Apr 11 aft
Rebellesociety
Self-inquiry
In essence, it was intimacy.
I learnt how to become one with whatever I was feeling: physical pain, emotional pain, confusion, whatever. This turned out to be deeply liberating and eminently applicable to yoga posture practice.
It is only possible, however, when we let go of trying to get or become anything. We have to give up self-empowerment and self-improvement for self-inquiry.
It taught me not only how to relate deeply and fully to whatever is actually happening, but also how significant and powerful that is. It does not sound like much – no mystical concepts, no special saints, no foreign language, no promises, just what actually is.
Even when we believe that what actually is significant, or that what we really want is what we already are, as many people do, this concept alone makes little effective difference. We remain bound by other contradictory ideas and other conflicting beliefs.
Soul
Timely message.
This week Osho card very true...
The Issue - Going with the flow
The figure in this card is completely relaxed and at ease in the water, letting it take him where it will. He has mastered the art of being passive and receptive without being dull or sleepy. He is just available to the currents of life, with never a thought of saying "I don't like that," or "I prefer to go the other way." Every moment in life we have a choice whether to enter life's waters and float, or to try to swim upstream. When this card appears in a reading it is an indication that you are able to float now, trusting that life will support you in your relaxation and take you exactly where it wants you to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; everything is happening exactly as it should.
Soul
Instead of projecting my insecurity to others. Instead of putting them down in my mind. I can see that I attract unwilling meditators because I was doing everything unwillingly without knowing about it. I was self raping myself.
So, the people here are just being themselves. They are showing me the way, that we got a choice; we only do what we want; when we are willing.
Internal Influences that you are unable to see - Past lives
. A glimpse into the eternity of our existence is a gift, and understanding the function of karma in our lives is not something that can be grasped at will. This is a wake-up call; the events in your life are trying to show you a pattern as ancient as the journey of your own soul.
3. External influences that you are aware.
Breakthrough
The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker." Osho
All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this breakthrough can bring to your life.
4. What is needed for resolution?
You have to be an original individual; you have to find your innermost core on your own, with no guide, no guiding scriptures. It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry you are bound to come to the sunrise. Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry has found the sunrise. Others only believe. Those who believe are not religious, they are simply avoiding the great adventure of religion by believing." Osho
Soul
Me truly on self-enquiry mode now..
5. Resolution
Controlled
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If you are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then you are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous – whatsoever happens, happens. You have no expectations for the future, you are not performing. Then why should you be nervous?
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Going back to my Top 5 passions
Apr 11
Why me alone?
Because I can live alone.
All the times I have to be the lead, I tot that's me being unloved. I tot I can't do it. But perhaps I can do it and maybe my Soul chose this. To prove to me that I can.
Father, guide me.
If I m truly so great. Why not create a path for myself. Be the icon instead of supporting others dream.
I don't have to stay back to do work for others, to support others. Why don't I just do work for myself. I got tons to do. I can create. That's me. That's the point I resigned.
So now just focus on what I m willing to do for myself. I need not be second in someone else dream. I can be first in my own dream.
Don't focus on negative. On how others not doing. Focus on my doing the things I want. Once that is done, I will no longer look back, ending my Two of Diamonds. I no longer need to seek validation and hence no longer goes back.
Don't pull others down but pull myself up. That's the way.
I took a 3 days week so that I can focus on my sadhana and my writing. Doing what I like, enjoying myself. Volunteering when have time.
So, why now I am putting all my times into volunteering. I forgot about myself.
So, just need to go back to myself.
Why me alone?
Because I can live alone.
All the times I have to be the lead, I tot that's me being unloved. I tot I can't do it. But perhaps I can do it and maybe my Soul chose this. To prove to me that I can.
Father, guide me.
If I m truly so great. Why not create a path for myself. Be the icon instead of supporting others dream.
I don't have to stay back to do work for others, to support others. Why don't I just do work for myself. I got tons to do. I can create. That's me. That's the point I resigned.
So now just focus on what I m willing to do for myself. I need not be second in someone else dream. I can be first in my own dream.
Don't focus on negative. On how others not doing. Focus on my doing the things I want. Once that is done, I will no longer look back, ending my Two of Diamonds. I no longer need to seek validation and hence no longer goes back.
Don't pull others down but pull myself up. That's the way.
I took a 3 days week so that I can focus on my sadhana and my writing. Doing what I like, enjoying myself. Volunteering when have time.
So, why now I am putting all my times into volunteering. I forgot about myself.
So, just need to go back to myself.
Being wanted vs being needed
Apr 10 eve
On the local Isha. I did the booking. I did it cos no one reverted. But mostly I did it out of responsibility. Just because others are not willing, doesn't mean I should act spiteful. I want to end well.
Also no judgement on them. They are doing what they are willing. So learn from them. My issue is doing unwillingly. So perfect environment for me to learn. If they has been more open, more responsible I need not do and won't know my issue of self rape. Perfect people to learn my lesson.
Apr 10 eve 1
In my audit job. I asked why me.
In commercial I asked why me.
Now I asked why me.
The cycle of seeking validation.
Why me when I was taken care by neighbour. I tot I was unlovable. Mom said its because I m so cute and cheerful.
Now why me taking the helm at Local Isha. I tot is because I m unlovable. A tot came its because I m capable. That's all
I m all grown up. I m not willing to be needed because of usefulness. I just want to be wanted for not doing anything. That's why I don't want anything.
What a session. Was lost after guru pooja. Breathe hissing non stop, head shaking non stop. Was singing and dancing. Hands were clapping nonstop. Spine feels light and can sit effortlessly. Amen.
Thanks got the shrine.
Shoonya went in deep.
Haven't been able to do Samyama as eyes can't open. Never mind I m now okay with being lost. Being mindless Sadhguru said mindless is the point of transcendence. Amen.
On the local Isha. I did the booking. I did it cos no one reverted. But mostly I did it out of responsibility. Just because others are not willing, doesn't mean I should act spiteful. I want to end well.
Also no judgement on them. They are doing what they are willing. So learn from them. My issue is doing unwillingly. So perfect environment for me to learn. If they has been more open, more responsible I need not do and won't know my issue of self rape. Perfect people to learn my lesson.
Apr 10 eve 1
In my audit job. I asked why me.
In commercial I asked why me.
Now I asked why me.
The cycle of seeking validation.
Why me when I was taken care by neighbour. I tot I was unlovable. Mom said its because I m so cute and cheerful.
Now why me taking the helm at Local Isha. I tot is because I m unlovable. A tot came its because I m capable. That's all
I m all grown up. I m not willing to be needed because of usefulness. I just want to be wanted for not doing anything. That's why I don't want anything.
What a session. Was lost after guru pooja. Breathe hissing non stop, head shaking non stop. Was singing and dancing. Hands were clapping nonstop. Spine feels light and can sit effortlessly. Amen.
Thanks got the shrine.
Shoonya went in deep.
Haven't been able to do Samyama as eyes can't open. Never mind I m now okay with being lost. Being mindless Sadhguru said mindless is the point of transcendence. Amen.
North Node in Taurus falls for 'troubled' type
Apr 10 aft
Mmm, P didn't return my call yet; which is not normal. My mind start to think of invalidation. I am truly a sad case. Really glad I been alone. Truly need to make myself whole before
Remember P receives so much negative feedback and still can think of others with issues. Me, haven't receive feedback and yet condemns myself. Truly must learn from P.
North node in Taurus
Discrimination is also an issue in that they attract "troubled" types as candidates for close relationships. They tend to be drawn to people who are poor risks for closeness. When they bond with and put their trust in one of these people, they end up being disappointed.
They think they can help heal the other person and expect the other person to be grateful and offer reciprocal support. But this equals "how to lose" for Taurus North node people!
Their job is to discriminate and form relationships with those who are already psychologically healthy.
Soul
True.
When I met Z, he was just over divorce. When I met Y, he was having issue with his family.
When they recover, no thanks to me.
Mmm, let me focus on myself grown up.
North node in Taurus
One way they get involved with the wrong people is when they seek to gain validation from others by taking on their values.
If they get in touch with what is really important to them and clearly represent those values, then they will attract people who truly resonate with them.
In this incarnation, they need stability, not crisis.
Soul
True. Sad case.
With Z, wrong values and corrected somewhat with Y. Just that our age difference is too much. I knew and yet I fall. Truly "living on the edge".
So good both are not here. Both also got crisis.
Actually both also not my true match.
Astrology for soul by jan Spiller
North node in Taurus
Bonding
Because these folks are accustomed to shared energies and mutual empowerment being the key to their survival, subconsciously they think they need another person's energy in order to live.
Relationships they just "plunge into" are almost predestined for failure because their basis is a temporary energy connection rather than a true fit with the other person.
Soul
Mmmm. That's explain my need for validation and why all romantic relationships didn't work
North node in Taurus
To achieve successful long-term relationships, they need to first recognise that their energy is enough. They can live off their own energy. As long as they feel incomplete - they will continue to attract people who also have low self esteem. But without untamed neediness driving them, they can take their time in discovering whose energy will actually increase them and bring them joy.
Soul
Alas I truly have low self esteem. Continuously self-rape. Doing things I don't like so to ensure validation.
Mmm, P didn't return my call yet; which is not normal. My mind start to think of invalidation. I am truly a sad case. Really glad I been alone. Truly need to make myself whole before
Remember P receives so much negative feedback and still can think of others with issues. Me, haven't receive feedback and yet condemns myself. Truly must learn from P.
North node in Taurus
Discrimination is also an issue in that they attract "troubled" types as candidates for close relationships. They tend to be drawn to people who are poor risks for closeness. When they bond with and put their trust in one of these people, they end up being disappointed.
They think they can help heal the other person and expect the other person to be grateful and offer reciprocal support. But this equals "how to lose" for Taurus North node people!
Their job is to discriminate and form relationships with those who are already psychologically healthy.
Soul
True.
When I met Z, he was just over divorce. When I met Y, he was having issue with his family.
When they recover, no thanks to me.
Mmm, let me focus on myself grown up.
North node in Taurus
One way they get involved with the wrong people is when they seek to gain validation from others by taking on their values.
If they get in touch with what is really important to them and clearly represent those values, then they will attract people who truly resonate with them.
In this incarnation, they need stability, not crisis.
Soul
True. Sad case.
With Z, wrong values and corrected somewhat with Y. Just that our age difference is too much. I knew and yet I fall. Truly "living on the edge".
So good both are not here. Both also got crisis.
Actually both also not my true match.
Astrology for soul by jan Spiller
North node in Taurus
Bonding
Because these folks are accustomed to shared energies and mutual empowerment being the key to their survival, subconsciously they think they need another person's energy in order to live.
Relationships they just "plunge into" are almost predestined for failure because their basis is a temporary energy connection rather than a true fit with the other person.
Soul
Mmmm. That's explain my need for validation and why all romantic relationships didn't work
North node in Taurus
To achieve successful long-term relationships, they need to first recognise that their energy is enough. They can live off their own energy. As long as they feel incomplete - they will continue to attract people who also have low self esteem. But without untamed neediness driving them, they can take their time in discovering whose energy will actually increase them and bring them joy.
Soul
Alas I truly have low self esteem. Continuously self-rape. Doing things I don't like so to ensure validation.
Doing what I value is loving myself
Apr 10
North node in Taurus - Discrimination
Angarmadhana is improving. After the standing session, I was not breathless as usual. quite easy going. Was able to balance at the last asanas of one leg balance.
Today Breathing was lovely. For the first time ever I feel my spine is light. My body is light. Just sat on its own. It was effortless sitting.
Shakti was good. Little tots during Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was good. Able to touch both knees all 3 cycles in cat stretch.
Towards the end, head shakes very fast. Then body settle down. Feel light. Just like during breathing session except energy greater.
Father, guess yesterday release was a major one. No more doing things unwillingly. When I do things unwillingly I m just being unloving to myself. No wonder I feel unlovable cos I self raped myself. No more. When I love myself I need not be desperate for a partner to love me.
Such a paradox, me who always portrayed self centredness is actually not. Alas I gone into my deepest recesses.
Now realised its great that I didn't got my partner till now otherwise I be living their values and doing things unwillingly as I don't know the difference. Didn't know I was self raping myself. Brought me back to the childhood episode where I stay there unwillingly during the molestation. I tot I got no choice.
This week Osho card, Internal influence is on Past Lives. Really true.
Astrology for soul
North node in Taurus.
Because they were not born knowing what is important to them in life, they tend to investigate others's value. But this never works because when others share what is important to them, they say to themselves:" That's not important because .......... ", and the other person feels invalidated. Not only does north node in Taurus lose out on what they are seeking but the process throws the other person off track in pursuing his values and he often ends up feeling upset.
Taurus North node people have spent so many incarnations being subject to the value system of others that they sometimes hide what they want if they think its not socially acceptable or not okay with those close to them. But in this incarnation in order to build a sense of self worth, they need to discriminate between others' values and their own and honor what they want. Only when they go after what they really want, do they feel good about themselves.
Soul
So true.
I don't like volunteering. Alas can now declare to core group.
North node in Taurus - Discrimination
Angarmadhana is improving. After the standing session, I was not breathless as usual. quite easy going. Was able to balance at the last asanas of one leg balance.
Today Breathing was lovely. For the first time ever I feel my spine is light. My body is light. Just sat on its own. It was effortless sitting.
Shakti was good. Little tots during Kapala Bhakti.
Shambavi was good. Able to touch both knees all 3 cycles in cat stretch.
Towards the end, head shakes very fast. Then body settle down. Feel light. Just like during breathing session except energy greater.
Father, guess yesterday release was a major one. No more doing things unwillingly. When I do things unwillingly I m just being unloving to myself. No wonder I feel unlovable cos I self raped myself. No more. When I love myself I need not be desperate for a partner to love me.
Such a paradox, me who always portrayed self centredness is actually not. Alas I gone into my deepest recesses.
Now realised its great that I didn't got my partner till now otherwise I be living their values and doing things unwillingly as I don't know the difference. Didn't know I was self raping myself. Brought me back to the childhood episode where I stay there unwillingly during the molestation. I tot I got no choice.
This week Osho card, Internal influence is on Past Lives. Really true.
Astrology for soul
North node in Taurus.
Because they were not born knowing what is important to them in life, they tend to investigate others's value. But this never works because when others share what is important to them, they say to themselves:" That's not important because .......... ", and the other person feels invalidated. Not only does north node in Taurus lose out on what they are seeking but the process throws the other person off track in pursuing his values and he often ends up feeling upset.
Taurus North node people have spent so many incarnations being subject to the value system of others that they sometimes hide what they want if they think its not socially acceptable or not okay with those close to them. But in this incarnation in order to build a sense of self worth, they need to discriminate between others' values and their own and honor what they want. Only when they go after what they really want, do they feel good about themselves.
Soul
So true.
I don't like volunteering. Alas can now declare to core group.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Crying for all the years of being unloving to myself
Apr 9 eve 2
Cried during guru pooja. I cried cos all the years of doing self rape. All the years of pushing ahead when I was unwilling.
Went in deep for breathing meditation. Just melting inside. Later did Shoonya.
So truly glad I have my shrine; the best thing that happens to me.
Actually when it comes to sadhanas, I only do it when I m willing. But in volunteering I always did it unwillingly and then got stuck cos fear of losing bonding.
No more. Even being Sathsang guide. While I love Sathsang I no longer yearns for it now that I got my shrine. I can even let go of that. Father, amen.
This week Osho tarot really true.
Father, alas I can see I allow myself to self rape. Even being a Sathsang guide. I was unwilling and beg to be lifted alas no one came to my rescue. I have truly unwilling volunteers. Even P was unwilling to take up Sathsang guide. On one hand they said I m good but the truth is they just don't want to do. All of them stick to their unwillingness except for me.
Astrology for the soul
North node in Taurus
When they experience 'abuse' as adults they have to first acknowledge that its happening. Then they need to extricate themselves from the situation and break the psychological bond through forgiveness. Their tendency to perceive themselves as intrinsically "bad" and dislikes by others is actually their over sensitive probing to evoke validation from others. When these folks stop seeking validation, they will no longer be so vulnerable to feeling dislikes.
Soul
True. I can see it clearly now.
Firstly in career and then in local Isha volunteering. Both work related.
North node in Taurus
They are master builders. When they focus on building a relationship and do it their way, in tune with their own level of comfort, it will last forever. Their challenge is not to allow other people's energy to disturb their sense of what's comfortable - it's not to their advantage to allow themselves to get "knocked around" in any way.
Soul
My relationship with Sadhguru will last forever. I took my time, within my comfort level. I knew that I found something precious, not to be rushed.
The same with my sadhanas. I never let it go beyond comfort level.
Only in volunteering, I moved beyond comfort level for many years and it is taking its toll and resentment sets in. And I m at breaking point.
I m surprised. Just received a msg from J, a new meditator. She said she want to cheer me up. I open up to her cos she is one of the volunteer lead.
Just now went into toilet. I cried. Suddenly I realised that I was seeking love cos I don't love myself. I torture myself by continuously doing things unwillingly. Five years is a long time to do self rape. I remember Z and my friends used to ask my why continue. Alas I was doing self rape.
Father, I feel a door of love has opened within me. Alas I now know how unloving I was to myself. I always can see others cos it was a projection.
Now that I can alas stop torturing myself, then I need not desperately wish for my partner to love me. I can love myself.
Cried during guru pooja. I cried cos all the years of doing self rape. All the years of pushing ahead when I was unwilling.
Went in deep for breathing meditation. Just melting inside. Later did Shoonya.
So truly glad I have my shrine; the best thing that happens to me.
Actually when it comes to sadhanas, I only do it when I m willing. But in volunteering I always did it unwillingly and then got stuck cos fear of losing bonding.
No more. Even being Sathsang guide. While I love Sathsang I no longer yearns for it now that I got my shrine. I can even let go of that. Father, amen.
This week Osho tarot really true.
Father, alas I can see I allow myself to self rape. Even being a Sathsang guide. I was unwilling and beg to be lifted alas no one came to my rescue. I have truly unwilling volunteers. Even P was unwilling to take up Sathsang guide. On one hand they said I m good but the truth is they just don't want to do. All of them stick to their unwillingness except for me.
Astrology for the soul
North node in Taurus
When they experience 'abuse' as adults they have to first acknowledge that its happening. Then they need to extricate themselves from the situation and break the psychological bond through forgiveness. Their tendency to perceive themselves as intrinsically "bad" and dislikes by others is actually their over sensitive probing to evoke validation from others. When these folks stop seeking validation, they will no longer be so vulnerable to feeling dislikes.
Soul
True. I can see it clearly now.
Firstly in career and then in local Isha volunteering. Both work related.
North node in Taurus
They are master builders. When they focus on building a relationship and do it their way, in tune with their own level of comfort, it will last forever. Their challenge is not to allow other people's energy to disturb their sense of what's comfortable - it's not to their advantage to allow themselves to get "knocked around" in any way.
Soul
My relationship with Sadhguru will last forever. I took my time, within my comfort level. I knew that I found something precious, not to be rushed.
The same with my sadhanas. I never let it go beyond comfort level.
Only in volunteering, I moved beyond comfort level for many years and it is taking its toll and resentment sets in. And I m at breaking point.
I m surprised. Just received a msg from J, a new meditator. She said she want to cheer me up. I open up to her cos she is one of the volunteer lead.
Just now went into toilet. I cried. Suddenly I realised that I was seeking love cos I don't love myself. I torture myself by continuously doing things unwillingly. Five years is a long time to do self rape. I remember Z and my friends used to ask my why continue. Alas I was doing self rape.
Father, I feel a door of love has opened within me. Alas I now know how unloving I was to myself. I always can see others cos it was a projection.
Now that I can alas stop torturing myself, then I need not desperately wish for my partner to love me. I can love myself.
Finally seeing how unloving I am to myself
Apr 9 eve 1
Just felt a need to go for my evening walk. Can feel the suppressed energy.
In the first cycle, still disturbed that no one want to take up the volunteering work load and again I m left to carry the burden. Mind keep in twisting, blaming others and judging myself.
As I was climbing the first staircase session, the talk was still going on. I said then the thing fall. Then it replied so what if it fall; then others will blame me for being selfish. For not doing it eventhough I can do.
Then in the second cycle I said if not willing, just don't do it. Then tears fall. Why can't I allow myself to drop it. Why I don't have a choice. I cried while walking as I realised I have been doing this all my life. Doing things unwillingly and then feeling resentful. Envious of others who need not be responsible, need carry the burden, I was the unloved one, the one who always need to carry the load, carry the burden.
But then I said not willing stop. Slowly I calmed down. Yes, just don't do it.
Then it replied let it drop the date is not fixed, if others booked it already, just changed.
I saw this self rape mode in North node in Taurus but I dismissed it. I can now see it as myself.
Father, this week card is true.
And I got to stay firm like my two ex, Z and Y who was firm in letting go.
Just felt a need to go for my evening walk. Can feel the suppressed energy.
In the first cycle, still disturbed that no one want to take up the volunteering work load and again I m left to carry the burden. Mind keep in twisting, blaming others and judging myself.
As I was climbing the first staircase session, the talk was still going on. I said then the thing fall. Then it replied so what if it fall; then others will blame me for being selfish. For not doing it eventhough I can do.
Then in the second cycle I said if not willing, just don't do it. Then tears fall. Why can't I allow myself to drop it. Why I don't have a choice. I cried while walking as I realised I have been doing this all my life. Doing things unwillingly and then feeling resentful. Envious of others who need not be responsible, need carry the burden, I was the unloved one, the one who always need to carry the load, carry the burden.
But then I said not willing stop. Slowly I calmed down. Yes, just don't do it.
Then it replied let it drop the date is not fixed, if others booked it already, just changed.
I saw this self rape mode in North node in Taurus but I dismissed it. I can now see it as myself.
Father, this week card is true.
And I got to stay firm like my two ex, Z and Y who was firm in letting go.
Respect yourself, be yourself even if you think it is wrong
Apr 9 even
Destiny, freedom and soul by Osho
Life is really a dance if u are an original - and u are meant to be an original. And no two people are alike, so my way of life can never become ur way of life.
Listen to ur own heart's whisperings - and they are whisperings. The heart speaks in a very still, small voice, it does not shout.
A Buddha is a Buddha, a Krishna a Krishna and you are u. And u are not in any way less than anybody else. Respect yourself, respect ur own inner voice and follow it.
And remember, I am not guaranteeing that it will always lead u to the right. Many times it will take u to the wrong, because to come to the right door, one has to knock first on many wrong doors. That's how it is. If u suddenly stumble upon the right one, u will not be able to recognise that it is right.
In the ultimate reckoning, no effort is ever wasted. All efforts contribute to the ultimate climax of ur growth. So don't be hesitant; don't worry too much about going wrong.
Soul
got this from my blog in mid March.
Good reminder...especially now..
Feeling better now...
Its okay both Z and Y were wrong..but I am getting closer to the right one.
Alas, me melting alone...amen
Destiny, freedom and soul by Osho
Life is really a dance if u are an original - and u are meant to be an original. And no two people are alike, so my way of life can never become ur way of life.
Listen to ur own heart's whisperings - and they are whisperings. The heart speaks in a very still, small voice, it does not shout.
A Buddha is a Buddha, a Krishna a Krishna and you are u. And u are not in any way less than anybody else. Respect yourself, respect ur own inner voice and follow it.
And remember, I am not guaranteeing that it will always lead u to the right. Many times it will take u to the wrong, because to come to the right door, one has to knock first on many wrong doors. That's how it is. If u suddenly stumble upon the right one, u will not be able to recognise that it is right.
In the ultimate reckoning, no effort is ever wasted. All efforts contribute to the ultimate climax of ur growth. So don't be hesitant; don't worry too much about going wrong.
Soul
got this from my blog in mid March.
Good reminder...especially now..
Feeling better now...
Its okay both Z and Y were wrong..but I am getting closer to the right one.
Alas, me melting alone...amen
Growing up involves letting go
Apr 9 aft
Got this from my blog dated Mar 20
Soul
Tot of Y. It was scary when I declare my love for him. He helped me to overcome my fear of expression in relationship
Tot of Z, it was the scariest decision I took. But no regrets. He helped me to overcome my physical part.
Suddenly it occur to me, just as Z left me when I learned my lesson, the same as Y left me when I learned my lesson.
Instead of saying they leave me, perhaps I can say that I have grown and hence I no longer need them.
With Z, I learned fearlessness of money..I began to spend my money..instead of keeping them..spending way below my means.
With Y, I learned fearleness in expression, I began to express my feelings..Pluto in Two of Hearts.
No regrets on having both of them...
So instead of missing them..just feel blessed that I am accelerated growth.
Now even body is being transformed. Letting go of values that I accumulated from others.
The hidden splendour
Melting with ur beloved is the easiest because it is very superficial and very momentary. It's mostly physical.
Melting with ur master is more difficult. It is melting of two consciousness. The ego has to be dropped. The mind has to be utterly silent. And once u have melted with ur master, u have melted. There is no going back.
And the third is melting alone. Almost impossible. Because melting alone, u don't have even have an excuse.
Only when u are capable of melting with ur beloved in love, then it is possible for u to melt with the master in trust. Trust is the higher quality of love.
And if u are capable of melting with the master, then the master becomes a door to the whole existence. Then u can try to melt alone.
Soul
Yes..me sitting with the Shrine..in a way is melting alone..
I am there...
No wonder I miss my shrine ...
So I am moving on melting Alone..
yes...yes...
Got this from my blog dated Mar 20
Soul
Tot of Y. It was scary when I declare my love for him. He helped me to overcome my fear of expression in relationship
Tot of Z, it was the scariest decision I took. But no regrets. He helped me to overcome my physical part.
Suddenly it occur to me, just as Z left me when I learned my lesson, the same as Y left me when I learned my lesson.
Instead of saying they leave me, perhaps I can say that I have grown and hence I no longer need them.
With Z, I learned fearlessness of money..I began to spend my money..instead of keeping them..spending way below my means.
With Y, I learned fearleness in expression, I began to express my feelings..Pluto in Two of Hearts.
No regrets on having both of them...
So instead of missing them..just feel blessed that I am accelerated growth.
Now even body is being transformed. Letting go of values that I accumulated from others.
The hidden splendour
Melting with ur beloved is the easiest because it is very superficial and very momentary. It's mostly physical.
Melting with ur master is more difficult. It is melting of two consciousness. The ego has to be dropped. The mind has to be utterly silent. And once u have melted with ur master, u have melted. There is no going back.
And the third is melting alone. Almost impossible. Because melting alone, u don't have even have an excuse.
Only when u are capable of melting with ur beloved in love, then it is possible for u to melt with the master in trust. Trust is the higher quality of love.
And if u are capable of melting with the master, then the master becomes a door to the whole existence. Then u can try to melt alone.
Soul
Yes..me sitting with the Shrine..in a way is melting alone..
I am there...
No wonder I miss my shrine ...
So I am moving on melting Alone..
yes...yes...
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Learning to ignore my mind
Apr 9
Mind acting up. Why sadhanas. Body also tired. Why no transformation? I still don't have my partner yet. All my efforts gone to waste.
Then I remember my body has now transformed.
Then I remember Kailash so got to do practices to keep fit.
I also remember I want to be complete me.
With that, I ignored my mind and went to shower.
Did Angarmadhan, still okay. Slowly getting the hang of one leg balancing.
When I was doing Shavasana, again the pillar of light came in. It green light.
Breathing was good today. Body automatically on arashidharna. Spine seems to 'stand' on its own. It doesn't require my hands to sit straight..Truly spine can 'stand' on its own.
Shakti was okay..try to go slow today on Kapala Bhakti and can feel energy build up. Towards the end of Kapala Bhakti and end, head was mopping the floor. Songs starts to come into my mind.
Shambavi good..Towards the end, contentment flows in, sat for a while
I suddenly tot of Y...
Today my card.
My Daily Card
The Queen of Spades
The Queen of Spades is known as the card of 'self-mastery', the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the 'Spiritual Spread'. Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
The Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organizational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.
Soul
Today work hard on a few things both office and local Isha.
Teacher then ask on the next IE session.
At first, I proceed to draft mail to the venue's person and then later I stopped myself.
I don't want to go back to the past.
What I want to do now is to close up all the hanging matters.
No more handling the future matters.
Then later mind wants to go back to Y and I start to search for his card, but I stopped myself. then it went to Osho tarot on relation cards but I also stopped myself.No more going back to the past.
I just want to move forward.
Enjoying a cup of local coffee..fragrance..
Been awhile.
But on brewed coffee...it is decaf now..no longer like the strong coffee.
Mmm, suddenly it occured to me..the fact I stop myself for checking out on Y; that takes awareness..
the fact that I stopped myself for doing the future local isha matters, that takes awareness.
It has been a difficult two weeks..but I am slowly coming out.
Mind acting up. Why sadhanas. Body also tired. Why no transformation? I still don't have my partner yet. All my efforts gone to waste.
Then I remember my body has now transformed.
Then I remember Kailash so got to do practices to keep fit.
I also remember I want to be complete me.
With that, I ignored my mind and went to shower.
Did Angarmadhan, still okay. Slowly getting the hang of one leg balancing.
When I was doing Shavasana, again the pillar of light came in. It green light.
Breathing was good today. Body automatically on arashidharna. Spine seems to 'stand' on its own. It doesn't require my hands to sit straight..Truly spine can 'stand' on its own.
Shakti was okay..try to go slow today on Kapala Bhakti and can feel energy build up. Towards the end of Kapala Bhakti and end, head was mopping the floor. Songs starts to come into my mind.
Shambavi good..Towards the end, contentment flows in, sat for a while
I suddenly tot of Y...
Today my card.
My Daily Card
The Queen of Spades
The Queen of Spades is known as the card of 'self-mastery', the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the 'Spiritual Spread'. Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
The Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organizational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.
Soul
Today work hard on a few things both office and local Isha.
Teacher then ask on the next IE session.
At first, I proceed to draft mail to the venue's person and then later I stopped myself.
I don't want to go back to the past.
What I want to do now is to close up all the hanging matters.
No more handling the future matters.
Then later mind wants to go back to Y and I start to search for his card, but I stopped myself. then it went to Osho tarot on relation cards but I also stopped myself.No more going back to the past.
I just want to move forward.
Enjoying a cup of local coffee..fragrance..
Been awhile.
But on brewed coffee...it is decaf now..no longer like the strong coffee.
Mmm, suddenly it occured to me..the fact I stop myself for checking out on Y; that takes awareness..
the fact that I stopped myself for doing the future local isha matters, that takes awareness.
It has been a difficult two weeks..but I am slowly coming out.
I could be wanted simply by being me
Apr 8 eve
From Rebellesociety
But then, one day, after repeated goodbyes from many different you’s, I traveled to a place deep inside of myself, that wondered if love could look differently.
I lived there alone, learning that I could “do” for me, that I could validate myself, that I could be worthy simply by being, that my value lies in my humanity.
Awaking one day, I realized that I could be wanted simply for being me: for my wide, wide smile, laughing while telling a joke. For my clumsy bare feet tripping on the sidewalk, running to embrace a friend.
Love isn’t created by doing; rather it is accessed, tapped into and unleashed, when we meet a kindred soul.
Perhaps it’s tricky in romantic love, but I know it to be true when I think about those whom I love most in the world. I appreciate what they do for me, but my love isn’t a result of their actions.
My love swells out of the beauty of their being, in the delight I feel in their presence.
So I’ve embarked upon a new endeavor: I’m actively making myself unnecessary.
I’m unwinding the cords that I wove around others to make me indispensable in their lives.
I’m learning to walk away from people that are always needing, and letting go of my addiction to being needed.
I’m opening up to those who want to grab a cup of tea to talk about life. Those who invite me to dinner, or to see a play, or to watch a band they think we might both like.
I’m learning to consider requests instead of immediately answering demands. I’m listening for as many you’s as I’s in a conversation, for as many questions as answers.
It’s freeing, this relinquishment of the need to be needed.
And in its place, I find myself wanting to be wanted.
And because I now love and give to and do for myself, I’m also learning to be okay with it when I’m not.
Soul
Amen. This so resonate with me b
From rebelle society
Sometimes we have to let go and see where life takes us. Feelings are not meant to be controlled. We have to let go of what we think things are before they can transform into something else. Surrender your feelings. Surrender your control.
“The heart has reasons, which reason knows nothing of.” ~ Blaise Pascal
Soul
Yes.
Just now was feeling rejected when I received a reprimand from regional boss. I can feel myself getting smaller, scolding myself for oversight.
In truth he is only doing his job. Reminding me. That's just show how fragile I am. Truly need to focus on being me.
Earlier on received an angry call from P. She raised her voice as if scolding me. I start to feel unloved and want to run away. I just hold back myself and try to not take it personally. Perhaps she is angry about something else. A few minutes later her tone of voice reduce and she calmed down. She then shared she is overload and frustrated with new teacher who always on last minute note. Making her scramble, well, truly her karma. I am less affected by new teacher.
From Rebellesociety
But then, one day, after repeated goodbyes from many different you’s, I traveled to a place deep inside of myself, that wondered if love could look differently.
I lived there alone, learning that I could “do” for me, that I could validate myself, that I could be worthy simply by being, that my value lies in my humanity.
Awaking one day, I realized that I could be wanted simply for being me: for my wide, wide smile, laughing while telling a joke. For my clumsy bare feet tripping on the sidewalk, running to embrace a friend.
Love isn’t created by doing; rather it is accessed, tapped into and unleashed, when we meet a kindred soul.
Perhaps it’s tricky in romantic love, but I know it to be true when I think about those whom I love most in the world. I appreciate what they do for me, but my love isn’t a result of their actions.
My love swells out of the beauty of their being, in the delight I feel in their presence.
So I’ve embarked upon a new endeavor: I’m actively making myself unnecessary.
I’m unwinding the cords that I wove around others to make me indispensable in their lives.
I’m learning to walk away from people that are always needing, and letting go of my addiction to being needed.
I’m opening up to those who want to grab a cup of tea to talk about life. Those who invite me to dinner, or to see a play, or to watch a band they think we might both like.
I’m learning to consider requests instead of immediately answering demands. I’m listening for as many you’s as I’s in a conversation, for as many questions as answers.
It’s freeing, this relinquishment of the need to be needed.
And in its place, I find myself wanting to be wanted.
And because I now love and give to and do for myself, I’m also learning to be okay with it when I’m not.
Soul
Amen. This so resonate with me b
From rebelle society
Sometimes we have to let go and see where life takes us. Feelings are not meant to be controlled. We have to let go of what we think things are before they can transform into something else. Surrender your feelings. Surrender your control.
“The heart has reasons, which reason knows nothing of.” ~ Blaise Pascal
Soul
Yes.
Just now was feeling rejected when I received a reprimand from regional boss. I can feel myself getting smaller, scolding myself for oversight.
In truth he is only doing his job. Reminding me. That's just show how fragile I am. Truly need to focus on being me.
Earlier on received an angry call from P. She raised her voice as if scolding me. I start to feel unloved and want to run away. I just hold back myself and try to not take it personally. Perhaps she is angry about something else. A few minutes later her tone of voice reduce and she calmed down. She then shared she is overload and frustrated with new teacher who always on last minute note. Making her scramble, well, truly her karma. I am less affected by new teacher.
Be authentic you be happy - receiving
Apr 8 mor
Need to chew my food. My teeth took long to chew. Then even worse for my stomach.
Now lunch. Saw calamari and make conscious choice not to eat as I eaten in the morning.
Want to give myself a nice lunch. I am complete alone. Need not wait for others. I haven't been doing this single good lunch for quite awhile.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Be true and you will be blissful
Be authentic and u will be ever happy. And happiness is uncaused. Happiness is a function of truth. Whenever there is truth, happiness functions.
There are two modes of life. One is the action mode - u do something. The other is of the receptive mode - u simply receive. The action mode is outgoing. We have forgotten the inaction mode. The divine can be known only in the receptive mode.
U simply allow: u become a door. Things go on happening without you. Become a piece of driftwood. Float in the stream like timber and whenever the stream goes, let it take u; u don't make any effort.
Soul
Same message as this week; go with the flow.
Yesterday S shared that she was glad I didnt come for one of local Isha event. While she felt a sense of loss as I m such a familiar face. But she is glad I m doing what I want. She also said others automatically take up their roles.
So there goes, they doable without me. I unnecessarily carry the burden. Anyway, no more dilemma.
Self love is my motto now. Me being complete is my motto now.
Destiny, freedom and soul
If Buddha comes, nobody going to pay respect to him because he will not be running schools or hospital. He will be sitting under a bodhi tree, just sitting silently. Not that nothing is being done by him - tremendous vibes are being created by his being but they are subtle. He transforms the whole world by sitting under his bodhi tree, but to recognise those vibrations, u will have to be attuned, u will have to grow.
To recognise a Buddha is to be already on the path. To recognise a Mother Theresa is very easy - there is nothing much in it. Anybody can see that she is doing good work.
To do good work is one thing and to be good is totally another. I am not saying don't do good work. I am saying, let good works come out of ur being good.
First attain to receptive mode, first attain to the passive, first attain to the non active. And when ur inner being flowers and u have come to know the integration inside - which is always there, the center is always there. When u have recognised the center, suddenly death disappears for u. Suddenly all worries disappear because u are no more a body now, and no more a mind.
Soul
Amen. Yes, let me be myself.
Need to chew my food. My teeth took long to chew. Then even worse for my stomach.
Now lunch. Saw calamari and make conscious choice not to eat as I eaten in the morning.
Want to give myself a nice lunch. I am complete alone. Need not wait for others. I haven't been doing this single good lunch for quite awhile.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Be true and you will be blissful
Be authentic and u will be ever happy. And happiness is uncaused. Happiness is a function of truth. Whenever there is truth, happiness functions.
There are two modes of life. One is the action mode - u do something. The other is of the receptive mode - u simply receive. The action mode is outgoing. We have forgotten the inaction mode. The divine can be known only in the receptive mode.
U simply allow: u become a door. Things go on happening without you. Become a piece of driftwood. Float in the stream like timber and whenever the stream goes, let it take u; u don't make any effort.
Soul
Same message as this week; go with the flow.
Yesterday S shared that she was glad I didnt come for one of local Isha event. While she felt a sense of loss as I m such a familiar face. But she is glad I m doing what I want. She also said others automatically take up their roles.
So there goes, they doable without me. I unnecessarily carry the burden. Anyway, no more dilemma.
Self love is my motto now. Me being complete is my motto now.
Destiny, freedom and soul
If Buddha comes, nobody going to pay respect to him because he will not be running schools or hospital. He will be sitting under a bodhi tree, just sitting silently. Not that nothing is being done by him - tremendous vibes are being created by his being but they are subtle. He transforms the whole world by sitting under his bodhi tree, but to recognise those vibrations, u will have to be attuned, u will have to grow.
To recognise a Buddha is to be already on the path. To recognise a Mother Theresa is very easy - there is nothing much in it. Anybody can see that she is doing good work.
To do good work is one thing and to be good is totally another. I am not saying don't do good work. I am saying, let good works come out of ur being good.
First attain to receptive mode, first attain to the passive, first attain to the non active. And when ur inner being flowers and u have come to know the integration inside - which is always there, the center is always there. When u have recognised the center, suddenly death disappears for u. Suddenly all worries disappear because u are no more a body now, and no more a mind.
Soul
Amen. Yes, let me be myself.
Suppressing myself out of need to bond
Apr 8.
To be complete as me, and me alone.
Z was my soul mate for money and fear. I learned my lesson with him and overcome my money issue. I renovated my bedroom, bought a big car I wanted and finally now can go to Kailash. I used to spent below my means and he above his means.
I also learned from him to be fearless. He was fearless in his commitment to money. He can live with little money, not afraid to lose money as he believe money will come in. And now learned to be fearless in my commitment to people not to be afraid of losing people. Truly my cosmic lesson with him with over. He didn't learn and now married his karma card.
This morning I woke up; knowing that while I dream of bonding. My path is to overcome the aloneness. On the surface I am fine to be alone but deep inside I am not. At least at the ruling level, Second of Diamonds card.
I want to feel complete on my own. I want my husband but it don't want to need my husband. A need is a compulsion. Its like I do want to bond but I don't need to bond.
Such irony; me who seems to be fine alone, don't care much on bonding but actually do care very much. It is so hidden that I didn't know I was even suppressing my own values, my own voice to ensure bonding. Classic example is volunteering. I volunteer out of bonding. I continue and persevere due to fear of losing the bonding. Well, no more. I now undertake to be alone.
This week card.
1. Issue
Going with the Flow
Every moment in life we have a choice of whether to enter life's water and float or try to swim upstream.
Soul
I don't like volunteering and I got to overcome losing bonding.
I need my partner. I don't have a partner now. So I can only be alone.
2. Internal influence.
Past lives
The real point is to understand the karmic patterns of our lives and their roots in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour.
Soul
Yes, my fear of being alone makes me compulsive in bonding. Make me afraid of even losing bond that is already over.
Old fear of losing Z. New fear of losing Y. Long time fear of losing Isha friends.
3. External influences.
Breakthrough.
Ur chaos is very ancient - for many lives u have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost like a universe itself. So when u enter, there is danger. But without facing this danger, nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
The dawn is not far away but before you can reach dawn, the dark night of the soul has to be passed through.
We must do something to throw out the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
Soul
Alas, first the conman. Then I gained courage after Isha. Then I had Z and took me one and half year to let go; and then I had Y and now took me 3 months to realise he is gone. It is me holding on.
Instead on focus on lack; to focus on abundance. To have faith that once I m okay on my own; my true partner will be.
Have to start with local Isha. Have to be alone.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Intensity.
When u act with the intensity of the Knight of fire, it is likely to create ripples in the water around u. Some feel uplifted and refreshed by your presence, others may feel threatened or annoyed. But the opinions of others matter little now; nothing can hold you back.
Soul
No more dilemma in let go of local Isha.
It end. If the friends want to judge me, to ignore me. So be it. I got my shrine.
Resolution
Control
If u are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens.
You have no expectations for the future, u are not performing.
Soul
Amen.
To be complete as me, and me alone.
Z was my soul mate for money and fear. I learned my lesson with him and overcome my money issue. I renovated my bedroom, bought a big car I wanted and finally now can go to Kailash. I used to spent below my means and he above his means.
I also learned from him to be fearless. He was fearless in his commitment to money. He can live with little money, not afraid to lose money as he believe money will come in. And now learned to be fearless in my commitment to people not to be afraid of losing people. Truly my cosmic lesson with him with over. He didn't learn and now married his karma card.
This morning I woke up; knowing that while I dream of bonding. My path is to overcome the aloneness. On the surface I am fine to be alone but deep inside I am not. At least at the ruling level, Second of Diamonds card.
I want to feel complete on my own. I want my husband but it don't want to need my husband. A need is a compulsion. Its like I do want to bond but I don't need to bond.
Such irony; me who seems to be fine alone, don't care much on bonding but actually do care very much. It is so hidden that I didn't know I was even suppressing my own values, my own voice to ensure bonding. Classic example is volunteering. I volunteer out of bonding. I continue and persevere due to fear of losing the bonding. Well, no more. I now undertake to be alone.
This week card.
1. Issue
Going with the Flow
Every moment in life we have a choice of whether to enter life's water and float or try to swim upstream.
Soul
I don't like volunteering and I got to overcome losing bonding.
I need my partner. I don't have a partner now. So I can only be alone.
2. Internal influence.
Past lives
The real point is to understand the karmic patterns of our lives and their roots in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour.
Soul
Yes, my fear of being alone makes me compulsive in bonding. Make me afraid of even losing bond that is already over.
Old fear of losing Z. New fear of losing Y. Long time fear of losing Isha friends.
3. External influences.
Breakthrough.
Ur chaos is very ancient - for many lives u have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost like a universe itself. So when u enter, there is danger. But without facing this danger, nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
The dawn is not far away but before you can reach dawn, the dark night of the soul has to be passed through.
We must do something to throw out the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
Soul
Alas, first the conman. Then I gained courage after Isha. Then I had Z and took me one and half year to let go; and then I had Y and now took me 3 months to realise he is gone. It is me holding on.
Instead on focus on lack; to focus on abundance. To have faith that once I m okay on my own; my true partner will be.
Have to start with local Isha. Have to be alone.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Intensity.
When u act with the intensity of the Knight of fire, it is likely to create ripples in the water around u. Some feel uplifted and refreshed by your presence, others may feel threatened or annoyed. But the opinions of others matter little now; nothing can hold you back.
Soul
No more dilemma in let go of local Isha.
It end. If the friends want to judge me, to ignore me. So be it. I got my shrine.
Resolution
Control
If u are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens.
You have no expectations for the future, u are not performing.
Soul
Amen.
North Node in Taurus - to focus on building values instead of bonding
Apr 7 aft
To lose the bond of friends in local Isha.
Good that yesterday spent one hour plus on the contract. Today another one hour and I completed the contract review.
Can enjoy second half day.
Today card in Mercury
The Four of Diamonds
The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it. Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and you may have a good foundation upon which you can begin building a financial future. Managing your resources could come into focus in a greater way when this card is present and this card can give you the ability to handle financial matters with a clear mind.
Soul
One thing I know is that I am truly not keen on volunteering work.
I need not pretend to myself nor worry my friends will leave me.
When I need to bond, I will attend the work; but be clear to them and myself.
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner.
Soul
Another reminder.
Yes, just focus on building my values.
It is different from others, then I have always been eccentric.
Just focus on being complete within myself.
First thing is to let go of local Isha...and lose the bonding.
Be myself without volunteering..without fear.
Thats the first step I got to take.
To lose the bond of friends in local Isha.
Good that yesterday spent one hour plus on the contract. Today another one hour and I completed the contract review.
Can enjoy second half day.
Today card in Mercury
The Four of Diamonds
The Four of Diamonds means a solid sense of values that attracts enough money to meet our security needs and then some. When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly. Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it. Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated here and you may have a good foundation upon which you can begin building a financial future. Managing your resources could come into focus in a greater way when this card is present and this card can give you the ability to handle financial matters with a clear mind.
Soul
One thing I know is that I am truly not keen on volunteering work.
I need not pretend to myself nor worry my friends will leave me.
When I need to bond, I will attend the work; but be clear to them and myself.
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner.
Soul
Another reminder.
Yes, just focus on building my values.
It is different from others, then I have always been eccentric.
Just focus on being complete within myself.
First thing is to let go of local Isha...and lose the bonding.
Be myself without volunteering..without fear.
Thats the first step I got to take.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Volunteering was me seeking validation
Apr 7
Woke up and wonder how Y. Or rather what's next for me. Its clear volunteering not for me. Need not judge.
All these while I was doing what others want. Now just to focus on what I want.
Now realised why I was affected when they write off the venue I found. I was feeling rejected. I was seeking approval. That's it. Bit sad but that's it.
Today practices were not great.
Angarmadhana was okay, improving. Now less tired after standing and squatting posture. Will know what posture I miss this Saturday. Even got energy to do one cycle of Surya kriya, though not deep. Breathing not so okay. Feeling hot and had to switch on air conditioner half way. Finished earlier. One thing I realised is that without proper Surya Kriya breathing not okay.
Shakti was okay and Shambavi too. Towards the end after plough back, I rested and doze off into a dream. I woke up.
Room feel hot; forgot to close the blinds.
Father, now that I know volunteering only for bonding. Writing is for myself. What's next.
As I was driving I saw my face in the mirror; I truly look more feminine. My face has a softer and subtle look. I can even said I look lovely.
Father, perhaps instead of asking what's next. Let me appreciate my physical transformation. Me in a much slimmer frame, looking great. Face complexion looks good. Finger nails strong and hands softer. There is a miracle I seems to grow younger.
Woke up and wonder how Y. Or rather what's next for me. Its clear volunteering not for me. Need not judge.
All these while I was doing what others want. Now just to focus on what I want.
Now realised why I was affected when they write off the venue I found. I was feeling rejected. I was seeking approval. That's it. Bit sad but that's it.
Today practices were not great.
Angarmadhana was okay, improving. Now less tired after standing and squatting posture. Will know what posture I miss this Saturday. Even got energy to do one cycle of Surya kriya, though not deep. Breathing not so okay. Feeling hot and had to switch on air conditioner half way. Finished earlier. One thing I realised is that without proper Surya Kriya breathing not okay.
Shakti was okay and Shambavi too. Towards the end after plough back, I rested and doze off into a dream. I woke up.
Room feel hot; forgot to close the blinds.
Father, now that I know volunteering only for bonding. Writing is for myself. What's next.
As I was driving I saw my face in the mirror; I truly look more feminine. My face has a softer and subtle look. I can even said I look lovely.
Father, perhaps instead of asking what's next. Let me appreciate my physical transformation. Me in a much slimmer frame, looking great. Face complexion looks good. Finger nails strong and hands softer. There is a miracle I seems to grow younger.
My body is transforming - growing petite
Apr 6
Just finished site visit, another volunteering work.
I don't feel fulfilled...
Father, it is truly bonding.
No dilemma...
Today Three of clubs; mind bit wondering. But I didn't let it run me.
I was seeing my mind reacting on comments. I just see and realised that ego is on hand. Anyway, is of no importance.
Not sure why, but Y was brought up today.
They said he has a subtle presence.
Well, to me he is a lion, ready to bounce any moment. Anyway, I have seen the personal side of him.
I know he growls.
Today went t the nice Buddhist society building. The Buddha statute was there.
I was surprised..no longer need another temple.
I have my own Shrine at home.
My room is my temple.
Came back shower and did Shoonya, went in deep.
My frame has reduced. Wore the blouse I bought a few years ago. I look good in the old blouse, even better when I first bought it.
Father, I always said no transformation to me. Alas there is; weight and frame dropping.
Perhaps its dropping all the accumulation, all the other's people values.
Another thing; capability does not always means responsibility. I need not take up everything that I can do. I can opt to do what I like eventhough I am not that capable.
For the first time, what I like and what I am good..can be different.
My face changed; I can see my face becoming more feminine, growing lovelier.
Amen.
Just finished site visit, another volunteering work.
I don't feel fulfilled...
Father, it is truly bonding.
No dilemma...
Today Three of clubs; mind bit wondering. But I didn't let it run me.
I was seeing my mind reacting on comments. I just see and realised that ego is on hand. Anyway, is of no importance.
Not sure why, but Y was brought up today.
They said he has a subtle presence.
Well, to me he is a lion, ready to bounce any moment. Anyway, I have seen the personal side of him.
I know he growls.
Today went t the nice Buddhist society building. The Buddha statute was there.
I was surprised..no longer need another temple.
I have my own Shrine at home.
My room is my temple.
Came back shower and did Shoonya, went in deep.
My frame has reduced. Wore the blouse I bought a few years ago. I look good in the old blouse, even better when I first bought it.
Father, I always said no transformation to me. Alas there is; weight and frame dropping.
Perhaps its dropping all the accumulation, all the other's people values.
Another thing; capability does not always means responsibility. I need not take up everything that I can do. I can opt to do what I like eventhough I am not that capable.
For the first time, what I like and what I am good..can be different.
My face changed; I can see my face becoming more feminine, growing lovelier.
Amen.
Ace of Hearts
Apr 5 eve 1
Father, now checking destiny book card.
This year Ruling's result of Ace of hearts.
Affirmation
I be ending the year with a new love, which could be a lover, friend, child or something else that brings me great joy
Soul
My shrine gives me great joy. Just being able to sit with my shrine warm me. Such nice energy space. Calms me down and meditation is effortless now. Just sit and I m on. My only issue is Samyama; not able to do. Perhaps have to sit side way like now. Or remembering to do Samyama on daily drive. May be good.
Today the local Isha got IK session. The mind wander bit, but its only because of bonding and nothing else. I don't find fulfilment in volunteering. As for sharing my experiences is to give credit to Sadhguru.
From Facebook
U know u are on the right teach when u become uninterested in looking back.
Soul
Definitely on volunteering; no more dilemma.
Apr 5 eve 2
From Facebook
Faith is consist in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe
Soul
Need this.
Father, now checking destiny book card.
This year Ruling's result of Ace of hearts.
Affirmation
I be ending the year with a new love, which could be a lover, friend, child or something else that brings me great joy
Soul
My shrine gives me great joy. Just being able to sit with my shrine warm me. Such nice energy space. Calms me down and meditation is effortless now. Just sit and I m on. My only issue is Samyama; not able to do. Perhaps have to sit side way like now. Or remembering to do Samyama on daily drive. May be good.
Today the local Isha got IK session. The mind wander bit, but its only because of bonding and nothing else. I don't find fulfilment in volunteering. As for sharing my experiences is to give credit to Sadhguru.
From Facebook
U know u are on the right teach when u become uninterested in looking back.
Soul
Definitely on volunteering; no more dilemma.
Apr 5 eve 2
From Facebook
Faith is consist in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe
Soul
Need this.
Eclipse is all about changes
Apr 5 eve
From Facebook.
This month will definitely have highs and lulls in the energies. The times around the eclipses (4/15) and (4/28) will be times to watch your own energies and stay centered, especially. DAILY grounding and centering practices are vital for empaths/sensitives and highly recommended for everyone else.
Soul
Me definitely sensitive. Need practices to stay grounded.
Just had my physical release with Y's in my mind. Laugh loads. Menses delayed.
From Sarah Miller on April reading for cancer.
Eclipses have several missions - to test the strength of links, to teach us to be resourceful as things shift suddenly, to provide truth that we had not seen so we can protect ourselves, and to shake us out of our routines and feelings of complacency. Eclipses work against the status quo, and demand progress. You will get it this month, ready or not.
Soul
Yes, facing complaints from ex-boss on the outsourcing.
Good opportunity to restructure. As definitely things not working out as volume increased and man power not enough. Also need alignment in capability too. So things are not bad, there is opportunity.
On the IT leaving, is definitely positive too.
So now need to be back at work. Truly glad I let go of local Isha responsibility last month. Now just need to wrap up the venue for program and it be closed by next week. Also to follow on marketing aspect.
On my body. Something is changing. Today at the pool I feel light and not tired as per norm. For the first time I feel I can still swim more. Looks like angarmadhana is truly helping me to be fitter.
Any my skin looks so much better. My finger nails grown stronger. I know my frame size has reduced further. Yesterday a friend who has not seen me more than half year ago said I lost so much weight. My frame has reduced I now look petite. Just now L said my frame truly reduced further and I should be able to fit into S now.
Angarmadhana just about one and half week, 8 sessions in total.
From Facebook.
This month will definitely have highs and lulls in the energies. The times around the eclipses (4/15) and (4/28) will be times to watch your own energies and stay centered, especially. DAILY grounding and centering practices are vital for empaths/sensitives and highly recommended for everyone else.
Soul
Me definitely sensitive. Need practices to stay grounded.
Just had my physical release with Y's in my mind. Laugh loads. Menses delayed.
From Sarah Miller on April reading for cancer.
Eclipses have several missions - to test the strength of links, to teach us to be resourceful as things shift suddenly, to provide truth that we had not seen so we can protect ourselves, and to shake us out of our routines and feelings of complacency. Eclipses work against the status quo, and demand progress. You will get it this month, ready or not.
Soul
Yes, facing complaints from ex-boss on the outsourcing.
Good opportunity to restructure. As definitely things not working out as volume increased and man power not enough. Also need alignment in capability too. So things are not bad, there is opportunity.
On the IT leaving, is definitely positive too.
So now need to be back at work. Truly glad I let go of local Isha responsibility last month. Now just need to wrap up the venue for program and it be closed by next week. Also to follow on marketing aspect.
On my body. Something is changing. Today at the pool I feel light and not tired as per norm. For the first time I feel I can still swim more. Looks like angarmadhana is truly helping me to be fitter.
Any my skin looks so much better. My finger nails grown stronger. I know my frame size has reduced further. Yesterday a friend who has not seen me more than half year ago said I lost so much weight. My frame has reduced I now look petite. Just now L said my frame truly reduced further and I should be able to fit into S now.
Angarmadhana just about one and half week, 8 sessions in total.
Growth in life comprise of mistakes, errors and going astray
Apr 4
Explosive Shakti with loads of hand clapping.
Wake up around 4 plus and then before 6 am and then finally get up at 7 upon alarm. Looks like yesterday pre sleep breathing was good for me.
Sat bit in toilet bowl with tot of Y and what's next.
Did Angarmadhana, improving. Even the last balance posture is slowly getting there.
Did only cycle of Surya kriya but not so on. Breathing was okay.
Shakti was awesome. I can feel the intensity of energy. Towards the end clapping non stop. Then loud singing continues till Shambavi preparatory steps. Cat stretch good with all three cycles both knees touching forehead.
Towards the end clapping loads and dancing and singing.
One tot came; to do Shakti. These few months to focus on building my fitness for Kailash.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Don't take life for granted. It has to be created and it can be created only by choosing freely, by choosing on your own. Yes, there is possibility u may go astray, there is possibility u may commit errors, mistakes. But nothing to worry about - mistakes and errors and going astray, they are all part of growth. It is only by committing mistakes that one learns; it is only by going astray that one comes back to the right.
Soul
Amen.
Destiny freedom and soul
Man is born as freedom. It is up to u what to become, what not to become. It is going to be your own creation. Then life become an adventure - not an unfoldment but an adventure, an exploration, a discovery.
The truth is not already given to u; u have to create it. In a way, each moment u are creating yourself.
The sooner u accept it, the better, because immediately u can start creating yourself. And the moment u create yourself, joy arises and when u have completed yourself, the way u wanted.
Explosive Shakti with loads of hand clapping.
Wake up around 4 plus and then before 6 am and then finally get up at 7 upon alarm. Looks like yesterday pre sleep breathing was good for me.
Sat bit in toilet bowl with tot of Y and what's next.
Did Angarmadhana, improving. Even the last balance posture is slowly getting there.
Did only cycle of Surya kriya but not so on. Breathing was okay.
Shakti was awesome. I can feel the intensity of energy. Towards the end clapping non stop. Then loud singing continues till Shambavi preparatory steps. Cat stretch good with all three cycles both knees touching forehead.
Towards the end clapping loads and dancing and singing.
One tot came; to do Shakti. These few months to focus on building my fitness for Kailash.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Don't take life for granted. It has to be created and it can be created only by choosing freely, by choosing on your own. Yes, there is possibility u may go astray, there is possibility u may commit errors, mistakes. But nothing to worry about - mistakes and errors and going astray, they are all part of growth. It is only by committing mistakes that one learns; it is only by going astray that one comes back to the right.
Soul
Amen.
Destiny freedom and soul
Man is born as freedom. It is up to u what to become, what not to become. It is going to be your own creation. Then life become an adventure - not an unfoldment but an adventure, an exploration, a discovery.
The truth is not already given to u; u have to create it. In a way, each moment u are creating yourself.
The sooner u accept it, the better, because immediately u can start creating yourself. And the moment u create yourself, joy arises and when u have completed yourself, the way u wanted.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Nine of Hearts in Uranus
Apr 3 eve
Another resignation today from another staff. Truly so much change. The thing is today I was thinking what if K resigned too. And it happen and its for the best as his heart not in it. Perhaps my anger at him make him quit but may be meant to happen. I no longer want to suppress my feeling in relationship.
Surprisingly getting closer to my staff K who just resigned. Earlier I apologised for not knowing that she need support. She return the apology by saying she regretted not reaching out to me earlier and she now knows I truly can support her. Checked her card was Five of Hearts, emotionally restless card and loves to travel. Another Pe. Same Ruling card.
Mmm, looks like the group doesn't care about my sharing on inspiring others. I wasn't blowing my trumpet. I want to tell them if they don't share; they can't inspire and hence just them doing it. The reality is I too not so keen on sharing but I felt I owed to Sadhguru to share my gratefulness on the tools he offered. My passion is the connection of energy from sadhana. Whereas their passion is on volunteering. Infact they should be sharing during Sathsang.
Anyway, yesterday event tells me that I m not fulfilled in volunteering; not even in inspiring others. The old me would be slightly affected. The new me can see they interpret me as boasting and that's them. Father, truly becoming
Today did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by Breathing. Eyes couldn't open to do Samyama. Later forced myself to open to do Shoonya. Went in deep. After Shoonya can't come up. Took me a long while. Also much wind breathing both top and bottom.
Today tot of Y for two times. But no longer going back. Move on.
This month truly eclipse period with many changes at work front. And unexpectedly endings especially on resignation of Pe and Ka.
Uranus 21 Mar to 12 May.
Ruling
Queen of Spades
Nine of Hearts
Queen of spades is known as the card of self mastery. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation. It is the spiritual aspirant who learns to master themselves instead of spending all their time trying to change external circumstances.
This is a highly spiritual influence that could indicate a time where you have some profound experiences of awakening and self-realisation.
There are bound to be some interesting experiences during this period that lift u to new levels of understanding and awareness.
On the practical side, u will find that that ur work and real estate concerns are going on very well, as u work hard and apply this new understanding to the mundane situations in ur life.
Nine of Hearts
Card of emotional disappointment or personal losses on affectionate level. However, this is the card of completions in love
It can signal the ending of one or more key relationships. If so, it is most likely that these rships are no longer doing you any good. Its time for them to end, whether or not u realise this at the time they happen.
However, Nine of Hearts can also represent our helping other by counseling them or in some way sharing our love and compassion with them. It means a giving of love in a more or less selfless manner.
Unexpected ending can bring disappointment in work, in love, in romance or with friends during this period. Jealousy or scandal may occur at work and good friend may be hard to come by.
Soul
So true. Definitely ending. Yes, the ending is good.
Also the ending with Y. No longer barking at wrong door. Release Y so others can release me too.
Destiny
Six of Diamonds
Six of Spades
When this powerful stabilising influence is present in your cards, u can bet there will be some sort of settling of accounts. It could also represent a time we have an opportunity to discover a special purpose in our life that will lead us into a special destiny. If u feel drawn to a certain occupation or mission when this card is present, it could be one that opens up an entirely new and powerful direction in ur life.
This can indicate lack of change in location or type of work or the lack of sale or purchase of real estate. Everything will tend to remain static during this period.
Remember u always receive exactly what u give to others and during this period, u may have to unexpectedly pay off some outstanding obligations. Give more to receive.
By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose is.
Six of Spades (fate, karma, paybacks from the past in many forms.)
Strongest form of karma cards. U can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realm of health and work. It will bring some much needed peace.
Sometimes events happen under this card influence that are things which we were destined to so at sometime in our life. Often this change the course of our life, always for the better, even though at the time the events may not seem so good or life enhancing.
This may lead u to perform a special Mission in life, one that uplift others.
This is the card of FATE.
Another resignation today from another staff. Truly so much change. The thing is today I was thinking what if K resigned too. And it happen and its for the best as his heart not in it. Perhaps my anger at him make him quit but may be meant to happen. I no longer want to suppress my feeling in relationship.
Surprisingly getting closer to my staff K who just resigned. Earlier I apologised for not knowing that she need support. She return the apology by saying she regretted not reaching out to me earlier and she now knows I truly can support her. Checked her card was Five of Hearts, emotionally restless card and loves to travel. Another Pe. Same Ruling card.
Mmm, looks like the group doesn't care about my sharing on inspiring others. I wasn't blowing my trumpet. I want to tell them if they don't share; they can't inspire and hence just them doing it. The reality is I too not so keen on sharing but I felt I owed to Sadhguru to share my gratefulness on the tools he offered. My passion is the connection of energy from sadhana. Whereas their passion is on volunteering. Infact they should be sharing during Sathsang.
Anyway, yesterday event tells me that I m not fulfilled in volunteering; not even in inspiring others. The old me would be slightly affected. The new me can see they interpret me as boasting and that's them. Father, truly becoming
Today did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by Breathing. Eyes couldn't open to do Samyama. Later forced myself to open to do Shoonya. Went in deep. After Shoonya can't come up. Took me a long while. Also much wind breathing both top and bottom.
Today tot of Y for two times. But no longer going back. Move on.
This month truly eclipse period with many changes at work front. And unexpectedly endings especially on resignation of Pe and Ka.
Uranus 21 Mar to 12 May.
Ruling
Queen of Spades
Nine of Hearts
Queen of spades is known as the card of self mastery. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation. It is the spiritual aspirant who learns to master themselves instead of spending all their time trying to change external circumstances.
This is a highly spiritual influence that could indicate a time where you have some profound experiences of awakening and self-realisation.
There are bound to be some interesting experiences during this period that lift u to new levels of understanding and awareness.
On the practical side, u will find that that ur work and real estate concerns are going on very well, as u work hard and apply this new understanding to the mundane situations in ur life.
Nine of Hearts
Card of emotional disappointment or personal losses on affectionate level. However, this is the card of completions in love
It can signal the ending of one or more key relationships. If so, it is most likely that these rships are no longer doing you any good. Its time for them to end, whether or not u realise this at the time they happen.
However, Nine of Hearts can also represent our helping other by counseling them or in some way sharing our love and compassion with them. It means a giving of love in a more or less selfless manner.
Unexpected ending can bring disappointment in work, in love, in romance or with friends during this period. Jealousy or scandal may occur at work and good friend may be hard to come by.
Soul
So true. Definitely ending. Yes, the ending is good.
Also the ending with Y. No longer barking at wrong door. Release Y so others can release me too.
Destiny
Six of Diamonds
Six of Spades
When this powerful stabilising influence is present in your cards, u can bet there will be some sort of settling of accounts. It could also represent a time we have an opportunity to discover a special purpose in our life that will lead us into a special destiny. If u feel drawn to a certain occupation or mission when this card is present, it could be one that opens up an entirely new and powerful direction in ur life.
This can indicate lack of change in location or type of work or the lack of sale or purchase of real estate. Everything will tend to remain static during this period.
Remember u always receive exactly what u give to others and during this period, u may have to unexpectedly pay off some outstanding obligations. Give more to receive.
By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose is.
Six of Spades (fate, karma, paybacks from the past in many forms.)
Strongest form of karma cards. U can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realm of health and work. It will bring some much needed peace.
Sometimes events happen under this card influence that are things which we were destined to so at sometime in our life. Often this change the course of our life, always for the better, even though at the time the events may not seem so good or life enhancing.
This may lead u to perform a special Mission in life, one that uplift others.
This is the card of FATE.
Meditation is jumping out beyond karma
Apr 3 aft
Saw a blog on cafe, just opposite Y's place. Wanted to message him. I stopped myself. Let go of him. May just be my compulsion.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Meditating is not interfering with the process of karma; rather, it is taking a jump out of it. It is jumping out of the vicious circle. The circle will go on and the process will come to an end by itself. U cannot put an end to it but u can be out of it. And once u are out of it, it becomes illusory.
Without meditation, you are interfering every moment. With meditation u go beyond; u become a watcher on the hill. Deep down in the valley things go on, they continue but they don't belong to u. U are just on looker. Now u are not an actor; u become spectator.
If one is enlightened, all the suffering of many lives became concentrated in one point, one life. Like Ramana suffering from cancer and Jesus on the cross.
Soul
If I give in the compulsion I will perpetuate the cycle of unrequited love with Y. Need not go back in.
I am fine without him. I am alone but I m not unhappy.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Gurdjeff says man is machine. He means all those who are living unconsciously, who are not aware, who are not awake, who do not respond to reality but only react.
Soul
If I am not aware, I will follow my compulsions. When I am aware, I have a choice. The choice is to move on.
Saw a blog on cafe, just opposite Y's place. Wanted to message him. I stopped myself. Let go of him. May just be my compulsion.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Meditating is not interfering with the process of karma; rather, it is taking a jump out of it. It is jumping out of the vicious circle. The circle will go on and the process will come to an end by itself. U cannot put an end to it but u can be out of it. And once u are out of it, it becomes illusory.
Without meditation, you are interfering every moment. With meditation u go beyond; u become a watcher on the hill. Deep down in the valley things go on, they continue but they don't belong to u. U are just on looker. Now u are not an actor; u become spectator.
If one is enlightened, all the suffering of many lives became concentrated in one point, one life. Like Ramana suffering from cancer and Jesus on the cross.
Soul
If I give in the compulsion I will perpetuate the cycle of unrequited love with Y. Need not go back in.
I am fine without him. I am alone but I m not unhappy.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Gurdjeff says man is machine. He means all those who are living unconsciously, who are not aware, who are not awake, who do not respond to reality but only react.
Soul
If I am not aware, I will follow my compulsions. When I am aware, I have a choice. The choice is to move on.
Osho tarot - Aloneness
Apr 3
Woke up at 3.50 am upon alarm. Body feels fine cos has a 40 minutes pre-sleep session with the shrine. Quite lots of wind yesterday.
Sat a bit in the toilet and wonder what's next. After I knew that being volunteer guide is not my thing, even solving problem is not my thing. Just got up and shower
Angarmadhana has improved. Sweat loads. Even the balancing can be done. Just need to get the breathing right. Much lesser wind today. Breakout occur only in squatting and mainly lying down posture. So able to do standing posture without stopping. I think I m done by 40 min.
Will let this settle and then I proceed to insert one cycle of Surya kriya.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was good, laughing loads at the end. Shambavi good.
As I was driving some envious tot of Z and wife comes in and Y too. I dismissed it possible cos menses is delayed and hormone is acting overtime. I think I need not believe all my tots. They may not be truly me.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Poor people always thinking about living in palaces while they can enjoy the tree where they are. Rich people long for those things that only poor man can enjoy. Richness has its own richness, poverty has its own richness too. So, when u are rich, enjoy that which a rich man can enjoy. When u are poor, enjoy that which poor men enjoy.
Soul
Tot of being with partner and single.
Perhaps should celebrate my singlehood instead.
This week Osho tarot card - what is needed for resolution. Aloneness.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, an overflowing presence. U are so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
When there is no significant other in our lives, we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom mth at solitude brings.
When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough to survive the powerful human need for approval.
If u are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view ur aloneness and take responsibility for the choice u made. Ultimately each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Soul
Mmm, yes. Acceptance of my aloneness. Last few days forgot to pray for my husband.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Goodness has nothing to do with earning money. Goodness earns something more valuable; it earns peace of mind. The virtuous person need not be worried about mundane things. He may not have a palace but he will live more blissfully in his hut than a king lives in his palace. The virtuous may not be able to manage a palace but he will be able to manage blissfulness. The cunning will manage to reach the palace but he will lose all peace of mind, he will lose contact with himself.
So if u want the inner world and inner riches, be good, be virtuous, be nice and don't be jealous of those poor people who are simply cunning and earning money.
Soul
Mmm, I m already blissful on my own. So why the need for partner? I can want it but I need not be sad that I don't have it.
When I m with partner; my cherished time alone will be reduced. I won't have time for 4 hours sadhana and half hour of pre-sleep session with the Shrine.
Yes, I m having things that I want.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Life is simply mathematics. U get what u deserve. Just don't ask anything that is not related to ur quality, and then there is no problem.
Soul
One thing I m sure is that my partner must be in Isha and sadhana and aloneness time is important to him too.
Woke up at 3.50 am upon alarm. Body feels fine cos has a 40 minutes pre-sleep session with the shrine. Quite lots of wind yesterday.
Sat a bit in the toilet and wonder what's next. After I knew that being volunteer guide is not my thing, even solving problem is not my thing. Just got up and shower
Angarmadhana has improved. Sweat loads. Even the balancing can be done. Just need to get the breathing right. Much lesser wind today. Breakout occur only in squatting and mainly lying down posture. So able to do standing posture without stopping. I think I m done by 40 min.
Will let this settle and then I proceed to insert one cycle of Surya kriya.
Breathing was fine. Shakti was good, laughing loads at the end. Shambavi good.
As I was driving some envious tot of Z and wife comes in and Y too. I dismissed it possible cos menses is delayed and hormone is acting overtime. I think I need not believe all my tots. They may not be truly me.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Poor people always thinking about living in palaces while they can enjoy the tree where they are. Rich people long for those things that only poor man can enjoy. Richness has its own richness, poverty has its own richness too. So, when u are rich, enjoy that which a rich man can enjoy. When u are poor, enjoy that which poor men enjoy.
Soul
Tot of being with partner and single.
Perhaps should celebrate my singlehood instead.
This week Osho tarot card - what is needed for resolution. Aloneness.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, an overflowing presence. U are so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
When there is no significant other in our lives, we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom mth at solitude brings.
When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough to survive the powerful human need for approval.
If u are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view ur aloneness and take responsibility for the choice u made. Ultimately each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Soul
Mmm, yes. Acceptance of my aloneness. Last few days forgot to pray for my husband.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Goodness has nothing to do with earning money. Goodness earns something more valuable; it earns peace of mind. The virtuous person need not be worried about mundane things. He may not have a palace but he will live more blissfully in his hut than a king lives in his palace. The virtuous may not be able to manage a palace but he will be able to manage blissfulness. The cunning will manage to reach the palace but he will lose all peace of mind, he will lose contact with himself.
So if u want the inner world and inner riches, be good, be virtuous, be nice and don't be jealous of those poor people who are simply cunning and earning money.
Soul
Mmm, I m already blissful on my own. So why the need for partner? I can want it but I need not be sad that I don't have it.
When I m with partner; my cherished time alone will be reduced. I won't have time for 4 hours sadhana and half hour of pre-sleep session with the Shrine.
Yes, I m having things that I want.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Life is simply mathematics. U get what u deserve. Just don't ask anything that is not related to ur quality, and then there is no problem.
Soul
One thing I m sure is that my partner must be in Isha and sadhana and aloneness time is important to him too.
Maybe I need not have to believe my thoughts
Apr 2
Did Bhoota Shuddi followed by singing of guru pooja.
Started with Angarmadhana...not looking forward but knew this is for Kailash.
Today so much wind out of body, coming out from both top and bottom. The Angarmadharna is releasing loads from me. I already know I got loads of winds and have reduced considerably. Maybe Angarmadharna releasing the tail end.
Just like yesterday had to stop midway to toilet too. Major release.
Angarmardhan has improved.
Did one cycle of Surya Kriya followed by breathing. Breathing was good.
My Daily Card
The Ace of Diamonds
The Ace of Diamonds means the desire for money or the birth of a new way of earning money. All Aces represent new beginnings, a desire for something that starts a new cycle of creating. Aces are the representatives of pure creative energy.
Diamonds represent our value systems, the things that we like or dislike, treasure or discard. So, the Ace of Diamonds means that we experience the birth of a new value or that we suddenly like or want something that we didn't before.
Because diamonds are commonly associated with money and our work, the Ace of Diamonds can mean the beginning of a new financial enterprise or the desire to obtain money for a specific purpose.
Soul
Just read my April chart...truly Eclipse.
So much changes at work front...many unexpected changes.
Not only in my own company but also the other sister company, the one that we are servicing.
Just had 2 staff quit, looks like there will be another one.
A major revamp.
While I was in my practice, tots of Y coming in and then followed by envious tot of Z and wife. I let it continue for awhile and then a tot occur to me, "maybe I need not have to believe my tots". Just let them be.
Me missing Y doesn't mean that I want to act on it. I already know my Two of Diamonds.
The point here is to let go of Y so he won't be hold on to me.
Just like local Isha letting go of me.
Did Bhoota Shuddi followed by singing of guru pooja.
Started with Angarmadhana...not looking forward but knew this is for Kailash.
Today so much wind out of body, coming out from both top and bottom. The Angarmadharna is releasing loads from me. I already know I got loads of winds and have reduced considerably. Maybe Angarmadharna releasing the tail end.
Just like yesterday had to stop midway to toilet too. Major release.
Angarmardhan has improved.
Did one cycle of Surya Kriya followed by breathing. Breathing was good.
My Daily Card
The Ace of Diamonds
The Ace of Diamonds means the desire for money or the birth of a new way of earning money. All Aces represent new beginnings, a desire for something that starts a new cycle of creating. Aces are the representatives of pure creative energy.
Diamonds represent our value systems, the things that we like or dislike, treasure or discard. So, the Ace of Diamonds means that we experience the birth of a new value or that we suddenly like or want something that we didn't before.
Because diamonds are commonly associated with money and our work, the Ace of Diamonds can mean the beginning of a new financial enterprise or the desire to obtain money for a specific purpose.
Soul
Just read my April chart...truly Eclipse.
So much changes at work front...many unexpected changes.
Not only in my own company but also the other sister company, the one that we are servicing.
Just had 2 staff quit, looks like there will be another one.
A major revamp.
While I was in my practice, tots of Y coming in and then followed by envious tot of Z and wife. I let it continue for awhile and then a tot occur to me, "maybe I need not have to believe my tots". Just let them be.
Me missing Y doesn't mean that I want to act on it. I already know my Two of Diamonds.
The point here is to let go of Y so he won't be hold on to me.
Just like local Isha letting go of me.
Queen of Spades in Uranus
Apr 1 eve
Soul
Looks like this Uranus period trigger is on my work. So glad that I decided to let go local Isha lead role.
I told K that I felt bad for not knowing she needed support and basically left her to defend herself. She said that she felt bad for not accelerating to me and she now knows I can definitely support her if she approach me. She also apologised for not settling those things that I have got for her.
She also finally shared she left her old company cos she wanted excitement and new things. But we gave her too much and she now need a rest and go back to old company where accounts can be completed any time. No deadline and no pressure but stagnant. In a way she being a Six, she did move out of comfort zone and now she is going back to old company. While she know it is slow but she said cannot handle our pace.
So we did end well. Amen.
This Uranus unexpectedly changes at work. Not only K resigned, Pe too. Now that I know Pe's Ruling is Five, understand she need variety and change.
Uranus 21 Mar to 12 May.
Ruling
Queen of Spades
Nine of Hearts
Queen of spades is known as the card of self mastery. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation. It is the spiritual aspirant who learns to master themselves instead of spending all their time trying to change external circumstances.
This is a highly spiritual influence that could indicate a time where you have some profound experiences of awakening and self-realisation.
There are bound to be some interesting experiences during this period that lift u to new levels of understanding and awareness.
On the practical side, u will find that that ur work and real estate concerns are going on very well, as u work hard and apply this new understanding to the mundane situations in ur life.
Any women of the Spades may seem unpredictable during this period, and to a lesser extent for the entire year.
To insure success in ur relationships with them, it would be best just to step back and allow them to do or be whatever they need to. A good friendship comes from unconditional love and acceptance.
Nine of Hearts
Card of emotional disappointment or personal losses on affectionate level. However, this is the card of completions in love It can signal the ending of one or more key relationships. If so, it is most likely that these rships are no longer doing you any good. Its time for them to end, whether or not u realise this at the time they happen.
However, Nine of Hearts can also represent our helping other by counseling them or in some way sharing our love and compassion with them. It means a giving of love in a more or less selfless manner.
Destiny
Six of Diamonds
Six of Spades
When this powerful stabilising influence is present in your cards, u can bet there will be some sort of settling of accounts. It could also represent a time we have an opportunity to discover a special purpose in our life that will lead us into a special destiny. If u feel drawn to a certain occupation or mission when this card is present, it could be one that opens up an entirely new and powerful direction in ur life.
This can indicate lack of change in location or type of work or the lack of sale or purchase of real estate. Everything will tend to remain static during this period.
Remember u always receive exactly what u give to others and during this period, u may have to unexpectedly pay off some outstanding obligations. Give more to receive.
By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose is.
Six of Spades (fate, karma, paybacks from the past in many forms.)
Soul
Looks like this Uranus period trigger is on my work. So glad that I decided to let go local Isha lead role.
I told K that I felt bad for not knowing she needed support and basically left her to defend herself. She said that she felt bad for not accelerating to me and she now knows I can definitely support her if she approach me. She also apologised for not settling those things that I have got for her.
She also finally shared she left her old company cos she wanted excitement and new things. But we gave her too much and she now need a rest and go back to old company where accounts can be completed any time. No deadline and no pressure but stagnant. In a way she being a Six, she did move out of comfort zone and now she is going back to old company. While she know it is slow but she said cannot handle our pace.
So we did end well. Amen.
This Uranus unexpectedly changes at work. Not only K resigned, Pe too. Now that I know Pe's Ruling is Five, understand she need variety and change.
Uranus 21 Mar to 12 May.
Ruling
Queen of Spades
Nine of Hearts
Queen of spades is known as the card of self mastery. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation. It is the spiritual aspirant who learns to master themselves instead of spending all their time trying to change external circumstances.
This is a highly spiritual influence that could indicate a time where you have some profound experiences of awakening and self-realisation.
There are bound to be some interesting experiences during this period that lift u to new levels of understanding and awareness.
On the practical side, u will find that that ur work and real estate concerns are going on very well, as u work hard and apply this new understanding to the mundane situations in ur life.
Any women of the Spades may seem unpredictable during this period, and to a lesser extent for the entire year.
To insure success in ur relationships with them, it would be best just to step back and allow them to do or be whatever they need to. A good friendship comes from unconditional love and acceptance.
Nine of Hearts
Card of emotional disappointment or personal losses on affectionate level. However, this is the card of completions in love It can signal the ending of one or more key relationships. If so, it is most likely that these rships are no longer doing you any good. Its time for them to end, whether or not u realise this at the time they happen.
However, Nine of Hearts can also represent our helping other by counseling them or in some way sharing our love and compassion with them. It means a giving of love in a more or less selfless manner.
Destiny
Six of Diamonds
Six of Spades
When this powerful stabilising influence is present in your cards, u can bet there will be some sort of settling of accounts. It could also represent a time we have an opportunity to discover a special purpose in our life that will lead us into a special destiny. If u feel drawn to a certain occupation or mission when this card is present, it could be one that opens up an entirely new and powerful direction in ur life.
This can indicate lack of change in location or type of work or the lack of sale or purchase of real estate. Everything will tend to remain static during this period.
Remember u always receive exactly what u give to others and during this period, u may have to unexpectedly pay off some outstanding obligations. Give more to receive.
By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose is.
Six of Spades (fate, karma, paybacks from the past in many forms.)
Living is inconsistency
Apr 1 aft
Destiny, freedom and soul
The more alive you are, the less repetitive. Only a dead man can be consistent.
Living is inconsistency; life is freedom. Freedom cannot be consistent. Consistent with what? U can be consistent only with the past.
Soul
I always take pride in consistency. Now I m not sure.
Destiny
If there is anger, be a witness to it; if there is sex, be a witness to it. Let whatever is happening inside u happen.
By and by, the more ur awareness deepens, the less possibility there is of ur behavior being determined by u. You become free. Moksha means a consciousness that is so free that now nothing can determine. It.
Soul
I m missed Y intermittently. I just see I miss him. I don't act on it. The compulsion is minimised.
I also remind myself he never took up my offer and hence it is over. Nothing more to prolong. Just need to remember my Two of Diamonds.
Destiny, freedom and soul
The more alive you are, the less repetitive. Only a dead man can be consistent.
Living is inconsistency; life is freedom. Freedom cannot be consistent. Consistent with what? U can be consistent only with the past.
Soul
I always take pride in consistency. Now I m not sure.
Destiny
If there is anger, be a witness to it; if there is sex, be a witness to it. Let whatever is happening inside u happen.
By and by, the more ur awareness deepens, the less possibility there is of ur behavior being determined by u. You become free. Moksha means a consciousness that is so free that now nothing can determine. It.
Soul
I m missed Y intermittently. I just see I miss him. I don't act on it. The compulsion is minimised.
I also remind myself he never took up my offer and hence it is over. Nothing more to prolong. Just need to remember my Two of Diamonds.
Osho - our lives are both predestined and they are not too
Mar 31 aft
Father, a hectic half day. Managed to help K. Actually may be good for her to stay. Just ask her.
Just now spoke to boss. Didn't know I was talking something confidential. Was exchanging tots on contracts. Also asked if he agrees to those terms. Luckily had this chat otherwise I be disclosing to client that I spoke to their incumbent.
Felt bad and I told boss too. She comforted me. Father, slowly but surely I m being authentic.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Trust is a totally different thing. Trust is not fate. Trust simply means that "Whatever happens, I am part of existence, and existence cannot be intentionally inimical to me. If sometimes I feel that it is, it must be my misunderstanding.
Our lives are both predestined and they are not. Both yes and no. And both answers are true for all questions about life.
In a way, everything is predetermined. Whatever is physical in you, material, whatever is mental, is predetermined. But something in u is constantly remains undetermined, unpredictable. That something is your consciousness.
If u are identified with ur body and ur material existence, in the same proportion u are determined by cause and effect. Then u are a machine. But if u are not identified with either body or mind - if u can feel yourself as something separate, different, above and transcendent to body-mind - then that transcending consciousness is predetermined. It is spontaneous, free. Consciousness means freedom; matters means slavery.
So it depends on how u define yourself. If u say, "I am only the body," then everything about u is completely determined. With matter, no freedom is possible.
Once someone has achieved consciousness, enlightenment, he is completely out of the realm of cause and effect. He becomes completely unpredictable, u cannot say anything about him. He begins to live each moment; his existence becomes atomic.
The whole possibility of freedom depends on whether u emphasise ur body or ur consciousness. If ur whole flow of life is just outward.
Soul
True.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Become aware of what comes from the outside and become non identified with it. Then a moment comes when the outside falls away completely. U will be in a vacuum. This vacuum is the passage between the outside and inside, the door. We are so afraid of the vacuum, so afraid of being empty that we cling to the outside accumulations. One has to be courageous enough to disidentify with the accumulation and to remain in the vacuum. If u are not courageous enough, u will go out and cling something, and be filled with it. But this moment of being in the vacuum is meditation. If u are courageous enough, if u can remain in this moment, soon your whole being will automatically turn inward.
Soul
Nothing to nothing last week and this week card.
Father, me wondering whether today was on high because of fear or what??
Father, a hectic half day. Managed to help K. Actually may be good for her to stay. Just ask her.
Just now spoke to boss. Didn't know I was talking something confidential. Was exchanging tots on contracts. Also asked if he agrees to those terms. Luckily had this chat otherwise I be disclosing to client that I spoke to their incumbent.
Felt bad and I told boss too. She comforted me. Father, slowly but surely I m being authentic.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Trust is a totally different thing. Trust is not fate. Trust simply means that "Whatever happens, I am part of existence, and existence cannot be intentionally inimical to me. If sometimes I feel that it is, it must be my misunderstanding.
Our lives are both predestined and they are not. Both yes and no. And both answers are true for all questions about life.
In a way, everything is predetermined. Whatever is physical in you, material, whatever is mental, is predetermined. But something in u is constantly remains undetermined, unpredictable. That something is your consciousness.
If u are identified with ur body and ur material existence, in the same proportion u are determined by cause and effect. Then u are a machine. But if u are not identified with either body or mind - if u can feel yourself as something separate, different, above and transcendent to body-mind - then that transcending consciousness is predetermined. It is spontaneous, free. Consciousness means freedom; matters means slavery.
So it depends on how u define yourself. If u say, "I am only the body," then everything about u is completely determined. With matter, no freedom is possible.
Once someone has achieved consciousness, enlightenment, he is completely out of the realm of cause and effect. He becomes completely unpredictable, u cannot say anything about him. He begins to live each moment; his existence becomes atomic.
The whole possibility of freedom depends on whether u emphasise ur body or ur consciousness. If ur whole flow of life is just outward.
Soul
True.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Become aware of what comes from the outside and become non identified with it. Then a moment comes when the outside falls away completely. U will be in a vacuum. This vacuum is the passage between the outside and inside, the door. We are so afraid of the vacuum, so afraid of being empty that we cling to the outside accumulations. One has to be courageous enough to disidentify with the accumulation and to remain in the vacuum. If u are not courageous enough, u will go out and cling something, and be filled with it. But this moment of being in the vacuum is meditation. If u are courageous enough, if u can remain in this moment, soon your whole being will automatically turn inward.
Soul
Nothing to nothing last week and this week card.
Father, me wondering whether today was on high because of fear or what??
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Buddha - everything is impermanent
Mar 31
Woke up at 3 am and slept back. Got into a dream and woke up upon alarm at 3.50 am. Sat in toilet and wonder what's next.
Did Bhoota Shuddi and sang guru pooja. Angarmadhana is going on smoothly. The last balancing pose still not done. Did one cycle of Surya kriya. Then a quick Shavasana. Breathing was okay, body sat automatically in arashidharna. Didn't do long.
Shakti was good. Not explosive but went in deep. Towards the end was in deep zone during Shambavi preparatory steps. Now confirmed both knees can touch forehead during cat stretch.
Shambavi was good.
Had some tots of Y. Wish he was with me. But no inclination to contact him.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Buddha says there is nothing eternal. Everything is impermanent; everything is in flow. Understand this and understanding will liberate u.
The only real freedom is freedom from urself. Otherwise ur mind goes on playing games. It will go on painting new desires on new canvases.
Soul
The past is gone. My work as core local Isha and Y is gone. Not sure what's next.
For now just focus on angarmadhana.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Everything happens on its own but a seeker has to be alert not to miss the train.
The more u are alert, u will be surprised - the same things are happening that we're happening before, but the meaning has changed; the significance is different.
Example - the rose flower is the same rose but now it is radiant, surrounded by some note energy that u were not aware of before, a new beauty. It seems that u used to see only the outer side of the rose but now u are able to see its inner world.
Soul
True.
Destiny, freedom and soul
There are ways of the mind and there are ways of the heart; they need not be supportive of each other. And if it happens that the mind is not in agreement with the heart, then the mind is wrong. What matters is that ur heart feels at ease, peaceful, silent, harmonious at home.
We are trained for the mind, so our mind is very articulate. And nobody takes notice of the heart. Infact it is pushed aside by everybody because it is of no use in the marketplace, no use in the world of ambitions, in the world of politics, no use in business.
Infact the mind is of no use, the heart knows best.
Soul
Just messaged Ma for media contact and also want to do calling on previous Sathsang attendees.
It was automatic. Not sure if its because me unable to let go or what? Was it compulsion.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Just understand that it is ur life - enjoy it, allow it to sing a song in you, allow it to become a dance in u.
U have nothing to do but simple be available, and flowers are going to shower on u.
Soul
Well, just go with the flow. What I m good at is promoting Isha.
I m not keen on planning or executing program.
So just go aug the flow.
Woke up at 3 am and slept back. Got into a dream and woke up upon alarm at 3.50 am. Sat in toilet and wonder what's next.
Did Bhoota Shuddi and sang guru pooja. Angarmadhana is going on smoothly. The last balancing pose still not done. Did one cycle of Surya kriya. Then a quick Shavasana. Breathing was okay, body sat automatically in arashidharna. Didn't do long.
Shakti was good. Not explosive but went in deep. Towards the end was in deep zone during Shambavi preparatory steps. Now confirmed both knees can touch forehead during cat stretch.
Shambavi was good.
Had some tots of Y. Wish he was with me. But no inclination to contact him.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Buddha says there is nothing eternal. Everything is impermanent; everything is in flow. Understand this and understanding will liberate u.
The only real freedom is freedom from urself. Otherwise ur mind goes on playing games. It will go on painting new desires on new canvases.
Soul
The past is gone. My work as core local Isha and Y is gone. Not sure what's next.
For now just focus on angarmadhana.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Everything happens on its own but a seeker has to be alert not to miss the train.
The more u are alert, u will be surprised - the same things are happening that we're happening before, but the meaning has changed; the significance is different.
Example - the rose flower is the same rose but now it is radiant, surrounded by some note energy that u were not aware of before, a new beauty. It seems that u used to see only the outer side of the rose but now u are able to see its inner world.
Soul
True.
Destiny, freedom and soul
There are ways of the mind and there are ways of the heart; they need not be supportive of each other. And if it happens that the mind is not in agreement with the heart, then the mind is wrong. What matters is that ur heart feels at ease, peaceful, silent, harmonious at home.
We are trained for the mind, so our mind is very articulate. And nobody takes notice of the heart. Infact it is pushed aside by everybody because it is of no use in the marketplace, no use in the world of ambitions, in the world of politics, no use in business.
Infact the mind is of no use, the heart knows best.
Soul
Just messaged Ma for media contact and also want to do calling on previous Sathsang attendees.
It was automatic. Not sure if its because me unable to let go or what? Was it compulsion.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Just understand that it is ur life - enjoy it, allow it to sing a song in you, allow it to become a dance in u.
U have nothing to do but simple be available, and flowers are going to shower on u.
Soul
Well, just go with the flow. What I m good at is promoting Isha.
I m not keen on planning or executing program.
So just go aug the flow.
Osho - Politics: mind clings
Mar 30
When I walked into the park, automatically singing guru pooja, the trees lovely after the early morning ing rain
Did my two cycle of walk and two cycle of six flights of 2 storey stair case. In the first cycle of staircase, it was fine as body feel light. But in the second cycle, feeling tired at third cycle and then found my breathing in fourth cycle. Could continue my fifth and sixth cycle in a meditative zone.
Today, was arranging meeting for closure. Truly ending.
Today Destiny card
My Daily Card
The Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
When I checked my mail, saw the note that V still insist on doing the thing, at first bit miffed. Then I remember it is closure time, so I let go. Its their call now.
Then was arranging for a meet and P wanted to join too. So, feeling bit 'why', and then I realised its better she join cos I am letting go.
This week Osho tarot card is really true.
External Influence that you are aware.
Politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds. In fact, the mind is political. Its very nature is to plan and scheme and try to manipulate situations and people so that it can get what it wants. Here, the mind is represented by the snake, covered with clouds and "speaking with a forked tongue." But the important thing to realize about this card is that both faces are false. The sweet, innocent, ‘trust me' face is a mask, and the evil, toxic, ‘I'll have my way with you' face is a mask, too. Politicians don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at yourself to see if you have been playing this game. What you see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours. Whatever you might achieve in this way will just turn to dust in your hands.
Soul
Very true.
Just need to remember this pulling backward is similar to time when I let go of the glamourous job. The ego wants it s due to fear of loss but truly the heart doesn't want it. After one and half year, I am still happy without it.
Spoke to G and she said she too doesn't get fulfilled my doing volunteering. She doesn't mind supporting but not the one growing it. She too prefers just to go to Ashram. and be with Dhynalinga.
Mar 30 aft
Just done one new essay and finished the partially completed essay written about 3 weeks ago.
Also called G to get my first ebook released so I can pass to Pe.
I feel fulfilled.
Going back to what makes me happy.
When I walked into the park, automatically singing guru pooja, the trees lovely after the early morning ing rain
Did my two cycle of walk and two cycle of six flights of 2 storey stair case. In the first cycle of staircase, it was fine as body feel light. But in the second cycle, feeling tired at third cycle and then found my breathing in fourth cycle. Could continue my fifth and sixth cycle in a meditative zone.
Today, was arranging meeting for closure. Truly ending.
Today Destiny card
My Daily Card
The Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
When I checked my mail, saw the note that V still insist on doing the thing, at first bit miffed. Then I remember it is closure time, so I let go. Its their call now.
Then was arranging for a meet and P wanted to join too. So, feeling bit 'why', and then I realised its better she join cos I am letting go.
This week Osho tarot card is really true.
External Influence that you are aware.
Politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds. In fact, the mind is political. Its very nature is to plan and scheme and try to manipulate situations and people so that it can get what it wants. Here, the mind is represented by the snake, covered with clouds and "speaking with a forked tongue." But the important thing to realize about this card is that both faces are false. The sweet, innocent, ‘trust me' face is a mask, and the evil, toxic, ‘I'll have my way with you' face is a mask, too. Politicians don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at yourself to see if you have been playing this game. What you see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours. Whatever you might achieve in this way will just turn to dust in your hands.
Soul
Very true.
Just need to remember this pulling backward is similar to time when I let go of the glamourous job. The ego wants it s due to fear of loss but truly the heart doesn't want it. After one and half year, I am still happy without it.
Spoke to G and she said she too doesn't get fulfilled my doing volunteering. She doesn't mind supporting but not the one growing it. She too prefers just to go to Ashram. and be with Dhynalinga.
Mar 30 aft
Just done one new essay and finished the partially completed essay written about 3 weeks ago.
Also called G to get my first ebook released so I can pass to Pe.
I feel fulfilled.
Going back to what makes me happy.
I was so ready to be in love...hence fall for wrong ones
Mar 29 eve 1
M is so ready to be wounded.
Then so was I previously.
And now thinking perhaps I m so ready to be in love.
Perhaps the love I have for Z and Y are not real love. Just like the wounds are not real too.
Alas understand what Osho meant that our fear of aloneness makes us so ready to be in love; whether with people or things.
The last two days I m wondering of my wish to have husband with me on Kailash is good. Kailash is for me and me alone. I don't want to cloud it with the husband thingy.
I didn't go thru Angarmadhana so to get a husband. I went to Kailash for Kailash alone.
Kailash DVD
Shiva translate into English is Grace.
Soul
Just finished the video. This is the third time I watch it. First time in my home. I cried.
Looking to going just be in meditative zone.
Father, just saw the pix of Z and wife in Facebook. I no longer wish for the past. I know Z and I were never meant to be. He was the soul mate that led me to live fearlessly.
On Y, not sure but guess he helped me to get over Z and he led me to experience loving fearlessly.
Father, no more dilemma on local Isha. I just contribute when I want to. No longer need to feel responsible for everything eventhough I may be capable to do everything.
Father, me ready to be in love. Mmm, no wonder North node in Taurus advised me to firstly find and ground my values. Others wise be falling for wrong guy since I m ready to fall.
I used to be ready to be wounded and then three years ago ready to fall in love. Well, I want just to be ready to go home to Kailash. As for my husband, he will come.
M is so ready to be wounded.
Then so was I previously.
And now thinking perhaps I m so ready to be in love.
Perhaps the love I have for Z and Y are not real love. Just like the wounds are not real too.
Alas understand what Osho meant that our fear of aloneness makes us so ready to be in love; whether with people or things.
The last two days I m wondering of my wish to have husband with me on Kailash is good. Kailash is for me and me alone. I don't want to cloud it with the husband thingy.
I didn't go thru Angarmadhana so to get a husband. I went to Kailash for Kailash alone.
Kailash DVD
Shiva translate into English is Grace.
Soul
Just finished the video. This is the third time I watch it. First time in my home. I cried.
Looking to going just be in meditative zone.
Father, just saw the pix of Z and wife in Facebook. I no longer wish for the past. I know Z and I were never meant to be. He was the soul mate that led me to live fearlessly.
On Y, not sure but guess he helped me to get over Z and he led me to experience loving fearlessly.
Father, no more dilemma on local Isha. I just contribute when I want to. No longer need to feel responsible for everything eventhough I may be capable to do everything.
Father, me ready to be in love. Mmm, no wonder North node in Taurus advised me to firstly find and ground my values. Others wise be falling for wrong guy since I m ready to fall.
I used to be ready to be wounded and then three years ago ready to fall in love. Well, I want just to be ready to go home to Kailash. As for my husband, he will come.
Osho tarot - Clinging to the past
Mar 29 eve
Today inaugural volunteer meeting has ended.
My only consideration is how are my friends doing. Truly right that I am not there.
My Daily Card
The Three of Clubs
The Three of Clubs is the card of mental creativity, so much so that it is called the 'Writer's Card'. On the other hand, it can be the card of worry and indecision and mental stress. Whenever this card appears in your reading, you will have an opportunity to either get the benefits of heightened creativity of mind, or suffer the liability of more stress and indecision.
Use this influence for writing, either personally or professionally. Express yourself to all you meet and you will reap positive rewards.
Soul
I admit there were some tots coming through but I slept through it.
Sleep is my best medicine,
Alas the local Isha learning to let me go...just as I let go of Y.
Now that meet is over, wondering why my friends didn't call me.
Today Osho card
Clinging to the past.
If you don't cling to the past...because clinging to the past is absolute stupidity. It is no longer there, so you are crying for spilled milk. What is gone is gone! And don't cling to the present because that is also going and soon it will be past. Don't cling to the future – hopes, imaginations, plans for tomorrow – because tomorrow will become today, will become yesterday. Everything is going to become yesterday. Everything is going to go out of your hands. Clinging will simply create misery. You will have to let go." Osho
Her nostalgia for the past really makes her a 'blockhead', and a beggar besides, as we can see from her patched and ragged clothes. She needn't be a beggar, of course – but she is not available to taste the pleasures that offer themselves in the present. It's time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that you would have already outgrown if you hadn't been so busy clinging to what you have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if you must, and bid it a fond and reverent farewell. Life is passing you by, and you're in danger of becoming an old fossil before your time!
Soul
True....let go...
Just remember that I can't take the 'price'.
Just need to go back to my top 10.
Today inaugural volunteer meeting has ended.
My only consideration is how are my friends doing. Truly right that I am not there.
My Daily Card
The Three of Clubs
The Three of Clubs is the card of mental creativity, so much so that it is called the 'Writer's Card'. On the other hand, it can be the card of worry and indecision and mental stress. Whenever this card appears in your reading, you will have an opportunity to either get the benefits of heightened creativity of mind, or suffer the liability of more stress and indecision.
Use this influence for writing, either personally or professionally. Express yourself to all you meet and you will reap positive rewards.
Soul
I admit there were some tots coming through but I slept through it.
Sleep is my best medicine,
Alas the local Isha learning to let me go...just as I let go of Y.
Now that meet is over, wondering why my friends didn't call me.
Today Osho card
Clinging to the past.
If you don't cling to the past...because clinging to the past is absolute stupidity. It is no longer there, so you are crying for spilled milk. What is gone is gone! And don't cling to the present because that is also going and soon it will be past. Don't cling to the future – hopes, imaginations, plans for tomorrow – because tomorrow will become today, will become yesterday. Everything is going to become yesterday. Everything is going to go out of your hands. Clinging will simply create misery. You will have to let go." Osho
Her nostalgia for the past really makes her a 'blockhead', and a beggar besides, as we can see from her patched and ragged clothes. She needn't be a beggar, of course – but she is not available to taste the pleasures that offer themselves in the present. It's time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that you would have already outgrown if you hadn't been so busy clinging to what you have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if you must, and bid it a fond and reverent farewell. Life is passing you by, and you're in danger of becoming an old fossil before your time!
Soul
True....let go...
Just remember that I can't take the 'price'.
Just need to go back to my top 10.
Capability does not means responsibility
Mar 29
Isha is important to me but not volunteering in Isha.
Today Shakti. I went in deep. After Shakti, was in silent deep meditative zone throughout the preparatory steps. Alas, it was not a fluke, my two knees can touch forehead in cat stretch. It happen yesterday and now today.
Great swim. For the first time I focus on the front water instead of in the water. Able to slowly lift my head up in floating way.
Laughing gently at end of every half lap. Also not tired. At the second half lap, was doing snake hissing breathe. A first time. Truly was in meditative state.
As I came out of water, a tot came. Writing is important to me not because I m a writer but because its how I track my progress in opening up my unconsciousness. That's why I m willing to pay money for my ebook to be edited even if it is not commercially viable. It is for me, a complete edited ebook is for me.
Capability does not automatically means responsibility. Willingness is responsibility.
Power is not automatically responsibility.
I may be capable in many ways but does not means I have to be responsible for everything.
Willingness and capability is not the same. In Isha willingness is a must as part of volunteering.
Meeting is on but I m not going. I admit afraid of losing bond, losing approval but what I m more afraid of is carrying on.
In the end, the truth is I don't want anything to happen. That's why I need not be there.
Isha is important to me but not volunteering in Isha.
Today Shakti. I went in deep. After Shakti, was in silent deep meditative zone throughout the preparatory steps. Alas, it was not a fluke, my two knees can touch forehead in cat stretch. It happen yesterday and now today.
Great swim. For the first time I focus on the front water instead of in the water. Able to slowly lift my head up in floating way.
Laughing gently at end of every half lap. Also not tired. At the second half lap, was doing snake hissing breathe. A first time. Truly was in meditative state.
As I came out of water, a tot came. Writing is important to me not because I m a writer but because its how I track my progress in opening up my unconsciousness. That's why I m willing to pay money for my ebook to be edited even if it is not commercially viable. It is for me, a complete edited ebook is for me.
Capability does not automatically means responsibility. Willingness is responsibility.
Power is not automatically responsibility.
I may be capable in many ways but does not means I have to be responsible for everything.
Willingness and capability is not the same. In Isha willingness is a must as part of volunteering.
Meeting is on but I m not going. I admit afraid of losing bond, losing approval but what I m more afraid of is carrying on.
In the end, the truth is I don't want anything to happen. That's why I need not be there.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Mysticism simply drops the mind
Mar 28 aft
Today was caught in traffic jam due to wrong location in waze. Alas trust my car GPS. Anyway, despite being on the road for one hour fifteen minutes; I was calm when I was ushered to sit at main table.
This evening after the meeting, I was feeling tired and need a quick Shoonya as I want to go to night market since I can't do evening practices.
Did a deep Shoonya and later when I m done, body just want to bend forward with face flat on the floor. I lay down for nearly half an hour. Eventually I forced myself to wake up. The shrine plus shivarathi energy knocks me out. And I didn't even had the flame.
Just lighted the flame since five minutes ago and immediately the energy space changed.
The Hidden Splendour
Philosophy goes after questions, answers and never reaches any conclusion. Mysticism simply drops the mind, because it is nothing but a question-creating mechanism, and moves into silence. And the most amazing thing in life is that then, when there is no more question, u found the answer.
There may be thousands of questions, but there is only one answer and that answer is ur awareness. It is not in the form of an answer, it is in the form of an experience; suddenly a great silence descends upon u. Everything becomes quiet and calm. And without any words, without any knowledge, there is knowing. Knowing that u arrived home and that there is nowhere to go.
Soul
Of late, just sit my shrine and fall into natural silence. I no longer resist being mindless. Sadhguru said being mindless is the stage to go thru for transcendence.
The hidden splendour
Unconsciousness is very deep. And consciousness is a very small part, so unless u have great courage to use that small part of consciousness to transform the whole of your unconsciousness, it seem almost impossible to be enlightened.
Soul
When I start my journey in 1997; I want to have control. I can't let my unconscious rule my life unknowingly. Little did I realise that's called journey of enlightenment.
Guess that's because I was into western psychology, philosophy and spirituality. The two books that hit me into tears was The Cloud of unknowing and Meister Ekhart. A course in Miracle was the great book that turn around my mind.
Today was caught in traffic jam due to wrong location in waze. Alas trust my car GPS. Anyway, despite being on the road for one hour fifteen minutes; I was calm when I was ushered to sit at main table.
This evening after the meeting, I was feeling tired and need a quick Shoonya as I want to go to night market since I can't do evening practices.
Did a deep Shoonya and later when I m done, body just want to bend forward with face flat on the floor. I lay down for nearly half an hour. Eventually I forced myself to wake up. The shrine plus shivarathi energy knocks me out. And I didn't even had the flame.
Just lighted the flame since five minutes ago and immediately the energy space changed.
The Hidden Splendour
Philosophy goes after questions, answers and never reaches any conclusion. Mysticism simply drops the mind, because it is nothing but a question-creating mechanism, and moves into silence. And the most amazing thing in life is that then, when there is no more question, u found the answer.
There may be thousands of questions, but there is only one answer and that answer is ur awareness. It is not in the form of an answer, it is in the form of an experience; suddenly a great silence descends upon u. Everything becomes quiet and calm. And without any words, without any knowledge, there is knowing. Knowing that u arrived home and that there is nowhere to go.
Soul
Of late, just sit my shrine and fall into natural silence. I no longer resist being mindless. Sadhguru said being mindless is the stage to go thru for transcendence.
The hidden splendour
Unconsciousness is very deep. And consciousness is a very small part, so unless u have great courage to use that small part of consciousness to transform the whole of your unconsciousness, it seem almost impossible to be enlightened.
Soul
When I start my journey in 1997; I want to have control. I can't let my unconscious rule my life unknowingly. Little did I realise that's called journey of enlightenment.
Guess that's because I was into western psychology, philosophy and spirituality. The two books that hit me into tears was The Cloud of unknowing and Meister Ekhart. A course in Miracle was the great book that turn around my mind.
Realising my own value
Mar 28
Explosive Shakti
Angarmadhana improved further. Yet to do the final asanas with head forward
Breathing now fine. Shakti was okay but surprisingly it was explosive at the end.
Hand clapping non stop after Shakti
Head was shaking non stop towards the end of Shambavi.
Being an Ace - open due to parameter.
Alas now I can set parameters. I know my values and now set it.
I am capable to be lead for Isha but I m not willing cos that's not my value.
I am capable to be lead for the outsource company but I m not willing cos that's not my value.
Whatever not my value; doesn't make me happy.
Others need to open up and liberate. Me need to set parameter.
Explosive Shakti
Angarmadhana improved further. Yet to do the final asanas with head forward
Breathing now fine. Shakti was okay but surprisingly it was explosive at the end.
Hand clapping non stop after Shakti
Head was shaking non stop towards the end of Shambavi.
Being an Ace - open due to parameter.
Alas now I can set parameters. I know my values and now set it.
I am capable to be lead for Isha but I m not willing cos that's not my value.
I am capable to be lead for the outsource company but I m not willing cos that's not my value.
Whatever not my value; doesn't make me happy.
Others need to open up and liberate. Me need to set parameter.
Guru pooja - my saviour
Mar 27 eve
Did Guru pooja and I cried on Karpura Gauram. Released my sadness over Y. I love him and its gone.
Did one cycle of Yoga Namaskar and Surya kriya. Followed by lying down and sitting asanas. I was able to bend further than I ever did before. Angarmadhana truly works.
I even feel my body lighter than ever.
Did a nice and short breathing meditation followed by an okay Samyama. But went in deep for Shoonya. Finished my session at 9.30 pm. I think more than one and half hour.
Three more months to go on Kailash. Angarmadhana will be on for next 3 months.
Did Guru pooja and I cried on Karpura Gauram. Released my sadness over Y. I love him and its gone.
Did one cycle of Yoga Namaskar and Surya kriya. Followed by lying down and sitting asanas. I was able to bend further than I ever did before. Angarmadhana truly works.
I even feel my body lighter than ever.
Did a nice and short breathing meditation followed by an okay Samyama. But went in deep for Shoonya. Finished my session at 9.30 pm. I think more than one and half hour.
Three more months to go on Kailash. Angarmadhana will be on for next 3 months.
Buddha - life is like a river..dynamics and not static
Mar 27 aft
Father, today Shoonya didn't go in deep. Looking forward to Surya Kriya tonight. Truly need to have it. It makes a difference to breathing meditation. Suddenly tot discussing with Y. But he is no more.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Buddha
First u become a srotapanna, u enter into the stream, u start understanding how things are, what things are; life processes with no self. Entering into the idea of the stream - that life is like a river, not static but dynamic; no things but only events; a dynamism, an energy phenomenon.
Soul
This morning I tot why give me two partners that are not available to me. Then a answer came, so that u know u holding on unnecessarily to the unavailable. They moved on but u hold on to a past relationship that is already gone.
Relationship is dynamic. Guess for me I don't have many and those I have I kept. The one I broke was with S. And many years ago with M.
Destiny, freedom and soul
The only freedom that Buddha says is real freedom from u. Otherwise ur mind will go on plating games. It will go on painting new desires on new canvas.
Father, today Shoonya didn't go in deep. Looking forward to Surya Kriya tonight. Truly need to have it. It makes a difference to breathing meditation. Suddenly tot discussing with Y. But he is no more.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Buddha
First u become a srotapanna, u enter into the stream, u start understanding how things are, what things are; life processes with no self. Entering into the idea of the stream - that life is like a river, not static but dynamic; no things but only events; a dynamism, an energy phenomenon.
Soul
This morning I tot why give me two partners that are not available to me. Then a answer came, so that u know u holding on unnecessarily to the unavailable. They moved on but u hold on to a past relationship that is already gone.
Relationship is dynamic. Guess for me I don't have many and those I have I kept. The one I broke was with S. And many years ago with M.
Destiny, freedom and soul
The only freedom that Buddha says is real freedom from u. Otherwise ur mind will go on plating games. It will go on painting new desires on new canvas.
Uranus in Queen of Spades (Ruling) and Six of Diamonds (Destiny)
Uranus 21 Mar to 12 May.
Ruling
Queen of Spades
Nine of Hearts
Queen of spades is known as the card of self mastery. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation. It is the spiritual aspirant who learns to master themselves instead of spending all their time trying to change external circumstances.
This is a highly spiritual influence that could indicate a time where you have some profound experiences of awakening and self-realisation.
There are bound to be some interesting experiences during this period that lift u to new levels of understanding and awareness.
On the practical side, u will find that that ur work and real estate concerns are going on very well, as u work hard and apply this new understanding to the mundane situations in ur life.
Any women of the Spades may seem unpredictable during this period, and to a lesser extent for the entire year.
To insure success in ur relationships with them, it would be best just to step back and allow them to do or be whatever they need to. A good friendship comes from unconditional love and acceptance.
Nine of Hearts
Card of emotional disappointment or personal losses on affectionate level. However, this is the card of completions in love
It can signal the ending of one or more key relationships. If so, it is most likely that these rships are no longer doing you any good. Its time for them to end, whether or not u realise this at the time they happen.
However, Nine of Hearts can also represent our helping other by counseling them or in some way sharing our love and compassion with them. It means a giving of love in a more or less selfless manner.
Unexpected ending can bring disappointment in work, in love, in romance or with friends during this period. Jealousy or scandal may occur at work and good friend may be hard to come by.
Soul
Got Nine of Spades in P. Got two King of Spades in L and boss. Wonder who else?
Destiny
Six of Diamonds
Six of Spades
When this powerful stabilising influence is present in your cards, u can bet there will be some sort of settling of accounts. It could also represent a time we have an opportunity to discover a special purpose in our life that will lead us into a special destiny. If u feel drawn to a certain occupation or mission when this card is present, it could be one that opens up an entirely new and powerful direction in ur life.
This can indicate lack of change in location or type of work or the lack of sale or purchase of real estate. Everything will tend to remain static during this period.
Remember u always receive exactly what u give to others and during this period, u may have to unexpectedly pay off some outstanding obligations. Give more to receive.
By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose is.
Six of Spades (fate, karma, paybacks from the past in many forms.)
Strongest form of karma cards. U can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realm of health and work. It will bring some much needed peace.
Sometimes events happen under this card influence that are things which we were destined to so at sometime in our life. Often this change the course of our life, always for the better, even though at the time the events may not seem so good or life enhancing.
This may lead u to perform a special Mission in life, one that uplift others.
This is the card of FATE.
Now understand on this Uranus card.
Last period was on Jack of Heart, I hold on...
This period, unexpectedly, I can let go..
It is finally settlement.
Ruling
Queen of Spades
Nine of Hearts
Queen of spades is known as the card of self mastery. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation. It is the spiritual aspirant who learns to master themselves instead of spending all their time trying to change external circumstances.
This is a highly spiritual influence that could indicate a time where you have some profound experiences of awakening and self-realisation.
There are bound to be some interesting experiences during this period that lift u to new levels of understanding and awareness.
On the practical side, u will find that that ur work and real estate concerns are going on very well, as u work hard and apply this new understanding to the mundane situations in ur life.
Any women of the Spades may seem unpredictable during this period, and to a lesser extent for the entire year.
To insure success in ur relationships with them, it would be best just to step back and allow them to do or be whatever they need to. A good friendship comes from unconditional love and acceptance.
Nine of Hearts
Card of emotional disappointment or personal losses on affectionate level. However, this is the card of completions in love
It can signal the ending of one or more key relationships. If so, it is most likely that these rships are no longer doing you any good. Its time for them to end, whether or not u realise this at the time they happen.
However, Nine of Hearts can also represent our helping other by counseling them or in some way sharing our love and compassion with them. It means a giving of love in a more or less selfless manner.
Unexpected ending can bring disappointment in work, in love, in romance or with friends during this period. Jealousy or scandal may occur at work and good friend may be hard to come by.
Soul
Got Nine of Spades in P. Got two King of Spades in L and boss. Wonder who else?
Destiny
Six of Diamonds
Six of Spades
When this powerful stabilising influence is present in your cards, u can bet there will be some sort of settling of accounts. It could also represent a time we have an opportunity to discover a special purpose in our life that will lead us into a special destiny. If u feel drawn to a certain occupation or mission when this card is present, it could be one that opens up an entirely new and powerful direction in ur life.
This can indicate lack of change in location or type of work or the lack of sale or purchase of real estate. Everything will tend to remain static during this period.
Remember u always receive exactly what u give to others and during this period, u may have to unexpectedly pay off some outstanding obligations. Give more to receive.
By tuning in to ur most subtle tots and feelings now, u can make a strong connection to exactly what is ur life's purpose is.
Six of Spades (fate, karma, paybacks from the past in many forms.)
Strongest form of karma cards. U can expect a smoothing out of affairs in the realm of health and work. It will bring some much needed peace.
Sometimes events happen under this card influence that are things which we were destined to so at sometime in our life. Often this change the course of our life, always for the better, even though at the time the events may not seem so good or life enhancing.
This may lead u to perform a special Mission in life, one that uplift others.
This is the card of FATE.
Now understand on this Uranus card.
Last period was on Jack of Heart, I hold on...
This period, unexpectedly, I can let go..
It is finally settlement.
Self love - more relaxation
Mar 27
Woke up feeling cold and wide awake at 3.20 am. Slept back and woke up at 3.50 am. Body is good despite sleeping around 11 pm.
Today second day on angarmadhana. I did most of the postures. At the moment can't think of any missing postures.
After Bhoota Shuddi and Guru pooja, I start Angarmadhana. Finished by 5.10 am
Did a short breathing today. It was okay.
Shakti was just okay and same goes for Shambavi. Somehow Kapalabhakti was not good. But in the end of Shakti, songs start to arise in my mind. Finished early by 6.40 am due to shorter breathing.
Today wore back my old tight T-shirt blouse of four years ago. It fits now but no longer my style. I have changed.
Had bit of tot of Y but waived it off. No longer on compulsion mode.
This morning a tot came on M; she is stagnant. Then it occur to me, if she is not willing to feel sadness, she cannot be truly happy. The more u experience sadness, the more u experience happiness. This a world of duality.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Difference between egomania and self love.
With egomania, u will create more misery for urself. U will be more and more tense, u can't relax.
With self love, u will start to become more and more relaxed. A person who loves himself is totally relaxed. To love somebody else creates a little tension because the other need not always in tune with u. He or she may have his own ideas. There is always a subtle struggle going on. But when u love urself, there if nobody else. There is no conflict - it is pure silence, it is tremendous delight. U are alone and nobody disturbs u. The other is not needed at all.
And to me, a person who had become capable of such deep love for himself becomes capable of loving others. If u cannot love urself, how can u love others?
So if u r getting more and more miserable, then u are on the trip of being an egomaniac. If u are becoming more tranquil, silent, happy, together then u are another trip - the trip of self love.
Soul
Yes.
Destiny, freedom and soul
If u are on ego trip, u will become destructive to others. If u are moving towards self-love, the ego will disappear. And when the ego disappears, u allow the other to be himself or herself, u give total freedom.
Love is freedom - freedom for u and freedom for the object of ur love.
Woke up feeling cold and wide awake at 3.20 am. Slept back and woke up at 3.50 am. Body is good despite sleeping around 11 pm.
Today second day on angarmadhana. I did most of the postures. At the moment can't think of any missing postures.
After Bhoota Shuddi and Guru pooja, I start Angarmadhana. Finished by 5.10 am
Did a short breathing today. It was okay.
Shakti was just okay and same goes for Shambavi. Somehow Kapalabhakti was not good. But in the end of Shakti, songs start to arise in my mind. Finished early by 6.40 am due to shorter breathing.
Today wore back my old tight T-shirt blouse of four years ago. It fits now but no longer my style. I have changed.
Had bit of tot of Y but waived it off. No longer on compulsion mode.
This morning a tot came on M; she is stagnant. Then it occur to me, if she is not willing to feel sadness, she cannot be truly happy. The more u experience sadness, the more u experience happiness. This a world of duality.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Difference between egomania and self love.
With egomania, u will create more misery for urself. U will be more and more tense, u can't relax.
With self love, u will start to become more and more relaxed. A person who loves himself is totally relaxed. To love somebody else creates a little tension because the other need not always in tune with u. He or she may have his own ideas. There is always a subtle struggle going on. But when u love urself, there if nobody else. There is no conflict - it is pure silence, it is tremendous delight. U are alone and nobody disturbs u. The other is not needed at all.
And to me, a person who had become capable of such deep love for himself becomes capable of loving others. If u cannot love urself, how can u love others?
So if u r getting more and more miserable, then u are on the trip of being an egomaniac. If u are becoming more tranquil, silent, happy, together then u are another trip - the trip of self love.
Soul
Yes.
Destiny, freedom and soul
If u are on ego trip, u will become destructive to others. If u are moving towards self-love, the ego will disappear. And when the ego disappears, u allow the other to be himself or herself, u give total freedom.
Love is freedom - freedom for u and freedom for the object of ur love.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Meditation transforms
Mar 26 eve 1
Destiny, freedom and soul
Meditation transforms. It takes u to higher levels of consciousness and changes ur whole lifestyle. It changes ur reactions into responses to such an extent that it is unbelievable that the person who would have reacted in the same situation in anger is now acting in deep compassion, with love - in the same situation.
Soul
True.
I changed from no early wake up to 3.50 am.
I changed from no physical exercise to walking.
I drop my corporate career
I work 3 days week with reduced salary.
I can now swim full half lap. I can now swim in breaststroke
I can now not eat red meat and poultry
I can now drink decaf coffee.
I can now be expressive. I m now fearless in romantic and personal relationship
Alas now learn to let go.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Mind is between the world and u. Whatever happens in the world, the mind is affected by it; so you can understand through the mind what is happening outside. The brain is the mediator. As the brain is affected by outside, the inner consciousness can read what is happening out aside.
A mental peace using biofeedback machine or a chanting of om, is not meditation. Meditation is a flight beyond the mind. It has nothing to do with mental peace.
There is no such thing as peace of mind. Mind is the problem. When there is no mind, then there is peace. A person who knows what meditation is cannot be deceived by any techniques, because no techniques can give u an understanding of the working of the mind.
Is there any technique that can help u to get rid of anger? Of jealousy? Of hatred? Of sexual lust?
There is only one way - there has never been a second way. There is only one way to understand that to be angry is to be stupid; watch anger in all its phases, be alert to it, so it does not catch u unaware. U be surprised as awareness about the way of anger grows, the anger start evaporating.
When anger disappear, there is peace.
Soul
With me being in Samadhi path, understanding just arise. It happens when I least expect it. It happens when alas I give up trying to understand.
This latest insight on me letting go of Y so that others can let go of me. Or others, local Isha holding on to me just like I hold on to Y. They hold on cos they don't believe in abundance. If they believed that another can take my place; they will let go of me as I said I don't want many times. I even cried but still they hold on.
Guess the same as Z and Y who has said no adamantly and firmly and yet I hold on.
Just when I finally undo dilemma in letting go of local Isha I saw the mirror of me doing the same to Y. With the understanding I no longer hold on; no longer in compulsion to seek attention from Y. No more neediness compulsion. No more barking at the closed door.
Destiny, freedom and Soul
Understand arise by becoming a mirror, a mirror of all that goes on in the mind.
To being just a mirror means u are simply aware. In pure awareness the mind cannot drag u down into the mud, into the gutter. And because the mind is absolutely impotent, ur whole being is in a profound silence - that peace that passeth understanding.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Meditation transforms. It takes u to higher levels of consciousness and changes ur whole lifestyle. It changes ur reactions into responses to such an extent that it is unbelievable that the person who would have reacted in the same situation in anger is now acting in deep compassion, with love - in the same situation.
Soul
True.
I changed from no early wake up to 3.50 am.
I changed from no physical exercise to walking.
I drop my corporate career
I work 3 days week with reduced salary.
I can now swim full half lap. I can now swim in breaststroke
I can now not eat red meat and poultry
I can now drink decaf coffee.
I can now be expressive. I m now fearless in romantic and personal relationship
Alas now learn to let go.
Destiny, freedom and soul
Mind is between the world and u. Whatever happens in the world, the mind is affected by it; so you can understand through the mind what is happening outside. The brain is the mediator. As the brain is affected by outside, the inner consciousness can read what is happening out aside.
A mental peace using biofeedback machine or a chanting of om, is not meditation. Meditation is a flight beyond the mind. It has nothing to do with mental peace.
There is no such thing as peace of mind. Mind is the problem. When there is no mind, then there is peace. A person who knows what meditation is cannot be deceived by any techniques, because no techniques can give u an understanding of the working of the mind.
Is there any technique that can help u to get rid of anger? Of jealousy? Of hatred? Of sexual lust?
There is only one way - there has never been a second way. There is only one way to understand that to be angry is to be stupid; watch anger in all its phases, be alert to it, so it does not catch u unaware. U be surprised as awareness about the way of anger grows, the anger start evaporating.
When anger disappear, there is peace.
Soul
With me being in Samadhi path, understanding just arise. It happens when I least expect it. It happens when alas I give up trying to understand.
This latest insight on me letting go of Y so that others can let go of me. Or others, local Isha holding on to me just like I hold on to Y. They hold on cos they don't believe in abundance. If they believed that another can take my place; they will let go of me as I said I don't want many times. I even cried but still they hold on.
Guess the same as Z and Y who has said no adamantly and firmly and yet I hold on.
Just when I finally undo dilemma in letting go of local Isha I saw the mirror of me doing the same to Y. With the understanding I no longer hold on; no longer in compulsion to seek attention from Y. No more neediness compulsion. No more barking at the closed door.
Destiny, freedom and Soul
Understand arise by becoming a mirror, a mirror of all that goes on in the mind.
To being just a mirror means u are simply aware. In pure awareness the mind cannot drag u down into the mud, into the gutter. And because the mind is absolutely impotent, ur whole being is in a profound silence - that peace that passeth understanding.
If I have faith in abundance, then there is no fear in losing
Mar 26 eve
Soul
Suddenly an insight
Having faith for abundance is the requisite for not holding on to 'nothing'.
Mmm, my Two of Diamond 1st karma card in Ruling and my Cosmic Lesson of Seven of Spades in Destiny.
There is a connection.
I hold on because I believed in lack..I have no faith on the abundance of the Universe.
I have no faith that I can be ALONE.
Mar 26 eve
Father, thank you.
Did one cycle of yoga Namaskar and Surya kriya followed by standing yogaasanas and lying down asanas with legs lifted up. The yogaasanas were effortless. Not sure if its because it is evening session, first time for me or because of Angarmadhana. But could be both.
Did a short breathing after Shavasana. Then followed by Samyama. Alas Shoonya.
Finally got my balance back, got my sadhana hall back.
P told me that growth depends on other volunteers now. It is not the admin role to plan. It is for volunteer to suggest where and how they want to grow and to execute it.
Father, well I be the last. At this point, I just want to take a step back. Be good if I don't attend; then they realise it is up to them.
Soul
Suddenly an insight
Having faith for abundance is the requisite for not holding on to 'nothing'.
Mmm, my Two of Diamond 1st karma card in Ruling and my Cosmic Lesson of Seven of Spades in Destiny.
There is a connection.
I hold on because I believed in lack..I have no faith on the abundance of the Universe.
I have no faith that I can be ALONE.
Mar 26 eve
Father, thank you.
Did one cycle of yoga Namaskar and Surya kriya followed by standing yogaasanas and lying down asanas with legs lifted up. The yogaasanas were effortless. Not sure if its because it is evening session, first time for me or because of Angarmadhana. But could be both.
Did a short breathing after Shavasana. Then followed by Samyama. Alas Shoonya.
Finally got my balance back, got my sadhana hall back.
P told me that growth depends on other volunteers now. It is not the admin role to plan. It is for volunteer to suggest where and how they want to grow and to execute it.
Father, well I be the last. At this point, I just want to take a step back. Be good if I don't attend; then they realise it is up to them.
Two of Diamonds - Letting go of Y so others can let go of me
Mar 26
Did my first Angarmadharna today. Forgot a few steps, bending leg, sitting down and rotating back and front, sit with both legs lifted up by hand.
Today, my niece slept in my room and then the door keep on opening. I couldn't got into my zone.
Breathing, Shakti and Shambavi is just okay. I couldn't get in.
Today, was working on local isha matters and also work and hence couldn't do the writing.
I wanted to write about my latest insight.
On my Two of Diamond first karma card in Ruling
Me letting go of Y so that local Isha can let go of me.
Knowing that it was I who prolonged a one-sided relationship keeps me in my place. Nearly 3 days have passed and I have no inclination to contact Y. Neither did he contact me either, so proven beyond doubt that it was truly one sided. He said his goodbye in mid January, that like 2 months ago. But here I still hold on with intermittent messages. He of course, only reply those 'professional one', the personal one he ignored. It was sad to know that I once again got myself stuck. But it is a shorter period now.
First thing is I communicated what I want instead of suppressing. That led to an either yes or no...which I didn't do with Z.
Then the holding on period was 2 months instead of nearly one and half year with Z. I hold on for nearly 6 months when we broke off in Sept 2012 and then broken heart for another 6 months after he told me of his wedding. Then another 6 months of seeing him with his wife. Alas Y helped me to break through, but it is just a change of hand.
It is sad...
And now the same with local Isha. On hindsight, maybe I lasted with local Isha as I lost my ambition for corporate career and Z at the same time. So for nearly one year plus on Isha.
And then I hold on bit cos I thought I be in with Y.
Alas, now I got nothing but yet I knew I am not keen to be active volunteering on Isha.
My this week card.
Issue - Sharing
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give. It doesn't even occur to her to take inventories or to put something aside for later. She dispenses her treasures without limits, welcoming all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and light that surrounds her.
Soul
This week I am focused on finalising the hall for local IE. I knew I need to do proper handover. Also, don't want to leave in lurch. I am leaving while I am good.
2. Internal influence - Intensity
You have to be an original individual; you have to find your innermost core on your own, with no guide, no guiding scriptures. It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry you are bound to come to the sunrise. Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry has found the sunrise. Others only believe.
Soul
I know my answer now. No more dilemma on no longer being a core team.
No more dilemma on letting go of Y. Unexpectedly once I can let go of local Isha core team, I can see how I was holding on to Y.
How I prolonged it.
3. External influence - politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds. In fact, the mind is political. Its very nature is to plan and scheme and try to manipulate situations and people so that it can get what it wants. Here, the mind is represented by the snake, covered with clouds and "speaking with a forked tongue." But the important thing to realize about this card is that both faces are false. The sweet, innocent, ‘trust me' face is a mask, and the evil, toxic, ‘I'll have my way with you' face is a mask, too. Politicians don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at yourself to see if you have been playing this game. What you see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours. Whatever you might achieve in this way will just turn to dust in your hands.
Soul
My mind keep on saying I got nothing left. well, I am not afraid now. I know what I don't want.
I know I want my time to focus back on myself
Just now another local Isha project came by. I was able to take charge and yet immediately delegate back to others.
Then the call came from A, I was able to stop the conversation flow and said I am not in charge and hence no need to hear him out.
Then received a call from P, I too told her that I am not in charge and ask her to refer to P.
4. What is needed for resolution - Sorrow
Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul
It is sad to know that my hope on Y has ended. Everything has ended..even my 'play or hide-out' in local Isha has ended. But in the ending, I found out about my karma of holding on to personal and romantic relatinships, resulting in me being hold on by others.
Or perhaps it is just me. Me holding on.
Alas, Two of Diamonds being unravelled and dissolved. No more holding on when there is nothing left.
5. Resolution - Experienceing
Nature doesn't bang any drums when it bursts forth into flower, nor play any dirges when the trees let go of their leaves in the fall. But when we approach her in the right spirit, she has many secrets to share. If you haven't heard nature whispering to you lately, now is a good time to give her the opportunity.
Soul
The insight on Two of Diamond comes unexpectedly.
Not sure where I am..but I just want to be myself..back to my own nature..
Did my first Angarmadharna today. Forgot a few steps, bending leg, sitting down and rotating back and front, sit with both legs lifted up by hand.
Today, my niece slept in my room and then the door keep on opening. I couldn't got into my zone.
Breathing, Shakti and Shambavi is just okay. I couldn't get in.
Today, was working on local isha matters and also work and hence couldn't do the writing.
I wanted to write about my latest insight.
On my Two of Diamond first karma card in Ruling
Me letting go of Y so that local Isha can let go of me.
Knowing that it was I who prolonged a one-sided relationship keeps me in my place. Nearly 3 days have passed and I have no inclination to contact Y. Neither did he contact me either, so proven beyond doubt that it was truly one sided. He said his goodbye in mid January, that like 2 months ago. But here I still hold on with intermittent messages. He of course, only reply those 'professional one', the personal one he ignored. It was sad to know that I once again got myself stuck. But it is a shorter period now.
First thing is I communicated what I want instead of suppressing. That led to an either yes or no...which I didn't do with Z.
Then the holding on period was 2 months instead of nearly one and half year with Z. I hold on for nearly 6 months when we broke off in Sept 2012 and then broken heart for another 6 months after he told me of his wedding. Then another 6 months of seeing him with his wife. Alas Y helped me to break through, but it is just a change of hand.
It is sad...
And now the same with local Isha. On hindsight, maybe I lasted with local Isha as I lost my ambition for corporate career and Z at the same time. So for nearly one year plus on Isha.
And then I hold on bit cos I thought I be in with Y.
Alas, now I got nothing but yet I knew I am not keen to be active volunteering on Isha.
My this week card.
Issue - Sharing
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give. It doesn't even occur to her to take inventories or to put something aside for later. She dispenses her treasures without limits, welcoming all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and light that surrounds her.
Soul
This week I am focused on finalising the hall for local IE. I knew I need to do proper handover. Also, don't want to leave in lurch. I am leaving while I am good.
2. Internal influence - Intensity
You have to be an original individual; you have to find your innermost core on your own, with no guide, no guiding scriptures. It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry you are bound to come to the sunrise. Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry has found the sunrise. Others only believe.
Soul
I know my answer now. No more dilemma on no longer being a core team.
No more dilemma on letting go of Y. Unexpectedly once I can let go of local Isha core team, I can see how I was holding on to Y.
How I prolonged it.
3. External influence - politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds. In fact, the mind is political. Its very nature is to plan and scheme and try to manipulate situations and people so that it can get what it wants. Here, the mind is represented by the snake, covered with clouds and "speaking with a forked tongue." But the important thing to realize about this card is that both faces are false. The sweet, innocent, ‘trust me' face is a mask, and the evil, toxic, ‘I'll have my way with you' face is a mask, too. Politicians don't have real faces. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at yourself to see if you have been playing this game. What you see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours. Whatever you might achieve in this way will just turn to dust in your hands.
Soul
My mind keep on saying I got nothing left. well, I am not afraid now. I know what I don't want.
I know I want my time to focus back on myself
Just now another local Isha project came by. I was able to take charge and yet immediately delegate back to others.
Then the call came from A, I was able to stop the conversation flow and said I am not in charge and hence no need to hear him out.
Then received a call from P, I too told her that I am not in charge and ask her to refer to P.
4. What is needed for resolution - Sorrow
Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul
It is sad to know that my hope on Y has ended. Everything has ended..even my 'play or hide-out' in local Isha has ended. But in the ending, I found out about my karma of holding on to personal and romantic relatinships, resulting in me being hold on by others.
Or perhaps it is just me. Me holding on.
Alas, Two of Diamonds being unravelled and dissolved. No more holding on when there is nothing left.
5. Resolution - Experienceing
Nature doesn't bang any drums when it bursts forth into flower, nor play any dirges when the trees let go of their leaves in the fall. But when we approach her in the right spirit, she has many secrets to share. If you haven't heard nature whispering to you lately, now is a good time to give her the opportunity.
Soul
The insight on Two of Diamond comes unexpectedly.
Not sure where I am..but I just want to be myself..back to my own nature..
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Everybody is in a schizophrenic state - can't fully be ourself
Mar 25 morn
Destiny, Freedom and the soul
Choose wherever ur whole being is flowing, where the wind is blowing. Move on the path as far as it leads, never expect to find anything.
Hence I have never been surprised - because I have never been expecting anything. Everything is a surprise. And there is no question of disappointment; everything is an appointment. If it happens, good; if it doesn't happens, even better.
Once you understand that moment to moment loving is what real religion is all about, then u can drop heaven and hell.
The person who lived moment to moment lives death too, and find that all the moments of life can be put one side and the one moment of death can be put on the other side and still it weigh more. In every way it weighs more because the whole life condensed; and something more added to it, which has never been available to u. A new door opening, with the whole life condensed; a new dimension opening.
Soul
Similar message from Shoonya.
Destiny, Freedom and the soul
Whatever u do on ur own accord, out of ur own liking, is not acceptable. The people, the crowd in which a child has to grow has its own ideals. The child has to fit with the ideas and ideals. The child is helpless. Naturally those who are in power are able to mould the child in any way they want. So, everybody had become what he is, against himself. This is the psychology behind the fact that everybody wants to pretend to be what he is not.
Everybody is in a schizophrenic state. Nobody has ever been allowed to be himself; he has been forced to be somebody else that his nature does not allow him to be happy with.
A famous surgeon;
When people praised me as a surgeon, I listen as if they are praising somebody else. I have been given awards, honorary doctorates, but nothing rings a bell of joy in my heart, because this is not me. This being a surgeon has killed me, destroyed me. I wanted to be a singer, even if I had to be a beggar on the streets. But I would have been happy.
Soul
Exactly. I dislike volunteering. Was never happy even when things turned out well. Was not happy even if I got high profile. The truth is I did it out of bond. I just love to sit and be.
Destiny, freedom and Soul
In this world, there is only one happiness and that is to be yourself. And nobody is himself, everybody is trying somehow to hide behind masks, pretensions, hypocrisies. They are ashamed of what they are.
To be what you don't want to be, to be with someone u don't want to be with, to do something u don't want to do is the basis of all ur miseries. And on the one hand, the society has managed to make everyone miserable, on the other hand, the same society expects that u should not show ur misery - at least not in public, not in the open.
Soul
Well, I did cried in public. I cried loads in private. Well, no more. Me on samadhi path, let me be just doing my sadhanas and being with my Shrine.
Destiny, freedom and soul
And unless a person decides, "whatever the costs, I want just to be myself. Condemned, unaccepted, losing respectability - everything is okay, but I cannot pretend to be somebody else .... "
This decision and this declaration of freedom, freedom from weight of the crowd - gives birth to ur natural being, to ur individuality. Then u don't need any mask. Then u can be simply yourself, just as u are.
And at the moment u can be just who you are, there is tremendous "peace that passeth understanding"
Soul
Thank you Father for always bringing up Osho words at the right point. Always.
Destiny, Freedom and the soul
Choose wherever ur whole being is flowing, where the wind is blowing. Move on the path as far as it leads, never expect to find anything.
Hence I have never been surprised - because I have never been expecting anything. Everything is a surprise. And there is no question of disappointment; everything is an appointment. If it happens, good; if it doesn't happens, even better.
Once you understand that moment to moment loving is what real religion is all about, then u can drop heaven and hell.
The person who lived moment to moment lives death too, and find that all the moments of life can be put one side and the one moment of death can be put on the other side and still it weigh more. In every way it weighs more because the whole life condensed; and something more added to it, which has never been available to u. A new door opening, with the whole life condensed; a new dimension opening.
Soul
Similar message from Shoonya.
Destiny, Freedom and the soul
Whatever u do on ur own accord, out of ur own liking, is not acceptable. The people, the crowd in which a child has to grow has its own ideals. The child has to fit with the ideas and ideals. The child is helpless. Naturally those who are in power are able to mould the child in any way they want. So, everybody had become what he is, against himself. This is the psychology behind the fact that everybody wants to pretend to be what he is not.
Everybody is in a schizophrenic state. Nobody has ever been allowed to be himself; he has been forced to be somebody else that his nature does not allow him to be happy with.
A famous surgeon;
When people praised me as a surgeon, I listen as if they are praising somebody else. I have been given awards, honorary doctorates, but nothing rings a bell of joy in my heart, because this is not me. This being a surgeon has killed me, destroyed me. I wanted to be a singer, even if I had to be a beggar on the streets. But I would have been happy.
Soul
Exactly. I dislike volunteering. Was never happy even when things turned out well. Was not happy even if I got high profile. The truth is I did it out of bond. I just love to sit and be.
Destiny, freedom and Soul
In this world, there is only one happiness and that is to be yourself. And nobody is himself, everybody is trying somehow to hide behind masks, pretensions, hypocrisies. They are ashamed of what they are.
To be what you don't want to be, to be with someone u don't want to be with, to do something u don't want to do is the basis of all ur miseries. And on the one hand, the society has managed to make everyone miserable, on the other hand, the same society expects that u should not show ur misery - at least not in public, not in the open.
Soul
Well, I did cried in public. I cried loads in private. Well, no more. Me on samadhi path, let me be just doing my sadhanas and being with my Shrine.
Destiny, freedom and soul
And unless a person decides, "whatever the costs, I want just to be myself. Condemned, unaccepted, losing respectability - everything is okay, but I cannot pretend to be somebody else .... "
This decision and this declaration of freedom, freedom from weight of the crowd - gives birth to ur natural being, to ur individuality. Then u don't need any mask. Then u can be simply yourself, just as u are.
And at the moment u can be just who you are, there is tremendous "peace that passeth understanding"
Soul
Thank you Father for always bringing up Osho words at the right point. Always.
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