Nov 14 aft 1
Was updating blog and saw this.
Ruling 2014/2015
Pluto
Queen of Spades
Somehow connected to ur result card you are attempting to develop a sense of mastery from within, a greater level of organisational ability or both. Self mastery comes from inner knowledge and self control. It is knowing u can have everything u want, not by changing the world but by changing yourself.
U will have to work hard this year and possibly doing work that u find somewhat distasteful. Spades are work and the Queen using her work as karma yoga, a tool to purify her tots and emotions.
This is the goal u have set for urself and u must have good reason for why u want this. Keep this uppermost in ur mind as u progress through the year. U will no doubt have to make changes within and outside of urself to achieve this goal.
Affirmation
I develop my capacity to transform my life by changing my beliefs, ideas, and concepts of the world. I become the master of myself.
Result
Nine of Clubs
Much of ur challenges is to let go of outworn ideas, projects, plans or way of communicating. This is a year of completion that may at times seem like disappointing endings.
The Nine of Clubs says that u are completing a major chapter in ur life and it is time to move on to greener pastures.
Be open to spiritual wisdom in all forms, as this will help make change easier.
Affirmation
I complete projects this year and let go of the past. I broaden my understanding by releasing old ways of thinking.
Soul
Alas, firstly got the INFJ which truly helps to clear off judgement against myself.
Now learning about Empathy in my personal relationships truly helps me.
And alas message from Sadhguru; being joyous is of higher scale than being loving. That in itself is the greatest affirmation that I need.
I have been judging myself for years on this, also some people like Pe and L also did.
I guess thats why L's criticism hurts cos she said I am not loving..
I admit I am not..but I am joyous...and being joyous means I need not involve myself with her negativity and her unhappiness and her constant bad judgement. It was draining to be with her. I was being with her not out of frienship but more of seeing her as potential resources for local Isha. My intention is not 'clean'.
Anyway, thats out.
Looking bad at that day, I was truly feeling down and dejected and was cyring loads being a Sathsang guide, so definitely can't go down further by entertaining her calls. Hence I ignored her calls. It may not seen to be loving..but it was loving to me.
I suppressed my needs so much that I need to come first.
And now learning empathy for myself...and in time can have empathy for others in work.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Sadhguru - being joyous is of higher scale than being loving.
Nov 14 aft
These days truly can't read in my room.
My normal routine is to do some reading before sitting with my shrine with Devi's Gudi and Dhynalinga yantra and do some journal of those phrases that catches me.
But now with Sadhguru's sannidhi, I can't.
Somehow the energy will draw me and I find myself just closing any book I read, even books from Sadhguru.
Been reading Sadhguru's book, Don't polish your ignorance.
Loads of insights..but can't journal it.
This was what I read yesterday.
Sadhguru
You are just playing with life.
When u want to play, play your game in such a way that it brings joyousness to yourself and everybody around you.
Maybe you cannot liberate them, but at least you can make a joyous situation around you. Somebody who can be happy all the time, at least he has liberated some part of his nonsense. He is not absolutely free but he is free from lots of nonsense. So play a game that is conducive for ur situation and in some way, if it is not ultimate liberation, at least it frees a few people.
When u sing, maybe somebody who has got hell of a lot of problems in life, at least those 5 minutes, forget his problems and is happy listening to your song. Let that be your intention.
Now if you can simply sing out of joy, you do not need any intention.
But if that kind of joyousness has not come into you, sing with the intention of creating happiness for somebody.
The intention of creating joy for somebody, I would put on a lower scale than u simply bursting forth in joy. It is a lower sclae, but it is better than singing for fame. It is better than singing to be somebody in the world. It is better than tyring to enhance or establish urself through ur singing.
So, just see what you see is possible for urself and go by that.
Soul
When I read this. I see this as me bursting out of joy in my sadhana and hence I don't feel the the need to create an ambience for others sadhana to flower.
Thats why I prefer to be participant in Sathsang rather than to be the Sathsang guide itself. It much easier for me to flourish as a meditator than to flourish others from guiding them.
Sadhguru
So sing with the intention of being a mother to the world. Maybe somebody thinks your song is a stupid song. It is okay you sing.
Soul
this is the oath of being with Sannidhi.
This is also my mantra. To share when I want to, need not worry about how others receive or whether it is appreciated. Main thing is to give when I want to.
Just now just giving the converted file to P, she was so happy.
Father, I just give when I can..and in my case when I want to.
No interest to be in local lead, just want to support where I can.
Now that I know I am complex, I know that I don't want to be in local Lead but I am okay with giving support and ideas; that is giving when I want to.
Sadhguru
Out of love, you sing. If joy is not possible, at lest step down to love, caring.
Unfortunately you have placed it the other way round. People think love is much higher than joyousness.
If a person is joyous, he need not even be loving. It is fine.
His presence is fine.
Some of the people who always claim that they love everybody are unbearable, isn't it.
Soul
Father, exactly.
Yes, when I am joyous...but not so loving..others judged me.
Even Pe said that if my spiritual path doesn't make me loving, then I am on the wrong track.
For years, I also judge myself..
I told myself...I am happy only...but no loving..so whats the transformation. Guess, thats the belief that when u are spiritual, u beomce loving..normally no mention u becoming joyous..
Except for Sadhguru who said joyous.
Amen..another one lifted
I am truly on the right path..of being joyous, not of being loving.
These days truly can't read in my room.
My normal routine is to do some reading before sitting with my shrine with Devi's Gudi and Dhynalinga yantra and do some journal of those phrases that catches me.
But now with Sadhguru's sannidhi, I can't.
Somehow the energy will draw me and I find myself just closing any book I read, even books from Sadhguru.
Been reading Sadhguru's book, Don't polish your ignorance.
Loads of insights..but can't journal it.
This was what I read yesterday.
Sadhguru
You are just playing with life.
When u want to play, play your game in such a way that it brings joyousness to yourself and everybody around you.
Maybe you cannot liberate them, but at least you can make a joyous situation around you. Somebody who can be happy all the time, at least he has liberated some part of his nonsense. He is not absolutely free but he is free from lots of nonsense. So play a game that is conducive for ur situation and in some way, if it is not ultimate liberation, at least it frees a few people.
When u sing, maybe somebody who has got hell of a lot of problems in life, at least those 5 minutes, forget his problems and is happy listening to your song. Let that be your intention.
Now if you can simply sing out of joy, you do not need any intention.
But if that kind of joyousness has not come into you, sing with the intention of creating happiness for somebody.
The intention of creating joy for somebody, I would put on a lower scale than u simply bursting forth in joy. It is a lower sclae, but it is better than singing for fame. It is better than singing to be somebody in the world. It is better than tyring to enhance or establish urself through ur singing.
So, just see what you see is possible for urself and go by that.
Soul
When I read this. I see this as me bursting out of joy in my sadhana and hence I don't feel the the need to create an ambience for others sadhana to flower.
Thats why I prefer to be participant in Sathsang rather than to be the Sathsang guide itself. It much easier for me to flourish as a meditator than to flourish others from guiding them.
Sadhguru
So sing with the intention of being a mother to the world. Maybe somebody thinks your song is a stupid song. It is okay you sing.
Soul
this is the oath of being with Sannidhi.
This is also my mantra. To share when I want to, need not worry about how others receive or whether it is appreciated. Main thing is to give when I want to.
Just now just giving the converted file to P, she was so happy.
Father, I just give when I can..and in my case when I want to.
No interest to be in local lead, just want to support where I can.
Now that I know I am complex, I know that I don't want to be in local Lead but I am okay with giving support and ideas; that is giving when I want to.
Sadhguru
Out of love, you sing. If joy is not possible, at lest step down to love, caring.
Unfortunately you have placed it the other way round. People think love is much higher than joyousness.
If a person is joyous, he need not even be loving. It is fine.
His presence is fine.
Some of the people who always claim that they love everybody are unbearable, isn't it.
Soul
Father, exactly.
Yes, when I am joyous...but not so loving..others judged me.
Even Pe said that if my spiritual path doesn't make me loving, then I am on the wrong track.
For years, I also judge myself..
I told myself...I am happy only...but no loving..so whats the transformation. Guess, thats the belief that when u are spiritual, u beomce loving..normally no mention u becoming joyous..
Except for Sadhguru who said joyous.
Amen..another one lifted
I am truly on the right path..of being joyous, not of being loving.
Sadhana continously on
Nov 14
Woke up early morning with a very blocked nose. Drank some water and slept back.
Finally woke up upon alarm at 7 am but body is not feeling great.
But I admit is it better than the norm with flu.
More I feel bit lazy cos the morning breeze is cool. Seldom wake up to such coolness, just want to laze a bit.
Laze for 15 minutes and got up.
These days, just accepting myself. Allowing myself to laze if i want to.
The book of Empathy taught me that empathy for myself and otherrs.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by corrected Cat stretch. I was surprised that despite the nose block, Cat stretch was good.
Did one cycle of Surya Kriya, breathing could be better.
Breathing meditation not too great due to nose blocked.
Surprisingly Shakti was good. Despite the nose blocked, Kapala Bhakti in motion. This just goes to confirm that now my breathing out is from the mouth and not nose. Yeah..finally.
One tot came on sharing of my love for Hata Yoga, specifically on Cat stretch in next Sathsang..which was 'good', later onslought of tots comes in..and i knew then thats the mind in action, so I switched it off.
Shambavi was nice with the corrected cat stretch. but bad Suka Kriya cos nose was totally blocked.
Still lovely practices.
Truly thanks to the Shrine. Amen
Saw the mail on Shivanga for ladies.
This started last year..that time I didn't have the Devi with me.
This year, pondering about it. Want to show my appreciation to Devi.
She has been with me since Feb this year.
She has led me through the disappointment on Y.
She has led me through the final remnant of Z.
She has led me to Sannidhi.
Just want to show my appreciation as recently been focused on Sannidhi.
Woke up early morning with a very blocked nose. Drank some water and slept back.
Finally woke up upon alarm at 7 am but body is not feeling great.
But I admit is it better than the norm with flu.
More I feel bit lazy cos the morning breeze is cool. Seldom wake up to such coolness, just want to laze a bit.
Laze for 15 minutes and got up.
These days, just accepting myself. Allowing myself to laze if i want to.
The book of Empathy taught me that empathy for myself and otherrs.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by corrected Cat stretch. I was surprised that despite the nose block, Cat stretch was good.
Did one cycle of Surya Kriya, breathing could be better.
Breathing meditation not too great due to nose blocked.
Surprisingly Shakti was good. Despite the nose blocked, Kapala Bhakti in motion. This just goes to confirm that now my breathing out is from the mouth and not nose. Yeah..finally.
One tot came on sharing of my love for Hata Yoga, specifically on Cat stretch in next Sathsang..which was 'good', later onslought of tots comes in..and i knew then thats the mind in action, so I switched it off.
Shambavi was nice with the corrected cat stretch. but bad Suka Kriya cos nose was totally blocked.
Still lovely practices.
Truly thanks to the Shrine. Amen
Saw the mail on Shivanga for ladies.
This started last year..that time I didn't have the Devi with me.
This year, pondering about it. Want to show my appreciation to Devi.
She has been with me since Feb this year.
She has led me through the disappointment on Y.
She has led me through the final remnant of Z.
She has led me to Sannidhi.
Just want to show my appreciation as recently been focused on Sannidhi.
Communication with empathy brings reality to relationships
Nov 13 aft
The power of empathy
Recognising that different people have different orientations to life, we use empathy to find out whether we can adapt to a different perspective and to determine if others are willing to change their view points to accommodate our unique approach to life.
Without empathy we try to hold on to status quo and survive the bumpy ride without fully understanding our power to smooth things out. Or we end our rship abruptly and start over again.
Soul
When I read this book back in 2003, just skim through the part on Sex, intimacy and Empathy. Only used it for office.
Now wish I read it back then when I was with Z. We would have ended much earlier if I brought empathy in.
The power of empathy
While empathy usually protects us from investing further energy on a losing battle, sometimes we choose to stay even when all signs points to go.
Both lost the romantic feeling for each other but both are mentally compatible and have many common interest they share. They might never be sexual partner but there were other strength in their rships that would keep them together.
The woman said; when you get to my age, u will see that although sex is important, other things, including the quality time u spend together, are more important.
Empathy does not mean that everything works out for the best, but at the very least the process confirms that u have travelled the road and refuse to take short cuts by reducing the world's complexities to sweeping generalisation.
Half truths provide half the picture, because they only go skin deep. Human beings long for a deeper connection (we call it intimacy), where our hearts and minds freely commingle. Only there, at depth, do we feel uniquely understood and truly loved for our whole selves, warts, scars, blemishes and all.
Either of phenomenon.
Generalisation leads to what I call either-or phenomenon. Either u love me or u don't. Either u are with me or u are against me. Either u accept me the way I am, or u find someone else, because I am not about to change.
Either-or behaviour shuts out empathy because it reduces the world to black and white.
Soul
Mmmm tot Z ended. But looks like this book brings back. What I know now is that both Z and Y still wants me in their lives as friends. That means I m okay.
Perhaps this book is to help me learn.
On the fateful day of break up. I had an either-or phenomenon on Z. I told him that since he can't bring me to the party means he never will and hence no point wasting our time. He did said he is not ready. He said that even his mom was pressing him after he bought his new car and he said not ready.
But I was beyond caring, beyond listening cos the small child is crying out due to months of suppression.
Whenever I ask him how we break up, he always avoid it. Since I never ask him what he plans for us. I just assume it will end as he never allow us to grow.
So I said either we grow or we end. He said up to me. So I end it as I was feeling so insecure especially after letting go of the job in the big company.
Mmm. Father.
While I regret the way it ended I don't regret that we are not together.
Nov 13 aft 1
The power of empathy.
There is always room in the empathy's world for the complex twists and turns of real life. By embracing ambiguity, empathy keeps our minds open and allows us to sort through our conflicted feelings. The end result, ironically, is greater clarity.
When we accept the fact that the world and all the people in it - including, of course, ourselves - are not black or white but is full of gray, we can move away
The power of empathy
Recognising that different people have different orientations to life, we use empathy to find out whether we can adapt to a different perspective and to determine if others are willing to change their view points to accommodate our unique approach to life.
Without empathy we try to hold on to status quo and survive the bumpy ride without fully understanding our power to smooth things out. Or we end our rship abruptly and start over again.
Soul
When I read this book back in 2003, just skim through the part on Sex, intimacy and Empathy. Only used it for office.
Now wish I read it back then when I was with Z. We would have ended much earlier if I brought empathy in.
The power of empathy
While empathy usually protects us from investing further energy on a losing battle, sometimes we choose to stay even when all signs points to go.
Both lost the romantic feeling for each other but both are mentally compatible and have many common interest they share. They might never be sexual partner but there were other strength in their rships that would keep them together.
The woman said; when you get to my age, u will see that although sex is important, other things, including the quality time u spend together, are more important.
Empathy does not mean that everything works out for the best, but at the very least the process confirms that u have travelled the road and refuse to take short cuts by reducing the world's complexities to sweeping generalisation.
Half truths provide half the picture, because they only go skin deep. Human beings long for a deeper connection (we call it intimacy), where our hearts and minds freely commingle. Only there, at depth, do we feel uniquely understood and truly loved for our whole selves, warts, scars, blemishes and all.
Either of phenomenon.
Generalisation leads to what I call either-or phenomenon. Either u love me or u don't. Either u are with me or u are against me. Either u accept me the way I am, or u find someone else, because I am not about to change.
Either-or behaviour shuts out empathy because it reduces the world to black and white.
Soul
Mmmm tot Z ended. But looks like this book brings back. What I know now is that both Z and Y still wants me in their lives as friends. That means I m okay.
Perhaps this book is to help me learn.
On the fateful day of break up. I had an either-or phenomenon on Z. I told him that since he can't bring me to the party means he never will and hence no point wasting our time. He did said he is not ready. He said that even his mom was pressing him after he bought his new car and he said not ready.
But I was beyond caring, beyond listening cos the small child is crying out due to months of suppression.
Whenever I ask him how we break up, he always avoid it. Since I never ask him what he plans for us. I just assume it will end as he never allow us to grow.
So I said either we grow or we end. He said up to me. So I end it as I was feeling so insecure especially after letting go of the job in the big company.
Mmm. Father.
While I regret the way it ended I don't regret that we are not together.
Nov 13 aft 1
The power of empathy.
There is always room in the empathy's world for the complex twists and turns of real life. By embracing ambiguity, empathy keeps our minds open and allows us to sort through our conflicted feelings. The end result, ironically, is greater clarity.
When we accept the fact that the world and all the people in it - including, of course, ourselves - are not black or white but is full of gray, we can move away
Still on my sadhana despite the flu
Nov 13
Woke up at 4.20 am instead of 3.48 am as doing three Surya Kriya instead of six.
Body bit tired cos down with flu and nose is blocked. But not as bad as previously as I took tumeric powder and honey. Been taking twice a day.
This morning took neem and tumeric combined.
Father, without the flu I won't be taking the medicine. Looks like blessing in disguise.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch. Back has improved but still cannot bend my back.
Breathing was good.
Shakti was good too. Still keeping with slow kapala Bhakti. In the end contented silence.
Shambavi was good with the corrected cat stretch.
Had tots flowing in during Kapala Bhakti, some of Z, some of TV drama, some at work, some on local Isha. Was lost a bit in my mind.
Erich Fromm
The Art of Loving
I have to know the other person and myself objectively in order to be able to see his reality, or rather to overcome the illusions, the irrational distorted picture I have of him. Only if I know a human being objectively, can I know him in his ultimate essence, in the act of love.
Soul
I don't ask Z any questions whereas he asked me loads. Even when he asked i try to brush him off. So he got to know me a bit whereas I don't get to know him at all. That's why I didn't see his move. Guess I was afraid to know him or for him to know myself.
His main attraction for me was his loyalty to marriage as I had massive fear of being rejected of being left half way. Alas it happen as I didn't become his wife. He is now married to another.
Woke up at 4.20 am instead of 3.48 am as doing three Surya Kriya instead of six.
Body bit tired cos down with flu and nose is blocked. But not as bad as previously as I took tumeric powder and honey. Been taking twice a day.
This morning took neem and tumeric combined.
Father, without the flu I won't be taking the medicine. Looks like blessing in disguise.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by cat stretch. Back has improved but still cannot bend my back.
Breathing was good.
Shakti was good too. Still keeping with slow kapala Bhakti. In the end contented silence.
Shambavi was good with the corrected cat stretch.
Had tots flowing in during Kapala Bhakti, some of Z, some of TV drama, some at work, some on local Isha. Was lost a bit in my mind.
Erich Fromm
The Art of Loving
I have to know the other person and myself objectively in order to be able to see his reality, or rather to overcome the illusions, the irrational distorted picture I have of him. Only if I know a human being objectively, can I know him in his ultimate essence, in the act of love.
Soul
I don't ask Z any questions whereas he asked me loads. Even when he asked i try to brush him off. So he got to know me a bit whereas I don't get to know him at all. That's why I didn't see his move. Guess I was afraid to know him or for him to know myself.
His main attraction for me was his loyalty to marriage as I had massive fear of being rejected of being left half way. Alas it happen as I didn't become his wife. He is now married to another.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Slowly but surely envy is reducing from my life
Nov 12 aft 1
This week Osho tarot card.
1. The Issue
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time.
It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
Yesterday received message that we may lose our biggest client. I was surprisingly calm. The only tot that come to my mind is just to reduce my number of work days.
2.Internal Influences that you are unable to see
Existence
You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it.
The stars, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds - all are our brothers and sisters in this dance of life. We human beings tend to forget this, as we pursue our own private agendas and believe we must fight to get what we need. But ultimately, our sense of separateness is just an illusion, manufactured by the narrow preoccupations of the mind. Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at "home" wherever you are. If you are, be sure to take time to savor it so it can deepen and remain with you. If on the other hand you've been feeling like the world is out to get you, it's time to take a break. Go outside tonight and look at the stars.
Soul
Yesterday received my first email via joyong.org.
A query on a fellow RA patient, her husband wrote to me for input on RA healing.
3. External influences of which you are aware
Aloneness
When there is no "significant other" in our lives we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues. If you are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view your "aloneness" and take responsibility for the choice you have made. The humble figure in this card glows with a light that emanates from within. One of Gautam Buddha's most significant contributions to the spiritual life of humankind was to insist to his disciples, "Be a light unto yourself." Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Soul
I know the feeling.
Me now just contented being alone.
Just now finally can see the latest pix of Z and wife. There is no more envious feeling and can see that Z and wife is compatible. Just glad that Z is not my partner.
Father, yes..a true let go of Z, finally.
A release of breathe. Took me 2 full years from our break up on Sept 2012, him telling me that he is engaged to be married in Dec 2012, to his marriage in July 2013 and now is Nov 2014.
Finally the body memory has loosen up..maybe thats why the spine was slightly injured..needed the correction.
Especially now able to feel my presence in the presence of the Shrine.
Mmm suddenly occur to me about the Master, being...
The Master
The Master in Zen is not a master over others, but a master of himself. His disciples gather around him not to follow him, but to soak up his presence and be inspired by his example. In his eyes they find their own truth reflected, and in his silence they fall more easily into the silence of their own beings.
The master welcomes the disciples not because he wants to lead them, but because he has so much to share. Together, they create an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light. If you can find such a master you are blessed. If you cannot, keep on searching. Learn from the teachers, and the would-be masters, and move on. Charaiveti, charaiveti, said Gautam Buddha. Keep on moving.
Soul
I am truly blessed. I found my Master, the shrine.
4. Whats needed for resolution?
Past lives
The child can become conscious only if in his past life he has meditated enough, has created enough meditative energy to fight with the darkness that death brings. One simply is lost in an oblivion and then suddenly finds a new womb and forgets completely about the old body.
The real point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives, and their roots in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behavior.
Soul
Been feeling grounded.
Even when the ego was making me excited over the possibilities on becoming IK guide. I said nope. I can see thats just the excitement of the moment. I don't even want to be sathsang guide, why do IK guide.
Thats just the excitement of getting validation
Now that I m grounded, I am no longer compulsive over losing validation.
I know that I don't like to guide, I don't like to do corrections as I am not detailed enough nor patient enough.
But I am okay with promoting and marketing Isha. Once I got the deal, I want others to organise and execute.
I know I am 'fake' extrovert. I can't hold it for long.
Thats why I don't even wish to be a public speaker cos I know that I can't keep up with it. For me, it is still writing.
No more going back to the past.
I want to move on a new path based on my conscious mode, no longer on compulsive mode keeping me in the past.
5.Resolution
Morality
Unless awareness arises in you, all your morality is bogus, all your culture is simply a thin layer which can be destroyed by anybody. But once your morality has come out of your awareness, not out of a certain discipline, then it is a totally different matter. Then you will respond in every situation out of your awareness. And whatever you do will be good. Awareness cannot do anything that is bad. That is the ultimate beauty of awareness, that anything that comes out of it is simply beautiful, is simply right, and without any effort and without any practice. So rather than cutting the leaves and the branches, cut the root. And to cut the root there is no other method than a single method: the method of being alert, of being aware, of being conscious.
Soul
Yesterday, P and I had a discussion. There was a potential disagreement. I can see myself brewing, judging her...later I stop, empathy comes into play. Instead of thinking she is out to judge me, I then see that she was only viewing her opinion, not attacking me. It was me taking things personally.
Even before any negative feeling arise, I nip in the bud. Apply empathy and we able to come to an agreement. Amen.
This week Osho tarot card.
1. The Issue
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time.
It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
Yesterday received message that we may lose our biggest client. I was surprisingly calm. The only tot that come to my mind is just to reduce my number of work days.
2.Internal Influences that you are unable to see
Existence
You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it.
The stars, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds - all are our brothers and sisters in this dance of life. We human beings tend to forget this, as we pursue our own private agendas and believe we must fight to get what we need. But ultimately, our sense of separateness is just an illusion, manufactured by the narrow preoccupations of the mind. Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at "home" wherever you are. If you are, be sure to take time to savor it so it can deepen and remain with you. If on the other hand you've been feeling like the world is out to get you, it's time to take a break. Go outside tonight and look at the stars.
Soul
Yesterday received my first email via joyong.org.
A query on a fellow RA patient, her husband wrote to me for input on RA healing.
3. External influences of which you are aware
Aloneness
When there is no "significant other" in our lives we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues. If you are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view your "aloneness" and take responsibility for the choice you have made. The humble figure in this card glows with a light that emanates from within. One of Gautam Buddha's most significant contributions to the spiritual life of humankind was to insist to his disciples, "Be a light unto yourself." Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Soul
I know the feeling.
Me now just contented being alone.
Just now finally can see the latest pix of Z and wife. There is no more envious feeling and can see that Z and wife is compatible. Just glad that Z is not my partner.
Father, yes..a true let go of Z, finally.
A release of breathe. Took me 2 full years from our break up on Sept 2012, him telling me that he is engaged to be married in Dec 2012, to his marriage in July 2013 and now is Nov 2014.
Finally the body memory has loosen up..maybe thats why the spine was slightly injured..needed the correction.
Especially now able to feel my presence in the presence of the Shrine.
Mmm suddenly occur to me about the Master, being...
The Master
The Master in Zen is not a master over others, but a master of himself. His disciples gather around him not to follow him, but to soak up his presence and be inspired by his example. In his eyes they find their own truth reflected, and in his silence they fall more easily into the silence of their own beings.
The master welcomes the disciples not because he wants to lead them, but because he has so much to share. Together, they create an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light. If you can find such a master you are blessed. If you cannot, keep on searching. Learn from the teachers, and the would-be masters, and move on. Charaiveti, charaiveti, said Gautam Buddha. Keep on moving.
Soul
I am truly blessed. I found my Master, the shrine.
4. Whats needed for resolution?
Past lives
The child can become conscious only if in his past life he has meditated enough, has created enough meditative energy to fight with the darkness that death brings. One simply is lost in an oblivion and then suddenly finds a new womb and forgets completely about the old body.
The real point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives, and their roots in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behavior.
Soul
Been feeling grounded.
Even when the ego was making me excited over the possibilities on becoming IK guide. I said nope. I can see thats just the excitement of the moment. I don't even want to be sathsang guide, why do IK guide.
Thats just the excitement of getting validation
Now that I m grounded, I am no longer compulsive over losing validation.
I know that I don't like to guide, I don't like to do corrections as I am not detailed enough nor patient enough.
But I am okay with promoting and marketing Isha. Once I got the deal, I want others to organise and execute.
I know I am 'fake' extrovert. I can't hold it for long.
Thats why I don't even wish to be a public speaker cos I know that I can't keep up with it. For me, it is still writing.
No more going back to the past.
I want to move on a new path based on my conscious mode, no longer on compulsive mode keeping me in the past.
5.Resolution
Morality
Unless awareness arises in you, all your morality is bogus, all your culture is simply a thin layer which can be destroyed by anybody. But once your morality has come out of your awareness, not out of a certain discipline, then it is a totally different matter. Then you will respond in every situation out of your awareness. And whatever you do will be good. Awareness cannot do anything that is bad. That is the ultimate beauty of awareness, that anything that comes out of it is simply beautiful, is simply right, and without any effort and without any practice. So rather than cutting the leaves and the branches, cut the root. And to cut the root there is no other method than a single method: the method of being alert, of being aware, of being conscious.
Soul
Yesterday, P and I had a discussion. There was a potential disagreement. I can see myself brewing, judging her...later I stop, empathy comes into play. Instead of thinking she is out to judge me, I then see that she was only viewing her opinion, not attacking me. It was me taking things personally.
Even before any negative feeling arise, I nip in the bud. Apply empathy and we able to come to an agreement. Amen.
Sadhguru on Surya Kriya
Nov 12 aft
Sadhguru
Today human intelligence is used in a very crippled way, constantly dipping into one's memory bank. If your intelligence functions only from the memory that you have accumulated, then you are just a recycling bin. The same thing will keep happening in many permutations and combinations.
One major aspect of spiritual process is to keep your hand out of the memory bank. Why we speak so much about karma – karma is memory, because the moment you dip your hand into it, your life will become cyclical.
Once your life becomes cyclical, you are going nowhere. The idea is to break the cycle. Your intelligence has to become free from the accumulated memory, otherwise cycles will not be broken; cycles will be created. The more deeply you dip into this memory the cycles will become shorter and shorter and slowly lead you towards insanity.
Surya Kriya is a very powerful process towards physiological and psychological health as well as a tremendous spiritual possibility. It needs to be done with a certain level of competence.
Soul
Keeping out of our memory bank.
Our tots automatically flow in from our memory bank. So, it is up to us whether we hold the floating tots.
If we don't hold it, it just disappear like a wave and then another batch of waves comes in.
In the sea, the waves is on-going.
So, if we stop grasping the waves, then we don't automatically flow with the waves that is going on old path.
when we hold on to our presence, instead, we are going on to a new path.
Sadhguruy
The idea of yoga is that your body becomes a possibility, not a barrier. If that has to happen, everything within your system should function with least amount of resistance, with least amount of friction. Even according to our understanding of mechanical sciences, we know that a machine is truly efficient only if it has least amount of friction. If it has no friction, it will be the ultimate machine.
So, if the wear and tear in your body has to come down phenomenally, the first thing is to ensure there is no friction between different dimensions of who we are.
The idea of Hatha Yoga is to knead the whole system in such a way that all these frictions are smoothened out so that after some time if you sit here, there is absolutely no sense of friction within you. You have only the outside to deal with. Nothing else. Only if it becomes like that, can you deal with the outside with a phenomenal ease and capability.
Surya Kriya is a phenomenal process in that direction to bring smoothness to the system. This well-oiled feeling within yourself will not come unless you are in sync with the largest system – the solar system. The larger body of who you are is the solar system.
Soul
MMmm with my RA..I truly need it.
Mmm..Surya Kriya is truly something.
I recalled that I only did Surya Kriya out of obligation and responsibility as a Sathsang guide.
Alas, I fall in love with it.
From one who was totally resistant, I was hooked.
Had been doing 5 cycles until early this year when I stopped it for Angamardhana and only does 1 cycle.
Mmm..may want to re think on my schedule.
Nowadays on evening, I do three cycle of Cat Stretch, perhaps can do one cycle of Surya Kriya before I do breathing meditation.
Then at least have 2 cycle of Surya Kriya in a day.
Sadhguru
Today human intelligence is used in a very crippled way, constantly dipping into one's memory bank. If your intelligence functions only from the memory that you have accumulated, then you are just a recycling bin. The same thing will keep happening in many permutations and combinations.
One major aspect of spiritual process is to keep your hand out of the memory bank. Why we speak so much about karma – karma is memory, because the moment you dip your hand into it, your life will become cyclical.
Once your life becomes cyclical, you are going nowhere. The idea is to break the cycle. Your intelligence has to become free from the accumulated memory, otherwise cycles will not be broken; cycles will be created. The more deeply you dip into this memory the cycles will become shorter and shorter and slowly lead you towards insanity.
Surya Kriya is a very powerful process towards physiological and psychological health as well as a tremendous spiritual possibility. It needs to be done with a certain level of competence.
Soul
Keeping out of our memory bank.
Our tots automatically flow in from our memory bank. So, it is up to us whether we hold the floating tots.
If we don't hold it, it just disappear like a wave and then another batch of waves comes in.
In the sea, the waves is on-going.
So, if we stop grasping the waves, then we don't automatically flow with the waves that is going on old path.
when we hold on to our presence, instead, we are going on to a new path.
Sadhguruy
The idea of yoga is that your body becomes a possibility, not a barrier. If that has to happen, everything within your system should function with least amount of resistance, with least amount of friction. Even according to our understanding of mechanical sciences, we know that a machine is truly efficient only if it has least amount of friction. If it has no friction, it will be the ultimate machine.
So, if the wear and tear in your body has to come down phenomenally, the first thing is to ensure there is no friction between different dimensions of who we are.
The idea of Hatha Yoga is to knead the whole system in such a way that all these frictions are smoothened out so that after some time if you sit here, there is absolutely no sense of friction within you. You have only the outside to deal with. Nothing else. Only if it becomes like that, can you deal with the outside with a phenomenal ease and capability.
Surya Kriya is a phenomenal process in that direction to bring smoothness to the system. This well-oiled feeling within yourself will not come unless you are in sync with the largest system – the solar system. The larger body of who you are is the solar system.
Soul
MMmm with my RA..I truly need it.
Mmm..Surya Kriya is truly something.
I recalled that I only did Surya Kriya out of obligation and responsibility as a Sathsang guide.
Alas, I fall in love with it.
From one who was totally resistant, I was hooked.
Had been doing 5 cycles until early this year when I stopped it for Angamardhana and only does 1 cycle.
Mmm..may want to re think on my schedule.
Nowadays on evening, I do three cycle of Cat Stretch, perhaps can do one cycle of Surya Kriya before I do breathing meditation.
Then at least have 2 cycle of Surya Kriya in a day.
Ups on Sadhana, grateful to my shrine
Nov 12
Awesome sadhana..with aligned Surya Kriya and Kapala Bhakti is on track.
Woke up around 6 am but then slept back and woke up from a dream at 7 am alarm.
Feeling bit tired and dozed for a few minutes.
Having a slight sore throat and cold.
Can see myself feeling lazy but I know I needed to wake up cos now I truly need Bhuta Shuddi since I am not well.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by guru pooja song and corrected cat stretch. Now slowly able to rest some body weight on my right elbow. After the cat stretch, went into deep breathing.
Did 6 cycles of Surya Kriya, awesome.
With the exception of one mountain pose in first cycle, both feet able to touch the ground on all cycles.
Learning to breathe into the posture.
On the forward bend, my head is bending nearer to my knees.
On the blowing out hot breathe, still not correct..will need to be guided.
After a short Shavasana, i countinued with breathing meditation. Went in deep.
Shakti was good..kapala bhakti now on slow mode. Thats the one I had before I met the IE teacher. Now back to rhythm. Some tots come in but I can decide whether to follow or not.
Now that I am sane, I can
Toward the end, just feel like dancing..no singing, just deep silence.
Shambavi good too with the corrected cat stretch.
In the end after closing invocation, I said my thanks to all the masters.
Later I looked up at Sadhguru pix on sannidhi, tears just flow. I am so grateful to him for giving me this experience.
Awesome sadhana..with aligned Surya Kriya and Kapala Bhakti is on track.
Woke up around 6 am but then slept back and woke up from a dream at 7 am alarm.
Feeling bit tired and dozed for a few minutes.
Having a slight sore throat and cold.
Can see myself feeling lazy but I know I needed to wake up cos now I truly need Bhuta Shuddi since I am not well.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by guru pooja song and corrected cat stretch. Now slowly able to rest some body weight on my right elbow. After the cat stretch, went into deep breathing.
Did 6 cycles of Surya Kriya, awesome.
With the exception of one mountain pose in first cycle, both feet able to touch the ground on all cycles.
Learning to breathe into the posture.
On the forward bend, my head is bending nearer to my knees.
On the blowing out hot breathe, still not correct..will need to be guided.
After a short Shavasana, i countinued with breathing meditation. Went in deep.
Shakti was good..kapala bhakti now on slow mode. Thats the one I had before I met the IE teacher. Now back to rhythm. Some tots come in but I can decide whether to follow or not.
Now that I am sane, I can
Toward the end, just feel like dancing..no singing, just deep silence.
Shambavi good too with the corrected cat stretch.
In the end after closing invocation, I said my thanks to all the masters.
Later I looked up at Sadhguru pix on sannidhi, tears just flow. I am so grateful to him for giving me this experience.
Devoted to my shrine
Nov 11 eve
Did Sannidhi pooja today cos Friday night can't do.
Just in time for the pooja after rushing back from office.
Today just savouring the pooja. Less tots than yesterday.
Energy was bit different.
After the Brahmanda, I cried in gratitude for the loving experience.
Later when I open my eyes I saw that both Devi and Dhynalinga was not lighted. No wonder different.
Once it is lighted, sweetness flow.
Sang guru pooja followed by cat stretch. Able to support right body with right elbow. Normally the weight rested on left elbow and hence the imbalance.
Breathing meditation was good.
Shoonya went in real deep, I felt I gone into another level.
Sadhguru
Devotion is a multiplied and enhanced version of a love affair. A devotee is in an unfailing kind of love affair because if you fall in love with a man or a woman, they do not go the way you expect them to, and it eventually gets into some trouble. That is why people choose God. It is simply a love affair, and you are not expecting any response. Your life becomes utterly beautiful because your emotion has become so sweet. Through that sweetness, one grows. That is devotion.
Don't polish ur Ignorance
Memory creates a hallucination of the past.
Desire creates a hallucination of the future.
If fear rules, u will see the past will be very important for u.
But if desires rules u, the future will be very important for u, and life that is here becomes unimportant
Did Sannidhi pooja today cos Friday night can't do.
Just in time for the pooja after rushing back from office.
Today just savouring the pooja. Less tots than yesterday.
Energy was bit different.
After the Brahmanda, I cried in gratitude for the loving experience.
Later when I open my eyes I saw that both Devi and Dhynalinga was not lighted. No wonder different.
Once it is lighted, sweetness flow.
Sang guru pooja followed by cat stretch. Able to support right body with right elbow. Normally the weight rested on left elbow and hence the imbalance.
Breathing meditation was good.
Shoonya went in real deep, I felt I gone into another level.
Sadhguru
Devotion is a multiplied and enhanced version of a love affair. A devotee is in an unfailing kind of love affair because if you fall in love with a man or a woman, they do not go the way you expect them to, and it eventually gets into some trouble. That is why people choose God. It is simply a love affair, and you are not expecting any response. Your life becomes utterly beautiful because your emotion has become so sweet. Through that sweetness, one grows. That is devotion.
Don't polish ur Ignorance
Memory creates a hallucination of the past.
Desire creates a hallucination of the future.
If fear rules, u will see the past will be very important for u.
But if desires rules u, the future will be very important for u, and life that is here becomes unimportant
Awareness keeps us grounded
Nov 11
Yesterday decided to change alarm from 3.48 am to 4.20 am; half an hour later as I slept around 11 pm and be doing 3 cycles of Surya and not 6.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by corrected cat stretch. After the cat stretch went into a light meditation.
Did 3 cycle of Surya Kriya, quite good. The first cycle my left feet couldn't touch the ground due to back ankle stiffness. Alignment is good. Now trying to be more conscious not to push my body backward as lever. When I does that my body lies down too forward hence hands is in between shoulders rather than just behind shoulders.
Still not good
Breathing meditation was okay
Shakti was good and slow. Some tots comes in but I didn't want to be distracted in Kapala Bhakti, so ignored them and they went out just like cloud.
Shakti with slow Kapala Bhakti is not as powerful but I went in deep. This is the first time I experienced such deep Shakti. It is a complete meditation by itself. Thanks to the Sannidhi
Shambavi was great with the corrected cat stretch.
So nice.
Sadhguru, my back has improved. Thanks much. Needed this so I can stop doing plough back. Finding grounding now.
This morning as I was driving, tots floating in. I can my auto participation happening. I can also see that I can opt not to participate.
I tweeted @Joyongorg: I can't stop my mind from churning out negative tots but I need not help it grow.
As I watch my breathe I can feel my presence coming in. Then I realised that's an option too.
@Joyongorg: We have the option to be in our mind or our presence
Amen
Yesterday decided to change alarm from 3.48 am to 4.20 am; half an hour later as I slept around 11 pm and be doing 3 cycles of Surya and not 6.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by corrected cat stretch. After the cat stretch went into a light meditation.
Did 3 cycle of Surya Kriya, quite good. The first cycle my left feet couldn't touch the ground due to back ankle stiffness. Alignment is good. Now trying to be more conscious not to push my body backward as lever. When I does that my body lies down too forward hence hands is in between shoulders rather than just behind shoulders.
Still not good
Breathing meditation was okay
Shakti was good and slow. Some tots comes in but I didn't want to be distracted in Kapala Bhakti, so ignored them and they went out just like cloud.
Shakti with slow Kapala Bhakti is not as powerful but I went in deep. This is the first time I experienced such deep Shakti. It is a complete meditation by itself. Thanks to the Sannidhi
Shambavi was great with the corrected cat stretch.
So nice.
Sadhguru, my back has improved. Thanks much. Needed this so I can stop doing plough back. Finding grounding now.
This morning as I was driving, tots floating in. I can my auto participation happening. I can also see that I can opt not to participate.
I tweeted @Joyongorg: I can't stop my mind from churning out negative tots but I need not help it grow.
As I watch my breathe I can feel my presence coming in. Then I realised that's an option too.
@Joyongorg: We have the option to be in our mind or our presence
Amen
What I value, I follow
Nov 10 mor
Had a tot of P. Well, she does love doing. Her cards are both Spades and mine are both values. So her destiny is using work to her best.
For me, my destiny is focus on my values. What I values I buy and enjoy. Actually I don't recall ever working the best before. Even with my shrine I values it but I don't think I work on the best on it. I values it by being in its presence.
Even my writing I don't think I work on it the best. I just spend time in it.
Mmmm. Have I ever do my best??
Do I even want to? Ha ha.
But while I don't do my best, when I value something or someone, I go all the way, I involved myself in it.
Just like I like writing, did a blog and website eventhough there is no income.
I value my sadhana and I spent 4 hours on it.
I value my shrine, start with Dhynalinga, then Devi and later Sadhguru Sannidi, the stone mercury version.
I valued Z and I went all the way despite knowing his constant reminder that we are just a fling.
So I don't work my best but I m intense I go all the way for anything that I values.
Abundance by Jeff Foster
https://www.facebook.com/LifeWithoutACentre/posts/666425516788393
Abundance is ur connection to each breathe, how sensitive u are to every flicker of emotion and sensation in ur body. It is the delight in which u savour each moment, the joy which u greet each day. It is knowing urself as presence, the power that creates and moves the world.
Had a tot of P. Well, she does love doing. Her cards are both Spades and mine are both values. So her destiny is using work to her best.
For me, my destiny is focus on my values. What I values I buy and enjoy. Actually I don't recall ever working the best before. Even with my shrine I values it but I don't think I work on the best on it. I values it by being in its presence.
Even my writing I don't think I work on it the best. I just spend time in it.
Mmmm. Have I ever do my best??
Do I even want to? Ha ha.
But while I don't do my best, when I value something or someone, I go all the way, I involved myself in it.
Just like I like writing, did a blog and website eventhough there is no income.
I value my sadhana and I spent 4 hours on it.
I value my shrine, start with Dhynalinga, then Devi and later Sadhguru Sannidi, the stone mercury version.
I valued Z and I went all the way despite knowing his constant reminder that we are just a fling.
So I don't work my best but I m intense I go all the way for anything that I values.
Abundance by Jeff Foster
https://www.facebook.com/LifeWithoutACentre/posts/666425516788393
Abundance is ur connection to each breathe, how sensitive u are to every flicker of emotion and sensation in ur body. It is the delight in which u savour each moment, the joy which u greet each day. It is knowing urself as presence, the power that creates and moves the world.
Ups and down Sadhana
Nov 10
Slept before 10.30 pm as was feeling tired from a no aircond Sathsang hall and back hurt from the yoga mat.
It was my least experiential Sathsang. Didn't do Shambavi cos was doing correction. Actually don't even want to do but had to. I never like doing correction even during my Sathsang guide days and now even worse has to sit down and record the correction. Real detailed work, which is not my cup of tea. Also I am not detailed enough to notice the subtle correction required.
When they start aum chanting I sat down and watch my breathe, just being in Sadhguru's presence. That was the best, just savouring the presence.
Later Brahmanda, I start to chant but the guy next to me was not chanting to Sadhguru and his voice not in tune. After awhile I decided to keep quiet and hear Sadhguru chanting instead and then I got into the meditative mode. Just laugh a bit.
Then the Chikshakti meditation on success. I have no goals, not even on partner. I am contented. Especially the video Sadhguru mentioned that when we feel complete, we don't need anything to add on. It is just like being a Full moon. Most people on half moon.
Later when I reach home I tot I should have wish for health. But that one is on success.
This morning woke up by alarm at 3.48 am. Truly wanted to sleep cos feel tired despite Sathsang yesterday but I dragged myself up. Sat on the toilet bowl and then decide to omit Hata Yoga session. Went back to sleep but took awhile. and alarm rang at 4.27 am. But I still feel tired and doze bit and finally got up at 4.40 am.
This time body felt okay. Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by corrected Cat Stretch.
Did Surya Kriya, can only touch both feet to ground in the last mountain pose as my left back ankle is swelling. My right elbow also swelling and hence cat stretch is not easy.
Shakti was great. I finally got back my rhythm of partially slow and I find then Kapala Bhakti quite nice. First time in my life.
Shambavi was good. So nice in contented silence. Wish I could sit longer but alarm is calling.
No more plough back as it disrupt my energy balance.
Now feeling good.
At the end pray to Akash. Whatever meant to be will be. Instead of me wishing for my partner. I wish that partner wish for me instead.
Slept before 10.30 pm as was feeling tired from a no aircond Sathsang hall and back hurt from the yoga mat.
It was my least experiential Sathsang. Didn't do Shambavi cos was doing correction. Actually don't even want to do but had to. I never like doing correction even during my Sathsang guide days and now even worse has to sit down and record the correction. Real detailed work, which is not my cup of tea. Also I am not detailed enough to notice the subtle correction required.
When they start aum chanting I sat down and watch my breathe, just being in Sadhguru's presence. That was the best, just savouring the presence.
Later Brahmanda, I start to chant but the guy next to me was not chanting to Sadhguru and his voice not in tune. After awhile I decided to keep quiet and hear Sadhguru chanting instead and then I got into the meditative mode. Just laugh a bit.
Then the Chikshakti meditation on success. I have no goals, not even on partner. I am contented. Especially the video Sadhguru mentioned that when we feel complete, we don't need anything to add on. It is just like being a Full moon. Most people on half moon.
Later when I reach home I tot I should have wish for health. But that one is on success.
This morning woke up by alarm at 3.48 am. Truly wanted to sleep cos feel tired despite Sathsang yesterday but I dragged myself up. Sat on the toilet bowl and then decide to omit Hata Yoga session. Went back to sleep but took awhile. and alarm rang at 4.27 am. But I still feel tired and doze bit and finally got up at 4.40 am.
This time body felt okay. Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by corrected Cat Stretch.
Did Surya Kriya, can only touch both feet to ground in the last mountain pose as my left back ankle is swelling. My right elbow also swelling and hence cat stretch is not easy.
Shakti was great. I finally got back my rhythm of partially slow and I find then Kapala Bhakti quite nice. First time in my life.
Shambavi was good. So nice in contented silence. Wish I could sit longer but alarm is calling.
No more plough back as it disrupt my energy balance.
Now feeling good.
At the end pray to Akash. Whatever meant to be will be. Instead of me wishing for my partner. I wish that partner wish for me instead.
Sadhguru - Devotion vs Addiction
Nov 9 aft
Sadhguru
Devotion and addiction are only connected on the level of experience, nowhere else. You should not even look at them together, but in terms of experience, they have a common ground. Both of them create an extremely pleasant experience. What devotion means is that your emotions have become very sweet. A devotee may look like a mad man to somebody else. For an intellectual person, the ways of the devotee may look utterly foolish. But you tell me, if you can spend 24 hours in utter pleasantness, is that intelligence? Or going through all kinds of turmoil in your mind that has nothing to do with the reality, is that intelligence? You have this choice in your life.
With drugs and addiction, both the body and the mind shrink. The physical capabilities will shrink and the mental capabilities will shrink. As a human being you are not enhanced, you are destroyed. However, devotion makes you hugely enhanced. You can do things that you never thought you could because there is no limitation on you.
Addiction shrinks you, devotion enhances you. Both of them could be pleasant experiences. Addiction can give you moments of pleasantness.
Devotion gives you a constant sense of pleasantness, but the most important thing is that it enhances you, expands you, and makes you all-inclusive.
Addiction pushes you to a corner, makes you totally exclusive to a point where most people become neurotic or broken with anxiety and depression.
So one enhances you, another destroys you. That’s the big difference.
Soul
Me now a devotee.
Yesterday just couldn't help but light up Devi and Dhynalinga yantra. Without them, the feel of energy space is different. With them, it is sweeter.
Sadhguru Sannidhi provides the foundation of silence, Dhynalinga and Devi provides the top notes.
Amen.
Best investment in my life.
Amen.
Sadhguru
Devotion and addiction are only connected on the level of experience, nowhere else. You should not even look at them together, but in terms of experience, they have a common ground. Both of them create an extremely pleasant experience. What devotion means is that your emotions have become very sweet. A devotee may look like a mad man to somebody else. For an intellectual person, the ways of the devotee may look utterly foolish. But you tell me, if you can spend 24 hours in utter pleasantness, is that intelligence? Or going through all kinds of turmoil in your mind that has nothing to do with the reality, is that intelligence? You have this choice in your life.
With drugs and addiction, both the body and the mind shrink. The physical capabilities will shrink and the mental capabilities will shrink. As a human being you are not enhanced, you are destroyed. However, devotion makes you hugely enhanced. You can do things that you never thought you could because there is no limitation on you.
Addiction shrinks you, devotion enhances you. Both of them could be pleasant experiences. Addiction can give you moments of pleasantness.
Devotion gives you a constant sense of pleasantness, but the most important thing is that it enhances you, expands you, and makes you all-inclusive.
Addiction pushes you to a corner, makes you totally exclusive to a point where most people become neurotic or broken with anxiety and depression.
So one enhances you, another destroys you. That’s the big difference.
Soul
Me now a devotee.
Yesterday just couldn't help but light up Devi and Dhynalinga yantra. Without them, the feel of energy space is different. With them, it is sweeter.
Sadhguru Sannidhi provides the foundation of silence, Dhynalinga and Devi provides the top notes.
Amen.
Best investment in my life.
Amen.
Sadhguru - Asanas must do with correct sequence
Nov 9
Father, it been nearly a week since I didn't do plough back (queen of asanas) after my practices, without any preparatory asanas.
I sense a difference in me
I am 'rested' and contented.
there is an ease in me..the tots are still flying in..but I am not affected.
The mind keeps on giving me the "next new Ideas" to do..but I am not reacting to it. I just ignored them.
There is a sense of grounding in me.
Alas, I know what grounding means.
Today watch the Sadhguru's video on no props at all for hata yoga.
Very timely cos just two days ago I shared a pix of Iyengar pratictioner who has 3 persons man-handled' one person to do a head stand.
Sadhguru said if you can't do head stand on your own, then you shouldn't do it as your system is not ready for it. By reversing the direction of the heart, it can cause broken artillery.
Father, tot of friends doing Iyengar...they don't turn up well.
Got this from a blog I did a few weeks back.
Sadhguru
The more sincere you are with yourself, the clearer you will see things and the less melodrama you will create in order to make your life more intense and interesting. Without all the melodrama, you will become freer and freer, and you will quickly become less entangled. You will cut away one encumbering rope at a time. Then you will rise to higher and higher elevated realities.
Soul
Thats what I meant, I now have no interest to create any melodrama.
I no longer need to be interesting nor to be special.
Yesterday when I received the sharing of pix by Y in the chat group.
I suddenly recalled he has Ten of Clubs in his Ruling - teacher card, love to share.
Tots came of how we would be sharing with each other.
For me, I share because I open up to him and I care.
For him, he share because he just like sharing and spreading knowledge. It was not personal.
Mind tried to say he doesn't care for me.
I ignored it cos his Destiny is Queen of Hearts ; which is a love card to my Destiny Queen of Diamonds. So, while we never materialised I need not white wash and said the feelings were not mutual.
He himself admitted to me that he has never shared so much with anyone, not mobile chat so much in his life.
Father, it been nearly a week since I didn't do plough back (queen of asanas) after my practices, without any preparatory asanas.
I sense a difference in me
I am 'rested' and contented.
there is an ease in me..the tots are still flying in..but I am not affected.
The mind keeps on giving me the "next new Ideas" to do..but I am not reacting to it. I just ignored them.
There is a sense of grounding in me.
Alas, I know what grounding means.
Today watch the Sadhguru's video on no props at all for hata yoga.
Very timely cos just two days ago I shared a pix of Iyengar pratictioner who has 3 persons man-handled' one person to do a head stand.
Sadhguru said if you can't do head stand on your own, then you shouldn't do it as your system is not ready for it. By reversing the direction of the heart, it can cause broken artillery.
Father, tot of friends doing Iyengar...they don't turn up well.
Got this from a blog I did a few weeks back.
Sadhguru
The more sincere you are with yourself, the clearer you will see things and the less melodrama you will create in order to make your life more intense and interesting. Without all the melodrama, you will become freer and freer, and you will quickly become less entangled. You will cut away one encumbering rope at a time. Then you will rise to higher and higher elevated realities.
Soul
Thats what I meant, I now have no interest to create any melodrama.
I no longer need to be interesting nor to be special.
Yesterday when I received the sharing of pix by Y in the chat group.
I suddenly recalled he has Ten of Clubs in his Ruling - teacher card, love to share.
Tots came of how we would be sharing with each other.
For me, I share because I open up to him and I care.
For him, he share because he just like sharing and spreading knowledge. It was not personal.
Mind tried to say he doesn't care for me.
I ignored it cos his Destiny is Queen of Hearts ; which is a love card to my Destiny Queen of Diamonds. So, while we never materialised I need not white wash and said the feelings were not mutual.
He himself admitted to me that he has never shared so much with anyone, not mobile chat so much in his life.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Feeling overwhelmed with Sannidhi; truly becoming devotee
Nov 8
Today woke up around 6 am. Weather was cloudy, so doze a bit after alarm rang at 6.45 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddi, followed by corrected cat stretch. The right elbow is swelling a bit today so more difficult to hold the posture.
As per norm after cat stretch, went into deep meditation.
After awhile did Surya Kriya, on the first mountain pose, left feet can't touch the ground due to swelling at the ball. But it was okay for three subsequent pose. After Surya Kriya followed up with breathing meditation.
Shakti was quite good now focusing on slowing down Kapala Bhakti instead of the sound. Went in deep, was singing at the end.
Shambavi was good too especially with the corrected cat stretch.
Later, just feel like chanting Brahmananda. First tot was to switch on the CD player but didn't. I just chant on my own. In the second verse, tears just flow out without me realising it. Then tears come running out, feeling grateful for all the experience I have. Amen. Didn't expect this especially since I didn't cry much during yesterday sannidhi pooja.
Got this from a blog back in Oct 2014 and it describes my tears this morning. Me being a devotee naturally, not out of belief but out of overwhelming experience. Amen
Sadhguru
To be in the lap of grace in Ashram
To be in the lap of grace, it is a fortune. A distinct difference will happen in u.
With the right Ambience - you just relax, melt and merge with Grace.
When u r overwhelmed, if u r sensitive enough, u r naturally a devotee. U may not be in temple or etc, u may not be dressed as one. Maybe u never uttered God's name. If u r aware something far bigger than u is functioning right now, u r naturally devoted.
Today woke up around 6 am. Weather was cloudy, so doze a bit after alarm rang at 6.45 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddi, followed by corrected cat stretch. The right elbow is swelling a bit today so more difficult to hold the posture.
As per norm after cat stretch, went into deep meditation.
After awhile did Surya Kriya, on the first mountain pose, left feet can't touch the ground due to swelling at the ball. But it was okay for three subsequent pose. After Surya Kriya followed up with breathing meditation.
Shakti was quite good now focusing on slowing down Kapala Bhakti instead of the sound. Went in deep, was singing at the end.
Shambavi was good too especially with the corrected cat stretch.
Later, just feel like chanting Brahmananda. First tot was to switch on the CD player but didn't. I just chant on my own. In the second verse, tears just flow out without me realising it. Then tears come running out, feeling grateful for all the experience I have. Amen. Didn't expect this especially since I didn't cry much during yesterday sannidhi pooja.
Got this from a blog back in Oct 2014 and it describes my tears this morning. Me being a devotee naturally, not out of belief but out of overwhelming experience. Amen
Sadhguru
To be in the lap of grace in Ashram
To be in the lap of grace, it is a fortune. A distinct difference will happen in u.
With the right Ambience - you just relax, melt and merge with Grace.
When u r overwhelmed, if u r sensitive enough, u r naturally a devotee. U may not be in temple or etc, u may not be dressed as one. Maybe u never uttered God's name. If u r aware something far bigger than u is functioning right now, u r naturally devoted.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Nov 7 eve
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
When u are hurt or offended, u used to taking action quickly. As u learn to tolerate ur emotions, u will act less impulsively.
When our emotion are at full boil, it helps to take a moment to think and reflect. Slowing things down allows us to catch up with our feelings, inserting some calm and reason into an emotional situation.
When we consciously try to slow things down, we let empathy express itself.
Soul
I can do quite effortlessly at work but in personal I have difficulty. I know its because in personal I suppress and when it becomes too much I exploded. By then I can't help myself cos I don't care at that point.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Seven essential steps for expressing sympathy
1. Ask open-ended questions
2. Slow down
3. Avoid snap judgements
4. Pay attention to ur body
5. Learn from the past
6. Let the story unfold
7. Set limits
Soul
Need to learn this on personal rships.
Mmm. Don't judge myself too much. Pe said I don't have self esteem with Z. So let's not said I got no empathy.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
5. Learn from the past
As as learn to separate the past from the present, we gain objectivity. We can see that another person's strong emotions are not necessarily linked to what's happening right now but often emanate from previous unresolved conflicts or difficult life circumstances.
When someone who is filled with self-hatred lashes out at u, my father would say, "consider the source". Anger usually arises from a long humiliation or fear, and that history has nothing to do with u. U just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Don't buy into other people's insecurity, no matter what they are selling it for.
If we don't consider the source, we can get confused and leap to the conclusions that we are responsible for the other person's emotional reaction.
Soul
Yea, L was definitely that.
She got to me cos that time I was facing such dilemma over being in the local ISHA leadership role.
I was at wrong place at wrong time to receive such massive wrath of hate and anger from her. I was in bad situation myself and hence can give her the empathy she needed.
Also I had issue in losing validation. Never expect such hatred from anyone. I used to admire at my bosses who can handled others hatred of them.
A few months before when I know that she couldn't open up during BSP and don't even want to do homework, I knew her history of emotional baggage must be so great that she can't open.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Anger is usually a cover-up for other emotion - disappointment, hurt, frustration, resentment, feelings of inadequacy of helplessness - that people might find it threatening to reveal.
Anger is an expression of perceived vulnerability or powerlessness.
Angry or hostile behaviour is almost always fuelled by the perception that we are not understood, discredited or rejected. This understanding act as a kind of dimmer switch.
Soul
In my own overwhelming sadness of unable to let go of being a Sathsang guide, I forgot my rule of guidance
Anger
Hurt
Guilt
Fear
Love.
I forgot to use that on her. Then again I forgot to use on myself too. I couldn't take her call as I was trying to manage my own issue and know if I pick up it be negative. Forgot that for her no response is the worst thing.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Guided by empathy, we know when involvement is essential and when detachment is most beneficial for the rship.
Knowing where I end and u begin is one of the most important challenges facing us in our intimate rships. If my boundaries get entangled with yours, then I become confused about what belongs to me and what is rightfully yours. In that enmeshment empathy necessarily suffers, for empathy requires its objectivity to maintain its balance.
In intimate rships we need to preserve the equilibrium that empathy creates, understanding where we begin and end in relation to the person we love.
That state of balance gives us the insights and understanding needed to express ourselves clearly and honestly, always respecting the other person's unique needs, desires, hopes and dreams.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
When u are hurt or offended, u used to taking action quickly. As u learn to tolerate ur emotions, u will act less impulsively.
When our emotion are at full boil, it helps to take a moment to think and reflect. Slowing things down allows us to catch up with our feelings, inserting some calm and reason into an emotional situation.
When we consciously try to slow things down, we let empathy express itself.
Soul
I can do quite effortlessly at work but in personal I have difficulty. I know its because in personal I suppress and when it becomes too much I exploded. By then I can't help myself cos I don't care at that point.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Seven essential steps for expressing sympathy
1. Ask open-ended questions
2. Slow down
3. Avoid snap judgements
4. Pay attention to ur body
5. Learn from the past
6. Let the story unfold
7. Set limits
Soul
Need to learn this on personal rships.
Mmm. Don't judge myself too much. Pe said I don't have self esteem with Z. So let's not said I got no empathy.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
5. Learn from the past
As as learn to separate the past from the present, we gain objectivity. We can see that another person's strong emotions are not necessarily linked to what's happening right now but often emanate from previous unresolved conflicts or difficult life circumstances.
When someone who is filled with self-hatred lashes out at u, my father would say, "consider the source". Anger usually arises from a long humiliation or fear, and that history has nothing to do with u. U just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Don't buy into other people's insecurity, no matter what they are selling it for.
If we don't consider the source, we can get confused and leap to the conclusions that we are responsible for the other person's emotional reaction.
Soul
Yea, L was definitely that.
She got to me cos that time I was facing such dilemma over being in the local ISHA leadership role.
I was at wrong place at wrong time to receive such massive wrath of hate and anger from her. I was in bad situation myself and hence can give her the empathy she needed.
Also I had issue in losing validation. Never expect such hatred from anyone. I used to admire at my bosses who can handled others hatred of them.
A few months before when I know that she couldn't open up during BSP and don't even want to do homework, I knew her history of emotional baggage must be so great that she can't open.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Anger is usually a cover-up for other emotion - disappointment, hurt, frustration, resentment, feelings of inadequacy of helplessness - that people might find it threatening to reveal.
Anger is an expression of perceived vulnerability or powerlessness.
Angry or hostile behaviour is almost always fuelled by the perception that we are not understood, discredited or rejected. This understanding act as a kind of dimmer switch.
Soul
In my own overwhelming sadness of unable to let go of being a Sathsang guide, I forgot my rule of guidance
Anger
Hurt
Guilt
Fear
Love.
I forgot to use that on her. Then again I forgot to use on myself too. I couldn't take her call as I was trying to manage my own issue and know if I pick up it be negative. Forgot that for her no response is the worst thing.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Guided by empathy, we know when involvement is essential and when detachment is most beneficial for the rship.
Knowing where I end and u begin is one of the most important challenges facing us in our intimate rships. If my boundaries get entangled with yours, then I become confused about what belongs to me and what is rightfully yours. In that enmeshment empathy necessarily suffers, for empathy requires its objectivity to maintain its balance.
In intimate rships we need to preserve the equilibrium that empathy creates, understanding where we begin and end in relation to the person we love.
That state of balance gives us the insights and understanding needed to express ourselves clearly and honestly, always respecting the other person's unique needs, desires, hopes and dreams.
I do have issue with criticism, especially self-criticism
Nov 7 aft 1
My Daily Card in Saturn
The Three of Spades
The Three of Spades is one of the most creative cards in the deck. It is known as the 'Artist's Card'. It is so creative that if not channelled properly, it can represent indecision, fear and physical stress.
The Three of Spades can mean literally splitting ourselves in two so that we are working two jobs at the same time, or are somehow pursuing two lifestyles at the same time. Whether we are successful at doing this will depend upon the position of the card (Jupiter is best, Saturn is worst) and how well we are able to direct its energies into creative enterprises.
Soul
Mmm..not so great today.
Day is easy cos I am not working.
Truly thankful I chose Friday as off day.
Received msg yesterday that potluck is cancelled.
I was unwilling to accept the cancellation as the potluck was good for us and it is something that we have fight so hard for.
Yesterday I ignored it as I am no longer the core team.
But I know I wasn't accepting it.
I may no longer be in core team but I care for Isha.
Infact yesterday both LK and S said potluck is what bring us together.
So, today I decided to just be open and ask.
And the response from teacher was an abrupt, this is instruction from Sadhguru. Just a one liner.
Then I replied sarcastically that this instruction would also apply to other country then who is currently practising potluck too.
So, teacher responsed but I am not open to look at it.
Thats the part of me..afraid of criticism..but thats me..just sensitive..let it be.
This morning I tot that without the potluck in Sathsang, this may turn the favour to hata yoga studio instead. They can then make a potluck affair once a month after sannidhi pooja followed by Shambavi..be great.
So much ideas running for Hata Yoga.
My next journey is via Hata Yoga.
Just doing the Cat Stretch is amazing.
And now learning to breathe deeper, easing into the posture.
Amen
Mmm..now that I know I am complex, I am sensitive..somehow it is okay.
So what..if I at times I am afraid of criticism.
Better than not to open up.
Its okay to open up and yet be a little fearful of response as that took courage.
This week Osho Tarot
Whats needed
Innocence.
Zen says that if you drop knowledge - and within knowledge everything is included; your name, your identity, everything, because this has been given to you by others - if you drop all that has been given by others, you will have a totally different quality to your being: innocence. This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality, and there will be a resurrection of your innocence. You will become a child again, reborn.
Resolution
Miser
This woman has created a fortress around herself, and she is clinging to all the possessions she thinks are her treasures. In fact she has accumulated so much stuff with which to adorn herself--including the feathers and furs of living creatures--that she has made herself ugly in the effort. This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable it needs to be protected by a fortress. It needn't be a big bank balance or a box full of jewels--it could be something as simple as sharing our time with a friend, or taking the risk of expressing our love to another. Like a well that is sealed up and becomes stagnant from disuse, our treasures become tarnished and worthless if we refuse to share them. Whatever you're holding on to, remember that you can't take it with you. Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.
Soul
Me no longer will close up due to fear.
I cannot manage the fear yet..but I can manage the opening up despite my fear.
I am reborn.
Tomorrow the test of the pool...well, fear is still there...
But I want to swim..
Whats important is me learning to express myself, learning not to suppress.
So in the beginning will have to face the fear of losing invalidation by others..but thats better than invalidating myself.
Thats where I was envious of all the bitchy bossess. They always validate themselves or rather they are not bothered at all by the invalidation from others.
Amen.
After 2 hours, I open up the mail
It was a positive one.
Why do I always think it be negative?
Why do i always think bad of myself?
Truly need to change..
Mmmm...blame it on the plough back...
Amen
Okay, great week..and now off to do Sannidhi Pooja
My Daily Card in Saturn
The Three of Spades
The Three of Spades is one of the most creative cards in the deck. It is known as the 'Artist's Card'. It is so creative that if not channelled properly, it can represent indecision, fear and physical stress.
The Three of Spades can mean literally splitting ourselves in two so that we are working two jobs at the same time, or are somehow pursuing two lifestyles at the same time. Whether we are successful at doing this will depend upon the position of the card (Jupiter is best, Saturn is worst) and how well we are able to direct its energies into creative enterprises.
Soul
Mmm..not so great today.
Day is easy cos I am not working.
Truly thankful I chose Friday as off day.
Received msg yesterday that potluck is cancelled.
I was unwilling to accept the cancellation as the potluck was good for us and it is something that we have fight so hard for.
Yesterday I ignored it as I am no longer the core team.
But I know I wasn't accepting it.
I may no longer be in core team but I care for Isha.
Infact yesterday both LK and S said potluck is what bring us together.
So, today I decided to just be open and ask.
And the response from teacher was an abrupt, this is instruction from Sadhguru. Just a one liner.
Then I replied sarcastically that this instruction would also apply to other country then who is currently practising potluck too.
So, teacher responsed but I am not open to look at it.
Thats the part of me..afraid of criticism..but thats me..just sensitive..let it be.
This morning I tot that without the potluck in Sathsang, this may turn the favour to hata yoga studio instead. They can then make a potluck affair once a month after sannidhi pooja followed by Shambavi..be great.
So much ideas running for Hata Yoga.
My next journey is via Hata Yoga.
Just doing the Cat Stretch is amazing.
And now learning to breathe deeper, easing into the posture.
Amen
Mmm..now that I know I am complex, I am sensitive..somehow it is okay.
So what..if I at times I am afraid of criticism.
Better than not to open up.
Its okay to open up and yet be a little fearful of response as that took courage.
This week Osho Tarot
Whats needed
Innocence.
Zen says that if you drop knowledge - and within knowledge everything is included; your name, your identity, everything, because this has been given to you by others - if you drop all that has been given by others, you will have a totally different quality to your being: innocence. This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality, and there will be a resurrection of your innocence. You will become a child again, reborn.
Resolution
Miser
This woman has created a fortress around herself, and she is clinging to all the possessions she thinks are her treasures. In fact she has accumulated so much stuff with which to adorn herself--including the feathers and furs of living creatures--that she has made herself ugly in the effort. This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable it needs to be protected by a fortress. It needn't be a big bank balance or a box full of jewels--it could be something as simple as sharing our time with a friend, or taking the risk of expressing our love to another. Like a well that is sealed up and becomes stagnant from disuse, our treasures become tarnished and worthless if we refuse to share them. Whatever you're holding on to, remember that you can't take it with you. Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.
Soul
Me no longer will close up due to fear.
I cannot manage the fear yet..but I can manage the opening up despite my fear.
I am reborn.
Tomorrow the test of the pool...well, fear is still there...
But I want to swim..
Whats important is me learning to express myself, learning not to suppress.
So in the beginning will have to face the fear of losing invalidation by others..but thats better than invalidating myself.
Thats where I was envious of all the bitchy bossess. They always validate themselves or rather they are not bothered at all by the invalidation from others.
Amen.
After 2 hours, I open up the mail
It was a positive one.
Why do I always think it be negative?
Why do i always think bad of myself?
Truly need to change..
Mmmm...blame it on the plough back...
Amen
Okay, great week..and now off to do Sannidhi Pooja
Slowly seeing the good in me.
Nov 7 aft
INFJ by Koty Neelis
3. You’re a highly empathetic and sensitive person with an innate ability to understand what people are going through. Your care and concern for others is always genuine and you feel deeply for others.
7. Sometimes you forget to take care of yourself. You become so passionate about certain projects or things going on with other people that often you end up exhausted and weary. When you’re so busy trying to take care of the world you must remember to take care of yourself as well.
9. You can be loyal to a fault. You recognize everyone has flaws and you try to see the beauty in people’s weaknesses over judging them. The problem lies when others don’t give you the same courtesy and you end up feeling bitter or resentful.
11. The true feeling of success to you is based on the condition of your relationships with others and your own level of accomplishment.
Coincidentally I am now reading the book on Emphathy.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
At 2 months infant will cry when they see another's person tears. This is an automatic, amygdala-driven response, in which the other's misery is perceived to be one's own. In responding to mothers' happy, sad or angry faces, ten week old change their own facial expression.
By the time children are eight months to one year old, they begin to understand that they are separate and distinct from others.
Soul
Reminds me of my nephew at 2 years plus who always cries whenever he sees his brother cries. He tot he is suffering too.
Then I tot of myself, when I see others sad, I feel sad too. Thats why I avoid sad people.
Many years ago, I tot it was just the hidden sadness in me.
But now that I learned I am natural Empathy, maybe that's why I feel sad when others feel sad.
I started this journey because I tend to feel hurt by others criticism or acceptance of me, me taking things personally. I wanted to be strong, to be unaffected by others
Now I know thats my validation issue.
But now there may be another view to these...I am affected because I am sensitive,..
It is not all weakness..it is also strength.
So, I need not dismantle myself. I just need to create boundary so I can be empathy without feeling so overwhelmed.
Amen.
Slowly but surely can see the good in me.
INFJ by Koty Neelis
3. You’re a highly empathetic and sensitive person with an innate ability to understand what people are going through. Your care and concern for others is always genuine and you feel deeply for others.
7. Sometimes you forget to take care of yourself. You become so passionate about certain projects or things going on with other people that often you end up exhausted and weary. When you’re so busy trying to take care of the world you must remember to take care of yourself as well.
9. You can be loyal to a fault. You recognize everyone has flaws and you try to see the beauty in people’s weaknesses over judging them. The problem lies when others don’t give you the same courtesy and you end up feeling bitter or resentful.
11. The true feeling of success to you is based on the condition of your relationships with others and your own level of accomplishment.
Coincidentally I am now reading the book on Emphathy.
The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
At 2 months infant will cry when they see another's person tears. This is an automatic, amygdala-driven response, in which the other's misery is perceived to be one's own. In responding to mothers' happy, sad or angry faces, ten week old change their own facial expression.
By the time children are eight months to one year old, they begin to understand that they are separate and distinct from others.
Soul
Reminds me of my nephew at 2 years plus who always cries whenever he sees his brother cries. He tot he is suffering too.
Then I tot of myself, when I see others sad, I feel sad too. Thats why I avoid sad people.
Many years ago, I tot it was just the hidden sadness in me.
But now that I learned I am natural Empathy, maybe that's why I feel sad when others feel sad.
I started this journey because I tend to feel hurt by others criticism or acceptance of me, me taking things personally. I wanted to be strong, to be unaffected by others
Now I know thats my validation issue.
But now there may be another view to these...I am affected because I am sensitive,..
It is not all weakness..it is also strength.
So, I need not dismantle myself. I just need to create boundary so I can be empathy without feeling so overwhelmed.
Amen.
Slowly but surely can see the good in me.
Me, a classic INFJ
Nov 7 mor.
This is so true of me. Great to know there is nothing wrong with me.
Koty Neelis
INFJ – Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging. INFJs are known to be great listeners, big dreamers, and deep, complex people. As the rarest personality type INFJ’s only make up less than 3% of the population. If you’ve taken the Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator you probably know what you’re categorized as classic INFJ
1. You’re always in search of a deeper meaning. At work, in relationships, with friends, and interactions with strangers you’re continually looking at life and situations in an obscure way to discover what’s beyond the surface.
2. Although people have an easy time connecting with you sometimes you can be a difficult person to really know. You value your privacy and often feel like you can only be your “true self” around those closest to you.
3. You’re a highly empathetic and sensitive person with an innate ability to understand what people are going through. Your care and concern for others is always genuine and you feel deeply for others.
4. You find it easy to connect with others and exhibit both introvert and extrovert qualities. You love meeting and interacting with other people and at times can be the life of the party but eventually, you have to go home and recharge.
5. Even beyond high school or college you enjoy learning, particularly about society, other cultures, languages, people, literature, and art. You’re always excited to learn something new and find your interests expanding as you get older.
6. You strive for the ideal in every aspect of your life. You have very strong opinions and are driven by your values. You will absolutely fight for what you believe in.
7. Sometimes you forget to take care of yourself. You become so passionate about certain projects or things going on with other people that often you end up exhausted and weary. When you’re so busy trying to take care of the world you must remember to take care of yourself as well.
8. You’re a deep and complex person but at the same time you also tend to live a very simple life. It really doesn’t take very much to make you feel happy and content with your life. You see things on a larger scale and put more emphasis on your relationships with friends and loved ones over possessions or money.
9. You can be loyal to a fault. You recognize everyone has flaws and you try to see the beauty in people’s weaknesses over judging them. The problem lies when others don’t give you the same courtesy and you end up feeling bitter or resentful.
10. You have a strong sense of idealism but you’re not simply just another dreamer. You realize and understand your goals can have a lasting impact and so you take the necessary steps to make your dreams happen.
11. The true feeling of success to you is based on the condition of your relationships with others and your own level of accomplishment.
12. Your insight is one of your greatest assets and it regularly helps you solve problems. You notice the small details most people seem to overlook. By being able to find patterns and meanings in the world around you you’re able to look at a problem in a number of ways and generate various possibilities.
13. You find joy and fulfillment out of expressing yourself through the arts. You likely have a talent for language and writing. Self-expression helps you release everything that’s going on in your head
This is so true of me. Great to know there is nothing wrong with me.
Koty Neelis
INFJ – Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging. INFJs are known to be great listeners, big dreamers, and deep, complex people. As the rarest personality type INFJ’s only make up less than 3% of the population. If you’ve taken the Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator you probably know what you’re categorized as classic INFJ
1. You’re always in search of a deeper meaning. At work, in relationships, with friends, and interactions with strangers you’re continually looking at life and situations in an obscure way to discover what’s beyond the surface.
2. Although people have an easy time connecting with you sometimes you can be a difficult person to really know. You value your privacy and often feel like you can only be your “true self” around those closest to you.
3. You’re a highly empathetic and sensitive person with an innate ability to understand what people are going through. Your care and concern for others is always genuine and you feel deeply for others.
4. You find it easy to connect with others and exhibit both introvert and extrovert qualities. You love meeting and interacting with other people and at times can be the life of the party but eventually, you have to go home and recharge.
5. Even beyond high school or college you enjoy learning, particularly about society, other cultures, languages, people, literature, and art. You’re always excited to learn something new and find your interests expanding as you get older.
6. You strive for the ideal in every aspect of your life. You have very strong opinions and are driven by your values. You will absolutely fight for what you believe in.
7. Sometimes you forget to take care of yourself. You become so passionate about certain projects or things going on with other people that often you end up exhausted and weary. When you’re so busy trying to take care of the world you must remember to take care of yourself as well.
8. You’re a deep and complex person but at the same time you also tend to live a very simple life. It really doesn’t take very much to make you feel happy and content with your life. You see things on a larger scale and put more emphasis on your relationships with friends and loved ones over possessions or money.
9. You can be loyal to a fault. You recognize everyone has flaws and you try to see the beauty in people’s weaknesses over judging them. The problem lies when others don’t give you the same courtesy and you end up feeling bitter or resentful.
10. You have a strong sense of idealism but you’re not simply just another dreamer. You realize and understand your goals can have a lasting impact and so you take the necessary steps to make your dreams happen.
11. The true feeling of success to you is based on the condition of your relationships with others and your own level of accomplishment.
12. Your insight is one of your greatest assets and it regularly helps you solve problems. You notice the small details most people seem to overlook. By being able to find patterns and meanings in the world around you you’re able to look at a problem in a number of ways and generate various possibilities.
13. You find joy and fulfillment out of expressing yourself through the arts. You likely have a talent for language and writing. Self-expression helps you release everything that’s going on in your head
Sadhguru on the order of asanas
Nov 7
Woke up fresh around 6 am. But I slept back and wake up at 7 am
Did Bhuta Shuddi and followed by cat stretch with slow deep breathing. Now learning to be at ease in the posture.
Forego Angamardhana as advised by hata teacher. She said since my pain at lower back instead of middle back, doing Angamardhana will slow down the healing process. She asked me to do Surya Kriya but without the back stretch.
Did Surya Kriya with slow breathing, now learning to ease into the posture before doing the breathe count. The forward bend was truly good. Alignment was great. Except for the first cycle where the 4th mountain pose, left feet can't touch ground. The rest was great, I can rest easily into mountain pose.
At first plan fro 3 cycles, and then extend to 5 cycles and in the end do 6 cycles...
This is the first time ever since I started Surya Kriya three years ago.
Yesterday, I found out that I shouldn't do the plough back after Shambavi. According to teacher, we cannot change the sequence of hata yoga. Actually I read this before but I ignored it cos I tot it relates to yogaasanas and I didn't change. I forgot that me doing plough back after Shambavi morning and Shoonya every evening is actually changing the sequence or rather, I omitted all sequence. Sadhguru said no one is to change as the sequence was not decided by him.
Sadhguru
In Hata Yoga, this organ comfort is always considered. Energy comfort is also considered. Your energy functions in such a way that if you activate one aspect of your energy without activating another aspect of it, your system will become disjointed.
There are many disjointed bodies everywhere. Disjointed energy means living a broken life. Somehow, you may manage to live long, but no matter what enters your life, you will not be complete. You may win the lottery, you may get married to the best man or woman in the world, you may pray 24 hours of the day – no matter what you do, you will live a disjointed life.
Soul
No wonder..I wasn't feeling grateful and blessed for all the good things in my life.
I have a great supportive family
I have good financial security
I have a good boss who gives me freedom
I have a 3 days work that gives me good money and ample rest time.
I can go early every day.
I have good support team at work.
I got Isha, I got the shrine..I got my receptivity...I got everything..
I got good friends.
I got a good body, albeit RA which will go soon as it is not needed.
All these I ignored and only tot of me without my husband...truly unnecessary.
Now that I stop plough back this week..I found myself suddenly feeling thankful.
I am so thankful that I can wake up late today cos I m not working.
so thankful I can sit in the cafe and do my writing that I enjoy.
So lovely.
Sadhguru
The order of the asanas is not according to my or your preference, it is the way the human system is made. We need to activate it from one end to the other. Sudden activation of a certain part will lead to disjointedness. Life situations can be such that there is no choice about how to act and no system to it – you may have to jump into action whichever way it comes.
But if you have activated your system in a certain way, whatever situation occurs in your life, you will be able to take it without causing too much disturbance to your system. One can distinctly see this – if you do proper classical yoga, whatever situations you face, they will not leave you scattered. This preparation creates a certain integrity in the system. So the order of asanas is not by choice, it is according to the way the human system is structured.
Soul
Amen...
Thanks much.
Surprisingly after the 6 cycles of Surya Kriya, back stiffness has reduced.
Lets see.
Woke up fresh around 6 am. But I slept back and wake up at 7 am
Did Bhuta Shuddi and followed by cat stretch with slow deep breathing. Now learning to be at ease in the posture.
Forego Angamardhana as advised by hata teacher. She said since my pain at lower back instead of middle back, doing Angamardhana will slow down the healing process. She asked me to do Surya Kriya but without the back stretch.
Did Surya Kriya with slow breathing, now learning to ease into the posture before doing the breathe count. The forward bend was truly good. Alignment was great. Except for the first cycle where the 4th mountain pose, left feet can't touch ground. The rest was great, I can rest easily into mountain pose.
At first plan fro 3 cycles, and then extend to 5 cycles and in the end do 6 cycles...
This is the first time ever since I started Surya Kriya three years ago.
Yesterday, I found out that I shouldn't do the plough back after Shambavi. According to teacher, we cannot change the sequence of hata yoga. Actually I read this before but I ignored it cos I tot it relates to yogaasanas and I didn't change. I forgot that me doing plough back after Shambavi morning and Shoonya every evening is actually changing the sequence or rather, I omitted all sequence. Sadhguru said no one is to change as the sequence was not decided by him.
Sadhguru
In Hata Yoga, this organ comfort is always considered. Energy comfort is also considered. Your energy functions in such a way that if you activate one aspect of your energy without activating another aspect of it, your system will become disjointed.
There are many disjointed bodies everywhere. Disjointed energy means living a broken life. Somehow, you may manage to live long, but no matter what enters your life, you will not be complete. You may win the lottery, you may get married to the best man or woman in the world, you may pray 24 hours of the day – no matter what you do, you will live a disjointed life.
Soul
No wonder..I wasn't feeling grateful and blessed for all the good things in my life.
I have a great supportive family
I have good financial security
I have a good boss who gives me freedom
I have a 3 days work that gives me good money and ample rest time.
I can go early every day.
I have good support team at work.
I got Isha, I got the shrine..I got my receptivity...I got everything..
I got good friends.
I got a good body, albeit RA which will go soon as it is not needed.
All these I ignored and only tot of me without my husband...truly unnecessary.
Now that I stop plough back this week..I found myself suddenly feeling thankful.
I am so thankful that I can wake up late today cos I m not working.
so thankful I can sit in the cafe and do my writing that I enjoy.
So lovely.
Sadhguru
The order of the asanas is not according to my or your preference, it is the way the human system is made. We need to activate it from one end to the other. Sudden activation of a certain part will lead to disjointedness. Life situations can be such that there is no choice about how to act and no system to it – you may have to jump into action whichever way it comes.
But if you have activated your system in a certain way, whatever situation occurs in your life, you will be able to take it without causing too much disturbance to your system. One can distinctly see this – if you do proper classical yoga, whatever situations you face, they will not leave you scattered. This preparation creates a certain integrity in the system. So the order of asanas is not by choice, it is according to the way the human system is structured.
Soul
Amen...
Thanks much.
Surprisingly after the 6 cycles of Surya Kriya, back stiffness has reduced.
Lets see.
Sannidhi and Devi pooja during Full Moon
Nov 6 eve 1
Awesome sannidhi pooja on full moon day. Also did the Devi pooja. So lovely.
During Brahmananda Chanting, I suddenly felt Sadhguru presence and he was touching my head.
I cried so much, feel so loved and then I laughed.
Later we did our yogaasanas practices. My back pain has reduced. I was able to do most of the asanas.
Then we did Devi pooja, and it was good.
I tot I was already so high and hence won't be affected.
Once the teacher sang the Devi yantra, tears just flow and I cried.
The aarti was beautiful and I felt Devi's presence.
We all said that we will never miss Full Moon pooja again.
When I got home, had a quick dinner and shower
Then water the shrine's flowers and light the shrine.
I sat down and moments later the energy of the Shrine envelops me. The energy was so thick, I felt loved. I was engulfed in the space. I can't open my eyes. For twenty minutes, I just couldn't move.
Awesome.
Next year the Guru Pournami, I will celebrate at home with my shrine. Can invite a few persons if they want to join.
Sannidhi the best investment I made in Isha. The most fulfilling rship I had.
Awesome sannidhi pooja on full moon day. Also did the Devi pooja. So lovely.
During Brahmananda Chanting, I suddenly felt Sadhguru presence and he was touching my head.
I cried so much, feel so loved and then I laughed.
Later we did our yogaasanas practices. My back pain has reduced. I was able to do most of the asanas.
Then we did Devi pooja, and it was good.
I tot I was already so high and hence won't be affected.
Once the teacher sang the Devi yantra, tears just flow and I cried.
The aarti was beautiful and I felt Devi's presence.
We all said that we will never miss Full Moon pooja again.
When I got home, had a quick dinner and shower
Then water the shrine's flowers and light the shrine.
I sat down and moments later the energy of the Shrine envelops me. The energy was so thick, I felt loved. I was engulfed in the space. I can't open my eyes. For twenty minutes, I just couldn't move.
Awesome.
Next year the Guru Pournami, I will celebrate at home with my shrine. Can invite a few persons if they want to join.
Sannidhi the best investment I made in Isha. The most fulfilling rship I had.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Sadhguru - do not change the sequence of asanas
Nov 6 eve
Yesterday, I found out that I shouldn't do the plough back after Shambavi. According to teacher, we cannot change the sequence of hata yoga.
Actually I read this before but I ignored it cos I tot it relates to yogaasanas and I didn't change. I forgot that me doing plough back after Shambavi morning and Shoonya every evening is actually changing the sequence or rather, I omitted all sequence.Sadhguru said no one is to change as the sequence was not decided by him, it is decided by the body.
And now I got to watch the video as I couldn't receive Sadhguru's advice.
Actually I noticed I am more stable this week without the plough back. Perhaps thats the reason why I suddenly hurt my spine last week.
I have never hurt my spine before in the 5 years of doing Hata Yoga.
By hurting my spine, I had to stop plough back and by telling the teacher, I found out that I had actually changed the sequence of asanas.
While it was true that I only learned to do plough back after Shambavi, I need not prolong it by continuing to do so. The first three times was enough for me to enable me to do plough back during yogaasanas.
Sadhguru even said that if we don't follow the sequence of asanas, we be disjointed. Below the excerpt of his talk.
In Hata Yoga, this organ comfort is always considered. Energy comfort is also considered. Your energy functions in such a way that if you activate one aspect of your energy without activating another aspect of it, your system will become disjointed. There are many disjointed bodies everywhere. Disjointed energy means living a broken life. Somehow, you may manage to live long, but no matter what enters your life, you will not be complete. You may win the lottery, you may get married to the best man or woman in the world, you may pray 24 hours of the day – no matter what you do, you will live a disjointed life.
Yesterday, I found out that I shouldn't do the plough back after Shambavi. According to teacher, we cannot change the sequence of hata yoga.
Actually I read this before but I ignored it cos I tot it relates to yogaasanas and I didn't change. I forgot that me doing plough back after Shambavi morning and Shoonya every evening is actually changing the sequence or rather, I omitted all sequence.Sadhguru said no one is to change as the sequence was not decided by him, it is decided by the body.
And now I got to watch the video as I couldn't receive Sadhguru's advice.
Actually I noticed I am more stable this week without the plough back. Perhaps thats the reason why I suddenly hurt my spine last week.
I have never hurt my spine before in the 5 years of doing Hata Yoga.
By hurting my spine, I had to stop plough back and by telling the teacher, I found out that I had actually changed the sequence of asanas.
While it was true that I only learned to do plough back after Shambavi, I need not prolong it by continuing to do so. The first three times was enough for me to enable me to do plough back during yogaasanas.
Sadhguru even said that if we don't follow the sequence of asanas, we be disjointed. Below the excerpt of his talk.
In Hata Yoga, this organ comfort is always considered. Energy comfort is also considered. Your energy functions in such a way that if you activate one aspect of your energy without activating another aspect of it, your system will become disjointed. There are many disjointed bodies everywhere. Disjointed energy means living a broken life. Somehow, you may manage to live long, but no matter what enters your life, you will not be complete. You may win the lottery, you may get married to the best man or woman in the world, you may pray 24 hours of the day – no matter what you do, you will live a disjointed life.
Others cannot define us, only we can do that
Nov 6 mor
This article truly resonate with me on my fear of being rejected. In my case was fear of losing validation. There was the childhood fear of being abandoned by my mother. But now knowing the real story, I can rewrite it. My perception as a 2 year old colour my vision. Also I was born with this karmic issue to work on.
While I can judge my parents for discounting my sadness and discourage my sadness. I did the same to myself. No matter how sad I was, my expression doesn't reflect it and hence I don't get sympathy. Perhaps that why I hold on to RA. That's the one I got at least some sympathy when I m in pain. No longer need RA. I no longer need sympathy from others.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/fear-abandonment-know-your-worth/
“Your value doesn’t decrease by someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown
I was not brought up with clear emotional boundaries or the ability to validate my own worth—not on the level I required to be a strong, confident woman. I flailed. I would have bursts of drive and chutzpah at times, but I spent most of my energy feeling not good enough, not lovable enough, not worthy enough.
I talked myself out of many opportunities or shied away from experiences because of my inner demons. In a nutshell, I sold myself really short.
I saw, objectively, what had happened and what I wanted to and needed to do differently to end the cycle. This education was put to the test this past winter when I ventured into a new relationship that had great promise.
All my old fears came up, fears of being emotionally abandoned. And when it looked like the same thing was happening again, I did something that I didn’t know I could do. I said no. No to repeating the same mistake. I set my boundaries, I stated my worth, and was prepared to walk away.
I spoke my truth and came from an authentic place when communicating with this newest partner. It mattered not if he understood or heard me; it only mattered that I said what I did and took responsibility for my own outcome instead of placing the power in the hands of another.
In the end, he did understand and I was heard. Although we did part ways, I was left with more clarity than I ever had before.
I don’t regret the path taken or the experiences had, including the heartaches. For each one brought me to this point. The point of seeing my intrinsic worth, something we all are born with.
We must nurture it firstly within before it will be mirrored to us fully. It’s not about being defined by ego or conceit, but knowing, from an inner wisdom, that others cannot define the value we all possess; only we can do that.
That being said, I’m still human, and sometimes I catch myself falling into that old, familiar pattern. But before I fall too deep, I bring myself up again. I cannot undo the past but I certainly can lay the groundwork for my present and my future, to cultivate fertile soil where my needs are nurtured and my worth is evident.
I do not have to fear being emotionally abandoned by another, because I won’t abandon myself anymore. So now the tagline reads, I can help show you your worth, not because yours is more important, but because I firstly see and honor my own.
This article truly resonate with me on my fear of being rejected. In my case was fear of losing validation. There was the childhood fear of being abandoned by my mother. But now knowing the real story, I can rewrite it. My perception as a 2 year old colour my vision. Also I was born with this karmic issue to work on.
While I can judge my parents for discounting my sadness and discourage my sadness. I did the same to myself. No matter how sad I was, my expression doesn't reflect it and hence I don't get sympathy. Perhaps that why I hold on to RA. That's the one I got at least some sympathy when I m in pain. No longer need RA. I no longer need sympathy from others.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/fear-abandonment-know-your-worth/
“Your value doesn’t decrease by someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown
I was not brought up with clear emotional boundaries or the ability to validate my own worth—not on the level I required to be a strong, confident woman. I flailed. I would have bursts of drive and chutzpah at times, but I spent most of my energy feeling not good enough, not lovable enough, not worthy enough.
I talked myself out of many opportunities or shied away from experiences because of my inner demons. In a nutshell, I sold myself really short.
I saw, objectively, what had happened and what I wanted to and needed to do differently to end the cycle. This education was put to the test this past winter when I ventured into a new relationship that had great promise.
All my old fears came up, fears of being emotionally abandoned. And when it looked like the same thing was happening again, I did something that I didn’t know I could do. I said no. No to repeating the same mistake. I set my boundaries, I stated my worth, and was prepared to walk away.
I spoke my truth and came from an authentic place when communicating with this newest partner. It mattered not if he understood or heard me; it only mattered that I said what I did and took responsibility for my own outcome instead of placing the power in the hands of another.
In the end, he did understand and I was heard. Although we did part ways, I was left with more clarity than I ever had before.
I don’t regret the path taken or the experiences had, including the heartaches. For each one brought me to this point. The point of seeing my intrinsic worth, something we all are born with.
We must nurture it firstly within before it will be mirrored to us fully. It’s not about being defined by ego or conceit, but knowing, from an inner wisdom, that others cannot define the value we all possess; only we can do that.
That being said, I’m still human, and sometimes I catch myself falling into that old, familiar pattern. But before I fall too deep, I bring myself up again. I cannot undo the past but I certainly can lay the groundwork for my present and my future, to cultivate fertile soil where my needs are nurtured and my worth is evident.
I do not have to fear being emotionally abandoned by another, because I won’t abandon myself anymore. So now the tagline reads, I can help show you your worth, not because yours is more important, but because I firstly see and honor my own.
Sadhguru on yogaasanas - being at ease not dis-ease
Nov 6
Woke up around 3 plus fresh but I slept back cos too early. Then woke up from a dream at 4.30 am.
Skip Angamardhana cos tonight got Hata Yoga training. Besides wants to give my spine a total rest.
Did cat stretch, towards 3rd cycle, the back stiffness reduces.
Breathing was good.
Shakti was good too. Little tots. Did 130 breathe count at slower pace, went in deep.
Shambavi was good too.
Now read the article below and tot Hata the way for me.
Sadhguru on yogaasanas
But if you build your system over a period of time, you can enjoy the benefits on all levels, all the time – not only in high altitude. If the body comes to ease, the other possibilities open up. If the body is not at ease, the other possibilities will not open up because everything is focused on making the physical part right.
This is what yoga is about – you want to bring your body to such a state of ease that you do not even know whether your body exists or not. You cannot forget the parts of your body that hurt right now. You can only forget what is at ease.
To bring the body to such ease, you must breathe slightly deeper than normal, and over time, in any asana, if you are in the perfect posture, your breath should become normal. If your body is in good shape and you are within a certain age range, after about 12 to 18 months of intense practice, you will come to a point where in a full asana posture, there will be no need to breathe deeper than normal anymore. Just the normal breath will be more than enough, without gasping.
If you remain in the full posture for one minute and there is no aberration in your breath or your pulse rate, it means your body is coming to ease.
If it comes to such a state of ease, there will be no dis-ease. And if there is no state of dis-ease in you whatsoever, then the body has energy to explore other dimensions of life. Otherwise, the body keeps you busy for the rest of your life.
Woke up around 3 plus fresh but I slept back cos too early. Then woke up from a dream at 4.30 am.
Skip Angamardhana cos tonight got Hata Yoga training. Besides wants to give my spine a total rest.
Did cat stretch, towards 3rd cycle, the back stiffness reduces.
Breathing was good.
Shakti was good too. Little tots. Did 130 breathe count at slower pace, went in deep.
Shambavi was good too.
Now read the article below and tot Hata the way for me.
Sadhguru on yogaasanas
But if you build your system over a period of time, you can enjoy the benefits on all levels, all the time – not only in high altitude. If the body comes to ease, the other possibilities open up. If the body is not at ease, the other possibilities will not open up because everything is focused on making the physical part right.
This is what yoga is about – you want to bring your body to such a state of ease that you do not even know whether your body exists or not. You cannot forget the parts of your body that hurt right now. You can only forget what is at ease.
To bring the body to such ease, you must breathe slightly deeper than normal, and over time, in any asana, if you are in the perfect posture, your breath should become normal. If your body is in good shape and you are within a certain age range, after about 12 to 18 months of intense practice, you will come to a point where in a full asana posture, there will be no need to breathe deeper than normal anymore. Just the normal breath will be more than enough, without gasping.
If you remain in the full posture for one minute and there is no aberration in your breath or your pulse rate, it means your body is coming to ease.
If it comes to such a state of ease, there will be no dis-ease. And if there is no state of dis-ease in you whatsoever, then the body has energy to explore other dimensions of life. Otherwise, the body keeps you busy for the rest of your life.
Lunar in 5th house
Nov 5
Woke up feeling blessed that I need not have to work today. So thankful for the 3 day work week.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by singing guru pooja.
Cat Stretch was okay, not as great as yesterday evening after Sannidhi pooja.
Angamardhana was good but omitted a few steps due to back pain. Hero posture is good, hardly any pain.
Breathing was nice.
Shakti was okay but surprisingly went into deep silence.
Shambavi was good..surprisingly was crying in aum chanting. Can't remember if this happen before. Previously during high point I normally laugh during aum chanting.
Sat a long while with sannidhi.
Feeling so blessed with the sannidhi.
Thank to Akash for all the blesings I have received.
I am truly living the life that I want.
As for the partner, it is now up to Akash.
Lunar in 5th house
This lifetime u are learning how to deal with affairs of the heart, children and ur own creativity. Through procreation u learn how to incorporate the joy of ur creativity into existence.
As u begin to allow urself to be proud and accept love from what u create in this existence, u also allow urself to develop an ego and self identity through what u create. This helps u get more in touch with ur creator and other universal energies. Learning to recognise that u have the ability to create puts u in touch with ur power to manifest ur own positive destiny.
Through consciously creating what makes ur life happy, vital and alive, u learn to accept responsibility for creating ur own reality.
Soul
Exactly, I am creating the work space and days that I want.
I have created the spiritual space at home.
I have created the writing space in web.
Nov 5 eve
Did Sannidhi pooja. Since I just did yesterday no tears as I light the incense. Just went into silence.
Later after the chanting and prayer, I suddenly exploded into laughter, feeling Sadhguru's presence.
Pooja song and Brahmanda is okay.
Went into deep Shoonya. Did cat stretch followed with a short breathing. Nice.
Today my friend came and feel my room as the Buddhist temple she always frequented.
Woke up feeling blessed that I need not have to work today. So thankful for the 3 day work week.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by singing guru pooja.
Cat Stretch was okay, not as great as yesterday evening after Sannidhi pooja.
Angamardhana was good but omitted a few steps due to back pain. Hero posture is good, hardly any pain.
Breathing was nice.
Shakti was okay but surprisingly went into deep silence.
Shambavi was good..surprisingly was crying in aum chanting. Can't remember if this happen before. Previously during high point I normally laugh during aum chanting.
Sat a long while with sannidhi.
Feeling so blessed with the sannidhi.
Thank to Akash for all the blesings I have received.
I am truly living the life that I want.
As for the partner, it is now up to Akash.
Lunar in 5th house
This lifetime u are learning how to deal with affairs of the heart, children and ur own creativity. Through procreation u learn how to incorporate the joy of ur creativity into existence.
As u begin to allow urself to be proud and accept love from what u create in this existence, u also allow urself to develop an ego and self identity through what u create. This helps u get more in touch with ur creator and other universal energies. Learning to recognise that u have the ability to create puts u in touch with ur power to manifest ur own positive destiny.
Through consciously creating what makes ur life happy, vital and alive, u learn to accept responsibility for creating ur own reality.
Soul
Exactly, I am creating the work space and days that I want.
I have created the spiritual space at home.
I have created the writing space in web.
Nov 5 eve
Did Sannidhi pooja. Since I just did yesterday no tears as I light the incense. Just went into silence.
Later after the chanting and prayer, I suddenly exploded into laughter, feeling Sadhguru's presence.
Pooja song and Brahmanda is okay.
Went into deep Shoonya. Did cat stretch followed with a short breathing. Nice.
Today my friend came and feel my room as the Buddhist temple she always frequented.
Feeling blessed.
Nov 4 eve
Came home in time for Sannidhi pooja. Lovely spending time. Shoonya was deep.
Just finished watching The Voice. Been following this show cos the singing is good and the judges are so motivating. They see beyond.
It's now 11 pm and I can sleep late tonight cos tomorrow off day.
Feeling so blessed that I can do 3 days week and still have ample financial security.
In the end I don't need much material stuff. Just coming home, doing my sadhana and pooja with sannidhi, spending time with Devi and Dhynalinga and writing. My life is made.
I no longer need RA to spur me in my spiritual path. I m on the path out of joy not fear of suffering.
On the partner. I leave it up to Akash. Just as I told Kailash, the same I now said to Akash. It is has to happen, let Him make it. I just go with the flow.
Came home in time for Sannidhi pooja. Lovely spending time. Shoonya was deep.
Just finished watching The Voice. Been following this show cos the singing is good and the judges are so motivating. They see beyond.
It's now 11 pm and I can sleep late tonight cos tomorrow off day.
Feeling so blessed that I can do 3 days week and still have ample financial security.
In the end I don't need much material stuff. Just coming home, doing my sadhana and pooja with sannidhi, spending time with Devi and Dhynalinga and writing. My life is made.
I no longer need RA to spur me in my spiritual path. I m on the path out of joy not fear of suffering.
On the partner. I leave it up to Akash. Just as I told Kailash, the same I now said to Akash. It is has to happen, let Him make it. I just go with the flow.
The Power of Empathy by Arthur Ciaramicoli
Nov 4 aft
Told my Second in command of my plan to take care of the company. He too voice his concern and can see that both boss and her second in command is not business driven.
My second in command also was affected by J's mail and wonder how I would respond. I shared about my flow of tots. Glad to have him on board. I told him I m now taking charge of the operations as I want to stay long here. Instead of feeling resentful or judging others for not playing their role. I can play mine and more. This is a fresh perspective. Normally I would just play my designated role. Thanks to Sannidhi.
The power of Empathy by Arthur Ciaramicoli and Katherine Ketcham
Empathy helps us maintain a sense of balance and perspective in an ever-changing landscape, empathy teaches us how to flex and bend, letting go of our preconceptions and entering our rships with open hearts and open minds.
First we are conscious - awake and aware of ourselves as thinking, feeling beings. Then we are empathic, meaning that we are capable of understanding the tots, ideas, motives and judgements of others. Empathy is the bond that connects us, helping us to think before we act, motivating us to reach out to someone in pain, teaching us to use our reasoning powers to balance our emotions and inspiring us to the most lofty ideals to which human being can aspire.
By increasing our awareness of other people's tots and feelings, empathy shows us how to live fully and wholeheartedly.
Empathy teaches u when it is safe to say yes and when it is better, in the long run, to say no. Empathy knows how to set limits and draw boundaries. Empathy protects u at the same time it teaches u how to open up to life's experiences.
Soul
Truly wish I re-read this.
Told my Second in command of my plan to take care of the company. He too voice his concern and can see that both boss and her second in command is not business driven.
My second in command also was affected by J's mail and wonder how I would respond. I shared about my flow of tots. Glad to have him on board. I told him I m now taking charge of the operations as I want to stay long here. Instead of feeling resentful or judging others for not playing their role. I can play mine and more. This is a fresh perspective. Normally I would just play my designated role. Thanks to Sannidhi.
The power of Empathy by Arthur Ciaramicoli and Katherine Ketcham
Empathy helps us maintain a sense of balance and perspective in an ever-changing landscape, empathy teaches us how to flex and bend, letting go of our preconceptions and entering our rships with open hearts and open minds.
First we are conscious - awake and aware of ourselves as thinking, feeling beings. Then we are empathic, meaning that we are capable of understanding the tots, ideas, motives and judgements of others. Empathy is the bond that connects us, helping us to think before we act, motivating us to reach out to someone in pain, teaching us to use our reasoning powers to balance our emotions and inspiring us to the most lofty ideals to which human being can aspire.
By increasing our awareness of other people's tots and feelings, empathy shows us how to live fully and wholeheartedly.
Empathy teaches u when it is safe to say yes and when it is better, in the long run, to say no. Empathy knows how to set limits and draw boundaries. Empathy protects u at the same time it teaches u how to open up to life's experiences.
Soul
Truly wish I re-read this.
The Power of Empathy
Nov 4
Woke up and back pain is much better now. Body is fresh, thanks to the Shrine. They truly makes waking up early morning quite effortless.
Did Bhuta Shuddi. Tell Akash that I no longer need RA to persevere in sadhana cos now doing it out of joy and well being.
Finally letting go of RA.
Then followed by corrected cat stretch. Doing ten breathe count for cat stretch. The permanent right elbow stiff swell has reduced much. For the first time got hope to cure the swell on right elbow. My top shoulder felt light.
Angamardhana was quite good. But omitted a few back stretch post and one lying down posture that lift up leg and the two sitting posture that need back balancing.
Breathing was nice
Shakti was good, went in deep with 120 Kapala Bhakti and no sitting up. Was singing at the end.
Shambavi was good. Wish I got more time to stay at the end.
Stop the Body mind book as I decided that RA is no longer needed.
Now need to work on Empathy. Bought and read the book back in 2003. Read it two times and now be third times.
The power of Empathy by Arthur Ciaramicoli and Katherine Ketcham
Trust is established in rships when we are willing to reveal our innermost tots and feelings. Only when we find the courage to open ourselves up to others, giving up our perspective in order to enter another person's world, can we hope to create intimate, enduring rships.
If we hold back and "play it safe", we diminish the power of empathy to bring us closer.
Soul
Had this Tot of J this morning. Instead of being defensive or seeing him as protectionist. See what I can learn from him. What's important is that we find a mutual way of agreeing on measurement of client performance. Looks like I m on right track. Then again empathy at work is my normal behaviour.
Its empathy at personal and romantic rships that is the weakness.
Wish I had read this book again during time with Z but then again perhaps its would have ended things sooner instead of later.
The power of Empathy by Arthur Ciaramicoli and Katherine Ketcham
Empathy has changed me from the inside out; if I wanted to communicate its potential, I had to be willing to honor its profound effect upon my life. So I have decided to open up my life to the readers, knowing that my experiences have led me to understand the power and the promise of empathy.
The most meaningful way I can connect with others is to tell my stories. For that's what we do in life when we engage in heartfelt relationships - we tell stories and we listen to stories and then we take the time to search for meaning in those narratives, hoping to find a common thread, a theme that will point us in a certain direction, a goal to move forward, a light that will shine through the darkness and reveal the pathway before us.
Soul
Wish I read this when I was having the dilemmas of my blog and my website.
Its only after I release the Facebook that I now sees this message. Amen.
Woke up and back pain is much better now. Body is fresh, thanks to the Shrine. They truly makes waking up early morning quite effortless.
Did Bhuta Shuddi. Tell Akash that I no longer need RA to persevere in sadhana cos now doing it out of joy and well being.
Finally letting go of RA.
Then followed by corrected cat stretch. Doing ten breathe count for cat stretch. The permanent right elbow stiff swell has reduced much. For the first time got hope to cure the swell on right elbow. My top shoulder felt light.
Angamardhana was quite good. But omitted a few back stretch post and one lying down posture that lift up leg and the two sitting posture that need back balancing.
Breathing was nice
Shakti was good, went in deep with 120 Kapala Bhakti and no sitting up. Was singing at the end.
Shambavi was good. Wish I got more time to stay at the end.
Stop the Body mind book as I decided that RA is no longer needed.
Now need to work on Empathy. Bought and read the book back in 2003. Read it two times and now be third times.
The power of Empathy by Arthur Ciaramicoli and Katherine Ketcham
Trust is established in rships when we are willing to reveal our innermost tots and feelings. Only when we find the courage to open ourselves up to others, giving up our perspective in order to enter another person's world, can we hope to create intimate, enduring rships.
If we hold back and "play it safe", we diminish the power of empathy to bring us closer.
Soul
Had this Tot of J this morning. Instead of being defensive or seeing him as protectionist. See what I can learn from him. What's important is that we find a mutual way of agreeing on measurement of client performance. Looks like I m on right track. Then again empathy at work is my normal behaviour.
Its empathy at personal and romantic rships that is the weakness.
Wish I had read this book again during time with Z but then again perhaps its would have ended things sooner instead of later.
The power of Empathy by Arthur Ciaramicoli and Katherine Ketcham
Empathy has changed me from the inside out; if I wanted to communicate its potential, I had to be willing to honor its profound effect upon my life. So I have decided to open up my life to the readers, knowing that my experiences have led me to understand the power and the promise of empathy.
The most meaningful way I can connect with others is to tell my stories. For that's what we do in life when we engage in heartfelt relationships - we tell stories and we listen to stories and then we take the time to search for meaning in those narratives, hoping to find a common thread, a theme that will point us in a certain direction, a goal to move forward, a light that will shine through the darkness and reveal the pathway before us.
Soul
Wish I read this when I was having the dilemmas of my blog and my website.
Its only after I release the Facebook that I now sees this message. Amen.
Do I need Rheumatoid Arthristis?
Nov 3 eve
Was caught in a massive traffic jam. Couldn't make it for sannidhi pooja.
During the evening practice, I cried.
At first I tot i was okay cos will replace tomorrow.
Later when I start to sing guru pooja, tears fall and I cried that I miss the sannidhi pooja. Didn't know I was so affected within.
After the teary guru pooja, I followed up with Brahmanda chanting. Felt much better.
Did a short breathing meditation followed by a deep Shoonya. Amen.
In the end I just said that I no longer need RA to persevere in my inner journey. Me now on the journey out of joy, not out of fear of suffering. Amen.
Ur body speaks ur mind by Deb Shapiro
Can u imagine urself being well again?
Would u accept the cure? If u could be absolutely well, right now, what effect would that have on the rest of ur life?
And finally, Ask ur body what it needs to be healed and how can u help?
What does it need you to do? Is it physical, psychological or emotional healing or change that is needed.
Nov 3 eve 1
Saw the mail from colleague J. First tot was feeling pressed, then I felt defensive as if I m being threatened.
Then I breathe and a tot came. He is not attacking me or challenge my position. He is just defending himself. He doesn't want to be seem making a loss for the company.
That's empathy at work.
Alas it is true. Others have no time to hurt us, they are only protecting their own hurts.
Thats empathy at work.
Was caught in a massive traffic jam. Couldn't make it for sannidhi pooja.
During the evening practice, I cried.
At first I tot i was okay cos will replace tomorrow.
Later when I start to sing guru pooja, tears fall and I cried that I miss the sannidhi pooja. Didn't know I was so affected within.
After the teary guru pooja, I followed up with Brahmanda chanting. Felt much better.
Did a short breathing meditation followed by a deep Shoonya. Amen.
In the end I just said that I no longer need RA to persevere in my inner journey. Me now on the journey out of joy, not out of fear of suffering. Amen.
Ur body speaks ur mind by Deb Shapiro
Can u imagine urself being well again?
Would u accept the cure? If u could be absolutely well, right now, what effect would that have on the rest of ur life?
And finally, Ask ur body what it needs to be healed and how can u help?
What does it need you to do? Is it physical, psychological or emotional healing or change that is needed.
Nov 3 eve 1
Saw the mail from colleague J. First tot was feeling pressed, then I felt defensive as if I m being threatened.
Then I breathe and a tot came. He is not attacking me or challenge my position. He is just defending himself. He doesn't want to be seem making a loss for the company.
That's empathy at work.
Alas it is true. Others have no time to hurt us, they are only protecting their own hurts.
Thats empathy at work.
Time to let go of Rheumatoid Arthistis
Nov 3
Woke up okay at 3.48 am, feel slight stiffness on my middle back.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by singing Guru pooja.
Cat stretch was better than norm due to guru pooja. Able to do ten breathe count instead of eight
Did Angamardhana which is quite good despite middle back pain. Couldn't do that asanas that strain the back. So no pushing out leg postures and couldn't do the both leg up at 45 degree posture. Couldn't even do the last standing posture nor the kundalini yoga.
Just did breathe watching, it was good.
Did Shakti, 120 cycles but no bending forward rests in between. I want to keep the Shakti posture. Went in deep.
Did Shambavi with corrected cat stretch. It was good.
Read this on Facebook.
Galatic press
To overcome the challenges of being an Empaths
Challenge
2. Knowing Self: Sense you spend so much time experiencing the subtleties around you, you spend more time out than in your body. Taking time to center and be fully in your own body, in your own thoughts is important. This is a big piece that will be needed to establish boundaries.
To overcome the challenges, you must become flexible, comfortable with change and know how to flow with your experience not against. Learning about yourself, how you are wired and how to assess and adjust your responses to what you are perceiving will help you achieve balance. Part of this will be developing a daily practice that will strengthen your empathic muscles and give you a sort of reset button.
Soul
Suddenly tot that this recent joints pain and now the slight back pain is a lesson for me to go with the flow.
I didn't want my body to disrupt my practices.
The previous Saturday after the slight injury on my back, I should have go easy on Yogasanas but instead I went full force. So from one section now expanded to three section.
Miss whole Angamardhana and Surya Kriya today.
Have not slide in my sadhana despite joints pain.
Alas this is the first time that I do.
Resting for one week on Surya Kriya. Didn't expect this.
Need to be more aware of my body.
Deb Shapiro
Are there any benefits u gain from ur difficulty? Does it makes u feel special? Does it makes u feel loved and cared for? Does it mean u are a failure? Does it makes u feel guilty? What effects is it having on ur rships? Is it getting u out of doing something?
Soul
I have never avoided RA. Never denied it a space as back then only minor joints problem and there is no change to my diet. So RA was something I can leave it especially since I am not so physical orientated and tend to dislike exercise. RA was the perfect cover. Little did they know that even without RA I can't play as I seems to have disjointed neuron function. I can't seem to receive and hit ball properly.
And RA is the reason that I persevere in my sadhana. Hence my blog, suffering is blessing.
Cause me to change my diet due to cholestrol scare.
The coffee was more on Samyama but alas coffee is not good for RA which is also good for sadhana.
Deb Shapiro
How would u feel if someone offers the cure? Would u accept the cure?
Soul
A few months ago I said I can live with RA but not now.
Now the numerous and continuous joints pain after Kailash is more onerous and it us disrupting my hata yoga.
Now it says sugar also not good for me. Desserts is my pleasure.
Now that I enjoy hata yoga as it keep me fit, let me eat all that I want without gaining weight, I want to do all. I no longer need RA to push me.
So for the first time I m not okay with living with RA.
Woke up okay at 3.48 am, feel slight stiffness on my middle back.
Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by singing Guru pooja.
Cat stretch was better than norm due to guru pooja. Able to do ten breathe count instead of eight
Did Angamardhana which is quite good despite middle back pain. Couldn't do that asanas that strain the back. So no pushing out leg postures and couldn't do the both leg up at 45 degree posture. Couldn't even do the last standing posture nor the kundalini yoga.
Just did breathe watching, it was good.
Did Shakti, 120 cycles but no bending forward rests in between. I want to keep the Shakti posture. Went in deep.
Did Shambavi with corrected cat stretch. It was good.
Read this on Facebook.
Galatic press
To overcome the challenges of being an Empaths
Challenge
2. Knowing Self: Sense you spend so much time experiencing the subtleties around you, you spend more time out than in your body. Taking time to center and be fully in your own body, in your own thoughts is important. This is a big piece that will be needed to establish boundaries.
To overcome the challenges, you must become flexible, comfortable with change and know how to flow with your experience not against. Learning about yourself, how you are wired and how to assess and adjust your responses to what you are perceiving will help you achieve balance. Part of this will be developing a daily practice that will strengthen your empathic muscles and give you a sort of reset button.
Soul
Suddenly tot that this recent joints pain and now the slight back pain is a lesson for me to go with the flow.
I didn't want my body to disrupt my practices.
The previous Saturday after the slight injury on my back, I should have go easy on Yogasanas but instead I went full force. So from one section now expanded to three section.
Miss whole Angamardhana and Surya Kriya today.
Have not slide in my sadhana despite joints pain.
Alas this is the first time that I do.
Resting for one week on Surya Kriya. Didn't expect this.
Need to be more aware of my body.
Deb Shapiro
Are there any benefits u gain from ur difficulty? Does it makes u feel special? Does it makes u feel loved and cared for? Does it mean u are a failure? Does it makes u feel guilty? What effects is it having on ur rships? Is it getting u out of doing something?
Soul
I have never avoided RA. Never denied it a space as back then only minor joints problem and there is no change to my diet. So RA was something I can leave it especially since I am not so physical orientated and tend to dislike exercise. RA was the perfect cover. Little did they know that even without RA I can't play as I seems to have disjointed neuron function. I can't seem to receive and hit ball properly.
And RA is the reason that I persevere in my sadhana. Hence my blog, suffering is blessing.
Cause me to change my diet due to cholestrol scare.
The coffee was more on Samyama but alas coffee is not good for RA which is also good for sadhana.
Deb Shapiro
How would u feel if someone offers the cure? Would u accept the cure?
Soul
A few months ago I said I can live with RA but not now.
Now the numerous and continuous joints pain after Kailash is more onerous and it us disrupting my hata yoga.
Now it says sugar also not good for me. Desserts is my pleasure.
Now that I enjoy hata yoga as it keep me fit, let me eat all that I want without gaining weight, I want to do all. I no longer need RA to push me.
So for the first time I m not okay with living with RA.
Eight of Diamonds - Creating wealth for myself
Nov 2 aft 1
Destiny 2014/2015
Pluto
Eight of Diamonds
This year one of ur main goals will be that of creating more money in ur life. U are desiring to have the power to make some purchases that are important to u. To acquire this power, u will have to change ur behaviour and possibly ur attitudes about money.
This card indicates that u need a fixed and determined set of values. That is, u need to get perfectly clear about what u want and why u want it. Once u are clear about what u want, then u can devote urself to a single-minded pursuit of those financial goal. This kind of dedication always brings success, but since this is the Pluto card, it is likely that acquiring these qualities will be challenging will be challenging at times and cause u to make fundamental changes in the way u approach money, work and finances.
Ur result card will tell u more about this financial power u seek or will point to a person in ur life who is closely connected to it.
Affirmation
I create the financial prosperity to purchase the thing that I want and deserve. I focus all my values into one powerful stream of "wealth energy".
Result
Two of Diamonds
The net result of one of ur important goals is likely to be successful financial partnership and arrangements.
Ur Pluto card will tell u more about this or tell u who, in particular u are joining forces with.
Taking advantage of other people's help may cause u to go through some changes this year. However, cooperation is the key to ur success and all business deals will have to be a "Win-Win" so that u and all others profit from them.
Affirmation
I create successful financial deals and partnership. I end this year connected to others in a financial way.
Soul
Early this year, there were some dilemma on purchase of mercury sannidhi and also renovation.
Then it got settled but now I realised this card is more than that.
Mmm..just a week ago, suddenly I realised that I should be paid more.
And if I can't be paid more, I should be working less and hence I ask for 5 pm release.
Next in my plan is to get a fixed 4 day week so that I need only to pay back 1 of the 2 off days. If I can't get salary increment, at least get more annual leave..since this is what boss is giving to the other mgm team.
I also suddenly realised that this is the year for us to get bonus and got my team to work on it. Looks like can get a bonus equal to last year.
Father, I am finally learning to make money for myself, learning to value myself. Instead of always watching out for others, why not me as I am important to the company too.
I am changing.
Now that I am living my values, I want to start generating my worth.
Last year bonus was used for Kailash and Sannidhi.
This year bonus will be used for renovation next year.
Destiny 2014/2015
Pluto
Eight of Diamonds
This year one of ur main goals will be that of creating more money in ur life. U are desiring to have the power to make some purchases that are important to u. To acquire this power, u will have to change ur behaviour and possibly ur attitudes about money.
This card indicates that u need a fixed and determined set of values. That is, u need to get perfectly clear about what u want and why u want it. Once u are clear about what u want, then u can devote urself to a single-minded pursuit of those financial goal. This kind of dedication always brings success, but since this is the Pluto card, it is likely that acquiring these qualities will be challenging will be challenging at times and cause u to make fundamental changes in the way u approach money, work and finances.
Ur result card will tell u more about this financial power u seek or will point to a person in ur life who is closely connected to it.
Affirmation
I create the financial prosperity to purchase the thing that I want and deserve. I focus all my values into one powerful stream of "wealth energy".
Result
Two of Diamonds
The net result of one of ur important goals is likely to be successful financial partnership and arrangements.
Ur Pluto card will tell u more about this or tell u who, in particular u are joining forces with.
Taking advantage of other people's help may cause u to go through some changes this year. However, cooperation is the key to ur success and all business deals will have to be a "Win-Win" so that u and all others profit from them.
Affirmation
I create successful financial deals and partnership. I end this year connected to others in a financial way.
Soul
Early this year, there were some dilemma on purchase of mercury sannidhi and also renovation.
Then it got settled but now I realised this card is more than that.
Mmm..just a week ago, suddenly I realised that I should be paid more.
And if I can't be paid more, I should be working less and hence I ask for 5 pm release.
Next in my plan is to get a fixed 4 day week so that I need only to pay back 1 of the 2 off days. If I can't get salary increment, at least get more annual leave..since this is what boss is giving to the other mgm team.
I also suddenly realised that this is the year for us to get bonus and got my team to work on it. Looks like can get a bonus equal to last year.
Father, I am finally learning to make money for myself, learning to value myself. Instead of always watching out for others, why not me as I am important to the company too.
I am changing.
Now that I am living my values, I want to start generating my worth.
Last year bonus was used for Kailash and Sannidhi.
This year bonus will be used for renovation next year.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Lunar in Scorpio - blockages leads to constipation
Nov 2 aft
Lunar in Scorpio
If u are not dealing with the energy of transformation and regeneration - the energy of purging the old to make way for the energy of birth and rebirth - u may have problems with ur rectum, colon, small intestine or bowel.
If on a spiritual level u are allowing urself to create blockages, the body will reflect what u are doing. In order to let go of the obstruction and not experience physical problems from holding back what needs to be released, u must learn that u cannot control everything around u.
Soul
Been having bit of difficulty to pass motion these two weeks.
Also hurt my lower back during last week Angamardhana. Will have to forego Surya Kriya for one week.
Guess it was me holding on to the past.
Now that I clear my books, looking forward to the future.
Today card in Neptune
My Daily Card
The King of Clubs
The King of Clubs is the highest card in the suit of knowledge. It bestows mastery and success in any of the communications fields, but especially in situations where we are able and willing to take a leadership position or assume responsibility. Remember that every King has a kingdom. If you are involved in one of the communications related fields and are willing to stand up and take charge, there is no better card to indicate your success.
The King of Clubs is highly intuitive, can make fine mental distinctions, and will never do anything to compromise his or her integrity or inner truth. Keep these qualities in mind whenever this powerful card appears in your reading.
Lunar in Scorpio
If u are not dealing with the energy of transformation and regeneration - the energy of purging the old to make way for the energy of birth and rebirth - u may have problems with ur rectum, colon, small intestine or bowel.
If on a spiritual level u are allowing urself to create blockages, the body will reflect what u are doing. In order to let go of the obstruction and not experience physical problems from holding back what needs to be released, u must learn that u cannot control everything around u.
Soul
Been having bit of difficulty to pass motion these two weeks.
Also hurt my lower back during last week Angamardhana. Will have to forego Surya Kriya for one week.
Guess it was me holding on to the past.
Now that I clear my books, looking forward to the future.
Today card in Neptune
My Daily Card
The King of Clubs
The King of Clubs is the highest card in the suit of knowledge. It bestows mastery and success in any of the communications fields, but especially in situations where we are able and willing to take a leadership position or assume responsibility. Remember that every King has a kingdom. If you are involved in one of the communications related fields and are willing to stand up and take charge, there is no better card to indicate your success.
The King of Clubs is highly intuitive, can make fine mental distinctions, and will never do anything to compromise his or her integrity or inner truth. Keep these qualities in mind whenever this powerful card appears in your reading.
Leaving the past behind me
Nov 2
Woke up before 6 am body feeling fresh. Doze a bit and woke up from bed at 6.30 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and went for a walk in the park.
Once I step into the park, song of Guru Pooja starts to sing in my mind.
Love the trees..after Isha I am able to appreciate them.
Love the way the trees give energy freely to us.
For the first time since I shifted into my renovated room 3 years ago, I am doing spring cleaning of my collection of books.Giving away those books that I know I won't ever read again. Some of those books I haven't touch since Isha six years ago. Those book on the early stage of embarking into personal development is the ones I am giving away.
I am also giving away those books on sexuality that I first read in my early thirties. No longer need them, thanks to Z. Truly glad went all the way with Z. It helps me to close that chapter of sexual knowledge and experience.
Now only keeping Sadhguru, Osho, Ekhart Tolle, Krishnamurti, A Course in Miracle and a few historical philosophist.
This week Osho tarot card.
Internal influences that you are unable to see
Clinging to the Past
It's time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that you would have already outgrown if you hadn't been so busy clinging to what you have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if you must, and bid it a fond and reverent farewell. Life is passing you by, and you're in danger of becoming an old fossil before your time!
Soul
Yes, me saying goodbye to the past.
4. What’s needed for resolution?
The Lovers
What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky. At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there, because our conditioning has burdened our sexuality with all kinds of expectations and repressions. Actually the biggest "problem" with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is - welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it's not. Then, as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Soul
Slowly but surely getting this.
At least today I am real glad that I finally can remove the books on sexuality, with thanks to Z.
Susan Miller monthly astrology on Cancer for Nov
When it comes to love, you seem to be waiting for something to happen. If you are married, you may be hoping to find the right time to have a child, and if you are single, you seem to be waiting for your relationship to move forward. You have been in limbo, due to Saturn's long journey through your sector of true love (since October 2012), but that will soon end with Saturn's departure next month on December 23. You are ready for progress, and if you don't see it, you will need to have a good answer why things can't move forward now. Your days of waiting are coming to an end, for your patience has been strained and in short supply.
Soul
What an apt message, giving me hope. Z and I broke off in September 2012.
Just now did my physical release, and I cried. I wonder where is my partner. Need not have to do physical release on my own.
Did Shoonya thereafter, went in deep.
Truly love my shrine.
What a change of life...I am truly in a good place now.
Ready to embark on whatever comes my way.
5. Resolution
The Fool
Moment to moment, and with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. He carries nothing more than his purity, innocence and trust, symbolized by the white rose in his hand. The pattern on his waistcoat contains the colors of all four elements of the tarot, indicating that he is in harmony with all that surrounds him. His intuition is functioning at its peak. At this moment the Fool has the support of the universe to make this jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life. The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the 'rightness' of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear 'foolish' to others, or even to yourself, if you try to analyze them with the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Woke up before 6 am body feeling fresh. Doze a bit and woke up from bed at 6.30 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and went for a walk in the park.
Once I step into the park, song of Guru Pooja starts to sing in my mind.
Love the trees..after Isha I am able to appreciate them.
Love the way the trees give energy freely to us.
For the first time since I shifted into my renovated room 3 years ago, I am doing spring cleaning of my collection of books.Giving away those books that I know I won't ever read again. Some of those books I haven't touch since Isha six years ago. Those book on the early stage of embarking into personal development is the ones I am giving away.
I am also giving away those books on sexuality that I first read in my early thirties. No longer need them, thanks to Z. Truly glad went all the way with Z. It helps me to close that chapter of sexual knowledge and experience.
Now only keeping Sadhguru, Osho, Ekhart Tolle, Krishnamurti, A Course in Miracle and a few historical philosophist.
This week Osho tarot card.
Internal influences that you are unable to see
Clinging to the Past
It's time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that you would have already outgrown if you hadn't been so busy clinging to what you have already been through. Take a deep breath, put the box down, tie it up in a pretty ribbon if you must, and bid it a fond and reverent farewell. Life is passing you by, and you're in danger of becoming an old fossil before your time!
Soul
Yes, me saying goodbye to the past.
4. What’s needed for resolution?
The Lovers
What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky. At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there, because our conditioning has burdened our sexuality with all kinds of expectations and repressions. Actually the biggest "problem" with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is - welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it's not. Then, as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Soul
Slowly but surely getting this.
At least today I am real glad that I finally can remove the books on sexuality, with thanks to Z.
Susan Miller monthly astrology on Cancer for Nov
When it comes to love, you seem to be waiting for something to happen. If you are married, you may be hoping to find the right time to have a child, and if you are single, you seem to be waiting for your relationship to move forward. You have been in limbo, due to Saturn's long journey through your sector of true love (since October 2012), but that will soon end with Saturn's departure next month on December 23. You are ready for progress, and if you don't see it, you will need to have a good answer why things can't move forward now. Your days of waiting are coming to an end, for your patience has been strained and in short supply.
Soul
What an apt message, giving me hope. Z and I broke off in September 2012.
Just now did my physical release, and I cried. I wonder where is my partner. Need not have to do physical release on my own.
Did Shoonya thereafter, went in deep.
Truly love my shrine.
What a change of life...I am truly in a good place now.
Ready to embark on whatever comes my way.
5. Resolution
The Fool
Moment to moment, and with every step, the Fool leaves the past behind. He carries nothing more than his purity, innocence and trust, symbolized by the white rose in his hand. The pattern on his waistcoat contains the colors of all four elements of the tarot, indicating that he is in harmony with all that surrounds him. His intuition is functioning at its peak. At this moment the Fool has the support of the universe to make this jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life. The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the 'rightness' of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear 'foolish' to others, or even to yourself, if you try to analyze them with the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Queen of Spades in Pluto
Nov 1 eve
Ruling 2014/2015
Pluto
Queen of Spades
Somehow connected to ur result card you are attempting to develop a sense of mastery from within, a greater level of organisational ability or both. Self mastery comes from inner knowledge and self control. It is knowing u can have everything u want, not by changing the world but by changing yourself.
U will have to work hard this year and possibly doing work that u find somewhat distasteful. Spades are work and the Queen using her work as karma yoga, a tool to purify her tots and emotions.
This is the goal u have set for urself and u must have good reason for why u want this. Keep this uppermost in ur mind as u progress through the year. U will no doubt have to make changes within and outside of urself to achieve this goal.
Affirmation
I develop my capacity to transform my life by changing my beliefs, ideas, and concepts of the world. I become the master of myself.
Soul
No wonder this year is not as easy as I tot this year will be.
Really need to dig deep within.
This is also my 7 year Long range Destiny card for age 42 to 48.
I be 48 next year. So this is the towards the ending of the change of the 7 year long range Ruling of Five.
My 2014/2015 Ruling's Result card
Result
Nine of Clubs
Much of ur challenges is to let go of outworn ideas, projects, plans or way of communicating. This is a year of completion that may at times seem like disappointing endings.
The Nine of Clubs says that u are completing a major chapter in ur life and it is time to move on to greener pastures.
Be open to spiritual wisdom in all forms, as this will help make change easier.
Affirmation
I complete projects this year and let go of the past. I broaden my understanding by releasing old ways of thinking.
Soul
Well, converted to a devotee and now have a shrine of Linga's Gudi, Dhynalinga yantra and now Sadhguru's Sannidi.
My nights are spend with the shrine.
Ruling 2014/2015
Pluto
Queen of Spades
Somehow connected to ur result card you are attempting to develop a sense of mastery from within, a greater level of organisational ability or both. Self mastery comes from inner knowledge and self control. It is knowing u can have everything u want, not by changing the world but by changing yourself.
U will have to work hard this year and possibly doing work that u find somewhat distasteful. Spades are work and the Queen using her work as karma yoga, a tool to purify her tots and emotions.
This is the goal u have set for urself and u must have good reason for why u want this. Keep this uppermost in ur mind as u progress through the year. U will no doubt have to make changes within and outside of urself to achieve this goal.
Affirmation
I develop my capacity to transform my life by changing my beliefs, ideas, and concepts of the world. I become the master of myself.
Soul
No wonder this year is not as easy as I tot this year will be.
Really need to dig deep within.
This is also my 7 year Long range Destiny card for age 42 to 48.
I be 48 next year. So this is the towards the ending of the change of the 7 year long range Ruling of Five.
My 2014/2015 Ruling's Result card
Result
Nine of Clubs
Much of ur challenges is to let go of outworn ideas, projects, plans or way of communicating. This is a year of completion that may at times seem like disappointing endings.
The Nine of Clubs says that u are completing a major chapter in ur life and it is time to move on to greener pastures.
Be open to spiritual wisdom in all forms, as this will help make change easier.
Affirmation
I complete projects this year and let go of the past. I broaden my understanding by releasing old ways of thinking.
Soul
Well, converted to a devotee and now have a shrine of Linga's Gudi, Dhynalinga yantra and now Sadhguru's Sannidi.
My nights are spend with the shrine.
Lunar in Scorpio - giving freely
Nov 1 eve
Read this while updating my blog
Lunar in Scorpio
As long as u tot u needed others to support u, u unknowingly held urself down by having opportunists around u, feeding off ur energy. This is why so often u have been disappointed in human nature.
When u feel u are buying favours from others rather than simply giving freely without strings attached, u deprive those around you of giving of their own volition and love when u need their help
By not giving freely, u robbed urself of the opportunity to experience the law of cause and effect in a positive way.
By learning to give freely and without ulterior motives, u are letting go of the energy of manipulation. U can spend so much time manipulating the lives of those around u that u become caught up in this mode of expression thereby stunting ur own growth.
As u release this negative energy, u realise that just because people travel on their own separate paths doesn't mean they can't care about and support one another.
U start to understand that if others truly care about u, they will be there when u need them, and if they are not, then maybe they don't care as much as they say or as u think they do. This helps to sort out the people who really care about u from those who don't, and also broadens ur awareness of the many different ways people shoe they care.
When u reach this awareness, u will operate from a sense of ur full power and there will be no holding back.
Soul
today going to volunteering because I want to..not because I have to.
Truly glad now able to differentiate.
I need not pay the price..
Read this while updating my blog
Lunar in Scorpio
As long as u tot u needed others to support u, u unknowingly held urself down by having opportunists around u, feeding off ur energy. This is why so often u have been disappointed in human nature.
When u feel u are buying favours from others rather than simply giving freely without strings attached, u deprive those around you of giving of their own volition and love when u need their help
By not giving freely, u robbed urself of the opportunity to experience the law of cause and effect in a positive way.
By learning to give freely and without ulterior motives, u are letting go of the energy of manipulation. U can spend so much time manipulating the lives of those around u that u become caught up in this mode of expression thereby stunting ur own growth.
As u release this negative energy, u realise that just because people travel on their own separate paths doesn't mean they can't care about and support one another.
U start to understand that if others truly care about u, they will be there when u need them, and if they are not, then maybe they don't care as much as they say or as u think they do. This helps to sort out the people who really care about u from those who don't, and also broadens ur awareness of the many different ways people shoe they care.
When u reach this awareness, u will operate from a sense of ur full power and there will be no holding back.
Soul
today going to volunteering because I want to..not because I have to.
Truly glad now able to differentiate.
I need not pay the price..
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
INFJ - strong emotions but unable to identify the source
Nov 1 aft
I am that - Nisargadatta Ji Maharaj
Whatever you may have to do, watch ur mind.
Also you must have moments of complete inner peace and quiet, when ur mind is absolutely still.
If u miss it, you miss the entire thing.
If u do not, the silence of the mind will dissolve and absorb all else.
It has nothing to do with effort. Just turn away, look between the thoughts, rather than at the thoughts.
When u happen to walk in a crowd, u do not fight every man u meet, u just find ur way between.
When u fight, u invite a fight.
But when u do not resist, u meet no resistance.
When u refuse the play the game, u are out of it.
Soul
Love this.
this morning again I have th idea that my those tots coming into my mind are surface tots.
some of those tots are incredulous.
They are not true at all.
I no longer believe them.
Sannidhi may make the physical sadhana easier but life is not.
I am now aware of my feelings. Not easy to feel and act beyond the fear
Was updating my blog and saw this
http://introvertdear.com/2014/05/03/infjs-feel-strong-emotions/
INFJs feel strong emotions because of the way the functions in our personality are arranged.
The INFJ’s functions are, in this order,
1) Introverted Intuition (Ni),
2) Extroverted Feeling (Fe),
3) Introverted Thinking (Ti), and
4) Extroverted Sensing (Se).
This is called our “functional stack,” or in other words, our mind’s preferred ways of working.
Ni is our dominant function and is like our “captain.” It’s our biggest strength and the most defining feature of our personality. Fe is second, so it’s like a sidekick to Ni. Ti and Se operate mostly below our level of consciousness, so they are usually not very well developed (at least not until later in life, when we’ve matured).
What makes our feelings overwhelming sometimes is that we don’t have a system that effectively processes them, so we don’t experience them in a controlled way. We need an introverted judging function to organize our emotions and scale them down to a manageable size, allowing us to put them in perspective. The function we have to do this is Ti, which is not a good tool to deal with emotions. Plus, it’s third in our functional stack, which means it works less efficiently than Ni and Fe, and it operates subconsciously.
Soul
Mmmm..maybe this is not back to square one
My feelings and sensation is coming back up after years of suppression
http://introvertdear.com/2014/05/03/infjs-feel-strong-emotions/
For these reasons, we often feel out of touch with our own emotions. Our feelings seem to flow spontaneously and without direction, sometimes rising to the surface of our consciousness, other times lurking below in the depths of our subconscious. These emotions may reveal themselves to us in a flash of images or in dreams. We may be surprised by our own behavior. We may even do reckless things. Bad emotions like stress or tension from conflict may make us physically sick or keep us awake at night.
It’s not easy being an INFJ. Sometimes I have a hard time knowing how I feel about something. I become a detective, putting together the clues to solve the mystery. What does my body do when I’m around that person? What does my body language say? What feelings arise? Are they my own, or are they feelings I’ve absorbed from other people? What images do I see in my mind? How does my body feel physically?
I’m coming to terms with the passionate, powerfully emotional person that I am. Having strong emotions means I will feel and experience life in ways that other people can only wish to know.
Soul
Mmm...thats another alternative view.
Such Irony..actually I am true feeler..cos I don't project it..doesn't mean I don't have.
I am that - Nisargadatta Ji Maharaj
Whatever you may have to do, watch ur mind.
Also you must have moments of complete inner peace and quiet, when ur mind is absolutely still.
If u miss it, you miss the entire thing.
If u do not, the silence of the mind will dissolve and absorb all else.
It has nothing to do with effort. Just turn away, look between the thoughts, rather than at the thoughts.
When u happen to walk in a crowd, u do not fight every man u meet, u just find ur way between.
When u fight, u invite a fight.
But when u do not resist, u meet no resistance.
When u refuse the play the game, u are out of it.
Soul
Love this.
this morning again I have th idea that my those tots coming into my mind are surface tots.
some of those tots are incredulous.
They are not true at all.
I no longer believe them.
Sannidhi may make the physical sadhana easier but life is not.
I am now aware of my feelings. Not easy to feel and act beyond the fear
Was updating my blog and saw this
http://introvertdear.com/2014/05/03/infjs-feel-strong-emotions/
INFJs feel strong emotions because of the way the functions in our personality are arranged.
The INFJ’s functions are, in this order,
1) Introverted Intuition (Ni),
2) Extroverted Feeling (Fe),
3) Introverted Thinking (Ti), and
4) Extroverted Sensing (Se).
This is called our “functional stack,” or in other words, our mind’s preferred ways of working.
Ni is our dominant function and is like our “captain.” It’s our biggest strength and the most defining feature of our personality. Fe is second, so it’s like a sidekick to Ni. Ti and Se operate mostly below our level of consciousness, so they are usually not very well developed (at least not until later in life, when we’ve matured).
What makes our feelings overwhelming sometimes is that we don’t have a system that effectively processes them, so we don’t experience them in a controlled way. We need an introverted judging function to organize our emotions and scale them down to a manageable size, allowing us to put them in perspective. The function we have to do this is Ti, which is not a good tool to deal with emotions. Plus, it’s third in our functional stack, which means it works less efficiently than Ni and Fe, and it operates subconsciously.
Soul
Mmmm..maybe this is not back to square one
My feelings and sensation is coming back up after years of suppression
http://introvertdear.com/2014/05/03/infjs-feel-strong-emotions/
For these reasons, we often feel out of touch with our own emotions. Our feelings seem to flow spontaneously and without direction, sometimes rising to the surface of our consciousness, other times lurking below in the depths of our subconscious. These emotions may reveal themselves to us in a flash of images or in dreams. We may be surprised by our own behavior. We may even do reckless things. Bad emotions like stress or tension from conflict may make us physically sick or keep us awake at night.
It’s not easy being an INFJ. Sometimes I have a hard time knowing how I feel about something. I become a detective, putting together the clues to solve the mystery. What does my body do when I’m around that person? What does my body language say? What feelings arise? Are they my own, or are they feelings I’ve absorbed from other people? What images do I see in my mind? How does my body feel physically?
I’m coming to terms with the passionate, powerfully emotional person that I am. Having strong emotions means I will feel and experience life in ways that other people can only wish to know.
Soul
Mmm...thats another alternative view.
Such Irony..actually I am true feeler..cos I don't project it..doesn't mean I don't have.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Sannidhi - not to console but for growth
Nov 1
Woke up fresh before alarm at 6.45 am. Body feels real good.
Yesterday finally sat near the Sannidhi as it was too cold at my normal place. Went in deep.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and corrected Cat Stretch.
Followed by Surya Kriya, good alignment. But my back can't bend backward, it is too painful
Breathing was nice
Shakti was okay, this time did only 100 kapala bhakti but went in deep.
Some tots came in but this time I can disbelief it. I see it as surface tots.
Truly want to get it corrected.
Shambavi was good.
Can do plough back but unable to do the correction pose. My back can't bend backward.
It has been one week but still not recovered yet. Hurt my back during the Angamardhana guided practices last Saturday. Wonder if I need to take the relaxant pill to heal my back.
Went for a swim.
Fear come back.
I am feeling afraid especially there are many people in the pool due to school holiday.
Swam half lap but can feel the fear.
I decided to go to the other side of the pool to swim. Facing the sun.
Not able to swim in breast strokes as fear comes up.
I decided to swim in free style, less fear but still can't finish the lap.
Its not only fearing the people, also fearing the water itself.
Fear of being drown came back.
I can feel the fear and I try to squelch it. The more I try to overcome, the fear deepen.
The fear is deep within.
Truly like back to square one.
The fear has started one week after I got the Sannidhi.
What is it that I am afraid of?
I tot I was over the fear of water...
Father, help me.
Tot sannidhi will help me to settle but alas something inside is coming up.
Truly a period of growth...not a tool for console.
Woke up fresh before alarm at 6.45 am. Body feels real good.
Yesterday finally sat near the Sannidhi as it was too cold at my normal place. Went in deep.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and corrected Cat Stretch.
Followed by Surya Kriya, good alignment. But my back can't bend backward, it is too painful
Breathing was nice
Shakti was okay, this time did only 100 kapala bhakti but went in deep.
Some tots came in but this time I can disbelief it. I see it as surface tots.
Truly want to get it corrected.
Shambavi was good.
Can do plough back but unable to do the correction pose. My back can't bend backward.
It has been one week but still not recovered yet. Hurt my back during the Angamardhana guided practices last Saturday. Wonder if I need to take the relaxant pill to heal my back.
Went for a swim.
Fear come back.
I am feeling afraid especially there are many people in the pool due to school holiday.
Swam half lap but can feel the fear.
I decided to go to the other side of the pool to swim. Facing the sun.
Not able to swim in breast strokes as fear comes up.
I decided to swim in free style, less fear but still can't finish the lap.
Its not only fearing the people, also fearing the water itself.
Fear of being drown came back.
I can feel the fear and I try to squelch it. The more I try to overcome, the fear deepen.
The fear is deep within.
Truly like back to square one.
The fear has started one week after I got the Sannidhi.
What is it that I am afraid of?
I tot I was over the fear of water...
Father, help me.
Tot sannidhi will help me to settle but alas something inside is coming up.
Truly a period of growth...not a tool for console.
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