this until I am objective.
When my passion is fulfilled, I am happy...then good things come to me!
Aug 12
The Passion Test
Passion are about process. Goals are about outcomes.
Soul
I have drafted the Passion list. I realised that I have fulfilled my base comfort point such as foods, writing, sharing of insight, family time and etc.
What's missing was the rship with my partner. So, it does seem like a top priority now since I don't have it.
Alas, I need not worried that just becos I prioritise my rship with partner that I downgrade or lost the others. I worried that it reflect I am not happy without the partner. While I am not fulfilled but I am not sad without partner.
I also realised that in the passion list, I didn't put friends in the list. I guess I already have them already.
Ask and It is Given
The more closely aligned you are with what u truly love, the happier and more fulfilled u will be.
The happier u r, the more attractive u will be to those u love and cherish.
"Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower and draws all good things toward u".
The clearer u become about what u truly love and desire, the stronger ur conscious intention becomes, and this helps the rest of ur brain respond in an organised way.
When u r clear, what u want will show up in ur life, and only to the extent that u r clear.
Soul
At first had some worrying tot on why M still has not respond on my mail. Then I recalled she is off on Fri and Sat.
The Passion Test
The passions that have low scores (u r not living that passion) are the one that u haven't given as much attention to. The passion with high scores (u r living that passion) have received a lot of ur attention.
What u give attention to, every moment of every day, day in and day out, determines what is created in ur life.
Soul
A tot occurred to me. My passion list on my partner has 3 things. And with Z I already got 2 things, the third thing I cannot get.
Of cos mind is saying why are u saying no?
I m saying no because I deserved a better rship. I deserved to be cherished and loved and to have mutual affection and support with my partner.
The Passion Test
Passion are about process. Goals are about outcomes.
Soul
I have drafted the Passion list. I realised that I have fulfilled my base comfort point such as foods, writing, sharing of insight, family time and etc.
What's missing was the rship with my partner. So, it does seem like a top priority now since I don't have it.
Alas, I need not worried that just becos I prioritise my rship with partner that I downgrade or lost the others. I worried that it reflect I am not happy without the partner. While I am not fulfilled but I am not sad without partner.
I also realised that in the passion list, I didn't put friends in the list. I guess I already have them already.
Ask and It is Given
The more closely aligned you are with what u truly love, the happier and more fulfilled u will be.
The happier u r, the more attractive u will be to those u love and cherish.
"Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower and draws all good things toward u".
The clearer u become about what u truly love and desire, the stronger ur conscious intention becomes, and this helps the rest of ur brain respond in an organised way.
When u r clear, what u want will show up in ur life, and only to the extent that u r clear.
Soul
At first had some worrying tot on why M still has not respond on my mail. Then I recalled she is off on Fri and Sat.
The Passion Test
The passions that have low scores (u r not living that passion) are the one that u haven't given as much attention to. The passion with high scores (u r living that passion) have received a lot of ur attention.
What u give attention to, every moment of every day, day in and day out, determines what is created in ur life.
Soul
A tot occurred to me. My passion list on my partner has 3 things. And with Z I already got 2 things, the third thing I cannot get.
Of cos mind is saying why are u saying no?
I m saying no because I deserved a better rship. I deserved to be cherished and loved and to have mutual affection and support with my partner.
I am supposed to move..but where? (3)
Aug 11
Father, thank U. Yesterday, I had such longing for him and I really wanted to call him. But I couldn't cos I don't want to go back. Then I felt my heart tighten and bit pain and I just touch my heart and watch my breath. Moments later I start to giggle cos I am connected. Not sure if this is heart meditation. Anyway, the longing stop and then I went to sleep.
This morning practice was great. I was able to focus. My plough back was fantastic. Somehow, some resistance was released. I recalled that for the past 1.5 months, there was bit of resistance, guess its due to me not letting go.
Father, now whenever I long for him. Just touch my heart and watch my breath. Z is in the past. He is my past life card, that's all.
(Aug 22 - I finally realised that I was stopping the desire for him. I resisted the flow. No wonder the car got bang twice in the front and I fell sick. It is because I am not moving with the flow)
Ask and It is Given
The more u defend ur own beliefs, the more the Law of Attraction helps u live them out.
Aug 11 Eve
Being simple means just see the facts. He has never called me once since our break up. True he still want me, but on old terms. That's mean it has truly ended. He has no possible intention at all for me. Just be simple and recognised there is nothing going on.
Another breakthru, I told F about my website.
(Aug 22 - he wanted me but he has his own terms and it is more important than me. Thats all.)
Father, thank U. Yesterday, I had such longing for him and I really wanted to call him. But I couldn't cos I don't want to go back. Then I felt my heart tighten and bit pain and I just touch my heart and watch my breath. Moments later I start to giggle cos I am connected. Not sure if this is heart meditation. Anyway, the longing stop and then I went to sleep.
This morning practice was great. I was able to focus. My plough back was fantastic. Somehow, some resistance was released. I recalled that for the past 1.5 months, there was bit of resistance, guess its due to me not letting go.
Father, now whenever I long for him. Just touch my heart and watch my breath. Z is in the past. He is my past life card, that's all.
(Aug 22 - I finally realised that I was stopping the desire for him. I resisted the flow. No wonder the car got bang twice in the front and I fell sick. It is because I am not moving with the flow)
Ask and It is Given
The more u defend ur own beliefs, the more the Law of Attraction helps u live them out.
Aug 11 Eve
Being simple means just see the facts. He has never called me once since our break up. True he still want me, but on old terms. That's mean it has truly ended. He has no possible intention at all for me. Just be simple and recognised there is nothing going on.
Another breakthru, I told F about my website.
(Aug 22 - he wanted me but he has his own terms and it is more important than me. Thats all.)
I am supposed to move..but where? (2)
Aug 10 Aft
Death of self is equivalent to suffering is blessing.
Father, still having some tots of Z. But I reminded myself the past is gone and tots die off. I cling on because of future hope. There is no hope.
What am I feeling? Bit sad, bit regrets, bit hopeful.
Evening
Father, suddenly I missed him and I want to share with him my day.
Let me remember he is past.
Was trying to prioritise my Passion list and I realise physical pleasure was pretty high up in the list. I got afraid and didn't want to continue. I didn't realise I was so base and physical pleasure is so important. No wonder, I am so tied to food. Recently, there is a hunger in me. And I think its because Z has released another hunger in me and since that outlet been closed, it was channeled to food.
Ah ha, Nodes in Taurus that's what I aspire.
A tot came, simplicity. I am really quite simple with base needs.
Death of self is equivalent to suffering is blessing.
Father, still having some tots of Z. But I reminded myself the past is gone and tots die off. I cling on because of future hope. There is no hope.
What am I feeling? Bit sad, bit regrets, bit hopeful.
Evening
Father, suddenly I missed him and I want to share with him my day.
Let me remember he is past.
Was trying to prioritise my Passion list and I realise physical pleasure was pretty high up in the list. I got afraid and didn't want to continue. I didn't realise I was so base and physical pleasure is so important. No wonder, I am so tied to food. Recently, there is a hunger in me. And I think its because Z has released another hunger in me and since that outlet been closed, it was channeled to food.
Ah ha, Nodes in Taurus that's what I aspire.
A tot came, simplicity. I am really quite simple with base needs.
I am supposed to move..but where?
Aug 10
Father, did practice. I was focused on suria but it was not effortless. Shakti and Shambavi was fine. Towards the end, my plough back was beautiful.
1. Issue
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake; A condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything.
Let urself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for u just around the corner.
Soul
Just now when I was driving I was caught in awe by the lovely, vibrant grass. Then when I did a short rest in the car, laughter spill out when I close my eyes. Father, my joy is near the surface already. I can connect whenever my eyes is closed. And during samyama (open eyes) I can also connect sometimes.
This morning I look at myself and I like what I saw. I like my body, my face. I look good. So, even if people said I put on weight, I am fine.
2. Internal Influence
Stress
We create stress with the idea that without us, nothing will happen - especially in the way we want it to! Go for a walk, buy some flowers, anything unimportant will do. Just put urself out of that monkey's reach.
Soul
Been getting this card last week also. Not sure, but the car was bang twice. These week days, I just rest.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Traveling
Life is a continuity always and always. There is no final destination it is going towards. Just the pilgrimage, just the journey in itself is life, not reaching to some point, no goal - just dancing and being in pilgrimage, moving joyously, without bothering about any destination.
When this card appears, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next or an inner movement from one way of being to another. It also reminds us to accept and embrace the new. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Soul
I know Z is over. For him, its either lover or not and he won't be a friend. I must remember journey of rship doesn't just end here and just proceed to walk. I am open to better rship and I am more ready than before.
I am now doing my Passion list again. I can see some changes, that's good.
(Aug 22 - now I know its actually not over. Its moving again with him and this time not worrying about the outcome.)
4. What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the past
What gone is gone! Don't cling to the past memories, don't cling to the future hopes, imagination and plans. Clinging simply create misery. U will have to let go.
It is time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that u would have already outgrown if u hadn't been so busy clinging to what u have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if u must and bid it a fond and reverent farewell.
Soul
Father, I was holding on to Z because I was clinging to a future with him as I saw Queen of Diamond in his Result if he overcomes his Five of Clubs in Pluto. Firstly, he may not be able to overcome. Secondly, it could just him being a good businessman or even philanthropist as he got money. Nothing to do with me.
5. The understanding
Silence
The energy of the whole has taken possession of u. U r possessed, u r no more, the whole is.
Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing u can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that u can call ur very being.
Now is the time to come home to urself. The understanding and insights that come to u in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of ur life.
Father, did practice. I was focused on suria but it was not effortless. Shakti and Shambavi was fine. Towards the end, my plough back was beautiful.
1. Issue
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake; A condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything.
Let urself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for u just around the corner.
Soul
Just now when I was driving I was caught in awe by the lovely, vibrant grass. Then when I did a short rest in the car, laughter spill out when I close my eyes. Father, my joy is near the surface already. I can connect whenever my eyes is closed. And during samyama (open eyes) I can also connect sometimes.
This morning I look at myself and I like what I saw. I like my body, my face. I look good. So, even if people said I put on weight, I am fine.
2. Internal Influence
Stress
We create stress with the idea that without us, nothing will happen - especially in the way we want it to! Go for a walk, buy some flowers, anything unimportant will do. Just put urself out of that monkey's reach.
Soul
Been getting this card last week also. Not sure, but the car was bang twice. These week days, I just rest.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Traveling
Life is a continuity always and always. There is no final destination it is going towards. Just the pilgrimage, just the journey in itself is life, not reaching to some point, no goal - just dancing and being in pilgrimage, moving joyously, without bothering about any destination.
When this card appears, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next or an inner movement from one way of being to another. It also reminds us to accept and embrace the new. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Soul
I know Z is over. For him, its either lover or not and he won't be a friend. I must remember journey of rship doesn't just end here and just proceed to walk. I am open to better rship and I am more ready than before.
I am now doing my Passion list again. I can see some changes, that's good.
(Aug 22 - now I know its actually not over. Its moving again with him and this time not worrying about the outcome.)
4. What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the past
What gone is gone! Don't cling to the past memories, don't cling to the future hopes, imagination and plans. Clinging simply create misery. U will have to let go.
It is time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that u would have already outgrown if u hadn't been so busy clinging to what u have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if u must and bid it a fond and reverent farewell.
Soul
Father, I was holding on to Z because I was clinging to a future with him as I saw Queen of Diamond in his Result if he overcomes his Five of Clubs in Pluto. Firstly, he may not be able to overcome. Secondly, it could just him being a good businessman or even philanthropist as he got money. Nothing to do with me.
5. The understanding
Silence
The energy of the whole has taken possession of u. U r possessed, u r no more, the whole is.
Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing u can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that u can call ur very being.
Now is the time to come home to urself. The understanding and insights that come to u in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of ur life.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Reviewing my passion lists
Aug 9
Father, a few people said I put on weight. But I think not as bad a while ago. I recalled the jeans was so tight and now just little snug. Never mind. I admit I been having good appetite since the break up with Z. I guess I was replacing sex with food, both gives me pleasure.
I still have some tots of Z but I remember my Osho tarot that states Past is over.
I am glad both D and S benefited from the Nodes. Just sharing tools can give people insights to shift their path. I am on the right track being a Transformational leader.
Under the BB's frequent folder, BB messenger is no longer there. I have not been using it. Anyway, its good. Who knows, Z would have forgotten about me by now, or rather I am being written off. While I am bit sad but not deep as my lovability is intact. Amen.
A tot came again, there is no What If.
The Passion Test
1. Passions are those things that u love most, are most important to u and are most critical to ur happiness and well being
(How u choose to live)
2. Goals are something u aim to achieve
When ur passion are clear, u can create goals that are aligned with ur passions and begin to create the life u choose to live.
Both passions and goals are valuable and the first step is getting clear on ur passion.
Think about what u will do, be and have when ur life is ideal.
Begin each passion with a verb that expresses how u r living when ur life is ideal.
Father, a few people said I put on weight. But I think not as bad a while ago. I recalled the jeans was so tight and now just little snug. Never mind. I admit I been having good appetite since the break up with Z. I guess I was replacing sex with food, both gives me pleasure.
I still have some tots of Z but I remember my Osho tarot that states Past is over.
I am glad both D and S benefited from the Nodes. Just sharing tools can give people insights to shift their path. I am on the right track being a Transformational leader.
Under the BB's frequent folder, BB messenger is no longer there. I have not been using it. Anyway, its good. Who knows, Z would have forgotten about me by now, or rather I am being written off. While I am bit sad but not deep as my lovability is intact. Amen.
A tot came again, there is no What If.
The Passion Test
1. Passions are those things that u love most, are most important to u and are most critical to ur happiness and well being
(How u choose to live)
2. Goals are something u aim to achieve
When ur passion are clear, u can create goals that are aligned with ur passions and begin to create the life u choose to live.
Both passions and goals are valuable and the first step is getting clear on ur passion.
Think about what u will do, be and have when ur life is ideal.
Begin each passion with a verb that expresses how u r living when ur life is ideal.
Creation of your world starts from creating your good feelings
Aug 8
Father, I finally deleted Z last picture from my mobile. I am surprised that I had very little tots of him. I did my Suria effortlessly and didn't lose track of any count. I was fine also during shakti and shambavi.
Even with double accidents, I am not affected. And u have got someone to bear the costs for me too. Also, this time I even got a taxi ride. My life is effortless.
Father, I can see my cards with more clarity and I now have confidence of going thru my pre-birth year.
And I am happier that apart from writing my Insights, I can have other forms of expression in sharing the tools. And it took the pressure of writing. I wrote another one yesterday.
Ask and It is Given
The more often u revisit the tot, the more familiar the vibration becomes, and the easier it is for u to activate it, until eventually it becomes a dominant vibrational pattern within u. And as it plays a larger role in ur vibrational pattern, things that match it begin to show up in ur experience.
Soul
I must spend time thinking about my website as a form of self expression, and how it help others and how it will give back to me in financial abundance.
My 7 years Ruling further confirms the website venture.
Ask and It is Given
You must be consciously aware to be a deliberate Creator. Without making the correlation between ur tots and feelings and the manifestations that are occurring, u have no conscious control of what happens in ur experience.
Most people offer the majority of their tot vibrations in response to something they are observing. When they observe something wonderful, they feel wonderful; when they observe something awful, they feel awful, but they believe they have no control over how they feel because they realise that they cannot control the circumstances that they have observed.
Many people spend the majority of their lives attempting to control circumstances because they believe that in the controlling of the circumstance, they will feel better. But no matter how much control they gain over the actions of others, it is never enough - because there is always another uncontrollable circumstance.
Soul
I am the second group. But lately I realised that it is no point controlling others. Best just to not let get myself swayed into drama mode.
Ask and It is Given
Deliberate Creation is NOT about the condition changing and then ur finding a better feeling in response to the changed condition.
Deliberate Creation is about choosing a tot that feels good when u choose it, which then causes the condition to change.
Eg. Unconditional love is really about wanting so much to remain in connection with your Source of love that u deliberately choose tots that allow ur connection, no matter what manifestations may be happening nearby.
And when u r able to control ur point of attraction by deliberately choosing better feeling tots, the conditions that surround u have to change. The Law of Attraction says that they must.
Soul
I know Z wants me as much as I want him but I don't fit into his plan.
This time I didn't feel unlovable. I know our breakup is because we want different things in life.
Father, I finally deleted Z last picture from my mobile. I am surprised that I had very little tots of him. I did my Suria effortlessly and didn't lose track of any count. I was fine also during shakti and shambavi.
Even with double accidents, I am not affected. And u have got someone to bear the costs for me too. Also, this time I even got a taxi ride. My life is effortless.
Father, I can see my cards with more clarity and I now have confidence of going thru my pre-birth year.
And I am happier that apart from writing my Insights, I can have other forms of expression in sharing the tools. And it took the pressure of writing. I wrote another one yesterday.
Ask and It is Given
The more often u revisit the tot, the more familiar the vibration becomes, and the easier it is for u to activate it, until eventually it becomes a dominant vibrational pattern within u. And as it plays a larger role in ur vibrational pattern, things that match it begin to show up in ur experience.
Soul
I must spend time thinking about my website as a form of self expression, and how it help others and how it will give back to me in financial abundance.
My 7 years Ruling further confirms the website venture.
Ask and It is Given
You must be consciously aware to be a deliberate Creator. Without making the correlation between ur tots and feelings and the manifestations that are occurring, u have no conscious control of what happens in ur experience.
Most people offer the majority of their tot vibrations in response to something they are observing. When they observe something wonderful, they feel wonderful; when they observe something awful, they feel awful, but they believe they have no control over how they feel because they realise that they cannot control the circumstances that they have observed.
Many people spend the majority of their lives attempting to control circumstances because they believe that in the controlling of the circumstance, they will feel better. But no matter how much control they gain over the actions of others, it is never enough - because there is always another uncontrollable circumstance.
Soul
I am the second group. But lately I realised that it is no point controlling others. Best just to not let get myself swayed into drama mode.
Ask and It is Given
Deliberate Creation is NOT about the condition changing and then ur finding a better feeling in response to the changed condition.
Deliberate Creation is about choosing a tot that feels good when u choose it, which then causes the condition to change.
Eg. Unconditional love is really about wanting so much to remain in connection with your Source of love that u deliberately choose tots that allow ur connection, no matter what manifestations may be happening nearby.
And when u r able to control ur point of attraction by deliberately choosing better feeling tots, the conditions that surround u have to change. The Law of Attraction says that they must.
Soul
I know Z wants me as much as I want him but I don't fit into his plan.
This time I didn't feel unlovable. I know our breakup is because we want different things in life.
Natal Chart Nodes are quite astounding
Aug 7
Father, my car has a double accident. Firstly on the front and within one day on the back.
I wanted the front to be repaired as the muffler has dropped and here I got a sponsor. I was also thinking of the back bumper as I didn't repair when the lady knocked me. And here I got the sponsor.
I think the guy must have a karmic debt to repay me.
Today I dreamed of Z but I will not go there. I am for keep not for playing.
Aug 7 Eve
Father, did further work on my personal reading on 7thunder. It is really true and I am motivated to go deeper into this, just like I did for Isha.
I am glad I sent Nodes to SL and she was astounded that it is so relevant to her. She is reaffirmed that she needs to straighten out her rship issue. And there is also pointers about her rship with her mother. I am happy to have helped her. She is starting age 39, just like Z, a period of going back into re-birth. It won't be easy but whatever challenges she faced is needed for her to work out those issues.
I have done through my school of hard knocks and that's why I didn't want to continue the drama with Z. My mind still rolls but it no longer triggers action in me. No more longing and etc. Last week was bad cos it was pre-menses.
(Aug 22 - I am going back)
The Passion Test
Dr Andrew Newberg
The more u focus on what u truly love, the healthier u r likely to be, and the more u will feel the positive effects of those stress-reducing neurochemicals in ur body and minds.
Soul
No wonder I am happy go lucky. I seldom do the things I don't like and normally do things I like.
Father, my car has a double accident. Firstly on the front and within one day on the back.
I wanted the front to be repaired as the muffler has dropped and here I got a sponsor. I was also thinking of the back bumper as I didn't repair when the lady knocked me. And here I got the sponsor.
I think the guy must have a karmic debt to repay me.
Today I dreamed of Z but I will not go there. I am for keep not for playing.
Aug 7 Eve
Father, did further work on my personal reading on 7thunder. It is really true and I am motivated to go deeper into this, just like I did for Isha.
I am glad I sent Nodes to SL and she was astounded that it is so relevant to her. She is reaffirmed that she needs to straighten out her rship issue. And there is also pointers about her rship with her mother. I am happy to have helped her. She is starting age 39, just like Z, a period of going back into re-birth. It won't be easy but whatever challenges she faced is needed for her to work out those issues.
I have done through my school of hard knocks and that's why I didn't want to continue the drama with Z. My mind still rolls but it no longer triggers action in me. No more longing and etc. Last week was bad cos it was pre-menses.
(Aug 22 - I am going back)
The Passion Test
Dr Andrew Newberg
The more u focus on what u truly love, the healthier u r likely to be, and the more u will feel the positive effects of those stress-reducing neurochemicals in ur body and minds.
Soul
No wonder I am happy go lucky. I seldom do the things I don't like and normally do things I like.
The Passion Test gives clarity, gives power to act
Aug 6
This morning I woke up and I tot of myself telling Z to find a replacement. For me, is a complete upgrade.
7thunder
Sometimes, u seems to be in love. But the question to ask is whether being together will bring u forward. If it does not, difficult to continue.
Soul
Tot of me and Z. It is true, we r compatible physically and I do miss his presence. But I am lovable and I am for keep, not for playing. So, we ended.
I am now re-reading The Passion Test.
The Passion Test
Clarity is critical to success. Clarity leads to power - the power to act - which is the basis of achievement, fulfillment and happiness in life. Without a clear direction, u r either paralysed or running around in circles. Worse, u can never reach ur potential because u dare not fully commit.
Intention - state ur creation
Attention - focus on it
No Tension - open on it.
Soul
I want to set a new path of self discovery leading to self transformation.
I am preparing myself with tools, 7thunder and even Osho tarot.
The Passion test
When u r aligned with ur destiny, ur life is joyful, delightful, exciting and fulfilling.
Passion and love are inextricably intertwined because they both arise from the heart. When u follow ur passions, u will love ur life.
This morning I woke up and I tot of myself telling Z to find a replacement. For me, is a complete upgrade.
7thunder
Sometimes, u seems to be in love. But the question to ask is whether being together will bring u forward. If it does not, difficult to continue.
Soul
Tot of me and Z. It is true, we r compatible physically and I do miss his presence. But I am lovable and I am for keep, not for playing. So, we ended.
I am now re-reading The Passion Test.
The Passion Test
Clarity is critical to success. Clarity leads to power - the power to act - which is the basis of achievement, fulfillment and happiness in life. Without a clear direction, u r either paralysed or running around in circles. Worse, u can never reach ur potential because u dare not fully commit.
Intention - state ur creation
Attention - focus on it
No Tension - open on it.
Soul
I want to set a new path of self discovery leading to self transformation.
I am preparing myself with tools, 7thunder and even Osho tarot.
The Passion test
When u r aligned with ur destiny, ur life is joyful, delightful, exciting and fulfilling.
Passion and love are inextricably intertwined because they both arise from the heart. When u follow ur passions, u will love ur life.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Cosmic Reward - acceptance of ending (7) - in a good place
Aug 4
This morning I woke up and tot of Z. I was still holding on based on What IF. But there is NO What iF Now. There may be in future but NOT now. So, no point holding on. Also, I found myself having some attraction to E. I was attracted to his intelligence and we clicked. That's why I am able to complement him in nego. Also, I was attracted to his determination in getting what he want. He focuses on what he want. He is also a reader. And I can see he too likes being with me. We were paired for 3 times.
Mmm, I seem to be attracted to man who are focused and determined. I must learn to emulate such attributes. At least I am now focused on getting my time off and now need to focus on getting the website off ground.
Also tot of my partner, I deserved a better rship than what I had with Z. Honestly, our is an affair only. He never put his feeling into it. Throughout our affair and up till our breakout, he never called me. Always waiting for me to initiate. That's why I was amazed that he think we are still on despite our breakup.
And I was so sad that he said that we can now meet up as I am now able to control my feelings for him. And when I said no, he said why not as he can be with me till he got married. That drive the nail. I selectively avoid this when I tot of the What If. This nail down there is NO What If.
Father, today is NEW Beginning. I love myself and I am lovable and I want only loving relationship. My partner holds my hand, snuggle me, like to talk to me, is my friend.
Evening
Just now I was caught in a 3 hours massive jam and was involved in a minor accident. Amazingly, there is no change to my composure and my feet was not even tired.
And the accident was lovely. The motorbike guy just offered to handle everything. And he apologised, to which I replied its ok. Actually, I realised I was fine without apology. Mmmm, no wonder I never tot of apologising when I knocked into people's car.
4. What is needed?
Stress
The essential man know that I am not separate from the whole and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. God is doing. I can relax and be.
We create it ourselves, with the idea that without us, nothing will happen - especially in the way we want it to!
Soul
Not sure what it means. Stress, definitely in the training and now followed by bit of stress on Isha. And then followed by car accident
And today I said no to office meeting tomorrow cos I want to rest.
5. Resolution
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. The being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. Then u don't depend on others and u don't make others depend on u.
This morning I woke up and tot of Z. I was still holding on based on What IF. But there is NO What iF Now. There may be in future but NOT now. So, no point holding on. Also, I found myself having some attraction to E. I was attracted to his intelligence and we clicked. That's why I am able to complement him in nego. Also, I was attracted to his determination in getting what he want. He focuses on what he want. He is also a reader. And I can see he too likes being with me. We were paired for 3 times.
Mmm, I seem to be attracted to man who are focused and determined. I must learn to emulate such attributes. At least I am now focused on getting my time off and now need to focus on getting the website off ground.
Also tot of my partner, I deserved a better rship than what I had with Z. Honestly, our is an affair only. He never put his feeling into it. Throughout our affair and up till our breakout, he never called me. Always waiting for me to initiate. That's why I was amazed that he think we are still on despite our breakup.
And I was so sad that he said that we can now meet up as I am now able to control my feelings for him. And when I said no, he said why not as he can be with me till he got married. That drive the nail. I selectively avoid this when I tot of the What If. This nail down there is NO What If.
Father, today is NEW Beginning. I love myself and I am lovable and I want only loving relationship. My partner holds my hand, snuggle me, like to talk to me, is my friend.
Evening
Just now I was caught in a 3 hours massive jam and was involved in a minor accident. Amazingly, there is no change to my composure and my feet was not even tired.
And the accident was lovely. The motorbike guy just offered to handle everything. And he apologised, to which I replied its ok. Actually, I realised I was fine without apology. Mmmm, no wonder I never tot of apologising when I knocked into people's car.
4. What is needed?
Stress
The essential man know that I am not separate from the whole and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. God is doing. I can relax and be.
We create it ourselves, with the idea that without us, nothing will happen - especially in the way we want it to!
Soul
Not sure what it means. Stress, definitely in the training and now followed by bit of stress on Isha. And then followed by car accident
And today I said no to office meeting tomorrow cos I want to rest.
5. Resolution
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. The being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. Then u don't depend on others and u don't make others depend on u.
Cosmic Lesson (77) - wavering of ending (9)
Aug 3
Suddenly tot of Osho Issue - Moments. I only had moments tot of Z. So, why bothered about it? The mind still runs but I need not be worried or ponder about it.
The Issue
Fighting
Its time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start by forgiving urself, u r worth it.
Soul
Yeap, I need not have internal fight about Z. I need not worry. My partner will be here.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
To find a healing outlet for this potential explosion. It is essential to find a way to release whatever tensions and stresses might be building in u now.
Soul
Only thing I tot of was me wanting Z or perhaps I just wanted the physical part.
I know I have replaced it with eating. I have gained some weight. But today, I was just not keen.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Postponement
Although she would like to move through the frame .. She can't quite manage to do it. There is still so much 'what if" activity in his mind.
The only result of postponing is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and still. The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that r preventing u from
Soul
"What if" Z loves me. Actually he didn't call me once after our breakup cos I am not in his mind.
Suddenly tot of Osho Issue - Moments. I only had moments tot of Z. So, why bothered about it? The mind still runs but I need not be worried or ponder about it.
The Issue
Fighting
Its time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start by forgiving urself, u r worth it.
Soul
Yeap, I need not have internal fight about Z. I need not worry. My partner will be here.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
To find a healing outlet for this potential explosion. It is essential to find a way to release whatever tensions and stresses might be building in u now.
Soul
Only thing I tot of was me wanting Z or perhaps I just wanted the physical part.
I know I have replaced it with eating. I have gained some weight. But today, I was just not keen.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Postponement
Although she would like to move through the frame .. She can't quite manage to do it. There is still so much 'what if" activity in his mind.
The only result of postponing is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and still. The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that r preventing u from
Soul
"What if" Z loves me. Actually he didn't call me once after our breakup cos I am not in his mind.
Cosmic Lesson (76) - wavering of ending (8)
Aug 2
1. Issue
Fighting
All that politics in the man's mind - two figures fighting for a castle.
Soul
Yea, I know I am right in accepting ending with Z. But the body keep asking for Z.
Evening
I am tired and I tot of Z. Wish my partner would hug me after a long tired day. Just wanted to snuggle and sleep.
Anyway, I recalled he only wanted me for a long term fling. I deserved to be loved and cherished.
1. Issue
Fighting
All that politics in the man's mind - two figures fighting for a castle.
Soul
Yea, I know I am right in accepting ending with Z. But the body keep asking for Z.
Evening
I am tired and I tot of Z. Wish my partner would hug me after a long tired day. Just wanted to snuggle and sleep.
Anyway, I recalled he only wanted me for a long term fling. I deserved to be loved and cherished.
Nature calls to me
Aug 1 Eve
Father, I realised I am more of an introvert. Just now when sharing my intro, I started well but faltered towards the end. I guess I was worried about how I was judged.
Mmm, so the sathsang training is good for me.
And for the first time, I had no imagination of meeting a potential partner. I only tot of meeting with Z. I wanted to share with him my tots but I cannot cos I don't want to lead him on. I just want to continue being a friend without the physical part. Or rather, part of me still don't want to end it.
Father, why so difficult? I tot I ended it but it came back. Perhaps its due to the pre-menses days physical symptom.
Self Reliance - RWE
He who knows the most, he who knows what sweets and virtues are in the ground, the waters, the plants, the heavens and how to come at these enchantments, is the rich and royal man. Only as far as the masters of the world have called in nature to their aid can they reach the height of magnificence.
When we are convalescent, nature will look up to us. We see the foaming brook with compunction: if our own life flowed with the right energy, we should shame the brook. The stream of zeal sparkles with real fire, and not with reflex rays of sun and moon.
Soul
More than 10 years ago, the phrase struck a chord with me. But I recall it was a mental chord and now I am able to experience the connection with Nature and my Energy and both operated from same Source. Nature called to me to see them, to touch them, to connect with them.
Father, I realised I am more of an introvert. Just now when sharing my intro, I started well but faltered towards the end. I guess I was worried about how I was judged.
Mmm, so the sathsang training is good for me.
And for the first time, I had no imagination of meeting a potential partner. I only tot of meeting with Z. I wanted to share with him my tots but I cannot cos I don't want to lead him on. I just want to continue being a friend without the physical part. Or rather, part of me still don't want to end it.
Father, why so difficult? I tot I ended it but it came back. Perhaps its due to the pre-menses days physical symptom.
Self Reliance - RWE
He who knows the most, he who knows what sweets and virtues are in the ground, the waters, the plants, the heavens and how to come at these enchantments, is the rich and royal man. Only as far as the masters of the world have called in nature to their aid can they reach the height of magnificence.
When we are convalescent, nature will look up to us. We see the foaming brook with compunction: if our own life flowed with the right energy, we should shame the brook. The stream of zeal sparkles with real fire, and not with reflex rays of sun and moon.
Soul
More than 10 years ago, the phrase struck a chord with me. But I recall it was a mental chord and now I am able to experience the connection with Nature and my Energy and both operated from same Source. Nature called to me to see them, to touch them, to connect with them.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Your life is a reflection of the predominance of ur tots!
Aug 1
Father, practice was good. Suria was effortless. At first I was bit worried about my right elbow but it was fine.
Been having tots of Z. Mmm, possibly because of my menses coming next few days.
Have checked thru my Top 5 and it is still valid.
Aiyah, when I had tots of Z, which I cannot control, I might as well direct it to him loving me and cherishes me. He already loved and cherished me physically and now I just need it to extend to emotionally and mentally.
Ask and It is Given
Anything that u give ur attention to will become ur "truth". The Law of Attraction says it must. Your life, and everyone else's too, is but a reflection of the predominance of ur tots. There is no exception to this.
To be the Deliberate Creator of ur own experience, u will be one who has decided to direct ur tots, for only when u deliberately choose the direction of ur tots can u deliberately affect ur own point of attraction.
By paying attention to ur emotions and by deliberately offering tots that affect the way u feel, u can consciously guide urself into the vibrational frequency that will allow the fulfillment of any desire u hold.
Thinking to Feeling to Receiving.
Lovable to Loving to being Loved,
Father, practice was good. Suria was effortless. At first I was bit worried about my right elbow but it was fine.
Been having tots of Z. Mmm, possibly because of my menses coming next few days.
Have checked thru my Top 5 and it is still valid.
Aiyah, when I had tots of Z, which I cannot control, I might as well direct it to him loving me and cherishes me. He already loved and cherished me physically and now I just need it to extend to emotionally and mentally.
Ask and It is Given
Anything that u give ur attention to will become ur "truth". The Law of Attraction says it must. Your life, and everyone else's too, is but a reflection of the predominance of ur tots. There is no exception to this.
To be the Deliberate Creator of ur own experience, u will be one who has decided to direct ur tots, for only when u deliberately choose the direction of ur tots can u deliberately affect ur own point of attraction.
By paying attention to ur emotions and by deliberately offering tots that affect the way u feel, u can consciously guide urself into the vibrational frequency that will allow the fulfillment of any desire u hold.
Thinking to Feeling to Receiving.
Lovable to Loving to being Loved,
Think of what u don't want - you get what u don't want!
Jul 31
Father, I had a good time walking in the park. The grass was so lovely, their colour so vibrant and I can sense their energy. Father, thanks for making my vision psychedelic.
Today, I text S about our appointment but she forgot about it and even had sprained her leg. The old me would react but the new me just shrugged it off.
Now doing the volunteering work for Isha. I am glad I didn't stick it out for M so he can do it. From now onward, just kept to my own schedule.
Afternoon
Did about nearly 4 hours on 7thunder. I am keen in this. I think the numbers can stand on their own and don't need astrology to back them up.
Of course, it would be easier to buy software but I want to have a good foundation so that I can apply.
Did the connection between Z and me. I can see Past life but no Moon connection per se. There is Mercury, Venus and Mars. But the main thing is Cosmic Lesson for me. And I finally accepted that the Cosmic Lesson is having the will power to take charge and focus on what I want. This year Pluto of Seven of Spades and Ten of Spades tells the story.
Father, I will do what is needed. It took me awhile to start on 7thunder but I will continue.
Just checked to my this week Osho card - Completion
Whatever has been absorbing ur time and energy is now coming to an end.
In completing, u will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both - the end of the old and the coming of the new.
Soul
I just tot my true relationship cannot be my Cosmic Lesson. He is not my intended partner. I deserved to be loved and cherished. He will be here.
It is over and I will move on. What I need to take from Z is his faith that things will be fine, his determination to make himself up to achieve his goals.
And I have started on 7thunder which coincides my Osho Internal Influence - Creativity.
Cosmic Lesson card is someone who is setting an example that u would benefit by following them.
Father, everything happens for a reason. I got who I needed.
(Aug 18 - Such a confidence that it is over. Alas, it is not, cos we are starting again next week)
Ask and It is given
U have an old car and u wanted to buy new car.
As long as u r more aware of what u do not want regarding this situation, what u do want cannot come to u.
In another words, if u r predominantly thinking about ur undependable current old car, ur dependable new car cannot move towards u.
Soul
As long as I am thinking with regrets over losing Z and not thinking about its blessing, I won't be able to let go. And if I can't let go, then I am not freed to do my new project, 7thunder. And when I did my 7thunder, I come to the realisation that a cosmic lesson card cannot be the r'ship I wanted and hence it is a blessing that it ended. The attachment was due to Past life karma and it has been resolved.
Ask and It is Given
Ur tots equal ur point of attraction and that the way u feel indicates ur level of allowing or resisting, u now hold the key to creating anything that u desire.
When u love someone or urself, u r a vibrational match to who u really are and u r in the state of allowing ur pure Connection to your Source.
Soul
When I tot of I deserved to be loved and cherished, feeling of joy run through my body.
Ask and It is Given
And if u r finding fault with urself or another, u r offering a vibration that does not match who u r, u r resisting.
Soul
No wonder boss cannot get what she truly wants. Because she is predominantly blaming others or worry about her old house.
Ask and It is Given
As u consciously consider the way u feel, u will get better and better at directing the Source Energy, and u will become a disciplined and joyous deliberate creator.
Soul
Mmm, meditation is important to keep me grounded and be aware of my feelings and tots.
Father, I had a good time walking in the park. The grass was so lovely, their colour so vibrant and I can sense their energy. Father, thanks for making my vision psychedelic.
Today, I text S about our appointment but she forgot about it and even had sprained her leg. The old me would react but the new me just shrugged it off.
Now doing the volunteering work for Isha. I am glad I didn't stick it out for M so he can do it. From now onward, just kept to my own schedule.
Afternoon
Did about nearly 4 hours on 7thunder. I am keen in this. I think the numbers can stand on their own and don't need astrology to back them up.
Of course, it would be easier to buy software but I want to have a good foundation so that I can apply.
Did the connection between Z and me. I can see Past life but no Moon connection per se. There is Mercury, Venus and Mars. But the main thing is Cosmic Lesson for me. And I finally accepted that the Cosmic Lesson is having the will power to take charge and focus on what I want. This year Pluto of Seven of Spades and Ten of Spades tells the story.
Father, I will do what is needed. It took me awhile to start on 7thunder but I will continue.
Just checked to my this week Osho card - Completion
Whatever has been absorbing ur time and energy is now coming to an end.
In completing, u will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both - the end of the old and the coming of the new.
Soul
I just tot my true relationship cannot be my Cosmic Lesson. He is not my intended partner. I deserved to be loved and cherished. He will be here.
It is over and I will move on. What I need to take from Z is his faith that things will be fine, his determination to make himself up to achieve his goals.
And I have started on 7thunder which coincides my Osho Internal Influence - Creativity.
Cosmic Lesson card is someone who is setting an example that u would benefit by following them.
Father, everything happens for a reason. I got who I needed.
(Aug 18 - Such a confidence that it is over. Alas, it is not, cos we are starting again next week)
Ask and It is given
U have an old car and u wanted to buy new car.
As long as u r more aware of what u do not want regarding this situation, what u do want cannot come to u.
In another words, if u r predominantly thinking about ur undependable current old car, ur dependable new car cannot move towards u.
Soul
As long as I am thinking with regrets over losing Z and not thinking about its blessing, I won't be able to let go. And if I can't let go, then I am not freed to do my new project, 7thunder. And when I did my 7thunder, I come to the realisation that a cosmic lesson card cannot be the r'ship I wanted and hence it is a blessing that it ended. The attachment was due to Past life karma and it has been resolved.
Ask and It is Given
Ur tots equal ur point of attraction and that the way u feel indicates ur level of allowing or resisting, u now hold the key to creating anything that u desire.
When u love someone or urself, u r a vibrational match to who u really are and u r in the state of allowing ur pure Connection to your Source.
Soul
When I tot of I deserved to be loved and cherished, feeling of joy run through my body.
Ask and It is Given
And if u r finding fault with urself or another, u r offering a vibration that does not match who u r, u r resisting.
Soul
No wonder boss cannot get what she truly wants. Because she is predominantly blaming others or worry about her old house.
Ask and It is Given
As u consciously consider the way u feel, u will get better and better at directing the Source Energy, and u will become a disciplined and joyous deliberate creator.
Soul
Mmm, meditation is important to keep me grounded and be aware of my feelings and tots.
Fulfilling my destiny (6) - hard working
Jul 30
Did my practice. It was great. Towards the end, I had tots of Z and tears came. I miss him. What a waste, we can't be together. Moments later, I remember I deserved to be loved and cherished in everyway, not just physically.
When I finished practice, a tot came that my destiny is not a writer, it is to be transforming agent
Evening
I have been working hard. Did 2 hours of video on 7thunders today. Suddenly tot that when I viewed the cd previously, it was only on sound, no video. And now that I have video because of sathsang, I can finally watch the video and it is much more easier to follow.
When I am ready, the help came. Father, I am not sure if I can be a master of 7thunder but I am fascinated by it. It does tell the life and spiritual path.
When I was reading my 7 years period, I immediately have the A ha moments. But when I read Z', I cannot identify easily. An answer came, the card show the experience of the Card holder and observer/third party may not see the connection.
In my quest to fulfill my destiny, I need to be specialist at least on one field, which I chosen 7thunder. On Osho tarot, I can easily relate. I need to work on my intuitive skills.
Alas, I am more at ease, knowing I need not narrow down my interest to writing only. Writing is just a form of expression for me to share my knowledge.
Now I am more certain of how the website should be and it goes back to my original plan of having a Self-discovery website that has tools, insights and counseling. The insight are from me healing myself.
Father, had tots of Z but nowadays its more to keep me focus on my development of will power to achieve the goals that I wanted. Key msg is to be hardworking. As for the outcome, let Him take charge.
Did my practice. It was great. Towards the end, I had tots of Z and tears came. I miss him. What a waste, we can't be together. Moments later, I remember I deserved to be loved and cherished in everyway, not just physically.
When I finished practice, a tot came that my destiny is not a writer, it is to be transforming agent
Evening
I have been working hard. Did 2 hours of video on 7thunders today. Suddenly tot that when I viewed the cd previously, it was only on sound, no video. And now that I have video because of sathsang, I can finally watch the video and it is much more easier to follow.
When I am ready, the help came. Father, I am not sure if I can be a master of 7thunder but I am fascinated by it. It does tell the life and spiritual path.
When I was reading my 7 years period, I immediately have the A ha moments. But when I read Z', I cannot identify easily. An answer came, the card show the experience of the Card holder and observer/third party may not see the connection.
In my quest to fulfill my destiny, I need to be specialist at least on one field, which I chosen 7thunder. On Osho tarot, I can easily relate. I need to work on my intuitive skills.
Alas, I am more at ease, knowing I need not narrow down my interest to writing only. Writing is just a form of expression for me to share my knowledge.
Now I am more certain of how the website should be and it goes back to my original plan of having a Self-discovery website that has tools, insights and counseling. The insight are from me healing myself.
Father, had tots of Z but nowadays its more to keep me focus on my development of will power to achieve the goals that I wanted. Key msg is to be hardworking. As for the outcome, let Him take charge.
Meditation is needed (3) in following my destiny
Jul 29
Tot of doing 7thunder all the way up. Just like I did for Isha.
Jul 29 Eve
My Destiny
My strength is in discovering myself, knowing myself, self-awareness to heal myself
My destiny is to share the tools, to share my journey and Insights.
Updating my blog on July 3 and saw this;
The Power of Intention
Meditation is to stay conscious with ur Source, which always respects u.
Meditation is a way to experience what the five sense can't detect.
When u r connected, u feel cherished
Meditation is a way to ensure that u stay in state of self respect. Regardless of circumstances, all doubts disappeared when u connect to ur Source.
Tot of doing 7thunder all the way up. Just like I did for Isha.
Jul 29 Eve
My Destiny
My strength is in discovering myself, knowing myself, self-awareness to heal myself
My destiny is to share the tools, to share my journey and Insights.
Updating my blog on July 3 and saw this;
The Power of Intention
Meditation is to stay conscious with ur Source, which always respects u.
Meditation is a way to experience what the five sense can't detect.
When u r connected, u feel cherished
Meditation is a way to ensure that u stay in state of self respect. Regardless of circumstances, all doubts disappeared when u connect to ur Source.
7thunder - 7 years spread 42 to 48 (Change) - 2
Jul 28
The content of my mind is not my choice. But I have the choice to let it continue to spin or not. Today I didn't follow the contents that is not of my choice. I have the power to choose the content of my mind, the power to intent what I want to spin.
Father, thanks for the power. Now I know the effects of samyama. Father, I am motivated to continue with samyama.
And with it, I find that I can now opt to let the tots continue to spin or not. Also, the auto spin of tots are not so fast and I have a moment to ponder to let it continue or not.
Father, today practice is great. I was connected from shakti. Both shakti and shambavi was effortless and despite full awareness/no dozing, I complete it around 7 am.
Father, when I saw Robert giving his talks on 7thunder, I find that he is not using it to his full potential. Of course, he said his audience are mundane and he tries to cater them. For me, a spiritually inclined, I find him not being a good guide. He has the tools but he doesn't know how to apply it.
Of course, I tot of applying and being a speaker. But I am not sure yet. Will just continue with the vcd and decide later. Meanwhile, website has to pursue.
Suddenly saw Internal influence - creativity. To be open to what wants to be expressed through u. Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us.
A tot came, since my destiny is to be a Transformational leader, 7thunder is a good tool for me to help others in their path. Only when I become a master, I can guide them.
With astrology, I am not keen but somehow I am pulled to 7thunder. Will see. I do need to be specialist in a field or the other. Just like M spent 7k on her life coach books, I too can spend this amount. I have the financial abundance.
The card is true.
With Osho tarot, it depends on the person connection with their Source. If they are not connected, the cards may not give them what they need. Also, it is spiritually inclined and bit difficult for people to relate.
So, I have narrow my interest to 7thunder and writing. And both is to enable me to be the Transformational leader.
The Four of Diamond in my Displacement from age 42 to 48.
U may have to work a lot harder than u expected this period, but in many ways, this hard work could pay off in more success in ur work or business.
What u r being called upon to do this period is get really clear about what u want in ur life and then be willing to put in the proper amount of work in order to achieve it. If either of these two ingredients is lacking, the results will diminish significantly.
The Four of Diamonds require that we narrow down our focus and invest ourselves into just one or two directions so we may achieve more success.
Once we have this focus, all that is needed is some hard work to make some spectacular things happen.
Essentially u will get what u work this period. The more u put in, the more u get back. It is very likely that u will receive more recognition for ur efforts, especially towards the end of 48. U could in some way be better know or more popular.
Soul
That's the reason why I met Z. That's was the point of attraction. I was awed by his single mindedness in pursuing his goal. He ignored the price to pay and put in all the energy he can muster with his will power. He has faith to achieve his goals.
Father, U truly gives me all that I need.
Father, I went all the way with Isha. I think I want to go all the way with 7thunder.
The content of my mind is not my choice. But I have the choice to let it continue to spin or not. Today I didn't follow the contents that is not of my choice. I have the power to choose the content of my mind, the power to intent what I want to spin.
Father, thanks for the power. Now I know the effects of samyama. Father, I am motivated to continue with samyama.
And with it, I find that I can now opt to let the tots continue to spin or not. Also, the auto spin of tots are not so fast and I have a moment to ponder to let it continue or not.
Father, today practice is great. I was connected from shakti. Both shakti and shambavi was effortless and despite full awareness/no dozing, I complete it around 7 am.
Father, when I saw Robert giving his talks on 7thunder, I find that he is not using it to his full potential. Of course, he said his audience are mundane and he tries to cater them. For me, a spiritually inclined, I find him not being a good guide. He has the tools but he doesn't know how to apply it.
Of course, I tot of applying and being a speaker. But I am not sure yet. Will just continue with the vcd and decide later. Meanwhile, website has to pursue.
Suddenly saw Internal influence - creativity. To be open to what wants to be expressed through u. Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us.
A tot came, since my destiny is to be a Transformational leader, 7thunder is a good tool for me to help others in their path. Only when I become a master, I can guide them.
With astrology, I am not keen but somehow I am pulled to 7thunder. Will see. I do need to be specialist in a field or the other. Just like M spent 7k on her life coach books, I too can spend this amount. I have the financial abundance.
The card is true.
With Osho tarot, it depends on the person connection with their Source. If they are not connected, the cards may not give them what they need. Also, it is spiritually inclined and bit difficult for people to relate.
So, I have narrow my interest to 7thunder and writing. And both is to enable me to be the Transformational leader.
The Four of Diamond in my Displacement from age 42 to 48.
U may have to work a lot harder than u expected this period, but in many ways, this hard work could pay off in more success in ur work or business.
What u r being called upon to do this period is get really clear about what u want in ur life and then be willing to put in the proper amount of work in order to achieve it. If either of these two ingredients is lacking, the results will diminish significantly.
The Four of Diamonds require that we narrow down our focus and invest ourselves into just one or two directions so we may achieve more success.
Once we have this focus, all that is needed is some hard work to make some spectacular things happen.
Essentially u will get what u work this period. The more u put in, the more u get back. It is very likely that u will receive more recognition for ur efforts, especially towards the end of 48. U could in some way be better know or more popular.
Soul
That's the reason why I met Z. That's was the point of attraction. I was awed by his single mindedness in pursuing his goal. He ignored the price to pay and put in all the energy he can muster with his will power. He has faith to achieve his goals.
Father, U truly gives me all that I need.
Father, I went all the way with Isha. I think I want to go all the way with 7thunder.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
7thunder - 7 years spread 42 to 48 (Change)
Jul 27 Aft
Ask and It is Given
Your emotions - simply, purely, and only - are about ur relationship with your Source.
When u r focused upon things that are in vibrational harmony with ur Source, u feel absolute joy. But when u think tots that are contrary to that truth, u feel the opposite of disempowerment and bondage.
In the same way that sculptors mold clay into the creation that pleases them, u create by molding Energy. You mold it through ur power of focus - by thinking
Soul
Whenever I think of my partner, it is usually on a physical need. Something I cannot do on my own, physically take care of me and etc. I seldom tot of them as a companion, someone I can referred to and etc. I don't need them that way. Perhaps that why I attract Z, who only wanted physical into my life.
Suddenly a tot occur to me. When Z described about his exes, it is always about physical. He doesn't need them mentally nor emotionally. And his depression on his divorce is more on the children. Aiyah, stop it. Don't want to vibrate on him. But at least I now know why we are compatible.
Jul 27 Eve (Rulings Card' Seven Year spread)
Father, I am now conscious of tots of Z. When it came in, I immediately be aware so the wheel can't spin. I change the content to my writing and website instead.
Father, I realised I haven't been thinking about my writing, so how to be successful.
7thunder
7 year spread (42 to 48)in Ruling Card
Long range - Five of Diamonds
Important transition for u that will leave u in an entirely new place by ur next 7 year period. A fundamental change in what is most important to u will likely to cause major changes in ur job, approach to money and even rship.
U could even move to a new location during this powerful period of transition.
Since our lives are basically structured to provide us with the things we deem most important, when this inner picture of what is most important to us changes, our exterior world has no choice but to follow suit.
To get the most of this period, allow the changes to flow in ur life without trying to know exactly what lies ahead.
When u r in transition, u must change and depart from what has been, and the future is not always clear. But there are always clear skies ahead just beyond what we can see. It would be wise to expect changes and to not make big commitments until after next period.
Affirmation
I experience a major change in my values, which affect every important area of my life this period.
Pluto - Jack of Clubs
One of the major challenge is to develop the creativity to be successful in a mental field of interest, perhaps as a writer.
Another aspect is that of being dishonest or less than truthful. For this reason u may find events surfacing this period that relate to either ur own dishonesty or that of others.
On a deeper level, it can represent an initiation into higher knowledge.
In any case, u will have to make a conscious effort to achieve ur goal or to deal with these creative, youthful and often immature energies of the Jack of Clubs.
Affirmation
I transform myself to become more mentally creative and successful this year. I begin a new and better life on an intellectual level.
Results - Five of Diamonds
This will be a period of many changes for u and as a result of dealing with ur Pluto card, u may find that by period's end, u r in a much different place than when the year started.
There may be new relationship, living location and a new career on the horizon.
Behind these changes, u r undergoing a shift in ur basic values. At times, there may be some challenges as people and situations seem to confront u. But a change is inevitable. A change is coming that it will be a good one that leads u in new directions and provides much and more needed personal freedom.
Affirmation
I complete this period with an entirely new set of values that sets me free to explore new areas in my life.
Environment - Eight of Diamonds
U have the financial means to make some important purchases in ur life. This is a very good omen for finances in general and for success in work or business. Be thankful for the blessings of prosperity that are now part of ur life.
Displacement - Six of Spades.
All outstanding debts be paid
Good for work and career. Any opportunities for expansion will likely lead to greater success
Finding ur personal destiny. U will get some opportunities to fine tune ur direction in life and have the chance to discard any activities that r not contributing to u achieving ur most heart-felt goals and desires.
Destined events are very likely to occur, ones that will change the course of ur life in a significant way. As all this is going on, practice fairness in all of ur dealings and u will be directed to the right path.
Soul
Its written and I am facing, third year now.
Soul
Father, I want all. I want personal success and I want relationship too. For years I was avoiding and now I want it. I have overcome the biggest challenge with Z, the next one would be smooth sailing especially since I have now narrowed down my choices.
Apart from physical, mental and spiritual compatibility, I want my partner to cherish me.
Ask and It is Given
Your emotions - simply, purely, and only - are about ur relationship with your Source.
When u r focused upon things that are in vibrational harmony with ur Source, u feel absolute joy. But when u think tots that are contrary to that truth, u feel the opposite of disempowerment and bondage.
In the same way that sculptors mold clay into the creation that pleases them, u create by molding Energy. You mold it through ur power of focus - by thinking
Soul
Whenever I think of my partner, it is usually on a physical need. Something I cannot do on my own, physically take care of me and etc. I seldom tot of them as a companion, someone I can referred to and etc. I don't need them that way. Perhaps that why I attract Z, who only wanted physical into my life.
Suddenly a tot occur to me. When Z described about his exes, it is always about physical. He doesn't need them mentally nor emotionally. And his depression on his divorce is more on the children. Aiyah, stop it. Don't want to vibrate on him. But at least I now know why we are compatible.
Jul 27 Eve (Rulings Card' Seven Year spread)
Father, I am now conscious of tots of Z. When it came in, I immediately be aware so the wheel can't spin. I change the content to my writing and website instead.
Father, I realised I haven't been thinking about my writing, so how to be successful.
7thunder
7 year spread (42 to 48)in Ruling Card
Long range - Five of Diamonds
Important transition for u that will leave u in an entirely new place by ur next 7 year period. A fundamental change in what is most important to u will likely to cause major changes in ur job, approach to money and even rship.
U could even move to a new location during this powerful period of transition.
Since our lives are basically structured to provide us with the things we deem most important, when this inner picture of what is most important to us changes, our exterior world has no choice but to follow suit.
To get the most of this period, allow the changes to flow in ur life without trying to know exactly what lies ahead.
When u r in transition, u must change and depart from what has been, and the future is not always clear. But there are always clear skies ahead just beyond what we can see. It would be wise to expect changes and to not make big commitments until after next period.
Affirmation
I experience a major change in my values, which affect every important area of my life this period.
Pluto - Jack of Clubs
One of the major challenge is to develop the creativity to be successful in a mental field of interest, perhaps as a writer.
Another aspect is that of being dishonest or less than truthful. For this reason u may find events surfacing this period that relate to either ur own dishonesty or that of others.
On a deeper level, it can represent an initiation into higher knowledge.
In any case, u will have to make a conscious effort to achieve ur goal or to deal with these creative, youthful and often immature energies of the Jack of Clubs.
Affirmation
I transform myself to become more mentally creative and successful this year. I begin a new and better life on an intellectual level.
Results - Five of Diamonds
This will be a period of many changes for u and as a result of dealing with ur Pluto card, u may find that by period's end, u r in a much different place than when the year started.
There may be new relationship, living location and a new career on the horizon.
Behind these changes, u r undergoing a shift in ur basic values. At times, there may be some challenges as people and situations seem to confront u. But a change is inevitable. A change is coming that it will be a good one that leads u in new directions and provides much and more needed personal freedom.
Affirmation
I complete this period with an entirely new set of values that sets me free to explore new areas in my life.
Environment - Eight of Diamonds
U have the financial means to make some important purchases in ur life. This is a very good omen for finances in general and for success in work or business. Be thankful for the blessings of prosperity that are now part of ur life.
Displacement - Six of Spades.
All outstanding debts be paid
Good for work and career. Any opportunities for expansion will likely lead to greater success
Finding ur personal destiny. U will get some opportunities to fine tune ur direction in life and have the chance to discard any activities that r not contributing to u achieving ur most heart-felt goals and desires.
Destined events are very likely to occur, ones that will change the course of ur life in a significant way. As all this is going on, practice fairness in all of ur dealings and u will be directed to the right path.
Soul
Its written and I am facing, third year now.
Soul
Father, I want all. I want personal success and I want relationship too. For years I was avoiding and now I want it. I have overcome the biggest challenge with Z, the next one would be smooth sailing especially since I have now narrowed down my choices.
Apart from physical, mental and spiritual compatibility, I want my partner to cherish me.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Think of what u want, and not what you dont want!
Jul 27
Did my practice this morning. Suria was good and when I lie down for rest, I found my body grounded to the floor. Shakti and Shambavi was good too. Towards the end, when I was lying down for plough back, my body was grounded and I rest but doze off a bit and got into a minute dream.
I am pleased that tots of Z has reduced loads. This time when tot of Z came in. I didn't follow automatically and instead I look at it. I said the content of my mind is not my choice, it is not me and I need not follow. The tots pass away.
And it come to the point whereby I look at the tot and decide not to follow it.
I was wondering if the completion mode in Osho tarot also refer to this;
Completion
What has been absorbing ur time and energy is now coming to an end. In completing, u will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both.
Soul
Yea. It has completed and I have moved on and look forward to my expat husband.
Ask and It is Given
Whatever u r giving ur attention causes u to emit a vibration, and the vibrations that u offer equal ur asking, which equals ur point of attraction
1. If there is something u desire that u currently do not have, u need only put ur attention upon it, and by the Law of Attraction, it will come to u, for as u think about this thing or experience that u desire, u offer a vibration, and then, by Law, that very thing or experience must come to u.
2. However, if there is something that u desire that u currently do not have, and u put ur attention upon ur current state of not having, then Law of Attraction will continue to match that not having it vibration, so u will continue to match that "not having it" vibration.
Soul
Example.
Boss wanted to sell her house so she can shift to a smaller house. But it has not happen yet.
She is thinking of why her house cannot be sold. Wondering why it cannot be sold. Hoping it will be sold. ("Vibration of old house not sold")
She is not thinking of the shift to the new house, her new house or etc.("Vibration of new house")
Since her tot is on old house, old house still persist to be with her.
How about me?
Thinking of Z, which I cannot have. ("Vibration of not having")
And I keep on having tots of us being in physical mode, which is current situation. Z is still waiting for me to go back to him in current mode.
Anyway, I should be thinking of me being with our family, me being with our friends, we going out for normal dating to change the vibration.
I should be thinking of me and my new partner.
In terms of writing, I tot about me writing joyfully. Yea, will do that too.
Ask and It is Given
The easiest way to achieve vibrational harmony with it is to imagine having it, pretend that it is already in ur experience, flow ur tots toward the enjoyment of the experience, and as u practice those tots and begin to consistently offer that vibration, u will then be in the place of allowing that into ur experience.
By paying attention to the way u feel, u can easily know if u r giving attention to ur desire or if u r giving attention to the absence of ur desire.
When ur tots are a vibrational match to ur desire ("having"), u feel good.
When ur tots are on the lack of, or absence of ur desire ("not having"), u feel negative, angry, insecure or sad.
Soul
When I had tots of Z, it is always pleasurable. But I didn't like it cos it is illusionary and I felt a loss of control as I felt weak that I still want him and then it turn to anger.
Ask and It is Given
By the powerful Universal Law of Attraction, u draw to u the essence of whatever u r predominantly thinking about. So, if u r predominantly thinking about things that u desire, ur life experience reflects those things.
And in the same way, if u r predominantly thinking about what u do not want, ur life experience reflects those things.
Whatever u r thinking about is like planning a future event. When u r appreciating, u r planning. When u r worrying, u r also planning. (Worrying is using ur imagination to create something that u do not want.)
Soul
Mmm, I keep on thinking of him in our physical mode. No wonder, he still waits for me and asked for meet up. I was surprised that he actually was waiting. So, the Law does work.
I have always tot of good food and it works.
I always tot of spirituality, tot that I am meant for happiness and I got joy. I just fell into Isha, quite effortless.
Father, I don't really think of what I want. My Top 5 need to be re-look everyday. I was just paying attention to Z for the past half year. Its time to end and move back towards Top 5.
Ask and It is Given
That which is like unto itself is drawn. Another way of saying that is: Your desires and ur beliefs must be a vibrational match in order for u to receive that which u desire.
Once you understand that u get what u think about, and, equally IMPORTANT, when u r aware of what u r thinking, then u r in the position to exercise absolute control of ur own experience.
Soul
This means meditation is important so as to create a distance between mind and samyama is important as we are tot being aware of our tots.
Ask and It is Given
Once u become consciously at one with the Universal Laws and gain an understanding of why things respond in the way they do, all mystery and confusion will be replaced with clarity and understanding. Doubt and fear will be replaced with knowledge and confidence, uncertainty will be replaced with certainty - and joy will return as the basic premise of ur experience.
Soul
Slowly but surely getting it. Just now tot of Z came, I just hold and it went off. While I cannot decide on content, I can decide if I let it project or not. To stop the will and release it.
Ask and It is Given
Every tot that has ever been tot of still exists, and whenever u focus upon a tot, u activate the vibration of that tot within u. So, whatever u r currently giving ur attention to is an activated tot.
But when u turn ur attention away from a tot, it becomes dormant, or no longer active.
The only way to consciously deactivate a tot is to activate another. In other words, the only way to deliberately withdraw ur attention from one tot is to give ur attention to another.
The more u give attention, it become a dominant tot, then it become a belief.
You focus is the invitation. Your attention to it is the invitation.
And so, for those who are mostly observers, thrives in good times but suffer in bad times because what they are observing is already vibrating, and as they observe it, they include it in their vibrational countenance; and as they include it, the Universe accepts that as their point of attraction - and gives them more of the essence of it.
So, for an observer, the better it gets, the better it gets; or the worse it gets, the worse it gets.
However, one who is a visionary thrives in all times.
Soul
My aim is self mastery. I focus on it and I attract everything that I need to help me. Isha and Z is just another tools. Isha gave me the meditation tool to distance from my mind. Z gave me the opportunity to practice it.
If what I want is Self Mastery, I would need opportunity to practice it and Z is the opportunity, from the inception, to breakout, to ending.
Instead of judging myself for failure on ending. I should applaud myself. I have used the opportunity to become a Self Master.
And I must remember to have Self Mastery is not an easy path. But it is my dream. But why this dream. It is because I think my life is not within my control and I want to master myself. Nowadays, my mantra is life is not easy, don't make it difficult. And I want to go to Life is effortless if we go with the flow. If we don't resist. If we drop our ego, our judgements.
Suddenly tot of this week Osho Tarot
What is needed for Resolution
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness. Through the rising of inner sun, meditation is born. This card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within.
Resolution
New Vision - now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colour to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Did my practice this morning. Suria was good and when I lie down for rest, I found my body grounded to the floor. Shakti and Shambavi was good too. Towards the end, when I was lying down for plough back, my body was grounded and I rest but doze off a bit and got into a minute dream.
I am pleased that tots of Z has reduced loads. This time when tot of Z came in. I didn't follow automatically and instead I look at it. I said the content of my mind is not my choice, it is not me and I need not follow. The tots pass away.
And it come to the point whereby I look at the tot and decide not to follow it.
I was wondering if the completion mode in Osho tarot also refer to this;
Completion
What has been absorbing ur time and energy is now coming to an end. In completing, u will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both.
Soul
Yea. It has completed and I have moved on and look forward to my expat husband.
Ask and It is Given
Whatever u r giving ur attention causes u to emit a vibration, and the vibrations that u offer equal ur asking, which equals ur point of attraction
1. If there is something u desire that u currently do not have, u need only put ur attention upon it, and by the Law of Attraction, it will come to u, for as u think about this thing or experience that u desire, u offer a vibration, and then, by Law, that very thing or experience must come to u.
2. However, if there is something that u desire that u currently do not have, and u put ur attention upon ur current state of not having, then Law of Attraction will continue to match that not having it vibration, so u will continue to match that "not having it" vibration.
Soul
Example.
Boss wanted to sell her house so she can shift to a smaller house. But it has not happen yet.
She is thinking of why her house cannot be sold. Wondering why it cannot be sold. Hoping it will be sold. ("Vibration of old house not sold")
She is not thinking of the shift to the new house, her new house or etc.("Vibration of new house")
Since her tot is on old house, old house still persist to be with her.
How about me?
Thinking of Z, which I cannot have. ("Vibration of not having")
And I keep on having tots of us being in physical mode, which is current situation. Z is still waiting for me to go back to him in current mode.
Anyway, I should be thinking of me being with our family, me being with our friends, we going out for normal dating to change the vibration.
I should be thinking of me and my new partner.
In terms of writing, I tot about me writing joyfully. Yea, will do that too.
Ask and It is Given
The easiest way to achieve vibrational harmony with it is to imagine having it, pretend that it is already in ur experience, flow ur tots toward the enjoyment of the experience, and as u practice those tots and begin to consistently offer that vibration, u will then be in the place of allowing that into ur experience.
By paying attention to the way u feel, u can easily know if u r giving attention to ur desire or if u r giving attention to the absence of ur desire.
When ur tots are a vibrational match to ur desire ("having"), u feel good.
When ur tots are on the lack of, or absence of ur desire ("not having"), u feel negative, angry, insecure or sad.
Soul
When I had tots of Z, it is always pleasurable. But I didn't like it cos it is illusionary and I felt a loss of control as I felt weak that I still want him and then it turn to anger.
Ask and It is Given
By the powerful Universal Law of Attraction, u draw to u the essence of whatever u r predominantly thinking about. So, if u r predominantly thinking about things that u desire, ur life experience reflects those things.
And in the same way, if u r predominantly thinking about what u do not want, ur life experience reflects those things.
Whatever u r thinking about is like planning a future event. When u r appreciating, u r planning. When u r worrying, u r also planning. (Worrying is using ur imagination to create something that u do not want.)
Soul
Mmm, I keep on thinking of him in our physical mode. No wonder, he still waits for me and asked for meet up. I was surprised that he actually was waiting. So, the Law does work.
I have always tot of good food and it works.
I always tot of spirituality, tot that I am meant for happiness and I got joy. I just fell into Isha, quite effortless.
Father, I don't really think of what I want. My Top 5 need to be re-look everyday. I was just paying attention to Z for the past half year. Its time to end and move back towards Top 5.
Ask and It is Given
That which is like unto itself is drawn. Another way of saying that is: Your desires and ur beliefs must be a vibrational match in order for u to receive that which u desire.
Once you understand that u get what u think about, and, equally IMPORTANT, when u r aware of what u r thinking, then u r in the position to exercise absolute control of ur own experience.
Soul
This means meditation is important so as to create a distance between mind and samyama is important as we are tot being aware of our tots.
Ask and It is Given
Once u become consciously at one with the Universal Laws and gain an understanding of why things respond in the way they do, all mystery and confusion will be replaced with clarity and understanding. Doubt and fear will be replaced with knowledge and confidence, uncertainty will be replaced with certainty - and joy will return as the basic premise of ur experience.
Soul
Slowly but surely getting it. Just now tot of Z came, I just hold and it went off. While I cannot decide on content, I can decide if I let it project or not. To stop the will and release it.
Ask and It is Given
Every tot that has ever been tot of still exists, and whenever u focus upon a tot, u activate the vibration of that tot within u. So, whatever u r currently giving ur attention to is an activated tot.
But when u turn ur attention away from a tot, it becomes dormant, or no longer active.
The only way to consciously deactivate a tot is to activate another. In other words, the only way to deliberately withdraw ur attention from one tot is to give ur attention to another.
The more u give attention, it become a dominant tot, then it become a belief.
You focus is the invitation. Your attention to it is the invitation.
And so, for those who are mostly observers, thrives in good times but suffer in bad times because what they are observing is already vibrating, and as they observe it, they include it in their vibrational countenance; and as they include it, the Universe accepts that as their point of attraction - and gives them more of the essence of it.
So, for an observer, the better it gets, the better it gets; or the worse it gets, the worse it gets.
However, one who is a visionary thrives in all times.
Soul
My aim is self mastery. I focus on it and I attract everything that I need to help me. Isha and Z is just another tools. Isha gave me the meditation tool to distance from my mind. Z gave me the opportunity to practice it.
If what I want is Self Mastery, I would need opportunity to practice it and Z is the opportunity, from the inception, to breakout, to ending.
Instead of judging myself for failure on ending. I should applaud myself. I have used the opportunity to become a Self Master.
And I must remember to have Self Mastery is not an easy path. But it is my dream. But why this dream. It is because I think my life is not within my control and I want to master myself. Nowadays, my mantra is life is not easy, don't make it difficult. And I want to go to Life is effortless if we go with the flow. If we don't resist. If we drop our ego, our judgements.
Suddenly tot of this week Osho Tarot
What is needed for Resolution
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness. Through the rising of inner sun, meditation is born. This card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within.
Resolution
New Vision - now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colour to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
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