May 2 eve 1
A good reminder from facebook
Tiny buddha
1. Remember: You are enough!
Ask yourself this: Whose approval are you after, anyway? You don’t need to impress anybody! Think about it. What does outside approval even get you? Other people think you are cool? They give you the “thumbs up.” You’re living your life in a way that somebody else agrees with? Hmmm.
Well, at the end of the day, if you are not living your own truth and doing things that are in alignment with your own soul’s calling, then you will be left feeling unfulfilled and always grasping for that outside validation.
Instead, remember this: Everything you need is already inside of you. Learn to drown out all that outside noise and just celebrate your unique beauty. A good self-check is to ask, “Am I doing this for the cause or the applause?”
5. There is pure joy and love in truth and vulnerability.
Allowing ourselves to be real and vulnerable is not always easy. However, living a life hiding from our true identity is even more painful.
Living your truth means embracing and accepting all aspects of you—bumps, bruises, and all. This is, after all, the meaning of life. Unlock the potential of unlimited happiness in your life by letting go.
Once you peel back all those layers and discover the breathtaking beauty of self, you might even find yourself tilting your head back toward the sky and allowing a giant smile come across your lips. You are home. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Namaste.
http://www.dawngluskin.com/
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Isha Volunteering not for me.
May 2 eve
Had a good chat with L. She asked how was this time different from the previous time. I told her last time was breakup this time was let go.
I shared with her that I never feel fulfilled during volunteering. She said perhaps volunteering has not touch me. I said volunteering can't touch me. After 5 years I m sure volunteering is not for me. I told her that I put my writing on hold for the last one year. Now I m back writing.
Last Wed I wrote for 6 hours and I feel fulfilled. She said that's because writing is my passion, my enjoyment. Yes, I said there is no outcome and people said I m discipline. I said I write because I want to. I wrote for myself, for my growth, to record my journey in life.
I also said I am into sadhanas. I do 4 and half hour daily in weekdays and I am fine with it. Others would cringe. Also, I am getting closer with the Shrine.
I told her the cage is open and I m still feeling bit apprehensive. I just lost a big part of my life.
She said don't think of me losing but think of me letting go for something better to come. Amen.
Saw the local Isha volunteers whatsapp chat can see their enthusiasm and I missed the camaderie. But I remind myself that they are doing because of willingness on volunteering. For me is just to seek validation. For a moment ask myself why I can't like volunteering; then I remind myself that they don't go for advanced sadhana, don't go to ashram, don't go for shrine and etc.
I already know my passion which is my writing. Just go back to myself.
Luckily had the earlier conversation with L. She said don't see it as I lost something instead see that I let go so I can have something more.
Rebellesociety - By Johanna Vanderpol
This poem is meaningful
The demons sit close to her on the cold rock. They surround her.
She can feel their breath.
She moves closer.
“What do you want me to know today?” she says.
She listens.
“Be more of You and you will see less of us.”
She climbs out of the darkness to try on her new skin.
The exit door leads in…
Soul
Saw the volunteer pic and a shiver ran through me. I can't work like them. Be sensible. I will miss the bonding but I can't pay the price.
Had a good chat with L. She asked how was this time different from the previous time. I told her last time was breakup this time was let go.
I shared with her that I never feel fulfilled during volunteering. She said perhaps volunteering has not touch me. I said volunteering can't touch me. After 5 years I m sure volunteering is not for me. I told her that I put my writing on hold for the last one year. Now I m back writing.
Last Wed I wrote for 6 hours and I feel fulfilled. She said that's because writing is my passion, my enjoyment. Yes, I said there is no outcome and people said I m discipline. I said I write because I want to. I wrote for myself, for my growth, to record my journey in life.
I also said I am into sadhanas. I do 4 and half hour daily in weekdays and I am fine with it. Others would cringe. Also, I am getting closer with the Shrine.
I told her the cage is open and I m still feeling bit apprehensive. I just lost a big part of my life.
She said don't think of me losing but think of me letting go for something better to come. Amen.
Saw the local Isha volunteers whatsapp chat can see their enthusiasm and I missed the camaderie. But I remind myself that they are doing because of willingness on volunteering. For me is just to seek validation. For a moment ask myself why I can't like volunteering; then I remind myself that they don't go for advanced sadhana, don't go to ashram, don't go for shrine and etc.
I already know my passion which is my writing. Just go back to myself.
Luckily had the earlier conversation with L. She said don't see it as I lost something instead see that I let go so I can have something more.
Rebellesociety - By Johanna Vanderpol
This poem is meaningful
The demons sit close to her on the cold rock. They surround her.
She can feel their breath.
She moves closer.
“What do you want me to know today?” she says.
She listens.
“Be more of You and you will see less of us.”
She climbs out of the darkness to try on her new skin.
The exit door leads in…
Soul
Saw the volunteer pic and a shiver ran through me. I can't work like them. Be sensible. I will miss the bonding but I can't pay the price.
Learning to be fearless in personal and romantic relationships
May 2
Today woke up upon alarm. Did Bhoota Shuddi and sang guru pooja.
Angarmadhana was good. Miss out rocking and I did in the end. Did the child sitting and this tong cushion just slightly on my bottom. Such joy erupted in me. Head shaking non stop and clapping too. Highlight of angarmadhana is the child sitting I look forward to it. Towards the end the silence sitting also good. Overall angarmadhana had improved.
Breathing was not long.
Shakti was great. Got back my slow Kapala Bhakti. This time I laugh loads during Kapala Bhakti. Been awhile. I m back. Toward the end felt such intense longing for union. Longing for my husband. Did a quick Shambavi as I need to find physical release. For the first time need such physical release. Truly a new beginning.
Osho said sexual energy is the beginning; whereas I think it came last. I always said physical last to be conquered.
No expectation on Kailash. To me it just like a program and I do all my physical and karmic release before I goes there.
Got this in mid March and then in mid April and now alas another reminder I am truly freed;
Destiny, freedom and soul
And unless a person decides, "whatever the costs, I want just to be myself. Condemned, unaccepted, losing respectability - everything is okay, but I cannot pretend to be somebody else .... "
This decision and this declaration of freedom, freedom from weight of the crowd - gives birth to ur natural being, to ur individuality. Then u don't need any mask. Then u can be simply yourself, just as u are.
And at the moment u can be just who you are, there is tremendous "peace that passeth understanding"
Soul
I have been fearless at work, now working on being fearless at personal and romantic relationship.
Today's card is Nine of Spades
My Daily Card
The Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
Been with C due to her personal issue. We have both grown. I am able to be with her much better than ever.
We have both comes a long way.
I also shared about P being Ruling's Nine of Spades just like her Ruling.
But C is easier as Destiny is Jack of Hearts whereas P is Ace of Spades.
No matter, finally got the Result Nine of Spades.
It is true, when I am joyful on my own, I am not resentful if people need 'help'. I can give but not affected.
Also I don't have the view that I need to help. I used to be stressed that I can't help. Now I just be there for her.
Thats all.
And when I see a good opening insight I tell her as she is...she is more open these days..or maybe I am less intense these days.
Amen.
From facebook rebelle society
I was able to share, personally and professionally, from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. I was no longer taking responsibility for what others did or did not get from my sharing, because I knew my only job was to generously and unconditionally give what sat in my heart and to surrender the rest. As a result, my relationships became even more powerful, even more mutually nourishing, and even more effective.
Soul
Thats how it is. When I let myself be who I am...then I can allow them to be who they are.
Just as they are not responsible for me...I too am not responsible for them
Today woke up upon alarm. Did Bhoota Shuddi and sang guru pooja.
Angarmadhana was good. Miss out rocking and I did in the end. Did the child sitting and this tong cushion just slightly on my bottom. Such joy erupted in me. Head shaking non stop and clapping too. Highlight of angarmadhana is the child sitting I look forward to it. Towards the end the silence sitting also good. Overall angarmadhana had improved.
Breathing was not long.
Shakti was great. Got back my slow Kapala Bhakti. This time I laugh loads during Kapala Bhakti. Been awhile. I m back. Toward the end felt such intense longing for union. Longing for my husband. Did a quick Shambavi as I need to find physical release. For the first time need such physical release. Truly a new beginning.
Osho said sexual energy is the beginning; whereas I think it came last. I always said physical last to be conquered.
No expectation on Kailash. To me it just like a program and I do all my physical and karmic release before I goes there.
Got this in mid March and then in mid April and now alas another reminder I am truly freed;
Destiny, freedom and soul
And unless a person decides, "whatever the costs, I want just to be myself. Condemned, unaccepted, losing respectability - everything is okay, but I cannot pretend to be somebody else .... "
This decision and this declaration of freedom, freedom from weight of the crowd - gives birth to ur natural being, to ur individuality. Then u don't need any mask. Then u can be simply yourself, just as u are.
And at the moment u can be just who you are, there is tremendous "peace that passeth understanding"
Soul
I have been fearless at work, now working on being fearless at personal and romantic relationship.
Today's card is Nine of Spades
My Daily Card
The Nine of Spades
The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.
This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.
Soul
Been with C due to her personal issue. We have both grown. I am able to be with her much better than ever.
We have both comes a long way.
I also shared about P being Ruling's Nine of Spades just like her Ruling.
But C is easier as Destiny is Jack of Hearts whereas P is Ace of Spades.
No matter, finally got the Result Nine of Spades.
It is true, when I am joyful on my own, I am not resentful if people need 'help'. I can give but not affected.
Also I don't have the view that I need to help. I used to be stressed that I can't help. Now I just be there for her.
Thats all.
And when I see a good opening insight I tell her as she is...she is more open these days..or maybe I am less intense these days.
Amen.
From facebook rebelle society
I was able to share, personally and professionally, from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. I was no longer taking responsibility for what others did or did not get from my sharing, because I knew my only job was to generously and unconditionally give what sat in my heart and to surrender the rest. As a result, my relationships became even more powerful, even more mutually nourishing, and even more effective.
Soul
Thats how it is. When I let myself be who I am...then I can allow them to be who they are.
Just as they are not responsible for me...I too am not responsible for them
North Node in Taurus - looking for soul mates
May 1 eve 2
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner.
They feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship, and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright.
But they must earn it. As they work to experience their own wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction, together they can flow to the sea.
Soul
Thats why I cried this morning.
Father, thats my karma.
But it is over. I finally broke the Seven of Hearts.
It was difficult breaking up with local Isha but I need to love myself, need to stay true to my values. Need to know that I won't break just because I am alone.
Now reading this again, I feel hopeful. It can happen.
I know now I just need to believe for it to happen. Together with Linga, it can happen.
All the letting go is now done.
I am ready for my match. Z and Y was not my match; that at least I know.
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner.
They feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable companionship, and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright.
But they must earn it. As they work to experience their own wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction, together they can flow to the sea.
Soul
Thats why I cried this morning.
Father, thats my karma.
But it is over. I finally broke the Seven of Hearts.
It was difficult breaking up with local Isha but I need to love myself, need to stay true to my values. Need to know that I won't break just because I am alone.
Now reading this again, I feel hopeful. It can happen.
I know now I just need to believe for it to happen. Together with Linga, it can happen.
All the letting go is now done.
I am ready for my match. Z and Y was not my match; that at least I know.
Culture are memories that keeps you repetitive
May 1 eve 1
Cracking the human software.
What u call Karma is a different sets of memories. Memories are just like doors. Doors that are open, u see door as wonderful bit if door is always slamming on ur face, then it is horrible.
Memories is to keep us informed. The very base of civilisation is only memories. Today what's goes on in education is only memories. Memories is the fundamental basis for all technology. All culture and civilisation is based on pure memories. Information carried from generation to generation becomes distorted. So now u can't look at anything straight anymore.
Culture and civilisation is just memories, conditioning or brain washing. If u don't know how to keep it aside, life become repetitive and u can't be receptive. Receptiveness happen because u kept repetition outside.
If u can be oblivious to everything that u think you are. Whatever u think u are, is just a tot. To psyche u to believe u are something.
Spirituality can only happen if u allow urself to be just the piece of life that u are. When u see ur tots are same old memories recycling itself. If u see the pattern and see the stupidity of what it is, u won't pay attention to it and slowly the tot process will stop.
Soul
Being an Ace of Diamonds means I am receptive.
When I am with Sadhguru, I just allow myself to be life.
No tots, just life...
Cracking the human software.
What u call Karma is a different sets of memories. Memories are just like doors. Doors that are open, u see door as wonderful bit if door is always slamming on ur face, then it is horrible.
Memories is to keep us informed. The very base of civilisation is only memories. Today what's goes on in education is only memories. Memories is the fundamental basis for all technology. All culture and civilisation is based on pure memories. Information carried from generation to generation becomes distorted. So now u can't look at anything straight anymore.
Culture and civilisation is just memories, conditioning or brain washing. If u don't know how to keep it aside, life become repetitive and u can't be receptive. Receptiveness happen because u kept repetition outside.
If u can be oblivious to everything that u think you are. Whatever u think u are, is just a tot. To psyche u to believe u are something.
Spirituality can only happen if u allow urself to be just the piece of life that u are. When u see ur tots are same old memories recycling itself. If u see the pattern and see the stupidity of what it is, u won't pay attention to it and slowly the tot process will stop.
Soul
Being an Ace of Diamonds means I am receptive.
When I am with Sadhguru, I just allow myself to be life.
No tots, just life...
Eclipse out Y
May 1 even
Sarah Miller's April reading
The second eclipse will arrive on April 28/29 as a solar new moon eclipse in Taurus, 9 degrees, an earth sign that does well with your water-sign element, dear Cancer. New moon eclipses are also very powerful, and this one may open a door to a bigger social life. This eclipse will be easier for you. This eclipse will help you enlarge your circle of new acquaintances, some of whom you'll want to know better, so you may find that you are arranging dinners, parties, and other events with friends.
Still, it is also possible that this solar eclipse will "eclipse out? a male friend. Perhaps a friend is getting married or moving away, or is taking a new job, very different from the one he had before, and now you have few things in common. You know you can keep in touch, but clearly, things have changed, and your friend will have a different lifestyle from now on. This is life, but be happy in knowing new people will be pouring into your life too, and you will be excited by the friendships you form.
Soul
Thats true. Y got married. While I know we are back as friends, but we can no longer be in the past. I need to let him go so he can focus on his marriage. His path now is to build a relationship with his new wife. His Uranus card in mid May's Ace of Hearts confirms it.
Me, settling down with my values.
Saw V and he said me trying to get out of local Isha is like the 6th or 7th time. I always seem to go in deeper eventhough I said I want out. He too said I am like the boy who cried wolf; so no longer believe me. He even joke that I be the next Local head.
Well, this time no more. Finally it is over.
I think Angarmadharna helps me to finally cut it.
Infact I never tot of dropping being a guide but that was the link which I needed to cut. Once I cut that, the rest are easy.
Still feeling bit apprehensive but May's forecast show my social circle is expanding.
And thats what I want to happen. I want to meet my loving and loyal partner, someone truly my match.
Someone financially and emotionally secure; courageous enough to meet his dream and together we enjoy each other company and grow individually.
Amen
May's forecast
On the 14th, the Full Moon in Scorpio can heat up your romantic life. Scorpio’s energy can bring out the sexy side of you and a current or potential partner.
Now, there will be more energy available for Cancerians who are seeking a new living situation, buying/selling a home or trying to start a family.
Mercury, planet of communication, will be going retrograde June 7th to July 1st so it could take until later in the summer for the visions for your home/family life to gain momentum. You can use the coming months to make long-term plans and patiently focus on a few small steps. Trust that progress is happening, even if things seem to be moving slowly.
Soul
Amen.
Mmm just took the flat noodle with bits of pork pieces and pork oil. Luckily I took half packet only but I can feel my body doesn't like it. A heaviness has set in.
Just draw today Osho card, got this..very appropriate.
Travelling
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much. The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Sarah Miller's April reading
The second eclipse will arrive on April 28/29 as a solar new moon eclipse in Taurus, 9 degrees, an earth sign that does well with your water-sign element, dear Cancer. New moon eclipses are also very powerful, and this one may open a door to a bigger social life. This eclipse will be easier for you. This eclipse will help you enlarge your circle of new acquaintances, some of whom you'll want to know better, so you may find that you are arranging dinners, parties, and other events with friends.
Still, it is also possible that this solar eclipse will "eclipse out? a male friend. Perhaps a friend is getting married or moving away, or is taking a new job, very different from the one he had before, and now you have few things in common. You know you can keep in touch, but clearly, things have changed, and your friend will have a different lifestyle from now on. This is life, but be happy in knowing new people will be pouring into your life too, and you will be excited by the friendships you form.
Soul
Thats true. Y got married. While I know we are back as friends, but we can no longer be in the past. I need to let him go so he can focus on his marriage. His path now is to build a relationship with his new wife. His Uranus card in mid May's Ace of Hearts confirms it.
Me, settling down with my values.
Saw V and he said me trying to get out of local Isha is like the 6th or 7th time. I always seem to go in deeper eventhough I said I want out. He too said I am like the boy who cried wolf; so no longer believe me. He even joke that I be the next Local head.
Well, this time no more. Finally it is over.
I think Angarmadharna helps me to finally cut it.
Infact I never tot of dropping being a guide but that was the link which I needed to cut. Once I cut that, the rest are easy.
Still feeling bit apprehensive but May's forecast show my social circle is expanding.
And thats what I want to happen. I want to meet my loving and loyal partner, someone truly my match.
Someone financially and emotionally secure; courageous enough to meet his dream and together we enjoy each other company and grow individually.
Amen
May's forecast
On the 14th, the Full Moon in Scorpio can heat up your romantic life. Scorpio’s energy can bring out the sexy side of you and a current or potential partner.
Now, there will be more energy available for Cancerians who are seeking a new living situation, buying/selling a home or trying to start a family.
Mercury, planet of communication, will be going retrograde June 7th to July 1st so it could take until later in the summer for the visions for your home/family life to gain momentum. You can use the coming months to make long-term plans and patiently focus on a few small steps. Trust that progress is happening, even if things seem to be moving slowly.
Soul
Amen.
Mmm just took the flat noodle with bits of pork pieces and pork oil. Luckily I took half packet only but I can feel my body doesn't like it. A heaviness has set in.
Just draw today Osho card, got this..very appropriate.
Travelling
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much. The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Lunar in Scorpio - value system
May 1
New beginning. New lights
Y and wife back to show me to be true to myself. To show me that I am strong.
Did Bhoota Shuddi and sang guru pooja. Dutifully did cat stretch these days.
Did Angarmadhana, quite good but forgot to do child sitting. At the kundalini sitting, I burst into laughter and some tears came.
Shakti was okay but somehow not able to get back my Kapala Bhakti rhythm. But in the end I was on meditative zone when doing Shambavi preparatory steps
Today cried during aum chanting. Never happen before. I cried out of loneliness. I cried for my wish of my husband to be fulfilled. Guess all this cos Y's wedding is today.
Towards the end head shaking and breathe hissing non stop. I finished my practices around 10.24 am.
Lunar eclipse in Scorpio
U r learning lessons relaying to ur value system: not being swayed in ur values; how to share ur values; overcoming negative manipulative traits; and taking responsibility for ur sexual behaviour.
Once ur energy is aligned with something u believed in, something u have tested and know to be worthwhile and beyond reproach in its integrity, u pledge urself to it with ur whole heart. That principle, person or cause then becomes ur value; it contain ur energy and make use of ur tremendous strength, and u can find peace in it.
Soul
I found Sadhguru. He is the only one that I expend all energy and money on.
Lunar in Scorpio
U have no need to be in the limelight urself but u have a tremendous need to find someone or something to believe in.
Being in the limelight is not important to u, but u do want to operate from a strong base of power; u tend to go through life gathering people whom u trust. U don't trust easily.
U r learning that u cannot depend on other people to set ur boundaries and contain ur energy.
Soul
True. I tot I can let local Isha contain me. Alas they didn't. Its only when I contain myself, they finally acceded.
Now need to face the period of aloneness. Just like the spoilt lights, must firstly throw away the spoilt lights, be in darkness for some periods before new one comes.
Must have faith in the abundance of universe so I need not be envious of others.
Must remember that I have Nine of a Diamonds as environment and Nine of Spades as Results.
Lunar in Scorpio
I am here to learn: discovery and belief in my own goodness. To stop projecting my goodness outward by looking for someone to believe in.
As u learn to support and trust ur one sense of goodness, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur own energy. This gives u the freedom to be more trusting of those around u since it eliminates the need to give away ur power. From this position u can support those around u for a purer motive, since u no longer feel that u need them to ensure ur own strength. Now when u support others it will be from a place of true caring and u will no longer be involved in a process that gives ur power away.
Soul
My intention was not pure on the work for Isha. Giving out of obligation, tot I have no choice, that there is no one as others continuously didn't rise to the occasion.
New beginning. New lights
Y and wife back to show me to be true to myself. To show me that I am strong.
Did Bhoota Shuddi and sang guru pooja. Dutifully did cat stretch these days.
Did Angarmadhana, quite good but forgot to do child sitting. At the kundalini sitting, I burst into laughter and some tears came.
Shakti was okay but somehow not able to get back my Kapala Bhakti rhythm. But in the end I was on meditative zone when doing Shambavi preparatory steps
Today cried during aum chanting. Never happen before. I cried out of loneliness. I cried for my wish of my husband to be fulfilled. Guess all this cos Y's wedding is today.
Towards the end head shaking and breathe hissing non stop. I finished my practices around 10.24 am.
Lunar eclipse in Scorpio
U r learning lessons relaying to ur value system: not being swayed in ur values; how to share ur values; overcoming negative manipulative traits; and taking responsibility for ur sexual behaviour.
Once ur energy is aligned with something u believed in, something u have tested and know to be worthwhile and beyond reproach in its integrity, u pledge urself to it with ur whole heart. That principle, person or cause then becomes ur value; it contain ur energy and make use of ur tremendous strength, and u can find peace in it.
Soul
I found Sadhguru. He is the only one that I expend all energy and money on.
Lunar in Scorpio
U have no need to be in the limelight urself but u have a tremendous need to find someone or something to believe in.
Being in the limelight is not important to u, but u do want to operate from a strong base of power; u tend to go through life gathering people whom u trust. U don't trust easily.
U r learning that u cannot depend on other people to set ur boundaries and contain ur energy.
Soul
True. I tot I can let local Isha contain me. Alas they didn't. Its only when I contain myself, they finally acceded.
Now need to face the period of aloneness. Just like the spoilt lights, must firstly throw away the spoilt lights, be in darkness for some periods before new one comes.
Must have faith in the abundance of universe so I need not be envious of others.
Must remember that I have Nine of a Diamonds as environment and Nine of Spades as Results.
Lunar in Scorpio
I am here to learn: discovery and belief in my own goodness. To stop projecting my goodness outward by looking for someone to believe in.
As u learn to support and trust ur one sense of goodness, u can begin to construct ur own boundaries and contain ur own energy. This gives u the freedom to be more trusting of those around u since it eliminates the need to give away ur power. From this position u can support those around u for a purer motive, since u no longer feel that u need them to ensure ur own strength. Now when u support others it will be from a place of true caring and u will no longer be involved in a process that gives ur power away.
Soul
My intention was not pure on the work for Isha. Giving out of obligation, tot I have no choice, that there is no one as others continuously didn't rise to the occasion.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Uranus in fourth house
Apr 30 eve
-- Gargatholil
Uranus in fourth house
More broadly even, Uranus in the Fourth House symbolizes your attempts to free yourself from all conditioning and collective identity in order to find your own authenticity.
Beyond this, you can be receptive to insights into your own emotions and subconscious patterns and to consequent new directions in your approach to your interior self. For some, the insight and revelation symbolized by Uranus will be fundamental in nature, resulting in firmly rooted and profound changes in direction and life innovations.
Neptune in Sixth house.
When the Neptunian energy manifests itself positively, it can bring a sensitive and spiritual quality to your Sixth House activities. Especially in your early years, you are likely to become dissatisfied with the routine and the mundane in your life. The positive side of this is that it can spur you to take a more spiritual outlook on life. By working diligently on the “yoga of ordinary life,” you can transcend and transform the routine and ordinary aspects of life into a spiritual discipline and focus your urge for self-refinement and self-improvement towards your inner self.
Your Experience of Disintegration and Disillusionment
You may find that you are frequently disillusioned about work or about your own character. Regarding the latter, you may have a tendency to hold yourself up to too high a standard of purity and to become disillusioned when you fall short. This can lead to discouragement.
If you are too attached to the routine of work, or if you have invested in negative patterns at work, you may find that the stable and routine environment that you have taken for granted suddenly dissolves away. The disintegration of the routine and stable may also occur in order to spur you on to higher levels of transcendence.
Your personality may also manifest undertones of Neptune aspecting Mercury.
Soul
No wonder Six of Diamonds and Six of Spades.
In a way, for the past 2 years I have slacked at work.
Guess it is pay back time and this time I am going into next level at work
-- Gargatholil
Uranus in fourth house
More broadly even, Uranus in the Fourth House symbolizes your attempts to free yourself from all conditioning and collective identity in order to find your own authenticity.
Beyond this, you can be receptive to insights into your own emotions and subconscious patterns and to consequent new directions in your approach to your interior self. For some, the insight and revelation symbolized by Uranus will be fundamental in nature, resulting in firmly rooted and profound changes in direction and life innovations.
Neptune in Sixth house.
When the Neptunian energy manifests itself positively, it can bring a sensitive and spiritual quality to your Sixth House activities. Especially in your early years, you are likely to become dissatisfied with the routine and the mundane in your life. The positive side of this is that it can spur you to take a more spiritual outlook on life. By working diligently on the “yoga of ordinary life,” you can transcend and transform the routine and ordinary aspects of life into a spiritual discipline and focus your urge for self-refinement and self-improvement towards your inner self.
Your Experience of Disintegration and Disillusionment
You may find that you are frequently disillusioned about work or about your own character. Regarding the latter, you may have a tendency to hold yourself up to too high a standard of purity and to become disillusioned when you fall short. This can lead to discouragement.
If you are too attached to the routine of work, or if you have invested in negative patterns at work, you may find that the stable and routine environment that you have taken for granted suddenly dissolves away. The disintegration of the routine and stable may also occur in order to spur you on to higher levels of transcendence.
Your personality may also manifest undertones of Neptune aspecting Mercury.
Soul
No wonder Six of Diamonds and Six of Spades.
In a way, for the past 2 years I have slacked at work.
Guess it is pay back time and this time I am going into next level at work
There is a glimmer of inner joy beneath the outer sadness and I have a choice
Apr 30 aft
Today something happen during practices.
My mind was giving out sad tots as Y is finally married and I lost local Isha ...sadness starts to come in..while the feeling of sadness is creeping up, deep within me a feeling of joy was there. It was a small glimmer of joy
At first not sure why are there 2 very different feeling.
Then I realised that I got a choice,..I can choose.
So I focus on the inner glimmer of joy...just a small flame..and when I focus on it, the mirth of joy came and I exploded into laughter...the outer sadness disappear.
Alas...Sadhguru said is correct; there is truly a choice.
I truly can decide how I feel.
My External influence card that I am aware
The Master
"Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea – and there is no experiment up to now that has found any center in the brain which corresponds to awareness. The whole work of meditation is to make you aware of all that is 'mind' and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now you can do and act on only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills you, gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty. But this is possible only if the master in you is awake. Right now the master is fast asleep. And the mind, the servant, is playing the role of master. And the servant is not even your servant; the servant is created by the outside world, it follows the outside world and its laws. Once your awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of your own destiny." Osho
Soul Amen.
Evening
I have been writing non stop for the last 5 hours and yet I feel good.
Truly going back to my passion.
Writing is an outlet for me in my dream of Self Mastery.
Amen
This week card:
Issue
Creativity
Whatsoever you do, if you do it joyfully, if you do it lovingly, if your act of doing is not purely economical, then it is creative. If you have something growing out of it within you, if it gives you growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine. You become more divine as you become more creative.
The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through you. Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
I may not do volunteering in local Isha..but this is my contribution to society. To those wandering souls out there.
I will continue with my website that I have left idle for the past one year due to intensive volunteering. It is time back to my own creativity.
Just received message from Y that he will sign up his new wife for the latest program. Coincidentally I will be in ashram just before the program. So I will come back energised and can face the situation. God truly think I am great.
Like G said someone up there loves me, all arranged beautifully so that I can face it calmly. Someone up there is looking after me.
Just like Y gave me his wedding message just after Sathsang when I am high energy mode.
Just like I happen to be in ashram when Z got married.
Everything happens beautifully for me.
Amen.
May 25
Found out that Y too is attending the darshan. And I think the wife is there too.
Never mind..maybe just to show me that it is finally over.
Today something happen during practices.
My mind was giving out sad tots as Y is finally married and I lost local Isha ...sadness starts to come in..while the feeling of sadness is creeping up, deep within me a feeling of joy was there. It was a small glimmer of joy
At first not sure why are there 2 very different feeling.
Then I realised that I got a choice,..I can choose.
So I focus on the inner glimmer of joy...just a small flame..and when I focus on it, the mirth of joy came and I exploded into laughter...the outer sadness disappear.
Alas...Sadhguru said is correct; there is truly a choice.
I truly can decide how I feel.
My External influence card that I am aware
The Master
"Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea – and there is no experiment up to now that has found any center in the brain which corresponds to awareness. The whole work of meditation is to make you aware of all that is 'mind' and disidentify yourself from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now you can do and act on only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills you, gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty. But this is possible only if the master in you is awake. Right now the master is fast asleep. And the mind, the servant, is playing the role of master. And the servant is not even your servant; the servant is created by the outside world, it follows the outside world and its laws. Once your awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of your own destiny." Osho
Soul Amen.
Evening
I have been writing non stop for the last 5 hours and yet I feel good.
Truly going back to my passion.
Writing is an outlet for me in my dream of Self Mastery.
Amen
This week card:
Issue
Creativity
Whatsoever you do, if you do it joyfully, if you do it lovingly, if your act of doing is not purely economical, then it is creative. If you have something growing out of it within you, if it gives you growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine. You become more divine as you become more creative.
The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through you. Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
I may not do volunteering in local Isha..but this is my contribution to society. To those wandering souls out there.
I will continue with my website that I have left idle for the past one year due to intensive volunteering. It is time back to my own creativity.
Just received message from Y that he will sign up his new wife for the latest program. Coincidentally I will be in ashram just before the program. So I will come back energised and can face the situation. God truly think I am great.
Like G said someone up there loves me, all arranged beautifully so that I can face it calmly. Someone up there is looking after me.
Just like Y gave me his wedding message just after Sathsang when I am high energy mode.
Just like I happen to be in ashram when Z got married.
Everything happens beautifully for me.
Amen.
May 25
Found out that Y too is attending the darshan. And I think the wife is there too.
Never mind..maybe just to show me that it is finally over.
North Node in Aquarius (11th house) - need to risk disapproval
Apr 30 aft
So glad P and I have a good chat. We have come a long way. Like she said, me being in and out due to bonding is not good for the volunteering team. She said if I want to come to come back, I will have to convince them. My ego saw that but I ignored. Don't think I be back.
My answer was true...I don't want anything to happen.
Was checking my blog and saw this.
North node in 11th house and Aquarius
The Achilles heel Aquarius north node people need to be aware of their need for others approval ("My survival depends on others giving me approval") and thinking that if they have others' approval their life is on the right track. But it is a bottomless pit: they can never get enough approval to feel satisfied or to feel free to be themselves. Actually, for them the approval of others is a false barometer. They must risk disapproval and be true to their own unorthodox ideas in order to develop the deeper and more satisfying feeling of self-approval.
Soul
It is true.
I am different..
I get high with lovely dessert....and looking at food.
I drool over them...
I get high with consecrated energy space.
I get high when I am in sadhana.
Amen
Today's card, very true.
My Daily Card in Mars
The Queen of Spades
The Queen of Spades is known as the card of 'self-mastery', the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the 'Spiritual Spread'. Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
The Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organizational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.
Soul
Just being me instead of following society's norm.
Thats self mastery.
Eclipses in April
What cycles keep repeating and repeating themselves? They may not be comfortable to look at, or to have to deal with…….but the Universe believes that you are ready to face it and to make some changes. This is a time to release and to manifest and intend!
Soul
So true..same as my this week Osho tarot card.
Whats needed for resolution?
Change
"Life repeats itself mindlessly – unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
If you can watch just for a few days, you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern. One day, one fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy, and another day you are so dull, so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide. And just the other day you were so full of life, so blissful that you were feeling thankful to existence that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness, and today there is great complaint and you don't see the point, why one should go on living. And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern. Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it." Osho
Soul
I finally see the pattern. Just live sensibly and realised what is my true values.
Resolution
Inner Voice
"If you have found your truth within yourself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you. When you open your eyes, it is truth opening its eyes. When you close your eyes, it is truth who is closing its eyes. This is a tremendous meditation. If you can simply understand the device, you don't have to do anything; whatever you are doing is being done by truth.
Then you live as truth – alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself. Your whole life becomes a prayer without any words, or better to say a prayerfulness, a grace, a beauty which does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world." Osho
So glad P and I have a good chat. We have come a long way. Like she said, me being in and out due to bonding is not good for the volunteering team. She said if I want to come to come back, I will have to convince them. My ego saw that but I ignored. Don't think I be back.
My answer was true...I don't want anything to happen.
Was checking my blog and saw this.
North node in 11th house and Aquarius
The Achilles heel Aquarius north node people need to be aware of their need for others approval ("My survival depends on others giving me approval") and thinking that if they have others' approval their life is on the right track. But it is a bottomless pit: they can never get enough approval to feel satisfied or to feel free to be themselves. Actually, for them the approval of others is a false barometer. They must risk disapproval and be true to their own unorthodox ideas in order to develop the deeper and more satisfying feeling of self-approval.
Soul
It is true.
I am different..
I get high with lovely dessert....and looking at food.
I drool over them...
I get high with consecrated energy space.
I get high when I am in sadhana.
Amen
Today's card, very true.
My Daily Card in Mars
The Queen of Spades
The Queen of Spades is known as the card of 'self-mastery', the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the 'Spiritual Spread'. Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
The Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organizational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.
Soul
Just being me instead of following society's norm.
Thats self mastery.
Eclipses in April
What cycles keep repeating and repeating themselves? They may not be comfortable to look at, or to have to deal with…….but the Universe believes that you are ready to face it and to make some changes. This is a time to release and to manifest and intend!
Soul
So true..same as my this week Osho tarot card.
Whats needed for resolution?
Change
"Life repeats itself mindlessly – unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
If you can watch just for a few days, you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern. One day, one fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy, and another day you are so dull, so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide. And just the other day you were so full of life, so blissful that you were feeling thankful to existence that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness, and today there is great complaint and you don't see the point, why one should go on living. And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern. Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it." Osho
Soul
I finally see the pattern. Just live sensibly and realised what is my true values.
Resolution
Inner Voice
"If you have found your truth within yourself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you. When you open your eyes, it is truth opening its eyes. When you close your eyes, it is truth who is closing its eyes. This is a tremendous meditation. If you can simply understand the device, you don't have to do anything; whatever you are doing is being done by truth.
Then you live as truth – alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself. Your whole life becomes a prayer without any words, or better to say a prayerfulness, a grace, a beauty which does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world." Osho
Eclipse in April is all about changes in relationships
April 30
Cried during Angarmadhana's silence period and child sitting posture.
Father, all the few friends I met recently;
1. Z - north node in Aquarius; south node in Leo
2. Y - south node in Aquarius; north node in Leo
3. A - north node in Aquarius; south node in Leo
4. G - wonder what she is
All of them faced dilemma in family relationships. It was new to me cos not happened in my family nor in work. That's why it has to happen in local Isha, my newfound family.
Finally I m freed. I feel like a bird, the cage is open but I m feeling bit apprehensive. I am not sure what's coming. But at least I remove what I don't want.
True volunteering can be a path of growth. The growth to me was to see volunteering is not for me. That in family set up I didn't keep up parameters to being true to myself.
I got high and bliss just sitting with my shrine. Just feel excited when I have the lovely eastern dessert. Well not as great as P feeling high when she conduct IK.
Like she said it is not a matter of outcome. I feel contented when I update my blog. I feel contented when I do my sadhanas. I am okay at spending 4 and half hour daily on my sadhanas. Others said so discipline and hard working. To me just being myself.
Just as I tot others are so 'hardworking' on volunteering..
Coincidentally, just click on facebook and got this. Amen
Eclipses in April by Cathy Lindsey
This Taurus New Moon/Solar Eclipse is one of the most powerful, urgent and intense New Moons of the year! Solar Eclipses are extra powerful New Moons. We have just come through a very active 2 week period with a Lunar Eclipse/Full Moon in Libra on April 15th, and then the exact Cardinal Square/Cardinal Grand Cross on April 21/22nd, and that is a lot of energy and down loads to process. It is a time of letting go of the old and erasing old programs…. as we move into and towards many new possibilities and awakenings.
Eclipses create a powerful pin point of energy that creates a “blip/wobble” in time, energies, and the natural flow of light and dark. It also stirs up what is in our subconscious, bringing it into consciousness. Eclipses are known to be points where we change outdated programs and then receive the energies to create the new ones. Eclipses can bring about sudden or unexpected changes within ourselves, the world, and the Earth (earth quakes etc.). TThe energy of an Eclipse also affects us for the following 6 months.
Juno (sitting with this New Moon) is the asteroid of commitment and has to do with relationships. The energies over the last few months have been centered on relationships. All relationships…..work….family…. friends….and lovers. A lot of things have been put in our faces, right in our faces, so we can’t miss them….. and therefore we have to deal with them.
We are being asked to move away from places, things, and people that we are no longer vibrating where we are vibrating……and to do it in the most compassionate way. We may need to try and figure out how we can make relationships work in our lives, and how leaders can make them work throughout the world. This is not easy to do, and with Juno sitting with the Taurus New Moon/Solar Eclipse it is giving us the commitment that we need……. to be in right relationship with the Earth and also with others……
With the South Node conjunct this New Moon/Solar Eclipse, it is also a time to release all the things that you need to release……. not only this life time, but past life times…..meditate on this. Listen and feel what is coming up for you……. from deep in your Soul. What cycles keep repeating and repeating themselves? They may not be comfortable to look at, or to have to deal with…….but the Universe believes that you are ready to face it and to make some changes. This is a time to release and to manifest and intend!
Again at times things can seem a little scary, challenging and unstable, (especially with this powerful Grand Cardinal Cross that is still in effect and the Eclipses’), but remember that we are being given everything that we need to make these changes. Being aware of the energies that are affecting us (especially by your own birth chart), will give you the knowledge to be able to navigate them successfully.
Again the Universe is speaking loudly……take a step…any step…..just move!
Feel free to share this update, in its entirety! AstroEyes Evolutionary Astrology © 2014 Cathy Lindsey All rights reserved.
www.facebook.com/AstroEyesEvolutionaryAstrology
Cried during Angarmadhana's silence period and child sitting posture.
Father, all the few friends I met recently;
1. Z - north node in Aquarius; south node in Leo
2. Y - south node in Aquarius; north node in Leo
3. A - north node in Aquarius; south node in Leo
4. G - wonder what she is
All of them faced dilemma in family relationships. It was new to me cos not happened in my family nor in work. That's why it has to happen in local Isha, my newfound family.
Finally I m freed. I feel like a bird, the cage is open but I m feeling bit apprehensive. I am not sure what's coming. But at least I remove what I don't want.
True volunteering can be a path of growth. The growth to me was to see volunteering is not for me. That in family set up I didn't keep up parameters to being true to myself.
I got high and bliss just sitting with my shrine. Just feel excited when I have the lovely eastern dessert. Well not as great as P feeling high when she conduct IK.
Like she said it is not a matter of outcome. I feel contented when I update my blog. I feel contented when I do my sadhanas. I am okay at spending 4 and half hour daily on my sadhanas. Others said so discipline and hard working. To me just being myself.
Just as I tot others are so 'hardworking' on volunteering..
Coincidentally, just click on facebook and got this. Amen
Eclipses in April by Cathy Lindsey
This Taurus New Moon/Solar Eclipse is one of the most powerful, urgent and intense New Moons of the year! Solar Eclipses are extra powerful New Moons. We have just come through a very active 2 week period with a Lunar Eclipse/Full Moon in Libra on April 15th, and then the exact Cardinal Square/Cardinal Grand Cross on April 21/22nd, and that is a lot of energy and down loads to process. It is a time of letting go of the old and erasing old programs…. as we move into and towards many new possibilities and awakenings.
Eclipses create a powerful pin point of energy that creates a “blip/wobble” in time, energies, and the natural flow of light and dark. It also stirs up what is in our subconscious, bringing it into consciousness. Eclipses are known to be points where we change outdated programs and then receive the energies to create the new ones. Eclipses can bring about sudden or unexpected changes within ourselves, the world, and the Earth (earth quakes etc.). TThe energy of an Eclipse also affects us for the following 6 months.
Juno (sitting with this New Moon) is the asteroid of commitment and has to do with relationships. The energies over the last few months have been centered on relationships. All relationships…..work….family…. friends….and lovers. A lot of things have been put in our faces, right in our faces, so we can’t miss them….. and therefore we have to deal with them.
We are being asked to move away from places, things, and people that we are no longer vibrating where we are vibrating……and to do it in the most compassionate way. We may need to try and figure out how we can make relationships work in our lives, and how leaders can make them work throughout the world. This is not easy to do, and with Juno sitting with the Taurus New Moon/Solar Eclipse it is giving us the commitment that we need……. to be in right relationship with the Earth and also with others……
With the South Node conjunct this New Moon/Solar Eclipse, it is also a time to release all the things that you need to release……. not only this life time, but past life times…..meditate on this. Listen and feel what is coming up for you……. from deep in your Soul. What cycles keep repeating and repeating themselves? They may not be comfortable to look at, or to have to deal with…….but the Universe believes that you are ready to face it and to make some changes. This is a time to release and to manifest and intend!
Again at times things can seem a little scary, challenging and unstable, (especially with this powerful Grand Cardinal Cross that is still in effect and the Eclipses’), but remember that we are being given everything that we need to make these changes. Being aware of the energies that are affecting us (especially by your own birth chart), will give you the knowledge to be able to navigate them successfully.
Again the Universe is speaking loudly……take a step…any step…..just move!
Feel free to share this update, in its entirety! AstroEyes Evolutionary Astrology © 2014 Cathy Lindsey All rights reserved.
www.facebook.com/AstroEyesEvolutionaryAstrology
Just received Y's wedding card
Apr 29 aft 1
From facebook..most likely rebellesociety
Our minds seek comfort. Our hearts seek truth.
What happens when we need to make big, life-impacting decisions? Fear takes over, the voices in our head get loud and bossy and urge us to avoid taking risks. Our ego tries desperately to con us into taking the easy way out.
We, therefore, don’t often make our choices from the heart, we make them from the mind space which governs much of our lives and tends to try to keep us small.
Our worried minds are not on our sides. Anything that favors fear over love is not an ally of mine. If 60-80% of our thoughts each day are negative, how do we learn to make decisions based on what is truly best for us rather than what is easiest, or avoid making the wrong choices based on fear?
Soul
Exactly
Just received Y's wedding card. I wish him the best cheers. I admit feel a pinch but I be fine. There is abundance.
Just now a tot came. We can't control how others feel about us or what they do. But we can control how we feel over what others do or do not do. The only way to control ourselves is to be what makes us happy. When we are happy by ourselves we are no longer bothered about others' action or non-action. Amen.
Just remember I m never afraid when staff leaves me; so here to need not be afraid. Tomorrow will be better.
From facebook..most likely rebellesociety
Our minds seek comfort. Our hearts seek truth.
What happens when we need to make big, life-impacting decisions? Fear takes over, the voices in our head get loud and bossy and urge us to avoid taking risks. Our ego tries desperately to con us into taking the easy way out.
We, therefore, don’t often make our choices from the heart, we make them from the mind space which governs much of our lives and tends to try to keep us small.
Our worried minds are not on our sides. Anything that favors fear over love is not an ally of mine. If 60-80% of our thoughts each day are negative, how do we learn to make decisions based on what is truly best for us rather than what is easiest, or avoid making the wrong choices based on fear?
Soul
Exactly
Just received Y's wedding card. I wish him the best cheers. I admit feel a pinch but I be fine. There is abundance.
Just now a tot came. We can't control how others feel about us or what they do. But we can control how we feel over what others do or do not do. The only way to control ourselves is to be what makes us happy. When we are happy by ourselves we are no longer bothered about others' action or non-action. Amen.
Just remember I m never afraid when staff leaves me; so here to need not be afraid. Tomorrow will be better.
Venus in Leo and Third house
29 apr aft
Being in local Isha makes me happy. But too much in it makes me sad. So the issue is parameter.
Feel delicious that tomorrow is my off day. It's has been a long while since I got time for myself. To do my writing. To just enjoy my own down time.
Want to write story on being happy.
Did Shoonya and now out for lunch. Unbelievable that I just had simple rice dish and now adjourned to classy restaurant for dessert. The old me would never eat the simple rice dish, even when I was a poor graduate. To eat 'low class' /cheap food used to make me cringe and feel suffering; so I never did. And with my good career I never had to.
Something in me change. I no longer see food as my happiness. I no longer need to put such high parameters on my food, now that I am putting parameters on other parts of my life. Dessert is still my happiness but no longer can make me sad. This is a real breakthrough.
Because I set parameters in local Isha and now I can loosen the narrow parameter in food.
Venus in Leo
Self defeating habits - seeking the approval of others in social situation.
Result - fear of disapproval holds back ur ability to spread sunshine and light. U become trapped in self-absorption when u withhold ur ability to inspire others with ur warm and gregarious nature. There a tendency to censor urself.
Soul
True.
But now I don't care. P didn't reply my message. One part of me said she is busy. The ego said she could be angry at me. But this time I m no longer afraid. She is one person, she doesn't represent local Isha. Even if she shunned me I m no longer afraid.
But I think the fact is I m confident of our friendship, we been through thick and thin.
Father I used to be affected by her response. No more. Feel so liberated.
Venus in Third house
U experience the pleasure of feeling loved when u attend social events and exchange information with a variety of people.
Soul
Yes, confirmed. Being with local Isha group, the bonding and exchanges makes me happy. What I don't like is the volunteering work.
Venus in third house
Reading, writing and going to classes are activities u enjoy.
U can increase ur self worth by communicating, learning and teaching diverse people in ways that add lightness to all and by using ur ability for diplomatic communication with an awareness of opposing views.
Soul
True.
That's why I needed time for my writing. It makes me happy. I write for myself. When I see viewing I see that an exchange of tots.
Also thinking of updating my Facebook for joyong.
North node in Third house
You may also particularly enjoy having many friends and acquaintances. Communication and conversation are likely to be an important part of your relationships. Relationships with siblings and early childhood friends may also be important to you.
Being in local Isha makes me happy. But too much in it makes me sad. So the issue is parameter.
Feel delicious that tomorrow is my off day. It's has been a long while since I got time for myself. To do my writing. To just enjoy my own down time.
Want to write story on being happy.
Did Shoonya and now out for lunch. Unbelievable that I just had simple rice dish and now adjourned to classy restaurant for dessert. The old me would never eat the simple rice dish, even when I was a poor graduate. To eat 'low class' /cheap food used to make me cringe and feel suffering; so I never did. And with my good career I never had to.
Something in me change. I no longer see food as my happiness. I no longer need to put such high parameters on my food, now that I am putting parameters on other parts of my life. Dessert is still my happiness but no longer can make me sad. This is a real breakthrough.
Because I set parameters in local Isha and now I can loosen the narrow parameter in food.
Venus in Leo
Self defeating habits - seeking the approval of others in social situation.
Result - fear of disapproval holds back ur ability to spread sunshine and light. U become trapped in self-absorption when u withhold ur ability to inspire others with ur warm and gregarious nature. There a tendency to censor urself.
Soul
True.
But now I don't care. P didn't reply my message. One part of me said she is busy. The ego said she could be angry at me. But this time I m no longer afraid. She is one person, she doesn't represent local Isha. Even if she shunned me I m no longer afraid.
But I think the fact is I m confident of our friendship, we been through thick and thin.
Father I used to be affected by her response. No more. Feel so liberated.
Venus in Third house
U experience the pleasure of feeling loved when u attend social events and exchange information with a variety of people.
Soul
Yes, confirmed. Being with local Isha group, the bonding and exchanges makes me happy. What I don't like is the volunteering work.
Venus in third house
Reading, writing and going to classes are activities u enjoy.
U can increase ur self worth by communicating, learning and teaching diverse people in ways that add lightness to all and by using ur ability for diplomatic communication with an awareness of opposing views.
Soul
True.
That's why I needed time for my writing. It makes me happy. I write for myself. When I see viewing I see that an exchange of tots.
Also thinking of updating my Facebook for joyong.
North node in Third house
You may also particularly enjoy having many friends and acquaintances. Communication and conversation are likely to be an important part of your relationships. Relationships with siblings and early childhood friends may also be important to you.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Happiness comes from living up to my own expectations
Apr 29
Soul
Was reading Facebook and this speak to me. That's what I was facing and I overcome it.
Finally realise when I allow myself to be happy and I can then be happy for others even if they are not going my way.
And being happy means being true to my values. What makes others happy may not be for me and its okay. The same as what others are happy may not relate to me.
Exactly the lifetime lesson of Seven of Hearts.
From Facebook
Then one day I had an epiphany. I realised that happiness doesn’t come from living up to other people’s expectations, hopes, wants, and morals. Happiness could only come from inside me by living up to my own, expectations, hopes and wants and, most importantly, forgiving myself when I don’t. Being honest with yourself is the first step to happiness. You will need to constantly ask yourself “What do I want?” And “How do I really feel about this?” You will also need to ask deeper questions like… “What do I believe that attracted this?” “Who does it really belong to and it is true?” -
Our beliefs and our internal dialogue have consequences. They can empower or disempower. They can steal your dreams!
Negative beliefs have stolen happiness from your past, they are currently stealing from your present and they intend to steal from your future happiness. If you look deep enough within you, will find we settle because we don’t believe we deserve our dreams. When in fact most of the concepts we have about ourselves were imposed on us and have nothing to do at all with how our friends see us or more importantly how the Divine sees us. We have therefore created for ourselves a vision of mediocrity that limits our permission to access and own happiness. Once we clear out all the well-meant yet sabotaging thoughts we have running around in our heads we have the chance to find out and aim for what makes us truly happy. In Romans 14:22 God said: ‘Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.’ Translation… happy is he that does not allow self-condemning and judgemental thoughts to around inside his head.
My spiritual advice for all is one of the Seven Principles of Spiritualism; it is to take personal responsibility. Take responsibility for your sabotaging thoughts and beliefs and take responsibility for the things you need to forgive yourself for; hunt them down one by one, challenge them, confront them, then delete them from your psyche and last but not least: take responsibility for your own happiness. By giving yourself permission to own happiness you give others permission to do the same. You may just start an epidemic…mmm… a world full of happy people…now there’s something to smile about.
- See more at: http://www.themastershift.com/be-happy/#sthash.vqG5k7GL.dpuf
Soul
Coincidentally, my card today in Venus.
That is about love, particularly loving myself.
Suddenly it dawn on me....when I love myself...I can allow others to love themselves too.
Now I understand why they said before we can love others, we must love ourselves too.
Letting others be themselves, is actually accepting them the way they are, which means loving them.
Now I know why self-love is so important. If we can't love ourselves, chances are we can't love others.
No wonder Sadhguru said if you are joyful on your own, then it doesn't matter about others.
Father, Amen.
My Daily Card
The Ace of Clubs
The Ace of Clubs means a strong desire for knowledge of some kind or the birth of a new idea, plan, or way of communicating with the world around you. This could also mean a desire for some specific information, for an education, or to pursue some new plans you make.
The Ace of Clubs always means a new beginning of some sort. This could be a new job idea or just embarking on a new way of thinking and communicating with others. The exact nature of the beginning will depend on the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time, but in general, this is a good time to plan to start something new.
Soul
Truly new beginning.
Finally I allow myself to be happy.
Finally I can allow others to be happy too even if that makes me sad..
Soul
Was reading Facebook and this speak to me. That's what I was facing and I overcome it.
Finally realise when I allow myself to be happy and I can then be happy for others even if they are not going my way.
And being happy means being true to my values. What makes others happy may not be for me and its okay. The same as what others are happy may not relate to me.
Exactly the lifetime lesson of Seven of Hearts.
From Facebook
Then one day I had an epiphany. I realised that happiness doesn’t come from living up to other people’s expectations, hopes, wants, and morals. Happiness could only come from inside me by living up to my own, expectations, hopes and wants and, most importantly, forgiving myself when I don’t. Being honest with yourself is the first step to happiness. You will need to constantly ask yourself “What do I want?” And “How do I really feel about this?” You will also need to ask deeper questions like… “What do I believe that attracted this?” “Who does it really belong to and it is true?” -
Our beliefs and our internal dialogue have consequences. They can empower or disempower. They can steal your dreams!
Negative beliefs have stolen happiness from your past, they are currently stealing from your present and they intend to steal from your future happiness. If you look deep enough within you, will find we settle because we don’t believe we deserve our dreams. When in fact most of the concepts we have about ourselves were imposed on us and have nothing to do at all with how our friends see us or more importantly how the Divine sees us. We have therefore created for ourselves a vision of mediocrity that limits our permission to access and own happiness. Once we clear out all the well-meant yet sabotaging thoughts we have running around in our heads we have the chance to find out and aim for what makes us truly happy. In Romans 14:22 God said: ‘Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.’ Translation… happy is he that does not allow self-condemning and judgemental thoughts to around inside his head.
My spiritual advice for all is one of the Seven Principles of Spiritualism; it is to take personal responsibility. Take responsibility for your sabotaging thoughts and beliefs and take responsibility for the things you need to forgive yourself for; hunt them down one by one, challenge them, confront them, then delete them from your psyche and last but not least: take responsibility for your own happiness. By giving yourself permission to own happiness you give others permission to do the same. You may just start an epidemic…mmm… a world full of happy people…now there’s something to smile about.
- See more at: http://www.themastershift.com/be-happy/#sthash.vqG5k7GL.dpuf
Soul
Coincidentally, my card today in Venus.
That is about love, particularly loving myself.
Suddenly it dawn on me....when I love myself...I can allow others to love themselves too.
Now I understand why they said before we can love others, we must love ourselves too.
Letting others be themselves, is actually accepting them the way they are, which means loving them.
Now I know why self-love is so important. If we can't love ourselves, chances are we can't love others.
No wonder Sadhguru said if you are joyful on your own, then it doesn't matter about others.
Father, Amen.
My Daily Card
The Ace of Clubs
The Ace of Clubs means a strong desire for knowledge of some kind or the birth of a new idea, plan, or way of communicating with the world around you. This could also mean a desire for some specific information, for an education, or to pursue some new plans you make.
The Ace of Clubs always means a new beginning of some sort. This could be a new job idea or just embarking on a new way of thinking and communicating with others. The exact nature of the beginning will depend on the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time, but in general, this is a good time to plan to start something new.
Soul
Truly new beginning.
Finally I allow myself to be happy.
Finally I can allow others to be happy too even if that makes me sad..
Deconstruction is vital to Construction
28 apr eve
As I was driving, falling into Samyama mode a tot came; o
I deserved a loving and loyal partner.
From Facebook
As above, so below
As we absorb more Light, there are some effects to be aware of. As vibration continues to rise, all systems, both internal and external, of ourselves that are not based on love and cooperation, will eventually collapse. You may feel like you are being shaken up and shaken loose of what you are holding on to.
Sometimes, out of fear, our ego tries to preserve itself, falsely promising control and protection. As we transmute our old beliefs and habits, our relationships shift and our life moves into the chaos of change to allow space for the transformation.
Robert Wilkinson stated, “Some things will fracture, fall apart, and disintegrate… there are times to build, times to maintain, and times for things to fall apart.
When something has fulfilled its purpose or life span, there’s nothing left to do but witness the passage with as much compassion, love, kindness, and pure depth experience as we can.
Go with the flow of your emotional intelligence, don’t get hooked into the hard edges or general crazymaking, and go to your core to get the right perspective on what matters and what doesn’t.”
As our vibration increases, our shadow and egoic patterns may become glaringly obvious. They are being revealed so we can transcend them. Now is the time of transparency.
To make an easier, more gentle transition to the new frequency and paradigm, allow the fullness of your shadow. Then be responsible for it. Parts of us will continue to pass away. Give yourself the gift of clean deaths. Make space for the new adventures.
We can’t bypass the human journey. It’s the cocoon that releases our spirit. It’s been said that we will either shed willfully or be broken open. We are receiving loving invitations to make the changes Now for that which is not in alignment with the truth of our being.
Deconstruction is a vital precursor to Construction. It’s time to acknowledge and release.
Soul
Yes. Amen.
Coincidentally my bathroom second light is out too. To me, ending.
As I was driving, falling into Samyama mode a tot came; o
I deserved a loving and loyal partner.
From Facebook
As above, so below
As we absorb more Light, there are some effects to be aware of. As vibration continues to rise, all systems, both internal and external, of ourselves that are not based on love and cooperation, will eventually collapse. You may feel like you are being shaken up and shaken loose of what you are holding on to.
Sometimes, out of fear, our ego tries to preserve itself, falsely promising control and protection. As we transmute our old beliefs and habits, our relationships shift and our life moves into the chaos of change to allow space for the transformation.
Robert Wilkinson stated, “Some things will fracture, fall apart, and disintegrate… there are times to build, times to maintain, and times for things to fall apart.
When something has fulfilled its purpose or life span, there’s nothing left to do but witness the passage with as much compassion, love, kindness, and pure depth experience as we can.
Go with the flow of your emotional intelligence, don’t get hooked into the hard edges or general crazymaking, and go to your core to get the right perspective on what matters and what doesn’t.”
As our vibration increases, our shadow and egoic patterns may become glaringly obvious. They are being revealed so we can transcend them. Now is the time of transparency.
To make an easier, more gentle transition to the new frequency and paradigm, allow the fullness of your shadow. Then be responsible for it. Parts of us will continue to pass away. Give yourself the gift of clean deaths. Make space for the new adventures.
We can’t bypass the human journey. It’s the cocoon that releases our spirit. It’s been said that we will either shed willfully or be broken open. We are receiving loving invitations to make the changes Now for that which is not in alignment with the truth of our being.
Deconstruction is a vital precursor to Construction. It’s time to acknowledge and release.
Soul
Yes. Amen.
Coincidentally my bathroom second light is out too. To me, ending.
North node in Taurus - stop seeking validation
Apr 28 aft
From Facebook
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Soul
Finally letting go the burden of responsibilities
P responded and she agreed with me that I should pull out if I feel resentful or edgy.
The old me would have reacted bit but I can understand her response.
But the new me takes this positively and move on.
It took such a long while, but I am freed.
Finally doing what I want.
Father, alas truly realising that their values are not mine.
For now, no ego's issue...but guess that will come later.
But no more..no more going through the wheels, to painful to be stuck back there.
Y also responded on my sos message and said wanted to invite me to his wedding.
I decline as I can't be making the trip.
Told him about my trip to ashram too.
I am glad we are back. The feel is now good.
Looks like his Uranus card is right, mid May and he just informed me he will be back mid May after all the wedding celebration.
Everything settled now.
A tot just came. The other day I said if I can let go of Y, then others can let go of me too.
Now, I let go of local Isha and I can let go of Y.
Y and I now in a 'new' space. Everything is settled.
Just as A and I become friends, Y and I will be too.
Amen.
Z and Y taught me to be firm in letting go.
If both of them have not been firm in letting go, I would have hold on.
Alas, they were firm and I stop holding on.
So the same here for me too.
Amen.
North node in Taurus
When they experience 'abuse' as adults they have to first acknowledge that its happening. Then they need to extricate themselves from the situation and break the psychological bond through forgiveness. Their tendency to perceive themselves as intrinsically "bad" and dislikes by others is actually their over sensitive probing to evoke validation from others. When these folks stop seeking validation, they will no longer be so vulnerable to feeling dislikes.
Soul
I am no longer seeking validation, so no fear of being disliked.
Just like in the office, I am not bothered about being liked, so I am fearless.
I am self-validated at work from my own deliverables, my own measurement, never from others.
Amen.
From Facebook
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Soul
Finally letting go the burden of responsibilities
P responded and she agreed with me that I should pull out if I feel resentful or edgy.
The old me would have reacted bit but I can understand her response.
But the new me takes this positively and move on.
It took such a long while, but I am freed.
Finally doing what I want.
Father, alas truly realising that their values are not mine.
For now, no ego's issue...but guess that will come later.
But no more..no more going through the wheels, to painful to be stuck back there.
Y also responded on my sos message and said wanted to invite me to his wedding.
I decline as I can't be making the trip.
Told him about my trip to ashram too.
I am glad we are back. The feel is now good.
Looks like his Uranus card is right, mid May and he just informed me he will be back mid May after all the wedding celebration.
Everything settled now.
A tot just came. The other day I said if I can let go of Y, then others can let go of me too.
Now, I let go of local Isha and I can let go of Y.
Y and I now in a 'new' space. Everything is settled.
Just as A and I become friends, Y and I will be too.
Amen.
Z and Y taught me to be firm in letting go.
If both of them have not been firm in letting go, I would have hold on.
Alas, they were firm and I stop holding on.
So the same here for me too.
Amen.
North node in Taurus
When they experience 'abuse' as adults they have to first acknowledge that its happening. Then they need to extricate themselves from the situation and break the psychological bond through forgiveness. Their tendency to perceive themselves as intrinsically "bad" and dislikes by others is actually their over sensitive probing to evoke validation from others. When these folks stop seeking validation, they will no longer be so vulnerable to feeling dislikes.
Soul
I am no longer seeking validation, so no fear of being disliked.
Just like in the office, I am not bothered about being liked, so I am fearless.
I am self-validated at work from my own deliverables, my own measurement, never from others.
Amen.
North Node in Taurus - Focus on what I need
Apr 28 mor
Astrology for soul
North node in Taurus
Because they have extinguished their own value system, they came into this lifetime with no sense of self- worth apart from the feedback of others. This makes them incredibly vulnerable to adopting values of those around them.
In this lifetime, they are learning to build a sense of self esteem directly, by living according to their own value system. They need to empower others only when it is what they want to do, it fits with their own values and they have no expectation of getting anything in return.
These folks carry a lot of anger. However if they take a deeper look, they will see their anger is really based on fear; fear of not being respected, not being liked, not being treated as a human being. So when they feel angry, they can ask themselves; "What am I afraid of?"
When they stop looking to others to provide their own sense of self worth and start looking inside themselves, suddenly their anger becomes productive energy.
These folks are learning to express what they need and to avoid thinking about other's need first.
They may think they fully understand another's motivations and take actions or respond to the person on that basis, only to find that their appraisal was incorrect.
It work best when they avoid tuning in to the desires and opinions of others and instead focus on their own needs: "This is what I need.... These are my reasons.
Soul
No wonder.
Volunteering is not my values...but I picked up from others.
Truly glad new teacher said that there are 3 paths...
Just like Sadhguru said there are samadhi and awareness paths.
My Daily Card
The Eight of Diamonds
The Eight of Diamonds tells you that you will have a considerable amount of financial power. The power to make money is yours and this is power that you probably want to use for some special purpose. Financial power can come from many avenues. You could earn the money or you could borrow the money but one thing is for sure. In order to have this financial power, you will have to get very clear on how much money you want and what the purpose of having that money will be. You see, the Eight of Diamonds means focusing and concentrating our VALUES, and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not. Through this kind of focus, money is always attracted to us in the amounts we need.
Soul
So true. Today is not true.
Astrology for soul
North node in Taurus
Because they have extinguished their own value system, they came into this lifetime with no sense of self- worth apart from the feedback of others. This makes them incredibly vulnerable to adopting values of those around them.
In this lifetime, they are learning to build a sense of self esteem directly, by living according to their own value system. They need to empower others only when it is what they want to do, it fits with their own values and they have no expectation of getting anything in return.
These folks carry a lot of anger. However if they take a deeper look, they will see their anger is really based on fear; fear of not being respected, not being liked, not being treated as a human being. So when they feel angry, they can ask themselves; "What am I afraid of?"
When they stop looking to others to provide their own sense of self worth and start looking inside themselves, suddenly their anger becomes productive energy.
These folks are learning to express what they need and to avoid thinking about other's need first.
They may think they fully understand another's motivations and take actions or respond to the person on that basis, only to find that their appraisal was incorrect.
It work best when they avoid tuning in to the desires and opinions of others and instead focus on their own needs: "This is what I need.... These are my reasons.
Soul
No wonder.
Volunteering is not my values...but I picked up from others.
Truly glad new teacher said that there are 3 paths...
Just like Sadhguru said there are samadhi and awareness paths.
My Daily Card
The Eight of Diamonds
The Eight of Diamonds tells you that you will have a considerable amount of financial power. The power to make money is yours and this is power that you probably want to use for some special purpose. Financial power can come from many avenues. You could earn the money or you could borrow the money but one thing is for sure. In order to have this financial power, you will have to get very clear on how much money you want and what the purpose of having that money will be. You see, the Eight of Diamonds means focusing and concentrating our VALUES, and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not. Through this kind of focus, money is always attracted to us in the amounts we need.
Soul
So true. Today is not true.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Moon in Eleventh house (Moon in Aquarius) - bonded to group identity
Apr 28
Woke up before alarm and then finally got up from bed at 3.45 am. Sat in toilet and tot of my predicament.
Angarmadhana was quite effortless. Must be the shrine. Balancing was good.
Surya kriya was stiff. Perhaps that's what hata teacher said, will be bad before it got better.
Breathing was good, automatically went into arashidharna posture. Sat for a long while.
Cried loads at Kapala Bhakti. Due to time did a quick Shambavi. Towards the end just contentment. Songs come to my mind but this time I want to go beyond the songs to the silence presence in myself.
I am not a volunteer, I m a seeker. The last few years has taken its toil on me. Today I know I can drop all. Have messaged Y and Sh to take up the guide roles. Probably the other core don't take up cos they have not been to advance program. I m giving up hope that they will come in. At least I must not give up on myself, to have the courage to walk away alone.
I will be alone for now. And there be uncertainty, insecurity, valueless but it is real.
I have already cried and got angry and feeling resentful at Sathsang. Let's not ignore and prolong it. Truly ended. Today there is no dilemma, no guilt. I m walking out for the good of me and local Isha.
If I can't be true to myself I can't be happy. Such irony, Y's north node in Leo is to be happy and whereas Z's South node in Leo. Me Venus in Leo. Alas I myself can't be happy. Anyway no more dilemmas. Even if Sh and Y not taking the back up role, I m not staying.
Moon in 11th house by Gargothill
Insecurity
If you are inwardly insecure, you will be so bonded and attached to your identification with your group, that you lose your own sense of personal identity. In essence, you merge your identity into the group identity so that the group consciousness becomes your own subconscious, in a sense. Your attachment to the group results in your own attitudes and behavior being conditioned by the group.
Your behavior is very vulnerable to domination by peer pressure, for you cannot see yourself going against the group or leaving it. The group has become your family. You will do anything to remain a part of the group and retain the group's approval.
Soul
No wonder it took me so long to leave local Isha. The resentment been building up.
Moon in 11th house
Transcendent Potential
You can actualize the transcendent potential of the Moon in the Eleventh House when you become committed to high ideals and social values. This will often lead you to work for the benefit of others self-sacrificingly. You abandon your concern for your own welfare in order to aid humanity. You may have a strong sense of social responsibility and a desire to care for and protect those who are less fortunate. You generally see social action as the primary vehicle for accomplishing this.
It may occur, however, whether through disillusionment or a sudden shift in point of view, that you retreat from active social involvement in order to undertake your own personal quest. You may realize that changing the system does not necessarily equate to its improvement and that true change depends upon raising consciousness. You then see that consciousness raising must begin with yourself. You, therefore, embark on a personal journey toward actualizing your high ideals.
Soul
Amen. Yes. Me, not a volunteer but a seeker.
Moon in 11th house
Your Emotional and Sub-conscious Development is Focused on Social Responsibility and Involvement
The Eleventh House placement of the Moon affords you a social avenue through which you can constructively channel your emotional needs and drives. It also suggests that you are likely to be a warm, caring person (conditioned, of course by the Moon’s sign), at home in a group situation and committed to social justice. You may find yourself in the role of "group mother” (or “father"), providing the care-giving energy that keeps a group cohesive and committed to each other. Your own identification with a group is likely to be high, especially if your connection to the group is based on family, ethnic or historical ties.
If you become active in social causes, you are likely to pour emotional energy into your efforts and feel personally committed to the cause. The primary danger of such intense and emotional group involvement is that you may not have energy left to share with your own family or to provide yourself with emotional "down time."
Soul
So true. No wonder I feel drained. I feel resentful and wants to run away. I don't want anything to happen.
And if I can't find time for myself what about my future husband.
Where You Are Behaviorally Comfortable
Generally, you are most comfortable in a group situation or when you are feeling that you are a part of a larger social dynamic. It is only when the emotional/nurturing element becomes dysfunctional or when stress is experienced due to the conflict between personal and social obligations that you would feel ill at ease in a group. You also are likely to feel good when you can feel that you are contributing to society or working for the benefit of others. Your attraction to and comfort with groups may predispose you to join and work for various causes.
Your personality may also express undertones of Moon-in-Aquarius.
Soul
No wonder the dilemma.
Mmm, no wonder the attraction to Y (South Node in Aquarius) and I too have North Node in xx House (Aquarius). Z also have North Node in Aquarius and hence his attraction to me.
Mmmm...
Woke up before alarm and then finally got up from bed at 3.45 am. Sat in toilet and tot of my predicament.
Angarmadhana was quite effortless. Must be the shrine. Balancing was good.
Surya kriya was stiff. Perhaps that's what hata teacher said, will be bad before it got better.
Breathing was good, automatically went into arashidharna posture. Sat for a long while.
Cried loads at Kapala Bhakti. Due to time did a quick Shambavi. Towards the end just contentment. Songs come to my mind but this time I want to go beyond the songs to the silence presence in myself.
I am not a volunteer, I m a seeker. The last few years has taken its toil on me. Today I know I can drop all. Have messaged Y and Sh to take up the guide roles. Probably the other core don't take up cos they have not been to advance program. I m giving up hope that they will come in. At least I must not give up on myself, to have the courage to walk away alone.
I will be alone for now. And there be uncertainty, insecurity, valueless but it is real.
I have already cried and got angry and feeling resentful at Sathsang. Let's not ignore and prolong it. Truly ended. Today there is no dilemma, no guilt. I m walking out for the good of me and local Isha.
If I can't be true to myself I can't be happy. Such irony, Y's north node in Leo is to be happy and whereas Z's South node in Leo. Me Venus in Leo. Alas I myself can't be happy. Anyway no more dilemmas. Even if Sh and Y not taking the back up role, I m not staying.
Moon in 11th house by Gargothill
Insecurity
If you are inwardly insecure, you will be so bonded and attached to your identification with your group, that you lose your own sense of personal identity. In essence, you merge your identity into the group identity so that the group consciousness becomes your own subconscious, in a sense. Your attachment to the group results in your own attitudes and behavior being conditioned by the group.
Your behavior is very vulnerable to domination by peer pressure, for you cannot see yourself going against the group or leaving it. The group has become your family. You will do anything to remain a part of the group and retain the group's approval.
Soul
No wonder it took me so long to leave local Isha. The resentment been building up.
Moon in 11th house
Transcendent Potential
You can actualize the transcendent potential of the Moon in the Eleventh House when you become committed to high ideals and social values. This will often lead you to work for the benefit of others self-sacrificingly. You abandon your concern for your own welfare in order to aid humanity. You may have a strong sense of social responsibility and a desire to care for and protect those who are less fortunate. You generally see social action as the primary vehicle for accomplishing this.
It may occur, however, whether through disillusionment or a sudden shift in point of view, that you retreat from active social involvement in order to undertake your own personal quest. You may realize that changing the system does not necessarily equate to its improvement and that true change depends upon raising consciousness. You then see that consciousness raising must begin with yourself. You, therefore, embark on a personal journey toward actualizing your high ideals.
Soul
Amen. Yes. Me, not a volunteer but a seeker.
Moon in 11th house
Your Emotional and Sub-conscious Development is Focused on Social Responsibility and Involvement
The Eleventh House placement of the Moon affords you a social avenue through which you can constructively channel your emotional needs and drives. It also suggests that you are likely to be a warm, caring person (conditioned, of course by the Moon’s sign), at home in a group situation and committed to social justice. You may find yourself in the role of "group mother” (or “father"), providing the care-giving energy that keeps a group cohesive and committed to each other. Your own identification with a group is likely to be high, especially if your connection to the group is based on family, ethnic or historical ties.
If you become active in social causes, you are likely to pour emotional energy into your efforts and feel personally committed to the cause. The primary danger of such intense and emotional group involvement is that you may not have energy left to share with your own family or to provide yourself with emotional "down time."
Soul
So true. No wonder I feel drained. I feel resentful and wants to run away. I don't want anything to happen.
And if I can't find time for myself what about my future husband.
Where You Are Behaviorally Comfortable
Generally, you are most comfortable in a group situation or when you are feeling that you are a part of a larger social dynamic. It is only when the emotional/nurturing element becomes dysfunctional or when stress is experienced due to the conflict between personal and social obligations that you would feel ill at ease in a group. You also are likely to feel good when you can feel that you are contributing to society or working for the benefit of others. Your attraction to and comfort with groups may predispose you to join and work for various causes.
Your personality may also express undertones of Moon-in-Aquarius.
Soul
No wonder the dilemma.
Mmm, no wonder the attraction to Y (South Node in Aquarius) and I too have North Node in xx House (Aquarius). Z also have North Node in Aquarius and hence his attraction to me.
Mmmm...
Pluto in 4th house - personal security
Apr 27 eve
Finally realised Y is here to let me see the mirror on my issue on local Isha. How relationships and gratitude ties us down. In his case, meant to happen; just like G came back from overseas. Just as G said her family can't do, just as Y said his parents can't. The same I said other local Isha's core team can't. Just as G's family said no, the same as the local Isha said no.
Now in my case cos its Pluto in Virgo.
I now tot of how to say to them. No need to seek sympathy as even me crying during Sathsang and my resentment doesn't help. I only need to say I exercised my right to say NO just as they did. We are all equal here. Just because I m receptive and I attended all the advance program doesn't mean I have to give more than I wanted to.
Apr 27 eve 1
From Facebook
It is ur life, don't let anyone make u feel guilty for living it the way u want.
Soul
It is truly not easy. I now understand Y and G.
Pluto in Virgo in 4 th house
You will tend to view any type of conditioning as something negative, although you may be compulsively driven by your past conditioning. You may find yourself going through crisis in order to break old habits and decondition yourself.
Soul
Such irony. Me who against conditioning is truly conditioned. Perhaps that's why I m against it cos I couldn't break my own inner conditioning.
Pluto in fourth house
The more your subconscious tries to shake these foundations away from you, the more you cling to them. Obsession, compulsion, mania, or at least an unreasonable preoccupation with these Fourth House matters is the result.
Soul
No wonder.
Pluto in fourth house
In a broader sense, any arena which provides you with protection and security may be vulnerable to crisis and disruption. Such crises may spring from subconscious motivations or may affect your subconscious, resulting in a psychological crisis.
When crisis results in transformation, you may find your outlook toward family and tradition profoundly altered. After a peak crisis, you may feel that your whole essence has been fundamentally changed and that your sense of personal security is no longer dependent upon external nurturing but is rooted in your own sense of Truth. If you are unable to undergo internal transformation, there is a danger that destructive changes will occur within your family and home environment.
Soul
Guess I need to change.
Finally realised Y is here to let me see the mirror on my issue on local Isha. How relationships and gratitude ties us down. In his case, meant to happen; just like G came back from overseas. Just as G said her family can't do, just as Y said his parents can't. The same I said other local Isha's core team can't. Just as G's family said no, the same as the local Isha said no.
Now in my case cos its Pluto in Virgo.
I now tot of how to say to them. No need to seek sympathy as even me crying during Sathsang and my resentment doesn't help. I only need to say I exercised my right to say NO just as they did. We are all equal here. Just because I m receptive and I attended all the advance program doesn't mean I have to give more than I wanted to.
Apr 27 eve 1
From Facebook
It is ur life, don't let anyone make u feel guilty for living it the way u want.
Soul
It is truly not easy. I now understand Y and G.
Pluto in Virgo in 4 th house
You will tend to view any type of conditioning as something negative, although you may be compulsively driven by your past conditioning. You may find yourself going through crisis in order to break old habits and decondition yourself.
Soul
Such irony. Me who against conditioning is truly conditioned. Perhaps that's why I m against it cos I couldn't break my own inner conditioning.
Pluto in fourth house
The more your subconscious tries to shake these foundations away from you, the more you cling to them. Obsession, compulsion, mania, or at least an unreasonable preoccupation with these Fourth House matters is the result.
Soul
No wonder.
Pluto in fourth house
In a broader sense, any arena which provides you with protection and security may be vulnerable to crisis and disruption. Such crises may spring from subconscious motivations or may affect your subconscious, resulting in a psychological crisis.
When crisis results in transformation, you may find your outlook toward family and tradition profoundly altered. After a peak crisis, you may feel that your whole essence has been fundamentally changed and that your sense of personal security is no longer dependent upon external nurturing but is rooted in your own sense of Truth. If you are unable to undergo internal transformation, there is a danger that destructive changes will occur within your family and home environment.
Soul
Guess I need to change.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Pluto in 4th house
Apr 27 aft 1
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
-- Gargatholil
No wonder attract L, Z, G and Y. All of them are driven by their family. All of them can't act without their family blessing. I judged them and here I m doing the same. I don't like volunteering for programs and most of all doesn't like to be the guide. But here I m doing out of gratitude firstly and secondly out of validation and thirdly out of friendships. I m doing the same. Z and Y can't get out and follow the route dictated by their family. Z had no dilemma cos think nothing wrong. Y has major dilemma but in the end succumb to threats from mother. G now finally see but hoping to have strength to persevere.
What about me?
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
Typically, such transformations will involve your relationships with your family, cultural context, conditioning and inherited belief system. Pluto in the Fourth House may also symbolize crisis issues involving protection, security and the home. At a deeper level, Pluto in the Fourth House is associated with a drive for you to transform your subconscious and entire behavior pattern.
You will tend to view any type of conditioning as something negative, although you may be compulsively driven by your past conditioning. You may find yourself going through crisis in order to break old habits and decondition yourself.
Soul
So true. Here I broke from my blood family but acquired new one. My inherited belief of power means responsibility carried into local Isha.
If you are inwardly insecure, you will feel threatened at the very center of your ego's foundation. You psychologically circle the wagons and defend yourself against the onslaught from the unknown.
One defensive measure is to raise your level of attachment to those things which give your ego definition and security--family, tradition, home and homeland. The more your subconscious tries to shake these foundations away from you, the more you cling to them. Obsession, compulsion, mania, or at least an unreasonable preoccupation with these Fourth House matters is the result.
Soul
Really true.
With Pluto in the Fourth House, the crisis producing and transformative energies of Pluto will act within the context of your home and family life. In a broader sense, any arena which provides you with protection and security may be vulnerable to crisis and disruption. Such crises may spring from subconscious motivations or may affect your subconscious, resulting in a psychological crisis.
When crisis results in transformation, you may find your outlook toward family and tradition profoundly altered. After a peak crisis, you may feel that your whole essence has been fundamentally changed and that your sense of personal security is no longer dependent upon external nurturing but is rooted in your own sense of Truth. If you are unable to undergo internal transformation, there is a danger that destructive changes will occur within your family and home environment.
Soul
Yes turning into resentment. Giving out of having.
Insecurity
You consider home and family to be your power-base and you are bound to protect these security-providers at all cost. You are likely also to defend tradition and country as appendages of your ego. You are likely to establish yourself in a patri/matriarchal position in your home, controlling and even brutalizing other family members in order to safeguard the security of your ego. However, if your character is weak, prone to addictive behavior or perverse, you may gain a sense of security by being a victim of a brutalizing domestic situation.
Soul
Since my character is strong I tend to be controller.
Focus of Your Power Drive
You will tend to focus your drive for power in your home, within or through your family or by mobilizing symbols of security such as tradition and homeland. You tend to associate power with preserving personal and emotional security; it is likely to be defensive in nature. At a higher level, you see power as derived from within, based on a strong personal foundation. You are likely to experience a higher Inner Power supportive. The image of Jesus (or any Holy Being) as a Rock is suggested by this placement.
Soul
True.
Alas can see the whole Pluto in
Virgo. Both G and Y to show me that.
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
-- Gargatholil
No wonder attract L, Z, G and Y. All of them are driven by their family. All of them can't act without their family blessing. I judged them and here I m doing the same. I don't like volunteering for programs and most of all doesn't like to be the guide. But here I m doing out of gratitude firstly and secondly out of validation and thirdly out of friendships. I m doing the same. Z and Y can't get out and follow the route dictated by their family. Z had no dilemma cos think nothing wrong. Y has major dilemma but in the end succumb to threats from mother. G now finally see but hoping to have strength to persevere.
What about me?
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
Typically, such transformations will involve your relationships with your family, cultural context, conditioning and inherited belief system. Pluto in the Fourth House may also symbolize crisis issues involving protection, security and the home. At a deeper level, Pluto in the Fourth House is associated with a drive for you to transform your subconscious and entire behavior pattern.
You will tend to view any type of conditioning as something negative, although you may be compulsively driven by your past conditioning. You may find yourself going through crisis in order to break old habits and decondition yourself.
Soul
So true. Here I broke from my blood family but acquired new one. My inherited belief of power means responsibility carried into local Isha.
If you are inwardly insecure, you will feel threatened at the very center of your ego's foundation. You psychologically circle the wagons and defend yourself against the onslaught from the unknown.
One defensive measure is to raise your level of attachment to those things which give your ego definition and security--family, tradition, home and homeland. The more your subconscious tries to shake these foundations away from you, the more you cling to them. Obsession, compulsion, mania, or at least an unreasonable preoccupation with these Fourth House matters is the result.
Soul
Really true.
With Pluto in the Fourth House, the crisis producing and transformative energies of Pluto will act within the context of your home and family life. In a broader sense, any arena which provides you with protection and security may be vulnerable to crisis and disruption. Such crises may spring from subconscious motivations or may affect your subconscious, resulting in a psychological crisis.
When crisis results in transformation, you may find your outlook toward family and tradition profoundly altered. After a peak crisis, you may feel that your whole essence has been fundamentally changed and that your sense of personal security is no longer dependent upon external nurturing but is rooted in your own sense of Truth. If you are unable to undergo internal transformation, there is a danger that destructive changes will occur within your family and home environment.
Soul
Yes turning into resentment. Giving out of having.
Insecurity
You consider home and family to be your power-base and you are bound to protect these security-providers at all cost. You are likely also to defend tradition and country as appendages of your ego. You are likely to establish yourself in a patri/matriarchal position in your home, controlling and even brutalizing other family members in order to safeguard the security of your ego. However, if your character is weak, prone to addictive behavior or perverse, you may gain a sense of security by being a victim of a brutalizing domestic situation.
Soul
Since my character is strong I tend to be controller.
Focus of Your Power Drive
You will tend to focus your drive for power in your home, within or through your family or by mobilizing symbols of security such as tradition and homeland. You tend to associate power with preserving personal and emotional security; it is likely to be defensive in nature. At a higher level, you see power as derived from within, based on a strong personal foundation. You are likely to experience a higher Inner Power supportive. The image of Jesus (or any Holy Being) as a Rock is suggested by this placement.
Soul
True.
Alas can see the whole Pluto in
Virgo. Both G and Y to show me that.
Being alone is what I need
Apr 27 aft
Now waiting for my flight. Apprehension starts to build up on how to tell the team. But seeing how G is also facing this gave me the courage to proceed.
Well, at least next month I m not doing. Will tell from that. No point declaring and then postponing. Main thing to wait for S's answer.
Been a great trip. G and I bonded well and even able to see the mirror in each other. Will motivate each other.
1. The Issue
Moment to moment.
Only a non-ambitious man can remain in the present. A man who wants to be in the present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate. Experience will come but experience has not to be premeditated.
Be available what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself off, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Yes. I just decide today to end. Got myself off next month and see next step. Maybe S's will continue onward. No need to create dilemma.
2. Internal influence
Receptivity
Listening means forget urself completely so that u can listen. When u listen, u become just a passage, a passivity, a receptivity, a womb: u become feminine.
Soul
Didn't expect to hear my answer to my dilemma in local Isha.
To drop being the guide. I tried various time but no takers. Well; the bucks stops here.
No more holding myself.
The adultery video by Sadhguru really meant for me. Be sensible. I may take up local Isha out of validation and now afraid to let go out of fear of validation. But the price to pay is being miserable and resentment. While I may have periods of uncertainty and low valuation but that's something I need to go through.
Being totally alone is what I need now.
Learning I am enough for my own sake and not for what I do is what I need now.
3. External influences that u are aware
Politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds. Infact mind is political. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at urself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours. Whatever u might achieve in this way will just turn to dust in ur hands.
Soul
Yes. Keep on reminding me that I m valueless without local Isha especially now Y no more.
Tots of being valueless do scare me but knowing that in the end I truly dislike it and feel miserable. I m not doing justice to local Isha and Sadhguru. As long as I m unwilling it will feel like rape. Eventhough i m capable and free but I don't want to do cos that's not my calling. Being local Isha lead doesn't fulfill me and long term stay without exit only makes me feel resentful.
Capability need not mean responsibility. No more carrying burden on my shoulder.
Also I want to put my focus back into building my team to next level and fulfilling my dream of my husband.
4. What is needed for resolution?
The dream
U fallen in love because u cannot be alone. U were going to fall. U were going to avoid urself somehow or other. And there are people who don't fall in love with men or women - they fall in love with money. They start moving into money or into a power trip, they become politicians. That too is avoiding ur aloneness. If u watch man, if u watch urself deeply, u will be surprised - all ur activities can be reduced to one single source. The source is u are afraid of ur aloneness. Everything else is just an excuse. The real cause is that u find urself very alone.
Soul
I transferred validation from career to Z and then local Isha. Then back to Y and then back to local Isha. I have made myself needed when I truly just want to wanted.
All also not what I m. Let me be alone. Let me fulfill my Results of Nine of Spades. Let me know I m enough without anyone or anything.
5. Understanding
Sorrow
Time of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame and self pity.
Soul
Yes. I truly have mirror in Virgo. While I m not into my blood family. I m into my local Isha family. No wonder I attract the Virgo both G and Y into my life. Actually Z also into family. They allow their family to lead their life. I tot I don't with my blood family but I do with my local Isha family.
I made myself indispensable and now cried foul. So got to undo it.
Instead of saying why others doesn't come in; is asking myself why I can't let go.
At least learn from both Z and Y in letting go. See how G doing it too. Only I myself can let go. I need not ask others to let me go. That's like seeking sympathy. They write personally to teacher saying no. Let me give myself the freedom to say no. I too need not ask permission.
Now waiting for my flight. Apprehension starts to build up on how to tell the team. But seeing how G is also facing this gave me the courage to proceed.
Well, at least next month I m not doing. Will tell from that. No point declaring and then postponing. Main thing to wait for S's answer.
Been a great trip. G and I bonded well and even able to see the mirror in each other. Will motivate each other.
1. The Issue
Moment to moment.
Only a non-ambitious man can remain in the present. A man who wants to be in the present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate. Experience will come but experience has not to be premeditated.
Be available what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself off, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Yes. I just decide today to end. Got myself off next month and see next step. Maybe S's will continue onward. No need to create dilemma.
2. Internal influence
Receptivity
Listening means forget urself completely so that u can listen. When u listen, u become just a passage, a passivity, a receptivity, a womb: u become feminine.
Soul
Didn't expect to hear my answer to my dilemma in local Isha.
To drop being the guide. I tried various time but no takers. Well; the bucks stops here.
No more holding myself.
The adultery video by Sadhguru really meant for me. Be sensible. I may take up local Isha out of validation and now afraid to let go out of fear of validation. But the price to pay is being miserable and resentment. While I may have periods of uncertainty and low valuation but that's something I need to go through.
Being totally alone is what I need now.
Learning I am enough for my own sake and not for what I do is what I need now.
3. External influences that u are aware
Politics
All but the most innocent and sincere of us have a politician lurking somewhere in our minds. Infact mind is political. The whole game is a lie. Take a good look at urself to see if u have been playing this game. What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours. Whatever u might achieve in this way will just turn to dust in ur hands.
Soul
Yes. Keep on reminding me that I m valueless without local Isha especially now Y no more.
Tots of being valueless do scare me but knowing that in the end I truly dislike it and feel miserable. I m not doing justice to local Isha and Sadhguru. As long as I m unwilling it will feel like rape. Eventhough i m capable and free but I don't want to do cos that's not my calling. Being local Isha lead doesn't fulfill me and long term stay without exit only makes me feel resentful.
Capability need not mean responsibility. No more carrying burden on my shoulder.
Also I want to put my focus back into building my team to next level and fulfilling my dream of my husband.
4. What is needed for resolution?
The dream
U fallen in love because u cannot be alone. U were going to fall. U were going to avoid urself somehow or other. And there are people who don't fall in love with men or women - they fall in love with money. They start moving into money or into a power trip, they become politicians. That too is avoiding ur aloneness. If u watch man, if u watch urself deeply, u will be surprised - all ur activities can be reduced to one single source. The source is u are afraid of ur aloneness. Everything else is just an excuse. The real cause is that u find urself very alone.
Soul
I transferred validation from career to Z and then local Isha. Then back to Y and then back to local Isha. I have made myself needed when I truly just want to wanted.
All also not what I m. Let me be alone. Let me fulfill my Results of Nine of Spades. Let me know I m enough without anyone or anything.
5. Understanding
Sorrow
Time of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame and self pity.
Soul
Yes. I truly have mirror in Virgo. While I m not into my blood family. I m into my local Isha family. No wonder I attract the Virgo both G and Y into my life. Actually Z also into family. They allow their family to lead their life. I tot I don't with my blood family but I do with my local Isha family.
I made myself indispensable and now cried foul. So got to undo it.
Instead of saying why others doesn't come in; is asking myself why I can't let go.
At least learn from both Z and Y in letting go. See how G doing it too. Only I myself can let go. I need not ask others to let me go. That's like seeking sympathy. They write personally to teacher saying no. Let me give myself the freedom to say no. I too need not ask permission.
Releasing the final link - I can make myself dispensable
Apr 27
Yesterday slept around 9 plus pm after visit to Linga. Slept a long while and wake up around 5 plus, feeling hot and sensual. Just need to undress. And I feel so liberated. Finally able to feel sensual and not associate it with Z. Looking forward to my new relationships.
Went for a swim but somehow not keen on it but more enthralled by the view of sea, sky and hills. G and I chatted. And I then told her about my resentment on being a guide. She said if I m so resentful I should stop doing it. Just stop. I said no one will do. She said what if I m sick. I said even sick I got to do it. Then she said what if my dad is hospitalised and I can't do. Even then I said I still got to make time. She said no one is indispensable.
Then it dawned on me that I make myself indispensable.
When I went to shower, decision made. I will let go of being a guide. The final link that provides the validation. Maybe they are unwilling to train because I want to be a guide. Then I need to unplugged myself. With that I decided to messaged S.
Father, finally let go of the key role of being the guide. Now that I knew it was the validation vs my personal enjoyment for Sathsang. Knowing that I feel resentful that I m the only one. That again I m selected because of my ' capability' or receptivity; then just quit first. I m not doing justice to being a guide. Let others who feel blessed does it. Thanks to G who prompt me. And thanks to Linga for clearing the way.
I just messaged S that I m feeling resentful and no longer want to be the guide. He seems to understand. I felt relieved.
As I was sharing to G that I finally did the cut, thanks to her; she suddenly realised that she too was in the same boat with her family. She was keeping herself too busy with family and no time for sadhanas.
Yesterday slept around 9 plus pm after visit to Linga. Slept a long while and wake up around 5 plus, feeling hot and sensual. Just need to undress. And I feel so liberated. Finally able to feel sensual and not associate it with Z. Looking forward to my new relationships.
Went for a swim but somehow not keen on it but more enthralled by the view of sea, sky and hills. G and I chatted. And I then told her about my resentment on being a guide. She said if I m so resentful I should stop doing it. Just stop. I said no one will do. She said what if I m sick. I said even sick I got to do it. Then she said what if my dad is hospitalised and I can't do. Even then I said I still got to make time. She said no one is indispensable.
Then it dawned on me that I make myself indispensable.
When I went to shower, decision made. I will let go of being a guide. The final link that provides the validation. Maybe they are unwilling to train because I want to be a guide. Then I need to unplugged myself. With that I decided to messaged S.
Father, finally let go of the key role of being the guide. Now that I knew it was the validation vs my personal enjoyment for Sathsang. Knowing that I feel resentful that I m the only one. That again I m selected because of my ' capability' or receptivity; then just quit first. I m not doing justice to being a guide. Let others who feel blessed does it. Thanks to G who prompt me. And thanks to Linga for clearing the way.
I just messaged S that I m feeling resentful and no longer want to be the guide. He seems to understand. I felt relieved.
As I was sharing to G that I finally did the cut, thanks to her; she suddenly realised that she too was in the same boat with her family. She was keeping herself too busy with family and no time for sadhanas.
Linga Bhairavi's yantra
Apr 26 eve
It was a great moment with Linga Bhairavi's yantra. Energy was great. When I step in, I was laughing and then later I cried. Head start to shake followed by breathe hissing. I said thanks for everything. I told Linga that I be married at the temple. When I came out, just go into silence. Just feel so full.
I received message that the event was very successful. This time no feeling of being left out nor any reason to self promote. I just accept the news and move on. Amen.
Got this from Facebook
When I love myself, I place firm boundaries about what I need — unapologetically. When I love myself, I know my worth and make sure others know it too.
When I love myself, I express my feelings and feel no shame for doing it.
When I love myself, I know I deserve love, happiness, and to have all my dreams fulfilled.
When I love myself, I laugh when I hear a bird sing.
When I love myself, I don’t believe all the lies about the world being a scary place.
When I love myself — really love myself, I stop distracting myself from my own thoughts, fears and self-talk.
When I love myself, my thoughts are wrought with self-worth, gratitude and joy.
When I love myself, I go after my dreams and don’t let anything stand in my way.
When I love myself, I breathe in the Now moment and just be in this perfect Today.
When I love myself, I don’t care what any man thinks of me.
When I love myself, I realize how no one adds to my worth, and nothing I can say
can detract from it, so I start being me.
Soul
Felt a certain ending. I may not know what tomorrow brings but I know letting go local Isha is key. I will remain as a part time guide
It was a great moment with Linga Bhairavi's yantra. Energy was great. When I step in, I was laughing and then later I cried. Head start to shake followed by breathe hissing. I said thanks for everything. I told Linga that I be married at the temple. When I came out, just go into silence. Just feel so full.
I received message that the event was very successful. This time no feeling of being left out nor any reason to self promote. I just accept the news and move on. Amen.
Got this from Facebook
When I love myself, I place firm boundaries about what I need — unapologetically. When I love myself, I know my worth and make sure others know it too.
When I love myself, I express my feelings and feel no shame for doing it.
When I love myself, I know I deserve love, happiness, and to have all my dreams fulfilled.
When I love myself, I laugh when I hear a bird sing.
When I love myself, I don’t believe all the lies about the world being a scary place.
When I love myself — really love myself, I stop distracting myself from my own thoughts, fears and self-talk.
When I love myself, my thoughts are wrought with self-worth, gratitude and joy.
When I love myself, I go after my dreams and don’t let anything stand in my way.
When I love myself, I breathe in the Now moment and just be in this perfect Today.
When I love myself, I don’t care what any man thinks of me.
When I love myself, I realize how no one adds to my worth, and nothing I can say
can detract from it, so I start being me.
Soul
Felt a certain ending. I may not know what tomorrow brings but I know letting go local Isha is key. I will remain as a part time guide
Addicted to approval
Apr 26 aft
Soul
Suddenly I tot of Y. He can't break from his family, his validation. Then the same I was with local Isha. Well, I m going to do so.
Will just keep to being guide and shared with S. I can understand that both of us with our deepened practices makes the position of guide better.
Just remember Sadhguru's video on adultery, about living sensibly. Don't cause suffering to myself just because I want to keep the validation.
From Facebook.
Tiny buddha
Addicted to Approval: Reclaim Your Self-Esteem
By Katherine Reseburg
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
The past few years have been full of hard but necessary lessons I needed to learn about my relationships with others—their limits, boundaries, what healthy relationships are and are not.
I realized that the foundation for some of my relationships (the unhealthy ones) was my need for attention and approval. This, of course, was futile because we can only truly feel good about ourselves despite outside opinions. Because I felt inadequate and overly self-critical due to a past full of put-downs and personal failures (real or perceived), I needed “proof” that I mattered and was worthy in the eyes of people who represented the very individuals from my past who had shamed me, abused me, ignored me, and devalued me.
It was selfish that I had held onto them for an (artificial) ego boost and out of a sense of duty, because a relationship had been established; that was unfair to them and unhealthy for me. I needed to be selfish in another way: focus inward and provide myself with that ego-boosting energy.
In approval-addiction friendships, both people seek validation and attention from each other instead of truly being there for one another, unselfishly. That’s a no-win situation.
I am now on a journey toward self-love and acceptance from within. I have developed four “mantras” I repeat to myself when I find myself drifting back into old relationship patterns, clinging to other people and things to gain feelings of self-worth.
Self-Love Mantras
1. No one else can prove your self-worth.
True friends can help boost it, but only temporarily. Authentic, lasting personal validation exists when you value and approve of you.
2. You are who you are, and that’s good enough.
You will have moments, even phases when you’ll doubt this, and that’s okay. Just remember: bad things are going to happen. Some people aren’t going to like you. But these are not a negative reflection of the awesome person you are.
3. Your friendship, time, and thoughtfulness are precious.
Invest these wisely and with integrity. You deserve it, as do your loved ones.
4. Be proud of yourself and all you do.
Depending on others to confirm that you’re worthwhile is a recipe for disappointment. No one will approve of everything you do. You don’t either, right? You have more than enough to be proud of and that pride should come from within and be unshakeable at its core.
Soul
So timely.
Soul
Suddenly I tot of Y. He can't break from his family, his validation. Then the same I was with local Isha. Well, I m going to do so.
Will just keep to being guide and shared with S. I can understand that both of us with our deepened practices makes the position of guide better.
Just remember Sadhguru's video on adultery, about living sensibly. Don't cause suffering to myself just because I want to keep the validation.
From Facebook.
Tiny buddha
Addicted to Approval: Reclaim Your Self-Esteem
By Katherine Reseburg
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
The past few years have been full of hard but necessary lessons I needed to learn about my relationships with others—their limits, boundaries, what healthy relationships are and are not.
I realized that the foundation for some of my relationships (the unhealthy ones) was my need for attention and approval. This, of course, was futile because we can only truly feel good about ourselves despite outside opinions. Because I felt inadequate and overly self-critical due to a past full of put-downs and personal failures (real or perceived), I needed “proof” that I mattered and was worthy in the eyes of people who represented the very individuals from my past who had shamed me, abused me, ignored me, and devalued me.
It was selfish that I had held onto them for an (artificial) ego boost and out of a sense of duty, because a relationship had been established; that was unfair to them and unhealthy for me. I needed to be selfish in another way: focus inward and provide myself with that ego-boosting energy.
In approval-addiction friendships, both people seek validation and attention from each other instead of truly being there for one another, unselfishly. That’s a no-win situation.
I am now on a journey toward self-love and acceptance from within. I have developed four “mantras” I repeat to myself when I find myself drifting back into old relationship patterns, clinging to other people and things to gain feelings of self-worth.
Self-Love Mantras
1. No one else can prove your self-worth.
True friends can help boost it, but only temporarily. Authentic, lasting personal validation exists when you value and approve of you.
2. You are who you are, and that’s good enough.
You will have moments, even phases when you’ll doubt this, and that’s okay. Just remember: bad things are going to happen. Some people aren’t going to like you. But these are not a negative reflection of the awesome person you are.
3. Your friendship, time, and thoughtfulness are precious.
Invest these wisely and with integrity. You deserve it, as do your loved ones.
4. Be proud of yourself and all you do.
Depending on others to confirm that you’re worthwhile is a recipe for disappointment. No one will approve of everything you do. You don’t either, right? You have more than enough to be proud of and that pride should come from within and be unshakeable at its core.
Soul
So timely.
Writing heals
Apr 26
Woke up at 5.45 am with this tots:
It is senseless to continue doing something that I don't like the consequence.
Did Bhoota Shuddi, sang guru pooja and one cycle of Surya kriya. Followed by a short Shavasana and then Shakti. Shakti was great with slow Kapala Bhakti. Laughter came.
From Facebook
Galatic-Rajneesh
Innocence is a totally different phenomenon. It has nothing to do with knowledge and nothing to do with ignorance either. It is a state of total freedom – from ignorance and knowledge both. It is a state of wonder. It is a very positive state of tremendous awe. When you are full of wonder and awe; when your heart starts throbbing with each beautiful moment that passes by – with the roses, with the marigolds, with the lotuses, with the stars, with the sun, with the moon, with people, with rivers, mountains; when you can experience and feel the mystery of life; when you are so sensitive, so vulnerable, so open that the miraculous can penetrate to the very core of your being, then you are innocent.
Soul
Love this. Exactly now.
When I step into the pool after my practices. I immediately erupted into laughter, joy just came. I laugh quite a long while. The swim was great. So effortless.
I shared with G on Sadhguru's video on adultery. I first saw it for her but it is meant for me too.
Amen.
From Facebook.
robertcosmar@gmail.com and cjheck60porsche@gmail.com
Writing heals, because it addresses what we are feeling within. In other words, writing opens the door to ourselves.
Writing focuses on what is buried in the unconscious and it allows us to explore our mind, and feelings. It is a time when we can ask ourselves questions in the privacy of our own thoughts and feelings -- and we come to realize we do have the answers within us. Writing is very therapeutic, because we progress at our own pace.
To heal, all that is needed is to get past the mind and contact the authentic healer within. This healer is the natural identity of our being that exists beyond our mind and unconscious. It is the perfect wholeness within us. It is feeling our total being-ness in consciousness.
Writing is a form of introspection, or meditation. It allows the mind to cooperate with our feelings and jointly bring our truth into our awareness.
Soul
That's why writing is still my passion.
Woke up at 5.45 am with this tots:
It is senseless to continue doing something that I don't like the consequence.
Did Bhoota Shuddi, sang guru pooja and one cycle of Surya kriya. Followed by a short Shavasana and then Shakti. Shakti was great with slow Kapala Bhakti. Laughter came.
From Facebook
Galatic-Rajneesh
Innocence is a totally different phenomenon. It has nothing to do with knowledge and nothing to do with ignorance either. It is a state of total freedom – from ignorance and knowledge both. It is a state of wonder. It is a very positive state of tremendous awe. When you are full of wonder and awe; when your heart starts throbbing with each beautiful moment that passes by – with the roses, with the marigolds, with the lotuses, with the stars, with the sun, with the moon, with people, with rivers, mountains; when you can experience and feel the mystery of life; when you are so sensitive, so vulnerable, so open that the miraculous can penetrate to the very core of your being, then you are innocent.
Soul
Love this. Exactly now.
When I step into the pool after my practices. I immediately erupted into laughter, joy just came. I laugh quite a long while. The swim was great. So effortless.
I shared with G on Sadhguru's video on adultery. I first saw it for her but it is meant for me too.
Amen.
From Facebook.
robertcosmar@gmail.com and cjheck60porsche@gmail.com
Writing heals, because it addresses what we are feeling within. In other words, writing opens the door to ourselves.
Writing focuses on what is buried in the unconscious and it allows us to explore our mind, and feelings. It is a time when we can ask ourselves questions in the privacy of our own thoughts and feelings -- and we come to realize we do have the answers within us. Writing is very therapeutic, because we progress at our own pace.
To heal, all that is needed is to get past the mind and contact the authentic healer within. This healer is the natural identity of our being that exists beyond our mind and unconscious. It is the perfect wholeness within us. It is feeling our total being-ness in consciousness.
Writing is a form of introspection, or meditation. It allows the mind to cooperate with our feelings and jointly bring our truth into our awareness.
Soul
That's why writing is still my passion.
Sadhguru on Adultery / senseless living
Apr 25 eve
Just watched Sadhguru YouTube titled adultery. I picked this cos tot relevant to G.
Sadhguru said there is no right or wrong. But most cannot handle the consequences. And most knows that their action makes them feel like a fool, causing suffering to themselves. If you are causing suffering to yourself.
Living senselessly is not right..the right way way is to live sensibly..
Soul
Tot of myself seeking validation..and yes, it is exhilarating to receive validation..but in the ends I can't pay the price of loss of personal freedom...loss of my self-time...I just feel the burden only...
Thats quite senseless and hence the sensible thing to do is to end this...
Just watched Sadhguru YouTube titled adultery. I picked this cos tot relevant to G.
Sadhguru said there is no right or wrong. But most cannot handle the consequences. And most knows that their action makes them feel like a fool, causing suffering to themselves. If you are causing suffering to yourself.
Living senselessly is not right..the right way way is to live sensibly..
Soul
Tot of myself seeking validation..and yes, it is exhilarating to receive validation..but in the ends I can't pay the price of loss of personal freedom...loss of my self-time...I just feel the burden only...
Thats quite senseless and hence the sensible thing to do is to end this...
No more seeking validation
Apr 25 aft
Saw the coming success of the session. Everyone joining. I wonder the mind says no one knows u are the one coordinating the venue this event. U see. That's why me not truly volunteering. Just fear of losing validation. Fear of not being needed. Then I resentful of others who didn't appreciate me. No more seeking validation.
I just want to be.
I know I prefer to be in this room chilling.
The mind acting up.
Father let me be unknown. No longer want to strive to be needed, to be valuable.
Mmmm, just realised I transferred my valuation from career to local Isha and personal and romantic relationship
Apr 25 aft 1
Came back to the place I had memories of Z. A few months ago I was struck with sadness. Now none. No longer associate the place with him. He is truly gone.
Got this from Facebook.
Amma
The success of one's life depends upon one's ability to forget what is not relevant at the present moment.
Soul
So many reminders.
Truly start questioning my tots. Start to realise that my tots are not me. I can question my tots. I question them cos some of the tots are not good for me, I don't believe them.
Father, you give without limits. U give abundantly. Just because I m successful in work life, no reason I can't be in personal and romantic life.
I have courage. Got this from Facebook.
Winston Churchill
Courage is the first step. Without courage nothing can happen.
Soul
I have courage. Earlier I was stopped by misguided belief. Now I m aware I know I can make it.
Saw the coming success of the session. Everyone joining. I wonder the mind says no one knows u are the one coordinating the venue this event. U see. That's why me not truly volunteering. Just fear of losing validation. Fear of not being needed. Then I resentful of others who didn't appreciate me. No more seeking validation.
I just want to be.
I know I prefer to be in this room chilling.
The mind acting up.
Father let me be unknown. No longer want to strive to be needed, to be valuable.
Mmmm, just realised I transferred my valuation from career to local Isha and personal and romantic relationship
Apr 25 aft 1
Came back to the place I had memories of Z. A few months ago I was struck with sadness. Now none. No longer associate the place with him. He is truly gone.
Got this from Facebook.
Amma
The success of one's life depends upon one's ability to forget what is not relevant at the present moment.
Soul
So many reminders.
Truly start questioning my tots. Start to realise that my tots are not me. I can question my tots. I question them cos some of the tots are not good for me, I don't believe them.
Father, you give without limits. U give abundantly. Just because I m successful in work life, no reason I can't be in personal and romantic life.
I have courage. Got this from Facebook.
Winston Churchill
Courage is the first step. Without courage nothing can happen.
Soul
I have courage. Earlier I was stopped by misguided belief. Now I m aware I know I can make it.
Stop believing your thoughts that hold me back
Apr 25
Angarmadhana not so great and I forgot some squatting posture. On standing, couldn't balance that well. Maybe new place and of course without shrine. But otherwise good overall. Breathing was good.
Kapala Bhakti was fine. Great slow first cycle of Kapala Bhakti. Lost in tots during second cycle. Came back in third cycle but energy build up enormously half way. To my surprise I cry again during Kapala Bhakti. Cried with tears rolling down my cheek. Then went in deep.
Shambavi was good. Hissing breathe for long time at the end.
There were some tots of local Isha which I ignored. Guess just feeling worried that I m not wanted. I calm myself and said I enjoy my sadhana more. And I love that I have time to chill out. Father, not easy letting go but if I don't let go I have no time to do my writing. It may not have immediate impact on others or rather it may not be needed but it is what I enjoyed doing. I want to do what I enjoy and not what others needed.
At the end started to sing goodbye song again and I squashed it immediately. No more goodbye. I deserve loving and loyal husband.
From tiny Buddha
Just because you believe something does not make it true.
People who promote positive thinking would advise you to start thinking positively. I think this is obviously better than negative thinking, but it’s still not the solution. I believe in letting thoughts go.
Let go of all the destructive thoughts you hold about yourself. Once you are able to accept that you are not what your thoughts are telling you, you will become free.
You will no longer limit yourself with your thinking because you will accept that your thoughts are faulty.
Once you realize that your thoughts are faulty, there will be nothing else standing in your way; and when you realize that there is nothing standing in your way, you will see that it was your thoughts that were holding you back from being who you wanted to be this whole time.
Soul
Exactly my point. This is my new affirmation. I stop believing any tots that holds me back.
Angarmadhana not so great and I forgot some squatting posture. On standing, couldn't balance that well. Maybe new place and of course without shrine. But otherwise good overall. Breathing was good.
Kapala Bhakti was fine. Great slow first cycle of Kapala Bhakti. Lost in tots during second cycle. Came back in third cycle but energy build up enormously half way. To my surprise I cry again during Kapala Bhakti. Cried with tears rolling down my cheek. Then went in deep.
Shambavi was good. Hissing breathe for long time at the end.
There were some tots of local Isha which I ignored. Guess just feeling worried that I m not wanted. I calm myself and said I enjoy my sadhana more. And I love that I have time to chill out. Father, not easy letting go but if I don't let go I have no time to do my writing. It may not have immediate impact on others or rather it may not be needed but it is what I enjoyed doing. I want to do what I enjoy and not what others needed.
At the end started to sing goodbye song again and I squashed it immediately. No more goodbye. I deserve loving and loyal husband.
From tiny Buddha
Just because you believe something does not make it true.
People who promote positive thinking would advise you to start thinking positively. I think this is obviously better than negative thinking, but it’s still not the solution. I believe in letting thoughts go.
Let go of all the destructive thoughts you hold about yourself. Once you are able to accept that you are not what your thoughts are telling you, you will become free.
You will no longer limit yourself with your thinking because you will accept that your thoughts are faulty.
Once you realize that your thoughts are faulty, there will be nothing else standing in your way; and when you realize that there is nothing standing in your way, you will see that it was your thoughts that were holding you back from being who you wanted to be this whole time.
Soul
Exactly my point. This is my new affirmation. I stop believing any tots that holds me back.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Being myself - I am simply enough
Apr 24 aft
From
Soul
Just want to go with the flow.
Yesterday ego reacted when P's idea conflict with mine.
Then immediately reminded myself I truly don't want to get involved.
So, the negative feeling eased.
Read this in my early April blog.
Destiny, freedom and soul by Osho
There are two modes of life. One is the action mode - u do something. The other is of the receptive mode - u simply receive. The action mode is outgoing. We have forgotten the inaction mode. The divine can be known only in the receptive mode.
U simply allow: u become a door. Things go on happening without you. Become a piece of driftwood. Float in the stream like timber and whenever the stream goes, let it take u; u don't make any effort.
Soul
Just go with the flow.
Need not worry about bonding.
Just be myself.
Need not do anything to retain the bonding..
Destiny, freedom and soul by Osho
To do good work is one thing and to be good is totally another. I am not saying don't do good work. I am saying, let good works come out of ur being good.
First attain to receptive mode, first attain to the passive, first attain to the non active. And when ur inner being flowers and u have come to know the integration inside - which is always there, the center is always there. When u have recognised the center, suddenly death disappears for u. Suddenly all worries disappear because u are no more a body now, and no more a mind.
Soul
Yes...amen
Soul
Another reminder....in my Apr 8 blog.
I enjoy updating my blog..reading my earlier journal. reaffirming my path..
Rebellesociety
Love isn’t created by doing; rather it is accessed, tapped into and unleashed, when we meet a kindred soul.
Perhaps it’s tricky in romantic love, but I know it to be true when I think about those whom I love most in the world. I appreciate what they do for me, but my love isn’t a result of their actions.
My love swells out of the beauty of their being, in the delight I feel in their presence.
So I’ve embarked upon a new endeavor: I’m actively making myself unnecessary.
I’m unwinding the cords that I wove around others to make me indispensable in their lives.
I’m learning to walk away from people that are always needing, and letting go of my addiction to being needed.
I’m opening up to those who want to grab a cup of tea to talk about life. Those who invite me to dinner, or to see a play, or to watch a band they think we might both like.
Soul
Amen
From
Soul
Just want to go with the flow.
Yesterday ego reacted when P's idea conflict with mine.
Then immediately reminded myself I truly don't want to get involved.
So, the negative feeling eased.
Read this in my early April blog.
Destiny, freedom and soul by Osho
There are two modes of life. One is the action mode - u do something. The other is of the receptive mode - u simply receive. The action mode is outgoing. We have forgotten the inaction mode. The divine can be known only in the receptive mode.
U simply allow: u become a door. Things go on happening without you. Become a piece of driftwood. Float in the stream like timber and whenever the stream goes, let it take u; u don't make any effort.
Soul
Just go with the flow.
Need not worry about bonding.
Just be myself.
Need not do anything to retain the bonding..
Destiny, freedom and soul by Osho
To do good work is one thing and to be good is totally another. I am not saying don't do good work. I am saying, let good works come out of ur being good.
First attain to receptive mode, first attain to the passive, first attain to the non active. And when ur inner being flowers and u have come to know the integration inside - which is always there, the center is always there. When u have recognised the center, suddenly death disappears for u. Suddenly all worries disappear because u are no more a body now, and no more a mind.
Soul
Yes...amen
Soul
Another reminder....in my Apr 8 blog.
I enjoy updating my blog..reading my earlier journal. reaffirming my path..
Rebellesociety
Love isn’t created by doing; rather it is accessed, tapped into and unleashed, when we meet a kindred soul.
Perhaps it’s tricky in romantic love, but I know it to be true when I think about those whom I love most in the world. I appreciate what they do for me, but my love isn’t a result of their actions.
My love swells out of the beauty of their being, in the delight I feel in their presence.
So I’ve embarked upon a new endeavor: I’m actively making myself unnecessary.
I’m unwinding the cords that I wove around others to make me indispensable in their lives.
I’m learning to walk away from people that are always needing, and letting go of my addiction to being needed.
I’m opening up to those who want to grab a cup of tea to talk about life. Those who invite me to dinner, or to see a play, or to watch a band they think we might both like.
Soul
Amen
No more Goodbye
Apr 24
Woke up before alarm at 6.45 am. A tot came on local Isha. Yes, I can see where I can contribute but I m not keen to do. Taking it up be going back to the past. I want to move forward and look at my writing, savouring myself.
Cried so much during Shakti, at Kapala Bhakti. Its like my initiation day.
Towards the end singing out loud. As usual first song was "though we got to say goodbye for the summer. Darling, I promised you this I send u all my love everyday in a letter".
Something in me said louder; "no more goodbye". Immediately song stopped. Sang a few round.
During Shambavi finale, again the Goodbye song tune starts to sound in my mind but I said nope, no more goodbye. So sang in other tune instead.
At the end I said I deserves a loving and loyal partner. No more goodbye.
Then a tot came I deserved a loving and loyal partner cos I m a loving and loyal partner.
I can be said to be stupid to hold on to Z and Y when there is no reason to hold on. Yes, holding on due to fear. But the other side is me being loyal irrespective of the circumstances. Amen.
No more goodbye.
Today very little tots of Z and Y. When the tots came in, I didn't hook up with it. Also I realised that's my poverty consciousness on romantic relationship. No more.
I feel a lightness.
Father, as I was updating my blog on learned fearlessnes with Z.
I realised that I am fearless in work environment as I believed everything will be good.
Even when I lost one third of my staff and yet I am confident things will be fine.
Within 1 week I reshuffle the resources and within 2 weeks I got the replacement headcount and in 3 weeks I got the reshuffling of roles among my new team.
So the same fearlessness I will bring to my personal and romantic relationships.
No more goodbye...or rather no more fear of goodbyes...
Just be my total self...no longer have to fear on being rejected.
The fear of being rejected was because I am truly loyal.
Friends really have to be pretty mean for me to let go..because of my 1st karma of Two of Diamonds.
Father, this week breakthrough..
Amen. Love you.
Woke up before alarm at 6.45 am. A tot came on local Isha. Yes, I can see where I can contribute but I m not keen to do. Taking it up be going back to the past. I want to move forward and look at my writing, savouring myself.
Cried so much during Shakti, at Kapala Bhakti. Its like my initiation day.
Towards the end singing out loud. As usual first song was "though we got to say goodbye for the summer. Darling, I promised you this I send u all my love everyday in a letter".
Something in me said louder; "no more goodbye". Immediately song stopped. Sang a few round.
During Shambavi finale, again the Goodbye song tune starts to sound in my mind but I said nope, no more goodbye. So sang in other tune instead.
At the end I said I deserves a loving and loyal partner. No more goodbye.
Then a tot came I deserved a loving and loyal partner cos I m a loving and loyal partner.
I can be said to be stupid to hold on to Z and Y when there is no reason to hold on. Yes, holding on due to fear. But the other side is me being loyal irrespective of the circumstances. Amen.
No more goodbye.
Today very little tots of Z and Y. When the tots came in, I didn't hook up with it. Also I realised that's my poverty consciousness on romantic relationship. No more.
I feel a lightness.
Father, as I was updating my blog on learned fearlessnes with Z.
I realised that I am fearless in work environment as I believed everything will be good.
Even when I lost one third of my staff and yet I am confident things will be fine.
Within 1 week I reshuffle the resources and within 2 weeks I got the replacement headcount and in 3 weeks I got the reshuffling of roles among my new team.
So the same fearlessness I will bring to my personal and romantic relationships.
No more goodbye...or rather no more fear of goodbyes...
Just be my total self...no longer have to fear on being rejected.
The fear of being rejected was because I am truly loyal.
Friends really have to be pretty mean for me to let go..because of my 1st karma of Two of Diamonds.
Father, this week breakthrough..
Amen. Love you.
Awesome Guru pooja
Apr 23 eve
Jeff Foster
The deeper the heart breaks, the more love it can hold.
Soul
Amen
Just now after guru pooja I just let it be and suddenly going into breathe fluttering for quite a limb while. Then it was like Shambavi. I was singing and dancing.
Shoonya went in deep. So blessed to have this.
These days for evening session just let it be.
Let my energy takes me where it want to be.
So thankful for my shrine
Jeff Foster
The deeper the heart breaks, the more love it can hold.
Soul
Amen
Just now after guru pooja I just let it be and suddenly going into breathe fluttering for quite a limb while. Then it was like Shambavi. I was singing and dancing.
Shoonya went in deep. So blessed to have this.
These days for evening session just let it be.
Let my energy takes me where it want to be.
So thankful for my shrine
Resentment due to not saying no
Apr 23 aft
Father, since V can't handle the volunteer. I might as well take over Sathsang coordinator role. Shape it up.
Also the news that the temporary guide going off also bothers me.
At least now got other potential.
Just informed P that I given a name to Tech to scout but I am not looking for one. At least express how I feel. They should be responsible for scouting.
Father, I am learning to say no.
Father, they saying nope to teacher and again leaving me to fend alone should be used as a catalyst. If they can say no, so can I too. That's my resentment on why others can say no. Why they can and I can't. Perhaps this is the limit I had on myself. They are setting parameters and I don't. It doesn't matter if my parameters on volunteering is higher than theirs as I don't have parameters in other areas. Or rather I haven't been saying no despite me not wanting to do. Main thing is to learn to say no.
Pe said its because of guilt. This time I responded that her issue. I don't have guilt per se. Me is on losing validation, losing the bond, disappointing friends.
Gemini Rising
Ur challenge in choosing a suitable mate, partner or friend is to see the reality of the situation. While ur motive of wanting to inspire the other person is to live a more expansive life is correct, early in the relationship it is important for u to step back and be honest with urself in terms of what u know about the other person on a factual level.
Is he intelligent?
How does he think?
Is he open to risk and adventure?
What is his thinking about taking chances in life, acting on his inspiration and moving from a comfortable situation to take a leap of faith and have an expansive adventure?
As u become better aware of who he really is, u can better decide if he is the right partner for u.
Seeing the other person's level of faith in the universe and positive outcomes as separate from ur own - and possibly quite different from u
Soul
Yes.
In my earnesty to fall in love I forgot what I see.
I can see that both Z and Y are mommy's boy. But I hope for my sake they will rise but they didn't. In the end perhaps they don't want to conquer that. That's why they didn't want to overcome.
In the end, all change must be for their own sake...
Father, since V can't handle the volunteer. I might as well take over Sathsang coordinator role. Shape it up.
Also the news that the temporary guide going off also bothers me.
At least now got other potential.
Just informed P that I given a name to Tech to scout but I am not looking for one. At least express how I feel. They should be responsible for scouting.
Father, I am learning to say no.
Father, they saying nope to teacher and again leaving me to fend alone should be used as a catalyst. If they can say no, so can I too. That's my resentment on why others can say no. Why they can and I can't. Perhaps this is the limit I had on myself. They are setting parameters and I don't. It doesn't matter if my parameters on volunteering is higher than theirs as I don't have parameters in other areas. Or rather I haven't been saying no despite me not wanting to do. Main thing is to learn to say no.
Pe said its because of guilt. This time I responded that her issue. I don't have guilt per se. Me is on losing validation, losing the bond, disappointing friends.
Gemini Rising
Ur challenge in choosing a suitable mate, partner or friend is to see the reality of the situation. While ur motive of wanting to inspire the other person is to live a more expansive life is correct, early in the relationship it is important for u to step back and be honest with urself in terms of what u know about the other person on a factual level.
Is he intelligent?
How does he think?
Is he open to risk and adventure?
What is his thinking about taking chances in life, acting on his inspiration and moving from a comfortable situation to take a leap of faith and have an expansive adventure?
As u become better aware of who he really is, u can better decide if he is the right partner for u.
Seeing the other person's level of faith in the universe and positive outcomes as separate from ur own - and possibly quite different from u
Soul
Yes.
In my earnesty to fall in love I forgot what I see.
I can see that both Z and Y are mommy's boy. But I hope for my sake they will rise but they didn't. In the end perhaps they don't want to conquer that. That's why they didn't want to overcome.
In the end, all change must be for their own sake...
New Vision
Apr 23 mor
Today card.
New Vision
Your inner being, when it opens, first experiences two directions: height and depth. And then slowly, slowly, as this becomes your established situation, you start looking around, spreading into all other eight directions. And once you have attained to the point where your height and your depth meet, then you can look around to the very circumference of the universe. Then your consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one." Osho
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded. The geometric shapes around the body of the figure show the many dimensions of life simultaneously available to him. The square represents the physical, the manifest, the known. The circle represents the unmanifest, the spirit, pure space. And the triangle symbolizes the threefold nature of the universe: manifest, unmanifest, and the human being who contains both. Now you are presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
Glad teacher also has the same idea as me, to postpone training.
The others must realised that they must step up in order for things to happen.
I am glad I didn't listen to P as her suggestion would then be things to be status quo.
Well, I am not.
No longer want to get back into the trap.
On the other matter..actually perhaps I need not revert...
What I truly want to do is sharing my ideas...and sharing tools.on my blog and website.
Writing my insights.
Not running local Isha.
I need to be firm like Y and Z in saying no.
Today card.
New Vision
Your inner being, when it opens, first experiences two directions: height and depth. And then slowly, slowly, as this becomes your established situation, you start looking around, spreading into all other eight directions. And once you have attained to the point where your height and your depth meet, then you can look around to the very circumference of the universe. Then your consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one." Osho
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded. The geometric shapes around the body of the figure show the many dimensions of life simultaneously available to him. The square represents the physical, the manifest, the known. The circle represents the unmanifest, the spirit, pure space. And the triangle symbolizes the threefold nature of the universe: manifest, unmanifest, and the human being who contains both. Now you are presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
Glad teacher also has the same idea as me, to postpone training.
The others must realised that they must step up in order for things to happen.
I am glad I didn't listen to P as her suggestion would then be things to be status quo.
Well, I am not.
No longer want to get back into the trap.
On the other matter..actually perhaps I need not revert...
What I truly want to do is sharing my ideas...and sharing tools.on my blog and website.
Writing my insights.
Not running local Isha.
I need to be firm like Y and Z in saying no.
Gemini in Rising
Apr 23
Wake up 3.45 am. Body was fine despite four hours plus sleep. Good that I did pre-sleep breathing with the shrine.
Angarmadhana standing was bit off. Couldn't balance properly. Today the squatting postures were good. Able to do the 3 cycles push out legs continuously. Overall good.
Breathing was fine. Somehow not easy to sit.
Shakti was great. Today Kapala Bhakti done slowly was intense. Tears came and I cried; another karma breaks.
Shambavi was fine. Towards the end contentment. After the plough back I doze off bit. Woke up upon alarm.
But feels good.
Received a msg that all the nominated guides are not willing to do. I felt angry and this time I m willing to let go of Sathsang. I already have my nightly Sathsang with the shrine. This time I expressed myself by asking them what's their resistance. I felt it was unfair that they want me to do it forever. Felt I was not given a choice whereas they been given.
P said she got no resistance but can't do it due to other commitment and also L, which I can agree. That's why I asked for postponement.
Then found out that V, after so much procrastination and delay expect us to find replacement. That I blew up. I had said to take over and this happens. I think best I take over Sathsang coordinator and create new teams. But then better not. Don't want to go in deeper.
Father, the mind is working overtime.
I recalled I said both A and K going off should reaffirm my own path. I truly don't enjoy volunteering and being busy. Also truly want to go back to my writing.
Gemini in Rising
If u don't stay in touch with the natural intellectual excitement of ur own identity and instead give in to ur fears of how other people might see you, you may end up constantly blocking the expression of ur own point of view. This would suppress any meaningful communication and ur innate way of being in the world. Then u can lose confidence in ur ability to share ur multidimensional personality with others. If u allow this to happen, then instead of using the power of ur inborn gift of sharing ideas with others, u suppressed it
Soul
True. That's the reason for my blog. I have been quite inactive for the past one year. Truly need to go back. That's where my adrenalin. New ideas omit
Me intellectual inclined.
That's why Z was not right for me. And that's why I click with Y.
Wake up 3.45 am. Body was fine despite four hours plus sleep. Good that I did pre-sleep breathing with the shrine.
Angarmadhana standing was bit off. Couldn't balance properly. Today the squatting postures were good. Able to do the 3 cycles push out legs continuously. Overall good.
Breathing was fine. Somehow not easy to sit.
Shakti was great. Today Kapala Bhakti done slowly was intense. Tears came and I cried; another karma breaks.
Shambavi was fine. Towards the end contentment. After the plough back I doze off bit. Woke up upon alarm.
But feels good.
Received a msg that all the nominated guides are not willing to do. I felt angry and this time I m willing to let go of Sathsang. I already have my nightly Sathsang with the shrine. This time I expressed myself by asking them what's their resistance. I felt it was unfair that they want me to do it forever. Felt I was not given a choice whereas they been given.
P said she got no resistance but can't do it due to other commitment and also L, which I can agree. That's why I asked for postponement.
Then found out that V, after so much procrastination and delay expect us to find replacement. That I blew up. I had said to take over and this happens. I think best I take over Sathsang coordinator and create new teams. But then better not. Don't want to go in deeper.
Father, the mind is working overtime.
I recalled I said both A and K going off should reaffirm my own path. I truly don't enjoy volunteering and being busy. Also truly want to go back to my writing.
Gemini in Rising
If u don't stay in touch with the natural intellectual excitement of ur own identity and instead give in to ur fears of how other people might see you, you may end up constantly blocking the expression of ur own point of view. This would suppress any meaningful communication and ur innate way of being in the world. Then u can lose confidence in ur ability to share ur multidimensional personality with others. If u allow this to happen, then instead of using the power of ur inborn gift of sharing ideas with others, u suppressed it
Soul
True. That's the reason for my blog. I have been quite inactive for the past one year. Truly need to go back. That's where my adrenalin. New ideas omit
Me intellectual inclined.
That's why Z was not right for me. And that's why I click with Y.
Tiny Buddha - I can choose what affects me
Apr 22 aft 1
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner.
Soul
A good reminder, especially this week.
Mind intermittently send message on contacting Y, which I ignored as I now know it is compulsion.
Apr 22 eve
Suddenly Y name was mentioned and we need his place. Found out he is travelling and will be in hometown for his marriage. There goes the vivid imagination. Sadness comes in. I told myself this is just the past feelings.
Then a tot occur. What makes u happy can also makes u sad.
Tiny buddha
We Have the Power to Choose
By Anonymous
Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” ~Wayne Dyer
“I can choose what affects me.”
By the time I finished the list, those words lingered. I repeated them over and over out loud. Every time I said them I felt more powerful. I felt more control over my life. I repeated different variations of the theme:
I can choose what affects me.
I can choose to not be damaged.
I can choose to not be afraid.
I can choose to not let this break-up depress me.
I can choose to look at mistakes as learning experiences.
I can choose to be confident.
I can choose to be happy.
I can choose to feel loved.
I can choose.
Every time I said a phrase, I felt a chill in my body. Tears started flowing, but I wasn’t really crying. It felt like they were escaping; like I was letting go of this deep sadness I’ve carried for so long.
It was an awakening, a healing. It was one of the most significant and amazing experiences in my life.
I wrote the words “I can choose” on my hand as a reminder. They give me the power to take control of my life. Every morning I write them again. Eventually, I won’t need a visual reminder.
Whenever I feel my thoughts become negative, I look at my hand and remember that it doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to be slaves to our pasts. We don’t have to go through life with emotional scars.
We don’t have to let negative experiences define us.
We all have power over our lives. It may be difficult to see, but it’s always there. We always have a choice.
Soul
When I read this, I can feel it.
Did my evening practices, no tots of Y. So it was just my past mind reacting.
I have moved on but the mind holding back.
At least now I know my poverty consciousness on my romantic relationship.
Nowadays doing Samyama in my car instead.
North node in Taurus
They were born looking for their soul mates. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their values - then they will attract the right mate.
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream comes true, they need to first experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right life partner.
Soul
A good reminder, especially this week.
Mind intermittently send message on contacting Y, which I ignored as I now know it is compulsion.
Apr 22 eve
Suddenly Y name was mentioned and we need his place. Found out he is travelling and will be in hometown for his marriage. There goes the vivid imagination. Sadness comes in. I told myself this is just the past feelings.
Then a tot occur. What makes u happy can also makes u sad.
Tiny buddha
We Have the Power to Choose
By Anonymous
Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” ~Wayne Dyer
“I can choose what affects me.”
By the time I finished the list, those words lingered. I repeated them over and over out loud. Every time I said them I felt more powerful. I felt more control over my life. I repeated different variations of the theme:
I can choose what affects me.
I can choose to not be damaged.
I can choose to not be afraid.
I can choose to not let this break-up depress me.
I can choose to look at mistakes as learning experiences.
I can choose to be confident.
I can choose to be happy.
I can choose to feel loved.
I can choose.
Every time I said a phrase, I felt a chill in my body. Tears started flowing, but I wasn’t really crying. It felt like they were escaping; like I was letting go of this deep sadness I’ve carried for so long.
It was an awakening, a healing. It was one of the most significant and amazing experiences in my life.
I wrote the words “I can choose” on my hand as a reminder. They give me the power to take control of my life. Every morning I write them again. Eventually, I won’t need a visual reminder.
Whenever I feel my thoughts become negative, I look at my hand and remember that it doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to be slaves to our pasts. We don’t have to go through life with emotional scars.
We don’t have to let negative experiences define us.
We all have power over our lives. It may be difficult to see, but it’s always there. We always have a choice.
Soul
When I read this, I can feel it.
Did my evening practices, no tots of Y. So it was just my past mind reacting.
I have moved on but the mind holding back.
At least now I know my poverty consciousness on my romantic relationship.
Nowadays doing Samyama in my car instead.
Neptune in Sixth House
Apr 22 aft
Good meet with my team. In future we will have a operational meeting. Looks like my dept is going up another level. All the ending in the professional relationships takes us another level. With the work relationship, I was able to just move on and attract new workers.
Father, the same I can have on my personal and romantic. In personal I let go of S and L. Ga came into my life.
Neptune in Sixth house
The key is in letting go of ideals of how u should look as the worker. Then u can focus on serving others rather than on ur own image. U r empowered to serve others in a positive way by releasing a need for reflected perfection. In this process u free urself to experience joy and union with coworkers in getting the job done together.
Happiness results when u relax and trust that the universe is supporting u in ur work. This process leads u to experiencing the ecstasy of consciously participating in being service in ur work place.
Soul
In my mid twenties to early thirties. I always try to project a professional image. And it was a strain as I expect others to be professional too. There were peer jealousy and staff were not great too.
In mid thirties I found ACIM and my whole work approach changes and relationship at work improved. In late thirties to now mid fourties I don't care about my image at work. Others may judge me but I don't care. I just be myself and don't care about the work environment. I create my own work environment and I m happy. Infact now on 3 days job and wear jeans to work. I don't even bother about my bosses, what more my staff. I do what I want and I deliver. My bosses and staff said I m fearless, I m drunk or I m very joyful. I laugh a lot at work.
So I m a Queen of Spades at work.
In local Isha I also struggle. Trying to maintain image. Now breakthrough dropping L and doesn't want to do work unnecessarily. No longer want to do it.
Good meet with my team. In future we will have a operational meeting. Looks like my dept is going up another level. All the ending in the professional relationships takes us another level. With the work relationship, I was able to just move on and attract new workers.
Father, the same I can have on my personal and romantic. In personal I let go of S and L. Ga came into my life.
Neptune in Sixth house
The key is in letting go of ideals of how u should look as the worker. Then u can focus on serving others rather than on ur own image. U r empowered to serve others in a positive way by releasing a need for reflected perfection. In this process u free urself to experience joy and union with coworkers in getting the job done together.
Happiness results when u relax and trust that the universe is supporting u in ur work. This process leads u to experiencing the ecstasy of consciously participating in being service in ur work place.
Soul
In my mid twenties to early thirties. I always try to project a professional image. And it was a strain as I expect others to be professional too. There were peer jealousy and staff were not great too.
In mid thirties I found ACIM and my whole work approach changes and relationship at work improved. In late thirties to now mid fourties I don't care about my image at work. Others may judge me but I don't care. I just be myself and don't care about the work environment. I create my own work environment and I m happy. Infact now on 3 days job and wear jeans to work. I don't even bother about my bosses, what more my staff. I do what I want and I deliver. My bosses and staff said I m fearless, I m drunk or I m very joyful. I laugh a lot at work.
So I m a Queen of Spades at work.
In local Isha I also struggle. Trying to maintain image. Now breakthrough dropping L and doesn't want to do work unnecessarily. No longer want to do it.
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